Well, just great!
No, not the presentation. That's terrible. Some idiot just hit me.
Ugh. Do you realize how much this is going to cost?
Not in money, which I have plenty of, but in...
What the...
Get away from me! Get away!
Help me. Someone help!
Stay away!
Ah! What are you doing?
- Look out! - Help me!
Wonder Woman! Save me! Save me from them!
From whom?
Demons. They're everywhere. Don't you see them?
I see only one.
I'll ask you one last time!
What did you do with my family?
Steven, it's me, Gloria! I'm your wife.
These are our children.
You're not my family! You killed them, just like the others.
Now, it's your turn.
No one's dying here tonight.
It's not me you should be stopping.
It's them. Look at them!
Look at them!
It's just like the neighbors. Go to my shed, you'll see I'm right!
What have you done?
Let me help you.
It's not my fault.
I've given birth to the devil. It's the devil!
You're tired. Give me the baby. You don't want to hurt her.
I'm sorry.
These crimes were committed by law-abiding citizens.
They all claim to have seen nightmare visions beforehand.
Any clue what's causing it?
No idea.
The one week I fill in for Jordan,
and it couldn't be some hairy-ass monster?
The same pattern is repeating around the world.
So, there could be an overriding factor. Perhaps a paranormal element.
Are you talking about magic?
We've come up against magic before, Batman.
Xerxes, Trigon, Felix Faust.
Even Shazam's powers are based in magic.
With as much as you've seen, can you rule it out?
The criminally insane don't need magic as an excuse.
I recommend spending more time on the streets
instead of flying over them.
Hmm. He's even friendlier than they say.
Bollocks!
In what bloody plane of existence does four of a kind lose?
Too, too bad, Constantine.
Have you gained weight? It looks good on you.
What say you let your soul mate play a few hands, Jason?
Maybe he'd change my luck. He'd definitely be less mopey than you.
John Constantine, the man who perfected the bad idea.
The only reason I came to this dung heap of a casino is to find a relic
to keep that monster locked away forever.
Boys, boys! You're boring me. Let's play, shall we?
My luck's running as hot as me naughty bits.
Oh, but our next group of friends is due to arrive.
So, it's time to bust you out.
Copperfield's coming. Presto changeo!
Woman in a box. In a box.
Yeah, he's classy, unlike you.
Are they implying David Copperfield, television magician, has true power?
Owns a chain of islands and dated Claudia Schiffer. What do you think?
No cards for me, and...
Oh, looks like you can't call my bet, Constantine.
By my rules, you lose.
I raise.
With what? Your ratty soul ain't worth two bits.
Not two bits.
I'm betting the House, the House of Mystery.
And since I'm including everything inside,
it looks like you're the one that can't call, Abnegazar.
Well, what do you say, boys?
I like the action.
I call.
Really? A chipped Dreamstone?
I'm out.
Broken knick-knacks for the House of Mystery and its contents?
Are you mad?
I've got a working Soul Catcher.
That's Ogid's Eye Spiker, eh? And the Garazi.
So, even if that very magical Dreamstone doesn't work, it's still a big-ass ruby.
I'd be a poor sport indeed if I didn't accept your fair wager.
Hell. Now, that's a losing hand for the ages.
Now, read them and...
What?
Do they have an eye doctor in hell? I'd make an appointment if I was you.
You cheated!
Technically, we both cheated. I just did it better.
I'll rip your bloody heart out!
Sorry, mate, I'm using that.
Situation here, Jason. It's time to call your better half.
Sorry, John, you're on your own.
Oi, I'm gonna roast your nuts and feed 'em to you, Constantine.
Gone, gone, the form of man.
Arise the demon, Etrigan!
Once more with words of metered rhyme,
comes Etrigan the Slayer just in time.
Easy now, brother. We're on the same side, right?
Let's use our words.
Are you having a laugh? We're the Demons Three.
Kill everyone!
You will pay, Constantine.
Your soul will be ours.
Get in line, you prats.
Your ass is grass, Constantine.
And we're the lawnmower!
Since the battle's fought and won,
Jason Blood with me is done.
For 500 years, I've been bound to Etrigan,
fighting to keep him from coming forth.
And you forced me to summon him.
Everything got sorted.
He could have gone on a killing spree.
