《飞出个未来》
futurama is brought to you by...
由Glagnar人皮脆赞助播出
Glagnar's human rinds.
量足又好嚼的人皮脆
it's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!
我感同身受
I Second That Emotion
飞
出
个
由肉类副产品制成
未
来
猪鼻子宠物粮
哦
ooh!
看起来有人很爱猪鼻子
aw, somebody likes snouts.
是在说我吗？
is it me?
哦,我的头
oh, my head!
我宝贝的头！
my precious head!
哦！
oh!
这个傻逼开罐器！
stupid can opener!
你杀死我爸爸现在你又瞄上我了！
you killed my father and now you've come back for me!
你没事吧，Bender?
you all right, Bender?
额，是的，我觉得没事
uh, yeah, i guess so.
但我不明白为什么我们要留着这么个定时炸弹
but i don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around
就是为了这个傻乎乎的动物
just for that dumb animal!
别这样对着Nibble吼
don't yell at Nibbler like that.
你伤害到他的感情了
you hurt his feelings.
来，拍拍他和个好
come on, pet him and make up.
不！
no!
我叫你拍拍他
i said pet him.
我拍
i'll pet him.
我用两只手拍死它！
i'll pet him with both hands!
嗷，我的屁股！
ow, my ass!
下去！下去！
get off! get off!
你没事吧？
are you all right?
没事，咱们法庭上见
eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure!
不是问你
not you.
小可怜
oh, poor baby.
牙齿崩了一个
chipped a fang.
嘿，我屁股被咬了，就这！
hey, i got a busted ass, here!
怎么没人来亲亲它的！
i don't see anyone kissing it!
好，我来亲吧
all right, i'm coming.
动物诊所
修理虚拟宠物
记着
remember:
Rover口服用药
Rover gets the pill
Pepper肛门用药
and Pepper gets the suppository.
下一位
next!
嗷！
ow!
只不过断了颗牙 并不严重
ah, it's just a simple broken fang.
并不严重
nothing serious.
你说什么，医生？
what's that you say there, doctor?
你准备把它安乐死？
you're going to have to put him down?
没，我…但我…
no, i...but i...
那太遗憾了
terrible shame, that.
泻药
我能有这荣幸代劳吗？
shall i do the honors?
不！
no!
用完了没？
you about done?
下次我就不还给你了
next time i'm keeping it.
我相信有颗适合你们宠物的备用牙
well, i believe i have a replacement fang for your pet
就在隔壁
in the next room.
美洲豹不愿意配合
the jaguar didn't want to cooperate
不过幸好它敲掉了我的一颗牙
but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out.
现在，来吧…
now, then...
嘿，Nibble牙上的那些圈圈是什么？
hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang?
额，我还有点晕
um, i'm still a little woozy
我脑袋今早被羚羊踢了
from a gazelle kick this morning
不过可能和树的年轮一个样
but if he's anything like the common tree
圈数代表了它的年龄
the rings might indicate his age.
是啊，好吧，那得加油
yeah, well, good luck.
能数清到底有几圈的得是个天才
it would take some kind of genius to count all those rings.
它五岁了
he's five.
五岁生日快乐，Nibbler
happy birthday, young Nibbler.
看看它穿上新的斗篷多么可爱
aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape.
给我个新斗篷，我也可以很可爱
i'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape.
谁要玩“钉月蛆尾巴” ？
who's playing "pin the tail on the moon maggot"?
我！大家都看看我有多厉害！
ooh, me! everyone watch how good i am!
瞄 准 中
目 标 锁 定
耶！现场观众沸腾了！
yay! and the crowd goes wild!
奖品是什么？钱吗？
what prize do i get, cash?
嘿，快Nibbler
hey, look at Nibbler!
哇哦，他还会拿勺子啊
aw, he's holding a spoon.
他可真能干
he's so talented.
你管这叫能干？
you call that talent?
