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Okay, let's go, that's so loud
Now this is how you make a home-style jailhouse meal.
Look at this.
♪ Come meet me in the main room ♪
Is this the Neue Museum?
This is the Alte Museum.
I don't speak really good German like behind human.
There's a hallway of columns adjacent to that.
Okay, thank you.
Yeah, okay.
Where are you from?
I'm from Barcelona.
- Nice. - Yeah, okay.
I went to Barcelona once.
Did you like it?
A lot.
You have a great legacy of architecture.
Yeah, we have Gaudi, it's really great,
it's nice.
Are you from Berlin?
Yes, I am from Berlin.
What are you doing here?
I am studying History in Eureka,
do you know it?
Yeah.
I'm like really new here,
like I was a little bit lost.
Just my phone died then I'm like,
like yeah, I don't know so many people
and it's a little bit complicated.
It's a big city.
Yeah.
My name is Paula.
Joanna, nice to meet you.
Thanks to you, nice to meet you.
Maybe you wanna have a drink or something?
I would love to.
Your phone, it's broken now?
- Yes. - But you can call?
Like, you can give me your number and I can call you?
Yeah.
You have to just put like zero, zero in the beginning.
Zero, zero.
- Three, four - Three.
Yeah, like a code.
Okay.
Six, five.
Two, one, zero, four
Zero, four.
Nine, zero, four.
Okay. I hope to see you Paula.
Enjoy.
If I fall off I'll fucking swim back,
well, I don't give a fuck.
I'm not trying to kill myself.
I thought this was a pirate ship man,
I thought this was a fucking pirate ship.
Six.
- Seven. - Seven.
Your feeling fallen so fast, it's like, if it's all right.
Yeah.
It's like this instant connection.
When I was like five or six years old
he pulled me out of the bathtub
while I was taking a bath and just slammed me on the ground.
That's the first beating I remember
and you know stuff went on like that for awhile.
I don't remember much else from those years.
That was my first big of heartbreak in life,
I was really confused and hurt.
After like two or three fights like that,
I had stashed a knife, a kitchen knife in my room somewhere,
I stashed it really good.
And I was like, thinking in my head,
I have thoughts of actually killing him in his sleep
because I was so tired of getting beat up on.
I just lost it one day,
he came in my room,
he comes in with his fists clenched, face turning red,
vein popping out in his head
and I know from that, that he's about to beat me up.
But I said, this time I'm gonna fight back.
I said, I don't care if I win or lose, just check it out.
If I win, then that's great,
I would love to beat the shit out of you.
I said, but you know you're bigger,
you're stronger than me.
If you win, which you probably will, I don't care.
I'll take an ass beating, but I guarantee old man
when it's all said and done,
I don't know where, I don't know when,
but I will fucking kill you,
'cause I'm sick of the shit, I'll kill you.
I told him that and he backed away
he never touched me again.
And I was dead serious, I wasn't fucking around.
And that's that?
Stop.
Come on it's fun.
Come on.
Stop that.
What?
Why you didn't text me.
Text you?
Oh, I'm sorry I was super busy,
like, I had this idea I was thinking on,
since had the last days, I had a plan for this project.
it would be super nice to make it like in a...
So you know, it's like, it's quite a...
It's like, I don't really know
what exactly it's going to be about but...
The other day, I was reading about a work of Shepard Howard
and I was thinking of-
- Like, you're gonna do this thing of this houseboat,
it's like a shared community.
Like my idea was kind of like this but bigger
and has a high sense of architecture.
I think it's super, it's like, it's not a houseboat
but it's like a shared community
where generations can like
English, its like you're speaking all the fucking time
and you don't let me speak.
Now what's wrong with you?
- No, nothing. - What did you take?
- Paula what did you take? - I'm just excited.
I didn't take any drugs, I'm just excited, okay?
Like I want to make this project
and if you want to join, it would be amazing,
we can think it together, better.
And I know that there's this kind of this houseboat...
Stop touching me.
Paula.
- I'm concentrating. - Stop and listen.
No, listen to me.
I listen to you all the time.
I'm concentrating.
Really?
Fuck Paula, what?
Two nights ago, Emily called me,
I took a cab all the way to her house at midnight.
She smoked 20 cigarettes then we talked for five minutes.
And then I got into another cab and went straight back home.
Just to see her for five minutes,
just to bring her, her fucking
so she can feel better.
Coz I love her and I don't want to see her in pain.
