本片屬R級,不適合15歲以下兒童觀看,請注意!
PARAMOUNT影視出品
片名: <<美國特警:環球特警組>>
巴黎,法國 美國東方 3,635 英哩
Oh, hello.
好吃的水果
Jean Francois? 小寶舒華!小寶舒華!
Jean Francois?
# 兩隻老虎,兩隻老虎~ #
# 跑的快,跑的... #
Jean Francois. 小寶舒華!不是叫你不要亂跑嗎?
媽媽你看那些人!
炸彈!
You in the robes. Put down the weapon of mass destruction 你們這些匪徒!
and get on the ground. You're under arrest. 放下強力炸彈
並且趴在地上!
你們被捕了!
Put down your weapons now! 馬上放下武器!
Why can't they ever do this the easy way? 為什麼總是這麼麻煩!
World Police. Get down on the ground! 環球特警!趴下!
Hey, terrorist. 嘿!恐怖份子!
Terrorize this. 恐懼吧!
All right, let's make this interesting. 好吧...我們來點有搞頭的吧!媽咪呀!
You lose. 你輸了!
- He's getting away with the WMD! - I got him. 他帶著WOMD(強力炸彈)跑了!
讓我來!
Damn, I missed him. 我靠!沒打中!
Sarah, he's got the bomb. You got a fix? 莎拉,他帶走炸彈了!
你能逮到他嗎?
I got him, Carson. He's heading for the Louvre. 讓我來!卡森!
他跑到盧浮宮了!
Your plans are over. 你的計劃完蛋了!
- All right, Sarah. - Yeah, all right, team! 太棒了,莎拉!
Nothing to it. 小意思!
All right. 太棒了!
Bonjour, everyone. Don't worry. Everything is bon. 哈嘍,各位,別擔心!
We stopped the terrorists. 一切都搞定了!
我們阻止了恐怖份子!
I was doing a lot of thinking on the ride over here. 在來的路上,我想了很多
Oh, yeah? About what? 是嗎?有關什麼?
I was thinking that I want you to marry me. 我想要你嫁給我
- Don't joke about that. - Who's joking? 別開玩笑了!
誰在開玩笑?
Joe to Sarah. Looks like we may need to order up a wedding cake. 喬呼叫莎拉,看來我們要訂個結婚蛋糕了!
- He finally popped the question? - Lisa, you're an amazing woman. 他終於求婚了?
麗莎,你是個讓人吃驚的女人
And a damn fine cop. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 而且也是個該死的優秀警察
我想與你一起度過我的下半生
Oh, Carson. Carson... 喔,卡森,卡森
Carson! 卡森!
No! 不!
Carson. 卡森!
- Feel so cold. - You have to hang on, Carson. 感覺..好冷
撐住!卡森!
Sorry, babe. Looks like this was a one-way ticket. 抱歉了,寶貝,看樣子...這是張單程票...
No. 不!
Lisa, you have to live on. 麗莎,你應該找個愛你的人...好好活下去
Find someone else who will love you. Find someone else and be happy.
找個人...快快樂樂的...
You deserve... 你應得...的...
No! 不!!!!不!!!
No!
不!!!!
Everyone has AIDS # 每個人都有愛滋~ #
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS # 愛滋, 愛滋, 愛滋 #
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS
Everyone has AIDS # 每個人都有愛滋~ #
And so this is the end of our story 所以...這是故事的結尾...
And everyone is dead from AIDS 每個人都死於愛滋
It took from me my best friend 奪走了我最好的朋友,我唯一的知己
My only true pal
My only bright star 我唯一的恆星
He died of AIDS # 他死於愛滋... #
Well, I'm gonna march on Washington 我要在華盛頓遊行抗議
Lead the fight And charge the brigades 領導戰役,組織軍隊!
There's a hero inside of all of us 每個人心中都有英雄
I'll make them see Everyone has AIDS 我要讓他們看到,每個人都有愛滋...
- My father - AIDS # - 我爸! # # - 愛滋! #
- My sister - AIDS # - 我姐！# # - 愛滋! #
My uncle and my cousin And her best friend # - 我叔叔跟我堂妹跟她的好朋友... # # - 愛滋! 愛滋! 愛滋! #
The gays and the straights And the whites and the spades # 同性戀跟正直的人,白人跟工人... #
Everyone has AIDS My grandma and my dog Ole Blue # 每個人都有愛滋... #
# - 我祖母跟我的狗老藍頭 # # - 愛滋! 愛滋! 愛滋! #
- AIDS, AIDS, AIDS - The pope has got it and so do you # - 教皇也有,你也會有 # # - 愛滋! 愛滋! 愛滋! #
Come on, everybody We got quilting to do # - 來吧各位補救就要開始 # # - 愛滋! 愛滋! 愛滋! #
We're gonna break down These barricades # 我們要破壞阻礙! #
Everyone has AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS # 每個人都有愛滋!愛滋!愛滋! #
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS # 愛滋! 愛滋! 愛滋! #
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS
- Great job, Gary. - Thanks. You too, Steve. 太棒了,凱瑞!
That was the greatest acting I've ever seen. 謝謝!你也是,史帝夫!
這是我看過最棒的演出!
I just don't know how you do it, Gary. 我只是不知道你怎麼做的凱瑞!
How do you make yourself so somber and emotional 你怎麼讓自己那麼純潔又富有感情,還讓大家哭的死去活來?
to make everybody cry like that?
It's not that hard, really. I just think about the saddest moment in my life. 其實一點都不難
我只是想著生命中最傷痛的時光...
Man, wow. Gary is such a great guy. 老兄,哇! 凱瑞這傢伙真棒!
Gary. Oh, no. Help me! Help me!
Get off of me! Get this thing off of me! Gary!
Hello, young man. Congratulations on a terrific performance. 哈嘍!年輕人!
恭喜你完成精彩得可怕的演出!
Oh, thank you. I don't believe we've met, Mr...? 喔,謝謝你!我想我們沒見過,你是?
The name is Spottswoode. 我叫斯帕茲伍德
- Well, nice to meet you. - And you are Gary Johnston. 喔,很高興認識你!
而你!凱瑞 約斯頓
All-American actor who graduated lowa University summa cum laude 全美演員,畢業於愛荷華州立大學
with a double major in theatre and world languages. 舞台劇和世界語言的...
雙主修優等生
You've been at the top of every acting class since you were a child. 從小在每個戲劇課堂都是超優等的...
Top-gun actor. 超優等演員!
Hey, hold on a second, are you from Hollywood? 嘿!等等!你是好萊塢來的嗎?
I have an incredible offer for you, Gary. If you're interested, follow me this way. 我有個難以置信的工作給你,凱瑞!
如果你有興趣就跟我走...
Please, Gary, step into my car. 請!凱瑞!上車吧!
Oh, I get it. 喔!我懂了!
I'm supposed to get in your car and let you put your finger inside me. 假如我上了你的車,讓你把手指插進我屁眼裡
Then if I go down on you, I get a movie part. 然後如果我能讓你爽歪歪你就會給我電影的角色!
No, I just want to show you something. 不...我只想讓你看樣東西...
- Yeah, I'll bet you do. - Please, Gary, 是啊!肯定會!
I'm not from Hollywood. 拜託凱瑞!我不是好萊塢來的!
I'm not going to fuck your mouth, and my time is extremely valuable. 我也不會操你的嘴!
而且我的時間很寶貴!
- Jesus, this is a nice limo. - Yes, it is. 天啊,好豪華的車!
Now, suck my cock. 是啊,是,現在吹吹我的小雞雞吧!
Just kidding. 哈哈...開玩笑的!
All right, just what the hell is this about? 好了,現在到底是怎樣?
I hate to break this to you, Gary, 我不是很想告訴你,凱瑞
but some people out there want you dead. 但有人要致你於死地
- Dead? - They're called terrorists, Gary. 死?
And they hate everything about you. 他們叫作"恐怖份子",凱瑞!
他們討厭你的一切!
Why? What did I do to them? I'm just a Broadway actor. 為什麼?我又沒對他們幹什麼!我只是個百老匯演員!
It's not who you are, Gary, it's what you stand for. 跟你個人無關!凱瑞,是你代表的意義!
And every single minute of every single day, 每一天每一分鐘
the terrorists are planning new ways to kill you 恐怖份子總是計劃殺你的新方法
and everyone else who lives in a free country. 還有在自由國家的每個人!
The only thing standing in their way is us. 唯一能阻止他們的人...是我們
You? 你們?
Baxter, I think we can "valmorphanize" safely now. 巴克斯,我想我們現在可以安全變形了!
Okay, a limousine that can fly. Now I have seen everything. 嗯...豪華轎車會飛?
Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head? 現在我總算見識一切了!
是嗎?你有看過吃自己頭的人嗎?
- No. - So then you haven't seen everything. - 沒有... - 那你就還沒看到一切,我們也沒有...
And neither have we.
Last week in Paris, we caught four terrorists 上星期,在巴黎,有四個恐怖份子帶著強力炸彈
with a weapon of mass destruction.
The terrorists are planning something very big. 恐怖份子正著手非常大的計劃!
And just what does this have to do with me? 這跟我有什麼關係?
Our only hope is to have somebody act like a terrorist 我們的唯一希望是有個演員混入恐怖份子中
who wants to help them carry out the attack. 假裝幫他們執行攻擊行動
An actor convincing enough to make the terrorists think he's one of them. 有說服力的演員...
讓他們認為他是夥伴
This is crazy. I'm an actor, not a spy. 這太誇張了,我是演員不是間諜!
That's all spying is: Acting. And they say you're the best. 這就是間諜做的事...演戲!
An actor with a double major in theatre and world languages? 他們說,你是最好的!
擁有戲劇跟世界語言的雙主修演員?
Hell, you're the perfect weapon, Gary. 見鬼!你是最完美的武器,凱瑞!
Look out! 小心!
Right this way, you maverick renegade. 走這裡,新來的同志!
Welcome to Team Base. 歡迎來到基地!
Gary, this is Joe, all-star quarterback from the University of Nebraska. 凱瑞,這是喬,內布拉斯加大學四分衛明星球員
He's a natural-born leader. 他是天生的領導者!
I've heard a lot about your acting, Mr. Johnston. 我聽了很多有關你演技的傳說,約斯頓先生
- Hope it's as good as they say it is. - And this is Sarah, 我希望有如傳說中的一樣棒
the top empath from Berkeley's School for the Clairvoyant 這是莎拉...
柏克萊大學生物科技頂級研究生...
in San Francisco. 在舊金山做超能力的研究
I sense that you're slightly confused right now. 我感應到你有點困惑!
That's supposed to be Carson's replacement, a fucking actor? 那是卡森的接班?
Don't mind Chris. He may be lacking courtesy, 該死的演員?
別在意克裡斯,他態度或許不好,不過他是底特律頂尖的戰術專家
but he's the best martial-arts expert Detroit has to offer.
That's right, actor. Just stay the fuck away from me. 沒錯演員!最好給我他媽的滾遠點!
And finally, we have our psychology expert. Where's Lisa? 最後,我們還有個心理專家...麗莎呢?
Right here. 這裡!
Gary, this is Lisa. She specializes in how the terrorists think. 凱瑞,這是麗莎,專門研究恐怖份子的心理
Usually a case of malignant narcissism brought on during childhood. 通常恐怖行為思想都是小時候所受的影響...
We've been doing our best to keep the world safe, Gary. 我們一直在維護世界和平凱瑞!
