SCENT OF A WOMAN
DIRECTED BY DINO RISI
Ah, cheers! You’re punctual.
Wipe your feet well.
Punctual! I like that.
Tip-toe, so you don’t soil the place.
Would you like some coffee?
My God, you’re so young! What’s your name?
Bertazzi Giovanni.
Almost a child!
I don’t know if one so young…
Have they told you what you have to do?
The Commander explained it to me.
I’ll give you a cold coffee.
Or rather a small vermouth, an orange juice?
The coffee’s fine. May I smoke?
Be my guest! Fausto is also always with a cigarette on his lips.
You men are full of vices!
But you look like a decent chap.
Are you a student?
I’m his aunt. In fact, almost his mother.
I’ve been taking care of him for seven years.
Since the accident, with the army games…
while playing with a bomb.
I say playing, because war games, nowadays…
The commander explained.
A man like him…
so rich, yes, rich!
Strong as a lion…
alive as a fish.
And all alone in the world.
I’ve just waxed it. Don’t slip!
He’s not a bad person.
But you shouldn’t contradict him or argue with him.
And never call him captain.
Just “Mister” or “sir”.
Have you understood?
May we, Fausto?
Private Bertazzi, Health Service, at your orders!
Sit down here!
Not the last name. Your first name?
- Giovanni. - Good, I’ll call you Ciccio.
Like the two others.
I always called them Ciccio.
If you don’t like it, say so, though it won’t change anything.
Not at all, Ciccio is a good name.
Then, Ciccio?
At your orders!
Don’t. With me, forget that you’re a soldier.
Yes, sir.
Can you walk?
- Yes, I can walk! - Are you sure?
I think so!
Ah, splendid! We have a Ciccio that thinks!
Ciccio thinker!
From now on, it’s forbidden to think.
As you wish.
And during seven days, just tolerate us.
Seven days: five plus two.
And we’ll march, on the double. Understood?
Understood!
Tomorrow, departure at 7 a.m. Genoa - Rome - Naples. Been there?
Not Naples. I didn’t know…
that we’d stop in Genoa and Rome.
Why, who said that we’d stop?
Only if I feel like it.
Here’s the Baron.
Six years, castrated, he hates me.
He tried to make me stumble, but never succeeded.
Castrated idiot, murderer. I insult him and he hates me.
Up!
Let’s go, get up!
But you’re small, dammit! Hardly a dwarf!
Short legs!
OK, let’s try. Come.
Here, take me by the arm, lightly.
Don’t tighten the grip, a slight pressure is enough. Go!
I said walk! Faster, watch out for the console.
Where do you think you are, in a funeral?
To the left!
About-face, march!
What, are you afraid to blemish the floor?
You have to dig in your heels in the wax!
And leave your print!
And screw that insane maniac old hag!
Not on the wooden hand, higher!
Synchronize your steps!
That’s enough.
And don’t let your brain wander. We think sitting down, OK?
Whisky.
To be honest, I hardly drink at all.
With me, you will drink!
I’ll fatten you with whisky!
When you’ve had enough, empty the rest…
even in your pocket, but without me knowing it!
What, are you playing with me?
Not with me, my lad, never with me.
Meanwhile, you… ah, Baron, it’s you!
You’ll drink and give me back an empty glass.
Understood?
A twelve year old whiskey, you’re kidding!
Does it burn?
Kid, you can’t walk, but you don’t stink.
Are you drinking or not?
Your predecessor smelled
like a pigsty and reheated minestrone.
You can leave. Tomorrow…
…at seven here.
And be on time!
Washed and ironed! See?
What do you think, Baron?
An asshole, but a good kid.
You weren’t afraid, I hope? You’ll see!
He has an evil air about him, but is a good man. He is good.
Castrated idiot, murderer!
What a summer! If only it would rain!
Does the heat bother you?
Not much.
Your father is a peasant, I bet.
He has a job.
- Then, your grandfather. - He had a shop.
Then, your great grandfather. Don’t argue!
Tell me, peasant…
Did my aunt tell you not to contradict me…
or is it you who thinks it’s right…
to pity me?
Do you feel sorry for me?
Well, I don’t know, I don’t think so.
You’re soft!
Do you have black hair?
Not really black, chestnut.
Do you see mine? A true raven!
Women like it that way.
Tell me, do I have any white hairs?
No, not a single one!
Did you smell that?
A female scent!
Tell me: big, small?
Young ones surely! Young armpit smell!
Ciccio, speak my good man, describe!
I didn’t see well, but there were two!
Where are your eyes?
Do you like women or don't you?
Can’t you tell if a breast is pear or apple-shaped,
if an ass is low or high?
Do you think I miss not seeing the sun…
or St. Peter’s dome?
Sex, thighs, two beautiful buttocks: that’s the only religion…
the only political idea, the true fatherland of a man!
Pussy!
Have a drink.
Come here!
Five plus two. Seven days with this loon!
I won’t make it! And Naples…
Why Naples? Why couldn’t we stop in Genoa?
Almost there.
In Genoa, you’ll remove the uniform.
Do you have civilian clothes?
I’ll pay for them.
