1 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,877 Who the hell's Roderick Blank? 2 00:02:39,127 --> 00:02:41,046 That would be me. 3 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,840 You ever see a guy walking down the street 4 00:02:44,924 --> 00:02:47,176 looking so happy and content you wanna find the nearest brick 5 00:02:47,258 --> 00:02:49,844 and turn his face into hamburger meat? 6 00:02:49,928 --> 00:02:52,555 I'm sorry. That April morning, I was that guy. 7 00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:53,847 I couldn't help it. 8 00:02:53,931 --> 00:02:55,849 I had what I thought at the time to be it all: 9 00:02:55,932 --> 00:02:58,142 excellent job, excellent soon-to-be wife, 10 00:02:58,225 --> 00:02:59,851 excellent life. 11 00:02:59,935 --> 00:03:02,187 If only I hadn't let Trixie open that last e-mail. 12 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:04,772 What would you say if I broke out into song right now? 13 00:03:04,855 --> 00:03:07,858 You know how this good mood thing of yours is killing me, Rod. 14 00:03:07,941 --> 00:03:10,860 And yet... you persist. 15 00:03:10,943 --> 00:03:12,861 Stop. 16 00:03:12,945 --> 00:03:15,989 Stop! Or we're never gonna get through these e-mails. 17 00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:19,450 Oh. Here's a beauty from Lester. 18 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,869 "'Re: Bachelor Party Stripper Crisis." 19 00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:25,120 Have I told you how grateful I am that I'm a lesbian? 20 00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:27,039 Delete! Delete! My God. 21 00:03:27,121 --> 00:03:29,874 Men like Lester are the reason Death Nell was invented. 22 00:03:29,958 --> 00:03:32,877 I was a man above temptation. 23 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,337 Other woman had lost all appeal. 24 00:03:35,419 --> 00:03:37,713 One in particular. 25 00:03:37,797 --> 00:03:39,882 They called her Death Nell, 26 00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:42,425 even though, technically, she hadn't killed anyone. 27 00:03:42,508 --> 00:03:44,593 Different hairstyles, different outfits, 28 00:03:44,677 --> 00:03:47,054 different spray-painted messages. 29 00:03:50,806 --> 00:03:53,559 The same comatose result. 30 00:03:54,892 --> 00:03:57,144 It was all we could talk about that spring. 31 00:03:57,228 --> 00:03:59,897 Five dates leading to subversive seduction 32 00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:02,899 and ending in endless slumber. 33 00:04:02,982 --> 00:04:04,316 She was the worst thing to happen to men, 34 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:05,860 and the best thing to happen to media 35 00:04:05,943 --> 00:04:08,529 in quite some time. 36 00:04:08,611 --> 00:04:10,905 Needless to say, I had picked the perfect moment 37 00:04:10,988 --> 00:04:12,781 to be getting out of the game. 38 00:04:14,157 --> 00:04:16,742 For every guy or gal, there comes a time 39 00:04:16,826 --> 00:04:19,495 when you say, it’s time. 40 00:04:20,996 --> 00:04:24,374 Meet Fiona Wormwood, my wife-to-be. 41 00:04:24,456 --> 00:04:26,625 Stop staring, perv. 42 00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:29,919 It's funny, looking back. 43 00:04:30,002 --> 00:04:31,920 She was not the sweetest girl in the world. 44 00:04:32,004 --> 00:04:33,380 Just, I-I like-okay. 45 00:04:33,463 --> 00:04:34,923 But when it comes to the person you're spending 46 00:04:35,006 --> 00:04:37,925 the rest of your life with, you want a bit of a sting. 47 00:04:38,008 --> 00:04:39,426 There. 48 00:04:39,509 --> 00:04:41,887 Your married friends call you up for a barbecue. 49 00:04:44,013 --> 00:04:46,348 - They tell you... - It's time. 50 00:04:46,431 --> 00:04:47,932 Your parents tell you... 51 00:04:48,016 --> 00:04:50,351 Son, it's time. 52 00:04:51,643 --> 00:04:53,562 The whole damn universe tells you. 53 00:04:57,982 --> 00:04:59,692 Don't make me the villain. 54 00:04:59,774 --> 00:05:00,817 I told your sister 55 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,944 exactly how many pounds she had to drop 56 00:05:03,027 --> 00:05:05,529 to fit into that bridesmaid's dress. 57 00:05:05,613 --> 00:05:09,408 Enough. Let's talk about orchids. Orchids. 58 00:05:09,491 --> 00:05:10,950 Yep. It was time. 59 00:05:11,033 --> 00:05:12,993 Okay, if you can tear yourself back to work... 60 00:05:13,076 --> 00:05:14,953 Thank you. I've downloaded the Big Mac. 61 00:05:15,036 --> 00:05:17,955 I mean The Matador! I don't know. 62 00:05:18,038 --> 00:05:19,998 It looks like two all-beef patties, special sauce, 63 00:05:20,081 --> 00:05:22,959 lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun to me. 64 00:05:23,042 --> 00:05:23,959 Boss. 65 00:05:24,043 --> 00:05:25,961 Hey, that's very special sauce- 66 00:05:26,044 --> 00:05:29,422 As for the "excellent job" part of my life, 67 00:05:29,506 --> 00:05:30,965 I like to tell reporters, 68 00:05:31,048 --> 00:05:32,591 "It's always been my dream to work 69 00:05:32,674 --> 00:05:34,259 in a fast-food restaurant." 70 00:05:34,342 --> 00:05:35,635 I was being cute. 71 00:05:35,718 --> 00:05:38,179 Our place was different. You know... classy. 72 00:05:38,261 --> 00:05:39,721 The plan was simple. 73 00:05:39,805 --> 00:05:41,807 Swallow up the food names, sleek the uniforms, 74 00:05:41,890 --> 00:05:43,183 Starbuck the decor. 75 00:05:43,265 --> 00:05:45,267 Welcome to Swallows. 76 00:05:45,351 --> 00:05:46,811 One Swallow Cornucopia to go! 77 00:05:48,353 --> 00:05:50,480 Have a startling and unique day. 78 00:05:50,562 --> 00:05:51,980 You, too. 79 00:05:52,064 --> 00:05:54,900 Please, Trixie, tell me that was the last goddamn e-mail. 80 00:05:54,982 --> 00:05:56,818 No, there's one more. 81 00:05:56,901 --> 00:05:58,277 Hold on. 82 00:05:58,360 --> 00:05:59,820 Doesn't say who it's from. 83 00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:02,489 I don't know. 84 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,740 I'm getting, like, a virus vibe here. 85 00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:07,076 Okay! It's your life. 86 00:06:10,077 --> 00:06:11,078 Oh, that's weird. 87 00:06:13,163 --> 00:06:14,498 It's a list of names. 88 00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:15,998 Must be more wedding bullshit. 89 00:06:16,082 --> 00:06:18,000 Well, they're all women's names. 90 00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:20,961 Number one-does the name Patricia Francini ring a bell? 91 00:06:21,044 --> 00:06:22,504 Patricia Francini? 92 00:06:22,586 --> 00:06:24,463 Whoa, I haven't heard that name in... 93 00:06:24,547 --> 00:06:27,591 Patty and I were co-captains of my high school debate team, 94 00:06:27,674 --> 00:06:29,217 her main claim to fame being that, 95 00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,010 in classic backseat drive-in fashion, 96 00:06:31,093 --> 00:06:33,011 she took my virginity. 97 00:06:33,095 --> 00:06:35,722 Clan of the Cave Bear was the movie. 98 00:06:35,805 --> 00:06:37,140 Drive-in's now a Staples. 99 00:06:37,223 --> 00:06:38,724 What did you say this list was? 100 00:06:38,807 --> 00:06:40,475 I didn't, unless Allison Bradbury 101 00:06:40,559 --> 00:06:43,019 is the second girl you ever had sex with. 102 00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:45,062 - Whoa. - No way. 103 00:06:45,146 --> 00:06:48,023 Are you saying this is a list of everyone you ever had sex with? 104 00:06:48,106 --> 00:06:49,774 Who's number three? 105 00:06:49,858 --> 00:06:51,067 Well, that would be Debbie Roberts. 106 00:06:51,150 --> 00:06:52,317 No, wait. She was four. 107 00:06:54,694 --> 00:06:57,447 Who was the spooky drunk girl at the 4-H fair? 108 00:06:57,530 --> 00:07:00,158 I had to drive her home, 'cause her brother was, uh- 109 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,576 Daisy Milos Ross? 110 00:07:02,658 --> 00:07:04,034 Yes! Crazy Daisy! 111 00:07:04,118 --> 00:07:06,912 Milos-what? Ross? 112 00:07:06,995 --> 00:07:07,912 Who sent this? 113 00:07:07,996 --> 00:07:09,038 Is this some... 114 00:07:09,122 --> 00:07:10,122 pre-bachelor party trick, 115 00:07:10,122 --> 00:07:12,291 of all the girls I've loved before? 116 00:07:12,374 --> 00:07:15,461 But who would know about Daisy Milos Ross? 117 00:07:15,543 --> 00:07:17,962 Damn, Roderick, this is an insane amount of pussy. 118 00:07:18,044 --> 00:07:19,588 Well, thanks. 119 00:07:19,671 --> 00:07:22,048 I don't know if I'd call 29 women insane. 120 00:07:22,131 --> 00:07:24,633 I guess some guys might be impressed by the big two-nine, 121 00:07:24,717 --> 00:07:27,136 but I racked up most of those numbers as an undergrad. 122 00:07:27,218 --> 00:07:28,887 Uh, Sparky? 123 00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:32,098 There's more than 29 wild oats on this list, a lot more. 124 00:07:32,181 --> 00:07:35,767 Trix. T. Now, it's not like I'm one of those silly guys 125 00:07:35,850 --> 00:07:37,185 that keeps track of how many, uh- 126 00:07:37,268 --> 00:07:38,352 All right. Fine. 127 00:07:38,435 --> 00:07:40,061 Every guy is one of those silly guys- 128 00:07:40,145 --> 00:07:42,397 Stop! The ever-delightful Fiona Wormwood, 129 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,149 soon to be Fiona Blank, is indeed numero 29. 130 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:47,568 But, dude, the list keeps going. 131 00:07:47,650 --> 00:07:50,069 Closing out at... 132 00:07:50,152 --> 00:07:51,111 a hundred and one. 133 00:07:51,195 --> 00:07:52,946 That's impossible. 134 00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:54,823 Wait. April Fool's Day today, isn't it? 135 00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:57,241 That was yesterday. Today's the second. 136 00:07:57,325 --> 00:07:58,826 Hmm... 137 00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:00,076 One of the guys. 138 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,078 Zack, Chico, Lester- no, Lester. 139 00:08:02,161 --> 00:08:03,204 Especially Lester. 140 00:08:03,287 --> 00:08:04,789 What better way to mess with me 141 00:08:04,872 --> 00:08:06,123 than by sending me the names of 142 00:08:06,206 --> 00:08:08,124 all the women I've had sex with? 143 00:08:08,208 --> 00:08:10,877 Teasing me with an obviously made-up roster. 144 00:08:10,959 --> 00:08:13,086 72 more tantalizing female names to, uh- 145 00:08:13,170 --> 00:08:15,172 Symbolize all the fine trim you'll be sacrificing 146 00:08:15,254 --> 00:08:16,172 once you get married. 147 00:08:16,255 --> 00:08:17,799 Exactly. Yes. 148 00:08:17,882 --> 00:08:18,800 - Hmm. - Thank you. 149 00:08:18,882 --> 00:08:20,425 Mm-hmm. 150 00:08:20,550 --> 00:08:23,178 You sure you don't have a Carlotta Valdes shacked up somewhere? 151 00:08:23,260 --> 00:08:25,387 I mean, according to the list, she's next up. 152 00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:28,891 Carlotta Valdes. 153 00:08:28,973 --> 00:08:32,685 Followed by Cynthia Rose. 154 00:08:32,768 --> 00:08:33,977 Followed by- 155 00:08:34,060 --> 00:08:36,104 Well, whoever did this sure put in the hours. 156 00:08:36,187 --> 00:08:37,146 Print it. 157 00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:41,066 Sayonara! 158 00:08:42,191 --> 00:08:44,068 So, now you know. 159 00:08:44,151 --> 00:08:46,737 The last goddamn e-mail. 160 00:08:46,820 --> 00:08:48,613 The list. 161 00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:52,033 Every woman I ever, followed by every woman I- 162 00:08:52,116 --> 00:08:54,910 You're not still staring at that list. 163 00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:57,286 No comment. 164 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,247 Oh, did I remember to warn you 165 00:08:59,329 --> 00:09:01,889 that you're gonna be kidnapped from work for your bachelor party? 166 00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:10,255 Whoa! 167 00:09:10,337 --> 00:09:12,506 Hey, Roderick. How are you doing? 168 00:09:14,215 --> 00:09:16,134 - Ready to party, Rod? - Oh, no, no. 169 00:09:16,217 --> 00:09:18,386 No one said anything about this going down at my house. 170 00:09:18,468 --> 00:09:19,386 - Lester. - What? 171 00:09:19,469 --> 00:09:20,762 This is my house. 172 00:09:20,846 --> 00:09:22,472 Fiona gave us permission. 173 00:09:22,555 --> 00:09:25,099 Oh, you're insane. 174 00:09:25,182 --> 00:09:27,351 - Interesting e-mail today. - Mmm! 175 00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,144 Worry not. I found a new stripper. 176 00:09:29,227 --> 00:09:30,395 Oh, no. Not the stripper crisis. 177 00:09:30,477 --> 00:09:33,522 The, uh, kooky one. The list. 178 00:09:33,605 --> 00:09:35,315 - What list? - The list of- 179 00:09:35,398 --> 00:09:36,649 What are you talking about? 180 00:09:36,732 --> 00:09:39,235 - Names. - Well, our fair lady's here, gentlemen! 181 00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,652 Turn that up! 182 00:09:40,735 --> 00:09:42,404 Rule six. 183 00:09:42,486 --> 00:09:45,156 No ham radio operating. 184 00:09:45,239 --> 00:09:47,158 - Get it? Breasts? - Aww... 185 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,325 No ham radio operating. 186 00:09:49,409 --> 00:09:51,870 Rule seven. No checking the oil. 187 00:09:51,952 --> 00:09:53,829 - Checking the oil? - Get it? 188 00:09:53,912 --> 00:09:55,164 Vagina! 189 00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:57,039 No checking the oil. 190 00:09:57,165 --> 00:10:01,043 - And I loved the touch of adding to the list - Rule eight... 191 00:10:01,126 --> 00:10:02,886 the names of women I've yet to have sex with. 192 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,463 - No cotton candy. - What do you mean, man? What list? 193 00:10:05,546 --> 00:10:06,714 Oh. Yeah. "What list?" 194 00:10:06,796 --> 00:10:09,257 Hey! You two jokers in the back! 195 00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:10,967 Show Precious some respect! 196 00:10:11,049 --> 00:10:12,176 This is a bachelor party. 197 00:10:12,259 --> 00:10:13,886 It ain't fun and games. 198 00:10:13,969 --> 00:10:16,180 Who wants to play musical lap dances? 199 00:10:16,262 --> 00:10:18,181 ♪♪ 200 00:10:41,448 --> 00:10:43,200 Aw! Too bad! 201 00:10:44,784 --> 00:10:45,701 Goodbye! 202 00:10:45,785 --> 00:10:48,287 ♪♪ 203 00:10:58,293 --> 00:11:01,213 Mm. You call this decadence? 204 00:11:01,296 --> 00:11:03,215 Bro, it was you! 205 00:11:03,297 --> 00:11:05,216 If only women knew. The bachelor party. 206 00:11:05,299 --> 00:11:07,385 The best commercial for marriage. 207 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,136 Cream for your coffee? 208 00:11:10,219 --> 00:11:13,305 Mm! Uh, no thanks. Carbs. 209 00:11:17,308 --> 00:11:18,226 You laughing at the old coot? 210 00:11:18,308 --> 00:11:20,185 Yeah, I'm sorry. I am. 211 00:11:20,268 --> 00:11:21,228 Hey, what about you? 212 00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:22,991 You're walking around your own party, here, 213 00:11:23,020 --> 00:11:25,231 obsessing about your former conquests. 214 00:11:25,314 --> 00:11:26,690 Well, it's actually a little more complicated. 215 00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:27,857 I was fine until this morning. 216 00:11:27,941 --> 00:11:29,567 I got this crazy list of women- 217 00:11:29,651 --> 00:11:31,945 No! No! No! I don't wanna see it. 218 00:11:32,027 --> 00:11:33,404 You don't wanna see it. 219 00:11:33,487 --> 00:11:35,656 Hell, you probably sent it to yourself when you were drunk. 220 00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:38,157 If you're looking for a way out... 221 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,242 Rod, you'll find it. 222 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,244 No, it-it's nothing like that. 223 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,661 Stop looking. 224 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,204 Hang in here for another hour. 225 00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:46,747 Get married next week. Have a kid. 226 00:11:46,830 --> 00:11:49,270 Reinvent the tater tot! Make a lot of money! Have another kid. 227 00:11:49,332 --> 00:11:51,751 - Say, "Thanks, Zack." - Okay. Thanks, Zack. 228 00:11:51,834 --> 00:11:53,627 - Mm-hmm. - Maybe you're right. 229 00:11:53,711 --> 00:11:56,296 Yo! Groom. 230 00:11:56,379 --> 00:11:58,256 Grand finale. 231 00:11:58,338 --> 00:12:00,924 Don't worry. Lester's paid for it. 232 00:12:02,008 --> 00:12:03,135 Yikes. 233 00:12:03,217 --> 00:12:05,678 How's that for ham radio, buddy? 234 00:12:05,761 --> 00:12:07,471 Yeah! 235 00:12:07,554 --> 00:12:09,889 Oh, yeah! Yeah! 236 00:12:09,973 --> 00:12:12,058 Give it to me, big boy! 237 00:12:12,141 --> 00:12:13,434 Oh, that's the way you like it? 238 00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:15,978 Oh, yeah! Harder! 239 00:12:16,060 --> 00:12:18,271 This is my oldest. He's four. 240 00:12:18,353 --> 00:12:20,605 - Fuck me! - This is your oldest? 241 00:12:20,689 --> 00:12:22,065 Wow. He's a good-looking kid. 242 00:12:22,148 --> 00:12:23,469 He's gonna break a lot of hearts. 243 00:12:23,524 --> 00:12:25,735 Yes! Yes! 244 00:12:25,818 --> 00:12:28,279 - Yes! - Goddammit! Harder! 245 00:12:28,361 --> 00:12:30,113 So are you planning on having kids with your wife? 246 00:12:30,195 --> 00:12:31,196 Well, definitely. Yeah. 247 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,490 But you know, right now, we can't even agree on what kind of dog to- 248 00:12:33,574 --> 00:12:35,242 Whoa! Precious, I told you I don't want 249 00:12:35,324 --> 00:12:36,659 to cross the line of- 250 00:12:36,743 --> 00:12:38,286 Whoa! 251 00:12:38,368 --> 00:12:39,745 Oh, gosh. 252 00:12:39,828 --> 00:12:41,329 I'm so sorry. 253 00:12:41,413 --> 00:12:43,165 I honestly thought you were kidding about 254 00:12:43,247 --> 00:12:45,124 all that "men can be feminists, too" stuff. 255 00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:48,168 Can you blame me for the confusion? 256 00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:49,377 Well, just because I'm giving you 257 00:12:49,461 --> 00:12:50,962 a standing ovation, my darling, 258 00:12:51,045 --> 00:12:53,380 doesn't mean that we have to, you know-I- 259 00:12:53,464 --> 00:12:55,424 - I think we better- - Got it. 260 00:12:55,506 --> 00:12:57,300 That's what I'm talking about. Doin' it- 261 00:12:57,383 --> 00:13:00,094 Hey, I don't want you to take any of this personally. 