快,机器人,踢他们膝盖 Now, Robot, kick 'em in the knees.
熊的膝盖最没用 Bears have weak knees.
你们要震动下 因为机器人浑身都是射线 And you should vibrate, 'cause the robot's full of radiation.
对,就是那样 Yeah, that's it.
Frank Frank.
我说过你能弄几只熊的? How many bears did I say you could have?
一只 One.
那你看现在这里有几只? And how many do you see here?
恩,四只? Um, four?
给我们省着点用, Frank Save a little money for the rest of us, Frank.
你不能把钱都花在熊的衣服上 You can't spend a bunch of money on bear suits
那只会出现大概25秒钟 that are only gonna be seen for, like, 25 seconds.
Liz,没人会相信杀手机器人 Liz, nobody's gonna believe that a killer robot
会被一头熊打败的 can get his ass kicked by one bear.
这没道理的 It doesn't make any sense.
你打算让机器人大战狗熊符合逻辑? You're trying to bring logic to the robot-bear sketch?
不要四只那么多 You can't have four bears.
好吧,那能留几只? Well, how many can I keep?
一只! One!
抱歉, 伙计们 Sorry, guys.
恩,谁作了我的数独拼图? Uh, who did my Sudoku puzzle?
我一上午都在期待作它 I have been looking forward to this puzzle all morning.
嘿, Liz,你有空的时候 Hey, Liz, could you come up to my office
能不能到我办公室来一下? when you have a free moment?
我没有空的时间,Jack I never have a free moment, Jack.
从来,没有 Never, ever.
真的打他 像抬拳道那样打 Really punch him. Like karate.
你对日本的Reiki了解吗? Are you familiar with the Japanese art of Reiki?
不 No.
它的意思是放开手,改进一个人的生活 It is the laying-on of hands in order to improve one's life.
恩,怎么改进? Hm, how does your life improve?
那手里拿着钱吗? Do the hands have money in them?
人际关系很重要, Lemon Human contact is important, Lemon.
从你巨大的压力状态下看出 I can tell from your stress level
你已经有很久没和人接触过了 that you have not been touched in any way in quite some time.
没有护理,没有按摩 Not caress?? Not massaged.
甚至都没有在地铁里寻找过 Not even groped on the subway.
你怎么想到这些的? Where are you headed with this?
你的情绪会影响你的工作 Your mood affects the quality of your work,
也就是说,会影响到我 which, in turn, affects me.
我很乐意来给你提供些帮助 I would like to become a resource to you
以改进你的生活 for improving your personal life.
Lemon,你同意你的生活中需要另一个人的存在吗? Do you agree that you need someone in your life, Lemon?
不,我有比我的生活更重要的事情要担心 No, I have bigger things to worry about than my personal life.
我觉得一个单身女人最需要担心的 I would think that a single woman's biggest worry
就是别在自己家里噎死 would be choking to death alone in her apartment.
我有个朋友在城里,我想介绍你们认识 I have a friend in town I'd like to set you up with.
用不着,谢谢 No, thank you.
Thomas非常聪明,很有幽默感 Thomas is very bright, has a wonderful sense of humor.
我觉得你们俩很配 I think it's a good match.
星期四有空吗? Are you free on Thursday?
不,星期四晚上是扑克之夜 No, Thursday is poker night.
还有 And by the way, it is completely inappropriate
你完全没资格来质疑我的私生活 for you to be questioning me about my private life,
然后给我安排相亲 and then trying to set me up with someone
你根本不了解我 when you don't even know anything about me.
扑克?都有些谁啊? Poker night? Who plays?
怎么? Really?
你就这么点本事? That's all you got out of that?
我喜欢打牌 I enjoy poker, and I'd be interested
而且我很喜欢看我的新雇员在那种压力下的样子 in seeing my new employees under that kind of pressure.
你不会来参加我们的牌局吧? You're not gonna come to our crappy poker game, are you?
不,不会的 No, I'm not.
很好 Good.
骗你的 我当然会来 I bluffed. Yes, I am coming.
这里不能放3 这里也不能放3 Three can't go here. Three can't go here.
这里也不行 It can go here.