I don’t want to look as if I’m in charge of the fatherland.
You’re not here to be a porter.
There are plenty of them at the station. That’s what they’re there for.
One is born a porter.
One is born a porter or a poet.
Do I look like an ice cream salesman?
Are you admiring yourself? How conceited! Go!
- Attention, the column! - I saw it!
There’s a bus passing.
Genoa, civil city. He’ll stop.
Thank you, comrade driver.
All in all, you don’t say anything, you don’t laugh.
Worse than a wolfhound.
So, do you speak?
If I speak, I blunder. I’d like to try.
Let’s see what comes out of this brain.
Beautiful day, isn’t it?
Beautiful? Why beautiful?
I don’t know… because of the sun.
Who said that the sun was beautiful?
The rain is beautiful! It is noise, music.
I see with my ears, don’t you understand?
- You asked me to speak… - Yes, but not about the sun!
Tell me about the girls.
What girls?
I sense them and you don’t see them?
Ciccio, you’re with me to look and describe.
There are girls there, but they’re rather…
I don’t want to become engaged!
Tell me about those sluts there.
There’s a small one in red there.
No, the big ones with the broad hips.
I like them big.
- Here’s one. - Hips?
Medium built, only the nose is large.
Big one, a large nose, and feet?
Hey, feet?
Enormous!
It’s a transvestite.
Next one!
"I can’t accept the drafts."
A big ass…
but she’s busy.
Let’s go further.
Stop if you see a big one.
Dirty faggot smell!
- I saw one that’s your type. - Big?
Yes, broad hips.
Overweight! Legs?
- Very beautiful. - Black hair?
Black?
Quite black?
- Black or not? - Black, black!
Have a good look at her…
and the place where she is.
- Tomorrow we’ll return. - Aren’t we leaving this evening?
And what about obedience?
They must have taught you that bullshit…
Quick, respectful and absolute.
Good! Tomorrow Ciccio…
Walk!
You have to say it before, you idiot, not afterwards!
Big, black, beautiful buttocks, we’ll have some fun!
It’s red.
Excuse me, where is this street? I can’t read.
Straight through there, then the second on the right.
Walk.
Right! And don’t send me under the FIAT 600!
Is it a 600 or a 500?
- 500. - Yes, but customized!
Let’s go to sleep.
Where were you?
I watched “Ask forgiveness from God, not from me” on the T.V.
American stupidities!
Spaghetti western! I can tell you.
The gringo flees, chased by men on horseback…
she and he then leave for the north. American crap!
Chamomile smell!
Ah, they delivered our old clothes.
Do you hear the train whistle?
That’s why I chose this hotel.
Train noise keeps me company, the night.
How is the room, the walls?
Wallpaper with flowers.
And the pictures? Hunting scenes, Roman ruins…
A gentleman in a top hat…
with dead hares.
Hunting scenes, I was right.
You can go to sleep now.
I’ll call you if I need you.
Yes, Sir.
Yes, Sir! You say it well.
You were born to be a lackey! Go away young girl!
Beat it!
And don’t snore!
Little asshole!
He gets angry over a “yes, sir”.
If I had said “go fuck yourself”…
Mother fucker!
- Ciccio! Did you buy the Turin papers? - Yes, sir!
Bring them.
Here, sir.
Do you need anything else?
How will I read them?
Ah, right.
You’re a student, you can read, right?
Of course. What should I read?
Neither sports nor socials.
Politics, then.
Don’t talk bullshit. Is my hair messed up? – No, sir!
Politics has got nothing to do with me.
Can they guarantee me the end of the world?
The personals are the funniest.
Read the matrimonial ones…
on the last page.
Get on, attack!
“Tall, 39 years old, from the north, sports type…
is looking for a southern bank clerk, must love children, catholic.”
Straightforward with all the defects!
“Single, good education, would marry young lady…
aged 30-40, nice and frigid.”
I told you they were funny.
Here’s one:
“56-year-old, ugly, would marry serious gentleman…
able to appreciate virginity.”
And another: “Skull with lower jaw for sale.
Call at dinner time.”
That’s enough.
Go to sleep, I have to take off my arm.
If only I could take my head off…
Can I help you?
Don’t be ridiculous!
I don’t need assistance!
Go hit the sack!
And don’t run off.
If you go out…
I’ll have you arrested!
Yes, sir.
Wake up time is 8 a.m.!
Good night, sir.
And don’t masturbate.
Don’t jerk off!
Impossible to sleep with these trains.
Such a beautiful dream… I was at the barracks…
A photograph… he can’t see it…
She’s pretty! Perhaps she’s his daughter.
But why a gun?
A blind man with a gun?
Pardon me!
It’s nothing, my pretty one.
You didn’t hurt me.
All done.
The hat.
I did only one hand.
Is it half-price?
Shut up!
- How is the girl? - Small and thin: 40 kg.
Bitch! She hurt my finger.
I should have given her the wooden hand.
- How much is it? - 7.500.
Keep the change, kid.
And, learn how to handle your tweezers!
Look in front of you!
Cat pee smell!
It’s here, I think.
We saw her here, for sure.
You saw her, to be precise.
Yes! But she’s not there.
