翻译 Netflix 校对 TheOldJoe 特效 小布 后期&压制 Jason肖
各位神明 我是德維·維什瓦庫馬爾 Hey, gods. It's Devi Vishwakumar,
聖費爾南多谷這 你們最喜歡的印度教女孩 your favorite Hindu girl in the San Fernando Valley.
你們好嗎 What's a-poppin'?
今天是開學第一天 我想我們該聯繫一下 It's the first day of school, and I thought we should have a check in.
我覺得我們應該都承認 出於許多原因 I think we can all agree that last year sucked
去年真的糟透了 for a number of reasons.
所以我給想了些讓你們補償我的辦法 So I thought of a few ways you guys can make it up to me.
第一 我想被邀請參加去有酒有毒品的聚會 One: I'd like to be invited to a party with alcohol and hard drugs.
我不會真的喝酒吸毒 我只想有機會說 I'm not gonna do them. I'd just like the opportunity to say:
"我不吸可卡因 謝謝 不用了" "No cocaine for me, thanks. I'm good."
第二 我希望我的手毛能少一點 Two: I'd love for my arm hair to thin out.
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我知道這是印度人的特點 I know it's an Indian thing,
但我的小臂他媽看著像理髮店的地板 but my forearms look like the frigging floor of a barber shop.
最後也是最重要的一點 And lastly, most importantly,
我真的真的很想要個男朋友 I'd really, really like a boyfriend,
不過不要我大學預修課上的那種書獃子 but not some nerd from one of AP classes.
要運動隊裏的那種男生 Like a guy from a sports team.
他可以很蠢 我不在乎 He can be dumb. I don't care.
我只希望他是個冷酷的大帥哥 可以讓我爽翻一整夜 I just want him to be a stone-cold hottie, who could rock me all night long.
謝謝你們考慮我的請求 我愛你們 Thanks for considering. I love you guys.
就像她說的 她是德維·維什瓦庫馬爾 As she said, this is Devi Vishwakumar.
住在加州捨曼奧克斯的15歲印度裔美國女孩 She's a 15-year-old Indian-American girl from Sherman Oaks, California,
今天是她高二開學的第一天 and it's her first day of sophomore year.
而我是傳奇網球選手約翰·麥肯羅 And I am legendary tennis player, John McEnroe.
約翰·麥肯羅得分 Point to Mr. McEnroe.
哇 我看起來好帥 Wow, I look great there.
你可能在想 Now, you may be asking yourself:
為什麼運動明星約翰·麥肯羅要來講這個故事呢 why is sports icon John McEnroe narrating this tale?
-靠 -我保證 過會你就明白了 -Dammit! -It'll make sense later, I promise.
她的故事從她的父母 娜裏妮和莫漢 Her story starts when her parents, Nalini and Mohan,
2001年9月搬到美國時開始講起 moved to the United States in September 2001.
那時作為在美國的棕色人種很不容易 Not a super chill time to be a brown person in America.
湖人队
好球 Yes!
德維很崇拜她父親 Devi worshipped her father.
她的父母一直遵循著印度的傳統… And while he and her mother stayed true to their Indian roots...
不用了 謝謝 我們是素食主義者 No, no, no, thank you. We are vegetarians.
而德維完全美國化了 Devi was all-American.
但是在這次燒烤後不久 But shortly after this barbecue,
這個小家庭突遭變故 things got complicated for this little family.
在德維的春季交響音樂會上 At Devi's spring orchestra concert,
莫漢突發心臟病 Mohan had a heart attack.
莫漢 Mohan!
快打911 Somebody call 9-1-1!
來人快叫救護車 救護車 Somebody call an ambulance. An ambulance, please!
莫漢 Mohan!
他去世了 He died.
德維非常傷心 Devi was devastated,
但事情馬上又急轉直下 but things were about to get even worse.
一周之後… A week later...
德維的腿動不了了 Devi's legs stopped working.
醫學上沒有解釋 但她的腿就是不會動了 There was no medical reason why, but they were definitely not working.
現在她坐著輪椅 And now, she was in a wheelchair.
只因為德維坐在輪椅上 Just because Devi is confined to a wheelchair,
不意味著她沒那麼人類了 does not make her any less human.
至少據我們所知 她的病不會傳染 As far as we know, it's not contagious.
但她不用一個人經歷這一切 But she wouldn't have to go through it alone.
她的兩個閨蜜很快接受了現實 Her two best friends took the situation in stride.
也許不是很快 但絕對是很有個性 Well, maybe not in stride, but definitely in character.
總有一天 你會重新站起來的 One day, you will walk again.
如果不行 我會給你造一雙腿的 If not, I will build you legs.
這位是法布奧拉·托雷斯 高中機器人隊的隊長 This is Fabiola Torres, captain of the high school robotics team.
這位是埃莉諾·王 戲劇社的社長 And this is Eleanor Wong, president of the drama club.
簡直比發生在自己身上還難受 This is worse than if it were happening to me.
