女士们先生们 Ladies and Gentlemen...
在旧金山为您演出 Live from the Arts Center Yerba Buena in San Francisco...
请欢迎 Bill Maher Please welcome... by Bill Maher!
谢谢 Thank you!
谢谢 Thank you, friends!
谢谢 Hey, please, I have to-!
谢谢 Thank you!
我非常感激你们 I appreciate that...
感谢你们的鼓励 I appreciate the encouragement.
这是个充满争论的 标题上哪儿了 Because it is a controversial- Oh, where did he go?
那个小标题板 只有这么大个 There was a little thing, was just so big.
写着 更加愤世嫉俗 就是这个专场的题目 "Be more cynical", that's the title of this, and since it emerged...
自从定了名字人们就问我 你不是开玩笑吧 ...people ask me if I'm serious. I say,"You're kidding!"
他们以为我说着玩的 我不是 They think I'm sarcastic or ironic or... I am not.
人们觉得自己已经够愤世嫉俗的了 不是 我们是太愚蠢了 Everybody says we're too cynical. No, we're too stupid.
你看罗西奥当娜(著名同性恋女主持人)和佩妮马歇尔(女性名导演)居然跑去平价店购物 If you think Rosie O'Donnell and Penny Marshall shop at Kmart...
这话不仅针对女性 I say this not only by women.
我最近看NBA季后赛 You know, I was looking basketball qualifying...
美国男人实在是太热衷于体育运动了 Men, we, in the U.S. are too involved with sports.
太狂热了 They care too. No, no.
各位 说真的 你不是比赛队员 But seriously, guys. You are not the tenth man.
你只是个把啤酒转化为尿的机器 You are a machine for converting beer piss. That's what they are.
所以 So it's...
你支持的队伍赢了 你说 我们赢了 It is very sad when the team wins and say,"We won!"
这里没有"我们"一说 你们什么也没赢 No, no."We"do not. You did not win anything.
参赛的那十个黑人知道了会揍你的 Ten blacks hate you they know you, they won.
知道吗 Know...
下回魔术师约翰逊的尼克斯队赢了 别出去欢呼 Not going out to celebrate with Latrell Sprewell if the Knicks win.
他们球队赢了 唯一能得益的 The only people who really do well when the team wins...
就是城里的妓女和脱衣舞女(球员们生活不检点) ...are the strippers and prostitutes of that city. To them do well.
我看了现在的啤酒广告 我真有点吓到了 I was watching beer commercials. I find alarming.
他们推销啤酒的概念实在是不对劲 The ideas proposed in the beer commercials because...
以前的啤酒广告 老派的那种 ...the old beer commercials, the old school...
虽然够白痴 但是我可以理解 were stupid...but I understand.
会暗示你 你喝了这啤酒 The implication was that if you drink this beer,
广告里这几个超模就会跟你上床 buenisimas these supermodels... want to have sex with you.
模特儿就喜欢啤酒鬼 Because that's what they want the models: beer drinkers.
好的 Very well.
那是很蠢的广告 但是现在的广告 So, that was stupid, but it is very alarming what happens now...
说的是啤酒要比女人好 ...because the implication is that beer is better.
为了啤酒 不要女人 You know, women can have, but want beer.
广告里的明星不要女粉丝 只要啤酒 Wayne Newton has all groupies but want the beer.
他只要啤酒 对女人看都不看 The beer guy is looking...
这实在是吓到我了 That is much more alarming to me.
艾尔戈尔 竞争总统候选人 Al Gore said: "Promoted candidates...
就好像他们去推销狗食和速食汤 the same way...that promote dog food and foaming soaps."
这话真是够前卫对吧 Always at the forefront, Al, huh?
但这话是错的 因为推销狗食你不能撒谎 Which is not even true, because you can lying about the dog food.
这真是 That is...
是的 Yes.
我们的竞选被钱搞砸了不假 但是这本身和钱无关 Our choices are fucked by money, but the money would not matter...
除非用钱搞出忽悠万众的广告 才会出问题 ...unless he could buy advertising convince us of anything.
所以我希望人们能稍微的愤世嫉俗一点点 I do not want you to be so cynical as the people who make campaign ads,
好看透这帮做广告的混蛋骨子里到底是什么玩意 cynical enough...just as to see through those bastards.
因为你们知道 我们有合法的受贿系统(指游说国会的行为) 这点无法改变 Because until they do, we have the open bribery system, it will not change.
你们应该知道 自己是被一帮没有灵魂的金钱妓女(国会议员)所代表的吧 Do you realize that they are represented by soulless cash whores?
说道这里 我要声明 我无意冒犯职业妓女 And when I say, trying not lacking respect for truth prostitutes.
我希望别引起误会 I want that understood.
现在的美国政府 就好像豪华餐厅里的势力眼领班一样 The U.S. government now is like the Maitre d ' of a luxurious restaurant snob.
我没看到收税的漏洞 哦 你给钱了啊 这边来 "I do not see a loophole- Ah, there it is, sir."
马上带您上桌 "Many thanks, I'll show you just..."
我们是怎么迎来 布什总统的续集 How do you think we got to"George Bush: The Sequel"?
我不是说 And I'm not saying...
他 不是 He is not... No, no...
他并不比别人糟糕 包括戈尔 No worse than many of them, including Gore,
困扰我的只是布什家族不允许别人质疑他们的正直 No worse than many of them, including Gore,
好像他们很正直 他们和别人一样玩阴的 ...as if they were better. They fight as dirty as anyone.
他们在纽约州的初选时淘汰了麦克凯恩 They ended up with John McCain in the primary elections in the state of New York,
当然这主意不错 ...which are supposed to be smarter...
而淘汰的借口 就是麦凯恩对乳癌的态度不够强硬 ...an attack ad that basically said McCain was soft with breast cancer.
我没开玩笑 因为麦克卡恩几年前投票 No, I'm not kidding. Because McCain had voted years ago...
反对了一项拨款 其中包括注资乳腺癌研究 ...against a bill negotiated plagued I had some funds for breast cancer.
然后人们就买账了 这才是最让人丧气的 人们买账了 And it worked. That's the sad part. This shit works.
如果人们有脑子 看这个会问 This only works if the people that are watching says:
我不知道麦克凯恩居然支持乳癌 "I did not know that McCain supported breast cancer."
我得要再看一遍 "I'll have to look at that man again."
他是不是在越南被抓住之后 "Maybe it was something that happened in Vietnam. They say he...
被乳房给折磨了(麦克凯恩在越战时被俘虏过) ...was tortured by a tit or something."
小布什 The George Bush...
我不喜欢这小混蛋 真的 I hate this fucker, I have to be honest...
别鼓掌 Stop, stop, stop, stop...
我知道旧金山是民主党的天下 I know, San Francisco is a Democrat,
但是我烦他不是因为他是共和党我是民主党 ...but not because he is Republican and I Democrat because I 'm not that,
因为我们国家的两个党 ...because we have two parties in this country.
只不过是一个人演的一对双胞胎 We have identical cousins played by Patty Duke.
我不喜欢他是因为 一年前我都不知道他是谁 What I object on George Bush 's I did not know who was a year ago.
好像突然一下就推销给我们似的 比如星球大战 We sold him suddenly, "Star Wars"...
或者马修麦康纳(好莱坞打拼很多年的男演员) ...or Matthew McConaughey.
好像突然有人冒出来带着一堆吃的 叫你吃吧 Some things just arrive and is like: "We funded this so much that they're going to eat!"
他到底有没有资格呢 很显然他酗酒一直到40岁 What were your merits? apparently was a drunk until he was 40...
然后他老爸给了他一笔钱 ...at which time friends his dad gave him some money...
让他在德州找油 但是他却没找到 to find oil... in Texas, which could not.
他就是那种要来解雇你富二代 小布什就这德行 It is the chief's son, who arrives and fires you, that's George Bush.
他就一个蠢蛋 没人发觉吗 And it is a fool, Did anyone realize this?
共和党就这么一块料了吗 Is this the best type in all the GOP?
让他去负责核武器和医保的问题吗 Is he going to be in charge of weapons nuclear and health care?
这家伙以为凯撒医疗机构是德国的领导人呢 This guy thinks that Kaiser Permanente is the leader of Germany.
在你们欢呼之前 我要说艾尔戈尔我也讨厌 Before you go crazy, Al Gore also hate it
但我认为他能赢得大选 是因为他是没有JB的克林顿 ...but my prediction is that he will Clinton to win because he is without a whistle,
我想人们爱这一点 ...and that's what people want.
人们需要克里顿那样会办事的人 但是却不想要他那根惹麻烦的JB They want Clinton without the the whistle of the equation.
并不是说布什和戈尔就有JB Not that Bush has a damn either, both are two wonders without dick, Gore and Bush.
人们会给克林顿投票还不承认 因为他用JB干了... People vote for Clinton, but not I admit, for what he did with his dick...
在加利福尼亚州竞选的时候他们攻击克林顿说 You know, the attack ad Bush in California said:
你跟我争论可以 但是麦克凯恩 "You challenge me with the issues, but when John McCain...
把我和克林顿相比 这就太过分了 I compared...Bill Clinton, that was too low."
是啊 世界上那么多事情都不管 Yes, of all things in the world,
不说克林顿执政八年的和平时期 经济繁荣 他必须被谴责 ...eight years of peace and a roaring economy... man must be punished.
好像一提克林顿就等同于食人族和恋童癖 Comparing this type is cannibals and pedophiles.
你支持乳癌没事 但是不能说克林顿 那太下作了 You are pro- breast cancer...but not with Bill Clinton, that's too low...
因为他们的说辞是 将来我们对孩子 ...because, you know, "What are we going to tell the kids...
怎么说克林顿的事情 这简直让人出离愤怒了 ...about Clinton?" You know, is beyond the fury...
什么叫怎么跟孩子说克林顿的事情 ...with this"what would we say children?", because, you know...