262 00:13:00,177 --> 00:13:01,428 I just-you know. 263 00:13:01,511 --> 00:13:04,306 Goddamn, what kind of condom is this? 264 00:13:04,388 --> 00:13:05,556 Your fiancée is lucky. 265 00:13:05,639 --> 00:13:07,266 She's got one of the good ones. 266 00:13:07,348 --> 00:13:09,149 I wish I was more into successful white dudes, 267 00:13:09,225 --> 00:13:10,393 but, um- 268 00:13:10,476 --> 00:13:12,353 two broke Latin husbands, and- 269 00:13:12,436 --> 00:13:13,771 Jesus, stop me. 270 00:13:13,854 --> 00:13:16,398 Anyway, man, gracias. Seriously. 271 00:13:16,481 --> 00:13:17,815 Gracias? 272 00:13:17,899 --> 00:13:20,943 Um, Precious, your real name 273 00:13:21,026 --> 00:13:23,779 wouldn't happen to be Carlotta... 274 00:13:23,861 --> 00:13:26,781 Valdes? 275 00:13:26,863 --> 00:13:28,031 How did y- 276 00:13:28,114 --> 00:13:29,908 Who told you that? 277 00:13:29,991 --> 00:13:33,078 Um, I think your bodyguard might have mentioned it. 278 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,330 Like that asshole knows my real name. 279 00:13:36,412 --> 00:13:39,749 So, you staying back there, or... 280 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:42,584 Why is it so quiet in there? 281 00:13:44,418 --> 00:13:46,420 Carlotta Valdes. 282 00:13:46,503 --> 00:13:48,088 Number 30. 283 00:13:48,171 --> 00:13:51,341 This was more than a bachelor party trick, 284 00:13:51,423 --> 00:13:54,051 more than a loyalty test. 285 00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:55,927 This was sex. 286 00:13:56,010 --> 00:13:58,012 And I had a print-out. 287 00:13:59,554 --> 00:14:02,140 I was in the throes of a sacrilegious epiphany, 288 00:14:02,223 --> 00:14:04,767 in possession of a magical document 289 00:14:04,850 --> 00:14:07,728 that promised an embarrassment of bitches. 290 00:14:07,811 --> 00:14:09,562 And yet, did it void my earlier, 291 00:14:09,646 --> 00:14:12,232 rather impassioned soliloquy about how it's time? 292 00:14:12,314 --> 00:14:14,358 To settle down? To marry Fiona? 293 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,901 Right then, I nobly revowed 294 00:14:16,984 --> 00:14:18,695 my eternal resistance to other women. 295 00:14:18,777 --> 00:14:20,779 Remember how freaked out you were when you first noticed 296 00:14:20,862 --> 00:14:23,532 the centerfold was younger than you? 297 00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:26,367 Ah, yes, the... 298 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:29,119 central trauma of every American male. 299 00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:32,121 Look at this baby. 300 00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,373 And I mean baby. 301 00:14:34,455 --> 00:14:38,918 Born in 1984. 1984. 302 00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:41,378 My life was, like, done by '84. 303 00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:44,840 - What are her turn-ons? - Mmm... 304 00:14:44,922 --> 00:14:47,717 Pudding, air hockey, and pudding. 305 00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:50,802 Bimbo said "pudding" twice. 306 00:14:53,220 --> 00:14:54,638 I do like air hockey. 307 00:14:54,721 --> 00:14:57,390 "Cynthia Rose is looking for a man 308 00:14:57,473 --> 00:15:01,394 who's confident, successful, with a nice set of abs." 309 00:15:01,476 --> 00:15:03,895 Well, zero out of three ain't bad. 310 00:15:03,978 --> 00:15:06,022 What did you say her name was? 311 00:15:07,731 --> 00:15:10,567 Cynthia Rose. 312 00:15:10,649 --> 00:15:11,775 Nice. 313 00:15:13,986 --> 00:15:16,363 Oh... 314 00:15:16,446 --> 00:15:17,655 Thank you. 315 00:15:17,739 --> 00:15:20,408 Dude, you're not gonna buy the issue? 316 00:15:27,579 --> 00:15:30,081 You look like a Carl. Can I call you Carl? 317 00:15:30,164 --> 00:15:31,832 You talking to me? 318 00:15:31,957 --> 00:15:35,419 You ever fantasize about escaping, Carl? 319 00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,337 Escaping this land, 320 00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,922 this magical land of the newsstand, 321 00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:43,008 where all the girls are right about 322 00:15:43,132 --> 00:15:46,510 to pull off their panties, but they never quite do. 323 00:15:48,094 --> 00:15:50,430 Must be kind of frustrating. 324 00:15:50,512 --> 00:15:52,431 Look, if you don't like the merchandise, babe, 325 00:15:52,556 --> 00:15:53,766 pssht! 326 00:15:56,184 --> 00:15:58,311 Found this on your dashboard. 327 00:15:59,603 --> 00:16:01,605 It's a unique color. 328 00:16:01,688 --> 00:16:05,025 Kinda like the one the Parkside Peeper wears. 329 00:16:06,191 --> 00:16:08,026 Wait. Uh... 330 00:16:08,109 --> 00:16:09,944 Look, I have a disease. 331 00:16:10,027 --> 00:16:11,445 - Okay? - Okay. 332 00:16:11,528 --> 00:16:13,447 And you could say that I, too, am a victim, 333 00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,240 - because- - Hey! No. Carl. 334 00:16:15,323 --> 00:16:17,200 Don't get me wrong. 335 00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:18,576 I think it's kinda hot. 336 00:16:20,285 --> 00:16:22,537 I mean, how would I know you were watching 337 00:16:22,662 --> 00:16:25,706 if I wasn't watching you? 338 00:16:25,790 --> 00:16:29,502 Wha-You've been peeping on me peeping? 339 00:16:29,584 --> 00:16:31,378 Mm-hmm. 340 00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:33,629 Oh. That is hot. 341 00:16:33,754 --> 00:16:35,506 Wait, I c- 342 00:16:35,588 --> 00:16:36,788 I can't tell if you're playing 343 00:16:36,798 --> 00:16:39,425 some feminazi mindfuck game on me 344 00:16:39,508 --> 00:16:42,302 or if you're really trying to seduce me. 345 00:16:42,385 --> 00:16:47,598 Well, Carl, why don't we go back to my hotel and find out? 346 00:16:48,848 --> 00:16:51,601 Pussy is da' bomb. No? 347 00:16:52,851 --> 00:16:55,104 This is a joke, right? 348 00:16:56,771 --> 00:16:59,732 Ten seconds on the shot clock, Kobe. 349 00:17:02,191 --> 00:17:04,527 Come on! I- 350 00:17:04,610 --> 00:17:06,904 - This stuff only happens in the movies- - Five- 351 00:17:06,987 --> 00:17:09,698 I'm the only one working this shift, I- 352 00:17:09,781 --> 00:17:11,282 Get out of here. 353 00:17:11,365 --> 00:17:13,534 Are you gay? 354 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:16,745 Are you impotent? 355 00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:19,205 Or are you just chicken? 356 00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:35,383 Honey? 357 00:17:35,466 --> 00:17:36,551 Sweetie, look. 358 00:17:36,634 --> 00:17:38,553 Your tuxedo. 359 00:17:45,391 --> 00:17:46,767 - Rod? - Perhaps it wasn't 360 00:17:46,850 --> 00:17:48,977 time after all. 361 00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:51,354 Don't worry, I didn't cancel the wedding or anything. 362 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,063 I'm not an asshole. 363 00:17:53,147 --> 00:17:56,108 I needed to figure things out. 364 00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:58,443 Of course, I didn't bring up number 31, 365 00:17:58,525 --> 00:18:00,777 Cynthia "Miss April" Rose. 366 00:18:00,861 --> 00:18:03,572 I stuck to the basics. 367 00:18:03,654 --> 00:18:06,574 "It's not you, it's me." 368 00:18:06,656 --> 00:18:08,700 "I don't want to get married just to get married." 369 00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:12,162 I think I even threw in a "things have been crazy at work." 370 00:18:12,244 --> 00:18:15,414 Fiona took it well... too well. 371 00:18:16,664 --> 00:18:20,168 I think my sweetie has a little case of cold feet. 372 00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:21,585 You're nervous. 373 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:23,045 I'd be scared if you weren't. 374 00:18:23,127 --> 00:18:24,462 It's more than that, Fi. 375 00:18:24,545 --> 00:18:28,591 I said, I think my sweetie has a little case of cold feet. 376 00:18:28,673 --> 00:18:29,799 You're nervous. 377 00:18:29,883 --> 00:18:31,343 I'd be scared if you weren't. 378 00:18:31,425 --> 00:18:32,593 I'm being honest. 379 00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:34,011 We're getting married in 11 days, Roderick. 380 00:18:34,093 --> 00:18:36,596 We are past the point of honesty. 381 00:18:36,679 --> 00:18:38,598 We have a goddamn church booked. 382 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:41,183 Deposits... 383 00:18:41,266 --> 00:18:42,559 orchids. 384 00:18:42,642 --> 00:18:43,922 And you drop this on me right now 385 00:18:43,976 --> 00:18:45,561 before I'm about to get on a plane 386 00:18:45,645 --> 00:18:48,356 to go away with the girls to a spa for the weekend, 387 00:18:48,438 --> 00:18:50,231 you goddamn son of a- 388 00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:53,734 Orchids... 389 00:18:56,694 --> 00:18:59,697 It was one thing to upheave my own life, 390 00:18:59,780 --> 00:19:01,823 but to break the heart of another 391 00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:04,076 was too much for me. 392 00:19:05,409 --> 00:19:07,411 I told Fiona what she needed to hear 393 00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:10,789 and provided the requisite snuggles. 394 00:19:10,871 --> 00:19:12,915 That's when I saw it. 395 00:19:14,791 --> 00:19:16,626 No, not that. 396 00:19:16,709 --> 00:19:18,294 This. 397 00:19:18,377 --> 00:19:20,587 Pardon my fucking French, 398 00:19:20,671 --> 00:19:23,090 but we're talking about a fucking centerfold here. 399 00:19:23,172 --> 00:19:25,841 Fucking a fucking centerfold, if you will. 400 00:19:25,925 --> 00:19:28,052 And believe me, I will. 401 00:19:28,176 --> 00:19:32,264 Last fling like this, I'll never have to look at another woman again, right? 402 00:19:32,346 --> 00:19:33,514 Right? 403 00:19:47,524 --> 00:19:49,484 Back of the line, bro. 404 00:19:54,445 --> 00:19:56,739 Okay, gentlemen, don't rush. 405 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,327 Get out of the way, will you? 406 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,584 - Don't push! Get out of my way! - Come on, man! 407 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:10,456 Hey, stay in line, please. 408 00:20:10,499 --> 00:20:11,750 I know how to play air hockey! 409 00:20:11,834 --> 00:20:13,210 You each get a chance. 410 00:20:27,554 --> 00:20:29,681 Fiona. 411 00:20:31,432 --> 00:20:33,058 Hey, Fi... 412 00:20:33,142 --> 00:20:34,582 you're probably already on the plane. 413 00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:37,687 I just wanted to apologize again for this morning. 414 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:40,273 I don't know what's going through my head. 415 00:20:40,355 --> 00:20:41,857 - I just- - Is that your car? 416 00:20:43,274 --> 00:20:45,359 Bad connection. Yeah. 417 00:20:46,776 --> 00:20:49,154 The geeks are revolting. Like, literally. 418 00:20:49,237 --> 00:20:50,655 My name's Cynthia Rose. 419 00:20:50,738 --> 00:20:52,489 - You can call me Cyn. - Okay. 420 00:20:56,492 --> 00:20:57,785 The guy was so serious. 421 00:20:57,869 --> 00:20:59,412 "You must be so proud of those." 422 00:20:59,494 --> 00:21:01,496 I was like, "Dude, they're my breasts, 423 00:21:01,580 --> 00:21:02,820 they're not my S.A.T. scores." 424 00:21:02,830 --> 00:21:05,333 So, I thought if I flashed him he'd shut up, 425 00:21:05,416 --> 00:21:07,710 but who knew the whole store would flip out? 426 00:21:07,792 --> 00:21:08,960 I'm sorry, I forgot. 427 00:21:09,044 --> 00:21:11,205 How long did you say you've been living on this planet? 428 00:21:13,422 --> 00:21:15,007 Coffee became cocktails, 429 00:21:15,089 --> 00:21:18,801 cocktails became dinner, and dinner became... 430 00:21:20,177 --> 00:21:21,470 You guessed it. 431 00:21:22,762 --> 00:21:23,930 Air hockey. 432 00:21:24,931 --> 00:21:26,307 Darn it! 433 00:21:26,389 --> 00:21:27,599 I thought your centerfold 434 00:21:27,682 --> 00:21:29,309 said air hockey was your game. 435 00:21:29,392 --> 00:21:31,978 Are you always this suave and arrogant? 436 00:21:32,061 --> 00:21:35,397 Well, it's only two of my many adjectives. 437 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:36,981 I can't believe I'm talking like this. 438 00:21:37,065 --> 00:21:39,484 I'm getting married in less than two weeks. 439 00:21:39,566 --> 00:21:43,737 My fiancée is doing this bachelorette spa thing this weekend- 440 00:21:43,819 --> 00:21:44,737 Wait a minute, you're getting married? 441 00:21:44,820 --> 00:21:45,863 Yep. 442 00:21:45,947 --> 00:21:47,740 Well, why didn't you say so? 443 00:21:47,822 --> 00:21:50,700 That changes everything! 444 00:21:50,783 --> 00:21:52,076 How would you like to do me a favor? 445 00:21:52,159 --> 00:21:54,245 A favor? What kind of fav- 446 00:21:55,828 --> 00:21:58,498 Don't worry. It'll end in sex. 447 00:21:59,790 --> 00:22:01,750 Yes, number 31, Cynthia Rose. 448 00:22:01,833 --> 00:22:04,127 You know this is the most maniacal shit ever, right? 449 00:22:04,210 --> 00:22:07,463 Trix, I'm sure there's some logical explanation for all this. 450 00:22:09,214 --> 00:22:10,614 I'm not going to wait around for it. 451 00:22:10,631 --> 00:22:11,840 Keys? 452 00:22:13,592 --> 00:22:14,969 Cynthia Rose wanted to bring 453 00:22:15,051 --> 00:22:17,554 a presentable man home to Daddy. 454 00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:21,099 The favor would last another 24 hours. 455 00:22:21,181 --> 00:22:23,559 Meeting another father under the guise of boyfriend 456 00:22:23,641 --> 00:22:26,060 felt more like cheating than the cheating. 457 00:22:26,142 --> 00:22:30,438 But as paper beats rock, desire beats guilt. 458 00:22:30,521 --> 00:22:32,439 Desire beats everything. 459 00:22:32,523 --> 00:22:34,066 I just said that I like baking, 460 00:22:34,148 --> 00:22:36,776 and the next day, the centerfold family came up with this concept. 461 00:22:36,859 --> 00:22:38,778 It was like a built-in kitchen set 462 00:22:38,860 --> 00:22:39,778 with this apron that- 463 00:22:39,861 --> 00:22:41,780 Don't abuse the word "family. ” 464 00:22:41,863 --> 00:22:43,156 You know as well as I do, 465 00:22:43,239 --> 00:22:44,574 they're just making you an accomplice 466 00:22:44,657 --> 00:22:46,242 in your own exploitation. 467 00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:47,784 Well, that's better than not being an accomplice 468 00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:49,786 in my own exploitation. 469 00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:52,747 You asked me what makes a man, Roderick, and I'm going to tell you. 470 00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:55,958 Actually, I hadn't asked. 471 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,585 But there was no stopping Victor Rose III. 472 00:22:58,667 --> 00:23:01,336 Yes, her father was the Victor Rose, 473 00:23:01,420 --> 00:23:03,797 entrepreneur extraordinaire. 474 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:04,797 Getting to have sex tonight 475 00:23:04,881 --> 00:23:06,215 was going to be more complicated 476 00:23:06,298 --> 00:23:07,382 than I could ever imagine. 477 00:23:07,465 --> 00:23:09,259 My parents believed in tradition, 478 00:23:09,342 --> 00:23:12,262 honor, dignity, faith, and free trade, 479 00:23:12,344 --> 00:23:15,639 and separate bedrooms for couples that are not married. 480 00:23:17,348 --> 00:23:20,059 A toast to the fiery Rose family. 481 00:23:20,142 --> 00:23:21,810 May you- 482 00:23:21,894 --> 00:23:23,687 Sorry, Roderick. 483 00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:25,688 Every family has a sick grandmother, 484 00:23:25,771 --> 00:23:27,565 and Granny C just happens to be 485 00:23:27,647 --> 00:23:29,524 really old and really scary. 486 00:23:29,608 --> 00:23:31,818 Stop! Mother deserves some respect, 487 00:23:31,901 --> 00:23:33,360 not to be treated like a leper. 488 00:23:33,444 --> 00:23:36,614 Despite her grotesque skin disease. 489 00:23:40,365 --> 00:23:42,659 Dessert, Roderick? 490 00:23:43,910 --> 00:23:44,827 Are you decent? 491 00:23:44,911 --> 00:23:46,913 Absolutely! 492 00:23:49,956 --> 00:23:51,666 Dessert, Roderick? 493 00:23:53,375 --> 00:23:56,253 Oh. Uh... 494 00:23:56,336 --> 00:23:58,096 You asked if I was decent. You didn't ask if- 495 00:23:58,128 --> 00:24:01,548 Yes, my roommate in college always used to do that gag. 496 00:24:01,632 --> 00:24:02,841 It plays better with you. 497 00:24:02,924 --> 00:24:03,841 Lots. 498 00:24:03,925 --> 00:24:06,594 Believe it or not, you did pretty good tonight. 499 00:24:06,676 --> 00:24:07,886 Great. 500 00:24:07,969 --> 00:24:09,679 That old bear down the hall 501 00:24:09,763 --> 00:24:11,932 is going to be simply crushed when we break up. 502 00:24:12,014 --> 00:24:14,141 You know, your father seems pretty serious 503 00:24:14,224 --> 00:24:16,601 about the separate bedroom edict. 504 00:24:16,684 --> 00:24:20,104 The greater the danger, the greater the thrill. 505 00:24:20,187 --> 00:24:22,272 That's what I say. 506 00:24:22,355 --> 00:24:24,065 Give me five minutes. 507 00:24:24,148 --> 00:24:26,609 I'm two doors down to the left. 508 00:24:26,691 --> 00:24:29,277 Some guys have this annoying habit of stopping to ask me 509 00:24:29,361 --> 00:24:31,863 if they're boinking me too hard. 510 00:24:31,946 --> 00:24:34,573 Don't ask and don't stop. 511 00:24:35,573 --> 00:24:37,742 Foreplay's for losers. 512 00:24:39,451 --> 00:24:40,577 Hmm. 513 00:24:40,661 --> 00:24:42,704 Better make that three minutes. 514 00:24:42,787 --> 00:24:44,372 Yeah. 515 00:25:27,445 --> 00:25:29,990 Oh... yes. 516 00:25:32,867 --> 00:25:33,993 What's going on in there? 517 00:25:46,293 --> 00:25:48,503 Ooh, who died? 518 00:25:48,587 --> 00:25:51,339 It's all right, Roderick. 519 00:25:51,422 --> 00:25:53,966 Mother prayed for this day many times. 520 00:25:54,048 --> 00:25:56,551 She's at peace now. 521 00:25:56,634 --> 00:25:58,928 She can keep my son company. 522 00:25:59,011 --> 00:26:01,096 Say hello to Vic, Jr., Mommy! 523 00:26:01,180 --> 00:26:05,809 Cyn. Sir, I'm so sorry. 524 00:26:05,892 --> 00:26:08,019 - You must really- - Yeah, whatever. 525 00:26:08,101 --> 00:26:10,353 She was ancient and my brother was a jerk. 526 00:26:10,436 --> 00:26:12,354 What was with you last night? 527 00:26:12,438 --> 00:26:13,564 Why didn't you come? 528 00:26:13,647 --> 00:26:14,940 Come? 529 00:26:15,023 --> 00:26:16,357 With your father barging in like that, 530 00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:17,762 didn't really leave a lot of time 531 00:26:17,775 --> 00:26:19,819 for either one of us to hit the jackpot. 