[Man] Stand up, asshole. [Man #2] I don't want any trouble. Leave me alone.
[Man #1] I can kick your ass while you're sitting down or standing up. It's your call.
Fuck his shit up, Raymond. Yeah.
[Woman] You might remember him as Bad Ass,
the bearded hero who stood up for an elderly gentleman...
on an S.C. Transit bus...
and became an overnight Internet sensation.
Because of his heroic efforts, Vega was made an honorary police officer this morning.
[Snoring] Mmm. Mmm.
Oh, God, you're better than an alarm clock, Baxter.
Mmm. Good boy. Good boy.
Good boy. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Enough kisses. [Muttering]
Ay, yi, yi, yi, yi!
¶ [Man Singing In Spanish]
[Exhales]
¶ [Continues]
[Dings]
Goddamn.
[Dinging] [Man] Hey, okay!
Cut the crap out, boy.
No need to get your nuts in my face. Damn.
You know what? There's a pharmacy two doors down.
They started selling hearing aids. You oughta get yourself some.
Having a sale this week on Depends.
Your chance to stock up so you don't crap yourself.
Wow, Bernie. That's the nicest thing you've said to me in three years.
Yeah. You goddamn welcome. Shit.
[Cash Drawer Slams]
[Frank] Stay in the middle. That's it.
Watch it. There we go. Right there.
Defense! Defense! That's it. That's it.
Stay up there. That's it. That's it.
Let's go. Let's go to the body now. Come on.
Do some body work. Do some body work.
Let's go! Body!
Body. That's it. That's it. That's it.
That's it. Okay.
All right, Manny. Two jabs and a right hand. Two jabs and a right hand.
Oh! Oh, shit.
Damn, Manny. You tore his head off.
Salts.
Jesus Christ, Frank. I'm sorry.
Come on.
Come on, Raymond. Hey!
[Manny] Is he all right? Yeah, yeah. He's okay.
Come on, Raymond. You all right?
[Raymond Coughs] [Frank] Come on.
I think I'm gonna stick with Ping-Pong.
[Laughs] No, you'll be all right.
[Exhales]
[Announcer] Round one begins. [Frank] Now, check this out.
Look. Look right there. Look. See?
See how he favors his right?
He does it every time.
You gotta make him use his left. That'll open him up.
That's what she said.
Aw, come on, Frank. We watched this, like, 23 times.
I got this.
Alvarez doesn't have a chance on Saturday.
But remember, you can-- [Together] ...never be too prepared.
I know.
I got something for you.
Oh, Manny, you didn't have to get me anything.
Just wanna say thank you for helping me get here.
I never thought I'd have a chance to turn pro.
Hmm. It's wrapped and everything, huh?
[Chuckles] Shut up. Just open it.
[Chuckles]
Oh, man.
Now, what the hell am I gonna do with this?
Well, I don't know. How about everything?
It's time you joined the rest of the world.
Hey. I'm 68 years old.
I've gotten along without one of these up until now.
Besides, this must've cost you a bundle.
How did you afford it? Just saved up for it.
[Cell Phone Chimes]
I gotta jump.
You got a date? Something like that.
Um, I forgot.
I put something on there for you.
Just turn it on there and-- and tap the screen.
I'll see you tomorrow. All right. Get some sleep.
Hey, Frank. Pretty nice, huh?
Now you won't have to freak out anymore
when you can't find a pay phone.
[Chuckles] So I just wanted...
to say thank you for being there for me...
and for believing in me when nobody else would.
I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for you.
You've been like a second dad to me.
And I love you.
I love you too, mi hijo.
Manny! Hey!
Adolfo. Purvis. Drake. What's up, brothers?
I just got your text. Got here as quick as I could.
Came from across town.
Oh. Muchas gracias. I really appreciate that.
So, uh,
maybe you could help me out here,
but I'm a little confused about something.
Um, have we not taken care of you?
Yes, of course. Oh.
So why do you take from me?
What are you talking about?
Come-- Please.
Come on. Don't insult Adolfo.
Look, I'd rather you stick a needle in my eye than insult me.
So I'm gonna give you one more chance to answer correctly.
And you'll feel liberated, which is a wonderful thing to feel, Manny,
before you die.
[Groans]
It's just you and me now.
[Flesh Squishes] [Grunts]
[Groans]
Oh, goddamn it. Miro la concha de tu hermana.
Seriously?
My bad.
Let's get the hell out of here.
Look--
Don't just leave him there. Pick him up!
What the hell are you thinking?
[Speaking Spanish]
[Knocking]
Hey, Malark. Come by for a beer?
Frank, I'm sorry.
It's Manny.
[Chattering]
They were two peas in a pod.
I'm sorry?
Manny and his dad.
They were inseparable.
Once his dad passed away,
his world shattered.
And then you came along.
You changed his world.
He was a great kid.
[Girl] Mommy.
Will you play Barbies with me?
Oh, honey.
Not now, okay? Maybe later.
Hey, you know, I've played a few Barbies in my day.
Can I play?
Okay, I'll be the purple one? Mm-hmm.
Okay. Come on.
Is this like Mermaid Barbie?
[Girl] Uh-huh. You want anything?
[Frank] One, two,
three, four,
five, six,
seven, eight--
Don't peek! Don't peek!
Okay. My eyes are closed tight.
Nine, 10.
Here I come, ready or not.
Where's Julia? [Giggling]
Okay. Where is-- I hear something.
[Giggling]
Uh-oh. I hear something.
Where is she?
[Giggling] Where is she?
Ah! There she is. No fair.
I wouldn't have found you if you had a secret door.
I want a secret door. Please!
