- [ music playing ] - [ men whistling ]
♪ Magic moments
♪ When two hearts are caring ♪
♪ Magic moments
♪ Filled with love.
- [ tires skid ] - [ metal crashes ]
[ camera clicks ]
[ camera clicking ]
Car lost control right about here,
smashed into the guardrail right here.
It busted through here,
and it came down here like this, just like this.
It's a tragedy, really.
There's four kids, and not one of 'em belted.
Daddy does brain surgery on himself
with the steering column.
And mama, she flies through the windshield.
Face smacks into this goddamn tree doing about 80.
What the hell is that in the bark?
Is that a tooth?
Oh, for Christ sakes, that's a goddamn tooth.
Get a snap of that, will you?
That it?
Yeah, that's it, Johnny.
Thanks, man.
Look, so the thing is
we need this ASAP, okay, Scardino?
- Sure. - No, no, no.
Seriously, man, we need it ASAP, really.
Look, the insurance agency
wants to nip this thing in the bud
before it gets out of hand.
I got the whole extended family
holding a vigil in the kiddie ward
with the one survivor,
and it looks like they're going to need
beaucoup bucks just to hire someone
to wipe his ass for the rest of his life.
[ laughs ] So, you know, I mean, that's why
the agency sent us out here, you know,
to put our finger in it.
I mean, that's why we need this ASAP.
Hey, Johnny--
Scardino. Johnny, huh, ASAP?
ASAP. Yeah, ASAP.
You want me to say it? ASAP.
Okay?
ASAP.
See you, buddy.
[ camera clicking ]
[ police dispatch chatter ]
We sure appreciate this, Johnny.
I know it ain't your shift.
Earl's been out for three days now with his stomach.
His sister had one of them Hawaiian cookout fetes
at her house on the weekend. What do you call 'em?
Luau.
That's right. [ chuckles ]
Earl thinks the seafood was tainted.
"Tainted."
[ laughs ]
15 pounds of shrimp
sitting in the sun all day.
I guess it better be tainted,
or ain't fucking shrimp, huh? [ laughs ]
Ah, fat fuck probably had more than his share, anyway.
- Come on. Come on. - [ laughs ]
Hey, hey! Come on, you guys.
A little respect here, huh?
- Yes, sir. - Sorry, Sarge.
[ laughs ] These guys.
Got everything?
That's it.
Attaboy.
Skidmarks.
Washawski.
Thanks, Woody.
Yeah.
That poor bastard.
- Earl? - Huh?
No, no, the stiff in there.
Looks like a snuff, right? No.
Guy croaked himself. We found the note and everything.
- Hey, Larry. - I'm just playing it safe,
gathering the necessary evidence, just in case.
Jeez. Stick a fucking plastic bag
on your head and just lie there?
Even when the Mrs. and I broke up,
never got that low.
Got to have a lot of despair in your heart.
That's what the guy's note said,
he had despair in his heart.
Yeah.
Well, I--
I don't really think about it.
What, not ever?
You got to think about it sometime, you know,
fucking humanity of it all.
I just take the pictures.
You know, Johnny,
you got a coldness in you, don't you?
[ chuckles ]
Johnny Skidmarks.
- I'll see you. - See you.
[ overlapping chatter ]
[ winces ]
What's the story with that one?
Don't know.
What's that, drunk driver?
Yeah, I guess.
I don't know.
Too contrasty.
The neg was thin.
Now, Mike, I told you to push it wide.
'Cause you want grain like beach balls?
I like the look.
You like the look?
Pictures of dead people, you like the--
I'll redo it. Have your beach balls.
C-41.
Push in one, both rolls.
Oh, and I need it ASAP.
ASAP.
Man: Okay, I'll see you.
[ polka music playing ]
So, anyway, you know, she's acting all weird
and everything, so then I tell her.
I mean, I lay it on her. I am an entrepreneur.
You know, I own my own business. So bring her by here,
show her the new lamps,
and, you know, like, all of a sudden,
her eyes are big as gold ingots,
and it's so clear what she's really after, you know?
So, you know,
I don't know about this chick, but--
oh, how's your Happy Burger?
Is that cola okay?
- Fine, fine. - Good. You know why?
I've been adjusting the syrup mix, you know.
Too much seltzer, you know.
Some people don't like the bubbles, but...
yeah. So...
you know, so yeah.
So, anyway,
how's everything with you, man?
It's okay.
- You know. - Great. Good.
Yeah.
Well, so haven't heard anything from her yet,
but when I do-- and I will--
I'll just have to make it clear
that I'm the kind of guy who you can't--
- [ car horn honks ] - Up bup bup bup.
Better get this.
Yeah, Burger Clown.
