NO. PLEASE.
THIS STUFF DOESN'T MATTER. LET'S GO.
OH, MY GOD.
"I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL. MOM WAS IN THE KITCHEN WITH A STRANGE LADY.
"MOM TOLD ME TO GO BACK TO MY ROOM. I THOUGHT I WAS IN TROUBLE.
"SHE CLOSED MY DOOR AND SAID, 'PURREE GOT HIT BY A CAR AND KILLED.'
"AND THEN SHE TOOK ME BACK TO THE LADY IN THE KITCHEN...
"AND TOLD ME TO SPELL WORDS TO SHOW HOW I'M A GOOD SPELLER.
"I SAID I HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
"I CLIMBED OUT THE WINDOW. I WENT DOWN THE BLOCK.
"I SAW BARNEY PLAYING PUNCH BALL. HE SAID I LOOK SAD.
"I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CAT. HE SAID, 'THAT'S SAD.'
"THEN I CRIED, BUT I TRIED NOT TO SHOW. SOME OF THE KIDS LAUGHED.
BARNEY SAID HE CRIED WHEN HIS DOG DIED. AND THE KIDS STOPPED LAUGHING."
HIS CAT DIED. HE WAS SAD. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
NOTHING STRIKES YOU AS ODD? SEE? IT'S NOTHING. LET'S GO.
[ Chuckling ] THESE THINGS HAPPEN.
OUI. C'EST VRAI. THE UNIVERSE IS CRUEL.
BUT TELL ME THIS, MRS. SILVER, THIS LADY YOU GAVE THE COFFEE TO--
WAS HELEN'S SISTER. I DON'T REMEMBER HER NAME. I MET HER THE ONCE.
WAS THERE SOME PAINFUL THING ABOUT THIS STRANGER...
THAT REQUIRED YOUR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION?
NO. HELEN WASN'T HOME, SO I OFFERED HER SISTER A CUP OF COFFEE.
BUT YOU AGREE THAT PURREE MEANT A GREAT DEAL TO ALBERT?
[ Chuckles ] YOU CAN'T MAKE A FEDERAL CASE OUT OF THE CAT.
ANSWER THE QUESTION, PLEASE.
I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE CAT. I TRAVELED A LOT FOR WORK.
WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS ANYMORE. IT'S EMBARRASSING ME.
[ Caterine ] PRECISELY THE POINT. [ Brenda ] WHAT?
YOU WERE EMBARRASSED FOR FEELING SAD ABOUT THE DEATH OF YOUR CAT.
IT'S PAINFUL ENOUGH TO FEEL SAD, BUT ON TOP OF IT,
TO FEEL EMBARRASSED FOR FEELING, THAT IS THE KILLER.
HOW IS THAT MY FAULT? I DIDN'T TELL HIM TO BE EMBARRASSED.
BUT YOU DID. IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE...
WITH A PERFECT STRANGER THAN TO TALK TO ALBERT...
ABOUT WHAT FOR A SMALL BOY IS A LARGE TRAGEDY. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
HE CLIMBED OUT HIS WINDOW, A CRIMINAL IN HIS OWN HOUSE.
-WHY? - I DON'T KNOW.
- I THINK YOU DO. - I DON'T.
- YES, YOU DO. - OH, STOP IT!
I THINK YOU SHOULD GO. NO, I WILL NOT GO.
ALBERT HAS A PLACE HERE, A PLACE YOU HAVE DENIED.
THIS IS MY HOME. I CAN TELL HIM WHAT I WANT.
- YES, YOUR HOME IS A LIE. - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I GAVE MY LIFE TO THIS SELFISH BAS--
SO HE COULD BE AN ORNAMENT TO YOU, NOT A PERSON.
[ Doorbell Rings ] GOD, WHAT ARE YOU, A BITCH?
YOU'RE A BITCH. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU HAVE, BITCH?
LISTEN. LISTEN. THIS IS YOUR MOTHER.
[ Sighs ]
- YOU ASKED ME TO COME UP HERE? - WHAT DOES THE DOORMAN HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
HE WAS ORPHANED BY CIVIL WAR. YOU WERE ORPHANED BY INDIFFERENCE.
THIS IS BUT ONE PART OF YOUR PUZZLE. DO YOU SEE?
[ Machine Clicks ] #### [ Rock ]
OH, NOW THE TIMER'S ALL FUCKED UP. BRENDA!
GEE, IS IT THAT HARD? GO AHEAD AND DO IT.
ALL I'M GONNA DO IS LISTEN-- I SPENT WHAT? I SPENT $2,000 ON THIS?
I WANNA LISTEN TO A RADIO!
[ Elevator Dings ]
THANKS. WE'LL MEET YOU LATER BY THE ROCK.
I'M SORRY, MAN. I NEED, LIKE, A MINUTE TO FIGURE THIS OUT.
-SHE HAD TO GET YOU TO SEE. - SEE WHAT?
YOU WERE TRAINED TO BETRAY YOURSELF RIGHT HERE.
THAT'S WHY YOU BETRAYED YOURSELF BY GOING TO BRAD.
WHY DIDN'T YOU FIGURE THIS OUT? WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING ME HERE?
BECAUSE YOU LIED TO US. YOU TOLD US THAT THE AFRICAN GUY...
WAS THE-- THE DOORMAN AT YOUR FRIEND'S BUILDING, NOT AT YOUR PARENTS' BUILDING.
YOU ENCRYPTED THE TRUTH. THAT'S HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT BETRAYING YOURSELF.
- RIGHT. - I TOLD YOU THAT HE WASN'T READY FOR INFINITY.
DON'T START WITH THAT MAGIC BLANKET BULLSHIT, OKAY? IT'S NOT MAGIC.
IT'S JUST THE WAY THINGS ARE. YOU AND ME AND THE AIR ARE ACTUALLY TINY PARTICLES...
THAT ARE SWIRLING AROUND TOGETHER.
LOOK RIGHT HERE. YOU SEE? OKAY. BUT LOOK AT THE CRACKS...
BETWEEN THESE PARTICLES AND THE CRACKS WE FALL THROUGH, THE HOLES OF NOTHINGNESS.
EXACTLY. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I JUST EXPERIENCED UPSTAIRS. LOOK CLOSER.
THERE ARE TINY PARTICLES CONNECTING THE LARGER CUBES.
YEAH, AND THEN TINIER CRACKS BETWEEN THE CONNECTIONS.
AND EVEN TINIER CONNECTIONS. AND EVEN TINIER CRACKS.
YEAH, BUT IF YOU LOOK CLOSE ENOUGH, YOU CAN'T TELL WHERE MY NOSE ENDS...
AND SPACE BEGINS, BECAUSE THEY'RE UNIFIED.
SEE? SO WHAT? YOU CAN'T SEE ANY OF THIS ANYWAY!
DO YOU SEE ANYTHING? NO.
BUT I WANT TO DEBATE THIS PARTICLE CUBE THING.
YOU LIVE ALL THE TIME WITH THINGS YOU CAN'T SEE. YOU CAN'T SEE ELECTRICITY, CAN YOU?