532 00:26:19,902 --> 00:26:21,612 You know, as they say, 533 00:26:21,695 --> 00:26:22,895 if at first you don't succeed, 534 00:26:22,904 --> 00:26:24,947 try, try again. 535 00:26:25,031 --> 00:26:25,865 What are you talking about? 536 00:26:25,948 --> 00:26:27,241 Why didn't you come to my room? 537 00:26:27,324 --> 00:26:28,450 I didn't see you at all. 538 00:26:28,533 --> 00:26:29,784 I guess it was pretty dark, but- 539 00:26:29,868 --> 00:26:31,161 Mother had the strangest, 540 00:26:31,243 --> 00:26:33,204 sweetest, little smile on her face. 541 00:26:33,287 --> 00:26:35,289 I'm convinced that her last moments 542 00:26:35,371 --> 00:26:38,082 on this mortal coil were ones of pleasure. 543 00:26:39,458 --> 00:26:40,959 When you said two doors to the left, 544 00:26:41,043 --> 00:26:42,878 did you mean your left or my left? 545 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,545 What are you talking- 546 00:26:44,629 --> 00:26:47,632 I don't know, I guess it was my left. Why? 547 00:26:50,966 --> 00:26:53,928 Granny C happens to be really old and... 548 00:26:54,011 --> 00:26:57,097 C. as in Cynthia, as in Cynthia Rose, 549 00:26:57,180 --> 00:26:58,973 as in number 31 on your list, 550 00:26:59,056 --> 00:27:02,017 as in there's more than one, dipshit! 551 00:27:02,099 --> 00:27:04,185 You fucked my mother! 552 00:27:20,948 --> 00:27:23,492 And if you were to put your hand on the bun... 553 00:27:25,368 --> 00:27:27,954 I raced home to tell Fiona everything. 554 00:27:28,036 --> 00:27:29,329 Okay, not everything. 555 00:27:29,412 --> 00:27:30,705 Not anything. 556 00:27:30,788 --> 00:27:32,331 What woman, a week before her wedding, 557 00:27:32,414 --> 00:27:34,583 wants to hear about some crazy list of women? 558 00:27:34,666 --> 00:27:36,751 Not to mention, I mean really not to mention, 559 00:27:36,835 --> 00:27:38,169 her future husband's involvement 560 00:27:38,252 --> 00:27:40,295 with an 88-year-old leper. 561 00:27:40,379 --> 00:27:43,006 I was sure Fiona would take me into her arms. 562 00:27:43,089 --> 00:27:46,175 - Honey, I'm home! - Instead, she just took. 563 00:27:46,258 --> 00:27:48,218 I never liked this couch. 564 00:27:48,301 --> 00:27:49,970 Fi? 565 00:27:56,850 --> 00:27:58,268 Fiona, what have you done? 566 00:27:58,392 --> 00:28:01,270 - Why are you- - You're getting off easy and you know it. 567 00:28:03,980 --> 00:28:05,982 I don't understand. I adore you. 568 00:28:06,064 --> 00:28:07,607 I want to make you my wife. 569 00:28:07,691 --> 00:28:11,945 It's like you've got this lost, far-away look, 570 00:28:12,027 --> 00:28:14,238 like you're thinking about the hundreds of other women 571 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,197 you plan to sleep with before you die. 572 00:28:16,281 --> 00:28:18,032 Hundreds? 573 00:28:18,115 --> 00:28:19,283 70 at most. 574 00:28:19,366 --> 00:28:20,576 Keep going. 575 00:28:21,743 --> 00:28:24,913 You're the guy who notices haircuts. 576 00:28:24,996 --> 00:28:27,915 - You never forget Valentine's Day. - No. 577 00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:30,667 You always have the right, supportive thing to say, 578 00:28:30,749 --> 00:28:33,085 even if you don't mean it. 579 00:28:36,087 --> 00:28:39,007 You're not some evil, sexist jerk, Rod. 580 00:28:39,089 --> 00:28:41,884 So who are you? 581 00:28:41,967 --> 00:28:43,719 I am someone that will love and support you- 582 00:28:43,801 --> 00:28:45,344 Oh. 583 00:28:47,304 --> 00:28:49,055 It's not an oral exam. 584 00:28:52,141 --> 00:28:54,602 I'm going to get up off this couch now. 585 00:28:55,977 --> 00:28:57,937 I'm going to walk to the door. 586 00:29:00,898 --> 00:29:03,400 Do I want you to stop me? 587 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,486 Yes. 588 00:29:06,568 --> 00:29:12,491 Just as my hand is on the knob, 589 00:29:12,573 --> 00:29:15,242 I want you to tackle me 590 00:29:15,325 --> 00:29:19,996 and hold me and tell me that you can never let me go, 591 00:29:20,078 --> 00:29:22,289 while tears stream down both our faces. 592 00:29:23,456 --> 00:29:26,417 But you better mean it, Rod. 593 00:29:26,500 --> 00:29:29,669 Because right now, 594 00:29:29,753 --> 00:29:30,962 you're just one of the bigger mistakes 595 00:29:31,045 --> 00:29:32,963 I've ever made. 596 00:29:34,006 --> 00:29:36,592 But if you convince me to stay, 597 00:29:36,674 --> 00:29:42,597 and you can't back it up with every inch of your soul, 598 00:29:42,678 --> 00:29:44,972 then you will be a true villain. 599 00:29:56,064 --> 00:29:57,774 - Good call, buddy! - Ah! 600 00:29:57,857 --> 00:29:59,275 You made the right decision, Mr. Blank, 601 00:29:59,358 --> 00:30:01,151 but it's not like you had much of a choice. 602 00:30:01,235 --> 00:30:02,694 Whoo! 603 00:30:06,822 --> 00:30:08,198 Okay, what's happening? 604 00:30:09,616 --> 00:30:12,327 Where am I? 605 00:30:12,409 --> 00:30:14,161 Who are you people? 606 00:30:14,244 --> 00:30:15,620 Hello, Mr. Blank. 607 00:30:15,703 --> 00:30:18,248 I'm Alpha, he's Beta, 608 00:30:18,330 --> 00:30:19,957 and that's Fred. 609 00:30:20,082 --> 00:30:22,918 We're here to tell you everything, Mr. Blank. 610 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:24,168 This isn't a dream, 611 00:30:24,252 --> 00:30:26,546 and it isn't a dream within a dream, either. 612 00:30:26,628 --> 00:30:28,148 You're not going to wake up at the end, 613 00:30:28,213 --> 00:30:31,007 and I'm your gardener and these are your pool boys. 614 00:30:31,090 --> 00:30:33,175 This is about the list, isn't it? 615 00:30:33,259 --> 00:30:35,553 Of course it's about the list! 616 00:30:35,635 --> 00:30:37,429 You must be freaking out. 617 00:30:37,512 --> 00:30:39,848 Seriously, what number are you at right now- 618 00:30:39,930 --> 00:30:41,265 Down, Fred. 619 00:30:43,057 --> 00:30:46,144 Mr. Blank... 620 00:30:46,226 --> 00:30:47,853 some people you don't know 621 00:30:47,936 --> 00:30:49,020 found some things you don't know 622 00:30:49,104 --> 00:30:51,273 in a place you don't know. 623 00:30:51,355 --> 00:30:54,650 And these things have been very useful in making a new thing. 624 00:30:54,732 --> 00:30:56,776 One that apparently knows everything. 625 00:30:57,777 --> 00:30:59,279 A thing that knows everything, 626 00:30:59,361 --> 00:31:04,658 like a computer, a supercomputer. 627 00:31:05,658 --> 00:31:08,327 I prefer the word "machine." 628 00:31:08,410 --> 00:31:11,371 Now, this machine will take a few lifetimes to figure out, 629 00:31:11,454 --> 00:31:14,123 and I wouldn't go as far as to call it an oracle, 630 00:31:14,205 --> 00:31:17,709 but it is... oraclesque. 631 00:31:17,792 --> 00:31:21,337 Last week, it sent out about 2,900 e-mails, 632 00:31:21,420 --> 00:31:23,547 answers to questions nobody asked- 633 00:31:23,629 --> 00:31:27,008 not us, not the e-mail recipients. 634 00:31:27,090 --> 00:31:30,635 Almost everyone received nothing more than an individual date- 635 00:31:30,718 --> 00:31:34,680 day, month, year. 636 00:31:34,763 --> 00:31:36,843 You're very lucky you didn't get that one, Mr. Blank. 637 00:31:36,848 --> 00:31:39,768 It was the day of the recipient's death. 638 00:31:39,850 --> 00:31:42,227 But then there's you. 639 00:31:43,519 --> 00:31:44,979 Yes, a few of the e-mails 640 00:31:45,063 --> 00:31:47,190 drew an unnatural attention to themselves. 641 00:31:47,272 --> 00:31:51,568 Well, yeah, but yours is the best, far and away. 642 00:31:51,650 --> 00:31:55,321 A list of everyone you're going to have sex with? 643 00:31:55,403 --> 00:31:58,073 Oh man, this other poor dick got the same list. 644 00:31:58,155 --> 00:31:59,323 One name! 645 00:31:59,406 --> 00:32:02,701 The wife that he lost his virginity to. 646 00:32:02,784 --> 00:32:03,701 What a sap! 647 00:32:03,785 --> 00:32:04,827 - Fred- - I mean, can you imagine? 648 00:32:04,911 --> 00:32:06,788 Fred! 649 00:32:08,121 --> 00:32:11,374 Mr. Blank, I think you know where I'm going with this. 650 00:32:13,042 --> 00:32:15,127 If people were to find out about the machine, 651 00:32:15,210 --> 00:32:17,212 it would cause panic and confusion and- 652 00:32:17,295 --> 00:32:18,922 You're threatening me? 653 00:32:19,004 --> 00:32:23,383 Not to be a smart-ass. 654 00:32:23,466 --> 00:32:27,220 If your little oracle is for real, 655 00:32:27,302 --> 00:32:29,054 then I can't die before bedding down 656 00:32:29,137 --> 00:32:31,348 the last lady on the list. 657 00:32:32,765 --> 00:32:35,059 Grand to finally meet you, Mr. Blank. 658 00:32:35,141 --> 00:32:37,102 The door is at the end of the hall. 659 00:32:37,185 --> 00:32:39,729 Yeah, and if you have any questions, 660 00:32:39,812 --> 00:32:41,939 drop in any time, bro. 661 00:32:43,523 --> 00:32:45,817 Can't believe I believe all this. 662 00:32:45,900 --> 00:32:48,486 But you do, and we appreciate it. 663 00:32:48,568 --> 00:32:51,613 You've been guaranteed a robust sex life, Mr. Blank. 664 00:32:51,695 --> 00:32:53,447 That should be enough for you. 665 00:32:53,531 --> 00:32:54,949 Lose the list. 666 00:32:55,031 --> 00:32:57,909 Burn it, bury it, whatever you need to do. 667 00:32:57,992 --> 00:32:59,661 If you let the list in your life, 668 00:32:59,743 --> 00:33:03,622 it will infect every fiber of your being. 669 00:33:05,331 --> 00:33:06,290 Bye-bye. 670 00:33:22,844 --> 00:33:25,138 I like him. 671 00:33:25,221 --> 00:33:27,306 He seems sensible. 672 00:33:27,389 --> 00:33:30,767 Hey, hey, uh, almighty, all-knowing guys? 673 00:33:30,850 --> 00:33:35,730 You just confirmed the validity of a list of 101 sure things. 674 00:33:35,812 --> 00:33:40,525 Okay? So, a list like that, doesn't get burned or buried. 675 00:33:40,607 --> 00:33:41,984 It gets used. 676 00:33:42,066 --> 00:33:46,571 And I mean, it gets, like, crazy-montage-sequence used. 677 00:33:46,653 --> 00:33:49,281 "French-New Wave, learning Gymkata, 678 00:33:49,364 --> 00:33:51,700 I can't believe they could afford that song" montage. 679 00:33:51,782 --> 00:33:54,035 It's gonna be fucking nuts! 680 00:33:54,117 --> 00:33:55,368 He's just- 681 00:33:55,452 --> 00:34:00,749 He's going to fuck a lot. 682 00:34:08,253 --> 00:34:11,423 ♪♪ 683 00:34:26,058 --> 00:34:30,228 ♪ I'm surrounded softly ♪ 684 00:34:30,311 --> 00:34:32,730 ♪ By the beat ♪ 685 00:34:34,397 --> 00:34:36,191 ♪ Still dumbfounded ♪ 686 00:34:36,274 --> 00:34:42,197 ♪ By the intolerable heat ♪ 687 00:34:42,278 --> 00:34:46,282 ♪ You came close to me ♪ 688 00:34:46,365 --> 00:34:49,201 ♪ And you danced ♪ 689 00:34:50,659 --> 00:34:54,163 ♪ It came close to ♪ 690 00:34:54,245 --> 00:34:58,917 ♪ Being my last ♪ 691 00:34:58,999 --> 00:35:01,585 ♪ I'll take what's mine ♪ 692 00:35:01,668 --> 00:35:06,340 ♪ Before I regret it ♪ 693 00:35:06,421 --> 00:35:08,715 I'm saving that seat for a friend. 694 00:35:08,799 --> 00:35:09,758 What's your name? 695 00:35:09,841 --> 00:35:12,719 Kathleen, Mr. Manners. 696 00:35:12,802 --> 00:35:15,221 - That's a shame. - What did you say? 697 00:35:15,303 --> 00:35:17,722 Oh, I said, it's a nice name. 698 00:35:17,806 --> 00:35:19,349 Roderick Blank. 699 00:35:19,431 --> 00:35:21,809 Ooh, first and last names, how formal. 700 00:35:22,058 --> 00:35:24,102 - Well... - Ah. 701 00:35:24,185 --> 00:35:28,398 Here's my standing up friend and colleague Greta Sampsa. 702 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:30,357 This is the guy who took your seat. 703 00:35:30,439 --> 00:35:33,567 Greta Sampsa, now that's a fantastic name. 704 00:35:33,651 --> 00:35:34,694 What would you like? 705 00:35:34,776 --> 00:35:36,861 A slow, nasty fuck on the coffee table. 706 00:35:36,945 --> 00:35:38,822 Would you like that with Bacardi or Myer's? 707 00:35:38,904 --> 00:35:41,365 Bacardi. 708 00:35:42,615 --> 00:35:44,325 Did you know I was talking about a drink? 709 00:35:44,409 --> 00:35:46,411 Maybe, maybe not. 710 00:35:49,121 --> 00:35:53,291 ♪ I'll take what's mine before I... ♪ 711 00:35:53,374 --> 00:35:55,209 This your only piece of ID? 712 00:35:55,291 --> 00:35:56,334 You swear you're not named after 713 00:35:56,418 --> 00:35:58,003 anyone else in your family? 714 00:35:58,085 --> 00:36:00,045 Listen, you're cute and I'm drunk, 715 00:36:00,129 --> 00:36:01,964 and my plane is grounded until tomorrow, 716 00:36:02,046 --> 00:36:03,172 but if you want to- 717 00:36:03,256 --> 00:36:05,925 ♪ I'll take what's mine ♪ 718 00:36:06,009 --> 00:36:08,761 ♪ Before I... ♪ 719 00:36:15,056 --> 00:36:17,100 Noreen! 720 00:36:22,145 --> 00:36:24,397 Leslie and Yuca! 721 00:36:26,648 --> 00:36:27,607 - Here you go. - Thanks, Bill. 722 00:36:27,691 --> 00:36:29,776 Enjoy. 723 00:36:31,402 --> 00:36:32,611 Julie! 724 00:36:32,695 --> 00:36:34,196 ♪ You're having my sex ♪ 725 00:36:34,279 --> 00:36:35,864 ♪ You're sleeping with my wife ♪ 726 00:36:35,947 --> 00:36:39,409 ♪ You're having my kids and the time of my life ♪ 727 00:36:39,491 --> 00:36:40,868 ♪ You're writing my book ♪ 728 00:36:40,951 --> 00:36:42,703 ♪ You're starring in my film ♪ 729 00:36:42,785 --> 00:36:46,581 ♪ You have the number one and my number ten ♪ 730 00:36:48,915 --> 00:36:52,127 ♪ We could be such very good friends ♪ 731 00:36:52,209 --> 00:36:54,462 ♪ If you let me in ♪ 732 00:36:55,837 --> 00:36:58,840 ♪ The higher the gates, the longer the wait ♪ 733 00:36:58,922 --> 00:37:01,925 ♪ Please let this poor boy sin ♪ 734 00:37:02,009 --> 00:37:03,677 ♪ You're having my sex ♪ 735 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:05,345 ♪ You're sleeping with my wife ♪ 736 00:37:05,428 --> 00:37:08,473 ♪ You're having my kids and the time of my life ♪ 737 00:37:08,555 --> 00:37:10,557 ♪ You're writing my book ♪ 738 00:37:10,639 --> 00:37:13,100 ♪ You're starring in my film ♪ 739 00:37:13,184 --> 00:37:16,437 I'd say that I was mature and content. 740 00:37:16,519 --> 00:37:18,605 But if you have to say that stuff out loud, 741 00:37:18,687 --> 00:37:20,439 it can't possibly be true. 742 00:37:20,522 --> 00:37:22,900 I thought I was above all the hot chicks, 743 00:37:22,982 --> 00:37:25,568 high-five, beer-commercial bullshit. 744 00:37:25,652 --> 00:37:28,029 I was above nothing. 745 00:37:30,279 --> 00:37:31,989 The list was life. 746 00:37:32,073 --> 00:37:33,783 Have a startling and unique day, 747 00:37:33,866 --> 00:37:36,535 - Mr. Blank. - Thank you. 748 00:37:38,118 --> 00:37:40,579 Wait a second, how did you know my name? 749 00:37:40,663 --> 00:37:43,499 Swallows is the case study in my business class. 750 00:37:43,581 --> 00:37:45,341 I thought I'd get some first-hand experience 751 00:37:45,416 --> 00:37:47,017 and make a little money at the same time. 752 00:37:47,042 --> 00:37:47,959 Very little money. 753 00:37:48,043 --> 00:37:50,837 That's fascinating... 754 00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:52,338 Alexis. 755 00:37:52,421 --> 00:37:54,423 Alexis de Large. 756 00:37:54,506 --> 00:37:55,840 Wait a minute. 757 00:37:55,924 --> 00:37:57,258 How did you know my last name? 758 00:37:57,342 --> 00:37:59,386 Yeah, yeah! 759 00:37:59,468 --> 00:38:00,803 That's the way you like it. 760 00:38:00,886 --> 00:38:03,180 Well, yes, I find the honey mustard sauce 761 00:38:03,262 --> 00:38:05,765 really brings out the flavor. 762 00:38:05,848 --> 00:38:06,933 Pull my hair. 763 00:38:07,015 --> 00:38:08,016 What? 764 00:38:08,100 --> 00:38:09,434 Up to the window. 765 00:38:10,518 --> 00:38:15,356 Have a startling and u-u-u- 766 00:38:15,438 --> 00:38:17,482 Is it too late to squeeze in a cherry pie? 767 00:38:23,403 --> 00:38:24,570 April to August, 768 00:38:24,654 --> 00:38:27,657 I went from number 29 to number 62. 769 00:38:27,739 --> 00:38:30,033 Maybe I was moving too fast. 770 00:38:30,116 --> 00:38:32,368 But then, I guess I was supposed to. 771 00:38:32,451 --> 00:38:36,205 I crossed out the names, but remembered the faces. 772 00:38:36,287 --> 00:38:39,499 Their stare, my stare. 773 00:38:39,581 --> 00:38:42,334 We think if we exchange the meaningful stare, 774 00:38:42,417 --> 00:38:44,502 the meaning will kick in later. 775 00:38:44,585 --> 00:38:46,296 But does it? 776 00:38:46,378 --> 00:38:48,547 One or both of you try to say something like, 777 00:38:48,630 --> 00:38:50,257 "It's just sex." 778 00:38:50,339 --> 00:38:51,340 But is it? 779 00:38:52,842 --> 00:38:54,510 You think sending me a bunch of roses 780 00:38:54,592 --> 00:38:56,303 is going to make me- 781 00:38:56,386 --> 00:38:58,054 You think paying my car insurance 782 00:38:58,178 --> 00:39:00,222 is going to make me forget that you cheat- 783 00:39:00,306 --> 00:39:01,724 A stuffed animal? 784 00:39:01,807 --> 00:39:04,018 I overheard a waitress say you paid off her car ins- 785 00:39:05,435 --> 00:39:06,561 Earth to Roderick Blank! 786 00:39:06,643 --> 00:39:08,186 Stop having hot sex. 787 00:39:08,270 --> 00:39:10,522 Get your ass up to the house for a barbeque. 788 00:39:10,604 --> 00:39:12,481 It is my boy Max's birthday. 789 00:39:12,565 --> 00:39:14,775 Or my son Kyle. Be here! 790 00:39:24,490 --> 00:39:25,783 When my wedding was canceled, 791 00:39:25,867 --> 00:39:29,162 there had been a chill among the married folk. 792 00:39:29,244 --> 00:39:31,455 You'd have thought I'd left them at the altar. 793 00:39:31,537 --> 00:39:35,666 But now they kind of like having me around. 794 00:39:38,834 --> 00:39:40,961 The ladies' man. 795 00:39:43,129 --> 00:39:46,507 Lizzie is an amazing woman, Zack. 796 00:39:46,590 --> 00:39:48,884 I mean, what she's done with that clinic. 797 00:39:48,967 --> 00:39:50,218 The way she's raised your two kids. 798 00:39:50,301 --> 00:39:52,261 Yeah, yeah, my wife's a goddamn saint. 799 00:39:52,345 --> 00:39:54,138 Now, this stewardess, did she say, 800 00:39:54,220 --> 00:39:57,557 "Come on my ass" or "Come in my ass?" 801 00:39:57,641 --> 00:39:59,559 Oh, Roderick's definition of having children 802 00:39:59,642 --> 00:40:01,560 is a little different than ours. 803 00:40:01,644 --> 00:40:03,312 Why raise them when you can pork them? 804 00:40:03,394 --> 00:40:04,562 Ooh! 805 00:40:04,646 --> 00:40:06,406 Lizzie, how many times do I have to tell you? 806 00:40:06,438 --> 00:40:07,981 I didn't know she was your niece. 807 00:40:08,065 --> 00:40:12,110 Besides, she's 19- and a half. 808 00:40:12,193 --> 00:40:14,779 And I found her to be very mature for her age. 809 00:40:15,946 --> 00:40:17,614 - Rod! - So bad. 810 00:40:18,697 --> 00:40:21,200 Husbands, wives, 811 00:40:21,283 --> 00:40:23,786 kids, families. 