马修和莉莉在一起相爱了九年 Marshall and Lily had been together for nine wonderful years,
直到有一天莉莉 甩了马修跑到了三藩市 until she dumped him and ran off to San Francisco.
很长的一段时间里马修都萎靡不振 The healing process was taking a long time.
然后忽然有一天 他向前迈出了一大步 Then, one night, he made a giant leap forward.
好啦 我先走了 All right, I'll see you guys later.
我送你出去 I'll walk you out.
再见 See ya.
你刚才瞄了一眼罗宾的屁股 You just checked out Robin's ass.
什么?我没有!巴尼 我刚才... What? No! No, Barney, I was...
老兄 这真是太棒了 Dude, that's awesome.
你终于忘记了那个红头发的矮子 You're finally forgetting about that short redhead.
她叫莉莉 Lily.
哦对!莉莉!谢谢提醒 我想了一个晚上 快要疯掉了 Yes, Lily. Thank you. That was going to drive me crazy all night.
泰德 马修刚才在瞄你女朋友的屁股 Hey, Ted, Marshall just checked out your girlfriend's ass.
- 我没有 泰德 我... - 这真是太好了 - I did not, Ted, I... - That's awesome.
你终于振作起来了 You're finally getting better.
我一直都在期待这一刻的到来 This is the moment I've been waiting for.
从今晚开始 我要教你怎样享受生活 Starting tonight, I am going to teach you how to live.
泰德 你错过了你的机会 你出局 换马修上场 Ted, you had your chance. You're out; Marshall's in.
- 得救了! - 我完了 - Yes! - Oh, God.
马修 一个单身汉 生活在纽约就像... Marshall, being a single guy in New York City is like...
什么东西人人喜欢? What's something everybody likes?
糖果 Candy.
对 就像逛糖果店 Yes, it's like being in a candy store.
你大步走进去 随手抓一把Whoppers (Whoppers是一种粒状麦芽巧克力糖） You just walk right in and grab yourself some Whoppers.
我说得不错吧 Yeah.
Whoppers是最好吃的吗? Is Whoppers the best one?
Mounds也很好吃 （一种椰味巧克力糖） Mounds.
还有Milk Duds (粒状焦糖夹心巧克力奶糖） Milk Duds.
还有Gobstoppers (一种多色多层口味的糖果） Gobstoppers.
我们这样持续了一个小时 This went on for another hour;
我就直接跳到后面吧 I'll just skip to the end.
- 还有Dubble Bubble (一种泡泡糖) - 好样的! - Dubble Bubbles. - Nice!
马修 我们说到做到 Marshall. We're doing this.
你一定要答应我 I am not taking no for an answer.
随你便了 Fine.
罗宾 马修刚才有偷看你的屁股 Hey, Robin. Marshall checked out your ass.
泰德 你脑子进水啦? Ted, what is wrong with you?
他偷看我的屁股? He checked out my ass.
代我向他说谢谢 本来还觉得今天我的屁股状态不佳 Hey, tell him thanks. I felt like I was having a bad ass day.
酷 再见 Cool, see ya.
莉莉 Lily.
你的屁股状态不错 It is a great ass.
我们三个月没有见到莉莉了 None of us had seen Lily in three months.
我们有好多的问题想问她 There were so many unanswered questions,
好多的话想对她讲 so many things to say.
你的发型好可爱 Your hair is adorable.
与此同时 巴尼正带着马修在酒吧结识女人 Meanwhile, Barney was taking Marshall out to meet women
这是马修17岁以来 第一次和女人搭讪 for the first time since he was 17.
你认识马修吗? Hi. Have you met Marshall?
你看我的手都出汗了 - Hi. - Hi. Look how sweaty my hands are.
说起汗这个东西 它还挺奇怪的 不是吗? It's weird, right? Uh, sweat?
臭哄哄的水从皮肤里流出来 Like, this smelly water coming out of your skin.
再见 It was nice meeting you.
对不起 打扰一下 I-I-I hate to interrupt, but, uh,
你喜欢魔术吗? do you like magic?
还可以吧 Um, I guess.
哦 天啊! (巴尼左手写着'还可以吧' 右手写着'哦 天啊') Oh, my God!
言归正传 这个马修可是非常出色 Anyway, Marshall here is awesome.
他发明的袋装沙拉 Salad in a bag? His idea.
你昨天晚上表现得好极了 Dude! You were awesome last night.