Well, we'll have to talk to your mom.
Talk to your mom about what?
A secret door, Mommy. It's great for hide-and-go-seek.
- Yeah? - Yeah, I was the hit of the neighborhood.
Well, that sounds like fun.
Thank you, Mommy!
That's the first time I've seen her smile since it happened.
That's a wonderful little girl.
You're gonna find the animals who killed my baby, aren't you?
The police are doing everything they-- No, they're not.
Mrs. Parkes-- I know who you are, Mr. Vega.
What happened to you on that bus wasn't an accident.
You were meant to do good in a city that desperately needs it.
You know, I-- I've got to go. I have to-- I have to go.
Good night, Mrs. Parkes.
[Sighs]
[Grunting]
[Exhales]
Hey, Bernie, you all right?
You all right?
Don't you got enough to worry about...
than to come in here and meddle in my business, huh?
You know,
they got medication for that problem of yours.
Boy, what you know about my problem?
I know that you haven't been out of this place since I've lived here.
They call that agoraphobia.
I know. I-- I googled it.
So all of a sudden you a doctor.
Where you study-- Tijuana Tech?
Why don't you just get yourself out of here and don't come back.
Go find yourself another store.
- [Overhead Door Bell Rings] - Hands up!
Hey, get the hell out of my store before I blast all of you!
Feisty old bastard, huh?
We ain't got no money. Just get out of here.
We'll forget the whole thing ever happened. Or what?
You're gonna run me over with your walker?
Open the damn register, Morgan Freeman. Screw you!
You wanna be a hero, too, gramps? Oh, no.
All right, back the fuck up then. I got you. Okay, okay. Sorry.
[Screams]
Bernie! Bernie, you all right?
I didn't need your help.
Aw, you could've fooled me.
[Police Radio Chatter]
All good. Thank you.
What is it with you and liquor stores?
It's just not a good mix.
This one wasn't worth it, is it?
Grumpy old son of a bitch. [Bernie] If you damn fools would patrol the neighborhood...
instead of stuffin' your faces with pastry every now and then,
this crap wouldn't happen!
You heard anything about Manny?
No. But we know it was drug related.
No way. Not Manny. Not drug related.
Frank, we found 300 Hapacol pills on his body the night that he was killed.
That's five grand street value. I'm sorry.
But it looks like he was a major seller.
All right, everybody, listen up!
[Whistles] Hey, everybody!
Get in here.
What's up, man? Come on. Listen up!
If I catch anybody here...
making, selling or using drugs,
I will personally break both your legs and use your arms as crutches.
- Now, do you hear me? - [Scattered "Yeahs"]
Now, do you hear me? [Louder] Yes!
Drugs are for losers.
Only winners come in here.
Don't make me say it again.
Tucson, come on.
Sit down.
All right, let's have it. What?
Don't bullshit me.
How long was Manny dealing?
I swear, Coach. I have no idea what you're talking about.
Manny would've never got involved in any of that stuff. You know that.
You better not be lying to me. I'm not lying.
Go on. Get out of here. Yes, sir.
[Man] Yeah? Ginobli.
[Elevator Bell Dings]
Coach?
Expecting a cold?
Look-- Coach, I can explain, man.
[Growling]
Please don't break my legs. Please don't break my legs.
How long was Manny selling? I don't know.
[Grunts] I'm running real thin on patience.
How long was he selling? Okay, okay. A few months.
But he was only doing it to support his family.
He was gonna quit once he turned pro this weekend.
Man, he didn't want you to know.
He knew how disappointed you'd be.
And what about you?
Come on.
Where we going? To see your friends.
Wait, wait. No. No, I can't, man. They'll kill me.
Uh, no, they won't. Why not?
Because if you don't take me to 'em, I will kill you first.
Now come on.
[Muffled Grunting]
You sure I need to be here for this?
Step back.
Oh, shit!
Hey, hey, we're pacifists. And vegans.
[Yells]
No--
No, no.
All right, listen up, gentlemen.
Anybody in here tries to get in touch...
with my friend, Mr. Tucson--
either by phone, text, e-mail or Instagram...
or any other form of communication--
I'll kill you.
Now, do we understand each other?
[Groaning]
Okay. I'll take that as a "Yes, Mr. Vega, we understand."
Come on, Tucson. Let's go. [Groans] Coming.
¶ [Piano: Soft]
[Guests Chattering]
[Man] Well, no.
Not exactly to that extent.
But what I can tell you is that we are making great strides...
implementing safety and law enforcement measures to--
How should I say it?
Preserve peace and extend the lives...
of the citizens of our great country.
Ah, hijo mío, Adolfo.
I want you to meet the senator and his lovely wife, Mrs. Raskin.
- This is my son, Adolfo. - It's a pleasure to meet you, Senator. Mrs. Raskin.
I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to speak to you in private.
Es importante. Of course.
Please excuse me for just one moment.
I do apologize.
[Speaking Spanish]
Shut up!
[Manny] You've given me a place to go...
and a reason to get up in the morning. [Exhales]
You've been like a second dad to me. [Sobs]
And I love you.
[Sobs]
Bernie!
Hey, come on! Open up!
I-- I wanna buy a case!
Bernie!
Aw, sh-- Hey!
Come on! Are you in there?
Bernie!
I'll take my business somewhere else!
Bitch. Damn.
[Grunts]
Hey!
One, two, three, four assholes in front of me.
Five, six-- I'd better find a big stick.
[Chuckling]
This smart-ass is him.
Hey. Didn't I beat your ass, like, a few days ago?
You made a big mistake by coming over.
Next time I'll bring a dessert.
Smart-ass old bastard.
