1
00:00:01,480 --> 00:00:02,650
-早啊  -早

2
00:00:02,650 --> 00:00:06,420
看  我給你做了西紅柿沙拉哦

3
00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:07,890
我又不愛吃西紅柿

4
00:00:07,890 --> 00:00:09,350
不  你不愛吃你家邊上超市賣的

5
00:00:09,350 --> 00:00:12,530
那些冒充西紅柿的無味的垃圾

6
00:00:12,530 --> 00:00:14,460
而這些寶貝...

7
00:00:14,460 --> 00:00:17,360
我親手把它們養大

8
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:21,050
就像吃自己的孩子一樣

9
00:00:21,050 --> 00:00:23,330
既然你心情這么好  那我就說了

10
00:00:23,330 --> 00:00:25,860
我都搬進來一禮拜了  都安頓差不多了

11
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,350
如果再能接通網絡  就更方便了

12
00:00:28,350 --> 00:00:31,550
先別急著說不  我來付錢咯

13
00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:33,650
不

14
00:00:33,650 --> 00:00:34,990
你想都不想

15
00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:38,320
我想了啊  我覺得"不行"

16
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,910
-為啥我們不能通網絡  -不需要啊

17
00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:43,010
可我需要啊  我是作家

18
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,660
-我需要調查  -調查啥

19
00:00:44,660 --> 00:00:46,540
我有一整套《科里爾大百科》

20
00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:48,420
堆在那屋里呢

21
00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:49,810
真給力

22
00:00:49,810 --> 00:00:53,520
不過不知上面寫沒寫朝鮮戰爭打成啥樣了

23
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,100
想知道新聞看報紙啊

24
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:58,120
地球人都知道

25
00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,080
我真的需要上網

26
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,090
沒門

27
00:01:02,090 --> 00:01:04,030
給我個說得通的理由

28
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,510
沒問題

29
00:01:05,510 --> 00:01:10,510
新技術是孩子自慰的必備良品

30
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,270
你說啥呢

31
00:01:16,270 --> 00:01:17,750
我買錄像機那年

32
00:01:17,750 --> 00:01:20,570
文斯跟豬小弟開始愛愛

33
00:01:20,570 --> 00:01:25,020
裝了有線電視那年  是你跟小美人魚

34
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:30,870
咱要是通了網絡

35
00:01:30,870 --> 00:01:33,800
小美人魚還不來水漫金山啊

36
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,140
爸...

37
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,650
你別總把網絡

38
00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:42,550
當成自慰的快捷方式

39
00:01:42,550 --> 00:01:46,110
它可是連接起我生活所有部分的主板

40
00:01:46,110 --> 00:01:47,650
我的工作  社交

41
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:49,140
都在網上

42
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:50,520
我的下一份工作就指著它了

43
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,180
我跟別人交流也全靠它

44
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:53,420
拜托啦  別說不嘛

45
00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:56,170
好吧  表

46
00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:58,220
別想了  不讓裝  不讓不讓就不讓

47
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,760
"不"之協奏曲

48
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,460
不不不不不

49
00:02:03,460 --> 00:02:04,820
不不不不不

50
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,420
不不不不不不不

51
00:02:06,420 --> 00:02:08,670
不不不不不不不不不不

52
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,450
不不不不不不不

53
00:02:10,450 --> 00:02:15,450
本字幕由 YYeTs人人影視 原創翻譯制作
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 更多影視更新 請登陸 www.YYeTs.net

54
00:02:10,450 --> 00:02:15,450
■

55
00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:21,590
翻譯：取子小Q  小砂鍋  Doodle  天意  校對：大衛熊  
 時間軸：低調的小雨  后期：WiLL  總監：WiLL

56
00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:21,590
■

57
00:02:21,590 --> 00:02:22,480
叮咚

58
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:23,950
我來給送你干洗的衣服

59
00:02:23,950 --> 00:02:25,230
我這就得走

60
00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:26,850
這件事你的灰背心

61
00:02:26,850 --> 00:02:31,700
你灰不拉嘰的背心  和褪了色的灰背心

62
00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:34,840
參加"我灰色我自豪"游行時可以一起穿