812 00:40:23,868 --> 00:40:26,162 It was not just a world I was supposed to want, 813 00:40:26,244 --> 00:40:28,705 it was a world I genuinely wanted. 814 00:40:28,789 --> 00:40:30,374 What's life without experiencing 815 00:40:30,456 --> 00:40:32,458 the wonder of a child? 816 00:40:33,793 --> 00:40:36,712 - I named my hamster Dog. - Oh. 817 00:40:36,795 --> 00:40:40,340 And when I get a dog, I'm going to name him after you. 818 00:40:40,422 --> 00:40:43,968 Mr. Butt. 819 00:40:49,638 --> 00:40:51,348 You about ready? 820 00:40:53,224 --> 00:40:55,518 Yeah. 821 00:40:58,560 --> 00:40:59,720 You know, maybe they're right. 822 00:40:59,728 --> 00:41:01,647 I should lower the old periscope for a while, 823 00:41:01,730 --> 00:41:03,148 hold out for someone special. 824 00:41:03,231 --> 00:41:04,315 Special? 825 00:41:04,399 --> 00:41:06,567 If the subject is cooking or crab grass, 826 00:41:06,650 --> 00:41:08,318 then you can listen to married people. 827 00:41:08,402 --> 00:41:09,736 Come on. 828 00:41:09,820 --> 00:41:11,863 You're hitting baskets from everywhere on the court. 829 00:41:11,946 --> 00:41:14,115 This is no time to go back to the bench. 830 00:41:14,197 --> 00:41:15,865 Hey. I'm Bob. 831 00:41:15,949 --> 00:41:17,575 - Rod, is it? - Yeah. 832 00:41:17,659 --> 00:41:20,787 My apologies, I just- I couldn't help overhearing 833 00:41:20,869 --> 00:41:23,163 your good fortune with the female of the species. 834 00:41:23,246 --> 00:41:24,622 I'm hoping it'll rub off. 835 00:41:24,706 --> 00:41:26,457 And why is that, kind sir? 836 00:41:26,540 --> 00:41:28,750 Oh, funny story. 837 00:41:28,834 --> 00:41:30,711 One morning about five months ago, 838 00:41:30,751 --> 00:41:33,254 I came to work, and right there on my computer screen, 839 00:41:33,337 --> 00:41:35,506 a day, a month and a year. 840 00:41:35,589 --> 00:41:38,133 A date. Today's date. 841 00:41:38,215 --> 00:41:40,676 I'm utterly convinced that it's a sign. 842 00:41:40,759 --> 00:41:43,220 The night that I'm to meet my soul mate. 843 00:41:43,261 --> 00:41:44,846 - You had to ask him. - I've gone as far 844 00:41:44,929 --> 00:41:46,264 as to procure lodgings down the street 845 00:41:46,346 --> 00:41:48,223 at the Hotel Taboo. 846 00:41:49,683 --> 00:41:51,018 Kind of spicy. 847 00:41:51,058 --> 00:41:53,519 Wait. 848 00:41:53,644 --> 00:41:56,606 You received an unexplained date as an e-mail? 849 00:41:56,688 --> 00:41:57,814 Yeah. 850 00:41:57,856 --> 00:42:00,525 Your next drink's on me. 851 00:42:00,649 --> 00:42:03,110 Oh, how very kind of you. 852 00:42:09,531 --> 00:42:11,617 ♪♪ 853 00:42:17,621 --> 00:42:20,040 ♪♪ 854 00:42:20,122 --> 00:42:21,457 Oh... 855 00:42:30,129 --> 00:42:33,174 I'd like to be the meat in that fairy sandwich. 856 00:42:33,257 --> 00:42:36,886 So out of your league in so many ways. 857 00:42:39,303 --> 00:42:42,681 ♪ I need two girls ♪ 858 00:42:42,722 --> 00:42:44,724 ♪ If I can't have you ♪ 859 00:42:44,807 --> 00:42:46,726 Holy lesbo. 860 00:42:46,808 --> 00:42:48,644 Is that Bambi and Thumper? 861 00:42:48,727 --> 00:42:50,270 ♪ I need two girls ♪ 862 00:42:50,353 --> 00:42:52,521 ♪ If I can't have you ♪ 863 00:42:52,563 --> 00:42:54,607 All right, Trix, they're all yours. 864 00:42:54,689 --> 00:42:55,607 I'm out. 865 00:42:55,815 --> 00:42:57,234 Where's he- 866 00:42:57,317 --> 00:42:58,860 What league are we talking about here? 867 00:42:58,943 --> 00:43:01,654 You don't know Bambi Kidd and Thumper Wint? 868 00:43:01,737 --> 00:43:03,530 The Euro-Prague rock superstar 869 00:43:03,571 --> 00:43:05,490 and the British astronaut? 870 00:43:05,573 --> 00:43:07,659 Rod! The Blog! 871 00:43:07,741 --> 00:43:09,201 The reality show. 872 00:43:09,284 --> 00:43:11,954 The daily streaming video. 873 00:43:12,036 --> 00:43:14,830 They are the Beyond-Ultimate Lesbian Power Couple. 874 00:43:14,913 --> 00:43:16,539 They go from town to town, 875 00:43:16,623 --> 00:43:19,251 mm, raising awareness on important issues 876 00:43:19,333 --> 00:43:21,168 by empowering young women... 877 00:43:21,252 --> 00:43:23,003 and then seducing them. 878 00:43:23,086 --> 00:43:24,712 I'm hoping for an autograph. 879 00:43:26,505 --> 00:43:28,799 Or a three-way. 880 00:43:28,882 --> 00:43:30,842 Oh, back off, they're looking over here. 881 00:43:30,925 --> 00:43:35,054 My friends, it's not about buying them flowers. 882 00:43:35,136 --> 00:43:38,515 It's not about pretending to ignore them. 883 00:43:38,597 --> 00:43:41,892 It's all about just knowing. 884 00:43:41,976 --> 00:43:45,271 I know, easy for me to say. 885 00:43:46,436 --> 00:43:49,481 Bambi and Thumper, was it? 886 00:43:51,649 --> 00:43:54,360 Bambi and Thumper. 887 00:43:54,442 --> 00:43:57,737 W- Why are they staring at you? 888 00:43:57,821 --> 00:43:59,030 Oh, you've got to be kidding. 889 00:43:59,113 --> 00:44:01,073 Don't tell me one of them is on that fucking list. 890 00:44:01,156 --> 00:44:05,828 - That list of fucking- - No, one of them is not on the list. 891 00:44:12,290 --> 00:44:15,418 But you see, even before the list, 892 00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:17,878 I always knew just knowing 893 00:44:17,961 --> 00:44:21,673 beats any gift, tactic, or opening line, 894 00:44:21,755 --> 00:44:23,883 no matter what the sexual orientation. 895 00:44:23,965 --> 00:44:27,468 ♪ If I can't have you ♪ 896 00:44:28,969 --> 00:44:30,804 ♪ One that I can love ♪ 897 00:44:30,887 --> 00:44:32,763 ♪ To have and to hold ♪ 898 00:44:32,847 --> 00:44:33,806 ♪ One for at the club ♪ 899 00:44:33,890 --> 00:44:36,726 Wish me luck. 900 00:44:36,808 --> 00:44:39,978 I may be coming in late tomorrow. 901 00:44:40,060 --> 00:44:41,061 Rod? 902 00:44:49,151 --> 00:44:51,528 Hey, Rod! Hey! 903 00:44:51,611 --> 00:44:53,779 Hey, I found her! 904 00:44:53,863 --> 00:44:55,114 She's the one! 905 00:44:55,197 --> 00:44:57,199 Can you-What a night! 906 00:44:59,700 --> 00:45:02,077 What a night, indeed. 907 00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:05,538 Hey, have you thought any more about my offer, my love? 908 00:45:05,622 --> 00:45:07,790 I mean, yours are nice, don't get me wrong. 909 00:45:07,873 --> 00:45:09,583 Really, really nice, 910 00:45:09,666 --> 00:45:12,085 but is there really such a thing as too big? 911 00:45:12,168 --> 00:45:16,172 - Let's just enjoy this moment. - All right. 912 00:45:16,254 --> 00:45:18,381 Just, you know, with my position at the company, 913 00:45:18,464 --> 00:45:20,966 I get a 40% discount on whatever kind of implant you want. 914 00:45:21,050 --> 00:45:21,967 Hey, Bob. 915 00:45:22,050 --> 00:45:24,594 Seriously, enjoy the moment. 916 00:45:24,677 --> 00:45:26,512 Okay. You win. 917 00:45:28,388 --> 00:45:31,975 "My wounds are deeper than your desires." 918 00:45:32,058 --> 00:45:36,020 "My wounds are deeper than your desires." 919 00:45:36,102 --> 00:45:40,065 "My wounds are deeper than your desires." 920 00:45:40,147 --> 00:45:43,943 "My wounds are deeper than your desires." 921 00:45:45,193 --> 00:45:46,110 Drink? 922 00:45:48,195 --> 00:45:50,155 Don't mind if I do. 923 00:45:53,908 --> 00:45:56,953 Is the gentleman surprised that he's here? 924 00:45:57,035 --> 00:45:58,245 No, the gentleman is not. 925 00:45:58,327 --> 00:46:00,704 Oh! Did you hear that, Miss Kidd? 926 00:46:00,788 --> 00:46:02,665 He's very cocky. 927 00:46:02,747 --> 00:46:05,625 Accent on the cock, Miss Wint. 928 00:46:09,378 --> 00:46:10,963 Boy, my assistant is gonna kill me- 929 00:46:11,045 --> 00:46:13,881 That is so sweet. He is trying to talk to us. 930 00:46:13,965 --> 00:46:18,511 Man-guy, just sign the confidentiality agreement on the table. 931 00:46:18,592 --> 00:46:19,510 Now. 932 00:46:19,593 --> 00:46:22,513 The kind sir does understand 933 00:46:22,595 --> 00:46:25,223 a vegan doesn't tell her friends 934 00:46:25,306 --> 00:46:28,268 that she just wolfed down a greasy cheeseburger. 935 00:46:30,977 --> 00:46:34,188 Yes, the kind sir understands... kind of. 936 00:46:35,355 --> 00:46:36,898 Bottoms up. 937 00:47:26,059 --> 00:47:27,686 Whoa! 938 00:47:27,769 --> 00:47:31,023 Looks like everyone's having a good time tonight, huh? 939 00:47:31,105 --> 00:47:32,607 So what do you say about round two? 940 00:47:32,690 --> 00:47:34,066 I may need a little in about 30 minutes. 941 00:47:34,149 --> 00:47:36,151 And I'd like you to meet my family, if that's okay. 942 00:47:36,234 --> 00:47:38,111 I was thinking, I'm from, uh- 943 00:47:40,696 --> 00:47:42,615 Oh, my God! Is that paint? 944 00:47:42,697 --> 00:47:44,240 Does that come off? 945 00:47:44,324 --> 00:47:45,450 Wh-why would you do that? 946 00:47:45,533 --> 00:47:46,993 I put this room on my credit card. 947 00:47:47,075 --> 00:47:49,119 What are you trying to do, imitate that disturbed woman 948 00:47:49,203 --> 00:47:50,412 who's going around... 949 00:47:52,205 --> 00:47:53,122 Oh, dear. 950 00:47:54,831 --> 00:47:56,875 What can I say, Bob? 951 00:47:56,958 --> 00:48:00,086 Some dreams are too true to be good. 952 00:48:00,169 --> 00:48:02,963 Well, I must say, you're being a real cun- 953 00:48:03,046 --> 00:48:04,923 uh-I didn't say it- 954 00:48:05,006 --> 00:48:07,383 cunning woman, you are. 955 00:48:07,466 --> 00:48:09,718 That's what I was- I was g-help? 956 00:48:09,801 --> 00:48:11,803 Ow! I was faking it! 957 00:48:11,886 --> 00:48:13,679 Don't tell me you were faking it, Miss Kidd. 958 00:48:13,763 --> 00:48:16,098 I know when you're faking it, and you did that thing with your toes! 959 00:48:16,181 --> 00:48:19,434 - No... - Bambi, Thumper, please, don't fight. 960 00:48:19,517 --> 00:48:21,277 You said you wouldn't get jealous, Miss Wint! 961 00:48:23,102 --> 00:48:24,938 Okay. Maybe fight a little more. 962 00:48:25,021 --> 00:48:28,024 This is not about sex! This is about intimacy! 963 00:48:28,106 --> 00:48:29,233 Real intimacy! 964 00:48:29,316 --> 00:48:30,556 That's it. Turn the cameras off. 965 00:48:30,566 --> 00:48:32,151 Keep the camera rolling! 966 00:48:32,235 --> 00:48:34,070 Cameras? Rolling? 967 00:48:34,152 --> 00:48:36,988 Oh, no, no. No, this is crazy. You can't film this! 968 00:48:37,072 --> 00:48:39,991 Well, you did know the confidentiality agreement's really a release form. 969 00:48:40,074 --> 00:48:41,242 Haven't you seen our show? 970 00:48:41,325 --> 00:48:44,453 Don't you change the subject, Star Whore. 971 00:48:50,122 --> 00:48:52,333 Help me, somebody! It's her! She's here! 972 00:48:52,416 --> 00:48:54,085 I think they're kind of having 973 00:48:54,167 --> 00:48:56,586 some problems of their own there, Bob. 974 00:48:56,670 --> 00:48:57,921 Please! Just tell me what you want from me! 975 00:48:58,004 --> 00:48:59,798 Why don't you sleep on it, Bob? 976 00:49:00,714 --> 00:49:02,883 Take forever, if you have to. 977 00:49:02,966 --> 00:49:04,008 Don't. Please. Please. 978 00:49:04,092 --> 00:49:05,635 Please wait. Just wait. Wait. 979 00:49:05,718 --> 00:49:06,928 I- This is not fair. 980 00:49:07,010 --> 00:49:08,846 It's not like I hit you, or roofied you, 981 00:49:08,929 --> 00:49:11,306 or openly exploited you in- 982 00:49:11,389 --> 00:49:13,683 Oh, this is the breast implant thing? Okay. 983 00:49:13,766 --> 00:49:15,017 Look, I'm just the company accountant. 984 00:49:15,100 --> 00:49:17,561 I keep the books! Please! 985 00:49:17,644 --> 00:49:20,522 All I need to know is, why? I deserve a good reason- 986 00:49:20,604 --> 00:49:22,523 Why do men always get to have reasons? 987 00:49:22,605 --> 00:49:25,900 Did you think women get to have reasons when they get attacked? 988 00:49:25,984 --> 00:49:28,027 I want everyone on red alert here. 989 00:49:28,110 --> 00:49:31,321 Although you do bring up a legitimate point. 990 00:49:31,404 --> 00:49:33,322 I mean, you're not Master Bitchslap 991 00:49:33,406 --> 00:49:35,575 or the Parkside Peeper. 992 00:49:35,657 --> 00:49:38,076 Or even that captain of the lacrosse team, who- 993 00:49:38,159 --> 00:49:39,326 Whoap! 994 00:49:42,328 --> 00:49:43,246 Bob? 995 00:49:43,329 --> 00:49:45,623 Oh... Bob. 996 00:49:47,583 --> 00:49:50,669 Aw, pilgrim. 997 00:49:52,628 --> 00:49:54,380 Guess it was just your time. 998 00:50:01,844 --> 00:50:03,971 Oh, yeah... 999 00:50:04,053 --> 00:50:05,722 What a night. 1000 00:50:16,104 --> 00:50:18,231 What time do you have to be down at the new location? 1001 00:50:18,314 --> 00:50:20,357 Trixie? 1002 00:50:20,441 --> 00:50:22,359 Hey, I'm sorry about last night. 1003 00:50:22,442 --> 00:50:23,722 If it makes you feel any better, 1004 00:50:23,777 --> 00:50:26,321 it was the most traumatic night of my- 1005 00:50:26,403 --> 00:50:28,155 Okay, well, it wasn't all bad, but... 1006 00:50:28,238 --> 00:50:30,879 I'm sorry. It's always been a fantasy to be with two women at once. 1007 00:50:30,948 --> 00:50:34,577 You know, lesbians, rock stars, astronauts. 1008 00:50:34,659 --> 00:50:35,786 Okay, maybe not astronauts. 1009 00:50:35,869 --> 00:50:38,455 But you know, sexy female space travelers. 1010 00:50:38,537 --> 00:50:40,247 You're giving the finger to the intercom box, aren't you? 1011 00:50:40,331 --> 00:50:42,625 I know. I know. 1012 00:50:42,707 --> 00:50:44,209 I lied about 'em being on the list. 1013 00:50:44,292 --> 00:50:46,461 The list. Damn it! 1014 00:50:46,752 --> 00:50:48,504 Don't get me wrong, a piece of paper that tells me 1015 00:50:48,587 --> 00:50:49,948 whether or not I'm gonna get lucky, 1016 00:50:50,005 --> 00:50:51,965 you're not gonna say anything bad about, but... 1017 00:50:52,048 --> 00:50:54,383 it's-it's like... 1018 00:50:54,466 --> 00:50:56,218 watching a tape of a football game, 1019 00:50:56,301 --> 00:50:57,177 and you know your team wins. 1020 00:50:57,260 --> 00:50:58,804 It's not unenjoyable, 1021 00:50:58,886 --> 00:51:01,180 but can it really compare to watching the game live, 1022 00:51:01,263 --> 00:51:02,807 and they're going for it on the fourth down? 1023 00:51:02,889 --> 00:51:04,766 - And you don't know if- - Sports metaphors... 1024 00:51:04,849 --> 00:51:06,309 aren't my thing. 1025 00:51:06,391 --> 00:51:08,185 But it sounds like you're going for 1026 00:51:08,268 --> 00:51:09,311 "The thrill of the pursuit 1027 00:51:09,394 --> 00:51:11,188 is more exciting than the conquest." 1028 00:51:11,270 --> 00:51:12,188 I can't help it! 1029 00:51:12,271 --> 00:51:13,356 I mean, I see the name, 1030 00:51:13,439 --> 00:51:15,274 I want to find her and meet her, 1031 00:51:15,357 --> 00:51:18,068 so I can cross her out, and I can get to the next name. 1032 00:51:18,901 --> 00:51:20,694 I'm not in control of my own destiny. 1033 00:51:20,778 --> 00:51:22,113 That may be true. 1034 00:51:22,195 --> 00:51:24,030 But you're not supposed to know that! 1035 00:51:24,114 --> 00:51:27,617 You're meddling with the primal forces of nature. 1036 00:51:27,699 --> 00:51:31,245 I mean, my God. Am I on the list, too? 1037 00:51:31,327 --> 00:51:33,121 I mean- 1038 00:51:38,332 --> 00:51:39,875 Ah. Whew. 1039 00:51:41,293 --> 00:51:43,254 You got scared there a little, didn't you? 1040 00:51:43,336 --> 00:51:45,463 - Oh, you were more scared. - Yes. 1041 00:51:46,255 --> 00:51:48,048 Trixie? 1042 00:51:48,132 --> 00:51:49,852 What if I were meant to be with these women, 1043 00:51:49,925 --> 00:51:51,218 no matter what? 1044 00:51:51,300 --> 00:51:53,761 What if you were meant to bury the list, 1045 00:51:53,845 --> 00:51:55,972 and calm the heck down? 1046 00:51:56,054 --> 00:51:57,472 You know... 1047 00:51:57,556 --> 00:52:01,268 if we bury the list, guess what? 1048 00:52:01,350 --> 00:52:04,186 You were meant to bury the list. 1049 00:52:04,269 --> 00:52:05,562 Live your life. 1050 00:52:05,645 --> 00:52:08,898 Whatever happens, happens. 1051 00:52:11,315 --> 00:52:13,443 You know, it's a sheet of paper, not a body. 1052 00:52:15,110 --> 00:52:16,778 Sheet of paper, not a body! 1053 00:52:19,447 --> 00:52:20,489 Yeah. It's time. 1054 00:52:22,449 --> 00:52:24,200 - Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho. - Breathe. 1055 00:52:24,284 --> 00:52:25,368 Breathe, Roderick! 1056 00:52:25,452 --> 00:52:28,121 Yeah! Breathe! 1057 00:52:28,203 --> 00:52:30,330 Yes, I have deleted all remnants of the list 1058 00:52:30,413 --> 00:52:31,956 on my hard drive. 1059 00:52:32,039 --> 00:52:34,720 But remember, oh weak one, we are putting a tulip to mark this spot. 1060 00:52:34,791 --> 00:52:36,960 If you wuss out, we will dig it up. 1061 00:52:37,043 --> 00:52:38,587 - Wait. One more name? - Oh, Rod! 1062 00:52:38,669 --> 00:52:40,337 Please? 1063 00:52:41,505 --> 00:52:43,466 Couple of letters I'm gonna give ya. 1064 00:52:44,466 --> 00:52:45,383 Dr. Mir- 1065 00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:48,594 Please, one more letter. 1066 00:52:48,677 --> 00:52:50,846 What's that gonna make? One letter-no! 1067 00:52:52,889 --> 00:52:54,974 Don't grab it! 1068 00:52:55,056 --> 00:52:56,016 Mir-Mir- 1069 00:52:56,099 --> 00:52:57,142 - One more letter! - That's it! 1070 00:52:57,225 --> 00:52:58,977 We're ready! 1071 00:53:01,353 --> 00:53:03,355 I'm starting to take a liking to Trixie. 1072 00:53:03,438 --> 00:53:05,064 I think she's a very good influence. 1073 00:53:05,148 --> 00:53:06,900 It's not gonna happen, Beta. 1074 00:53:06,982 --> 00:53:09,735 You can't bury something that precious. 1075 00:53:12,111 --> 00:53:14,947 Death Nell took her tenth victim last night. 1076 00:53:15,030 --> 00:53:16,281 - Hm? - That double-digit rule. 1077 00:53:16,364 --> 00:53:18,909 When a serial killer hits ten, we get called. 1078 00:53:18,991 --> 00:53:21,160 We-Like we don't have enough on our plate? 1079 00:53:21,243 --> 00:53:22,870 I thought she only did comas! 1080 00:53:22,952 --> 00:53:24,704 Not last night. 1081 00:53:24,788 --> 00:53:26,039 But on the side of the bright, 1082 00:53:26,121 --> 00:53:28,207 home base says the machine has taken an interest. 1083 00:53:28,290 --> 00:53:31,001 No way he's really doing it! 1084 00:53:31,084 --> 00:53:32,919 - Ready? - Quick. Before I change my mind. 1085 00:53:33,002 --> 00:53:36,130 Way to go, Roderick. 1086 00:53:36,213 --> 00:53:37,923 Way to go. 1087 00:53:41,759 --> 00:53:42,968 Rod, you're missing this. 1088 00:53:43,051 --> 00:53:44,385 They crossed into our territory. 1089 00:53:44,469 --> 00:53:45,845 We could lose this. 1090 00:53:45,929 --> 00:53:48,181 I know. Isn't it exciting? 1091 00:53:48,263 --> 00:53:50,182 If we blow it again in their red zone, 1092 00:53:50,264 --> 00:53:51,891 it's gonna leave a bad taste in my mouth. 1093 00:53:51,974 --> 00:53:53,184 That's what your boyfriend said last night. 