I know I should be looking for 'em, my mom, my dad.
I don't know what I even saw in her in the first place man.
I saw something different,
and she didn't act like this when we first met,
no one acts like a piece of shit when you first meet.
If you acted like this yourself as soon as you met somebody,
you'd just scare them off.
Fuck.
She doesn't want to talk to me,
she doesn't want to see me.
She doesn't talk to me on the phone,
I haven't seen her in almost a month.
We text each other a little bit,
that's about it.
Yeah, you're gonna text.
I haven't even texted her in a few days.
I don't know I'm done,
I'm done trying, if she doesn't wanna be with me,
she doesn't wanna be with me, that's it.
I wish she would just have the guts to come out and say so
instead of beating around the bush.
Look man, I don't wanna sound like I know everything
but I told you she's not right for you.
You gotta find somebody sober.
It is what it is. What am I gonna do?
I can't force someone to be in love with me,
if she doesn't love me no more, she doesn't want me no more.
I'm not gonna fucking cry about it either.
You sure about that?
I don't know.
I'm like stuck in limbo,
I don't know what the fuck's going on.
I mean, I have to guess that though,
I mean, I'm pretty cynical, so I always guess the worst,
but pretty much have to assume
that she doesn't love me anymore.
Why would someone not want to see me for a month?
If I love someone, I want to see them.
I understand like she needs space,
if she needs space, she needs space.
But Jesus Christ like a whole month goes by
and she doesn't even wanna see me once?
Not even for a few hours?
That sucks, man.
It really does.
Maybe you should concentrate on the people
that give a shit about you
instead of the ones who would rather see you die.
I'm like, look at you man,
you look like shit.
You just sit here and talk about yourself.
Can you blame her not wanting to be with you?
I mean, you don't think she was right a little bit.
She is.
But at the same time though,
I wouldn't leave her if she was doing that.
I don't know, maybe, I don't know man,
her standards are high.
I can tell you right now that,
whatever you wanna do with this girl
it's not gonna go nowhere.
I'ma leave you to make that decision on your own.
I guess my standards aren't as high.
If I love someone, I love them through thick and thin,
whether they're drinking, whatever.
That's that unconditional fixation.
You like something,
so you perceive whatever you like on to somebody else
and then you mistake it for unconditional love
but it's not, man.
You gotta love yourself first,
I can tell that you don't.
I know.
Look at you,
you had so much potential when we was growing up,
now you're just rotting away.
You need to get back into boxing.
You act like you're the only one that's ever felt bad,
I mean, I went through my struggles with my writing,
but I'm back on my feet.
And to watch you just destroy yourself sucks dude,
I can't sit here and watch you kill yourself, I can't.
I'll talk to you later.
Twice, I got fucking jumped with baseball bats
and I'm the one who gets arrested
and my attackers don't get arrested,
how the fuck is that?
Now, let me tell you about the NYPD, right?
So they're supposed to protect and serve us,
they don't fucking do that.
In the park, motherfuckers,
there's the girl who said I stole her tablet.
And then the cops get there, I get arrested.
And I'm telling the cops all the time,
I don't have a tablet on me,
what are you arresting me for?
No, she said you stole her tablet last night.
Last night?
Then why didn't she call you guys last night?
What are you worrying about me for anyway
when this fucking kid stabbed my friend.
There's someone laying right across the street,
is what it feels like right now.
I'm like, but why don't you go look at my friend?
Oh, we'll look into it,
they never looked into it.
And then, like a few months ago I get jumped again
by people with bats
and I get arrested again because the window got broken.
Like come on y'all, twice.
And the motherfucker was hitting me with baseball bat.
In this city, you can jump someone with baseball bats
and if you call the cops first
and say, oh, they fucked with me first.
They aren't gonna get arrested.
And see, that's the NYPD for you, man.
Hey.
Are you okay?
Yes.
I can walk you down the subway.
Are you sure?
Listen, if I told you what I was doing right now,
you say you wouldn't look at me differently
but I'm pretty sure you would.
I'm so misunderstood,
no one will ever understand what I go through.
Those problems?
What is hell?
I have no bank account, it's in the red.
In New York City right now,
this girl is the only thing that makes me happy.
Just spending time with her and she's never coming back.
- You taste like alcohol. - You finally smelled me,
I knew you would do that
You taste like fucking alcohol, so you're lying.
I'm losing weight, you know why?
