看到那個美麗模特兒了嗎 See that aspiring model there?
那是我 Deb That was me, Deb.
但是我車禍死了 Until the day I died.
原以為會直接上天堂 I thought i'd go straight to heaven,
但事情出了小差錯 But there was a bit of a mix-Up
我醒來之後竟然變了個樣 And I woke up in someone else's body.
所以現在我是Jane So now I'm jane,
一位有著專屬助理的超忙律師 A super-Busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
我有了新的人生 新的行頭 I got a new life, a new wardrobe,
唯一知道事情真相的 The only people who really know what's going on with me
只有我的好朋友Stacy 和守護天使Fred Are my girlfriend stacy and my guardian angel, fred.
我也前總認為事出必有因 I used to think everything happened for a reason...
現在呢 希望我是對的吧 ...and, well, i sure hope i was right.
翻譯&校對：安全妮.tw
"Blue Jeans" by Jessie James
我以前穿整套 都比這件少 I used to wear entire outfits with less fabric.
那是縮胸胸罩 甜心 It's a minimizer, sweetie.
寬肩帶是要加強支撐 And the extra-Wide wings will help with the uplift.
我永遠沒辦法習慣她的生活 I'm never gonna get used to her.
你不必習慣 You don't have to.
美麗四訣 Four words -
節食 運動 修毛 化妝 Diet, exercise, pluck, and polish.
現在別動 Now, don't move.
噢! Ow!
早安 Good morning.
你在哪 Where are you?!
準備上班 Getting ready for work.
噢! Ow!
你還好吧 Are you okay?
我很好 Teri I'm fine, teri.
你才不好 你遲到兩個小時了 No, you're not. You are two hours late.
你不能讓你的"助理"這樣跟你講話 Your "assistant" can't talk to you like that.
你不能這樣跟我講話 You can't talk to me like that!
- Jane? - 是 - Jane? - Yes.
快給我滾過來上班 現在! Get your ass to the office NOW!
她兇我 She yelled at me.
那你該怎麼處理呢 What are you gonna do about it?
飛飆過去然後道歉 Drive really fast and apologize?
不能道歉 還有開車小心點 Don't apologize, and be careful driving -
別忘了你怎麼變這樣的 甜心 That's what got you into this, sweetie.
現在 跟我說一次: 我是老大 Now, repeat after me - I am the boss.
我說了算 I am the boss.
你說得對 我是老大 You're right! I am the boss!
嘿 離你中槍已經一個禮拜了 Hey! It's been a week since you were shot.
你應該要準時上班才對 Maybe you should start showing up on time.
我是老大 Fred 你是小僂僂 I am the boss, fred. You are the help,
小僂僂不能教訓老大 And the help doesn't tell the boss what to do.
為什麼我是小僂僂 You think I'm the help?
你自己說的阿 你是天堂派來 Your words - You're my cosmic babysitter,
照顧我的褓姆 Sent down to earth to make sure i behave.
所以算是小僂僂 That makes you the help.
Lucy Tyner已經在辦公室等你了 Lucy tyner has been waiting in your office.
- 這拿鐵是脫脂的嗎 - 什麼 - Is this latte nonfat? - What?
算了 Never mind.
不 我不要甜甜圈 No, i don't want the doughnut.
我是說 我超想要的 I mean,i really want the doughnut,
但我不要 but i don't want the doughnut.
4克的反式脂肪酸 26克淨醣量 Four grams of trans fat, 26 net carbs -
真的值得嗎 Teri Is it really worth it, teri?
有巧克力米的喔 It's got sprinkles.
對 那又是另外的80卡 Right. That's another 80 calories.
講太多 走太慢 Too much talking, not enough walking.
拜託告訴我你還記得Lucy的案子 Please tell me you remember lucy's case.
明天要出庭了 It goes to trial tomorrow?
她原本是太陽酒吧的服務生 She was fired from her job as a cocktail waitress
但被開除了 At the sun bar.
有印象嗎 Anything?
還是失憶 但我愛太陽酒吧 Still got the amnesia. But i love the sun bar.
酒保超可愛 都會請我免費蘇打白酒 There's the cutest bartender, and he gives me free spritzers.
專心 Lucy被開除是因為 Focus. Lucy was fired for -
性騷擾 Sexual harassment!
我們沒在玩猜謎 This is not a game show.
Lucy被開除是因為過重 Lucy was fired for being overweight.
每個在那工作的都像模特兒 Well, everyone who works there is like a model,
所以這樣合理阿 So that totally makes sense.
我們是替Lucy打官司 不是酒吧 We represent lucy, not the bar.
別再盯著那新來的了 Stop scoping the new guy!
她女友剛去世不久 His girlfriend died like a week ago.
專心點 Jane Pull it together, jane.
抱歉我遲到了 I'm so sorry i'm late.
你從不遲到的 Jane Well, you're always on time, jane,
所以一定是什麼要緊的事 So i'm sure it was something important.
現在最要緊的是 Um, well, nothing is more important
讓你明天有自信的出庭 Than you feeling confident in court tomorrow.
我很害怕 Jane I'm scared, jane.
我甚至要跟我媽借錢繳房租 I had to borrow money from my mother to pay my rent.
你真的覺得我們會贏嗎 Do you really think we're gonna win?
恩 我會盡我的全力 Well, i'm gonna do the best that i can.
你幹嘛那樣? Why did you do that?
怎樣? What?
你用眼神打量我 You just gave me the body check.
那些瘦子最愛做的事 That thing that skinny girls do?
我知道他們在想什麼 I know what they're thinking -
放下餅乾 自愛一點 Step away from the cookies and get a grip.
但我沒想過像你這樣的人 I just never expected to get that look
也會做這種事 From someone like you.
呃 我不懂你在說什麼 Um, i don't know what you're talking about.
你當然懂 Sure, you do.
拜託喔 Jane 看看我們 Come on, jane. Look at us.
想也知道他們為什麼把這案子給你 You know why they assigned me to you.
不好意思 我馬上回來 Excuse me. I'll be right back.
Parker!
你把Lucy Tyner的案子給我 是不是因為... Did you assign me the lucy tyner case because i'm f-
因為我很... Because i'm f-
她最近壓力很大 可憐兒 She's been under a lot of stress, poor thing.