好吧,我去见你的朋友 Fine, I'll meet your friend.
这个叫Thomas的是谁? So who is this Thomas guy?
哦,我不知道 他是Jack的一个朋友 Oh, I don't know. He's one of Jack's friends.
哦,天哪,Jack不是Tom DeLay的朋友吗? Oh, my God, isn't Jack friends with Tom DeLay?
我是去和Tom DeLay约会吗? Am I going on a date with Tom DeLay?
啊,我怎么会答应的? Ugh, why did I say I would do this?
自从和Dennis分手后我就没约会过 I haven't been on a date since Dennis and I broke up,
那已经是几乎一年前的事了 and that was almost a year ago.
这会是场灾难 It's gonna be a complete disaster.
只不过一个约会而已 It's just one date.
不过如果真是Tom DeLay,而他和你回了他家 But if it is Tom DeLay and you do go home with him,
要做好充足准备 be prepared for it to get weird.
Josh, 你和我 周四晚 Josh, you and me. Thursday night.
我认识一个在地铁里办斗鸟的家伙 I know this guy that runs an underground bird fight.
哦,是吗 那个不行 Oh, yeah. I can't do that.
周四这里是扑克之夜 Thursday's poker night here.
伙计们,我们再来试一下绿屏 Guys, we just need to try the green screen stuff one more time.
扑克? 我喜欢扑克 Poker night? I love poker.
我以前和我姨妈玩各种扑克 I used to play all kinds of poker with my aunt.
Crazy Seven Albuquerque Freakout Crazy Seven. Albuquerque Freakout.
One Card Stud One Card Stud.
那个,我想它们都不是真的游戏 Yeah, I don't think those are real games.
管它呢 Whatever.
尽兴就行 Get ready to get took.
不,妈妈,我周五不能过去 我要工作 No, Mom, I can't make it Friday. I gotta work.
嘿, Frank? Hey, Frank?
等等,怎么 Hold on. Yeah.
男人喜欢什么? What do guys like?
恩,A片 Uh, porn.
不,我的意思是 如果你要和一个女人约会 No, I mean, if you were gonna go on a date with a woman,
你希望她怎么样? how would you want her to act?
希望她和A片里似的 Like she was in a porn.
嘿, Lemon Hey, Lemon.
你8点去des Artistes吃晚饭 You're on for 8:00 for dinner at Caf?des Artistes.
真的吗? 喔.怎么? Really? Wow. What?
你打算穿什么? What are you gonna wear?
就这个吧 我大概没时间回家换衣服 This, probably. I don't have time to go home.
不不不,这个不行 No, that won't do.
我要你中午出去 I want you to go out on your lunch hour,
在女衣店里 and find something.
找到点能穿的女装 At a women's clothing store.
提醒我哪个更大 Remind me what's better.
一对黑A还是一对红A? A pair of black Aces or a pair of red Aces?
伙计们,我走了 You guys, I'm leaving.
好的 好的 All right. All right.
看看这胸 看看那儿 Check out the valley. Look at that.
嘿, 瞧瞧你! Hey, look at you!
你就像个打扮很漂亮的妓女 You look like a fancy prostitute.
好了,椅子准备好了,啤酒准备好了 Okay, I got my chair. I got my beer.
还准备了幸运甜甜圈 I got my lucky donut.
哦, 有没有多一个人的位置? Oh, is there room for one more?
当然 真的吗? Yeah, sure. Really?
太好了 That's fantastic.
我们能不能, 恩-- 对,对,对 Could we just, uh-- Yes, yes, yes.
Donaghy,怎么样? Donaghy, what up?
怎么样, Tray? What up, Tray?
这一轮, Texas Doozy 随便出牌 This round, Texas Doozy. Face cards are wild.
Threes are jinx Fives are twos Threes are jinx. Fives are twos.
Tray,你介意我拿下这一手吗? Tray, do you mind if I deal this hand?
请自便 让我瞧瞧 Be my guest. Show me love.
女士们先生们,一局最少赌25美圆 Ladies and gentlemen, the minimum bet in this game is $25.
哦, Jack,我们的输赢一般都只有几毛 Oh, Jack, we usually just play for quarters.