You’re wrong.
It’s this street, but there was a bakery.
No, I’m certain!
You believe that your eyes allow you to see better?
You were right: here’s the bakery.
It’s here that you… that I saw her.
She’s not there.
She’ll arrive. Accompany me to the cafe and return.
What if we look for another one?
I want the one from yesterday. I get attached,
I’m sentimental.
What should I say to her?
Nothing, let her speak.
She’ll want 10,000 liras, give her 15.
So that she doesn’t ask how it came about.
When they find someone unhappier than they are…
they become maternal.
And I’m already a son of a bitch.
So true.
What?
I wanted to say…
So, will you hurry?
And tell her the truth!
An ice with the whiskey and a newspaper.
Where to find her now?
If I choose a small one, he’ll find out.
I can understand the big ass, but black hair?
And long, to boot.
What if I brought the boy to him? What a riot!
I prefer the fag!
That one yes, they’re long, but blond!
What are you doing?
- I’m looking for a girl. - You found one.
My name is Marilyn.
What, no dough?
No, it’s not that.
I want a girl with black hair
and broad hips.
And what size bra?
I’d like to go with you…
but I’m on a mission for a friend.
He likes big women…
with black hair and a big ass.
Then, you need Mirka.
There’s a little Roman there asking for you.
Looking for me?
Perhaps.
- Yes or no? - Is your hair black?
- Yes, why? - Long too?
Do you want to fuck me or to make braids?
No, no, I come on behalf of another.
Why doesn’t he come himself?
He can’t see you. He’s blind.
Ah, I understand! Poor guy!
That’s exactly what you shouldn’t say.
No compassion, or there’ll be trouble…
Not a depraved one, I hope?
Like the humpback who left me black and blue!
No, he’s a gentleman.
So was the humpback!
Where do you live?
Here, on the corner, via Santa Brigida.
Number 9.
We’ll be there in five minutes.
My regards, professor.
Good work, Mirka.
Another whisky?
No, keep the change.
All is fine.
Her name is Mirka.
Good! You want an ice cream?
Would love one.
So, it’s the one from yesterday, right?
Sure. It was close to bakery.
Let’s go then.
And the ice cream?
I want some more, with a lot of cream.
Attack! Let’s amuse the little one.
What little one? Ah!
You’re becoming smart, see?
I can’t see anything! It’s completely black.
Perfect! Fortunately, I have my radar.
Lean on me, I’ll guide you.
The corner… watch out.
I can see clearly now.
Not me yet.
We’re there.
- Should I call? - Wait.
Go ahead, call!
Come in… I’ll go in front.
It’s tiring, more than one hundred steps.
152!
Don’t mind the mess.
I’m Mirka.
I’m Antonio. Can we start?
Come and keep this charming boy company!
Excuse me if I touch. I think it’ll be fine.
Your perfume is a little strong.
You don’t like it? Patchouli, hippy perfume.
Why, are you a hippy?
Close the shutters, and don’t turn on the light.
But, if there is a little light, for you…
it’s the same thing, right?
Sometimes, I don’t like to be looked at.
Excuse me, Miss!
I’ll make a nice coffee.
A true gentleman!
Still unmarried? Must have some pension!
He paid me well, you know.
- You want to benefit from it? - Not thank you, Madam.
No obligation!
Thank you, it’s like if I had accepted.
Have a seat.
Why did you say your name was Antonio?
Do you think her name is Mirka?
If she’s Mirka, I’m Antonio. Go!
Rascal, scoundrel, liar!
It wasn't yesterday’s woman!
Yesterday, she was at her mother’s.
I confused her.
It’s not true, and you know it.
Go on!
Come this way.
That went well, if not I’d break your legs.
Sometimes you forget yourself, right?
I did too, when I was kid.
Did we pass Pisa?
Not yet.
We’re in Pisa.
I know, I’m not deaf!
Are we in for a long stop in Rome?
We’ll see. I have a cousin who is a priest.
Impatient, eh? Some little whore waiting for you?
No little whore.
Then your girlfriend! What’s her name?
- Diana. - Is her hair brown?
Yes… but short.
Short! Because I like long hair?
Afraid I might steal her from you?
Was anybody passing by?
No, nobody.
Why didn’t you want to screw…
Mirka yesterday?
All was paid for.
Fear of diseases? Or do you want to remain a virgin for Diana?
What’s it to you? You’re very indiscreet!
Being nosey with my intimacy?
I’ll throw you out the window!
Tell the truth, you’re thinking:
Why doesn’t he mind his own business!
Me? Upon my life!
We have a visitor.
Man or woman?
Ah, lovely jasmine scents: it’s a woman!
There was an empty seat, but if I’m disturbing…
Think so? No need for formalities!
So, shall we have one?
Pardon?
Teetotaler! Don’t you drink?
Come on! There’s more in the bag.
Food supplies.
Really excellent!
The gentleman thinks he can make fun out of me, eh Ciccio?
Are you cheating, peasant?
Don’t move!
Leaving?
Refusing some conversation with a poor wreck?
But I understand your condition very well.
My condition? What condition?
Do I have a condition, Ciccio?