Happy food for happy people. How may I help you?
Yeah, I need some Funny Fries...
Okay, 75 cents Funny Fries.
$1.75 for your cheesecake.
Okay, that's $3.71 at the front window, please.
27 rolling.
27 called.
[ static buzzes ]
[ dispatch chatter continues ]
Negs and prints, right, Walter?
Negs and prints like usual. Everything like usual.
So is it going to be the Delmonico or the Ticktock?
[ scoffs ] What's the diff?
Eh, Ticktock's got cable.
Woman: Hurry back, sweetie.
Don't you worry.
Right on the button.
She's an artist.
[ hums a tune ]
There you are.
[ hums a tune ]
Oh, thank you, kind sir.
You're welcome.
- [ laughs ] - [ laughs ]
[ man laughs ]
[ woman laughs ]
Don't you worry.
I never worry.
[ laughs ]
Hey. Hey, now, kid. Where you off to?
I'll just be a sec.
What? Huh?
- Hey, what are-- - All right, do it!
- Who is it? - Get out of the bed, motherfucker!
Get out of the bed, asshole!
Please, no!
- Stop it! - Keep your arms down.
No, no, no. Don't do this.
- Keep your arms down. - No. Oh, please.
- That's it. Smile. - No, no. No.
- No, no, no. - Smile, motherfucker.
No, no, no. No. No. No.
- That's it. - No. Please stop.
- Stop. Shut the fuck up. - No, no, no.
Party's over. Let's get out of here.
- Please don't. - Party's over.
Let's go. Let's move. Move.
- No, no, no, no. - Let's go. Let's go.
Come on, let's get out of here.
No, don't. No, don't.
What the hell's going on out there?!
Prostitute: Hurry, guys.
Yeah! We're trying to get some sleep here!
- All right, hit it, Ernie. - Go. Go.
[ man sobbing ]
Knock it off, or I'm going to call the cops!
Man: No.
[ sobbing continues ]
Going to be a while before we can use the Delmonico again.
Sloppy. Very sloppy.
Johnny, what'd the guy look like
when you was popping him?
I don't know.
What's with the fucking chain lock, Lorraine?
I took it off. He put it back on. What can I say?
Look, bitch, you got two fucking jobs,
slip off the lock and make a tit sandwich out of the guy's head.
Plus slipping your fat ass the key.
Okay, three things.
Plus sucking the guy's dick.
Maybe next time you want to try it,
huh, Walter?
Hi, Johnny.
[ chuckles ]
Walter: Nighty night.
Go fuck yourself, Walter.
Pig!
So do you want to come up?
Oh, yes. I mean, every time,
and every time I say the same thing.
Once, you didn't.
Well, maybe once is all the pleasure I can take.
We could just be friends, you know.
I've got a Trinitron.
There's a video store that delivers.
We don't-- we don't have to do anything.
Oh, I got to go.
Yeah.
Did you see him, Johnny?
That guy wouldn't stop crying.
I never look at them, Lorraine.
I hate it when they cry.
It's easier when they just get angry.
Don't think about it.
Yeah.
[ train horn honks ]
♪ He got himself a homemade special ♪
♪ You know his glass is full of sand ♪
♪ And it feels just like a jaybird ♪
♪ The way it fits into his hand ♪
♪ He rolled a blade up in his trick towel ♪
♪ They slap their hands against the wall ♪
♪ You never trip, you never stumble ♪
♪ He's walking Spanish down the hall ♪
♪ Slip him a picture of our Jesus ♪
♪ Or give him a spoon to dig a hole ♪
Good morning.
- Can I help you? - ♪ What all he done
- ♪ Ain't no one's business - We are looking for...
♪ But he'll need blankets for the cold ♪
♪ They dim the lights over on Broadway ♪
♪ Even the king has bowed his head ♪
♪ And every face looks right up at Mason ♪
♪ Man, he's walking Spanish down the hall ♪
♪ Latella's screeching for a blind pig ♪
♪ Punk Sander's carved it out of wood ♪
♪ He never sang when he got hoodwinked ♪
♪ They tried it all, but he never would ♪
♪ Tomorrow morning, there'll be laundry ♪
♪ But he'll be somewhere else to hear the call ♪
Welcome to Sterling Terrace.
♪ Don't say good-bye, he's just leaving early ♪
♪ He's walking Spanish down the hall ♪
Sorry.
♪ Go on, tip your hat up to the Pilate ♪
♪ Take off your watch, your rings, and all ♪
♪ Even Jesus wanted just a little more time ♪
♪ When he was walking Spanish down the hall. ♪
- We out of here. - See you in a half-hour?
[ conversation continues indistinctly ]
Just don't get any shit on you.
Just don't get any more shit.
