原創翻譯 雙語字幕
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翻譯 全世界最帥的小書包 吃冰棒
翻譯 glida RiverSide152 余歡
翻譯 DerbyNinja 屯栗子 布塔
校對 布塔
時間軸 啾 番番 紫夏 知之
後期 漁夫
總監 布塔
把手指放在這裡 然後你看 So I put my finger here, and check this...
手錶顯示我的心臟有問題 the watch tells me I have a heart problem.
難道你照鏡子看不出來嗎 Wouldn't a mirror tell you the same thing?
話雖如此 但手錶還能顯示天氣 Yeah, but this has weather, too.
好吧 Okay.
還有一小時才和女士們共進晚餐 We got an hour until we're meeting the ladies for dinner.
-嗯 -先去喝杯啤酒如何 - Yeah. - You wanna catch a beer?
不行 我有事情要辦 I can't. I gotta run a few errands.
什麼 你不想喝啤酒 怎麼回事 What? You don't want a beer? What's wrong?
我 I...
收到警探考試的結果了 got the results back from the detective exam.
你又沒通過 所以我從來不去考那個 You failed again? This is why I never took that test.
所有這些焦慮和失望 All the anxiety and disappointment.
你遲早得意識到 你已經到達極限了 At some point, you have to realize you have hit your ceiling
然後老實放棄 and just give up.
你應該去學校巡講 You know, you should go around and speak at schools.
太鼓舞人心了 That was very inspiring.
沒錯 小鬼們應該聽聽這些 I should. Kids need to hear this shit.
我想不通 夥計 I don't get it, man.
答案我都知道 可是一緊張我就腦中一片空白 I know all the answers, I just freeze under pressure.
我得三個月後才能再考 You know, I can't take the exam for, like, three more months,
所以我得繼續騙奧德麗 so I gotta continue lying to Audrey.
所以今晚在餐桌上 拜託你 So when we're at dinner tonight, please,
-告訴你老婆... -不 - tell your wi... - Ah! No.
拜託 夥計 你知道我隨時願意幫你瞞天過海 Come on, man. You know I'll lie for you anytime.
毀屍滅跡都不在話下 I will cover up dead bodies for you.
但是如果我讓霍利騙你老婆 But if I ask Holly to lie to your wife,
我們肯定吃不了兜著走 there's no way we're messing around.
今天可是狂歡週五 It's Freaky Friday!
你不用撒謊 我撒謊的時候讓她別作聲就行了 You don't have to lie, just tell her to ignore when I'm lying.
就這樣 That's it.
-行 好吧 -謝謝 - Okay, fine. - Thank you.
你欠我人情 You owe me.
晚上見 See you tonight.
奧德麗 寶貝 能幫我買開瑞坦嗎[抗過敏藥]
要去買開瑞坦 開瑞坦 I gotta get Claritin. Claritin.
天哪 快看 Oh, my God! Look!
他帶她乘直升飛機了 He took her in a helicopter?
我老公連叫豪華優步都捨不得 My husband won't even pay for Uber Black.
是啊 我都想不起來上次尼克 Yeah. I don't even... I can't even remember the last time
浪漫一下是什麼時候的事了 that Nick did anything even remotely romantic.
他以前還會送混音帶討我歡心 I mean, he used to leave me, like, cute little mixtapes,
在浴室裡放情書 little love notes in the bathroom.
情書已經過時了 Love notes are dead.
我老公想滾床單的時候 When my husband wants to have sex,
會直接給我發茄子和甜甜圈的表情 he just texts me the eggplant and doughnut emoji.
茄子和甜甜圈 Eggplant and doughnut...
他是茄子 He's the eggplant.
更像是蔫了的土豆 More like a fingerling potato.
真的不用花太多心思 It really doesn't take that much.
路口就有賣花的 There are guys at the intersection selling flowers.
只要搖下車窗買一束花帶回家就行了 You just roll down the window, grab a bunch, bring 'em home.
-簡單到不能更簡單了 -可不是嗎 - I mean, they couldn't make it any easier. - No kidding.
明天是我們結婚十五週年紀念日 I mean, tomorrow is our 15th wedding anniversary.
我還在等他 I'm still waiting on that
實現婚禮上向我承諾的歐洲之旅 trip to Europe he promised me on our wedding day.
很快就去 愛你 尼克
-等了十五年了 -對 - That's been 15 years? - Yeah.
十五年我都能走到歐洲了 I could have walked to Europe by now.
你得直接告訴他 You know, you just have to tell him.
我不想告訴他 我希望他自己明白 I just don't want to have to tell him. I just want him to know.
-他們永遠不會自己明白 -我知道 - No, they never just know. - I know.
-這不現實 -你得跟男人明說 - That doesn't happen. - You have to tell men everything.
如果你不想讓他把碗盤堆在水槽裡 If you want the dishes to not go in the sink,
你得跟他明說 you have to tell them.
如果你想讓他睡前洗個澡 If you want him to shower before he comes to bed,
你得跟他明說 you have to ask him.
所以餐廳的洗手間裡才有那些標誌 That's why they have those signs in bathrooms at restaurants
告訴員工要洗手 to tell employees to wash their hands.
那些標誌不是給女人看的 是給男人看的 Those aren't for women, guys. Those are for men.
或許你可以給他發表情 飛機 酒杯 Or maybe you could just text him, airplane, wine glass,
意大利國旗 茄子 甜甜圈 甜甜圈 甜甜圈 Italian flag, eggplant, doughnut, doughnut, doughnut.
我為你瘋狂[堅果雙關]
亞馬遜禮品卡 25美元 50美元 100美元
還是五十吧 Let's go with the 50.
開瑞坦 Claritin...
開瑞坦 艾來錠 [均為抗過敏藥]
歡迎光臨 Hi, welcome.
謝謝 Thank you.
非常感謝 Thanks a lot.
你要告訴他們你背包裡的東西嗎 Are you gonna tell 'em about the stuff in your backpack?
少管閑事 夥計 我正要買這個 Mind your own business, man. I'm paying for this.
運動鞋不錯 肯定很貴 I like your sneakers. They must be expensive.
所以你才沒錢買怪物能量飲料 Is that why can't afford the Monster Energy Drink
和辣味奇多嗎 or the Flamin' Hot Cheetos?
-等等 等等 -放開我 夥計 - Hang on. Hang on. - Hey, let go of me, man.
我居然說對了 I can't believe I was right.
把嘴閉上 不然有你好受的 老頭 Keep your mouth shut. I'll mess you up, old man.
老頭 天啊 Old man. Oh, my God.
首先 First of all,
光是叫我"老頭" 就該把你關進監獄 I should throw you in jail just for calling me "old man,"
但是如果你把那些東西放回去 but you bring that stuff back,
我就放你走 I'll let you go 'cause
因為我晚餐遲到了 而且餓得要死 I'm late for dinner and I'm hungry as shit.
去吧 Go ahead.
-泰諾安 對吧 -不對 - Tylenol PM? Am I right? - No.
解熱鎮痛助眠藥
不管用 取決於你什麼季節去 It's not good for that. It depends on what time of year you go.
有道理 再上一杯好嗎 That makes sense. Can I get another?
還要再點一杯嗎 We're gonna have another one?
我是說 今晚我們請客 I'm just saying, we're paying today.
你能悠著點嗎 Maybe you can take it easy a little bit.
尼克 尼克 你怎麼回事 Nick. Nick. What... What's wrong with you?
不好意思 我不能再點一杯了嗎 警探 Sorry. Should I not order another drink, Detective?
不 霍利 再點一杯 No. Holly, order another drink.
你們想點多少杯都沒問題 我開玩笑的 You guys order as much as you want. I was joking around.
-一點也不好笑 -因為我 - That's not funny. - The reason...
我心情很好 因為今天很順利 I'm just in a great mood because I had a great day today.
-好吧 -今天是不是很順利 - Here we go. - Did we have a great day or what?
今天太美好了 難以置信 It was a fabulous day. Incredible day.
真的嗎 你們又接到大案子了嗎 Really? Did you get another hot case?
什麼 Of what?
"什麼" "What."
裝得好 聽我說 That was good. No, listen.
非常順利 我保證 Going great, kid. I promise you.
他們越來越信任我了 It's like, uh, they're trusting me more and more,
我也想告訴你是什麼案子 and I, um, I wish I could tell you what it was,
但這是保密信息 but it's... it's confidential.
-等一下 -怎麼了 - Wait a second. - What?
天哪 Oh, my God.
-這是什麼 -那是什麼 - What is this? - What is that?
我家吉米送我的生日禮物 My baby Jimmy got it for me for my birthday.
-吉米 -什麼 - Jimmy! - What?
-紀念鉆戒 -天啊 - Celebration diamonds. - Oh, my gosh.
-太漂亮了 -謝謝 奧德麗 - It's gorgeous! - Thank you, Audrey.
-非常貴 -吉米 - Very expensive. - Wow, Jimmy.
我也給你準備了特別的禮物 I got you something special.
我保證你會非常滿意 I promise, you're gonna be very happy.
-真的嗎 -我迫不及待了 - Really? - I can't wait.
尼克 我還以為你是那種 See, I would've pegged you,
只會送亞馬遜禮品卡的男人 Nick, as an Amazon gift card kinda guy,
不過我不是警探 but... I'm no detective.
這樣吧 各位 You know what, guys?
為我的朋友尼克和奧德麗乾一杯吧 Let's toast to my friends, Nick and Audrey.
美好的十五年 Fifteen wonderful years.
說得好 Absolutely.
-十五年 -敬真愛 各位 - Fifteen. - Here's to true love, guys.
十五年 Fifteen.
-真愛 -嗯 - True love. - Yeah.
謀殺疑雲
晚飯貴死了 不過早有預料 Dinner was insane, but that's expected.
不過我跟你說 But I'll tell you what,
我真想把霍利嚼冰塊的聲音錄下來 I want to record Holly chewing her ice cubes,
用作早上的鬧鈴 那真是 use it as my alarm in the morning. That's...
保證能讓我立刻爬起來衝出門 Guarantee me of wanting to wake up and leave.
怎麼了 你不喜歡這個笑話 What's the matter? You didn't like that joke?
我在用牙線 I'm flossing.
我看到了 I can see that.
你今晚格外用力 You're doing it extra hard tonight.
而且今晚我不要開著電扇睡覺了 吵死了 And I'm not sleeping with the fan on tonight. I hate that sound.
不必開電扇 我們開空調 寶貝 No fan necessary. We'll crank the AC, babe.
怎麼了 怎麼了 What, what, what?
你要發飆了 我能看出來 等一下 You're gonna yell at me? I can see this. Hang on.
不如接著拿牙線出氣吧 Why don't you do some more angry flossing?
我們為什麼一直沒去歐洲 尼克 How come we haven't gone to Europe, Nick?
你必須給我解釋清楚 You have to explain this to me.
我們什麼地方都沒去過 We never go anywhere.
我們旅行過 我帶你去過波克諾山[賓夕法尼亞州]We travel. I took you to the Poconos that time.
什麼 波克諾 那是 What? The Poco... That was...
那是去參加葬禮 尼克 That was for a funeral, Nick.
那我們去弗吉尼亞州那次呢 How about, uh, when we went to Virginia
我們去臨終安養院看我叔叔嚥氣那次 when my uncle was in a hospice and we got to see him die?
-我們去過了 -尼克 拜託 - We did that. - Nick. Come on.
我說的是那張明信片 I'm talking about the postcard.
你不記得了嗎 You don't remember that?
我記得 我當然記得 I remember it. Of course I remember it.
已經十五年了 尼克 我們還在等什麼呢 It's been 15 years, Nick. I don't know what we're waitin' for.
全都被你毀了 奧德麗 Now you've gone and done it, Audrey.
怎麼 我幹什麼了 What? What'd I do?
飯桌上我說了給你準備了大禮 I told you I had something big for you at dinner,
你就不能等到明早嗎 and you couldn't wait till tomorrow morning?
不會吧 No.
我們終於要去歐洲了 紀念日快樂 We're finally going to Europe. Happy anniversary.
天哪 我都起雞皮疙瘩了 Oh, my God. I have chills.
天哪 天哪 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
天哪 我真... Oh, my God! I'm so...
-我毀了你的驚喜 -你什麼都沒毀 - I ruined your surprise! - You didn't ruin anything.
你最好了 你值得 我愛你 You're the greatest. You deserve it. I love you.
-我愛你 -後面還有驚喜呢 我發誓 - I love you! - It's still a surprise. I swear.
我們負擔得起吧 這一切 We can afford it, right? This is all...
我們當然負擔得起 We can afford it, of course.
-好 -我今年要加薪了 - Okay. - I'm getting my raise this year.
-對 -我們沒問題 來吧 - Right. - We're all set. Come on.
-你好 -你好 - Hello. Hi. - Hello.
你好嗎 How are you?
我們要去度蜜月 So, uh, we are on our honeymoon,
我在想能不能給我們升艙 and I was wondering if we could possibly get an upgrade
因為我有里程數 應該是 because I have miles. Maybe...
我不知道是不是這家航空公司的 I don't even know if it's from this airline,
不過里程數會過期嗎 還是... but do they expire, or...
先生 你需要提前申請 Sir, you would have needed to request that in advance.
-嗯 -這邊請 - Yeah. - Right this way, please.
-謝謝 不好意思 -我們試過了 我打過電話 - Thank you. I'm so sorry. - We did try advance. I tried calling.
-結果沒人... -你打給誰了 - And, um, nobody... - Who'd you call?
-沒完沒了的占線 -是嗎 - Crazy busy signals. - Really?
-一直占線 -你打給誰了 - It's the busy signals! - Who did you try to call?
回函謀殺
我不想劇透 不過兇手是管家 I don't want to give it away. It was the butler.
是管家干的 The butler did it.
兇手從來都不是管家 It's never the butler who did it.
我覺得根本就沒有管家 I don't even think there are butlers.
這個詞是你愛看的 That's just a word created
那些無腦小說造出來的 for those goofy books you're addicted to.
你能不能 別說話 Would you just please, please shh?
別管我看什麼小說好嗎 讓我安靜地看 Leave my books alone, okay? Just let me read.
我就是喜歡 看了開心 I just like... Makes me happy.
你還好嗎 你有點煩躁 是不是無聊了 Are you okay? You're cranky. Are you bored?
-我要睡覺了 -睡一覺 - I'm gonna go to sleep. - Take a nap.
-睡覺你沒意見吧 -等等 不要... - Are you okay with that? - Wait, don't...
不要把座椅放平 But just, please, don't... don't lay all the way back.
-不要放平 -對 - Don't take it back? - No.
怎麼 你不想看我擠出雙下巴 Why? You don't want my double chin to show?
-不是雙下巴的問題 那樣很沒禮貌 -好 - It's not your chins, okay. It's just rude. - Yes.
-因為你會睡得四仰八叉 -好吧 - Okay. 'Cause you splay out. - All right.
然後你的椅背就會碰到後面人的膝蓋 And then your seat is in, like, the lap of the guy behind you.
-所以要多為他人著想 -我不會放平的 - So just be considerate of everybody. - I'll stay up.
謝謝 Thank you.
倒啦 Timber.
打擾一下 Excuse me.
-你好 -你好 - Hi. - Hello. Hi.
可以給我一副耳塞嗎 Could I please have some earplugs?
好的 Yes.
九美元 For nine dollars.
一副耳塞要九美元 Nine dollars? For earplugs?
是的 Yes.
算了 我還是 That's okay. I'll just...
我還是用花生吧 I'll just use my peanuts.
我還是... I'll just...
看來你也睡不著 A fellow insomniac, I see.
天哪 Jesus.
對 我... Yes. I...
是啊 深有同感 Yep. I know, right?
我在飛機上就是睡不著 I just cannot sleep on these things.
你為什麼要去歐洲呢 So what brings you across the pond?
其實 我是去度蜜月的 Actually, it's my... it's my honeymoon.
恭喜 Congratulations.
-謝謝 -你丈夫呢 - Thank you. - Where's your husband?
死了 Dead.
睡了 睡得死死的 Asleep. He's dead... dead asleep.