63
00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:38,360
好哇

64
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,160
問他了沒

65
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,410
我說了我不想問他這事

66
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:42,620
這太難為情了

67
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:44,820
這有啥好難為情的  寶貝  他是醫生

68
00:02:44,820 --> 00:02:46,520
我們又不是小孩子了

69
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,840
看我的  爸  能我老婆的咪咪嗎

70
00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:53,040
-你的咪咪在這擋著呢  -我閃

71
00:02:55,370 --> 00:02:58,620
我這里起了一小片疹子

72
00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:00,170
文斯讓我跟你描述一下情形

73
00:03:00,170 --> 00:03:01,450
讓你診斷下

74
00:03:01,450 --> 00:03:02,580
咦  我有辦法

75
00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,350
我們可以上網自己查哦

76
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,380
不過可惜...

77
00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:12,800
-掀起來我看看  -不  不用了

78
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,620
給他看已經夠難為情了

79
00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:17,360
邦妮  我行醫43載

80
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,860
共見過811只乳房

81
00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:24,300
我向你保證  我睡覺前

82
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:27,450
絕對不會意淫你這對

83
00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:30,000
所以你要想讓我檢查下放心  愿意效勞

84
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,410
你要是唧唧歪歪的  我沒工夫探討

85
00:03:32,410 --> 00:03:34,570
你的咪咪

86
00:03:34,570 --> 00:03:37,160
算了  豁出去了  早死早超生

87
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,970
跟老爸處得怎么樣

88
00:03:41,970 --> 00:03:43,210
我也說不好

89
00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:44,940
今天早上我問他能不能通網絡

90
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:46,520
他說沒門

91
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:50,170
不光說  他還高歌一曲"沒門"出來

92
00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:51,150
完全了解

93
00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:54,380
我聽過他《沒門》專輯里的好多首歌了

94
00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:57,100
《喚醒我--沒門》

95
00:03:58,260 --> 00:04:02,120
《垂涎美女--癩蛤蟆想吃天鵝》

96
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:03,340
無所謂  我才不管

97
00:04:03,340 --> 00:04:04,790
反正我已經打電話給電信公司

98
00:04:04,790 --> 00:04:05,660
他們今天就會派人來

99
00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:06,690
開通網絡

100
00:04:06,690 --> 00:04:08,650
太過了吧  你知道這么做沒啥好結果

101
00:04:08,650 --> 00:04:10,150
咱家老頭就恨變化  你又不是不知道

102
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,060
不管  他本來就該想好了

103
00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:12,980
再讓我搬進來

104
00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:13,830
你搬是搬進來了

105
00:04:13,830 --> 00:04:15,370
但別奢望他能顧及你

106
00:04:15,370 --> 00:04:17,700
為啥不能  他能顧及他那些菜

107
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:18,640
寒冬臘月

108
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,320
他都能給洋薊帶絨線帽

109
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:22,290
我是他親兒子

110
00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:23,760
他連條毯子都不多給我一條

111
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,560
來  亨利

112
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:26,940
來坐

113
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,740
你干嘛--干嘛摟我這么緊

114
00:04:34,740 --> 00:04:38,090
等  等  等一下

115
00:04:40,450 --> 00:04:43,460
-天吶  真惡心  -真的嗎

116
00:04:40,450 --> 00:04:43,460
文思應該是使用而了生化武器

117
00:04:43,460 --> 00:04:44,800
好了  掀起來看看

118
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,000
天吶  這太怪異了

119
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,760
我們是不是先談談

120
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,560
你想讓我先請你喝杯蘋果味馬丁尼

121
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,770
然后夸你漂亮嗎

122
00:04:53,770 --> 00:04:56,030
看來不用談了  好

123
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,240
好吧

124
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,660
看起來怎樣

125
00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:01,370
看起來像根鎖骨  再往下拉點

126
00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:03,290
好的  現在...現在怎樣

127
00:05:03,290 --> 00:05:05,600
像鎖骨的末端

128
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,220
這實在太囧了

129
00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:09,280
我...我雖然見過你大半夜光著下半身

130
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:10,650
找宵夜吃

131
00:05:10,650 --> 00:05:12,420
天啊  那個曲奇罐

132
00:05:12,420 --> 00:05:15,340
為什么要放在冰箱頂上

133
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:19,220
我只瞄了一眼  然后安慰自己

134
00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:22,490
你不過是掏蜜罐的小熊維尼罷了