You want to do business with me, do business with me.
- I know that. - Be on fucking time.
- You know what I mean? - Yeah.
None of this
- five minutes-- - Hey, that's why I--
Come on in, Johnny.
It's okay, Johnny.
Son of a bitch came early.
I told you I don't want to know who we're working for.
He got out of court early.
Some chicken-heart client he was defending
decided to cop a plea.
Yeah, I had to sit here for half a fucking hour
trading pleasantries with the asshole,
me and Ernie both.
Besides,
didn't your mama teach you how to knock?
- Helen wasn't out front. - Helen's on the rag.
I sent her home.
You want a drink or something?
Let me get out of here.
[ sighs ]
You know, I don't like the idea of you
coming face-to-face with the big money either, Johnny.
I mean, after all,
I'm not the one in bed with the cops.
[ sirens blaring ]
Tell 'em to keep that road closed off, keep 'em down.
Right here. Get the other one.
It's on the truck. Come on, grab it.
[ overlapping chatter ]
[ fire engine horn blaring ]
Right over here.
[ helicopter whirring ]
Hey, Scardino.
Where are those wreckers? Are they on their way in?
- [ sobbing ] - ETA, about six minutes.
Come on, right here! Let's go!
Get a hand down here with this group?
I just talked to 'em.
They're en route, Sarge.
Larry: Where the hell are they?
In three minutes, we're going to have 500 cars piled up here.
I know, but I called 'em twice already.
Get on the goddamn radio, and call 'em again.
Tell 'em we got to have traffic control now.
Yes, sir.
Larry, this ain't your beat.
No. They needed a Sergeant.
I got lucky.
Christ, what a mess.
Goddamn limo comes plowing across,
hits a pickup full of migrants.
Toyota rams the truck.
We got a fucking yard sale here.
Jesus.
The humanity.
You got 'em on the line there?
- Yeah. - Then let me talk to 'em.
Go do your thing, John.
These guys are driving me nuts.
Got 'em an LZ right on the field.
Here.
Get back. I got two more coming through.
Hey, bring the pry bar in here.
You got it.
Need some foam too.
Looks like we got a gas leak here.
[ radio playing ballad ]
Get those battery cables.
♪ And I like it when you kiss me again ♪
♪ Oh, everything's just about right ♪
♪ Your lips red as wine
♪ Your cheek against mine
♪ Gosh, what a beautiful sight ♪
♪ The wind...
[ man continues song ]
♪ A lover in June
♪ Bather in silvery light
♪ And I like it when
♪ You kiss me again
♪ Everything's just about... ♪
[ gasps ]
Medic!
Yeah?
Got a live one over here.
All right. Coming in.
Sir, I asked you to sit right up there.
Okay? We'll get to you. Just be calm.
I'm ready to go, Jim.
Get 'em on the radio, will you?
We need a medevac chopper in here.
Call 'em in. Let's go.
- Not yet. - Fire's on that road.
We need to wrap all the way around that, the left.
Keep it moving.
About 20 minutes.
C-41. Push in one.
Mike: More dead people?
Yeah.
[ entry bell rings ]
[ polka music playing ]
Ah, Johnny, sorry.
Sorry about the table, man.
She came in when I wasn't looking, you know.
Otherwise, I'd have saved it for you.
'Cause, you know, you're a regular,
and, I mean, we're friends, you know.
- We're good friends. - It's okay, Jerry.
They're pretty much all alike anyway.
Yeah.
Two tits and an ass, huh?
[ laughs ]
Right?
I meant the tables.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Yeah, they're all the same, yeah.
- [ car horn honks ] - Jesus!
More customers. When it rains, you know.
Do you mind taking care of yourself?
Welcome to Burger Clown.
Happy food for happy people.
Yeah, I'll have a Fishy Fishwich.
Okay, we no longer serve
the Fishy Fish sandwich.
Can I get you a...
[ Hawaiian music playing ]
What's in the sauce?
It's a red sauce, kind of tangy.
- It's got some barbecue... - Oh.
...but it's also kind of a mayonnaise.
How's the Happy Burger?
Mildly amusing.
So I'm new in the neighborhood.
You want me to leave you alone?
No.
Anyone ever tell you you're a brilliant conversationalist?
No.
I read somewhere those things
aren't good for you.
Yeah, well, it's a trade-off kind of a thing.
What for what?
You got a name?
Yeah.
You?
So, hey, man, how's the Happy--
oh.
Anyway...
Everything's all right, Jerry.
- [ car horn honks ] - Boy, God.
A guy can't get a moment's rest around here.
[ metal clatters ]
He's...
interesting.
Former brother-in-law.
You just can't quite let go.
Hmm.
Your wife.
