(cheering, applause)
(muttering, indistinct)
I am. I drank the whole bottle of Baileys.
Oh! Welcome to the news.
Oh, Pete, it's time for your close-up. Just kidding.
My name is Johnny. I play guitar.
I'm Perry, and I play the guitar, and I sing.
Gary. Drums.
I'm Pete. I'm drunk.
Did you say "I'm drunk"? I'm drunk.
PERRY: We're supposed to be conducting an interview.
Does your band suck or is your band good?
Suck. Suck.
(crowd chattering)
?Puke stains and cigarettes ?
?The party is in my pocket ?
?I'm lookin' for a drink ?
?And a couch to call my own ?
?Give me a bump and I will come ?
?And whisper dirty lies ?
?The rapture in your ear ?
?And we'll both be terrified ?
?Bloodshot eyes and you're peppermint ?
?We could run like dogs from the devil ?
?Give me one last try ?
?For your love tonight ?
?I'll be the king forever ?
?And you can be my sunshine ?
?We are the devil's kind ?
?And now I won't back down ?
?I said I won't back down ?
?I am the devil's kind ?
?Take me into the water ?
?And pull me from the slaughter ?
?Because I've got the shakes ?
?And I'm so petrified ?
?Bloodshot eyes and you're peppermint ?
?We can roll like dogs from the devil ?
?Give me one last try for your love tonight ?
?I'll be the king forever ?
?And you can be my sunshine ?
?We are the devil's kind ?
?And now I won't back down ?
?Said I won't back down ?
?I am the devil's kind ?
(cheering)
(cheering fading)
Yeah.
(hydraulics squeak)
Oh, shit!
Shit! Hey!
Wait, wait!
Check it out. Excuse me!
It's Miller time. Hey, excuse me.
What's the matter with you, Miller?
I forgot to put my cans out again.
Like we've never heard that before.
Come on, man. Help me out. It's my birthday.
You know that can't happen, man. Oh, come on!
Hey, Salome. Hey.
Hey, use a coaster. How many times do I gotta tell you?
Why? It's not a big deal, Daddy. It's just juice.
It is a big deal. It'll leave a ring, and Mom will go apeshit and blame me.
What's "apeshit" mean? Oh. Give me my guitar.
It's a...
?Word you shouldn't say It means gorilla poo ?
Okay, Dad.
?And if you say it, people think I'm a bad dad ?
Okay, Dad.
?So please don't say it ?
Okay. Okay, Dad. Okay. All right.
See how easy that is?
You're crazy, Daddy.
(whirring)
Hey! Good morning, sexy.
WOMAN: What? (whirring stops)
Sorry. What? I said hi.
Oh, hi, hon.
Hey, uh, you up for a little quickie?
(chuckles) Very funny. I have to be in court in 20 minutes.
All I need is five. Okay, four.
Hey, I just want to say, I'm sorry in advance. It was an oversight.
What's that supposed to mean? It's garbage day.
I forgot to get the cans out again.
Perry, come on. That's two weeks in a row.
I know. I'm sorry.
But I figured today is a special occasion, so I've earned a free pass?
What's the special occasion?
You know, special.
What?
You know. No. What?
You're joking, right? Oh, Perry, come on!
You're slowing me down. I'm late.
Wow.
Hey! How you doing, man?
Oh, boy! Happy birthday!
Oh, man, thanks.
I think Mommy forgot. Can you believe that?
All right, who wants breakfast?
SALOME: I want breakfast!
Right there.
Let's see what kind of trouble we can get into.
Salome, you want a cookie?
Really? Yeah.
It's a special occasion.
What's the special occasion? Your talent show.
Tonight? Are you gonna rock the house?
-I guess. -What do you mean, you guess?
Say, "Hell, yeah, Daddy!" Hell, yeah, Daddy!
Boom! There you go. Are you nervous? No.
It's okay if you are.
I'm not really nervous, but can I have another cookie?
Of course. Yes!
Can you do me a huge favor, babe, and come home at your lunch--
Why is she having a cookie? It's a special occasion.
Oh, what's the special occasion?
-It's my-- -No, no, no, no. Don't say anything.
Guess, Mom. Mm-hmm.
Okay, wait. Let me see.
Could it be... your talent show?
Yes! The talent show.
'Cause we celebrate important milestones in this house,
'cause that's what we do.
Okay, do you want a waffle, Salome?
No, Dad's gonna fix me some apeshit.
(chuckles)
Did she just say "apeshit"?
I think she heard that at school.
Anyways, my parents are coming in today,
and I need you to come home and let them in.
The punisher is coming?
Yes! I told you that.
And they're coming at noon.
Which reminds me. Can you go pick up Salome's new guitar?
She's gonna need it for the show tonight. Okay? And please...
Yeah, yeah, I'll do it. Don't lose it.
I won't lose it. Okay, great.
I gotta go. I'm late. I love you. I love you.
Mmm-mmm-mmm! And don't forget my parents. I won't forget.
Whoa! Didn't you change his diaper?
I think I forgot.
I don't know how. He smells like a porta potty.
Okay.
(no audible dialogue)
Dad!
We're gonna be late.
Come on, Dad!
Hey, what do you think of your playhouse? My playhouse?
It's kinda boring. Really? That sucks.
It's supposed to be fun. It's a little fun.
Ah, nah, it sucks. I'm a shitty carpenter.
I don't know what to sing tonight, Daddy.
I know, but I haven't figured out--
You haven't decided? Right.
What do you wanna sing?
I don't know. Maybe, like, the Dead Kennedys.
(chuckles) Dead Kennedys?
That would be funny,
but there's, like, a bunch of families and kids and stuff.
Oh, yeah. But-- I don't know. Sing whatever you want.
My band never decided until the last second.
Daddy, what do you do?
(chuckles) What do I do? What does that mean?
Well, it's just because it's career day,
and we're supposed to talk about our parents' careers. Oh!
I don't know. Just say I'm in a band or something.
But you're not in a band. Yes, I am.
We're just taking a temporary hiatus.
What's a temporary hiatus?
Ah. It's a fancy way of saying we're taking a break.
Oh.
I don't know. Why don't you just talk about Mom,
how she's a public defender and all that important stuff?
Okay.
Yeah, you don't have to mention me. Come on. Let's do it.
(school bell ringing)
Get to school. Have fun.
Hey, Dean! Arrest that man!
Take him in for questioning.
I'm trying to get him to join Dad's Group. I don't think it's working.
Is he being a pussy? A little bit.
Come on. Don't be a pussy, pussy guy.
(chuckles) Okay.
Hey, we were just joking. We don't think you're a pussy.
-I don't even know how that got started. -I was just trying to be funny.
I'm sorry.
You guys are pretty weird, man. Dad's Group.
We need somebody cool like you.
Honestly, if you think I'm cool, then your Dad's Group is kind of hurting.
(laughing)
We're just messing with you. There he goes.
(doorknob rattling)
(knocking)
Hey, Perry. Got it for you.
Salome's first guitar.
This is what my wife picked out?
Yeah. What do you think?
Why is there a dinosaur on it?
(chuckles) I don't know. I think it's a decal. It probably comes off.
(strums)
Well, it sounds all right, I guess.