But now somebody has supplied the terrorists with WMDs. 但現在恐怖份子有了WOMD(強力炸彈)
And intelligence tells us they plan to use them. 並且智多星告訴我們他們將要使用了
Isn't that right, I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.? 對嗎,智多星?
- That is affirmative. - I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.? 是的!
The most sophisticated computer in the world. 智多星?
全世界最強大的電腦
I've intercepted communications that several terrorist groups 我攔截到許多恐怖集團彙集到一起
are being organized for one massive worldwide attack. 即將執行世界性恐怖破壞的消息
From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Has gathered, 根據智多星收集到的數據,那將是911的100倍
it would be 9/11 times 100.
9/11 times 100? Jesus, that's... 911的100倍?天啊,那是...
Yes, 91,100.
是的,91100
Basically, all the worst parts of the Bible. 基本上,所有聖經裡不好的部分都到齊了
So now you see why we need you. 所以你該明白我們有多需要你了
We will disguise you as a terrorist and take you deep into the Middle East. 我們會把你偽裝成恐怖份子並且帶你進入中東
If your acting is successful, you'll be able to get us the information we need 如果你的演技成功...
你就能得到我們所需的所有消息,並且阻止這一切
to stop this whole thing from happening.
Of course, if you're not interested... 當然!如果你不願意
...there's the door. 門在那裡
All right. Thanks. 好的,謝謝!
嗯...
Gary. Hey, hold on a second. 凱瑞,慢著!
Don't you understand? Every country in the world is in danger. 你難道不明白世界有危險了嗎?
How is it my responsibility to do something? 為什麼是我的責任?
Because like it or not, you're the one with the power to do something. 因為不管你願不願意,你是唯一有能力阻止的人...
I can't fight terrorists. I don't know anything about guns or jets. 我不能跟恐怖份子作戰,我不會用槍和噴氣戰鬥機!
That doesn't matter. If you wanna help people, 如果你想救人那無關緊要...
all that matters, Gary, is what you have here. 重要的是...凱瑞,你這裡所擁有的
Just think about it, okay? Here, take this. 好好想想,好嗎?拿著這個..
Baxter will take you wherever you wanna go. Just remember: 巴克斯會帶你去任何你想去的地方
Your freedom's at stake too. 但是記得!你的自由也有危機!
What do you think Spottswoode sees in him? 你認為斯帕茲伍德看上他哪一點?
I don't know. But I think I see it too. 我不知道,不過我想我也看到了
Hey, Baxter. 嘿!巴克斯...我想拐個彎
I wanna take a detour.
What would you do # 你會怎麼做? #
If you were asked to give up Your dreams for freedom? # 如果你為了自由被迫放棄夢想 #
What would you do # 你會怎麼做?如果要做出最大的犧牲 #
If asked to make The ultimate sacrifice?
Would you think about All them people # 你會想到那些人嗎? #
Who gave up everything they had? # 那些放棄曾經所擁有的 #
Would you think about All them war vets # 你會想到那些退役軍人嗎? #
And would you start to feel bad? # 你又可曾感到難過? #
Freedom isn't free # 自由不是無償的! #
It costs folks like you and me # 你和我都要付出代價~ #
And if we don't all chip in # 如果我們不貢獻,如何能夠還清所積欠的? #
We'll never pay that bill
Freedom isn't free # 自由並非贈品! #
No, there's a hefty fucking fee # 不!那是要付出他媽極大的代價 #
And if you don't throw in Your buck o'five, who will? # 如果你不交出手中的5塊錢,誰願意? #
Buck o'five # 5塊錢... #
Freedom costs a buck o'five # 自由只需5塊錢... #
朝鮮,亞洲 美國西方5,945英哩
Our dear leader, Kim Jong Il, says the weapons of mass destruction 我們親愛的領導人,金正日說...
you requested are ready for you to take. 你們要的炸彈
已經可以拿了
I am still in the process of recruiting 我還在招人
and training new terrorists for the attack. 還有訓練新恐怖份子來準備行動
We take weapons later. 我們晚點再來拿炸彈
He asks what part of the deal you did not understand. 他問你交易上有那裡不明白?
He says perhaps his translator did not make it clear to you. 他說或許他的翻譯官沒有對你解釋清楚
He says he should fire his translator? 他說他應該開除他的...翻譯官?
Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am? 你知道我有他媽的多忙嗎?!
I cannot berieve that I have a Chechnyan standing here terring me 我不敢相信我有個車臣反叛份子站在這裡...
when he's gonna take a derivery. 並且告訴我什麼時候要拿快遞!
Herro? 哈嘍?
Perhaps we can be ready sooner. 或許我們可以早點準備好
Yes, perhaps you can. 是啊,或許可以
Now, take your weapons of mass destruction 現在!...拿著你的炸彈...
and get the fuck out of here. 給我他媽的滾蛋!
I had to come back. 我...必須回來
- I know you did, son. - I still say this is a fucking mistake. 我明白!
我還是得說你做了個他媽的錯選擇!
Stop it, Chris. I sense that you're making him feel intimidated. 別這樣,克裡斯!我感應到你嚇到他了...
Gary, I'm afraid there's no time. 凱瑞,我想沒有時間了
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Tells us the attack is imminent. 智多星告訴我們恐怖活動已經很明顯了
We need you to act like a Middle Eastern terrorist right away. 我們要你馬上變成中東恐怖份子!
There's just one problem. I don't look Middle Eastern. 只有一個問題...
我不像中東人
Leave that to us. 哈哈哈,交給我們!
Sarah's a professional at skin grafting and laser "valmoriphication." 莎拉是皮膚塑造跟激光整形的老軍醫了
Sarah's a professional at skin grafting and laser "valmoriphication."
Just try to be still. 盡量讓自己不動!
(鼻骨整型啟動)
(下顎骨整型啟動)
(眼球變色啟動)
Amazing. 太驚人了!
The valmoriphication completely worked. 整型成功了!
Sit up and take a look, Gary. 坐起來看看吧,凱瑞!
It's uncanny. 太不可思議了!
You're going to fool everyone, Gary. 你絕對會騙過所有人,凱瑞!
Or should I say... ...或許我該叫你...哈克瑪?
...Hakmed.
All right, team, we've only got one shot at this, so listen up. 好了,同志們,我們只有一次機會所以聽仔細了!
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Has intercepted communications 智多星攔截到不同國家恐怖份子的通訊...
that terrorists from different countries are gathering at a tavern here, 都集中到了一個小房間...在開羅!
- in Cairo. - Cairo. That's in Egypt.
開羅?那是在埃及!
Exactly right, Joe. 完全正確,喬!
Now, team, your mission will be to get Gary into that tavern. 你們的任務...
就是把凱瑞帶進那小屋
And once he's on the inside, cover his back. 一但他進去了就開始掩護他!
Gary, you must use your acting to find out 凱瑞,你必須運用你的演技得到...
any information you can from the terrorists. 恐怖份子盡可能多的消息
Gary, if for some reason your cover is blown 凱瑞,萬一你洩露身份...
and the terrorists take you prisoner, 被恐怖份子關了起來...
well, you'll probably want to take your own life. 我想你最好自行了斷
Here, you'd better have this. 這裡,你最好拿著這個
All right, team, that's it. We've got a job to do. 好了!完畢,出發了!
Let's go police the world. 去吧!環球特警組!
America # 美國!美國! #
America
America Fuck, yeah # -美國! # # -操你的!耶! #
Coming again to save The motherfucking day, yeah # 再一次來拯救他媽的世界耶! #
America Fuck, yeah # -美國! # # -操你的!耶! #
Freedom is the only way, yeah # 自由是唯一的路耶! #
Terrorists, your game is through # 恐怖份子,你們玩完了 #
'Cause now you have to answer to # 因為你們遇到了 #
America Fuck, yeah # -美國! # # -操你的!耶! #
So lick my butt And suck on my balls # 舔我屁屁,吸我蛋蛋~ #
America Fuck, yeah # -美國! # # -操你的!耶! #
What if the old man is wrong about him, huh? 萬一他的眼光是錯的呢?
What if he's not the great actor Spottswoode says he is? 如果他沒有斯帕茲伍德說的那麼好呢?
Why don't you trust actors, Chris? 你為什麼不相信演員,克裡斯?
I got my reasons. 這是有原因的!
You all right, Gary? 你還好吧,凱瑞?
I was just thinking. 我只是在想...
On-stage, if I mess up a line, it could mean a bad review. 舞台上,如果我搞砸一句話,代表我沒有記熟...
If I mess up here, 但是如果我在這裡搞砸...我們全都會死!
we're all dead.
I believe you can do this, Gary. 我相信你辦的到凱瑞!
Why? What reason do you have to believe? 為什麼?
你有什麼理由相信我?
Sometimes believing is all we have. 有時候,信任是我們唯一擁有的...
開羅,中東 美國東方5,621英哩
Fear not, Muslim friends. We're here to find terrorists. 我們不是伊斯蘭教朋友!
我們是來這裡找恐怖份子的...
I'm clearing your minds of all anxiety. 我將消除你們心中的不安!
All right, good job, Sarah. Now, everyone make for the tavern. 呃...做的好...莎拉...
現在,所有人往小屋前進!
Let's get one thing straight, actor. I don't trust you. 你給我搞清楚一件事情,演員!我不相信你!
If you betray us, I'll rip your fucking balls off and stuff them up your ass 如果你他媽背叛我們,我會扯下你的蛋蛋...
so that the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls, got it? 塞入你的屁股裡, 所以你下次便便...
你會拉的蛋蛋都是!明白嗎?!
- What's your problem with me? - Yeah, you wanna go? 你到底對我有什麼偏見?
Guys, guys, guys! 有啊!要來談談嗎!
Don't you see this is just what the terrorists want us to do? 你們,你們,你們!
你們沒看到這就是恐怖份子希望看到的嗎?!
The war is out there, man. Out there. Now, pull it together. 戰爭就在不遠處!不遠!給我團結一點!
All right, team, let's move to the inner city. Keep it quiet. 好了隊伍!安靜的朝市中心出發吧!
- Clear. - Clear. 安全,安全,安全,安全
- Clear. - Clear.
Gary, you follow me. The rest of the team, 來吧,凱瑞,你跟我來!
take super-secret hiding positions Alpha One. 其他隊員尋找超級隱密的地點藏身!行動!
All right, that's the tavern with the blue door. 看!就是那小屋,有藍色門的!
Act your way past those guards and see what you can find out. 用演技通過那些守衛,看你能得到什麼情報!
Remember, if you think they're onto you, give us the signal. 記住,如果你認為有危險,給我們訊號!
You remember the signal? 記得訊號嗎?
That's right. All right, good luck. 沒錯...
好了,祝你好運!
Go get them, cowboy. 去吧,牛仔!
Oh, shit. 喔,狗屎!
Come on, Gary, act. You have the power. 快啊,凱瑞,展現你的潛力!
- All right, Gary! - Told you he was top gun. 太棒了!凱瑞!
- I've never seen acting that good. - He's amazing. 我說過他是頂尖的!
我從沒看過那麼精湛的演技!
他太驚人了!
Yeah, no, I know. It's terrible, terrible.
We are Bashir rebels from the country of Somalia. Who are you? 我們是布許反叛軍,從索馬裡來的...
你是誰?
My name is Hakmed. I'm a terrorist. 我...的名字是哈克瑪...
我是...恐怖份子...
Anybody know of any terrorist attacks coming up soon? 你們知道最近有沒有恐怖行動?