135
00:05:24,610 --> 00:05:26,050
此時此刻我只是你的醫生

136
00:05:26,050 --> 00:05:27,170
你是我的病人

137
00:05:27,170 --> 00:05:28,500
你必須給我檢查一下

138
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,470
別緊張

139
00:05:30,470 --> 00:05:32,420
好吧  來吧

140
00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:33,950
上帝啊  現在有杯酒該多好

141
00:05:33,950 --> 00:05:35,740
天啊

142
00:05:35,740 --> 00:05:37,420
啊噢

143
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,000
天啊  醫生  嚴重嗎

144
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,570
沒救了嗎  求你了  我不能死

145
00:05:40,570 --> 00:05:43,220
我還沒跟亞洲女拉拉過呢

146
00:05:46,150 --> 00:05:48,390
什么  沒說你

147
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:49,480
今晚會轉涼

148
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:53,160
我還沒給蕪菁蓋毯子呢

149
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,180
原來是這樣啊

150
00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:58,020
別在意亞洲女那檔子事

151
00:05:58,020 --> 00:06:02,110
那個就是我隨便說說

152
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:03,980
我告訴你

153
00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:07,330
讓裝寬帶的人來這是個錯誤

154
00:06:07,330 --> 00:06:11,520
亨利  要想從老爸那得到什么

155
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,100
最穩妥的方法就是自殘

156
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,250
-你胡說什么  -很簡單  亨利

157
00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:21,860
如果你受傷了  爸爸就會送你件禮物

158
00:06:21,860 --> 00:06:23,370
也許是出于自責什么的

159
00:06:23,370 --> 00:06:27,080
但你要想上網  下這狠心吧

160
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,150
你故意自殘嗎

161
00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:30,410
偶爾為之  不常這樣

162
00:06:30,410 --> 00:06:33,430
有時只是些美麗的意外

163
00:06:33,430 --> 00:06:35,090
瞧  看見了嗎  這條疤

164
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,070
從樹上摔下來  斷了胳膊肘

165
00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:39,750
得到了斯普林斯演唱會門票

166
00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:39,750
美國著名藍領搖滾明星

167
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:42,290
再瞧瞧這個  看見了嗎

168
00:06:42,290 --> 00:06:44,590
往兒童泳池跳水

169
00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:46,460
膝蓋骨粉碎

170
00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:48,820
參加舞會派了加長車接送

171
00:06:49,590 --> 00:06:50,380
這又是什么

172
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,070
那個  呃  加長車事故

173
00:06:52,070 --> 00:06:54,930
因為老爸不給雇司機

174
00:06:55,930 --> 00:06:57,550
-搞定  -邦姐怎么樣

175
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:58,490
噢  她沒事

176
00:06:58,490 --> 00:07:00,730
小打小鬧的真菌感染

177
00:07:00,730 --> 00:07:02,300
別擔心  不會傳染

178
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,950
學名花斑糠疹  用可的松治療

179
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,950
可的松是一種腎上皮質激素

180
00:07:04,950 --> 00:07:06,190
幾天就消退了

181
00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:07,190
花斑糠疹

182
00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:08,450
沒錯  那是真菌的名字

183
00:07:08,450 --> 00:07:09,320
很常見

184
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:10,210
顯微鏡下

185
00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:14,840
它看起來就像意大利面加肉丸

186
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,620
什么  它看起來像啥來著

187
00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:18,110
放大后的疹子

188
00:07:18,110 --> 00:07:19,890
看起來就一些像白色線狀物

189
00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:23,720
裹著紅色的黏醬

190
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,940
里面還生著一些褐色的瘤狀物

191
00:07:26,940 --> 00:07:29,500
俗稱意大利面加肉丸

192
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:34,480
咪咪版意大利面加肉丸嗎

193
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,960
吃嘛嘛香

194
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,820
你要再動一下

195
00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:47,550
兩件事會接連發生

196
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,730
首先  我會扣動扳機

197
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:53,010
然后  你的小弟弟遭殃

198
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:53,010
扣扳機和小弟弟是一個詞

199
00:07:53,010 --> 00:07:54,520
喔  爸  搞什么

200
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:55,670
亨利  這沒你的事

201
00:07:55,670 --> 00:07:59,980
快報警  說這里發生了一起可怕的意外

202
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,780
老哥  我只是裝寬帶的

203
00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:04,590
我靠  你是姚明嗎

204
00:08:04,590 --> 00:08:06,050
我家根本就沒網絡

205
00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:07,850
我知道  所以我才叫他來

206
00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:09,570
他來給我們接入網絡  把槍放下