Oh, can I tell you something? I have to tell somebody.
What happened?
Mm. I'm dating this French chick. Ingrid is her name.
Twenty-five. Oh, smokin' hot.
Anyway, she invites me to Paris for a dinner party.
I'm like, "Yeah, I like dinner."
So we get there. Have you ever flown first class?
Uh, no.
The seats are like the size of my car.
Which means two people-- (sucks teeth)
That's your story? You had sex on a plane?
No. I mean, yes. But no, that is not the story.
So, get to Paris.
Here's the dinner party table.
Me, Ingrid, Mom, Dad, Paul McCartney.
Oh, come on! Dude, I know.
I think her dad's, like, an ambassador or something.
Come on. Mm-hmm.
Anyway, dinner's over. Parents go upstairs.
She's all passed out on the couch.
It's just me and Paul, hanging out, just shootin' the shit.
And then he pulls out a guitar and we start jamming. What?
I sang "Let It Be." I sang "Yesterday." I sang "Glass Onion."
You gotta be kidding me. I sang-- No, dude.
You're lying. Now I know you're lying. No, I am not lying.
You liar. I will show you.
Paul gave me his number.
McCa.
That is what happens
when you fly by the seat of your pants first class.
Boom!
So, how was your night?
My night? My night was awesome.
I watched House Hunters and went to bed.
You watched what? House Hunters? Oh, man. Never mind.
(chuckles) All right, you want that guitar? Should I wrap that up for you?
How much is that one over there?
Don't be ridiculous. That's a limited edition.
I'm not even sure I'd be willing to sell that.
I tell you what though. I'll trade you for the L6.
(scoffs) Are you kidding me?
(chuckles) It's just a thought.
Dude, I've had that guitar my whole life.
It's like trading my wife and kids.
You know what? Just give me the dinosaur one.
Yeah. I'll get you a strap. It's fine.
Sorry, man. There he is.
Perry Miller, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you so much for joining us, Perry.
Only 30 minutes late. No big deal.
Can I get you anything? Any coffee?
How about a doughnut? Let me run out and get you a buttered bagel.
I had to pick up Salome's guitar.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
That's cool.
It's always something with you, man.
It must be nice to be you.
Are you cool?
I'm great. Thanks for being early.
Terrific.
Hey. Yeah?
You're a great brother.
抖 (rock intro)
?Nothing ever happens ?/i>
?Nothing ever happens here ?/i>
?Nothing ever happens today ?/i>
?Today, today, today ?/i>
抖 (continues)
?Things are fragile inside ?/i>
?I'm fragile, I'm fragile ?/i>
抖 (continues)
?Nothing every happens ?/i>
?Nothing ever happens ?/i>
Hey, man. Hey, what's up?
We gotta talk.
Okay. What's up?
I had a guy come in
and say that you recommended ammonia for his marble countertops.
Why would you do that?
Maybe because I don't have anything that has marble in it.
Okay, this is our business, and we're supposed to be experts on every product in the store.
That's how it works. Experts?
Experts. Give me a break.
Perry, I'm being serious right now, okay? Yeah, yeah.
Honestly, we have a real problem.
And we're gonna have to talk about it.
What are we gonna do about this? Do we have to do this now?
We have to do it now.
Please don't push me, okay? And stop walking away when I'm talking to you.
Hey, did you know today's my birthday? (scoffs) Come on, your birthday?
Birthdays are for kids, Perry. I know.
It's just-- Dude, never mind.
How old are you? Forty.
Okay, well, happy birthday. It's great.
(scoffs) What are you gonna do?
You gonna hang out? You gonna party tonight?
Karen forgot.
She forgot? That sucks. You forgot too.
No, I didn't. I thought it was tomorrow or--
(scoffs) I could call her.
You want me to call her? No.
She's got enough on her plate. Don't say anything.
Okay. Just drop it.
Promise you won't say anything. I'm not gonna say anything.
All right. If the lecture's over, I gotta go finish working.
Look, you know what I think? I think you should take the day off.
Blow off some steam, find your buddies, throw a little party for yourself.
Nah. I was about to put this in the safe.
I want you to take some of this money. Two, three...
What is that?
It's $500.
I'm not taking that. Yeah, you are.
You're actually gonna take a thousand. That's a thousand.
And please, Perry, get it out of your system.
I don't want this. Yes, take it.
I'm tired of you loafing around this place.
You're late all the time. Your hair's a mess.
You-- You look like a goblin.
You don't know jack shit about hardware or the stuff we sell.
Oh, yes, I do. That's so not true.
Okay, what do we have in aisle ten?
Aisle ten? Yeah.
Soap.
Soap? Yeah, like dish soap.
Wrong.
Um, wait. Um, hoses.
No. Uh, shovels.
Wrong.
I know this. Hold on. It's like sink stuff.
Okay, look, there is no aisle ten.
All the aisles are lettered. I knew that.
It's been like that from the beginning.
I thought you meant something else.
Do me a favor. Enjoy your birthday.
Blow it out. Then it's over.
Okay? You got it?
All right. Happy birthday.
Oh, and we don't sell dish soap.
It's a hardware store.
(line ringing)
Gary here. You know what to do.
(line beeps) Gary. What's up, man? It's Perry. How's it going?
Hey, today's my birthday, man.
Um, and I'm thinking about having a party,
like a daytime blowout kinda party.
So-- Yeah, dude, um, as soon as you get this, or--
I'll call you back. As soon as I get a location, I'll call you back.
It's gonna be sick. Bye.
抖 (rock intro)
?I was sick ?/i>
?I was losing my mind ?/i>
?Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah ?/i>
?Couldn't make it, so I told her why ?/i>
?Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah ?/i>
抖 (continues)
?Oh, yeah Oh, yeah ?/i>
?Sitting all alone in my room ?/i>
?Shootin' up some glue ?/i>
?And too crazy to do ?/i>
Whoo!
?All right ?/i>
抖 (ends)
-Hello. -One moment, please, sir.
All right.
Cucumber water?
Yeah, sure. Thanks, man.
It's refreshing, isn't it?
Oh, my God.
It took you a second. I know. Christy, what's up?
Hi!
How are you?
Um, I'm-- I'm good.
You look good.
(scoffs) Well, I don't know.
Uh-- I mean, how are you? You look amazing.
Thanks. Yeah. Wow.
So what the hell's going on?
Um, nothing. Just working.
What, like, for the hotel or something?
No, I don't work for the hotel.
I'm just staying here. I'm just in town.
What about you? Me?
Where do you live?
You know, still here in the city. Oh.
You know, doing-- You're not checking in?
Um, no, I am checking in, but it's kind of a-- kind of a long story.
Mmm. MAN: Welcome to The Drake, sir.
-Sorry to keep you waiting. -Oh, just give me one second, okay?
At your leisure. All right.
Well, I'll let you finish up.
Oh, no, no. No, no, no.
Um, it's awesome to see you.
You still say "awesome."
Yeah, yeah. I guess I kinda do.
Anyway, I'll see you later. All right.
So what can I help you with?
Yeah, um, Rup-ert.
Ru-pert.
Oh. Rupert. Yeah, I'm looking to get a room.
Oh. Okay.
Well, let me see what we have available.
