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[ Man On P.A. ] Hello, hockey fans.
Welcome to tonight's game.
It should be a real barn burner!
♪♪ [ Rock ]
[ Man Narrating ] Charlestown, 1978.
We should have lost hope when the steel mill closed down,
but that was the year our beloved Chiefs won the Federal Cup,
led by the infamous Hanson brothers.
Their aggressive style of hockey brought passion to the team, hope to the town.
Metropolis had its Superman, Gotham City had its Batman...
and Charlestown had the Hansons.
And like everyone, though, eventually they disappeared--
bounced, bolted, vanished, deep-sixed.
But this, my friends,
is the story of how they were found again,
resurrected and transformed,
together with a group of ragtag orphans.
It was their task to defend Charlestown...
against a heinous villain like none other--
a real estate developer, a devil in a black pantsuit,
who hornswoggled me out of my own town.
Her name: Bernie Frazier.
♪♪ [ Continues ]
Well, 30 years later,
and your vision has finally come true, Mayor Kenneth.
This wasn't my vision. Another done deal done right.
Go ahead. [ Man ] You got it.
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Bernie ] Out with the old, in with the new.
[ Inhales ]
I love the smell of progress in the morning.
Come by and see me tonight.
I'll have more good news for you.
[ Bernie ] This splotch of grime will soon be a gleaming suburb...
with strip malls on every corner.
We'll call it Frazierville or Bernietown.
[ Woman ] Sounds lovely, ma'am.
♪ ...Started from
♪ Love is good Love can be strong ♪
♪ We gotta get it right back to where we started from ♪
♪ Do you remember the day ♪ That sunny day
♪♪ [ Continues ] Let's go, let's go.
Let's go. Come on. Get up there.
Get on your homework, okay?
All right, group "A," you guys are on dinner.
Group "B," you're on-- Get outta here. What am I on?
Bumpy ride on the short bus? Buddy, you're on bathrooms. Get out of here. Let's go.
Hey, what's up, man? Mon ami.
You're on garbage. Group "B," you're on dishes.
Last one in the house does my laundry! Let's go.
I have shotgun on the TV.
- Halt. Tweaker, get back here. - Oh, man.
All right, empty your pockets and keep your hands where I can see them.
Empty your pockets.
Sneak in more candy, you do dishes all month.
Clear?
Get out of here. [ Boy ] Hup, two, three, four.
Somebody get the little dudes a snack,
and no hockey until I get home from work.
[ Woman Grunting ]
[ Woman ♪2 ] Oh, lover boy is here.
[ Giggling ]
You'd better put that down before you hurt somebody.
You better come and take it from me.
Okay.
How was that? [ Chuckles ]
Uh, a little high, a little wide.
Like you could do better, Zamboni boy?
Uh, not in that butt-ugly uniform, I couldn't.
Did you get Hello Kitty to sponsor you? I'll get Dad to fire you.
No way. Your dad loves me. Besides, you like to stare at my butt when I'm working.
[ Laughs ] That's disgusting. Is not. I wash it every day.
[ Grunts ]
[ Laughs ] Are you okay?
Okay.
Nice.
This lot is 40 acres.
The owners were old-time hockey players. Meanest goons to ever tie on skates.
Let's see how scary they really are.
[ Door Chimes Tinkle ]
[ Man ] Oh-- Oh. [ Man ♪2 ] Oh.
Welcome to Zennovation,
one-stop shop for mind, body and soul.
How may we help you, our sisters?
Love the robes, fellas.
I'm Bernie Frazier with Frazier Realty.
I'm here to talk to you about your land. May I come in?
Ah, not interested. Bad karma.
[ Gong Resounds ]
Nice wheels.
Okay, it seems the goonies have gone loony.
Put them on my "to destroy" list.
♪♪ [ Rock Intro ]
[ Boys Cheering, Shouting ] ♪ Hello out there We're on the air ♪
♪ It's hockey night tonight
♪ The tension grows The whistle blows ♪
♪ And the puck goes down the ice ♪
♪ The goalie jumps The players bump The fans all go insane ♪
♪ Someone roars, Bobby scores at the good old hockey game ♪
Ha, ha! You cannot score on me, huh?
♪ Oh, the good old hockey game ♪
♪ It's the best game you can name ♪
♪ And the best game you can name is the good old hockey game ♪
Oh! [ Groaning ]
[ Cheering ] [ Air Horns Blowing ]
- [ Cheering ] - That's what I'm talking about, Grisby!
- Man! -♪♪ [ Stops ]
- Looks official. - Code red.
- Battle stations! -♪ The good old hockey game
- [ Boy ] Move, move! - Hurry up! Hurry up!
♪ And the best game you can name ♪ [ All Shouting, Clamoring ]
♪ Is the good old hockey game ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[ Clamoring ] We're so screwed.
Go ahead, kitchen duty. We can do it.
- Whose is this? Come on! - Don't look at me!
[ Boy ] We're so dead! [ Boy ♪2 ] Go! Go!
[ Man ] Clean up! Let's go!
Oh! [ Groans ]
[ Boy ] Come on, guys. Hurry up.
[ Man ] All right-- Oh-- Shh! Shh! Shh!
- [ Boys Whispering ] - Ms. Davis with Child and Family Services.
This is an inspection. Riley Haskell, senior resident.
I'd like to see Mr. Webb, please.
He's actually indisposed at the moment.
I'd be happy to show you around.
Right.
If you'll just follow me.
Go, go, go, go. Quinn, come on.
Grab these ones too!
- What are they doing in here? - Riley said I can't keep 'em in my room anymore.
- You can't keep them in the kitchen! - This is our common area.
And as you can see, we keep a very tight cleaning schedule here at the house.
We also like to focus on and stress education,
music-- ♪♪ [ Off-key ]
- Hot soup comin' through! - Ah, the kitchen, where we provide a well-balanced diet.
♪♪ [ Piano Continues ] [ Clattering ]
[ Rats Squeaking ]
They're his pets. Rescue rats.
Tweaker grew up in the basement of a candy store before coming here.
- They were his only friends. - Take me to Mr. Webb.
They clean the crumbs off the floor.
[ Tweaker ] They're very clean for rats.
[ Squeaking Continues ]
Hi. I'm Randy Webb, home director.
Uh-- I see you've met Furry and Scurry.
Wonderful. Lovely creatures, I assure you.
This is not good, Mr. Webb.
Not good at all.
[ All Chattering ]
Did you get what I needed? You betcha, Miss Frazier.
Excellent.
Two season tickets, third row, center, as promised.
[ Man ] I'm open! [ Man ♪2 ] Come on, move it around!
One time, one time. Hit my blocker! Hit my blocker!
I wanna feel it. Okay, put some mustard on this one!
- [ Man Chuckles ] Yeah, right. - [ Chuckles ]
[ Men Arguing ]
Ten bucks to the first one who gets one past my glove.
I'll make it 50. Put the puck in the net, or we'll be here all night.
I am not pleased.
- [ Men Chattering ] - Nice save, my darling.
- [ Knocking ] - Come in.
Mr. Mayor, thanks for driving over.
Never miss a practice. [ Laughs ]
Have you heard? Newman failed a surprise inspection today.
This report should sway public opinion and clear the way...
for my purchase of the land.
What about the boys?
Oh, well, I love kids just as much as anyone, but, uh--
Excuse me.
Do I need to install tampon dispensers in the locker room, ladies?
Hit someone!
But there are-- [ Feedback Whines ]
But there are better homes for those boys elsewhere.
This is win-win.
Good for the orphans, good for Charlestown.
That Newman Home-- It's as old as our city.
"Old" being the key word. Your town is a rotten relic.
Now, you can be seen as the man who finally helped save it,
or be blamed for standing in the way of progress.
Rest assured, there will be progress.
Why don't we have a meeting of the council before you leave town?
Good idea. Super.
- Good night, Your Majesty. - Bye-bye.
Elbow to the head.
Elbow to the head! Show some bite now!
I'm warning you, do not make me come down there.
Do you know that golf is the world's number-one vacation sport?
The average course provides hundreds of jobs,
and a pro tour stop could mean millions of dollars in revenue...
for Charlestown's businesses.
A vote for Frazier Point is a vote for the future,
and it's good for the poor little orphans too.
I can't wait to move into a good home, Miss Bernie. That's right, Tommy.
It's Timmy. Timmy.