我們其實已經結婚十五年了 We've actually been married for 15 years,
但我們一直很忙很忙 but we just have been very, very, very, very busy.
敬你匆忙的生活一杯 Then a toast to the whirlwind that is your life.
好 Yes.
-抱歉 女士 -是 - Sorry, ma'am. - Oh, yes!
吧臺只為頭等艙旅客開放 The bar is for first class passengers only.
當然了 真不好意思 Of course. Of course it is. I'm so sorry, yes.
我會回低等艙 I will head back to the lower class cabin
坐到自己該坐的座位上 然後... and sit where I should and, uh...
鏟鏟煤 shovel some coal.
她是我的客人 She's my guest.
很遺憾 先生 她需要自己的頭等艙機票 Unfortunately, sir, she'd need her own first class ticket.
我是查爾斯·卡文迪什 Charles Cavendish.
真對不起 先生 I'm so sorry, sir.
查爾斯·卡文迪什 Charles Cavendish?
這是你的真名嗎 Is that your real name?
恐怕是的 I'm afraid so.
聽起來像是直接從 I mean, that sounds like it just fell right out of a...
懸疑小說裡出來的 mystery novel.
那我會是哪個人物呢 And which character would I be?
這樣的名字肯定是反派 Name like that, you'd have to be the bad guy.
好吧 Well...
為反派們乾杯 here's to the bad guys.
好吧 你的未婚妻 Okay, so your fiancee...
拋棄了你 leaves you...
投入了你年邁的叔叔的懷抱 for your elderly uncle...
能請你們閉嘴嗎 Will you two kindly shut up?
別吵 Oh, be quiet.
否則我們就告訴別人 Or we shall tell everyone
你偷偷帶上飛機的小崽子 about the ferret you've smuggled in here.
我知道這件事很庸俗 The whole thing is tawdry, I know.
-庸俗 -他想得到我的未婚妻 - Tawdry. - He desired my betrothed,
而馬爾科姆叔叔總是能如願以償 and Uncle Malcolm always gets what he wants.
馬爾科姆 馬爾科姆叔叔 Malcolm. Uncle Malcolm.
-坎斯 -叔叔... - Quince. - Uncle...
馬爾科姆·坎斯是你叔叔 那個億萬富翁 Malcolm Quince is your uncle? That billionaire?
-就是他 -天啊 - That's the one. - Oh, my gosh.
他看起來就像這個 He looks just like this...
如果這個皺巴巴的橄欖身價七百億美元的話 if this wrinkled olive had $70 billion.
七百億美元 Seventy billion dollars.
我這週末要和這對新婚夫婦乘他的遊艇 I'm traveling to Monaco with the newlyweds on his yacht
去摩納哥看大獎賽 for the Grand Prix this weekend.
為什麼 你為什麼要這麼做 Why? Why would you do that?
他們這麼對你 你為什麼還要乘他們的遊艇 Why would you go on their yacht after what they just did?
因為我是英國人 施皮茨夫人 Because I'm English, Mrs. Spitz.
我是個社會性受虐狂 I'm a glutton for social masochism.
我打算喝個爛醉 搞砸他們的新婚慶典 And I plan on getting blind drunk and ruining the festivities.
好 我支持你 Okay. I support that.
我說 奧德麗 I say, Audrey...
你和你丈夫這週末有安排嗎 Do you and your husband have plans this weekend?
你講了個笑話 簡直 You made a joke. That's...
我靠 這架飛機上居然有吧臺 Holy shit! This plane has a bar?
先生 這裡是頭等艙休息室 Sir, this is the first class lounge.
請你回自己的座位 I'm gonna have to ask you to return to your seat.
飛機現在都有吧臺了 There's bars on planes now?
飛機現在有吧臺了 頭等艙專用 Planes have bars now. In first class.
天哪 真希望我媽能活著看到這幕 This is... Man, I wish my mother was still alive to see this.
她是個酒鬼 不過是個好酒鬼 She was an alcoholic, but a nice one.
先生 如果你不回座位 我就要找... Sir, if you don't return to your seat, I'm gonna have to call...
警察 The cops.
那是我老婆 So that's my wife
她在和那個單下巴的帥哥聊天 talking to that handsome guy over there with the one chin.
所以我要打斷他們 可能會給自己倒杯啤酒 So I'm gonna go break that shit up, possibly grab myself a beer,
給你拿點抗焦慮藥 maybe you a Xanax.
值得為飛機上的酒寫封表揚信 ...the wine on board is worth a letter.
如今都沒人寫信了 對嗎 People don't write letters anymore, do they?
-真遺憾 -信都變得別有目的 - Such a pity. - It's just, it's all so tactical.
是啊 沒錯 Yeah, that's true.
尼克 Nick.
-你好嗎 -親愛的 你醒了 - How are you? - Hi, honey. You're awake.
-睡得舒服嗎 -我一直醒著 - Was your nappie good? - Been awake.
-我剛剛在找你 -我知道 我在... - I was looking for you. - I know, I'm...
我遇到了這位迷人的紳士 Well, I met this lovely gentleman.
-是嗎 -這位是查爾斯·卡文迪什 - Oh, yeah? - I'd like you to meet Charles Cavendish.
-他是位勛爵 對吧 -你好 - He's a lord. Right? - How do you do?
-勛爵 -準確地說是子爵 - A lord? - Well, actually a viscount.
儘管子爵也被稱為勛爵 Although viscounts are addressed as Lord,
這可能就是可愛的奧德麗感到迷惑的原因 which probably accounts for the lovely Audrey's confusion.
沒錯 她有時候也搞不清楚我的身份 There you go. She gets confused with me too.
有時叫我國王 有時叫我爸爸 Sometimes I'm the king. Sometimes I'm Daddy.
能給我一瓶拉巴啤酒嗎 兄弟 So... can I get a Labatt's, brother?
十七歐元 That'll be 17 euro.
不不不 不用 No, no, no. Please.
我請客 The beer is on me.
我不會隨便喝不認識的人請的啤酒 I'm not just taking a beer from somebody I don't know.
天啊 Oh, my gosh.
我真的希望你能好好考慮下我的提議 And I do hope you take advantage of my other offer.
我不會眼睜睜看著你 I'm not just gonna stand here
提出想給我錢買我老婆一晚的 while you offer to pay me to have sex with my wife.
不過出於好奇 你打算給多少錢 But out of curiosity, how much are we talking?
-真棒 -我不會答應他的 - Great. - I wouldn't do it.
-聽我說 -什麼 - Hey, listen to me. - What?
他是在邀請我們 He is inviting us to spend
和他們全家在遊艇上共度週末 the weekend with him on a yacht with his family.
可是我們已經有安排了 Well, we have plans.
乘大巴 On a bus.
去往詩情畫意的聖格裡吉奧村莊 A bus that is bound for the idyllic village of San Grigio,
我們可以看他們是怎麼熟成火腿的 where we can watch a demonstration on how they age ham.
-讓我解釋一下 -我哪沒聽清 - Let's just let me explain something. - Tell me what I'm missing.
-你在逗我嗎 -說吧 - Are you kidding me? - Go.
我們會環遊歐洲的港口 We would be sailing around European harbors.
-好 -好嗎 我們能吃到新鮮的魚 - Yeah. - Okay? We'd be eating fresh fish.
-好 -還能喝酒 - Right. - And we'd be drinking wine.
我們能待在一起 We'd be together.
挺好的 That's nice.
-他們還有個大廚 -有個大廚 - They have a chef. - They have a chef.
他叫莫裡斯 是莫裡斯吧 His name is Maurice. Maurice?
-對 莫裡斯 -莫裡斯 - Maurice, yes. - Maurice.
"有人叫我莫裡斯" "Some people call me Maurice."
歌詞出自The Joker - Steve Miller Band
記得那首歌嗎 Remember that one?
-我能和你單獨聊聊嗎 -當然 - Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure.
衛生間 使用中
我懂了 I gotcha.
聽著 So listen...
你在幹什麼 What are you doing?
兩個成年人一起進飛機上的衛生間還能幹什麼 Why would two adults come into a bathroom on an airplane?
親愛的 拜託 我只是想和你單獨聊聊 Honey, come on. To have a private conversation.
真好笑 That's funny.
聽著 我只是想搞清楚 Listen. I'm just trying to understand
你為什麼要拒絕這個千載難逢的好機會 why you are turning down the opportunity of a lifetime.
因為我不信任那個傢伙 Because I don't trust that guy.
-為什麼 -因為直覺 - Why? - 'Cause instincts.
你的直覺 Your instincts?
你那跟你說你會在這打一炮的直覺嗎 The same instincts that told you you were about to get laid in here?
不能打一炮嗎 I'm not getting laid?
拜託 我們平時 Come on! When is the next time
哪有機會乘上一艘遊艇 you and I are gonna be able to get on a yacht?
我只是想說 每次我們吃火腿三明治 I'm just saying, all those times we're eating ham sandwiches
你都會問 "他們是怎麼熟成火腿的" and you're always asking, "How do they age the ham?"
-我從沒問過... -以後不用再問這個問題了 - Never had that... - We'll never ask that question again
-因為我們要去聖格裡吉奧了 -從沒問過 - because we'll be in San Grigio. - That never happened.
他們會告訴我們怎麼做出完美的火腿 They'll give us the reason on how they do it so perfectly.
好吧 你想聽實話嗎 Okay. You wanna know the truth?
-你傷透了我的心 -為什麼 - You're breaking my heart. - Why?
我覺得自己像個蠢貨 I feel like a schmuck
因為我一直在努力工作攢錢 because I've been working my ass off and saving money,
現在你知道原因了 and now you know why.
是為了我們的這次旅行 我知道自己不是公爵 It was to take us on this trip. And I know I'm not a duke.
我明白 他是子爵 但是... I understand. He's a viscount, but...
-我都不知道那是什麼 -我知道 沒關係 - I don't even know what that is. - I know. It's okay.
對不起 I'm sorry.
我愛你 I love you.
-我迷糊了 有點入迷了 -我知道 - I got lost. I got swept up in it. - I know.
但沒關係 我們乘大巴 會很棒的 But it's okay. We're gonna do the bus. It's gonna be great.
-我們乘大巴 -你會愛上大巴的 - We'll do the bus. - You're gonna love the bus!
西班牙 馬拉加
岡薩雷斯 我們的歡迎香檳呢 Gonzales. Where is our welcome glass of champagne?
-說好了會有... -爸爸 薩默打我 - We were promised... - Dad, Summer hit me!
一杯香檳迎接我們 ...a glass of champagne when we arrived...
你們倆給我閉嘴 別玩球了 Zip it! Both of you! Will you stop that?
我知道你能聽見 I know you hear me!
-閉嘴 -我們還是 - Shut up! - Let's do the...
還是乘遊艇吧 We'll do the yacht, okay?
-謝謝 -好吧 - Thank you. - All right.
卡文迪什 Cavendish!
我們改主意了 我們跟你走 We've changed our minds. We're gonna come.
太好了 Splendid.
-你好 -歡迎 - Hello. - Bienvenidos.
謝謝 Thank you.
-謝謝 -不客氣 - Thank you. - De nada.
太棒了 This is amazing.
我還以為會更大呢 I thought it was gonna be bigger.
-什麼 -真的 - What? - I did.
-比這還大嗎 -我真以為會更大 - Bigger than this? - I really did.
我猜那是卡文迪什的前未婚妻 I bet that's Cavendish's ex-fiancee
她為了他叔叔拋棄了他 who left him for his uncle.
好吧 我餓死了 那個叫莫裡斯的老兄呢 Okay. I'm starving. Where's that Maurice dude?
我們好像不能直接跟他說話 I don't think we're supposed to talk to him directly.
-還是等著吃晚餐吧 -要等到什麼時候 - Let's wait for dinner. - Which is when?
我不...親愛的 晚些時候 我不知道 I don't... Honey, it's later. I don't know.
這裡是歐洲 好嗎 It's Europe, okay?
大巴就按美國的晚餐時間開飯 所以... The bus observes a standard American dinnertime, so...
寶貝 這裡美得像畫一樣 Baby, this is like a painting.
-是挺好看的 -看起來簡直不真實 - No, it's nice... - It just doesn't look real.
-這... -天哪 - It's... - Oh, my God!
你看 她太漂亮了 Look. She's so pretty.
-非常漂亮 -她是那種漂亮得 - Very pretty. - She's that kind of pretty
讓你搞不清她是哪國人的美女 that you don't really know what country she's from.
我看不出來 你呢 I mean, I can't tell. Can you tell?
日本人 Japan.
對 對 看吧 她能聽見你說話 Yes, yes. You see? See? She can hear you.
她可不是在電視屏幕裡 She's not a... not on television right now.
你見到的是真人 You're watching a real person.
帶著平民不請自來 Crashing the party with civilians.
你喝醉了嗎 Are you drunk?
現在才中午 親愛的蘇西 It's only noon, Suzi, darling.
我當然喝醉了 Of course I'm drunk.
那麼 你心愛的 So, where is your beloved,
老年斑爵士呢 Sir Liver Spots?
馬爾科姆還沒到 Malcolm is not here yet.
你知道他喜歡隆重入場 You know how he likes to make an entrance.
沒人比你更瞭解 You'd know more about
馬爾科姆的"進入"方式了 Malcolm's entrances than anyone at this point.
很高興認識你 你人真好 Great to meet you. You're terrific.
很榮幸認識你 Nice to meet you. Pleasure.
二位見笑了 I'm sorry you had to see that.
-我開始有點喜歡你了 -就該這麼對她 - Actually, I started to like you. - She deserved that.
很好 擲地有聲 Very good. You came on strong.
她不對 語出傷人 She is not nice. You're hurt.
查爾斯 Charles.
很高興你能來 So glad you could make it.
你還帶了客人來 And you brought guests.
請允許我向你們介紹我的堂兄 托比 Allow me to introduce my cousin, Tobey.
馬爾科姆的獨子 如果他不是尖叫女王[男同]Malcolm's only son and the man Suzi would have left me for,
蘇西就會投入他的懷抱 had he not been a screaming queen.
-好吧 -謝謝你邀請我們上船 先生 - Okay. - Thank you for having us aboard, sir.
你好 十分榮幸 Yeah. Hey, really nice.
這是我父親的船 It's my father's boat.
她父親有一次把剪草機借給我了 Well, her father, uh, let me use his lawnmower one time,
所以我能理解你的心情 so I know how that goes.
你們是怎麼認識查爾斯的 How do you know Charles?
那要追溯到六小時之前了 We go back to six hours ago?
-是的 -我們是在飛機上認識的 - Yes. - We met on an airplane.
他很熱情 邀請我們一起 He was very nice to include us.
應該有空閑的船艙給他們住吧 We have a spare cabin for them, I assume.
既然你們的交情這麼源遠流長 Well, seeing as you have so much history,
當然要給二位準備一間客房 I'm sure we can find some room.
謝謝 感謝你的盛情款待 Thank you. Thanks for the warm welcome.
感激不盡 你先請 Appreciate it. After you.
-這上面嗎 這一直通到上面嗎 -你人真好 - Up here? This keeps going up? - Really nice of you.
這邊嗎 So we go this way?
還有一層甲板 還有一層 There's another deck, hun. Another deck!
被性愛沖昏頭腦的老頭馬爾科姆·坎斯 "Sex-crazed oldster Malcolm Quince
本周與23歲的滑雪教練蘇西·中村結婚 wed 23-year-old ski instructor Suzi Nakamura this week."
這位東京浪女為何要 "Why would the Tokyo-born tart
用高山滑降換取假牙 trade downhills for dentures?
或許是為了馬爾科姆的兒子托比 Perhaps the $70 billion his son, Tobey,
本來能繼承的七百億 was set to inherit."
天啊 寶貝 Oh, my God, baby.
我們現在正身處八卦新聞報道中 We are literally right in the middle of a TMZ story.
關於這遊艇你算說對了 You were right about this yacht.
他們的剃鬚膏都帶著椰香 Their shaving cream smells like coconuts.
-太不可思議了 -抱歉 - It's incredible. - Sorry.
你現在是對富人過敏了嗎 You're allergic to rich people now?
不是 住嘴 我有過敏癥 No. Stop it! I'm allergic to stuff.
