Negative. No sign.
Wait a second. I think I got him.
You know,
you could put somebody's eye out with that thing.
We airlifted out the last passengers, Ace. We're heading out.
What about the animal cargo?
Don't worry about it. It's just one little raccoon.
If I were you, I'd turn back.
Yeah, well, if you were me, then I'd be you!
And I'd use your body to get to the top!
You can't stop me, no matter who you are!
Loser!
Loo-hoo...
se-her.
Hungry, fella?
That oughta hold you for a while.
That's okay, Spike.
There's nothing more we can do.
Look, Spike!
Do not fret, my little woodland friend,
for your life is in the hands of Ace Ventura,
Pet Detective.
Whatever you do...
don't look down.
Hang on!
Hang on, little buddy!
I got you!
I think I got you!
Well, maybe not.
You're slipping!
Don't let go!
No!
My goodness.
Well, hello, yes.
Well now, that was quite a shock.
It's extremely nice to meet you.
Now, my name is Fulton Greenwall,
and I am looking for an Ace Ventura.
No man here
carries with him
a label.
What?
Oh, yes.
No names. How silly of me.
Well, he's an American.
We are all children
of the same life force.
Yes, of course we are.
Well, he bends over and he speaks from his rear.
Oh, him.
Right this way.
He came to us a broken man.
He had lost the will to sustain his existence.
Yes, I heard about that unfortunate accident with the raccoon.
It was terrible for him.
But the life force
once again
smiled upon him.
He's now at peace.
I will wait here.
I must apologize.
Quite. Well, no harm done.
Let me introduce myself.
My name is Fulton Greenwall, and I'm sent here
to employ your services in the retrieval of a lost animal.
Now, can you help us?
Your request is not unlike your lower intestine.
Stinky
and loaded with danger.
We can pay you handsomely.
I am now a child of light.
Your earthly money holds no appeal to me.
Twenty thousand dollars.
Really?
No.
I cannot.
For I am sorely needed
here
at the ashram.
If I may interject?
We are short of space.
And it's important for you to use your talents.
Let me help you pack.
But I am yet to attain omnipresent super-galactic oneness.
No, wait!
There it is!
You've just attained it.
I have?
Yes! Just now.
You are one!
I can see it in your eyes.
You're more one than anyone.
What about my medallion of spiritual accomplishment?
Take mine.
This took you 80 years to achieve!
That's okay.
I don't like it anymore. Really.
In the light of this personal sacrifice you've made
I have no choice
but to take the case.
Great!
I'll tell the others.
Master!
Break it to them gently.
I've never seen them act like that before.
Denial can be an ugly thing.
Well, we should go, Mr. Ventura. I've arranged a plane.
I'll meet you at the bottom.
There's still one more thing I must do before I go.
Isn't this incredible?
It's going to be some kind of a record!
"Everyone loves a Slinky
You got to get a Slinky, Slinky, Slinky."
Go, Slinky, go!
Oh, man!
Can you believe it?
It was right there!
Can I do it one more time?
Please forgive me, sir, but if we don't hurry now,
we might miss the plane.
Of course.
How selfish of me.
Let's do all the things that you want to do.
Canadian moose during mating season.
And now...
a yak.
Peanut?
Yes, I have one right here!
It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.
Peanuts?
Oh, I see!
If we can get back to business, Mr. Ventura?
The Wachati are a peaceful tribe.
Since their sacred animal has vanished,
they believe that there is a curse fallen on their village.
It all started some time ago when, one night.
So, the daughter of the Wachati chief
is set to wed the first son of the Wachootoo tribe.
And the sacred animal was offered as dowry for the marriage,
but if it is not recovered
the result will be
the merciless slaughter of the Wachatis.
Mr. Ventura?
There's someone on the wing.
Some
thing!
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
The daughter of the Wachati chief
is set to wed
the first son of the Wachootoo tribe.
Spectacular!
This land holds great beauty!
How far to the crime scene?
Well, I've been instructed to bring you first to the consulate
which should be beyond those trees
on the other side of the jungle, so we'll have to circle around.
Oh, no!
Steering's a bit loose!