我聽說人遭逢巨大創傷之後 You know, i hear some people are never the same
會整個變了樣 After a traumatic incident.
但有我們陪著你阿 Jane But we're here for you, jane.
你為什麼把這案子給我 Why did you gave me this case?
服務業工會最近在尋找 The service workers union is shopping around
新的律師代表 For new representation.
我們贏了 也拿到以後的訴訟官司 We win, we get all future litigation
還有百萬合約 And a million-Dollar retainer.
如果你不想接的話 我可以樂意接手 But if you're not up to it, i'm happy to step in.
- 不用了 - 聽著 Jane 我們都有注意到 - I'm fine. - Look, jane,we've all noticed
你最近有點... 奇怪 You've been acting a little...strange,
如果真的需要幫忙 就開口 So if you need help, get it.
不記得的話我就提醒你 案子原本是我的 If you don't remember, i wanted this case,
但你求Parker給你 But you begged him for it.
我想說也合情合理啦 I guess it does make sense.
怎樣 你剛剛打量我了嗎 What, did you just body-Check me?
什麼 Did i what?
不好意思 客戶在等我 Excuse me. I have a client waiting.
剛剛很抱歉 Sorry about before.
我不是故意要生你的氣 I didn't mean to get up set with you.
你會生氣是當然的 You have every right to be upset.
你知道嗎 我也很生氣 And you know what? I'm upset, too...
因為你被開除了 That you were fired.
但你錯了 But you're wrong about one thing.
案子不是他們配給我的 I did not get assigned this case.
是我開口要的 I asked for it.
我是你的律師 I am your lawyer,
而且準備要給他們好看 And we are going to kick their ass!
你確定Tyner小姐可以出庭了嗎 Are you sure ms. Tyner is ready for court?
我們對過了她的證詞 We've reviewed her deposition.
準備的剛好 且不會太刻意 沒問題 She's prepped but not overly rehearsed. She'll do fine.
很多事務所都搶著要這案子 Over a dozen law firms wanted this case.
我們一定要讓工會留下好印象 It's our one shot to impress the union...
你有在聽嗎 Are you listening to me?
呃 他們在忙什麼 Um, what's going on in there?
離婚官司 不甘你的事 Divorce case - Nothing to do with you.
Jane.
這案子是你成為合夥人的關鍵 Your case is how you make partner
而我會變更... And i get rich...
有錢 Er.
不准出錯 No mistakes.
我要客廳那件藝術品 I would like the artwork in the living room.
- 根據價格評估... - 給你 - Depending on the appraisal... - It's fine.
鋼琴 The piano.
- 那個值... - 拿去 - That could be worth... - Take it.
婚禮的瓷器 And the wedding china.
你愛他嗎 Mindy Do you love him, mindy?
我們就談正事好嗎 Chad Let's try and stay on point, chad.
我們結婚十年了 We've been married for 10 years,
然後你劈腿 And then you cheated on me.
都拿去 我討厭那個樣式 Take it. I never liked the pattern.
那你有想要的嗎 Is there anything you do want?
有 就一件 Yeah. Just one thing.
三年前 我捐給Mindy我的一個腎 Three years ago, i gave mindy one of my kidneys.
現在我想要回來 Now i want it back.
有事嗎 Can i help you?
你是Teri吧 You're teri, right?
我們認識嗎 Have we met?
你老闆形容過你 Your boss described you.
怎樣 說我是亞洲人 What, that i'm asian?
喔 不是 Oh, no.
我才不會種族歧視 I am so not a racial profiler.
是你擦的過重遮瑕膏 和下垂的肉球 It's your heavy concealer and crooked cutlets.
我要找Jane I need to see jane.
她不想被打擾 She doesn't want to be disturbed.
喔 我沒有要打擾她 我要找她聊天 Oh, i don't want to disturb her. I want to talk to her.
驚喜! Surpri-i-ise!
你怎麼來了 What are you doing here?
不行 No.
我給你帶了午餐 I brought you lunch.
雞胸 Chicken breast
芹菜 celery
待會的小點心 And a snack for later.
這麼少? That's it?
少少的點心 瘦瘦的身體 Smaller snacks mean slimmer slacks.
瘦瘦的身體就是誘因 It's called a thin-Centive.
現在呢 開會很忙的時候 Now, between all your important meetings,
也要找時間運動 You need to exercise.
快點 我們來蹲站一下 Come on. Let's start with squats.
我真的很忙 Stace I'm really busy, stace.
那就快點 快做就快完 And the sooner we start, the sooner we finish.
好 來吧 Okay. Come on.
現在 膝蓋向前 手臂伸直 Now, knees forward, arms out...
屁股出去 Butt in the air.
先往下蹲 First we go down.
再站起來 And now we go up.
我說起來了 甜心 I said "up," sweetie.
我有聽到 I heard you.
Jane 15分鐘後開庭 Jane, you're due in court in 15 minutes.
你在幹嘛 What are you doing?
這叫蹲站 It's called a squat.
我知道叫蹲站 我還知道這裏不是健身房 Yeah,i can see it's a squat. I also know this is not a gym.
可以幫我一下嗎 拜託 Can someone help me up, please?
我在太陽酒吧工作了六年 I've worked at the sun bar for six years.
從沒遲到過 一次都沒 Never been late. Not once.
- 接過顧客投書嗎 - 沒 - Any customer complaints? - No.
你有收過主管的工作評估嗎 Did you receive written evaluations from your supervisor?
有 一年一次 都是佳評 Yeah, once a year. Always positive.
Tyner小姐 你知道 Ms. Tyner, do you know the difference
Scotch和Whiskey的差別嗎(都是威士忌) Between scotch and whiskey?
反對 法官大人 不相關 Your honor, objection. Relevance?
我叔叔Moe很會喝酒 My uncle moe was a drinker.
他總是說 一個好的酒吧服務生 And he always said that a good cocktail waitress
才會知道差別 Knows the difference.
這樣的話 Well, then...
好的 Okay.
證人可以回答 Witness may answer.
Scotch威士忌又叫Whisky 沒有e Scotch is whisky, without an "e" before the "y",
主要蒸餾於蘇格蘭 Distilled in scotland.
有e的Whiskey威士忌 Whiskey with an "e"
傳統上蒸餾於愛爾蘭 Is traditionally distilled in ireland.
謝謝 Thank you.