Jerry needs the business.
What brings you here?
Big clown out front.
I like clowns.
No, I just needed a cup of coffee.
Coffee is very important to me these days.
Coffee and cigarettes.
Which step are you at?
You want to see my place?
You're rich.
Trust fund.
"Hey, sorry. Did that hurt?"
Motherfucker says, "Yes."
So I say, "Well, it's going to hurt again."
[ men laughing ]
Swear to God,
fatherhood has filled a fucking void in my life.
It really has.
Hey, Johnny, you okay?
Hey, sperm,
there's your sister.
Hey, look. His color's come back.
[ laughing ]
Yoo-hoo, Earl!
How's your tummy, sweetheart?
Oh!
Yeah, Earl's stomach thing really got out of hand.
His wife had to put him in the fucking hospital for a few days.
Fucking nightmare. [ laughs ]
Well, listen, I wanted to tell you--
remember that horrible freeway we covered the other night?
The limo, the Jap car, and the truckload of bean pickers?
Yeah, out on Highway 6.
Yeah, turns out it wasn't an accident.
Somebody cut the brake lines on the limo.
We got it over in Homicide now.
Turns out the rich old coot who owned the car,
yeah, he was some big-shot nuts-and-bolts guy.
90 fucking years old,
and someone still can't wait for him to croak.
All that misery and carnage
just to bag one old coot.
Jesus.
It's a crazy world, ain't it?
Hey, Earl!
Another Maalox on me, eh?
[ laughing ]
Larry: Look at him.
I love this guy.
[ laughing continues ]
Man: ♪ Ohh
♪ That's what I want I do
- ♪ Oh, baby - Hi.
♪ Leaving you, baby...
I was wondering if we were done with each other.
♪ Yeah, but ain't a thing to do... ♪
I guess I should have called
or something. I...
That'd be nice.
♪ I can hold you...
Give me time to beat the rugs,
put on a party dress.
♪ I could thrill you
♪ Show you with my loving charms ♪
You look nice to me.
♪ Baby, oh, baby
♪ Oww!
♪ That's what I want to do ♪
For that, I let you in.
♪ Ooh
- ♪ What I want to do... - Want something to drink?
Sure.
♪ That's what I
♪ I want to do
♪ Mm...
So you hang out here all day?
Sometimes I go to the library.
Mostly I just go to my meetings.
No job?
The only job I've got
is getting up the nerve to unpack those boxes.
I had a real job once.
But you know how it is.
You get absorbed in your work,
longer hours, weekends.
Then one day you realize it's not enough,
something's missing.
Family,
love.
Happy hour.
♪ Baby
♪ Ah, baby
♪ Whoo
♪ That's what I want to do... ♪
I bought that the other day.
♪ Baby, about you
How do you feel about water?
♪ Baby, my baby.
Woman: ♪ Home, home, home
- ♪ And you can wind - Chair?
♪ Around the city
♪ Lets you slip by
♪ We'll go and find you
♪ Well, we know where you've been ♪
♪ And we know where you go ♪
♪ Home, home...
So what's in all the boxes?
I don't know.
When I got out of the detox
I came home to an empty house up for sale.
♪ Elle ne pouvait jamais
♪ Mais elle voulait...
My husband took what he wanted
and put the rest in storage.
He gave me an envelope with a PIN number and a key.
It's not like he wasn't decent about it.
Hmm.
Divorce?
No.
I like to drink.
On the rocks, straight up,
with a twist.
♪ Well, she walks the wrong way... ♪
I like the way it burns my throat...
..the way it makes me feel like I can do anything.
♪ She'd have to go home... ♪
Of course, most of the things I did, I don't remember...
♪ Hardly recall if she loved you ♪
...or the people I did them with.
♪ Well, she never could, but she wanted to ♪
♪ The lampshade is pale
♪ And the tiles are cold
♪ She's gone, she's gone... ♪
Anyone that gets between me
and the bottle is my enemy.
♪ Hear the train whistle blow... ♪
You want out?
No.
♪ And you can wind around the city ♪
♪ Lets you slip by...
Why'd you come back here, anyway?
♪ Well, we know where you've been... ♪
Ah, maybe because you didn't ask me.
♪ And you can wind around the city ♪
♪ Lets you slip by
♪ We'll come find you
♪ Well, we know where you've been ♪
♪ And we know where you go ♪
♪ Home...
[ sobs ]
♪ Home.
Let me guess.
You were boning Mother Teresa,
and you lost track of time.
Think you're pretty hard, don't you, Skidmarks?
You think you've seen it all.
Come on, let's see how hard you really are.
- Hey, John. - Hey, Larry.
You know Doc Pickering?
- John. - How are you?
Got a ripe one in there, Johnny.