I sense that I'm becoming attracted to Gary. 我感應到我被凱瑞吸引了...
My advice is not to get involved with a team member, Sarah. 我的建議是不要跟隊友產生感情,莎拉...
It's too painful to see them die. 看著他們死去太痛苦了...
I'm sorry, Lisa. I didn't mean to bring up... 我很抱歉麗莎,我沒有意要提起...
It's okay, Sarah. I treasure your friendship. 沒關係,莎拉
我珍惜你的友情
I treasure yours, Lisa. 我也很珍惜你的,麗莎!
Hey, have you ever thought of telling Sarah how you feel? 嘿!你從沒想過跟莎拉告白嗎?
What would a girl like Sarah want with a simple Nebraska boy like me? 哈!怎麼可能會有像莎拉的女孩會想跟我...
這種頭腦簡單的內布拉斯加男孩在一起?
I don't know nothing about fancy cars and fancy restaurants. 我對名貴跑車,高級餐廳,一點都不瞭解...
Still, I'd love to show her a full-moon night on the cornfields. 但是...我還是想跟她一起在玉米田看月光...
What do you know? 你知道多少?
I heard there might be a large terrorist attack. 我聽說有個大型的恐怖行動...
If you tell me what it is, maybe I could help out. 如果你肯告訴我,或許我能幫上忙
Get out of here. We have put out a jihad on the infidels 滾出去!
我們對那些異教派宣戰!
because they destroyed our lives. 因為他們毀滅了我們的生命!
What do you know about pain and sadness? 你對痛苦和悲傷又懂多少?
Gary. Help me! Help me! 凱瑞!救我!別碰我!凱瑞!
Get him off! Get this thing off of me! Gary!
I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village 當我還是小孩子,異教徒搭著黑鷹直升機...
in their Black Hawk helicopters. 來到我的村莊...
The infidels fired at the oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah. 那些異教徒燒燬了油田...
火焰就像阿拉真主的眼...
Burning oil rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched. 著火的油彷如雨下著...
燒燬了接觸的一切...
I could only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed 當我的羊群被那黑暗的液態大火...
by the fiery, black liquid death. 蹂躪而死亡時...我只能夠躲起來哭泣...
In the midst of the chaos, 慌亂中...
I could swear that I heard my goats screaming for help. 我發誓...我聽到我的羊撕聲吶喊的向我求救...
As quickly as they had come, the infidels were gone. 就像他們來的匆忙,走的也快...
It was on that day I put a jihad on them. 就在那一天...我向他們宣戰了...
And if you don't believe it, then you better kill me now, 如果你不相信我!
你最好現在就殺了我!
because I'll put a jihad on you too. 因為,我也會向你宣戰!
I like you. You have balls. 我喜歡你,你有蛋蛋(膽量),我喜歡蛋蛋(膽量)!
I like balls.
All right, listen carefully. The WMDs are located 好!聽清楚了!
in a secret bunker 20 yards east of this building. WOMD在一個隱蔽的桶裡
就在這個房子東邊20碼處
You can help us by guarding it and making... 你可以幫我們去拿...
Come. They're onto us! 快來,他們找到我們了!
Hurry, friend. We must make our escape. 快!朋友!我們要逃跑了!
Shit. I've got five terrorists going southeast on Baka laka daka Street. 我靠!有五名恐怖份子從八卡拉卡達卡路的東南方跑了!
Don't let them get away. 別讓他們跑了!
I sense Gary's trapped inside the tavern. 我感應到凱瑞被困在小屋裡!
Copy, Sarah. You get Gary, we'll go after the terrorists. 收到,莎拉,你去救凱瑞,我們去追恐怖份子!
America # 美國 #
America Fuck, yeah # -美國! # # -操你的!耶! #
Coming again to save The motherfucking day, yeah # 再一次來拯救他媽的世界耶! #
America Fuck, yeah # -美國! # # -操你的!耶! #
Freedom is the only way, yeah # 自由是唯一的路耶! #
It's the dream that we all share # 那是我們共同的夢想 #
It's the hope for tomorrow # -也是明天的希望 # # -操你的!耶! #
Go faster, you idiot.
Die! Infidels! 死吧!異教徒!
- They're not stopping. - They had their chance. 他們不會停下來的!
他們早錯失機會了!
Missed. Wide right. 打偏了一點點!
One of the terrorists is trying to tell us something. 其中一個恐怖份子好像要說什麼!
It's me. It's me. 是我!是我!
Looks like he's saying, "Kiss me. Kiss me." 看起來好像是...親我,親我!
Smartass motherfucker. 操他媽的!
- Gary? - An infidel. 凱瑞?
Kill her. 有異教徒!
滾出去!
Gary? 凱瑞?
- Sarah to Team America Four. - What you got, Sarah? 莎拉呼叫第四小隊!
Gary isn't in the tavern. I think he may be with... 有什麼動靜,莎拉?
凱瑞不在小屋裡!
我想他可能...跟...恐...
- Say again. You're breaking up. - Joe, do you copy? 再說一遍,莎拉,信號不好!
喬,收到了嗎?
- I'll get him. - Lisa? 我來救他!
麗莎?
I lost her. 訊號斷了
It's all right. We'll kill these guys, then we'll find out what she wants. 沒關係,我們殺了這些人...
然後再問她怎麼回事
Right. 好吧!
Hey, guys, I think we should pull over. 嘿!嘿!我想我們應該靠邊停!
Pull over? Yes, of course. 靠邊停?
Pull over, let them pass us, and when they turn around, we charge them. 對啊,沒錯!
靠邊停,讓他們超過去...
I love your balls. 當他們掉頭以後,我們就撞他們!
我愛死你的蛋蛋(膽量)了!
Shit, they got by me. 狗屎!他們在我後面!
- What are we doing? - This jeep is filled with explosives. 我們要幹什麼?
We're going to take their lives and our own. 這個吉普車裝滿了炸彈
我們要跟他們同歸於盡!
We're gonna what? 我...我們要什麼?
- Hang on, Joe. - Die, infidels. 抓緊了,喬!
死吧!異教徒!
Surprise, cockfags! 驚喜吧,龜頭們!
啊!
All right. We fucking did it. 太棒了,我們他媽的辦到了!
Spottswoode, it's Lisa. Gary found the WMDs and the terrorists are down. 斯帕茲伍德,這是麗莎
凱瑞找到了WOMD,而且恐怖份子已被消滅!
Great job, team. Head back to base for debriefing and cocktails. 做得好!大家回來做深入的報告並且開香檳慶祝吧!
This is breaking news with Peter Jennings. 這是"彼得 詹寧斯"的即時新聞
Team America has once again pissed off the entire world 美國特警又再次的因炸爛了...
after blowing up half of Cairo. 半個開羅而引起全世界的反彈!
And now some Hollywood celebrities are lashing out. 現在,好萊塢的明星們猛烈抨擊!
Alec Baldwin is head of the Film Actors Guild. 亞歷克 鮑德溫(著名演員)是電影演員協會主席!
The Film Actors Guild believes (著名演員:亞歷克 鮑德溫) 電影演員協會相信...
that what the world needs is compassion, not violence. (著名演員:亞歷克 鮑德溫) 世界需要的是熱情,不是暴力!
All that Team America does is create new enemies. (著名演員:亞歷克 鮑德溫) 所有美國特警做的,只是製造新的敵人!
Let me explain to you how this works. (金球獎最佳男配角:蒂姆 羅賓斯) 讓我跟你解釋一下他們的運作方式...
You see, the corporations finance Team America. (金球獎最佳男配角:蒂姆 羅賓斯) 看...合作人提供錢給美國特警...
And then Team America goes out, and the corporations sit there in their... (金球獎最佳男配角:蒂姆 羅賓斯) 然後...美國特警出去...
(金球獎最佳男配角:蒂姆 羅賓斯) 然後...合作人就坐在他們的...
In their corporation buildings, and, see, they're all corporation-y, (金球獎最佳男配角:蒂姆 羅賓斯) 公司裡...
(金球獎最佳男配角:蒂姆 羅賓斯) 然後,然後,看..他們在合作...
and they make money. (金球獎最佳男配角:蒂姆 羅賓斯) 然後他們就賺錢...嗯..
Last year I went to Iraq. (著名導演:西恩 潘) 去年我去伊拉克
Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place. (著名導演:西恩 潘) 在還沒有美國特警前那是個樂園!
They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies (著名導演:西恩 潘) 他們有華麗的走道,滿是彩虹的天空...
and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced (著名導演:西恩 潘) 連河流都是巧克力做的, 而孩子們...
and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles. (著名導演:西恩 潘) 臉上帶著使人放下槍的笑容並跳著舞!
The actors are calling for an emergency meeting. 演員們召開了緊急會議
Already expected to attend are Helen Hunt, 已知的參加人員有...
George Clooney, Liv Tyler, Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon, 海倫 亨特(著名演員)
喬治 克魯尼(著名演員)
麗芙 泰勒(著名演員)
馬丁 辛(老牌演員)
Janeane Garofalo and Matt Damon. 蘇珊 莎蘭登(老牌演員)
詹尼安 吉勞法羅(著名演員)
Matt Damon. 還有...馬特 達蒙(著名演員)
馬特 達蒙
In the meantime, the world wants to deal with dangerous individuals 一方面...
全世界也想要用他們自己的方法
their own way. 來跟恐怖份子打交道...
聯合國武器核查小組負責人漢斯 布利克斯來拜訪您!
Hans Brix? Oh, no. 漢斯 布利克斯,喔,不!
Oh, herro, great to see you again, Hans. 喔,哈嘍,見到你真高興,漢斯!
Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, 日先生,我今天應該是要核查您的宮殿的...
and your guards won't let me into certain areas. 但有些地方你的守衛不讓我進去
Hans, Hans, Hans. We've been through this a dozen times. 漢斯,漢斯,漢斯!
你也核查了十幾次了吧?
I don't have any weapons of mass destruction, okay, Hans? 我並沒有任何強力武器好嗎,漢斯?
Then let me look around so I can ease the U.N.'s collective mind. 那就讓我逛逛...
好讓我安撫聯合國議員們的情緒
Hans, you're breaking my barrs here. Hans, you're breaking my barrs. 漢斯,你真的嚇壞我的蛋蛋(膽量)了,漢斯...
I'm sorry, but the U.N. Must be firm with you. 嚇壞蛋蛋(膽量)了!
抱歉,但是聯合國必須確認你沒問題
Let me see your whole palace or else. 讓我核查,要不然!
Or else what? 要不然就怎麼樣?
Or else we will be very, very angry with you. 我們會非常非常的生氣...
And we will write you a letter telling you how angry we are. 而且會給你一封信,告訴你我們有多生氣...
Okay, I'll show you, Hans. You ready? 好吧,我給你看,漢斯,準備好了嗎?往左站一點...
Stand a rittle to your reft.
A rittle more. 再一點...
Good. 很好!
There you go, Hans Brix. 滾蛋吧! 漢斯 布利克斯!
How you rike that, you fucking cocksucker? 喜歡嗎?你這個舔雞雞的!
Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am, Hans Brix? 你知道我有多忙嗎? 漢斯 布利克斯
Well, fuck you. You want inspection? 操你的!
Well, inspect that, you buttfucking piece of shit. 你要核查?核查那個吧!
你這搞同性戀的狗屎!
What, you think I'm just a petty arms dearer? 什麼?你以為我只是個小小的軍火商?
I'm pranning the attack. 我計劃著進攻!
Congraturations, Team America, you have stopped nothing. 恭喜你們美國特警!