Tyner小姐 如果太陽酒吧開除你 Oh, ms. Tyner, if the sun bar doesn't want you,
你為什麼不再找其他工作 Why not find another place to work?
我沒有大學學歷 I don't have a degree.
而且工會有福利 Uh, the union gets me benefits,
況且我是單親媽媽 需要彈性工時 And being a single mother, i need flexible hours.
我一定要這份工作 I-I can't lose this job.
謝謝 Thank you.
Tyner小姐 Ms. Tyner...
這位是誰? ...who is this?
是我 It's me.
幾年前的你? How many years ago?
從那件洋裝看來 是太陽酒吧耶誕派對的時候 I wore that dress to a sun bar christmas party...
約一年半前 A year and half ago?
跟現在差幾磅? How many pounds ago?
反對 Objection!
- 原因是? - 他的口氣 法官大人 他很不禮貌 - On what grounds? - His tone, your honor. He's rude.
沒關係 That's okay.
從那之後 我增胖了50磅 I've gained about 50 pounds since then.
你覺得你是否看起來不一樣? Do you think you look any different?
當然 Of course.
你是否明白 當初勞資雙方工資談判 Are you aware that your collective bargaining agreement
就說明了 任何身體外表上的改變 States that any change in physical appearance
可以中止僱傭合約 Can constitute grounds for termination?
是 但是... Yes, but there -
那你明白增胖50磅 Did you understand that gaining 50 pounds
也算是改變外觀嗎 Would constitute a change of appearance?
是的 Yes.
沒有問題了 No more questions.
休庭 Court's adjourned for the day.
我是Stacy You got stacy
嗨 是我 Hi. It's me.
嗨 跟你說 我剛剛買了低卡食譜 Hi! Guess what. I bought us a low-Carb cookbook.
我們可以用閒聊哈拉和空氣來做圓環蛋糕 Tonight we can make a bundt cake out of applesauce and air.
聽起來很好玩 但是... That sounds fun, but -
還有 我要你加入我那間健身房會員 And i want you to sign up at my gym.
你早上出門前 我們就可以 We can pi-latte together in the mornings
一起做皮拉提斯聊是非 Before you have to go to work.
Stacy 你今晚能到太陽酒吧找我嗎 Stacy, can you meet me at the sun bar tonight,
大概九點 Say 9:00?
當然 耶 Of course. Yay!
好 太好了 晚點見 Okay. Great. I'll see you there.
Mindy後來腎衰竭 Mindy went into kidney failure.
差點死掉 She almost died.
機率很小 但我是匹配 Against the odds, i was a match.
腎是你給她的 Chad You gave it to her, chad.
算是贈與 沒有條件 It was a gift. No strings attached.
移植過後 事情就變了 After the transplant, everything changed.
她開了藝廊 She opened an art gallery.
去年春天 還參加非洲探險隊 Last spring, she went on safari.
她有了第二次機會 決定活得精彩 She got a second chance. She's living life to the fullest.
她有了腎臟 我沒了老婆 She got my kidney, and i got dumped.
我們可以向法院遞交申請書 We could petition to try to get the kidney back,
但我覺得會當場被笑死 But i think we'll be laughed out of court.
那就想其他辦法 Then figure out another way.
"Just So You Know" by Holly Palmer
- 你的飲料 - 謝謝 - Here you go. - Thanks.
喔 不好意思 Oh, excuse me!
你的接發超級美的 Your hair extensions are gorgeous.
根本看不到接的地方 You could hardly see the weave.
上禮拜才去弄的 I just had them done last week.
你要我設計師的名字嗎 You want the name of my stylist?
其實 我比較想知道你名字 Actually, what's your name?
Sierra!
- 但我不搞玩女女戀 - 喔 不是 - Um, but i don't go that way. - Oh, no!
- 我意思是 我有試過一次 但是... - 不是啦 - I mean,i tried the one time, but... - No.
- 我不是那個意思 - 喔 - That's not what i meant. - Oh.
- 我可以借支筆嗎 - 當然 - Can i just borrow a pen? - Sure.
我好興奮 I am so excited!
我們終於有時間相處了 We finally get some quality time together.
甜心 Sweetie...
你為什麼沒換掉工作的衣服 Why are you still wearing your lawyer uniform?
因為我還在工作 I'm actually here for work.
但... 這是酒吧耶 But...it's a bar!
我知道 I know.
喔 謝謝 Oh, thank you.
免費招待 On the house.
喔 Ooh.
好吧 Okay.
- 不好意思 - 請說 - Excuse me. - Yeah.
你的鼻子跟布萊德彼特一模一樣 You totally have brad pitt's nose
- 是"真"的嗎 - Deb! - Is it real? - Deb!
- 我是說Jane - 沒關係 - I mean, jane - It's okay.
大概六個月前去整的 I had a nose job about six months ago.
很多人稱讚 I get a lot of compliments.
你需要什麼嗎 Get you anything else?
恩 我要一杯雞尾酒 Um, i'd like a mojito.
伏特加代替萊姆酒 用代糖 Vodka instead of rum. Splenda instead of simple syrup.
好的 Okay.
我剛幫你省了225卡 I just saved you 225 calories -
等於25分鐘的橢圓踏步機 25 minutes on the elliptical.
不用客氣 You're welcome.
喔 天阿 是Marc和Beth! Oh, my god, there's marc and beth!
別跟別人說 Okay, don't say anything,
上次Marc去幫他外婆守夜的時候 But i caught beth totally making out with lance redondo
我抓到Beth和Lance Redondo在親熱 When marc was at his grandmother's wake.
我們去打招呼 Let's go say hi.
喔 甜心 他們認識的是Deb Ooh, sweetie, uh, they know deb...
不是Jane Not jane.
好吧 Okay.
我等等回來 好嗎 I'll be right back. Okay?
免費招待 It's on the house.
- 你最好了 - 謝謝 - You are the best. - Thank you!
- 喔Stacy - 嗯? - Oh, stacy... - Hmm?
都沒有人跟那女生講話 No one's talked to that girl all night.
可憐兒 Poor thing.
你知道嗎 You know what?
我要請她這杯免費的蘇打白酒 I'm gonna give her my free spritzer.
你真是偉大 You are a saint.
和免費時尚建議 And free fashion advice.
你看 有誰會穿寬上衣配寬管褲 I mean, who wears a trapeze top with wide-Leg pants?