I highly recommend the Aqua Blue.
Remind me not to drink from the tap the next few days.
Jesus. Cuts right through, don't it?
Yeah, you never get used to it.
Larry: Go on, Doc.
[ groans ]
Ah, cigarette burns.
Psycho?
Someone looking for information.
Give me a hand.
[ water splashes ]
Ah, Jesus.
What'd they do to his face?
Just some bad surgery,
probably when he was a kid.
Ernie the Wheel.
Who?
His name's Ernie Deemo.
He's a driver. He's been in and out of the hole
ever since he was a fucking kid.
Jesus.
Who'd want to kill poor Ernie? He was nothing.
Mob guys.
Probably did us a favor.
Yeah, I guess.
Take a snap, Johnny.
This one goes in the ugly file.
Hey, Helen, it's Johnny.
Let me talk to Walter.
Huh?
Has he called in?
Well, tell him...
...tell him to give me a ring when he gets in.
It's important.
All right. Bye-bye.
[ thunder rumbling ]
[ keys jingle ]
[ shoes scraping ]
[ creak ]
[ shoes scraping ]
[ thunder continues ]
[ scraping, clatter continues ]
Johnny!
What the fuck are you doing?
I was looking for the bedroom.
How 'bout ringing the doorbell first?
I didn't want anyone to see me.
Lorraine and Ernie are dead, Johnny.
I know.
They killed Lorraine and Ernie.
They left burn marks on Ernie's ass.
They tortured him.
They're killing everybody, the whole fucking crew,
and we're next, man. We're next.
Somebody's onto us, Johnny.
We're dead. We're fucking dead.
Maybe it was a coincidence.
Ernie ran with mob guys.
Who knows who he might have pissed off?
He was an imbecile, Walter.
And Lorraine, Jesus, they weren't after her.
They were after her john,
some big muckety-muck in the nuts-and-bolts racket.
These are explainable things, Walter.
No, no, no. You got it wrong, Johnny.
They was murdered.
I'm in the business. I know.
One of our pigeons coming after us, I tell you.
How many pigeons were they?
I don't know.
How many times we do the thing?
How many pigeons?
I don't know.
I got to find Lammings.
- Who? - Lammings. Lammings.
You met him the other day in the office.
He'll know what to do. He's got the juice-- courts, cops, juries.
He's a made guy.
I got to go.
[ thunder continues ]
[ Eastern European music playing ]
So do you remember that chick
that took your table the other night?
Yeah.
Yeah. Well...
when I came out from the back,
you were gone.
You were both gone.
So?
Well, then the next day, she came back.
She started asking me questions about you.
So?
So I don't know.
I mean, you know, I just--
so?
Hello. You've reached the office
of Walter Lippinscott Jr.
No one's available to take your call right now.
If you leave your--
Something wrong, man?
Don't know.
- [ entry bell rings ] - [ door closes ]
[ helicopter whirring ]
- Scardino. - Hey, Anne.
Well, you ain't going to believe this.
[ siren blaring ]
Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.
[ police dispatch chatter ]
You're a piece of work, Scardino.
Oh, what happened?
Well, you tossed your cookies
all over the goddamn crime scene, that's what.
Look, what'd you have for lunch, anyways?
My stuff.
Don't worry about it, Johnny.
We brought in Tom Brini.
College kid?
Well, he's no Johnny Skidmarks.
- I'll grant you that. - Here you go, sir.
At least he ain't blowing lunch
every time he sees a fucking used rubber.
Hey, come on, Woody. Happens to everybody.
Guy just found his limit, that's all.
Last couple days
would have been tough on any civilian.
Had car crashes,
mob hits,
satanic sacrifices.
Satanic sacrifices?
What? Who you think cut up
the guy in the hole back there?
Like, fucking Santa's little helpers?
It's ritualistic homicide.
Cult types, John.
Usually confine their aggression to barnyard animals.
Ah, the humanity.
As if there wasn't enough evil on God's fucking Earth, huh?
All right, let's go, Skovik. He's fine.
Yeah, yeah. In a minute.
Go home, John.
Take some time off.
Every man's got his limit.
- [ clicking ] - [ distorted talking ]
Help!
Johnny!
Hi. Come here.
Well, am I wonderful or what?
I don't know what possessed me.
I just woke up this morning, looked around,
thought, "Fuck it. I'm moving in."
I need to talk to you.
You've got something,
but you slept with me anyway.
Then I forgive you.
[ chuckles ]
I'm the girl in the glass house, remember?
Can help me if you want.
It's kind of interesting.
It's like getting presents
from your great-aunt in Florida.
I mean, you're happy she sent them,
but you dread what's inside.
[ camera clicks, whirs ]
Who is this?