YOU CAN'T SEE RADIO WAVES, BUT YOU ACCEPT THEM. TRUST.
FUCK TRUST! YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM CATERINE, ALBERT,
'CAUSE SHE'S GONNA LEAD YOU DOWN THE PATH OF DARKNESS.
SHE WAS OUR PRIZE GRADUATE STUDENT TILL SHE WENT ASTRAY.
I THINK THAT I AM GONNA STAY WITH HER, THE CRACKS, THE PAIN, THE NOTHINGNESS,
BECAUSE THAT'S MORE REAL TO ME, THAT'S WHAT I FEEL.
- WORD. - OKAY. WE'RE NOT SWEATIN' IT.
NO, WE'RE GONNA WORK WITH BRAD. IT'LL ALL COME BACK TO YOU...
AND INTERCONNECTION. BRAD? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'M GONNA WORK ON THAT PRICK, AND IT'S ALL GONNA COME BACK TO PAIN AND NO CONNECTION!
NO. IT'S ON.
[ Sighs ] WE'LL SEE.
OOH, DAMN.
COME ON.
OH, SHIT. FUCK.
[ Indistinct ]
OH, LOOK AT THIS. KAFKA.
- HE'S PLANTING GARBAGE FOR US. - KAFKA.
KAFKA. LOOK AT THAT. SO FISHY.
[ Voices On Headphones ] OOH, SHE FOUND HIS POEM.
OH, THIS IS GOOD. I WAS HOPING FOR A BREAK LIKE THIS.
- [ Brad ] DON'T GO IN MY DEN. - WHOA. WHOA.
I'M NOT UNHAPPY TO BE WITH YOU! LET ME SEE THIS!
"PUTTING ON A SHOW. CAN'T SAY NO.
INSIDE I'M DROWNING, SIGHING AND FROWNING."
THAT DOESN'T SOUND VERY HAPPY TO ME. DOES IT SOUND VERY HAPPY TO YOU?
I ONLY WROTE "FROWNING" TO RHYME WITH "DROWNING."
THEN WHY DID YOU NEED "DROWNING"? TO RHYME WITH "FROWNING."
THERE-- THERE'S NOTHING IN IT. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? LOOK!
AND WHY DO THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH OUR YARD AND GO THROUGH THE GARBAGE?
[ Clicks ] WHAT IS HE DOING? STOP THAT.
WHY IS HE SNIFFING MY BLOUSE?
PERSPIRATION LEVELS INDICATE STRESS, AND THAT'S KIND OF HIGH.
[ Dawn Sighs ] BRAD SIGNED A RATHER COMPREHENSIVE CONTRACT...
ALLOWING UNFETTERED ACCESS TO YOUR HOME.
WELL, IT'S MY HOME TOO, AND I DIDN'T SIGN ANYTHING.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK THAT OUT WITH BRAD.
THE MORTGAGE IS IN HIS NAME, AND YOU'RE NOT MARRIED.
[ Gasps ] ARE THESE FROM THIS YEAR?
LAST YEAR. WE WENT TO SAINT BART'S.
WHAT ABOUT THIS YEAR? WE DIDN'T TAKE A TRIP THIS YEAR.
HOW COME? TOO BUSY. A LOT OF WORK.
TOO BUSY TO GO HAVE FUN? HON-- HONEY, WHY ARE YOU INVOLVED WITH THIS?
YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN THERAPY. NO, SEE, I DON'T SEE THIS AS THERAPY.
I'M PROACTIVE. THESE PEOPLE ARE ACTION ORIENTED.
IT'S LIKE THE COMPANY RETREATS AT HILTON HEAD. REMEMBER?
NO, HEY. GET OUT OF THERE. HEY! HEY! NO. NOW, UNFETTERED ACCESS.
REMEMBER LAST YEAR, THE TRUST THING? THE PARAGLIDING? A QUICK LOOK AT YOUR LABEL.
IT'S JUST LIKE THAT. NO, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT! THIS IS--
ACTUALLY IT IS. NO, IT IS. EVERYTHING WILL END UP NICE.
IT SEEMED LIKE THEY WERE HELPING ALBERT. THEY CAN HELP ME.
HELP THE OPEN SPACES. HELP HUCKABEES.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HE DID MENTION THAT IN HIS APPLICATION...
THAT HE FELT EXHAUSTED FROM HAVING TO CONSTANTLY CHARM EVERYONE,
BUT DOESN'T SEE ANY ALTERNATIVE BECAUSE--
"YOU NEED TO GET PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL TO GET THINGS DONE IN THIS WORLD."
END QUOTE. DUH. BRAD LIKES TO BE CHARMING. IT COMES NATURALLY.
I ONLY PUT THOSE THINGS IN THE GARBAGE AS A JOKE.
YEAH, SEE? THAT'S FUNNY. [ Bernard ] BACK DOOR WAY TO CHARM.
THAT'S JOKING AS A DISGUISED REQUEST FOR APPROVAL.
THAT'S SAYING,"JOKE," BUT REALLY LOVE ME.
JOKE, LOVE ME. MS. CAMPBELL, HOW HAVE YOU FELT ABOUT BEING PRETTY?
OH, PLEASE. I DON'T THINK OF MYSELF AS BEING THAT PRETTY. [ Indistinct ]
YES, THAT'S CHANGED AT HUCKABEES, BUT, YOU KNOW,
I WAS NEVER THE PRETTY GIRL.
REALLY? NO.
I JUST HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH THIS GORGEOUS HOTTIE.
HOW'S THE SEX? HOW IS THE SEX?
THE SEX? COME ON, GUYS. COME ON. THAT'S PRIVATE.
THAT'S GROSS. A PRELIMINARY SURVEILLANCE...
INDICATES IT'S BEEN INFREQUENT AND SHORT-- EIGHT TO NINE MINUTES...
TYPICALLY. SURVEILLANCE? YOU WATCHED US?
NO, JUST LISTENED. [ Brad ] SO, YOUR SURVEILLANCE IS WRONG.
YEAH. IT'S QUANTITY, NOT QUALITY.
- WHAT? - SHE MEANT QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY.
I KNOW. I WAS ONLY JOKING. WERE YOU JOKING...
WHEN YOU SAID QUANTITY AND NOT QUALITY? IN REGARDS TO SEX?
WE'RE NOT GONNA DISCUSS THIS. WE'RE PRIVATE ABOUT...
OUR SEVEN MINUTES OF HEAVEN. IT'S LONGER THAN THAT.
EIGHT MINUTES OF HEAVEN! IT'S NOT QUALITY, IT'S QUANTITY!
[ Laughing ]
YOU OUGHTA SEE HER AFTER A COUPLE MARGARITAS. OH, MY GOD! I'M CRYING.
HONEY-- WHAT IS IT?
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO WRITE THIS POEM? HOW COME WE CAN'T DISCUSS THESE THINGS OURSELVES?
WHERE IS THIS RELATIONSHIP GOING, HUH?