I don’t know you…
and I’m sorry. If you’ll allow…
I won’t allow anything.
I wanted to introduce myself.
I prefer to be unaware of your useless name.
Remain anonymous, that’s better.
I wanted to tell you something confidential.
I’m drunk! Understood?
That’s fine, it’s fine!
From time to time, to let off steam.
- I always say… - No, nothing, you say nothing!
Shut up!
And leave because I don’t like you!
With your stinking jasmine!
Don’t move!
I’m a real bastard.
A unique and immense bastard.
I should cut it.
Don’t tell me that I don’t amuse you!
He wanted to mock me!
Nobody can have me… not even you.
It’s clear, Ciccio.
What?
In Genoa that night you searched my bag.
I didn’t do it on purpose, it was open.
You did it in hiding, like a maid.
A kick in the ass, the next time!
Now, let me sleep until Rome.
Not a word about the gun.
And he knows that I saw it, of course!
When will we get to Rome? I can’t take it any more.
And the commander said it was a good easy job…
Did you see the gun? - Yes.
Do you know why I have it?
In Naples I have to kill…
someone.
Scared, eh?
That’s enough, sister, pour.
That’s good, thanks.
Here, have the cherry.
And spit out the toothpick.
Here’s your cousin, I think.
Is he coming with his arms spread out like a maid?
Then, it’s him.
Where are you?
How nice to see you again.
Kid, you have two hours of freedom.
Go to the cinema, if you want. Take off!
So, always in good shape, eh?
Ah, this nose!
And you too, always handsome and elegant.
- You still wear the frock? - Yes, except on trips.
And the little bird, how is it?
Do you give it some relief from time to time?
Stop Fausto, what are you saying?
Don’t play dumb! If not, what would you do among those nuns?
Please, Fausto!
Leave them alone, the poor women.
Men and women!
You’re not different from others.
It’s so beautiful here.
Always a marvelous show here.
The evening, Rome lit up!
I’m sorry, Fausto!
Sorry? Why?
Not seeing Rome? I never liked it.
It’s the capital of Turkey for me. A city-trap, treacherous.
Come rather to Naples with me.
Your spiritual assistance for a plate of vermicelli.
Ah, if I could! But I have to so much to do here!
Don’t tell stories!
I feel so useless.
I would like to be a simple priest in the countryside…
in contact with true human miseries.
A heap of bullshit! Thirty seconds to answer:
Do hell, the devil… exist?
No, no, answer! Does the Devil exist?
Yes, the Devil exists. Because evil exists.
No, I speak about the beyond.
Stop, Fausto.
Let’s not speak about that.
Tell me rather…
why you are in Rome.
To see you.
I need your blessing.
Don’t joke.
I’m not joking.
You are already forgiven, Fausto.
Therefore I envy you.
I always envied you, you know.
You will say that I blaspheme, but I think…
that you’re lucky.
Because your suffering always accompanied you.
It stimulates you, releases you, redeems you.
You are saved and I envy you.
What am I saying?
Continue…
I often thought of it, these years.
It seems to me that your cross could be…
your reason for living, your salvation.
I envy the insane, the sick,
innocent children.
Only they can see better than me.
Is it good fortune to be blind?
Perhaps, but not for your reasons.
It is good fortune, because blind men…
can’t see things, they imagine them.
As for me, I don’t imagine anything, I don’t remember anything.
If I could see the world, there…
I would hardly see anything…
but stones, the desert.
No trees or animals, just stones.
Like me, I am a stone.
What about the blessing, then? Cheer up!
A sign of the cross, some nonsense in Latin…
and I’m vaccinated against sin.
Thieves!
No, I’m the one who pours.
What will we do in Naples?
I’ll participate in the Neapolitan song festival.
Don’t ask questions, be a tourist!
- I’m sorry. - It’s nothing, son.
Did you see him?
What’s he doing?
He’s selling lottery tickets.
Now, he’s sitting down.
Buy every one of them and return! Quickly!
Hurry!
That poor fellow has a lot of misfortunes in his life!
His wife beats him.
And he doesn’t react?
He reacts by drinking: nine liters every evening.
One day, they’ll find her strangled.
Who, his wife?
Yes! We’re evil… us, blind men!
Here are the tickets.
We’ve done our daily good deed!
And this girl, is she here?
I don’t know.
They’re all the same! An hour in front of the mirror.
Did the blind man leave?
Did he leave?
He’s leaving. And bowing.
Bowing with his hat!
He’s probably never seen so much money in his life!
I never laughed so much!
I’m glad I didn’t go to the beach.
Mr. Fausto is formidable!
Now listen to this one. This dwarf marries a giantess.
His friends ask him:
“How is it in bed?” and he answers:
“Fine, it’s just that when we make love, I have no one to talk to”
- That’s not funny. - You didn’t understand anything!
Yes, but it’s not funny!
OK, don’t argue.
Tell me where you met each other.
At Viterbo, our birthplace.
I was at the cinema with mom.
This handsome Casanova caresses my knee.
I change places with my mother.
He starts again and she hits him with her bag across his face!
That’s how we met.
My father was transferred and I’m here in Rome.
- What do you do? - I’m a baby-sitter.