207
00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:12,260
我明確要求不讓裝  你還叫人來

208
00:08:12,260 --> 00:08:13,700
爸  你太荒唐了

209
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:15,290
你告訴他  現在人人都用網絡

210
00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:17,390
告訴他  這是我的房子  我做主

211
00:08:17,390 --> 00:08:19,840
他的房子他做主

212
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,110
為什么不照我的說

213
00:08:23,110 --> 00:08:25,830
小弟弟被槍指著呢

214
00:08:25,830 --> 00:08:28,070
-他不會開槍的  -是嗎  我會的

215
00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:32,560
-他只是在嚇唬你  -很有效果

216
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,060
告訴他  我們這代

217
00:08:34,060 --> 00:08:35,800
上不了網就一事無成

218
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,610
我說  這倒沒錯  他說到重點了

219
00:08:37,610 --> 00:08:40,400
你告訴他  不能嘿咻才是最大的悲劇

220
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,270
好吧...

221
00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:48,020
這次他又贏了

222
00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:51,500
我小弟弟很給力的

223
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,160
我說了  他不會開槍的

224
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:54,500
我說了我會

225
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:56,890
想試試嗎

226
00:08:56,890 --> 00:08:59,460
開槍吧

227
00:08:59,460 --> 00:09:02,220
等等  什么

228
00:09:02,220 --> 00:09:05,260
-別激我  亨利  -開槍射他

229
00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:06,730
老兄

230
00:09:06,730 --> 00:09:07,680
他這是虛張聲勢

231
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:08,810
他不會開槍的  射他啊

232
00:09:08,810 --> 00:09:10,110
-我會的  -射啊

233
00:09:10,110 --> 00:09:10,960
-悉聽尊便  -老哥

234
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:11,910
你還等個什么

235
00:09:11,910 --> 00:09:13,640
不許說我在虛張聲勢  亨利

236
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,970
這可不是拍電影

237
00:09:14,970 --> 00:09:16,790
我可是真會開槍的

238
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,750
-我會幫你清理的  -哦  是嗎

239
00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:21,540
說得好像你很喜歡清理似的

240
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:23,830
別磨嘰了  殺了這家伙

241
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:24,970
-我會的  -射啊

242
00:09:24,970 --> 00:09:26,090
額滴神啊

243
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:28,070
我要一槍斃了這軟蛋

244
00:09:28,070 --> 00:09:30,200
有種你開槍啊

245
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:34,940
放心  沒事  槍根本就沒有上膛

246
00:09:37,470 --> 00:09:40,240
一點都不好玩兒  我不玩了

247
00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:43,210
怎么回事啊你  腦袋被大象坐了嗎

248
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:45,740
不許再從我手里把槍搶走了

249
00:09:45,740 --> 00:09:47,180
你差點殺了那孩子

250
00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:50,860
或是毀了我和史蒂芬·加維的合影

251
00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:50,860
棒球明星

252
00:09:52,910 --> 00:09:54,570
我哪兒知道你會在這家里

253
00:09:54,570 --> 00:09:56,150
放一把上了膛的槍

254
00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:58,400
什么這家那家的  是我家

255
00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,920
在我家  有上膛的槍

256
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,440
沒有網絡連接  沒得商量

257
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,310
現在和之前不一樣了  老爸  我也住這兒