WHY IS MARRIAGE AND KIDS SO IMPORTANT? THERE'S AN OVERPOPULATION PROBLEM.
[ Bernard ] WHOA. [ Gasps ]
THAT CAME OUT OF LEFT FIELD. ALL RIGHT.
WHY IS HAVING CHILDREN THE ULTIMATE PERFORMANCE FOR SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE? WHY?
WELL, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A PERFORMANCE.
YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE KIDS.
WE COULD JUST, YOU KNOW, THINK ABOUT IT, OR NOT.
COULD JUST BE OURSELVES, JET SKIING, WHATEVER.
THIS IS NOT WHY I HIRED YOU.
THEN WHY DID YOU HIRE THEM?
WELL, I HAVE A MEETING. [ Doorbell Ringing ]
OH. THERE IT IS.
[ Door Opening, Closing ]
[ Dawn ] WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA? [ Bernard ] WITH A LITTLE LEMON.
SO, I'VE NEVER REALLY DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.
UM, WHERE-- WHERE WOULD WE START?
NOW. NOW.
DID YOU GET IT? YEAH.
I DID. I FELT IT.
IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE.
VERY, VERY GOOD. YOUR TURN.
[ Sighs ] NOW.
NOT SO HARD. SORRY.
NOW. NOW. NOW.
NOW!
DID YOU GET IT?
YEAH, YOU STOP THINKING.
YES. IT'S FANTASTIC.
IT'S LIKE I'M HERE, BUT I'M NOT--
SO, I'M NOT HERE. IT-IT'S JUST--
I-- I-- I DON'T KNOW. DO IT ONE MORE TIME.
IT'S LIKE I'M A ROCK OR A DISH OF MOLD.
I'M WHATEVER ELSE IS AROUND. SO I'M FREE TO JUST EXIST.
THIS IS THE ANSWER. WE JUST HAVE TO BE THIS ALL DAY, EVERY DAY.
THAT'S THE ANSWER. YES.
DO IT AGAIN. DO IT AGAIN. NOW.
CAREFUL, MY YOUNG STUDENTS,
YOU CANNOT STAY IN THIS STATE ALL DAY.
WHY NOT? YEAH, WHY NOT?
IT IS INEVITABLE THAT YOU ARE DRAWN BACK INTO HUMAN DRAMA.
DESIRE, SUFFERING-- EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS IN THIS IMPERFECT WORLD.
SHIT. SO WE GET DRAWN BACK INTO HUMAN DRAMA...
AND HOW IMPORTANT WE THINK THAT IS.
THEN WE DO CRAZY STUFF. WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE BALL...
SO WE CAN GET THE FREEDOM OF BEING LIKE A-- LIKE A DISH OF MOLD.
YES. AND THEN BACK TO THE DRAMA, THE SUFFERING.
IT'S KIND OF A CRAPPY DEAL. C'EST EXACTEMENT CÇÇA.
AN ABSURD THEATRICAL WE MUST PLAY OUT, BACK AND FORTH,
FROM PURE BEING TO HUMAN SUFFERING.
BUT ISN'T THE DRAMA AND SUFFERING LESS IF WE DO THE BALL THING EVERY DAY?
DON'T CALL IT "THE BALL THING." CALL IT "PURE BEING."
DOESN'T THE PURE BEING, BALL THING MAKE THE DAY-TO-DAY SUFFERING EASIER?
YEAH. NO, IT DOESN'T.
YOU'RE WRONG. WE'RE GONNA DO THIS EVERY DAY.
WE'LL SHOW YOU. IT'LL MAKE IT EASIER. I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
HUMAN DRAMA IS INEVITABLE.
SUFFERING CANNOT BE DIMINISHED. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE, TOMMY.
YOU'LL SEE. EXISTENCE IS A CRUEL JOKE...
THAT ENTICES IN A FORM OF DESIRE.
ABSURD THEATER OF DESIRE. I KNOW, BUDDY, IT HURTS. IT'S PAINFUL.
WAIT HERE. WHERE YOU GOIN'?
TO MEDITATE ON DESIRE AND SUFFERING.
CAN I COME? NO.
OKAY.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A LITTLE BIT. WE'LL DO MORE, UM, PURE BEING? PAIN--
I HOPE SO.
DON'T FUCKING LEAVE ME.
[ Moaning ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Moaning ]
## NOTHINGNESS ##
## SOMETHINGNESS ##
## NOTHINGNESS ####
[ Brad ] YOU LOOK UGLY! NO, NO, NO.
- HOLD UP. - NO. NO.
- NO, GO BACK INSIDE. - CAN I HAVE MY CAR KEYS?
YOU CAN'T KEEP COMING TO WORK IF YOU DRESS LIKE THAT.
ME AND DARYL MADE SOME SPOTS MARTY'S GONNA LOVE.
THESE ARE THE BEST TOPS AROUND.
LAST TIME, LAST YEAR, NOT SO GOOD.
BUT NOW, THIS IS THE TRUTH.
MARTY'S GONNA HATE THEM, DAWN.
HE'S GONNA HATE THEM. THERE'S GLASS BETWEEN US.
YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH MY INFINITE NATURE, CAN YOU?
THAT IS SO NOT TRUE. WAIT, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
WE'VE TALKED ABOUT YOUR INTIMACY PROBLEM. WHAT'S THE CORE OF IT?
INTIMACY IS COMBO OF INFINITES.
I'M DEFINITELY GONNA HAVE AN INTIMACY PROBLEM WITH YOU IF YOU KEEP DRESSING LIKE THAT.
WELL, IT'S ONLY BEEN A WEEK. ONE DAY IS TOO MUCH.
THE PEOPLE AT THE OFFICE ARE FREAKING OUT.
YOU COULD GET FREE, BRAD, BUT YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO BE SUPERMAN IN CONTROL.
AND THAT MEANS YOU ARE THE SOURCE INSTEAD OF PART OF THE INFINITE.
AND THAT MAKES IT TOO HARD FOR US, BABY. STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT.
YOU HIRED THE DETECTIVES. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO EVERY WORD THEY SAY.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHICH PARTS TO LISTEN TO? I'LL TELL YOU.
NO, THAT'S CONFUSING. [ Engine Starting ]
TAKE THAT OFF. TAKE IT OFF. NO. CAN I HAVE MY CAR KEYS, PLEASE?
GIVE ME MY GLASSES. NO.
GIVE ME MY GLASSES. YOU GIVE ME MY CAR KEYS.
NO. YES.
YOU STAY AT HOME. TILL YOU DRESS NORMAL,
YOU DON'T COME TO WORK.
TREES AND BEES--
HEY, DARYL, WHERE ARE YOU? [ Daryl ] HI, HONEY.
DAWN, THIS IS HEATHER. HEY, I'M HEATHER.
LET'S DO IT. LET'S MAKE A COMMERCIAL.
I'M A REALLY BIG FAN OF YOURS. WELL, THANKS.
IT'S SO WEIRD TO MEET MY VOICE. WELCOME TO THE FAMILY.