-Man, I can't believe that. -What's that, sir?
Oh, I just haven't seen that chick in, like, 15 years.
Chick, sir? Oh. Was she an old flame?
Something like that. Yes.
That's nice for you.
All right, well, we have a few options available.
I assume you're looking for a single, sir?
I don't know, Rupert. Um, it's kind of a special occasion.
Do you got some kind of a suite?
A suite? Well-- Yeah.
Well, we have the Presidential, but, uh...
What's that? It's very expensive.
Oh, cool. Can I take a look at it?
It's very, very expensive.
Well, I wanna see it.
The Carlyle Suite. It's occupied.
And here we are.
The Presidential Suite.
Whoa.
Oh, my God. This is amazing.
Ten presidents have stayed in the suite.
It was last remodeled in 2010,
but it was restored to its original design.
Have you ever felt Egyptian cotton?
What is this, a king size?
The dining room table is made from mahogany
that has been imported from Brazil.
Oh, my God. There's a kitchen in here?
Yes.
What's this, a little whiskey?
Uh, no. It's not a little whiskey.
This is a Maclarnan Reserve.
Forty-one years.
This is perhaps the greatest whiskey that was ever distilled.
Is it any good?
No.
No, it's not any good.
It's perfection.
It starts... mellow.
Sweet.
A little fruity.
But you're gonna wanna hang on, 'cause it's about to get bold.
Suddenly, you taste the earth.
It's gritty, like there's dirt in your mouth.
Smoky. Oaky.
Perfection.
It lingers for just a moment
and then seamlessly transitions
into a peculiar finish of lemon with a hint of cranberries.
And it's a thousand dollars a bottle.
So let's just leave this here,
and let's go find you a deluxe queen with a mini bar.
Well, wait, wait, wait. How much is this room?
Two.
Two what? 2,000.
$2,000 for one night?
This is not the Sheraton, sir. No shit, Rupert.
Look, why don't we find you a very nice room
but something simpler. I got an idea.
There's no one here, so is there any wavering on the price?
(chuckles) No, there's no wavering, sir.
Why is that so funny?
It's-- No, it's not funny.
So do you want it?
Can I do, like, half cash, half credit?
Gary here. You know what to do.
-(line beeps) -Gary! It's on, dude!
I'm at the Drake Hotel.
The Presidential Suite!
And it's pretty sweet, all right.
Hi. It's Johnny. Please leave a message. (line beeps)
Yo, Johnny, what's up? It's Perry.
Hey, I'm having a party. I'm at the Drake Hotel.
Uh, the Presidential Suite! All right, call me. Bye.
Hi. This is Pete. Who are you? Leave a message.
Hey, Pete. What's up, man? It's Perry Miller.
Hey, uh, I'm having a rad party today, so give me a call.
Gary here. You know what to do. (line beeps)
Gary. What's up, man?
It's Perry calling again.
I don't know if you're getting my messages or what,
but, uh, give me a call, man.
I, um, wanna have this party, so...
All right. Talk to you later. Bye.
(imitating engine)
(imitates crash)
(toy car clattering) (doorbell rings)
Who is it? MAN: Room service!
Room service?
I didn't order any room service.
MAN: Room service! (laughing)
Hey! Gary!
Birthday guy. What's up, man?
Wow. What's up, Johnny?
That was me doing room service. You knew that, right?
Yeah, yeah. This is Gypsy.
Hey, welcome to my party. Wow!
Are we the first ones here? Yeah. Hey, where's Pete?
He's hungover, so he can't make it. Oh.
You have a kitchen in your hotel room? Yeah. Right?
This is wild, huh? Unbelievable. What's this?
Uh, probably the finest bottle of scotch ever made. Guys.
Finest bottle of scotch ever made. You want a shot?
JOHNNY: Yes! Hey.
Gypsy, you want a shot?
PERRY: Gary, you can't do shots of that stuff. Why not?
It's like an antique. You can't just gulp it down.
It's antique alcohol?
It's a thousand bucks a bottle. Oh, wow.
I mean, I'm very thirsty, so, you know, you're the host of the party and...
Very funny. I'm just kidding around. It's a joke. All right?
We're not doing shots? No, we're not doing shots.
Come on, Gary! We're not doing shots.
All right, calm down. Uh, let's get everything started.
-Gypsy, you wanna get ready? Give him a happy birthday? -Okay.
Just give me a couple minutes to change.
Who's she? Okay, this is a birthday present.
She's a friend of mine, so it's a freebie.
So we're gonna put you--
What do you mean by "freebie"? It means you need to relax.
Hey, Gypsy, where should I put him? Should I put him here?
Fine. All right. So sit here.
Just relax.
Is she gonna strip?
No, I think she might just read us the Bible.
-(laughs) -Yeah, she's gonna strip. She's a stripper.
That's what she does. All right?
You rent out this huge suite. We're gonna play Scrabble?
Man, come on. You know, you don't wanna do shots of scotch, okay?
-It's too expensive, right? Have a beer, okay? -All right.
Chill out. Okay, all right.
We're your friends, okay? She'll do anything you want.
You want a hummer?
Dude, don't say that. That's someone's daughter.
Shut it!
Have a good time. This is a party.
All right? This is for you.
You wanted to go crazy, right? Yeah.
Well, this is going crazy.
All right, Gypsy, you ready?
Dude, if you don't want the hummer, I'll take it. That'll be the one freebie.
All right? For me? Yeah.
You ready for this?
Whoo! Mm-hmm.
(Gary chuckles) Yeah. JOHNNY: Oh, man.
Oh!
-Do you dare touch it? -(Johnny chuckles)
Sure. Why not? No, no, no.
Guess not.
JOHNNY: Whoo!
Do you need music? Do we have music around?
GYPSY: Mm-hmm. 抖 (beatboxing)
GYPSY: Thank you. 抖 (continues)
-Does that sound right? -抖 (continues)
Hey, do you mind using a coaster?
(laughs)
Seriously, can you put a coaster under that?
-JOHNNY: Dude, are you serious? -Yeah. Here, you too.
They're not even open. You gotta.
-JOHNNY: Are you insane? -Take the beers off the table.
-It doesn't matter. There's a show going on. -Do it. Here.
One second. JOHNNY: Are you insane?
-Is this a joke? -Stop! Stop!
I'll do it. My table at home is full of rings.
My kid never uses a coaster.
-There's a beautiful woman right there. -Okay. All right.
抖 (beatboxing)
Look that way.
That's for you! Yeah! Fun!
抖 (continues)
Yeah, hold on. Give me one minute, okay? I'll be right back.
What are you doing to me? There's a woman right...
(door opens)
I'm sorry. (door closes)
Oh, my God.
What the hell is the matter with you?
All you ever talk about is hanging out with your buddies,
and now you're acting like a total freak.
I mean, God, what the hell?
Hey.
What's your problem? Nothing, man. I'm fine.
You're fine? Yeah.
"Use a coaster"? You sound like my mom.
When you're in dad mode, you just think about stuff like that.
This isn't about you being a dad.
This is about you celebrating 40 years. Forty years.
Think about that. Right? It's party time. You gotta celebrate that.
You can't get that time back.
That should make you a little insane. Oh, man.
You're right.