為了抗議 我也不用腿了 In protest, I shan't use my legs either.
除了她的朋友們 Aside from her friends,
還有一個人可以讓她打起精神 there was only one other person who could raise her spirits...
心率飆升 and also her heart rate.
帕克斯頓·霍爾吉田 捨曼奧克斯高中最性感的男生 Paxton Hall-Yoshida, the hottest guy at Sherman Oaks High.
我知道我說這話有點奇怪 I know it's a little weird for me to be saying that,
不過說真的 看看這孩子下頜線 but come on, look at this kid's jawline.
而後來 And as it turned out,
德維癱瘓三個月後 three months after Devi's paralysis set in,
帕克斯頓輪廓分明的臉龐召喚出了奇跡 Paxton's chiseled face actually worked a miracle.
來吧 兄弟 轉一圈 Come on, dude. Give me a turn.
就這樣 她又可以走路了 Just like that, she could walk again.
所以今天 德維要回高中了 So today, Devi returns to high school.
她能否把自己在學校活動上 Can she shed her old identity
喪父又癱瘓的印度女孩 as the paralyzed Indian girl,
這個身份標籤甩在身後 whose dad dropped dead at a school function?
大概不會 It's not likely.
這些事太令人難忘了 Those things are pretty unforgettable,
不過能正常行走的腿帶來了新的可能 but with working legs comes a whole host of new possibilities.
所以加油吧 德維 So go get 'em, Devi!
好想做一次 第一季 第１集
德維 你還在祈禱嗎 Devi, are you still praying?
神明們還有其他事情要忙呢 Our gods have other stuff to do, you know?
我正要祈禱取得好成績 I was about to ask for good grades.
帶上你的課本 我們得走了 Now, grab your textbooks. We need to go.
德維 Devi,
那本課本是被開過光的 要是掉地上了 that textbook has been blessed. If it touches the ground,
就又得拿去找牧師了 I have to take it back to the priest.
我今天可沒時間去庫卡蒙格牧場 I don't have the time to go to Rancho Cucamonga today.
沒關係 我接住了 It's fine. I caught it.
德維 Oh, Devi!
我給你做了午餐 I made you a lunch.
這位是德維的堂姐卡瑪拉 That's Devi's cousin, Kamala.
她在莫漢去世後搬了進來 She moved in after Mohan's passing
攻讀加州理工學院的博士學位 to complete her PhD at CalTech.
德維不喜歡她 Devi is not a fan.
我週二不帶午飯 今天是方形披薩日 I don't bring lunch on Tuesdays. It's square pizza day.
德維 別對你美麗的堂姐不禮貌 Devi, don't be rude to your beautiful cousin.
我沒有那麼漂亮啦 I'm not that beautiful.
對不起 你是模特嗎 Sorry. Are you a model?
非常感謝 Oh, thank you so much.
不 我是個生物學家 No. I'm a biologist.
我可當不了模特 我線條太豐滿了 I could never be a model. I'm too curvaceous.
我知道有點冒昧 但是你願意一起吃晚飯嗎 I know this sounds crazy, but would you want to get dinner?
喂 老兄 快走 Hey, buddy, keep it moving.
騎上你的破車離開這裏 Take your broke-ass bike and get out of here.
不能再發生這種事了 This can't keep happening.
我們的垃圾桶都快要受不了了 Our recycling bins can't take much more of this.
卡瑪拉還要和我們一起住多久 How long is Kamala gonna stay with us?
直到她畢業 怎麼了 As long as it takes for her to finish her studies. Why?
她太…印度了 She's just so... Indian.
就像那天 Like, the other day,
她說她要把電視開了 而不是打開電視 she said she was gonna open the TV instead of turn on the TV.
德維 她是家人 她在努力改善生活 Devi, she's family. She's bettering her life.
你可以向她學習的 You could actually learn a bit from her.
我猜她肯定不會讓課本掉地上 I bet she doesn't let her textbooks fall on the floor.
天啊 它根本就沒掉到地上 Oh, my God. It never touched the ground!
德維一走進校園 As Devi walked into school for the first time,
很難不注意到大家都在盯著她看 it was impossible not to notice everybody staring at her.
但是沒關係 她還有她的小團體 But it didn't matter, because she had her squad.
你看見護士的新髮型了嗎 我超喜歡 Have you seen the nurse's new haircut? I love it.
沒有 我得去看看 No, I have to check it out.
姐妹們 高二將會是屬於我們的一年 我能感覺到 Guys, sophomore year is gonna be our year. I can feel it.
在希臘語裏 高二的意思是"聰明的傻瓜" Sophomore actually means "wise fool" in Greek,
所以好壞都有可能 so it can really go either way.
天哪 我剛想到 Oh, my God. I just realized
這是我們最後一次高二開學的第一天了 that this is our last first day of sophomore year we'll ever have.
-我要哭了 -是吧 -I'm gonna cry. -Right.
讓我想起來要跟你們說的一件事 This reminds me of a problem I want to talk to you guys about.
