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I call it a hit. What'll your review say?
- I like it too, so I guess I'll pan it. - That's logical.
My publisher resents Cohan impersonating the president of the U.S.
Says our young readers dream of being president.
"I'd rather be right than be president." Cohan may find out he isn't either one.
- See how George does it at his age. - I remember him when I was little.
Congratulations, George, old boy. You did a great job.
- Thanks. - Congratulations, Mr. Cohan.
- You had him down to a tee. - But we're still on dangerous ground.
Imitating the president, a lot of people won't like it.
It's good, clean fun. Didn't they enjoy it in Boston?
Never could do anything wrong in Boston.
Greatest man in the U.S. Played by the greatest actor. Nothing wrong with that.
Especially when the greatest actor is my husband.
- This could be treason. - A dollar-a-year man will take care of you.
A lot of them would like to shoot actors.
Save these telegrams. Government needs paper.
You've got a list with everybody but Hirohito.
- We'll bring him in. - Here's the one I sent.
- Will you read our cleverness? - What makes you think I didn't?
I didn't know there was that much love left in the entire Western Union codebook.
Hold that. Thank you. Thank you.
- Don't bother me. - It's from the White House.
- Well, that bothers me. - Here.
You read it. These aren't my reading glasses.
"George M. Cohan, The Alvin Theater, New York.
The president requests that you call upon him at your earliest convenience...
...in regard to a personal matter.
Kindly reply for definite appointment at White House.
Stephen T. Early, secretary to the president."
There you are, Sam. There you are. What did I tell you?
Coming at a time like this, with everything on his mind...
...this is not just a casual invitation. This is important.
- I think we're in trouble. - Don't worry.
They don't telegraph you to come and be shot at sunrise.
- He doesn't get up that early. - I've got a run-of-the-play contract.
Fine time to make lame jokes.
I'm worried, Sam.
I'm really worried.
Halt!
- What can I do for you? - I've got an appointment.
- The name, please? - Cohan. George M. Cohan.
All right, sir. If you'll wait just one moment, I'll call.
This is Sgt. Lewis at the Pennsylvania Avenue gate...
- Good evening, Mr. Cohan. - Good evening.
- We've been expecting you. - Thank you.
Why, your coat's wet.
- Didn't you come in a car? - No, I walked up from the station.
Washington's a great town to walk in. Always get a kick out of it.
Yes, indeed. Won't you come with me?
I was supposed to be off duty this evening, Mr. Cohan...
...but when I heard you was coming, I thought I'd like to see if you look the same.
- That depends on when you saw me last. - It must have been 30-some years ago.
I was valet for Teddy Roosevelt.
He got me a seat up in the gallery. The play was George Washington Jr...
...and you was just singing and dancing all about the grand old flag.
Mr. Teddy used to sing it in his bathtub.
- It was a good old song in its day. - It was.
And it's just as good today as it ever was.
Come in.
Well, hello there. How's my double?
Your double isn't too sure. Give me time to work on that.
- I was told you knew all the answers. - There was a time when I thought so.
- Right now, I wish I did. - Yes, so do I.
- Sit down, Mr. Cohan. - Thanks.
You know, I'm a little bit nervous.
- I'm sorry I missed the opening of your show. - Maybe just as well.
Don't worry about it. We understand each other perfectly.
I think so.
Herald Tribune says that you make a better president in I'd Rather Be Right than I am.
Don't forget, that's a Republican newspaper.
I can remember you and your family very well. The Four Cohans.
Do you really? That's a long time ago.
Yes. It was while I was attending school near Boston.
I was a pretty cocky kid those days. Pretty cocky kid.
A regular Yankee Doodle Dandy. Always carrying a flag in a parade.
- I hope you haven't outgrown the habit. - Not a chance.
That's one thing I always admired about you Irish-Americans.
You carry your love of country like a flag, right out in the open. A great quality.
I inherited that. I got that from my father.
He ran away to the Civil War at 13. Proudest kid in the whole state of Massachusetts.