Hell of a way to go out.
You know, your boy Manny, he went out crying like a little bitch.
[Men Laughing]
Get up!
[Gun Cocks] Clear out, guys.
It's time to meet your maker, old man.
[Men Groaning]
[Exhales]
You okay, Vega?
I didn't need your help.
You could've fooled me.
Come on.
Yeah, here we go.
You broke my fucking ribs.
Okay, who killed Manny?
Fuck you.
Fuck me?
[Screams]
Who killed Manny?
- [Screaming Continues] - [Cracking]
Stop!
You're a little sensitive there.
All right, now, who killed Manny?
[Screams] Okay!
God-- Stop!
Okay, okay. It was Adolfo.
[Groans] It was Adolfo. He ordered the hit.
Where can I find Adolfo?
Fuck you.
[Screams]
[Grunts] Oh, God.
Don't.
I don't know. [Sobbing]
I don't know, man. I don't know. Shit.
I guess he couldn't take the ribbing.
[Chuckles]
There were two things I was good at growing up.
Hockey and fighting.
Hockey?
Yeah, hockey, fool.
You have a problem with that?
No. I mean, I just never seen--
A black man play hockey? I had to deal with that shit my whole life.
Nobody wanted to see it,
so I had to fight my way all the way up to the minor leagues.
[Chuckles]
Had at least two fights a night...
with some honky...
who didn't like colored folks on the ice.
Yeah.
And then the day I dreamed of finally came.
I was gonna get called up to-- to the big leagues.
I was gonna be the first African-American...
to play in the N.H.L.
And just like that,
it was over. [Chuckles]
In my final minor league game...
with the Quebec Mounties,
the Cracker brothers blindside checked me into the boards...
and blew out my knee.
[Sighs] I never played again.
My life was never the same.
At least you walked away with your health.
Well, I don't-- I don't have that either.
Yeah, I've got some rare liver disease that no one ever heard of.
Doctors are confused.
I'm too old to be on a donor list for a transplant.
And, uh-- So I got six months tops.
I'm sorry, Bernie.
What you sorry about? It wasn't your fault.
[Sighs] I'll be fine. Yeah.
The way you going, you'll be dead before me anyhow.
[Both Laugh]
Yeah.
Why'd you help me?
I owed you one.
Now-- Now we're even.
I sure appreciate it.
And I'm impressed.
You finally got out of your place.
Yeah, well, it's about time I changed my life.
Yeah, I figure, what do I got to lose, right?
Yeah.
Manny was a good kid.
Don't see that a lot.
So, you gonna find this Adolfo?
Oh, yeah. [Grunts]
Need a hand?
Could always use an extra one. Good.
So let's go get those son of a bitches.
Boy, what the hell you got on?
You look like a Guatemalan tourist. [Chuckles]
Well, rather that than a walking billboard for 7UP.
And what you got in that packet?
Oranges and Chiclets?
[Laughs] Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Here. I got a fanny pack for you too.
Not me. You keep that for yourself. I ain't putting that on.
[Grunts]
Whoo. [Chuckles]
[Frank] Whose is this?
It's mine. Who the hell you think it is?
"Whose is this?"
[Grunts, Sighs]
I would've thought D.M.V. took away your license by now.
[Chuckles] They did.
[Starter Cranking]
Come on, baby.
[Cranking]
Well, what you expect?
It's been 25 years since I been down in this shithole.
[Grunts] Goddamn.
I've forgotten how uncomfortable the damn city bus is.
Damn hemorrhoids is flaring up. Shit.
Come on. Come on. Just walk it off.
Now what, Kojak?
We get 'em to let us in.
[Line Ringing]
[Ringing]
What's next? [Chuckles]
[Ringing]
Uh-- [Door Opens]
Oh. Here.
Hello.
¶ [Headphones: Hip-hop]
Damn. Age before beauty.
- What now? - [Yells]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No need to always get violent.
Ah. Looks like they knew you were coming.
What's the next move, Columbo?
[Frank] Listen, Carmen. You're gonna help me.
I can't do it, Frank.
The last time I helped you, it almost cost me my job.
And as of today, I have 17 years,
62 days, 14 hours,
32 minutes and 55 seconds...
before I retire and receive my extraordinarily fat pension.
You will not mess that up.
Carmen, sweetheart, look, you will help me because--
¶ You're never gonna find
¶ Someone who wants you
¶ Like I do
Franklin, don't start nothing you can't finish.
You know this booty can go two or three rounds before I really get started.
And if you're good, you can bring your friend.
I like threesomes.
Carmen.
[Sighs]
He was like a son to me.
He was gonna do big things.
They took his life.
I can't let 'em get away with that.
And neither would you.
I mean it, Frank. You cannot take any of this stuff out of here.
Don't do like you did last time.
Do not take this stuff out of here.
God, I love you, Carmen.
Well, I'll leave my door open this evening...
so you can show me just how much you love me.
And bring Green Machine with you.
I told you about that outfit.
Look. He's got a pickup from some guy named Hammer.
Yeah, I see.
And here's his address.
Hmm.
[Woman] ¶ Ya
¶ [Man Vocalizing]
[Woman] ¶ Ya
¶ [Man Vocalizing]
Holy shit. Hey, fellas, this is E.B.M., not A.A.R.P.
We're looking for Hammer.
He's busy right now.
Well, you best tell us where he is...
before I put my foot up your ass.
I thought you said there was no need for violence.
Different situation, different measures.
Listen, Social Security.
This is a fraternity rush party for freshman students...
in the year 2014, not 1932.
So if I were you, I would get the hell off my property...
before I put my foot up your ass.