快来老Bender的身边
gather 'round ol' Bender
我要让你欣赏毕生难忘的表演
and get ready for the show of a lifetime.
现在 他戴上生日帽了！
now, he's wearing a hat!
来吧，大家一起来唱《生日快乐》
come on, let's all sing "happy birthday."
今天是个什么日子
what day is today
Nibbler的生日
it's Nibbler's birthday
生日多美好
what a day for a birthday
快把蛋糕分掉
let's all have some cake.
你闻起来和蛋糕一样甜
and you smell like one, too.
嘿！
hey!
再看这个？
what about this?
Bender
我认为你现在应该在准备这次派对的食物
you were supposed to be cooking for this party.
好，我们吃烤Nibbler吧！
fine. we'll have rack of Nibbler.
就做个蛋糕好了
just make a simple cake.
还有，这次如果有什么要从蛋糕里跳出来，
and this time if someone's going to jump out of it
注：根据后面的剧情，Leela这里指的应该是老鼠
做熟再放他们进去
make sure to put them in afteryou cook it.
那么你就想要个蛋糕，是吗？
so it's a cake you want, is it?
我会做一个你这辈子也不会忘记的蛋糕
i'll make you a cake you'll never forget.
耗子药
注：应该是上次蛋糕里进老鼠了
这就能解决那些烦人的老鼠了
that'll take care of those annoying rats.
现在，做一个美味可口的蛋糕
now, to make a cake so delicious
他们就会崇拜和喜欢我了
they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.
各种等 级鸟蛋
橙汁
自 家 烧 烤 油
面粉
333牛奶
冷藏 简单烘焙
完成！
there!
这下那些混蛋总能明白谁最可爱了
this will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable.
现在检查一下拼写错误
now, all i have to do is spell check it
然后准备享受大家的崇拜吧
and it's ready for my admiring public.
不要！快走开
no! get away from there.
够了
that's it!
生日快乐
happy birthday!
Bender，出什么事…
Bender, what's going...
不！
no!
嘿！没看到我在用厕所吗？
hey, can't you see i'm using the toilet?
Bender，你怎么能把Nibbler冲下厕所呢？
Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?
第一步，我先掀起坐垫
well, step one, i had to lift the seat.
这是第一个小麻烦
that was the first little annoyance.
对吧，兄弟们？
am i right, men?
你一点都不难受吗？
aren't you upset at all?
如果我把Fry冲下厕所你什么感觉？
how would you feel if i flushed Fry down the toilet?
试试就知道了
only one way to find out.
你对别人没有一丁点同情心
you have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings.
当然有
of course i do.
我现在就为你感到难过
right now, i feel sorry for you.
是吗？
you do?
是啊，我意思是
yeah. i mean
你有一个哈密瓜那么大布满红血丝的眼睛
one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye.
你没机会赢选美比赛的，小姐
you ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.
在此我们向我们深爱的宠物Nibbler告别
and so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler
他现在去了一个地方，希望有一天我也能去
who's gone to a place where i, too, hope one day to go--
就是厕所
the toilet.
我会感觉好一些
i wouldn't feel so bad
如果Bender能明白他对我造成的伤害
if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.
告诉我实话吧，医生
give it to me straight, doctor.
别安慰我了
don't sugarcoat it.
好吧
very well.
你全家都死绝了
your entire family died
因为你未婚妻驾驶一架飞机
when a plane piloted by your fiancée
撞上了你家没上保险的房子
crashed into your uninsured home.
而且你的癌症也晚期了
and you have inoperable cancer.
我打赌你没想到会这样，Calculon~
bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!
看来他完全不懂人类的基本情感
it's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion.
我只希望Bender可以感受我的心情，一次就好
i wish just once Bender could feel exactly what i feel.
说实话，通过科学的奇迹
actually, through the miracle of science
那是可以做到的
that can be arranged.