我等等回來 噢 I'm gonna be right back. Okay. Aah!
天阿 真的很抱歉 Oh, my god! I am so sorry!
我是Grayson I'm grayson.
你的減肥雞尾酒 Your diet mojito?
八塊錢 Be 8 bucks.
謝謝 Thanks.
我一直都想替非營利事務所工作 I've always wanted to work for a nonprofit.
但要繳學生貸款 But with my student loans,
得先販賣靈魂個幾年(替大公司工作) I need to sell my soul for a few years.
之後才能拯救鯨魚們 Then i can save the whales.
我覺得法律好有趣 I find the law so fascinating.
- 你才不覺得 - 我不覺得 - No, you don't. - No, i don't.
但我希望我覺得 But i wish i did.
法律最有意思的是 永遠在改變 The thing about the law is that it never stands still.
那算好事嗎 Is that a good thing?
是阿 反映社會觀點 Yeah. It's a reflection of society.
喔 像鏡子一樣 Oh. Like a mirror.
像聰明的鏡子 Like a smart mirror.
和我共進晚餐吧 Have dinner with me.
呃 現在是半夜 Um, it's midnight.
有個教授曾經說過 One of my professors used to say,
"法律是多年累積的智慧 "The law is the wisdom of the ages
融合現代的觀點" Wrapped in the opinion of the moment."
懂我意思嗎 You know what i mean?
應該懂 I think i do.
就好像以前大家都以為 Okay, it's like everyone used to say
- 毒素是不好的 - 恩 - Toxins were bad for you. - Mm-Hmm.
但有個厲害的博士發明了肉毒桿菌 But then a wise doctor discovered botox,
大家的觀念就改變了 And opinion totally changed.
和我共進晚餐吧 Have dinner with me.
明天晚上 Tomorrow night.
還有後天晚上 And the next night.
還有午餐 And maybe a lunch.
說不定早餐 And breakfast.
Jane.
我要想你介紹我的朋友 Marc和Beth I would like you to meet my friends marc and beth.
呃 你們怎麼認識的 Um, how do you two know each other?
是因為我們有共同的朋友 Actually, we have a friend in common.
Lance Redondo 他超可愛的 Lance redondo? He's really cute.
可惜有皰疹 Shame about the herpes.
親愛的 我們去跳舞吧 Honey, can we dance?
這樣阿 玩得愉快 Oh. Well, have a lovely night!
我的天阿 Oh, my god!
你不只有發胖而已 You didn't just lose your body.
你還發酒瘋 No, no, you lost your mind.
- 超好玩 - 呼 - That was fun. - Whew!
你嚇死我了 You scared the hell out of me.
你才嚇死我了 你在這幹嘛 You scared the hell out of me. What are you doing here?
這我家耶 It's my house.
我以為你搬去Stacy家了 I thought you moved in with stacy.
我回來拿點東西 I came to get a few things.
什麼東西 What things?
干你屁事 None of your business?
你就是我的屁事 Jane You are my business, jane.
拿胸罩 可以了嗎 I want her bras, okay?
我買了新的 但是很刺不舒服 I bought a new one, and it's - It's pinchy.
你又在這幹嘛 Fred Why are you here, fred?
我需要地方住 I, uh, needed a place to sleep,
而送信員的薪水 And your law firm
可不像你們律師 Doesn't exactly pay its messengers top dollar.
你怎麼進來的? 用天使超能力嗎? Well, how did you get in? Did you use your powers?
講第三次了 我沒有超能力 For the third time, i don't have any powers.
我在凡間一天 就跟凡人一樣 As long as i'm on earth, i'm as human as you are.
不過 我很聰明 But i'm...clever.
鑰匙藏在門墊下面 There's a key under the mat.
所以 So...
我住這沒關係吧 ...is it cool if i stay?
不干我的事 Why should i care?
你看 這些照片的我 I mean, these photos, they're -
根本不是我 They're not really of me...
Fred.
我才不會收集盤子和雪晶球 I would never collect plates and snow globes.
印花總是讓我頭昏 And floral prints make me dizzy.
這不是我的生活 This isn't my life.
我只是拿些東西 之後就不回來了 I'm getting what i need and i'm not coming back
先生 身為酒吧老闆 Sir, as the owner of the sun bar,
你認識Sierra Wilcox嗎 Do you know a sierra wilcox?
當然 Of course.
Sierra在太陽酒吧服務 Sierra's been a waitress at the sun bar
超過三年了 For over three years.
那你知道她最近去接發了嗎 Are you aware that she recently added hair extensions?
是的 很好看 Yes, and they look lovely.
還有酒保 Kyle Nevins And what about your bartender, kyle nevins?
他可沒有接發 Well, he did not get hair extensions.
是沒有 但他去整了鼻子 對吧 No, he got a nose job, didn't he?
對 又怎樣 Yeah. So?
那你覺得這些員工 這樣算不算 Would you say those employees fundamentally changed
在工作期間內改變外表 Their appearance while working for you?
- 是 但是... - 那你有開除他們任何一個嗎 - Yes, but... - And did you terminate either of them?
沒有 No.
但我的客戶改變外表 你就開除她了阿 But you terminated my client 'cause her appearance changed.
那不一樣 It's not the same.
是或不是 Yes or no?
是 Yes.
整形手術和增重 What's the difference between cosmetic surgery
差別在哪 And gaining weight?
整形手術讓人變漂亮 Cosmetic surgery is meant to improve the appearance.
增重則反 Putting on the pounds detracts from it.
可以請你解釋 為什麼開除一個增胖50磅 Can you explain why you terminated an employee
的員工嗎 Who gained 50 pounds?
說這些話我不覺得羞恥 I'm not ashamed to say that my objective
我為了賺錢 Is to turn a profit.
性感才有賣點 And sex sells.
而Lucy踩了你的底線? And lucy hurts your bottom line?
沒錯 Absolutely.
可以請你數據化嗎 Can you quantify that?
客戶群比較喜歡高瘦漂亮的服務生 My clientele buy more drinks from thin, beautiful women.
Sierra每晚幫酒吧賺的 比Lucy多20% Sierra brings in 20% more per night than lucy.
謝謝 Thank you.
我的客戶要留著她的腎 My client is keeping the kidney.
沒有法官會判Mindy還腎的 No judge would order mindy to return a transplanted organ.