Me and my folks. Why?
I better go.
Hey, what's up?
[ mariachi music playing ]
Hey, Jerry.
What's wrong?
Well...
it's nothing, really.
Well, good. Can I get a cup of coffee?
What is it?
Well, it's just...
I guess she's your new best friend now, so...
Who?
You know. That chick, you know.
Alice?
Well, I don't know her name.
I mean, you know, it's not like
you been coming around here since, you know.
You know.
Jerry, I was just here the other night.
Yeah, well...
I mean, you were married to my sister,
I mean, you know, before.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
I introduced you.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, I just think you ought to remember
who your real friends are, that's all.
I mean, you know, when Ruth died
and you got all weird, you know,
I didn't turn my back on you.
I let you come in here and hang out, you know,
even though it obviously keeps the customers away.
And now it's like, oh, you meet this new girl
who, you know, in a way, I introduce you to,
'cause it was, you know,
- in Burger Clown! - [ slaps counter ]
Which is my place!
And now you fuck me. [ laughs ]
Don't fuck me, Johnny!
I don't sit around moping about who my friends are.
I just get even, okay?
Okay.
Good.
Now I'll get your Happy Burger.
[ entry bell rings ]
[ door closes ]
[ blues music playing ]
[ overlapping chatter ]
Hey, John.
Sit down. Join us.
We're celebrating the end of this pig-fuck week.
- Woody. - Yeah.
Everything okay?
I don't know, Larry. Looks a little pale, don't he?
Hey, Skidmarks, you been dating Earl's sister?
Hey, come on, Woody. When are you going to let up, huh?
Got a phone call for you, Woody.
I think it's your wife.
Jesus.
So is everything okay?
No.
You can tell me about it, you know.
I mean, anything, business, personal, whatever.
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen of the press,
thank you for coming.
I have arranged this press conference
to confront a vicious
and entirely unsubstantiated rumor
concerning my behavior as a member
of the California State Senate.
John?
Can you hand me those benches down there?
I would like to take this opportunity...
- Rick, turn it up. - ...to deny any and all
- wrongdoing on my part. - Turn it up!
That's as loud as she goes, Johnny.
[ camera clicks, whirs ]
...an extramarital affair
with anyone who is not my wife.
Kitty and I have been married...
Whoa there. Johnny.
Louie.
...that I have never,
to the best of my knowledge,
been anything less than faithful to her.
I plan to continue along
the noble, cherished path that is monogamy.
My wife and I stand...
[ police dispatch chatter ]
[ sighs ]
So...
you're home.
How'd you get in?
The door was open.
How'd you find me?
Looked in the phone book.
Well, look, I--
I really can't talk right now.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing.
Look, I'm holding my own here trying to stay on track,
and I don't need you fucking with my life.
Fine.
I left you something.
Do what you want with it.
Whoo!
Whoa. [ gasps ]
[ car horn honks ]
♪ Find a wheel, and it goes ♪
- ♪ Round, round, round - [ knock on door ]
♪ As it skims along with a happy sound ♪
♪ As it goes along the ground, ground, ground ♪
- ♪ Till it leads you... - Johnny.
I got to talk to you, Larry.
Come on in.
Sorry about the mess.
Still can't get used to apartment life.
I'm just watching the game,
spinning some platters. You want something?
A beer?
Shot? [ laughs ]
Sorry. I ate all the pretzels.
Oh, I don't care.
I mean, whatever.
Sit down.
♪ And the ball of sun in the day ♪
♪ Makes a girl...
You seem kind of troubled lately, Johnny.
♪ Find a ring
♪ And put it round, round, round... ♪
Look, I was hoping you'd finally come to me.
I've always considered us pals, you know.
I just want you to know
whatever the fuck it is,
we'll work it out, okay?
Thanks.
Okay.
I found a head in my freezer.
A head?
What, human?
His name's Walter,
Walter Lippinscott.
Lippinscott.
the chopped-up stiff in the crater?
The cult job?
I-I don't know where to start.
Well, Walter Lippinscott hired me...
to take pictures of...
guys in bed with a hooker named Lorraine.
Um...
I would bust in on 'em
when they were going at it, and...
Oh, Johnny.
...I took the pictures. That's all.
No, I just took the pictures.
Okay.
So Lippinscott had a blackmail scam going.
You were the hired lens.
So go on.
Everybody in the crew has been turning up dead.
There's a woman I met
around the time everything started happening, and, man--
God, I can't be sure, but I...
I think her father may be one of the pigeons.
I mean one of the big shots that I took pictures of
and then--
but I...
I mean, he looks like he could be.
But I don't know.
I don't know.
She's unstable.
Recently out of detox,
and talk about unstable.