你們什麼都沒阻止!
Congratulations, Gary. You've done an amazing thing. 恭喜你凱瑞,你做了驚人之舉!
It will be years before the terrorists have the resources to attack again. 恐怖份子要好幾年...
才能有資源再次攻擊!
We're gonna be unstoppable with you on the team, Gary. 我們如果有凱瑞在就銳不可擋了!
Terrorists, your game is through. 恐怖份子你們玩完了!
You're the best, Gary. 你是最棒的凱瑞!
So this terrorist is shooting at us from the back of his jeep, and he... 當這個恐怖份子從吉普車後面對我們開槍時...
You might have all the others fooled, but not me. 你或許瞞過了其他人但是我沒有!
Your acting was reckless and it put us all in danger. 你的白癡演技差點害我們全部死翹翹!
The next time you pull a stunt like that, I'll drill two holes through your dick 下次再發生同樣情況...
我會在你的弟弟上鑽兩個洞...
so that when you pee, it shoots out in all different directions. You got it? 所以當你尿尿時!
會從全方位射出!
明白嗎?!
Hey, Sarah, do you mind if I dance with you? 嘿,莎拉,你介意我跟你跳舞支舞嗎?
No, of course not, Joe. 當然不,喬!
Joe, do you think it's okay for team members to date? 喬,你認為隊員約會好嗎?
Sarah, really? 莎拉,真的?!
Yeah. Do you think it's all right? 對啊,你認為可以嗎?
I think it's better than all right. It's great! 我認為比可以還要可以!
Oh, good. I'm so glad you think so. - 那太棒了! - 太好了,我真高興你那樣認為!
Gary? You okay? 凱瑞,你還好嗎?
I was just wondering if I can let go of an old, painful memory. 我只是在想,什麼時候可以拋棄我痛苦的回憶...
Is it anything that you wanna talk about? 你想跟我聊聊嗎?
When I was a kid, I always looked up to my older brother, Tommy. 當我還是個孩子,我總是看著我的哥哥湯米...
He was the jock, and I was the little performer. 他是個賽馬騎師,而我是個小雜耍...
We were all out at the zoo one day. 有天我們都去了動物園...
I was doing some acting, walking on the railing of the gorilla exhibit. 我在表演...
走在大猩猩博覽館的鐵欄杆上
I fell in. 我掉了進去...
Everyone screamed, and Tommy jumped in after me, 每個人都在尖叫,湯米馬上跳了進來...
forgetting that he had blueberries in his front pocket. 但他忘了他口袋裡放著藍莓...
The gorillas just went wild. 大猩猩瘋了...
They jumped all over his body and threw him around like a rag doll 在他身上又踩又跳...
to get to those blueberries. 又把他像個爛布娃娃的丟來丟去,只為了藍莓...
One gorilla would throw him to another gorilla, who tossed him to another. 一隻猩猩丟給另一隻猩猩
再丟給另一隻...
Everyone panicked and cried out for somebody to help, 每個人都驚慌地叫人來幫忙...
but it was too late. 但還是太遲了...
The gorillas beat him to death before the zookeepers could gas them all. 大猩猩把他打死了...
管理人員也來不及驅散它們...
My acting... 我的表演殺了我哥哥...
...got my brother killed.
I've had to live with that... 我每天都要帶著這回憶生活...
...every single day.
Gary, you can't blame yourself for what gorillas did. 凱瑞,你不能把猩猩的錯攬在自己身上...
I think I can finally let it go. 但是我想我終於可以遺忘了....
Because my acting saved the entire world. 因為...我的演出,拯救了世界!
And something even better happened. 而且有件更好的事情發生了...
What? 什麼?
I met somebody who took my breath away. 我遇到了讓我無法呼吸的人...
Gary, no. 凱瑞,不!
I'm sorry. 對不起...
It's just... Things are really complicated, Gary. 事情很複雜,凱瑞...
I know about Carson. 我聽說了卡森的事...
I know how it feels. 我知道那種感受...
God, I'm so confused. 天啊,我迷惘了...
It's too soon to be having feelings for you. 對你有感覺實在是太早了...
Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them. 或許因為無法控制才叫做感覺...
But I have to control them 但是我一定要控制!
because I can't go through losing somebody again. It's too painful. 因為我不想再失去任何人了...那太痛苦了!
So... So, what, you're just gonna shut down? 所以?所以要怎樣?關機嗎?
I really like you. 我真的很喜歡你,難道我們永遠不可能有機會嗎?
There's no chance we can ever be together?
Only if you could promise me you'll never die. 除非,你保證你絕不會死...
You know I can't promise that. 你知道我沒法跟你保證那個!
If you did that, I would make love to you right now. 如果你發誓...我現在就能跟你上床!
I promise. I will never die. 我發誓,我永遠不會死...
I need this, I need love I need you
# 我需要這個,我需要愛,我需要你 #
I don't need one heartbeat I need two
# 我不需要一個心跳,我要兩個 #
There's an emptiness I need to fill
And only one emptiness will do # 有個空虛我要填補 #
# 而且只有一個空"洞"可以做到 #
Only a woman Can brighten up my day
# 只有女人 #
# 能照亮我的一天 #
Only a woman Can touch me the right way, yeah # 只有女人 #
# 能舒服的撫摸我 #
Only a woman Is allowed to touch me there
# 只有女人 #
# 允許摸我那裡 #
All I ask Is that you're a woman
# 我只求你是個女人 #
All I ask Is that you're a woman
Please just be a woman
Lisa, you're the most amazing person I've ever met. 麗莎,你是我遇過最不可思議的女人
It's only been a short time, but I think that I'm completely in love... 雖然相處很短...
但我想我完全的愛上...
噓
Let's not talk. 別說話
I can't help it. This just feels so right, 我不行了,這感覺太爽了!
and I don't want anything to mess it up. 我不想要任何事來搞砸這個
噓
There's not a thing in the world that can mess this up. 世界上沒有一件事能搞砸這時刻
巴拿馬運河,中美洲 "真的"美國南方2,193英哩
Team, I'm afraid I have bad news. 隊員們...我有個壞消息
At 7:15 this morning, the terrorists carried out their attack. 今早7:15分,恐怖份子行動了
- What? - But how can that be? 什麼?
怎麼可能?凱瑞在開羅阻止了啊!
Gary stopped the terrorists in Cairo.
It appears now that I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Was wrong 現在知道是智多星搞錯了!
about the Chechnyans being in charge. 車臣的恐怖份子才是首腦
That was bad, I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. 智多星太爛了!爛的不可救藥!
- Very bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. - I'm sorry. 抱歉
We have to find out who did this and take them down. Fast. 我們必須趕快找出是誰做的,並且消滅他們!
Sir, I am intercepting communications about the terrorists' identities. 長官,我攔截到恐怖份子的通訊!
On screen. 開啟!
This is breaking news with Peter Jennings. 這是"彼得 詹寧斯"的即時新聞
An attack in Panama today has left thousands dead. 今早巴拿馬的襲擊造成千人死亡
Taking credit were terrorists from Derka Derkastan. 已證實為達卡達卡斯坦人所為
Of course, Derka Derkastan. 當然...達卡達卡斯坦人!
The terrorists claim that the attack was a retaliation 恐怖份子宣稱這次行動...
for Team America's actions in Cairo. 是為報復美國特警在開羅的行為
Alec Baldwin is rallying all the members of the Film Actors Guild. 亞歷克 鮑德溫現正召集所有電影演員協會會員
- Alec Baldwin? - Gary? 亞歷克 鮑德溫!
He's my hero. 凱瑞?
他是我的英雄!全世界最好的演員!
The single greatest actor of all time.
Who is to blame for these attacks in Panama? 對於巴拿馬事件我們該指責誰?
The terrorists? 恐怖份子?給他們WOMD的人?
The person who supplied them with WMDs?
No. Blame Team America. 不!指責美國特警!
Their reckless disregard in Cairo brought on this violence today. 他們在開羅弱智的行為
造成了今日的災難!
Team America, the blood of the victims of Panama is on your hands. 美國特警
你們的手染滿了罹難者的血!
Moved by Baldwin's impassioned speech, 亞歷克 鮑德溫熱情且震撼的說詞
hundreds of people turned out at Mount Rushmore today to protest. 數百位市民今日聚集在總統山前抗議!
Hey, that's here. 嘿!那是這裡!
Tom, it looks like filmmaker Michael Moore 鎮民們!看樣子導演邁克爾 摩爾(華氏911導演)...
is also jumping on the "Fuck Team America" bandwagon. 也加入了"操你的美國特警"車隊!
Protesting is not enough. 抗議是不夠的!
We must take radical action against the fascists in our own country. 我們要採取強烈行動反對法西斯主義!
Bring it down! Bring it all down! 炸了他們,全炸了!
Team, if the Derka Derkastanis have weapons of mass destruction, 隊員們,如果卡達卡達斯坦人擁有強力炸彈!
I'm afraid it could be 9/11 times 1,000. 我怕那會是911的1000倍
- Jesus, you mean...? - Yes. 天啊,你是說...
Nine hundred and eleven thousand. 是的!911000
Then forget all these assholes. We got work to do. 忘了那些混帳,我們有更要緊的事做!
Yes, let's get Gary valmorphanized so he can use his acting. 是的,趕快讓凱瑞變臉,好使用他的演技!
My acting? 我的演技?我的演技!我的演技殺了近千人!
My acting? My acting just got a thousand people killed.
Jesus, I've done it again. 天啊!我又做了同樣的事!
Pull yourself together, Gary. We need you now more than ever. 振作點凱瑞!我們現在更迫切地需要你!
- I'm through with this. - Gary, you can't go. 我不幹了!
Without you, the team is doomed. 凱瑞,你不能走!
沒有你,我們就完了!
Remember, there is no "l" in Team America. 你要知道,這裡是沒有"I"(個人意志)在美國特警(Team America)裡的!
Yes, there is. 有啊...(Team Amer"I"ca)
I know it's hard, Gary. 我知道這很難,凱瑞...
But you're still the only hope to stop these newer terrorists. 但你是阻止他們的唯一希望!
Why me? Why am I the only one? 為什麼是我?為何我是唯一的?
Because you're the one with the power to... 因為你是唯一擁有能力的!
Well, I don't want the fucking power! 我不要什麼狗屁能力!
I don't want the guilt, I don't want the shame 我不要罪惡感!
我不要受恥辱...
and I don't want the responsibility. 我也不要負責任!
Then what about all the things you promised last night? 那麼你昨晚跟我保證過什麼?
You said you'd never leave. 你說你永遠不會離開!
I said I'd never die. But now I'm dead inside. 我說我永遠不會死...但現在,我心已死
You slept with Gary? 你跟凱瑞上床?
- Sarah. - But you knew I liked Gary. 莎拉
但你知道我喜歡凱瑞,我告訴過你!
I told you.
You like Gary? 你喜歡凱瑞?喔...我懂了...
Oh, I see.
- I didn't plan on it happening, Sarah. - Save it, Lisa. 我不是故意要這麼做的莎拉
省省吧,麗莎
You see? All I do is hurt people. 看到了嗎?我只會傷害別人!
Gary, you didn't kill your brother. Those gorillas did. 凱瑞,你沒有殺你哥哥!
是大猩猩干的!
I'm sorry I'm not the man you think I am. 對不起,我不是你想的那種人
I'm just bad news. 我只是個惡運
I'll never act again. 我永遠不會演戲了
Fuck him. We don't need an actor. 操他的,我們不需要演員!