我们还跟孩子说世界末日核战争哪 We tell them about the Holocaust and the possibility of nuclear annihilation...
但是比尔克林顿的那丑事就是不能提 Bill Clinton...but you can not... the maniac with her...
知道吗 我会跟自己的孩子说实话 You know, I would have told the truth to children:
孩子 有些坏蛋谴责总统享受口交 "Children, some very bad men made ​​to feel blame the president for his blowjob."
顺带说下 By the way...
你四岁的时候估计会那么想问题 As if that what you think when you have four years.
我四岁的时候怎么看这个总统性爱的事情呢 Yes, that was what I had in mind to four years: sex in office.
我想 哦 艾森豪威尔会找什么样的女人 "Gee, I wonder what kind Eisenhower women have."
这种对孩子的狂热实在是 大人怎么办 This obsession we have with the kids... What happened to the people?
童年受创伤的大人呢 You know, the veterans of childhood...
我们不但不去反思 反而变本加厉 Those of us that we did... Are not we more?
是不是所有的事情都要围着孩子转呢 说什么我们最重要的资源是孩子 Does it have to be all by and for kids? Our most precious resource...
相信我 我们最重要的资源是石油 I promise that our resource most precious is oil.
是不是应该不要再庆祝孩子诞生这事情了 Do not you think we should stop celebrate the begetting?
人们总是庆祝这回事 People celebrate the begetting.
这有什么可庆祝的 全世界都六十亿人口了 It is no longer a virtue. There are 6 billion people.
我们又不是在洪水之后要重建家园 We're not rebuilding after the flood.
别庆祝了 Stopcelebrate!
每个母亲节 人们都会向那种生了20个崽子的疯狂女人致敬 Every day mothers give an award to a excreted manic twenty children or something.
她应该被夸奖 This woman should not receive an award.
应该把她的腿绑在一起给她打镇静剂才对 Legs should be tied and be heavily sedated.
爱荷华州的那个高产妇女张三李四家 生出一大窝崽子来 Those brave McCaugheys Iowa, that litter of puppies that had this woman.
居然有人还有胆子说 这是上帝创造的奇迹 And then they had the audacity to say:"It's a miracle of God."
这是伟哥创造的奇迹 关上帝什么事 Pfizer is a miracle, right? This has nothing to do with God.
这不过就是一滩精液 滴管 白大褂的作用而已 This only has to do with masturbating in a glass and lab coats and roasts, turkeys.
七个孩子怎么了 他们现在都住鞋里了 Seven children. They now live in a shoe.
我不是不喜欢孩子 我只是不太喜欢他们在我身边而已 I do not dislike children, but not I like being around them too.
他们父母也和我一个想法 The problem is that their parents either.
而且我实在是不愿意 And I 'm tired of being constantly unwillingly played...
不自愿的去阻止孩子享受成年人的快乐 ...in the struggle to keep away your children from adult pleasures.
我们要齐心协力才能办到这事情 "It takes a village"... It's just a saying.
如果我不想齐心协力呢 The other villagers are busy. Right?
我有自己的事情要做 I have other things to do in the village.
为什么不简单告诉孩子 有些是给孩子但有些不是 What happened to tell children"some things are for children and other things are not"?
有成百上千的人因为吸食软性毒品而被关进监狱 (指毒性较小 不易成瘾 但同样起到毒品的致幻的效果) There are hundreds of thousands of consumers nonviolent drug in jail...
因为这被认为是阻挡毒品伸向孩子的第一道防线 ...because that is the first line of defense keep drugs out of the reach of children.
这不对 不公平 And that's not right. It is not fair.
为什么我们不能对不公平来个零容忍 How about"zero tolerance"for injustice?
我们浪费太多不必要的精力在这场毒品战争里 You know, this"war on drugs" tolerate a lot of shit for it.
我也是 I do, personally.
因为这个 电视上设置了审查制度 There censorship on television ;
我不能在自己的节目上开吸毒的玩笑 ...I can not make jokes about drugs in my program.
我们可以讨论毒品 We can talk about drugs,
但是不能讲笑话 因为孩子在看电视啊 joke...but we can not because children may be watching.
不能搞笑的 We did funny-No!
不然孩子认为吸毒很好玩 结果吸毒之后导致他们跳舞去了 Why would and would and consume drugs and that could lead to dancing.
不能讲笑话 这就有点剥夺人性了 这让我很困扰 "No joke", is a bit Orwellian. You know, always disturbed me...
你们看过机场里设置的警示牌吗 Did you ever see that poster at the airport?
上面写着不能开玩笑 They have a sign"No joke".
就在金属探测器旁边 You never saw it? It is next to the metal detector.
因为他们认为 开个玩笑就会导致坠机 Yes, because apparently, make a joke so close to where the plane could crash...
嘿 我有次坐飞机 然后 "Hey, I was in the middle of a fabulous story of a TWA 800 and I..."
但当你离开机场时 会发现另一个标识牌写 可以讲笑话 And then when you leave the airport have the sign that says"continue joking"
我觉得这样 Which I think is...
蛮好玩的 sweet...but...
我说这个的意思是 我们得现实一点 But, I mean, be realistic,
关于毒品 你们不能对孩子撒谎 孩子知道毒品是怎么回事 ...you can not lie to children about drugs, they know about drugs.
你不能笼统的说 毒品都不好 You can not say that "all bad"and...
他们知道人生比想象的要复杂的多 They know that life is a little more complicated than that.
我从来不吸海洛因 我也不推荐 I have never used heroin, not recommend heroin
但那东西对我的唱片收藏大大有益(歌手吸毒寻求灵感) been damaged...but my record collection.
咱们得要现实点 我们不可能生活在一个没有毒品的世界里 Let's face it, no one would like live or live in a world without drugs.
美国戒毒协会 "The American Association for Drug Free".
我看到这个标题就笑了 Please cáusenme laughter and gagging at the same time with that title.
狗屁协会 有那么一大堆的制酒公司 还有制药公司 "Association". They are a pressure group for the alcoholic beverage industry...
花巨资游说国会 他们才不要你戒毒 ...and prescription drugs. Do not want a"free America",
他们要把其他毒品都取缔 好垄断处方药而已 They want an America free of drugs that are your competitors.
百忧解(抗抑郁用药)药效根本和大麻没法比的 只是输 "Prozac"did not want to compete with marijuana:lose!
生活就是如此 有好有坏 有时候是好坏并存的 Life, you know...things have sides good and bad, sometimes the same thing.
我们为什么不能这么去看待毒品 Why we can not understand with drugs?
毒品也是好坏并存的 Dangerous and beneficial at the same time, yes.
比如开车的同时就会有发生火灾的危险 The cars...comes to mind the fire...
我们只能以废柴吸毒造成的后果来制定对毒品政策么 On what base the only drug policy on what the losers?
我们不是以盖里彪西开车的德性来制定交通法规的对吧 (演员 因为开摩托车不戴头盔出车祸 造成脑损伤) We do not base automotive policy on how to lead Gary Busey.
然而毒品政策却是按照他的标准制定的 我不懂为什么 And yet, we base drugs policy about Gary Busey. I do not understand why...
为什么我们国家的系统不能一致呢 Why can not we have a policy consistent on Gary Busey in the U.S.?
还有就是因为这个政策所产生的笑料 In addition, drug policy has done very anecdotal.
我们常看到新闻有人吸毒过量
我看新闻说一个纽约的音乐人 因为找不到毒品 I read on a music executive New York who jumped out the window,
结果从窗户上跳出去自杀了 ...committed suicide because he could not find drugs he needed.
我也有找不到毒品的时候 Well, you know, friends? There were times when I I could not find the drugs he needed.
但是我可没有放弃过 But I gave up!
我才不会跳窗自杀 These bums Generation X... I threw out the window.
我会给第二个第三个药贩子打电话 He calleda second seller and a third?
我会给朋友打电话 He calledfriends!
我会去公园里 I was going to the park!
把那里的老太太打翻在地 抢走她的药 He beat and stole from elderly! He obtained the drugs I needed!
毒品战争 这事情干了多久了 "War on Drugs"... How long has it been going?
这就好像百年战争一样 It's like the Hundred Years War.
什么时候开始的 为什么打起来都没人记得了 Do you remember when it started, why did you start?
这所谓的战争早就变成了象征性意义的东西了 I would think you would be ashamed metaphor, at this point.
哪有战争是这么打的 No war lasts so.
我想到现在为止没有人站起来反对这场战争 The only reason that citizens do not rise,
是因为我们都知道政府是无法阻止你搞到毒品的 ...is because we know that the government of the people do not will prevent you from getting the drugs they want.
不会有人告诉我彪叔 估计这是咱最后一卷了 I mean, nobody 's out there saying: "Billy, this might be our last joint."
政府现在管得特别严 我是彻底没招数了 "The government is addressing and are virtually untouchable."
或许这是你最后嗨的一回了 "This may be the last time see you stoned."know...
他们还用不同的办法来对付毒品 You know, still fighting the war against drugs with different methods...
里根布什的这套方法很有意思 The Reagan-Bush agenda in the war drugs (that I love),
叫作物替换计划 ...was called"Crop Replacement".
我不开玩笑 他们要求荷兰种植罂粟的农民 I'm not kidding, they wanted to do that coca farmers in the Netherlands,
停止耕作 ...stopped growing cocaine lucrative crops cocaine
而改成 我不是编的 and replace with... ( I could not make this up )
改成香蕉和菊花 我没开玩笑 bananas...and chrysanthemums, which... ( I'm not kidding )
可惜没人鸟 Which did not work.
你找脱衣舞女来取乐 Have you ever tried to make a prostitute go to your room...
只付给人家香蕉和菊花吗 ...with a banana and a chrysanthemum?
这就有点不像话了 It's vile, ladies and gentlemen...
但是 But...
老布什 他挺会打击毒品的 他推出了一个叫做钢鞭的计划 George Bush Sr., he was a fighter drugs, remember? The called"flagella".