- [Knuckles Crack] - [Groans]
Where's Hammer?
- [Knuckles Crack] - Okay, okay, okay. He's, uh-- He's-- He's--
Upstairs, third floor, room five. Room five!
See? It wasn't that hard, was it?
[Whimpers]
[Chattering]
¶ [Speakers: Hip-hop]
¶ This here's a hip-hop anthem ¶
¶ Everybody in this motherfucker stand up ¶
¶ Ladies in the place put your hands up ¶
¶ Fellas, make a loud noise like a handgun ¶
¶ [Continues, Indistinct]
[Sniffs] Fuck off! I'm busy!
[Sniffs]
[Bernie] I'm here for a pickup!
Screw you!
[Yells]
What the hell?
- You Hammer? - Get the hell out of here!
[Groaning]
[Coughing]
Hey, little lady. What's your major?
[Yells]
Where can I find Adolfo?
Fuck you.
Didn't anybody teach you to respect your elders?
[Gasps]
Okay.
Let's take a little off the top. Where can I find Adolfo?
So I'll probably score a double major and graduate in five.
I mean, what's the rush, right?
The real world's not going anywhere.
I couldn't agree with you more.
I'd do the same thing.
- [Clanking] - Don't! Help! [Screaming]
Okay, okay, okay.
He has a beach-- He has a beach house in Malibu.
- Okay. Where in Malibu? - I don't know!
Okay.
- [Clanking] - [Screaming]
No! It's called--
It's called Villa Costa or some shit.
But he's only there on weekends. Just stop!
[Coughs, Groaning]
Nice cut. Mazeltov.
Give me that.
[Gulps, Belches]
[Cheering] Hey, Bernie!
I like you, Bernie.
I like you in that "I've never had a father figure,
so now I'm trying to overcompensate...
by getting with an older man" type of way.
[Frank Whistles] Bernie, let's go!
Okay!
I'm sorry.
I gotta run, Jessica.
Oh, so soon?
[Grunts]
Well, Facebook me!
We got big issues.
You're interrupting Adolfo during his me time.
Not in the mood for issues, Big Black.
And you know I wouldn't if it wasn't important, but this shit's important.
Okay. Come on. Out with it.
Looks like one of our highest profiting distributors just shut down today.
Sorry?
That old dude came in and kicked the shit out of everybody.
What old dude? You know.
The old dude. Bad Ass.
I thought we had eliminated him.
We almost did.
Then some other old dude came in and--
What? Came in and what?
Came in and kind of kicked all our asses.
Excuse me? You're saying a couple of old dudes beat the shit out of our guys?
Yeah. But they're not your typical old guys.
Trust me. They're more like bad asses.
I don't fucking care who they are!
[Shouting In Spanish]
Okay, well, this is simple.
If you can't take out a couple of geriatrics,
then I'll bring in someone else who will.
And then I'll have them kill you.
That sound fair? Huh?
Now, you're cutting into my seaweed-wrap hour,
so get the fuck out of my face.
Hey. Did somebody call for a secret door?
Yay! [Laughs]
- [Cell Phone Beeps] - So I put all your apps in their own personal folder.
- What's that? - The family tracker app.
I linked it with my mom's phone...
so you can always know that we're safe and sound.
My brother used to do that with us.
Look, your brother really loved you,
and just because you can't see him doesn't mean he's not here.
So you got to remember...
that no matter what you do or where you go,
he'll always be watching over you.
Really?
Really.
Knock, knock.
Hey there.
I thought you two might be thirsty. Perfect.
So, how's it coming along?
We're ready for the big unveiling.
Come on. Ooh!
Voilà! Oh, wow!
It's so cool! I love it.
I exactly know where I'm gonna put my Barbie jumper,
my American Girl and my Blue's Clues!
So cool. [Mouthing Words]
Okay, you've got a broken head gasket,
three dead spark plugs, a busted radiator and no gas.
- And what about this gun? - Boy, put that back.
I'm not even sure that thing even works anymore.
Yeah, that's what she said.
[Laughs]
Okay, so besides everything you said,
what kind of shape's it in?
Look, Coach, it's a lot of work. It's gonna take some time.
Well, get to it.
Yeah. Get to it.
I guess I'll get to it.
Yeah, I don't get it.
What's that?
[Chuckles] That-- That's not a child.
I mean, why you putting that dog in a day care?
Well, Baxter's more than just a dog.
He's my best friend.
Best friend, my ass. In Korea, they'd be eatin' him right now.
[Chuckles] Don't listen to him, Baxter.
He's got emotional issues.
Yeah, that's for sure. [Chuckles]
Aw, shit.
Ooh.
[Exhales]
You all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
[Exhales] Lasts a couple of minutes,
then-- [Exhales] I'm good as new. Okay.
You know, they got people all over that'll... donate like a...
kidney or lung or something, man.
Man, I'll give you a piece of my liver.
[Chuckles] Who you-- You kidding?
Yeah, you think I want a 69-year-old...
tequila-soaked organ of yours?
And forget about six months. I'll be dying in six weeks.
[Yells]
[Car Alarms Blaring] [Groaning]
You okay? [Groans] What?
Baxter.
[Whimpers]
[People Chattering] [Police Radio Chatter]
Yeah.
If it's any consolation, mine looks worse.
This is all that's left.
Drink up.
Yeah. [Chuckling]
I'm assuming you got some good insurance coverage.
I got insurance. I don't know how good.
What are you doin', Frank?
Hey.
I'm not in the mood for a Malark lecture right now. All right?
Oh, yeah?
Well, the people you're dealing with are extremely dangerous.