We can take out the Derka Derkastanis 我們可以用老方法幹掉那些達卡達卡斯坦人
the old-fashioned way. 不!那只會是自殺任務!
No. It would be a suicide mission.
That's all right. I feel a little bit like dying. 那又怎麼樣...
反正我已經覺得我死了...
Goddamn it, Gary. 該死,凱瑞!
America Fuck, yeah # -美國! # # -操你的!耶! #
America Fuck, yeah
Coming again to save The motherfucking day, yeah # 再一次來拯救他媽的世界耶 #
America Fuck, yeah # -美國! # # -操你的!耶! #
Freedom is the only way Yeah # 自由是唯一的路耶! #
Terrorists, your game is through # 恐怖份子,你們玩完了 #
'Cause now you have to answer to # 因為你們遇到了~ #
America Fuck, yeah # -美國! # # -操你的!耶! #
America Fuck # -美國! # # -操... #
Gary! Help me! Get this thing off of me! Gary! 凱瑞!救我!趕走它們!凱瑞
All right, team. We're nearing Derka Derkastan. 好了,隊員,我們靠近達卡達卡斯坦了
Let's get ready. 準備好!
Look out! We've got terrorist aircraft. 看!恐怖份子的戰機!
There's only five of them, team. This should be easy. 只有5架,不難對付
I've got Korean aircraft at 1 o'clock. 韓國金戰隊在1點鐘方向!
What are they doing here? 他們來這裡幹什麼?
Shoot them down. Rike dogs. 把他們像狗一樣打下來!
Kim Jong Il? Why is he helping terrorists? 金正日你為什麼幫助恐怖份子!
I've got one on my tail! 有一架在我後面!
I got you, Sarah. 我幫你,莎拉!
Bring in the submarines. 潛水艇出動!
What the hell? Something's shooting at us from the water. 什麼?
有人從水底攻擊我們!
- It must be a Korean sub. - Chris, you've gotta take them out. 一定是朝鮮潛水艇!
克裡斯幹掉他們!
I'm already on it. 我已經在做了!
These guys really snuck up on us. 這些傢伙真的偷偷摸摸黏著我們!
Yeah, there's a lot of that going around lately. 對啊...最近偷偷摸摸的事很多!
Sarah, you know I didn't mean to hurt you. 莎拉,我不是有意傷害你的!
No, you just didn't care if you did. 不!你只是不在乎!
Now, come on, Sarah, that isn't fair. 別說了,莎拉,那不公平!
Lisa can't help it if Gary has feelings for her. 麗莎無法控制凱瑞對她的感情!
Just like nobody can help it if you have feelings for Gary. 就像沒人可以阻止你對凱瑞的感情一樣...
What is that supposed to mean? 那是什麼意思?
Oh, come on, Sarah. You mean you never realized 別裝了,莎拉!
Joe has feelings for you? 你難道從沒發現喬對你的感情嗎?
Joe? But you're like a brother to me. 喬?但是你對我就像哥哥一樣
That's all I ever am. Like a brother. It isn't fair. 對,我只有這個,像哥哥一樣!
不公平!
Hang on, team. Someone has broken into the hangar. 慢著,隊員們,有人闖入了停機坪!
- Baxter? - Hey, Team America. 巴克斯?
嘿!美國特警
I got something for you. 我有禮物送你們!
- What the hell? - Prepare to die. 媽的!
準備受死吧!
Jesus titty-fucking... 天啊,他奶奶的!
...Christ!
Spottswoode! 斯帕茲 伍德!
Oh, my God! 我的天啊!
No. He can't be dead. 不!
他不會死的!
We've lost I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. 我們失去智多星了!
I repeat, we have no I.N. T.E.L.L.I. G.E.N. C.E. 我重複,我們失去智多星了!
Their computers are down. Attack! 他們的電腦掛了
進攻!
- Sarah! - I sense I'm going down. 莎拉!
沒辦法了,我要往下掉了!
Sarah! God, Chris, you gotta help her. 莎拉,天!克裡斯幫幫她!
I'm on it. Just hang on, Sarah. 我來了!
撐住莎拉!
Oh, fuck, I've been hit. 喔,媽的,我被擊中了!
Chris, come in. 克裡斯回答!
- Oh, Jesus, I'm hit! - Lisa! 喔,天啊,我被擊中了!
- Going down. - Goddamn it, 麗莎!
往下墜了!
I'm gonna have to breach. 該死的,我快要解體了!
I'm gonna hit the water. 我要撞上水面了!
Missile lock. I've got missile lock. 導彈鎖定,我被導彈鎖定了!
I've gotta bail out. 我要緊急逃脫!
啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊
Salvage their ships. If you find anyone arive, you know what to do with them. 打撈沉船
- 如果有人生還,你們知道該怎麼做 - 是!
Terrorists on screen. 恐怖份子上線!
Okay, who brew up Panama Canal? 好...是誰炸了巴拿馬運河?
We were angry about Cairo. 我們對於開羅事件太生氣了
Goddamn it, how many times do I have to tell you? 天殺的!我要告訴你們多少次!
You don't use the WMDs until you see the signal. 沒有訊號不能使用WOMD!
I have worked ten years on this pran. 我籌劃了10年了!
It is a very precise and a compricated pran. 這是個非常精密且複雜的計劃!
I am sick of you terrorists fucking it up. 我對你們的白癡舉動反胃!
Now, take the weapons where I told you 現在!去我告訴你們武器的所在位置...
and wait for the goddamn signal this time. Goodbye. 然後這次等我他媽該死的訊號!
再見!
Why is everyone so fucking stupid? 為什麼每個人都那麼他媽的笨?
Why aren't more people interrigent? Rike me? 為什麼沒有多點聰明的人,像我一樣?
I'm so ronery 我...很...
# 寂寞 #
So ronery # 好寂寞 #
So ronery and sadry arone # 好寂寞且悲傷的孤獨 #
There's no one Just me onry # 沒有人,只有我 #
Sitting on my rittle throne # 坐在我小小的寶座上 #
I work rearry hard And make up great prans # 我辛苦的工作,籌劃完美的計謀 #
But nobody ristens No one understands # 但沒有人聽也沒有人懂 #
Seems rike no one Takes me seriousry # 彷彿沒人看重我 #
And so # 所以...我寂寞 #
I'm ronery
呃,呃,有點寂寞...
A rittle ronery
Poor rittle me # 可憐小小的我 #
There's nobody I can rerate to # 沒有任何人,跟我有所關聯 #
Feel rike a bird in a cage # 就像一隻籠中鳥 #
It's kind of sirry But not rearry # 這是很蠢的,但不無聊 #
Because it's firring my body With rage # 因為反而讓我充滿怒火 #
I'm the smartest, most crever Most physicarry fit # 我是最聰明,最爛,體型也最完美的領導 #
But nobody else seems to rearize it # 但是彷彿沒有人領悟這點 #
When I change the world Maybe they'll notice me # 當我改變世界或許他們會開始注意我 #
And until then 在那之前...
I'll just be ronery # 我只能夠孤獨 #
Yeah, a rittle ronery 對...有點寂寞
Poor rittle me # 可憐小小的我 #
I'm so ronery # 我...好...寂寞 #
What would you do # 你會怎麼做 #
If you were asked to give up Your dreams for freedom? # 如果你為了自由被迫放棄夢想 #
What would you do if asked To make the ultimate sacrifice? # 你會怎麼做?如果要做出最大的犧牲 #
Hey, weren't you the actor in that Broadway show? 嘿!你不是那場百老匯戲的演員嗎?
Hey, yeah, it is you. Do that scene where everyone gets AIDS. 嘿對!是你!就是你演的那場"每個人都有愛滋"的戲!
I don't act anymore. I gave that up. 我不演了,我放棄了!
- Oh, come on, man, just a scene. - I said, get away from me! 喔,別這樣老兄,那只是場戲!
滾開,別煩我!我迷失了自己!我跌到谷底了!
I'm completely lost. I've hit rock bottom.
Easy, easy. You gotta calm down there, Chuck. 放鬆放鬆!你要冷靜啊,嘔吐男!
I hurt people. I'm a dick. 我傷害了別人...我是個陰莖(爛人)
Well, being a dick ain't so bad. 嗯..當個陰莖也不錯啊
See, there are three kinds of people: 世上有三種人,陰莖,陰道,還有屁眼!
Dicks, pussies and assholes.
Pussies think everyone can get along and dicks just wanna fuck all the time 陰道認為可以跟每個人做
而陰莖只想沒大腦的到處亂干
without thinking it through. 但你還有屁眼喔,嘔吐男!
But then you got your assholes, Chuck.
And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything. 而屁眼只想要便便在所有東西上!
So pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while 所以啦!陰道或許有時會生陰莖的氣
because pussies get fucked by dicks. 因為陰道都被陰莖幹!
But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. 但是你要記得!陰莖也可以干屁眼喔!嘔吐男
And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? 如果陰莖沒有干屁眼你猜會發生什麼事?
You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit. 你的陰莖跟陰道都會沾滿了便便!
All right, that does it. Get out of here, you drunk lowlife. 夠了!你給我滾出去!你這下三濫的醉漢!
Get out of here, I said. 我叫你快滾!
Lisa! 麗莎!麗莎?麗莎你在這裡嗎?
Lisa. Lisa, are you here?
Get out of the street, you fucking bum! 滾到大街上你這該死的流浪漢!
You gave up on life, didn't you? 你放棄自己的人生了對吧?
My fellow actors, we live in a dark time. 我親愛的演員們!
我們活在黑暗時代
The world is becoming more and more violent 世界變的越來越暴力
and the idiots in charge are making it worse. 白癡掌權讓局勢更混亂!
What the world needs is an international advisory committee 全世界需要的是一個國際性的監護人協會!
who truly understands global politics. 由真正懂得國際政局的人來主持
Namely, us. - 那就是,我們 - 呱呱呱!
The time has come for us to start using our acting talents (著名演員:海倫 亨特) 將我們的演技運用在別的地方的時刻來臨了!
in a different way. (著名演員:伊森 霍克) 我們可以運用我們的力量改變世界
Yes, we can use our powers to change the world.
呱呱呱!
We will persuade everyone to drive hybrid cars and stop smoking. (蒂姆 羅賓斯) 我們要說服大家開雙動力車並且禁止吸煙!
If we focus our acting on global politics, (麗芙 泰勒) 如果我們專注演技在國際政局上...
we can change everything and stuff. (麗芙 泰勒) 我們可以改變一切!
呱呱呱!
As actors, it is our responsibility to read the newspapers (詹尼安 吉勞法羅) 當個演員就要隨時看報紙
and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion. (詹尼安 吉勞法羅) 並且當成我們自己的想法公佈在電視上
Matt Damon. 馬特 達蒙!
We've all done action films. (喬治 克魯尼) 我們都拍過動作片!
If anyone tries to get in our way, we'll show them just how tough (喬治 克魯尼) 如果有人阻礙
(喬治 克魯尼) 我們可以給他們點顏色瞧瞧!
us actors really are. 呱呱呱!
I'm glad you all agree. 很高興你們都認同我
Because I've just been contacted by a very important political leader 因為我已經跟一個非常重要的政治領袖談過了
who is bringing all the world leaders together 他將邀請全世界的領導人集合在...
for a massive international peace conference. 一個盛況空前的國際和平會議
And he wants us to be the keynote speakers. 他希望我們擔任晚會的演講王!
呱呱呱!
Matt Damon! 馬特 達蒙!