You don't think. You don't consider the cost.
Yeah, I did.
Weighed it against my being eaten alive and thought, "Yeah, totally worth it."
You're a world class bastard, John.
And for my finale,
I will make this terrible trio of terrifying Tantors
vanish before your eyes!
I hope those elephants survived.
You don't want PETA on your back.
You're assuming they were real in the first place.
How are you, Bruce?
I'm fine, Zatanna. Busy.
You know where I can find John Constantine?
No.
You must have some idea.
We don't keep in touch.
I know you two have history, so I...
Z, Batman needs to talk with John.
You've got to come along, too. It's important.
Is that you, Boston?
Yeah.
Everything is...
Boy, this guy's mind is tough.
Can't hold...
What is going on?
I'll tell you on the way to John's.
Okay, but I call shotgun.
I don't even think his kid could fit back here.
Sorry, Boston, but life is for the living.
Boston Brand. He was a circus performer.
Batman's heard of me. Sweet. Tell him I'm a fan of his, too.
But, you know, be cool about it.
Yeah, that's him.
Ask him if he caught one of my shows.
He was a trapeze artist who loved being famous
especially with the ladies.
Husbands, not so much.
You're killing me.
He had a knack for irritating the wrong people.
Then, about five years ago, karma caught up with him.
It was a weekend show, full house.
Boston was in the middle of his death-defying act when...
He died and that should have been that.
But with Boston, things tend to get complicated.
His spirit was called by the goddess Rama Kushna.
She took pity on him and gave him the power to possess the living,
so he could bring his killer and others to justice.
Hey, I don't wanna brag, but I'm good.
Why did he feel the need to write on my walls like a child?
Uh, yeah, he's sorry about that.
Mmm.
Where is this address?
GPS doesn'tseem especially useful tonight.
It's not an address. The House of Mystery tends to move around.
I didn't put the symbols in there for the GPS to find it.
I wanted the House to come to us.
She can't hold it! Do something!
There.
Into the House!
Z, you all right?
Yeah, as soon as you get off me.
I should have known you were the reason I'm not back in London enjoying a pint.
The House always did like you better.
Odd trio for a road trip.
To what do I owe the visit?
The League thinks that a recent spike in homicides may have a magical cause.
Told you something stinks.
Now we know someone doesn't want us asking questions.
Looks like you've cracked it wide open, mate.
- What did he say? - Uh-uh.
I'm not playing telephone between you two.
We online?
Great. Sorry about the Batmobile.
I hope your insurance was paid up.
What, is there even a policy
- for something like that? - Mmm.
Hey, I told you not to do that, Orchid. Use a bloody door.
I am glad to see you are well.
How new is this one?
Not what you think.
It's the magic of the House.
Decided it wanted to experience humanity and gave itself a body.
It sure did.
A spirit whose existence is not its own, like myself.
Interesting.
Um,
yeah, we are that.
Dead smooth you are, mate.
Hey, it's been a while, you know?
Powerful in true magic. Angry at John.
This, I understand.
Yet you still have feelings for him.
I could kill him.
You exude pain.
Your life is a patchwork of blackness with no time forjoy.
How do you cope with it?
I have a butler.
That was enlightening.
Well, I guess we should have that chinwag about now.
Demons! It's not me!
I've given birth to the devil. It's the...
Rama Kushna says this will break down the walls between the planes.
Even the afterlife will be affected.
Yeah, it's dodgy, all right. I'll look into it.
Meanwhile, the House will drop you wherever you'd like.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Rama says we have to work together.
Come on! It's a dream team.
You, me, Zatanna, Batman, maybe even the Justice League.
The capes and tights crew, useless against dark magic.
That's why we need you. You can lead us.
Boston, do I strike you as a team player? Much less a team leader.
Point is, even deities can get it wrong.
It's how we got the appendix, Neanderthals and Reality TV.
Z, your help I could use.
Okay, if we do it as a group.
This is the monkey cage in Sumatra all over again.
"Ooh, we need to save the monkeys," she said.
You're such an ass.
Oh, not the monkeys.
Says the man who has Newcastle and a 100 otherscrew-ups on his résumé,
costing lives and souls.
But not monkeys. You're still way ahead on dead...
- They used to be a thing. - Mmm.