我們一點都不酷 We're not cool.
不酷的人會只戴...一邊耳墜嗎 Uh, would a not cool person wear... one dangly earring?
你是故意的 還是另一隻掉公交車上了 Was that a choice, or did you lose your earring on the bus?
我沒坐公交 我是滑來學校的 I didn't ride the bus. I rollerbladed.
誰說我們不酷的 Who says we're not cool?
我們是唯一可以在教師休息室吃飯的學生 We're the only students who get to eat in the teachers' lounge.
是 我們不能再這樣了 Yeah, we can't do that anymore.
我們得和同齡的學生一起吃飯 We need to eat with kids our own age.
你們不想要更好的高中生活嗎 Guys, don't you want a better high-school experience?
去年的高一生活簡直爛透頂了 I mean, last year was a freshmen shit-fest.
你難道不是因為你殘疾了才這麼說 Are you saying that 'cause of your mobility issue?
什麼 才沒有 沒人會記得的 What? No. Nobody even remembers that.
喂 羅斯福[美國總統 39歲時癱瘓] 'Sup, FDR?
只要我們變酷了 大家都會忘記的 Well, nobody will remember that once we're cool.
這就該提到我的計劃了 Which brings me to my plan.
今年我們要重塑形象 This year, we're rebranding.
我們是富有魅力的有色人種 高中生活應該有聲有色 We are glamorous women of color, who deserve a sexy high school life.
法布奧拉 你有天然的吸引力 Fabiola, you are naturally snatched,
但你穿得像個汽車修理工 but you dress like a helpful Honda guy.
你說什麼呢 What are you talking about?
保潔大叔說我讓他想起他的侄子 The janitor said I reminded him of his nephew.
他最喜歡的那個 Favorite nephew.
埃莉諾 你能不能別再隨時來上一段即興音樂劇了 Eleanor, could you chill out on your spontaneous show tune singing?
不太可能 Not likely
如果你們拒絕改變個性的話 Well, if you refuse to change your personalities,
那我們只能直接進行第二步 交男朋友 I guess we'll just move onto step two, and get boyfriends.
男朋友 Boyfriends?
我給我們都選好了單身的 I have chosen attainable, yet status-enhancing people
能提高我們地位的男生 for each of us to date.
法布奧拉 你的是亞歷克斯·戈麥斯 Fabiola, you get Alex Gomez.
忍著吧 戈麥斯 Suck it, Gomez.
我不能跟亞歷克斯·戈麥斯約會 他比我矮30厘米 I can't go out with Alex Gomez. He's like a foot shorter than me.
是 但他長得帥 Yeah, but he has a hot face.
你們倆就像是澤恩[英國歌手]和吉吉[知名超模] You'll be like Zayn and Gigi.
-那是誰 -澤恩和吉吉 -Who are they? -Zayn and Gigi.
你是瘋了嗎 算了 Are you out of your goddamn mind? Forget it.
埃莉諾 你要約會的是鮑裏斯·科茲洛夫 Eleanor, you are gonna date Boris Kozlov.
那個俄羅斯交換生 The Russian exchange student?
他在啃洋蔥 He's eating an onion.
是 他既國際化又性感 Yeah. He's international and sexy.
你甚至可以寫部話劇了 You could write a play about it.
有意思 Intriguing.
那你呢 Who are you going for?
喬納·夏普 Jonah Sharpe.
天啊 蒂芙尼 你這件上衣哪兒買的 我愛死了 Oh, my God, Tiffany. Where did you get that top? I'm gagged.
喬納·夏普是同性戀 Uh... Jonah Sharpe is gay.
但理論上來講 他還沒出櫃 而且他很受歡迎 But technically, he's not out yet, and he's pretty popular,
所以在我可以換直男男友之前 so I'll be his beard until I can springboard off of him
我來做他的女朋友 to a straight boyfriend.
你知道你就像個變態 對嗎 You know you sound like a sociopath, right?
變態使命必達 法布 Sociopaths get shit done, Fab.
現在去坐到你們的目標旁邊 搞定他們 Now, go sit next to your marks, and lock 'em down.
嗨 Hi.
喬納 你今天聞著很香 Hey, Jonah. You smell great today.
謝謝 是瑪麗亞·凱莉的永恆香水 Thank you. It's Forever by Mariah Carey.
掛著反胃表情的是本·格羅斯 德維的宿敵 This disgusted reaction belongs to Ben Gross, Devi's nemesis.
因為德維和她的朋友們是多種族的… Because Devi and her friends were an ethnically diverse group
專心學習的... of academically-focused, um...
除了"書獃子"我想不出別的詞了 I can't think of a better word for "dorks."
學校其他人委婉地叫她們帶歧視意味的昵稱"UN" The rest of the school called them the gently racist nickname, the UN.
大家都知道這名字是本取的 It was widely known to have been created by Ben.
你知道如果不是醫學原因導致的腿部癱瘓 Do you know when you can't use your legs for no medical reason,
就是心理原因引起的 it's called psychosomatic?