Frazier Point is a hole in one for all of us.
[ Static Crackles ]
That lady's not gonna take us away from here, is she?
You see these? See these?
Nothing gets by me, 'kay? Run off to bed. It's late.
[ Bernie ] It smells like a giant jockstrap.
Maybe 30 years ago it would've been fine. Oh, my Lord.
Okay. Listen, honey. Try not to touch anything or... breathe deeply.
There he is. Should've worn a hazmat suit.
♪♪ [ Rock, Distant ]
Those are some extremely nice skates for rentals.
We don't open till 10:00.
You're Shayne Baker, right? Girls' League M.V.P.?
I hear you're pretty good.
What do you say maybe sometime-- I don't know--
you and me, we could go... scrimmage?
I am good. For Girls' League.
Maybe you should just go... scrimmage yourself.
Okay. [ Scoffs ]
It's a very generous offer!
[ Groans ] More than this place is worth.
This ice...
has decades of history for the town.
I'm not gonna just sell it off because you wanna put some office building here.
Well, actually, I was thinking more of a boutique mall and day spa.
Rick, history only matters if people care, and no one does around here anymore.
This town belongs to me,
and one way or another, this ancient scrap heap you call an ice rink...
will be mine too.
So think about my offer.
Let's go, Kain. Stay away from her.
Now, Kain. [ Kain ] All right.
Well, Dad?
I said no. Me too.
Where's Riley?
Let's be honest with each other.
Charlestown needs a makeover.
It's time to look toward the future, folks.
And the first step toward that future...
is the Frazier Point Golf Community Country Club and Spa.
200 luxurious new homes,
thirty-six holes and--
- Twenty-five orphans without a home. - Who let him in?
- Anyone? - Oh, uh, he works for me.
I thought he should hear what you have planned for his home.
- Of course. - By all means, please continue.
[ Mayor ] Yes, do.
To survive hard times like these,
we all have to make sacrifices.
Those making the biggest sacrifices are the boys at Newman.
Well, we could use a Wii in every room. Or some new dirt bikes.
Or even a year's supply of Lucky Charms,
but other than that, we're fine, thanks.
Is that so? Hope, the report, please.
Rats in the soup pot.
Girlie magazines. Oh, yes.
My dream is simple, folks.
I want to help the orphans...
and create a new Charlestown,
full of life, energy and growth potential.
Help us? By destroying the only family we've ever known?
By shipping us off to dangerous, big-city homes...
where kids have tattoos, piercings and, God forbid, Facebook?
City council, ask yourselves this:
Is a round of golf really worth an orphan's happiness?
[ Slurps ] [ Council Chattering ]
Are you done? Cool.
Did I mention my development will double your property value?
- [ Council Murmuring ] - [ Mayor ] Nice try, kiddo.
Hey. Hey.
Dad told me about the home.
That woman gives me the creeps. She's like Darth Vader with lipstick.
[ Imitating Yoda ] Strong she is with the dark side.
Clever we must be to defeat her.
[ Laughs ] Oh, God. [ Chuckles ]
Okay.
So, as was just clearly evidenced,
your relative maturity level is about half mine most days,
but, seriously, if I have to say "No, we're just friends" one more time,
I'm going to totally drug you and dry-shave your entire body.
Wow. Okay, maybe just your arms and legs.
Did you just ask me out?
Okay, look, my dad is going to a Flyers game on Saturday.
So, you know, he'll be gone most of the night.
You should... come over.
Okay.
But I'm bringing Band-Aids and aloe vera just in case.
Okay. Okay.
[ Imitating Yoda ] Later! [ Chuckles ]
[ Chattering ] [ Boy ] Pass the sugar.
[ Chattering ]
[ Indistinct ] Are you serious?
- He's 12. He doesn't know anything. - Really? What a douche.
[ Silverware Tapping ]
[ Tapping Stops ]
Nice.
[ Clears Throat ]
So I went to the big meeting.
In two months, the town will vote whether or not to close us down.
Now, that'll give people time to think.
What if they vote yes? I don't know.
Look, what's with you guys?
Don't you remember who we are?
Sunny Newman founded this home before there ever was a Charlestown.
His dog Dexter saved the entire city...
from the Great Flood of 1938 with one proud woof.
The amazing Hanson brothers-- whose ferocious might...
and legendary skill won the Federal Cup for this town in 1977--
they lived in this very house when they were boys just like us.
Gentlemen, we are the Hanson brothers.
We are the children of the great Sunny Newman.
We are the princes of Charlestown, and we will never be forgotten!
- [ Cheering ] - [ Screaming ]
- Whoo! - Double dessert for everybody!
[ Cheering ] Except for you.
The time was, we'd never have a free skate on a Saturday.
Everybody'd be playing hockey.
I'm talking about toddlers to old guys like me.
And good or bad, it didn't matter.
People loved it.
The Chiefs won the title in '77.
I won a couple banners myself playing Junior in the '80s.
You know what they used to call me? What's that?
"Fireball Rick." Are you serious?
If we don't do something quick,
Bernie's gonna roll right across that river and wipe us off the map.
You want to save your home? Of course.
People love an underdog.
Maybe we can give them something to believe in again.
Who's gonna tell him? Are you gonna tell him? I'm not gonna tell him.
- You do it. I told him last time. - Shh! Here he comes.
- We're next anyway. - All right, guys, listen up.
Bring it in. Here's my plan.
We work in their businesses. We get good grades.
We stay out of trouble.
Mostly. But that's not enough, no.
We have to make this town love us again, men.
Remind them what we're made out of.
We have to become champions if we want to win that vote.
So we're joining the Junior League.
[ Murmuring ] We'll take down the Hounds,
win over this town and save our home.
Little enthusiasm here, guys.
[ Boy ] Well, I mean--
Where are the little dudes?
[ Sighs ]
That C.F.S. lady came and got them.
She says they've been fostered.
Sorry.
[ Bernie On TV ] As a mother, Dickie, I simply could not...
abide the thought of these tiny youngsters...
living in such awful conditions.
So while the good people of Charlestown...
decide the fate of the decrepit Newman Home, they will reside with me...
- until a more permanent situation arises. - [ Boy ] What?
[ Man On TV ] Real estate developer Bernie Frazier...
on fostering three boys from the Newman Home-- We'll get them back.
We'll save the home and we'll get them back, I promise.
[ TV Continues ] Everybody off to practice.
Hustle up. Let's go. Practice time.
I'll get the sticks.
Grab my jersey.
[ Man On TV ] ...sunshine tomorrow, and a high of 39.
[ Boy ] Dumped in a Dairy Queen bathroom at age five,
Alex Gorrall was a kid without a home, a kid without a future.
But now this unlikely hero has one shot to win the cup.
And he's done it! Gorrall has won the cup!
Give it up for A-Train, people!
Nice shot, Dairy Queen. Dude, this is my private time.
Yeah, well, the Newman Home knows no secrets. You know that.
Yeah-- Sorry about the little dudes, man. I did all that I could.
It's not your fault, okay? Look, I called C.F.S.
Bernie requested no visitors, so we can't even go see them.
I promised Ian he'd be safe. Well, all we can do now is try and get them back.
Wow. At least someone's excited about my plan.
So how we doing on money? Let's take a look.
Let's see.
From our jobs, we have... $500.
That's not counting food and utilities.
Well, Mr. B's giving us free ice time.
We still need the entry fees and gear.
I mean, I have to get me an Easton Stealth pro stick. I'd be like--
I'd be like Harry Potter on his Nimbus 2000, bro-- unstoppable.
Well, I guess we'd better find a sponsor then.
Tomorrow we make proposals to our bosses and every business in town, 'kay?
Deal. Cool.
Later, Dairy Queen. [ Man ] There he is!
Hey there, pal.
I'm Mark, the mayor's V.P. of P.R. How are ya?
Rockin', dude. Uh, look.
I was actually really hoping to speak with the mayor. Yes.
Sorry, that's not gonna happen.
He is on a vision quest,
listening to the flowers with Shaman Maria somewhere near Machu Picchu,
and he's not gonna be back for a couple months, if he even survives at all.
Crazy old codger's got a bit of a death wish, if you ask me.
Anyhoo, you gang are looking for a sponsor.
Am I right? For your little, uh, orphan hockey team? Which is super.
It's great. We love the kids without the parents. Love it.