Jerry is...
Wait. Jerry?
All I know is everybody's dead...
...except me.
And...
you know, there's this woman in my apartment,
and I found Walter's head in my freezer.
Johnny...
...Lippinscott's body parts are in the city morgue.
I mean, she'd need
a court order signed by a judge.
The only one who could have pulled
something like this off would be...
...Jesus, a cop.
A cop.
It could be a cop. It could be a fucking cop.
Oh, Jesus.
Washawski?
Larry, do you think...
Larry, you think it could be Washawski?
[ laughs ]
Ah, Johnny, you're a funny one.
[ laughing ]
Yeah, I wish you'd have come to me sooner, John.
Maybe you could have saved your little blackmailing buddies.
Nah, fuck it.
It's hard to say.
I mean, they were a pretty bad bunch, right,
bad people.
They stunk of badness.
Johnny, when I got up close,
oh, the stink was so bad, Jesus.
All the Aqua Blue in the world couldn't wash it away.
And, you know, I mean,
that was before I killed 'em.
But you, John...
...yours is the baddest stink of all.
When's the last time you voted?
Last time?
Yeah, ballpark. When?
Never, right? Am I right?
The last time you walked past some homeless guy
in the street. He's destitute,
he's pathetic, he's broken, sure,
but a creature of God's fucking Earth nonetheless.
What did you do? Did you befriend him?
Did you give him a buck, huh?
You didn't do anything, did you?
You just walk on by.
You looked, but you did not see.
You did not see the humanity before you,
and that's-- that's the whole thing
with you and your whole generation, isn't it, John?
You look, but you do not see.
You've lost the ability to feel.
You don't care about people!
I was right there in front of you, John.
I was naked on my hands and knees.
I was calling you out by name,
and you never saw me. You never heard me.
You just kept snapping your fucking pictures.
[ imitates camera clicking ]
Every day for a year after,
I kept looking for some sign,
some little bit of recognition from you.
But you never fucking saw me.
My good pal Johnny.
Oh, sure, blackmailing a guy like me
is no big deal, right?
Yeah, force him to go up on the stand
and sing a crooked tune
for Lamming's wiseguys, you know.
Rob him of his self-respect.
Destroy 20 years of marriage
to a decent, boring wife.
I mean, it's cheaper than buying a judge, isn't it, Johnny?
How many harmless men out for a little fun have you destroyed?
You know, John, I'm nothing much...
...just a dumb cop in a tragic, dirty town.
Okay, smart enough to ferret out you and your buddies,
but, I mean, still just a cop.
But an honest cop
until you took even that away from me.
But I saw...
What'd you say?
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Take my hand, John.
[ shudders ]
Come on, take it.
I want us to pray together.
Pray?
Yeah.
Pray.
You know the Lord has his uses for everyone, John,
and I've come to realize that his use for me
is to bring forth a special message
to you and your entire generation.
It is a message as old and quaint as time itself,
sent from Heaven on a carriage of a thousand wings.
Please, Larry.
By the way, John,
I lied.
I don't want to pray with you.
Stop! Stop!
- No! No! - Open your eyes.
Open your eyes, John.
Feel the humanity.
- Feel the humanity. - [ screaming ]
Feel the fucking humanity!
Ah, God!
[ both grunting ]
[ camera clicking, whirring ]
Johnny!
[ yelling ]
[ groaning ]
Go ahead, Johnny.
Shoot me.
Pull the trigger.
[ whimpering ]
Do something with your life.
Sergeant Skovik.
Is everything all right?
Nothing to worry about, Mrs. Starkey.
Cat got out, is all.
[ Eastern European music playing ]
Jerry?
Jerry.
Johnny. Ow!
What happened? Did you have an accident?
- Yeah. - Oh, man.
That's what I was gonna say,
'cause you look terrible.
I got something in my eye, Jerry.
Okay. Okay. All right. All right.
I'm calling 9111.
No. No, please.
Okay.
Just some tweezers, Jer.
Tweezers. Oh, I don't have any tweezers.
Johnny-- oh, wait. I got some pliers in the back.
- Okay. - Okay.
Yeah. Just keep on-- oh, Christ.
[ gasping ]
Ow!
[ gurgles ]
Yeah, that's right.
Burger Clown on the northeast corner.
And just ask for Jerry, and I'll be--
- [ clatter ] - Oh.
- Johnny. - Yeah?
- Are you okay, man? - Yeah.
Okay, now listen. I know you told me not to,
but I went ahead and called an ambulance.
What?
[ gunfire ]
[ gasping ]
[ gasps ]
Oh, Jesus, Jerry.
Can you breathe?
Okay, okay. Take it easy.
- [ siren blaring ] - It's okay.