呱呱呱!
Say hello to our new partner. 跟我們的新夥伴打個招呼吧
Herro. 哈嘍?
呱呱呱!
Stop it! Stop it, you're killing him! 停!停!你會殺了他!
I'm gonna fucking kill you! 我會他媽的殺了你!
You're not in a position to kill anyone, my red, white and brue friend. 你所處的地位好像不能殺人吧?
我的紅,白,藍朋友們
So you're the bastard planning 9/11 times 1,000. 所以你就是計劃911的1000倍的王八蛋?
No. You think so small. 你想的太小了...
You see, I'm about to have an eraborate peace ceremony. 我將舉辦一個精心設計的和平典禮!
And while all the world's most important people are distracted here, 當所有的重要人物都被困在這裡的時候
I will detonate the WMDs 我將會啟動早已分配給
which I have given to terrorists arr around the grobe. 全世界恐怖份子的WOMD
It will be 9/11 times 2,356. 那將是911的2356倍!
My God, that's... I don't even know what that is. 天啊,那是...我算不出來!
Nobody does. 沒人可以
You heartless bastard. Why would you do such a thing? 你這沒人性的混帳!
你為什麼這麼做!
Because then there will be barance. 因為我可以成為世界首領!
Every country will be a Third World country. 每個國家都將成為未開發的國家!
Just imagine it. 想想看,全世界即將發生巨大的爆炸
All around the world, there will be massive exprosions.
With nobody to guide them, 沒人領導,人民只會瘋狂和混亂
the people will break out into panic and rioting all over the earth.
暴動充斥著地球,人性真實面表露無遺
The true nature of humanity is unreashed.
Dog eats dog, as everyone attacks everyone 狗咬狗,人吃人,只有自己是自己的偶像
and fends only for themselves.
Grobal stabirity unravels. 全球安定被毀滅
By the time my show is over, it will be far too rate. 等到舞台表演結束,一切都太遲了
Your plan will fail. 你會失敗的!
You'll never keep the world leaders distracted here for nine hours. 你不可能將世界首領困在這裡長達9小時!
Oh, no? I've got Arec Barrwin. 喔不行嗎?
我有亞歷克 鮑德溫!
Dear God. 天啊!
You are the rast of a dying breed, the frag-waving American. 你將成為殘存的品種了
只會揮旗的美國人
Well, your rittle dream will soon be over. 你的小夢想將要結束了
I must get back to pranning the ceremony now. 好了,我要去準備典禮了
The film actors are on their way. 電影演員們在路上了
Perhaps they'll stop in and say herro. 或許他們會進來打個招呼!
Having so little faith in humanity must make you a very lonely man. 對人性抱著那麼小的信仰,你一定很寂寞
You shall have a front-row seat. 應該給你個前排的座位!
Bring her upstairs. 帶她上樓!
Leave her alone, you son of a bitch! 別碰她,你們這些婊子養的!
Lisa, I treasure your friendship! 麗莎,我珍惜你的友情!
Somebody has to stop this! 啊!一定要有人來阻止這一切!
I miss you more than Michael Bay Missed the mark # 我想念你比邁克爾 貝的失敗更多~ #
When he made Pearl Harbor # 當他拍珍珠港時 #
I miss you more than that movie Missed the point # 我想念你比那部電影離了題更多 #
And that's an awful lot, girl And now # 而且是離了很多,女孩,現在~ #
Now you've gone away # 現在你離開了 #
And all I'm trying to say # 我只想對你說 #
Is Pearl Harbor sucked # 就是,珍珠港夠爛 #
And I miss you # 而且我很想你 #
I need you like Ben Affleck Needs acting school # 我需要你就像本 阿弗萊克需要上演員學校 #
He was terrible in that film # 他在戲裡演的真爛 #
I need you like Cuba Gooding Needed a bigger part # 我需要你就像古巴 古丁需要更多戲份 #
He's way better than Ben Affleck And now # 他比本 阿弗萊克好太多了 #
All I can think about is your smile # 現在,我只想著你的笑容 #
And that shitty movie too # 還有那爛電影 #
Pearl Harbor sucked # 珍珠港夠爛 #
And I miss you # 而且我也很想你 #
Pearl Harbor sucked # 珍珠港夠爛 #
Just a little bit more Than I miss you # 只有比我想你還多一點 #
Oh, my God. What the hell happened? 天啊,發生了什麼事!
Hello? Anybody? 哈嘍,有人嗎?
Greetings, Mr. Johnston. 您好,約斯頓先生
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E., what the hell happened? 智多星,到底發生什麼事了?
Our base was attacked by a giant socialist weasel. 基地被一個狡猾的社會主義肥仔給攻擊了
But where's the team? 那,那隊員呢?
They have been taken prisoner by Kim Jong Il in North Korea. 他們被金正日囚禁在朝鮮
I have intercepted communications that he is planning 我攔截到的通訊顯示...
the massive attack during a peace ceremony. 他即將在和平典禮中執行全球恐怖攻擊
Don't move, protester, or I'll blow your commie brains out. 別動抗議者!不然我打爆你那共產主義腦袋!
- Spottswoode. - Johnston? 斯帕茲伍德?
約斯頓?
What the hell are you doing here? 你還來這裡干麻?
Get away from I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. 給我離智多星遠點!
I'm using it to blow up North Korea. 我要用它來炸了朝鮮!
No! The team is in North Korea. 不!隊員在朝鮮啊!
I know. And so are the triggers to WMDs poised all around the globe. 我知道!那些散佈世界的WOMD的開關也在那裡!
My only option now is to blow up Kim Jong Il 我現在唯一選擇就是炸了金正日!
and everything around him before he can set them off. 還有在他身邊所有的一切以防他按下開關!
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E., initiate detonation sequence on the ships. 智多星,開啟飛彈導航系統!
You'll kill them all. 你會殺了他們的!
It's what they would want me to do, Gary. 他們會讓我這樣做的凱瑞!
They would happily give their lives for the good of the world, 為了世界和平他們會...
很高興的奉獻生命,你永遠不會明白!
- something you don't understand! - There has to be another way. 一定有別的辦法!
There's nobody left to stop Kim Jong Il. 已經沒有人可以阻止金正日了!
Let me go. 讓我去!
You? You're a buttfucking quitter. 你?你這個中途退出的混賬?
You walked out, Gary. The team went on a mission without you. 你自己退出的凱瑞!
And without an actor, they were like pigs to the slaughter. 當沒有你的小隊去執行任務時...
沒有演員幫助的他們就像待宰小豬!
I'm supposed to leave the fate of the world in your hands? 我要把世界的命運交到你手裡?
I know I walked out, but I'd do anything to take it back. 我知道我中途退出,但我願意做任何事情來挽回!
- Please, just let me help. - You've done enough. 拜託!讓我幫忙!
你幫的夠多了
Please, Spottswoode, you have to believe in me. 拜託!斯帕茲伍德你要相信我!
I want to believe in you, Gary, I really do. 我也想相信你凱瑞
我真的想
But you've let me down before. 但你讓我失望過一次了
Please, how can I make you trust me? 拜託!我要怎麼讓你相信我?
I remember the first time we met. 我記得我們第一次見面時...
You were a simple Broadway actor afraid to get in my limo 你只是個害怕上我車的單純百老匯演員
because you thought I wanted you to perform oral sex on me. 因為你認為我會要你幫我口交
Do you remember that? 還記得嗎?
Yeah. 記得
And now the tables are turned, and I don't know if I can trust you. 但是現在順序顛倒了
我不知道我能不能相信你
Just give me a chance. 給我一個機會
All right, I'll trust you. 好吧,我會相信你...
But only if you... 除非你幫我口交
...will perform oral sex on me.
- What? - Right here, right now. 什麼?
就在這裡,現在!
- You can't be serious. - Oh, I am serious. 你不是認真的吧?
喔,我非常認真
Look, this is my serious face. 看!這是我認真的臉!
- What will that prove? - It will prove that you are truly ready 那能證明什麼?
那就能證明你準備投入所有一切
to lay everything on the line. 拋棄你的自主神經,百分百的投入!
To throw away all your inhibitions and give 100 percent.
We must go back to that first night we met, that first issue of trust. 回到第一天我們見面那時...
對你最初的考驗!不明白嗎?
- Don't you see? - No. I thought you weren't gay. 不!我想你不是同性戀啊!
This isn't about sex, Gary, it's about trust. 這跟性無關,凱瑞,這是信任大考驗!
It's the eye of the needle, Gary, and we must both pass through it. 這就像一個針眼般大小的洞,凱瑞!
我們倆要一起穿過去!
Okay, let's do it. 好了,來吧
I'll make sure nobody's watching. 我確信沒人在看
Yeah, it looks clear. 嗯,看來沒人
Okay, go. 好了,來吧
There must be another way. 一定還有別的方法!
I guess you won't do everything to take it all back, will you, Gary? 哼!我想你不會做任何事...
去把失去的要回來吧,凱瑞?
No, no, no. Wait, wait, hold on. 不!不!不!等等!
You're saying if I do that, you'll let me help the team? 你說...如果我做...你就會讓我重新加入?
I'll give you all the time I can. 我會全力支持你
Okay, let's do it. 好的,來吧
Here we go. 這裡,來吧
And go. 開始
You are dedicated. 你真的非常投入!好!清理一下吧
Now, let's go get cleaned up. 如果你要孤身直搗金正日的宮殿...
If you're going to storm Kim Jong ll's palace single-handed,
we have to make you a complete soldier in very little time. 我們就要在最短時間裡把你訓練成終極兵器
How we gonna do that? 我們要怎麼做?
I think I know just what we need. 我想我知道需要什麼!
The hour's approaching To give it your best # 時間緊迫,拼盡全力,你要達到基礎 #
And you've got to reach your prime
That's when you need to put yourself to the test # 當你要將自己投入試煉中 #
And show us a passage of time # 並且表達時間的流過 #
- We're gonna need a montage - Montage # - 那就需要蒙太奇 # # - 蒙太奇 #
- It takes a montage - Montage # - 喔,全都是蒙太奇 # # - 蒙太奇 #
Show a lot of things Happening at once # 很多事情同時發生 #
Remind everyone Of what's going on # - 用想的, 每個人都知道在幹什麼 # # - 在幹什麼? #
And with every shot Show a little improvement # 而且當每個鏡頭展現一點進步 #
To show it all would take too long # 只需要一下,不然會太久 #
- That's called a montage - Montage # - 那就叫做蒙太奇 # # - 蒙太奇 #
- Girl, we want a montage - Montage # - 這裡我們需要蒙太奇 # # - 蒙太奇 #
In anything, if you want to go # 如果要知道所有事情 #
From just a beginner to a pro # 從菜鳥到高手 #
- You need a montage - Montage # - 你就需要蒙太奇 # # - 蒙太奇 #
- Even Rocky had a montage - Montage # - 甚至洛基也要蒙太奇 # # - 蒙太奇 #
- Always fade out in a montage - Montage # - 蒙太奇永遠是慢慢淡出 # # - 蒙太奇 #
If you fade out It seems like more time has passed # - 如果畫面淡出,那就表示已經過了很久了 # # - 蒙太奇 #
- In a montage - Montage
Radies and gentlemen. 女士先生們
The Film Actors Guild and Kim Jong Il are preased to welcome you 電影演員協會和金正日誠摯的...
to the International World Peace Ceremony. 歡迎您參加國際和平典禮!