Here's the sitch though. We already sponsor a bowling team.
Yeah, it's 10-pin. Kinda awesome.
Tell you what I can do though.
How 'bout a box of Charlestown snow globes...
for you and the guys, all right?
Enjoy those, and, hey, thanks for stopping by.
[ Door Closes ] Bowling team?
Support for closing the home is up 36%...
since you fostered the baby orphans,
and your approval rating has jumped a total of 50%.
Oh, God, I love the power of good P.R.
Keep those little brats in the basement till after the vote.
I don't even want to smell them. Oh, and watch out for boogers and spit-up.
[ Papers Rustling ]
Hey. Hey.
Any luck with the sponsor hunt?
Nobody's made a donation since Sunny Newman was alive.
Check this out, bro.
They're back in town. Been here a while I guess.
They came into the copy shop to design this...
for some kind of business that they run.
But get this. Back in 2002, they won the lottery.
Brought back the Chiefs for one season and then became these--
these big-time poker players. So you're thinking--
They lived here. They played hockey. They got lots of cash.
So when the Chiefs folded, we took our lottery money and we went gambling.
Roulette, dice-- Poker.
Vegas, Atlantic City. We were high rollers.
But it was an empty life, you know. Babes, booze, bar fights.
Our wives left us. Took our kids.
- You guys have kids? - Yeah, we got three of 'em.
- Yeah, one each. - The judge said we weren't good role models.
Said we had to find peace and balance.
That night during wrestling, I saw a TV ad for peace and balance.
- So we bought a franchise. - Zennovation.
- So how's business? - Sucks.
- Real bad. - Not one stinkin' customer.
[ Blows ] We had some really great times...
living at the old Newman Home.
Until we got pro contracts, and our mom made us move back in with her.
Um, here's the thing.
We've got a plan to save our home, but we need a sponsor.
And who better than three glorious hockey heroes from Charlestown's past?
Good idea. Smart kid.
- Who were you thinking of? - ♪♪ [ New Age ]
You guys. You'd sponsor us.
Oh, I don't know. Hockey's pretty violent.
- We gave that up with the bar fights and the gambling. - Not our path.
Look. It'd be great advertising.
We'd be traveling all over the state playing a new style of hockey.
Just think: "Zennovation on Ice."
[ Hanson Brother ] Come and get 'em, boys. Here you are!
Oh! New pads! [ All Clamoring ]
Here we go. Come on.
Oh! Get one of these!
[ Hanson Brother ] There you go, guys. [ Chattering ]
Goalie. Goalie. [ Boy ] Dude, my name isn't "Goalie," you know.
It's Henri.
[ Clamoring Continues ] [ Hanson Brother ] Want some pads? Here you go.
You too. Yeah.
- Zen is peace. - Clarity.
Focus.
Empty your minds of all distractions.
Don't think. Just be.
Uh, what if I have to think about not thinking?
Shut up. I have that same problem.
Hey. Sorry.
[ Brothers Humming ]
[ Hanson Brother ] When you're passing the puck,
you're sharing your soul.
You're saying, "Here.
I trust you with this precious and rare gift, my brother."
[ Brothers Humming ]
[ Hanson Brother ] Nice.
- [ Brother ♪2 ] Don't be angry with the puck. - Release the energy.
Slow. I like that.
Slow. Nice and easy.
Release through the body. One with the universe.
Nice. Beautiful!
Oh, love that.
♪♪ [ Radio: Rock ]
[ Gasps ] Wow.
You, uh, bored much here? Condiment art.
Condiment art? Mm. It's very popular in Taiwan.
I sell them on eBay. I made 50 bucks once. Really?
Well, I've got 50 bucks that says you can't get one past me out there.
What do you say?
Is that a yes?
♪♪ [ Rock, Faint ]
You know, I've got the lowest goals against in Pennsylvania history, right?
That's really funny, because I've scored the most in Pennsylvania history.
Yeah, but for girls. Come on.
Combined. Ha!
[ Laughs ] Ah!
All right. Let's go.
Wanna do this? ♪♪ [ Continues ]
Let's go. Give it to me.
[ Grunting ]
Come on, give me-- Let's go!
- [ Grunting Continues ] - That's it!
Come on! You got better than that. Let's go.
You're the M.V.P. girl, right?
[ Grunts ]
[ Groans, Exhales ]
[ Panting ]
Oh, man.
I could get you in a game.
You just need to be distracted.
Trust me--
Watching you shoot in that shirt...
is distracting enough.
[ Chuckles ]
So, is this feng shui hockey for real?
We got gear, uniforms and our fees paid.
They can run the practices, but we'll still play the games my way.
- So lots of skating and no scoring? - Oh, that is harsh.
You open with the Hounds Saturday.
Drop the Zen crap,
control the blue line and put me on the roster.
Then you'll have a shot.
Oh, and did I mention...
that Kain Frazier and I scrimmaged together at the rink?
He's good.
[ Scoffs ]
[ Boy ] It's date night-- Riley and Shayne's. [ Riley ] Just drop it, guys.
- I'm staying home, all right? - Uh-uh. You totally have to go, man.
Baker's goofy, but she's hot.
I don't know, man.
If Tweaker gets in that candy, man, he's like a werewolf at full moon.
Okay. And give some credit to A-Train and Big Daddy Precious.
We can take care of this house. No worries.
Just, uh, one thing in return.
Details.
♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Hey. Entrez-vous.
Um, here.
I hand-picked them from Precious's flower garden. Thanks.
So I made pizza. Boogers and butt cheese?
Greasy, grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat--
[ Both ] Dirty, dirty birdie feet.
♪ French-fried eyeballs dipped in kerosene ♪
♪ And I didn't have a spoon I had a straw ♪♪
Um, no. It's tofu pepperoni, organic goat cheese...
and creamed spinach sauce.
Yummy.
♪♪ [ Radio: Rock ] All right, guys, winner takes all-- a week without chores.
Prepare to meet your doom, boys.
Not tonight, French Fry. This game's mine.
[ Man On TV, Indistinct ] You know why the Flyers suck?
It all comes down to Lindros. What a waste.
Sucked us dry and left us for dead.
[ Man On TV ] And there's a shot! Oh! Just-- [ TV Off ]
So. You gonna kiss me tonight, or what?
[ Stammering ]
Pair of nines. Pair oftrois!
Trip aces, boys. I win again.
Ah, mon dieu.
[ Tweaker Screaming ]
[ Together ] Tweaker!
You know I really like you, right?
So you'd have to, like, gnaw on my lip for this to totally suck.
I guess it's not like in the movies,
where kisses magically happen at exactly the right moment,
just like the formation of rainbows.
[ Laughs ] Wow.
Can you imagine if I told other people that you actually said that?
[ Phone Rings ]
It could be your dad. I'm in the shower.
Oh, there's a thought. Easy, pilgrim.
It could be the guys. You gave them my number?
[ Ringing Continues ] What?
[ Boys Shouting ]
I made pizza, and we were gonna have purple cows after we kissed.
Look, I'll make it up to you. I'm sorry.
A teenager has his right to get his mack on, Riley Haskell. It's the law.
- Where's Mr. Webb? - He's sick.
Look, I gotta go. I'm really sorry. The pizza was really good.
[ Scoffs ] Jerk.
Oh, and, Precious, make sure you do that thing I told you to do.
Wipe that up. It's a mess.
Henri, help me out. Grab that other side.
We'll just nip this on in. I got this. Grab that.
Got it? [ Riley ] Where is he?
[ Henri ] Un, deux, trois!
Ate the whole box.
He O.D.'d on Ding-Dongs. You okay?
We didn't have a choice, man. It was for his own good.
He'll be fine by game time, eh?
Dickie Dunn Jr. here with Dickie Dunn III,
bringing you another exciting season of Junior League Hockey action.
And this year's first battle is a real David-and-Goliath matchup, hmm?
Yeah, Dad? If David were a Chihuahua that'd be more like it.
Yes, that's true, D-3. It's the defending champ Ice Hounds...
versus Newman's upstart orphan team,
calling themselves the, uh, Zennovators.
All right, guys, let's do this.
Pass me the tape. All right, guys.
I know this isn't exactly how we'd want it,
but if we don't help ourselves, nobody else will.
I don't remember life before I came to Newman. Some of you might.
But right now, all we've got is these ugly uniforms and each other.