你风度翩翩 而且幽默感十足 You were charming, you were funny,
你把那个女孩完全搞定了 you were totally working that girl.
最后你带她回家了 You went home with her.
是的 你说得很对 Yes, I did.
但是 她告诉我如果昨晚我不在场 But she told me that if it wasn't for me,
她就会跟你回家 you would have had a shot with her,
所以呢 你就假装她跟你回家了 so, in hypothetical terms, you scored last night.
好样的! All right!
假装来一个击掌 Hypothetical high five.
棒极了! Nice.
好 今天晚上 我们去酒吧 然后... All right. Tonight, we're going to go to the bar...
巴尼 我再也不会和你出去玩了 Barney, no, I am not going out with you ever again.
别这样啊 我会教你我所有的绝招 Come on! I'll, I'll teach you all of my strategies.
才怪 Oh, really?
我最喜欢的第七招 My favorite, number seven:
在你身上制造一种神秘感 create a mystery about yourself.
那样去勾出她们的好奇心 让她们整晚围着你团团转 That way, they become so intrigued, they have to hang out with you all night.
说实话 这招灵吗? Oh, come on, does that really work?
也许灵 也许不灵 Maybe it does, and maybe it doesn't.
混账 我的好奇心被你勾出来了 好吧 我要用这一招 Damn it, that's intriguing. Okay, I'm in.
- 我有重要的事情要告诉你 - 你绝对不会相信刚才发生了什么 - I have something you've got to hear. - You will not believe what just happened.
你先说 You go first.
我在地铁里捡到了 一枚1939年的硬币 I found a 1939d penny on the subway.
我真无法想象隐藏 在这个小铜币里面的故事... Just imagine the kind of history this little copper guy...
莉莉回来了 Lily's back in town.
那你还让我先说? And you let me go first?
你见到她了吗? Have you seen her?
见到了 今天我还帮她找公寓 Yeah. I actually went apartment-hunting with her today.
她过得怎么样? How's she doing?
你不会喜欢我的答案 You're not going to like it.
我过得好极了 I am doing great.
这个夏天是我一生中最完美的夏天 This summer, best thing ever!
三藩市是现在最火爆的城市 San Francisco is so happening right now.
她很快乐? She's happy?!
马修过了他一生中最糟糕的一个夏天 而她却逍遥自在 Marshall had the worst summer of his life, and she's happy.
我猜她的艺术课一定让她很充实 Yeah, and I suppose her art program was all fulfilling or whatever.
我上的艺术课是世界上最棒的 Oh. The art program-- best thing ever.
天啊 Oh, my God.
这是你的杰作 This is your best work.
我教了这么多年的书 我从来没有见过这么... In all my years teaching, I've never seen anything so...
不用多说 这就是艺术 Needless to say, this is art.
我无法再教你了 I can't teach you anything.
但是SF最好的地方就是... But the best part of S.F.--
我们都管三藩市叫SF Oh, that's what we call San Francisco--
那里的人 the people.
仅仅乘坐公交车 Even just riding around on the bus all summer.
就让我认识了琳琅满目的人 It was like a human tapestry.
我是迈克 Hi, I'm Mike.
我是个和尚 兼冒险游记作家 I'm a Buddhist monk slash adventure-traveler writer.
我是珀拉 我在一个专门 为儿童演唱的朋克乐队里唱歌 I'm Paula. I sing in a punk band for children.
真的 Yeah.
我是丹 我是脑部神经医生 I'm Dan, I'm a neurosurgeon.
顺便说一句 你美貌惊人 You are stunning, by the way.
哇!我真为你感到高兴 Wow. I'm so happy for you.
啊!她真是个... Oh, she's such a...
她对马修做出那种事情 她应该垂头丧气地跑回来 After what she did to Marshall, she should come back here devastated,
趴在地上被羞辱 与后悔折磨得痛不欲生 crawling on all fours over the broken glass of her own shame and regret.
你总是这么中立 我很钦佩这一点 You never chose sides. I respect that.
她难以置信 真是难以置信 She's unbelievable. Unbelievable.
难以置信?什么东西难以置信? Unbelievable? What's unbelievable?
听好了 马修 Oh. Listen, Marshall.
泰德在地铁上找到了一枚硬币 很老的硬币 却很有意思 Ted found a penny on the subway, and it's old, and that's interesting.
有你的 Way to go.