Alignment's off, too.
Mr. Ventura!
"Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
"We love you
"And our pretty Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang loves us, too
"Everywhere we go on Chitty Chitty we depend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, our fine four-fendered friend."
Oh, there's the consulate!
Oh, thank God!
If I can just find a parking spot.
Perhaps we should slow down just a teensy-weensy bit.
Nonsense, poopy pants!
We're going a bit fast!
Really!
Look out!
Like a glove!
You might want to think about getting this baby detailed.
Oh, no.
The Consulate General's car!
Down, Boba!
That's it. Down.
Yes.
Come on, man!
Mr. Ventura, so looking forward to your arrival.
Funny, it didn't seem that painful when you were doing it to the horse.
Sir, Mr. Ventura has an affinity for animals.
Shall we?
Shalln't we?
Tell me, Mr. Ventura
just how good are you?
You're an extreme workaholic.
You recently returned from a short trip to Gotan, in Northern Africa,
and upon your return, you more than likely took a nasty spill
because of some shoddy masonry work.
Very impressive.
Might one ask how?
Surely.
The abrasion on the palm of your hand
is the type one gets falling three to five feet.
The small remnants of plaster on your shoe
pointed to a careless mason being the culprit.
Your new watch, a quality forgery of a Cartier,
was most likely purchased through the North African black market
known to reside in Gotan.
And my work habits?
Yes!
A workaholic.
The urine stain on your pants
would signify that you're a single-shake man!
Far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.
Brilliant, Mr. Ventura!
Simply brilliant!
Spank you, Greenwall!
Spank you very much!
Mr. Ventura, we've been coexisting quite nicely with the native cultures
for the past 200 years.
They're almost like family at this point.
Are they?
It is imperative that we recover the sacred animal.
If not, the peaceable Wachatis will assuredly be obliterated.
The Wachootoos are bloodthirsty.
They consider its disappearance both an insult and a curse.
Do I have something in my teeth?
Cadby!
Lovely brunch, I must say.
Quinn!
I'd like you to meet Ace Ventura.
This is Burton Quinn. He owns and operates Quinnland Safari Park.
Most call me Quinn.
Say hello, Tinky.
Pleasure, Tinky.
Corvus corax. Common raven. Smartest of all birds.
Rare in these parts.
Excuse me.
That's quite a wrap you're wearing.
Perhaps I could get you some fluffy new slippers
made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals!
Who is this ghastly man?
Ace Ventura, pet detective.
And you must be the Monopoly Guy!
Hey...
thanks for the free parking.
Another activist, Maguire.
Activist, yes.
Mr. Ventura,
there's nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature.
You should try it sometime.
All righty, then.
You know something?
You're right.
"Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars."
It's lovely, but I fancy myself an autumn.
If you've quite finished, Mr. Ventura,
we might make for the projection room, Greenwall.
Kookie.
Mr. Ventura, I'd like you to meet Hitu, chief of tribal security in the province.
Please!
Don't get up.
At this point, we don't have any leads
but we've had similar problems in the past.
Sorry.
This is Derrick McCane,
spotted several times in the province in the past year.
Mr. McCane makes a handsome living from rare and endangered species.
Hitu?
Now, these two are Australians.
The bald one is Mick Katie.
The other is said to have been raised by abori...
aborigines.
The natives call him...
Call him Gahjii
the hunter.
Both are known poachers and have been seen in the area!
Mr. Ventura!
This wedding ceremony's going to take place in four days.
I cannot have bloodshed in my province!
We're counting on you!
Hi-ho, Silver!
Away!
I've assigned Greenwall to assist you.
Before you go, Mr. Ventura,
there's something I'd like to show you, something you might enjoy.
As one animal lover to another.
Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Of course not.
This is a lovely room of death.
Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.
Down, Boba!
Mr. Ventura, how could you?!
Now, Mr. Ventura, I think the village is roughly about a mile ahead.
Excellent.
Flat tire!
I think this joke has run its course, don't you?
Certainly.
I prostrate myself before you and beg your forgiveness.
Now don't get me wrong; I do enjoy the occasional prank.