And that's who we're fighting for--
The little dudes, our home, our family.
And this town is gonna see that, and they're gonna love us...
and worship us and buy us cake and chocolate and candy.
- So let's go pound the Hounds! - [ Cheering ]
- Balance, inner peace, focus. - Share your souls.
You guys aren't coming with us?
There's only so much we can teach you, son.
Plus, we wanna save our big entrance for after the game.
They're retiring our jerseys.
All there is left is inspiration...
of another. Yeah--
Words of a hero. A hockey hero.
Doug Gilmour!
No way! [ Laughing ]
No matter what anybody else says,
no matter what anybody else thinks,
you play the hockey like you're born to play,
true to the game, true to yourselves.
- Come on, guys. Let's go. - [ Shouting, Whooping ]
[ Dickie Jr. On P.A. ] We can hear our voices echoing...
throughout this depressingly vacant arena,
as the Newman boys are led by--
Can you believe it? That's N.H.L. star Doug Gilmour.
And they all seem to be wearing bathrobes of some sort.
Well, better than wearing nothing at all.
Well, anyways, in my half season as player and one day as announcer,
I know I've, uh, never seen anything like this.
Even though your playing career was cut short...
by an irrational fear of having your throat stuffed with vulcanized rubber,
I'm proud of you all the same, Son.
Welcome to the booth. Glad to be here.
[ Dickie Jr. On P.A. ] And here they are now,
the three-time defending champ Ice Hounds,
led by their M.V.P., Kain "Stonewall" Frazier.
Yes, his Hounds will easily devour these Zennovators today,
much in the same way his mother hopes to destroy their home.
No one stands in the way of Binghamton, folks, on the ice or otherwise.
And the Ice Hounds look every bit the monstrous machine...
that has dominated the region for many seasons.
[ Henri ] Oh, mon dieu.
Those guys are bigger than you are, eh?
Maybe they'll win.
Be like a-- a miracle on ice.
Be a miracle if they make it off the ice.
We keep it loose, we have fun, we play it Newman-style, all right?
We're gonna win this one for the home. Let's do it! [ Buzzer Buzzes ]
You guys shouldn't be out here.
You guys shouldn't be on steroids,ja? [ Groans ]
[ Dickie Jr. ] And we're under way.
Binghamton star scorer Stanislav Janislav controls the puck.
Here he comes up-- He's "nutmegged" the Zenn defender.
He's riding in the [ Indistinct ] He shoots. Oh!
The Hounds have drawn first blood five seconds in.
That must be some kind of a record.
[ Dickie III ] The orphans need a power goalie.
[ Grunting, Groaning ]
Get the puck! Get the puck!
[ Dickie Jr. ] Now some crisp passing by the Zennovators.
Gorrall shoots-- And denied by Frazier.
Who's your daddy, huh? Oh, no, you don't have one, do you?
What? [ Whistle Blowing ]
And now some fisticuffs-- a good, old donnybrook.
[ Clamoring ]
And it's a massacre, folks.
It's just like the time you got your butt kicked by my piano teacher.
No, this is definitely worse than that. Much worse.
[ Buzzer Buzzes ] That goal light needs a new battery,
and the ref's arms are getting tired as the Hounds just keep pouring it on.
- [ Whistle Blows ] -Tremendous tactics, terrific teamwork...
and a vastly superior genetic makeup...
have given Binghamton the edge today.
- [ Shouting ] - Watch it, watch it!
[ Whistle Blows ] And that, mercifully, is the end of the game,
and by the looks of it, the end of the Zennovators.
Zen's a journey. It's not a sprint, it's a journey.
Stay with it. It's gonna get better. Stay with it.
So much for sharing our souls.
[ Dickie Jr. ] Ladies and gentlemen, if I can direct--
Ready? Here we go. what's left of your attention to the end of the arena,
How's my teeth? Oh, beautiful. Are my lips wet?
...famous jerseys, number 16, 17-- Got it?
[ Exhales ] Here we go. the Hansons,
Jack, Steve and Jeff.
There they go. They're being retired. Let's give 'em a big hand.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Hanson brothers.
[ Cheers, Applause ]
♪♪ [ Organ: Fanfare ]
[ Man ] Yeah!
[ Woman ] All right, what's happening?
Hello, Charlestown. Thank you for your support...
and retiring our old jerseys.
But we-- [ Electrical Crackling ]
But we--
But--
But we're not here to talk about hockey. [ Man ] What do you mean?
It's just a dumb game where you bleed a lot,
and a total waste of time. What are you talkin' about?
[ Booing ] [ Woman ] Get off the ice!
Uh, a-and so right now--
[ Man ] Get outta here. you all should be meditating...
on your inner chi.
[ Jeering, Booing ] Our message is about peace, love...
and universal harmony.
- Boo! - Loser!
And about finding balance...
and cosmic energy through Zennovation.
Open up your minds to a new reality.
Losers!
Yaaah!
- Screw harmony and peace. - And that chi stuff.
[ Clamoring ]
♪♪ [ Man Singing Rock ]
Oh. This is just too easy.
Hope! ♪ It's a total donnybrook
♪ It's a total donnybrook ♪ [ Chattering ]
This is a nice car.
Thanks for everything. We really enjoyed ourselves.
That was nice. Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.
Appreciate it. And the pictures of the kids--
That was fun. Yeah, nice people.
Hey, mind if I wear this? Do you got any tickets to the policeman's ball?
[ Fire Crackling ]
Well, guys, you ready? Okay.
[ Together ] We're back!
[ Laughing ]
[ Chattering ]
[ Shouting ]
Let's go! Let's practice.
[ Hanson Brother ] What happened yesterday was our fault.
Un-American. Un-Pennsylvanian.
"Un-Charlestown-onian."
Un-Hansonian.
This town needs a good punch in the nose.
A kick in the teeth. A jab in the spleen.
Bernie's hittin' us below the belt.
Fellas, we're here to show you how to help fight back.
- And we have reinforcements. - Guys, come on in.
These are our boys. Dit-- Gordi.
And Toe.
Guys, time to put on the foil.
Play some old-time hockey, like Eddie Shore. Dit Clapper.
And Toe Blake. And Gordie Howe.
[ Together ] Gordie!
[ Man ] ♪ If you can't beat 'em in the alley ♪
♪ Then you can't beat 'em on the ice ♪
♪ You gotta smash 'em in the teeth ♪
♪ At least once or twice
♪♪ [ Continues ]
Hey, Riley, you all right?
- You okay? - Riley, you okay?
No, no, here. Lookit. You okay?
Yeah. Yeah? You sure?
Yeah. Oh, great. Good. Get him again!
[ Groaning ]
[ Shouting ]
[ Indistinct ]
This is the way you get the jersey over your opponent's head.
[ Indistinct ]
♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em That's our custom ♪♪
Today, if they have the balls to show up,
the Newman boys face--
"Balls." the much-hated Scranton Nighthawks.
- Two-time runners-up to the Hounds-- - [ Snickering ]
the Hawks...
are reloaded, and they are as tough as they come.
Holy smoke. The Newman team takes to the ice in a manner...
that can only be termed tremendously tacky.
They have donned the sacred shrouds of the Chiefs.
This is a sacrilege. [ Dickie III ] Yeah, tacky like that time...
when you got sloshed on communion wine. Well, yes.
Exactly like that.
[ Shouting ]
[ Buzzer Buzzes ] [ Dickie Jr. ] New uniforms, but the same old butt-whupping.
It is clear these Newman boys are decidedly doing disservice...
to the lasting legacy of the Chiefs.
Hey, Riley, I think it's time.
Toe, Dit, Gordi, let's do it!
Okay, boys, make your daddies proud.
Go, boys! Let's go, let's go!
Mark it up to family ties, sports fans.
It appears the offspring of the Hanson brothers...
are making their first appearance as part of this ragtag team.
Hey, there. Good game. I'm gonna hat-trick you twice.
- Ah. Good luck with that. - [ Groans ]
[ Dickie Jr. ] Ah, yes. Cross-checking.
Boarding.
[ Whistle Blows ] Slashing.
-Spearing. - [ Whistle Blows ]
[ Clamoring ]
-That certainly brings back memories. - I got something for you here.
- Get out there! -[ Dickie Jr. ] Questionable sportsmanship aside,
these Chiefs have certainly been reinvigorated with new blood on the ice.