能把開瑞坦拿給我嗎 Would you please grab me the Claritin?
好 給 Yes. Here.
寶貝 這是艾來錠 你說你帶了開瑞坦 Baby, that's Allegra. You said you packed Claritin.
都是一回事 That's the same thing.
不 親愛的 艾來錠對我沒效 No, honey. Allegra doesn't work for me.
好吧 等我們到了摩納哥 Okay. When we get to Monaco,
我去給你買個開瑞坦 I'll get you your Claritin.
在那可能就不叫這個名字了 It's not... It's gonna be called something else over there,
跟你說 記住了 是藍盒子 I'm telling you. Just remember, we... The blue box.
要知道 "艾來錠" You know, "Allegra"
在法語裡 和開瑞坦是一個東西 in, uh, French means the same shit as Claritin.
-微笑 -好 - Smile. - Yes.
你不能再喝了 你都成酒鬼了 You need to stop drinking. You're a drunk.
你看他 Look at him.
他為什麼要那樣折磨自己 Why is he torturing himself like that?
她都已經嫁給馬爾科姆了 I mean, she's already married to Malcolm.
不知道他還指望她說什麼 I don't know what else he's expecting her to say to him.
她說他是個無賴 She's saying he's a cad...
他說她是個蕩婦 and he's saying she's a tramp,
他們都說得對 and they're both right.
我在哪見過你 你是... How do I know you? You're...
你是演員 對嗎 You're an actress, right?
女人都是演員 親愛的 All women are actresses, dear.
我只是夠精明 能以此為生而已 I'm just clever enough to get paid for it.
我是格蕾絲·巴拉德 Grace Ballard.
天哪 My God!
太不可...我是你的狂熱粉絲 That's... This is incr... I'm a massive fan of yours!
頭號粉絲 Like, number one!
-這太不... -我知道 很不可思議 - This isn't... - I know. It's incredible.
我是尼克·施皮茨 這位是我妻子 艾莉森 I am Nick Spitz. This is my wife, Allison.
-真不敢相信 -奧德麗 我叫奧德麗 - I can't believe... - Aud... Audrey. I'm Audrey.
-我說的是奧德麗 -並不是 - I said Audrey! - No, you didn't.
艾莉森是她在那什麼裡面的角色 Allison is the character she played in the...
還記得我們一起看的那部電影嗎 Remember the one? We watched it together.
有一位美麗的女士 後來發現她是個機器人 Where it's a beautiful lady, it turns out she's a robot?
-帶著胸罩... -她就是那個機器人 - And there's the bra... - She's the robot!
-你的胸罩裡彈出了槍 -沒錯 - There's guns coming out of your bra. - Yes!
《性愛機械》 我的突破角色 Sex Machina. My breakout role.
太棒了 瞧瞧 她就在我們面前 So good. Look at this, right in front of us!
我簡直激動得不能自已 I feel like I got kicked in the belly right now!
-好了 -我找不著北了 - Okay. - I lost my wind!
這樣吧 我們去塗點防曬霜 因為... You know what? Let's go put on some sunscreen 'cause it's...
你之前已經給我塗過防曬霜了 You already put the sunscreen on me earlier.
不是 我們要補塗防曬霜 No, we're gonna... we're gonna reapply the sunscreen.
-還要塗嗎 -要補了 - We're putting more on? - We're gonna reapply.
-好吧 我們再去塗點 -好 - All right. We'll put more on. -Ok.
-很高興認識你 -難以置信 太美妙了 - So nice to meet you. - I can't believe... This is great!
-他太激動了 -我們在一艘船上 - He's so excited. - We're on the same ship!
格蕾絲·巴拉德 英國女演員
看 這上面說她真正的姓其實不是巴拉德 Look at that. It says that her last name isn't even really Ballard.
那又怎麼了 Well, so what?
怎麼會有人長得這麼漂亮 How do you just come out looking that beautiful?
-全是整的 -什麼 - She's had it all done. - What?
嘴唇 鼻子 下巴 Lips, nose, chin.
不是吧 No!
真有人整下巴 People really get their chins done?
你這話完全是說給我聽的 太下作了 That was so directed at me, it was disgusting.
因為你希望我去整下巴 我不... 'Cause you want me to get my chin done. And I'm not...
我愛你本來的樣子 不過整一下也不錯 I love you for who you are. Although it's an option.
請允許我失陪一下 Would you guys excuse me for a moment?
-我應該去跟大君打個招呼 -好的 - I should say hello to the Maharajah. - Absolutely.
-所有人都這麼說 -你能相信我們和一個 - Everyone's saying it. - Do you believe we're on a boat
說著"我要去和大君聊聊"的人 where the guy said, "I'm gonna go have a conversation
在一艘船上嗎 with the Maharajah?"
-太誇張了 -這是真的嗎 - That was big. - Is this real?
不好意思 女士 Excuse me, ma'am?
這裡有沒有叫莫裡斯的人 我餓壞了 Is there a Maurice here? 'Cause I'm hungry as hell.
有的 先生 他在做準備 Yes, sir. He's preparing.
他在做準備 好吧 什麼時候能弄完 He's preparing. Okay. Is he ever gonna finish?
請告訴莫裡斯加快速度 Please tell Maurice to step on the gas.
親愛的 親愛的 Honey, honey, honey.
好吧 現在別回頭看 Okay, um, don't look right now,
有個戴著眼罩面目可怖的男人 but there's a really scary man with an eye patch...
在瞪著我們 who's just staring right at us.
我說了別回頭看 你就不能不看嗎 I said don't look and you can't not do it.
你說他戴著眼罩面目可怖 我必須得看看 You say eye patch and scary, I'm gonna look.
對不住了 這是本能反應 I'm sorry. It's physically impossible not to.
好吧 他朝我們走來了 All right. Okay. He's walking at us.
親愛的 親愛的 鎮靜 Honey, honey. Play it cool.
-夥計們 你們好啊 最近還好嗎 -你好 - Hey, fellas. What's up? How are ya? - Hey. Hi.
-誰讓你們兩個上船的 -什麼 - Who let you two on board? - Excuse me?
現在是怎麼回事 What is happening right now?
他們是我的客人 上校 They're my guests, Colonel.
-這個週末僅限家人參與 -是嗎 - This weekend is for family only. - Really?
據我所知 你也不是家人 The last time I checked, you're not family.
那個蘇聯楚巴卡也不是 Neither is Soviet Chewbacca over there.
尼克 奧德麗 Nick, Audrey.
-對 你肯定不是家人 -好吧 - Yeah, you're not family for sure. - Okay.
天 我看見有人帶了槍 Jesus. So I see one of them was packing heat.
-我該帶把槍嗎 -我懷疑裡面根本沒裝子彈 - Was I supposed to bring a gun? - Oh, I doubt it's even loaded.
那位是納米比亞國防部的查爾斯·烏蘭加上校 That's Colonel Charles Ulenga of the Namibian Defense Force.
馬爾科姆的密友 Malcolm's best friend.
他在94年的一場轟炸襲擊中救了馬爾科姆一命 He saved his life from a bombing attempt in '94.
不過他失去了一隻眼睛和... That's where he lost his eye and his...
和老二嗎 他老二沒了嗎 And his dick? Did he lose his dick?
-親愛的 為什麼 -我以為是老二沒了 - Honey, why? - I thought that maybe it was his dick.
旁邊的是謝爾蓋·雷真科 And that's Sergei Radjenko,
前特種部隊成員 他的保鏢 former Spetsnaz, and his bodyguard.
那個瘋子眼罩男還需要保鏢 Crazy eye patch guy needs a bodyguard?
假手 The hand!
那是假手 脫離身體的假手 There's a hand. It's not on his body anymore.
快看 現在他在抽自己的老二 Look at this. Now he's smoking his dick!
-他在抽自己的老二 -不是 天啊 - He's smoking his dick! - No. God.
你能住嘴嗎 Would you stop it?
開個玩笑而已 在船上輕鬆點 I'm just having fun. It's a boat.
能問你個問題嗎 Can I ask you a question?
大君究竟是什麼意思 What exactly... is a maharajah?
你怎麼不問他本人 Why don't you ask him yourself?
還是算了 No.
維克 我有幾位客人想介紹給你認識 Vik, I have some guests I'd like you to meet.
尼克和奧德麗·施皮茨 Nick and Audrey Spitz,
這位是尊貴的維克拉姆·西瓦·戈文丹孟買大君 I present the exalted Maharajah Vikram Shivan Govindan of Mumbai.
天啊 很... Oh, my gosh. It's so...
很高興... So nice to...
-高興... -我們... - Nice... - We're...
太搞笑了 That was very hilarious.
一直在這鞠躬 With all the bowin' and shit.
棕皮膚人一鞠躬 白人就會回禮 對不對 You know, when a brown person bows, white people bow back, innit?
-來碰拳 我們來... -抱歉 - Up high. How about... - I'm sorry.
他在向你表示... 尊敬 He's giving you... Respect!
很好笑 很有趣 他剛才在開玩笑 That was very good. Very funny. That was a joke.
奧德麗有個問題想問你 Audrey has a question she'd like to ask you.
說來聽聽 Let me hear it.
我們很想知道 大君究竟是什麼意思 We were actually wondering, what exactly is a maharajah?
這個稱號是怎麼...是要上學獲得的嗎 How do you... Do you have to go to a school for that?
這是世襲的 Yeah, I was born into the game.
-世襲的 -好吧 世襲的 - Oh, you're born into it. - Okay, born into it.
你是做什麼的 尼克 What do you do, Nick?
-我是... -尼克是警探 - I am... - Nick's a detective.
犀利 你"血濺"過什麼人嗎 Tight! You ever wet up anyone?
-什麼意思 -就是逼問 - What's that? - Yeah, you know, like drill,
開槍 爆頭 就像這樣 bust a cap, waste. You're like...
-他真搞笑 沒朝任何人開過槍 -當然沒有 - He's funny. No, never shot anybody. - No! God!
這是件好事 Which is a good thing.
尼克他 你的槍法很爛 Nick is... Well, it's just that you're a terrible shot.
他的槍法很爛 He's a terrible shot.
他差點連警校都畢不了業 He barely got out of the academy
因為他連最基礎的槍法都不達標 because he couldn't even meet, like, his minimum marksmanship skills.
奧德麗有乳糖不耐癥 Audrey is lactose intolerant.
-她睡覺時還會打嗝 -什麼 - She also burps in her sleep. - What?
我以為現在要開始互相揭短了 I just thought 'cause we are discussing each other's flaws right now,
你想拿到臺面上來說 you wanted to put it on the table.
對不起 聽著 我沒想到這是個敏感話題 I'm sorry I... Listen, I didn't think that was a sensitive subject...
不是個敏感話題 It's not a sensitive subject,
我就是不喜歡你見到誰都這麼說 I just don't like you telling everybody we meet.
抱歉我提起了這件事 抱歉 別在意 I'm sorry I brought it up. I'm sorry. Never mind.
天啊 快看 Oh, my gosh. Look at this.
-看看這瘋狂的一切 -寶貝 - Look at this crazy. - Wow. Babe.
這間房和你一樣明艷照人 Well, this room is as nice as the way you look.
-你美極了 -謝謝你 親愛的 嘴真甜 - You look stunning. - Thank you, honey. That's so sweet.
怎麼 What?
所有人都穿著禮服 Everybody's in tuxedos.
真希望你能讓我給你收拾行李 I wish you'd let me pack.
我應該穿雙襪子的 你說得對 All right. I shoulda wore socks. You're right.
胡安·卡洛斯 Juan Carlos!
祝你好運 夥計 Good luck, man.
你們好 為什麼要祝你好運 Hi. Hi, there. What are we wishing you good luck for?
他明天要參加摩納哥大獎賽 Well, he is racing in the Monaco Grand Prix tomorrow.
大賽事 That's big.
胡安·卡洛斯·裡維拉 容我向你介紹 Juan Carlos Rivera, let me introduce you to...
史蒂夫和史蒂夫夫人 Steve and Lady Steve.
-什麼 -不是 - What? - No.
-不 不 -你想這麼叫也行 - No, no. - I mean, if you want.
-我們只見過一面 -好吧 我要 - Just met us once. - Yeah, all right. I'm gonna...
-我是奧德麗 -再來一次 - I'm Audrey. - ...go again.
我是尼克 我們是施皮茨夫婦 I'm Nick, and then we're the Spitzes.
我是胡安·卡洛斯 Juan Carlos, huh?
我是胡安·卡洛斯 Juan Carlos.
你是賽車手 So you're a race car driver.
好 是的 Good, yes.
你是怎麼接觸到這一行的 How do you get into something like that?
第一名 是的 Number one, yes.
你不會說英語 對嗎 You don't speak English, do you?
非常快 非常快 Very fast. Very fast.
-歡迎 -好吧 - Welcome. - Okay.
地中海 法國沿海
那是什麼 What's that?
那是坎斯匕首 That is the Quince dagger.
中國鋼鐵 來自東方的寶石 Chinese steel, jewels from across the Orient.
馬可波羅送給坎斯家族的禮物 A gift to the family from Marco Polo,
傳說中是這樣的 or so the legend says.
天哪 God.
尼克的奶奶送過我們一個商場買的烤麵包機 Nick's grandmother gave us a toaster from Sears.
傳說中是這樣的 So the legend says.
瞧 Look.
爸爸來了 Here comes Daddy.
怎麼了 What's that?
王船長 Captain Wong,
我想和賓客們私下談 I'd like to address my guests privately.
沒問題 Certainly.
朋友們 My friends,
歡迎來到地中海女王號 welcome to the Mediterranean Queen.
我無法表達你們能來到這裡 I can't tell you how much it warms my heart
慶賀我的婚禮 that you have made this trip here
有多麼溫暖我的心 to celebrate my nuptials.
你會發現 隨著年紀增長 You will find, as you get older,
人會開始估量自己的人生 that you begin to take stock of life.
不只是成功的地方 Not just where you've succeeded,
還有失敗的地方 but where you've failed.
以及 Who...
辜負的人 you've failed.
蘇西 Suzi,
我親愛的新娘 my darling bride,
她的人生路還很漫長 who has so much of her life ahead of her.
格蕾絲 在銀幕上光芒萬丈 Grace, who shines so brightly on the silver screen.
胡安·卡洛斯 我的教子 Juan Carlos, my godson,
竭力帶領我的賽車隊奔向勝利 who strives to lead my race team to victory.
你們... You...
你們是誰 Who are you?
-我們是... -我們是施皮茨夫婦 - We're the... - We're the Spitzes.
誰 The who?
我是奧德麗 這是尼克·施皮茨 I'm Audrey, and Nick Spitz.
-對 -我們超愛這艘船 - Great. - We love the boat.
-船嗎 這是巨輪 -超乎想像 - A boat? I mean, this is a ship. - It's beyond.
從沒見過這麼棒的地方 Never seen anything like this.
艾瑞克·蘭蒙索夫那艘才叫船 Eric Lamonsoff has a boat.
我們一起釣魚 他有艘小快艇 We go fishing. He's got a Boston Whaler.
這裡巨大無比 This is gigantic.
他們是我的客人 叔叔 They're my guests, Uncle.
你帶了客人來 You brought guests?
畢竟你把我女伴搶走了 Well, you did take my plus-one.
非常抱歉 你想要我們離開嗎 I'm so sorry. Would you like us to leave?
我們可以 We could...
不過我不知道我們要怎麼離開 I don't know how we're getting out of here, though.
出去就是大海了 優步可以叫船嗎 We're... We're out to sea. Is there an Uber for boats?
-離開房間 尼克 -離開房間 - Out... Out of the room, Nick. - Out of the room?
我們可以離開這個房間 當然可以 We can go out of the room, absolutely...
不 No.
沒那個必要 That won't be necessary.
-那我們就留下 -我們留下 好的 - Okay. So we'll stick around. - So we stay. Okay.
我的侄子 查爾斯 My nephew, Charles,
總有辦法讓我保持警覺 who always finds a way to keep me on my toes.
我的朋友上校 這麼多年來保護我的安全 My friend, the Colonel, who's kept me safe these many years.