首先说明一下 那枚硬币的确很有意思 Okay, first of all, that is interesting.
还有 我们必须告诉他 Second, we have to tell him.
不行 他刚刚有些好转 开始和巴尼出去玩了 No, we don't. He's just starting to get better, going out with Barney.
你不想想当他听到莉莉 已经不再在乎他了的时候 I mean, how do you think he's going to feel
他会有什么样的感觉 when he hears Lily's moved on?
- 她已经对他没有感情了? - 这是很正常的事 - She's moved on? - It happens.
我以前和别人分手的时候 感情转变得比莉莉都快 I've fallen out of love faster than that before,
有时候 就一下! 没有任何征兆 sometimes, boom, with no warning whatsoever.
头一天我们还在热恋 第二天我就心如死灰 One day we're in love, the next day, he's dead to me.
但是这样的事情 绝对不会发生在我们之间的 But we're great.
宝贝 Honey.
好了 我们现在来复习一下 我发明的"做爱无需恋爱"的规则 Now, let's review Barney's rules for mating without dating.
第二课 第五步 Lesson two, corollary five.
让一个漂亮的女人 感觉自卑而且没有魅力 Make a beautiful woman feel self-conscious and unattractive
然后她就会任你摆布 and she'll be putty in your hands.
出色极了 你挑好你今晚的晚餐了吗 Excellent. Have you chosen your entree?
挑好了 红头发的小美人 八点钟的方向 I have. Sweet brunette, eight o'clock.
九点半 十点 半 Nine o'clock. Ten... thirty.
她走到了吧台 She's walking to the bar.
- 她?你真的看上了? - 是啊 - Her? Really? - Yeah.
你是对的 雄心是成功的敌人 No, you're right. Ambition is the enemy of success.
行了 上啊 Okay. Hit it.
怎么了 四眼儿 你散光吗? What's the matter, four eyes, you got astigmatism or something?
我只是想轻松地 驱除你的戒备心理 I'm sorry, I was trying to playfully disarm you,
但是我刚刚走出 一段很长的恋爱关系 but I just got out of a long relationship.
我在做什么啊 I have no idea what I'm doing.
我叫马修 I'm Marshall.
马修 我是艾米 Hi, Marshall. Amy.
别担心 我有类似经历 Don't worry. I've been there.
稍等 Hold on.
不错的候补策略 管用了 Nice recovery. I think it's working.
艾米 我是我的朋友 巴尼 Um, Amy. This is my friend, Barney.
巴尼 这是艾米 Barney, this is Amy.
巴尼 很高兴认识你 Hi, Barney. Nice to meet you.
艾米 你喜欢 魔术吗? Hi. Amy, do you like... magic?
- 我恨你 - 我真的很抱歉 - I hate you. - I am so sorry.
这是一个疾病 我才是真正的受害者 It's a sickness. I'm the real victim here.
两次了 Twice.
连续两次你拿走了我的糖果 那是我的糖果 Twice in a row, you took my candy. That was my candy.
- 我知道 但是今晚 - 算了吧 - I know, but tonight... - No. Forget it.
你真是个混蛋 You're such a jackass.
我以为你要叫我混球呢 I thought you were gonna call me a jerk.
好了 对不起 我会弥补我的过失的 All right, I'm sorry. I will make it up to you.
今晚 我们要去 纽约大学旁边的一个酒吧 Tonight, we'll go to a college bar near NYU--
蝎子与蟾蜍 The Scorpion and the Toad.
我认为在一个年轻的群体里 你会显得更成成熟 更老练 I figure in a younger crowd you'll seem more mature, more worldly
再加上你是法学系三年级的学生 你比他们都聪明... and, as a third-year law student, more smarter.
好吧 但是你不许变魔术 Okay, but no magic.
你怎么把自己变没了 How did you do that?
我撒尿呢 傻瓜 I'm taking a leak, dumb ass.
第二天 我和罗宾一起 帮助唠叨婆莉莉去找公寓 The next day, Robin and I went apartment-hunting with aunt Lily.
我需要足够的空间去捕捉我的梦想 But I need the freedom to really chase my passion,
我的梦想是画画 可是现在我又迷上了音乐 which was painting, but now I think it's music
或者演讲 或者两个都是我的梦想 or spoken word-- maybe both.
天啊 生活真是太精彩了 God! Isn't life amazing?
能见到你真是太美好了 泰德 It is so great to see you, Ted.