Dude, my life is so straight now.
I-- I watch House Hunters ten times a week.
Dude, I'm this close to losing my shit right now.
Then lose it. Just lose your shit.
I'm gonna lose my shit. You wanna lose your shit? Yeah.
Let's lose it. Let's go insane. Okay.
Let's do it. You deserve it. Right.
Celebrate it. You're right.
All right?
I miss the band, man. Mm-hmm.
I just wanna get the band back on again.
I know. So here's what we're gonna do.
Let's lay it down like there's no tomorrow.
All right. All right?
-I know. -I'm with you.
All right. I'm in. Feeling good?
I'm in. Honestly, I feel great.
Gypsy, let's go. He's ready for some sexy-ass dancing. All right.
You know what? I got something I gotta say.
GARY: Oh, speech. (Johnny chuckles)
I'm gonna sit down.
We haven't hung out in a while, so this is special. All right.
I may have a bad back that aches every morning when I have to get out of bed.
I might have a wife and two kids and a mortgage to pay.
But you know what? There is a damn good chance
that that TV flies out the window today.
That's what I'm talking about, man!
-Out the goddamn window! -Yes!
Like the old days! The old days!
GARY: Yes, that's it!
And I don't need a coaster!
You're a punk. Look at that.
That's gonna leave a huge ring.
(cell phone ringing) Ring that shit!
Tremendous. Hold on. My phone's ringing.
So what?
(ringing) It's my wife.
(snickers) Don't answer it.
I'm sure it's nothing. (ringing)
Hey, baby.
Why aren't you at the house right now? The house?
My parents are waiting at the house, Perry. They're locked out.
Remember? You're supposed to let them in at your lunch break.
Oh, damn it. Oh, God--
I'm so sorry. Okay.
I'll be right there. Okay? I'm sorry. Bye.
My in-laws are locked out. So what? I don't care.
I have to let them in.
I told you not to answer the phone, dumb-ass. I know.
(sighs) I have to let them back in.
Can't they just break in or something?
Give me a break. They can't break in the house.
Well, you've got people here and everything.
Well, just make yourselves at home.
Just hang out. Watch TV or something.
But, hey, don't touch the mini bar.
Okay? Because I already ate, like, a $10 box of Twizzlers.
You're being a very bad host.
All right, I'll be right back.
We just got here!
Well, I can see I'm gonna have to clean out these gutters while we're here.
And fix that mailbox.
And what's with all the trash in the driveway?
Maybe you should just clean it up and not say anything, Walt.
Is that him?
Yep.
WALT: Look at his pants.
Hey. Hey, guys.
Oh, man, I'm so sorry I'm late.
Hey, Joan. Hi, Perry.
Hey, Walt. Perry.
PERRY: There we go.
All right. I'm just gonna let you in and-- Let me get that for you.
Thank you. You bet.
I only got a second. I gotta get back to work.
(exhales) Jesus. Back to work.
You know, if you used coasters, you wouldn't get marks on the table like this.
Oh, yeah. I tell Salome all the time,
but she doesn't always get it.
You know, I've been thinking.
Maybe I should take a crack at that playhouse out there.
What do you mean?
Just spruce it up a little, make it look like an actual house.
Never mind. Maybe I shouldn't say anything.
What are you talking about, Walt? Nothing!
Forget it.
You promised.
(sighs) You're right, Joanie.
Listen. (whispering)
Yes, but-- (whispering continues) Please, try to be nice.
Okay?
WALT: I don't mean to be critical,
but, you know, your effort is just kind of... lacking.
Walt. I think Salome likes the house.
He means you didn't put your heart into it.
But that's okay. Not everyone is good
at putting their heart into things.
I'm sorry I'm not a professional wood person.
I know. We can work on it together. You wanna help me?
JOAN: That's a great idea.
You know, that is a great idea, but I have to--
All right. So we'll get dessert then, right? Yes. That's the whole--
(knocking) Coaster, please. Yeah, hold on.
Hey, Pete. How you feeling?
I need a drink.
Yes, you do. There's a little mini bar over there.
I like your glasses very much.
Hello.
Oh, hi. Uh, come on in, ladies. Make yourself at home.
Yeah, seriously, I gotta get back to work. Hi, guys.
Not now, Joan. We're in the middle of something.
I just wanna talk to Perry.
Can't it wait?
Perry, you'll have to show us Salome's fancy new guitar.
Didn't you guys get her a new guitar for the talent show?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did.
Well, where is it? Uh--
You-- I got it.
He probably lost it.
No, I didn't lose it.
Well, then, where is it, Perry?
(cell phone rings) Um--
Can you guys give me just one second? (ringing)
Hey.
Hey, are you coming back or what? Yeah, I'm coming back.
Hey have you seen a guitar around there? A guitar?
Uh, I see no guitar.
Are you sure? It's got a dinosaur on it.
I'm very sure I see no guitar or a dinosaur.
Hey, I got a question.
Is it okay if we put in an order
for, uh, room service? Room service?
Maybe just a couple simple things.
Maybe some pizza, some BLT's kind of thing.
No, man. That shit's expensive. Oh, yeah.
But the thing is, you know, we're very hungry.
Why didn't you eat before you came?
Because it's a birthday party.
There's food at parties. Are you sure we can't put an order in?
Because the thing is, I already placed one and everything.
What? No, man. Call them back and cancel.
I don't think they allow you to do that. You know what?
They're delivering it right now.
Gary!
Sorry, man.
We got hungry.
Ah, goddamn it, Gary.
Don't do anything else. I'll be right back.
Did you find the guitar, Perry?
Yeah. It's...
(sighs)
I know where it is.
Oh, shit.
The garbage was today.
I didn't put it out. It...
I'll see you.
I told you he lost it.
Hey, Denise. Have you seen a guitar around here?
I put it in the office. (sighs) Oh, my God.
I thought I lost it.
But Jake's having a meeting in there.
JAKE: Yeah. Sounds incredible.
I just, uh-- This is clear that--
Perry.
Hey, what's up?
What are you doing here?
I was looking for Salome's guitar. You see it around?
Right over there.
(sighs) Am I interrupting something?
No. No, man.
Uh, we're just, uh-- just talking.
You remember Drew, our lawyer.
How you doing, Perry?
What are you guys talking about?
Uh, we were--
Why don't you have a seat, Perry?
Uh, so... in your father's will,
where he left you guys the business,
he also included a little provision
pertaining to your stake in the ownership.
What little provision?
Basically, if I feel like you're not pulling your weight,
I have the option of buying you out of the company.
Buying me out? Yeah.
What does that mean?
That means that you wouldn't work here anymore.
Or receive any of the profits.
Well, what would I do then?
And what does that mean for me? First of all,
you'd get a nice chunk of money. Oh, yeah.
And then you'd have to find another job.
What if I don't feel like you're pulling your weight?
Me? You.
I mean, that's not-- It doesn't seem like that's an option.
I am pulling my weight. If I may, gentlemen.
Actually, he didn't actually stipulate for Jake's weight.
Oh, my God. That figures.
He always liked hanging out with you more anyway. That's not true.
I think it-- You know, it's just... Jake's older.
What? He's not older.
No, I'm younger.