派人去巴拿马抓住了Noriega 那是个大毒枭 Yes, went to Panama to capture Noriega, because he was the major cocaine dealer.
这估计会让小布什伤心死(小布什有吸毒史) That he must have liked him to"Junior".
谢谢 爸爸 "Thanks, Dad."
你干脆把所有的毒品都打掉不是更好 "Why do not you cut all the supply?"
布什磕可卡因 That little boy is a monkey Bush cokehead, he...
他管K粉叫德州甜心 I used to call her"sugar booger Texas"...
戈尔则是个大麻鬼 这就是你们的候选人 And Gore was a big pothead, those are your choices in this election.
大麻鬼和K粉瘾君子 A pothead against a former cocaine addict.
这还不算最糟糕的 And that's not even that bad.
糟糕的是 他们没有胆子接着嗑药 The trouble is that the two are too fags to keep up,
还假惺惺的说 那是很久前的事 我改观了毒品害人啊 ...and say,"Okay, we did, not so long ago damage, has changed the way we see it."
我要说的是 如果布什当总统 我希望他接着吸可卡因 And I'll tell you this: If Bush becomes President, I hope you have some cocaine,
因为他需要学的东西太多了 ...Because this guy has to study a lot, dammit!
你给我嗑了药通宵补习去 You'll have to stay up all night!
知道吗 我们的隐私已经被侵犯的不像样了 You know, privacy is very under attack in this country.
你们不担心吗 我担心 Do not worry you? I care.
头脑已经是最后的阵地 所以别来管我怎么思考 And this is the last place you can get. Do not tell me how to run my own head.
而且 不要总认为长寿和健康 And please stop assuming that we all agree that longevity and perfect health...
是天经地义的正确 ...are always the right choice.
不是 No.
有些时候要享乐是需要付出代价的 Sometimes fun costs you. Just is.
而且有人愿意付出这个代价 And it's okay, you're willing to make that purchase.
小萨米戴维斯64岁去世 让我用他的方式活64年 Sammy Davis Jr. was 64 years old when he died. Give me 64 years of Sammy...
我会高兴疯的(小萨米戴维斯 黑人传奇歌手 酷爱抽烟 死于喉癌) ...and I'll be happy.
我乐意放弃以肯斯达的方式活150年寿命(美国检察长 共和党人 立场保守) I'd rather have that before 150 years of Ken Starr.
我看到一个标牌上写着小萨米戴维斯 There was a sign saying "Sammy Davis Junior,"I saw...
我很不喜欢 I protested much against this.
那是个反对烟草的标牌 Sammy had presented image for anti- snuff people...
上面说 他的歌声让我们魂牵梦绕 但是香烟却要了他的命 ...and said:"He took our breath away. The snuff took it from him."
不是 Well, no.
又不是香烟自己跑到他家里去 隔开了他的喉咙 The snuff not alone and was harvested by bus Las Vegas and got Sammy 's throat.
小萨米戴维斯是个自由的人 他自己选择了吸烟 记得吗 Sammy Davis Junior was a free man. He took a personal decision. Do you remember?
他想嗑药 烟草公司就好像毒贩子 He wanted a drug, tobacco companies were the camels,
而政府则是想要从中分一杯羹的黑手党 ...and the government is the mafia that wants their cut. That's it.
现在政府起诉烟草公司 This idea that the government is suing tobacco companies,
这简直是和萨米的那首The Bull歌所唱的意思背道而驰 This is a betrayal worthy of Sammy"The Bull". I mean,
75年来 政府除了不停地找烟草公司的麻烦之外什么都没干 ...the government has not done more to put them the finger in the ass to tobacco for 75 years.
夺走他们的赞助 对他们征巨额的税 Taking its contribution to the campaigns, of surplus living their taxes,
对他们的商业计划百般阻挠 funding their program... research with their extortion...
美其名曰要香烟远离人民 ...to protect and to states people from tobacco.
但是自己却用征收来的烟草税中饱私囊 All these bribes- and are bribes, because believe me:
告诉你们 如果他们看番茄酱不顺眼 也会说里头有微量致癌物 ketchup...if I had one-twentieth of there are carcinogens in a cigarette,
明天就给你全面封杀 ...it would come from the shelves tomorrow.
所谓的政府关心你是彻头彻尾的谎言 So the government is lying when says"care about you".
他们只是想让你们相信这个屁话而已 They give you to understand that.
他们会向人民喜欢的东西征税 They will suggest that tax the things we like,
比如烟酒 因为他们关系你 ...like alcohol and cigarettes, because they care about you.
而且不允许你提异议 因为他们关心你 And they want to dissuade you because... care.
当然政府的职能就是抢坏人的钱给好人 And of course the job of government is to get poor people money and give it to the good people.
有的人认为 I know there are people who think it would be cool...
一包烟应该卖十美元 ...that the price of pack of cigarettes increase to $ 10.
随便你怎么想 Whatever it costs deter, okay. We're doing fine.
我估计更有甚者 政府正在烟酒一个法律说 In fact, there is now a bill in the Senate,
如果你去卖烟 ...who says you can buy a cigarette pack,
卖烟的要依法扇你一巴掌 ...but the cashier has to slap by law.
如果你买酒 那卖酒的就要依法踢你屁股 And if you buy a box you get a kick in the butt.
我们这是帮你呢 "Because you 're helping..."
实际上他们正在这么干 Virtually so.
你有没有察觉 近几年 Have you ever asked someone in recent years, in a group of people,
你问别人能不能吸烟 ...if you could light a cigarette?
他们看着你好像 你要把自己放的屁点燃一样诡异 And you look like you just ask if you could light a fart.
我打算在开会的时候把自己放的屁点着 各位没意见吧 "Would you mind if I set fire to my gas during the meeting? Would it be out of place?"
不愿意啊 那算了 "Ah, yes would. Well, excuse me."
我去燃屁亭点 "I will go out with the other lighters farts."
这真是很伤人 我试着戒烟最后成功了 It is a very personal thing quit. I tried and finally succeeded...
但是我忘不了人们对烟民的态度 but time...and to the people around you do not like.
我记得有一次 I remember one time-
这是个很优雅的故事 但你们是好观众所以我告诉你们好了 This is a very delicate story, but you are good people.
我还记得吸烟的时候 我一丝不挂的站在窗边 When smoked, remember that once was standing by the window naked.
我记不清了 好像那时候我在做爱 I do not know, I guess I would been having sex.
我记得那时候女友在床上对我说 Yes, I was, because I remember my girlfriend in bed said:
你是打算站在那里吸烟呢 还是回床上给我舔穴 "Would you rather stand there and smoke a cigarette or go back to bed and eat the shell?"
呃 And, uh...
这问题没法回答的 That's not a good answer, you know...
宝贝 你说的根本是两回事嘛 "Honey, those are apples and oranges..."
另一个政府假装关心你的例子就是 The other way in which the government pretending that you care and that deters,
他们跑去攻击广告业 说那是问题之源 ...is when they attack advertising. The root of the problem.
万宝路牛仔必须从广告里撤掉 他影响力太大了 Marlboro Man had to calm down. "He was too powerful..."
我从来没有想过香烟的 但是那个骑在马背上的人实在是 "I never thought about smoking, but that song Siren of man sitting on a horse...
太娘了 ...is gay..."
你能抵抗他的吸引力吗 "How can you resist Marlboro Man?"
骆驼老乔也得撤掉(烟草卡通形象) Joe Camel had to go.
百威啤酒的青蛙对人的影响力太大了 Budweiser Frogs were a picture too powerful for people.
如果你是个孩子 连个青蛙都抵抗不了 Even if you are a child, if you can not resist a frog,
那你死了活该 I hope you die... and want you to die.
我一贯支持死刑 I am and always have been pro- death.
我支持死刑 我支持自由选择 I support the death penalty, in favor of the election,
我支持协助自杀 我支持主动自杀 In favor of assisted suicide, in favor of suicide regularly.
只要能让高速公路通畅的我都支持 I support anything that Highway make faster progress.
死亡并不是最可怕的事情 Death is not the worst thing that could happen.
我们最先开始思考这个问题的 I know you think that. We are the first company who thinks so.
比如被侮辱比死亡痛苦 No worse than dishonor.
失去自由比死亡痛苦 No worse than losing your freedom.
失去自尊比死亡痛苦 No worse than losing a sense of personal responsibility.
你知道最近的一笔烟草公司的赔偿款是给谁的吗 Did you know that the first payment was made for someone who was recently sued...
这个家伙看到了烟盒上的警告还抽烟 the tobacco companies...after the label notice appeared in the package?
是看到警告之后还吸烟 After started smoking.
起诉理由是烟盒上没有说他的名字 But no mention of his name, that was the problem.
但是政府对这些东西征税 这就是替我做决定了 And the government, by taxing these things, are making decisions for me,
我对此不满 因为这实在人为左右我对世界的看法 ...which I do not want to do. About what is important in life.
征税 说明政府在告诉我们 孩子和教堂是好的 By taxing, the government tells me: children and churches are good...
烟酒是坏的 ...and alcohol and cigarettes are bad.
当然我对此非常不同意 And of course I do not could disagree more.
我告诉你 I'll tell you this:
我宁可坐在烟民旁边也不坐在孩子旁边 I'd rather sit next to smoker with a child.
但是现在你想找烟民都找不到了 Not ever going to have sit next to a smoker,
因为政治因素使然 不允许你的二手烟污染别人 practically...have gotten rid of that.
不许你在餐厅吸烟 不许在酒吧吸烟 Residual smoke does not exist. There restaurants or bars...
在洛杉矶 你连在海滩吸烟都不行 In L.A. you can not smoke on the beach.
海滩不就是个烟灰缸吗 我是说 The beach IS an ashtray. I mean...
你甚至连在露天演出吸烟都不行 you can not smoke... outdoor shows.