[ Horn Blows ]
After the first formal foray of these junior Hansons,
-you have to ask yourself-- - Is that nature or nurture?
A.D.D. or D.N.A.?
Good shift, good shift, good shift.
They sent in the goon squad.
They have gone from Zennovators to headhunters in less than a week.
Yeah, it's truly inspiring, Dad.
[ All Groaning ] They sure do have a lot of spirit.
[ Dickie Jr. ] What they need is liability insurance.
[ Whistle Blowing ]
And in a scene that is strangely familiar,
three Hansons are populating the penalty box,
forcing their fellow Chiefs to face a difficult five-on-three penalty kill,
a true test of their orphan grit.
Watch the point, watch the point!
Oh! Thank you.
They pulled the goalie. They pulled him.
[ Dickie Jr. ] In a strange first period move,
the angry Nighthawks seem to be trying to make the Chiefs pay-- [ Phone Rings ]
by pulling their goal tender, to make it six on three.
That's something you don't see every day.
And he's their last uninjured player to boot.
Haskell goes down to block the shot. [ Indistinct ]
He flips it in the air and splits the two defenders.
What an amazing move.
He's rocketing down the ice toward the empty net.
He's beat the desperate defense. He's tripped from behind.
- He scores! - [ Buzzer Buzzes ]
[ Cheering ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Dickie Jr. ] Led by emerging phenom Alex Gorrall,
it seems these boys may be worthy to call themselves Chiefs after all.
Way to go, guys. No mercy. People are actually cheering for us.
How about the Hansons?
[ Boy ] Yeah! The Hansons are back, and better than ever!
Didn't see them put one in the net. That was a good goal.
Hey, I looked for you after the game.
What game? All I saw was a wrestling match.
Gotta give people what they want. Put butts in the seats.
Win the vote. Yeah? Well, keep playing that way--
you won't be seeing this butt in the seats anymore.
[ Mouthing Words ]
[ Dickie Jr. ] Interesting style of play.
Had to let 'em know we meant business, sir.
That's how it was when I was a boy--
Hard-nosed hockey.
I admire you, kid. I do.
But if all this is about the vote on your home,
I don't see much hope in hockey changin' their minds.
What if I told you we already changed one?
A big one.
[ Dickie Jr. On TV ] Charlestown played a smash-mouth brand of hockey...
this reporter hadn't seen since the days...
when his own father covered the glorious '77 Chiefs.
It seems these boys have been inspired by rumors...
that Mayor David Kenneth plans to support their petition to save the Newman Home...
when he returns from his vision quest in Peru--
If he ever returns at all.
- [ Laughing ] Oh! That's awesome. - I can't believe this.
[ Chattering ]
I want names.
A good newsman never reveals his sources.
There isn't a good newsman within 50 miles of here.
I just tried to capture the spirit of the thing, Bernie.
[ Exhales ] Is it true?
Well, no, no, no. Uh, hang on a tick.
Our office was not contacted for this story,
and the mayor is unreachable, but why would somebody lie about this?
I hate those little orphans.
Off the record, of course.
[ Dickie Jr. On TV ] With a key vote only weeks away,
Bernie Frazier today responded to rumors...
that Mayor David Kenneth may oppose her Newman measure.
[ Bernie ] Well, Dickie, the mayor and I are good friends.
He personally assured me of his support before he left town.
Clearly, someone is lying.
[ Male Announcer ] Tom and Harriet Banks are the lucky winners...
of this past weekend's super lottery draw.
The pair came forward to claim their $100 million prize this morning--
Signature's right here, and you've got his letterhead at the copy shop, right?
You lied to Dickie Dunn. Yeah, but h-he knew-- I think.
Look-- Look, he's on our side,
and if we give him a letter, that'll help prove it.
There's nothing to prove, man. It's a lie.
And forgery is some serious bad business.
What are they gonna do, give us community service? give us community service? arcommunity service.
Look, this town loves the man.
If we get them to believe he's behind us, then maybe we got a chance.
What about when he comes back?
Well, he may never come back. Ever.
At least, not before the vote. Look, there's panthers and jaguars and man-eating plants--
Hey. You told me to tell you when you're out of line.
Right now you're off the whole page.
♪♪ [ Ballad Intro ]
[ Man ] ♪ This is gonna take some time ♪
♪ 'Cause it's along way down
♪ From up so high
♪ You can't always get it right ♪
♪ But you would never know
♪ Unless you tried
♪ When you're falling
♪ And you just can't find your feet ♪
♪ When you're crawlin'
♪ I'll be the one to pick you up ♪
♪ I'll bring you back
♪ I won't let you bleed
♪ I won't let you cry yourself to sleep ♪
♪ I'll help you breathe
[ Dickie Jr.'s Voice ] The letter appears to be authentic,
according to the mayor's V.P. of P.R., Mark Dempsey.
He emphasizes that we will not know for sure until Mayor Kenneth returns,
if he returns. "Charlestown Spring Tulip Festival."
Wh-- What is wrong with these people?
Put a Starbucks on my to-do list.
Did you try Fed-Ex? I checked.
You know, Machu Picchu doesn't count as an actual street address.
And we weren't able to reach the mayor by ham radio either.
If he dies down there I'm screwed.
This is killing me in the polls.
People do love those orphans now. Ugh.
Almost as much as they do that... dog.
Hope?
Looks pretty good, huh? Wanna hire me?
You think this is funny? Come on, man.
We've been lied to and cheated our whole lives.
So since I'm an orphan, I've got a free pass to be a jackass and to lie?
How is acting like that ever gonna change anything?
Tell me who this hurts, except for Bernie Frazier. Me.
And everybody out there with a vote.
If this goes wrong, it's on you.
[ School Bell Rings ]
So. What's up with Alex?
Uh, it seems my star forward isn't a fan of the Chiefs' new direction.
I don't agree with going goon,
but I'm not in your position and it's wrong for me to judge.
So make it up to me by taking me to the Sadie Hawkins dance.
The whole point of the Sadie Hawkins, nimrod, is that the girl asks the guy--
Which I already did once, if you'll recall, with some pretty pathetic results.
So ask me again.
Well, maybe I'm going with Kain Frazier.
I'll pick you up at 8:00. Did I mention he's good?
Dinner's on me. No leaving early for anything?
Done. Deal.
Hey, you gonna use that ketchup? Uh, no.
I've got art next period.
Bye. Bye.
Wait, wait. Riley. Riley.
Um, hey, um-- I put these together for you--
Or for you to give to Shayne.
Not for me to give to you. [ Laughs ]
Here. Tweaker's locked in his room,
so everything's okay, so just go get her, man, okay?
Good man. Good luck.
Thanks, buddy. Bye.
[ Screams ] Oh!
Don't hate me. I'm a good person.
[ Riley ] You set us up?
Bernie made me do it.
Art is my gift--
and now I've used it for evil.
The little dudes-- How are they?
They're great. I've been teaching them to paint.
They really do miss you.
Thanks.
There's one more thing you can teach 'em--
Blue and yellow makes green.
Don't you think you're overreacting?
Maybe an emergency came up or something.
Hi. Binghamton, please.
Yeah, Frazier. Thank you.
♪♪ [ Ballad Intro ]
[ Man ] ♪ My homelife
♪ Is disconcerting
♪ I've got to keep
♪ My money down
♪ Homelife, Homelife
♪ Anyways there'll soon be little kids ♪
♪ Just like my old life
♪ My homelife
♪ As desolate as any love could give ♪
♪ She takes me home ♪ Well, look who it is.
Would you look at that. Mommy's little ice puppy's off his leash.
Oh, we got a funny guy here, huh?
I guess you need a sense of humor when you're growing up here in the slums, right?
Whatever. Hey, where you goin'? Hey, come here.
Think you're really gonna like it too.
[ Beeps ] Check that out.
The way she dances-- See that?
The last move there, she Kind of--
But I guess she likes real hockey players, huh?
Not little orphan goons.
You can watch it again if you want on YouTube.
Heard you had fun at the dance.
- You stood me up. - [ Groans ]
I didn't stand you up. I just changed my plans and didn't call.
Hello, dictionary. Try looking up "respect."
Maybe even a little responsibility. Responsibility?
You have no idea what all I'm responsible for.
Well, hey, why don't you let me know when you grow up? Okay, Miss Maturity,
but I'm not the one making condiment art.