維克拉姆 他的家族財富 Vikram, whose family fortunes
一直與我的財富交織在一起 have always been intertwined with my own.
還有我的托拜厄斯 And my Tobias.
我一直想要一個兒子 All I ever wanted was a son,
然後你出生了 and here you are.
我的兒子 My boy.
我跟你們每個人說過我遺囑裡的安排 I've spoken to all of you about your position in my will.
關於你們每個人真正值得什麼 I have thought long and hard about
我認真考慮了很久 what each of you is truly worth,
最終得出這個結論 and I've come to this conclusion.
你們都是吸血鬼 You are all leeches.
令人厭惡 Repugnant.
吸飽了血 Blood fat.
這麼多年一直吮吸我的辛苦工作所得 Suckling on the tit of my good work for so many years.
你們令我作嘔 You repulse me.
大巴上可看不到這個 寶貝 Can't get this on a bus, baby.
-太精彩了 -我知道 - This is incredible. - I know it.
-謝謝你 -不客氣 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
因此我起草了一份新的遺囑 Which is why I have drafted a new will.
上面寫著我的全部財產 It states that my entire fortune
都歸蘇西所有 goes to Suzi.
從這一刻起 From this moment forth,
你們不再有繼承權 you are all cut off.
被我拋棄 Abandoned.
或許在我做出這項善舉之後 And perhaps, after I've done you this kindness,
你們終於能自力更生 you will finally be able to make something of yourselves...
幹出一番事業 on your own.
顯然 她吃夠我的魚子醬了 Apparently, she's had enough of my caviar.
真好笑 That was funny.
親愛的 Darling.
你本可以在家簽署遺囑 You could've signed this at home.
卻非要把我們叫來這裡羞辱一番 Instead, you called us here to humiliate us?
是的 你們還不是上趕著來了 Yes, and you came running.
父親 不要這樣做 Father, don't do this.
否則呢 Or what?
是了 Yes.
我諒你也沒膽子 That's what I thought.
別對我開槍 別對我開槍 Don't shoot me! Don't shoot me, please!
爸爸 Daddy!
你開槍殺了他 You shot him!
不是 No!
我看到有人拿刀捅他 I saw someone stab him.
-誰 -我不知道 - Who? - I don't know.
發生了什麼 我聽到尖... What happened? I heard a scr...
馬爾科姆 Malcolm!
天啊 Oh, God!
有人試過搶救他嗎 Has anybody tried to revive him?
他的心臟插著把刀 He's got a knife plunged in his heart.
我不認為能救回來 I don't think he's revivable.
我們該把刀拔出來嗎 Should we pull it out?
不 這刀有一尺長 這就像拔... No. It's a foot-long knife. It's just like pulling...
老天 Oh, God!
應該讓刀插在原處等警察來 上校 You should have left the knife in for the po-po, Colonel, man!
-那我插回去 -別插回去 - I'll put it back. - Don't put it back.
能照我老公說的做嗎 他是警探 Will you listen to my husband? He's a detective.
對對 我們該怎麼做 警官先生 Yes, yes. What should we do, Mr. Officer?
首先 不要再拔出兇器 Well, for starters, let's stop removing
然後再插入受害者的胸口了 and reinserting the murder weapon into the victim's chest.
實際上 完全不要再觸碰屍體 In fact, let's stop touching the body altogether.
他要把錢全拿走 He was gonna take it all away.
就為了你 For you.
對了 Yo...
他簽名了嗎 Did he sign it?
沒有 No.
棒 Yes!
我們應該確保他身上沒有另一份 We should make sure he doesn't have another copy on him.
翻屍體身上的口袋 Rifling through the pockets of the corpse
也算觸碰 沒錯 counts as touching, yup.
抱歉那樣針對你說 巴拉德女士 Sorry to single you out like that, Ms. Ballard.
你很棒 你今晚特別美 You're wonderful. You look extravagant tonight.
好了 接下來怎麼做 Okay. All right. What's next?
我們必須保護犯罪現場 We have to preserve the crime scene.
王船長 你有辦法把這裡封鎖嗎 Captain Wong, is there any way you can lock off this place?
當然可以 Yes, of course.
那我們應該開始審訊嫌疑人了 So we should then start questioning the suspects.
嫌疑人 Suspects?
我們不會審訊任何人 We're not questioning anybody.
王 把這裡鎖好之後 你把鑰匙拿給我 Wong, when you finish locking up here, you bring me the key.
然後用無線電聯繫國際刑警組織 Then you radio Interpol,
告訴他們在摩納哥的碼頭等我們 tell 'em we'll meet 'em at the docks in Monaco.
與此同時 我要仔細檢查那些蝦 In the meantime, I'm gonna check the shrimp out a little closer.
為了調查嗎 For the investigation?
不 王 因為我餓壞了 No, Wong, because I'm hungry as shit.
其餘人 我建議你們 The rest of you, I'd lock yourselves
把自己鎖在艙室或者說遊艇房間裡 in your chambers or your yacht rooms
因為我們中有一個人... because one of us...
是殺人犯 is a murderer.
-奧德麗 -什麼事 - Audrey. - Yeah?
拿上醬料 Get the cocktail sauce.
好 Yep.
等等 這裡到底加了什麼 Wait a second. What on earth is on these?
不知道 I don't know.
這個莫裡斯肯定每隻蝦都單獨用母乳餵養 This Maurice guy must breastfeed each shrimp individually.
我是說 它們的蝦生太璀璨了 I mean, they live so well.
沒錯 是的 天啊 Oh, God, yeah. God.
我們說到哪了 好了 好了 All right. Where were we? Okay, okay, okay.
你知道嗎 兇手肯定有兩個人 You know what? There had to be two people in on the killing.
不然他們怎麼能確定燈什麼時候會滅 Because how could they know when the lights were gonna go out?
-聰明 聰明 -對吧 - That's smart, that's smart. - Right?
我現在累得要死 我要去睡了 I'm tired as hell right now. I'm gonna go to sleep.
-你在開玩笑嗎 -怎麼 - Are you kidding me? - What?
你沒有時差反應嗎 You're not jet-lagged?
尼克 Nick.
親愛的 說真的 Honey, come on, seriously.
你覺得是誰幹的 Who do you think did it?
我不用覺得 我就是知道 I don't think. I know.
是誰 Who?
是他兒子 托比 It was the son. Tobey.
不 不可能 絕對不可能 太明顯了 No. No way. Not a chance. It's too obvious.
最明顯的嫌疑人從來都不是兇手 The most obvious suspect is never, never the killer.
最明顯的嫌疑人從來都是真兇 The most obvious suspect is always the killer.
妻子被害 90%都是丈夫干的 When a wife gets killed, 90% of the time it was the husband.
你為什麼用這個舉例 Why did you just use that as an example?
而且我不認同 And I disagree.
我覺得人要比這更複雜 I think people are more complicated than that.
以什麼判斷 你讀的那些小說嗎 Judging off of what? Those books that you read?
人很簡單的 好嗎 People are simple, okay?
就是托比 It was Tobey.
他能獲得的最多 可失去的也最多 He had the most to gain, and he also had the most to lose.
正因此他才不是兇手 Which is exactly why he's not the killer.
你在船上親熱過嗎 Did you ever fool around on a boat?
你知道那會有多帶勁嗎 Do you know how much fun that could be?
我就躺著就行 剩下的都交給船 I just lay here and the boat does all the work.
-你倒是輕鬆 -你知道我的腰不行 - That's so convenient for you. - You know I have a bad back.
你倒是輕鬆 So convenient for you.
那麼燈呢 What about the lights?
開著 我不在意 哪樣都行 女士來選 Yeah, leave 'em on. I don't care. Either way. Lady's choice.
不 是誰把燈滅了 No. Who turned out those lights?
什麼 What?!
別那麼看我 我感覺得到 Don't look at me like that. I can feel it.
摩納哥 蒙特卡洛
警察
-抱歉 抱歉 -把艾來錠吃了行嗎 - I'm sorry. Excuse me. - Will you take the Allegra?
一樣的東西 It's the same stuff.
-我不想談這個 -老天 - I don't want to talk about it. - Oh, God.
睿智卻飽受折磨的警探登場 Enter the brilliant yet tortured detective,
來得正是時候 right on cue.
女士們 先生們 Mesdames, messieurs.
我是洛朗·德拉克洛瓦警督 My name is Inspector Laurent Delacroix.
我接下來會一個一個叫你們 I will now summon you one by one
到大廳接受詢問 to the grand lounge for questioning.
為什麼那個煙圈那麼完美 他怎麼做到的 Why is that smoke ring so good? How did he do that?
你把它毀了 毀了 You broke it. You broke it.
跟我講講馬爾科姆·坎斯 Tell me about Malcolm Quince.
他是最棒的... He was the most wonderful...
人渣 Swine.
他是我的摯愛 He was the love of my life.
他是個複雜的人 He was a complicated man.
給我描述一下當時的情況 Describe to me what happened.
法國警察先生 Yo, Mr. French Policeman, man.
當時太瘋狂了 燈全滅了 It was mad. Lights went out.
我似乎看到有東西在動 我就開槍了 I thought I saw something move, and I shot.
是的 Yes.
終點線 Finish line.
老頭罪有應得 The old man got what was coming to him.
這是謀殺 One-eight-seven, motherfu...
有人碰屍體嗎 Did anyone touch the body?
沒有 No.
你有注意到其它不尋常的事嗎 And did you notice anything else out of the ordinary?
-美國夫婦 -是的 第一名 - The Americans. - Yes, number one. Yes.
你不打算 Aren't you gonna...
你不打算把我們分開嗎 Aren't you gonna separate us?
什麼 Pardon?
-分開調查 -好吧 - For the interrogation. - Okay.
分開詢問我們 看我們的... Question us separately, see if our...
-你在幹什麼 -回答是否一致 - What are you doing? - answers match.
怎麼 我就是說說 我們的回答會一致的 What? I'm just saying, our answers will match
-因為我們是清白的 -對 沒錯 - because we're innocent. - Yeah, that's right.
又來了 There we go.
天哪 你還真擅長吐煙圈 God, you are really good at that.
我們在托比·坎斯的房間裡發現了這個 We found this in Tobey Quince's suite.
一封用打字機打印的自殺遺書 A typewritten suicide note
他在遺書中承認了對他父親的謀殺 in which he confesses to the murder of his father.
打字機 Typewritten?
這不太常見 That's not very common.
-非常可疑 -是的 - Very suspicious. - Yes.
很顯然是有人想陷害托比 Yeah, obviously someone is trying to frame Tobey
謀殺他自己的父親 for his father's murder.
-這太驚人了 -看她多興奮 - This is amazing. - Look how excited she is.
你對這整件事有什麼看法 So where's your head at with this whole thing?
誰是你的首要懷疑對像 I mean, who are your chief suspects?
你們 You.
是的 當然 Woo, yes. Right, of course,
-因為人人都是嫌犯 -尤其是她 - 'cause everybody is a suspect. - Especially her.
這是一群已經相互認識多年的 This is a group of friends and family
親朋好友 who have known each other for years.
你們出現了 十小時後 You two show up, and ten hours later,
其中的兩個人就死了 two of them are dead.
巧合嗎 Coincidence?
-是的 -當然 - Yes. - Absolutely.
-巧合 -等等 不好意思 - Coincidence. - Wait. Excuse me.
你是說你的推測是 Are you saying that your theory
我們二人想辦法 is that the two of us conned our way
在最後一刻混上一個陌生人的船 onto a stranger's boat at the last minute
完成精心策劃 對我們沒有任何好處的謀殺嗎 to commit premeditated murder that benefits us in no way?
這就是你的推測 That's your theory?
可能是有人花錢雇你們這麼做的 Perhaps someone paid you to do it.
-不 -雇我們這麼做 - No. - Paid us to do it?
天哪 我還真希望看到有人雇我們 Oh, my gosh. I would love to see that.
讓我看看那筆錢 Show me that money.
你想看看我們的銀行對賬單嗎 Do you want to see our bank statements?
我們一貧如洗 We're broke.
急需用錢 我明白了 Desperate for money. I see.
現在你給了他動機 Now you gave him a motive.
-不不不 我知道 別 -我們這麼做 - No, no, no. I know. Just don't... - We did this because...
-把我的話斷章取義 -是因為我們一無所有 - take my words out of context. - We got nothing.
-我們一無所有 -不是的 - That's all we got, is nothing. - No.
聽著 我們以警探的身份談談 Listen, I am talking to you, detective to detective.
不是我們做的 We didn't do this.
你可以從我的眼睛裡看出來 你能分辨出來 You can see in my eyes. You can tell.
也許我會和你單獨談談 Perhaps I will have that word with you independently.
我...別碰 I di... Hey!
我自己會起身 I can get up.
沒事的 Hey, okay.
我馬上就出來 I'll be out in a minute.
我愛你 I love you.
抱歉 她只是有些激動 因為 I'm sorry. She's just excited because it's...
她喜歡讀小說 這對她來說很有意思 She reads books, and this is fun for her.
你希望我相信你是無辜的 You wish me to believe you're innocent.
遺憾的是 我不相信說謊的人 Unfortunately, I do not believe liars.
但我和你說的是實話 But I'm telling you the truth.
你騙了你妻子多久了 And how long have you been lying to your wife?
你說什麼 Excuse me?
你不會以為我們沒有調查你的背景吧 You did not think that we would investigate your background,
尼古拉斯·施皮茨巡佐 紐約警署 Sergeant Nicholas Spitz, NYPD?
三次警探考試都沒通過 Failed his detective's exam three times.
你是 怎麼說來著 You are, how you do say,
巡警 cop on the beat,
而不是你所自稱的警探 not detective as you so claim.
我 So I...
跟大家說我是警探 tell people I'm a detective.
這 There's...
這不算犯罪 That's not a crime.
冒充警探就是犯罪 Impersonating a detective is a crime.
我以為在這裡不算犯罪 I didn't think it was a crime here.
我以為你們的規矩可能不太一樣 I thought maybe you guys had different rules.
這不能說明我們就是殺人犯 That doesn't make us murderers.
一個貧窮 失敗的男人 還對他妻子撒謊 A broke, failed man, lying to his wife?
我覺得這足以說明 I think it does.
你沒有證據 你不能拘留我們 You don't have any evidence. You can't hold us.
確實 但我可以扣下這個 No, but I can hold these.
我想卡文迪什先生已經在薩瓦酒店 I believe Mr. Cavendish has provided accommodations for you
為你們訂了住處 這樣你們就不會露宿街頭 at the Hotel de Savoie, so you won't be on the street.
不過記好我說的話 施皮茨警員 But mark my words, Officer Spitz,
在證明你們是殺人犯之前 I will not rest until I prove
我是不會罷休的 that you committed these murders.
而我 And I...
會去你剛剛說的酒店休息 因為我累壞了 will rest, because I'm tired as shit, at that hotel you just said.
聽起來那酒店不錯 It sounds like a good one.
不過在我充分休息 享用完早餐之後 But after I'm well-rested and I eat breakfast...
希望那裡廚師的水平和莫裡斯一樣好 hopefully the guy cooks as good as Maurice...
在向你證明我們與謀殺案無關之前 I will not rest until I prove to you
我也是不會罷休的 we have nothing to do with these murders.
胡安·卡洛斯 Juan Carlos!
查爾斯說大家都會來看比賽 Okay. So, Charles said that everyone's gonna be at this race,
無論是誰幹的 那個人都會來這 so whoever did this is gonna be there.
我們得弄清楚是誰 We have to figure out who it is.
我知道我們得弄清楚 I know we've gotta figure it out.
這和你的小說不一樣 親愛的 This isn't one of your books, sweetheart.
我是說 就像你的小說一樣 I mean, it's like one of your books,
不過這是真的 but this is real.
有兩個人真的死了 Like, two people are dead, for real.
-我知道 -真的兇手真的逍遙法外 - I know. - There's a real killer on the real loose.
寶貝 放鬆點 Babe. Relax.
你怎麼了 What's... What's wrong with you?
不是吧 拜託 你能不能 For real? Come on. Will you just focus...
-好吧 -和我一起集中精神 - Fine. - on this with me?