It's just that my heel is getting rather raw.
We love you, dark continent! Good night!
Listen!
The majestic song of the male silverback gorilla.
I think we should move along. It's their mating season and they can get rather hostile.
Excuse me, Mr. Ventura.
I have to rest.
Of course you do!
The Wachatis believe they draw their power from these caves,
but they now live in fear since the vanishing of their sacred bat.
Bat?!
What
bat?
The one we're here to find, Mr. Ventura.
You didn't say anything about a bat.
What's the difference?
Have you ever seen a bat? They're hideous.
Lifeless, beady eyes, clawed feet, huge grotesque wings. Even fangs.
They give you rabies, you know.
Yes, quite. I see your point.
But are you saying that you won't take the case?
No.
As a being of light, I must show compassion for all the living things of nature.
Good.
I'm not touching it, though!
No, spank you.
The Wachati are a peaceful people.
They find all forms of life sacred.
I like them already.
Bumbawae Atuna.
Nice to see you.
Bumblebee Tuna.
Ace Ventura, pet detective.
How are you this afternoon?
All righty, then.
Excuse me.
Your balls are showing.
Bumblebee Tuna.
They have lived in the same state for thousands of years.
They did not know about disease until the white man came.
What's going on over here?
All young Wachati warriors must face five days
of balance and concentration.
Should he lose his focus and fall,
he must start all over again.
Earthquake test!
He's good.
With my help, he could be the best.
Maybe we should see the chief, Mr. Ventura.
This way.
Neato!
The chief says he knew you would come.
Chim-chiminy chim-chim-cheroo!
The chief says he has not understood the dialect you're using.
Tell him I'm happy to meet him.
And that his sacred
bat
is as good as found.
My goodness. The chief really seems to like you.
That is a great sign of affection in the Wachati tribe.
Really?
This is the chief's son, Ouda.
The missionaries came through and taught him a spot of English.
I like you!
My.
Aren't I the popular one?
Allow me to display my affection.
It is the mucus
that binds us.
The chief says that the sacred hut is over there.
How did they pass the guard?
I'm afraid he was found shortly after,
sleeping.
At ease, soldier.
We all make mistakes.
Quite an auspicious dwelling for a filthy, flying weasel.
Please, Mr. Ventura!
That is sacred ground.
I'm sorry, but only the Wachati are allowed to step there.
Take it easy.
I'm the loogie guy, remember?
Yes, yes, Chief. Thank you.
Thank you.
The chief says that unless the sacred bat is returned
before the marriage of the princess, the Wachati tribe will meet their death.
What type of bat are we talking about?
The great white bat, of course.
Crepuscular Chiroptera?
Yes. But to the natives:
Shikaka.
Shikasha!
Shish kebab.
"Shawshank Redemption."
Chicago!
You're out of there!
Go on. You're gone. Go on!
Were you going to eat these?
I've got to inspect that cage.
My, my, my.
This fruit paste is delicious!
And the pottery is lovely!
It's made from guano.
Guano?
That sounds so familiar.
Bat droppings.
Guano is a chief resource of the Wachati. They use it to make many things.
Yummy!
Now this is really fascinating. This is a great Wachati tradition.
The virgin's dance of seduction.
I am now a holy man.
I think of women only as the mothers of our children.
They are a sanctuary for the reproductive organs.
A temple to house the miracle of procreation.
Do you have $1?
Thank you so much!
I've not danced in years!
Hi.
Don't mind me.
Sleep.
Sleep!
Fe, fi,
fo, fum!
I smell the fingerprints of scum!
Better dust the place.
Totally clean.
Not one damn clue.
Unless...
Here she comes. Oh, boy.
Holy, holy, holy, holy.
Good thoughts in, bad thoughts out.
You have come to help us.
We are in
great appreciation.
You
speak English.
Yes!
The missionaries, they come with books.
You are very good with that!
It's incredibly accurate.
Care to try?
Not bad!
Try again. Relax your shoulders.
Breathe.
And release.
There you go!
You make me smile.
And yet
I am troubled.
You see,
the man my father wants me to marry
I am worried I will not please him.
I've never known a man.