You just have to make things...
We're wasting time.
He's dead and I accept the risks.
So, can we get to it, or do you two need a timeout?
Fine and dandy. Let's take a walk on the dark side then.
Coming, team?
Stop being a child and slow down. Where are we going?
Ritchie's.
Have you talked to him lately?
I know he's pissed. You don't have to remind me, love.
It's on my CV. remember?
No, really, has he told you...
Oh, no. He's dying.
John Constantine,
purveyor of the dark arts and lifeline of last resort.
No matter. Your friend's soul will be collected
and there's nothing you can do to alter that.
Why don't you go do something useful, like haunt a house?
Who's he talking to now?
Shrouds. They deliver souls to hell.
They're drawn to you.
Maybe it's your cologne, Batsy.
This one has cheated us many times.
It is vexing.
Boo.
This has been lovely, but it's time for you lot to bugger off.
When the time comes, I'll be the one to collect your soul, Constantine.
Yeah, yeah.
I thought I felt a disturbance in the force.
How you doing, Johnny boy?
Zatanna and Batman?
What the hell?
Tell you everything inside, mate.
You poor thing.
Yeah, I may have lied the last time we talked
about exactly how fast I'm sledding downhill.
I'm sorry about that.
But it means a lot you're here, John.
And, hey, you don't have to say it. You... You're forgiven.
Still wondering what Batman's doing in my living room.
And when is he gonna shut up, right?
What? What's with the face?
You're not here to say you're sorry, are you?
Of course, I am,
but I was looking to borrow the Keshanti Key as well.
Unbelievable.
I tried to tell him on the way.
Yeah, it's not your fault, Z.
Just like everything, this is rock star Johnny's fault.
I was with you when it happened, Ritchie. We were side by side.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, side by side.
But I got the weird magical cancer while you, you added to your rep.
Isn't that right?
Look, me not making proper amends isn't related to the Key,
which, truth be told, you're not gonna need, mate.
John!
Getting that a lot lately.
You can go screw yourself. I am not giving you crap!
Your anger is understandable, but you need to reconsider.
Innocent lives are at stake.
Well, doctors say an upbeat attitude can help,
so what I'll focus on today is that I met Batman.
Force of good.
It was also nice seeing you, Zatanna.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
You can show yourselves out.
This him?
Father of the year.
I'll need the gear now.
How does this work?
It's basically a magical shortcut.
It lets me access different planes of existence
Without doing 20-odd hours of incantations.
In this case, I'll poke around this poor sod's memories
to see how his madness began.
And more importantly, what caused it.
What are you doing here? I'm calling security.
I'll make sure the looky-loos stay out of our hair.
Z, give me a psychic shout if this body comes under attack.
Wouldn't do to be trapped inside, now.
Wouldn't do to go in alone, and since I'm right here...
Too dangerous. You're out of practice, love.
Look, you wanted me along. I'm here.
I'm not waiting in the wings. Let's do this.
Mmm.
Hmm.
Z? You okay?
I'm fine.
I've never liked this sort of magic.
I can feel darkness seeping inside me.
How you stand it is beyond me.
It's all about control. If you ever need a refresher...
We've had this conversation. I haven't changed my mind.
Sure, sit out the war between good and evil.
After all, you've got a good thing going being applauded by mindless twits.
Really? Now?
Good a time as ever, I reckon.
- I'll teach you to talk back. - No!
The magic I perform brings people happiness.
You sure it's not the two drink minimum, love?
You're such a pessimist.
Wrong. I expect the worst, so I prepare for the worst,
and when the worst happens, I'm ready.
But my outlook doesn't alter the reality of the world.
Steven, stop!
Leave me alone!
Another precious moment.
There was joy, too.
His madness swept it away.
Who dropped the bed pan?
This is it. This was the morning of his madness.
What do you think will set him off?
My guess is the Sudoku.
He's got two nines in the same row.
John.
Run! Run! Run!
Run! Let's get out of here!
Oh, come on, fellow. Eat a piece of fruit, huh?
Damn it!
Here it is.
We've got to get out of here.
One more second.
Now, John! There's no time!
Got it.
Oh! Shit's really hit the fan.
You had to go there, Boston.
Let's get the hell out of here.
Hmm.
