i like my ring, and it came from mike's heart, which is really good,
and i don't think you really have one.
i do have one, and it belongs to you.
mike, i just need you to back up.
all the way to takin' my ring back?
i love you, mrs. mcnamara.
the key to s'mores is getting the perfect
proportion between the chocolate bar to,
graham cracker.
look at that.
nice.
you marry a woman you don't even know, who tries to kill you.
i don't need a lecture from you.
well, tell us what you don't like about yourself,mrs. pierce.
well, i guess the fact that i'm not perfect.
well, who is? heh heh.
barbie.
is barbie a friend of yours?
well, i've worshipped her since i was a little girl.
you mean the doll.
oh, she's more than a doll.
barbie and ken are the synthetic embodiment of the ideal postmodern couple.
not to mention they've been together for 50 years,
never aging, just changing outfits.
of course, he doesn't have a penis, and she w--doesn't have anything.
because they've made the ultimate monogamous commitment,
a sex-free relationship.
well, this is all very interesting, but, um,
why exactly are you here?
show them, skip.
skip had his nipples removed.
one less erogenous zone for him to think about.
- and now we'd like you to remove mine. - yeah.
look, we're not crazy, ok? we're both very successful realtors.
even in this market, we sold more houses last year than any other team in west los angeles.
- honey, let me explain. - all right.
my nipples are hard all the time.
- all the time. - all the time. it's like--
- it's like... - it doesn't stop.
big gumdrops on my--
it's embarrassing. i mean,i would like to know
what it's like to have someone look me in the eye for once.
she has a beautiful mind.
thank you.
you do, honey.
so how did you two meet?
oh. well, uh, we met at the national doll collectors convention in san diego 5 years ago.
- uh, we've both been obsessed with barbie and ken... - obsessed.
since we were little kids,
- and we just wanna take one more step to becoming more like them. - it's evolution.
that's all.
hmm. so what if the two of you split up?
uh, how would you explain these modifications to your new partners?
- we've both had tons of sexual relationships... - tons.
and they always ended up being about
ownership and exclusivity, not about love.
eliminating sex has allowed us to really relate.
we get to see each other outside of our own selfish demands.
think about it. if barbie and ken had been able to have sex,
do you really think their marriage would have lasted 50 years?
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Nip/Tuck Season 6 Episode 08
excuse me. can you tell me where i might find a dr. mcnamara?
i have a package for him.
you found him. just put it right here on the desk, please.
sign here, please.
thank you, doctor.
uh, you're welcome.
aren't you gonna open it?
ok.
ok, what, um--what is this?
hold on a second.
uh, what are you doing?
helping you with your package, doctor.
hey, sean, your 2:00--
mrs. cox, please. we can still fit you in.
thank you. i think i've seen enough.
did you wanna finish?
finish what?
i mean, who are you?
where did you come from?
boy, you are grumpy.
no wonder dr. troy wanted me to cheer you up.
do you have anything to do with this?
oh ho. is she still here? i didn't get a chance to see her in person,
but the agency told me she was a 10.
what the hell are you doing, calling a stripper to the office?
a stripper? sean, i wouldn't do that to you.
she's a hooker.
you bought me a prostitute?
- of course i did. - what the hell's wrong with you?
you been wallowing in your misery ever since julia took the kids to new york.
i was just tryin' to make you feel better.
cheap sex is not what i need right now.
in fact, i'm not interested in any kind of sex right now.
i'm thinkin' about takin' a break.
- a break, from sex. - what's wrong with that?
well, nothing, if you wanna be a priest or
just wallow in your mid-life self-pity cris bullshit.
- it's not self-pity.it's self-preservation, ok? - right.
last time i jumped into bed with someone after julia, i wound up with teddy.
and after that, with some drug addict stabbing me in the leg.
which is why i thought i should pick this time. right?
heh. you know...
maybe tracy had a point.
more often that not, sex ruins relationships.
i mean, that's what messed up me and julia this time.
that's what's complicated almost every relationship i've ever had.
i appreciate your concern for me.
next time, put it in a card.
thank you.
i ate too much.
oh, thanks for surprising me,sweetie. ok? i'll call you later.
wait. honestly,
have i gained weight since we started dating?
sweetheart, you look fantastic. trust me, ok? gotta go.
i'm a little freaked out about this. i mean, just answer me honestly.
do i need to start smoking again?
kimber, christian...