Oh. Sorry. I--
I thought you-- You seemed older, so--
Got it. Yeah, we got that.
You actually seemed younger, Perry, so I--
No, dude. I'm the older brother. He's the older brother.
Drew, you wanna give me a second with my brother?
Sure. Step outside.
No problem. Thank you.
It was great to see you. You too, guys.
Just go upstairs, and I'll be up there in a second.
(chuckles)
(footsteps)
He doesn't know what he's talking about.
You're seriously thinking about buying me out of the family business?
Hold on a second, okay? I'm trying to help you. That's all.
Of course you're gonna take it like I'm doing something personal to you, and I'm not.
I just-- I look at you
and, you know, you remind me of one of those days
when it's rainy and sunny at the same time.
You know what I'm saying?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about that I think you're confused, Perry.
I am not confused.
I think you're very, very, very confused.
I am not confused.
I like rainy, sunny days. They're weird.
No, not rainy, sunny days. I'm talking about a sunny, rainy day.
What's the difference? I'm talking about a day that's raining,
but there's bits of sun.
It's mostly sheets of rain. You're confused.
And you're confusing everyone around you. Are you happy or sad?
It's coming down.
Forget it.
Look,
just be a regular day.
You know? Like everyone else.
I mean, I feel--
Look, I'm gonna be honest with you. I feel like you're scared.
You're scared to live in the normal world like the rest of us.
You've always been like that.
What am I supposed to say to Karen? Don't worry about Karen.
I talked to Karen. She supports this.
You talked to my wife about firing me?
I talked to your wife about her opinion, not about firing you.
I'm not firing you. If you wanna do this--
If you can fully commit to the hardware store-- No.
You don't, right? No, no. You're right. I don't.
Full-heartedly commit to the hardware store-- You're right. Whatever.
I'm a rainy, sunny day, Jake.
You're a sunny, rainy day. I'm a sunny, rainy day.
Yes, yes. You're confusing. Whatever.
-I'm outta here. -You're confusing me.
-You say you wanna do it, then you don't. -I'm outta here.
Perry-- I love you too.
Perry, come on. Don't do this. You're an asshole.
(sighs) Perry!
Perry!
Perry?
MAN: Perry! There he is.
Oh-- What's up, big man?
Hey. I-- I gotta go. I gotta go.
Hey, what do you think? Snow blowers? Snow shovels?
What do you recommend? I have no idea.
Ask my brother. Do you like poker? We got a game tonight.
No, I don't really play poker.
You gotta play. You gotta play. It's easy.
Guys, we-- Honestly, we have nothing in common.
Or we have everything in common. (chuckles)
-That's another way to look at it. -Yeah.
The way our kids do everything together.
They go to school together, play together, do dance together.
Overnights. Overnights. Birthday parties.
Soccer practice. I see this guy 12 times a week.
You think I like him? I don't like him. He's a nerd.
-I don't like him either. -Oh, man.
But we share a common bond.
I gotta go.
Yeah.
(horn honks)
(horns honking)
CHRISTY: Perry!
(sighs) Hi again.
Hey, how's it going?
(chuckles) You okay? Not really.
I'm just running around right now.
So...
Oh, shit.
What?
Oh, my God. That's Joan Jett.
Yeah, I know. No, no, no, no. It's Joan Jett.
That's why I'm here. I'm her manager. She has a show tonight.
What? Yeah.
You didn't want to lead with that earlier?
Can I introduce you? This is a really old friend of mine, Perry.
-Sure. -Oh, hey. How you doing?
Pleasure to meet you. Nice to meet you.
Pleasure to meet you too. Yeah.
My mother-in-law's name is Joan.
(soft chuckle)
(groans)
We should get going. The car's outside, so...
All right. See you, Perry. Have a good day.
Say hi to your mother-in-law. I will.
Oh, God. "My mother-in-law's name is Joan"?
Jesus Christ.
Oh, Mr. Miller.
How are you enjoying your stay?
Yeah. Uh, it's-- Great.
Listen, I see you're carrying a guitar
and I just wanted to inform you that the hotel has a strict no-party policy.
Uh-huh. I'm not having a party. Great.
Because if there is any damage done to that hotel room...
we will prosecute.
(scoffs) Okay, cool.
(panting)
(laughter)
抖 (rock)
(dog barking) Oh, my God.
Finally, bro.
WOMAN: Whoo! (man shouting)
Gary!
What the hell is going on?
What do you mean? Who are these people?
Friends. Whose friends?
People's friends, friends of friends. I don't know.
So they're strangers, basically. Well,
not to each other.
You wanted to have a party. This is a party. Oh, look who's here.
Pete!
Oh, my God.
Oh, oh.
Lordy, Lordy, look who's 40. Yeah, yeah, it happens.
Hey, Pete, how you doing? You got a hangover?
Yeah. It's good. I concocted a remedy.
It's scotch and tomato juice.
That sounds disgusting. It's better if you use a really good scotch.
Which this is amazing shit. Have you tried this?
-Oh, my God. You drank the scotch? -I had to. I had a hangover.
-Gary, what did I say? -I don't know.
-I said don't drink the scotch! -Okay, I'm sorry.
Oh, you're sorry? Oh, great.
Oh, my God. (shouts) Everybody shut up!
Hey! Don't scream at everybody!
You tryin' to freak everybody out? Calm down.
Have a beer.
There we go.
So much nicer. How's that feel?
(burps) I need a nap.
Hey, you know, you've really changed.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
You're just no fun anymore.
(door closes)
(inaudible)
Perry?
Perry.
(whispers) Perry. Wake up.
Hey, what's happening? Hi.
How's your birthday going?
Oh, man, it sucks ass.
(chuckles)
What time is it? It's about 5:30.
Is it still going on? Oh, yeah.
There's like 100 people out there.
(scoffs) How long have you been sleeping?
Oh, God. I don't know.
Like a couple hours or something.
(scoffs)
Oh, my God, my neck. What?
Let me rub it for you. No.
Oh. That's awesome.
Oh, I brought you something.
Happy birthday.
What is this?
It's tickets for Joan's show tonight.
No way! Really? Yeah.
With backstage passes.
You should come and hang out with me. Yeah.
So, how are things? How's your life? How have you been?
Things. Things are...
Things are good. Yeah?
Yeah. That's good.
I mean, seems a little weird.
You got this really nice hotel room.
There's a bunch of people out there partying,
but you're in here taking a nap.
So...
what's really going on?
Oh, I don't know. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
Yeah? Yeah.
I don't know. I--
I think I'm going through some kinda, like, mid-life freak-out or something.
(chuckles) Yeah, it's like...
I'm just thinking about the path not taken.
Mmm.
Like what?
(scoffs) Oh, just stupid shit.
Like how we should have never signed that stupid record deal.
I put everything I had into that record, and then they just totally dumped it.
Yeah.
They did.
I really loved that record though.
Really?
I thought it was really great.
Wow. Thanks.
Mmm. I think about you a lot.
Really? Yeah.
I knew it was your birthday.
I didn't know it was today exactly, but...
I always know this time of year, when the weather changes.
Always reminds me.
What do you think about?
I think you're my path not taken.
(chuckles) Get outta town.
(chuckles)
Really? Yeah.
We had so much fun together.