按我爸的話說 就是裝的 Which, my dad says, means fake.
本·格羅斯很崇拜他的父親霍華德 Ben Gross's father, Howard, whom he idolized,
他是比佛利山最棒的娛樂律師 was a top entertainment attorney in Beverly Hills.
本格羅斯幾年來一直在炫耀 This allowed Ben Gross to dine out for years
佈雷克·格裏芬[NBA球員]參加了他的成人禮 on the fact that Blake Griffin was at his Bar Mitzvah.
他和德維一直在競爭班裏第一的位置 And he and Devi had been vying for the number one spot in the class
從一年級開始 every year since the first grade.
你可以說他們是捨曼奧克斯高中的 You might call them the John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors
約翰·麥肯羅和吉米·康納斯[互為競爭對手] of Sherman Oaks High School.
我不是為了扯到自己身上 Not to make this about me.
早上好 年輕聰明的同學們 Good morning, you young, brilliant minds.
今天要講的是直面歷史… Welcome to Facing History...
和我們自己 and Ourselves.
這不是一堂常規的歷史課 This is not gonna be your typical history class.
我們要討論一些非常艱巨的話題… We are going to be unpacking some very difficult subjects...
像是…奴隸制 like, uh... slavery,
以及猶太大屠殺 and the Holocaust.
把這門課想像成乘坐穿越前往 Think of this as a ride on a tour bus
黑暗歷史事件的旅遊巴士 through some of the darkest moments of our history.
就在這時 高中之神選擇向德維微笑 Just then, the high school gods chose to smile down on Devi.
幸虧派克斯頓非常厭惡上學 Thanks to Paxton's extreme apathy toward school,
他被迫重修了高二時沒及格的這門課 he was forced to retake this class, which he failed as a sophomore.
也許今年真的可以更好呢 Maybe this year was looking up after all.
靠 Damn.
說得對 德維 這是些非常嚴肅的話題 "Damn" is right, Devi. This is some really heavy stuff.
大屠殺不是什麼值得驕傲的事 Genocide is not 100.
系統性種族歧視也不酷 And systemic racism is not litty.
隨著我們回顧人類最恐怖的暴行 As we travel through all of humanity's most horrific atrocities,
我希望你們感到驚愕 I want you to feel shooketh.
謝謝 Thank you.
信任 Trust.
她雖然跟朋友們說她要追喬納 But even though she told her friends that Jonah was the one she was after,
派克斯頓·霍爾吉田就是看起來… Paxton Hall-Yoshida just seemed so much more,
我也不知道...更性感嗎 I don't know... hot?
德維 本 你們能回來一下嗎 Devi, Ben. Can you come back in here, please?
我很榮幸班上能聽到有力的聲音 I am honored to have powerful voices in my class,
不過過去你們之間的競爭一直… but in the past, the competition between the two of you
對其他同學的學習氛圍...沒有幫助 has not been... useful to the learning environment of others.
德維可能有點易怒 Devi has, what you might consider, a short fuse,
有時候她根本是個瘋子 and sometimes, she's a straight up psycho,
我覺得還挺令人欽佩的 which I find pretty admirable.
所以你們能不能為了班集體 So do you think you can set aside your rivalry
放下你們的恩怨呢 for the good of the class?
當然 沙皮羅老師 Well, of course, Mister Shapiro.
您說的太對了 A great idea, as always.
我同意 實際上 我比他更欣你的想法 I agree. In fact, I liked your idea even more than he did.
好了 Okay.
德威 看你跟喬納調情 Man, Devi, watching you flirt with Jonah
簡直是我見過最可悲的事了 was just about the saddest thing I've ever seen,
比我家的貓被我爸撞死還慘 and I saw my dad run over our cat.
你知道他是同志吧 You know he's gay, right?
你家貓嗎 我不知道 Your cat? No, I didn't.
那可太酷了 That's so cool.
給你個建議 放棄吧 Word of advice: just give up.
很多厲害的人一輩子沒做過愛 Plenty of amazing people have died as virgins.
你和你們"UN"的人可以作伴 You and the rest of the UN are in good company.
你不應該叫我們"UN"的 You know? You shouldn't call us the UN.
-這是種族歧視 很無禮 很… -什麼 -It's racist, and offensive, and... -What?
你說聯合國嗎 Oh, like the United Nations?
不是 是因為你們是找不到人上床的呆子 No. We call you the UN, because you are unfuckable nerds.
你敢相信他這麼說嗎 Can you believe he said that?
你覺得呢 瑞安醫生 你同意他的話嗎 What do you think, Doctor Ryan? Do you agree with him?
這位是加利福尼亞州托盧卡湖的 This is Doctor Jamie Ryan, a child psychologist
少兒心理學家傑米·瑞安醫生 from Toluca Lake, California.
她是德維的心理醫生 She's Devi's therapist,
今天早晨 她是德維咆哮的對象 and this morning, the woman Devi is shouting at.