我去锁箱里取我的钥匙 I'm going to get the key from the lockbox.
怎么了? What?
她痛苦极了 她意识到自己犯了一个巨大的错误 She's miserable. She's realized she's made a huge mistake.
她和马修在一周之内就会和好 我高兴死了 Her and Marshall will be back together in a week. I love it!
不是这样的 你只是希望莉莉会痛苦 Um, no. You just want Lily to be miserable.
而事实上她很快乐 The truth is, she's happy.
我不会错的 我认识莉莉九年了 Trust me. I've known Lily for nine years.
我也不会错的 我是个女生 Trust me. I'm a girl.
但是你是加拿大人 Yeah, but you're Canadian.
- 你为什么来拿这说事 - 因为你是我们奇怪的北方邻居 - Why do you always have to bring that up? - You're our weird neighbors to the north.
- 你怎么总是哪壶不开提哪壶 - 我赌你五元 我赌她依旧喜欢马修 - You bring it up every time. - Five bucks says she still wants Marshall.
好的 You're on.
五"美"元 Five American bucks.
讨厌 Damn it.
我们怎样从莉莉那里找出真相 Okay, so how do we get the truth out of her.
龙舌兰酒 她的弱项 Tequila. It's her weakness.
三杯酒下肚 你让她说什么她都会告诉你 Three shots, she'll tell you the truth about anything.
我希望这就是我的新家 I hope this is my new home.
我要刚才看的第一所公寓 Yeah, I'm going to take that first apartment.
马修·埃里克森 穿上你的西服! Marshall Eriksen, suit up!
绝对不可能 No way.
那你穿这件也不错 Yeah, you're good in that.
- 我们走! - 等一下 - Let's go. - Wait.
把你的口袋掏空 Empty your pockets.
快点 Come on.
- 走啦 - 还有你的袖子 - Come on, let's... - Sleeves.
- 里面没东西 - 真的吗? - There is nothing in my... - Oh, is that right?
我们走 Let's go.
- 我耳朵后面 - 你耳朵后面什么也 - Behind my ear. - There is nothing behind your...
我在读本科法律 但是课业量快累死我 Yeah, I'm in pre-law. The workload's killing me, though.
我完全理解 我是哥伦比亚大学 三年级的法律系学生 所以... Oh, tell me about it. I'm third year at Columbia Law, so...
如果真是课业量害死你的 我就可以帮你辩护 if the workload does kill you, I can probably get a conviction.
不错吧 Yeah.
你一定是学化学的 You must be majoring in chemistry,
因为我感到我们之间已经... 'cause what I'm picking up between us is, uh...
她一定处于大学同性恋迷茫期 College lesbian phase.
我要走了 但是如果能再见到你该有多好 Listen, I got to go, but it'd be great to see you again.
是啊 多好啊 Yes, it would.
多么多么地好啊 It really would.
那么 也许我会在这里再碰见你 Well, maybe I'll see you here sometime.
不太可能 我从来不来这里 Probably not. I'm never here, so...
你可以问我要电话号码 You know, I do have a phone number.
好的 Great.
好的 Nice.
- 我是巴尼 - 哦 又来了 - Hi, I'm Barney. - Oh, no.
你可以为我的朋友 留下你的电话号码? Do you... mind giving my friend your phone number?
当然 Sure.
我做到了! 我要来了一个女孩的电话号码 Whoo! I did it! I got a girl's phone number.
她的笔迹非常秀气 你看! Oh, and her handwriting is so cute, look.
我要带她去吃中餐 Oh, I'm gonna take her out for Chinesr food
然后我们到公园散步 and then maybe we'll walk through the park.
那将会是多么 怎么了? It'll be so... what?
对不起 兄弟 这个也归我了 Sorry, buddy, I'm taking this one, too.
我要杀死你! I'll kill you!
然后呢?我发现了 这个叫北滩的地方 And then, I discovered this area, North Beach.
世界级的沙滩! Best beach ever!
我没完没了地说着我的夏天 Oh, I've been blabbering on about my summer.
你们俩过得怎么样? How are you guys doing?
对了 马修怎么样了 And hey, how's Marshall?
- 把名片给我! - 我不会给你的 - Give me the card! - I'm not giving you any card.
- 我发誓我要得到! - 你不会得到 - I swear...! - You are not getting...!
好极了 Terrific.
那真是太好了 等一下 That is so good to hear. Oh, hold on.