You're lucky you weren't here when it happened.
Not to mention those kids.
It's a sign, Frank.
Leave it alone and let Homicide deal with it.
Actually, Officer,
it was my fault.
Excuse me?
Uh, yeah. You see, it was my idea.
And my man Frank here, he was just along for the ride.
Are you kidding me? You're teaming up with the grumpy old man?
I'm not that grumpy.
He's gotten less grumpy. Okay.
Just lay off the case. You hear me?
I don't wanna hear about you guys stepping anywhere near it. You understand?
You fellas need a place to stay?
No. No, we're all right.
[Malark] It's okay. ¡Ay, Dios mío!
Frank!
Are you okay? Yeah.
He's Bernie. Bernie.
Hey. Rosaria.
You okay? [Bernie] Yeah.
[Chattering]
All right. There you go.
I'm gonna bring in some extra blankets 'cause it gets colder in this room.
A bunk bed? You gotta be sh--
You know what? This is great.
Thank you so much for bringing us in. Are you kidding?
It'll be nice to have a little company around here.
Not to mention how much I appreciate what you both are doing.
All right. Looks like I'll take the top bunk 'cause I don't want your butt falling on me.
Make sure they use the gate for safety.
Don't need a gate.
Slept in a bunk or two in my day.
They had bunk beds back then?
[Frank Chuckles]
All right, little lady.
So that's how it's gonna be, huh?
Hey, Bernie. You up?
No.
[Sighs]
You know, I can keep doing this thing. You don't have to--
Boy, you better shut your mouth before I coldcock your ass.
Good night, John-boy.
Shut up.
[Birds Chirping]
¶ [Recorder Tooting]
Rise and shine, boys.
Jules, honey, don't. Let them sleep.
I'm so sorry.
Bernie, how'd you end up there?
[Groaning] I don't know.
I must have fell.
Told ya you needed the gate.
- Okay, honey. Come on. - [Laughing]
Sorry, guys.
You all right? Doesn't that liver ever give you a break?
It's not my liver.
I had some of Rosaria's leftovers this morning...
and I've been pissin' out my ass ever since.
[Chuckles]
I don't know if I'll be able to do that beach house thing with ya.
I gotta get to a bathroom,
and I'm gonna be there for a long time.
We'll find you a bathroom. Just don't do it here. Don't do it here.
[Bernie Sighing]
You all right? Yeah.
Can I help you?
Oh, hey. [Chuckles]
Yeah, I was supposed to meet my friend here. Guess he hasn't made it home yet.
Resident's name?
Uh, Adolfo Herrera.
You look familiar.
Yeah, I been here a couple times.
No, no, no. From someplace else. TV or somethin'.
Are you an actor? Who, me? [Laughs]
Are you kiddin'? Wish I was.
Those guys make all the dough, huh? Tell me about it.
I've got a cousin, he shot one of those insurance commercials. Took in five figures.
He worked one day. Can you believe that shit?
Meanwhile, I'm driving around in this piece of crap for 10 bucks an hour.
Sucks balls.
Anyway, if no one's comin' to let you in,
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
He told me to wait for him out front.
I'm sorry. It's homeowners' rules.
Well, rules were made to be broken.
[Grunts]
- [Gasps] - Shh. I'm not gonna hurt you.
¶ [Man Singing In Spanish]
[Speaking Spanish]
Who the fuck are you?
[People Groaning] [Frank] I told you I didn't want to fight.
Bad Ass!
[Groaning, Grunting]
What do you want?
You killed my friend Manny Parkes.
How do you want to die, motherfucker?
Oh, finally...
I get the pleasure to make your acquaintance, Señor Vega.
[Groaning, Muttering In Spanish]
I didn't order the hit.
- Who did? - [Chuckling] I don't know.
- [Pistol Cocks] - Freeze!
[Groans]
Back away, Vega.
I'm really sorry to barge in here, Mr. Herrera. The side door was open.
You done good, Steven.
Really? 'Cause I was hoping for a raise.
Hey, hey! Hey!
Don't push it.
Now,
as for you, Señor Vega--
[Groans]
I don't appreciate you barging into my place of residence.
I'm a-- I'm a recluse, you know.
I'm not big on visitors.
But you can relate. Right?
So, my friend,
I'm gonna have to say good-bye.
- [Blow Lands] - [Groaning]
If I were you, asshole, I'd step the hell back.
Actually, I think you better step the hell back.
[Screaming]
You motherfucker! Oh, you motherfucker!
[Spanish]
[Screaming Continues]
Now, where were we? Who made the hit?
My father, you fuckin' asshole!
[Sobbing] My father. Okay, good.
Now that we're seein' eye to eye, where can we find him?
The consulate! [Sobbing]
- What consulate? - The fuckin' Argentinean consulate!
A lot of security at them consulates, Frank.
[Groans]
My uncle used to work at the Uganda consulate.
They ran that joint like Fort Knox.
Where else can we find him?
I don't know.
[Whimpering] [Cell Phone Chimes]
Well, then text him!
Are you fucking insane? You want me to set up my own father?
Yeah.
Text him now. [Sobbing] Oh, shit!
¶ [Piano: Classical]
Buenos tardes, señores. Care to sit?
If I wasn't an officer of the law,
I would kill you right now.
Well, that never stopped the rest of the L.A.P.D.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can be held against you in a court of law.
It's never going to stick, gentlemen.
You have the right to an attorney.
Leave a nice tip.
We got him.
Thank you.
Can we go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Please? Please?
Sure. Of course we can. Sure.
Thanks, Uncle Frank. That was so much fun.
Hey, that was so much fun we're gonna do it again.
I want you to have this.