所以我們要求十萬 Which is why we're now asking for $100,000
當作腎的費用 In exchange for keeping the kidney.
什麼 Excuse me?
Billmyer先生給了他妻子一件有價值的東西 Mr. Billmyer gave his wife something of value.
離婚過程 During a divorce proceeding,
法官會評估雙方財產 A judge assesses a value to each party's property.
我們評估那個腎值十萬元 We assess the value of our client's kidney at $100,000.
你瘋了吧 This is crazy!
你要拿走我一半的財產 Well, you're about to get half of everything i own.
我總也要撈一點吧 So you can give some of it back.
根據人體贈與標準法 The uniform anatomical gift act
明令禁止利用器官交換來營利 Prohibits the exchange of a human organ for profit.
該法僅適用於販售器官 The statute prohibits the sale of organs,
在離婚過程中 Not their monetization for a fair value
予以評估價值不在此限 Within the context of a divorce proceeding.
這不會通過的 This is not gonna fly.
我們走著瞧 We'll see about that.
那些不是該放在杯子裏嗎 Don't those... belong in a cup?
消除黑眼圈 Dark circles.
我聽說你在法庭被打的很慘 I heard you got buried in court.
這樣說太狠了點 但是 That's a little bit strong, but -
Jane 你指責我把這案子交給你 Jane, you accused me of assigning you this case
是因為你過重 Because you're overweight.
事實是 我本來不想讓你負責這案子 Truth is, i was reluctant to put you on it.
為什麼 Why?
我希望不要走到這一步 I was hoping it wouldn't come to this,
但沒辦法了 But here we are.
我要你用"過重可視為殘障"這一點 I want you to argue that being overweight
來做辯論 Can be a disability.
你在講什麼 What are you talking about?
如果你可以說服陪審團 Lucy是因為身體狀況 If you can convince the jury it's a medical condition
影響工作表現 That impairs lucy's performance,
這樣太陽酒吧就不能開除他 Then the sun bar can't terminate her under -
根據美國身心障礙福利法 The americans with disabilities act.
噢 法律我懂 Oh. Huh! Yeah, i know the law.
但身心障礙福利法不適用於Lucy But the A.D.A. Wasn't meant to apply to people like lucy.
現在適用了 It does now.
我請一位聯邦勞工法專家 從華盛頓特區過來 I'm flying in a federal labor expert from d.C.
明天請他出庭作證 You'll put him on the stand tomorrow.
我覺得很不舒服 告訴陪審團 I-I'm not sure how i feel about telling a jury
身材... That being...
比一般人大一點 算是殘障 ...larger than average is a disability.
還好你不是客戶 你的感覺我不管 Lucky for your client, it doesn't matter how you feel.
只要贏就好 Just win the case.
耶 Yay!
你提早下班 我們來玩 You're home early! Let's go for a run!
我沒心情 I'm not in the mood.
那來化妝 How about makeup?
我買了一盤中性色的化妝盤 I bought a palette of neutrals
可以搭配Jane的色系 That'll look great with jane's coloring.
來玩嘛 Let's play.
我玩律師已經玩一整天了 I've been playing lawyer all day.
實在不想再玩芭比娃娃 I don't really want to play barbie.
你知道嗎 Jane You know something... jane,
你好像一點也不需要我幫忙 It's like you don't even want my help.
Stacy...
我不喜歡芹菜 I don't like celery.
我喜歡三明治 I like sandwiches.
我不想要下班回家還跑步 And i don't want to run when i come home from work
因為我很累 腦子都快炸掉了 Because i am tired and my brain hurts.
而且我在也不要做蹲站了 And i never want to do a squat again.
我放棄 I give up.
你要一輩子這樣 那我不管你 You want to stay like that, fine by me.
你瞭解我變成這樣 有什麼感受嗎 Do you have any idea what that feels like to me?
你想要以前的Deb 我懂 You said you wanted deb back. I get it -
- 她很漂亮有趣 又... - 別說了 - She was gorgeous and fun and... - Stop it!
我要Deb 我想念她 I want deb! I miss her!
我還是Deb阿 I am still deb!
我只看到Jane All i see is jane.
你要去哪 Where are you going?
搬出去 I'm moving out!
身為你的守護天使 在你需要的時候 As your guardian angel, i'm supposed to lend an ear,
可以把肩膀借你 If you need it.
- 我很好 - 那就好 - I'm fine. - Good.
我都不知道飛繩釣這麼有趣 Because fly fishing is oddly exhilarating.
他在做假拋 He's false casting.
他這樣大概打算拋線 將濕毛鉤甩干 Probably paying out the line, drying a soaked fly
或是重複將線拋至定點 Or repositioning his cast.
搞什麼 Oh, crap.
Jane連釣魚都懂? Jane knows about fishing?!
爆米花要嗎 Popcorn?
你知道嗎 Fred 這整件 You know, fred, this whole deal,
Deb的記憶加上Jane的腦袋 Where i keep deb's memories but get jane's smarts,
爛透了 It's messed up.
我意思是 我幾乎個天才 I mean, i'm practically a genius,
但我連我的狗的名子 都不知道 And i don't even know... the name of my dog.
骨頭 Bones.
什麼 What?
你的狗叫做骨頭 Dog's name is bones.
就寫在照片後面 "骨頭 1979" It's written on the back of the picture - "Bones, 1979."
所以骨頭應該死了吧 So i'm guessing bones is no longer with us.
除非他死後 Not unless he died,
用爪子按下復原 Pawed the return button on the computer,
然後變成一隻貓 And you put his soul inside of a cat.
Fred.
我不想要她的生活 I don't want to be her.
我想要我自己的 I want my old life back.
如果你還是Deb 會對Jane說什麼 If you were still deb, what would you say to jane?
放下餅乾 自愛一點 Step away from the cookies and get a grip.
那Jane會對Deb說什麼 And what would jane say to deb?
抱歉 Deb I'm sorry, deb.
為什麼道歉 Sorry for what?
抱歉你需要有我這種綠葉 I'm sorry you needed people like me
來襯托你們紅花 To feel better about you.
你今天沒遲到 You're on time today!
怕死你了 我哪敢 Scared of you if i wasn't.
沒有甜甜圈嗎 No doughnut?
我以為你不要了 I thought you were over doughnuts.