- I don't recognize it. - Me, neither.
But if there's a person alive who can, it's Ritchie.
Are you forgetting when you made your friend despise you?
This is too bloody important for hurt feelings.
Constantine.
Bollocks.
You've arrived in time to witness my...
Ritchie!
Get back, you bastards!
John, help Ritchie.
Take that! Boom!
No pulse.
We know! We know! Come on!
Why?
I see you have a few tricks of your own, eh?
Not everything requires magic.
Make sure he sees that right when he wakes up.
If he wakes.
We need to talk, you and I,
but if you try and summon Etrigan,
I'll fill your lungs with bile before the first verse is done.
Savvy?
The situation was not how it seemed.
The apartment was like that when I arrived. Richard as well.
Come on! You were all over him.
I was attempting to help.
When you burst in, I knew I'd get blamed, so I ran.
Do you believe him?
Jason's not the murdery type.
He's chock full of honor, loyalty, and rubbish of that sort.
Then tell us why you were there.
Richard is known as a collector of the arcane and supernatural.
I wanted to see if he had something that could gain me access to this place.
Why would you wanna break in here?
For this.
The single most powerful conduit of evil in the history of the world.
He named it the Dreamstone.
But it's really the stuff of nightmares.
I was a young knight, green as grass.
With visions of battle-won glory dancing in my head.
Needless to say, these were dispelled thoroughly.
He called himself Destiny.
But Merlin told us he was a man of science at one time
before he went insane.
Destiny forged the Dreamstone with black magic and his soul.
He used it to subject people to their most terrifying nightmares
and then feed off their torment.
It was actually the demon Etrigan who won the day.
To battle, Etrigan.
Should you succeed, I will release you of your bond to me.
If freedom is what's up for trade,
then Destiny's as good as slayed.
You haven't won, Merlin. This isn't over.
I swear it.
Release me, Merlin, from your care.
My duty's done. 'Tis only fair.
I'm afraid that's not possible, friend Demon.
I apologize to both you and Jason Blood,
but your future portends a shared destiny.
Caught now, imprisoned in the form of man,
I fix the demon, Etrigan.
It was also the beginning of my eternal life sentence with Etrigan.
I didn't think you'd give it up willingly.
And though this piece is useless without the other half,
it's far from powerless.
Safe enough where it is.
Displayed like a tourist trinket in a Karachi bazaar?
Neat, isn't it?
The House keeps my valuables out of phase, so they don't go wondering off.
But still, the timing of the Stone's appearance and its power indicates
that it's somehow involved with these crimes.
Which is why it stays here, where only I can get to it.
I think me, them, and everyone else who knows you
might want it to be somewhere else.
Your friend is awake.
Ritchie, who was it? Who did this to you?
Faust.
Felix Faust. You sure?
Mmm-hmm.
There you are, you old bastard.
I give you wizard and asshole extraordinaire, Felix Faust.
Hell, I should have put it together. Conjuring a whirlwind is just his style.
The League had a run-in with Faust,
but his location isn't in our database.
Yeah, well, wizards don't make a habit
of signing up for credit cards or social media.
His grandly named Observatory of the Cosmos is hidden
from the likes of you and Superman, but not from me.
Felix Faust.
What's happening?
If this were a computer, I'd say it's frozen.
Cheers.
Felix Faust would take precautions against locator spells.
There's another way,
but it involves asking a favor of someone
that I don't have the best relationship with.
Someone else dislikes you? Shocking.
Your friend slips from the mortal plane.
John...
Keep him alive and safe. Understand?
That is not my purpose.
I don't give a flying shag what you think your bloody purpose is.
I order you to help him any and every way you're able.
Let's go.
AII right, I'll ask.
Why are we in the middle of a godforsaken swamp?
It's a favorite hidey hole of one Alec Holland
whose corpse was taken to be the most recent Avatar of The Green.
Bet you won't find that on your bloody cell phone.
Our data's more factual.
Alec Holland was murdered by terrorists. His body was never recovered.
End of story.
Not quite.
Go away!
Swamp Thing!
I know you're seeing this. Get out here or the posies get it!
John Constantine.
You dare threaten The Green.
Dude, your social skills are horrendous.
Please, we aren't here to harm any plants, but our need is urgent.
