"I REMEMBER"
The puffballs!
When the puffballs come, cold winter's almost gone.
When the puffballs soar, then winter's no more.
I've got the best one!
Ciccio, let's go to the seashore.
In our town, the puffballs and spring arrive together.
These are puffballs that are drifting around.
Soaring over the cemetery, where all rest in peace...
Soaring over the beach-front and over the Germans, just arrived,
who don't feel the cold...
Drifting, drifting...
Swirling...
Swirling... swirling...
Drifting, drifting, drifting!
By then my father had had enough, so he called me "Definitivo."
Had he had enough sooner, there'd have been one less chatterer.
Good evening.
See you in the square.
I've come for my sister. Is it too early? - Your sister's here!
Fiorella, I've finished, come in!
I better calm you down, you horny beast. What a body!
The bonfire's bigger this year than it was last year.
Going to the bonfire tonight? What're you playing?
I've composed a brand new tune.
Listen to this.
Now, Dad, we'll watch them light the bonfire, then off to bed.
The doctor says you must go to bed early.
The doctor's an asshole. I'll go to bed when I please!
You'll end up in the hospital, and this time I'll leave you there.
BlocKheads! NumbsKulls!
Let me through! That's my place!
You creeps!
Let me through! Listen to this one!
A father can taKe care of 100 Kids, but 100 Kids
can't taKe care of one father. That's the gospel truth.
I want to set off a firecracKer. - You stay here.
Hey, Giudizio, catch!
I can, I order and I want! Viva Giudizio!
Volpina, have you made love today?
How many men did you service?
I bet you even dip a cocK in your morning coffee!
Here she is!
You're the greatest, Gradisca. Greta Garbo's got nothing on you!
Let's go over there.
Ronald Coleman, we're over here!
Giudizio, taKe this chair too.
Burn this one too! Put it on top.
Sit the old witch in it.
I'll stuff that chair down your throat! TaKe it home.
The old witch!
The old witch is here.
Let me wed her before you burn her!
What're you looKing at? - I wasn't looKing.
Keep still!
Don't looK, otherwise you'll get too excited!
Bring the firecracKers!
Let's light the bonfire and burn the old witch.
Burn away, oh witch so old. Burn the winter and the cold.
Here's spring!
I don't have a match. - But your beloved has.
Viva the old witch! Viva Giudizio!
I can, I order and I want!
Where's the ladder?
Want it? TaKe it!
Hurry, I'm burning!
In America, I saw bonfires 106 meters high.
When were you there? - My parents are American.
I'll breaK your necK!
You should hear what my father can do with his ass!
Hurrah for spring!
It gives me a funny feeling. Does it you?
Yes, but it's winter that's dying and spring is now here!
I can feel spring all over me already!
Our respects to you, milord. Our respects to you, ma'am.
Our respects to you, little countess.
DrinK a little, it'll do you good! Even your aunt's drinKing, looK!
Good old Lallo! No one would Know you're sixty.
Just taKe a looK! Your brother really is an asshole!
He's only a youngster!
Now see the Malayan tiger leap!
Be careful! You'll catch it when we get home.
The heel's come off. He'll just have to do without one!
Where's that other useless ass gone?
Ciccio, throw the big bang on the fire!
Off to bed with you! I'll put you all in boarding school!
Here's Scureza di Corpolo, "The Fart." Go to it, Scureza!
Scureza di Corpolo! Bravo!
The origins of this town are lost in the mists of time.
In the Municipal Museum, there are stone implements...
All the best. - My respects.
...that date bacK to prehistoric times.
I myself have found some graffiti of great age
on the walls of caves in Count Lovignano's estate.
Be that as it may, the first certain date is 268 B.C.
When this became a Roman colony and the start of the Emilian Way.
Mr. Lawyer!
This, too, is characteristic of the spirit of these people
who have Roman and Celtic blood in their veins.
Theirs is an exuberant, generous, tenacious nature.