258
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:07,030
你既然要我搬來

259
00:10:07,030 --> 00:10:08,140
怎么能指望一切照舊呢

260
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:10,690
那你遷就我  不能反過來

261
00:10:10,690 --> 00:10:13,580
做不到就挪窩吧

262
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,100
把手給我

263
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,120
好  休戰

264
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:19,600
休你個大頭鬼

265
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:23,030
我可不能在走火的槍上留下指紋

266
00:10:32,550 --> 00:10:33,850
老爸

267
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:37,040
你不想我住這兒  是吧

268
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,310
被你發現了

269
00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:42,170
天啊  你都不假裝一下

270
00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:44,420
我是不想你待在這兒

271
00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:47,190
沒聽見我的小蘿卜們正在你腳下呻吟嗎

272
00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:49,410
-一堆爛泥而已  -爛泥  這叫沃土

273
00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:51,490
正被你蹂躪的小蘿卜們茁壯成長都靠它

274
00:10:51,490 --> 00:10:52,740
走開

275
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,950
沒人吃小蘿卜  那不過是色拉里的小龍套

276
00:10:54,950 --> 00:10:57,970
不準亂說

277
00:10:57,970 --> 00:11:01,250
說完了沒  我很忙的

278
00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:03,590
好的  我腦袋一定是卡屎了才會

279
00:11:03,590 --> 00:11:06,240
搬來和你住

280
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:07,520
能天天看到你挺好的

281
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,590
你示好的方式太"特別"了

282
00:11:09,590 --> 00:11:12,880
示毛好  我在跟我的小番茄們說話

283
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,320
他們天天都忙著和蚜蟲作斗爭

284
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,560
盡管很少成功

285
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,740
我能問你個問題嗎

286
00:11:25,740 --> 00:11:27,140
為什么你和蔬菜的感情

287
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:30,580
比你和我們的感情都深厚

288
00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:33,180
因為蔬菜的一生循規蹈矩

289
00:11:33,180 --> 00:11:36,550
種下的那刻起我就知道能收獲什么

290
00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:37,740
撒到土里的是黃瓜籽

291
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,700
就絕不會冒出棵蕪菁

292
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,900
從沒過哪顆西葫蘆想要改變我

293
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:46,900
也沒見哪根胡蘿卜想要上個網

294
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,900
問題不在上不上網  老爸

295
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:51,140
問題在于你對我永不妥協

296
00:11:51,140 --> 00:11:52,370
我不都讓你住這兒了嗎

297
00:11:52,370 --> 00:11:54,250
-這還不算妥協嗎  -你只是收留我

298
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:55,460
根本沒有住家的感覺

299
00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:56,540
你不住這兒

300
00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:59,340
肥皂上哪來的胡子

301
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:04,840
好好好  我心中有數了

302
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:08,720
我會盡快搬走的

303
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,830
看看是誰這么有種啊

304
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:13,160
是你告訴我為了自己的相信的

305
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,110
要奮力爭取

306
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:14,960
扯什么呢你

307
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,660
我在說那梨樹

308
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,660
英語里"有種"和"梨"發音相同

309
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:22,250
剛結出第一顆梨子

310
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,210
邦姐

311
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,690
邦妮

312
00:12:56,470 --> 00:12:58,100
文斯  文斯  你還好嗎

313
00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:00,900
我剛做了個噩夢

314
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:02,670
還是那個你躺在三溫暖里

315
00:13:02,670 --> 00:13:05,380
被《觀點》節目那幫女的圍著嗎

316
00:13:02,670 --> 00:13:05,380
《觀點》  烏比·哥德堡著名訪談節目

317
00:13:10,010 --> 00:13:12,680
比那個嚇人多了

318
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:13,660
小親親  沒什么大不了的

319
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,130
我這就起床  準備上班

320
00:13:15,130 --> 00:13:16,200
話說  親愛的呀  我在想

321
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,480
既然10點前沒人會來看房

322
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,050
要不我們就地開張見客吧

323
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:24,190
你懂我意思的

324
00:13:24,190 --> 00:13:28,240
我想物色一間1967年建的加州小屋

325
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:33,670
它有結實的橫梁  后邊配有紅利房