啊哦，难道又是一次疯狂的越界试验
uh-oh. is this going to be another crazy experiment
去前人所未曾去过的科学洪荒？
that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?
这起火箭坠毁悲剧的官方公布死亡人数
the official death toll in that tragic rocket crash
火箭 坠毁
已经上升到了五万四千人
has now been raised to 54,000.
嘿 你们拿我的头准备干吗？
hey, what the hell are you doing with my head?
我需要修理一下
i need to tinker in it.
为什么不修一下Fry这盆栽头？
why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry?
安静
quiet you.
我要给你安装一个共情芯片
i'm installing an "empathy chip."
那就能让Bender体验别人的情绪？
and that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions?
没错，如果你说得“让” 是“逼”的意思的话
yes... if by "allow" you mean "force."
-该死…小心！- 哦，天哪
-ow... ooh... son of a... -oh, dear!
哦，老天
oh, my! uh-oh!
再来一次，老天
once more. my god
现在别动！
steady now!
完成了！
there we go.
现在 我只要调到Leela的情感频率
now, i'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.
老天
my god!
我现在被各种情绪...淹没了
i'm overcome with... feelings.
我现在感到了强烈的渴望....
i'm experiencing a powerful yearning to...
去塞一肚子鲭鱼头
to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads.
那是我，朋友
that's me, baby.
现在，我感觉我不如Leela聪明了
now i'm worried that i'm not as smart as Leela.
但是
but at the same time
好在我比她可爱
i feel relieved that i'm cuter than her.
额，那是我
uh, that's me.
谢谢替我掩护
thanks for covering.
这次我在想念Nibbler
this time i miss Nibbler
而且我觉得自己爱管闲事还固执己见
and i'm feeling nosy and opinionated.
没错！
bingo!
那是Leela
that's Leela.
谢谢，教授
thank you, professor.
很高兴Bender终于可以体会我的痛苦了
i'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain.
高兴...我喜欢这个情绪
happy...i like this feeling.
别变回你万年郁闷的情绪了
just don't revert to your usual mopey self.
我才不郁闷！
i'm not mopey.
你闭嘴！
you shut up.
生气？
anger, huh?
你竟敢让我感到生气
how dare you make me feel anger
你这个养死宠物的独眼龙！
you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!
多谢你带我出来，amy
thanks for taking me out, amy.
我觉得我已经没那么难受了
i feel slightly less miserable already.
嘿！你知道该怎么让自己振作起来吗
hey, you know what would cheer you up?
你应该养一只小狗
you should get yourself a puppy.
小狗？
a puppy?
Nibbler超爱吃小狗的
Nibbler loved to eat puppies.
你怎么了？
what's your problem?
我想念Nibbler
i miss Nibbler.
真的假的？
you do?
见鬼，当然不了！
hell, no!
这是Leela的愚蠢情绪
it's Leela's stupid feelings.
她为什么就不能喝个痛快就像个普通人那样
why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?
哦，嫉妒
uh-oh, jealousy.
你当自己多火辣呢！
you think you're so hot!
啥？
wha...?!
你能吸引那些男的
the only reason you get all the guys
全都因为你穿得像个站街女
is because you dress like a tramp.
她们只是喜欢我的个性
they're just responding to my personality.
额，Leela，Armando和我
uh, Leela, Armando and i
要到他车后座去喝咖啡
are going to the backseat of his car for coffee.
你一个人在这里没关系吧？
you going to be all right here by yourself?
没事 我一个人也很开心
sure. i'm having a great time.
真的，你们去享受自己的时间吧
really-- you two go enjoy yourselves.
我好孤独
i'm so lonely.
我要去吃一大桶冰淇淋
i'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.
一大桶...
a bucket...
勺子在爽足粉里
the spoon's in the foot powder.
我觉得我已经无能为力了
i'm at the end of my rope.
没有小可怜Nibbler，我一分钟都活不下去了
i can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler.