Interesting! If it weren’t for the children!
That’s quite true!
Here’s my uncle! Thank you, don’t bother.
I could be your father. Give me a kiss.
No, a little better than that!
Bye Gianni, eh Ciccio, phone me.
I’ll walk you.
No, I’ll go alone.
Thank you for the tickets.
Provided that I win!
If I win, we’ll divide it!
Nice girl! Clear ideas, good direction…
A pure girl.
And a slut!
Why?
C’mon, wake up! Can’t you see?
Eighteen, charming, her father is a…?
A marshal.
And she walks around with a handbag that costs 400,000 liras.
I touched it: it’s crocodile!
And a French perfume: 40,000 the bottle.
Baby-sitter? A pretext…
to play the whore until 3 a.m.! Except for your helmet…
the war…
What, you dodging me? The war is over!
I’ll strangle you!
He’s her uncle like I’m her grandfather!
Waiter! – I’m here - Are you hiding?
Wait, calm down.
Keep the change.
Put up a sign in this place:
“Captain Longview ate very badly here.”
Give me the cane! Where is the cane?
Go on !
We’ll have a nap at the hotel.
- I’m not sleepy. - You will sleep!
Did you call?
Ah, excuse me! Have you seen Ciccio?
The orderly who accompanies me.
Never there when he’s needed.
Do you need something?
Obviously!
He knows that I’m handicapped.
It’s embarrassing.
For the little daily needs…
I’m at the mercy of others.
I wouldn’t dare with an Italian woman…
but you have such a modern Church.
This way, please.
Excuse me, I’ll go in front.
I am also mortified.
To have you open the fly, like a kid…
In addition…
Go ahead my sister, a little patience.
- Where are you from? - Amsterdam.
Ah! What a beautiful young voice, how old are you?
Twenty-two.
Good Ah, then…
Thank you so much.
Hello!
What a voice! Surely her father.
I must have woken him.
And Diana? About to fuck her uncle!
I took her for Diana! The same laughter.
She’s also with her uncle.
Life is becoming hard for us, the young!
Too bad you can’t see: all the girls topless!
They waited until I went blind to authorize these things.
Sit down.
Did you forgot my steak?
No, I didn’t forgot.
Get the steak for mademoiselle!
- Did you phone Diana? - No.
And why?
I don’t care about Diana!
Isn’t she your friend any more?
I had fun with her, that’s all.
Like at the movies, when you caressed her!
Unfortunate little dwarf!
Go dance, go!
No, better not.
No! Me very, very hungry.
Yes, you hungry, me hungry for your large tits!
How about if we leave?
Rome by night. And then, crack!
No, nonpossible! Me here until closing.
OK, then we’ll wait.
And later… we’ll do some things. O.K.?
With kiddy?
Of course, with kiddy!
Oh, steak, look! I like!
Eat steak! Is it good?
It’s not ox, it’s calf,
but good. Taste, kiddy.
You sad, not speak…
Me you don’t like?
You bust my balls.
Ciccio! That’s not the way to answer this young lady!
I’m not Ciccio and I say what I like!
Oh, you not get irritate, you nice kiddy, me kiss you.
Yes, kiss you!
You excuse self, eh?
Excuse me, sir.
I could lock you up for mutiny.
But I forgive you.
Ah, you make peace, and we celebrate, yes?
Another champagne bottle!
Drink you, and be content.
He hasn’t stopped looking at me.
Drink, kiddy!
He’s still doing it! And it makes him laugh!
Ciccio, you still did not taste the calf?
What nerve!
Hey jerk, will you stop
staring?
Are you speaking to me?
Yes, yes, to you!
And what am I staring at?
Don’t play the fool! You’re staring at my wife.
Indeed, I stared at your wife, because I believe…
I saw her a few years ago…
in a place of pleasure called a brothel. Is it possible?
You want a fight!
I have it, eh?
Cheers Cassius Clay!
Where did it land?
The champion!
Let’s touch muscles!
It’s nothing, wait to touch the other!
Ciccio, aren’t you laughing?
Did you see how I landed that punch?
Remember: attack is the best defense!
I’ll remember it!
Let’s play a joke on the Viking!
Let’s do it quietly. Has she left?
Not yet.
100,000 liras for a steak…
the champagne and her tits to paw!
Here she is, she’s leaving.
What’s she doing? Looking for us?
She’s looking everywhere.
- She must be raging mad, right? - And how!
Very good! Now, we can slip by.
Stop if you see an open bar, I’m thirsty.
Ciccio, are you my friend?
Of course.
Friendship is a very serious thing, you know.
You know what is a friend?
Somebody who knows you thoroughly and loves you just the same.
Consider this truth.
What are you doing? But… you’re drunk!
A drunkard who guides a blind man! What a pair!
Hang on, I’ll take the wheel.
Do you at least have the tickets for the baggage?
Let’s run then! It’s the first train to Naples for us!
Seafood is forbidden due to the cholera situation…
but if you want to eat mussels…
I know a place that is supplied by the black market.
It’s expensive, but worth it!
Hey, wake up! You sleep? Look!
This monument, isn’t it the Angevin castle?