I would love to help.
But you see,
I have vowed to take a life of celibacy.
Well.
Perhaps this
will assist your decision.
Those are very nice.
But I am a child of light. A pure spirit.
I am no longer encumbered by the appetites of the flesh.
Oh, mama, oh, mama
oh, mama, oh, mama.
I'm so sorry, Mr. Ventura.
That's okay.
I was just
practicing my mantra.
Ah, yes. I thought you wanted to visit the sacred caves?
I do!
Could you meet me outside in 10 minutes?
If I don't finish my meditation,
I tend to get a little cranky.
Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.
Everything here seems good! Big load off my mind!
You can speculate all you want, but unless you check it out for yourself,
you never know.
Let's go back.
Don't you think you should investigate?
There's no reason to go in there. Ever.
I sense it as a holy man.
- You said you wanted... - It's dark!
I could fall into a precipice.
Here, take this.
Spank you, Helpy Helperton.
I am not afraid!
I am not afraid.
I really like it here.
My medallion!
I will fear no living creature
as long as I keep this near me.
Take that, you winged spawn of Satan!
That's okay.
All I really need is my torch.
Die, devil bird!
I'm okay.
They're in my hair!
God in heaven! Help me!
There is nothing in your hair.
Exactly.
I was merely running a drill.
Just as I suspected.
Quinn.
What?
We met him at Cadby's soiree.
His bird is a raven named Tinky. I found that inside the cave.
You don't understand. Burton Quinn is a very powerful man.
Worry not, my brother.
For I
am a master
of disguises.
Eat up, guys!
None of this animal goes to waste.
Mr. McCane.
How're you doing?
I'm doing well.
Don't mind me, Mr. Quinn.
I'm just a curious little rhino.
I appreciate your
agreeing to undertake this.
Meeting secretly with sinister types much?
Ah, not too much. Ah, much too much.
Kind of hot in these rhinos.
Warm!
I had a dog and his name was
Bingo!
Time to get some oxygen.
Oh, no.
Come on!
Mayday!
Must
have
air!
Come on, girls!
Quiet, quiet, quiet. Look, look.
Oh, look!
The mother rhino is giving birth!
Oh, God.
Mommy!
Cool!
We have to get out of here!
Quick, get in the jeep.
Quick, girls, get in!
Welcome to Quinnland.
And you, too, my friend.
I know you'll be happy here.
How did you get out, little fella?
You're a cute little devil.
What's that you got there?
Where's the bat?
What is this about?
Who are you?
Where
is
the bat?
I know who you are.
I met you at Cadby's!
You're that
Ventura fella!
Last chance!
Where is that darn bat?
What're you going to do?
Whatever I have to get some answers.
Stop!
Stop it! Stop that!
You'd like me to stop it.
Getting to you?
I'll never tell you anything.
A tough guy, huh?
I know what to do with tough guys.
My brother used to do that to me!
You sadistic bastard!
Stop it!
All right! I'll talk!
Spill it!
I paid Derrick McCane to find the bat.
I thought it could be an attraction.
Business has been a bit off lately.
So
you don't know who
took the bat?
Neither does McCane.
I'm going to untie you now.
But before I do, I want you to know that I'm really
truly
very
sorry!
Appreciate the lift!
We'll walk from here.
Quinn is out of the picture. We have no more suspects or clues.
But I have instincts, Spike.
And my instincts tell me we're getting closer.
I can feel it.
I can feel it like it's right
in my neck!
Run!
Starting to get numb!
Three darts
is too much!
I think
I lost them!
Flowers
for me?
I do declare, Mr. Beauregard,
you are my hero.
Was I
talking in my sleep?
You've been suffering hysteria. It's a natural reaction to the poison.
Water.
Guano bowls.
Collect the whole set.
Ace, did you see the shooter?
Only their feet.
Not enough for a positive ID.
That is the dart of a Wachootoo shaman.
The whaty whatan?
The Wachootoo shaman, or medicine man,
has openly protested against the intertribal wedding.
Has he?
But you do not speak Wachootoo.
I go with you.
Yes, Ouda will be my interpreter.
Please, take care.