等等 你想讓我回答有沒有人願意上你嗎 Wait, you're asking me to tell you if I think you're bangable?
-是的 -德維 我不能那麼做 -Yeah. -Devi, I can't do that.
從道德上 法律上都不行 更重要的是這太詭異了 Ethically, legally, and most importantly, it's creepy.
所以你同意本·格羅斯和其他人的說法 So you agree with Ben Gross and the whole school
你也覺得我是個噁心的醜八怪 and think I'm a disgusting troll?
我不會跟你說我覺得你很性感 Hey, I am not going to tell you I think you're sexy.
我要告訴你那孩子很討厭 你不應該搭理他 I will tell you that kid sucks, and you should ignore him.
瑞安醫生 你知道要成熟地處理事情 對我來說有多難 Doctor Ryan, you know how much trouble I have taking the high road.
我知道 你坐下好嗎 I do. Why don't you sit down?
你又可以站起來了 So, you're back up on your feet.
肯定感覺不錯吧 That's gotta feel good.
對 這個還不錯 Yeah. That part was good.
不用坐輪椅的感覺太好了 It was so nice not to be in a wheelchair,
但別人還是會盯著我看 but people were still staring at me.
他們都覺得我在裝癱瘓 They all think I was faking being paralyzed.
我為什麼要騙他們 Why would I fake that?
因為需要堂姐幫著 Because it's such a cool look
才能上廁所很酷嗎 to have your cousin help you onto the toilet?
聽著 有樣東西我覺得可以幫到你 Listen, I think I've got something that could really help you.
帕羅西汀 依地普侖 阿普措侖 左洛復[皆為抗抑鬱藥] 我都願意試 Paxil, Lexapro, Xanax, Zoloft? I'll try anything.
算了吧 你想當癮君子嗎 Whoa! Knock it off, wannabe pill popper.
這是一本療傷日記 It's a grief journal.
有時我們的痛苦很難說出口 Sometimes, the pain we feel is too hard to say out loud.
用這種方式 你不用真的說出口 This way, you don't actually have to say it.
如果這個不管用 你可以給我開點克諾平[安眠藥] And if this doesn't work, you can always prescribe me some Klonopin.
姑娘 再見 Girl, bye.
德維 開學第一天怎麼樣 Devi, how was your first day at school?
說實話 好事壞事都有 I'll be honest. It was mixed.
我選到了所有想修的課 I got all the classes I wanted.
更衣櫃位置不錯 本·格羅斯還是那個屌樣 Prime locker location. Ben Gross is still a dick.
我們可以說"屌樣"了嗎 Are we allowed to say "dick" now?
不 在這個家裏誰也不許說 No one can say "dick" in this house.
你為什麼總讓本·格羅斯欺負你 他也就一米五八高 Why do let that Ben Gross rile you up so much? He's like 5'2".
靠 媽媽 說得好 來擊掌 Damn, Mom! That was savage. Up top.
我不喜歡擊掌 太暴力了 Ah, okay. I do not like high-fiving. It's violent.
我們能不這樣了嗎 Can we please not do that again?
說個文明點的事 On a more civilized note,
我今天收到了非常讓人激動的消息 I received some very exciting information today.
卡瑪拉 你父母給你找了個… Kamala, your parents have found you a match...
未婚夫 for marriage.
是嗎 They did?
對 他叫普拉桑特 是名工程師 Yes! His name is Prashant. He's an engineer.
不錯吧 Isn't that fantastic?
卡瑪拉知道等海外的學業一結束 Kamala was expected to have an arranged marriage
等待自己的肯定是包辦婚姻 after she finished her studies abroad,
但她對這件事可不那麼熱情 but she felt less than enthusiastic about this idea.
那太好了了 Oh, that's so wonderful.
一個印度丈夫 我從來沒見過的人 A husband from India? Someone I've never met before.
完美陌生人 太好了 Perfect stranger. How exciting.
我就知道 I know!
這個家終於有好消息了 Finally, some good news for this family.
是啊 真他媽好 Yeah. That's frigging great.
卡瑪拉什麼都不用做 就從郵件裏得到了丈夫 Kamala does nothing and gets a full husband in the mail.
而我還在想辦法騙一個同志男跟我去約翰尼火箭餐廳 Meanwhile, I'm trying to trick a gay guy into going to Johnny Rockets with me.
你知道嗎 我現在太嫉妒你了 不想和你一起吃飯 You know what? I'm just too jealous to eat with you right now.
德維... Devi...
德維 Devi.
德維 過來 Devi, come here.
-爸爸 -過來啊 坐下 -Dad? -Come, come. Sit down.
我想給你看點東西 I want to show you something.
他是約翰·麥肯羅 This is John McEnroe.
他是我最喜歡的球員 He is my favorite player of all time.
喂 看啊 是我 Hey, look at that! It's me.
我跟你說過會解釋得通的 I told you it would all make sense.
他從不讓別人告訴他該怎麼做 He doesn't let anyone push him around.
你看他 沖那個裁判喊 Look at him, giving it back to that umpire.