1094 00:53:53,309 --> 00:53:55,937 - Hey... - Lester, what are you feeding your turtle? 1095 00:53:56,019 --> 00:53:58,230 Ugh. Anything that will make him sick. 1096 00:53:58,312 --> 00:53:59,814 I'm sorry, Skippy. 1097 00:53:59,897 --> 00:54:02,233 But Daddy's gotta see that veterinarian. 1098 00:54:02,315 --> 00:54:03,900 What? This is nothing! 1099 00:54:03,983 --> 00:54:05,777 I saw this freak in a parking lot 1100 00:54:05,860 --> 00:54:07,946 try to shove a bottle opener in a Great Dane's ass, 1101 00:54:08,028 --> 00:54:09,196 just to get an emergency appointment. 1102 00:54:09,279 --> 00:54:11,073 Are you talking about the vet over on Vera Donna? 1103 00:54:11,197 --> 00:54:13,449 - Oh... - Lizzie threatened to put Mr. Whiskers to sleep 1104 00:54:13,533 --> 00:54:14,813 if I went near that place again. 1105 00:54:14,866 --> 00:54:17,077 - She is so pretty. - Mmm. 1106 00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:18,662 But not in like a, "I'm a model, 1107 00:54:18,744 --> 00:54:19,954 don't fucking look at me" way. 1108 00:54:20,037 --> 00:54:22,915 - And she's just so smart and funny. - Yes. 1109 00:54:22,997 --> 00:54:25,166 And you know what I love about her? My favorite thing. 1110 00:54:25,250 --> 00:54:26,501 - The way she cracks her neck. - Mmm-mm-mm. 1111 00:54:26,583 --> 00:54:29,128 - What about that silver anklet of hers? - Ohh... 1112 00:54:29,211 --> 00:54:30,971 You know, if you can't make it to the clinic, 1113 00:54:31,003 --> 00:54:32,403 you should try the gym on Wednesday, 1114 00:54:32,422 --> 00:54:34,132 or Trader Joe's on Thursday. 1115 00:54:34,214 --> 00:54:35,799 - Well, I do like Trader Joe's. - Yeah. 1116 00:54:35,882 --> 00:54:37,259 It's all on the Dr. Miranda Storm website. 1117 00:54:37,342 --> 00:54:38,593 Yeah, it's a website. I've been there. 1118 00:54:38,676 --> 00:54:41,887 It's put together by one of these real stalker geek types. 1119 00:54:41,971 --> 00:54:44,181 Oh, thank God you're not one of those. 1120 00:54:44,264 --> 00:54:46,224 Ladies, we've got a football game going on here. 1121 00:54:46,306 --> 00:54:48,267 Enough talking about the X chromosome. 1122 00:54:48,350 --> 00:54:51,478 Especially the almighty Dr. Miranda- 1123 00:54:53,563 --> 00:54:55,106 Dr. Mir- 1124 00:54:58,065 --> 00:54:59,191 Is he smirking? 1125 00:54:59,275 --> 00:55:00,276 You're smirking. Why is Rod smirking? 1126 00:55:00,359 --> 00:55:01,819 Interception! 1127 00:55:01,902 --> 00:55:03,237 You see it? 1128 00:55:04,904 --> 00:55:06,281 I told you! I told you! 1129 00:55:06,363 --> 00:55:08,782 Yes! Oh, yes! 1130 00:55:12,410 --> 00:55:14,120 Phew. Perfecto. 1131 00:55:14,202 --> 00:55:16,747 I can still make Miranda's 4:20 Starbucks appearance. 1132 00:55:16,830 --> 00:55:17,873 She orders a... 1133 00:55:17,956 --> 00:55:19,416 Macchiato with extra foam. 1134 00:55:19,498 --> 00:55:21,667 I could use some caffeine myself. I'll come with. 1135 00:55:21,751 --> 00:55:24,211 No, you're not getting anywhere near her, Midas Dick. 1136 00:55:24,294 --> 00:55:25,462 Fine. I'll go to Deitrich's, then. 1137 00:55:25,545 --> 00:55:26,671 I got work to do, anyway. 1138 00:55:26,754 --> 00:55:28,005 Please, Rod. 1139 00:55:28,088 --> 00:55:29,923 Just this one time, don't seduce this- 1140 00:55:31,382 --> 00:55:34,343 Oh, diarrhea! Yes! 1141 00:56:16,583 --> 00:56:16,666 You always carry a bottle opener? 1142 00:56:16,667 --> 00:56:20,128 This little guy? He's been through a lot. 1143 00:56:20,211 --> 00:56:23,047 I quit my job today because of this bottle opener. 1144 00:56:23,129 --> 00:56:25,965 Not-so-great day. Long story. 1145 00:56:29,134 --> 00:56:30,677 Why were you staring at me? 1146 00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:33,054 Oh, don't worry, Doc. I'm not one of your stalkers. 1147 00:56:33,137 --> 00:56:36,391 If I were, I'd be at Starbucks about now, wouldn't I? 1148 00:56:36,473 --> 00:56:38,892 You've seen the website. 1149 00:56:38,974 --> 00:56:40,476 No. I've- I've heard about it. 1150 00:56:40,559 --> 00:56:41,977 I've heard about you. 1151 00:56:42,060 --> 00:56:44,813 Really. Well, you missed out. 1152 00:56:44,896 --> 00:56:46,272 It's quite good. 1153 00:56:46,355 --> 00:56:49,900 It's got great graphics, challenging quizzes. 1154 00:56:49,983 --> 00:56:53,904 It's obviously caused me to rearrange my rituals. 1155 00:56:57,823 --> 00:56:59,700 You're not gonna use your spoon, are you? 1156 00:57:15,794 --> 00:57:18,046 Okay. The bottle opener, I'm gonna let slide. 1157 00:57:18,129 --> 00:57:20,923 But the spoon? Start talking. 1158 00:57:21,048 --> 00:57:23,217 A place like this, it gives you a knife, 1159 00:57:23,299 --> 00:57:25,635 a fork, a spoon, wrapped in a napkin. 1160 00:57:25,719 --> 00:57:27,262 Now the knife, the fork, the napkin, 1161 00:57:27,344 --> 00:57:28,762 they all get used. 1162 00:57:28,846 --> 00:57:31,515 Most cafe items, they don't call for a spoon. 1163 00:57:31,597 --> 00:57:34,225 But that little guy, he gets thrown in the washing machine, 1164 00:57:34,307 --> 00:57:37,060 over and over, time and time again. 1165 00:57:37,144 --> 00:57:39,146 Without a sense of worth. 1166 00:57:40,438 --> 00:57:42,148 Not only compassionate to furry creatures, 1167 00:57:42,230 --> 00:57:43,940 but inanimate objects as well. 1168 00:57:44,024 --> 00:57:47,569 There's gonna be some fun in the chat room tonight. 1169 00:57:48,902 --> 00:57:51,238 You're doing it again. 1170 00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:55,908 That funny, charming staring thing. 1171 00:57:58,534 --> 00:57:59,869 It's not unpleasant. 1172 00:58:01,620 --> 00:58:05,750 But you should know that I... recently got out 1173 00:58:05,832 --> 00:58:08,001 of a very bad relationship, so I'm- 1174 00:58:08,083 --> 00:58:11,837 Yeah, I just got out of a lot of bad relationships. 1175 00:58:11,919 --> 00:58:13,504 I promise I won't fall in love with you 1176 00:58:13,588 --> 00:58:16,341 as long as you promise you won't fall in love with me. 1177 00:58:19,675 --> 00:58:21,093 Oh, I promise. 1178 00:58:27,222 --> 00:58:29,600 Favorite Vonnegut. One, two, three. 1179 00:58:29,683 --> 00:58:31,018 Cat's Cradle. 1180 00:58:31,100 --> 00:58:33,394 Favorite Dylan. One, two, three. 1181 00:58:33,478 --> 00:58:35,688 Nashville Skyline. 1182 00:58:37,564 --> 00:58:40,859 Funniest movie ever made. One, two, three. 1183 00:58:40,941 --> 00:58:42,485 - Some Like It Hot. - Caddyshack. 1184 00:58:42,567 --> 00:58:43,818 Oh. Guys in dresses. 1185 00:58:43,902 --> 00:58:46,404 That's really reinventing the wheel there, Roderick. 1186 00:58:46,487 --> 00:58:48,364 A woman who likes Caddyshack. 1187 00:58:48,447 --> 00:58:49,607 Who wouldn't like Caddyshack? 1188 00:58:49,657 --> 00:58:51,617 Favorite porno? One, two, three. 1189 00:58:53,576 --> 00:58:55,703 All those tingling thrill-of-the-pursuit 1190 00:58:55,786 --> 00:58:57,329 feelings came flooding back. 1191 00:58:57,412 --> 00:58:59,748 So then came wish three. 1192 00:58:59,830 --> 00:59:01,582 I said I wanted a pumpkin as a head. 1193 00:59:03,917 --> 00:59:06,169 Sure, I had the whole "Dr. Mir" thing, 1194 00:59:06,251 --> 00:59:09,046 from my peek at the list, to clue me into where Miranda and I were heading. 1195 00:59:09,129 --> 00:59:11,465 But this would be more than a romance. 1196 00:59:11,547 --> 00:59:14,509 More than a mere checking-off of a name. 1197 00:59:15,509 --> 00:59:17,636 This would be love. 1198 00:59:17,719 --> 00:59:19,471 Why rush the sex? 1199 00:59:19,553 --> 00:59:21,639 - Okay. - All day, people wheel 1200 00:59:21,722 --> 00:59:23,474 and take back the carts in the front. 1201 00:59:23,556 --> 00:59:25,308 And this poor bastard in the middle 1202 00:59:25,433 --> 00:59:27,560 - probably hasn't been pushed in months. - Tragic. 1203 00:59:27,643 --> 00:59:29,228 It's tr-you know what? It is. Help. 1204 00:59:29,311 --> 00:59:31,647 You know, you say you've been looking for an idea for a children's book. 1205 00:59:31,729 --> 00:59:33,773 How about all these inanimate objects of yours? 1206 00:59:33,856 --> 00:59:36,526 The spoon that never gets used. 1207 00:59:36,608 --> 00:59:39,528 The missing sock that reunites with his twin. 1208 00:59:39,610 --> 00:59:42,738 The multi-CD player that tragically gets turned off 1209 00:59:42,821 --> 00:59:44,864 seconds before proudly finishing 1210 00:59:44,948 --> 00:59:47,033 a five-disc shuffle. 1211 00:59:49,493 --> 00:59:50,828 That's so it. 1212 00:59:50,910 --> 00:59:52,370 Yes, it is. 1213 00:59:53,621 --> 00:59:54,622 Roderick... 1214 00:59:57,082 --> 00:59:59,501 I've been looking for you all my life. 1215 01:00:06,839 --> 01:00:08,507 You're the best! 1216 01:00:08,590 --> 01:00:11,302 Come on. Get out. 1217 01:00:11,467 --> 01:00:14,429 Okay. The cheek thing had thrown me a bit. 1218 01:00:14,511 --> 01:00:16,680 But there's nothing like a warm kiss 1219 01:00:16,763 --> 01:00:18,765 coming after a delicious home-cooked meal. 1220 01:00:18,848 --> 01:00:21,017 Compliments to the chef. 1221 01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:21,600 Hmm. 1222 01:00:25,228 --> 01:00:27,981 - Yup. I was back in the kitchen. - Yeah? 1223 01:00:28,063 --> 01:00:30,816 And the chef thinks you're pretty great, too. 1224 01:00:32,692 --> 01:00:34,694 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just-just not- 1225 01:00:34,776 --> 01:00:36,445 - No, no, no, no. It's okay. - I'm just feeling- 1226 01:00:36,528 --> 01:00:37,654 Just relax. It's okay- 1227 01:00:37,738 --> 01:00:40,073 - No, Roderick. - It's all right. 1228 01:00:42,782 --> 01:00:44,701 I adore you. 1229 01:00:44,784 --> 01:00:46,828 I do. 1230 01:00:46,910 --> 01:00:48,621 I'm just... 1231 01:00:48,704 --> 01:00:50,039 screwed up about sex. 1232 01:00:50,121 --> 01:00:51,331 Ah, it's okay- 1233 01:00:51,414 --> 01:00:53,499 I mean, you're handsome. 1234 01:00:53,583 --> 01:00:55,335 Devilishly so, if you must know. 1235 01:00:56,501 --> 01:01:00,964 It's just... you so remind me 1236 01:01:01,047 --> 01:01:02,715 of the guy my mom went out with, 1237 01:01:02,797 --> 01:01:04,507 after the divorce, Rockin' Randy. 1238 01:01:04,591 --> 01:01:05,550 He ran the surf shop. 1239 01:01:05,634 --> 01:01:09,470 And he was a cross between you and Bam-Bam 1240 01:01:09,470 --> 01:01:11,680 from The Flintstones. 1241 01:01:11,763 --> 01:01:13,181 Listen, okay, look. 1242 01:01:13,264 --> 01:01:15,183 I'm not saying nothing's ever gonna happen between us. 1243 01:01:15,265 --> 01:01:17,184 I'm not saying that. I'm just- 1244 01:01:19,352 --> 01:01:21,187 I'm just saying if it's gonna happen... 1245 01:01:22,604 --> 01:01:23,855 it's just gonna happen. 1246 01:01:23,939 --> 01:01:25,899 - Yeah. - Right? 1247 01:01:25,982 --> 01:01:27,359 Yeah. 1248 01:01:27,441 --> 01:01:28,901 Really, why worry about it? 1249 01:01:31,402 --> 01:01:32,445 You're the best. 1250 01:01:33,780 --> 01:01:35,365 I'm gonna clean up. 1251 01:01:36,615 --> 01:01:39,117 You can pick out another DVD. 1252 01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:40,660 Something funny. 1253 01:01:49,750 --> 01:01:51,085 I guess you could say 1254 01:01:51,167 --> 01:01:53,836 that's when the madness set in. 1255 01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:55,880 Thanks. 1256 01:01:55,963 --> 01:01:58,757 So Miranda and I went to the Fellini retrospective yesterday. 1257 01:01:58,839 --> 01:02:01,717 Oh, she said the coolest thing. 1258 01:02:01,801 --> 01:02:04,303 - If Marcelo were alive- - Have you fucked her yet? 1259 01:02:06,512 --> 01:02:08,013 What is with that question? 1260 01:02:08,097 --> 01:02:09,723 Have you fucked her yet? 1261 01:02:09,807 --> 01:02:11,100 Have you fucked her yet? 1262 01:02:11,182 --> 01:02:13,226 Son... 1263 01:02:13,309 --> 01:02:14,602 have you fucked her yet? 1264 01:02:14,685 --> 01:02:15,845 Yo, Rod, have you fucked her- 1265 01:02:15,894 --> 01:02:17,104 Hey, have you- 1266 01:02:24,484 --> 01:02:25,694 Let me tell you something. 1267 01:02:25,777 --> 01:02:29,072 Miranda and I are building a bond of trust and respect. 1268 01:02:29,154 --> 01:02:31,657 Excuse me for still believing that love is something 1269 01:02:31,739 --> 01:02:34,909 more than a sloppy fusion of genitalia. 1270 01:02:34,992 --> 01:02:37,244 Miranda, we need to discuss something. 1271 01:02:37,327 --> 01:02:40,247 - I- - Oh, shit. 1272 01:02:40,329 --> 01:02:42,248 - Shit, shit, shit. - You okay? 1273 01:02:42,330 --> 01:02:43,915 Hide me. No, just hide me. 1274 01:02:43,999 --> 01:02:45,000 Sure. 1275 01:02:45,083 --> 01:02:47,919 There's a Frida Kahlo-looking dude. 1276 01:02:48,002 --> 01:02:48,919 No, no, right- 1277 01:02:49,003 --> 01:02:50,129 Oh, no, I got it. 1278 01:02:50,211 --> 01:02:54,090 I met him at this Halloween Poe poetry reading thing. 1279 01:02:54,172 --> 01:02:55,799 I can't believe I slept with him. 1280 01:02:55,882 --> 01:02:56,883 I was wasted. 1281 01:02:56,967 --> 01:02:59,177 Halloween, two weeks ago Halloween? 1282 01:02:59,260 --> 01:03:01,512 I told you, I'm totally screwed up about sex. 1283 01:03:01,596 --> 01:03:04,056 Screwed up about sex? Screwed up about sex? 1284 01:03:04,139 --> 01:03:05,765 It's more like you're screwing. 1285 01:03:05,849 --> 01:03:07,267 That's funny. 1286 01:03:07,349 --> 01:03:08,642 Come on, let's go somewhere else. 1287 01:03:10,184 --> 01:03:11,394 Bam-Bam. 1288 01:03:16,315 --> 01:03:17,816 Back in the day, 1289 01:03:17,899 --> 01:03:21,445 if a woman didn't have sex with you it was okay, 1290 01:03:21,569 --> 01:03:25,406 because it wasn't like she was having sex with anyone else. 1291 01:03:25,488 --> 01:03:28,033 Where is that whore-bitch Jane Austen when you need her? 1292 01:03:28,115 --> 01:03:30,951 I chose to remember the good times. 1293 01:03:31,034 --> 01:03:32,201 The way Miranda made you feel 1294 01:03:32,285 --> 01:03:34,913 like you were the only one in the world. 1295 01:03:34,995 --> 01:03:37,623 That time she read my slaughterhouse reform bill. 1296 01:03:41,042 --> 01:03:44,295 It's wonderful, just wonderful. 1297 01:03:46,295 --> 01:03:48,714 But then there was that next day at lunch. 1298 01:03:48,797 --> 01:03:50,049 How was that salad for you? 1299 01:03:50,131 --> 01:03:51,049 Oh... 1300 01:03:53,927 --> 01:03:56,721 Wonderful, just wonderful. 1301 01:04:03,934 --> 01:04:07,354 And in conclusion, yeah, go ahead, crucify me, 1302 01:04:07,436 --> 01:04:09,230 but I refuse to live in a society 1303 01:04:09,313 --> 01:04:11,982 that has reduced the world to the question, 1304 01:04:12,065 --> 01:04:13,566 "Have you fucked her yet?" 1305 01:04:13,650 --> 01:04:16,069 That would be a no. 1306 01:04:17,945 --> 01:04:19,465 I don't even think he's seen her naked. 1307 01:04:26,075 --> 01:04:27,993 Oh... 1308 01:04:28,077 --> 01:04:31,455 Wonderful, just wonderful. 1309 01:04:31,537 --> 01:04:32,705 What the fuck? 1310 01:04:36,833 --> 01:04:41,213 I'm not saying nothing's ever gonna happen between us. 1311 01:04:53,388 --> 01:04:55,014 Doctor... 1312 01:04:55,097 --> 01:04:56,807 Mir-hah! 1313 01:04:56,890 --> 01:04:58,392 That's what I'm talking about. 1314 01:04:58,474 --> 01:05:01,269 Yes, Dr. Mirabella Stone! 1315 01:05:01,352 --> 01:05:04,772 No! No! 1316 01:05:04,854 --> 01:05:05,354 No! 1317 01:05:17,239 --> 01:05:18,490 Don't mock me. 1318 01:05:18,573 --> 01:05:20,032 Miranda told me she was coming out 1319 01:05:20,116 --> 01:05:21,284 of a bad relationship. 1320 01:05:21,367 --> 01:05:24,245 And no one has ever had sex coming out of a bad relationship. 1321 01:05:24,327 --> 01:05:27,122 Oh, we're moving way too fast, 1322 01:05:27,204 --> 01:05:30,124 I'm not feeling well. 1323 01:05:30,206 --> 01:05:31,708 If someone wants to have sex with you, 1324 01:05:31,791 --> 01:05:33,293 they'll have sex with you. 1325 01:05:33,376 --> 01:05:35,128 The rest is just dinner theater. 1326 01:05:35,210 --> 01:05:38,380 So that's it. The machine. 1327 01:05:38,462 --> 01:05:40,798 Oh, no, the machine is much- 1328 01:05:40,882 --> 01:05:43,926 Sure. The wall has a connection. 1329 01:05:44,009 --> 01:05:45,719 Thing's going to be the death of me. 1330 01:05:45,802 --> 01:05:48,972 Oh, come on, cheer up, droopy drawers. 1331 01:05:49,054 --> 01:05:50,764 I mean, look on the side of the bright. 1332 01:05:50,847 --> 01:05:54,601 Even if you went down to a tropical island, all right? 1333 01:05:54,683 --> 01:05:57,519 The remaining 34 chicks on this list 1334 01:05:57,603 --> 01:06:00,147 would be renting jet skis to zoom down there 1335 01:06:00,229 --> 01:06:02,648 and party with you whether you liked it or not. 1336 01:06:02,731 --> 01:06:05,108 I don't like it. I don't want other women. 1337 01:06:05,191 --> 01:06:06,318 I want Miranda! 1338 01:06:07,568 --> 01:06:08,986 I've been a good sport with this thing. 1339 01:06:09,069 --> 01:06:10,487 There was a little weirdness at the beginning, 1340 01:06:10,570 --> 01:06:12,572 but I went with the flow. 1341 01:06:12,655 --> 01:06:14,866 I sabotaged a wedding, I lost deposits, 1342 01:06:14,948 --> 01:06:16,408 I toyed with a lot of people's feelings, 1343 01:06:16,491 --> 01:06:20,204 including my own, but I didn't care. 1344 01:06:20,286 --> 01:06:22,205 I care now. 1345 01:06:22,287 --> 01:06:24,748 I have found someone that touches me 1346 01:06:24,831 --> 01:06:26,166 down to my marrow. 1347 01:06:26,248 --> 01:06:28,918 And if you think that some contraption is gonna- 1348 01:06:29,001 --> 01:06:30,044 You know, you know- 1349 01:06:30,126 --> 01:06:32,378 sometimes love is stronger than- 1350 01:06:32,462 --> 01:06:33,796 No, it's not! 1351 01:06:43,595 --> 01:06:45,805 I was so proud of you when you... 1352 01:06:45,889 --> 01:06:47,724 were burying the list in the backyard. 1353 01:06:47,806 --> 01:06:51,310 Horoscopes, psychics, Tarot cards, 1354 01:06:51,392 --> 01:06:54,562 coming attractions that give away the whole movie. 1355 01:06:54,645 --> 01:06:57,731 Why must you people know everything? 1356 01:06:57,814 --> 01:06:59,441 That's a good point, Alpha, sir. 1357 01:06:59,524 --> 01:07:01,526 Remember when you said the machine was a mystery? 1358 01:07:01,609 --> 01:07:04,111 That could mean that there's some kind of kink or flaw, 1359 01:07:04,194 --> 01:07:05,237 something that we don't know about- 1360 01:07:05,320 --> 01:07:07,113 Stop thinking about the machine, Mr. Blank. 1361 01:07:07,196 --> 01:07:08,364 It's progress. 