WHAT? THIS SCRIPT ONLY HAS MY LINES, AND I DON'T SEE ANOTHER CHARACTER HERE.
I TOLD YOU, YOU ARE THE TRADEMARK VOICE OF HUCKABEES. SO--
RIGHT. SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? SHE'S THE VOICE.
I'M THE FACE. GO, HEATHER.
GIRL, YOU COULD-- [ Laughing ] YEAH, YEAH.
ALL THIS, AND BRAINS TOO.
SON OF A BITCH, DARYL!
- THEY WANT ME BACK IN A BIKINI? - [ Screams ]
- DAWN, PLEASE. - WAKE UP, PRETTY GIRL.
THE JOKE'S ON YOU! THE JOKE IS ON YOU! OW! OW!
- NO, STOP. - DON'T LOOK AT ME. I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.
I'M SICK OF THIS. I'M SICK OF YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME.
LOOK AT ME. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, EVERYBODY.
EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME NOW. I AM SO PRETTY. I AM SO PRETTY. LOOK AT ME.
EVERYBODY JUST WANTS TO BE ME. I'M PRETTY.
SHANIA'S ON THE STAGE. WE'VE GOT THE EXECUTIVES HERE, THAT'S GREAT.
WORKING THEIR WAY BACK TO THE, UH, LESSER DONATORS.
RIGHT. WELL, WHEN WE DID THE GARTH BENEFIT IN DALLAS,
WE PUT THE $10,000 DONORS UP HERE. WOW, GARTH.
WAS THATGARTHGARTH, OR CHRIS GARTH?
THAT'S CLASSIC GARTH. THE BEST. CLASSIC GARTH COSTS.
YEAH, SO, WHEN WE DID THE GARTH BENEFIT IN DALLAS, THAT'S WHAT WE--
WHERE'S MARTY? WHERE IS HE?
HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN MY COMMERCIALS?
HAVE YOU? I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU. OH, MY GOD.
THEY'RE YOUR DETECTIVES, AND THEY GAVE ME THIS TRUTH. WOW. NUTTY.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND? THERE'S GLASS BETWEEN US!
DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!
[ Thuds ]
HEY, HEY. HEY-- THERE YOU ARE, MARTY.
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE MY SPOTS? HONEY, THIS LOOK IS HURTING YOU, AND IT'S HURTING HUCKABEES.
THIS IS MYSELF. THEN YOU WON'T SPEAK AT THE BENEFIT AS YOURSELF.
THAT IS NOT HUCKABEES. I AM STILL HUCKABEES.
NOT IN THAT BONNET. IT'S IN MY EYES, MARTY.
IT'S LIKE THAT STORY OF THE CAVE.
WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS HAPPENING TO YOU?
WE TRUSTED YOU. WE TOOK CARE OF YOU. WE MADE YOU INTO A NATIONAL ICON.
PULLED YOU OUT OF A MALL. EH, YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN EVERYTHING BY HUCKABEES.
FUCK-A-BEES! OOH.
- WOW, WOW, WOW. - BRADLEY, THERE'S BOARD MEMBERS HERE.
SHE'S KNOCKING ON THE GLASS-- THAT'S NOT GONNA LOOK TOO GOOD FOR A NEW CORPORATE GUY.
WHAT? I GOT CORPORATE? YOU GOT CORPORATE.
I GOT CORPORATE? YEAH, YOU GOT CORPORATE. NOW GO AND CONTAIN HER.
ALL RIGHT? SHE SAID, "FUCK-A-BEES."
YEAH. SHE SAID FUCK--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO US?
I'M IN MY TREE. I'M TALKING TO THE DIXIE CHICKS...
AND THEY'RE MAKING ME FEEL BETTER.
WELL, I THINK THE DIXIE CHICKS WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT I JUST GOT PROMOTED.
WHAT? V.P. FOR PUBLIC AFFAIRS.
I GOT CORPORATE, DAWN.
I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS. IT'S FOR THE GREATER GOOD.
I WENT TO THE DETECTIVES TO SHAKE ALBERT OUT OF THE COALITION.
- I ADMIT THAT. - THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
SWEETHEART, YOU'RE MIXING YOURSELF UP.
LISTEN, YOU'RE MIXING IT ALL UP.
[ Crying ] WAIT A SECOND. HUH.
DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT THE MARSH AND THE WOODS?
YES, I CARE ABOUT THE MARSH AND THE WOODS. ALBERT WAS NOT GONNA SAVE 'EM HIS WAY.
YOU DON'T GO THROUGH THE BACK DOOR WITH A POEM AND A BONNET.
YOU GO THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR WITH A TIE, AND YOU OWN THE MARSH AND THE WOODS.
THAT'S HOW YOU'RE GONNA SAVE 'EM.
LET'S CELEBRATE. MM-HMM.
YOU WANT SOME NEW CLOTHES? YEAH.
I'LL GET YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT. WHAT DO YOU NEED? I DON'T KNOW.
PEDICURE? YEAH, BUT DO I HAVE TO BE PRETTY ALL THE TIME?
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
BUT, NO, IT'S NOT A CHOICE. I DO HAVE TO BE PRETTY.
WELL, I'M PRETTY SURE THE DIXIE CHICKS WOULD WANT YOU TO SPREAD YOUR LOVE...
HERE WHERE YOU CAN AT HUCKABEES.
RIGHT. THAT'S GOOD.
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GOT ALBERT FIRED.
STAY POSITIVE. BERMUDA. JET SKIS. PINA COLADAS. ALL RIGHT?
YEAH. WHEN YOU LEAVE THE OFFICE, WILL YOU GO THROUGH THE BACK DOOR?
OKAY? 'CAUSE YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD TODAY.
OKAY. OKAY.
OKAY? MM-HMM.
[ Chattering ]
HEY, TOM, TOM.
GO FOR IT, MAN.
[ Speaking French ]
THE WOODS ARE HOPELESS. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME. THEY WILL BE DESTROYED.
SO WILL THE MARSH. IT IS A LOSING GAME...
MANKIND HAS PLAYED FOR MORE THAN A CENTURY.
SADNESS IS WHAT YOU ARE. DO NOT DENY IT.
THE UNIVERSE IS A LONELY PLACE, A PAINFUL PLACE.
THIS IS WHAT WE CAN SHARE BETWEEN US, PERIOD.
[ Brad And Dawn ] WHOA!
H'YAH!
[ Gasps ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE DONE WITH THIS STUPID METHOD.
WHY CAN'T I DO IT? BECAUSE IT IS A FANTASY.
DO YOU WANT TO LEAD A FAKE LIFE? YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET SO THREATENED.
I CAN MIX YOUR THING WITH THEIR THING. NO, YOU CAN'T!
WHY NOT? BECAUSE THEY ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
AND THEIRS IS A LIE. FOR THE LAST TIME, FORGET THE TREE FANTASY.
AND AS FOR BRAD, YOU MUST DO TO HIM FOR REAL...