So you've spent your life telling the other 47 states what a great country it is.
I never thought of it that way before, but that's about the size of it.
And I lost no time either.
It started with a very funny incident about 60 years ago.
It was in Providence, Rhode Island, on the 4th of July.
There weren't so many stars then, in the flag or on the stage...
... but folks knew more were coming.
They were optimistic, happy and expectant.
The beginning of the Horatio Alger age.
My father played in a variety theater, breaking in a single.
No one was more expectant than he was, unless it was Mother.
She was busy on a smaller production.
- Message come yet? - No word, Jerry.
- Take a bow. - I can't. I gotta get out.
- Watch that border! - I gotta find out what's happening.
Oh, for heaven's sake, Jerry.
Take up number three. You're on. Go ahead. Lights up.
- Bye, Sally. - You can't run through the streets in that.
- They'll put you in jail. - They'll have to catch me.
- Don't forget, you're on again at 4:15. - Don't worry, I'll be back.
- These things take hours sometimes. - My wife never held up a show in her life.
- Can I get through here? - The Irish are up in the head of the parade.
- I'm not in the parade. I wanna get through. - Not a chance, brother.
You don't say! We'll get you there in a jiffy.
Here, this'll give you courage. Charge!
Nellie.
- She all right? - She's fine.
What is it?
Well, all signs point to its being a boy.
He just got here, and he's sleeping already.
All babies sleep 20 hours a day.
That's why most never amount to anything.
- What'll we call him? - I don't know.
- What do you say? - Seeing that he arrived on the 4th of July...
...what about George Washington Cohan?
Has a nice patriotic ring to it. What do you think?
The George is fine, but the Washington may be too long for a billboard.
How about a nice, short Irish name? Dennis or Michael.
George Michael Cohan.
Yes, I like that name.
Gosh, I forgot.
Hey! It's a boy!
Oh, Jerry.
Heavenly day, Nellie, he's crying with a brogue.
The first thing I ever had in my fist was the American flag.
I hitched my wagon to 38 stars and 13 stripes.
I was 6 or 7 before I realized they weren't celebrating my birthday on the 4th of July.
Then my folks had a real break when my little sister, Josie, made her entrance.
She grew to love show business just as she loved everybody and everything.
We toured the kerosene circuit on a show called Daniel Boone on the Trail.
Everybody doubled in brass. Dad walloped the bass drum.
They teamed me with a donkey. I was a good Democrat even in those days.
Mother and Josie threw out handbills.
Their smiles would've sold tickets to wooden Indians.
They kept putting new stars in the flag, and the Cohans kept rushing out to meet them.
We had jokes to match every cornfield. We sang at every milk station.
We trouped through depression and inflation, part of the country's growing pains.
Froze in winter, and roasted in summer.
But it was a good life.
It's a lucky family that dances together every day.
1891 found our fortunes flat as a pancake.
Then came jobs for the whole family in a show called Peck's Bad Boy.
We opened in Brooklyn.
The town was known for spirited audiences even before it had a ball team.
- Hammering on opening night! What are you doing here?
- I'm the star of this play. - You have the leading part, yes.
That means I'm a star...
...and there should be a star on my dressing-room door. Law of the theater.
- Yes, Jerry, give the devil his due. - I know, but I'm nervous.
I'll go blank. I won't be able to remember a line.
Don't worry. If you stick, I'll throw you the line. You too, Mother.
- It's to jail you're going, me boy. - Oh, there.
Henry's not really a bad boy. He's just mischievous, that's all.
Mr. Schults, that should take care of the damage, don't you think?
Henry, I want you to promise the cop and Mr. Schults...
...that from now on, you will always be a good boy.
I'll promise, but I can still lick any kid in town!
- Fine work, Georgie. - Thanks.
- Great, Georgie. Great! - Nice going, kid.
- Real piece of acting there. - Son, you're going places.
- Boy, you sure rolled them in the aisles. - Thanks, but why are you surprised?
You could've told during rehearsals that I'd be a sensation.
Listen, there's nothing to this acting business.