How do you do it?
On the corner, they make the best coffee in Naples.
And you sleep instead of admiring this beautiful city!
Excellency, it’s a traffic jam monster.
Go ahead on foot, it’s a couple of steps.
You’re blocking the funeral of a deputy!
Did you grab the bags?
Where are you?
Blow your horns!
Scent of women!
Don’t let go of the bags! It’s Constantinople here.
I kept this Lacrima Cristi for a special occasion.
Cheers, Vincenzo, bring it!
Raphael!
Two glasses!
Here, lieutenant.
Leave, I’ll pour.
Compliments or insults for mom for the meal?
Compliments!
I would give a 7 for the spaghetti,
8 1/2 for the seafood and 10 for the wine.
You drank it all, cheers!
Can Fausto guess the wine?
I would say: Lane Perso, 1970!
71!
Sara, tell mom
that I want to pay my bill.
Why? It’s not the end of the month!
Don’t meddle, do what I say.
Are you drinking the coffee?
Just tasting it to see if it’s good.
It’s for my lieutenant!
Got a light?
Who are all these girls, relatives?
No, childhood friends.
Sara’s mother has a restaurant…
and delivers to the lieutenant.
Tell me, which one would you do?
I like that one.
Right, she’s the best!
See how sexy she is!
- What’s her name? - Sara. But forget about her.
Come, I’ll show you your pad.
Are you Roman too?
Isn’t that obvious?
Did you see my blind man’s house?
Why did you tell me to forget about her?
Because she loves your blind man.
Does he know it?
Yes, but he doesn’t care.
He doesn’t know that she’s beautiful.
Did you see her eyes? And her tits!
It’s the housekeeper’s room.
I do not know why he changed it.
I like it. I’ll take it.
How is your lieutenant?
A little stupid, but a good man.
Do you know how I salute him?
He thinks that I click my heels when he says “at ease”!
Short legs!
I’m bored, I want to play!
I know…
a very nice game!
Blind man's buff.
What are you doing, Fausto?… Madman!
Lieutenant, can I go?
Tomorrow morning, on time, with my yoghourt.
With strawberries?
Don’t salute, you know it’s not necessary.
Are you bored?
I don’t have much fun.
Don’t you like any of these girls? Ines, Michelina,
my sister Candida?
I like you.
Great success!
Do you want to help me?
We’re going to the movies!
To see an adult film!
Everything’s arranged.
Don’t make the mistake of saying “See you” tomorrow.
Thank mom for me.
So, the moment has arrived!
Fausto, what have you decided?
When?
Keep quiet!
The little bitches didn’t leave.
They’re there listening.
Go away!
Tell me about the trip. Where did you stop?
Genoa and Rome.
What about women?
You don’t have to lie, it’s all the same to me.
- Did he have an adventure? - No.
Idiots! They should all jump on his neck!
If you say so.
Did he tell you why he came to Naples?
And me? Did he ever speak about me?
No, but…
But?
I don’t know if I should…
Tell me!
He has your photograph in his bag.
He can’t know that I told you!
Promise!
Look how handsome he is! What a great man!
He’s alone in the world.
He’s also a funny bloody nuisance.
Aren’t you coming?
Hurry!
We’re going to the movies.
The film will start!
Go on, I’ll join you.
Is that you, mademoiselle?
Yes, Fausto. Let me speak to you.
Absolutely not. Shut up.
Understood?
No, I’ll speak.
Ciccio! Where were you hiding?
Sit down there. And don’t move!
I told you not to move!
Tell me at least why you came to Naples.
To show him the northernmost African city.
Don’t joke. I know that Vincenzo phoned you…
but I didn’t think that you would come. Why?
She’s right there…
since you all want to know.
I came for nothing.
And now enough, go home.
Be wise and leave me alone with Ciccio.
We have to talk about a lot of things.
What a beautiful dress, Sara!
The color is especially beautiful.
The color that suits you best.
- And you, Ciccio. - Yes, sir.
Always in my way!
Go admire the landscape!
Stop crying with the piano!
Don’t you know anything merrier?
I have courage… but I’m very afraid.
Fear of what?
How could it be worse for us?
What, do you give up?
No, I agree, Fausto.
Sara wanted to know why I came.
Does she suspect anything?
I don’t think so.
You should be nicer to her, she loves you.
The others also, but she, she’s in love.
You should speak to her.
Are they still virgins, according to you?
Captain, have you gone mad?
They’re kids.
They’re women.
Time never passes for you.
Talk? You’re having a laugh.
I know what they need.
You don’t respect yourself nor anybody else.
Better to hit the sack. Bye, captain.
Good night, my aunt!
An old aunt, that’s what you are.
No respect… no respect.
I ran the barracks at Orbassano.
You , captain, must have heard of me.
A model barracks!
It was until the second year of the war.
Well, I assure you that a cod like ours…
has never again been tasted!
The cook was from Livorno.
The war has its unpleasant aspects, I admit it…
but also its pleasant side.
My soldiers adored me.
Do you know why?
Because I made them sing.
And not war songs!
“I bought a pink doll”.
You remember it…
the pink doll?
“Small like you”.