好的 Yes.
好吧 每一起謀殺都有三種基本動機 Okay. So there are three basic motives for every murder.
-是的 -第一個是金錢 - Yes. - The first one is money.
對 Right.
除了蘇西 所有人都不在坎斯的遺囑裡 Everyone wasn't in Quince's will, except Suzi.
-好 -好 第二個是愛情 - Okay. - All right. The second one is love.
我們知道沒人愛那傢伙 因為他是個混蛋 We know nobody loved that guy 'cause he was kind of a prick.
蘇西可能愛他 Suzi might have loved him.
-你才會這麼想 -好吧 第三個呢 - That's what you would think... - Okay, what's the third one?
-復仇 -對 - Revenge. - Right.
這才是我們該思考的角度 That's the one we should be thinking about.
我跟你說 如果我們弄清楚誰最恨那傢伙 I'm telling you, if we figure out who hates this guy the most,
那就找出兇手了 that's our killer.
好吧 好吧 Okay. Okay.
你的鬍子 太帥了 So, this beard... It's incredible.
你是用油還是其它護理產品 Do you oil that or condition?
你不會從他這得到任何信息 You won't get anything out of him.
天啊 Oh, my gosh.
他的一生中 大多數時間 Most of his life, he's been
都在為我和馬爾科姆這樣的人服務 serving men like me and Malcolm,
儘管他是百萬遺產的繼承人 despite being an heir to millions.
他也是有錢人 He's rich, too?
本該是這樣 但他只是十六個孩子之一 He's supposed to be, but he's one of 16 children,
而且他有一半法國血統 and he's half French.
你熟悉法國的繼承法嗎 Are you familiar with French inheritance law?
大概瞭解吧 Broad strokes.
那個上校 讓我很不爽 That Colonel guy, he's getting on my nerves.
-是啊 -見鬼 他四處說 - Yeah. - Shit. Walking around
-是你殺了那兩個人 -什麼 - saying you killed both those guys. - Huh?
-是啊 -你說什麼 - Yeah. - What?
我當時就在想 拜託 And I'm like, come on.
-我的哥們不會 -我什麼都沒做 哥們 - My man wouldn't do... - Yo. Look, yo. I didn't do nothing, son.
遺囑裡寫了什麼都不重要 It doesn't matter what the will says.
遺產必須均分給子嗣 The fortune must be divided equally among the offspring.
為什麼法國會有這種法律 Why do the French have such a law?
這是為了確保所有法國人 Well, they do it to keep all
不會像馬爾科姆這樣 Frenchmen from doing what Malcolm was trying to do,
把一切都留給他們的情婦 and leaving everything to their mistresses.
-我的推測是 -什麼 - My theory is... - Yeah?
都是胡安·卡洛斯干的 老兄 Juan Carlos done it, man.
什麼 他為什麼要這麼做 What? Why would he do that?
胡安·卡洛斯的爸爸以前是馬爾科姆的賽車手 Well, Juan Carlos's dad used to race for Malcolm.
馬爾科姆本來想 Malcolm tried to get slick
在安全措施上做點手腳 但做過火了 on some safety angle, and shit got overlooked.
-對吧 -好吧 - Yeah? - Okay.
胡安·卡洛斯的爸爸失去了雙腿 Juan Carlos's dad lost both his legs, G.
說真的 Yeah, straight up.
直接沒了 Gone.
復仇的時候到了 So it's payback time.
絕對錯不了 A hundred percent of a doubt.
什麼 Wh-What?
-胡安·卡洛斯就是你要找的人 -是嗎 - Juan Carlos is your man. - Oh, yeah.
你能保證嗎 You guarantee that?
我保證 Guarantee.
向你致敬 Respect.
也有可能是謝爾蓋干的 Or maybe Sergei could have done it.
-是的 -好吧 所以你不能保證 - Yeah. - Okay. So you're not guaranteeing it.
不能百分百保證 不能 No, not a hundred percent. No.
保佑你 Bless you.
你想要點艾來錠嗎 Would you like some Allegra?
-我覺得應該沒用 -我知道 - I doubt that would be useful. - I know.
根本沒用 我一直在跟尼克這麼說 It doesn't work. I tried to tell that to Nick.
你有什麼需要嗎 Do you need something?
沒有 No.
最讓我覺得不對勁的 是卡文迪什 The guy that throws me off the most... Cavendish...
在我看來 他似乎在彌補什麼 to me, he seems like he's compensating for something,
《了不起的蓋茨比》裡的打扮 with the Great Gatsby look
還有他的下頜 and the jawline
好像在說"我真帥" 對吧 and the "Hey, I'm so gorgeous." Am I right?
查爾斯·卡文迪什絕對沒有什麼不對勁的地方 There's absolutely nothing wrong with Charles Cavendish.
-這不... -除了 - Isn't that the... - Except...
他可能殺了他叔叔 he probably murdered his uncle.
好吧 這就算不對勁的地方了 Well, that's one thing wrong.
衝過了格子旗 ...comes to the checkered flag!
是胡安·卡洛斯 It's Juan Carlos!
今年蒙塔卡羅大獎賽的冠軍 Winner of this year's Monte Carlo Grand Prix!
我覺得蘇西·中村很可疑 I find that Suzi Nakamura very suspicious.
她是唯一沒有殺害馬爾科姆的動機的人 She's the only one who didn't have a motive to kill Malcolm.
兇手是卡文迪什 你心裡清楚 It was Cavendish and you know it.
不 你只是不喜歡他 You just... No, you just don't like him.
我的確不喜歡他 但我也不討厭他 I don't like him. I don't hate his guts,
但不是因為這個 but that's not it.
-這是你偷的嗎 -他是唯一的血親繼承人 - Did you just steal all of those? - He's the sole blood heir.
他是財產最有可能的繼承人 He stands to make the biggest claim for the fortune.
我想要這個 I want one of these.
-馬爾科姆搶了他的未婚妻 -好吧 - Malcolm stole his fiancee. - Okay.
三種動機齊全了 That's all three motives.
金錢 愛情 復仇 Money, love, revenge.
我們走過了 我都不知道我們在哪裡 We went past it. I don't know where we are.
是那間 你能嘗嘗這個嗎 We're over here. Will you please try one of these?
不 天哪 你知道嗎 No! Oh, my God. You know what?
我覺得你認為是卡文迪什 I think you just think
是因為你嫉妒他 it's Cavendish 'cause you're jealous of him.
-老天 -是的 - Oh, God. - Yeah.
-我嫉妒他 -你就是嫉妒 - I'm jealous of him. - You are.
為什麼 我嫉妒他什麼 What? Why? What am I jealous of?
嫉妒什麼 他有錢 他帥氣 What is there to be jealous... He's rich. He's charming.
身上很好聞 He smells great.
什麼意思 他身上什麼味道 What do you mean? What's he smell like?
聞上去就像剛從烘乾機裡出來 He smells like he just came out of the dryer.
搞什麼 What the... What the...
不 不 不 No, no, no.
等等 等等 等等 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
我們應該先檢查上面的指紋 We should test that for fingerprints first.
好吧 你有檢查指紋的工具嗎 Okay. Do you have the fingerprint testing kit?
-什麼 -我沒帶我那套 - What? - 'Cause I didn't pack mine.
你包裡有嗎 Is it in your bag?
別鬧了 拜託 Stop it! Come on.
快點 Hurry.
這太離譜了 This is so crazy.
天哪 你不是吧 Oh, God. Seriously?
拿到了 Got it.
你能去找個脊椎治療師看看嗎 Will you please just go see a chiropractor?
沒事的 It's gonna be fine.
"來802套房" "Come to suite 802."
-我們得去802 -不能去 別說了 - We have to go to 802. - We're not going to 802. Stop!
-為什麼 -這是個陷阱 - Why? - It's a trap.
為什麼敲門的人不直接進來和我們談 Why wouldn't whoever just knocked just come in and talk to us?
或許兇手在監視他 Maybe he's being watched by the killer.
萬一兇手在監視我們呢 What if we're being watched by the killer?
萬一他就在這裡呢 What if he was in here?
可能就是他偷了我的花生巧克力豆 Maybe he stole my Peanut M&Ms.
是我偷了你的花生巧克力豆 I stole your Peanut M&Ms.
你偷了我的花生巧克力豆 You stole my Peanut M&Ms?
我想嘗嘗法國的是不是一個味 I wanted to see if they tasted the same in France!
你不能再吃下去了 You got to stop eating.
會胖回去的 You're gonna gain it all back.
我要去802套房了 你一起來嗎 I'm going to 802. Are you coming with me?
好吧 等等 讓我先... Okay, wait. Let me just...
-怎麼了 -想個辦法 - What? - ...figure something out.
該死的 God damn.
-你在幹什麼 -拿個武器 - What are you doing? - It's a weapon.
那是一盞燈 That's a lamp.
用來砸頭就算是武器了 Not when I crack someone over the head with it.
你能別再質疑我做的所有事嗎 Will you stop questioning everything I do?
但你做的每件事都很值得質疑 Well, everything you do is questionable.
那是808套房 That's 808.
有人嗎 Hello?
送信的 Note sender?
你叫我們來802套房 你在嗎 You told us to come to 802. Are you there?
你是死了嗎 Are you dead?
他可能在浴室 He might be in the bathroom.
去床上坐著 Sit on the bed.
你會說...我以為你不會說話 You speak... I thought you didn't speak.
閉嘴 去床上坐著 Shut up. Sit on the bed.
-我坐下了 -閉嘴 坐下 - I'm sitting! - Shut up. Sit down.
我們在床邊坐好了 沒事了 We're gonna sit in front of the bed. All good.
我不能再替他保守秘密了 I cannot keep his secrets anymore.
你是說上校的秘密 是嗎 You mean the Colonel's, right?
上校的秘密 我懂 保守秘密太難了 The Colonel's secrets? I know, it's so hard to keep secrets.
真的很難 我有個叫格溫的朋友 It really is. You know, I have a friend named Gwen,
她在床底藏了一個盒子 and she has a box that she keeps under her bed...
少來美發師那一套 Look, don't give me that hairdresser shit.
閉上嘴 聽我說 Just shut up. Listen.
哥本哈根 1994年 Copenhagen, 1994.
我們正從國宴上離開 We were leaving a state dinner.
我沒注意到那架轟炸機 I did not see the bomber,
但上校看到了 but the Colonel did.
他用身體護住了坎斯先生 He threw his body across Mr. Quince.
他是個英雄 He was hero.
上校昏迷了九個月 For nine months, the Colonel lay in a coma.
等他醒來的時候 And when he awoke,
他發現自己失去的不只是眼睛 he find his eye is not the only thing he lost.
老二也炸飛了 我就知道 我就知道 They blew off his dick. I knew it. I knew it.
他的手 是他的手 親愛的 His hand. His hand, honey.
老二 他說的是老二 The dick. He's saying the dick.
-不不不 -他少了一隻手 - No, no, no. - He doesn't have a hand!
-我不是在說老二的事 -好吧 - I'm no talk about dick! - All right.
我說的是她 I talk about her.
-我 -她 - Me? - Her?
不不不 No, no, no.
瑪德琳 Madeleine...
拉布提爾 LeBoutillier.
我見過的最迷人的女人 The most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
炸彈爆炸的時候 她是上校的未婚妻 She was the Colonel's fiancee when the bomb exploded.
等他醒來的時候 And when he awoke...
她成了坎斯先生的妻子 she was Mr. Quince's wife.
-那傢伙怎麼回事 -說真的 - What the hell is with this guy? - What,
-他什麼毛病 -他就不能自己找個老婆嗎 - honestly, is his problem? - Can he get his own woman maybe once?
然後她去世了 And then she died.
不是吧 No!
死於分娩 In childbirth.
-不是吧 -見鬼 - No! - Damn.
孩子也死了 一個男孩 The child died, too. A boy.
一個本來會繼承這一切的男孩 A boy who would have inherited it all.
自那之後 上校再也沒提起過瑪德琳 After that, the Colonel never mentioned Madeleine again,
除了那天晚上 except for one night.
那天是她的忌日 On the anniversary of her death,
他來找我 他喝多了 他說 he came to me, he was drinking. He say...
謝爾蓋 "Sergei."
他在模仿上校 He's doing impressions now.
如果你要殺坎斯先生 "If you were to kill this Mr. Quince,
你會怎麼下手 how would you do it?"
然後我說 And I say,
找一個偏僻的地方 "Find isolated place,
製造些謎團 create confusion,
確保在場其他人也有動機 make sure there are others with motive."
我教了他如何殺坎斯 I told him how to kill the man!
-天啊 太厲害了 -謝謝 - Holy shit! This is incredible! - Thank you.
上校是為了逝去的愛人殺死了馬爾科姆和托比 Okay. So the Colonel killed Malcolm and Tobey over lost love.
-完全懂了 -太刺激了 - Got it. Perfect. - This is insane.
你能把剛剛說的再重複一遍嗎 Will you just say all of that one more time,
從頭開始說 but can you say it from the top?
-她得... -我得錄個音 - She's gotta... - I've gotta do a voice memo.
-她經常錄不到 -我怎麼... - She screws this up a lot. - How do I do...
-讓Siri錄就行 -向上滑 - Just ask Siri. - Swipe it up.
-向上滑 -我向上滑了 - Swipe it up. - I did swipe up.
說 "Siri 我想要錄音" Say, "Siri, I would like to make voice memo."
藏進衣櫥裡 你們有危險 Get into wardrobe. You are in danger.
-你是說 藏進衣櫥裡嗎 -你們有危險 快 - Get in the wardrobe, you said? - You are in danger. Right now.
-快 -天啊 我不知道 - Quickly. - Jesus. I don't know...
不管聽到什麼 我沒叫你們就別出來 And whatever you hear, do not come out till I say so.
-好的 -好的 - Yes, sir. - Yes.
是你 你要怎樣 You. What do you want?
不 他們不在這 你該走了 No, they're not here. You should go.
那盞燈放哪了 Where's the lamp?
-我放在外面了 -怎麼不帶進來 - I left it outside. - Why isn't it in here?
-現在你想要那盞燈了 -我們的確是需要... - Now you like the lamp? - Well, we needed...
你也太善變了 You're ridiculous.
-我開下門 -等等 等等 - Let me open the door. - Wait, wait, wait!
謝天謝地 Thank God.
兇手... Killer...
是... is...
什麼 What?
天啊 不不不 Oh, God, no! No, no, no!
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
他是死了嗎 是死了嗎 Is he dead? Is he dead?
他死了 He's dead!
我們要叫清潔員嗎 Do we call housekeeping?
親愛的 Honey!
天啊 Oh, my God!
把門鎖上 Lock the door!
天啊 Oh, God!
天啊 Oh, my God.
快走 窗戶外面 Go! Out of the window!
你要做什麼 What are you doing?
好 有個窗臺 Okay, there's a ledge.
這不是窗臺 只是邊緣而已 That's not a ledge, that's an edge!
-來吧 -天啊 - Here we go. - Oh, my God.
我扶住你 絕對沒問題 慢慢來 I gotcha, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. Slow.
-就這樣 -不要啊 - Oh, right there. - No! Oh, God.
別怕 Come on.
別往下看 Don't even look down.
-別往下看 -天啊 - Don't look down. - Oh, my God!
-叫你別往下看 -好遠啊 - Told you not to look down. - It's so far.
天啊 Oh, my God.
他比你用牙線還狠 He flosses angrier than you!
這有個空房間 我們太走運了 We got an empty room. Jackpot.
-踩著這個字母上去 -好的 - Okay, we're gonna get up on this letter. - Okay.
好了嗎 上 Ready? Go.
天啊 God!
天啊 Oh, my God!
-你還好嗎 起來 -嚇死人了 - You okay? Come on. - That was the scariest thing.
-我們得走了 好了 我愛你 -天啊 - We gotta go. All right. I love you. - Oh, my God.
-我愛你 我好害怕 -我們走 快 快 - I love you. I'm so scared. - Let's go, let's go, let's go.
能藏在哪兒 What's in here?
不 不能再回窗外了 No, you're not going back out there.
-太好了 總算進來了 -過來 - Oh, yes! Finally! - Come here.