那么,你们最好快回家找爸爸去,孩子们 Well, then you best go home and put on your daddy's shoes, boy.
这是男人的游戏 'Cause this is a man's game.
我要了 I call.
那么我出...这个 And I'll see that with... This thing.
要了 I call.
一对J Pair of Jacks.
A Ace high.
3个K Three cowboys.
哦,上帝啊 我的结婚戒指 Oh, my God. My wedding ring.
上帝啊,上帝啊 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
现在, 你们都能从Pete身上得到教训了吧 Now, you should all learn from Pete's mistake.
我老婆会杀了我的! My wife's gonna kill me!
看, 打牌就像做生意 You see, in poker as in business,
成功贵在窥视出 the key to success is to determine
对手的长处 还有更重要的是,他的弱点 your opponent's strength and, more importantly, his weaknesses.
人人都有自身的弱点 Everyone has a tell-- a weakness of character
而且会被行动所表现出来 that manifests itself physically.
哦 Oh.
比如像Lutz如果有一手好牌 他就会停止吃东西 Like when Lutz here has a good hand, he stops eating.
Frank如果是在虚张声势 他就会用怪问题来掩盖他的紧张 When Frank is bluffing, he asks a series of insane questions to hide his nervousness.
哦,真的吗? Oh, really?
你是这么想的吗? 我是这么做的吗? Is that what you think? Is that what I do?
我是不是现在正是在那么做? 我不玩了 Am I doing that right now? Yeah, I'm out.
好了,雨人,那我呢? Okay, Rainman, tell me what I got.
你有两张牌放反了 Well, you have two of your cards backwards actually.
不玩了 I'm out.
嗨,请来杯Pinot grigio Hi. Pinot grigio, please.
这走太远了，Donaghy赢了我200美圆 This is beyond the pale. Donaghy took me for $200.
是啊,我把我的房租都压上了 Yeah, well I bet my rent money.
如果我10号前不交出去的话 我妈会把我赶出去的 And if I don't pay by the tenth, my mom's gonna throw me out.
我全压上了,有人跟吗? I'm all in. Anybody else?
哦,我陪你玩,Donaghy先生 Oh, I'll play with you, Mr. Donaghy.
Kenneth,你坐在这里多久了? Kenneth, how long you been sitting there?
我补Pete的位置,他在卫生间里忙着呢 I'm taking Pete's place, 'cause he's busy in the bathroom,
发他的小病 laying in his own sick.
哦,天哪 Oh, my God.
他读不懂Kenneth 他没办法了 He can't read Kenneth. He's a blank slate.
好了,你有什么? Okay, what do you got?
我想我有个人们说的同花大顺 I think I have what they refer to as a royal flush.
看来我是大赢家 Looks like I'm the big winner.
谢谢 Thank you.
Liz,嘿 Liz, hi.
我是Gretchen Thomas,Jack的朋友 (啊~~Stephanie March姐姐~~口水中~~) I'm Gretchen Thomas. Jack's friend.
嘿,很高兴认识你 Hey. Great to meet you.
嘿 Hi.
为什么Jack会认为我们是拉拉? Why would Jack just assume that we're lesbians?
我是拉拉啊 ~~~~~~~ I am a lesbian.
恩,很不错 Mm, that's awesome.
这是你第一次被人这么误解吗? Is this the first time somebody's made that assumption about you?
Lemon 别让那些姑娘们只因为你是怎么样的人而欺负你 Lemon, don't let these girls give you a hard time about who you are.
你知道的,年轻人,你要多刷刷你的牙 You know, you need to brush your teeth more, young man.
哦,老天哪 多可爱的一个小拉拉啊 Oh, my. What an adorable little lesbian.
什么? 我不知道 What? I don't know.
谁记得那种事情? Who remembers that kind of thing?
看来,这显然行不通 Well, look, obviously this is a miscommunication.
我是说,我没兴趣追直女 I mean, I'm certainly not interested in chasing a straight girl.
当然了 Of course, yeah.
如果你想回家的话,我完全理解你 I completely understand if you just want to go home.
不,这没关系,我留下 No, it's fine. I'll stay.
Jack简直不可理喻 Jack is ridiculous.