1362 01:07:08,447 --> 01:07:11,158 There's nothing you can do about it. 1363 01:07:11,241 --> 01:07:14,536 Science and technology don't care whether we live or die. 1364 01:07:16,119 --> 01:07:17,538 Excuse me. 1365 01:07:20,957 --> 01:07:23,167 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1366 01:07:23,250 --> 01:07:25,544 The solution's been right in front of us the whole time! 1367 01:07:25,627 --> 01:07:27,045 What, what is it? 1368 01:07:27,127 --> 01:07:28,045 Blow jobs. 1369 01:07:28,128 --> 01:07:30,256 Blow jobs! Oh, man, what a loophole. 1370 01:07:30,338 --> 01:07:33,091 All right, sex is work. 1371 01:07:33,174 --> 01:07:35,176 Is she having a good time? Am I meeting her needs? 1372 01:07:35,259 --> 01:07:36,885 You got to think about her feelings, 1373 01:07:36,969 --> 01:07:39,847 but with a blow job, you just lie back, 1374 01:07:39,929 --> 01:07:41,689 every now and then touch the back of her head 1375 01:07:41,931 --> 01:07:43,057 if you think she's getting tentative. 1376 01:07:43,139 --> 01:07:45,934 I mean, seriously, if someone gives me an intercourse buffet, 1377 01:07:46,017 --> 01:07:48,103 or just a blow job on a stick, 1378 01:07:48,185 --> 01:07:49,770 I'll take blow job on a stick, dude. 1379 01:07:49,812 --> 01:07:52,314 No, you people- you people are sick. 1380 01:07:52,397 --> 01:07:54,607 I've given my heart to Miranda. 1381 01:07:54,690 --> 01:07:56,108 I want to cradle her in my arms, 1382 01:07:56,191 --> 01:07:57,992 I want to make the kind of love where you feel 1383 01:07:58,068 --> 01:08:00,612 as though you're one living, breathing... 1384 01:08:00,695 --> 01:08:02,296 You really think she might go down on me? 1385 01:08:03,113 --> 01:08:06,908 Death Nell has just put to sleep 1386 01:08:06,991 --> 01:08:09,285 an entire fraternity in Fresno. 1387 01:08:09,368 --> 01:08:10,369 Eight members. 1388 01:08:10,451 --> 01:08:12,078 Death Nell? 1389 01:08:12,203 --> 01:08:13,746 What do you guys do for a living again? 1390 01:08:13,830 --> 01:08:15,123 It's the double-digit rule. 1391 01:08:15,205 --> 01:08:17,624 When a serial killer hits ten victims, we get called. 1392 01:08:17,708 --> 01:08:20,294 No, I'm still getting details. 1393 01:08:20,376 --> 01:08:22,128 Apparently... 1394 01:08:23,628 --> 01:08:25,630 Well, apparently it was the same frat house 1395 01:08:25,714 --> 01:08:26,715 that was acquitted last year 1396 01:08:26,797 --> 01:08:28,632 for manufacturing the date rape drug. 1397 01:08:39,724 --> 01:08:42,894 D.N. put her own drug in the keg. 1398 01:08:45,395 --> 01:08:46,716 Is that amusing to you, Roderick? 1399 01:08:46,812 --> 01:08:48,480 No, I'm just checking my messages. 1400 01:08:48,564 --> 01:08:51,150 The almighty machine's rep's about to take another hit. 1401 01:08:52,734 --> 01:08:54,944 They love the concepts, they love the drawings, 1402 01:08:54,985 --> 01:08:57,821 they-they're going to publish the book! 1403 01:08:57,946 --> 01:09:01,241 Rod, I owe you so, so, much! 1404 01:09:01,324 --> 01:09:03,242 There's no way we are not celebrating tonight. 1405 01:09:03,325 --> 01:09:05,118 Okay? So I'm going to be at your place, 1406 01:09:05,160 --> 01:09:08,079 8:00 sharp, ready for action. 1407 01:09:09,079 --> 01:09:10,581 I so love you. 1408 01:09:12,332 --> 01:09:15,418 You're a very lucky man to have found such a soulmate, Mr. Blank, 1409 01:09:15,501 --> 01:09:16,627 but unfortunately- 1410 01:09:16,710 --> 01:09:18,420 It's in her voice! 1411 01:09:18,503 --> 01:09:20,171 You don't even need the bizarro list. 1412 01:09:20,254 --> 01:09:22,173 She doesn't think of you in- 1413 01:09:22,255 --> 01:09:24,257 Roderick... 1414 01:09:25,634 --> 01:09:28,261 I'm certain that some very interesting things 1415 01:09:28,344 --> 01:09:30,554 will occur this evening. 1416 01:09:30,637 --> 01:09:33,097 Your penis going into her vagina will not be one them. 1417 01:09:36,433 --> 01:09:37,809 But have a lovely evening. 1418 01:09:39,143 --> 01:09:40,728 Gentlemen, I'd love to stay and chat, 1419 01:09:40,812 --> 01:09:44,190 but I got a date with a lady. 1420 01:09:55,155 --> 01:09:57,616 I don't think he's even seen her naked. 1421 01:10:05,372 --> 01:10:06,373 Hey! 1422 01:10:06,455 --> 01:10:07,581 Author! 1423 01:10:07,665 --> 01:10:08,999 Author! 1424 01:10:09,083 --> 01:10:11,001 Thank you. J.K. Rowling, eat shit. 1425 01:10:11,084 --> 01:10:14,587 I'm so sorry I'm late, it's just- 1426 01:10:14,670 --> 01:10:16,213 It's been crazy. 1427 01:10:16,296 --> 01:10:17,923 But I told everyone that we'd meet them at the bar. 1428 01:10:18,006 --> 01:10:19,633 - It's my treat, for once. - Everyone? 1429 01:10:19,715 --> 01:10:21,300 I thought tonight was between you and- 1430 01:10:21,384 --> 01:10:23,344 I made pesto. 1431 01:10:25,595 --> 01:10:27,139 You did. 1432 01:10:27,221 --> 01:10:30,015 That's so sweet, but Rod, we gotta go out. 1433 01:10:30,098 --> 01:10:31,766 We're celebrating! 1434 01:10:31,850 --> 01:10:33,685 My brother and the two Jessicas, they're already there, 1435 01:10:33,768 --> 01:10:35,270 but you know what, it's no big deal. 1436 01:10:35,352 --> 01:10:37,062 - Hey, hey, just relax. - Listen, if you-what? 1437 01:10:37,146 --> 01:10:38,564 Let's just hang for a bit, 1438 01:10:38,646 --> 01:10:41,399 you know, a little pre-party. 1439 01:10:41,482 --> 01:10:44,986 Dude, I thought we were past this. 1440 01:10:47,153 --> 01:10:48,362 No? 1441 01:10:51,906 --> 01:10:54,534 Miranda, I know you once said you weren't attracted to me, 1442 01:10:54,616 --> 01:10:57,119 but that was before we went on the camping trip. 1443 01:10:57,202 --> 01:11:00,205 That was before I loaded the graphics program into your laptop. 1444 01:11:00,288 --> 01:11:03,082 - Before- - Why is it that men think that women- 1445 01:11:03,165 --> 01:11:08,837 women are like these giant thermometers at those telethons, 1446 01:11:08,919 --> 01:11:10,588 where every time you do something nice for them, 1447 01:11:10,670 --> 01:11:13,089 they get a little redder, and a little redder, 1448 01:11:13,173 --> 01:11:14,841 and a little redder, and a little redder, 1449 01:11:14,923 --> 01:11:16,633 and when you hit the top, we have to fuck you? 1450 01:11:16,717 --> 01:11:18,427 That is not funny! 1451 01:11:18,509 --> 01:11:19,802 Shit! 1452 01:11:19,886 --> 01:11:20,845 Okay, I'm sorry. 1453 01:11:20,928 --> 01:11:23,014 All right, just slip on down here, 1454 01:11:23,096 --> 01:11:24,931 just do a little clean-up. 1455 01:11:28,767 --> 01:11:31,687 Hey, what are the five scariest words a woman can say? 1456 01:11:31,769 --> 01:11:34,147 - I wanna be- - Just friends. 1457 01:11:39,901 --> 01:11:43,946 You know, it's like some bad stand-up routine. 1458 01:11:44,029 --> 01:11:47,240 Just? Just. 1459 01:11:47,323 --> 01:11:50,117 Do you know how important it was for me 1460 01:11:50,200 --> 01:11:52,118 to make one real friend in this city? 1461 01:11:55,412 --> 01:11:58,040 I would die for you. 1462 01:11:58,122 --> 01:12:00,958 Who do you think I'm dedicating my book to? 1463 01:12:01,042 --> 01:12:02,960 My insane parents? 1464 01:12:04,461 --> 01:12:09,800 "To Roderick Blank, my friend." 1465 01:12:17,054 --> 01:12:19,306 Nice celebration. 1466 01:12:31,189 --> 01:12:33,858 Oh, Miranda. 1467 01:12:34,067 --> 01:12:35,652 Man, that is one tough break. 1468 01:12:35,734 --> 01:12:37,778 Girlfriend finds out her little book's 1469 01:12:37,861 --> 01:12:40,280 getting published and then... 1470 01:12:40,363 --> 01:12:41,364 It's terrible. 1471 01:12:44,116 --> 01:12:47,035 Not my girlfriend. 1472 01:12:48,327 --> 01:12:50,037 For what it's worth, from our end, 1473 01:12:50,120 --> 01:12:52,163 we're satisfied the death was just an accident. 1474 01:12:52,247 --> 01:12:53,873 Just- 1475 01:12:53,957 --> 01:12:54,916 Excuse me, officer, 1476 01:12:54,998 --> 01:12:57,626 I wanted to give Mr. Blank the opportunity 1477 01:12:57,709 --> 01:13:00,587 - to say goodbye to his girlfriend. - Not my- 1478 01:13:00,670 --> 01:13:02,088 Can I be alone with her? 1479 01:13:07,258 --> 01:13:09,510 Miranda. 1480 01:13:09,593 --> 01:13:12,096 Oh, precious Miranda. 1481 01:13:14,430 --> 01:13:17,057 You know, I never wanted this. 1482 01:13:17,141 --> 01:13:20,227 I- I only wanted- 1483 01:13:20,309 --> 01:13:22,311 They said that we could never, 1484 01:13:22,394 --> 01:13:24,312 never ever be together. 1485 01:13:26,647 --> 01:13:28,899 But hey, 1486 01:13:28,983 --> 01:13:31,068 we're gonna have the last laugh, 1487 01:13:31,151 --> 01:13:32,485 are we not, my love? 1488 01:13:43,493 --> 01:13:46,913 Okay, now that I think about it, 1489 01:13:46,996 --> 01:13:49,039 maybe this is where the madness set in. 1490 01:13:49,123 --> 01:13:52,084 Yes, I know, my beacon of light. 1491 01:13:52,167 --> 01:13:55,462 This is sad, this is desperate, 1492 01:13:55,544 --> 01:13:58,172 this is disgusting, 1493 01:13:58,254 --> 01:14:01,090 but aren't all revolutions? 1494 01:14:02,174 --> 01:14:04,843 We have to stand up to the list. 1495 01:14:04,926 --> 01:14:07,804 Stand up to the machine. 1496 01:14:07,887 --> 01:14:11,056 Stand up to fate. 1497 01:14:11,139 --> 01:14:13,308 Stand up, soldier. 1498 01:14:13,391 --> 01:14:15,310 Oh, come on, stand up. 1499 01:14:57,007 --> 01:15:00,219 Oh, let it out, Mr. Blank. 1500 01:15:00,301 --> 01:15:02,720 It's okay. Let it out. 1501 01:15:04,137 --> 01:15:07,015 You poor, sweet man. 1502 01:15:07,098 --> 01:15:11,185 You poor, sweet, handsome man. 1503 01:15:21,234 --> 01:15:24,237 Oh, shh... 1504 01:15:24,319 --> 01:15:26,571 It's okay. 1505 01:15:45,627 --> 01:15:47,212 Sorry. 1506 01:15:47,294 --> 01:15:50,673 Believe me, I'd hoped it was a dream sequence, too. 1507 01:15:51,881 --> 01:15:53,299 If it makes you feel any better, 1508 01:15:53,383 --> 01:15:56,678 my tale has a satisfying ending. 1509 01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:59,179 But this isn't it. 1510 01:15:59,262 --> 01:16:01,931 It's only number 67. 1511 01:16:54,428 --> 01:16:57,264 Six, five, four, 1512 01:16:57,347 --> 01:17:02,394 three, two, one, Happy New Year! 1513 01:17:12,358 --> 01:17:14,235 Nobody has said "Happy New Year" to you. 1514 01:17:14,318 --> 01:17:16,278 Thank you. Roderick Blank. 1515 01:17:16,362 --> 01:17:18,322 Ester Fenchel. 1516 01:17:18,404 --> 01:17:20,114 But your friends call you Terry. 1517 01:17:20,198 --> 01:17:22,075 No, but that's strange 1518 01:17:22,157 --> 01:17:25,494 because that's my husband's name, Terry. 1519 01:17:25,577 --> 01:17:27,079 Nice tie. 1520 01:17:31,873 --> 01:17:34,125 Just leave the bottle. 1521 01:17:35,459 --> 01:17:38,545 Gentlemen, I give you the Matador. 1522 01:17:41,547 --> 01:17:43,758 Oh! No! Not the prototype! 1523 01:17:43,840 --> 01:17:46,343 Eating and starving, 1524 01:17:46,425 --> 01:17:48,803 and eating and starving. 1525 01:17:48,886 --> 01:17:51,847 I was told to take some time off, 1526 01:17:51,930 --> 01:17:54,516 to get away from it all for a while. 1527 01:17:54,598 --> 01:17:57,226 But there was no escape. 1528 01:17:57,309 --> 01:17:59,395 I had noticed a lot of French, German, 1529 01:17:59,477 --> 01:18:01,270 and Italian names on the list, 1530 01:18:01,354 --> 01:18:03,648 so I dutifully booked passage to Europe. 1531 01:18:03,730 --> 01:18:05,982 Hearing of all the magnifique women, 1532 01:18:06,066 --> 01:18:07,427 my friends concluded that I had had 1533 01:18:07,483 --> 01:18:10,861 the greatest vacation of all time. 1534 01:18:10,944 --> 01:18:12,654 I'm glad they enjoyed it. 1535 01:18:33,962 --> 01:18:35,004 Good evening. 1536 01:18:35,087 --> 01:18:38,507 You have to fuck me, so come over and fuck me. 1537 01:18:38,589 --> 01:18:41,009 No dinner. Do you have a pen? 1538 01:18:41,092 --> 01:18:42,343 Let me give you directions. 1539 01:18:42,426 --> 01:18:43,677 Ew! 1540 01:18:50,598 --> 01:18:51,599 Hello. 1541 01:18:51,683 --> 01:18:55,228 Oh, star 69. Yes, it was a crank. 1542 01:18:55,310 --> 01:18:57,354 I'm sorry. 1543 01:18:57,438 --> 01:18:59,148 Your mother picked up? Fainted? 1544 01:18:59,230 --> 01:19:01,524 - Yes. - Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. 1545 01:19:03,483 --> 01:19:05,152 Why are you laughing? 1546 01:19:05,235 --> 01:19:07,612 In my own feeble way, 1547 01:19:07,695 --> 01:19:09,572 I had tried to defy the list. 1548 01:19:09,655 --> 01:19:10,740 But once again, 1549 01:19:10,822 --> 01:19:12,782 the list knew what it was doing, 1550 01:19:12,866 --> 01:19:14,868 what I was doing. 1551 01:19:14,950 --> 01:19:16,285 But guess what. 1552 01:19:16,368 --> 01:19:17,494 I was about to meet a woman 1553 01:19:17,578 --> 01:19:20,914 that was the answer to all my problems. 1554 01:19:20,997 --> 01:19:23,499 - Hope? - Amber Anne. 1555 01:19:23,582 --> 01:19:25,125 Roderick? 1556 01:19:29,420 --> 01:19:33,424 I've been trying for years to get a rise out of my mother. 1557 01:19:33,506 --> 01:19:36,009 You did it in five seconds. 1558 01:19:37,551 --> 01:19:39,386 Name your poison. 1559 01:19:39,469 --> 01:19:41,012 Hope Hartlight was the author 1560 01:19:41,095 --> 01:19:43,181 of a best-selling self-help book. 1561 01:19:43,263 --> 01:19:46,433 I found her to be warm, compassionate, 1562 01:19:46,515 --> 01:19:48,142 and a little old. 1563 01:19:48,225 --> 01:19:50,519 So I wasn't attracted to Hope Hartlight. 1564 01:19:50,602 --> 01:19:53,104 It's not like I was going to get out of having sex with her. 1565 01:19:53,188 --> 01:19:56,358 So, to her surprise, I asked her out again, 1566 01:19:56,440 --> 01:19:59,026 figuring we'd eventually accidentally end up having sex, 1567 01:19:59,108 --> 01:20:01,527 and I could move on. 1568 01:20:01,611 --> 01:20:04,656 But a funny thing happened. 1569 01:20:04,738 --> 01:20:06,573 Hope listened. 1570 01:20:06,656 --> 01:20:08,991 Hope guided. 1571 01:20:09,075 --> 01:20:12,578 Hope was literature after ten months of pop-up books, 1572 01:20:12,661 --> 01:20:14,954 chess after ten months of checkers. 1573 01:20:15,037 --> 01:20:17,081 You're a chapter 17. 1574 01:20:17,164 --> 01:20:18,707 May she spring eternal- 1575 01:20:18,790 --> 01:20:21,417 As for my friends, what do you think? 1576 01:20:21,501 --> 01:20:23,461 Hope was an Earth-mother goddess, 1577 01:20:23,543 --> 01:20:25,712 put down here to save the sinner's soul. 1578 01:20:25,796 --> 01:20:28,215 If you let her go, I'll bring her back. 1579 01:20:28,297 --> 01:20:30,383 You know, you strike me as the kind of guy 1580 01:20:30,465 --> 01:20:32,509 who would make fun of a one-month 1581 01:20:32,592 --> 01:20:34,844 anniversary celebration. 1582 01:20:34,927 --> 01:20:37,471 You've changed me. 1583 01:20:37,554 --> 01:20:39,223 You've healed me. 1584 01:20:44,643 --> 01:20:46,687 That's a really beautiful thing to say. 1585 01:20:46,769 --> 01:20:48,479 Thank you. 1586 01:20:48,562 --> 01:20:50,940 You know, I've got that book signing 1587 01:20:51,022 --> 01:20:53,108 next week in Vermont. 1588 01:20:53,191 --> 01:20:55,652 I'm thinking maybe you should come with me. 1589 01:20:55,734 --> 01:20:58,028 They've got a terrific bed and breakfast up there. 1590 01:20:58,111 --> 01:20:59,070 Oh, my God. 1591 01:20:59,153 --> 01:21:00,530 We could just sleep late, 1592 01:21:00,613 --> 01:21:03,449 on the day I don't have to work, of course. 1593 01:21:03,532 --> 01:21:05,742 But you could just hang out all day. 1594 01:21:05,826 --> 01:21:07,703 You can walk around naked in the backyard. 1595 01:21:07,785 --> 01:21:09,745 There's nobody there, it's off-season. 1596 01:21:11,538 --> 01:21:12,998 Hope Hartlight didn't really vanish 1597 01:21:13,081 --> 01:21:15,375 into thin air like that. 1598 01:21:15,457 --> 01:21:16,917 It took a couple of weeks. 1599 01:21:17,001 --> 01:21:18,627 How could being the answer to all my problems 1600 01:21:18,710 --> 01:21:20,003 not be enough? 1601 01:21:20,086 --> 01:21:22,171 If a friend of mine had been going out with Hope, 1602 01:21:22,254 --> 01:21:23,880 I'd be so proud of him. 1603 01:21:23,964 --> 01:21:25,424 Guess that's the problem. 1604 01:21:25,507 --> 01:21:27,509 I'd be proud, but I wouldn’t be jealous. 1605 01:21:27,591 --> 01:21:29,427 And a man would rather have another man's jealousy 1606 01:21:29,510 --> 01:21:31,470 than another man's respect. 1607 01:21:31,553 --> 01:21:34,931 Man, hate to say that one out loud. 1608 01:21:36,724 --> 01:21:38,183 Okay. 1609 01:21:38,266 --> 01:21:40,810 So, maybe Hope wasn't the hottest piece of pie 1610 01:21:40,893 --> 01:21:42,312 you've ever been with, 1611 01:21:42,394 --> 01:21:44,646 but Roderick, I was so proud of you. 1612 01:21:44,730 --> 01:21:47,250 Us married guys are taking a lot of heat over this one, big guy. 1613 01:21:47,606 --> 01:21:49,150 It seems that you broke some 1614 01:21:49,233 --> 01:21:51,694 "messing with the feelings of a woman over 35" covenant. 1615 01:21:51,776 --> 01:21:54,863 I thought we agreed we weren't going to do an intervention. 1616 01:21:54,945 --> 01:21:57,531 No, we agreed we wouldn't use the word "intervention." 1617 01:21:57,614 --> 01:21:59,950 - Of course it's an intervention. - Okay. 1618 01:22:00,033 --> 01:22:01,576 Poor Rod, still under the illusion 1619 01:22:01,659 --> 01:22:03,119 that out there walking around 1620 01:22:03,201 --> 01:22:05,370 is the perfect girl, just for him. 1621 01:22:05,537 --> 01:22:07,748 News break! This just in. 1622 01:22:07,830 --> 01:22:09,582 The woman known to the world as Death Nell 1623 01:22:09,665 --> 01:22:11,667 has apparently left her driver's license 1624 01:22:11,750 --> 01:22:13,877 at the site of her latest attack. 1625 01:22:13,960 --> 01:22:15,041 It is the break in the case 1626 01:22:15,085 --> 01:22:18,213 investigators have been hoping and praying for all year. 1627 01:22:18,296 --> 01:22:21,299 And now, Channel Nine gives you an exclusive first look 1628 01:22:21,382 --> 01:22:24,052 at this dramatic license. 1629 01:22:24,134 --> 01:22:25,385 If you're just joining us, 1630 01:22:25,469 --> 01:22:27,596 Death Nell seduced and sedated 1631 01:22:27,678 --> 01:22:30,640 misogynist shock jock D.J. Harry Hunt 1632 01:22:30,722 --> 01:22:31,931 during a commercial break 1633 01:22:32,015 --> 01:22:33,376 on his morning drive-time program. 1634 01:22:33,433 --> 01:22:35,769 I appreciate everyone's concern here. 1635 01:22:35,851 --> 01:22:38,395 I, um... 1636 01:22:38,478 --> 01:22:39,395 Hello? 1637 01:22:39,479 --> 01:22:40,938 Hey, Trixie, turn that up. 1638 01:22:41,022 --> 01:22:43,941 Did they really catch that satanic succubus? 1639 01:22:44,024 --> 01:22:47,277 No, and the word's "freedom fighter." 1640 01:22:47,360 --> 01:22:49,695 - Can we go in closer on that license- - Let me guess. 1641 01:22:49,779 --> 01:22:52,114 I'm gonna bet that her real name is not Death Nell! 1642 01:22:52,197 --> 01:22:54,950 This is some intervention. 