- yeah. - this is my friend lola.
hey. so, uh, you two go wait in my office. i'll be in in a second.
now, she's got a problem. ok? not you. mwah.
sometimes i feel that's how i look.
so, you're, uh, lola wolad...
- wlodkowski. - wlodkowski.
what are you grinning at?
i'm just--i'm just real happy for you. is that so bad?
happy for what?
eh, you know. heh heh. heh.
he's a bit of an idiot, but he is a very good surgeon.
ok.
we're friends. lola is not gay.
me? no. heh. please.
i am a card-carrying hetero.
although, liz would be the first girl i'd call if i were so inclined.
oh. thank you very much.
yeah, we met at adam & eve. i've been goin' there since i was a kid.
eh, the nudist camp?
lizzie. who knew? heh heh.
well, i was looking for something to help me
love myself again after my divorce.
sure. uh, so how can we help you?
she needs her moles removed.
i noticed them at the pool,
and she came over to me all on her high horse--
yeah, well, you know, she was staring, which we do not do.
but it's common with the newbies. you know,
they get all distracted by genitals and all the bare flesh.
in any case, i told her that you would remove them with no scar
and that you would give her a significant discount, because she has no insurance.
heh. of course. you know that any friend of lizzie's is a friend of ours.
in fact, because you're such a good friend, we'll just throw in some free lipo.
you mean to make me skinny?
look, you know,
i just figured, you know, you're walkin' around nude all the time,
maybe you just wanna streamline your silhouette a little bit.
- oh, my god. - i didn't mean any--
no, i-- i am not insulted, liz.
i'm not insulted. he is just a victim of his own self-loathing,really.
thanks, doctor, but, um, i'll pass on the lipo.
i'm fine with the way i am.
- right. - you know, maybe you should come up to adam & eve sometime.
yeah.
people discover all sorts of things about themselves.
it's hard to keep secrets when you're naked.
i have no problem getting naked.
oh, well, social nudity is something else.
it requires dropping facades and pretensions.
you've never had a really big woman, have you, doc?
do i make you nervous?
nervous? no. i--not a bit.
you're quite a lot of gal, lola.
not too much gal for you?
no, some men just aren't ready for me,
and i'm not just talking about the pounds.
you two, is it time to get a room?
uh, no. heh heh. but i think it's time we took a look at those moles.
ms. pierce, before we get started, i'd like you to look over these consent forms.
it's to remind you that this is an elective surgery and you're aware of the risks.
skip already told me what to expect. i'm not concerned.
i'm excited, actually. heh.
now, are you planning to have kids? because if you're hoping to breast-feed--
oh, i can't have children.
well, ken and barbie never did, so...
heh. of course.
if you would open your robe.
and you promise there won't be scarring?
uh, yeah. um, that's why i wanna put you under anesthesia.
z-plastys will stop any keloids from forming. ahem.
stop trying to impress me with the details, dr. sexy.
i just wanna know i get my body back.
you wanna get your body back, try 20 minutes on the treadmill every day.
oh. those gerbil wheels? please.
i get enough exercise in the bedroom, thank you very much.
you don't glow like this if you're not having great sex 5 times a week, believe you me.
that tickles.
sorry.
it's ok. they've always been sensitive.
well, the dermal-nerve networks and concentrations of tissue around the ducts,
along with minute hair follicles in the areola itself
all contribute to the area's hypersensitivity.
which is a fancy way of saying your nipples-- our nipples were designed for pleasure.
well, you've never worn a bra before. heh.
they have seen their share of pleasure over the years.
it'll be a relief to have 'em gone.
so you're really not interested in sex anymore?
let me tell you something. when you don't have to worry about it anymore,
you realize how much more there is to life.
i thought being a nudist wasn't about having sex all the time.
it's not. i'm talking about my life outside the fold.
really? so between that and your dating life,
you basically never have your clothes on.
well, it is how god made us.
heh. some better than others, huh?
sorry to be blunt, lola.you're not my type.
you go for the more shallow and superficial, then.
you poor man.
you have no idea what you're missing, do you?
don't you worry about what you'll be missing?
- sexwise? - yeah.
i mean, it's not like it's a big mystery anymore.