拜托 人们天天开车 什么保护装置都没有 Come on, there are people running around the track...
还飙到二百英里每小时 ...at 200 miles per hour in about unprotected autitos...
在没有臭氧的保护下暴晒太阳 people baking in the sun...without ozone...
吃热狗 里头不知道有多少垃圾 ...eating hot dogs, full shit, piss, nitrates and crack...
但是别吸烟哈 这会损害你的健康 ...but not light a cigarette, we do not want to damage your health.
我们对有害的定义实在是前后不一 You know, we are very inconsistent about what we let kill you.
必须禁止香烟 对大麻零容忍 Smoking should be eradicated. Marijuana: zero tolerance.
但是能要你命的东西多着哪 But there are plenty of ways to kill you.
比如压力大 工作狂 You know what I think kills you? Stress. And being a workaholic.
不性福 And never have sex.
吃麦当劳 And McDonald's.
情绪问题 And angry with people.
谎话连篇 And lie to live.
在午餐的时候喝三杯马蒂尼酒 And three martini lunches.
还有美国的快餐 只要你学猫王那么活着肯定没救 And the American breakfast. And whatever it was that Elvis was doing.
这都能要你的命 That's what kills you.
人喝牛奶并不自然 除非你是头小牛 The milk is not natural, unless you're a very small cow.
蛋黄派里面装的并不是什么营养物质 The Twinkies are not filled substantial nutrient...
就好像说布什是个有实干的改革家一样 懂我意思吗 ...more than George Bush is a reformer results. See what I mean?
并不是他们说什么你就要信什么 Just because they say, you have to believe it.
每个人都会选择自己的瘾 比如威士忌 Everyone chooses their own poison. Some like whiskey,
有人选择安定 有人选择咖啡 糖果 others...Valium, coffee, candy bars...
肾上腺素 这东西不错吧 The adrenaline! How about that drug? I love that,
这玩意要把自己吓尿才会大量分泌 which...have to get shitting a scare.
没事的 That's fine!
还有蹦极 这也没事 玩去吧 BungeeJumping, has nothing wrong, go ahead, you name it!
坐上一架破飞机 晚上没月亮的时候起飞 Hey, want to fly a plane in bad weather, on a moonless night
在毫无训练的状态下跳下去 摔断条腿能怎么样 with little training... and a broken leg?
好好享受吧 肯尼迪先生 Enjoy, Mr. Kennedy!
你是肯尼迪家族的人 还能怎么样 Hey, you're a Kennedy, what could happen?
还有车造成的问题 没人管 The cars, somehow, always well.
不管发生什么车祸 我们都不关心 No matter what happens to the car. We do not care.
每个阵亡将士纪念日 我听新闻说 Each Memorial Day, I listen to the news.
这次车祸大概会造成550人死亡 人们说 哦 那没什么 "We expect 550 deaths in traffic accidents." And people say:"That is more or less well."
550死亡挺正常的嘛 "550 is an approximate statistic."
但是死了一个军人就全民震惊 这算什么 But if a soldier dies, Can you imagine?
为什么军人死了之后人们反应这么大 Why is not tolerated when soldiers die?
这多搞笑 你是总统 你有一票军队 It's funny, you get to be president, you know you have an army,
你用可以 但是不允许你造成军人死亡 but you can not use it...so such that nobody gets hurt.
还记得科索沃吗 三个笨蛋被抓了 Remember in Kosovo, these three knuckleheads who were captured...?
这仨人越过国境 Do you remember these three types wandered across the border...
跑去找汽水机什么的 ...looking for a soda machine or something?
他们被南斯拉夫囚禁了一个月 人们在国内挂了多少黄丝带 They were imprisoned in Yugoslavia for a month and people here are putting yellow ribbons and...
真的那么严重吗 其中一个大兵发型被弄乱而已 Was it really that bad? One guy had a bad hairstyle.
他们只能用一次性剃刀度日了 我们必须把他们救出来 "They're sharing a razor disposable and we have to get them out!"
各位拜托 他们是军人 他们不是被抓走的普通游客 People: they are soldiers, not tourists caught in a bad situation.
军人就应该身处险境 It's supposed to be in a bad situation.
这就是为什么我们发给他们盔甲和武器 That's why we gave bright helmets and weapons.
你参军的时候就懂这点 你放弃自身拥有的一些权力 When you enlist in the army, give up certain rights...
换取开枪杀人但却不被追究的特权 power shift...to shoot people without getting into trouble for it.
这是多好的交易 It's a good deal.
这和警察一样 我总是为警察辩护 Same with the police, and I defend, I delight the police.
但是我听烦了他们说 你不知道当警察什么样 But I'm tired of hearing: "You do not know how to be a cop."
当然 我不懂 Exactly, I do not know.
因为我没有选择这个职业 Because I did not choose that profession.
但是如果我当警察 我应该会明白 But if he had, I probably would have noticed...
这份职业是有风险在里面的 ...that there are some dangerous elements.
这就好像一个肛肠科大夫第一天上班回家抱怨 It's like a proctologist who returns home the first day saying:
我看了一天屁眼 "I'm looking asses all day!"
医学院学习时可没人告诉我这个啊 "I do not remember that in medical school!"
但是我认为对于枪支还是要控制一下的好 But there is one place where we should search Death weapons.
我不理解 我们为了保护孩子 不然他们玩游戏 看暴力电影 I do not understand these kids, they have to be protected video games and movies...
不让他们碰啤酒大麻麦当娜的音乐 但是 ...and beer and marijuana and snuff and Madonna, but never...
从来不说枪的事情 ...never the fault of arms.
反而说最伤害孩子的是比尔克林顿的口交事件 Bill Clinton 's fault and blowjobs.
这才是真正对孩子的威胁 That is actually the threat and then follows it.
但是 他们永远不说武器的问题 But the answer is never weapons.
反而对于国家枪支协会而言 他们的答案是增加更多的枪支 And to the NRA, I'm not kidding, the answer for them is more guns.
他们认为我们都全副武装了 问题就解决了 They think that if all we were armed, the better.
这样才能阻止坏人 Then you could stop the bad guys, see, if all...
甚至出现了校园枪击案 他们认为食堂大妈如果有把枪的话 Even in the shootings in schools, know, if the lady serving the food...
那就可以还击什么的 还有图书馆管理员持枪 had had a gun...and, uh... You know, and the librarian, then they could...
这就是他们的看法 Because what you normally...
用枪支交火来保护孩子 when you think about protecting... your children is the crossfire.
知道查尔顿·赫斯顿吗(好莱坞著名男影星) You know, Charlton Heston ( and I like Charlton Heston )...
他最近第三次连任美国枪支协会的会长 Recently he was reelected NRA president for the third time...
但是宪法上说 这个位置只能干两届 ...and they made an exception because his letter, its constitution says you can only have...
但是为了他开了个特例 宪法原来可以改的哈 有意思 two terms...but it changed. Ah, then constitutions can change, interesting...
所以 So...
因为这一条叫第二修正案 Because it is called"Second Amendment",
这话的意思就是说 这东西可以修改的 ...the very word"amendment"means: "Oh, we changed our mind."
我们改主意了 "We think of something."
因为我们一开始允许持械的原因是 because originally weapons needed here...
为了对付熊 印第安人 还有女巫什么的 ...to protect bears, Indians and witches. And you know...
本富兰克林如此天才的人 也不会预见到 Ben Franklin in his genius not could foresee nothing more advanced...
我们现在有直升飞机了 apache helicopters...that potbellied. So...
世道在变化 things change...,
枪支协会的理念是 我们需要在家里贮藏武器 NRA...and has this crazy idea that we need weapons in our homes, we all...
如果政府发疯了来侵犯我们 ...if the government becomes cocky. You know...
我们可以还击 ...we can fight them.
但那时候政府和老百姓都只有毛瑟枪 但是现在 Well, that's good when both have muskets, but now...
政府有导弹还有汽油炸弹 We have that, the government has cruise missiles and napalm.
如果珍娜里诺(时任司法部长)想闯进你家 你是挡不住的 And you know, if Janet Reno want to enter, you are entering.
她是这届政府唯一的爷们 我喜欢 The only with balls throughout the administration, I say...
要是女的我就娶了 A woman he would marry me,I love it!
我是个自由派 I am a libertarian,
这意味着我应该反对政府做的任何事情 ...which means that I am against government to do almost anything.
但是让老百姓带着个武器库到处跑 But citizens carrying arsenals?
这种事情我还是希望政府干预一下的 No, that's the kind of thing in the rough I would like the government to get involved.
公民能持枪吗 当然 一把就好 Can a citizen to have a gun? Yes A weapon.
记得大卫克洛世吗 他不是英雄(David Koresh是邪教教主 对教徒洗脑宣扬末世论 大量敛财奸淫妇女 并储存大量军火 后在清剿行动中被击毙 共造成76人死亡 是当时最轰动的事件) Is this the David Koresh? It was not a hero, friends.
他在自己的老窝里贮藏了无数的非法枪支 In Waco, he had hundreds of guns illegally modified,
数以千计的手榴弹和子弹 ...thousands of hand grenades and millions rounds of ammunition.
他要么是准备干一票大的 要么他就打算去玩饶舌音乐了 Or was planning something big or went to launch in rap. I do not know, but...
对于枪支管制的争论 一点妥协的可能都没有 In the debate do not yield an inch.
有的州试图通过法律说 You know, there have been several attempts to pass a law in the states,
能不能限制下每个月只允许买一把枪 just asking...a limit to buy a gun per month.
也通不过 人们说 And do not approve. People...
那圣诞节怎么办 People say,"What about Christmas?"
一个月一把枪 如果你从18岁开始算 I mean,a gun per month! If you started at age 18,
等到你六十岁的时候 都好几百支枪了 ...when you have 60 years, have over 1000 guns.
我不知道你的JJ到底小到什么程度 但是这么多枪应该够了吧 I do not care how small your penis, these weapons should be enough.