他就是個小辣椒…和你一樣 He's a firecracker... just like you.
寶貝 怎麼了 Kanna, what is it?
爸爸 我很醜嗎 Dad, am I ugly?
胡說什麼 我正看著你呢 What nonsense. I'm looking at you right now.
你是世界上最漂亮的女孩 You're the most beautiful girl in the world.
不 卡瑪拉才漂亮 No. Kamala is beautiful,
而且學校裏有個男生 說我... and a boy at school said that I was an un--
他說了很刻薄的話 He said something mean to me.
那小子明顯是個笨蛋 就和這個裁判一樣 This boy is clearly an idiot, like this umpire.
你覺得約翰·麥肯羅會放任他說 Do you think John McEnroe would let that umpire tell him
自己不夠好嗎 that he's not beautiful?
不 他會為自己出頭 No. He would stand up for himself.
所以我應該揍本·格羅斯一頓嗎 So I should beat up Ben Gross?
什麼 不 不 不 What? No, no, no.
你要用精神反擊 小傢伙 You fight back with your spirit, little one.
捍衛你自己 就像他一樣 You stand up for yourself, just like him.
回答我的問題 回答我 混蛋 Answer my question! The question, jerk!
謝謝你 老爸 我會試試看 Thanks, Dad. I'll try.
等等 你來這幹嘛 Wait. What are you doing here?
這是我的客廳 This is my living room.
不 我的意思是 你死了 No, I mean, you died.
那個嗎 我現在好多了 Oh, that? I'm better now.
所以第二天早晨 德維聽從了她爸的意見 So the next morning, Devi took her dad's advice
決定用精神來反擊 也就是說 她要穿得很火辣 and decided to fight back with her spirit, AKA she would be serving a damn look.
本·格羅斯後悔去吧 Ben Gross better get ready to eat his words.
德維 你看著就像印度的卡戴珊 Woah, Devi, you look like an Indian Kardashian.
謝謝你 法布 不是說今天要穿漂亮點嘛 Thanks, Fab, but I thought we were dressing hot today.
我穿的是男式中碼的休閒衫 平時我都穿大碼的 This is my boys' medium polo instead of my usual large.
-清潔工說… -不 別說了 -The janitor said... -No. Just, no.
-別說了 -我打扮得特別好看 - Stop. - Well, I know I did a good job.
[1920年代的摩登女性]
看看性感的飛來波女郎造型 Get a load of sexy flapper girl.
我奶奶去世時穿的就是這條裙子 My grandmother died in this dress.
好了 我們按計劃行事 Okay. Let's just stick to the plan.
今天我們的目標是 What's our goal for today?
-搭訕聊天 -對 - To make conversation. - Right.
我們要和男生聊天 We're talking to the boys.
我要請喬納來我家看沒放出來的A妹[歌手]的刪減鏡頭 I'm gonna ask Jonah to come over and watch unreleased Ariana Grande footage.
很快 我們就要在晚會上和他們打炮了 Before you know it, we'll all be boinking at prom. Okay.
男朋友 我來… Boyfriend, here I co--
喬納 Hey, Jonah.
你流血了 Ew, you're bleeding.
你膝蓋上的血都蹭到椅子上了 太不衛生了 You're getting knee blood on the chair. It's unsanitary.
你可能得艾滋病的 You could have AIDS.
我還以為沒人會和我上床 怎麼得艾滋啊 I thought no one would bang me. How could I have AIDS?
很簡單 輸血 Easy. Blood transfusion.
或者共用針頭 Or sharing needles.
你做不出吸毒那麼酷的事 You wish you were cool enough for intravenous drugs.
吸毒現在是很酷的事了 我沒發現 Oh. Drugs are, like, cool now? I didn't realize
你是土鱉癮君子 你倒是夠瘦弱的 you were a hillbilly tweaker. I guess you're skinny enough.
不是瘦弱 我這叫健壯 Uh, I'm not skinny. I'm jacked.
就剩幾了年 你會慢慢變成你大肥爹的樣子 Hmph, for now, until you morph into your big fat dad.
閉嘴 我爸很性感 Shut up. My dad's hot.
你不知道他的經歷 他甲狀腺有問題 You've no idea what he's been through. He has thyroid issues.
夠了 我們昨天談過了 Enough! We talked about this yesterday.
如果當下的憤怒沒有平息 又怎麼修補過去的衝突呢 How can we mend the conflict of our past when the conflict of our present rages on?
-爛 -這不代表什麼 -Boo. -That doesn't mean anything.
你們的反應讓我很難受 Those responses were very hurtful.
去校長室報道 Go to the principal's office.
看看這是誰來了 傻兄蠢弟 Look who it is. Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Idiot.
格拉布校长
你們放學都要來這裏報道 做點義務勞動 You will both report here after school to do some unpaid labor in the office.
格拉布校长
像實習那樣 Like an internship?
不 是懲罰 No. Like a punishment.
你們惹麻煩了 You're in trouble!