The most important people from every country 每個國家的最高領導人...
are gathered here in soridarity to cerebrate peace. 都團結一致的集合在這裡慶祝和平
There will be music, dancing and, of course, 這裡有音樂,舞蹈,當然還有...
the biggest stars in Horrywood. 好萊塢的超級巨星們!
In the box to your reft is the mastermind of this spectacurar show, 在你的左手看臺,是此次華麗舞台秀的策劃人...
the multitarented Kim Jong Il. 多才多藝的金正日!
Oh, herro. 哈嘍,哈嘍!
And now we present to you the very best in North Korean music. 現在,即將位您表演,朝鮮最好的音樂劇!
Ten years of pranning, and finarry the night is here. 10年的計劃總算等到了今晚
The terrorists know to be in position by the time Arec Barrwin takes the stage. 恐怖份子已經就定位...
當亞歷克 鮑德溫站上舞台時...
That's when I trigger all the WMDs to go off at the same time. 那就是我要同時引爆全世界的強力炸彈的時刻!
When you see Arec Barrwin, 當你看到亞歷克 鮑德溫...
you will see the true ugriness of human nature. 你也會看到人性真實醜陋的一面
Your plan will never work. Something will stop it. 你的計劃不會成功的,某些東西一定會阻止你!
You stupid, naive Team Americans. 你這天真又愚蠢的美國人
You berieve in true rove and happy endings 你們總是相信恐怖故事一定有快樂的結局...
even while the world around you spirals downward. 甚至當你們周圍的世界開始往下墜落
Sometimes believing is all we have. 有時候,信任是我們唯一擁有的
And as the leaders of your countries, you have the power 而且,當個國家領導人...
to bring the world together under the principles of the Film Actors Guild. 你是有能力將世界合而為一的...
只要遵從電影演員協會的規定
You're gonna knock them dead, Alec. 你絕對能夠讓他們順從的,亞歷克!
Ten minutes, Mr. Baldwin. 還有10分鐘,鮑德溫先生!
Who the hell you? 你是誰?
I'm with the Film Actors Guild. I'm here to help with the broadcast. 我是電影演員協會的人
我是來幫忙廣播的
Then you show credentials. 給我們看你的憑據?
Hey, you don't need to see my credentials. 嘿!你不需要看我的憑據!
I left them at home and I'm running late. 我放在家忘了帶而且我遲到了!
- I berieve him. - Yeah, me too. 我相信他
我也是!
Okay, have a nice day. 好吧,過吧!
My God, his acting is better than ever. 天啊,他的演技比以往更出色!
Don't worry, fellas, I've got my pass right here. 別擔心朋友,我有我的通行證在這...
Please, Mr. Sheen, Mr. Robbins, 拜託辛先生,羅賓斯先生!
you don't understand what Kim Jong Il is doing. 你們不懂金正日在做什麼!
Shut up. We have explicit instructions to watch you. 閉嘴!我們奉命看住你們!
- Yeah. We're supposed to be guards. - We're guards. 對!我們是護衛!
我們是護衛
- We're guards, huh? We're guards. - We're guards. 護衛,我們是護衛
我們是護衛
Mr. Sheen, Mr. Robbins. Someone has broken into the main hall. 辛先生,羅賓斯先生,有人闖進了大廳!
What? Come on, Martin! 什麼?
來吧,馬丁!
- Gary? - What the fuck are you doing here? 凱瑞?
你他媽在這裡干麻?
Guys, are you all right? Where's Lisa? 你們還好嗎?
麗莎呢?
What the heck do you care? You walked out on her. 你他媽還關心她幹什麼?是你拋棄她的!
Look, I wanna make things right. 聽著,我要彌補我所做的一切!
Here, Spottswoode's monitoring from the base. 這裡!斯帕茲伍德在基地監視!
- Spottswoode is dead, Gary. - Not as dead as you think. 斯帕茲伍德死了,凱瑞!
沒有你想像的那麼死!
- Spottswoode! - Yes, I'm here, Joe. 斯帕茲伍德
對,我在這裡,喬!
- All right, you're alive! - Great to hear your voices again. 太棒了,你還活著!
很高興再次聽到你們的聲音!
Now we've got to get Lisa and stop Kim Jong Il. 快,我們要救麗莎並且阻止金正日!
I'm not going anywhere with this fucking traitor. 我才不會跟你他媽這叛徒一起行動!
What makes you think we'll take you back, douchebag? 對!你認為我們會歡迎你嗎?灌腸男!
- We're doing this without you! - Now, hold on, team. 我們不跟你一起了!
等等小隊!
Gary has already proven to me 凱瑞已經向我證明他是百分百投入團隊的了!
that he is 100 percent committed to the team.
He proved it last night by sucking my cock. 他昨晚已經...吸過我的雞雞了
All right. Come on, team, we gotta find that stage. 喔...好吧,隊員們去找舞台在哪吧!
Rook how much they rove my show. The entire audience is so captivated. 看!看他們多喜歡我的表演!
所有的觀眾都著迷了!
And now you see, the new world is inevitabre. 現在你看到了吧,新世界已無法避免!
- It's what? - Inevita... Inevitabre. 已什麼?
無...無可避免...
- One more time. - Inevitabre! 再說一次?
Things are inevitabry going to change. 不可避免!
事情將不可避免的改變!
Goddamn it, open your fucking ears. 天啊,該死的!打開你他媽的耳朵好嗎?
- Five minutes, Mr. Baldwin. - Thank you. 還有5分鐘,鮑德溫先生
- Alec, we have a problem. - Team America escaped. 謝謝!
亞歷克!事情不好了!
美國特警逃掉了!
What? You fools. They'll ruin everything. 什麼?
你這白癡,他們會破壞一切!
We better warn everyone. They'll be headed here. 一定要警告每個人美國特警快來了!
No. We can't look weak and powerless. 不!我們不能讓人看起來軟弱無力!
If violence is all those bastards understand, then violence they'll get. 如果他們只會暴力,那麼我們就用暴力對付他們!
Every actor, grab a gun and keep Team America 每個演員拿一把槍,不惜一切代價...
from reaching this ceremony at all costs. 一定要阻止美國特警到達這會場!
Qapla!
I swear they won't reach this stage. 我發誓他們到不了這舞台!
Jesus! What have we got? 天啊!
Looks like George Clooney and Liv Tyler, 20 yards. 對方是誰?
像是喬治 克魯尼跟麗芙 泰勒,20碼處!
Look out, it's Ethan Hawke and Janeane Garofalo. 注意! 伊森 霍克還有詹尼安 吉勞法羅!
Drop your weapons. 放下武器!
Fucking die! 他媽的去死吧!
We gotta split up. 必須散開!
Sarah, you and Gary go that way. Chris and I will go right. 莎拉你跟凱瑞走那裡!
克裡斯跟我走右邊
No, I think I'd rather team up with you, Joe. 不,我想我寧可跟你一隊,喬
I guess you're with me, cockfag. 那麼你就是跟我了?同性戀雞!
- Danny Glover! - Come on, Penn. 丹尼 格洛弗
- We must protect the show. - Right. 來吧,潘!我們要保護會場!
對!
- The stage must be that way. - No. Joe, Sarah, it's a trap! 舞台一定是那裡!
不!喬,莎拉,那是陷阱!
Very impressive, warmongers. 非常嚇人啊,好戰的人!
Now let's see how Kim Jong ll's panthers treat you. 現在來看看金正日的頑皮豹們怎麼處置你們!
I went to Iraq, you know! 我去過伊拉克你知道嗎?
- Susan Sarandon. - Oh, thank God. 蘇珊 莎蘭登
We have to stop the ceremony. Kim Jong Il is mad. 喔,感謝老天!我們要阻止典禮!
金正日已經瘋了!
Here, let me loose. I'll show you where the theatre is. 快!給我鬆綁,我帶你們去劇院!
- All right. - No, Chris, stay away from her. 好的!
不!克裡斯!離她遠點!
- Fuck you. She wants to help us. - No, Chris, she's acting. 干你媽的!
她要幫助我們耶!
不!克裡斯!
她在演戲
我沒有!
I am not. The others tied me up 其他人把我綁起來因為我不服從他們的計劃!
because I wouldn't go along with their plans.
Your skills are fading with age, Miss Sarandon. 你的演技隨著年齡漸漸老去了莎蘭登"太太"
You shall die a peasant's death! 你應該像下等生物一樣的死去!
Jesus titty-fucking Christ. 你他媽奶奶的!
I could've sworn she was telling the truth. 我甚至可以發誓她是說真的!
That's why they call it acting. Come on, we gotta find Lisa. 這就是為什麼人們叫它"演戲"!
來把,我們要找出麗莎!
I was 19 years old when the musical Cats came to our town. 當我還是19歲時,歌劇"貓"來到我們的城鎮...
I couldn't wait to see it. 我等不及要去看
After the show, I was asked if I wanted to go meet 表演結束後,有人問我想不想到後台...
some of the performers backstage. Man, I was thrilled. 去見一些表演者
你知道那是多麼興奮!
But when I got back there, they were drunk and out of control. 但是,當我到了後台
他們已經全醉了而且失去理智
Rumpus cat and Macavity kept feeling up my leg. 藍帕斯貓跟麥卡維蒂拉著我不放
I tried to leave, but Rumpleteazer held me down and... 我想離開,但是藍蓓蒂澤把我壓在地上...
...I was raped by Mr. Mistoffelees. 而我...則被米斯托弗裡斯強暴了
That's why you don't trust actors. 這就是你不相信演員的原因
I'm sorry I've been so hard on you. 對不起,我之前處處刁難你
If there's still a world left when this is all over, 如果我們拯救了世界...
I'd like to buy you a beer. 我想請你喝杯啤酒!
Come on, let's go. We're running out of time. 來吧,快,我們沒時間了!
Sarah, before we die, I want to finally tell you that I love you. 莎拉,在臨死前,我總算敢告訴你,我愛你!
No. No, I'm not gonna let it end like this. 不,不!我不會就這麼罷手!
We are not your enemy, furry ones. You will not attack us. 我們不是你們的敵人,野獸們!你們不會攻擊我們!
Sarah, that isn't going to work. You don't really have mental powers. 莎拉,那行不通的!
你並不是真的有超能力啊!
Your captors are behind you, Shebas. Show your anger to them. 抓你們的人在後面,柴犬們!
向他們怒吼吧!
喔不!
不!不!
Sarah, you did it! 莎拉你辦到了!
Wait. Hold on. 等等,停!
Spottswoode, I think we just found the entrance to the theatre. 斯帕茲伍德我想我找到戲院入口了!
Have Sarah and Joe lock on to our... 莎拉跟喬已經...喔!
Gary! 凱瑞!
哈!
- Actors, ho! - Helen Hunt. 演員出來!
海倫 亨特
Samuel Jackson. 塞繆爾 傑克遜
Matt Damon. 馬特 達蒙
Motherfucker. 操你媽的!
Gary, Chris, come in. 凱瑞,克裡斯回答我!
And now, radies and gentlemen, Mr. Arec Barrwin. 現在,先生女士們...讓我們歡迎亞歷克 鮑德溫先生!
We are here to usher in a new era without violence. 我們齊聚一堂迎接沒有暴力的世代...
By following the rules of the Film Actors Guild, 我們必須遵從電影演員協會的條例
the world can become a better place 讓世界更美好
that handles dangerous people with talk and reasoning. 以言語跟理性來打動那些恐怖份子
That is the F.A.G. Way. 那就是艱難(同性戀)的方法
One day you'll all look at the world us actors created and say, 總有一天,這世界會看著我們所創造的時代說...