I wonder what took me so long to become a star.
Excuse me. Hey! Call rehearsal for 10:00 tomorrow morning.
Jerry, the time has come for George's first spanking.
That's right. I'll hold him, you hit him.
Not me. I don't hit hard enough to make an impression.
I can't do it. He'd think I'm jealous because he got more laughs.
Don't think I'm not, either.
Several gentlemen to see you outside, Mr. Cohan.
Gentlemen of the press, I presume. It's started already.
Will you excuse me?
Let's see how tough he is!
Ought to be arrested, every one of those hoodlums.
It seems to me you're taking this very calmly, Jerry.
Your own son almost murdered in cold blood.
The way I figure, it's a fine tribute to Georgie's acting.
The way he plays the part, every tough kid...
...will want to take a punch at Peck's Bad Boy.
What? Have I gotta go through that every night?
Yes. And matinees Wednesdays and Saturdays.
Georgie, those boys did you a great favor...
...and they saved me a lot of trouble.
Most actors give their whole lives to their profession without scoring a hit.
You're lucky. You're a hit at the age of 13.
I've been in this business a long time. I've never met a performer...
...who in the long run wouldn't rather be a great guy than a great actor.
That is, until I made your acquaintance.
Can't I be both?
Chances are, the way you're going, you won't be either.
If the hoodlums don't get you, a committee of actors will.
Actors are considered a very bad risk by insurance companies.
Any actor with a conceit like yours, we just couldn't afford the premium.
What your father really means is you're too sensitive.
You're too anxious to make good.
You love the theater too much.
Oh, I know you can improve if you want to.
Sure I can. Just watch me.
From now on, I'm Peck's Bad Boy only from 8:30 till 11 in the evening.
- That's a boy, Georgie. - I promise, Mother.
And don't forget, Wednesdays and Saturdays, 2:30 till 5.
Yes, sir. And the other 21 and a half hours, I pattern myself after Dad.
Well, you could find a better example, but that's the general idea.
Jerry, what do you know! Ed Albee's coming backstage to see you.
- Albee! - Albee! That's B.F. Keys' partner.
That's bigtime vaudeville! We're big time!
He didn't send for us. He's come here to see us!
It may be better if I spoke business to him.
I thought you said you were going to reform.
I'm sorry.
When he comes in, I want you to keep quiet.
- Look at the condition of this dressing room. - Get the cheap makeup off the table.
Hurry up!
Quick, Georgie!
Get the stuff off that shelf. That's right.
Albee will be right in. He just stopped at the water cooler.
If he offers you a cigar, don't take it.
I'll take it. It'll impress him if he thinks I can smoke.
- Get behind that curtain. - But...
Hurry up! I don't wanna hear a word. I don't want to even hear you breathe.
Josie, fix the chairs. The other one.
Here, take this.
Oh, Jerry.
- Sit down, Nellie. Sit down. - All right.
Come in.
Mr. E.F. Albee.
- Hello, Cohan. - Albee. Meet Mrs. Cohan.
How do you do?
- Sit down, Mr. Albee. - Thank you.
I saw your show tonight. Not bad.
Have a cigar?
No, thanks.
Your show's no good for vaudeville, but I've seen a lot worse right here in Brooklyn.
We're opening a new theater in Philadelphia on the 4th of July.
If you fix up a good vaudeville act...
...we'll double your salary, give ten weeks' guarantee and third or fourth billing.
- Double our salary? - You'll be with the best variety artists.
Vesta victoria, Eddie Foy, Ward & vokes, Lottie Collins, Charlie Case...
Just a second.
I'm George M. Cohan. You're opening a theater in Philadelphia on July 4th?
- Yes, that's right. - That's my birthday.
That isn't why we're opening the theater.
The salary's all right, but how have you got the nerve...
...to offer us third or fourth billing after my performance tonight?
Is this kid in your show?
Am I in the show! Who do you think was Peck's Bad Boy?
I beg your pardon. I didn't quite recognize you.
You didn't? Then maybe you're not the showman you're cracked up to be.
