Caboose: It's alive
It's alive!
He's ali- Aw, now it's dead.
No, it's alive again!
Oh, thank God that was close.
Tucker: Ok, how about now?
Wash: Nothing.
Tucker: Hold on.
Ok, try it again.
Wash: Still nothing.
Balls
Hey, what exactly are you doing down there?
Oh, you know.... Calibrating.
...Calibrating.
Yeah.
You haven't done anything, have you?
Dude, I don't know what I'm doing or why you sent me down here.
Right
Guess I should have expected that.
Hey Wash, I think we got a situation.
What kind of-
Oh
Grif: Good to see you too.
What do you want?
Sarge: Figured it be a good idea to come over and lend a hand.
No, that's a terrible idea. Please don't touch anything.
Simmons: But we could provide tech support!
Sarge: Have you tried using any D batteries?
Power isn't our problem
These battery arrays are solar
Well, there's your problem.
This baby needs to be converted to diesel on the pronto!
Solar is field-standard for communication systems.
Well ooh-la-la, Private Hippy!
Hey, I got an idea; why don't we just plant a garden in?
Grow some organic sun-dried tomatoes, and open a farmer's market.
Then on the first Saturday of the month,
when the UNSC ships show up to buy some fresh sustainable produce,
we just hop on board and ride back on the power of love!
...Tucker, if they touch anything,
or if he makes any more suggestions,
prod them with your sword.
Ha ha, now that's something I can get behind!
Bowchickaboww- Wait, no! No no no no no!
Fine,
well I guess you don't want any help from our incredibly advanced robotic companion.
Nope!
Grif: Racist!
Hey tree-hugger
what if I told you it runs on recycled cooking grease?
It's perfect. Grif sweats the stuff.
What else was I supposed to drink once we ran out of soda?
There's always water.
Please, what are we, cavemen?
I said no.
Whoa, is that Lopez?!
Not exactly.
This one isn't very smart
How can you tell?
Oh, a mother knows.
Why don't you three go check on our food supply?
It's been a while since I've done a full inventory.
You can't shove your bitch work on us!
What do we look like?
Uhhhh... Bitches?
Tucker, I want 100 squats.
What? But it was leg day yesterday!
You are a space marine, private.
Everyday is leg day.
This is bullshit.
Grif: Ha! Who is the bitch now?
Your sister was my bitch if I remember correctly.
What did you say to me, bitch?
No one is a bitch, now both of you be quiet.
Grif: .... Simmons is kind of a bitch.
Simms: Hey! What the fuck?!
Sarge: Ah, can it Private Bitch.
Yes, sir.
Tucker and Grif: Bitch.
I said be quiet!
Grif: Holy shit.
It's working
I-I dont know what I did but it's working!
Lopez, you're ruining the moment.
Mayday, mayday
this is Agent Washington
can anybody read me? Over.
Grif: ... Maybe they're screening our calls.
Simms: What do mean "they"? Who's "they"?
I dunno, people who know us?
Tucker: What?
Look, I wouldn't pick up the phone if any of you fuckers called me.
Mayday, mayday,
we are survivors of a shipwreck
and are in need of immediate rescue, please respond.
Don't call them back right away, you gotta wait, or else you'll look desperate
But we are desperate!
EVERYONE SHUT UP!
Woah...
Mayday, mayday,
this is Agent Washington and the red and blue troopers of Project Freelancer!
We are stranded, does anyone copy?
Mayday, this is Agent Washington, I am a soldier.
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?!
[???]: Hello? is someone there?
Yes! Yes, we're here! Do you read us?
Hello....is this...prank call.....
No no no no, this is real,
please you have to listen to me! My men and I are shipwrecked!
Simms: Its an emergency!
Grif: Black Hawk down!
Sarge: Code Red!
What? Like a lightish red?
Tucker: What the fuck did he just say?
Cause I mean,
red is a pretty broad spectrum.
There's scarlet, vermilion, like a deep burgundy.
Sarge: Donut, Is that you?!
Sarge? Oh hey guys, what have you all been up to?
Sarge: We're stranded in the middle of the jungle with dwindling food and limited supplies.
That sucks.
Grif: No shit, dickhead!
Donut, I need you to listen to me.
You need to send help.
Call command.
Command?
I think I know a guy if you want to turn this call into a three way.
No...Don't do that
I need you to write down these coordinates
Who is Donut again?
Simms: Cheery guy. Pink armor.
Grif: Kind of stupid.
Tucker: And a little-
Wait, did I shoot him once?
Tucker: Bingo.
Got it. And he's competent enough to trust with our lives?
Sorry, did you say 'five' or 'nine'?
I said eight.
Oh
Right...
Okay, Donut
those are our last known coordinates but be sure to let the rescue team know that we've got no clue where we actually landed.
Don't worry guys! No matter how deep the bush, Private Donut always finds his man.
Sarge: Roger that, son
What was that? You're breaking up.
Just send help as fast as you can.
Okey dokey!
Grif: So, what happened?
Well boys
I don't want to jinx us or anything like that but...
we're gonna be rescued!
(Tucker, Grif, Simms cheering)
Simmons: I can't wait to eat a hot dog!
Now guys-
Theres no possible way anything can go wrong!
Everything is going to be good forever!
(cheering)
Grif: ...no way that could be true, but fuck it I'm excited anyway!
Guys, it can still be a few days before they-
Lets eat all of our food rations tonight
and then fire all of our excess ammunition indiscriminately into the air to celebrate!
(cheering and gunshots)
Simms: ..just like a kid on the interne-t!
Grif: Cool, I already did it last week!
Simms: And then lets fix up that old Warthog that's been hanging near our base!
(cheering then sounds of confusion)
So we can crash it into the other Warthog because 'fuck it'!
(cheering)
Grif: Violence!
Listen, lets not get our hopes up just yet.
Aw, come on Wash. Lighten up
We did it, we made contact.
(sighs)
Well,
it is the first good news that we've had in awhile.
(panting)
Caboose: Hey everyone!
Caboose!
Where've you been?
Yeah,
I went on a walk like you said and now, everything is going to be good, forever!
Sarge: Told ya' so!
Wait, Caboose, you were miserable, what happened?
Oh, where are my manners?
(🎶🎶🎶)
I haven't even introduced him
Introduced who?...
FRECKLES!
COME!
Caboose: (whistles)
(loud, metallic footsteps)
(machinery whirring)
(footsteps stop)
EVERYONE, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET FRECKLES!
FRECKLES,
say hello
Enemy soldiers detected.
No, those aren't enemies, Freckles
Those are Grif and Simmons...
our enemy
Firing main cannons.
No!
Bad Freckles!
Down!
Yes, Master.
Bad Freckles...
So,
what are you guys up to?
Grif: Ehh...umm...
Wash: Mayday, mayday,
this is Agent Washington and the red and blue troopers of Project Freelancer,
we are stranded, does anyone copy?
Mayday, this is Agent Washington, I am a soldier.
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
Greetings, fellow websurfer.
Be sure to subscribe to our channel before you go.
It'll be just like we're friends.
Not that I... need friends.
Please don't go.