1643 01:22:55,032 --> 01:22:56,700 Gillian De Raisx. 1644 01:22:56,784 --> 01:23:00,412 That name again, folks, Gillian De Raisx. 1645 01:23:00,495 --> 01:23:03,790 Death Nell is Gillian De Raisx. 1646 01:23:03,872 --> 01:23:07,584 Gillian De Raisx. The X is silent. 1647 01:23:07,667 --> 01:23:09,627 It was a name that sounded familiar. 1648 01:23:09,710 --> 01:23:12,755 And when a name sounded familiar, it usually meant... 1649 01:23:15,214 --> 01:23:18,926 Okay, this wasn't happening. 1650 01:23:19,008 --> 01:23:20,677 I know what you're thinking. 1651 01:23:20,760 --> 01:23:23,346 Surely I would have memorized the last name on the list. 1652 01:23:23,428 --> 01:23:26,807 Not to put too fine a point on it, but why? 1653 01:23:26,889 --> 01:23:29,392 No one wants to think about the last name on the list, 1654 01:23:29,475 --> 01:23:32,728 because the last name on the list means... 1655 01:23:34,311 --> 01:23:36,313 What did you say to him? Where's he going? 1656 01:23:49,532 --> 01:23:50,491 Fred! 1657 01:23:50,573 --> 01:23:52,409 Oh, man, it's kind of funny. 1658 01:23:52,492 --> 01:23:54,619 It's not like she's the next one. 1659 01:23:54,702 --> 01:23:56,036 She may not be the next one, 1660 01:23:56,120 --> 01:23:57,371 but she sure as hell is the last one. 1661 01:23:57,454 --> 01:23:59,832 Hey, there's got to be another woman on the planet 1662 01:23:59,914 --> 01:24:01,666 whose name is Gillian De aisx. 1663 01:24:01,749 --> 01:24:03,793 With her last name spelled with a silent X? 1664 01:24:03,875 --> 01:24:05,585 - I don't think so. - Calm down. 1665 01:24:05,669 --> 01:24:09,923 Gillian de Raisx may not be the Gillian de Raisx. 1666 01:24:10,006 --> 01:24:12,383 As you can see, the machine is closing in 1667 01:24:12,465 --> 01:24:14,342 on the one known as Death Nell. 1668 01:24:14,425 --> 01:24:16,343 The timelines have been just a little off, but- 1669 01:24:16,427 --> 01:24:17,428 Oh, great. 1670 01:24:23,974 --> 01:24:25,601 More coordinates. 1671 01:24:25,684 --> 01:24:28,395 At this rate, I'd say a couple of weeks from now 1672 01:24:28,477 --> 01:24:30,396 by the end of March, the Oracle will tell us 1673 01:24:30,478 --> 01:24:31,688 where Gillian de Raisx is staying 1674 01:24:31,771 --> 01:24:33,607 at the precise moment she's staying there. 1675 01:24:33,690 --> 01:24:36,234 Now, I'm assuming, Mr. Blank, 1676 01:24:36,317 --> 01:24:38,235 that you can hold off from having sex with how many? 1677 01:24:38,318 --> 01:24:39,485 - Twenty. - Twenty. 1678 01:24:39,569 --> 01:24:41,654 Twenty different women in the next two weeks. 1679 01:24:41,738 --> 01:24:44,324 Hey, I've had sex with three women in my entire life- 1680 01:24:44,406 --> 01:24:46,658 none if you don't count paying for it. 1681 01:24:46,741 --> 01:24:48,200 I could live off 20 women. 1682 01:24:48,284 --> 01:24:50,870 Now, we can tell you not to have sex, 1683 01:24:50,952 --> 01:24:53,830 but you have to go beyond that now. 1684 01:24:53,914 --> 01:24:57,792 You have to take your mind to a whole other realm. 1685 01:24:57,875 --> 01:24:59,877 Read a book you've always wanted to read. 1686 01:24:59,959 --> 01:25:02,086 I find model airplanes can be an exacting 1687 01:25:02,169 --> 01:25:03,337 but ultimately rewarding- 1688 01:25:03,420 --> 01:25:04,463 Model airplanes are great, 1689 01:25:04,546 --> 01:25:05,881 but I got to go back to the blow jobs. 1690 01:25:05,964 --> 01:25:08,800 Fred. Not constructive. 1691 01:25:08,883 --> 01:25:10,885 How do you feel about biking? 1692 01:25:12,469 --> 01:25:14,596 I can't believe these are the kind of conversations 1693 01:25:14,678 --> 01:25:16,805 I've become a part of. 1694 01:25:16,889 --> 01:25:18,289 He's still in torment. Give him one. 1695 01:25:18,348 --> 01:25:19,599 One what? 1696 01:25:19,682 --> 01:25:21,476 Ah, yes, yes. 1697 01:25:21,559 --> 01:25:24,062 Our aforementioned Oracle, 1698 01:25:24,144 --> 01:25:28,065 while rather erratic in capturing criminals, 1699 01:25:28,147 --> 01:25:30,650 has come up with the answers 1700 01:25:30,732 --> 01:25:33,944 to some of our culture's most significant mysteries. 1701 01:25:34,027 --> 01:25:36,196 And I think we can give you one of them. 1702 01:25:36,278 --> 01:25:37,905 Any of the biggies? 1703 01:25:37,988 --> 01:25:41,492 Okay, uh, who killed Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman? 1704 01:25:41,574 --> 01:25:43,054 - You're kidding. - Yeah, I'm kidding. 1705 01:25:43,116 --> 01:25:44,243 Let me see. Let me see. 1706 01:25:44,326 --> 01:25:46,161 How about who really shot JFK? 1707 01:25:46,244 --> 01:25:47,119 Oh, pick another one. 1708 01:25:47,870 --> 01:25:48,996 It takes, like, 20 minutes to print out. 1709 01:25:49,080 --> 01:25:50,081 Okay, life on other planets. 1710 01:25:50,163 --> 01:25:51,498 How many planets in the universe have- 1711 01:25:51,581 --> 01:25:53,833 - Eleven. - Eleven? That's it? 1712 01:25:53,917 --> 01:25:55,961 That's it. How many more do you want? 1713 01:25:56,043 --> 01:25:57,920 Wait a sec. Does God exist? 1714 01:25:58,003 --> 01:25:59,755 Cut it out. You only get one. 1715 01:25:59,837 --> 01:26:01,965 Please. You guys are mean. 1716 01:26:02,048 --> 01:26:04,050 You don't want to be in L.A. on July 4th weekend. 1717 01:26:04,132 --> 01:26:06,843 Beta, enough. 1718 01:26:12,097 --> 01:26:14,849 There are 20 human shields between you and Miss de Raisx. 1719 01:26:14,932 --> 01:26:17,017 Be conservative. 1720 01:26:17,101 --> 01:26:20,813 Don't use up any of them until we catch the villainess. 1721 01:26:22,604 --> 01:26:23,772 And remember... 1722 01:26:25,649 --> 01:26:28,026 a new realm of existence. 1723 01:26:28,109 --> 01:26:30,695 A new realm of existence. 1724 01:26:30,777 --> 01:26:33,863 No sex... 1725 01:26:33,947 --> 01:26:35,073 no death. 1726 01:26:36,073 --> 01:26:37,783 Good luck. 1727 01:26:37,866 --> 01:26:40,035 ♪♪ 1728 01:26:54,837 --> 01:26:58,007 ♪ On my own again ♪ 1729 01:26:58,090 --> 01:26:59,508 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 1730 01:26:59,591 --> 01:27:02,510 ♪ On my own again ♪ 1731 01:27:02,593 --> 01:27:03,802 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 1732 01:27:03,886 --> 01:27:06,889 ♪ On the move again ♪ 1733 01:27:22,941 --> 01:27:24,693 ♪ I need to be ♪ 1734 01:27:24,776 --> 01:27:27,279 ♪ On my own again ♪ 1735 01:27:27,361 --> 01:27:29,405 ♪ I want to be ♪ 1736 01:27:29,488 --> 01:27:31,574 ♪ On my own again ♪ 1737 01:27:31,656 --> 01:27:32,574 Yay! 1738 01:27:32,657 --> 01:27:33,825 Whoo! 1739 01:27:36,660 --> 01:27:38,787 "I never believed the wild and lascivious 1740 01:27:38,870 --> 01:27:42,457 letters in your magazine were true until now." 1741 01:27:43,790 --> 01:27:45,918 "My best friend was cycling upstate 1742 01:27:46,001 --> 01:27:47,836 "when his bike hit a pothole, 1743 01:27:47,919 --> 01:27:49,837 "sending him head over heels. 1744 01:27:49,921 --> 01:27:52,340 "Lucky for my buddy, a bus on its way 1745 01:27:52,422 --> 01:27:54,549 "up to an 'Up With Jesus' jamboree, stopped, 1746 01:27:54,673 --> 01:27:57,927 "and the students of a nondenominational Idaho Bible college 1747 01:27:58,010 --> 01:28:00,346 "lifted his dazed, bruised body 1748 01:28:00,428 --> 01:28:02,555 "and put it in the middle of the aisle. 1749 01:28:02,638 --> 01:28:04,806 "He thought they were going to help him. 1750 01:28:04,890 --> 01:28:07,768 "Instead, they helped themselves. 1751 01:28:07,850 --> 01:28:09,602 "Among the girls of the bus, 1752 01:28:09,685 --> 01:28:11,854 "there had been much talk of the albatross 1753 01:28:11,937 --> 01:28:14,856 "of not having lost one's virginity. 1754 01:28:14,939 --> 01:28:16,398 "My friend's appearance on the road 1755 01:28:16,482 --> 01:28:18,526 "was taken as a sign. 1756 01:28:18,608 --> 01:28:20,443 "A pact was made. 1757 01:28:20,527 --> 01:28:22,445 "Everyone's virginity must go, 1758 01:28:22,528 --> 01:28:25,072 "and he would be the chosen vessel. 1759 01:28:25,155 --> 01:28:27,074 "All virgins. 1760 01:28:27,156 --> 01:28:29,575 "All 18-year-olds. 1761 01:28:29,659 --> 01:28:31,077 "Uniforms. 1762 01:28:31,159 --> 01:28:35,830 "Nineteen 18-year-old virgins in uniforms. 1763 01:28:35,913 --> 01:28:38,874 Straws were drawn, and first up was Mona Farlow." 1764 01:28:40,917 --> 01:28:44,003 Fuck. Fuck! 1765 01:28:44,086 --> 01:28:46,046 Fuck. 1766 01:28:48,839 --> 01:28:52,593 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 1767 01:28:52,676 --> 01:28:56,137 Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1768 01:28:58,013 --> 01:29:00,349 Fuck. 1769 01:29:00,431 --> 01:29:03,810 Fuck. Fuck! 1770 01:29:03,892 --> 01:29:08,188 "It was a day my friend would never forget." 1771 01:29:08,271 --> 01:29:09,939 Any changes before we mail it in? 1772 01:29:10,022 --> 01:29:12,316 Please stop. I can't take it. 1773 01:29:13,942 --> 01:29:15,610 I'm curious. Was there a lot of blood? 1774 01:29:19,112 --> 01:29:20,446 Sorry. Never mind. Wow! 1775 01:29:20,530 --> 01:29:22,407 - The ultimate male perversion. - God! 1776 01:29:22,489 --> 01:29:23,824 You can die now. 1777 01:29:23,907 --> 01:29:25,868 Well, that seems to be the problem. 1778 01:29:36,584 --> 01:29:38,794 Have I told you all the good news? 1779 01:29:38,877 --> 01:29:40,336 I'm getting married. 1780 01:29:40,420 --> 01:29:42,505 The lucky gal's name is Ethel Walters. 1781 01:29:42,588 --> 01:29:44,047 I hope you can all make the wedding. 1782 01:29:44,131 --> 01:29:45,716 Ethel Walters? 1783 01:29:45,799 --> 01:29:46,800 Do we know her? 1784 01:29:46,883 --> 01:29:48,467 I don't know. Do you? 1785 01:29:48,551 --> 01:29:50,678 I really need to get in touch with her right away. 1786 01:29:50,760 --> 01:29:52,971 Does the name ring a bell with anyone? 1787 01:29:53,054 --> 01:29:55,348 Maybe you should lie back down. 1788 01:29:55,431 --> 01:29:56,849 Hey, you know what? 1789 01:29:56,932 --> 01:29:58,809 Where was the driver in all this? 1790 01:29:58,892 --> 01:30:00,476 Because I get that the church group chaperone 1791 01:30:00,560 --> 01:30:02,854 was on another bus, but you can't tell me 1792 01:30:02,936 --> 01:30:04,479 they let the second group of girls just transport themselves. 1793 01:30:04,563 --> 01:30:07,024 The driver, yeah. 1794 01:30:07,106 --> 01:30:09,901 I don't seem to r- 1795 01:30:09,984 --> 01:30:12,528 That's funny. The driver... 1796 01:30:12,611 --> 01:30:14,779 There's a whole lot of action going on back here. 1797 01:30:14,862 --> 01:30:16,739 Figure I'd get myself a piece. 1798 01:30:16,822 --> 01:30:18,199 Now, now, you relax. 1799 01:30:18,281 --> 01:30:20,909 You skinny little white girls ain't tattling on nobody. 1800 01:30:20,992 --> 01:30:21,492 Fuck! 1801 01:30:28,748 --> 01:30:30,124 You can't have sex with me! 1802 01:30:30,207 --> 01:30:32,542 Roderick, it's me, Trixie. 1803 01:30:32,626 --> 01:30:33,960 I'm not going to rape you. 1804 01:30:34,044 --> 01:30:35,921 - You know that. - Just leave me alone. 1805 01:30:36,003 --> 01:30:38,130 Get up, you big baby. 1806 01:30:39,088 --> 01:30:40,882 Got one word for you: Qantas. 1807 01:30:40,965 --> 01:30:42,509 You are going to Australia. 1808 01:30:42,591 --> 01:30:45,010 Your flight leaves in the morning, so start packing. 1809 01:30:45,093 --> 01:30:47,429 You don't get it. I can't escape. 1810 01:30:47,512 --> 01:30:50,139 She'll rent a jet ski, and she'll track me down. 1811 01:30:50,222 --> 01:30:51,848 I was on the Net all night. 1812 01:30:51,932 --> 01:30:53,391 I found another Gillian de Raisx. 1813 01:30:53,475 --> 01:30:55,310 Oh, yeah, that spells her last name with a- 1814 01:30:55,392 --> 01:30:57,144 Yes, with a silent X. 1815 01:30:58,228 --> 01:31:01,022 She's a marine biologist based outside of Sydney. 1816 01:31:05,067 --> 01:31:06,151 Oh, this picture. 1817 01:31:06,234 --> 01:31:08,027 Which one's the walrus? 1818 01:31:09,153 --> 01:31:10,446 She's big-boned 1819 01:31:10,529 --> 01:31:12,781 with a healthy appetite for life, asshole. 1820 01:31:12,948 --> 01:31:14,908 What is-What is that on her face? 1821 01:31:15,074 --> 01:31:16,157 It's a rash 1822 01:31:16,158 --> 01:31:18,702 from her exploration of the Barrier Reef. 1823 01:31:18,785 --> 01:31:20,453 - Ooh. - Oh, God! 1824 01:31:20,537 --> 01:31:22,163 Roderick, 1825 01:31:22,246 --> 01:31:23,580 you'd rather die than have sex 1826 01:31:23,664 --> 01:31:26,792 with an overweight woman with a slight skin condition? 1827 01:31:26,874 --> 01:31:28,209 But it's- 1828 01:31:28,292 --> 01:31:29,585 it's not that slight. 1829 01:31:29,669 --> 01:31:33,005 Trixie, I'm sure she's a great- 1830 01:31:33,088 --> 01:31:35,006 I got you some books to read on the plane. 1831 01:31:35,089 --> 01:31:37,925 I have underlined some very good conversation starters. 1832 01:31:38,008 --> 01:31:39,885 So help me, if you do not go Down Under 1833 01:31:39,968 --> 01:31:41,302 and seduce this Sheila- 1834 01:31:41,386 --> 01:31:43,680 Well, I do like dolphins. 1835 01:31:43,762 --> 01:31:45,055 Trixie. 1836 01:31:47,140 --> 01:31:49,475 No matter what happens, 1837 01:31:49,559 --> 01:31:50,977 thank you for being there. 1838 01:31:51,059 --> 01:31:52,727 You're a true pal. 1839 01:31:55,104 --> 01:31:57,189 It's good to be a lesbian, isn't it? 1840 01:31:57,273 --> 01:31:59,400 Send me a postcard, jerk. 1841 01:32:01,067 --> 01:32:02,735 With a koala on it. 1842 01:32:20,957 --> 01:32:23,418 ♪ Doot-doo doot-doo doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 1843 01:32:23,500 --> 01:32:26,211 ♪ Doot-doo doot-doo doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 1844 01:32:26,294 --> 01:32:29,130 ♪ Doot-doo doot-doo doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 1845 01:32:29,213 --> 01:32:32,049 ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doot-doo-doo doo-doo-doo ♪ 1846 01:32:32,132 --> 01:32:34,926 ♪ Doot-doo doot-doo doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 1847 01:32:36,510 --> 01:32:37,678 ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 1848 01:32:37,761 --> 01:32:40,055 ♪ Doot-doo doot-doo doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 1849 01:32:40,138 --> 01:32:41,139 ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 1850 01:32:53,273 --> 01:32:54,691 Please don't pork me. 1851 01:32:54,773 --> 01:32:57,693 Hey, if you insist, hot rod. 1852 01:32:57,776 --> 01:33:01,655 Listen, the Almighty Oracle has come through. 1853 01:33:01,738 --> 01:33:03,615 We have confirmation 1854 01:33:03,697 --> 01:33:06,116 that Death Nell is going to be down here 1855 01:33:06,199 --> 01:33:08,075 at the Mayfair Hotel. 1856 01:33:09,452 --> 01:33:10,495 I've entered her room. 1857 01:33:10,577 --> 01:33:12,788 Mr. A's not here at this precise moment, 1858 01:33:12,871 --> 01:33:14,873 but her things most certainly are. 1859 01:33:14,955 --> 01:33:17,708 Friends, I've got chills. 1860 01:33:19,000 --> 01:33:21,377 Fred, Beta, you guys- 1861 01:33:21,461 --> 01:33:23,296 Wait. It's April Fool's Day, isn't it? 1862 01:33:23,378 --> 01:33:24,463 It's 10 after midnight, 1863 01:33:24,546 --> 01:33:27,007 - officially April 2. - Ha. 1864 01:33:27,089 --> 01:33:28,382 Yes, Roderick. 1865 01:33:28,466 --> 01:33:30,593 We have quite a welcoming party 1866 01:33:30,675 --> 01:33:32,093 planned for the nasty minx. 1867 01:33:32,177 --> 01:33:33,720 Oh. 1868 01:33:33,804 --> 01:33:37,015 Oh, this is- this is amazing. 1869 01:33:37,097 --> 01:33:40,893 You don't know what it's been like. 1870 01:33:40,975 --> 01:33:43,311 And I have found the loophole 1871 01:33:43,393 --> 01:33:44,520 of all loopholes. 1872 01:33:44,603 --> 01:33:45,896 It's not blow jobs, 1873 01:33:45,979 --> 01:33:47,356 and it's not hand jobs. 1874 01:33:47,438 --> 01:33:48,773 It's exes. 1875 01:33:48,856 --> 01:33:51,692 It's ex, as in ex-girlfriends, all right? 1876 01:33:51,775 --> 01:33:53,151 I want-just-listen. 1877 01:33:53,235 --> 01:33:55,070 Check the names on the list. 1878 01:33:55,152 --> 01:33:57,113 Do any names appear twice? 1879 01:33:57,196 --> 01:33:59,115 Any doubles? All right, no. 1880 01:33:59,197 --> 01:34:00,990 Then don't tell me... 1881 01:34:01,074 --> 01:34:03,576 that you've never hooked up with some ex-girlfriend 1882 01:34:03,659 --> 01:34:06,328 for a little, uh, you know, "remember when" sex. 1883 01:34:06,410 --> 01:34:09,038 No, you're right. I had sex with Laura Baxter 1884 01:34:09,122 --> 01:34:11,207 every time I came home for Christmas. 1885 01:34:11,289 --> 01:34:12,791 And she's only listed once. 1886 01:34:12,874 --> 01:34:14,709 And whenever I travel through St. Louis, 1887 01:34:14,792 --> 01:34:16,836 I always stop in on Diana Scott. 1888 01:34:16,919 --> 01:34:19,296 We're going to get you some reelection sex, all right? 1889 01:34:19,379 --> 01:34:21,840 I'm talking about Grover Cleveland poontang. 1890 01:34:21,923 --> 01:34:24,134 Go back to Hope, number 80. 1891 01:34:24,216 --> 01:34:26,218 What you had was real. She'll take you back. 1892 01:34:26,300 --> 01:34:28,136 Yes. There's Hope. 1893 01:34:28,219 --> 01:34:30,596 I've had so many wonderful, fascinating women in my life. 1894 01:34:30,679 --> 01:34:32,722 I've never really been worthy of any of them. 1895 01:34:32,764 --> 01:34:34,683 Uhh! Don't listen to Beta. 1896 01:34:34,765 --> 01:34:36,016 Do not listen to him. 1897 01:34:36,100 --> 01:34:38,310 He hates boners and fun, all right? 1898 01:34:38,351 --> 01:34:41,438 What you have to do is you got to find that school bus, 1899 01:34:41,563 --> 01:34:44,023 and you got to hook up with those little Bible brats 1900 01:34:44,148 --> 01:34:46,233 numbers 81 through 99, 1901 01:34:46,315 --> 01:34:49,318 and maybe give 84 a pass with the back zits. 1902 01:34:49,402 --> 01:34:52,321 - And you just get-get- - Sir? 1903 01:34:52,404 --> 01:34:55,782 Yes. It's right there. 1904 01:34:55,865 --> 01:34:59,160 Get one of them to change her name to Gillian de Raisx. 1905 01:34:59,242 --> 01:35:00,410 And you perfect- 1906 01:35:00,452 --> 01:35:02,078 Stop it. 1907 01:35:03,745 --> 01:35:05,956 The theories on the table are adorable. 1908 01:35:06,081 --> 01:35:08,000 But Roderick, be cool. 1909 01:35:08,082 --> 01:35:10,168 Gillian will be at the hotel any minute, 1910 01:35:10,250 --> 01:35:12,002 and our organization- 1911 01:35:12,043 --> 01:35:15,756 well, we don't believe in trials and arrests. 1912 01:35:15,880 --> 01:35:17,339 So I want you to hang tight, 1913 01:35:17,381 --> 01:35:19,258 and do not, I repeat, 1914 01:35:19,340 --> 01:35:21,676 do not leave your house. 