"Wow. Good going, F.A.G. 哇,做的好!苦力(同性戀)們,你們真的讓世界更好了!
You really made the world a better place, didn't you, F.A.G.?"
是嗎,苦力(同性戀)們?
Yes, Arec Barrwin. Too bad there won't be a world reft. 是阿!亞歷克 鮑德溫
嗯,問題是,世界即將消失了,呵呵
Oh, God, no. 喔不,不!
You see? No Prince Charming rode in on a white stallion to save the day. 你看...沒有白馬王子來拯救世界!
This is the real world. 這才是真實的
I'm afraid your world is over. 恐怕你的世界快要消失了!
In five minutes. ...再5分鐘!
Yes, the ticking crock. 看!倒數的計時器!
Sorry, Team America, but you see, we must live in a time of peace. 抱歉了美國特警,不過我們一定要生活在和平之中!
Put down the gas can now. 馬上放下汽油桶!
Kill them. 殺了他們!
Jackson! 傑克遜!
Team, you've got to hurry. 隊員們,你們要快點!
Let's go, bitch. I've done action films. 來吧,婊子!我拍過動作電影!
Come on. 來吧!
Matt Damon! 馬特 達蒙
Come on, stop trying to hit me and hit me. 拜託!別一直試著打我又打我!(駭客任務名言)
Don't fucking move! 他媽的別動!
Now, isn't that a shame. 看!你們多麼丟臉!努力那麼長一段路來阻止和平...
You came so close to stopping peace.
But you see, peace always finds a way. 但是和平總是找得到方向出去!
Goodbye, Team America. 再見了美國特警!
I've just got one piece of bad news for you, Robbins. 我只有一個壞消息給你,羅賓斯
- What's that? - I'm a smoker. 什麼?
我抽煙
Now that the world is going to be run peacefully, 現在,為了讓世界走向和平...
we should all drive hybrid cars. 我們應該要開雙動力跑車
Right now famiries are gathering in parks, 現在...每個家庭都集中在公園...
children are walking to school, friends are sitting in movie theatres. 兒童們走路上學
朋友們坐在電影院裡
All compretery unaware that the world is about to change forever. 全都沒反應到世界即將永遠的改變!
All because of me. 全是因為我!
Stop that man. 住手!
Gary! 凱瑞!
- Team America? - Goddamn it. 美國特警?
該死的!
Sorry to interrupt the show, everyone, but Kim Jong Il 抱歉各位,打斷了表演
is an international criminal. We're here to arrest him. 但是金正日是個國際罪犯!
我們是來逮捕他的!
Oh, no, you're not. 喔不,你休想!
This is a peace conference. 這是個和平會議,如果你敢碰金正日...
And if you even try to touch Kim Jong Il,
this audience and I will rise up against you. 這些觀眾是會站起來阻止你們的!
Fuck off, Team America! 隊員們,已經沒時間了!
Team, there's no time. You have to convince that audience 你們要說服觀眾讓你們逮捕他!
to let you do your job.
- Gary, you've got to take the stage. - No. I can't upstage Alec Baldwin. 凱瑞,你一定要上台!
不!我比不過亞歷克 鮑德溫!
- He's the best actor in the world. - You have to try. 他是世上最棒的演員!
你一定要試試看啊!
- I'm not that good. - Actually... 我沒有那麼厲害!
事實上!你是我見過最棒的演員...
...you're the finest actor I've ever met.
Come on, Gary, hurry. You've got to act fast. 拜託凱瑞,快,你動作要快!
I know you all don't like Team America a whole lot right now, 我知道你們現在不是很喜歡美國特警...
but Kim Jong Il is a lot worse. 但是金正日更差勁
You can't outact me, boy. Don't even try. 你比不過我的,孩子,別試了!
For the truth is that Team America fights for the billion-dollar corporations. 事實上美國特警...
是為了億萬元的合夥人而做事的!
They are just as bad as the enemies they fight. 他們就像他們咬的敵人一樣壞
Oh, no, we aren't. We're dicks! 不,我們不是!
我們是陰莖!
We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. 我們是魯莽自大的笨陰莖
And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. 而且,電影演員協會.....是陰道
And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. 而金正日...是屁眼!
Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. 陰道不喜歡陰莖
因為陰道常被陰莖幹
But dicks also fuck assholes, 但是!陰莖也干屁眼!
assholes who just wanna shit on everything. 而屁眼只想在所有東西上大便!
Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. 陰道或許覺得可以用他們自己的方式跟屁眼協調
But the only thing that can fuck an asshole 但是唯一能操屁眼的...
is a dick with some balls. 是陰莖...還有些蛋蛋(膽量)!
The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much. 陰莖唯一的毛病...
就是有時候干的太多了!
- Or fuck when it isn't appropriate. - Yes, Gary, yes. 或者干的不正確...
是啊,凱瑞,是啊!
And it takes a pussy to show them that. 這時就需要陰道來糾正它們
But sometimes pussies get so full of shit 但是有時候陰道自己都沾了一身大便...
that they become assholes themselves. 而且自己變成了屁眼!
Because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes. 因為陰道跟屁眼只有一寸半的距離
I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world... 我不瞭解這瘋狂的世界...
...but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole... 但我瞭解!
如果你們不讓我們幹這個屁眼!
...we are gonna have our dicks and our pussies... 那麼我們全部的陰莖跟陰道...都會沾滿大便!
...all covered in shit.
Show us what you're doing, Kim Jong Il. 停止你的行為金正日!
Do something, Arec Barrwin! 快做些什麼,亞歷克 鮑德溫!
The... Global warming and... Corporate America... 呃,呃,這世界溫室效應....呃,美國企業...
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin. 開除你!你這沒價值的亞歷克 鮑德溫!
Don't fucking move! You were all going to be treated 別他媽的亂動!
本來是要給你們看場精采的表演!
to a faburous show. But now party's over. - 但是宴會結束了,而我即將成為偉大的金正日! - 麗莎!
- For I am the great Kim Jong Il. - Lisa.
And I am the greatest terrorist ever to have rived. 我是世上絕無僅有的恐怖份子!
Terrorize this. 恐懼吧!
- Lisa, are you okay? - No, Gary, the countdown. 麗莎你還好嗎?
You have to stop it. 不凱瑞!快把計時器停下來!
- What do I do? - Hit the big "cancel" button! 我要怎麼做!
按下那很大的"取消"鍵!
- Gary, how did you manage this? - Spottswoode helped me. 凱瑞你怎麼克服萬難的?
Spottswoode? He's alive? 斯帕茲伍德幫我的
斯帕茲伍德?
Lisa, I'm crazy about you. Will you please forgive me if I...? 他還活著?
麗莎,我為你瘋狂!
- 你能否原諒我讓我彌補... - 噓!
You had me at "dicks fuck assholes." 你早就連我的屁眼都有了!
Attention. Attention, everyone. 注意!每個人注意!
All you in the audience should go to your homes now. 你們全部都該回家了!
Your countries need you. But the world will be safe, 你們的國家需要你們!
而且世界已經安全了!
thanks to a brilliant actor named Gary Johnston. 感謝我們的天才演員...
凱瑞 約斯頓!
Let me explain to you the kind of man Gary is. 讓我解釋一下凱瑞是個什麼樣的人...
He's a man who knows 他是個瞭解當你...
that when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact. 嘴裡放入了一根陰莖...
你就定下了契約的男人!
A bond that cannot be broken. 一個無法破壞的羈絆!
He's a man so dedicated that he will get down on his knees 他是一個這麼投入的男人...
投入到會跪下...
and put that cock right in his mouth. 而且馬上把你的雞雞放進嘴裡的人!
Wait a minute. Look! 等等,看!
You have not heard the rast of Kim Jong Il. 你們沒有完全殺了我金正日!
I will return! 我還會回來的!
You shall see. I will be back! 你們一定會看到我回來!
So rong, earthrings! 再見了朋友們!
We'll be here waiting for you, Kim Jong Il. 我們會在這裡等你的金正日!
All right, you guys, I hate to break up this little party, 好了,我雖然不想打斷這感人場面
but there's still a lot of bad guys out there. 不過還有很多壞人在外面呢!
Well, then let's go show the bad guys the police are back in force. 那就給那些傢伙點顏色...
讓他們知道美國特警回來了!
Fuck, yeah. 操你的!耶!
America
America Fuck, yeah 劇終
Coming again to save The motherfucking day, yeah
America Fuck, yeah
Freedom is the only way Yeah
Terrorists, your game is through
'Cause now you have to answer to
America Fuck, yeah
So lick my butt And suck on my balls
America Fuck, yeah
What you gonna do When we come for you now?
It's the dream that we all share
- It's the hope for tomorrow - Fuck, yeah
- McDonald's - Fuck, yeah
- Wal-Mart - Fuck, yeah
- The Gap - Fuck, yeah
- Baseball - Fuck, yeah
- NFL - Fuck, yeah
- Rock 'n' roll - Fuck, yeah
- The Internet - Fuck, yeah
- Slavery - Fuck, yeah
Fuck, yeah
Everyone has AIDS
- My grandma and my dog Ole Blue - AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
- The pope has got it and so do you - AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
Come on, everybody We got quilting to do
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS
We're gonna break down These barricades
Everyone has AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS AIDS, AIDS
Freedom isn't free
It costs folks like you and me
And if we don't all chip in We'll never pay that bill
Freedom isn't free
No, there's a hefty fucking fee
And if you don't throw in Your buck o'five
Who will?
Buck o'five
Freedom costs a buck o'five
Only a woman
Can brighten up my day
Only a woman
Can touch me the right way Yeah
Only a woman
Is allowed to touch me there
All I ask Is that you're a woman
I'm so ronery
So ronery
So ronery and sadry arone
There's no one Just me onry
Sitting on my rittle throne
I work rearry hard And make up great prans
But nobody ristens No one understands
Seems rike no one Takes me seriousry
And so
I'm ronery
A rittle ronery
Poor rittle me
I need you like Ben Affleck Needs acting school
He was terrible in that film
I need you like Cuba Gooding Needed a bigger part
He's way better than Ben Affleck And now
All I can think about is your smile And that shitty movie too
Pearl Harbor sucked
And I miss you
Why does Michael Bay Get to keep on making movies?
I guess Pearl Harbor sucked
Just a little bit more Than I miss you
Show a lot of things Happening at once
- Remind everyone of what's going on - What's going on
And with every shot Show a little improvement
To show it all would take too long
- That's called a montage - Montage
- Girl, we want a montage - Montage
In anything, if you want to go From just a beginner to a pro
- You need a montage - Montage
- Even Rocky had a montage - Montage
- Always fade out in a montage - Montage
If you fade out it seems like More time has passed
I was sent from planet Gyron To conquer the Earth
I had a terrific pran I thought it would work
Tried to get the earthrings All to kill each other, you see
But it all went wrong And now I must decree
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
You failed in every way And now my stock in you has farren
Your career is starring And you're worthress, Arec Barrwin
That's why I brew your head off And your children are all bawring
Pranet Gyron is inhabited With Zypods rike me
But also with Barmacks Who are giant bees
The Zypods and the Barmacks Are at constant war
So we wanted a new home And that's what Earth was for
But you are worthress, Arec Barrwin You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
You fucked up my whole pran
And now Gyron is smeared With Barmack porren
Your garbage needs some hauring And you're worthress, Arec Barrwin
Now I must return home a failure
I'm afraid the Pit of Cryrock Is carring