326
00:13:33,670 --> 00:13:36,470
這個市場

327
00:13:36,470 --> 00:13:39,830
目前有些疲軟

328
00:13:39,830 --> 00:13:43,290
我想我們是可以讓它堅挺起來的

329
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,890
來嘛

330
00:13:46,970 --> 00:13:49,370
別  別  我

331
00:13:55,760 --> 00:14:00,190
等等  等等  你這是干嘛

332
00:14:00,190 --> 00:14:02,850
-怎么了  -你為什么不愛撫我

333
00:14:02,850 --> 00:14:06,630
是不是我的皮疹惡心到你了

334
00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:17,380
你想太多了

335
00:14:17,380 --> 00:14:21,670
意面那事兒我怎么可能計較到現在

336
00:14:21,670 --> 00:14:22,850
什么意面

337
00:14:22,850 --> 00:14:24,660
就是你那

338
00:14:24,660 --> 00:14:29,240
你那疹子長得跟意面似的

339
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:30,540
你這是  在說什么胡話啊

340
00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,080
就你的皮疹

341
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,710
那疹子真的很像意大利面加肉丸

342
00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:38,140
顯微鏡下看超像

343
00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:40,630
-你怎么知道的  -我網上看來的

344
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,030
很像意面

345
00:14:42,030 --> 00:14:45,910
還是帶肉丸的那種

346
00:14:45,910 --> 00:14:49,170
那讓你很掃"性"對吧

347
00:14:50,730 --> 00:14:52,690
沒

348
00:14:52,690 --> 00:14:56,690
那你過來摸我的咪咪  文斯

349
00:14:56,690 --> 00:15:00,500
可不可以和咪咪談天

350
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,760
摸

351
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,610
好吧

352
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,400
這樣吧

353
00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:28,280
我有事要問你

354
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:32,690
出生證明終究還是被你看到了

355
00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:36,940
本來不想給你取名叫卡蘿爾  沒辦法  打賭打輸了

356
00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:36,940
卡蘿爾  多為女孩名

357
00:15:36,940 --> 00:15:41,220
原來我叫

358
00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:43,370
卡蘿爾

359
00:15:43,370 --> 00:15:46,760
不是  找我什么事  文斯

360
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,240
老爸  我根本就不該讓你給我媳婦看病

361
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,560
現在我每次看她的胸部

362
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:54,180
就想到意大利面...你懂的

363
00:15:54,180 --> 00:15:57,270
兒子  在一場綿長的婚姻中

364
00:15:57,270 --> 00:16:01,190
你老婆的胸部會幻化成很多東西

365
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,250
我打賭你會懷念胸部

366
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:08,740
只像意大利面和肉丸  而不像其他的東西的日子

367
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:11,730
你們誰能給我丟瓶水上來

368
00:16:11,730 --> 00:16:13,050
你在上面干嘛呢

369
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:14,420
我上來是因為這是唯一能收到

370
00:16:14,420 --> 00:16:15,890
無線網信號的地方

371
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:18,420
現在我在使用這個網絡找房子

372
00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:19,660
因為我要搬出去

373
00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:21,140
你想怎么著吧

374
00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:22,560
我不想怎么著

375
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,140
我只是在和一個能讓我

376
00:16:24,140 --> 00:16:26,330
免費住他客房的男人網聊

377
00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:30,270
我只需要給他溜溜狗  幫他澆澆花

378
00:16:30,270 --> 00:16:33,520
還有穿著大尿片和他搞基

379
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,640
行了  下來  我們談談

380
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,000
老爸  這沒什么好談的

381
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,810
你想讓我下來  你就得同意

382
00:16:40,810 --> 00:16:42,400
作出讓步

383
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,870
你這是給我下最后通牒了

384
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,970
沒錯

385
00:16:46,970 --> 00:16:49,510
讓我考慮一下

386
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:51,320
我不   我就不

387
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,420
我偏不

388
00:16:52,420 --> 00:16:54,510
怎么都是不

389
00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:56,750
反正還是不

390
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:59,540
不  你奈我何

391
00:17:01,570 --> 00:17:02,640
這上面實在太熱了

392
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,190
給我丟瓶水上來吧

393
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,420
別砸壞了我的花園

394
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,210
我不會向你道歉

395
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,710
因為我不會向一個差點把自己

396
00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:20,220
摔死的笨蛋道歉

397
00:17:20,220 --> 00:17:22,690
但是  你讓我意識到

398
00:17:22,690 --> 00:17:24,430
如果咱爺倆要生活在同一個屋檐下

399
00:17:24,430 --> 00:17:26,500
我就要做出一些讓步

400
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:30,210
所以  如果裝網線能

401
00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:34,570
能阻止你再爬到屋頂干蠢事

402
00:17:34,570 --> 00:17:36,360
我同意

403
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,300
謝謝你  老爸

404
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:39,450
我也愛你

405
00:17:39,450 --> 00:17:42,950
我沒說愛你

406
00:17:42,950 --> 00:17:46,520
天吶  你怎么和個娘們似的

407
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:50,760
本來挺好的氣氛  你來句"愛你"  氣氛沒了吧