哦,我和Jack一起在做过塑料 Oh, I worked with Jack in Plastics.
他老喜欢用同样的方法解决问题 He tends to approach everything the same way.
找出问题 孤立问题 Locate the problem. Isolate the problem.
把问题丢给那个拉拉 Set the problem up with a lesbian.
对做塑料的人来说，这笑话不错啊 That's a pretty good joke for somebody from Plastics.
其实,我也不是一直做塑料 Well, I wasn't always in Plastics.
我还搞过水加工技术 I used to work in Water and Process Technologies.
主要搞初级金属 Working mainly in primary metals.
哦,那么你有关于喜剧的背景 Oh, so you have a comedy background.
和Thomas的约会怎么样? How was your evening with Thomas?
你指Gretchen Thomas? 那个聪明的女同性恋工程师? You mean, Gretchen Thomas? The brilliant plastics engineer/lesbian?
你怎么会认为我是同性恋? What made you think I was gay?
你的鞋子 Your shoes.
记住,我是直的 Well, I'm straight.
那种鞋子可有点弯哦 Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.
毫无疑问, 我是直的,100%直的 Regardless, I am straight. 100% completely straight.
那么,抱歉刺激你了 Well, I'm sorry if I offended you.
我没有受刺激-- No, I'm not offended--
很好 Good.
你对Kenneth了解多少? What do you know about Kenneth the page?
我不太清楚 他是个不错的家伙 I don't know. He's a sweet kid.
对 Yes.
还出人意料的是个扑克好手 And a surprisingly good poker player.
你知道他中间的名字是Ellen吗? Did you know that his middle name is Ellen?
不知道,奇怪的名字 No, that's weird.
迈尔斯-布里格斯类型指标显示他 And that his Myers-Briggs-psychological testing shows shows a rare combination
性格外向, 直觉良好很有野心 of extroverted, intuitive and aggressive?
真的? Really?
和我一样 The same as mine.
他可能会是个难缠的家伙 He could be trouble down the line.
Kenneth Kenneth.
Kenneth Ellen Kenneth Ellen.
得了 All right then.
你不是拉拉 我记住了 You're not a lesbian. Duly noted.
我会帮你修正你的档案的 I'll correct that on your file.
不过很可惜,Thomas觉得你很不错 It's too bad, though. Thomas thought you were great.
- 真的吗? - 没错 - She did? - Yes.
她说你很像Jennifer Jason Leigh She said she thought you looked like Jennifer Jason Leigh.
真的?她这么说的? Really? She said that?
对,我还让她重复了遍呢 我以为她是说Jason Lee呢 (My Name is Earl里那个Earl~~) Yes, I made her repeat it. I was sure she meant Jason Lee.
Lemon小姐 Miss Lemon.
恩 Yeah.
这是Pete的结婚戒指 This is Pete's wedding ring.
我昨晚赢来的,不过我想我不该留着它 I won it last night, but I don't think I should keep it.
你能帮我把它还给他吗? Could you give it back to him for me?
当然 Yeah, okay.
这也是你赢来的? Did you win this, too?
没错 I did.
我喜欢光照后它像钻石一样亮 I love how the light catches it like diamonds.
Kenneth,这就是钻石 Kenneth, it is diamonds.
啊 Ah.
嗨, Donaghy先生 Hi, Mr. Donaghy.
有什么能为您效劳的吗? Can I help you with something?
你是个问题...Kenneth Ellen You are a puzzle... Kenneth Ellen.
我会解决你的 我会的 And I'm going to solve you. Yes, I am.
真不敢相信你连结婚戒指都赌上了 I can't believe you bet your wedding ring.
我知道 I know.
奇怪的是我倒还有点钱 The weird thing is I had money left.
嘿,恩,你说我像哪个名人吗? Hey, um, what famous person would you say I look like?
恩,现代明星的话 Linda Ronstadt Uh, present day Linda Ronstadt.
不, 像Ruth Bader Ginsburg No, Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Tootsie Tootsie.
算了 Never mind.
约会怎么样? So how was your date?
我们不太般配 It wasn't a good match.
发生什么了? What happened?
- 他注意到你脸会抽筋了? - 没有 - Did he notice your facial tic? - No.