親我 維克 Kiss me, Vik.
快親我 親這裡 Kiss me. Kiss me here.
-親哪兒 -這兒 - Where? - Here.
-我喜歡 我們快去床上 -天啊 - God, I love it. Quick, get me to the bed. - Jesus Christ.
-起來 -好 - Get up. - Yes!
我要像喝奶昔一樣一口把你吸乾淨 I'm gonna drink you up like a milkshake without a straw!
-沒錯 -像喝香草奶昔一樣 - That's right. - Vanilla milkshake!
香草奶昔 巧克力奶昔 隨便 Vanilla milkshake, chocolate milkshake, whatever!
來吧 Here we go!
但願酒店給床買了保險 Yeah! I hope the hotel's got insurance for these springs
因為我要把床震壞 'cause I'm gonna bust this bed up.
天啊 Oh, my God!
-你比看起來強壯得多 維克 -說得沒錯 - You're much stronger than you look, Vik! - That's right!
-你準備好了嗎 -我也不確定了 - You ready for this? - I don't know if I am!
格蕾絲 Grace!
-格蕾絲 格蕾絲 -你為什麼一直喊格蕾絲 - Grace! Oh, Grace! - Huh? Why do you keep saying Grace?
親愛的 只有這樣我才能興奮起來 Darling, it's the only thing that gets me in the mood.
格蕾絲 你真是風韻猶存 Grace! You look so good for your age!
-風韻猶存 -你的皮膚吹彈可破 - So good for your age! Oh, God! - Your skin is beautiful!
-光潔無瑕 -完全沒有皺紋 - You have no wrinkles... - No wrinkles any...
哪裡都沒有 Anywhere!
天啊 格蕾絲 你太... Oh, my God! Grace, you're so...
天啊 Oh, God!
維克 Vik.
怎麼了 What happened?
或許我們應該 先談談心 Maybe we should, like, conversate a little bit.
互相多瞭解下 你懂我意思嗎 Get to know each other. Know what I mean?
比如深情對望 培養下感情 Like, eye to eye, really connect.
跟我說說你最喜歡的樂隊 Tell me about your favorite band.
我要去賭場了 也許去那我能爽到 I'm going to the casino. Maybe I'll get lucky there.
請別跟任何人提起這件事 Look, look, look! Please don't tell anybody about this
我的床上功夫可是名聲在外的 'cause I've got some mad sex cred in these parts, yeah.
朋友們都知道 My people know me.
我給你買頂帽子 I'll buy you a hat!
我不敢相信剛才發生了什麼 I can't believe this just happened.
好了 好了 Okay, okay.
好了 我們得冷靜下來 All right. We gotta calm down.
-今天太一波三折了 -是啊 - This has been a really weird day, huh? - Yeah.
我們快離開這裡吧 Okay. Let's just get out of this place.
當然 最好去有啤酒的地方 可以嗎 Absolutely. Someplace with beer though, please.
"我給你買頂帽子" "I'll go buy you a hat."
謝爾蓋正要告訴我們是上校干的 Sergei was trying to tell us the Colonel did it,
然後就被殺了 不可能是上校干的 but then he gets shot. There's no way the Colonel shot him
因為上校跟自己的牙線玩得正開心 'cause the Colonel was having a floss party.
你看到他用牙線有多兇了嗎 Did you see how crazy he was going with the teeth flossing?
-看到了 -他牙縫裡到底有什麼 自助餐嗎 - I did. - What did he have in there? A buffet?
謝爾蓋·拉德詹科 搜尋兇殺案嫌犯
尼克·施皮茨 奧德麗·施皮茨 搜尋兇殺案嫌犯
天啊 Oh, my gosh.
蒙特卡洛 現場的德拉克洛瓦警督
-他在說什麼 -我聽不懂 - What's he saying? - I don't know.
你高中不是學過法語嗎 Well, you took French in high school, didn't you?
高中的事我哪還記得 你高中學什麼了 I don't remember high school! What did you take in high school?
-拉丁語 -好極了 怎麼會有人學拉丁語 - Latin. - Oh, great. Who takes freakin' Latin?
拉丁語老師特別性感的人就會學 People who have a hot Latin teacher.
好 什麼 什麼 Okay, so something, something...
什麼蛋糕 什麼糖霜 Something cake. Something's frosted.
好了 開除你了 開除了 Okay. You're fired. You're fired.
-我跟你說了... -打擾一下 先生 - Okay, I told you... - Excuse me, sir.
可以幫我們翻譯一下嗎 拜託了 Could you translate that for us, please? S'il vous pla?t?
電視上說 The TV says that, uh...
你們是頭號通緝犯 是 you are the most wanted... for...
謀殺案兇手 for meurtre.
不 不 我們 Okay, no, no. We...
這完全是一場誤會 好嗎 This is a complete misunderstanding, okay?
我們只是碰巧 We were just around...
-我們看到 -好多人碰巧就死了 - We saw... - A lot of people that happened to die,
但我們沒殺人 but we didn't murder.
一看到你們就要立刻逮捕 You are to be arrested at first sight.
-我們 -我們要這麼做 - Us? - So, here's what we do.
你在說什麼 你幹什麼呢 What are you talking about? What are you doing?
他們現在追蹤不到我們的手機卡了 They can't track our SIM card now.
是吧 那把電話卡拔出來不就好了嗎 Yeah, then pull the SIM card out.
你不用把我們的手機泡進啤酒裡 You don't just submerge our phones into a bucket of beer.
現在他說這位女士是美發師 Now... Now he's saying that madame is hairdresser,
你是 警員 you are, uh... police officer?
不 他是警探 No, he's... he's a detective.
不 他不是 No, he's not.
-他是 -我是 我是 - Yes, he is. - Yes, I am! Yes, I am!
不不不 他說你已經坦白 No, no, no. He says that you have, uh, confessed
說你謊稱自己是警探 to lying about that you are detective.
什麼 不 他在胡說八道 What? No. Now he's making stuff up.
電視上說你很多次都沒通過警探考試 TV says you have failed your detective exam many, many times.
好了 別再翻譯了 那不是 All right! Enough translato. That's not...
你是即興胡扯 夥計 越扯越離譜 You're just improvising, pal, and it's getting weird.
他在說什麼 What... What is he talking about?
我會用英語重複一遍 I will repeat this message in English.
尼克·施皮茨 Nick Spitz...
不可貌相 is many things,
但不是警探 but not a detective.
這我聽懂了 Well, I heard that.
我會用西班牙語重複一遍 I will repeat this message in Spanish.
你騙我嗎 Did you lie to me?
我沒騙人 I didn't... I didn't lie.
-他...他... -天哪 不不不 - The guy... The guy was... - Oh, God. No, no, no.
-不用說了 -親愛的 親愛的 - No. - Hun, hun, hun.
整件事很複雜 This whole thing's just... just very complicated.
複雜 好吧 我還以為人都很簡單 Complicated, yeah. I thought people were simple.
奧德麗 別走 Audrey, please.
怎麼 加薪的事你也是騙我的嗎 What? Did you lie about getting that raise, too?
我們怎麼負擔得起這次旅行 How are we affording this trip?
你讓我覺得必須得帶你去蜜月之旅 You made me feel like I had to take you on this honeymoon.
你跟我說你已經訂好了蜜月之旅 You told me you already booked this honeymoon.
是你送給我的 這是週年禮物 You gave this to me. This was my anniversary gift.
-好吧 -這事你也是騙我的嗎 - Okay. - You lied about that, too?
這些我們晚點再聊好嗎 We'll get into all that, okay?
但是現在 But right now,
我要想辦法讓我們擺脫這個困境 I gotta figure out how we're gonna get out of this situation.
你要想辦法嗎 你以為我一直在做什麼呢 You have to figure this out? What do you think I've been doing?
這是我的老本行 親愛的 This is what I do for a living, sweetheart!
你只是個美發師 You're a goddamn hairdresser!
對不起 I'm sorry.
-你要去哪兒 -給我點時間 - Where you going? - I need a minute.
我們沒時間了 We don't have a minute!
別煩我 別跟過來 Just leave me alone. Don't you follow me.
很快就去 愛你 尼克
你們要立刻離開蒙特卡洛 You need to get out of Monte Carlo right away.
是我把你們捲進來的 我會幫你們想辦法 I got you into this, I'll help get you out.
跟我來 Come with me.
-我們必須立刻走 -好 - Now! We have to go. - Right.
-科摩湖 走小路 -是 先生 - Lake Como, back roads. - Yes, sir.
-尼克在哪兒 -我不知道 我不在乎 - Where's Nick? - I don't know. I don't care.
吉米小子 我是尼克 Jimmy boy, it's Nick.
你在哪兒 Where are you?
新聞裡都在報道你們 You guys are all over the news.
說你們殺了三個人 They say you killed three people.
你覺得那有可能嗎 Do you think that's possible?
以你的槍法 不可能 With your aim? Hell, no.
沒錯 我要給你發兩個國際號碼 Exactly. Now I'm gonna text you two international numbers.
你能把它們關聯到一起嗎 Can you link them together
這樣我就可以由一個號碼跟蹤另一個號碼 so I can follow one from the other?
你是想害我被炒魷魚嗎 Are you trying to get my ass fired?
但是管他呢 好吧 But hell, yeah.
謝謝 Thank you.
還有一件事我要你幫我查查 There's one more thing I want you to check into for me.
意大利 科摩湖
我們要做什麼 What are we doing?
我需要和我的律師快速地談幾句 I just have to dash in for a quick appointment with my lawyer.
我們稍後會在莊園裡宣讀馬爾科姆的遺囑 We're going to read Malcolm's will at the villa later on,
我要確保我會得到我應得的 and I'm going make sure I'm going to get what's mine.
查爾斯 這話聽著就很可疑 Charles, that just sounded very suspicious.
這周哪件事不可疑 What about this week doesn't?
天哪 Oh, God.
天哪 開瑞坦 Oh, my God. Claritin.
開瑞坦
這是日本的開瑞坦 This is Japanese Claritin.
科摩法律服務
有人嗎 Hello?
查爾斯 Charles?
奧德麗 Audrey!
天啊 God!
搞什麼 What the...
你怎麼來了 What are you doing here?
我跟著蘇西來的 I followed Suzi here.
-蘇西來了嗎 -對 - Suzi's here? - Yes.
好吧 卡文迪什是來這裡找蘇西的 Okay, Cavendish came here to find Suzi.
我跟你說 卡文迪什脫不了干係 I'm telling you, Cavendish is in on this.
我知道 我早就知道了 I know. I knew that!
我剛剛在卡文迪什的豪華轎車後座 Okay. I just found a box of Japanese Claritin
發現了一盒日本的開瑞坦 in the back of Cavendish's limo.
怎麼說 這一切都是他們計劃好的嗎 So what? They were planning this the whole damn time?
早就計劃好的 這是他們的計劃 The whole time. This was their plan.
-他們殺了馬爾科姆和托比 -是的 - So they kill Malcolm, they kill Tobey... - Yeah.
在馬爾科姆都簽署新遺囑之前 ...before Malcolm has time to sign the new will.
-沒錯 -這樣卡文迪什就能繼承一切 - Right. - That way, Cavendish inherits everything.
然後和蘇西平分 And he splits it with Suzi.
如果簽署遺囑後殺他 那蘇西就能繼承一切 And if they killed him after, then Suzi would have inherited.
-他們還是會平分 -橫豎都是贏 - They still would have split that. - It was a win-win.
瞧瞧 Oh, look at that.
是誰破解了整件案子 Who figured that whole thing out?
美發師 沒錯 是美發師破解的 The hairdresser. Mm-mm. The hairdresser.
-我保護你 -天啊 天啊 - I got you! - Jesus! Oh, my God.
就和《死亡圖書館》的劇情一樣 It's just like Death at the Library!
《死亡圖書館》是什麼劇情 What happens in Death at the Library?
全死光了 所以才叫《死亡圖書館》 They died. That's why it's called Death at the Library.
尼克 你幹什麼 Nick, what are you doing?
數到三 我們要把書架推倒 We are going to push this over on the count of three,
-然後我們要逃跑 -我們要幹什麼 - and then we're gonna run. - We're gonna what?
-難道你不相信我嗎 -不相信 - Don't you trust me? - No!
準備好了嗎 一 Ready? One!
二 Two!
三 Three!
看 那邊 Oh, look! There!
抱歉 天啊 真對不起 Oh! Sorry! Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry.
快走 Come on.
-那是 -那是胡安·卡洛斯嗎 - Is that... - Is that Juan Carlos?
胡安·卡洛斯 Juan Carlos!
你們好 Hello!
-胡安·卡洛斯 -我好嗎 - Juan Carlos! - How am I?
-不不 蘇西 蘇西 -蘇西 蘇西去哪兒了 - No, no. Suzi! Suzi! - Suzi! Suzi! Which way is Suzi?
-嫁給馬爾科姆那個 -你們倆結婚了 - Married to Malcolm. - You two married!
太好了 Good!
-不是 不不不 -不是 - No! No, no, no, no, no. - No!
蘇西 我們認為她是兇手 Suzi vidisti? Putamus esse illa interfectorem.
-是的 -拉丁語 寶貝 - Yes! - Latin, baby!
-仍然是國際語言 -知道了 - Still the international language! - I got it!
媽的 Shit.
她去哪兒了 Where'd she go?
她剛才還在的 She was right there.
你們就不該來科摩湖 You should have never come to Lake Como.
-等一下 -我們知道你和卡文迪什的事了 - Wait a minute. - We know about you and Cavendish.
你們什麼也不知道 You know nothing.
我們知道你們仍然彼此相愛 That we know you're still in love,
我們還知道 愛情需要金錢支撐 and we know that love is tough without money.
不是嗎 蘇西 Isn't it, Suzi?
你說的我信 I'll take your word for it.
你的鞋底 You're the one whose shoes
還貼著折扣店的標籤呢 still got a sticker from Marshalls on it.
-他們現在賣名牌了 -你好大的膽子 - They have name brands now! - How dare you?
-怎麼 -這雙鞋是在超市買的 - What? - These are from Target.
-好吧 -你怎麼不和我說 - Okay. - How could you not tell me...
-我的鞋底貼著標籤 -我沒看你的... - that I have a sticker on? - I don't look at your...
閉嘴 Shut up!
蘇西 別這樣 別開槍 Suzi, don't. Please, don't do this.
無論你做什麼 你都不會安全的 No matter what you do, you're not gonna be safe.
我跟你說 I'm telling you.
一個兇手總是會出賣另一個兇手 One murderer always double-crosses the other murderer.
-她看了很多小說 -這都是套路 - She reads the books. - It's just a cliche of the genre!
我跟你說 I'm telling you!
萬聖節 Halloween!
不不不 天啊 No, no, no! Oh, my God!
快追 快 快 Go, go, go!
卡文迪什 你敢動 我就打爆你的頭 Cavendish, you move, I'll blow your head off!
瞄準了打 Shoot at him!
寶貝 你的槍法太爛了 Babe, you're the worst shot!
我是在開槍示警 親愛的 Those were warning shots, honey!
-好 我速度快 -快 - Yes! I go fast! - Go!
叫救護車 緊急情況 Ambulance! Emergencia!
蘇西 你要告訴這是誰幹的 Okay, Suzi. You've gotta tell me who did this.
慢點 別說話 Slow down. Don't use your words.
我們猜啞謎吧 用手比劃給我看 Let's charade it, okay. Just tell me with your hand.
爪子 熊爪 Claw. Bear claw.
不 灰熊爪 No. Grizzly bear claw.
有嚼勁 有嚼勁 Chewy. Chewy.
是謝爾蓋嗎 不 謝爾蓋死了 So it's Sergei? No, Sergei's dead.
你腳下裝了輪胎嗎 老天 Have you got tires on your feet? Good God!
勺子 吃東西 Spooning. Eating.
冰淇淋 不不 意式冰淇淋 是嗎 Ice cream. No, no. Gelato. Gelato?
天哪 你都要死了還這麼漂亮 Oh, God. It's amazing how pretty you are when you're...
對不起 I'm sorry.
快點 Come on!
糟了 Oh, shoot!