好吧 沒關係 Right. It's okay.
我就像童子軍(準備齊全) I am like a boy scout.
- 你有空嗎 - 恩 - Do you have a minute? - Mm!
當然 Of course.
我有事想跟你聊 I need to speak with you about something.
任何事都行 Anything.
你知道我們腎臟的案子吧 You're familiar with this kidney case, right?
恩 你們想對活體器官估價 Yeah. You're trying to monetize a vital organ.
我知道Kim很厲害 但她只是在硬拗 I think kim's a terrific lawyer, but she's blowing smoke.
你覺得她的說法沒辦法過司法審查 You don't think her argument will survive judicial scrutiny.
在法學院的時候 他們說 You know, in law school, they say...
法律是多年的智慧 Law is the wisdom of the ages
融合現代的觀點 Wrapped in the opinion of the moment.
正好是我愛法律的原因 That's why i love the law.
但跟案子有關係嗎 But how is that relevant here?
我有個朋友Brandi 姊妹會的 很可愛 I have this girlfriend, brandi -Really cute sorority type.
總之 她做美甲師 工作超辛苦 Anyway, she worked her ass off as a manicurist
為了支持她老公念完醫學院 To put her hubby through med school
但念完後就被甩了 then he dumped her.
她就告他未來所得的一半 贏了 So she sued for half his future income and won.
我還是不懂有什麼關聯 I still don't see the connection.
當夫妻一方犧牲自己 幫助伴侶 When a spouse sacrifices to help their partner,
法院會對犧牲做評價 The court places a value on that sacrifice.
捐出一個腎 算是很大的犧牲 Giving up a kidney is quite a sacrifice.
利用多年累積的智慧 Adapt the wisdom of the law
使其符合現代的觀點 To fit the opinion of the moment.
但 Grayson But, grayson...
也許問題不是錢 Maybe it's not about the money.
其實Brandi還愛著她老公 See, brandi still loved her husband.
她告他 不是真的想要那筆錢 But she didn't sue because she wanted half of his income.
她只是 還沒準備好說再見 She just...wasn't ready to say goodbye.
你是說 這案子非關Chad的腎 You're saying this case isn't about chad's kidney.
而是他的心 It's about his heart.
我要上法院了 I have to go to court.
等等 走之前 Wait. Before you go...
你有東西 You got something...
什麼 W-What?
爆米花嗎 Popcorn?
對 呃 Yeah! Um...
我只是放著等一下吃 I was just saving that for later.
我東西沒拿 I am not ready to go.
Sandler博士 你是一位 Dr. Sandler, you're a leading expert
美國身心障礙福利法的專家 In the americans with disabilities act.
對 1990年我幫忙制定了聯邦法 Yes, i helped formulate the federal law enacted in 1990.
議會與就業機會均等委員會 I have subsequently consulted
都時常向我詢問相關法條 With both congress and the eeoc on its application.
我的客戶是名服務生 My client, a waitress
因為增重50磅後被開除 was fired because she gained 50 pounds.
這樣法律適用嗎 Does the law apply to her?
當然 Absolutely.
分項條款內容 "認知殘障" Under the subsection "perceived disabilities."
雖然你的客戶仍有能力工作 Although your client was still able to wait on customers,
但由於她的體重 Her employer perceived her to be disabled,
- 僱主應視其為殘障 - 別說了 - Due to her weight. - Stop!
拜託 我不想繼續了 Please, i want this to stop.
- Lucy - 我要借一步說話 - Lucy. - I need to speak with you.
法官大人 我需要一點時間 Your honor, i need a moment.
看來如此 You certainly do.
Lucy! Lucy!
其他服務生 酒吧老闆 The other waitresses, the owner of the sun bar,
甚至是我朋友 Even my friends -
都因為我不節制 而批評我 They all judge me for letting myself go.
但去年 我丈夫離開我 But last year, my husband left me.
加上兩個小孩 根本沒時間上健身房 With two kids, i don't have time to go to the gym,
而且我壓力大就想吃 And i eat when i'm stressed.
- Lucy 我瞭解 但是 - 我才沒有殘障 - Lucy,i understand, but.. - I am not disabled.
我不要你辯說我是 And i don't want you saying that i am.
不 這只是一個法律策略 之前成功過 No, it's just a legal strategy, and it's worked before.
我不管之前 I don't care about the other cases!
你為什麼不先告訴我有專家要來 Why didn't you discuss this expert with me?
我知道Sandler博士的說法很傷人 I realize dr. Sandler's comments can be hurtful -
但你不先告訴我 就是因為你知道我會生氣 But you didn't tell me because you knew i'd get mad.
不 我想替你贏這場官司 No, i want to win this case for you.
我和你交情雖然不深 Mnh-Mnh.I don't know you that well...
但我覺得你可以做得更好 But i think you're better than that.
喲 這不是我們的大忙人嗎 Oh, if it isn't miss busybody.
- 不是時候 Kim - Jane... - Not now, kim. - Jane...
如果你對我的案子有什麼精闢見解 If you have any further insight into my case
覺得需要告訴Grayson的話 就閉上你的嘴 And feel the need to share with grayson, don't.
我只是想幫忙 I was just trying to help.
你總是這麼"甜" Oh, so you were trying to be sweet -
好像夾心餅乾和杯子蛋糕 Like a pop-Tart or a cupcake.
不然你要我說什麼 What do you want me to say?
"不好意思我就頭腦比較好 想到了比較好的 "I'm sorry for offering you a better legal argument
辯論觀點" For your case"?
- 我不覺得不好意思 - Jane! - Well, i'm not. - Jane!
你 跟我來 You. Walk with me.
你欠公司六千塊 You owe the firm $6,000.
請專家特地飛過來的費用 That's how much it cost to fly in an expert witness.
他不是我請來的 He wasn't my idea.
你應該要能預期客戶反應 You should have anticipated your client's reaction.
- 為什麼 - 因為你瞭解她的想法 - Why? - Because you know how she thinks.
喔 因為我們都特大號嗎 Oh, because you think we're both big?
沒錯 That's right.
- 我幫你做結案陳詞 - 不 - I'm gonna deliver the closing for you. - No!
你不能對事務所負責人說不 You don't say no to a managing partner.
中途更換律師 When a lawyer is swapped out mid-Trial,
評審團會覺得奇怪 It throws the jury.