WHAT HE DID TO YOU, AND-- [ Knocking ]
YOU DITCHED ME. FIRST MY FAMILY, AND NOW YOU GUYS.
SHE'S MY TEACHER TOO, ALBERT. AND SHE'S STILL YOUR TEACHER, TOM.
NO. IT'S ALL DIFFERENT NOW.
I THOUGHT WE WERE A PLATONIC TRIO, NOT SOME SICK SEX DANCE.
YOU SAID THAT WAS BULLSHIT.
LEARN FROM THIS, TOMMY. PAINFUL TRUTH.
I WARNED YOU-- HUMAN DRAMA.
IS THAT WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS, TO TEACH ME?
YEAH, IS THAT WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS, TO TEACH HIM? OF COURSE IT IS.
THERE ARE UNIQUE MOMENTS WHEN TWO PEOPLE SHARE THE DEEP SORROW OF EXISTENCE.
ALL RIGHT. THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR.
HOW CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT BULLSHIT? T-TOM-- TOM, I'M SORRY.
THIS JUST HAPPENED. I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.
WE COULD STILL BE-- YOU CAN STILL BE MY OTHER, RIGHT? SHUT UP, ALBERT.
I BROUGHT YOU HERE. I WANTED TO SHARELA FORCE WITH YOU, AND YOU RUINED IT.
YOU FELL IN LOVE. [ Caterine ] DO NOT DEFILE IT WITH CLICHEÉÉ.
- IT IS UNNAMEABLE. - YEAH? WELL, I REJECT UNNAMEABLE!
[ Clattering ]
IT LEAVES ME OUT!
WHERE IS YOUR PURE BEING NOW, TOMMY? I TOLD YOU.
I'M JUST GONNA ACCEPT MY LONELINESS.
AND I'M GONNA GO TO AN EVEN DARKER PLACE OF NOTHINGNESS.
FROM AN EVEN FARTHER, MORE EXTREME NOTHINGNESS ON MY OWN!
WHO NEEDS YOU GUYS? [ Caterine ] AHH, SUBLIME.
HEY, WELCOME. YOU LIKE MY NEW OFFICE?
LET'S START WITH THE METHOD. LET'S START WITH THE METHOD.
WE'D LIKE TO DISCUSS-- WE'D LIKE TO DISCUSS--
OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [ Chuckling ] I'M JOKIN' AROUND, GUYS.
BUT SERIOUSLY, I WANT TO QUIT THE PROCESS WITH YOU.
NOTHING PERSONAL. I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'VE DONE FOR ME, BUT I'M OVER IT.
YOU CAN'T QUIT UNTIL THE CASE IS OVER. AH, I CAN FIRE YOU.
NO, YOU CAN'T. NO, YOU CAN'T.
SURE I CAN. NO, YOU CAN'T.
PARAGRAPH 201. "NEITHER CLIENT NOR DETECTIVE...
"MAY TERMINATE CASE PRIOR TO RESOLUTION AS DEFINED BY PARAGRAPH 314, SUBCLAUSE 'D',
WHICH STATES--" THAT'S NOT BINDING.
- OH, IT'S BINDING. - I'LL FIND A LAWYER.
OH? OR MAYBE EVEN GO TO THE FBI. HOW ABOUT THAT?
GO AHEAD. OH, I WILL. I'M NOT KIDDING.
NO, BRAD, THIS IS HOW IT WORKS. YOU GO TO THE POLICE.
YOU-- YOU TELL THEM THAT YOU WENT TO THE EXISTENTIAL DETECTIVES.
THEY ASK WHY. YOU SAY, "FOR PERSONAL REASONS."
OR, MAYBE YOU WANTED TO WORK THE POLITICS AT YOUR CORPORATION...
BY RATTLING ALBERT MARKOVSKI. I NEVER TOLD YOU THAT.
- WELL, GIVE US A LITTLE CREDIT. - THE POLICE GO TO HUCKABEES.
THEY TALK TO THEM. THE BOARD LEARNS THAT RISING STAR, BRAD STAND,
HAS WEIRD EXISTENTIAL ISSUES.
OR HE FAKES THEM. WHICH IS ODD.
WHICH IS WORSE. AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND, THE VOICE OF HUCKABEES,
IS DRESSING LIKE AN AMISH BAG LADY. OKAY, I GET IT.
YOU KNOW, BRAD, SUDDENLY YOUR STAR ISN'T RISING ANYMORE. IT'S SINKING.
OKAY. I SAID I GET IT, BERNIE. RELAX. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE.
- SHUT UP. - AGGRESSIVE-AGGRESSIVE.
DOES DAWN WANT TO QUIT? DAWN'S INTO THIS CRAP FOR REAL,
WHICH IS THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
SHALL WE GET BACK TO THE CASE?
ALL RIGHT. WHAT YOU GOT ON ME? NOTHIN'.
OUR STAFF DID A LITTLE FIELD WORK IN, UH, CLEVELAND.
-WHAT? TALK TO MY FAMILY? -[ Vivian ] MOMMY AND DADDY LOOK AWESOME.
SO DO YOU. BUT THIS GUY. WHA-- AH, HE DOESN'T LOOK TOO GOOD.
YOU BASTARDS. [ Bernard ] HE DOESN'T LOOK TOO GOOD, DOES HE, BRAD?
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? [ Sniffing ]
[ Crying ]
OOH.
MM-HMM.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HE WEIGHS 250. HE T-- HE TALKS ABOUT GECKOS ALL THE TIME.
- WHAT'S THE POINT? - I THOUGHT HE WAS A SWEET, SENSITIVE YOUNG MAN.
OH, EXCUSE ME. YOU-- YOU SPOKE TO MY FAT, SAD BROTHER?
YES, BRAD, ON THE PHONE. INDEED, I DID, AT LENGTH.
WELL, IF HE'S SO SENSITIVE, WHY DOESN'T HE LOSE 70 POUNDS AND STOP TALKING ABOUT GECKOS.
MAYBE HE'LL FIND SOME FRIENDS. WELL, YOUR BROTHER FEELS THAT YOU'RE ASHAMED OF HIM.
ARE YOU SYMPATHETIC TO HIM?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I GAVE HIM A CAR. [ Bernard ] MM-HMM.
I SEND HIM SHIRTS. MM-HMM.
I-- LOOK.
HERE, GUYS. GECKOS.
AND I KEEP 'EM.
I'M A PRETTY GOOD OLDER BROTHER.
[ Vivian ] HE WISHES YOU WOULD LISTEN TO HIM MORE.
ABOUT WHAT, GECKOS?
I-- I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.
BUT MAYBE HE SHOULD LISTEN TO ME MORE AND LEARN A LITTLE.
[ Vivian ] YOU HAVE SEVERAL STORIES THAT YOU LIKE TO TELL OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
OHH. OH-HO. THAT'S NOT-- COME ON. THAT'S A LIE.
I-- I'M NOT BORING LIKE HIM. LIKE THE MAYONNAISE STORY. THE MAYO STORY.