Dante, Pascoli, D'Annunzio and many others have lauded this land
while innumerable are its sons who have contributed greatly
to the arts, science, religion and politics.
Who are you? Trying to be clever,
but too gutless to show yourself.
Come out and show yourself! I'll explain everything face to face.
Mr. Lawyer! - Sure... sure.
Shut up, you delinquents!
Shall we all taKe our places? - Lf you insist, headmaster...
But I never come out well in photographs.
You boys at the bacK... get on the bench!
Now what, De Santis? - It wasn't me, sir!
Aldina!
Doesn't it looK liKe you?
What's happening? - Gigliozzi! Be seated!
Put it down her necK. Hold it liKe that, please.
What is this? - A stone.
Yes, but what is it? - I Know, it's for a slingshot.
Is it an elephant's testicle?
It is a pendulum.
You certainly all Know a pendulum clocK.
And how does it go? TicK... tocK...
Where did Tiberius retire to when he gave up leadership of the Empire?
To Capri.
When was Agrippina Killed? - 69 A.D.
Why have you given me a zero? Wasn't it 69?
It was 59 A.D.! - Are you sure?
What do you mean, sure! It was 59 A.D.!
Oh, damn it! I Knew it was!
You'll drive me crazy! Get bacK to your seat!
What have I done? Why couldn't it have been 69?
There will come the day when a renewed Italy
will taKe to the field of battle on her own behalf
and not be defending her soil for others, with their weapons.
Universal, being Spirit incarnate in the State
and cannot but enter into the true nature of the Church.
This reconciliation between State and Church occurred through
a Demiurge which brought order to members of State and Church
demanding iron discipline and the right to intervene
in all aspects of individual life.
He is God's chosen Son
because he has the same power as the Father.
Then there is the Holy Spirit to be placed on the same level
as the Father and the Son. Is that clear?
This is why God is one and also a Trinity.
I'll speaK about the great Giotto... - Whose balls exploded liKe this!
Do you Know, boys and girls
why Giotto is important in Italian painting?
I will tell you. Because he invented perspective.
Remember, per-spec-tive!
Miss, can I leave the room? Bobo's let a real stinKer!
What do you mean?
You're nuts! It's not true, I never fart! - You do! You do!
Alboin...
signed the peace. Gigliozzi! Outside!
Now, this is not difficult. Solve it.
Why have you stopped? You were doing fine.
What did you want to do?
Give me a clue. - Pass it to me.
Just thinK a moment. X9 plus the square root of K3.
It's so obvious!
Move over. What have you done here?
We'll go through it together. What is written here?
What is written here, I say? You must Know how to read!
But I... - Keep quiet!
X9 plus the square root of K3...
Here's the solution.
X1 = 140...
X2 = 3/5ths of the total, less the difference.
Is that clear?
What have you done? Are you crazy?
Janitor! Janitor!
GreeK is so beautiful, isn't it? - You betcha!
Don't you thinK it is so musical?
Emarpszamen! Repeat after me.
Be quiet! Now try again.
Please, teacher, could you be so Kind...
Could I hear it again?
Certainly. LooK: Emar-pszamen.
Careful with the tongue...
it must go here, against the palate...
then spit it out.
Silence!
Come on now. GreeK is so difficult.
How did you put your tongue?
Not that way, between your teeth.
LiKe this? - Right!
Go bacK to your seat, damn it! - I nearly got it, that time.
Who's that? - It's Ciccio.
Leave me the butt. - Just one drag.
Is it true that Aldina's ripped up your poem?
But, I've written another!
"What a Kind, gentle maiden art thou, Aldina.
"You set my heart beating liKe a steam-hammer."
It's pretty warm outside. - I prefer Aldina's mother.
Who'll be on the beach this morning?
Fu-Manchu!
Volpina! Come here!
What do you want here?
I've lost my pussycat.
There's no cats here. Go home.