You just have this really great way
of sort of making everything really exciting
and each moment always just felt so alive and...
I'm not like that anymore. Yeah, you are.
You are. I can tell. Well, I don't know.
I loved how you'd always play me your songs first.
(chuckles) I always got to be the first person to hear 'em.
(sighs)
(sighs) Oh, my gosh. That was a long time ago.
Mmm.
Do you still write music?
Yeah, sometimes.
When I'm not totally exhausted.
(inhales) You smell the same.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Christy.
Yeah? I can't go there.
I'm s-- No, no, no.
No, no, no. No, no, no, no.
Do you wanna, like, hear a new song?
I have a new song. Really?
Really.
Okay.
Okay, hold on one second.
Capo. (chuckles)
(exhales) All right.
I don't know what I'm doing. Here we go.
?Where can I find the city of shining light ?
?In an ordinary world? ?
?How can I leave a buried treasure behind ?
?In an ordinary world? ?
?The days into years roll by ?
?It's well that I live until I die ?
?Ordinary world ?
?Mmm ?
?What would you wish if you saw a shooting star ?
(phone chirps) ?In an ordinary world? ?
?I'd drive to the end of the earth and afar ?
?In an ordinary world ?
-?Maybe I don't have much-- ? -(phone chirps)
Just ignore that. I'm sorry.
I think you got a text. I know, but it's... stupid.
Don't even... We can do this another time.
No, I'm sorry about that. I didn't-- Please.
No, please, come on. Please. No, that's cool.
No, Perry, I swear. I loved it.
It's okay. I loved it. Please finish.
It's all good. I feel like Joan would really love it.
I would love to play this for her.
(door opens)
-Dude, wake up! -I am awake.
Good news. The band is gonna play.
-Really? -Yeah. We're setting up right now.
Holy shit.
-(panting) -MAN: Two-two-two two-A.
Thanks for coming, you guys. Uh, where's Perry?
Where's Perry? Perry, get out of that bedroom!
WOMAN: Perry! GARY: Wanna hear some music?
Yeah! Very important to get your rest these days.
There's a handicapped ramp over here if you wanna--
(chuckles)
My friend here had the audacity to turn 40 today. MAN: No!
Four-zero.
Ahh! Timber!
(chuckles) This guy, we love him.
I love him. He's the best.
He's got a new job right now. What is it you're doing?
You're changing baby diapers and filling up baby bottles?
-GUESTS: Aww. -I'm telling you, this guy-- I am a witness to this.
He was a lunatic. He was nuts. He was crazy.
All right, this guy right here was rock 'n' roll to the core.
Still am! (microphone feedback)
-Yeah! -(chuckles)
-You're looking good, though. -Come on, man. Let's do this!
You see the wrinkles up close.
Wait! He needs his guitar!
What's that? We have a guitar on its way here. What is this?
Hold on, man. That's my daughter's guitar. Be careful.
-What is it? -Oh. I'm so sorry.
Yes, we've got children's music for you today.
A dinosaur. (scattered laughter)
(bumps) Easy. That's my daughter's guitar, man.
Rock and roll! Dinosaurs.
Gary, come on, man. (laughs)
Sit there, man. Pull up a chair so he can see. I want him to see the band.
I am looking for Se駉r Newt.
Newt, where are you? There he is.
Get up here! (cheering)
MAN: Go, Newt!
Let's do this. Shut up!
-What's going on? Who the hell is this guy? -That's Newt.
Is he-- Is he in the band?
Yeah. You're not gonna wanna stand there, buddy.
-When the hell did this happen? -Are you kidding?
I'm not in the band?
-You haven't been in the band. -Get off the stage, old man!
Shut up! Get out of my room!
-Asshole, it's my room! -抖 (heavy rock)
-抖 (drums pounding) -(cheering)
(screaming) ?No one wants to hang out with me ?
?Like I'm a social disease ?
?With a mental deficiency ?
?I got a growth on my lip and my face ?
抖 (continues)
?But it's bleeding like an open sore ?
抖 (continues)
?I look so repulsive I look so repulsive ?
?I got such a fever ?
?Breaking out is useless ?
?Have my nervous breakdown It's my mental shakedown ?
抖 (continues)
(growls)
抖 (continues)
?That I wander through the city ?
That's my daughter's guitar!
(grunting)
?I look so repulsive ?
?I got such a fever ?
Everybody out.
(amplifiers crackle)
What? What? What? You're a communist! Get off of me!
RUPERT: The party is over. Everybody out!
I told you. No parties.
Get him in the bedroom.
Get them into the bedroom.
Cops are on their way.
Salome, come on, babe. We're gonna be late!
I'm right here, Mom. Oh, good.
Where's Dad at? I don't know, hon.
I'm having trouble getting ahold of him.
Well, can I call him? Yes, sure. In the car.
Come on, guys. Mom, Dad!
(vacuum whirring) GARY: What is your problem?
You say you wanna have a party.
Then when it happens, you're all bent out of shape.
Well, maybe if you invited some people I know, Gary.
What? You think I wanted to spend my entire Tuesday organizing a birthday party?
I wake up to your voice mails.
You're all fired up, ready to go, ready to burn down the city,
so I drop everything for you.
I gotta say. It's very typical of you.
What do you mean, typical?
This is just what you do.
I mean, I should have learned my lesson years ago
when you walked out on the band. (scoffs)
I did not walk out on the band. You walked out-- You know you did.
I did not walk out on the band.
Are you kidding me? What was it then?
Gary, I had a kid. Mm-hmm.
We were having a baby. We had to take a break.
It was just a hiatus. It was a hiatus?
Yeah. Give me a break.
How long is that hiatus? Forever?
You remember the tour? Right? With Mudhoney. You remember that?
Thirty cities.
That would have been huge for us. It was all lined up.
Do you ever think about what that could have led to?
Every day. Yeah.
A million things.
You know, we could have been touring right now.
I mean, we struggled for how many years together?
You know, I put my heart and soul into the band.
And...
I was counting on you.
I don't know. I guess I just never understood the whole kid thing.
(door opens)
You can go.
Gary. (sighs) I'm sorry.
It's okay. I'm over it.
Hey, you want these tickets?
To what? Joan Jett.
I can't go. I got a talent show for my kid.
Hell, yes. Thank you very much.
-Yeah. -You know, we should play sometime.
-Just get together and jam. -Yeah, man. That's all I wanna do anyway.
Yeah, that's so great. Come on. Let's go.
You're free. Oh, not you, Mr. Miller.
Cuff him. Yep.
-What? -All right, turn around.
You gotta be kidding me. I--
Can you get my cell phone out?
I warned you, Mr. Miller.
Have a seat. (sighs)
I gotta call my wife. Dude, I need to make a call.
-Wait here. -(sighs)
I need to call my wife.
(line ringing)
-(cell phone ringing) -(scoffs) God!
I gotta call my wife.
Perry, call me. This is ridiculous.
We need the guitar. Get over here.
Where is the guitar?
Hi. Can you tell me when Salome Miller is? Uh, seventh.
Seventh. C-Could she go last?
Yeah, sure.
Great, thank you.
You're going last. Last but not least.
Are you okay, Mom? Yeah.