Don't let your feelings for John stop you from doing what's right.
You have a garden.
Yes, I find it relaxing and I water it every week.
We need to find a man, a wizard named Felix Faust.
A single human among your teeming masses.
I only know John Constantine because he enrages me.
Faust lives in an observatory which is invisible.
It's a place where dark magic would infect the earth below it.
I will take you there, so you are no longer here.
The place you seek is there.
That place is heavily warded.
Mmm.
I know we've had our differences, but we could really use your help.
If we don't get a handle on this rotter, he'll threaten all of humanity.
What of it?
You were once human, just like me.
No longer.
Perhaps his actions are a kind ofjustice
for who destroys more of The Green than your kind?
And Swamp Thing has left the building.
Guess we do it the hard way.
Or not. Gone, gone, the form of man.
Arise the demon Etrigan!
What?
Who dares?
I, Etrigan, bring down this house,
and build a tomb for Felix Faust!
As if I would stoop to brawling with a demon.
Fight others of your filthy kind.
From hell though we may be, it does not make us family!
Do you like what I've done with the place?
No woman can speak in mysanctum sanctorum.
I conjured it just for you and, of course, men everywhere.
As a fellow showman, this is no way to treat your guests.
Now, settle down!
Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself.
Not everything can be solved with your peashooter.
Just because you're dead, doesn't mean you're beyond my retribution.
Is that it?
Well, it's off to the old magicians' home for you, mate. Pudding night is Thursday.
Try that fireball once more, Constantine. I'd love to see you cook your own goose.
Let me...
I take it back. That thing is useful.
Zatanna, where are you, darling?
I know you can't speak, but give me a wave.
You're the only one here that's really a threat.
There you are. This will sting a bit.
Stored magic? Really? It's the TV dinner of spell casting, dear.
Here's what real magic looks like.
Z!
Z, are you daft? Stop!
I will kill you, woman!
Z, don't!
Don't kill him. You can't.
Out of my way, John.
If no blood is spilled, your soul is in the clear.
Get control, Z, just like I taught you.
Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Deep breaths.
Let it go, love.
Do you see why I can't do what you do?
You lost control is all. Happens to the best of us.
You've seen me in action, right?
Yeah, once or twice.
Why are you here?
I haven't done anything to warrant this kind of response.
This yours?
I don't know. Maybe.
I have several hundred rings of varying design and properties.
It isn't him.
Felix Faust isn't the one behind the nightmare crimes.
He summoned ourold poker buddies in theirmore massive forms.
What the hell does it all mean?
It means Felix Faust had access to the artifact whenever he wanted.
What artifact?
Well, we're back to square one, then.
Unfortunately, no. We were sent here by your friend, remember?
But Ritchie's dying.
Is he?
Boy, oh, boy. I think I got closer to death than I planned.
Ah! Nuh-uh-uh.
Bad girl.
See, now, you were told to do everything to help me by the master of the House
and that does not include punching.
Bring me to the main room.
I'll take it from here, beautiful.
But I need you out of my hair for now,
so why don't you just go for a little walk?
Yeah! That's the stuff.
Why aren't we inside?
Because Ritchie's bloody well taken control of the House.
This is what you get for having mates. Boston, can you get inside?
That would be a no.
Ritchie, you're gonna listen to me whether you like it or not.
Open the door.
Do you hear? Open it!
Too late, Johnny Boy.
Ritchie, please!
Stop while there's still time to save your soul.
Says the man who skates away from everything.
Since you got me infected,
I've looked all around the world for a cure and I've finally found it.
A small piece of the Dreamstone. It's sentient.
It told me how to get the Demons Three to bring the rest ofit to Earth.
It would've been so easy to take it from them.
Of course, rock star Johnny screwed everything sideways.
So, we had to frame Faust and get you to bring me here.
Now I'm immortal and supercharged!
You've been played for a sap. The Stone isn't sentient.
What's left of Destiny's soul was whispering sweet nothings in your ear,
getting you to commit atrocities to gain power and make his move.
You're just pissed 'cause I won.
I wish that were the case.
This can't be right.
No!
Wait! Wait! We had a deal!
We had a deal!
Five hundred years, I've waited.
Five hundred years, I've planned.
Really? I guess 500 must be the new 300.