Colonel, it’s almost four.
Your card game.
You’re right, duty calls.
I’m off!
You see, our misfortune is not so bad.
It’s even good luck.
Rather be a blind man than a moron like this colonel.
An outstanding moron!
Too much of a moron to be only a colonel!
Imagine that…
an alpine company singing…
“I bought a pink doll”!
The colonel was here, he heard everything!
He left without saying a word…
strategic retreat.
I bet you that he did it on purpose.
If I had known, moron wouldn’t have been my only description!
Mr. Fausto, your double whisky.
And for you, the liquor with nuts.
Did you like the fish?
And no bones!
I cooked with my glasses on.
I never wear them! For you, I made an exception.
He wants to throw a party this evening.
He ordered champagne.
What’s the party for?
He didn’t tell me anything…
and I’m his friend.
Friend? Don’t ever dream of it.
And you?
Me?
Nobody understands my love for him.
Except for my father, if he were alive.
You see, my love…
is not a schoolgirl crush.
I simply decided. I chose.
Yes, you chose, but if he’s not interested?
He’ll be, sooner or later.
Without me, there’s no reason for him to live.
Like me without him.
What can they be saying?
I wonder! They haven’t stopped talking.
I have to go there, if not…
No, let’s talk a little more.
Can I ask you a question?
Why fall in love with a blind man…
when there’s so many fine young men?
I know them: stupid, conceited, arrogant.
Thanks. Me too?
Don’t be upset. You dare compare yourself to him?
I’ll teach you a game.
Put on a blindfold…
and try to recognize the furniture…
the objects with your hands…
Have you done it?
Me? Who told you that?
Right, I understand.
- You didn’t understand anything. - How long have you known him?
I was seven. Still a child.
He often came…
to see my father.
They had the same passion for horses.
He had invited us to a horse show.
I didn’t know about him yet…
and I had gone there…
to see Nicolino…
a schoolmate I thought I was in love with.
Then Fausto was going to take us home by car.
I got in the front seat on purpose.
Dad asked me to move…
I felt a lump in my throat.
Not knowing how to hide my tears…
I got off and returned on foot.
I saw him again a year later.
He had already had the accident, but I didn’t know.
Come bathe with us!
Excuse me, I didn’t ask you your name.
Giovanni.
Goodbye and thank you.
My lieutenant, Can I go bathe?
Yes, it will wash you!
Ciccio, come bathe you too!
You want to bathe?
I don’t have a swimming trunk.
Find some underwear.
Come with me first, I want to take a short nap.
- Coming, Vincenzo? - Go ahead.
Here’s number five.
We’re naked! Don’t enter!
They’re naked!
Did you hear that, sucker?
You have the misfortune of seeing, so you can’t come in.
Hello, my dolls!
Where are you, my little ones? The big bad wolf will eat you!
Whose is this…
beautiful rump and these tits?
And these little nipples?
Let me touch, my little sluts!
Why do you flee?
I smell… a scent… of a woman.
Who are you?
Who are you, little one?
Ciccio! You can see, come here.
Don’t miss the show.
I hate you.
They’re calling you, can’t you hear? Go!
Where are you? Here, the cake!
Let’s blow the candles!
Drink, Vincenzo! Who knows what tomorrow holds for us?
What’s she doing?
What kind of question is that? She’s dancing.
She’s dancing, almost naked.
Let’s see if I can guess.
If my hands see correctly, these breasts…
this ass… it’s Ines.
Let me touch…
Yes, it’s Ines! I guessed!
And me, who am I? Guess.
You’re… Candida!
And this one… ah, but it’s…
It’s Sara!
Why did you cut your hair? Go away, Sara!
Give me something to drink.
Vincenzo, are you drinking?
I don’t want to see sad faces!
Fill your glasses!
Fausto, read our palms.
I’d like to slap him.
He ignores me on purpose…
to make me give up: he doesn’t know me!
What if you make him jealous?
How?
By flirting with me.
You’d like that, eh?
Developed Mount of Venus, inclined to sexual love…
You prefer the mattress in the moonlight. And you’re right.
It’s not true, I’m a romantic.
Why did he say: “Who knows what tomorrow holds for us”?
He’s leaving, perhaps.
Giovanni, if he suddenly decides to leave…
in my absence, do you promise to tell me?
I promise.
Will I have children?
No, but take the pill, I don’t want…
to be responsible.
Your job will give you many satisfactions.
Men will give you money.
In short, cashier or whore!
Why, do I dislike him this evening?
Can’t stand him when he’s like this!
If you change your mind, I’m here.
You hear them, those three idiots?
How they clack!
And me Fausto,
will you read my hand?
It’s my turn.
Of course, Sara.
Go ahead, Fausto, read.
What does that hand say?
I’m going back to the barracks, the colonel is waiting!
My lieutenant.
My captain, at your orders!
Stop touching!
One day, you’ll regret it! “I always loved you…”
- Is it you? – Yes, me.
Aren’t you going to sleep?
Fausto please, two words only.
Ok, go ahead, but no sentimental whining.
I wanted to tell you that this winter I’ll be going to study in Turin.
Mom agrees.
Not me.
You cannot forbid it.