[ Vivian's Voice ] MAY 18, SALES MEETING.
[ Brad's Voice ] SHANIA'S THERE, YOU KNOW, PROMOTING HER APPAREL, RIGHT?
[ Man Chuckles ] IT'S 4:00. SHE'S STARVING.
SHE HATES MAYONNAISE, RIGHT? ALLERGIC TO IT.
SO I ORDER A TON OF TUNA FISH SANDWICHES. BACK THEN THAT'S ALL SHE'S EATING.
TUNA FISH. NO MAYO, DARLING. [ People Laughing ]
[ Vivian's Voice ] JUNE 5, DRIVING RANGE.
[ Brad's Voice ] NO JOKE. WE GAVE HER A CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH ONCE,
SHE THREW UP IN THE BACK OF THE LIMO.
[ Vivian's Voice ] JUNE 30, THE LAKE.
[ Brad's Voice ] SHANIA'S THERE PROMOTING HER APPAREL, RIGHT?
IT'S 4:00, AND SHE'S STARVING. SHE'S A BUSY LADY.
I ORDER A TON OF TUNA FISH SANDWICHES. THAT'S ALL SHE'S EATING BACK THEN, TUNA FISH.
[ Vivian's Voice ] JULY 9, FLIGHT 27 TO CHICAGO.
SHANIA'S THERE PROMOTING HER APPAREL, RIGHT? IT'S 4:00. SHE'S STARVING.
THE LADY HATES CHICKEN SALAD. GAVE IT TO HER ONCE, SHE THREW UP.
AUGUST 17, CONFERENCE CALL. SHANIA'S THERE PROMOTING HER APPAREL, RIGHT?
NO MAYO. SHE HATES IT. AND SHE CANNOT EAT CHICKEN SALAD. THAT'S NO JOKE.
SEPTEMBER 3, IN TRAFFIC, YOUR CELL PHONE.
SHANIA'S THERE PROMOTING HER APPAREL, RIGHT? BACK THEN THAT'S ALL SHE'S EATING, TUNA FISH.
NO MAYO. I EAT TWO OF THE SANDWICHES IN FRONT OF HER.
SHE NOW EATS ONE AND A HALF. NOW SHE BELIEVES ME.
SHE EATS ONE AND A HALF SANDWICHES BEFORE SHE REALIZES IT'S CHICKEN SALAD.
[ Tape Player Stops ]
[ Tape Rewinding ]
[ Vivian ] WHY DO YOU THINK THAT YOU TELL THE MAYO STORY SO MUCH?
I DON'T KNOW. WHY? [ Bernard ] IT'S PROPAGANDA.
- FOR MAYONNAISE? - FOR YOU.
SPECIFICALLY, YOU'RE SO IMPRESSIVE BECAUSE YOU KNOW SHANIA.
AND YOU'RE SO STRONG, BECAUSE YOU PULL ONE ON HER.
- YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY, A GOOD GUY. - KEEPING EVERYONE LAUGHING...
SO THAT MAYBE, QUOTE, YOU DON'T GET DEPRESSED.
WELL, WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT DEPRESSION?
NOTHING. UNLESS IT HOLDS THE KEY...
TO SOMETHING YOU COMPULSIVELY AVOID...
SO IT WILL NEVER BE EXAMINED OR FELT,
HENCE YOUR BEHAVIOR BECOMES REPETITIVE LIKE THE STORY.
LIKE THE STORY. LIKE THE STORY.
LIKE THE STORY.
SHUT UP.
ALL RIGHT. I DON'T HAVE TO TELL STORIES.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DIDN'T TELL THE STORIES?
ARE YOU BEING YOURSELF? HOW AM I NOT MYSELF?
-"HOW AM I NOT MYSELF?" - MYSELF.
MYSELF. "HOW AM I NOT MYSELF?"
HOW AM I NOT MYSELF? [ Bernard ] "HOW AM I NOT MYSELF?"
HOW AM I NOT MYSELF? "HOW AM I NOT MYSELF?"
HOW AM I NOT MYSELF?
[ Together ] HOW AM I NOT MYSELF?
[ Whispered Voice ] HOW AM I NOT MYSELF? HOW AM I NOT MYSELF?
[ Woman ] BRADLEY?
SHE'S STARVING. SHE'S A BUSY LADY.
I ORDER A TON OF TUNA FISH SANDWICHES. THAT'S ALL SHE WAS EATING BACK THEN, TUNA FISH.
NO MAYO-- HEY, BRADLEY, HOW DO YOU LIKE THE CORPORATE MEN'S ROOM?
FREAKIN' AWESOME, MAN.
[ Sighs ] [ Marty ] HEY, BRAD, YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
THE DUNDALEE CUPS ARE BLOWIN' OUT IN THE SUNBELT FRANCHISES.
HOW'S THAT FOR SUPER WEIRD? THAT'S A GOOD THING TO BRING TO THE TABLE TODAY.
RIGHT? YOU ARE JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED, MY FRIEND.
RIGHT? RIGHT ON.
WELL, LET'S GO, DUDE. I'M GONNA INTRODUCE YOU TO THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS, MY FRIEND.
JOHN, WHAT DID LEGAL SAY? JERRY?
WE HAVE A LEGAL PROBLEM. WELL, I DISAGREE.
GIVE HIM THE SALMON STRIPPER, CALL IT THE BASS BASHER. THEY DON'T READ ENGLISH ANYWAY.
JUST CALL IT "TUNA TORNADO." THERE YOU GO. LEGAL CAN COVER THAT.
SPEAKING OF SHANIA AND TUNA, BRAD HAS THE MOST INCREDIBLE STORY.
- GO AHEAD, BRAD. - THERE'S A BASS BASHER IN JAPAN? WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?
WELL, WE'VE GOT A TRADEMARK ISSUE IN JAPAN. YOU GOT A LEGAL PROBLEM?
L-LET'S HEAR THE SHANIA STORY. I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT THEY WANNA HEAR.
- YEAH, COME ON, TELL THE SHANIA STORY. - COME ON, BRAD.
I DON'T WANT TO TELL THAT STORY.
WHAT? I DON'T WANT TO TELL THAT STORY, MARTY.
COME ON. YOU AND SHANIA ARE DOWNTOWN IN THE LOOP IN CHICAGO.
YOU'RE OPENING UP THE STORE. SHANIA, SHE ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE GETS--
HUNGRY.
REALLY HUNGRY. RIGHT. AND SO, YOU ORDER-- TUNA SANDWICHES.
YEAH, TUNA FISH. [ Woman ] I THOUGHT SHE WAS A VEGETARIAN.
YOU ORDER TUNA FISH, OKAY, BUT YOU REALIZE THAT SHE'S ALLERGIC TO--
MARTY, NO. SHE'S ALLERGIC-- YES.
COME ON. SHE'S ALLERGIC TO WHAT?
[ Retching ] [ Board Members Gasping ]
WHY DON'T YOU AND ME GO OUTSIDE AND HAVE A-- HAVE A TALK? COME ON.