而且客戶會有疏離感 And a new lawyer could alienate our client,
何況她已經對我們很不滿意了 Who's already upset with our strategy.
我願意承擔風險 I'm willing to take that risk.
- 我替你檔子彈耶 - 拜託 - I took a bullet for you! - Come on.
我工作從來不難過不生氣不曠職 I haven't gotten upset or angry or missed a day of work.
但這是你欠我的 But you owe me,
我會自己做結案陳詞 And i will deliver this closing.
哈囉 各位設計師 Hello, designers.
歡迎來到伸展台 Welcome to the runway.
你們現在有16位 但過了今晚 There are 16 of you here, and after tonight,
將會變成15位 There will be 15.
好了 現在來歡迎評審 All right, let's meet the judges.
我只是來拿點東西 I just came to get a few things.
就你們所知 時尚界裏 一天你引領時尚 As you know, in fashion, one day you're in,
明天可能就過氣了 And the next day you're out.
Heidi留了瀏海 Heidi grew out her bangs!
我知道 看起來美極了 I know. She looks amazing.
等等 我們在吵架 Wait. We're in a fight.
我還記得餅乾代表什麼 I still know what the cookies mean.
一塊餅乾: 你把卡刷爆了 One cookie - You blew out your credit card
為了一條 沒注意到穿起來屁股很塌牛仔褲 On a pair of jeans without checking out the rear view.
兩塊: 一夜情的男生沒回電 Two - The guy you hooked up with hasn't called.
三塊: 發現大腿內側有脂肪團 Three - You just found cellulite in a thigh crease.
四塊? 我沒看你吃過那麼多 Four? I have never seen four.
代表我覺得自己糟透了 It means i feel awful.
我很抱歉 I am so sorry.
不 你只是想幫忙 No. You were just trying to help.
但這些事我該自己來 I just have to take this all in my own time.
每個人都在批評我 Everyone out there is judging me.
我也批評我自己 I'm judging me.
我只希望我最好的朋友不會 And i just need to know that my best friend doesn't.
我沒有批評 只是 I'm not judging, but...
我很怕失去你 好嗎 I'm scared i'm losing you, all right?
你在說什麼 What are you talking about?
你現在很聰明 You're smart now.
又有辦公室和助理 You have an office and an assistant.
還有名片 You have a business card,
信用卡上還有大頭照(金卡) Your photo is on your credit card,
我敢打賭你也有借書證 And i bet you even have a library card.
你現在像是重要人物 You're, like, important,
重要人物才沒時間理我 And important people don't have time for me.
說什麼傻話 Stacy That's crazy, stacy.
大家看了我一眼 People take one look at this body,
就覺得他們比我高一等 And they think they're better than i am.
你才像有特權一樣 You get a free pass.
有什麼特權 A free pass to what?
每個人都覺得我是金髮 沒腦袋 Everyone thinks i'm a dumb blonde.
而且你知道嗎 他們說得對 And you know what? They're right.
哪有 Come on.
你超不像金髮沒腦袋 You are so not blonde.
- 過來 - 恩 - Come here. - Mm.
別搬出去 拜託 Don't move out, please.
你真的希望我留下來 這個我? You sure you still want me... All of me?
當然 Of course i do.
好吧 來慶祝一下 Okay, let's celebrate.
我們去夜店 We'll go out clubbing,
我答應你 不亂改你的飲料了 And i promise not to change your drink order.
我想不了 I don't think so.
來嘛 就像以前一樣 Come on. It'll be like old times.
Stacy 我不能像以前一樣了 Stacy, it can't be like old times.
我覺得上夜店很不自在 I-I don't feel comfortable at clubs.
沒辦法融入是一回事 我又超明顯的 It's one thing not to fit in, but i actually stand out.
我好像瞭解 但是 這樣很不公平 I guess i understand, but... it doesn't seem fair.
喔 你說得對! Oh! You're right!
真的很不公平 It doesn't seem fair.
跟公平差了十萬八千里 It's not even close to fair!
你怎麼那麼突然怪 Why are you acting all wacky?
你剛替我想到了案子的結案陳詞 I think you just gave me my closing argument.
- 真的嗎 - 對 謝謝 - I did? - Yeah. Thanks.
不客氣 You're welcome!
前幾天 我去了太陽酒吧 Recently, i went to the sun bar,
我用不同的眼光 重新審視了那裏 And i saw the place through a fresh set of eyes.
女服務生沒有人超過4號 No female employee was larger than a size 4,
你知道嗎 And you know what?
我感到不自在 I...felt uncomfortable.
難怪酒吧老闆擔心他們的收入 No wonder the owner is worried about profits.
他根本在窄化大家對性感的觀點 He's promoting this narrow-Minded view of sexy.
如果太陽酒吧真的想賺錢 If the sun bar really wants to make money,
那應該讓每個人都感到盡興 Then maybe they should make all of us feel welcome.
現在 我想請我藝廊的朋友們 At this point, i would like to ask my friends in the gallery
請站起來 To please stand up.
怎麼回事 What's going on?
只是結案陳詞而已 律師 Just making my closing, counselor.
這些女士們都是14號 All of these women are size 14,
現今美國女性平均尺寸 The average for a woman in america today.
然而 根據太陽酒吧對性感的定義 However, based on the sun bar's definition of sexy,
這些人 沒有一個會被錄用 None of these women would be hired.
這是錯的 That is wrong.
聯邦法律保護我們 You know that federal laws protect us
根據種族 宗教 Based on race, religion,
性別 年齡 退役 殘障 民族 Sex, age, veteran status, disability, and national origin.
但尺寸呢 But what about size?
舊金山 華盛頓特區 聖克魯茲 Well, san francisco, washington D.C., and santa cruz
都已經通過 禁止體重歧視 Have all passed laws outlawing discrimination
的法律 Based on weight.
現在你們有機會 And now you have an opportunity
把它用來維護Lucy的權益 to extend that protection to lucy.
謝謝 Thank you.
等等 我還沒講完 Wait. I-I'm not - I'm not done yet.
你們有注意到現在大家形容"過重" Have you noticed that people have euphemisms
都會用委婉詞彙嗎 For being overweight?
體型較大 大尺碼 Large and plus-Sized,
身材圓潤 楊貴妃 Full-Figured and rubenesque.
沒有人 包括我自己 And no one, not even me...