And F.Y.I., "Shayne and Kain" sounds ridiculous.
[ Dickie Jr. On P.A. ] And the crowd seems to be demanding...
-some sort of a Wildcat lynching. - [ Man ] Wildcat lynching!
[ Dickie Jr. ] With the deplorable defilement of Dexter the Dog...
by these wanton Wildcats, the fury of Charlestown...
has been stoked to full flame, folks.
Can the Chiefs defend their town's honor,
despite having little of their own?
- I don't know. - We shall see in the fullness of time, I suppose.
I guess we will,
Dad.
This is it, boys. They will never be behind us more than they are today.
That team painted our dog. And called us names.
They called us names! So get out there.
Put a stick in their ribs and let 'em know you're there.
[ Together ] Yeah! Put some lumber in their teeth and let 'em know you're there.
Yeah! Jam some foil up their noses and let 'em know you're there.
Yeah! Whoo!
[ Chattering ] Here you go.
Pixy Stix?
[ Laughs ]
♪♪ [ Rock Intro ]
[ Man ] ♪ I'm a human bomb
[ Dickie Jr. On P.A. ] Tonight Charlestown witnessed a category five "Tweaker-cane,"
as he walloped the wayward Wildcats with wild abandon.
Hanson hockey prevailed again.
The lackluster Landcaster Wildcats...
were totally tamed by the Charlestown Chiefs.
[ Whistle Blows ] Charlestown hockey is back.
[ Crowd Chanting ] Tweaker! Tweaker! Tweaker!
Time for some fiber blast.
That'll loosen 'em up. ♪♪ [ Whistling ]
[ Dickie Jr. ] Today the South Philly Raiders forfeited a game...
to the Charlestown Chiefs in a rather ignominious display of gastric malfeasance,
including diabolically induced diarrhea.
[ Indistinct ]
[ Groans ]
[ Shouting ]
[ Feedback Whining ]
[ Dickie Jr. ] Before yet another raucous, sellout crowd...
here in Charlestown, the mighty Chiefs battered,
bruised and bullied their way to a 4-2 win.
[ Cheering ]
And that's six straight for the Chiefs,
who sent their ninth straight opponent to the emergency room...
en route to a championship showdown with their cross-river rivals,
the hated Ice Hounds.
♪ Human bomb
[ Cheering ]
♪ Human bomb ♪
Interesting.
A faint printed line continues past the point where the ink ends.
Where do you get your letterhead? Uh, good... question.
Uh-- [ Mutters ]
The Copycat Copy Shop. Hmm.
Well, Riley, the big vote is Wednesday.
If this crowd is any indication, I would say you guys have changed a lot of minds.
We want to bring hockey back to Charlestown and show people that our home is worth saving.
How would you rate this day, Precious?
No. Name's not Precious anymore, Dickie. It's Killer!
[ Roars ]
What can I say? We're in the finals,
Mayor Kenneth's coming back to help us win the vote,
and, well, it's probably the best day of my life.
Attention, Charlestown.
Before this quaint celebration goes any further,
there are a few things that you need to know...
about your little hometown heroes here.
This letter of support from Mayor Kenneth...
is a complete and utter forgery!
[ Man ] What? It was found...
saved on a computer at the Copycat Copy Shop,
where this boy,
Alex Gorrall,
was an employee-- until today, I presume.
Probably been fired? Yeah.
That's not all.
Their leader, one Randall Webb,
has been absent from the home and on the lam...
for at least six months...
after committing armed robbery in Florida.
The boys have been in constant danger...
and without adult supervision the entire time.
But perhaps the most grievous offense...
committed by these delinquents will certainly stun you all.
- Kain, please, if you will. - Of course.
It was Riley Haskell, not the Wildcats,
who defiled Dexter, the dog that saved Charlestown.
Yes, the very dog owned by one Sunny Newman,
who founded his home.
[ Students Shouting ]
I'm spent. Hope, let's go.
Oh, that's not true at all. [ Chattering ]
Well, folks, a strange turn of events here.
The state police have moved in,
and it appears that Riley Haskell has deceived us all.
Riley, uh, is it true? Don't-- Don't talk to him. Don't say anything.
- Did you do it? - Bunch of malarkey, huh?
We've heard some strange news here tonight, folks. I suppose you caught most of that.
Uh, it seems the dog was defiled by delinquent orphans, and not at all by a rival team.
We'll just go get 'em. [ Shouting, Clamoring ]
Let me get in there. Let me take care of it. Let me handle it.
We want to hear you. See that tie? That could be you.
Sorry, guys. This is all we have for tonight.
We would have ended up here anyways. At least we put up a fight.
[ Thinking ] Dear Mayor,
I hope you will read this very soon.
There are a lot of good reasons for what I've done,
but that doesn't make what I've done right.
The mood is somber here.
Most of Charlestown feels disappointed and betrayed.
Mayor Kenneth returned to work today,
but he refused to comment on the Newman scandal.
It seems certain that the eminent domain measure will pass,
so go ahead and book those tee times now.
[ Ms. Davis ] Right. No. Uh--
Well, we're splitting them up.
Yes. Even one would help.
Great. Perfect. Okay.
So, then we'll go from there.
[ Riley ] We earned the right to play in that championship game.
Through lying, cheating and other very naughty behavior.
- That was my fault, not theirs. I'll sit it out. - It's simply not possible.
One game. It's all we have left.
Give it up. It's over.
I need to make a phone call, please.
Oh, this is nice. I bet they're all fake.
Where's the one for penalty minutes?
Guys? You're... touching them. Fingerprints-- Please--
What is this?
- Trophy. - No, you idiot!
What do you want?
We want to make a bet with you. A little wager.
Get our boys out of kid jail, and play us in the championship game.
And if you win, you get our land.
What if, by some improbable miracle, I should lose?
It's a great day for hockey, fellas!
It's time to pound the Hounds, boys! Come on! Let's go get 'em.
Let's go! Come on!
Hey! Come on, Riley! Come on, let's go! Let's go!
Yeah, I'm coming. Hurry up! Let's go.
Look, man, I know this season was your shot to break out.
I let you down, and I'm sorry.
But this is the championship game, man. All the scouts are going to be there again.
Let's do this.
Yeah, I'd love to be there,
but they won't let me play because somebody got me charged with forgery.
Good luck.
Stick-handle this. Your friends left a mess.
[ Riley's Voice ] When Mr. Webb left us, our goal was to stay together.
So we kept it a secret. We were family.
It was my job to protect them, provide for them, and to set a good example.
I did okay with the first two, but blew that last one pretty bad trying to save our home.
Anyway, I don't think there's much you can do to help us,
but I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and that I'm glad you didn't die in Peru.
Sincerely, Riley Haskell.
Hey, guys.
Who wants pizza?
Me! Yeah! Yeah!
Let's go to the table. One sec. One sec. Yes!
Okay, let's put these down. Guess what. What?
Who wants to listen to the big game? [ Together ] Yeah!
Hey, guys, listen up. I got something to say.
I'm a liar, and I let you guys down.
I just--
I wanted you guys to have hope that we could survive this together,
that it would all be okay.
Well, I was wrong, and it's not all okay.
We're goons. Circus freaks.
I turned you guys into something you're not.
Precious, you're no killer.
You arrange flowers.
Flowers? Henri,
well, you're not--
French?
No. No, I'm originally from Arkansas.
What? Seriously?
French Fry? Seriously?
What? I mean, the chicks really dig it.
You are a freak. You guys--
Okay, bad example.
The point is, all that's not who we are.
And we've got one more night as a family...
and one more hockey game together,
and we're gonna play it straight.
We're going out as champions, even if we lose by 20.
This is for us,
not for Charlestown,
but for us and the little dudes.
That's all I got to say. [ Murmuring ]
Keep your sticks on the ice, guys.
Come on. Good, clean hockey.
You're going to have loads of fun tonight, boys.
Anything goes. No holds barred. I'll see to that.
You can change in there. Hope, wait here, guard the door.
[ Dickie Jr. ] This is it.
Tonight, we see the team with the most goals...
against the team with the most penalty minutes.
But the Cinderella Chiefs have seen all of their support go to the dogs.
Ruff, ruff! Ruff.
And it's a solid Ice Hounds crowd tonight.
- They are booing these orphans with all their might. - [ Booing ]
Listen to that, D-3.