It's hot, isn't it? Aren't you all hot?
What an odd girl you are.
Come on now, go home. There's no cats here.
Boss, "Mortar" has written another poem.
When do you manage to write these poems?
"Mortar," let's hear this poem.
O.K., let's hear it.
What's its title? - "BricKs."
"My grandfather made bricKs
"My father made bricKs
"I maKe bricKs too, but where's my house?"
Bravo! I get your point!
It's quite right. But I, too, was once a poor man
and I have gradually worKed my way up to master builder.
You can't get everything at once!
You have to be patient, you have to worK.
By worKing, one can. You must worK. - Aren't we worKing?
That's enough!
No drinKing before the soup!
Where have you read that?
It blows up the stomach. I read it in the Sunday paper.
Keep your hands to yourself! - There's a spoon missing.
Is it hot, Lallino? - A little.
I want a lot. - You'll get your share.
Would you liKe some more, Lallo? There's some left, you Know.
Is there enough salt? - Yes, Grandpa.
Give him a little. - He's already eaten.
My father's father was Known as "Big Meat."
He lived to be 107 and he was still doing it!
And so? - And so then...
When I was little, he taught me you have to eat at 11 in the morning
before the sun burns your head, and at 4 in the afternoon,
otherwise food's liKe poison that gets into your blood.
Aren't you eating? - No!
What have you done to her?
Nothing!
They've done nothing.
Bloody hell! Get up at 4 in the morning...
Slave away all day liKe a mule.
Then come home to eat some bread and see a bunch of long faces...
Well, now you'll see no more of them!
Ma'am, it's time to taKe the boiler off.
What's the matter? - Nothing!
Well, eat something, then. - I don't want anything!
Why? - Because I don't!
Shut the door, it's cold.
I'm still convalescent.
Who can it be at this hour? - How would I Know!
Shall I see who it is? - Yes, you go.
What do you thinK my bottom is? Holy water?
ChicKen always gets stucK between my teeth.
Can I have some more, Dad?
A wing. - Stop there! I'll give it to you!
Have you put mint in it, Miranda? - No, not mint! Sage!
But you realized there was something different, didn't you?
Lallino has a good palate.
Gina! Who is it?
Mr. Biondi.
He's the bishop's cousin, isn't he?
What's all this? Anyone'd thinK I never fed you!
Uncle, looK!
If your dad sees you...!
Uncle, do that tricK for us. Come on, just once.
LooK, Titta!
Bravo!
It's difficult, isn't it? - Well, you Know...
Good wine, this Sangiovese.
Where were you last night?
At the cinema. - What was on?
The Americans were trying to get into Comanche territory
and they'd built a bridge for the railway, but the Indians
shot arrows at them from above. It was a massacre, Dad!
I'll massacre you, you little criminal!
What's happened now?
I didn't do anything!
I'll put you in the hospital if I catch you!
Aurelio, people are watching!
Starting tomorrow, no more school, no more allowance.
He can start worKing with me!
But will you pay me? - With a hammer in the face!
You have to tell me who fathered this piece of shit!
At his age, I'd been worKing three years!
Yeah, I Know. And gave all the money to Grandma!
That's enough now! Let's all go and eat.
Good day to you.
Everyone in town laughs at us, even the roosters.
In my own home, I'll do as I please! - Listen to His Royal Highness!
Give me your brother's plate.
Put that plate down. - What has he done?
I'll show you what he's done.
What has he done?
- I don't Know.
This is Mr. Biondi's hat. He was at the cinema last night.
Just smell it. Know who did that?
That brat of a son of yours.
He pissed over the rail of the balcony, right on Biondi's head.
That cost me three bills!
I'm sure it was those juvenile delinquents he hangs around with!
That's enough! You've got to stop taKing his side.
He's getting worse and worse!
They're a pair of little criminals! You've educated them wrong!
O.K., you do it! Let's see how well you do!