- George! - George!
Well, now, maybe I'm not.
Maybe you're not quite ready for the big time yet.
Mrs. Cohan. Mr. Cohan. Good night.
Mr. Albee!
- How do you do, Mr. Albee? - Good evening.
- Can I call you a carriage? - Lf you will.
Carriage for Mr. Albee!
You see what happens because you wouldn't lay a hand on him?
A mother doesn't do any punishing. She gives her permission.
Have I your permission?
You certainly have.
Shouldn't you get my permission too?
- Not on the hand, he has to play the violin! - All right, not on the hand.
Not on the mouth, he has to sing!
All right, not on the mouth. Come here.
Here's one place without any talent!
- Who were Lewis and Clark, George? - Acrobats?
- Look at this swell write-up we got. - Write-up?
You found us whenever new states sprouted on the prairie.
We played every town in America that had a theater.
- Any mail for Mr. Cohan? - No. Your father picked up his mail.
I mean for Mr. George M. Cohan.
The next 10 years rushed by like a circus train.
Dad seemed content with the sticks, but I was straining at the leash.
- Here's your mail, Mr. Cohan. - Thanks.
Couple of tickets for the show.
We were playing stock in Buffalo.
And being versatile, I was playing my mother's father.
- Oh, Daddy, he's left me. - All is for the best, my daughter.
In life we trip, but right ourselves.
I was correct about man's love.
First, he considers his pleasure or his honor or his purse.
Only secondly does he think of the woman he says he loves.
Now I must go life's journey alone and struggle on my weary way to find peace.
Courage, Emily, courage.
Living has taught your father many things.
Among them, to take the bitter with the better.
The road to happiness is paved with heartaches and stones.
They're all yours, sweetheart.
Good luck, honey.
There's a young lady. One of those stage-struck kids would like to talk to you.
Show her in.
All right, miss.
- Mr. Cohan will see you. - Thank you.
He's all yours.
I'm 18. I sing and I dance, and I'm going to New York.
Should I?
Oh, Mr. Cohan. You're so old, and so experienced in the theater...
...so fatherly.
Do you think it's wise?
I mean, my being 18, singing and dancing, and going to New York.
Well, that's very wise. I mean, being 18 is very wise.
As for New York, The Four Cohans open there this fall with their new show...
...with a new cyclorama and two carloads of scenery.
- Really? When are you leaving here? - Tomorrow night, right after the show.
Oh, I can't leave till Wednesday. I graduate from high school Tuesday.
That's too bad.
Georgie... Excuse me. You haven't forgotten we have a date tonight, have you?
Oh, no, no. Of course not. We're going roller-skating.
Roller-skating on a night like this?
Why, there's a moon out.
I'll be ready in five minutes.
- Pipperino, isn't she? - Yes. Is she your daughter?
- I'm not married. - Your niece, perhaps?
She's just a kid with the show. We've been dating.
Isn't she a little too young for you?
No. She's getting along in years. She's 17.
Well, shall I sing for you?
I know I have talent, even if I am from Buffalo.
We haven't got any piano handy.
Then I'll dance.
That's rather old, isn't it? Everybody's done that.
You don't want to be just an imitator.
Oh, no. Here's a step I made up myself.
But on the other hand, you don't want to be too original, either, do you?
- No. - I'll tell you what you do.
You sit right here, and I will give you an idea of what I mean.
It may not be much. I'm not the dancer I used to be, but then who is?
Now watch carefully, now.
Oh, no, no!
- Don't you like it? - But your heart!
My heart is every bit as good as it ever was.
Oh, so fast! Such excitement at your age.
- Sit down and rest. - Thanks.
Maybe I have overdone it a little.
Look at the perspiration on your brow.
Your wrinkles! What happened to your wrinkles?
I do have to make up older than I actually am.
How old are you?
Not yet 70.
You seem different from when I first came in. Even your voice sounds younger.
It's a gift I have. I'm always as young as the people I'm with.
And you've made me feel very young.