Not because I'm on drugs
because I actually just don't have enough food
to eat in the house.
Oh my God, why do I have to?
What are you so mad at me for?
Because it's like I only have to deal with your needs.
Are you fucking serious?
When we're at my house,
do you know how many things you asked me for?
I asked you for one thing,
what else have I asked you for.
Oh, shut up.
And then besides this, I'm stuck in this lifestyle now
just doing things I don't wanna be doing.
Aww, what the fuck?
You fucked up my makeup asshole.
I know deep down I have a good heart
but you know I do fucked up things.
And you told me 90 days
well 90 days are like what, three months?
Then you'll know like I've really changed
for almost three months.
But you've drank, of course.
I've drank a few times.
I feel like you can't go 90 days without drinking
if you tried.
I could.
So then why don't you just do it?
Because I can and I will.
I'm not drinking today, I didn't drink yesterday.
You said it's all about today, right?
I don't know.
If you don't have faith in me, you don't have faith in me.
I do have faith in you Mike.
Well, then you know you're still bringing it up
and I feel like once you go to this rehab
that you're going to think about that even more.
And then you're gonna start thinking,
oh, I'm gone for a month,
he's probably drinking all the time now.
I am going to hell,
you don't even get to suffer with any company,
there's no solidarity in hell.
You don't even get to see the devil,
probably.
Oh, welcome, hi.
Fucker.
Motherfucker.
My God.
I have a chair.
I'll get on the chair and do it.
Just give me.
No, I wanna do it.
Let me do it.
I don't want you to step on the chair with your shoes.
What?
What's wrong with my shoes ever?
I've never worn these shoes outside.
This is it?
I can't see you again tonight?
I told you I'm going to my grandmother's house,
I'm having dinner with her.
So this is the last time I'll see you?
Before I go, I guess.
Wow.
We should've left at a good note.
I know this is like a difficult moment for you.
A lot of things.
Because every time man.
Every single time that we've been apart
for more than a few days,
you've thought about leaving me
and now it's gonna be a month,
what's gonna happen this time?
I'm going to a rehab, so it's a different...
I'm going okay.
This is really important to me.
I don't know what's gonna happen in the next month,
I don't know what's happen with my life.
So I feel like this is the only thing I got left.
- Stop. - It's really important.
- It is defeatist. - It's really important.
I'm not defeatist, I'm realist.
So it's really important to me,
I'm definitely not not a defeatist.
Well saying that this is all you have is sort of...
I'm not in a defeatist,
I said, I don't know what's going to happen
in the next month.
A lot of things are looking very bleak for me.
I might be in jail,
I might have no career anymore,
I might not have Emily anymore.
It's all in my hands
and I'm trying to do the right thing,
but if people don't have faith in me, I can't blame them.
I made my bed and I'm gonna lie in it
I'm Sorry.
I hope you're okay.
And I hope it's not my fault if you're not okay.
Yo, watch where you're going man
And I'm sorry for everything.
I wish I could take it back,
but I can't do this.
I'm a grown up now am an adult.
I can't be thinking like a young kid anymore,
I'm not in my twenties anymore,
am not a teenager anymore.
I got bigger and better things to look forward to
and I'm a street brat,
those days are over, I've started to grow up.
I am a man who fuck up.
I have anger issues, I'm trying to work on them.
It's not easy.
Maybe I get it from my father.
I have a real rage issue,
its probably used to be brain game
I mean, the abuse is not just physical.
its like watching my father scream at my mother
and treat her like shit.
This is what happens when you are abused as a fucking child
and violently abused like I was,
go on to have anger problem and stuff.
There are other people
and it seems life that's what I suffer from.
I've been through a lot of shit, a lot of suffering.
Suffering builds character, it definitely fucking does.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
It's a flower for you.
What?
What going on?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You're gonna just disappearing like that?
And give me flowers?
It doesn't work like that.
- I'm sorry... - No really,
its not okay.
Your brother told me what you did.
So what?
What's going on?
I'm sorry I didn't wanna tell you.
Tell me what?
I'm sick.
Sick?
I have bipolar disorder.
Okay.
You're crazy my love.
Like not crazy, like this is not sick, okay.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I don't care, I'm here you have to tell me these things.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm here, okay?
Okay.
Nice jacket.
Thanks.
I like the blueberry.
The jacket?
Muffin.
Where are you from?
From Russia.
Wow, its cool so far.
What brings you here?
Study.
Study what?
Cultural studies.
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