可惜它不是短吻鳄
too bad he wasn't an alligator.
你知道，短吻鳄被冲进下水道也能活
you know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers.
-真的吗？-没错
-really? -yep.
我朋友的表哥的社工曾经见过一次
my friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once.
这算是一个公认的事实
it's a widely believed fact.
唔，下水道...
hmm, sewers.
思考，思考，思考
thinking, thinking, thinking.
挺住，Nibbler！
hang on, Nibbler!
Bender叔叔来救你了
Uncle Bender's coming to save you.
该死，太小了
damn, it's too small.
人类究竟设计这个出来干嘛的？
what do those humans design this for, anyway?
啊哈！ Bender，进一球，厕所，0分
aha! Bender, one. toilet, zero.
下边见啦
see you on the other side.
Bender？Bender？
你有看到我的草帽吗？
have you seen my sombrero?
这次他把自己冲下厕所了？
now he's flushed himselfdown the toilet?
下一个他要冲谁？
who's he going to flush next?
嘿，都是你的错
hey, it's your fault.
他把冲自己下去
he only flushed himself
是因为你的情绪让他很难受
because your emotions made him feel bad.
你说得对
you're right.
我就是觉得很糟糕
i feel terrible.
哦，好极了
oh, great.
你现在让他感觉更糟了
now you're making him feel worse.
我们得到下水道去找他
i guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him.
你疯了吗？
are you crazy?
下面可是有变种人的
there's mutants down there.
他们会活吃了你
they'll eat you alive.
他们吓死个人！
they're hideous!
根本没有变种人这种事
there's no such thing as mutants.
那就是个可笑的都市传说
that's a ridiculous urban myth.
话可不要说得太满
oh, don't be so sure.
很多科学家相信
many scientists believe
人类到了那下面也许会变异
humans really could mutate down there
因为会接触有毒垃圾、放射性废料
due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff
还有全美国堆积的粪便
and good old american feces.
天佑美利坚
god bless america.
女士优先
ladies first.
额！真是回味无穷啊
ugh! and the aftertaste.
咋了？
what is it?
烧到手了
i burned my finger.
好了，查查《下水道漫游指南》
okay, check the guidebook.
看起来我们在公园大道下面
looks like we're under park avenue.
哦，还不错哦
ooh, ritzy.
想想看，这些之前都可能来自慈善午餐会
just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the met.
等下，那是什么？
wait, what's that?
早知如此，我就不该扔掉我自己的说明书
i never should have thrown out the manual.
Bender，你没必要来这里的
Bender, you didn't have to come down here.
我知道，可我想Nibbler想得要死
i know, but i just missed Nibbler so much.
他多可爱啊
he was so cute.
他多活泼啊
he was so sweet.
额，这些感情真让我觉得恶心
yuck. this emotional display is making me nauseous.
也有可能是因为这边的东西让我恶心
or maybe it's whatever that is.
Nibbler?
没指望了
it's no use.
我们还是回去吧
we'd better turn back.
回去的路在哪，Fry？
which way, Fry?
根据这个地图来看出去的唯一的路就是通过…
hmm. according to this map, the only way out is through...
那个管子
that pipe.
别担心，1英里之后就会变宽敞
don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile.
-傻逼 -傻逼
-idiot. -idiot.
好了，好了，算啦
okay, okay, never mind.
我准备去向那些人问路
i'll just ask those people for directions.
变种人！
mutants!
变种人！
mutants!
他们真的存在
they're real.
我来对付他们
i'll take care of this.
退后，退后
back. back.
谢谢，帅哥
thanks, handsome.
请别害怕
please, do not be frightened.
我们是无害的
we're harmless.
我有三只胳膊
i have three arms.
我说无害，不是无臂
i said harmless, not armless.
别理他
lay off him.
他只有一只耳朵
you know he's only got one ear.