[ Chuckling ]
Give me another one of those woofs, will you, Son? Ruff, ruff!
♪♪ [ Rock ]
♪ Here I am
♪ Rock you like a hurricane
♪ Are you ready, baby?
♪ Here I am
♪ Rock you like a hurricane
♪ Here I am
♪ Rock you like a hurricane
- ♪ Come on, come on, baby - [ Shouting ]
♪ Here I am
♪ Rock you like a hurricane
[ Dickie Jr. ] They lost the vote, lost their home, lost their town.
Without Gorrall, and with low morale,
it's hard to see these Chiefs caging the rabid title-hungry Ice Hounds.
And here they are, folks, a pack of wild alpha dogs...
at home in their own den--
the unstoppable, untouchable, undefeated...
Binghamton Ice Hounds!
Sponsored by Frazier Realty-- building a better tomorrow today.
[ Dickie III ] I can't see anything with all that smoke out there.
♪ Here I am ♪
To another deal done right.
[ Sighs ] Mmm!
Here come my secret weapons.
And I made sure the poor little Chiefs don't have their star player.
[ Dickie Jr. On TV ] The crowd continues to boo the Charlestown team.
[ Booing ]
It seems there were three new Ice Hounds added to tonight's roster...
from the Sawtooth Juvenile Detention Center's violent crimes wing.
[ Dickie III ] Yeah, it looks like the Hounds added a few rottweilers there, Daddy-O.
Yes, indeed, D-3. That's a very good one.
Call the Red Cross, Son. Tonight's gonna be a bloodbath.
That's René St. Michelle.
I heard he once killed a squirrel with a straw in fifth grade.
He's one mean dude.
You would be too if your name was René.
Look, guys, I don't care who they are or where they're from, we're sticking to the game plan.
Old-time hockey. Let's do it!
Ah, French toast.
[ Doug ] This is about hockey, and these kids are not playing for a paycheck.
These kids are playing for passion and love of the game right now.
[ Dickie Jr. ] Fantastic, Doug!
That's it. Now we're ready. Let's go! Good job, boys.
Way to go. Good job.
Hey there, René.
Buy you a soda after the game?
- ♪♪ [ Organ: "Charge" ] -[ Dickie Jr. ] Here's the face-off!
And the Chiefs are instantly on their butts!
[ Dickie III ] One thing I learned during my playing career is you can't skate on your butt.
[ Dickie Jr. ] Because your butt was always on the bench.
Ow. The Hounds are giving them...
a taste of their own medicine tonight.
- Oh, this is so exciting. -♪♪ [ Rock, Indistinct ]
- Hit him! - [ Grunts ]
Oh, he's out cold! Ha, ha, ha!
- [ Grunts ] - Oh, come on.
-If you're eating that snow, I'd watch out for the yellow stuff. -Keep talking, mama's boy.
Yeah, whatever.
♪♪ [ Continues ]
[ Grunts ]
Play on, boys!
[ Dickie Jr. ] Oh, there's some crack officiating.
The refs really letting them play out there tonight.
The Chiefs aren't even fighting back. What's the matter with those guys?
What's the matter with those guys?
That's what I said. What's the matter with those guys?
Come on! [ Shouting, Indistinct ]
Kick him! In the-- In the groin!
[ Dickie Jr. ] What a shame this is.
They've come so far, albeit on the wrong path,
only to have their helmets handed to them and their brains beaten in.
Even the abnormally aggressive junior Hansons have been tamed.
Come on! Let's play hockey! Oh, yeah?
What do you know about hockey?
[ Dickie Jr. ] The Chiefs' bench is utterly outraged,
and perhaps they have a point.
But here they come.
The Chiefs are on a break. They've got the numbers.
Oh! A brutal check on the back sends one of the Hansons--
Ah! Precious scores!
But wait! They're waving it off! No goal!
No goal! Big guy was in the crease. No goal.
They've missed the shot from behind, but they've caught Precious in the crease.
What kind of officiating is this? What are you talking about?
Are you kidding me? That was a goal! He hit me from behind!
Are you blind? Answer me. Are you blind?
You can't do that! That's a bad call!
[ Dickie Jr. ] This is outrageous!
Looks like some home cookin' in the doggy bowl, folks,
as Precious goes to the box with 30 seconds left in the first.
And if the Chiefs can survive this period unscathed, they'll call themselves lucky.
Saved! But the Chiefs can't clear.
The Hounds apply more unrelenting pressure.
Here comes another shot. Another save! Oh! Henri is down!
[ Whistle Blows ] Goal! Goal for the Hounds!
[ Gasping ] Unbelievable! That was clearly interference.
What kind of a call is that?
- You call that a goal? - Yeah.
- He pushed me! Did you not see that? - That was a goal, my friend.
I'm on the ground, huh?
[ Hansons Shouting ]
Another 40 minutes, another 40 acres.
[ Chuckles ] God, I love hockey.
[ Dickie Jr. ] So at the end of the first period,
it is 1-nothing for the Ice Hounds.
Your Chiefs are dog food, my man.
Slobbery little chew toys.
[ Dickie Jr. ] The Ice Hounds have been pounding with their customary intensity,
while the Chiefs seem weak and demoralized,
made worse by dubious officiating.
-Nothing seems to be-- - Enjoy your time in the penalty box.
Guess that's two for tripping.
You want some of this? Shut your pie-holes!
Ms. Frazier has something she wants on the board.
Check your e-mail and get me a microphone.
[ Clears Throat ] Please direct your attention to the video screen, folks.
[ Crowd Booing ]
[ Glass Shatters ]
[ Booing Continues ]
I tell ya, folks-- desecrated dogs, dangerous delinquents,
and now dirty dealings.
We still have two periods left to play. What could happen next?
Guys, you gotta step it up! Yeah, we bet the farm.
Bring back Hanson hockey.
Boys, we're getting killed out there. Gotta fight back.
- Crush some skulls. - We could do that fiber-blast trick again.
No! No! No! We're only down a goal.
We keep it clean or we pack it up. That's it.
[ Chattering ]
[ All Shouting ]
Boys-- Boys, I have something I'd like to say.
I did not write this letter.
It was sent to me by young Riley.
He was desperate to save our town.
I want to say to you, young Riley,
our town has let you down, and I'm the one responsible for it.
No matter what they say, Charlestown is still a city on the rise.
So get out there and play clean,
play hard, and play your hearts out,
no matter what these goons do.
Give 'em hell. Thank you, sir.
Boys, he's right. Yeah, we gotta find our balance.
Hit 'em hard, but win it fair.
Let's do it, guys! Let's go!
[ All Shouting ] Hey, Gordi.
Hey! Hey, guys. Forgot your melons.
Let's go get 'em, guys! Whoo!
Gordi! Gordi, come here!
[ Dickie Jr. ] And as corrupt referee Brian Fox is escorted off the ice by the police,
one can only hope he'll be able to lay off the late-night carbs in jail.
That's quite a gut there, Brian.
Listen to that crowd out there.
They're cheering for you. They're cheering for all of you.
Enjoying the game, Mr. Messier?
Not really.
Hey, you guys can play any way you want. Go ahead.
It'll be a cheap win. You guys are better than that.
The best opponents push you to your limits...
and make you better than you've ever been before.
And in the end, it doesn't matter who wins or loses,
because you're both gonna earn the trust and respect of each other.
Chip?
I don't think so.
[ Blows Whistle ] ♪♪ [ Organ: "Charge" ]
We're all gonna play it clean from here on out, boys.
It doesn't matter. You can't win in a fair fight anyway.
I've never been in a fair fight. Good luck.
[ Dickie Jr. ] A rejuvenated Chiefs squad is playing with spirit again...
in a tightly called game.
They have managed to muzzle the raving Hounds late in the second period...
and are slowly gaining the edge.
But can they sneak one past the impenetrable Stonewall Frazier?
It's difficult to see if the Chiefs can ever get an edge in this game.
-And now as Riley Haskell moves the puck around-- - [ Grunts ]
Oh! Oh, Haskell is hit hard, and he's down, and he's hurt, and he's--
Oh, my gosh, I think it's his shoulder.
You're outta here! Game misconduct.
René St. Michelle is being tossed out of the game, and deservedly so,
as the score remains Ice Hounds: 1, Charlestown Chiefs: no score.
[ All Shouting ]
We'll be right with you.