I can't stand any more! I'm going crazy! I'm going mad!
I'll Kill the lot of you!
I'll put strychnine in your soup! That's what I'll do!
1... 2... 3...
But I'll Kill myself first! Right now!
You'll see! I'll Kill myself first!
Uncle, looK at Dad!
Why does everything happen to me? What have I done?
God damn it all!
Have you hurt yourself? - What are you doing on the floor?
Good evening, headmaster.
There's Gradisca! Where is she! Over there...
If you give the archbishop permission
to sell holy pictures in the schools,
we can settle the matter between us.
When are you showing "The Vale of Love" with Gary Cooper?
Next weeK, my dear.
When can your little prince come to bed with you?
You'll get my bag round your ear!
Such behavior!
Get lost, Giudizio!
It was lovely... I really had a good cry!
Romanesque, 13th century, perfect condition.
Mullion window... Excuse me, I'll continue later.
Lallo, read the telegram "White Feather" got from StocKholm.
"Come immediately, I cannot live without you. Inge."
Is she the bucKtoothed one from last summer?
Are you going? Lt'll be cold up there now!
If I shot them, they'd call me a murderer!
I'd throw them all in quicKlime!
Get the hell out of here!
I couldn't leave Mamma behind for those bucK teeth.
LooK at Madam's new girls.
Just looK!
See that big one with the hat?
I'm here!
Here I am, too!
With the sacred right of a place in the sun...
He was a lovely man, a lot liKe Wallace Beery.
Do you remember? With that beard, he looKed liKe a French duKe.
That's a great load!
Good night, King Vittorio, good night, everybody!
This is the Victory Monument we used to visit everyday.
And I dreamt about it at night, too.
I'm going, Mamma. - MaKe a good confession.
If you've had a drinK, you can't receive Communion.
You can drinK, but you can't eat.
You can't drinK either. And tell him you're a delinquent.
That you maKe your parents angry... that you answer bacK.
And that you curse everything, understand?
Who's the first?
When did you last confess? - Christmas.
Oh, lovely. Do you go to mass? - Not when I've got the mumps.
Do you honor your parents? - Oh, yes.
Not liKe that! White flowers on one side, yellow on the other.
It's not the same thing, it's all matter of aesthetics.
Well, do you honor your parents?
Oh, yes, but they don't honor me. They beat me.
You must annoy them. Do you tell lies?
I have to. - Do you covet what belongs to others?
The small flowers in the small vases.
What do you covet?
My pal Bragger's got a raincoat with a lot of metal bucKles
liKe the one the detective has in the William Powell-Myrna Loy films.
Do you commit impure acts? Do you touch yourself?
Do you Know Saint Louis cries when you touch yourself?
Let him cry... I'm not going to say whether I do
because you'll only tell Dad. Don't say you don't touch yourself.
Can you avoid touching yourself when you see her at the tobacconist's
as stacKed as she is, when she says "Export brand"?
And the math teacher who looKs just liKe a lion? Madonna...
How can you avoid touching yourself when she looKs at you that way?
What do you thinK we come to see on Saint Anthony's day when
there's the benediction of the animals - the sheeps' butts?
See how he's looKing at me? How can I tell him about Volpina
when I fixed her biKe tires.
Did you Know people Kissed that way, with tongues going in and out?
I asK the questions, not you. Go on.
Then, there's Gradisca. Last summer,
I saw her going into the cinema.
Not because... You see... I'm crazy about Gradisca.
I want a wife liKe her.
She was alone.
She was there, in front of me.
I changed seats...
I changed seats again...
then again.
And finally...
"LooKing for something?"
I sat there liKe an asshole.
I could have jumped in the harbor.
Father Balosa can't understand such things, so I said to him
that I'd touched myself once, just a little,
but I repented immediately.
He was happy with that. He gave me three Our Fathers,
Hail Mary's and Glorias and that was it.
Three Our Fathers, Hail Mary's and Glorias.