瘋狂 瘋狂熾熱的愛 Crazy... crazy... Crazy mad love!
是很瘋狂 因為你瘋狂地愛著卡文迪什 It's crazy 'cause you're madly in love with Cavendish.
是卡文迪什吧 一起睡... It's Cavendish, no? Sleeping With the...
睡著了 Sleeping.
你不能睡 You're not sleeping.
-她也死了 -我不知道為什麼一直有人死 - She's dead now? - I don't know why this keeps happening!
我們走 我們得離開這裡 Let's go! We gotta get out of here.
-天啊 快點 -去哪兒 - Oh, my God. Come on. - Where?
關閉機場 挨家挨戶搜查 Close the airports! Search house to house!
上帝作證 我會找到尼克和奧德麗·施皮茨 As God as my witness, I will find Nick and Audrey Spitz.
-警督 -什麼事 - Inspector? - Yes?
尼克和奧德麗·施皮茨打來電話找你 I have Nick and Audrey Spitz on the phone for you.
尼克和奧德麗·施皮茨 Nick and Audrey Spitz.
你們在哪兒 Where are you?
我們在去坎斯的莊園的路上 We are on our way to Quince's villa right now.
好的 Okay.
不好意思 我沒想到你真的會回答這個問題 I'm sorry, I wasn't prepared for you to actually answer that.
我們現在被人栽贓嫁禍 We are being framed right now.
你來莊園見我們 我們將會揭露真兇 You meet us at the villa, we will reveal the killer.
還挺押韻的 That kinda rhymed.
我覺得挺酷的 Which is cool, I think.
-你瞧這地方 -我們走 - Look at this place. - Let's go.
-天哪 -太大了 - Oh, my God. - This is big.
很大的莊園 這就是有錢人的豪宅 This is a big house. This is what they call rich people shit.
卡文迪什勛爵正在等我們 Lord Cavendish is expecting us.
二樓 左邊第八扇門 Second floor, eighth door on the left.
對 他就是這麼和我們說的 Yes, that's right. That's what he told us, yeah.
好 給你五塊錢吧 Okay, so take a five-spotter.
你們的五歐元等於多少美元 Your five euros is how much American-wise?
六美元 Six American dollars.
我沒想到這麼多... Oh, that's, uh... that's more than I...
你能退我五十歐分嗎 Can I get a half a euro back...
天啊 別鬧了 尼克 謝謝你 Oh, God. Please, Nick. Thank you.
我不知道他們的錢比我們的值錢 I didn't know they were ahead of us with the money.
-二樓 -我沒子彈了 - Second floor... - I got no bullets left,
-所以國際刑警來之前 我們要虛張聲勢 -好 - so we'll bluff 'em until Interpol gets here. - Okay.
親愛的 你要小心點 Honey, you just gotta be careful.
據我們所知 這人已經殺了四個人 This guy has killed four people, that we know of.
好消息是 我們知道誰是兇手 Good news is, we know who did it.
-好吧 -最難的部分已經過去了 - Okay. - Hard part is over with.
好吧 Okay.
來吧 And...
你好嗎 迪什 What's up, Dish?
別動 否則我就一槍打爆你的腹肌 Stay still! I'll shoot you right in the six-pack!
-聽見了嗎 賤人 -冷靜點 寶貝 - You hear me, bitch? - Calm down, babe.
你敢動一下試試 Make a move! I dare you!
你敢動... I dare...
天啊 Oh, my God!
-他死了 -他死了 - He's dead. - He's dead.
-好了 他死了 -天啊 - Okay, he's dead. - Oh, my God.
-搞什麼 -天啊 沒有結案 寶貝 - What the hell? - Oh, God. Case reopened, babe.
他的酒裡肯定被下毒了 They must have poisoned his drink!
-尼克 -看看他的臉 - Nick! - And look at his face. It's...
除了口吐白沫 他看起來還是很帥 I mean, besides the foaming mouth, he still kinda looks good.
這男人到底怎麼回事 What is with this man?
我們告訴警察了 我們叫警察來了 We told the police. We called the police.
我們讓他們來這裡 We told 'em to come here.
-是啊 -必須阻止他們 - Yes. - We've got to stop them.
親愛的 這可不像取消披薩外賣那樣簡單 It's not like canceling a pizza, honey.
你讓他們來 他們就一定會來 You tell 'em to show up, they show up.
如果他不是兇手 那誰才是 If he's not the killer, who is the killer?
而且如果我們不能在他們到之前 And if we don't know who the killer is
弄明白兇手是誰 我們就完了 before they get here, we're screwed!
你明白嗎 Do you understand this?
兇手肯定來過這裡 He's gotta be here in this house.
牆紙太漂亮了 This is gorgeous wallpaper.
是布面的 還是紙上浮雕的 Is that fabric? Is this embossed?
親愛的 你瘋啦 Sweetheart, you're losing it!
你要把我也逼瘋了 You're making me nuts right now!
不 我知道 等等 好吧 No, I know. Hold on. Okay.
好吧 很好 All right, it's good.
你沒事吧 能呼吸嗎 You all right? You breathing?
-我得好好深呼吸一下 -看著我 - I have to breathe through this. - Look at me.
-我們得去自首 -等等 你說什麼 - We gotta turn ourselves in. - Wait, what?
他們都會出現的 They're all gonna show up.
如果逃跑 他們會開槍的 If we run, they're gonna shoot us.
什麼意思 我們要去坐牢了 What do you mean? We're gonna just go to jail?
總比挨槍子好吧 對不對 It's better than getting shot, ain't it?
我感覺不太...我感覺不太好 I don't feel... I don't feel good.
-寶貝 -天啊 - Babe. - Oh, God.
意大利的監獄 It's an Italian prison.
伙食一定非常美味 You know the food's gonna be incredible.
我們可以吃到肉丸子 香蒜醬之類的 We'll have meatballs and pesto sauce and all that.
監獄不是男女混監 好嗎 It's not co-ed, honey. All right?
我們...我們沒法一起蹲監獄 We're... We're not gonna be in jail together.
我知道 I know.
你為什麼要騙我 Why did you lie to me?
因為我 'Cause I was...
我覺得很很難堪 I was, uh... I was embarrassed.
跟我還覺得難堪 With me?
為什麼 我 Why? I...
我可以幫你想辦法的 I could've helped you figure that out.
所以我們才在一起 That's why we're together.
我知道 I know.
還記得我付不起美發廳租金的時候嗎 Remember when I couldn't pay my rent at the salon,
那時你說 "好吧" and then you were like, "Oh, okay."
你幫我的房東取掉了車上的制動鎖 You got that boot off my landlord's car.
-給我爭取了一周時間 -嗯 我記得 - That got me another week. - Yeah, I remember.
還記得你的膽固醇爆表的時候嗎 Remember when your cholesterol was through the roof?
然後我讓你吃雞蛋白 你可討厭吃雞蛋白了 And then I made you eat egg whites? You hate egg whites.
我逼著你吃了 跟你一起吃 And I made you do it, and I did it with you.
你讓我再也不會想念雞蛋黃了 You helped me not miss yolks anymore.
沒錯 都是我們做的 我們總是一起做事情 That's right. That's what we do. We do things together.
所以我們可以想辦法把這件事也解決嗎 So can we please just figure this out, too?
我們都不知道是誰幹的 We just don't know who did it.
但是尼克 我們知道誰沒做 But Nick, we know who didn't do it.
-好嗎 -好吧 - All right? - Right.
所以我們下樓去 假裝已經識破了一切 So let's just go downstairs and act like we figured it out.
如果要那樣 我們得 If we're gonna do that, we gotta...
我們得看起來非常自信 we just gotta look confident.
好吧 如果想看起來自信 得靠衣裝 All right. If we're gonna look confident, we've gotta dress it.
我已經知道自己想穿什麼了 I already know what I wanna wear.
什麼 What?
馬爾科姆·坎斯 遺囑
你們好 傻子們 What's up, fools?
好了 我們破案了 厲害吧 Okay, we solved the case. Boom.
你們哪兒來的衣服 太誇張了吧 Yo, yo! Where'd you get the clothes? It's a little much.
我在隨便一個衣櫥裡找到了這條漂亮的裙子 I found this beautiful dress in a random closet.
-對了 你看起來美極了 -謝謝 寶貝 - You're looking gorgeous, by the way. - Thanks, baby.
他這件帥氣的禮服是 And he got this stunning tux...
從一個 off a...
為什麼要粉飾呢 Why candy-coat it?
-屍體上扒的 -是的 - A corpse. - Yeah.
還有一具屍體嗎 There's another corpse?
天啊 抱歉 是的 Jeez! Sorry, yes.
樓上 左邊第八扇門 Upstairs, eighth door on the left.
這具屍體是誰 To whom does this dead corpse belong?
對啊 你們還不知道 Oh, yeah. You guys don't know.
-壞消息 各位 -太可怕了 - Bad news, guys. - It's terrible.
卡文迪什死了 Cavendish is dead.
你從查理的死屍上偷了這件禮服嗎 You stole the tux off Charlie's dead body?
大小剛合適 And it fits perfectly.
胯部有點緊 說實話 Little tight in the crotch, to be honest.
開個玩笑 沒有 他比我大 比我大 Just kidding. No, he's got me beat. He's got me beat.
等等 蘇西在哪兒 Wait. Where's Suzi?
-她死了 -死了 - She's dead. - Dead.
天啊 Oh, my God!
你們就像是迷你版的曼森殺人家族 Y'all are like the miniature Manson Family!
-不不不 -尼克和奧德麗·施皮茨 - No, no, no. - Nick and Audrey Spitz,
-你們被逮捕了 -請聽我們解釋 - you are under arrest. - Listen, please.
閉嘴 是這麼說嗎 Ferme la bouche. Is that what it is?
-給我們一點時間 -交給我們 - Just give us a second. - We got this.
-交給我們 -走吧 - We got this. - Let's go.
謝謝 Thank you.
好了 女士們先生們 我們來回顧一下 All right. Ladies and gentlemen, let's review the facts.
馬爾科姆·坎斯 Malcolm Quince,
他是第一個被謀殺的人 he was the first to get murdered.
我們都認為兇手是托比 We all assumed it was Tobey.
不 我們都認為兇手是你們 No, we all assumed you did it.
-好吧 -是的 但托比恨自己的父親 - Okay. - Yeah, but Tobey hated his father,
而且他能繼承數十億美元的財產 and he stood to inherit billions of dollars.
直到他飲彈自盡 Until he caught some lead to the dome.
明白我的意思嗎 拉賈 Can you feel me, Raja?
-就是那樣 -然後在謝爾蓋被射殺前 - There it is. - And then,before Sergei was shot,
他告訴我們是上校干的 he told us that the Colonel did it.
他告訴你們什麼 He told you what?
但我們都知道不是你幹的 上校 But we know you didn't do it, Colonel,
因為我們看到你當時正在用牙線 because we saw you flossing your teeth
我倆正好在你窗外跳希米舞 when we were shimmying by your window that night.
你們兩個在監視我在浴室裡的一舉一動嗎 You two were spying on me in my bathroom?
相信我 我真的 Trust me, I did...
那晚我們看到了很多荒唐事 We saw a lot of shit that night
我根本一點也不想看 that I did not want to see.
那個 我提前道個歉 I mean, apologize ahead of time.
我們不得不看你們倆滾床單 We had to see you guys having sex.
你們 You, um...
你們 看到了是嗎 You... saw that?
大君 給你點建議 Maharajah, some advice for you.
可以試試握住根部使勁捏 Maybe grab the bottom and squeeze.
可以 Word.
不論如何 Anyway...
薯條 是的 French fries. Yes.
其實 胡安·卡洛斯 你跟此事無關 Actually, Juan Carlos, you had nothing to do with this.
你不可能跟此事有任何關聯 You couldn't have had anything to do with it
因為蘇西被殺的時候你跟我們在一起 because you were with us when Suzi got killed.
所以兇手不是你 So it wasn't you.
也不是你 It wasn't you.
-也不是你 -不是 - It wasn't you. - No.
也不是你 It wasn't you.
見鬼 也許真的是我們幹的 Holy shit! Maybe we did do it.
-什麼 -是你幹的嗎 - What? - Did you?
-因為... -你剛跟我說了什麼 - Because listen... - What did you just say to me?
-我開玩笑的 -你聽聽 - I'm just messing around. - There it is.
-而他在鼓掌 -要進監獄了 謝了寶貝 - And he's clapping. - Going to jail. Thanks, babe.
真高興我們終於達成共識了 I'm glad we finally are all on the same page.
由於第一起謀殺 Now, since the first murder
發生在法國領海內 occurred in French territorial waters,
我要帶你們去巴黎接受提審和審訊 I will be taking you to Paris to be arraigned and tried.
至少我們可以去巴黎了 At least we're going to Paris.
你不是一直想去巴黎嗎 You always wanted to go Paris.
親愛的 你總是開這種不合時宜的玩笑 Honey, if you keep making jokes at a time like this,
對事情沒有幫助 it's not gonna make this go away.
你們很幸運 從1977年起 Lucky for you, since 1977,
法國法律就廢除了死刑 there has been no death penalty under French law.
法國法律 French law.
法國法律 嗯 The French law. Yeah.
當然了 警督 你應該比任何人 Surely, Inspector, you of all people
都熟悉法國的繼承法 are familiar with the French inheritance law.
你想暗示我有私生子嗎 Are you implying I have bastard children?
我沒有 Well, I wasn't.
因為我還真有 Because I do.
我很驚訝你居然知道他們的存在 I was surprised you knew about them.
我很愛那幾個小混蛋 I love those little bastards.
好吧 總之 法國法律規定個人遺產 Okay. Anyway, um, the French law states that a man's estate
必須均分給子嗣 must be divided equally amongst his children.
所以不管遺囑怎麼定 都必須均分 So it wouldn't matter what the will said.
也就是說 大君 Straight up, Maharajah.
不管老頭是否跟蘇西結婚 The kids were gonna get the money,
孩子們都可以拿到錢 whether the old man married Suzi or not.
但是馬爾科姆的兩個孩子都死了 But both of Malcolm's children are dead.
-兩個 -沒錯 一個是托比 - Both? - Yes. Tobey,
一個是馬爾科姆和瑪德琳·拉布提爾生的兒子 and the son he had with Madeleine LeBoutillier..
那個孩子出生時就死了 That boy died at childbirth.
是嗎 上校 Did he, Colonel?
我跟紐約的搭檔談過了 I spoke to my partner in New York City.
我說 把瑪德琳和她兒子的死亡證明找來 I said, get the death certificates for Madeleine and the son.
他只找到了瑪德琳的死亡證明 He could only find one for Madeleine.
但後來我開始想 或許不存在死亡證明 But then I started thinking, maybe there's no death certificate
因為那個兒子根本沒死 because there was no death.
胡說 馬爾科姆迫切地 Nonsense. Malcolm desperately
想要一個兒子來傳遞坎斯家族的血脈 wanted a boy to sire the next generation of Quinces.
他絕對不會拋棄兒子的 He would never abandon a son.
但是 But...
如果是女兒呢 what if it was a daughter?
-對 -如果是女兒呢 - Yes! - What if it was a daughter?
他一生的摯愛死了 The love of his life dies,
為了生下他不想要的女兒 dies giving birth to his unwanted daughter.
-對 -還挺合情合理的 - Yes! - It almost makes sense.
-沒錯 確實挺合理 -完全合理 - It does! It kinda does! - It makes total sense.
他把她送走了 He gave her away.
那她現在在哪裡 Then where is she now?
她可能在任何地方 Well, she could be anywhere.
她可能結婚了 She could have got married.
她可能加入了幫派 She could've joined a gang,
改了名字 誰知道呢 繼續 changed her name. Who knows? Carry on.
改了名字 Changed her name.
-你改了名字 -對 - You changed your name. - Yes.
你真正的姓不是巴拉德 Your real last name isn't Ballard.
那又怎樣 So?
很多藝人都會改名 Lots of artists change their names.
Lady Gaga的真名也不是Lady Gaga Lady Gaga's real name isn't Lady Gaga.
對 Lady Gaga Yes, Lady Gaga.