The Wachootoo are a savage tribe. If they catch you, they'll show no mercy.
Worry not, my brother.
I will be as a fly on the wall, a grain of salt in the ocean.
I will slip amongst them like a transparent
thing.
The sacred bat must be in one of those huts.
But we'll never know until I can walk freely among them.
"Wunderbar!"
He exclaimed with great relish.
Come on, girls, show them what you got.
I'm sure it's fine.
Ouda is probably going for help right now.
Hello, Ace!
They found me!
No sweat!
Don't beat yourself up.
You know,
gingivitis is the number one cause of all tooth decay.
What does "equinsu ocha" mean?
White devil.
Tell him I'm not.
I only met you. How do I know?
- He said... - Let me guess. "White devil"?
Yes. You speak Wachootoo?
Tell them what I'm saying:
I come in peace!
I couldn't help but notice the "equinsu ocha" part.
Did you refer to me as "White Devil"?
That's how they know you.
Leave that part out from now on.
I represent the princess!
War
is hell.
The last thing we want
is a fight.
The chief said
if you pass all Wachootoo tests,
you do not die.
Kookie.
My entrance to the winner's circle!
Your admiration is well-founded, but I'm merely a servant.
Do not worship me!
Chief says you have passed all tests but one.
Only left is Wachootoo Circle of Death.
Funny,
that's my specialty.
This is it?
I have to beat him?
All righty, then!
I must tell you
I do not wish to fight you.
Violence is no longer in my nature
but if you want it, you got it, sister.
Biting, I see.
I was unaware that the Wachootoos
were biters!
Why don't you try this on and see how it fits?
He much better fighter than you.
Doi!
All right!
This White Devil thing has gone far enough.
Nobody
messes
with the "do"!
He said, "Sorry, White Devil,"
but he must kill you.
I'll have you know I have the reflexes of a cat.
And the speed of a mongoose.
Throw it!
I dare you!
Ouda, don't just stand there. Throw me a spear!
It's in the bone! It's in the bone!
It's in the bone!
The chief says you make him laugh.
You are like sissy girl!
Wachootoo Chief say, "You friend to Wachootoo."
But if the curse of Shikaka not lifted by tomorrow's sun at top of sky
Wachootoo kill all Wachati and smash your head on a rock.
Super.
Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.
Okay, take care. Super. Bye-bye, then.
Are your legs sore?
Do you want me to carry you?
That won't be necessary, my friend.
I have an incredibly high threshold for pain.
Holy monkey!
Ace, why you stopped?
The Wachootoo didn't take Shikaka.
Hi, welcome back.
What would you say this is?
Dart of Wachootoo shaman.
Precisely.
And when compared to one of the darts that hit me before?
Same.
Only to the untrained eye.
The Wachootoo dart is made of wood from a mimosa tree
while the other is carved from a red fungus-bearing acalla.
And there's only one area of the jungle with red
fungus-bearing acallas.
Go back to the village.
Tell them the Wachootoo's attack is tomorrow at noon.
This little hound dog just picked up a scent.
Won't be long now, Katie.
Big night tonight.
You're going to meet your new owner.
G'day.
Disgusting rat!
Gravy!
Did you hear that?
What is it?
Silverback.
Female.
Big.
Here?
About 200 meters
south.
We'd get $5,000 for one of those.
- What about the rat? - Don't worry about the rat.
We'll be back in no time.
Stay downwind of it.
You're even uglier than I thought.
She's a big one, isn't she?
Oh, boy.
Deciduous trees lining the riverbank,
suman shrubs with extreme protococcus,
steadily increasing water current.
Spike,
I think we can assume the stream gets pretty rough up ahead.
As soon as I get you loose, you can chew through my ropes.
That's it!
Yes. Your turn.
All right!
I'm alive!
Say "uncle"! Say "uncle"!
Don't start what you can't finish!
Quit hitting yourself!
Oh, water tastes good, yes!
Glub, glub.
This isn't over yet.
There's something I missed. Some clue or motive I've overlooked.
And that motive is
plah!
Think!
Somebody wants these two tribes to destroy each other.