What say we share your beauty secrets over a pint, eh?
A god does not prattle with mortals.
She gonna be okay?
I... I don't know.
The amount of magic she's used, sometimes you don't recover.
I should have never led her back. Selfish bastard, I am.
You've done what you can for now,
but we have to stop Destiny, or everyone's at risk.
He's right.
He'll have this city by midnight, the Eastern Seaboard by dawn.
Then, what's to stop him? He'll be a god.
We don't need another one of those mucking about.
AII right.
Get them!
They're everywhere! Everywhere!
Yes.
My will be done.
Fool! How can you hope to defeat a god?
Not only can I sense you, you cannot defeat my shield.
Since when does God need a force shield?
The Justice League are on their way.
Suppose that couldn't be helped,
but make sure they stay well away from Destiny,
to not be struck mad,
unless you want a bunch of crazed super blokes ripping apart the city.
A little late for that, my friend.
John, listen to me. You've been affected by magic.
Get away to space now.
Sorry to have to ask this, Jason.
At least you're asking.
Gone, gone, the form of man.
Rise the demon Etrigan!
So, Constantine calls once more.
Just like a greedy, wanton...
Save the bloody rhymes and top that git!
Killjoy.
I've had many years to think about you, Etrigan.
Call this poetic justice.
Holy crap.
Looks like you've finally beat the curse, my boy.
Wish it were under happier circumstances.
- What are you doing? - Calling for help.
I just hope he doesn't realize it's me doing the calling.
Who dares strike at me?
The Defender of The Green, Swamp Thing.
Perfect.
Glad to see you back on your feet, Zatanna.
Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast!
The so-called Guardian of The Green
who secretly hopes to be human again.
Let me dispel you of that notion.
Back to the dirt
where you belong.
He's getting more powerful by the second. What the hell are we gonna do?
I say we go and talk to a man about a horse.
Did you hit your head or something? You're babbling.
A Trojan horse, Boston. Come on!
Over here, you wanker!
You are puny and disrespectful.
Let me see your madness.
Well, that's the trouble with someone like me. Been there, done that.
I shall make you beg for death.
Can I beg you to stop talking?
I mean, all wizards are touched but you, you're a full-blown nutter.
I will tear your soul apart.
And what happened to not prattling with mortals, eh?
You chatter like my grandma at a book club.
Now, Boston!
Trick or treat, freak!
Is that a sword in your chest, or are you just glad to see me?
Merlin sends his regards.
Oh, and by the way, you lose.
I don't think so.
Johnny, I was...
I was under a compulsion. You've got to save me.
You owe me. You owe me!
Sorry, mate. Can't take the chance that Destiny is still pulling your strings.
John, please! Help me!
Help me, you bastard!
Help me!
That was unpleasant.
What the hell did I miss?
Z, you're okay. I thought...
My head feels like the morning after Brixton.
Surely not that bad.
So, Merlin's spell hath ended.
It would seem so.
Though it's a "good news, bad news" sort of thing.
- What's going on? - Yeah. He wasn't wounded.
Unless I miss my guess, that happened on the day he was bound to Etrigan.
And now that I'm not...
I'm truly sorry, Jason.
Don't be. It's a welcome end.
For500 years, he and I have been bound.
A demon from hell, a knight of renown.
Though we were cursed to be slaves to each other,
I know of no man I'd want more for a brother.
Farewell, mortal.
You couldn't have picked a better place.
The village where he was born was over there.
Too bad it took this to get him home.
Batman asked me to be in the Justice League.
And you're considering it?
I visited their headquarters a few days ago.
It's interesting and like you said, maybe it's time to make a difference.
Listening to me now? Uh-oh.
They want you, too.
Good one, Z. Too right, they do.
You have got to be bloody kidding. No way.
Batsy would go mental.
He was the one who asked and I told him that's what you'd say.
Be safe, John.
Now, hold on. Hold on.
Maybe I've been a bit rash. Could you tell me more over a drink?
We could rechristen the House as it were.
A drink?
Yeah, a drink.
Don't think this is gonna turn into some sort of Manchester weekend.
Get that out of your head.
We could have a Trewhiddle Tuesday.
No, definitely not.
Well, let's mark that as a maybe.
Now, that's what I call making yourself useful, love.
English SDH