The jingle on this supermarket ad is just winding up here.
Okay. Welcome back, hockey fans.
We're here in the second intermission.
We have managed to corner Mark "the Spark Plug" Messier here in the booth,
ask him a few questions.
So, uh, take it away, D-3.
[ Stammers ]
Anytime now. Um--
Excellent work there, Son.
[ Laughing ] Okay. Excellent work there.
If you don't mind a quick follow-up question there, Mr. Messier--
May I call you Mark? You sure can. Sure.
Well, it appears to me that Riley Haskell, the Chiefs' captain,
got kind of injured there.
Do you think it effectively ends their title hopes?
Well, there's no doubt it's a big loss, Dickie.
If Riley can't go, and even if he's slowed down a little,
you know, someone else is really gonna have to step up...
and-- and be a leader in order for them to win.
[ Grunts ] What's wrong with you fools? Can't anybody here score a goal?
All right! A-Train's back, baby.
Welcome back!
- Suit up, pal. - Yeah!
Somebody's waiting for you outside.
Hey. Are you okay?
That was a cheap, illegal shot. Does it hurt?
Not as bad as you going out with Kain.
Listen. I had no idea you were running the house by yourself.
And here I was worried about purple cows...
and making out and some stupid dance. It's okay.
I got what I deserved.
But maybe we can still give back a little.
Want to help me give the Fraziers a little token to remember us by?
Come here.
- [ Cheering ] - [ Buzzer Buzzes ]
[ Dickie Jr. ] And we're under way in period three...
with conference all-star and leading M.V.P. candidate...
Alex Gorrall back on the ice for the Chiefs.
Have fun at the dance? Heard you were a little stiff.
[ Dickie Jr. ] Along with a mystery player. Who's that?
- Fifty bucks says I can get one past ya. - What?
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Buzzer Buzzes ]
Yes! That's my girl! That's my girl!
Boop!
Told you I could get you in a game.
[ Dickie Jr. ] What do you know?
That's the first goal Kain Frazier has let in all year,
and it was scored by a girl.
[ Laughing ]
Didn't Mom beat you in arm wrestling once?
Hey, man, she's not even on the roster.
Right there-- Shayne Baker. Been on since game one.
It was her idea.
All right, boys, we'll get that one back. Don't worry about it. Let's go.
[ Dickie Jr. ] And it's come down to this.
One minute left, and a tie score...
in a game the Chiefs should be leading by one.
- You mean two, right? - One.
But the Chiefs' goal shouldn't have been disallowed.
Wait. Because the ref was cheating.
- Yeah. - The ref was on the take. The sec-- Oh, wow, yes.
He cross-checked the goal--
- Well-- No, no, no, no. It should only be one still. - No, it's two.
No, it's one. The Chiefs should be winning by one.
No, no. I'm gonna go-- I'm gonna go ask Mark Messier. I'll be back.
- [ Crowd Roaring ] -[ Dickie Jr. ] Another amazing save by Henri!
Gathered in the corner by Haskell.
Pushed up along the boards to the speedy Gorrall.
He's free. He's flying down the ice,
and he's leaving Janislav in the dust.
The clock is ticking down. This kid has got some wheels.
Here comes the shot on Frazier!
Oh, no! He's tripped from behind!
Gorrall is tripped from behind!
- Penalty shot! -[ Dickie Jr. ] Holy hockey, sports fans!
It's a penalty shot with no time left on the clock!
Son, get your hands off the Spark Plug.
This is what you've always wanted. Just pretend it's our old court.
Yeah. No screaming fans at the court.
No scouts at the court. No Kain at the old court.
He'll try to glove it. So fake blocker, he'll reach right,
then fire high glove-side. Just take the shot, Dairy Queen.
You can beat this guy. [ Buzzer Buzzes ]
[ All Shouting ]
[ Dickie Jr. ] And it all comes down to this.
Mano a mano.
An unstoppable force meets an immovable object for the Junior League crown.
One all-around good guy against one incorrigible brat!
One improbable orphan...
against one privileged mama's boy.
Who will prevail?
[ Whistle Blows ]
- [ Cheering ] - Do you believe in miracles?
The Chiefs have won the cup. The Chiefs have won the cup.
- [ Cheering ] -They've done it, folks. They've done it.
It's over. How about that?
How about this? [ Cackles ]
Yes!
[ Whooping ]
♪ The good old hockey game
♪ It's the best game you can name ♪
♪ And the best game you can name ♪
♪ Is the good old hockey game [ Mutters ]
♪ The good old hockey game Tsk, tsk.
Take your name off my Christmas card list,
because you're fired, missy.
♪ Hockey game ♪ Do you know who I am?
Do you have any idea?
[ Cheering ]
May I have this dance? I hope you dance better than you skate.
[ Dickie III ] Haskell approaches, looks into her eyes.
He shoots, and he scores! ♪♪ [ Organ: "Charge" ]
-[ Dickie Jr. ] Nice callin', Son. -Thanks, Dad.
"Hat-trick my first game.
Private school blows, but at least my tutors are hot. Peace, Alex."
Geez, pretty soon you're going to have a scholarship, Miss Two-time M.V.P.
I think I might stick around here a little longer.
[ Mayor Kenneth ] Because of these boys, Charlestown is again a city on the rise.
Its very spirit has been reignited.
The Newman Home for Boys, that has not been forgotten.
Thanks to the arrangement made by Ms. Frazier and the Hanson brothers,
these Chiefs here will remain where they belong.
In Charlestown, in the newly established Hanson Home for Boys.
♪ This ain't no brouhaha
♪ It's a total donnybrook
♪ Better duck your head right now ♪
♪ Guess you'd know who's ready for a mean right hook ♪
♪ The referee has lost control
♪ This stinkin' town has really shrunk ♪
♪ We're over the glass and in the stands ♪
♪ It's a total donnybrook
♪ We're skating hard from the shot ♪
♪ That's when they called the riot squad ♪
♪ I didn't think that they had a chance ♪
♪ But they wanted vengeance
♪ Parade continued to the penalty box ♪
♪ The whole damn dump was a tinderbox ♪
♪ The way we stomped them wasn't fair ♪
♪ That's why they-- their underwear ♪
♪ What happened next
♪ You don't wanna know
♪ But we took care of
♪ We took care of those so-and-sos ♪
♪ This ain't no brouhaha
♪ It's a total donnybrook
♪ Better duck your head right now ♪
♪ Guess you'd know who's ready for a mean right hook ♪
♪ The referee has lost control
♪ This stinkin' town has really shrunk ♪
♪ 'Cause we're over the glass and in the stands ♪
♪ It's a total donnybrook
♪ Finally, the cops got there
♪ There were teeth and blood everywhere ♪
♪ We only came to play old-time hockey ♪
♪ But they started acting like ♪
♪ This cop tried to drag me off of the rink ♪
♪ So the coach came out and dropped that ♪
♪ The chief came out like a real jackass ♪
♪ So I dropped him on his
♪ Then the lights went out
♪ And the crowd was thin
♪ Next thing I remember
♪ Being in the jailhouse, busted again ♪
♪ This ain't no brouhaha
♪ It's a total donnybrook
♪ Better duck your head right now ♪
♪ Guess you'd know who's ready for a mean right hook ♪
♪ The referee has lost control
♪ This stinkin' town has really shrunk ♪
♪ We're over the glass and in the stands ♪
♪ It's a total donnybrook
♪ Yeah, it's a total donnybrook ♪
♪ It's a total donnybrook
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ It's a total donnybrook
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪
[ Whistle Blowing ]
Goal! Goal!
♪♪ [ Rock Intro ]
[ Man ] ♪ Yeah
♪ There I was at the end of the bench ♪
♪ Slivers up my butt
♪ The coach said Joe, here's your chance ♪
♪ Chop 'em like a clear-cut
♪ So I hopped on the ice and swung my stick ♪
♪ Like a scythe in a field of wheat ♪
♪ The first guy who got in my way ♪
♪ I knocked him to the cheap seats ♪
♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em that's our custom ♪
♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em ♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em that's our custom ♪
♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em that's our custom ♪♪
All right. Now you've gone too far. [ Whistle Blows ]
You, in the box! [ Whistle Blows ]
You! Out of the game! I didn't do nothing!
[ Whistle Blowing ] I've had enough of you!
[ Whistle Blows ]
No! [ Group Of People ] Gordie.