我认为我们应该把所有的枪都下架 I say let's get the guns off the streets...
然后放到Ike Turner的车里去怎么样(Ike Turner歌星 打老婆) ...and put back in the trunk of Ike Turner, where they belong, ladies and gentlemen!
我这是跟持枪的人开玩笑呢 我不想挨枪子 Oh, I joke with owners weapons, do not want to get shot.
我害怕持枪的人 I fear gun owners,
我害怕一切不让孩子碰的东西 I fear...all kinds protected pursue,
但是我最怕的还是女人 ...but no more than women, I must say.
因为如果你评价一个女人 只说实话 不说恭维的话 Because if you say something sincere but unflattering about a woman...
或者评价整个女性族群的话 ...or women in general,
那还没等你反应过来 ...this is a political statement and play the minority card afflicted...
那张欺压少数族群政治不正确的牌就打给你了 ...faster than you can Johnnie Cochran said.
这真是讽刺 因为女人说男人什么的都有 而且我们照单全收 Which is ironic, because they can say what they want about us, and we accept it.
比如她们说我们 狗 I mean, look at the words use to us: dog...
猪 蛇 老鼠 蜥蜴 ...pig, snake, rat, lizard...
我们只能回应 好吧 我们是这样 And we only say: "Yes, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, we are that."
但是最让我不解的 But question anything on a woman or any female icon...
就是在我评价戴安娜王妃之后 居然能收到如此多的投诉信 I was never got so many letters from hatred as when I spoke to Lady Diana.
我知道她是个可爱的家庭主妇 还做了不少慈善事业 Please, I know she was a loving housewife house that did a good job of charity. Point.
只要这事情一沾政治就没法谈 比如去年 The problem is when it becomes political. I could not help but notice at the end of last year,
2000年的时候 人物杂志做了一个任务列表 millennium...so, people made ​​lists, magazines and TV programs...
统计出100个最有影响力的人 她排第77 ...of the 100 most influential people. And in one of those, she was ranked 77
超过了罗斯福 詹姆斯乔伊斯(文学巨匠 代表作 尤利西斯) 还有斯大林 past...Roosevelt, James Joyce and Stalin.
你看 Now, you know...
斯大林杀了两千万人 Stalin killed 20 million people...
那是好事吗 当然不是 但说影响力呢 我觉得还是比戴安娜大吧 Good? No, but influential? Yes, I would say was influential for many people.
毕竟那好多人呢 That means something.
这让我感到很讽刺 因为女权主义 And it is ironic that Stalin won, because feminism...
和共产主义非常相似 is very close...communism.
就是你必须要违心的承认权威的决定 The game teaches the directives and all Citizens have to pretend that makes sense.
索菲亚罗拉是最性感的女人 是的 "Sophia Loren is a very sexy actress." "Yes."
无论她去哪里 她都是最性感的女人 "Wherever Sophia Loren appears, she is the sexiest woman in the place."
是的 她最性感 "Yes, she is the sexiest woman..."
我看过许多名人 I've seen so many celebrities...
都说 我要能和索菲亚罗兰过一夜就好了 ...indulging the notion that:"Oh, if I could have one more night with Sophia Loren!"
你还是喝点汤睡觉去吧 You need Ovaltine and go to bed. Right?
她是个68岁 有六个孙女的老奶奶 She is a 68 year old grandmother with six grandchildren,
除非你能坐着时光机器回到过去干她 ...unless you're going to fuck her with a time machine...
你说这话纯粹就是伪善 Or the words have meaning or they do not.
性感是说你想把舌头伸进对方的嘴里去 "Sexy"means you want to put your tongue in someone 's mouth.
你想把舌头伸进祖母级别的女人喉咙里去吗 算了吧 Want to stick his tongue inside the mouth of a grandmother? I think not!
人物杂志每年都会列出来世界上最漂亮的50个人 对吧 People magazine each year take their number with the 50 most beautiful of the year. Right?
是绝对意义上外貌的性感 And clearly refer to physical beauty,
50个人中有49个都长得漂亮 但不知为什么 50...because 49 people are physically beautiful, the usual suspects,
中间就蹦出来个100岁级别的人 ...and right in the middle there is someone which is about 100 years.
这实在是有碍健康 And for me this is a safety issue.
我是替孩子着想的 I think of the kids.
很多13岁男孩正用这本杂志打飞机 There are kids of 13 years using this to masturbate and ladies and gentlemen...
这可怜孩子一页一页的翻 The poor guy is coming just around the corner...
帕姆拉安德森(女演员)塞尔玛海依克(女演员) ...from Pamela Anderson, Salma Hayek...
杰西卡谭迪(女演员 1909年出生 94年去世)我的天啊 Jessica Tandy! Oh my God...
这实在是对孩子不公平啊 It's not fair to the guy, ladies and gentlemen...
我这为孩子着想呢 They are children who are not thinking...
不幸的是 随着时间变化 Furthermore, the reality is that men and women,
男人和女人展现出的魅力不同 ...are viewed differently with age. So it is.
我们对这没办法 We did not do well.
老男人有时候比老女人更有魅力 Older men for some reason are still more attractive than older women.
你们天天想跟肖恩康纳利上床 就不要抱怨性别不同了 And it would be well if you would not be caught Sean Connery yet,so shut up!
结果还怪我们 And then blame us.
米克杰格有彼得潘情节(滚石乐队主唱 吸毒无数 绯闻无数 集天使魔鬼于一身的奇男子) "Mick Jagger has a Peter Pan complex"
米克杰格就是不想长大 "Mick Jagger can not grow." Yes, you can grow...
他不愿意长大 因为有年轻的妞肯跟他上床 because girls sexy... still catch it. That.
米克杰格和年轻的妞上传原因很简单 人家有那个本事 Mick Jagger gets young girls for one reason: because they can.
随便一个管道工到他那个岁数 也有和年轻妞上床的雄心的 Believe me plumbers would do the same if they could.
男人只对自己下半身忠诚懂吗 Men alone are as loyal as their options.
不要以为自己的丈夫是英雄 不敢出轨 Do not think that their husbands are heroes. They have a difference between not cheat...
和无法出轨是有区别的 power...and not have sex elsewhere.
这话不好听 我知道 That hurt, I know...
我不是要表现的肤浅 But not me. I'm not the superficial.
真正肤浅的 是把索菲亚罗兰的照片放到封面上 The surface are the people who put to Sophia Loren on the cover...
说 永远性感 ...and say,"Sexy Forever."
你想永远性感下去 这种想法才叫肤浅 It is superficial to think you should be sexy forever. Wanting to be sexy forever.
造成这种肤浅是有原因的 我们国家 There is a reason, in this country,
在找到艾滋病和癌症的治疗方法之前 ...by which before finding a cure for AIDS or cancer,
就发明了生发剂和壮阳药了 have a pill...to grow hair and a pill for erections.
癌症 以后再说 "Cancer?I'll deal with that!"
我正忙呢 "Please, I'm working on something here."
我们得要想办法让人们勃起懂吗 "First we want people become thick, right?"
要是人们活着不能勃起 "What sense does maintain people alive...
这人生还有什么意义 ...if they can have a rock hard erection?
伟哥并不是好东西 如果你75岁了 Viagra is not natural. When you have 75...
你应该更多的思考上帝 因为你马上就要见他老人家了 supposed to think...God, because we know soon,
而不是想办法去干旁边屋子里的老女人 ...and not get laid with a bag of bones in the next room.
老奶奶绝对不会喜欢伟哥的 Older women may not like the viagra!
她们会疼死 Do they want to be caught, that has to hurt!
绝对痛不欲生 看在老天份上 Standinghurts, for goodness sake!
为什么不顺其自然 What follow nature?
懂得这个词吗 绝经期 仔细看看这个词 Know, does the menopause? It's right on the words.
男人 停止活动(menopause拆开的翻译) Man-on- pause.
他怒了啊 "He should be angry, now."
我们被无缘无故的抱怨 不该这样 But we blame for many things, You know? They do not deserve.
说我们只爱年轻的瘦的女人 This fixation with youth and thinness.
我们可从来没有要求过一定要这种类型的啊 It's something we blame, and should not. Never ask. I remember.
我还记得Twiggy刚出世的时候(女模特1.67米 82斤 走中性路线 开创了一个审美的新时代) I remember when Twiggy appeared on the scene.
有我这个岁数的人吗 记得Twiggy吗 Who is my age? Do you remember Twiggy?
不知道我简单说下 Really? All right. If you do not know...
那是60年代末的事情了 那时候妇女烧掉自己的胸罩(女权运动) ...in the late '60s, when all women burned their bras wrong...
我那时候12 13岁的样子 经常打飞机 I was 12 or 13, was entering at puberty. Frequently.
我告诉你 1967年花花公子上的女孩子可一点不瘦 都是索菲亚罗兰那种的 And I tell you: the girls of Playboy in 1967 were thin. It was Sophia Loren!
她可不瘦 玛丽莲梦露 260 270磅的感觉 She was not thin. Marilyn Monroe, all of them were at 260, 270...
还有Jayne Mansfield(女演员) 你在她屁股上放杯子都可以 Jayne Mansfield......were some plump, could serve drinks in their asses.
我们不觉得有什么不妥 But we agreed with that.
我们从来没有要求改变 根本不想什么Twiggy Never asked for a change. Never ask Twiggy.
她出世的时候 我们认为她是个瘦小的丑女 Then came Twiggy. We think she was a skinny girl and ugly.
但是我们是男人 于是我们想 既然他们想让我们意淫这样的女人 But we are men, it was like: "If this is what we get to catch...
那我们就照办好了 ...guess that's what we'll take."
虽然我们不好这一口 如果我们只有这个选择的话 "We do not want, but this is what we get..."
那只好将就了 "I do not like, but..."
他们还改变了芭比娃娃的身材 因为他们认为 You know, did they change Barbie your body because the accused...