- Very young. - I'm glad.
Now, let's make plans. Which manager shall I take you to see first?
Erlanger? Good old Abe's a very nice fellow, but maybe a little bit too soon.
Tony Pastor? Well, that's better.
Albee, Coster, Beall and Proctor...
Wait a minute, little girl. Don't let an old white beard and eyebrows frighten you.
In show business, you'll see a lot of those.
I'm not sure I wanna go into show business now.
A girl with your talent and ability? There are very few who can sing, dance and act.
How do you know I can do those? You've never seen me.
I don't have to see you. I can tell a trouper a mile away.
I feel as though I've known you for years. What's your name?
- Mary. - That's a very pretty name.
Now, Mary, you calm down. Let's go and have a bite to eat.
I always eat after the last show. Are you hungry?
I've been sitting in the theater since 2:00 trying to get up courage to come backstage.
You must be hungry after seven shows.
We'll have a nice cold bottle and a bird.
What's a cold bottle?
That's what we in show business call a piece of pie and a glass of milk.
Aren't you going roller-skating with that pipperino?
I'm tired of picking her up.
What's the matter, darling?
Got it.
Pretty good.
There's a contract on my desk already made out. Get it.
Hey!
If any of The Four Cohans ask how you like their act, tell them it was fair.
Ladies and gentlemen, my mother thanks you.
My father thanks you.
My sister thanks you.
And I thank you.
- Nice going. - That's tearing them out of their chairs.
All set up for you. Go get them.
After the way we went tonight we're ready for New York.
If we're a hit here, it's a cinch in New York.
- Nice going, kid. - Thanks.
Oh, Mr. Cohan, just a minute. Pretty fair act you folks have got.
- They seemed to like it. - That's a soft audience.
- Got any open time? - From now on.
- I'll make an offer. - We'd be glad to talk.
Fine. Fine. You know, they're always a soft audience here on Wednesday. Pushover.
- Did you catch it? - Oh, you were wonderful, George.
- But I don't know, I miss that beard. - Did you get up on that number?
It's a lovely song, George. I've learned it by heart.
Good. I rehearsed it with the orchestra. You'll do it this show.
He knows your key. You just follow him for tempo.
But there's a notice. You can't change your act after the first show.
The manager expects me to sing "The Wedding of the Lily and the Rose."
Who were they applauding, the manager or me?
- Now go on out there and do it. - Oh, George, I can't move.
I can't go out there, not without rehearsal.
What are you worried about?
You're doing a George M. Cohan lyric to a George M. Cohan melody.
- Yes, but it's my voice. - A George M. Cohan discovery.
Nobody ever had a better start. There's your introduction, go on.
Good luck, kid.
Ten consecutive weeks in New York. That's the big time.
When you leave New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago...
- Just look at her. - Excuse me.
What's going on here? Take your makeup off. I'll be back in just a minute.
Bill, what is this? What's she singing? Who told her to switch that number?
She's supposed to sing "The Wedding of the Lily and the Rose."
- Who told her to switch that number? - I don't know.
You don't know!
Bring down that curtain! When she finishes the chorus pull out the houselights.
Wait a second. See how that song goes.
- The song is gone. Pull out the lights. - Don't do it, Charlie.
Say, who does she think she is? Who does she think is running this theater?
The only reason I put her on was because the dog act got drunk.
- It'll be all right in the morning. - She was your idea.
- And a very good idea too. - Now I know who got the dog act drunk.
Who, me? Why I've never been in a saloon in my life.
Now look at that. Could you ask for anything more than that?
Mr. Dietz, she's wonderful. Don't you think so?
Don't do that! Don't do that!
Pull out the lights. Pull down that curtain.
Get your props together, you're on next. Start limbering up, you follow the jugglers.
You get that curtain up. You can't ring down on a George M. Cohan song.
A George... oh, I see! It's your song. You wrote it.
You can tell that by the applause.
Now, Mary, I want you to do an encore. Do one more chorus and really do it.
Oh, no, you don't. Young lady, listen.