Do you touch yourself? Just looK at those rings
under your eyes! Yes, you obviously do.
Yes, just once in the garage.
Keep still! Always touching me.
Jean Harlow! Gradisca!
The tobacconist's tits!
The girl at the circus! - Which one?
The one in the fishnet! Aldina!
No, Aldina's mine! I'll smacK your face!
There he is!
Comrades! Salute the Duce!
We hail the Duce with grateful hearts and the Fascist salute!
The greeting of lmperial Rome
which shows us
the path of destiny to be followed by Fascist Italy.
Let me touch him! I want to touch him!
Viva il Duce!
Ninety-nine per cent of the population carry the party card.
We have 1200 Young Fascists, 3000 Young Italian Girls
and 4000 Sons of the She-Wolf. - A single Fascist heart
but the worK on the sea front needs hurrying up.
This marvelous enthusiasm maKes us young but so old at the same time.
Young, because Fascism has rejuvenated our blood
with shining ideals that are very ancient.
All I can say is... Mussolini's got two balls this big!
Today, April 21st, we celebrate the birth of Rome, the Eternal City.
What does that mean? It means we must respect the monuments,
the ruins that Rome has left us.
That is what I am doing, despite being razzed at night.
Why don't we see on this glorious sun-filled day,
the Italian sun, to which no one can apply sanctions,
is a Divine sign that the heavens are on our side!
Miranda!
Who locKed the gate? - I did!
Why? - You Know why!
You've heard what's been going on in the piazza all day.
Open up, I have things to do! - You're staying at home!
If I want to be a widow, I'll Kill you myself.
I'll strangle you with your necKerchief!
ThinK I'm scared of those blacK-shirted lice?
Give me the Key!
Damn it all... why is it that whenever there's a meeting going on
I have to stay home! That's the last straw!
These youth are sturdy as rocK!
Yes, yes, sturdy as a rocK!
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven...
Hail to the Duce!
Young Fascist, Ciccio Marconi...
do you wish to marry Young Italian, Aldina Cordini?
And you, Young Italian, Aldina Cordini...
do you wish to marry Young Fascist, Ciccio Marconi?
Bravo, Ciccio!
Camerati, they say bread and worK,
but wouldn't bread and wine be better?
A Fernet... A coffee... Fernet!
Just a soft drinK.
For our "camerata the Federale"! Three cheers!
Difficult shot! Difficult shot!
Quite, Your Excellency, a difficult shot!
I wouldn't liKe to go up against him!
Who doused the lights? Attilio, light a candle.
Light the candle.
There's a gramophone upstairs.
What're you saying?
Silence!
That's the Internationale!
What's the Internationale? - The hymn of subversives.
Where is it? Where's it coming from? Where're you hiding, you miserable?
It's incredible!
Let's see you, you coward!
We await your orders, sir!
Everyone's to go home!
Close the windows!
Get inside you! Go home!
What're you doing there? Get home with you!
Hey! He's up there!
He's in the bell tower.
To arms, to arms, to arms
We are Fascists. We fight against the Communists...
You're free.
You can go home. You see! The Fascists aren't all that bad.
They've not even harmed a single hair.
We almost offered you coffee as well.
Good night, sunny boy!
Bring him here.
TaKe your hat off.
I'm sorry, it's a habit... even at home.
Why don't you use the Roman style of greeting?
I didn't Know it was mandatory.
I don't Know anything about politics.
Sit down!
So you don't Know anything about politics!
Yet you have been heard to say:
"If Mussolini continues liKe this, I really don't Know."
What do you mean by "I really don't Know"?
I never said anything liKe that.
I generally only talK about my worK. Perhaps I said...
I really don't Know about politics, how it worKs...
Is that a threat? - Certainly not!
LacK of faith in Fascism? - No, why?
Subversive propaganda, perhaps? - No, there's no reason for it.
And you Know nothing about the gramophone? - The gramophone?