《狗仔隊》 對 好聽 "Paparazzi," Yes, good.
但是每個格蕾絲·巴拉德的鐵桿粉絲都知道 But every Grace Ballard superfan knows
你的第一部電影是《濕身夏日》 your first movie was Summer Wetdown.
你只有三句臺詞 當時你用的是本名 You had three lines, and you went by your birth name,
格蕾絲·巴特勒 Grace Butler.
在法語裡 大致的翻譯就是拉布提爾 Which, en frances, roughly translates to LeBoutillier.
瑪德琳·拉布提爾 你的母親 Madeleine LeBoutillier, your mother.
開玩笑的吧 This is a joke.
馬爾科姆·坎斯被殺的時候我甚至不在房間裡 I wasn't even in the room when Malcolm Quince was murdered.
好吧 那就是托比殺了他 但有人幫他 Fine! Then Tobey killed him, but he did it with a little help.
燈 你把燈關了 The lights. You turned out the lights.
你說服托比殺死馬爾科姆 You convinced Tobey to kill Malcolm
這樣你就可以跟他分財產 so you could split the money with him.
然後你殺了托比 這樣你就能獨霸財產 And then you killed Tobey so that you could just keep all of it.
然後我和這位女士開始四處打聽 Then me and this girl started asking too many questions.
於是你必須除掉我們 So you had to get rid of us.
幸好 對他來說是不幸 Luckily, not for him,
謝爾蓋替我們擋了槍子 but Sergei gets in the way.
然後你勾引大君 Then you seduce the Maharajah
好讓我們認為你整晚都跟他在一起 so that you would make us think you were with him all night.
你跟我親熱只是想混個不在場證明 Yo, you were just twizzlin' on my wizzle for an alibi.
妹子 你真冷血 Girl, that's cold.
你試圖在圖書館裡殺了我們 You tried to kill us in the library.
然後又在集市上動手 卻誤殺了蘇西 You tried to kill us in the market, but you got Suzi instead.
而武器 And the weapon...
-我現在認出了那個武器了 -飛鏢 - I recognize the weapon now. - The dart?
是電影裡的 我有天晚上看過 It was a movie. I watched it one night.
你跟朋友出去了 You were out with your friends.
醉醺醺地回來 然後... You came back drunk and, uh...
是什麼電影來著 What the hell was it?
《吹鏢公主》 Princess Blow Dart.
天哪 Oh, God.
不可能有這種片名 That is not the name of a movie.
有的 有的 It is! It is!
看看我的屏保 Yo, look at my screensaver.
吹鏢公主
-就是她 -天啊 - That's her! - Oh, my gosh!
然後你殺了查爾斯 So then you killed Charles
因為你知道他不找出 because you knew he would never rest
殺蘇西的兇手不會罷休 until he found out who Suzi's killer was.
因為他愛的是蘇西 不是你 'Cause he loved Suzi, not you!
三種動機 The three motives:
金錢 愛情 復仇 money, love, revenge.
你就是馬爾科姆·坎斯 You were the mastermind
謀殺案的幕後元兇 對不對 behind Malcolm Quince's murders, weren't you?
而且是你陷害了我們 And you were the one who framed us.
他們都是你殺的 對不對 You killed them all, didn't you?
對不對 Didn't you?
我的父親是個惡魔 My father was a monster.
那你承認了 So you admit it?
是的 Yes.
我是馬爾科姆·坎斯和瑪德琳·拉布提爾的女兒 I am the daughter of Malcolm Quince and Madeleine LeBoutillier,
坎斯財產的唯一繼承人 and sole heir to the Quince fortune.
那謀殺呢 And... what about the murders?
不是我幹的 Oh, I didn't do those.
但他們都死了真是太好了 But it couldn't have happened to a nicer group of people.
那麼 So...
你們有什麼證據嗎 what other proof do you have?
-什麼 -什麼證據 - Of what? - Proof of what?
她殺了所有人的證據 That she killed everybody?
對 Yes.
你是吃白飯的嗎 Aren't you gonna do anything at all?
今天是什麼法國假期嗎 I mean, is there a French holiday we're unaware of?
你是幹什麼吃的 What the hell do you do?
聽著 Look...
我不知道你們在布魯克林是怎麼辦事的 I don't know how you do things in Brooklyn,
但在這裡 我們需要證據才能抓人 but here we need evidence to make an arrest.
不應該是這種展開 All right. This is not how this is supposed to happen.
警探應該 The detective is supposed
解釋案情 我們剛剛做到了 to explain the murders, which we just did,
然後兇手應該 and then the killer is supposed
在壓力下崩潰 供認不諱 to crack and freak out under pressure and admit it!
如果沒有別的事了 If there's nothing else,
我要開始花我的錢了 I'd like to start spending my money now.
那頂帽子 帽子 把帽子摘了 The hat. The hat! Uh, take off your hat.
什麼 What?
我說把帽子摘了 I said take off your hat.
不要 No.
這頂帽子是大君送我的 我很喜歡 The Maharajah bought me this hat, and I quite like it.
尼克用盤子砸中了兇手的頭 Nick hit the killer in the head with a plate.
留下疤了 對嗎 And it left a mark, didn't it?
再說了 剛做好髮型 Also, why on earth would you put a hat
你為什麼要戴帽子 on a freshly styled head of hair?
你怎麼知道我剛做好髮型 How would you know my hair's been freshly styled?
因為她是美發師 'Cause she's a goddamn hairdresser.
請把帽子摘了 巴特勒女士 Please remove your hat, Ms. Butler.
我不會摘的 I'll do nothing of the kind.
是管家[巴特勒]干的 格蕾絲·巴特勒 對吧 The butler did it. Grace Butler did it! Grace But... Right?
-我在飛機上說過的 -你非要說出來 - I said it on the plane. - You had to do it!
-別過來 -天啊 - Stay back! - Jesus!
所有人 Everybody!
-天啊 -混蛋 - Oh, my God! - Son of a bitch.
等等 不 不 Wait! No, no.
都不許動 Nobody move!
都不許動 否則我殺了她 Nobody move, or I'll shoot her.
把槍放下 把槍放下 Guns down. Baissez vos armes.
叫救護車 Get an ambulance.
你不是說他的槍法很爛嗎 Yo, I thought you said he was a terrible shot.
救老婆我絕不含糊 Not when it comes to saving my woman.
對了 我瞄準的是腳 I was aiming for her foot, by the way.
好了 好了 All right. It's all right.
謝謝你挺身而出阻止她 胡安·卡洛斯 Thank you for stepping in and trying to stop her, Juan Carlos.
太英勇了 That was so brave.
不客氣 女士 De nada, senora.
棒極了 他很英勇 我什麼都不是 I love that. I love that he's brave and I'm, what, nothing?
-開什麼玩笑 我說了你很英勇 -你沒說 - Are you kidding? I said you were brave. - You didn't say it.
我說了多少遍了 "尼克 你真英勇" I said so many times. "Nick, you were so brave."
不客氣 女士 萬聖節 De nada, senora. Halloween.
我有個問題 Yo, I got a question.
在蒙特卡洛的酒店裡 In the hotel in Monte Carlo,
你們說看到我和格蕾絲在一起了 you said that you saw me and Grace together.
-我們聽到了 -我們聽到了 - We heard you. - We heard you.
要是沒聽到就好了 不過我... We didn't like what we heard, but I'll tell...
-真抱歉 -我希望你換褲子了 - I'm sorry. - I hope those are new pants, by the way.
行吧 可是 Yeah, but...
可是事實上 But the truth is,
在我們回房間前一小時 Grace and I were together in the bar
格蕾絲和我一直在酒吧 an hour before we got to our room,
她一直和我在一起 so how could she have killed Sergei
怎麼殺的謝爾蓋 if she was with me?
尼克 Nick.
奧德麗 Audrey.
胡安·卡洛斯剛剛怎麼突然聽得懂英語了 How did Juan Carlos understand my English just now?
站住 Stop!
不 不 No! No!
別再靠近了 Don't come any closer!
他會說英語 He speaks English!
我從小就會說英語 你們這幫蠢貨 I've spoken English my whole life, you stupid idiots,
我還會其它十幾門語言 and a dozen other languages.
順便告訴你 你的拉丁語一塌糊塗 And by the way, your Latin sucks.
你聽懂了不是嗎 You understood it!
別打歪主意 上校 Don't you even think about it, Colonel,
否則我就打掉你的老二 or I will shoot your dick off.
把手舉起來 快點 Put your hands up in the air, now.
是我讓她說服托比去殺他爸爸的 I am the one who told her to convince Tobey to kill his dad,
以我父親的名義 destroy this sick family
毀掉這個病態家族 in the name of my father.
上車 Get into the car.
進去 Go in!
退後 Back off!
我速度快 I go fast.
警察
看 法拉利 Look at that! A Ferrari!
-什麼 -特斯塔羅薩[車型]- What? - Testarossa!
《夏威夷神探》 就是我 Magnum P.I.! Me, baby!
我有小鬍子 I got the mustache!
尼克 你忘拿槍了 Nick, you forgot the gun!
太不可思議了 這是所有人的夢想 This is incredible! This is a fantasy for everybody!
怎麼開車門 How does it open?
底下 拉 拉 快點 Underneath! Pull! Pull! Come on!
天啊 Oh, my God.
什麼鬼 What the...
這輛車是右駕
-開什麼玩笑 -真抱歉 我不知該說什麼 - Are you kidding me? - I'm so sorry! I don't know what to say!
快走 快 快 Go, go, go!
把手舉起來 舉起來 Put your hands up. Hands up!
我只是想說 All I'm saying is,
如果引擎的聲音聽起來像你姐姐一樣 when the engine sounds like your sister's voice...
尖銳刺耳 你就該換擋了 irritating, high, and loud... you gotta switch gears.
好 Yes!
看你開得多棒 Look how nice you handle this thing!
Shoot to Thrill - AC/DC
□ I'm gonna take you down □
□ Down, down, down... □
-親愛的 他就在前面 -我看見了 - Honey, he's right up there. - I see him.
□ I'm gonna pull it, pull it □
□ Pull the trigger □
□ Shoot to thrill □
□ Play to kill □
□ Too many women... □
□ Shoot to thrill □
□ Play to kill □
□ I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will, yeah □
□ I'm like evil □
□ I get under your skin... □
再來 Again!
幹得好 寶貝 轉得漂亮 Yeah! Baby, nice. Nice! Nice turn!
看看你 看看你 Look at you! Look at you!
繼續追 跟住他 跟住他 繼續追 Keep going. Keep after him. Keep after him. Keep going.
山羊 山羊 山羊 Goat! Goat! Goat!
我的老天 Holy cow!
你知道自己現在多麼光彩動人嗎 Do you have any idea how gorgeous you look?
等等 又有山羊 搞什麼 Wait! Second goat! What the hell?
-你跟山羊有仇嗎 -我愛山羊 - Do you not like goats or something? - I love them!
蠢貨 Idiots.
該死 Oh, shit.
□ Shoot to thrill □
□ Play to kill □
□ Too many women with too many pills... □
繼續追 寶貝 衝啊 衝啊 Keep going, baby. Go! Go! Go!
衝啊 衝啊 Go! Go! Go!
-我去 -天啊 - Holy shit! - Oh, God!
-你得拱他 親愛的 -我得什麼 - We gotta pit him, honey. - I gotta what him?
你要撞他的後保險槓 然後他就會失控 What you do is you hit the back bumper and he'll just spin out.
-我做不到 我做不到 -你能行的 - I can't do that. I can't... - You got this.
我做不到 他可是一級方程式賽車手 I can't. He's a Formula 1 race car driver!
加速 快點 Faster! Come on!
這是我們的冒險 This is our adventure.
上吧 Go for it.
我能做到 我愛你 你真好 I can do this. I love you. That was sweet.
好 我們上 Okay, here we go.
□ Shoot you □
不 No!
他沒失控 他沒失控 我們得幹掉他 He didn't spin. He didn't spin. We just gotta take him out.
-幹掉他 -我們上 - Take him out! - Here we go.
踩到底 踩到底 Floor it! Floor it!
什麼 What?
踩剎車 踩剎車 踩剎車 Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!
坎斯 1825-1883
你知道自己有多酷嗎 Do you have any idea how cool you are?
-紀念日快樂 寶貝 -是啊 - Happy anniversary, baby! - Yeah.
天啊 Oh, my God.
-好了 -好了 - Okay. - Okay.
-我去把他弄出來 -去吧 - I'm gonna go get that guy out of the car. - Go get him.
我愛你 I love you.
-我愛你 -天啊 - I love you. - Oh, my God.
我們走 出來 Let's go. Let's go.
我幫你 來吧 I got you. Come on.
好了 All right.
我受夠你了 警察 I'm so sick of you, cop!
你就不該來這裡 You should have never come here!
你就該待在家裡 吃熱狗 You should have just stayed home, eating hot dogs,
讀八卦雜誌 看真人秀節目 reading People magazine, and watching reality TV.
寶貝 Baby.
那是 那是我們的旅遊大巴 You know, that was our... That was our tour bus!
沒廁所 沒WiFi 現在還撞人 No toilets, no Wi-Fi, and you're running over people?
岡薩雷斯旅遊
爸爸 布蘭妮霸佔靠窗的座位 Dad, Brittany's hogging the window seat!
我想看那個死人 I want to see the dead guy!
閉嘴坐下 我去拍照 Just sit down and shut up! I'm gonna take a picture!
-好了 我愛你 -天啊 他... - All right. I love you. - Oh, my God, this guy...
-我們得問他們火腿是怎麼熟成的 -我不關心 - We gotta ask 'em how they age ham. - I don't care!
來吧 Come on!
We Must Be In Love - The Impressions
□ Do you love me too... □
我代表國際刑警組織感謝你 施皮茨夫人 On behalf of Interpol, I thank you, Mrs. Spitz.
你既美麗又聰慧 You are as brilliant as you are beautiful.
天啊 謝謝誇獎 Oh, my gosh. Well, thank you for that.
-還有施皮茨警員 -我怎麼樣 - And Officer Spitz. - I go, what? What?
事實證明你確實是優秀的警探 It seems you are quite the detective after all.
-沒錯 -和她在一起就是 - You are! - With this girl, yes.
我會告知你在紐約的上司的 Something I will be passing along to your superiors in New York.
那就太好了 That would be big.
我得說 I have to tell you,
這次的經歷太精彩了 I think this entire experience was pretty great.
-不可思議 -對 - Incredible. - Yeah.
除了謀殺之外 一切恰到好處 Outside of the murders, it was on the money.
希望你們餘下的旅程 Well, I hope the rest of your trip,
我已經幫你們安排好了 which we have arranged for you,
會更加輕鬆 is more relaxing.
-旅途愉快 -謝謝你 - Bon voyage. - Well, thank you.
這是你欠我們的 不過還是很感謝你 You owe that to us, but thank you so much.
什麼時候你來紐約 就找我們 You ever come to New York, you look us up.
我們會誣陷你三重謀殺 We'll pin, uh, a triple homicide on you
或者綁架之類的 or a kidnapping or something.
-謝謝 好了 -非常感謝 - Thank you. Okay. - Thank you so much.
很高興認識你 保重 Good to meet you. All right. Be safe.
-不錯的紀念日吧 -實在太棒了 - Good anniversary, right? - Amazing anniversary.
-這個紀念日挺酷的 -我超喜歡 - Kind of... Kind of a cool one. - Loved it!
對了 你給我準備了什麼禮物 What did you get me, by the way, for a present?
什麼 What?
我買了亞馬遜禮品卡 I got you the Amazon gift card.
-是嗎 -不 我什麼都沒準備 - You did? - No, I didn't get you anything.
□ You will see □
□ Finally □
□ You and me shall always be as one □
□ See what happiness has done □
東方快車
□ We must be in love □
□ I sigh □
□ I don't know why □
□ I sigh □
□ Is it that I'm lonely for you? □
□ Are you lonely for me too? □
□ We must be in love □
□ Let me tell you now □
□ I miss your tender kiss □
□ Your tender kiss is what I miss □
□ I have a strange desire □
□ For your lips of fire □
□ We must be in love □
□ Do you love me too... □