Yeah. No, I'm--
Know what? Maybe I'm a little nervous,
but it's just because I'm so proud of you.
It's not because Dad's not here? No. No.
Come on. Shit.
-Well, I'll be damned. -Dean!
I heard "Perry Miller" on my radio, and I thought it might be you.
(sighs) Man, I'm so stupid.
I had a party. It got out of hand.
Stupid, that's right. Let me talk to him.
Wait, wait, wait! Can you get my pho-- Aw.
-Ten minutes, you guys. Ten minutes. -Ten minutes?
I'm gonna go back to the car and get your dad's guitar.
Just in case. Okay? I'll be right back.
(giggling)
-Okay, Miller. -All right, Perry.
PERRY: Oh. Thanks, Dean.
Don't thank me.
Thank this nice gentlemen here for showing you some compassion.
Thanks, Rupert. Happy birthday, Mr. Miller.
Talent show.
(sighs) Man, thank you so much for getting me out of that.
They're gonna send you a bill for the damages.
I'm screwed. Yep.
Perry. Perry!
Oh, hey, Christy. What's going on? Are you okay?
Perry. Oh, it's fine.
-He's a friend of mine. -Oh.
Salome. Okay.
Break legs. (kisses)
(sighs)
Look, I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking about that song.
I really love it, and I want Joan to hear it. Could you play it for her?
Perry! It's starting, man.
I-I gotta go. I cannot miss this.
(applause) (woman speaks, indistinct)
(siren wails)
抖 (classical)
(exhales) (snoring lightly)
(whispers) Sorry I'm late.
Where have you been?
Has she gone up yet? She's up next.
Where's the new guitar? (Simon fusses)
Perry.
Does she have my old one? I can't believe you.
(applause)
(babbling)
(plucks string)
Hey, my name is Salome Miller.
This is a song that my dad taught me.
I think because it's about him, so...
?Look me in the eyes ?
?And tell me I'm satisfied ?
?Are you satisfied? ?
?Look me in the eyes ?
?And tell me I'm satisfied ?
?Are you satisfied? ?
?Everything goes so slowly on ?
?Everything I've ever wanted ?
?Tell me what's wrong ?
?I'm so ?
?Unsatisfied ?
?I'm so ?
?Unsatisfied ?
KAREN: So proud of you.
SALOME: Go!
(chattering)
You are amazing. Are you happy with it?
I'm proud of you.
It was fun.
I love watching you play.
I love you. Can I come in?
Oh, look. It's Mr. Forgetful. Oh, yeah.
Mmm. In case you can't remember,
your name is Perry Miller, and this is your house, and this is your daughter's bedroom.
I feel terrible. Okay.
(scoffs)
Great song, kiddo.
It was all right. All right?
I'm so proud of you.
I'm really sorry about the guitar.
It really sucked, Dad.
I told all my friends about the new guitar. You did?
(sighs)
Well, just to let you know, I'm not unsatisfied.
Sometimes you're just not there. Like this morning.
I was late to school because you were, like, playing your guitar.
And... you always say we're supposed to support each other in this family.
(sighs) You're right.
I let you down.
But you know what? It'll never happen again, okay?
Hey, look at me. I'm serious.
It will never happen again. Okay.
By the way, how was career day?
I just said you were in a band.
Really?
(sighs) I'm not really in a band anymore.
Unless you wanna start a band with me. Really?
Hell, yeah.
I don't have a guitar.
Oh, yeah.
Well, we'll figure something out.
Okay. I might be in a band with you.
(chuckles) Cool.
Hey, by the way, how pissed is Mom? About a six or a seven.
That's it? I think she's just glad you made it.
(scoffs) Yeah. Me too.
Are we cool? Yeah.
You sure? Yeah.
Okay.
All right, get some sleep, okay? Okay.
Wow. Big improvement on mine.
Really big improvement.
(creaks)
What do you think?
It's really cool, man. It's a good job, Dad.
Well, look inside.
Oh, I love it! Wow. This is amazing.
It's pretty good. But it's not finished yet.
I'm sorry about the guitar. I know you're pissed. I don't blame you.
Oh, you don't blame me?
No.
(laughs)
Well, thank you, Perry.
Thank you for not blaming me for you losing the guitar.
(chuckles)
Did Jake talk to you? About me?
He always talks about you.
No, but did you know he was gonna fire me? 'Cause he fired me.
Yeah. Yeah, he did say something.
Yeah. And I thought it was a good idea.
Get you out from under the store.
So you guys were talking about me?
No. I mean, I guess, you know, sort of.
Maybe. Maybe a little bit.
You know, but, Perry, you hate that job.
Now you can do something that inspires you.
Yeah, it sucks you guys were talking about me.
No, no, no, no.
It was a brief phone call. He said he would discuss it with you.
I didn't know he'd do it today. I thought he'd wait after your birthday.
Well, he did it today. On my birthday.
-Today is not your birthday. -(scoffs) Karen.
I hate to break it to you, but today is my birthday and you forgot.
I'm not even mad. I don't know.
I mean, I guess I did kinda flip out, and I feel bad about that.
I spent a few thousand dollars.
What? I know.
I think I'm going through some kind of mid-life crisis.
Normally I wouldn't even care if you forgot my birthday.
Today is not your birthday.
Today is the 16th.
Tomorrow is your birthday.
What? No, it's not. I--
Didn't we talk about Salome's talent show was on the same day as my birthday?
We had that conversation.
Yes. Because originally it was.
They had to move it back, because there's a PTA thing at the school tomorrow.
Today is the 16th. Tomorrow is your birthday.
Oh, shit.
You spent a few thousand dollars?
-On what? -A hotel room and stuff.
-I'm sorry. I didn't know. -You're lucky Jake is giving you some money.
Karen, wait. Oh.
(thunder rumbles)
(raindrops pattering)
DEAN: Okay.
You can't play if you don't know the rules.
You don't know the rules.
I know all of the rules. This happens every single week.
-Hey, guys. -DEAN: Whoa, whoa. Shut up.
-Somebody said something. -I didn't hear anything.
Guys, down here.
-JOE: Hey. -PERRY: Hey.
-DEAN: What the hell you doing in there? -Just thinking.
TED: We were wondering if you're up for poker.
Oh, not tonight, man. I got a little family issue I gotta take care of.
Fallout from today? Yeah.
Thanks for bailing me out, by the way.
No, man, it was easy.
Hey, but next week, I'm in.
Oh, you're in? Yeah, I'm in.
I'm in the Dad's Group, if you'll have me.
-Yeah. Yeah, we accept criminals. -Yeah, we'll make an exception.
Good to have you aboard, sir.
Good.
TED: He's in the group. DEAN: Yeah.
Let's go get some doughnuts. JOE: How many are we gonna get?
DEAN: We should form a doo-wop group.
What do you think? A doo-wop group? Anybody?
Hey, it's the birthday boy.
Hey, Walt.
Did Karen go to bed? Yeah.
She was all fired up.
Sounds like you're in the doghouse.
Yeah.
-You want a drink? -Um, yeah, sure. Why not?
You know, Perry, I've been a little hard on you sometimes,
but I just want you to know,
I really appreciate how much you love and care for my daughter.
Thanks, Walt.
Yeah, I think I screwed up pretty big this time.