Okay. Okay, man. Take it easy.
Ambulance is coming, man. It's okay.
I'm sorry, man. I got to go.
I'm sorry.
[ entry bell rings ]
[ sirens blaring ]
Hang on, Jerry.
God, hang on.
- Hello, Johnny. - [ gasps ]
No sudden movements.
So that was Jerry, huh?
Guess my aim isn't as good as it used to be.
Where are we going, Larry?
I'll let you know.
I like your taste in weaponry, John.
Nothing like a five-shot snub nose.
Just plain feels good in the hand.
Make a right here.
I like your taste in women too.
That new girlfriend of yours--
what's her name? Alice?
[ chuckles ]
Anyway, she's enchanting.
Beautiful house too.
It's a shame, really.
But you know, John, pain...
...is a transitory kind of thing.
[ whirring ]
Ah! Jeez!
[ tires squeal ]
[ metal crashes ]
[ sniffs ]
Son of a bitch.
- [ pounding on door ] - Alice!
Alice!
Jesus.
Are you-- are you okay?
- You're okay. - What happened?
Oh, God, you're okay.
A crazy man--
a crazy man has been killing people and chasing me.
I think I killed him, but I--
I don't know. He might still be alive.
I thought he'd hurt you.
I...
I'm sorry.
Listen.
If you think someone's following you,
I think we should call the cops.
Don't you?
This guy was the cops.
You think you killed a cop?
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
- Oh, God. - Tell me.
I'm a blackmailer.
What do you mean?
I took blackmail pictures
of guys in bed with prostitutes.
I took the pictures.
I took the pictures and drew a paycheck.
Leave.
I want you to leave now.
Alice.
Go!
I'm sorry.
[ door closes ]
Hey, you.
Hold it! Hey, hold it!
[ siren blaring ]
Hold it right there!
Freeze!
Hold it right there! Hey! Hey!
[ police dispatch chatter ]
Unit 99, patch it through. Call it in.
Whoa!
[ police dispatch chatter ]
Great wheels, Johnny.
[ chuckles ]
Straight down a 10-foot grade,
and the transaxle's still smooth as silk.
[ laughs ]
Yeah, scanner came in handy.
I didn't know you had one.
[ grunts ]
Just a little ride in the car, John...
...and it's all over.
- [ music playing ] - [ men whistling ]
♪ Magic moments
♪ When two hearts
- [ metal ringing ] - ♪ Are caring
♪ Magic moments
♪ Filled with love.
Johnny, glad you're awake.
For a while there,
I was afraid the ride might have been too much for you.
Where are we?
Why? Did you think you were dead?
Did you think you were in pretty blue heaven?
Not yet, my friend.
First of all, as things now stand,
you probably couldn't even pass the entrance exam.
Well, that's what we're here for.
That's what I'm here for.
[ metal clangs ]
Don't try to get away, John.
It's impossible.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to try, John,
real hard...
...to make you feel for other people.
Larry.
- Larry. - Yeah.
Yeah, it's good and snug.
- That'll do 'er. - Please, Larry.
Please, Larry.
I am sorry.
Are you, John?
Are you sorry?
Yes, I am.
Yeah, I'm glad to hear it.
I wish it were enough.
[ crying ]
Oh, God.
Oh, God, what are you--
what are you going to do?
Well, first I'm going break
every bone in your body, John.
[ sobs ]
Oh, please, God.
Please.
God.
Larry, please.
Please, God, don't do this.
Please, Larry.
Please don't do this.
Don't do this. Please stop.
God, please don't.
I am sorry.
I'll feel. I'll feel.
Oh, God forgive me.
I feel. I feel.
I'll feel. I'll fe--
I feel.
Oh, God, I feel.
I feel.
Feel this, you little fuck.
No!
[ gunshots ]
[ gasps ]
[ wood crashes ]
Come on, move it.
Why don't you get the wall around that?
Watch it there in the corner.
Get EMS up here now. Cut him loose.
[ sirens blaring ]
Fucking humanity.
[ Larry gasps ]
Who'd have figured?
Crazy bastard.
Guess he found his limit.
[ sirens continue blaring ]
Skidmarks.
Washawski.
How do you feel?
I feel fine.
I feel...
fine.
[ Hawaiian music playing ]
[ entry bell rings ]
How's the Happy Burger?
Mildly amusing.
You want me to leave you alone?
No.
Not too bad.
20% vision if I'm lucky.
Thanks.
Oh, temporary.
Nobody said life was fair.
[ chuckles ]
[ car horn honks ]
Oh, I better get this.
Stick around?
Okay.
Welcome to Burger Clown.
Happy food for happy people.
How may I help you?
[ instrumental playing ]