408
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:53,770
順便說一句  我很高興你找了個肉墊

409
00:17:53,770 --> 00:17:56,420
沒受傷

410
00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:04,700
他摔在我身上了

411
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:05,980
我能得到什么

412
00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:09,870
得到  哪有受傷了就發獎品的說法

413
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:13,990
我多一個攪拌機  你想要嗎

414
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:16,580
要了

415
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,060
-誰餓了  -我

416
00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:23,540
好的  你的意面肉丸

417
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:26,530
您的意面肉丸

418
00:18:26,530 --> 00:18:28,860
我的意面肉丸

419
00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:30,400
至于文斯嘛

420
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:34,040
賞你塊年糕

421
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,040
文斯為什么不能吃意面肉丸

422
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,850
文斯覺得意面肉丸有點惡心

423
00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:45,870
所以他今后再也吃不到意面肉丸了[暗指嘿咻]

424
00:18:45,870 --> 00:18:48,000
以后都沒了

425
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,920
一點戲都沒有

426
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,400
邊都摸不上嘍

427
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,210
但是我

428
00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:58,550
饑渴啊

429
00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:02,630
饑渴這個

430
00:19:02,630 --> 00:19:04,770
是啊

431
00:19:04,770 --> 00:19:07,010
想要嗎

432
00:19:08,020 --> 00:19:10,470
太他媽想了

433
00:19:11,820 --> 00:19:13,750
那就把這吃了  文斯

434
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:16,430
把意面吃了

435
00:19:16,430 --> 00:19:19,030
沒錯  就是這樣  快吃

436
00:19:19,030 --> 00:19:21,590
快吃  好吃嗎  好吃嗎

437
00:19:25,580 --> 00:19:26,550
太棒了

438
00:19:26,550 --> 00:19:29,790
我要你牢牢記住這個瞬間

439
00:19:29,790 --> 00:19:32,460
這樣下次你就不會問我

440
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:36,970
為什么我和蔬菜的關系比和人的關系好了

441
00:19:43,590 --> 00:19:44,960
這是干什么用的

442
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,670
你能在上面查找任何你想要的東西

443
00:19:47,670 --> 00:19:49,010
你喜歡什么

444
00:19:49,010 --> 00:19:51,770
駿馬  美女

445
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:54,370
蔬菜

446
00:19:54,370 --> 00:19:57,970
然后就是肉汁了  我老喜歡肉汁了

447
00:19:57,970 --> 00:19:59,880
好吧  我不會查駿馬和美女的

448
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,640
因為我以前試過了

449
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,620
直到現在我都忘不了那恐怖的一幕

450
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,620
大概是查到重口味圖片了

451
00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:07,380
讓我試試這個吧

452
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:10,200
這是什么

453
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,790
看屏幕

454
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:13,850
哈嘍鳥  這是什么意思

455
00:20:13,850 --> 00:20:17,090
就是你好的意思  這是即時聊天

456
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:18,430
現在你回復

457
00:20:18,430 --> 00:20:21,060
好的  你也哈嘍鳥

458
00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:25,400
不對  用打字的

459
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,230
-好的  -好了  現在點擊"發送"

460
00:20:28,230 --> 00:20:29,900
很好

461
00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:31,040
真快

462
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,430
-你收到了嗎  -收到了

463
00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:34,570
這就是即時聊天

464
00:20:34,570 --> 00:20:37,490
"吃白食"是一個詞

465
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:45,110
真好

466
00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:48,400
不用說話也能聊天了

467
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,610
過獎了  老爸

468
00:20:56,610 --> 00:20:59,780
這話是說給黃瓜聽的