这可能是关于公寓的 This could be about the apartment.
我们喝过了头 错过了莉莉"酒后真言"的阶段 Okay, we're way past truth-telling-Lilly
而接下来就是"狂欢的莉莉"阶段 and about to hit Cinco-de-Mayo-1998-Lilly
我可不想收拾残局 and I'm not cleaning that up again.
所以祝贺你 你赢了 So, congratulations, you win.
她是真的很快乐 She's happy.
我没得到 I didn't get it.
那第一所公寓 我... That first apartment, I...
我等得太久了 然后 I waited too long and...
被别人抢先得到了 somebody else got it.
有意思 Interesting.
哇!莉莉 你... Wow, Lily, you, uh...
看上去对于失去 一所公寓反应很强烈 seem to be having a pretty strong reaction on losing an apartment.
我不知道是不是因为这让你想起了 一些因为你无法忠守诺言 I wonder if it's because it reminds you of something else you lost
而失去的东西 because you couldn't commit.
不是的 莉莉 你在为那所公寓美丽的护墙而哭 No, Lily, you're crying over the crown molding
还有真正的硬木地板 没有什么更深层的意义 and the real hardwood floors. There's no deeper meaning.
不是吗 莉莉 别哭了 快点告诉他 Right, Lily? Just quit crying and tell him.
那所公寓象征着马修 The apartment is a metaphor for Marshall.
- 住手! - 你想看看 - Stop it! - You don't want to see...
- 我生气时候的样子? - 这是我的名片! - ..what I'm like when I'm angry. - It's my card!
住手!等一下! Stop! Hold on!
如果我们不能 像绅士一般解决这个问题? If we can't settle this like gentlemen,
那么谁也得不到这个电话号码 then no one gets the number.
- 不!停车 - 什么 ? - No! Stop the cab. - Wha...?
等等 回来 马修!! No, wait. Come on. Marshall!
第一大道 81街 谢谢 81st and First, please.
她的确有很秀气的笔迹 Ah, she does have cute handwriting.
对于酒后症状 The thing about a hangover
每个人都有自己特殊的解药 is that everyone has their own special remedy.
大家早上好 你们想点些什么? Morning, guys. What can I get you?
给我来一个最干 最油腻的金枪鱼三明治 Shh! Bring me the dirtiest, greasiest tuna melt you got.
再来一杯奶昔 And a milkshake.
先生 你要点什么 For you, sir?
火鸡卤汁 Gravy.
你想把火鸡卤汁拌着什么一起吃? You want that gravy on something?
你来决定吧 Surprise me.
如果我男朋友不坐在这里 我就把火鸡卤汁拌着你一起吃 I'd take you with gravy if my boyfriend wasn't sitting right here.
开玩笑 我什么也不要 Just kidding. I'm good.
你为什么这么兴高采烈? What are you so chirpy about?
她还在撒酒疯呢 She's still drunk from last night.
胡说 I don't think so.
如果你这么想和马修和好 Whoo! Look, if you want Marshall back so bad,
你怎么在两天时间里 都没有提起他? how come it took you two days to even ask about him?
我贼想问他... 我只是想装扮成一幅漠不关心的样子 I was dying to ask. I was just trying to play it cool.
但是话又说回来了 But really...
不过那也很好 很管用 But it's good, I mean, work is great...
说一些关于马修的事情 马修在哪里? Come on, say something about Marshall. Where's Marshall?
马修怎么样?他现在在做什么? How's Marshall? What's Marshall doing right now?
闭嘴 说马修!闭嘴 说马修! Shut up and talk about Marshall. Shut up and talk about Marshall.
闭嘴 说马修 马修 马修 Shut up and talk about Marshall. Marshall, Marshall,
马修 马修 不行我一定要问! Marshall, Marshall... I've got to ask!
对了 马修怎么样了? And hey, how's Marshall?
这个夏天糟糕极了 It was such an awful summer.
我只想回来看他 I just wanted to get back here and see him.
但是我以为你的夏天过得很精彩 But I thought your summer was great.
并不是那样的 Not exactly.
天啊! Oh, my God.
这就是你的杰作? This is you best work?
我教了这么多年的书 我从来没有见过像这样毫无意义的东西 In all my years teaching, I've never seen anything so needless.
这个东西无法被称为 艺术 To say this is... art...
我无法再教你了 I can't teach you anything.
还有那些你在公车上遇见的人? So all those interesting people you met on the bus?