Oh, wait. You won that. That's yours.
I know. That's why I want you to have it. It can keep you safe and sound.
Oh, it's beautiful. I'll never take it off.
¶ [Acoustic Guitar]
[Rosaria] It was so sudden.
He had been complaining of chest pains earlier in the day,
and then three hours later he had a heart attack.
I'm so sorry. He was so young.
Yeah.
It was toughest on the kids.
Thank goodness for work. Kept my mind off things.
What exactly do you do?
Residential real estate. I can help you buy your next home.
Boy, I'm sure in the market for one.
[Both Laughing]
What about you?
What did you do before all this?
I owned a hot dog cart. [Chuckles]
A hot dog cart? Really? Yeah. Yeah.
Same location for almost 40 years.
And then Baxter got cancer,
and I sold the house to pay for his treatments.
With the money left over, I bought the center.
Well, the kids absolutely adore you there.
Well, they're great kids.
Manny was the closest thing I ever came to having a son.
I know, Frank.
There was a strong connection.
Same with Julia.
[Laughs]
You have a wonderful little girl there.
Oh, man. She is a pistol, right?
And she's only five. I can't imagine her at 16.
[Laughs] Boys don't stand a chance.
You're a very special man, Frank Vega.
You have a genuine spirit.
People gravitate to it.
Me included.
Well, you know, I just-- I try to do the right thing.
Well, then the right thing would be to kiss me.
[Farts]
Never mind me. I'm just lookin' for some fro-yo.
So you are covered-- water damage, fire damage and electrical.
And we'll also cover the expenses of a temporary new space...
until the renovation is complete.
So I won't have to pay a thing? No, you're covered.
- Vega, you got a minute? - Yeah. Excuse me.
I don't have to pay a dime. Fully covered.
Hey, that's great, Frank. Congratulations.
But listen, Frank.
They let Herrera go.
- What? - He's an untouchable.
He's got diplomatic immunity.
You mean he can murder somebody, deal drugs in our neighborhood,
and they let him go?
You got any real proof?
Yeah. I saw it with my own eyes. How could you let him go?
I've made my peace that you're gonna do whatever you want.
God knows you're not gonna listen to me.
But this thing-- Unless you have undeniable concrete proof,
this guy's never gonna go to jail.
It's a no-win.
You hear what I'm sayin', Frank? It's a no-win.
Looks like your boy brought himself some protection.
Follow that Escalade.
You bring your wallet?
Yeah.
Good. 'Cause I think this shit's gonna be expensive.
[Frank] Meat packing?
What the hell is Herrera doing here?
We're gonna find out. But first pay the man.
Hey!
- What do I owe you? - 83.85.
Jesus Christ!
Wait here. Okay.
Thank you.
[Woman On P.A., Indistinct]
[Man] Bring it over here.
No, you gotta pick 'em up-- You gotta pick 'em up.
[Whispers] There.
[Chattering]
What the hell we doing, man?
Oh, shit. Wait.
[Groans] What's wrong?
Nothin'. Just-- Just keep goin'.
[Exhales]
Boy, we ain't got no time for checkin' inventory.
Check this out.
They were importing the stuff through the meat.
Straight from Argentina into our neighborhood.
Has a bill, has a--
What, uh-- What are you doing?
Uh, good day, gentlemen.
I'm Agent Black, this is Agent Brown...
from the F.D.A.-C.D.A. Health Commission.
We've been here all of 15 minutes...
and we've discovered two severe health code violations.
You wanna tell me how you got in here?
Boy, don't worry about how we got in.
If I were you, I'd worry about how we shut this toxic shithole down.
Now go get your supervisor for me.
And if I were you, I'd show me a fuckin' badge.
Mr. Brown, show him the badge.
What?
Just show it to him.
Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges.
What the hell type of answer was that? I didn't know what to say!
It's called improvising. You'd better learn how to do it 'fore you get us both killed.
You'd better learn to shut your mouth!
Is that the kind of respect I get for helpin' your ass? I don't need your help!
[Together] We give up!
[Bernie Wheezing]
So what time is dinner being served?
I can't imagine it's gonna be chicken.
[Door Slides Open] Why have chicken...
when you Americans love my fresh meat?
You gentlemen just don't give up, do you?
That's commendable.
But I told you it wouldn't stick.
Yeah, it's gonna stick.
Oh, you see, that's where you are wrong, Mr. Vega.
I am what you might call untouchable.
I can do whatever I want in your pathetic country.
If I want to go 120 down P.C.H., I can do that.
If I want to sell drugs to the neighborhood, I can do that.
If I want to kill...
one of my dealers who's stealing from me,
well,
you know I can do that.
So what you're saying...
is that you're just a low-life drug dealer.
I'm an entrepreneur.
I'm building an empire for my family,
just like your beloved Kennedys.
They made their millions bootlegging alcohol.
I'm doing the same thing, but with drugs.
Es lo mismo.
The only difference is I'm above the law.
[Shouts]
[Laughs]
You see? Untouchable.
Now,
you and I have a little score to settle.
Replace the inventory you destroyed,
or pay me one-quarter million dollars in damages.
Reach into my fanny pack and get my checkbook.
[Chuckles]
Mi abuelo had an old saying--
"Un testiculo por un testiculo."
Now,
I know it's similar to the "eye for an eye" thing,
but it's more graphic, more relatable.
And besides, I just like it better.
So...
in exchange for you taking something from me,
I'm going to take something from you.
Sound fair?
My people on the inside...
tell me you've become pretty close with Manny Parkes's mom.
Yeah.
I find that very sweet.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, but you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Leave her out of this. She's got nothing to do with it.