嘿，难道你们不应该来吃我们的脑子吗？
hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains?
你们是变种人
you're mutants.
变种人？
mutants?
也许你们才是变种人
perhaps it is you who are the mutants.
别闹了，dwayne
please, dwayne.
你去照照镜子吧！
have you looked in a mirror lately?
欢迎来到我们小村
welcome to our village.
虽然不是巴黎那种大都市，但却有...某种奇特的魅力
it may not be paris, but it has a certain...quaint charm.
对我来说，整个世界都换不来
that , for one, wouldn't trade for the world.
你们知道自己住在下水道里的，是吧？
you guys realize you live in a sewer, right?
也许吧
perhaps.
但是也许你们的文明
but perhaps your civilization
也只是头顶上一个更高阶文明的下水道而已
is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you.
不会，我们已经到顶了
no, we're on the top.
阳光明媚，万事美好
daylight and everything.
哦
oh.
听起来很不错
it must be wonderful.
额
eh.
听着。我们到这里来
listen, we actually
只是为了寻找我们的宠物Nibbler
came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.
它被冲下厕所了
he got flushed down the toilet.
好吧，如果它被冲下厕所
well, if he got flushed down the toilet
大概就在这里
he probably came through here.
所有东西都会这样
everything always does.
跟我来吧
follow me.
我们所有的东西都是从你们的厕所冲下来的
all that is ours was once flushed down your toilets.
那里是我们的水族馆
over there is our aquarium.
这里是图书馆
this is our library.
注：Ayn Rand是美国当代最有影响力的思想家
只有翻烂的色情杂志和Ayn Rand的书
nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand.
那边是我们的教堂
and over here is our church.
喔~你们崇拜一颗没有爆的核弹？
wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?
是，但没人那么虔诚
yeah, but nobody's that observant.
只有圣诞节和复活节才拜
it's mainly a christmas and easter thing.
Nibbler?
来爸爸这里，甜心宝贝
come to daddy, sweetie-ookums.
那被冲下厕所的短吻鳄
so, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet
也都生活在这里吗？
survive down here?
没有，那都是都市传说
no. that's just an urban legend.
这些是什么？
then what are those?
鳄鱼
crocodiles.
我们当宠物养
we keep them as pets.
如果长得太大
then, when they grow too large
我们就把他们冲进下“下水道”里
we flush them down into the sub-sewer.
有人说那底下生活着变“变种人”
some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there.
拜托，那只是地下都市传说
please, that's just a sub-urban legend.
哦？那你也一定不相信…
oh? then i suppose you also don't believe in...
El Chupanibre
El Chupanibre？那是什么？
El Chupanibre? what's that?
过来，孩子们
gather 'round, children
来听听Chupanibre的传奇故事
for the legend of El Chupanibre.
他随风潜入寂静夜色
he creeps and crawls in the midnight hush
就像马桶轻轻冲水
silent as a low-flow toilet flush
小心你的脚步，因为迟早有一天
watch your step, 'cause sooner or later
他会活吞你，还有半只你的短吻鳄
he'll eat you whole and half your alligator.
是鳄鱼
crocodile.
随便吧
whatever.
等下，我们的宠物Nibbler很爱吃新鲜的鳄鱼
wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile.
那是他最爱的点心
it's his favorite treat.
他肯定就是Chupanibre
he must be El Chupanibre.
嘿，是啊
hey, yeah.
是你们把El Chupanibre放到我们这里来的？
you unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us?
那你们就是我们的死对头了
then you are our sworn enemies.
你们不明白
you don't understand.
它绝对不会伤人的
he would never hurt people.
让我们来帮你们抓住它
let us help you capture him.
不可能
impossible.
如果传说是真的
if the legend is true
我们唯一的希望就是定期拿活人来献祭
our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice.
是的，要纯洁的处女
yes, an unspoiled virgin.
我报名
i volunteer.