我來不了 I can't.
我女朋友有曲棍球訓練 我要去加油 I'm supposed to go cheer on my girlfriend's field hockey practice.
你知道 我支持女性的 You know, I support women.
是這個原因嗎 女權主義先生 Is that why, Mister Feminist?
還是你想看女孩們的胸部晃來晃去 Or is it to watch a bunch of teenage boobs bounce around?
曲棍球是優美的運動 Field hockey is a beautiful sport.
被戳穿了吧 你這個色狼 Busted. You're a perv.
笑什麼笑 埃琳·布羅克維奇["永不妥協"電影女主] And what are you laughing at, Erin Brockovich?
你那是裙子還是髮帶啊 Is that a skirt or a headband?
穿妥當一點 You know, get your acts together,
不然我就打電話給常春藤大學 讓他們都別錄取你們 or I will personally call all the Ivies and tell them not to admit you.
準備好拿家裏蹲大學的文憑吧 Get ready to get your online degree at StDoofusUniversity.com.
你們可以走了 You're dismissed.
你的蠢高跟鞋拖我們後腿了 趕緊脫了 Your stupid heels are slowing us down. Take them off.
是吧 你肯定是想看我光腳 變態 Yeah, I'm sure you'd like to see my bare feet, sicko.
戀足癖吧 Foot fetish much?
天啊 奧利弗·馬丁內斯 Oh, my God! Oliver Martinez?
別對我朋友動手動腳 Stop molesting my friend!
他沒有在騷擾我 他在撫摸我 He's not molesting me. He's caressing me.
他是我男朋友 He's my boyfriend.
等等 你有男朋友了 Wait. You have a boyfriend?
我們必須得保密 We had to keep it a secret.
你能想像這會給戲劇社帶來多大衝擊嗎 I mean, can you imagine the shock waves it would send through drama club?
女演員和技術人員交往 An actress dating tech crew?
我只是…不想在你 I just... I didn't want to upstage you
找男朋友的過程中讓你難堪 while you were trying to get a boyfriend of your own.
我不敢相信你居然沒告訴我和法布奧拉 I can't believe you didn't tell me and Fabiola.
法布奧拉知道 Fabiola knows.
哇 Wow.
看來我說錯了沒人會和你們約會 I guess I was wrong when I said no one would date anyone in the UN.
只是沒人和你約會 They just won't date you.
閉嘴 本 Shut up, Ben!
對不起 一想到你的腿和你的遭遇 I'm sorry. I just didn't know
我不知道你會怎麼反應 how you would react with your legs and everything.
我不是故意惹你不高興的 I didn't want to upset you.
我 不高興 Me? Upset?
不 你該為自己挑男人的古怪品味不高興 No. You should be upset for your weird taste in men.
我 我沒事 好得很 Me? I'm cool. Cool as ice.
再見 Peace.
你們都看見她打我了吧 我爸可是律師 You guys saw her hit me, right? You know, my dad's a lawyer.
如果你是面對不同事情 When you're a normal person
能控制好情緒的人 with genuinely balanced reactions to things,
可能難以理解我們暴脾氣 為什麼會失控 it may be hard to understand why we hotheads fly off the handle.
對我來說 那是對大多數 For me, it's a reasonable reaction
眼瞎網球裁判的合理反應 to the general blindness of most tennis umpires.
對德維來說 那是對她所謂的閨蜜 For Devi, it's a logical response
背叛的正常反應 to being betrayed by her supposed best friends.
埃莉諾怎麼能有男朋友卻不告訴她 How could Eleanor have a boyfriend and not tell her about it?
她又為什麼要告訴法布奧拉 And why would she tell Fabiola?
她是不是覺得德維太衝動了接受不了 Does she think Devi's too unhinged to handle it?
還是怕德維會嫉妒 Or that Devi would be jealous of her?
還是她的兩個朋友都認為 Do both of her friends think
她只是個可憐孤單 沒了爸爸的輪椅女孩 she's just a pitiful, lonely, wheelchair girl without a freaking dad?
什麼情況 What the hell?
各位 就是這樣的 And that's how it happens, folks.
我們暴脾氣就是這樣爆發的 That's how we hotheads boil over.
怎麼回事 玻璃怎麼碎了 What was that? What happened to the window?
鳥撞的 A bird hit it.
鳥 Bird?
是我的錯 我把玻璃擦得太乾淨了 This is my fault for keeping the windows so clean.
那只可憐的鳥呢 Where is the poor bird?
飛走了 It flew away.
飛走了 It flew away?
用身體撞碎玻璃 然後還能飛走 After breaking the window with its body?
德維 那本書是開過光的 Devi, that book was blessed by God!
肯定是那隻鳥干的 The bird must have done it.
德維 你一邊對媽媽說謊 Devi, you are lying to your mother,
一邊還怪罪一隻無辜的鳥 and then bringing shame on an innocent bird?
別煩我 Just leave me alone!
杰米·瑞安医生
瑞安醫生 Doctor Ryan?