1915 01:35:21,760 --> 01:35:23,011 Okay. 1916 01:35:23,093 --> 01:35:24,178 Call you when she's dead. 1917 01:35:24,303 --> 01:35:26,597 All right. I'll be here. 1918 01:35:26,721 --> 01:35:28,431 Thank you. Good-bye. 1919 01:35:30,057 --> 01:35:31,434 Ohh... 1920 01:36:46,197 --> 01:36:49,409 Did you really think I was gonna get off easy? 1921 01:36:49,492 --> 01:36:52,120 Did you want me to? 1922 01:36:52,202 --> 01:36:54,246 I know I promised you a satisfying ending, 1923 01:36:54,328 --> 01:36:55,579 but there will be no triumphant return 1924 01:36:55,663 --> 01:36:58,332 to Fiona, Hope, or anybody else. 1925 01:36:58,415 --> 01:37:00,959 There will be no chasing a cab, 1926 01:37:01,042 --> 01:37:02,377 no stopping a wedding, 1927 01:37:02,459 --> 01:37:06,380 no tearful reconciliations on a train platform, 1928 01:37:06,462 --> 01:37:10,675 and no morning flights to Australia. 1929 01:37:10,757 --> 01:37:14,845 To escape the sins of my April 2nd to April 2nd saga 1930 01:37:14,927 --> 01:37:18,264 would feel so, so wrong. 1931 01:37:18,346 --> 01:37:19,931 Yes, my true destiny 1932 01:37:20,014 --> 01:37:23,226 was staying in a hotel downtown. 1933 01:37:23,308 --> 01:37:27,146 I was going out with a lady called Death. 1934 01:37:27,228 --> 01:37:29,605 No God or Machine could help me now. 1935 01:37:31,481 --> 01:37:33,275 And that felt so, 1936 01:37:33,358 --> 01:37:34,526 so right. 1937 01:37:41,448 --> 01:37:45,827 You live by the sword, you die by the sword. 1938 01:37:45,909 --> 01:37:48,829 One sexual position left. 1939 01:37:48,911 --> 01:37:50,830 Call it the karma sutra. 1940 01:37:53,206 --> 01:37:55,083 The end is coming. 1941 01:37:55,166 --> 01:37:57,585 And coming is the end. 1942 01:37:57,752 --> 01:37:59,462 We've checked all the sectors, Fred. 1943 01:37:59,544 --> 01:38:00,587 Okay, you know what? 1944 01:38:00,670 --> 01:38:03,465 My name is not Fred. It's Commander Delta. 1945 01:38:03,547 --> 01:38:05,632 - It-just go. In. - Move. 1946 01:38:11,386 --> 01:38:12,471 Excuse me. 1947 01:38:12,554 --> 01:38:14,681 Miss Death? Nell? 1948 01:38:14,764 --> 01:38:17,183 Or do you prefer Gillian? 1949 01:38:17,266 --> 01:38:19,018 I'm not afraid of you anymore. 1950 01:38:21,603 --> 01:38:23,772 Death Nell's alive and inside us. 1951 01:38:25,147 --> 01:38:26,607 Look at him! He's so scared! 1952 01:38:26,689 --> 01:38:29,692 Aww! 1953 01:38:32,486 --> 01:38:35,363 Oh, where you going? Come back, ladies' man! 1954 01:38:48,831 --> 01:38:50,375 Whew... 1955 01:38:50,457 --> 01:38:53,668 Well, you caused quite a commotion out there. 1956 01:38:53,752 --> 01:38:55,962 Is there something you wanted to tell me? 1957 01:38:56,045 --> 01:38:58,089 Tell you? No. I, uh- 1958 01:39:01,841 --> 01:39:02,926 Oh. 1959 01:39:04,176 --> 01:39:05,469 Hi. 1960 01:39:07,178 --> 01:39:08,346 Agents. 1961 01:39:08,429 --> 01:39:11,766 There's agents staked out at your hotel. 1962 01:39:11,848 --> 01:39:14,351 In your room. 1963 01:39:14,433 --> 01:39:15,601 Thanks. 1964 01:39:17,895 --> 01:39:19,522 You know I'm not innocent, right? 1965 01:39:19,604 --> 01:39:21,314 Yeah. 1966 01:39:24,817 --> 01:39:27,152 Can I-Can I join... 1967 01:39:49,669 --> 01:39:50,795 Wow. 1968 01:39:51,837 --> 01:39:54,214 This, uh, place is amazing. 1969 01:39:54,296 --> 01:39:55,548 You know, I'm kind of in the business. 1970 01:39:55,631 --> 01:39:57,466 I've never heard of it. 1971 01:39:57,550 --> 01:40:00,177 Yeah, I just discovered it the other night. 1972 01:40:00,260 --> 01:40:03,263 There are not a lot of places in this town that stay open late. 1973 01:40:03,345 --> 01:40:05,389 Yeah. 1974 01:40:05,472 --> 01:40:07,933 - Do-You know, I- - I-Well- 1975 01:40:08,016 --> 01:40:09,058 Sorry. 1976 01:40:09,142 --> 01:40:11,477 - You go. - No, you go. 1977 01:40:11,560 --> 01:40:15,480 You know, this is- this is strange for me. 1978 01:40:15,563 --> 01:40:17,440 I've never had a volunteer before. 1979 01:40:18,773 --> 01:40:20,775 Some guys will do anything to get laid. 1980 01:40:24,987 --> 01:40:26,196 Uh-oh. 1981 01:40:33,869 --> 01:40:35,203 This has a... 1982 01:40:35,286 --> 01:40:37,455 a grape aftertaste. 1983 01:40:38,538 --> 01:40:40,457 And you do realize that 1984 01:40:40,540 --> 01:40:43,585 I can't guarantee when or- 1985 01:40:43,667 --> 01:40:46,462 or even if you'll wake up. 1986 01:40:46,544 --> 01:40:48,963 Yeah. No, I understand. 1987 01:40:56,552 --> 01:40:57,678 You mind if I ask you- 1988 01:40:57,762 --> 01:40:59,472 you tell me if this is too personal, 1989 01:40:59,554 --> 01:41:04,059 but, uh... how did you get here? 1990 01:41:04,141 --> 01:41:07,394 You know, in the larger sense? 1991 01:41:07,477 --> 01:41:09,078 It's not like I'm gonna be telling anyone 1992 01:41:09,145 --> 01:41:11,314 for an indefinitely long period of time. 1993 01:41:15,232 --> 01:41:16,525 I don't know. 1994 01:41:16,609 --> 01:41:18,652 I don't- 1995 01:41:18,735 --> 01:41:20,737 I'm not gonna talk about my childhood. 1996 01:41:20,820 --> 01:41:23,990 You know? 'Cause that's not what- 1997 01:41:24,073 --> 01:41:27,576 My childhood wasn't any better or worse than anyone else- 1998 01:41:27,659 --> 01:41:30,078 Oh, well, okay. It was a little worse. 1999 01:41:30,160 --> 01:41:32,663 But, uh-but I escaped. 2000 01:41:34,246 --> 01:41:37,375 That's where I studied poetry and chemistry. 2001 01:41:37,458 --> 01:41:40,336 Obviously better at the latter than the former. 2002 01:41:40,418 --> 01:41:41,711 No, I wouldn't say that. 2003 01:41:41,795 --> 01:41:43,421 I really enjoy your writing. 2004 01:41:49,300 --> 01:41:52,011 You're right, these spices do look amazing. 2005 01:41:52,094 --> 01:41:54,221 I mean, I've only read the stuff that gets printed in the paper, 2006 01:41:54,303 --> 01:41:55,596 after each incident. 2007 01:41:55,680 --> 01:41:59,016 But what was it you spray-painted after Number Seven? 2008 01:41:59,099 --> 01:42:01,059 "My ecstasy, your annihilation." 2009 01:42:01,142 --> 01:42:05,063 "Our mess, nothing left to transgress." 2010 01:42:05,145 --> 01:42:07,064 That's good. 2011 01:42:07,146 --> 01:42:10,108 But where was I? Oh! Yes, of course. 2012 01:42:10,190 --> 01:42:15,612 Before I could graduate, I was swept off my feet. 2013 01:42:15,695 --> 01:42:17,947 My husband was this, uh- 2014 01:42:19,739 --> 01:42:21,783 everything a girl's supposed to want, right? 2015 01:42:21,866 --> 01:42:25,036 You know. I was his- his princess. 2016 01:42:25,119 --> 01:42:28,664 He was my Prince Charming. 2017 01:42:29,664 --> 01:42:31,749 Can I try some of your kale? 2018 01:42:31,832 --> 01:42:35,794 - Trade you for that cherry tomato. - All right. 2019 01:42:42,840 --> 01:42:46,051 You don't have to go on if you don't want to. 2020 01:42:46,134 --> 01:42:47,760 No... 2021 01:42:47,844 --> 01:42:51,973 It actually feels good to say the bad out loud. 2022 01:42:53,682 --> 01:42:57,686 But when I said I was his princess, 2023 01:42:57,768 --> 01:43:00,313 I wasn't being metaphorical. 2024 01:43:01,730 --> 01:43:02,731 Every week, 2025 01:43:02,813 --> 01:43:05,566 a new princess costume and a new wig. 2026 01:43:05,649 --> 01:43:07,026 "This way, I won't cheat," 2027 01:43:07,108 --> 01:43:09,610 was the charming way he put it. 2028 01:43:09,694 --> 01:43:12,405 At first, it was... fun? 2029 01:43:12,487 --> 01:43:14,573 But then it wasn't. 2030 01:43:14,655 --> 01:43:16,157 It got rough, and I- 2031 01:43:31,001 --> 01:43:32,628 Did he hit you? 2032 01:43:32,711 --> 01:43:34,421 Aw... 2033 01:43:34,503 --> 01:43:37,715 You know, I've put over 20 men into a coma. 2034 01:43:37,798 --> 01:43:40,801 When you're handing out that kind of punishment- 2035 01:43:40,884 --> 01:43:42,927 The short answer is yes. 2036 01:43:43,010 --> 01:43:45,054 Yeah, he hit me. 2037 01:43:45,137 --> 01:43:46,972 And pretty much every other verb 2038 01:43:47,055 --> 01:43:48,890 you could come up with. 2039 01:43:48,973 --> 01:43:50,850 But nothing above the neck. 2040 01:43:50,932 --> 01:43:52,976 The Princess and the Pirate. 2041 01:43:53,060 --> 01:43:55,228 The Princess and the Viking. 2042 01:43:55,311 --> 01:43:58,731 The Princess and the Mongol Warlord. 2043 01:43:58,813 --> 01:44:00,273 Occasionally, he'd mix it up 2044 01:44:00,357 --> 01:44:02,942 and we'd do The Sound of Music, 2045 01:44:03,025 --> 01:44:05,944 as if the Nazis won. 2046 01:44:06,028 --> 01:44:07,529 You know, it couldn't be a crime. 2047 01:44:07,612 --> 01:44:08,947 He was my husband. 2048 01:44:09,030 --> 01:44:12,659 I did not complain. I did not ask questions. 2049 01:44:12,741 --> 01:44:15,661 Although, why anyone would want to treat 2050 01:44:15,743 --> 01:44:17,870 Julie Andrews as a human ashtray... 2051 01:44:17,954 --> 01:44:21,082 As far as questions go, that's a pretty good one. 2052 01:44:22,539 --> 01:44:24,625 It did improve my poetry, though. 2053 01:44:24,708 --> 01:44:27,461 It gave me a lot of good material to work with. 2054 01:44:27,543 --> 01:44:29,921 God, you're a good listener, man. 2055 01:44:30,004 --> 01:44:31,881 You really are. 2056 01:44:32,881 --> 01:44:34,383 Oh, God-oh. 2057 01:44:34,465 --> 01:44:37,259 Then came Valentine's Day. 2058 01:44:37,343 --> 01:44:40,596 Oh, that was on a good one. 2059 01:44:40,679 --> 01:44:44,099 My hopeless situation, my inability to change. 2060 01:44:44,181 --> 01:44:47,726 But all in iambic pentameter, of course. 2061 01:44:50,519 --> 01:44:53,397 And then... 2062 01:44:53,689 --> 01:44:55,774 F- 2063 01:45:11,743 --> 01:45:13,870 I should have been happy, right? 2064 01:45:13,954 --> 01:45:17,207 They tried everything. They couldn't wake me up. 2065 01:45:17,290 --> 01:45:19,583 They thought I was in a coma. 2066 01:45:19,666 --> 01:45:21,710 And that's when I had the vision. 2067 01:45:52,107 --> 01:45:54,860 I had become my own Prince Charming. 2068 01:45:54,942 --> 01:45:58,237 But there was much work to be done in my kingdom. 2069 01:45:58,320 --> 01:46:00,363 Battles to be fought, 2070 01:46:00,447 --> 01:46:02,699 wars to be won. 2071 01:46:04,908 --> 01:46:07,995 You can pretty much connect the dots from there. 2072 01:46:08,077 --> 01:46:11,372 Costumes, chemistry, poetry, 2073 01:46:11,455 --> 01:46:13,916 mutually degrading sexuality, 2074 01:46:13,999 --> 01:46:16,668 comas, "men suck." 2075 01:46:16,751 --> 01:46:19,311 I don't know how much longer I can keep running around like this. 2076 01:46:19,377 --> 01:46:20,754 It's not like I can't afford it. 2077 01:46:20,837 --> 01:46:23,757 I mean, my husband was Victor Rose IV. 2078 01:46:23,839 --> 01:46:25,966 Victor R-wow. 2079 01:46:26,050 --> 01:46:27,259 Small world. 2080 01:46:27,342 --> 01:46:29,802 I kind of had a one-night stand with his grandma. 2081 01:46:29,886 --> 01:46:31,804 Granny C? 2082 01:46:31,887 --> 01:46:33,931 My story's not as compelling as yours, 2083 01:46:34,014 --> 01:46:35,599 but, uh, exactly a year ago, 2084 01:46:35,681 --> 01:46:38,225 I received a list of everyone I'd ever had sex with 2085 01:46:38,308 --> 01:46:40,143 and ever would have sex with. 2086 01:46:40,226 --> 01:46:43,021 I find that very compelling. 2087 01:46:43,103 --> 01:46:45,940 I- I think we should order dessert. 2088 01:46:46,023 --> 01:46:48,484 Raspberry tart? Two forks? 2089 01:46:49,901 --> 01:46:52,403 You think I'm lying? 2090 01:46:52,486 --> 01:46:53,862 - You think I'm insane. - No! 2091 01:46:53,946 --> 01:46:55,656 No. I- 2092 01:46:55,738 --> 01:46:57,907 And believe me, I am an expert on both. 2093 01:46:58,823 --> 01:47:02,744 But Bambi and Thumper. Seriously. 2094 01:47:02,826 --> 01:47:04,870 The Beyond-Ultimate Lesbian Power Couple. 2095 01:47:04,954 --> 01:47:07,289 Yes. What a night. 2096 01:47:09,249 --> 01:47:12,001 Ohhh, fuck. 2097 01:47:13,460 --> 01:47:14,878 Fuck. 2098 01:47:18,922 --> 01:47:20,715 You know, uh- 2099 01:47:20,799 --> 01:47:22,592 I'd like to think that I- 2100 01:47:22,675 --> 01:47:24,426 I put something interesting out there 2101 01:47:24,510 --> 01:47:26,303 into the atmosphere. 2102 01:47:26,386 --> 01:47:28,471 You know? 2103 01:47:28,554 --> 01:47:31,057 Just the whole idea of a... 2104 01:47:31,139 --> 01:47:34,601 a woman being able to put a man down like a dog 2105 01:47:34,684 --> 01:47:36,477 for being bad, or... 2106 01:47:38,353 --> 01:47:41,398 for no reason at all. 2107 01:47:41,481 --> 01:47:43,149 I mean, well... 2108 01:47:43,232 --> 01:47:45,109 well, women have had to deal with 2109 01:47:45,192 --> 01:47:49,154 the anytime, anywhere dark impulses of men 2110 01:47:49,237 --> 01:47:50,697 forever, so... 2111 01:47:50,779 --> 01:47:53,615 God, I thought... 2112 01:47:53,699 --> 01:47:54,908 it was time to make the men 2113 01:47:54,991 --> 01:47:57,952 shake in their boots for a while, you know? 2114 01:47:58,035 --> 01:48:00,955 I guess... 2115 01:48:01,037 --> 01:48:03,957 that's how I- I rationalized it. 2116 01:48:04,039 --> 01:48:06,375 I- I am gone- 2117 01:48:06,457 --> 01:48:08,710 No, that's okay. 2118 01:48:08,793 --> 01:48:10,461 We're all gone. You know, it's- 2119 01:48:11,503 --> 01:48:15,465 So many games, names. 2120 01:48:15,548 --> 01:48:16,883 Who did you love? 2121 01:48:16,966 --> 01:48:19,677 And who did you really love? 2122 01:48:19,759 --> 01:48:22,095 Did you break their heart? 2123 01:48:22,177 --> 01:48:25,139 Or did they break yours? Or- 2124 01:48:25,222 --> 01:48:28,726 You know there's some real bliss in there somewhere. 2125 01:48:28,808 --> 01:48:31,811 And all you're left with is... 2126 01:48:33,020 --> 01:48:34,771 exhaustion. 2127 01:48:39,524 --> 01:48:40,901 I always liked that word. 2128 01:48:44,820 --> 01:48:47,698 Oh, and "depleted," 2129 01:48:47,780 --> 01:48:51,618 "dissipated," and "spent." 2130 01:48:51,700 --> 01:48:53,952 Those are good ones. 2131 01:48:54,036 --> 01:48:57,289 But "exhaustion..." 2132 01:48:57,371 --> 01:48:59,290 sounds like what it is. 2133 01:49:01,541 --> 01:49:03,960 And what better cure than sleep? 2134 01:49:05,211 --> 01:49:07,213 Lots of sleep. 2135 01:49:10,297 --> 01:49:11,882 I'll get this. 2136 01:49:11,965 --> 01:49:13,884 I insist. 2137 01:49:15,760 --> 01:49:17,553 Roderick. 2138 01:49:23,349 --> 01:49:24,391 Do you mind? 2139 01:49:26,060 --> 01:49:27,561 What, do you want me to take two, 2140 01:49:27,644 --> 01:49:29,562 in case the first one doesn't do the trick? 2141 01:49:29,646 --> 01:49:30,647 No! 2142 01:49:33,607 --> 01:49:37,027 I was just thinking, since we're together... 2143 01:49:38,985 --> 01:49:42,239 while I'm putting one in your mouth, you could... 2144 01:49:42,321 --> 01:49:44,031 put one... 2145 01:49:45,950 --> 01:49:47,910 Oh. 2146 01:49:47,992 --> 01:49:50,703 You- You sure about this? 2147 01:49:50,786 --> 01:49:51,912 Yeah. 2148 01:49:51,995 --> 01:49:52,996 You know, I'm not gonna lie. 2149 01:49:53,080 --> 01:49:54,873 I'm a little flattered. 2150 01:49:57,250 --> 01:49:59,835 You should be. 2151 01:50:01,044 --> 01:50:02,045 Go back to my room? 2152 01:50:03,087 --> 01:50:04,171 Oh, no, no, no. 2153 01:50:04,255 --> 01:50:06,131 Not that room. 2154 01:50:07,131 --> 01:50:08,675 A different room. 2155 01:50:12,427 --> 01:50:13,887 Yeah. 2156 01:50:59,170 --> 01:51:00,213 So that's it. 2157 01:51:00,297 --> 01:51:02,591 The end of my story. 2158 01:51:02,673 --> 01:51:05,676 Well, one of my stories. 2159 01:51:05,759 --> 01:51:06,677 Mommy! Daddy! 2160 01:51:06,759 --> 01:51:09,429 I found a totato for the picnic! 2161 01:51:09,512 --> 01:51:11,848 - A totato! - Totat- 2162 01:51:11,930 --> 01:51:14,892 Boy, you really are the farmer in the family. 2163 01:51:14,974 --> 01:51:17,059 - That's- - Let's see that. 2164 01:51:17,143 --> 01:51:19,437 I think I know what we're having for the picnic! 2165 01:51:19,519 --> 01:51:21,104 Make some totato soup! 2166 01:51:21,188 --> 01:51:23,356 Buddy, what do you think? That sound good? 2167 01:51:23,439 --> 01:51:25,941 The story of how I settled down, 2168 01:51:26,025 --> 01:51:27,193 how I met my wife. 2169 01:51:30,028 --> 01:51:31,571 Of how I learned that sometimes, 2170 01:51:31,653 --> 01:51:35,032 what seem to be answers are really questions in disguise. 2171 01:51:36,365 --> 01:51:37,909 The Machine's list taught me the who, 2172 01:51:37,992 --> 01:51:40,745 the what, the where, and the when 2173 01:51:40,827 --> 01:51:43,455 is never as important as the why. 2174 01:51:43,537 --> 01:51:46,123 And the why's not all that important, either. 2175 01:51:46,206 --> 01:51:50,960 ♪ I want to unmake every bed ♪ 2176 01:51:51,043 --> 01:51:55,464 ♪ That I laid down on ♪ 2177 01:51:55,546 --> 01:52:00,760 ♪ Give back everything I've won ♪ 2178 01:52:03,427 --> 01:52:05,846 ♪ Good days ♪ 2179 01:52:05,930 --> 01:52:07,973 ♪ There'll be ♪ 2180 01:52:08,056 --> 01:52:11,059 ♪ Bad days ♪ 2181 01:52:12,392 --> 01:52:17,189 ♪ I want to unread every book ♪ 2182 01:52:17,271 --> 01:52:21,234 ♪ That my eyes laid on ♪ 2183 01:52:21,316 --> 01:52:23,527 If it really is all a game, 2184 01:52:23,609 --> 01:52:25,236 sometimes the best thing you can do 2185 01:52:25,319 --> 01:52:27,196 is press the reset button. 2186 01:52:28,363 --> 01:52:33,117 ♪ I want to unsing every song ♪ 2187 01:52:33,200 --> 01:52:37,704 ♪ Unwrite every line ♪ 2188 01:52:37,787 --> 01:52:40,998 For the first time in my life, I am. 2189 01:52:41,081 --> 01:52:43,083 I dare not add an adjective- 2190 01:52:43,165 --> 01:52:46,585 mature, content, happy. 2191 01:52:46,668 --> 01:52:49,170 "I am" is good enough for now. 2192 01:52:50,379 --> 01:52:53,298 Life is a lot like death. 2193 01:52:53,382 --> 01:52:57,135 It happens to everyone, whether they like it or not. 2194 01:52:57,218 --> 01:52:59,095 The meaning of it all? 2195 01:52:59,177 --> 01:53:01,179 Honestly? 2196 01:53:01,263 --> 01:53:02,639 Who gives a fuck? 2197 01:53:23,237 --> 01:53:27,992 ♪ I want to unsew every seam ♪ 2198 01:53:28,074 --> 01:53:32,412 ♪ Unwind every clock ♪ 2199 01:53:32,494 --> 01:53:37,749 ♪ Unbreathe every breath I've made ♪ 2200 01:53:41,543 --> 01:53:46,047 ♪ I want to unset every sun ♪ 2201 01:53:46,129 --> 01:53:50,842 ♪ That my eyes fell on ♪ 2202 01:53:50,924 --> 01:53:56,180 ♪ Till I give back all I've won ♪ 2203 01:54:00,015 --> 01:54:02,225 ♪ Good days ♪ 2204 01:54:02,308 --> 01:54:04,226 ♪ There'll be ♪ 2205 01:54:04,310 --> 01:54:07,146 ♪ Bad days ♪ 2206 01:54:09,189 --> 01:54:11,316 ♪ Good days ♪ 2207 01:54:11,398 --> 01:54:13,484 ♪ There'll be ♪ 2208 01:54:13,567 --> 01:54:16,445 ♪ Bad days ♪ 2209 01:54:18,236 --> 01:54:20,447 ♪ Good days ♪ 2210 01:54:20,530 --> 01:54:22,657 ♪ There'll be ♪ 2211 01:54:22,740 --> 01:54:25,326 ♪ Bad days ♪ 2212 01:54:27,368 --> 01:54:29,662 ♪ Good days ♪ 2213 01:54:29,746 --> 01:54:32,040 ♪ There'll be ♪ 2214 01:54:32,122 --> 01:54:35,042 ♪ Bad days ♪