Of course not.
But it’s a mistake.
Don’t you make mistakes?
What do you want from me?
Isn’t my life complicated enough?
I want to be close to you.
Why?
- Simply close to you. - What for?
To help a disabled person?
To support me, by your sacrifice?
I can take care of myself!
I don’t need anybody.
Where is the cane? Who took it?
If you don’t need anybody…
find it by yourself!
What’s going on, Fausto?
Nothing, nothing.
It’s past three! Mom will beat us!
What a guy, this Fausto!
He makes me laugh!
Coming with us?
My orders are to walk back with you.
Aren’t you afraid, alone with three girls?
Danger is my trade.
I’ll sit down a moment, I drank too much.
They’re drunk!
And Vincenzino…
completely drunk!
What’s your last name?
Bertazzi.
Listen, Bertazzi. Who would you choose, among us?
For once or always?
Shame on you!
- What do you take us for? - You meant always?
Are you kidding me?
Do you know any dirty stories?
I don’t think so.
Do you know the office story?
Listen, then.
Shut up! Michelina!
Something wrong?
Nothing.
Why is the light out?
Why would he turn them off?
Come quickly!
He’s still breathing!
Are you wounded?
Come help me carry him!
And him?
The others will take care of him.
Come, Fausto.
In his state, you gave him a sleeping pill!
He could die here!
Where are we taking him?
To my mother’s summer house, it’s vacant.
But why escape?
I don’t want him accused!
Loosen his tie, so he can breathe.
Why two shots? Did you understand that?
And did nothing happen to him?
He was drunk. Or afraid.
Not afraid!
Why not? At the last moment, perhaps…
No, he couldn’t have been afraid!
It’s here.
We have to buy a few things. There’s a shop down there.
Buy coffee, cigarettes, rolls.
I should leave, my leave is over.
I’ll wind up in prison.
Barracks or prison, aren’t they similar?
Do you have money?
How long will the sleeping pill last?
Not much, he’s used to them.
What are you doing? He’s not dead.
I know, it was a gesture.
Who is there? Where am I?
Don’t speak.
And Fausto? Where is the captain?
Calm down, rest.
These flowers for the Madonna.
How is he, sister?
Very well, excellent.
He’ll bury us all.
These disabled folks are tough as nails.
What are you doing here?
I’m a journalist, I’m doing my job.
For us, this is news.
Write that a high ranking officer…
having lost the use of his sight…
wanted to clean…
his gun…
and was accidentally wounded.
Why would a blind man clean a gun?
How should I know?.
Mrs. Natalina, when you’re free…
come tomorrow or the day after tomorrow with your daughter Sara…
and this captain. We’ll have a friendly chat…
and the official report will be signed.
- Colonel. - At ease!
- Why all in black? - Didn't he die?
Ah, I’m so glad.
Are you glad or aren’t you?
He doesn’t want me. He drove me out.
- Will he be all right? - Yes.
What will the newspapers say?
You think of the newspapers!
It doesn’t happen every day…
a blind man who…
I forbid you to use that word!
I didn’t ask anything from him.
I didn’t ask for marriage.
To be with him, close to him, nothing else.
A word from him would be enough.
- Has he called? – No.
Go see, perhaps he needs you.
Are you better?
Light me a cigarette.
- Who’s there? - Nobody, we are alone.
Ice, go to the kitchen and get me some ice …
to suck.
There’s no ice here.
Why, where are we?
What time is it?
Eleven a.m.
Where is Sara?
I’ll call her.
Drive her out, I don’t want her here!
I’m not a lion.
I believed… I was mistaken.
I was afraid.
- Who is it? – Be right back.
I was afraid.
Don’t speak, don’t think about anything.
I am a coward.
We’re all afraid.
Rest.
The police chief buried the incident.
We’re in Naples, Ciccio!
I brought you the uniform. I didn’t find the beret.
- How is he? - Better.
She’s with him.
All night, she and you… nothing?
You’re an idiot!
What’s the problem? A man is a man.
- And Sara is hot! - She’s a nice girl.
That shouldn’t stop you from trying, right?
Wait for me over there.
Hurry.
“I always loved you.”
Trust me, I would have tried!
“And you, you loved me!”
Poor Vincenzino, I played a dirty trick on him.
Here, a gift for you.
He didn’t die and I look alive.
Help me.
Even my lighter doesn’t work any more.
Ah, the uniform! It’s clean, right?
Then…
Are you leaving?
Do you want me to phone Turin or your cousin in Rome?
No!
Go! The holidays are over.
The trip wasn’t useless.
You saw so many things!
You saw a man, from close-up.
Ciccio! You know who I am?
Eleven of spades.
It doesn’t exist!
Precisely. A non-existent card.
Not good for any game.
- See you, buddy. - Good-bye, sir…
- Do you want the cane? - Yes.
What are you doing there? Go away!
You and Sara. Go away!
And you?
Don’t worry. Leave.
The fuck out!
You and the other! Take her along!
Do you know how to walk, Sara?
It’s difficult, you know, to walk a blind man.
Subtitles: Mistero Buffo aka scalisto for http://karagarga.kicks-ass.org