She has everything to do with this.
[Cell Phone Chimes]
Just like clockwork.
Unfortunately, I must leave.
But I'm sure you'll find you're in good hands with these two gentlemen.
Let's make it real cozy for them, guys.
Drop it down to three degrees.
Caballeros.
I bid you adiós.
"'I love to hear the wind,' Patty says."
"'And I love how things look beautiful in the rain,' says Alice."
"'Well, I love snowflakes,' says Jasmine."
"'When I watch them float around, I want to dance.'"
Did you just read that?
Yes, I did. [Chuckles]
You, mi chica, continue to amaze me.
[Loud Thump]
Uh, stay here, honey. Okay?
[Screams]
Get the fuck up and check the rest of the house!
Shit.
Christ! [Bernie Wheezing]
Shit don't look good.
There's gotta be a way outta here. Yeah.
Not until we freeze over and they slide our asses out in one big ice cube.
[Grunting]
Oww!
Yeah, that c-c-cold hurts, don't it?
[Chuckles] No.
I cut myself.
With what? With Julia's bracelet.
Th-Th-The charms are as sharp as razors.
[Grunting]
Hey. Hey.
No!
You've made progress, but still not enough.
You still want it? [Whimpering]
[Both Laughing]
[Groaning]
[Chuckles]
Damn Mexican MacGyver! [Laughs]
Hang on, buddy. Hang on.
Hurry up, man.
My left nut is frostbit. Shit.
Okay, guy. Ready?
[Groans]
Oh, shit.
All right, man.
You got it. You got it.
Oh, shit. You all right?
Okay-- Oh, sh-- [Hip Cracks]
[Panting] Whoo.
It's just my fake hip.
I gotta realign it.
[Cracks] [Grunts]
Yeah. All right. I'm okay.
All right, let's go.
[Crashing, Thumping]
[Grunting]
Out cold, bitches.
Yeah. Come on. Let's go.
You made him wait? You a clever Mexican, man! [Laughing]
Yeah, and you're gonna pay, bitch.
[Laughing] Hey, hey, you-- you taco-eatin' motherf--
I'm really sorry things ended up the way they did, Señora Parkes.
Especially with your son.
[Chuckling]
But it's time for a new chapter in your life.
I think you'll make somebody very happy in Argentina.
Or the Middle East. I hear they go crazy for Latinas. Who knew?
Julia! Julia!
Rosaria! Julia!
Julia!
Julia! Julia!
Help! Help! Help! Help!
Ooh. Oh, baby.
Oh-oh! Okay, okay. Okay, okay. It's all right.
It's all right. It's okay. It's okay.
I heard a few different voices.
They made a lot of scary noises...
and took Mommy with them.
Don't worry, sweetheart. We're gonna find your mommy.
They could be anywhere by now, Frank.
You can always find her on your phone.
What? Remember? Let me show you.
Oh!
That's right!
[Beeps]
You're a good neighbor, Diane.
It's okay. Don't worry, Mr. Vega.
She's in good hands.
Yeah, I know. Thank you so much.
You'll be all right. Okay, sweetheart?
Please bring back my mommy.
I promise.
Come on.
Hey-hey! Hey!
What happened to the cab?
Are you kiddin'? That was a $90 fare.
I couldn't afford to keep it here any longer.
How we supposed to get there now? I didn't see you--
Someone call for a Bronco?
They're heading towards the mountains.
Doesn't this thing go any faster?
You're lucky this thing even runs.
We fuckin' hired the dumbest people.
Shit!
Oh, you stupid motherfucker.
Vega and his fuckin' buddy got away.
We need to find them before they find us,
and we gotta figure out what the fuck we're gonna do with her.
Put Drake in the sky.
[Bleating]
We getting close?
I can't tell. There's three dots on the screen.
- I don't know which is which. - Just pick one.
There they are! Stay on their tail!
- [Machine Gun Fire] - What the hell?
[Frank] They got a ghetto bird after us!
- Damn! - Hold on.
[Frank Groaning]
I knew the four-wheel drive would come in handy one day.
Shit! Where'd those old bastards go?
D.M.V. don't know shit! [Chuckles]
This boy's got mad skills!
Hold on, baby. We're goin' suicide! [Laughs]
[Together] Oh, shit!
[Frank Grunts]
Ain't no 20-year-old got reflexes like that.
All right, let's see 'em follow us through this. Oh, yeah.
[Frank Shouts]
[Bernie] Yeah! I think we lost those assholes!
Oh, shit!
[Machine Gun Fire]
We gotta shake 'em off!
Where the hell you get that?
Parting gift from The Expendables.
Ah! Take that!
How you like us now, bitch?
[Both Laughing]
Did I ever tell you I really like that fanny pack?
[Coughing]
Mama always said, no driving like a maniac 30 minutes after you eat.
- Here. - [Gasping] Okay.
You all right? [Chuckles]
I don't how much longer I got,
but if I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna go out in style.
There they are.
I think they're on us. What?
Goddamn it! This motherfucker won't stop!
Pull up next to him!
Come on! Go, go, go!
- Shoot him! - [Groans]
Son of a bitch! Shit. Come on! Catch him!
- Come on! Catch up to him! - I ain't gettin' my ass shot at again.
- I said catch 'em! - You a mean son of a bitch. You know that?
[Screaming]
Shit!
[Groaning]
Hey, you fuckin' pussy! I got a fuckin' ice pick in my eye!
So suck it up and let's get the hell out of here!
Hey, muchachos.
I call shotgun! [Chuckles]
[Groans]
Hey. Hey.
Hey! Hey!
Where is she?