I'LL BE BACK IN FIVE. [ Man ] FIVE MINUTES?
[ Man ] IS HE GONNA PUT A BONNET ON? BE RIGHT BACK.
[ Man ] WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
FUCK!
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
[ Bell Ringing ]
YOU'RE GONNA GET ON THE TRUCK LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. GET ON THE BIKE.
TRUCK! TRUCK! BIKE.
[ Man On P.A. ] ENGINE COMPANY 54, STAND BY.
[ Siren Wails ] I'M FREE AS A BIRD!
YOU'RE JUST SITTIN' IN YOUR GAS GUZZLERS.
SO LONG, SUCKERS! [ Horn Honking ]
[ Man On P.A. Continues, Indistinct ]
WHERE ARE YOU GUYS? I'M AT THE FIRE, MAN.
#### [ Vocalizing ]
#### [ Vocalizing Continues Over Radio ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Mouths Words ]
[ Moaning ]
[ Sirens Approaching ]
[ Woman ] HERE WE ARE. [ Man ] PULL IT DOWN.
CREATION, DESTRUCTION. CREATION, DESTRUCTION.
[ Brad ] OH, HO-HO-HO, NO. OH, NO!
[ Crying ] EVERYTHING. MY LIFE.
WHY?
[ Bernard ] OH, BRAD, LOOK AT YOURSELF. MY LIFE.
YOU'RE SITTING IN A BIG PILE OF SHIT. BRAD, IT'S OKAY. BELIEVE ME.
[ Brad ] NOTHING'S OKAY.
[ Bernard ] NOTHING'S OKAY, SO IT'S OKAY.
[ Brad Crying ] [ Bernard ] YOU THINK IT'S BAD, RIGHT,
'CAUSE YOUR HOUSE IS BURNING AND YOU MIGHT HAVE LOST YOUR JOB?
I GOTTA GO-- I GOTTA GO TO A BENEFIT.
DON'T-- DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
NO, TELL EVERYBODY. I DON'T CARE. TELL EVERYBODY!
OH, MAYBE NOT. [ Bernard ] WAIT A SECOND.
OH, NO, PLEASE, DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
YOU DIDN'T SEE ME CRY.
NOBODY SEES THAT PICTURE!
WHY DID YOU DO THAT? NO, NO, NO, NO.
WE DIDN'T DO THIS. WE WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
[ Vivian ] NEVER. OH, MAYBE SOMETIMES. WE DIDN'T DO THIS. NEVER.
WHO THE HELL IS THAT LADY WITH THE CAMERA?
- SEE- SEE-- SEE, THIS ISN'T OUR THING. - THAT IS HER THING.
WE WOULDN'T DO IT LIKE THAT. [ Brad Crying ]
WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME?
ALL RIGHT. I'M GONNA GO TO THE BENEFIT.
[ Sniffs ] SCREW ALL YOU BASTARDS.
BRAD! BRAD!
BRAD, WE DIDN'T DO THIS. SHE DID IT, BRAD.
[ Car Starting ] YES, I DID.
THAT FIRE WAS A BITCH-ASS THING TO DO.
NO, IT LIBERATED YOU FROM THE BRAD.
OR DID IT BOND ME TO BRAD IN THE INSANITY OF PAIN...
UNTIL I SAW THAT I'M BRAD AND HE'S ME?
[ Vivian ] YES. NO.
COME ON. YOU GUYS WORK TOGETHER, DON'T YOU?
- WE DON'T WORK TOGETHER AT ALL. - REALLY? IT'S NOT LIKE SOME SECRET DEAL...
WHERE SHE PICKS UP WHERE YOU LEAVE OFF, AND THEN WE COME BACK TO YOU?
THERE IS NO SECRET DEAL. WELL, THERE SHOULD BE, 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY IT WORKS.
YOU'RE TOO DARK, AND YOU'RE NOT DARK ENOUGH. YOU THREE WERE CLOSE, RIGHT?
MAYBE TOO CLOSE. THEN IT WENT SOUR AND PROPELLED YOU INTO ONE EXTREME,
AND YOU INTO ANOTHER EXTREME.
SO, VOILAÁÁ! TWO OVERLAPPING, FRACTURED PHILOSOPHIES...
WERE BORN OUT OF THAT ONE PAIN.
[ Gasps ] ALBERT!
WOW. WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
I DON'T KNOW.
HI. WELCOME TO THE OMNI HOTEL. UH, WE DON'T-- WE DON'T CHECK BIKES, SIR.
YEAH, TREAT IT LIKE IT'S A CAR. IT-- IT'S NOT A CAR. IT'S MY JOB.
[ Recording ] TENTH FLOOR.
[ Woman ] WELCOME TO THE HUCKABEES OPEN SPACES GALA EVENT.
HUCKABEES PLEDGES TO-- [ Continues, Indistinct ]
[ Brad ] DAVY, COME ON. MR. STAND, YOU'RE NOT ON THE LIST.
[ Woman ] LET'S TALK TO MARTY. WHAT ARE YOU CALLING ME MR. STAND FOR?
LET ME IN. MARTY, I'M ME. I MADE IT. MARTY, WILL YOU LET BRAD IN?
BRAD, SHH. KEEP HIM OUT.
HAS EVERYBODY LOST THEIR MINDS? WHAT IS THIS SHIT? COME ON.
I PUT THIS TOGETHER. I PUT THIS TOGETHER! I KNOW IT'S TOUGH.
JOSH, I PUT THIS TOGETHER.
SHANIA.
SHANIA!
IT'S THE NEW MISS HUCKABEES. SORRY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE SHANIA.
CAN I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH, PLEASE?
THESE ARE STILL THE OLD PICTURES.
THIS IS A COLLECTOR'S ITEM FOR SURE. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WHAT'S THIS, DAWN? DO YOU LOVE ME?
I THINK SO. WITH THE BONNET?
UH-- N--
IT'S OVER, BRAD.
I HAD A FIRE AND ALMOST DIED, AND HE CAME.
AND HE ALMOST DIED 'CAUSE HE CARES ABOUT THE SAME THINGS.
AND THAT SHOWS THERE'S NO NOTHING, EVEN WHEN YOU DIE. IT'S OKAY.
AND HE LIKES THE BONNET.
[ Man ] EXCUSE ME. WE HAVE A V.I.P. FUNCTION HERE.
I NEED TO ASK YOU GUYS TO LEAVE, PLEASE.
THE GENTLEMAN BEHIND THE BUSH, YOU HAVE TO LEAVE, PLEASE.
ONE WORLD. ONE STORE. HUCKABEES, THE EVERYTHING STORE.
SHOPPING, NATURE, TOGETHER.
DID THEY LET YOU IN TO THE BENEFIT? I DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO GET IN.
BRAD, I THOUGHT ABOUT CHOPPING YOUR HEAD OFF WITH A MACHETE MANY TIMES.
I THOUGHT ABOUT HACKING YOU UP WITH AN AX, ALBERT,
AND SMASHING YOUR FACE IN WITH A BASEBALL BAT.