If you're gonna try junk like that, you'll do it on a split beat time.
But you'll not be singing that in my theater.
You take a little tip from me. Start packing.
If you've got any squawks, unload them on me. I started all this.
Listen, squirt. Any more interference and you'll be blacklisted in show business.
You won't be able to get into a stage door of any theater.
What's more, as for those songs of yours...
...they won't be played on a hurdy-gurdy. - Are you trying to threaten me?
- Mary, don't pay any attention to him. - Get me the key to your dressing room.
Drunk or sober, the dog act goes on on the next show. And look here...
Bring down the curtain!
Cohan, you're fired! You're canceled. You're washed up!
You and your whole family!
Oh, things were tough. But at least I was in New York.
I had a trunk full of songs and play scripts and a heart full of confidence.
I'm glad I had it.
I'm sorry, I can't use this, Cohan.
Youth needs confidence. I'd learned my job the hard way, all over the United States.
Guys who'd never been past the corner cigar store said my stuff was no good.
A kid had to believe in himself to buck that.
- What do you think? - I didn't like it. Didn't appeal to me.
What do you mean it didn't appeal to you? I'm the senior partner.
- I make the decisions. - Well, what did you think?
- It didn't appeal to me either. - Which proves you have no ear for music.
He's got no ear for music. I'm the senior partner. I have a wonderful ear for music.
- The libretto is a grand story, isn't it? - I laughed all the way through it.
That's my cue. If Harold laughs then I know it isn't funny.
Why don't you have Mr. Cohan sing? Maybe you didn't like "Harrigan"...
...because I haven't got much of a voice. - I think you have a lovely voice.
- Don't you think so, Mr. Dietz? - Yes. If you'd like a job answering phones...
Are you or are you not going to produce my play?
If you think I'd put my wife's money in that trash, you're crazy.
That's it, Mary. That's enough. They've had their chance.
- Have you an appointment? - Yes. I'm Sam Harris.
I want to see them about this melodrama.
- We don't teach them their business. - We're busy. We have no time.
You don't know it, but your days are numbered.
You're making room for the likes of me. Someday, Mr. Senior Partner...
...you're gonna come to me and admit you were wrong.
In 20 years of show business, I never once admitted I was wrong.
- That's his department. - And your wife's money...
- Excuse me. I have an appointment. - Who are you?
My name's Sam Harris. I have a melodrama here called Wildflower.
Wildflower.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Horses.
Oh, and Indians.
Come on. Don't let a couple like that get under your skin. No sense in crying.
- Buffalo is such a beautiful city. - Is that what you're crying about?
It's a beautiful city, but I hate to go back to it.
Don't worry, you won't have to. I'll show them.
I'm gonna have my name posted and plastered up and down Broadway.
Now, you stick along, we'll whip them to a standstill.
- I never really thought of leaving. - We'll make this business holler for help.
That's what we'll do. They'll all hear from us. Every one of them.
I'm the senior partner. I'll do the throwing out.
You don't have to throw me out. I know the way.
That's the last time I'll ever bring you a play.
That's my department.
I will take it to Clower and Erlanger. They don't always think of box office.
- Thanks. - Too expensive.
Didn't even read the second act. Probably the biggest forest fire ever on a stage.
I think he's a little upset.
5:30. We'd have done eight shows by this time in Buffalo.
The juggler just paid three weeks back board.
Put him at the head of the table so he doesn't reach.
Where shall I put the magician?
Until he's paid he sits at the foot of the table with the Cohans.
- Starvation corner. - And put the goulash at the head.
Keep everything but the noodles and syrup out of the reach of the Cohans.
Noodles and syrup are just enough to keep them alive.
Anybody who owes me two month's board bill I just keep alive.
I don't have to wait on them.
- Good evening. - Good evening, madam.
Oh, no, no, no. From now on, this is your seat.
- Oh, thank you. - And you, master magician...
...you sit over there with the Cohans.
Madame, some day I hope you will give me the pleasure of sawing you in half.
I just heard today that Hammerstein was bringing over the Scotch actor.