There must be something valuable in this equation.
Perhaps we should meditate upon it, Spike.
For it is said that when seeking answers, one must
quiet the soul in order to hear them.
What is it the Wachatis possess
that is of great value to other men
besides the princess with the amazing rack?
All righty, then.
You're back?!
You can dispense with the smallpox, all-knowing one.
I'm here on business, and time is of the essence.
Very well.
What answer do you seek?
I need to know what it is the Wachatis possess
that is of great value to civilized man.
The medallion will lead you to the answer.
You do still have the medallion, don't you?
Medallion?
Why, surely.
I left it back
with my body.
Your aura
is weakening.
Okay! I threw it in a cave!
What do you want from me? What are you? Mr. Perfect?!
Want to know where is it?
It's probably lying
in a big pile of...
Guano!
They have guano!
Like
a glove.
Hi, Chief!
Appreciate your meeting me here.
Let's go kick some
consulate butt.
Hello, Ace.
Looking for your money?
Wrong again, Sweeney Toad.
I've come for the sacred bat. Where is it?
Why, Ace,
whatever can you mean?
Guano!
Hello!
Does poop ring a bell?
"Guano mines as a source of nitrate,
"producing 84% of the world's supply of fertilizer
a $1.4 billion industry."
That's what this war is all about.
You can't take legally take possession of the caves
as long as the Wachatis inhabit the area.
And you want that dookie so bad
you can taste it.
But, sir, I thought that...
Yes, thank you, Fulton.
That's a fine theory, Mr. Ventura.
What's it got to do with me?
I thought you'd
never ask.
The day I met you, there was a white substance on your shoe.
Yesterday, I saw the same white substance outside the hut where the bat was
and it hit me that the Great White Bat has white guano.
That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe!
And that explains the abrasion on your palm!
Let me run that back for you.
That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe!
And that explains the abrasion on your palm!
Damn, I'm good!
Can you feel that?
Can you feel it,
Captain Compost?
The day of redemption is at hand!
Repent!
And thou shall be saved.
Very good, Mr. Ventura.
Very good.
I believe you've solved the case.
One thing I still don't understand, Mr. Belvedere.
If you are the slime behind this little flim-flam,
why, oh, why
did you hire me?
I'm afraid there's going to be an investigation after the war.
You were my alibi
to prove I'd done everything I could to stop it.
Arrest him.
Arrest him!
Please arrest him.
Simon says, "Arrest him."
I thought you loved all animals, Mr. Ventura.
Shall I stick him on the wall?
No, I don't think it'll be necessary, Gahjii.
Mr. Ventura has very cleverly stolen the sacred bat of the Wachati.
Unfortunately, we were unable to recover it in time to stop the war.
Greenwall, hit the lights!
The switch is on the wall beside you! Go for it!
Flick it, quick!
All righty, then.
Shall we go to jail?
What are you? H.R. Shove-n-Stuff?
Get in!
Just one more thing.
What are you doing?
Stop it!
I said, stop it!
To the jungle, Boba!
Friends,
rodents,
quadrupeds,
lend me your rears!
Imbecile! You let him get away!
You don't seem to understand. The entire tribe will be killed.
Remind me to send a sympathy card.
We'll go and get the bastard.
Doesn't matter, Gahjii. There's nothing he can do now.
We've got the bat, and it's nearly noon.
What the hell's going on?!
You see,
humans and animals can live in harmony!
Sorry for the delay, Ace.
Hey, poachers!
Say "hello"
to my stinky little friend!
Get out! Get out!
Not so fast, Sally!
Get it away!
He wants to go off-road.
Nobody wants to play with me.
Lo-ser!
From the consulate, right?
This is weird.
Noon.
The Wachati.
The spirit will overcome.
Headhunters!
Shikaka!
Pet detective coming through. Clear a path, people!
They will now consummate the marriage under the witness of the tribe.
Well done, Ace.
You must be extremely proud.
Pride is an abomination.
One must forego the self
to attain total spiritual creaminess
and avoid the chewy chunks
of degradation.
What's that he's he saying?
I think he's saying, "She's not a virgin."
They can tell that?