2 people kiss. tongues touch. hands rub the same parts.
maybe they pinch and grab. maybe they smack an ass cheek or two.
someone gets hard. someone gets wet.you trade some fluids.
then it's all about the in and the outand the up and the down.
someone screams, "oh, baby, yes,"
or, "oh, god, please," and then poof.
it's done.
now that you put it like that, i guess i see your point.
trust me. i'm celibate, and i've never been happier.
that was the best orgasm i've ever had.
liz is gonna put you into a twilight.
that sounds delightful.
yeah. and no scars.i promise. i'm good at that.
you're good at a lot of things. heh heh.
i'd put you in the top 6 or 7 percentile.
just say it.
i'm a scumbag pussy-crazed dog, and i should be shot.
get over yourself.i'm not your priest.
this woman is a force of nature. you know that? i mean,
she don't take no for an answer.
yeah. well, as usual, you got it wrong.
i am delighted.
what, that i had sex with a fat chick?
no, because you couldn't get to her.
you're right.
you know what? you could take a page out of her book.
she is living proof that beauty is not everything. you know what i'm sayin'?
i mean, it's how you feel on the inside. right?
wait. you do somethin' shitty, and then you rub my face in it?
and because i don't fall apart, you give me a lecture on what's wrong with me?
you're an idiot. you know that.
send these to pathology.
you're right. i was out of line.
yeah. well, save it for someone who cares,
the other idiot, kimber.
she actually believes that the two of you are gonna walk into the monogamous
ken-and-barbie sunset together.god bless her.
oh, my god.
seriously? i-i'm gonna wet myself.
look at this.
heh. fiber. hoodia.
appetite suppressants.
oh, yeah. here. this is my favorite one.
this sucks the fat out of the food and then leaks it out of your colon.
i have been killing myself to stay a size zero
while you're off discovering your inner chubby chaser.
she wasn't all that fat.
oh, honey, i saw her.
you need mapquest to find her vagina, but what you don't understand is
this is great.
like, i'm happy. i can finally just relax.
i mean, now i know we're still gonna be having sex when we're old and fat.
where you goin'?
i'm gonna go raid your freezer, because
i swear i saw some cherry garcia in there,
and i've never had it.
my baby. dive into your diva.
timber. here comes kimber.
to the left.
are you watching?
wait. hold--honey, wait a second. i gotta stop. i'm sorry.
just stop here for a second.
i'm gonna get 2 spoons and fudge sauce. i'll be right back, ok?
- alright. - just stay right here. i'll be right back. i promise.
found it. mmm.
this is really good. here.
i got you a spoon. come on.let's get fat.
you two seem very happy together.
heh. of course. he's my fantasy come true.
wouldn't you be?
10...
9...
honey, i'm home.
darling, let me get that for you.
you've had a hard day.
come in and relax.
mmm. what's that smell?
i made your favorite, roast chicken.
leg or breast tonight, honey?
how 'bout both?
oh, you're so silly.
you ok?
huh? oh, fine. just tired.
oh, i understand. let's go to bed.
- night. - night.
your hand, it's so soft.
it's my new lotion.
honey, what if we push the beds together tonight?
we've never done that before.
something wrong, sean?
i was talking with christian at the office today,
and he mentioned something to me about blow jobs,
and, well, it sounded like fun.
you mean putting your penis in my mouth? isn't that sex?
not from what i understand.
i thought we should try it.
ok. as long as it's not sex.
i guess you should pull down your pants first.
what?
no wonder we've never done this before. look.
are you ok?
i'm fine.
i hope he's happy.
she's a perfect doll now.
have you seen my patient?
uh, yeah. i saw way too much.
she said her stomach was grumbling.
oh. jesus!
- hey. - you're gonna blind someone.
do you have a panini press? 'cause i would kill for a grilled ham and cheese.
ahh. this is not your personal feeding trough,
and it's not adam & eve either. here.
put this on until i find you a tent.
well, i'm s-sorry. i just--
i'm so used to being in the buff.
yeah, well, we don't need to see your flabby flesh around here.
oh. i guess you thought you were dreaming
when we humped like bunnies in your exam room.
bunnies? i remember riding an elephant and getting stuck in an overgrown bush.
oh. why would i give a shit what you think?
you're just a shallow asshole who's in denial of the fact that someday
you're gonna wake up and be fat, sagging, and ugly.
i am an asshole,
and maybe one day i will wake up fat and saggy and ugly,
but right now,i am embracing beauty.
beauty is happiness, beauty is power,
and beauty is confidence,
and don't tell me you don't agree.
it's time to go back to the watering hole, hungry hippo.
you are checkin' out.
yeah.
you got a sec?
yeah. actually, i was just thinking about coming over to apologize.
um, i was--i was harsh, and-- and you didn't deserve it, and i had a--heh.