Harry Lauder at 2500 bucks a week.
Hammerstein's a great showman. A lot of people have never seen a Scotchman.
Take some goulash, Mrs. Cohan.
Did you have that appointment with that man about your booking?
Oh, yes. He's gonna give work to the act any day now.
What happened to that Boston offer? That was a mighty sweet proposition.
Four weeks' guarantee, $300 a week, and top billing.
Well, we didn't take it. You see, it just wasn't right.
Any act that lays off as long as you have, any offer's all right.
- Butter? - Thanks.
We just thought we'd rest a few more weeks.
Yes, my brother's writing some new material. We're just not ready to open.
You're not fooling anybody.
Everybody knows that you, Nellie and Josie can get work anytime, any place.
But nobody wants Georgie.
He's made trouble in every theater this side of San Francisco.
You can't lay off just because every manager in town has blackballed Georgie.
His family hasn't blackballed him.
We may take a lot of hard knocks and make a lot of sacrifices...
...but if they want our act, they'll take him too. We're not breaking up our act or family.
All right, all right. Let the blackballs fall where they may.
Madame Bartholdi, champagne for everybody!
- Swell. - Even if I had it, who would pay?
Dietz & Goff. They're producing Little Johnny Jones.
- George, really? - They went crazy about the book.
Dietz said to heck with his wife's money. He's gonna use his own.
Second round of champagne on me, if you had it. Pass that goulash down.
Oh, George. Think of those billboards.
Book, music and lyrics all by George M. Cohan.
- Oh, Georgie, l... - Take it easy, Josie.
There's enough water on the goulash now.
Dad, I'm gonna be tied in rehearsal for the next few months.
Why don't you and Mom and Josie take other offers in the meantime.
Well, I hate to see the act split up, but if you think so.
Oh, sure. Play all that stuff around Chicago for Sullivan.
- The money's good. The jumps are short. - Good idea. You get tired resting too long.
But it won't be the same going back on the road without you, Georgie.
We'll be like a carriage with only three wheels.
But you will admit I was a bumpy wheel. You'll roll along easier without me.
- No, Georgie, no. - You will.
If there's a part for a bicycle rider, I used to be known as "venus on Wheels."
I always knew you weren't a cook.
- How's everything going, George? - Not so good. Not so good.
I've been pounding the pavement so long my socks have bunions.
- Mac, would you put a head on that? - You bet I will.
The villain turns and says:
"I'll tell who you are unless you help me hold up this train."
Think fast. It's due in 10 minutes. You'll have the audience standing.
I know, I know. The hero helps him. Gets shot in the leg.
- And the girl nurses him back to health. - No. He gets shot in the arm, not the leg.
- Do you know what happens? - I won't be in the theater to find out.
I will be on the street watching a musical comedy.
Before I put $ 10,000 into a show...
...it must have songs, dances, and a lot of girls.
Women, women. Little rose petals.
The big scene is where the hero saves the girl from a burning forest fire.
It won't be terribly expensive. I know where I can get a cheap fire.
You don't need much of a fire. Just enough to burn that manuscript.
- I've been looking all over town for you. - What?
We gotta go to Dietz & Goff and sign papers.
- Papers? - What papers?
- I see. You don't want to talk about it.
- You haven't discussed our musical? - Musical?
- Remember what we promised. - I haven't said a word.
Good. Dietz said it was the best musical he's read. Even allowed Goff to agree.
When I told him about those 20 ponies and 20 showgirls all coming...
- Ponies and showgirls? - Just a minute...
...would you tell me what you're talking about?
- You got the check? - Yes.
- That's mine. - No, no, no. We won't argue about it.
- Glad to have met you. - That's minor.
- Come on. We can't keep Dietz waiting. - You are a fine guy.
You have girls up your sleeve, you have ponies and showgirls and you don't tell me?
- What's it about? - We gave our word to Dietz.
We haven't got time. It's about Todd Sloan.
- The famous jockey. - Yeah. Come on.
