I'll never forget my first proper all-consuming crush.
I was about eight years old and she was a teacher from my school.
My cheeks would sting if she’d look at me or if I heard her gentle song like voice.
I went on to have lots of boy crushes in school too.
I was very much a daydreamer. I’d build entire relationships in my head.
With famous actors and actresses and book characters even, I fancied both Serious Black
and Hermione from Harry Potter.
I even made my Barbie dolls kiss one another and also kiss my brother's action man toys.
During my teenage years where many of my female friends would describe their heterosexuality
by saying that women are just beautiful to look at.
Sometimes I thought they were right and figured that’s all it was.
I was just admiring their bodies.
I think I was jealous of certain girls, like this one girl let’s call her Jenny.
But deep down I think I knew I was simply attracted to her.
I wanted to kiss her in the the same way I wanted be intimate with my then boyfriend.
One weekend then boyfriend and I had a huge fight and went on a break.
So I went to a party to distract myself and ended up kissing another girl for the first time in
my life.
It felt so right and so natural.
Bisexuality wasn't a word that commonly crept up in conversation.
Many just figured that those girls would make out with each other solely for the sake of guys
at parties, in order to gauge their interest.
This negative connotation followed me around like a giant leering shadow monster after
my first couple of kissing girls at parties experiences.
And it forced me to want to repress and repress and repress.
I also started browsing online forums about liking both boys and girls at the same time.
Is it possible? Am I just a lesbian in denial?
I felt very lost and so confused about my sexual identity.
During University, I tried to keep my head down and focus on my studies.
But there were beautiful confident girls everywhere I turned.
One day at the college bar, I locked eyes with a gorgeous red head several times.
I could almost taste my own guilt, smell my own shame.
I felt trapped.
One day, I came upon a book all about bisexuallity.
I read and I read and I realized I didn’t have to prove anything to anybody.
I didn’t need to be afraid to accept myself for who I am.
Coming out as bisexual to those close to me has been one of the most freeing experiences of
It’s been a huge part of my journey to loving and respecting myself entirely.
I’m bi and I’m rather happy about that.