- a really fun time with you-- - ok, enough.
i liked you better when you were honest.
you like being called a hippo?
it was interesting,
bracing, and it, uh--it made me see something.
i screwed up.
why?
well, half the battle was self-acceptance, is
acting as if you feel it even when you don't.
i've become a really good actress.
i have all the right words and the right moves,
and it works most of the time.
but every now and then, i wanna crawl away and hide.
like when i get a bad crush on a guy and
i know i'm never gonna be in the running.
that's when i do something bold and defiant.
like walking around the office naked?
yeah. look, i am not stupid, and i'm not blind.
i'm just a gorgeous, sexy woman who's trapped in a fat body.
and i was raised to think that it's a sin to love myself
any other way but the way i am.
please. you're not gonna turn into some self-hating person now, are you?
i wanna know what it feels like not to pretend
i don't care about what people think.
i'm tired of working so hard at this self-acceptance thing.
so be honest with me. heh.
wh-what will it take, lipo or a tummy tuck?
both.
ok.
didn't think you'd be out of bed so soon.
oh. look. i've never been able to do this before.
no more gumdrops. smooth,just like barbie now.
wanna have a seat on the bed?i'll check those stitches.
you did such great work.
i can't wait for skip to see them. he's gonna love them.
yeah.
what's wrong? i didn't pull a stitch or anything, did--
no, no, no. the surgery's fine. it's just, uh...
what?
oh, spent my whole career trying to make women's breasts look more attractive, youthful
so their husbands or boyfriends will notice them again,
and here you are with this perfect natural set.
you're happy because i've completely desexualized you.
it's ok if you don't understand. most people don't.
but i think i do understand, and i think it's very sad.
what are you talking about?
i had a moment where i imagined what it would be like to give up sex,
to have that kind of relationship where you don't touch each other, and it--
it what?
it isn't natural.
i mean, you're not just denying the act of sex.
you're denying intimacy, passion--
skip and i are intimate.
we just choose not to be physical about it.
but how can you choose to give up that feeling you get when your skin
makes contact with someone else's and that charge
just runs through your whole body, like every nerve inside you just caught fire?
i mean, the way you described it,
hands grabbing, smacking, that's about passion, fire.
when you're not trying to catch your breath,
you are trying to inhale someone else's.
and it's complicated,it's messy,
and i say every minute of pleasure is worth
the pain it might bring later,because nothing on this earth
can make 2 people feel that good.
lizzie, would you give me a break? lola came to me and asked me for lipo.
you reduced a strong, proud woman into a self-loathing wallflower.
no, i did not. all i did was help her open her eyes--
you didn't help her out, christian.
you broke her will.
- i did not. - and why?
all because you're not man enough to admit that
you had a mind-boggling orgasm with a fat girl.
and you discovered someone who has beauty on the inside, and it scared you.and why?
because you, underneath that shell,
that handsome shell,is nothing,
and the only thing you can do to make yourself feel better
is pull people down into your own personal little hell.
ok, you feel better?
- yeah, i feel better. - good.
and you know what? even better yet, i'm not doin' the surgery.
- hi, liz. - hey, jack.
liz.
hi, javier.
- liz. - hi. hi, kyle.
lizzie's throwin' another fit. we need to find another replacement.
what's going on?
nothing. it's gonna be fine.don't you worry.
lola.
oh. hey, guys. what are you doin' here?
savin' your beautiful ass.
take that gown off, because we're takin' you out of here.
what the hell are you doing here?
you can't come in here.get the hell out of here.
all right, you put the scalpel down, and nobody gets hurt.
what, you're kidnapping her?
plastic surgery steals a person's humanity.
look, fellas, i--i just wanna shed a few pounds.
we won't let you do this.
we love you exactly the way you are.
hey, if you wanna keep ignoring the world we live in, be my guest.
that's the difference between us, doctor.