你穿凉鞋去了? Did you wear sandals?
- 他看到你的脚趾了? - 不是 - Did he see your toes? - No.
你做错什么了,对吧? You blew it, didn't you?
干的好啊, Liz Good job, Liz.
就这样 Way to go.
屡战屡败 Another one bites the dust.
啊,看你那张小脸 Ah, look at your little face.
那是个女的 It was a lady.
你说真的? Are you serious?
我的Emmy奖杯呢? Where is my Emmy?
你好? Hello?
嗨, Gretchen 我是Liz Lemon Hi, Gretchen. It's Liz Lemon.
哦,嗨 Oh, hi.
看,这听起来有点奇怪,不过,恩... Look, thiss gonna sound really weird, but, um,
你有没有担心会一个人 do you every worry about choking to death
噎死在家里? alone in your apartment?
哦,你一定会觉得奇怪 Oh, it's so weird you would say that.
我一直担心来着 I think about it all the time.
我是说,你死了 没人会发现 I mean, you'd die, and they wouldn't find you
直到你邻居家的狗在走廊里闻出味道来 until your neighbor's dog smelled you from the hallway.
恩,对,然后他们会把你的照片登报纸上 Ugh, yes, and they'd show a picture of you on New York One.
不只是怕噎着 And it's not just choking.
自从我过了30 每回我进出浴缸 Ever since I turned 30, every time I get in or out
我都会对自己说 "当心点,当心点" of the bathtub, I think in my head, "Careful, careful."
没错! Yes!
啊 Agh.
事情都糟透了 Everything's the worst.
你想一起吃晚饭吗? Do you want to get some dinner?
好的 Sure.
20分钟后Neptune见 See you in 20 at Neptune.
好的,非常好 Yeah, okay. Perfect, yeah.
哦! 喔,喔,喔! Oh! Ow, ow, ow!
我没死 I did not die.
伙计,这太棒了 哦,嘿, Jack Man, this is amazing. Oh, hey, Jack.
欢迎 欢迎各位 Welcome. Welcome, everybody.
该死的, Jack,真厉害啊 好大一只虾啊 Damn, Jack, you went all out. That's a giant shrimp.
用虾做的,放在虾做的碗里 Made out of shrimp and diving into a bowl of shrimp.
欢迎享用, Tracy 嘿, Pete,很高兴见到你 Please, enjoy it, Tracy. Hey, Pete, good to see you.
Jack Jack.
Kenneth在这儿吗? Is Kenneth here?
我--我去看看 I--I will check.
我已经玩了两个小时了 I've been playing for two hours.
我讨厌老是输 I'm tired of losing.
我要让我的伙计Dotcom给我来一把 I'm gonna let my boy, Dotcom, play a hand for me.
那么,嘿, Dotcom,你今晚去那三家俱乐部吗? So, hey, Dotcom, are we going to those three clubs tonight?
你知道吗，医生说我身体里有四个心脏 You know the doctor said I have four hearts in my body?
好了 非常好 All right. Great.
他还真做的出 得了吧,真是的 Of course he did. Come on. Damn it.
嘿,各位,这是Gretchen Hey, everybody, this is Gretchen.
哦,嗨 Oh, hey.
哦, Thomas Oh, Thomas.
Jack Jack.
Pittsfield的活计们都怎么样? How's everybody up there in Pittsfield?
哦,我们想你 Oh, we miss you.
我喜欢这个女人 (偶也喜欢~~~继续花痴中~~) I love this woman.
来打打牌吧 Let's play some poker.
要了 I call.
你有点什么, Kenneth? What have you got, Kenneth?
All clovers All clovers.
我赢了 I win.
非常聪明，Kenneth Very clever boy, Kenneth.
不过情况很快就要改变了 我知道你真正的弱点了 But the curtain has been drawn back now, and I know the real you.
我觉得他是把我和别人搞混了 I think he's confusing me with someone else.
Liz,你确定你不是拉拉吗? Liz, are you sure you're not gay?
那小妞很辣啊 'Cause that chick is hot.
我们只是朋友 就像Oprah和Gayle We're just friends, like Oprah and Gayle.