这会给年轻女孩错误的身材概念 give them little pictures... realistic young girls.
他们以为玩具是万恶之源 And of course, that is the root the problem: the dolls.
玩具啊 万宝路牛仔啊 青蛙啊 The dolls, the Marlboro Man, frogs...
所以他们改造芭比 So they made Barbie-
所以他们缩小了芭比的胸围 增大了她们的腰围 We reduced the size of the bust and increased the size of her waist...
现在芭比娃娃改行当服务员去了 Barbie...and now returned to work as a waitress.
他们应该让芭比保持原样的 她原来有漂亮的别墅还有名车 They should have let him keep those implants, had a beach house in Malibu and Corvette...
我是说 I mean...
芭比是个妓女 对吗 她就是干那一行的 Barbie was a bitch, you knew that, right? That's what I did.
当广告说芭比的男友肯尼单卖 我不知道你们怎么想 When they say:"Ken sold separately" that...I do not know if you...
让我困扰的是这个 But this is what bothers me:
女人的观念 The women plan,
男人的观念 you plan...,
被刻意的浪漫化了 and elevate...is romanticizing.
嘿 Bill 只有信耶稣才能获救(观众闹场) - Our plan- -Hey, Bill! Only Jesus saves!
天 Oh, God...
我说基督段子的时候 你就该离场的 That guy should probably leave before that I get to the section about Jesus Christ.
我告诉你 I'll tell you...I'll tell you...
我很乐意把你绑在椅子上听我说话 What I'd really like to do is gag, certify thee sit here and listen.
但我是喜欢基督教人士 所以我就不这么干了 But because I'm like Christ, I will not. For treatment of...
耶稣说 Well, Jesus yes I would...
上帝本意是愿意人类享受性的 我忍不住想这个 But God wants us to get horny. I can not help it.
只有耶稣 Only Jesus had that thing-
还有一些人自作主张的认为性是坏的 Not Jesus himself, but the people who spoke on his behalf said that sex is bad.
大自然本身就赋予了我们性交和繁衍的使命 Because nature wants us to be horny and especially promote the seeds...
这就是为什么我喜欢饶舌音乐 Why I love rap music. The rap music...
饶舌音乐是第一种忠实于男人本能的音乐 music...is the first to be Men honest about the plan.
不是那种狗屁说什么 我要和你去山巅 Not a lot of shit about it "I will be with you at the top of a mountain"...
而是说 把屁股撅起来 懂吗 ...is"show me that ass". Do you know?
你必须欣赏这种真诚 You have to admire the honesty.
流行音乐一点不诚实 Because pop music is not honesty.
比如男歌手老是唱 我好爱你啊 For decades, male singers sang about, you know..."Appreciation is the word."
你是我的唯一 ..."you're my special lady" "You're three times a lady"
你是我的一切 你是我的星星 我无止境的爱 我的天使 ..."You're My Everything","My Shining Star" "My endless love","My Special Angel"...
他们下台五分钟 就跟自己的崇拜者上床去了 Five minutes after leaving the stage, are knee-deep in a pile of groupies.
这算什么 So, how can it...?
献给我以前爱过的女人 这还听不懂吗 "To all the girls I've loved before" Do you remember that?
他们都告诉你了 你在他们眼里一钱不值 你还脸红个什么劲 They are saying they are rubbish disposable, and you blush!
等女性有和男性相同的审美观之后 Women can not complain more than men...
再去抱怨男人也不晚 ...until they begin to show better taste in them.
而且我知道 And I know...
都说爱情是唯一不需要功利主义的东西 And I know that love is like the only place where they say you can not have cynicism,
但现实是你需要对爱情更功利一些 ...but the truth is that you need there,
你把爱情童话当做自己的信仰 那才有害 ...because nothing hurts more than put your faith in fairy tales.
比如电影 我不是说暴力电影 You know, the movies, the problem with movies is not violence,
而是浪漫电影 我不开玩笑 is romance...I'm not kidding.
浪漫电影都看过吧 For what is each movie with a romantic plot?
一个男孩遇到了女孩 A boy meets a girl,
女孩讨厌男孩 ...she hates it.
但无论如何男孩都把女孩追到手 But he will get it no matter what.
而现实生活中这叫骚扰 Well, in real life it's called stalking. Do you know? P...
而且是绝对没戏 And it works.
要是别人见你就讨厌 她可能还要继续讨厌下去 If someone hates you immediately, you probably hate.
现实生活中别去学电影里的抢新娘桥段 Do not try in real life the old trick"interrupt the wedding."
电影总是 There's a lot of that...
嘿 "Hello!"
我是和你一起疯狂冒险的家伙 "I'm that crazy guy with whom had the adventure!"
你是想嫁给我 保安在哪里 "Actually you marry me!" Security, you know, it's like...
我是为钱结婚 滚喽 "Now I 'm married. This is about money. Goodbye."
疯子一别歇着去 "Goodbye boy crazy adventure."
爱情神话这些就是很危险的 The romantic myths are the most dangerous.
瑞奇马丁(同性恋艺人)最近出了新专辑 他很迷人我知道 There's a song on the new album Ricky Martin. He is dreamy.
其中一首歌叫做 我是你做的 那你是什么做的呢 There is a song called"I'm done with you." So what are you done? You know, it...
这让我想起我大学的嬉皮士女友 她说 And it reminded me of when I was in college ; I once had a girlfriend hippy, and she said:
我们做爱时不存在你和我 "You know, when we make love, there is no I or you,
我们合二为一成为一个个体 ...our bodies are like a continuum."
我说 好啊 那让我俩的JB多爽几下啊 And I said,"Okay, but what if you pay some attention to our whistle?"
都是个老梗了 小伙伴们 这个梗还不算太老 Oh, the old joke about the whistle, ladies and gentlemen, is not dead.
还可以用在情景剧里 还可以娱乐几年 It also said on the sitcom, but let me tell you that continue to exist.
但我告诉你 我不是你做的 我就是我 But, you know, I'm not made ​​of you ; I 'm made of me.
我并不羞愧 男人不应该为此羞愧 I'm unashamed, and Men should not be ashamed.
性别上的实力 就是咱的资本 The sexual prowess, that's what we do.
一个男人最自豪的时刻 A man can not have a greatest feeling...
就是床上有个死女人 ...to have a woman dead in bed.
我说的就是死了 被操到失去意识 I do not mean"dead"literally. only I mean fuck unconscious.
换上一个体位时 突然失去知觉 In the last position that had, knocked.
接下来你在家里想怎样就怎样 And then you can put it around the house, make all the noise you want,
煎鸡蛋 看电视 什么都吵不醒她了 ...do eggs, have the TV on, nothing the wake.
如果你真这样弄出人命 可能就是最高荣誉了 If you had actually killed someone, that would be the greatest honor.
警察来了 你说 把我带走 Police:"Take me,
我认罪 是我干的 ...no, no, I confess, I did,
我用JJ把她弄死了 非常感谢 ...I killed her with my dick. Thank you very much."
她说她受不了 "She said she could not more,
但我以为她说着过瘾 他就是个骗子 ...but during the other 23 hours a day I thought I was a liar, you know..."
我开玩笑的 I'm kidding.
非常感谢 "Okay, thank you very much."
我还能坐副驾驶 太感谢你了 "Oh, I can sit on, thank you very much."
你人真好 警官 "It's very kind of you, officer...
你叫汤玛仕么 谢谢了 汤姆 ...Thomason. Thank you, Tom."
我想表达的是 Do you know? I mean...
我们都是些性变态动物 We are sexual and we loved perverts.
大自然充满性变态生物 我们不稀奇 The nature is perverted, are not rare,
这里说这话就是废话 like I should... clarify in this city.
大自然其实并不自然 Nature is not normal.
我看探索发现频道的自然节目 Even in nature, watch the Discovery Channel.
随处可见同性行为 乱伦 离异 There homosexuality no incest, no divorce...
所有鸟类都会自慰 All birds masturbate.
你以为你车上哪个是鸟屎 错了 You thought that was shit on their cars. No, that...
这就是我们有宗教的原因 And that's why we have religion.
让我们为此时刻感到罪恶 To make us feel guilty for that. And of all places (sorry )
我们需要的犬儒主义 需要宗教 cynicism...where we need, I need more to religion.
还有圣经 I mean, the Bible, people...
少来圣经这一套了 Stop with the Bible...
人们提起圣经 就像这玩意儿有多神圣 The Bible, people talk about it as if out...a Bible. Do you know? I mean...
说实话 那东西如何让你更接近上帝 Honestly, how is that that brings you closer to God?
要是你把圣经里的故事换一换 If you changed the stories of the Bible...
换成你听过的童话故事 会有差别么 ...with which you had in the tales of Fairies in your childhood, would you know the difference?
把宗教换成杰克和魔豆的故事 What if it was religion that Jack climbed plant the Beanstalk...
还有住在井里的人 ...and a fairy tale Jonah lived in a whale?
莴苣公主和睡美人 说话的狼和蛇换一换 Dalilah and Rapunzel, the wolf who speaks and the talking snake...
伊甸园里的毒苹果 毒死白雪公主 谁在乎 There is a poisoned apple in the Garden of Eden and the other in"Snow White".
有差别么 谁会在乎 Does it matter? Who cares!
相信这些东西真的是 You know, and believe in these things...
诺亚 把每个物种配对带到方舟上 Noah, paired two animals of each species...
你可知道光是昆虫就有80万种 Did you know that there are 800,000 species of insects?
这老家伙真的把每种 So you mean this old...
跳蚤 虱子之类的配对了 paired...every little tick, and each mite,
带到船上性交么 ...and got caught on a boat?
信这玩意会让你更接近上帝么 That will bring you closer to God? To believe that?
圣经这玩意读一读就觉得 是在玩疯狂填词游戏 The Bible, if you read, it appears that began as a set of"lips crazy."