特別是我自己 ...especially not me...
都不想用"胖"這個字 Wants to say the word "fat."
"胖"之所以變得貶抑 But "fat" is only pejorative
是因為我們容許太陽酒吧 When we allow places like the sun bar
灌輸我們過胖 就好像不是人一樣的觀點 To tell us that being fat somehow makes us less of a person.
讓太陽酒吧知道 過胖可不能做為解雇的理由 Tell the sun bar that being fat is not cause for being fired.
謝謝 Thank you.
我們認為 顧客的腎臟捐贈 We believe our client's kidney donation can be equated
可視為夫妻間 為另一方的犧牲 With the sacrifice that one spouse makes for another.
就好像 Like a wife
妻子賺錢 讓丈夫能念完醫學院 who supports her husband through medical school.
也就是說 That being said -
好了 夠了 我受夠了 Okay. That's it! I've had enough!
- 讓我來 - 你可以拿回去 - Let me handle this. - You can have it back.
什麼 你在說什麼 What? What - What are you talking about?
我需要接受移植的時候 When i needed a transplant,
我妹妹還太小 不能簽同意書 My sister was too young to consent,
但她的腎和我是匹配 也同意了 But she is a match, and she's agreed.
- 不行 這太冒險了 - 我不管 - No, no, that's too risky. - I don't care.
- Mindy... - 我需要繼續過日子 - Mindy... - I want to get on with my life.
也許Chad還沒準備好 繼續過他的日子 Maybe chad's not ready to move on with his.
他才不想要回他的腎 從來沒有 He doesn't want his kidney back. He never did.
他當初給你 是因為他愛你 He gave it to you because he loved you,
而現在跟你要錢 是我們的意思 And asking for money - That was our idea.
他說的是真的嗎 Chad What he said - Is that true, chad?
我當時很幸福 I was so happy.
我認為你也這麼想 I thought you were, too.
我願意為你做任何事阿 I would have done anything for you.
你是個很好的丈夫 You are a wonderful husband...
也是好人 And a good man,
我朋友都覺得我瘋了才想離開你 但是... And my friends think i'm crazy to leave you, but...
你給了我新的人生 You gave me a second chance on life,
我因此而愛你 And i love you for it.
但這不足以給我們繼續再一起的理由 But it's not enough of a reason for us to stay together.
我還是那個我 You remember me as i was.
但我需要向前看 I need to move on.
腎臟你可以留著 You can keep the kidney.
什麼 What?
- 你確定嗎 - 對 - Are you sure? - Yeah.
至少有一部分的我陪著你 At least a part of me will always be with you.
- Jane. - 嗨 - Jane. - Hi.
判決結果那麼快就出來 是好還壞 The verdict came back quick. Is that good or bad?
都有可能 It could go either way.
不管怎樣 都謝謝你做我律師 Whatever happens, thanks for representing me.
因為這案子 也因為代表我這胖女孩 Not just the case but me, the fat girl.
Bingum小姐 Ms. Bingum?
我們想和解 We'd like to settle.
我可不想 I don't think so.
Jane 他們要還給Lucy工作 Jane, they're offering lucy her job,
並付這陣子的薪水 With back pay.
很好阿 但不了 It's a good start, but no.
是這樣的 那些結案陳詞的女士們 See, those large ladies from my closing
都應徵了太陽酒吧 Just applied to be waitresses at the sun bar.
你叫他們應徵的吧 You told them to apply, didn't you?
被抓包了 Guilty.
喔 還有 如果我贏了 Oh, and if i win this case
而且陪審團將體重列入受保護之種類 And the jury defines weight as a protected class,
我會再提出訴訟 I will file another suit -
集體訴訟 A class action.
那些女人都是我的訴訟人 And those women will be my reps,
原告團將會延伸到每一個 And the plaintiff pool will extend to every fat girl
被你們拒絕過的胖女孩 You've ever turned away from a job -
我想應該不少 And i'm guessing there's more than a few.
你想怎樣 What do you want?
加薪20% 年資累計 20% pay raise, no loss in seniority,
承諾不會對身材有歧視 And a commitment against discrimination based on body type.
成交 Deal.
好 Okay.
- 嘿 - 嘿 你怎麼找到我的? - Hey. - Hey.How'd you find me out here?
天使超能力嗎 Did you use your powers?
- 講幾百次了 - 開玩笑而已 - I told you... - I'm kidding.
你不在辦公室 You weren't in your office,
而你喜歡新鮮空氣 And i, uh, know you like fresh air.
兩側很有彈性 Relaxable side panels...
比較不會刺 Less pinchy.
你找我就為了要給我件胸罩嗎 You came out here to give me a bra?
恩 還有要說聲恭喜 Well, that and to say congrats.
剛聽說服務業工會 I just heard the service workers union
與事務所簽了長期合約 Signed a long-Term deal with the firm.
Parker可是樂的很 Parker is beyond thrilled.
那你呢 What about you?
Fred...
我告訴那些女生 我瞭解他們的想法 I told those women that i could relate to them,
但我不覺得我是個胖女孩 But i don't feel like a fat girl.
我覺得我苗條漂亮 I feel thin and pretty,
雖然沒有人這樣覺得 Even though no one sees me like that.
而我氣自己 讓這種想法影響我 And i'm mad at myself for letting it bother me.
我覺得你不是氣自己 I don't think you're mad at yourself.
你在氣Deb I think you're mad at deb.
她會用眼神打量Jane She would've given jane the body check
然後不屑的走過 And walked right by.
Jane 你要試著原諒她 You got to forgive her, jane.
原諒並遺忘 Forgive and forget.
但我不想忘掉她 But i don't want to forget her.
我意思是 我不總是喜歡Deb I mean, i may not always like deb,
但是 但她就在這裏 But - But she's - She's right here.
心腸也不壞 And she's not all bad.
我知道Jane愛吃東西 Well, i know that jane likes to eat
Deb愛喝酒 And deb liked to drink.
所以不管是誰 你都會很高興 So i think you're both about to be really happy.
什麼意思 What are you talking about?
合夥人都在裏面 有香檳和蛋糕 The partners are inside with champagne and cake.
享受當下 Enjoy the moment.
畢竟 一生只有... 兩次 After all, you only live...twice.
"The Creationist" by Kerli
翻譯&校對：安全妮.tw