呃 他们 Yeah, um...
Hi 我是迈克 Hi. I'm Mike.
我是一个佛家和尚 兼职历险作家 I'm a Buddhist monk slash adventure travel writer.
我是珀拉 我是个专门 为儿童演唱的朋克乐队里的主唱 I'm Paula. I sing in a punk band for children.
我是丹 我是脑部神经医生 顺便说一句 你美貌惊人 Hey, I'm Dan. I'm a neurosurgeon. You are stunning, by the way.
我没有和你们联系 是因为我感到太丢脸了 I never got in touch because I was too embarrassed.
我把一切都搞砸了 I screwed everything up.
我没有工作 没有住的地方 I have no job, no place to live.
我失去了这辈子我最爱的那个人 I lost the love of my life.
我知道我没有权利问这个问题 I know I have no right to ask this, but...
你认为马修会想与我和好? do you think Marshall would take me back?
他会毫不犹豫 In a heartbeat.
如果你给他打电话 他会敞开胸怀等你回来 If you called him up, yeah, he'd take you back with open arms.
哇!那么也许我应该给他打个电话 Wow. So maybe I should call him.
也许 Maybe.
不!这是... No! This is... Ow!
等等 Hold on.
如果你想和他和好 Look, if you're going to go back to him,
我不想听到你说"也许" I don't want to hear the word "maybe."
"也许"这个词 不能存在在你的词典里 "Maybe" cannot be in your vocabulary.
这次分手几乎害死马修 This breakup almost killed him.
他在也经不起第二次打击了 And he cannot go through it again.
除非你百分之百地确定 不然趁早离他远远的 So, unless you're absolutely certain, stay the hell away from him.
这个家伙喜欢硬币 This guy likes pennies.
马修 Hi, Marshall.
走开 我不想和你讲话 No, go away. I don't want to talk to you.
我知道几天前 我做的那件事是有道德争议 Okay, I know what I did a couple nights back is in a moral gray area.
但是好消息是 她特别喜欢你 But the great news is, she loved you.
如果事情如你所愿地发生 你们现在已经约会了一两次 If things had gone your way-- you'd gone out a couple times,
我认为她一定会想和你上床的 I think she definitely would have had sex with you.
做爱不用"想" There's no "would" in sex.
这些东西我完全不会做 You're right, I totally... I'm just no good at this, Barney.
我知道如何最一个情侣 我知道如何做莉莉的男朋友 I'm good at being in a couple, I'm good at being Lily's boyfriend.
做一个单身汉...算了吧 Being single-- forget it.
你现在不能放弃 Come on, you can't give up now.
如果我告诉你 你可以再过一遍那个晚上 What if I told you that you could relive that night
用同样的对话 同样的笑话 with the exact same conversations, the exact same jokes
只是这一次 得到她的人是你 而不是我 如何? only this time, you get her and I don't.
那是不可能的 That's not possible.
完全可能 Oh, but it is.
她有... She has...
等着 wait for it...
等着 here it comes...
等着 almost there...
一个同卵双胞胎妹妹 an identical twin.
她们俩长得一样! Yes!
双胞胎妹妹和她不是同一个人 A twin isn't the same person.
当然是 要不然 为什么叫她们"双胞胎" Of course it is. What do you think identical means?
她们两个人长得一模一样 "Ident"-- same, "ical"-- person. Same person.
我们可以一起约会 Hey, we could double date.
好吧 Fine.
但是你要答应我 你不会偷走我的新双胞胎妹妹 But you have to promise me, you're not going to steal my new twin,
然后留给我你用过的旧双胞胎姐姐 and leave me with your old, used-up twin.
用过的? Used-up?
马修 她们是人 They're a human being, Marshall.
然后 马修叔叔和巴尼叔叔一起去 So Uncle Marshall and Uncle Barney went out
和那对双胞胎月约会 on a double date with the twins.
感觉怎么样? How you doing?
好极了 高兴极了 这太有意思了 Great. Amazing. This is so much fun.
而且我觉得我很那个女孩很谈得来 And I think me and the girl are really clicking.
是的 你们是天配的一对儿 You are, you definitely are.
听好了 你现在必须离开 Listen, you're going to have to leave now.
我刚刚和那对双胞胎聊完 你相信吗? I just talked with the twins, and get this,
她们俩要一起和我回家 I'm going home with both of them.