上帝创造女人用的是 一根肋骨 It's like:"And then God created a woman in a...Rib!"
就一根肋骨 没别的 "A rib, look no more!"
没有冒犯的意思 With all due respect, sir,
上帝不是写书的 God...writes books. Right?
上帝能让太阳东升西落 他为什么想写书 If you can create a sunset Why would you want to?
写书的把上帝描绘成人形 You know, this idea of ​​turning God in a semi- human...
还是个单身父亲 It is a single father...
还写书 还会生气 who writes books...and bugs...
有个儿子 搞毛啊 拍西部片么 还有儿子 ...and has a son. What's this? Bonanza?? He has a son...
我相信上帝 但我相信他不可能是这样的 I believe in God, but I give more credit than this.
我知道你永远不可能了解上帝 I know you can not know God.
然而我们的想象力却非常局限在自身 Our imagination to imagine any else besides us is very limited.
任何不是人类的东西 就想象和人类差不离 Everything that is not exactly like us, 's almost like we do.
比方说外星人 As the aliens.
注意到了么 从来就不是很外星 Did you notice? Never are so alien.
和我们长得很像 多了个铁眉毛而已 They're like us, but with a metal eyebrow.
我的天 长得好奇怪 Oh, yes, they are very different, you know...!
尖耳朵 还有严重的皮肤问题 Pointed ears, many skin diseases!
都28世纪了 皮肤问题任然出现 Century XXVIII: Dermatology remains a problem.
上帝这回事也一样 描绘的很像人类 It is the same with God, I do very much like us.
然而很讽刺的是圣经里开始就说你不可能认识上帝 And the irony here is that in the Bible, you are saying in the first story that you can not know.
而且圣经的原罪是什么 亚当夏娃偷吃智慧之树的苹果 What is the great sin they commit soon? They eat from the Tree of Knowledge.
懂么 汲取知识 别去管幕后的主使人 Do you understand? Knowledge? Pay no attention the man behind the curtain, that's what it says.
你对上帝的了解 就像狗儿对你的了解 You understand God as well I like your dog understands you.
我觉得这是正确的比方 I think that's the right analogy.
咱们之所以喜欢养宠物 就是我们对它来说是上帝 And that's why we love having pets, because they are God.
我们离开它会难过 我们回到家就阳光普照了 You know, we go and get sad, back and the sun has risen again.
造物主回家了 "The life-giving has somehow become...
来主持正义和弘扬慈悲 ...to administer justice and mercy!"
给你块饼干 你很乖 You know:"Here 's a cracker, 've been good!"
乱拉屎 罚你不准睡卧室 I kicked the bedroom to eat... by shit somewhere...!
我是天主教家庭养大 很洗脑的 And I know because I was raised as Catholic, and programming.
需要再洗脑 有时需要花一辈子 You have to deprogram. It takes a life, sometimes.
直到现在 我都不能在圣诞节嘿咻 Until today, I can not have sex at Christmas.
没有理性的理由 There is no rational reason.
我就觉得耶稣在天上说 拜托 别在我生日这天嘿咻 好么 I just feel that Jesus is up there saying: "Do not pick on my birthday, will you?"
耶稣很不错 我爱耶稣 And Jesus IS great. I love Jesus.
有更好的榜样么 没有 Is there a better model? No.
这就是宗教 普通大众被夹在中间 官僚在起作用 Is religion. It's people who are put in the middle. Bureaucracy.
首先 你不能直接和上帝交流 不行 First of all, you can not talk directly with God. That's bad.
你得找个牧师 让他先告诉耶稣 You have to go to a priest, and then he tells Jesus,
圣母玛丽又夹在中间 简直就是车管所一样复杂 Mary...gets there, is like the DMV.
这就是人们滥用耶稣 And that's how people abuse Jesus.
还有比耶稣更悲剧的受害者么 Has there ever been a victim more than the use impress a name for Jesus Christ?
看看格莱美颁奖典礼就知道了 So just what happens at the Grammys...
耶稣看到了肯定会哭出血泪 must do mourn...tears of blood.
这些音乐人 毫无艺术感而言的自大狂疯子们 I mean, musicians, the most inarticulate egomaniacs...
使模特和运动员们看起来都饱经沧桑 that make...models and athletes seem Salman Rushdie.
感谢耶稣 才不管耶稣什么事 是你得奖 Thanking Jesus- is not Jesus, of course, it's about them.
耶稣让你更有才 让你得奖了 Jesus had a part in making them so bright and talented.
然后才感谢经理人和经纪人 真正把你包装有才的人们 And then they thank their agent and his manager because they.
还有他们戴的十字架 巨大的纯金镶钻十字架 When using the crucifix as a jewel, that huge gold platinum and diamonds...
我确信耶稣被钉在上面时想要那种金光闪闪的玩意儿 I'm sure that's what Jesus had in mind when I was up.
我希望我的死能激励饶舌歌手们向妹子炫富 "I hope my death will allow rappers point out to the girls who are rich."
这样就能多多约炮了 "For them to have more sex."
还有运动员们 告诉你耶稣才不管谁赢呢 And yes, athletes, let me tell you: Jesus does not care who wins the game.
用不着感谢他好么 So stop to thank you, all right?
我从没听输了的选手怪罪耶稣 I never heard someone Jesus blame when you lose.
操你妈的耶稣 "Fucking Jesus, I tell you!"
我击球刚好就在那里 "I had the ball right there...
我比分都占优势了 还是输了 耶稣你妈逼 had it...the numbers and let go! Ahh...that Jesus!"
对手肯定祈祷赢了 肯定是这样 "The other team must have prayed in the break! That's what happens!"
这个联赛你得更加努力祈祷才行 "You have to pray harder the other guy in this league!"
宗教很恶心 而且很危险懂么 But you know, that's just annoying. Religion is also dangerous.
去年在堪萨斯州 In Kansas, it probably heard last year,
地方教育部取消了学校的进化论课程 the Department of Education...let to teach evolution.
陪审团对进化论没有盖棺定论 Apparently for them not yet confirmed.
事实上1925年就已经定论了 Evolution. In fact emerged in 1925 in obscure tribes.
但好吧 他们觉得税金用于反对女巫布莱尔更好些 But it's okay, they thought the money would be better spent on protection against Blair Witch.
还有在学校外面修置圣经十诫以保护孩子 ...and pasting the Ten Commandments in school, as a plan to protect children,
用来抵御二十世纪的火鸡进攻也许会有效 ...which would be fine for Turkey in the twelfth century.
这事情完了 不如把疾控中心的都解雇了 After this we will dismiss to meat inspectors...
大家用祈祷来抵御细菌病毒吧 ...and to protect the virus E. coli bless the food.
帕特布坎南参选总统 并自豪宣称不信进化论 Pat Buchanan is running for president and proudly says he does not believe in evolution.
也不信地心引力理论 And not quite sure of gravity.
他认为这是犹太人忽悠人们 好让大家扔钱测试的阴谋 He believes it may be a plot by the Jews to make people throw change.
但我得说 耶稣绝不是共和党 But I will say this of Jesus: He is not a Republican.
我不知道这个党怎么会 别 别 I do not know how this game... No, no.
我不知到共和党如何霸占耶稣美名 I do not know how this game Jesus seized.
多么丢人的同党 你得知道 What such unholy alliance. Because they know...
从前共和党是朝钱看 不是朝耶稣看 ...in the old days, Republicans used to enchant the money, not Jesus.
这就是为什么我喜欢他们 That's what I liked about them.
耶稣绝不是共和党 他先需要修边幅 Jesus would not be a Republican. Need a shave and a haircut.
而且他总是热衷和穷人 妓女打交道 他是泰德肯尼迪(肯尼迪总统的弟弟 民主党人)好吗 Spend time with the poor, is compassionate, has a friend prostitute,this guy is Ted Kennedy!
然而上帝才是共和党人 God, the Father, that is a Republican.
你惹到老子的人 老子淹死你丫的 这才是共和党 "Drown your ass if you're wrong!" That's a Republican!
耶稣是犹太人 他不可能得到提名 He is a Jew, never get the nomination.
这不因该是共和党的样子 But that's as it should be a Republican.
问题就出在共和党作风不像共和党了 The problem is that the Republicans and do not act like Republicans.
我才不要激进的保守派 I do not want a compassionate conservative.
我只要求共和党两点 混蛋和选票上的框 When a Republican vote want two things: a jerk and a square.
对吧 Right?
一个父亲形象 随便都可以 只要防止民主党老妈子些花光钱就行了 A father figure, if you like. For preventing Mommy, Democrat, all the money is spent.
我要是想找妞在船上嘿咻 我打个电话给加里哈特就行 (1988参选总统 被誉为肯尼迪在世 但被曝光其外遇丑闻 与总统宝座失之交臂) If you want to have sex on a boat, call Gary Hart.
共和党通常能很好的鼓动美国人 But Republicans traditionally provided America needed motivation.
因为共和党的理念就是基于 Because the Republican philosophy is based on the fact...
非常稀少的几个巨富说服了亿万人民 ...that a small percentage of your big guns tropecientas can convince people...
他们也能成为巨富 但事实永远不可能 who could never be... big fish that could be.
不然剥削制度的经济要如何粉饰 What else can you sell filtration economy?
其他方式说出来不好听啊 说白了就是 我正尿在你身上 What is another way that may sound good? Virtually say:"We piss on you"
剥削啊 Filtration!
剥削啊 I leak!
咱拥有所有的财富 不小心掉在地上 就是你的了 They are saying:"We have all the money. If we like something, it is yours."
我们搬不动了 榨不干的 "What we can not do through the door, while we escaped in the night,
就是你的了 ...that would be your portion."
这样说听着好听么 Well, how would it sound good?
除非你是里根 他只说好听的 Unless you, as did Reagan, bands that optimism.
你会成为占上风的 That you will be one of those mean.