we don't live in your world.
we live someplace happier.
i'm sorry.
are you sure they never make any mistakes on these biopsies?
look, it's not a death sentence. we can remove the tumor,
get rid of all the tissue surrounding it so that the melanoma cells are gone.
we can do chemo, followed by radiation.
we?
you can beat this. i did.
chemo.
well, that could be the best diet ever, right?
i'll be a thin girl yet.
my mother will be so proud.
beautiful on the outside,
scarred and cancerous on the inside.
lola, you're beautiful.
you will always be beautiful,cancer or no cancer.
you're pathetic.
i didn't know you were gonna be home so soon.
you weren't supposed to see that.
yeah. well, i did.
- i can clean up after myself.- - no, no, no. it's fine.
it'll stop me from strangling you.
i just wanted to try some of the things that i've always been afraid to eat.
don't tell me it's the first time you've shoved your fingers down your throat.
no, it's not, but it's the first time i've had pepperoni pizza in--
listen, just explain something to me. is this little experiment over or not? ok.
because i don't do fat,
and i don't do whatever the hell it was i-in there
when you were throwin' up, all right, each night i come home.
you understand?
you know, when i was in there,
i was thinking that i truly hate myself,
and it's the reason why i always go back to you, christian,
is because you hate me the best,
and for some reason, it just feels right.
what the hell are you talkin' about? go brush your teeth.get some mints.
i have.
look at me.
turn around and look at me.
why are you with me, christian? you think i'm stupid.
you think i'm a slut. you think i'm pathetic.
it's so clear to me now.
you hate yourself like i do,
and that's why you always come back to me,
because you think i am all you deserve.
you were wrong about the stupid part.
that was pretty smart.
now go get dressed.
i need some dinner.
so we'll put that on the books and see you next week,
and, again, thank you for understanding about that silly little office prank.
yes. well, now that i've met you,
i can see you're not the type to engage in that sort of thing. bye.
dr. mcnamara, i need to talk to you.
skip. uh, i'm very busy right now.
if you'd like to make an appointment--
tracy told me what happened.
um, let's step into my office.
i'm not upset. in fact, i'm--
i couldn't be more relieved,
and i wanted to thank you.
- thank me? - yeah.
it was bound to happen to one of us sooner or later,
and i'm glad it finally did,
'cause i-it helped me to finally deal with who i really am.
you mean you don't want to pretend that you're a doll anymore?
no. no, no, i still see myself as a model of ken.
no,i--i meant that i can finally admit that i'm gay.
joe, would you like to meet the doctor?
nice to meet you, sir.
joe's been a don't ask, don't tell member of the army since '97
and an avid doll enthusiast like myself.
skip and i have known each other for years. only, we could never admit how we really felt.
now that we're together,
we're gonna explore the new postmodern version of a real relationship,
one that makes sense for us.
mm-hmm. you mean, between ken and g.i. joe?
see? i told you he'd get it.
don't tell me you're here to have your nipples removed.
no, no, no. calf implants.
anatomically correct is our motto.
nice pad.
you like it?
you really live the life,huh?
you want somethin' to drink?
i would love a drink.
hey. hi, sean.
uh, that's kimber.
looks like you're having fun.
oh, yeah. someone back there's getting a little hungry.
hey, sean.
tracy, what are you doin' here?
i love your malibu beach house.
could use some color,but it's really quite lovely.
i'm sorry about skip.
heh. no, you're not. neither am i.
i just can't believe i couldn't see who he really was,
even with all the pink cardigans and perfect hair.
heh. kimmy, won't all that sugar make me fat?
oh, god, no. this is for christian,
but i'm gonna get you some ice cubes.
i don't have any nipples.
well, you have a lot to learn.
the body has thousands of sensitive spots,
and we're just gonna have to work to find yours.
strawberries.
come on, ladies. ladies, come on.
gabfest is over.
seany, how's it hangin', baby?
you're beautiful, ladies.
ready to get back to business?
the stawberries****
what's tracy doing here
sorry buddy two babies****
****** don't you have ****
a delivery girl last week
****
***you want to be
love you buddy
ladies
what you want me to be sean?
you know
tonight i think you should just be yourself
maybe you want to be somebody else
****
- ok - good
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so who you wanna be
someone else
Nip/Tuck Season 6 Episode 08