德維 你沒預約 Devi, we don't have an appointment.
我知道 但我需要你的幫助 I know, but I need your help.
等等 你怎麼穿那麼好看 Wait. Why do you look hot?
要去約會嗎 Do you have a date?
是的 別一副震驚的樣子 Uh... yes, I do. And don't look so shocked.
除了做你的心理醫生 我也是有個人生活的 I do have a life outside of being your therapist.
你現在沒有 我需要你的幫助 Not right now, you don't. I need your help.
好吧 Okay.
出什麼事了 What's going on?
埃莉諾有個秘密男朋友 Eleanor has a secret boyfriend
她和法布奧拉都瞞著我 that her and Fabiola have been keeping from me,
因為她們覺得我脾氣暴躁 可能會心理崩潰 because they thought I was unhinged and would have a nervous breakdown.
你看著是有點崩潰 Which, it seems like you are.
是 我撐不住了 醫生 Yeah, I'm losing it, Doc.
是 好吧 Okay. All right.
跟我說說 她們說謊你有什麼感覺 Talk to me. How does their lie make you feel?
這不重要 It doesn't matter how it makes me feel.
重要的是我的形象 It matters how it makes me look.
好吧 那你希望是什麼形象 Well, all right. How do you want to look?
正常人 我只想做個正常的女孩 沒人給我起外號 Normal. I just want to be a normal girl, who isn't called mean names,
而且能找到男朋友 and could actually have a boyfriend.
我都不在乎他是誰 只要願意和我在一起就行 I don't even care who he is, as long as he wanted to be with me.
德維 我得跟你說句實話 Devi, look, can I be honest with you?
找個男朋友 不管他是誰 Having just any boyfriend, no matter who he is,
都不會讓你更幸福 也不會改變你這個人 is not gonna make you happier or change who you are.
相信我 你經歷了那麼多 Trust me, but after all you've been through,
也許你不該糾結於找男朋友 maybe you shouldn't be so focused on having a boyfriend.
你覺得現在的你會是個好女友嗎 I mean, do you really think you'd make a good girlfriend right now?
也許不會 Probably not.
好的 Okay.
所以有什麼你能做成功的事情 So what is it you can do this year to succeed at something
既能讓你開心起來 that would actually make you happy...
又能讓你更有信心呢 and make you feel good about yourself?
我想我知道該怎麼做了 I think I know what I need to do.
好了 好姑娘 All right. My girl.
去做吧 我還得去約會呢 Now get to gettin'. I got a hot date.
祝你約會好運 Good luck on your date.
舍曼奧克斯高中
回見 哥們 Later, man.
喂 帕克斯頓 Hi, Paxton.
你不認識我 我叫德維·維什瓦庫馬爾 You don't know me, but my name is Devi Vishwakumar.
上高二 I'm a sophomore.
歷史課上我坐你後面 I sit behind you in history class.
我去年殘疾了 I was also paralyzed last year?
很好 這個你知道 Oh, okay, great. You are familiar with that.
是這樣的 So here's the thing.
我喜歡你 I'm into you.
我能說出過去兩年裏 你上過的所有的課 Like, I could name every class you've had for the last two years.
但我不會說 But I won't do that.
我知道你不會做我男朋友 And I know you'd never be my boyfriend,
因為你是你 而我只是我 because you're you, and I'm me,
但我在想你願不願意… but I was wondering if you would ever consider...
和我做愛 h--having sex with me?
天啊 我真是個傻瓜 對不起 Oh, my God. I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry.
-我不敢相信自己這麼說了 -好 -I can't believe I just did that. -Yeah.
好的 Okay.
什麼 What?
什麼 這都行 What? That actually worked?
只是做愛 對嗎 Just sex, right?
只是做愛 Just sex.
我願意 但今晚不行 I'm down, but I can't tonight.
天啊 好 Wow, okay!
反轉啊 真沒想到 Twist. This is surprising.
我很期待 Looking forward to it.
我們回頭再說 Will circle back about it.
好的 Okay!
德維不敢相信 Devi couldn't believe it.
她第一次有了想要寫進療傷日記的事情 For the first time, she had something she wanted to write in her grief journal.
我要和帕克斯顿上床了
♪ 讓你暗自思考 ♪ ♪ Left you thinking in the dark♪
♪ 讓你小鹿亂撞 ♪ ♪ Just to make you feel unsure♪
♪ 這樣你就會更渴望我 ♪ ♪ Then I know you want me more♪
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♪ 如果你感到疼痛 疼痛 疼痛 ♪ ♪ If it's hurting, hurting, hurting ♪
♪ 那它收穫了成效 成效 成效 ♪ ♪ Then it's working, working, working♪
♪ 我一直在玩弄你的心 ♪ ♪ I've been playing games With your heart ♪
♪ 如果你感到疼痛 疼痛 疼痛 ♪ ♪ If it's hurting, hurting, hurting♪
♪ 那它收穫了成效 成效 成效 ♪ ♪ Then it's working, working, working♪