[ Recording ] EIGHTEENTH FLOOR.
YOU GOING UP? [ Albert ] WE'RE GOING DOWN.
- UH, NO, I THINK YOU'RE GOING UP. - RIGHT YOU ARE. COME ON IN.
MA'AM.
OH-- UH. MARY JANE!
- OH, AT LAST. - HOW COULD YOU?
- HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO US, YOU LIAR? - THIS IS A WIN FOR US. COME ON.
A DEXICORP MALL IN MY GRANDFATHER'S FOREST IS NOT EXACTLY A WIN.
AND THEY'VE ALREADY STARTED SURVEYING TO-- TO START CONSTRUCTION.
WE SAVED THE MARSH. [ Albert ] BY GIVING THEM THE WOODS.
ARE WE GOING UP OR WHAT?
ALL YOU DID WAS MAKE HUCKABEES LOOK GOOD. THAT'S ALL YOU DID.
ALBERT, HOW CAN YOU BE CALM? DID YOU HEAR WHAT BRAD DID?
- I'M DEALING WITH IT. - SIT WITH ME AND SHANIA. YOU'LL SEE THIS IS A WIN FOR US.
- SHANIA DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT! - OH, SHANIA CARES.
- LET'S GO! - SHANIA DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT!
WE SAVED THE MARSH-- FUCK HIM!
SO YOU SOLD OUT THE WOODS? THIS NEW MALL IS GOING TO BE VERY ECO-FRIENDLY.
I SAVED HALF THE TREES. DID I SELL OUT THE WOODS?
I DON'T KNOW. I TRIED TO DO SOME GOOD. YOU KNOW, I SAVED HALF OF 'EM.
[ Sighs ] BRAD, I TORCHED YOUR JET SKIS.
- AND MY HOUSE? - NO, JUST YOUR JET SKIS.
IT SPREAD TO THE HOUSE. I'M SORRY.
[ Recording ] THIRTY-SIXTH FLOOR.
[ Sighs ] YOU GUYS GOING DOWN?
GOOD.
WHO IS THAT? YOU OR ME?
GIVE ME--
- [ Grunting, Groaning ] - OW! [ Screaming ]
GIVE ME THAT!
[ Grunting, Groaning Continue ]
[ Woman ] HIT THE ALARM.
YOU'RE ONLY SMASHING YOURSELF, BRAD! YEAH.
[ Grunting ]
AND NOW I'M SMASHINGMYSELF!
NOW I'M SMASHING MYSELF!
STOP IT! [ Recording ] TWENTY-FIRST FLOOR.
[ Together ] SHANIA.
BRAD, DO YOU REALIZE WHEN THEY DESTROY THE WOODS--
NO, LET ME EXPLAIN. THE AVERAGE TEMPERATURE OF THE MARSH RISES FIVE DEGREES?
THE ENTIRE FOOD CHAIN IS DEGRADED, STARTING WITH FROGS. LET ME EXPLAIN.
OKAY, BUT WE SAVED HALF THE WOODS.
I'M A VEGETARIAN, BRAD. I EAT TOFU TUNA.
WITH THE MAYO, AND YOU LIKED IT!
SHANIA, I'M ALBERT. I USED TO RUN THE OPEN SPACES COALITION.
SHE KNEW MY NAME. SEE? SO WHAT IF SHE KNEW YOUR NAME?
I WAS ONLY JOKING, MAN. COME ON.
YEAH, OKAY, I'M CAUGHT UP IN THAT SHIT.
SO AM I. THAT'S HOW I BOUGHT INTO YOU. [ Recording ] EIGHTEENTH FLOOR.
ALBERT, WE OWE YOU AN APOLOGY. WE SHOULD'VE STAYED WITH YOU.
THANKS, ANGELA. SEE YOU AT THE MEETING ON TUESDAY.
WE'RE GONNA STOP THOSE BULLDOZERS.
OH, MY GOODNESS. [ Brad ] I DON'T HAVE A JOB.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.
THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I FELT.
TRY THIS LADY.
AH, HERE HE COMES!
OH, BOY. THE MAN-POET WHO BANGED FRANCE'S DARK LADY OF PHILOSOPHY.
THE PARKING LOT CRUSADER OF TRUTH...
WHO TURNED HIS BACK ON HIS OTHER LIKE A COLD-BLOODED GANGSTA.
I KNOW.
YOU HURT MY FEELINGS. I'M SORRY.
BUT YOU HAD TO DO IT ANYWAY, DIDN'T YA? SHE'S A VERY POWERFUL PERSON.
AND I HAVEN'T BEEN WITH A LOT OF WOMEN. OBVIOUSLY.
AND SHE USED ME TO TEACHUS ABOUT THE INEVITABILITY OF HUMAN DRAMA.
SO? IS THAT WHERE YOU GET OFF THE RIDE?
HELL NO.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
LOOKS LIKE YOU SAW SOME TRUTH. LOOKS LIKE YOU SAW SOME TRUTH.
WHAT'D YOU SEE? WELL, THE INTERCONNECTION THING IS DEFINITELY FOR REAL.
IT IS! I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. IT'S SO FANTASTIC!
THAT'S AMAZING. I KNOW.
BUT IT'S ALSO NOTHING SPECIAL.
YEAH, BECAUSE IT GROWS FROM THE MANURE OF HUMAN TROUBLE.
YOU SEE, THE DETECTIVES, THEY JUST WANTED TO GLOSS RIGHT OVER THAT.
BUT IN FACT, NO MANURE, NO MAGIC.
DID YOU HEAR SOME OF THAT? SOME OF IT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.
I THINK--
I THINK THIS CASE IS CLOSED.
IS IT EVER REALLY CLOSED?
HMM.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW? I WAS THINKING ABOUT CHAINING MYSELF TO A BULLDOZER.
DO YOU WANT TO COME? WHAT TIME?
MM, 1:00, 1:30.
SOUNDS GOOD. SHOULD I BRING MY OWN CHAINS?
WE ALWAYS DO.
## NOTHINGNESS ##
## SOMETHINGNESS ##
## NOTHINGNESS ####
#### [ Rock ]
## IT'S SOMETHING UNATTAINABLE ##
## THAT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ##
## AND NOW THE UNEXPLAINABLE ##
## HAS YOU RIDDLED WITH DOUBT ##
## THINGS BEGIN ##
## THINGS DECAY ##
## AND YOU GOTTA FIND A WAY TO BE OKAY ##
## BUT IF YOU WANT TO SPEND THE DAY ##
## WONDERIN' WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT ##
## GO AND KNOCK YOURSELF OUT ##
#### [ Vocalizing ]
## WHY WE'RE PUT ##
## IN THIS MESS ##
## IS ANYBODY'S GUESS ##
## MIGHT BE A TEST OR IT MIGHT NOT BE ANYTHING ##
## YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ##
## BUT IF YOU'RE STILL IN DOUBT ##
## GO AND KNOCK YOURSELF OUT ####
#### [ Vocalizing ]
#### [ Ends ]