Jockey sounds swell. Just my luck to miss out on it.
Well, good luck, boys.
You forgot your manuscript. Say, before we sign up with Dietz & Goff...
...I made some change in the lyric of "Yankee Doodle."
- "Yankee Doodle"? - You shouldn't have. It was perfect.
You'll like this. It gives the number added value.
- May I listen a little? - Think we should?
- Well, I don't know. - Lf you promise to be quiet.
- I promise. - All right. Come on.
- There's a piano in the private room. - "Yankee Doodle." "Yankee Doodle."
- Yankee Doodle Candy. - Dandy. "Yankee Doodle Dandy."
Yankee Doodle Candy. Thank you. Yankee Doodle Candy.
I have heard enough.
I will never forgive you for trying to pawn a forest fire on me...
...when you had that musical. - Yes, but we gave our word to Dietz.
I can't understand it. Why is Dietz's wife's money better than my wife's money?
Why?
Must you give it to Dietz & Goff? Must you give it?
Well, I don't know. I like Dietz, but I'm not too fond of Goff.
I'm crazy about Goff but haven't got any use for Dietz.
Gentlemen, you are in perfect agreement.
- I will give you a check to bind the deal. - Here.
- Thank you. What's your partner's name? - I don't know.
What's my partner's name?
Well, don't toy with the kid at a time like this. Tell him. George M. Cohan.
George M. Cohan. C-o-H-A-N.
- And what is my junior partner's name? - Sam H. Harris. Shake.
- Hello. What should I write? - Cohan and Harris.
Cohan and Harris.
That's it, ladies and gentlemen, it's all over.
Yankee Doodle let them down.
So they'll either pasture him in clover or have him hauling rubbish in London town.
Women, women. Little rose petals.
It's wonderful. You got them eating from your hand.
- My congratulations. - Thanks.
- As long as those critics don't eat my leg. - Don't worry.
You have a smash hit. It's in the air. You can't stop anything that's in the air.
All right. On the boat.
Remember, Jones, watch for the skyrocket. If it goes off, you'll know...
...that I've obtained papers that'll prove you innocent of throwing the Derby.
It'll mean complete vindication. So stick on the pier and watch for the skyrocket.
Thanks, pal. I'll be watching.
Goodbye, Johnny. And don't worry, we still believe in you.
- Thanks, kid. That'll help a lot. Bye-bye. - Goodbye.
That was your department!
Is it the robin that heralds the first breath of spring?
How can you think of robins in the spring when we're freezing in Illinois?
Hey, Jerry. Did you see the way they're billing you in Waukegan?
- Come here. Look at that. Funny, isn't it? - "Jerry, Nellie and Josie Cohan...
...family of George M. Cohan, the Broadway sensation."
- Hey, the kid's doing all right. - Look at that.
Well, that's true. He is the biggest thing on Broadway.
I know, but it ain't right. We can build our own reputation.
- We'll be billed as The Three Cohans. - All right. No need to get excited.
Don't think I'm jealous of Georgie's success. Even though I am a better actor.
Of course you're not jealous. Everybody knows that.
There'll be no stopping George. All he needs is experience and he'll be a genius.
He mustn't know I'm a better actor. It might interfere.
Still, it does look a little funny, George being the toast of Broadway...
...and you folks gathering crumbs in the tank towns.
- Is either of you fellows Jerry Cohan? - I am.
It's from George.
"Lmpossible to find three clever actors named Cohan for my new show...
...anywhere in New York.
- Return immediately for rehearsals." - What'd I tell you?
The four of us back together again. And on Broadway!
Even in the kitchen you sound like a Tetrazzini.
In Buffalo they say I have a nice little voice.
A lot they know in Buffalo. In Buffalo they thought I was an old man.
- Well, how do you like your part so far? - Oh, I like it.
It's small. I'd be afraid to try anything bigger.
You got something on the leading lady, the best song in the show.
Here it is. It's finished.
- Come on. - Well, what about the lyrics?
I'm gonna give it to you now. Sit down and give me a pickup.
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