而民主党却卖得是另一套 Democrats, that's not what they sell,
你被尿了一身么 给你伞吧 sold...what is going to piss you above, here's an umbrella.
而且 共和党从前很在乎隐私么 Besides, did not used to be the Republicans party privacy?
现在怎么成了塔利班恐怖分子了 When they became the Taliban? Do you know?
还有许多人永远都不能原谅克林顿用JJ干的那桩事 And I know that many people never forgive Bill Clinton for what he did with his dick...
那怒火永远不能平息 Just do not understand your outrage.
在总统办公室享受吹箫 The outrage that he did a blowjob in the oval office!
总统办公室 他们说 The Oval Office, where they say this,
里根在里面连外套都不脱 ...where even Reagan took off his jacket.
不是因为他不知道自己穿没穿外套么 怎么样啊(讽刺里根患上老年痴呆症) Did not even know I was wearing one! How's that to start the discussion?
多考虑总统的脑子而不是JJ好么 How worry more about the brain the president for his penis?
这主意脑残么 I do not know. Crazy idea.
理性看待这个问题吧 克林顿是骗子么 How about some perspective on this? Is Bill Clinton a liar?
这还用问 他是个厉害的骗子 Of course he's a liar. It's the best liar.
所以我们被骗选了两次 So we picked twice. Of course he's a liar.
这家伙是骗子中的战斗机啊 This guy is the Baryshnikov of lies!
但是咱们得理性点看政客 But I mean, to be a little cynical politics.
哪有不说谎的政客 I mean, everyone lies.
问题不在乎他是不是撒谎 而是撒了什么谎 IF not lie, is ABOUT WHAT lying.
克林顿的前任对于税收问题撒谎 Clinton 's predecessor lied taxes...
而且说Clarence Thomas是最有资格担任最高法官的人选(此人有性丑闻) ...and said that Clarence Thomas was the most qualified to be on the Supreme Court.
这样的谎话至少和我的生活有关系 I mean, those are lies that are a bit more relevant to my life...
但去撒谎说上三垒算不算性交真的那么重要吗 ...that if the third base counts as sex.
Dan Quayle说 Dan Quayle...
他说 有科学家认为 once said...: "There is growing scientific opinion...
全球变暖是有助于身体健康的 that...global warming can be good for our health."
是吗 哪些科学家说的 Really? Scientific opinion What is this?
是不是Irwin Corey教授说的(喜剧演员) Does the"Professor"Irwin Corey and "Answer Man"Shell?
这明显是石油公司编的瞎话 你看 谎言是有区别的 That's a lie purchased by a company oil. See? Lies are different.
当然克林顿说谎了 Of course Clinton lied,
但我们有一个敢在法庭上说瞎话的人其实并不坏 ...and we were lucky to have a good liar during the witch hunt.
当我听到他在辩解 自己是否 正在 性交的时候 我就说 哥们我挺你 When he discussed the word"no"... I said, 'Way to go, girl!"
这才叫撒谎的教科书 That set a precedent for lies.
他突破了撒谎的极限 I mean, that broke the record by, as two feet-
你看他怎么跟陪审团瞎扯的 Look to the grand jury and say
如果你说我是否正在性交 没有 "If you are asking me if they suck me Now, no, no they suck me now."
我们有发生关系 发生关系是指口交 "There IS a relationship. And by 'relationship' I mean 'doing a blowjob '
但我不是 正在进行口交 ...and ' NO ' I mean ' at this time '."
我在证人席上作证的时候 "No, no sucking dick THERE while I am witnessing...
并没有 正在 被口交 因为我很尊敬各位 ...about people sucking his dick, because I have too much respect for the grand jury...
我想告诉美国人民 我是来自希望之地的 ...I could tell by America, and did I mention that I come from a place called Hope (Hope )?"
好像莱温斯基真有什么威胁一样 As if Monica Lewinsky was some kind of threat.
Ken Starr说 我们正在收集证据 你们能找到什么 Ken Starr said:"We are gathering facts..." As if to get to the bottom of something.
我们在收集证据 好像你们能发现证据说这两个人有真爱 "Collecting facts..."As if they were to discover they were desperately in love.
莱温斯基是克娄巴特拉 She was Cleopatra.
克林顿一死美国就归她了 Clinton was going to die and leave America Monica Lewinsky.
她就好像是小野洋子(约翰列侬的妻子) They had become inseparable. She was Yoko.
他们在白宫里密不可分 They were always together at the White House.
莱温斯基要去见内阁 如果你不爽就他妈去死好了 "Monica will sit in all meetings cabinet and if you do not like it they can go to hell."
我要问的是 这其中的标准在哪里 Again, where is the outlook?
有人说 克里顿根本管不住自己 他根本不考虑后果 People say:"Clinton has no discipline, is unwise."
真的 他算不考虑后果的人吗 Really? Reckless??
告诉你 肯尼迪 他才叫不考虑后果 Hey, let me tell you. Kennedy, that was reckless.
肯尼迪干过东德间谍 黑帮混子 Kennedy picked East German spies, carriers of the Mafia,
并且两次在白宫的游泳池和秘书做爱 secretaries...White House two at a time in the pool,
还上过妓女和玛丽莲梦露 prostitutes...Marilyn Monroe.
是的 肯尼迪上的是玛丽莲梦露 Yes, Kennedy has a Marilyn Monroe...
而克林顿上的只是个送邮件的杂役女 Clinton has...chubby girl that brings the mail.
这其中有没有什么统一的标准啊 拜托 Would things have not changed? Come on!
有人说 克林顿根本不会挑女人 People say:"Clinton has not taste in women."
不是他不会 而是他没机会 No, what happens is that not have opportunities.
他身处关注的中心 It is the center of attention.
人们声讨他 是因为他偷着享受了几次监狱中才能享受到的性爱 And people envy the ten moments sex fucking in prison he got.
没错 这就是监狱里的性爱 And that's what it is, is sex in prison.
他靠着墙 关上窗户暗爽 门没有关好 I was against the wall, and the window gives the lobby and the door is slightly open,
他怕有人看到什么的 she...the nursing and he is looking.
总统应该受这份罪吗 Is this about what the President should happen?
而且十次中有九次他没有射出来 你还好意思说他管不住自己吗 Nine times out of ten, not even over. Is not that discipline?
你能做到吗 Would YOU do?
行了 做到这样我就满足了 "Oh no, that's fine, I'm fine."
我不需要射出来 "No, no, that's good for me, I have not do it all."
结果唯一射出来的一次 还被拿去大做文章 And the only time I do just, she keeps it and it hangs with that.
这只能说他倒霉 I mean, come on, some of it is bad luck.
换个其他人做总统 他能搞到更好的妞 And anyone else in his position, get a better class of skirts.
但是他不挑剔 有什么妞就搞什么妞 But he does not complain, is so scrutinized you have to take what you can.
这算是为她牺牲了 And he is being sacrificed for you.
他不想让自己显得太挑剔 He's making the sacrifice not to be too demanding.
咱们讲点理 他并不挑剔 Because let's face it, not too demanding.
对于女人 他真的没什么要求 Not a precise fisherman women.
他是一张网撒出去 抓到什么是什么 This guy has a network...
有的上就行了 莱温斯基啊 Paula Jones啊 Kathleen Willey啊 Whatever you get into that network: Monica Lewinsky, Paula Jones, Kathleen Willey...
或者个旧靴子啊 an old boot......
浮游生物也凑合了 ...plankton.
是的 他有什么上什么因为他忙 Yes, the president is caught plankton because it is busy.
所有的绯闻都说明了一件事 他很忙 All the news you hear point to the fact that you are busy.
Paula Jones 克林顿上她不算牺牲算什么 Paula Jones, speaking of sacrifices...
你看看她什么逼样吧 This girl can do a belt loosening.
但是 But, you know...
克里顿性丑闻里 每个故事都大同小异 他让我进办公室 Each story is like the story of it: "He took me to the room,
说了几句话 然后就让我如何如何 因为他忙 We had a few minutes...small talk, is cleared."Busy!Busy man!
他说 你要是有兴趣就快来 Is saying,"You want to go to dinner the Governor's Ball? Right."
么兴趣就算了 该干嘛干嘛去 "If you want, I have to go away with welfare as we know it."
我很忙 "I'm a busy guy."
他很专注工作 我听到这个事情时 It is highly concentrated. When I heard that about him...
说他早上两点半去上班 ...the phone with deputies at half past two...
一边办公 一边吃披萨一边忙着让人给他口交 Monica...while the nursing and he is eating pizza...
我说 辛苦你了 总统先生 I was like: "Thank you, Mr. President."
我是说 I mean...
这不牛逼吗 Is not it amazing?
就算早上两点半 他还在工作 Even at two-thirty in the am still working,
他要打电话 和国会议员周旋 still on the phone... dealing with MPs,
做总统的分内事 doing things...you have to things to do to stay made ​​.
我听到他如此操劳 我想 我真是太懒散了 I heard about it, and said: "I'm not doing enough with my life."
我得要收拾下我的桌子什么的了 "I have to get an organizer desktop or something."
但是他有欲望 他需要释放 But ténganle a little sympathy. The man needs relief.
就连希拉里都说 他是一条无法绑住的猎犬 Even his own wife said that is "a dog difficult to keep on the porch".
你看他浑身散发着魅力 充满欲望 I met this man. It has a charisma coming out as-
我看到他都有点把持不住了 I mean, I myself almost crippled me.
我们应该为他没有上其他的女人给他发奖 They should give the Medal of Freedom for those not caught.
为他没有享受的性爱给他鼓励 And bear fucking sex he had to get.
应该让他性福一把 这才叫真正的慈善事业 We should get good women. That's my charity.
给他个好女人吧 Women for President, ladies and gentlemen!
他爽了 我们也就全爽了 世界都爽了 Women Get him! He will feel better, we we will feel better, the world will be safer!
为了孩子着想 各位 For children, ladies and gentlemen, boys!