没错 千真万确 Yeah. That's happening.
我不敢相信你又这样对我 It is impossible that you're doing this to me again.
可是她们是双胞胎啊 But they're twins.
你...你跟我说过单身汉的生活 You-- you said to me that being single
就像逛糖果店 would be like being in a candy store.
不是的 不是像逛糖果店 Well, it's not, it's not like a candy store.
单身生活是一片无法无天 濒临灭亡的荒原 It's a lawless, postapocalyptic wasteland.
－就算我是你最好的朋友 －其实泰德是我最好的朋友 - I may be your best friend... - Actually Ted's my best friend.
但是在这个世界里 人人为己 But in this world, it's every hombre for himself.
这就是单身汉的生活 That's what being single is.
在你被爱情俘虏了九年之后 And after nine years in captivity,
这是我传授给你 如何存活在荒野中的 that is the single greatest lesson I can teach you
最重要的一课 about surviving in the wild.
我要失陪一下 Now, if you'll excuse me...
有对独一无二的乳房 I have two unique breasts
和一对复制品 在等着我呢 and two duplicates waiting for me.
坏消息 马修食物中毒了 Oh, bad news-- Marshall got food poisoning.
－什么? －哦不 - What? - Oh, no.
太遗憾了 我很喜欢他 That's too bad. I really liked him.
是啊 那么 今晚就我们三个了 Yeah. Well, I guess we're just a threesome tonight.
莉莉 你在这里干什么 Lily, what are you doing here?
我只是路过而已 我没有... Oh, I was just walking by. I wasn't...
你是说我为什么在纽约 我的课程结束了 Oh, you mean New York? My program ended.
很成功 很有意思 It was just great. Just lots of fun...
糟糕透了 这是我 一生中犯的最大的错误 It was awful. It was the worst mistake I ever made.
对不起 马修 还有 你好 I'm so sorry, Marshall, and... hello.
莉莉 这是我 一生中最难过的一个夏天 Lily, this was the worst summer of my life.
我知道...这也是我 一生中最难过的夏天 I know. It was the worst summer of my life.
我从来没有经受过这么多的痛苦 It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through.
我们可以和好吗? Can we please get back together?
你对我说过的那些话 All that crap you said to me about,
“我们需要分别从新认识自己“ "we need to figure out who we are outside of us,
还有“我们需要学会独立生活” and we need to learn to do things on our own,"
这些话伤透了我的心 it broke my heart.
三个月前 你伤透了我的心 Three months ago, you broke my heart.
我们可以和好吗? Can we please get back together?
莉莉 你是对的 Lily, you were right.
你说的那些话都是对的 All that crap was right.
不行 So, no.
我们不能回到从前 No, we can't get back together.
我们不应该这样做 We shouldn't.
至少现在不行 At least, not right now.
好的 Wow. Okay.
我明白了 Yeah.
那么... Well...
我们还能见面吗? Will we still see each other?
可以 Yeah, yeah.
我认为可以 I think so.
我不太确定 I don't know.
我从来没有遇见这样的情况 This is all really new to me.
我刚刚走出了一段旷日持久的爱恋 I just got out of a long relationship.
我喜欢你的发型 I like your hair.
谢谢 Thanks.
我觉得新的城市 应该给头发新的颜色 I figured new city, a different color...
还有那里的比萨 是世界上最难吃的比萨 And the pizza there, worst pizza ever.
我真高兴我回到了纽约 I'm so glad to be back in New York.
如果有任何我可以做的事情 Listen, if there's anything I can do to even begin
来补偿我的过失 to make things up to you...
其实你可以为我做一件事情 Actually there may be something that you can do for me,
但是你绝对不能问我为什么 but you can never ever ask me why.
当我被提升到总经理 (menage trois与Manager发音接近) assistant m閚age-er... So then I was promoted to
总经理 我怎么总是说错? Manager-- why do I keep doing that?
－莉莉? －你让我染上了性病 你这个混蛋 - Lily? - You gave me chlamydia, you jerk.
我刚才说到了哪里? 对了总经理的助理? Ah, yes, assistant m閚age-er... So where was I?
我又说错了 不可思议 I did it again. I can't believe it.
你让我双胞胎妹妹染上性病 你这个无耻的家伙 You gave my twin sister chlamydia. You slime!
等等 我会变魔术... Wha... wait, I know magic.
干得好 埃里克森 Well played, Eriksen.
干得好 Well played.