[Speaking Spanish]
I'm gonna ask you one more time,
and then this finger is goin' in your good eye.
No, no! Okay! Okay. Okay. [Sighs] Shit.
[Ringing]
[Beeps]
Hola, hijo.
It's me. Vega.
I got your boy.
What do you want?
An even trade. Rosaria for your son.
Meet me at the Elysian Park helipad in an hour.
Just you and her.
Bring anybody else,
and you'll never see your little "mi hijo" again.
[Beeps]
[Groaning]
[Sighs]
He's gonna be a no-show.
Would you leave your kid high and dry?
If he was a scum-sucking son of a bitch, I would.
[Bernie] Guess he didn't want to miss out on his Father's Day gift, huh?
[Engine Stops]
You've got bolas, Vega. I like that.
I might have some opportunities for you, my friend.
Could be very rewarding.
Where is she?
Wanting to get right down to business.
I respect that.
- [Spanish] - Hey! Take it easy!
[Muffled Shouting] Your turn.
Had an accident on the way.
You might want to mop him up.
That's embarrassing.
Okay. On three.
One, two, three.
[Whimpering]
[Frank] It's gonna be all right. [Mutters In Spanish]
- Someone's in the back! - Adiós, señor Vega.
[Gunshots]
Shit still works.
Huh.
So, what are you gonna do now, Vega?
You can't put me in jail. I'll be out within an hour.
And we all know you can't just shoot me.
I'm a diplomat, for Pete's sake.
But... I do know you can fight.
Just like your boy Manny.
You would've been so proud of him.
But in the end, he was no match for my men.
[Bernie] Frank!
Frank, stop!
[Weapons Cocking]
Hey! Drop it!
[Speaking Spanish]
Not bad, Vega,
for un viejo conchudo.
Come on, Vega! Show me something!
[Groaning]
Yeah!
It's my turn now, bitch!
[Adolfo Shouts In Spanish]
[Groans]
That's for Manny, puto.
Somebody...
please call...
ambulance.
[Weapons Cocking]
[Sirens Wailing]
All right, drop your weapons! Everybody put your hands on your head!
Little late, aren't ya?
Sorry. AT&T.
I didn't get your text until 10 minutes after you sent it.
Don't matter if it's AT&T or Verizon.
The police don't show up for shit.
They got their heads so far up their asses...
worrying about black men jaywalking in white neighborhoods,
they don't have time to worry about serious crap like this.
I thought you said he was less grumpy.
He is.
Frank, where's Julia?
She's safe and sound. She's with Diane.
Thank you, Frank. Thank you.
[Police Radio Chatter]
He's dead.
Huh. Well, goddamn then!
Looks like I found me a liver.
Hey, fellas, just don't stand there.
Hurry up and get that shit on ice!
[Chuckles]
[Rosaria] All right, honey, time for bed.
Good night, little one.
Good night, big one. [Kisses]
Mommy? Yeah?
How do we work it out for Frank to stay here forever?
Um-- [Chuckles]
Go to sleep, sweetie. Okay?
Okay. Good night.
You know,
she does have a good point.
What's that?
Living here. What?
Just until the center's ready and Bernie recovers from surgery.
And if you decide you wanna stay longer, I'm fine with that too.
I have to tell you, I'm a terrible roommate.
Really messy.
Perfect. I like to clean.
I go to bed late and I wake up early.
Hello. I'm a mother.
You know, this could just work out. [Both Chuckle]
I think so.
[Farts]
Don't mind me. I'm just grabbin' myself some pie.
Well, I think you're in the wrong room for that.
[Whimpers] [Bernie] Yeah.
What? [Laughs]
Bernie's nurse, huh?
[Both Laughing] Oh, my God!
To Bernie. To Bernie.
[Woman] ¶ Here we are
¶ Dancing to life
¶ Takin' all in our stride
¶ Without a care
¶ Just you and I
¶ We move along with the tide
¶ Making all kinds of plans
¶ For a life A life to share ¶
¶ Yeah, yeah
¶ Then with a kiss that sings
¶ Oh, yeah, that diamond ring ¶
¶ I surrendered all
¶ To you
¶ Cards cut, got an ace
¶ It all falls into place
¶ I can't wait
¶ To say "I do"
[Speaking] And then the man said...
"Do you take this man to be your man?"
¶ I proudly said
¶ "I do"
¶ Ohh-ohh-ohh
¶ Here we stand
¶ One year to the day
¶ When I found my way
¶ My way to you
¶ Now hand in hand
¶ Oh, for the whole world to see ¶
¶ Two golden bands to lock two people up ¶
¶ You and me
¶ We said "I do"
¶ I proudly said
¶ I proudly said "I do"
¶ You married me
¶ I married you
¶ I proudly said
¶ "I do"
¶ [Guitar Intro: Rock]
[Rapping] ¶ Yeah, yeah, uh
¶ Look, it's game time Someone thrustin' a quarter in me ¶
¶ Ready for victory 'cause competition was boring me ¶
¶ I got my kicks on Got my lazy slacks ¶
¶ Settin' up shop as we comin' down the block ¶
¶ Bad boys on the block steppin' with my crew ¶
¶ Got my own team I don't need to mess wit' you ¶
¶ Livin' legends I'm ready to get to reppin' ¶
¶ Keep throwin' the Hail Mary I'm ready to intercept it ¶
¶ Ready to ride I see the fury in your eyes ¶
¶ This sweat suit is nothin' but a disguise ¶
¶ Ready to ride I'm takin' over, surprise ¶
¶ When I look at my watch that lets you know it's my time ¶
¶ Ready for action Yo, we ready for action ¶