怎么就那么难让你们相信呢? Why is that so hard for everybody to believe?
她很不错 你应该跟她结婚 She's great. You should marry that girl.
只有一个问题,我不是拉拉 One problem. I'm not gay.
哦, Lemon,在我认识你的这十年里 Oh, Lemon, in the ten years that I've known you,
你有过不少很糟糕的男朋友 you've had some really terrible boyfriends.
是的,我有 I have.
那个迷恋卓别林的 There was the guy who was obsessed with Charlie Chaplin.
那是Neil Neil.
有一个用Slutbanger的名字玩Halo的 There was the guy who played Halo under the name Slutbanger.
那是Dennis Dennis.
那个长很高,很瘦,红头发的家伙 There was a tall, gangly, red-haired guy
老弹吉他那个 who played guitar all the time.
那是Conan Conan.
你和Gretchen在一起比和那些男人在一起放松多了 You're more relaxed with Gretchen than you were with any of those guys.
那你是什么意思,Pete? So what are you saying, Pete?
我就该喜欢女人? I should just be a lesbian?
那个,我知道这不容易 Well, I'm not saying it'll be easy.
你知道的,先把自己灌醉再说 You know, get drunk first.
为什么男人都觉得女人能那么容易就改变性向? Why do guys think women can just flip a switch like that?
如果我对你说"和Frank一起吧"? What if I said to you, "Go be with Frank now"?
啊,我会感到荣幸的 Ah, I would be honored.
Frank是个很温柔的英俊男子 Frank is a very tender, beautiful man.
他很棒 He's awesome.
你读不了他的思想 因为他根本就没有思想 You can't read his thoughts, 'cause he doesn't have any.
我加到200 I raise you 200.
你也加到了200 那我加到300 And I see your 200 and raise you 300.
你,从佐治亚州小石山来的小Kenneth Ellen Parcell 你行吗? Will you, little Kenneth Ellen Parcell from Stone Mountain, Georgia?
在你妈妈的房子里长大 梦想着能在电视行业里干? Growing up in your momma's tract house, dreaming of working on a TV show?
直到做梦一样地进入了NBC Dreaming of making it all the way to the NBC.
你吓着我了,Donaghy先生 You're scaring me, Mr. Donaghy.
你努力了许久,不是吗? Kenneth Ellen? You've come a long way, haven't you, Kenneth Ellen?
穿着那身制服,晃来晃去的家伙 With your cheap loafers and your page jacket,
但你永远只是乡下农民的儿子 but you'll always be a pig farmer's son, boy.
因为我在你混身上下都闻到了腊肠的味道 'Cause I smell fried bologna all over you.
我全押上 I'm all in.
我没钱了Donaghy先生 I'm out of chips, Mr. Donaghy.
嘿, 我有个有趣的主意 Hey, I got a fun idea.
你把你的制服放上来 You put your page jacket on the table,
如果你赢了,你就能把它拿回去 and if you win, you can get it back.
如果你输了,你就回家 If you lose, you go on home.
回你老家去,小Kenneth Ellen You go on home, little Kenneth Ellen.
回你的小石山去 All the way to Stone Mountain.
他在虚张声势,别怕 He's bluffing. Go for it.
他骗你的,相信你自己 He's bluffing. Come on, trust yourself.
相信你自己 别听他的 Trust yourself. Don't do it.
不! No!
你行的 You can do it.
好吧,好吧 Okay, okay.
来吧 Come on.
用你的直觉 Use your instincts.
你有正确的直觉 You've got good instincts.
来吧, Kenneth Do it, Kenneth.
我有一对2 I've got a pair of twos.
那么, 看看我的 Well, let's just see-weeby here.
我有一个2,一个4,一个9,一个6 I've got a two, a four, a nine, a six, and a King.
那就是,我赢了 That means I win.
Kenneth Kenneth.
你怎么会赌这么糟糕的一手? Why did you bet that terrible hand?
为什么? Why?
因为...我相信活着是为了生活 Because...I believe that life is for the living.
我相信冒险精神 我会吞下比我嘴里能放的还多的东西 I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew.
而且,人们老喊啊喊 And also, people were yelling,
而我老搞不清楚规则 and I got confused about the rules.