你想得美，Leela
nice try, Leela
但是我们都看过Zapp Brannigan的主页了
but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.
哦，我让自己难受了
oh, i made myself feel bad.
就用她来献祭，绑到柱子上去
she'll have to do. chain her to the post.
领口撕开一些
and rip her shirt a little.
看，一旦El Chupanibre来抓这个...“处女”
behold. when El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin"
他会被这个绳圈吊起来
he will be snared by this rope trap.
El Chupanibre要来了
El Chupanibre comes soon.
快天黑了
it is nightfall.
天黑
nightfall?
你在这底下靠什么判断的？
how can you tell down here?
涨潮了
the tide is coming in.
安静，那只野兽在靠近了
quiet. the beast approaches.
Nibbler!
啊，快到这来，小宝贝
ah, come here, precious.
大家，你们看这就是你们的El Chupanibre
look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre.
那不是El Chupanibre
that's not El Chupanibre.
你说什么？
say what?
那才是El Chupanibre
that's El Chupanibre.
我来搞定它
i'll take care of this.
Bender，做点什么
Bender, do something.
我脚软了
i'm too scared.
Leela，你的恐惧传给Bender了
Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender.
如果你担心Nibbler的话，那就快别担心了
if you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him.
我做不到
i can't.
我爱世间万物
i love every living creature.
也包括我？
even me?
只把你当朋友
as a friend.
该死
damn.
听我说，Leela
listen to me, Leela.
在漠不关心这点上我才是专家
i'm an expert at not caring.
秘诀就是把别人看得一文不值
the secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else
只关心你自己想要的东西
and start thinking of the things that you want--
还有你应得的
that you deserve--
同时全世界都欠你的
that the world owes you.
哦，我得有一件新背心
well, i could use a new tank top.
野心大点，大点！
bigger! bigger!
一件时髦的背心，还要镶满宝石的定制皮鞋
a fashionable tank top,and designer boots encrusted with jewels.
不要停
don't stop now.
你还需要裤子来搭配
you'll need some pants to go with that outfit.
没错
yeah.
如果不需要养笨蛋Nibbler我全都买得起
and i could afford it all if i didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler.
Bender复活了
Bender is back.
我来救你了，Nibbler
i'll save you, Nibbler.
Bender要挂了
Bender's going to be killed!
你知道我还应该有点什么吗？
you know what else i could use?
去那些很赞的温泉度周末
a weekend at one of those fancy spas.
还有瑞士黑巧克力
and a toblerone.
耶！你成功了
yay! you did it!
我们来个卫生纸大游行
let's have a tissue tape parade.
不，谢了
no, thanks.
过来，孩子们，来听我讲Bender的传奇故事
gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender.
他从天而降，带着…
he came from above with...
我得等上好几年
it's going to be many a year
才会有另一根琴弦被冲下来了
before someone flushes anotherguitar string.
真是一个恶心的故事
that was a disgusting story.
真是多亏了Bender
and it's all thanks to Bender.
我爱你Bender
i love you, Bender.
我也爱你
i love you, too.
赶紧把该死芯片拆了
get that stupid chip out of me
趁我还没自我了断
before i kill myself.
Bender，说了你都不信
Bender, you won't believe this
这个共情芯片已经烧掉了
but the empathy chip burned out.
你对Nibbler的感情其实是你自己的
the emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own.
看来Bender好好上了一课啊
huh. looks like Bender learned an important lesson
终于学会了尊重别人的感受了
about respecting other people's feelings after all.
哦，我搞错了
no, i'm wrong.
芯片在以三倍功率运转
the empathy chip was running at triple capacity.
我什么感觉也没有嘛
and i still barely felt anything.
晚安，废物们
good night, losers.
也许我没教会Bender什么
you know, Bender may not have learned anything from me
但是我觉得他给我上了一课
but i think i actually learned something from him.
回头见，蠢货们！
so long, jerkwads!
回见
so long.