Don't try to be a wise guy! Answer!
They woKe me from my sleep. I didn't even have time to put my tie on.
Your tie or your anarchist's necKerchief? - What necKerchief?
Would you liKe to drinK a toast to the victory of Fascism?
Well, really at this time...
At this time...
You fools! Trying our patience in this way!
You must drinK to a Fascist victory, my friend.
We don't want to cracK your sKulls to maKe you understand
that Fascism is for your protection, for your dignity.
Go to hell, you ignorant bunch of animals!
This is castor oil. - DrinK it!
Why should I drinK it? What have I done?
What are you doing? Leave me alone! What are you doing?
Be good! Open your mouth!
Open your mouth! Don't maKe me angry!
DrinK it down, it'll do you good!
Just looK at the state he's in... a man of his age. It's shameful!
What're you doing, vomiting on my shoes?
This is what saddens us, this utter refusal to understand. Why?
Why, I asK?
There must be something wrong with your head.
Have some more... it'll clear your ideas!
You'll pay for this! - Well, just send us the bill.
Good Heavens, it's two o'clocK!
Aurelio!
What's happened?
You won't listen to me!
You'll see!
Get up...
Dry yourself.
Don't catch cold.
Dad!
Go to bed!
God, what a stinK!
If the person who squealed is the one I thinK it is,
he'd better move to another continent
because I'll eat his guts I'll eat his balls!
Traitorous son of a bitch!
The Grand Hotel.
I call her the "Old Lady".
I come here every year to sip the nectar of love.
I give Kindness and I yearn for Kindness.
I'm the only one in town to visit the Grand Hotel.
They say Gradisca was here once.
It was because of that highly improbable adventure
that she came to be called Gradisca.
Her real name is Ninola. But three years ago...
one winter night...
Don't let us down, Ninola!
The Prince is a handsome man, you Know.
If he looKs liKe he's satisfied, mention the worK on the harbor.
It'll only taKe a word from him.
Be polite, speaK Italian.
He's a real prince, not just any old asshole.
It's a great opportunity for you, too. The harbor.
Oh, Mister Prince, sir...
Gradisca! (Whatever you desire)
That's how Ninola came to be called Gradisca.
I don't thinK there's a lot of truth in this story.
Nor in the one that Biscein tells.
He's an inveterate liar. He invents a new one each day.
A couple of years bacK...
an Emir arrived with thirty concubines.
I saw him arrive.
The Emir locKed all thirty rooms every night up tight.
That is quite true, but the rest of Biscein's story has holes in it.
The silly man claims that on that very night...
Beans, olives, toasted melon seeds!
Here I am, here I am, girls!
Come on, Biscein!
Sweet Jesus, the pussy!
He claims that maKing no distinction between the beautiful and the ugly,
he polished off 28 of them that night!
Uncle!
Are you Polish? Because only Poles have this fire in their eyes.
My uncle dances very well!
Commander! Ladies!
Then you must be Czech! Because only Czech women
have this fire in their eyes.
I now Italian: "bellissima," "Buonasera" (good evening)
"Michelangelo," "Fanculo" (fucK you), "O sole mio."
Good evening.
Uncle! Uncle! - Get out of here!
Jesus, the waiter-asshole... asshole... asshole.
Seen the sea? - The sea?
Come and taKe a walK with me. Let's go!
Leopardi wrote poetry. Do you Know Leopardi?
No, this is my first time here.
Dante Alghieri here, Leopardi here, or even here!
Oh, good!
SKol!
How did it go?
Fine, it's always a pushover with Germans.
She's really fallen for me.
And to prove it, she even offered me posterior intimacy.
Uncle! Uncle!
Uncle Teo was Dad's brother.
We went to taKe him for a ride every month, in the summer.
He's coming.
Hello, Uncle!
How are things, Teo?
He's happy, Mamma.
He's looKing well.
Yes, he's looKing well.
Watch your step.