Kenneth Kenneth.
我不是真的要解雇你 I wasn't really going to fire you.
我只不过在提醒你,我能那么做 I just wanted to remind you that I could.
我要你早上6点准时来 I want you back here at 6:00 in the morning sharp
把这些虾打扫干净 so you can sweep up these shrimp tails.
好的,Donaghy先生 Yes, sir, Mr. Donaghy.
恩,我会看着你的，Kenneth Uh, I'm gonna have my eye on you, Kenneth.
我不会让你失望的先生 You will not be disappointed, sir.
那个,你真好,让他保住了工作 Well, it was nice of you to let him keep his job.
意大利人有句话,Lemon The Italians have a saying, Lemon.
"靠近你的朋友,但要更靠近你的敌人" "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."
尽管他们从没赢过什么战争 And although they've never won a war,
或者大规模生产过什么好车 不过这句话,他们说对了 or mass-produced a decent car, in this area, they are correct.
5年后,我们都会是为他干活的... In five years, we'll all either be working for him...
或者被他弄死 or be dead by his hand.
嘿,明天去好宜家后 你想去Beacon剧院看Margaret Cho吗? Hey, after Ikea tomorrow, you wanna go see Margaret Cho at the Beacon?
哦,伙计 恩, Oprah? Oh, boy. Um, Oprah?
对,Gayle Yes, Gayle.
我觉得我们最好停一停 I think we need to take a break.
是不是因为我说 我们俩应该报名参加The Amazing Race? （CBS著名真人秀“急速前进”） Is this because I waused to submit us for The Amazing Race?
我那是在开玩笑 Because I was 80% joking about that.
不,是因为-- No, it's--
你明白的,我说过我不追直女的 You know, I said I'm not into chasing straight girls.
我感觉现在好象就是这种状况 And I kinda think that's what's starting to happen here.
那么..除非你决定好要对你的生活做出重大改变 So... unless you're ready to make a big life change,
否则,我要向前看,去寻找我的真命天子 I need to move on, find my Steadman.
我以为这段关系里我是Oprah I thought I was Oprah in this metaphor.
而你又是拉拉,就有点搞不清楚 Also, you're gay, so that's a little confusing.
你应该说:"我的真命天女" You should say, like, "My lady Steadman."
好的 Okay.
得忍痛割爱了 I'm going out on a limb here.
好吧,抱歉 Okay, sorry.
恩,只是-- Um, it's just--
如果我想象我们两个在一起 If I try to imagine us being together,
我会说, "不错,会很有意思的" 知道吗? I think, "Yeah, okay, this could be fun, you know?
"一起去买家具换床单" "Picking out furniture and making flower beds out of old railroad ties."
不过事情就是 如果我要找个伴侣 But the thing is, if I'm gonna be with someone,
他最好还是个男的 it has to be a guy.
对那个你应该很肯定的 You sound pretty sure about that.
我能说什么呢? What can I say?
我喜欢秃秃的头,毛毛的背 I love a bald spot and a hairy back.
你保重 You're alone there.
我该走了 I should go.
回头见 I'll see you around.
好吧,等等 Okay, wait.
恩,我们定个约定怎么样? Um, what if we made a pact?
比如说,如果25年后 What if we say that in, like, 25 years,
我们俩都没找到那个人 if neither of us has someone,
我们就搬到一起,当室友怎么样? we'll move in together and be roommates.
不过当然,性生活嘛,我就算了 And even though I am not into the sex stuff,
如果你需要的话...我可以让你... 那个什么我 if it helps you... I would let you... do stuff to me.
我真不能再在你身边待下去了 I can't be around you anymore.
再见, Liz Bye, Liz.
很有意思,这通常是男人们说的 That's funny. That's what the guys always say.
那谁下周末和我一起去烹饪课? Who's gonna go with me to cooking class next weekend?
那个,如果烹饪课指的是你的床的话 Well, if by "cooking class" you mean your bed,
下周末是指今晚的话 and by "next weekend" you mean tonight--
哦,闭上你的嘴 Oh, shut up.
我都看见你的结婚戒指了 I can see your wedding ring.
笨蛋 Idiot.