Have you apologized to her?
Oh, yeah.
Mmm.
Then I'll tell you what you do.
You go upstairs and tell her you're sleeping on the couch.
You just grab your pillow and say, "Hey, honey, I'm sorry.
I'll just give you a little space.
I'll sleep on the couch tonight."
(whispers) I don't wanna sleep on the couch.
Don't worry. You won't have to.
She'll forgive you on the spot.
Trust me. I've done it a thousand times.
Hmm.
(knocking)
Hey.
You know, I was thinking, um--
Maybe I should sleep on the couch tonight.
The couch?
Yeah, I figured I'd give you your space and...
I'll just grab my pillow and sleep on the couch.
Did my dad tell you to say that?
No.
Hmm.
Sounds like something my dad would say.
Yeah, he did.
Hmm. Well, that's not gonna work with me.
So enjoy the couch.
All right.
(sighs)
KAREN: How's the couch?
Sucks.
I'm sorry.
Do you think this is something we could look back on and laugh about someday?
I have to be mad first.
How long is that gonna take? Long.
So this means I get a free pass, right?
A freak-out pass? If I ever decide to go off the deep end.
Sure, you can freak out if you want to.
Just let me know in advance.
You don't want the whole house to burn down, do you?
You know what freaks me out?
We're parents. Us.
Parents. (chuckles)
I know. It's, like, really weird, right?
For their entire lives, we're gonna be their mom and dad.
And when they go off to college and they think about home,
they're gonna think about us.
When they get older and have kids,
we're gonna be these wise old grandparents.
But the truth is, we're not wise.
We're just a couple of people who met on the subway.
(scoffs) We're not parents.
(chuckles) You are. You're good at it.
You're, like, Mom 101.
I'm just making stuff up. No, you're not.
I'm acting like a mom so they'll let me be in charge. Well, that's smart.
That's what makes you a natural. Ohh.
I'm glad it looks that way.
You know, you don't have to freak out, babe.
Okay.
Neither do you.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way.
But wanna watch House Hunters and get it on?
How am I supposed to take that?
Just 'cause it's your 40th birthday.
It's not because you love me? Because I love you.
I might love you.
Well, you have to because we have two kids.
Perry, you have two kids. I have three.
(chuckles) What? What are you talking about?
Are you talking about me?
(chuckles) What are you talkin' about?
SALOME: Dad!
(SIMON fussing)
SIMON: Dad! Dad!
Hey, what's up, homey?
How are you doing? Yeah!
Oh! Let me see. Hold it. Oh!
All right. Let's go.
?Where can I find the city of shining light ?/i>
?In an ordinary world? ?/i>
?How can I leave a buried treasure behind ?/i>
?In an ordinary world? ?/i>
?The days into years roll by ?/i>
?It's well that I live until I die ?/i>
?Ordinary world ?/i>
?Mmm ?/i>
?What would you wish if you saw a shooting star ?/i>
?In an ordinary world? ?/i>
?I'd walk to the end of the earth and afar ?/i>
?In an ordinary world ?/i>
What do you guys wanna listen to? The Beatles?
No, I want to listen to Dad's band. Me too.
Les Skunks! Really?
I want you to play "Devil's Kind." I love that song.
She listens to it all the time.
All right! Les Skunks it is.
Yeah!
Happy birthday.
抖 (rock intro)
?Puke stains and cigarettes ?/i>
?The party is in my pocket ?/i>
?I'm lookin' for a drink ?/i>
?And a couch to call my own ?/i>
?Give me a bump and I will come ?/i>
?And whisper dirty lies ?/i>
?The rapture in your ear ?/i>
?And we'll both be terrified ?/i>
?Bloodshot eyes and you're peppermint ?/i>
?We could run like dogs from the devil ?/i>
?Give me one last try ?/i>
?For your love tonight ?/i>
?I'll be the king forever ?/i>
?And you can be my sunshine ?/i>
?We are the devil's kind ?/i>
?And now I won't back down ?/i>
?I said I won't back down ?/i>
?I am the devil's kind ?/i>
?Take me into the water ?/i>
?And pull me from the slaughter ?/i>
?Because I've got the shakes ?/i>
?And I'm so petrified ?/i>
?Bloodshot eyes and you're peppermint ?/i>
?We can run like dogs from the devil ?/i>
?Give me one last try for your love tonight ?/i>
?I'll be the king forever ?/i>
?And you can be my sunshine ?/i>
?We are the devil's kind ?/i>
?And now I won't back down ?/i>
?I said I won't back down ?/i>
?I am the devil's kind ?/i>
?We are the devil's kind ?/i>
?And now I won't back down ?/i>
?I said I won't back down ?/i>
?I am the dev... kind ?/i>
抖 (ends)
?She knits me a plastic purple sweater ?/i>
?I'm staring blankly to the sky ?/i>
?All right ?/i>
?She reads me like a scarlet letter ?/i>
?She holds my heart and arms to die ?/i>
?All right ?/i>
?Sometimes it ain't so bad ?/i>
?Like a soul lies on a slab ?/i>
?This is my life in a body bag ?/i>
?She's got a diary of madness ?/i>
?She has a man of mystery Oh, yeah ?/i>
?She dumped me in a brand-new address ?/i>
?With a brand-new sweater made for me ?/i>
?Oh, yeah ?/i>
?Sometimes it ain't so bad ?/i>
?Like a soul lies on a slab ?/i>
?This is my life in a body bag ?/i>
?Oh, yeah ?/i>
抖 (ends)
怎么？我喝掉整瓶奶酒了
这早就不是新闻了
彼特，要拍你的特写了，开玩笑的
我是吉他手强尼
我是吉他手兼主唱贝利
- 鼓手嘉里 - 酒鬼彼特
- 你说你是酒鬼？ - 对
我们应该要做访问才对
你们的乐队很赞还是很烂？
超烂的
平凡的世界
（1995年，纽约市）
（20年后）
糟糕
糟糕，等等
等我一下
- 你看 - 不好意思
- 贝利来了 - 不好意思
- 你是怎样？ - 我又忘了放垃圾桶
- 这已经不是第一次了 - 帮我一下，今天是我生日
- 办不到 - 拜托
- 莎乐美 - 爸
我跟你说几次了？要用杯垫
为什么？没什么大不了，只是果汁
杯子会留下一圈水渍，你妈会很肚烂我
- 肚烂是什么意思？ - 吉他还我
这是粗话，不能随便讲
如果你讲了，人家会以为我教坏小孩
- 所以不要讲… - 好，爸，我知道了
好
- 是不是很简单？ - 爸，你是疯子
- 美女，早安 - 抱歉，你说什么？
- 我跟你说早安 - 亲爱的，早安
- 早安，尤物，要快快来一发吗？ - 真幽默
- 我要在20分钟内到法庭 - 我只要5分钟，4分钟就好
我先跟你道歉，是我的疏忽
怎么了？
今天收垃圾，我又忘了放垃圾桶
真是的，已经连续两周了
我知道，对不起
不过今天有特别场合，所以我有免死金牌
- 什么特别场合？ - 你知道的
什么？
- 你知道的 - 我不知道，什么？
你在开玩笑吧？
别拖慢我，快迟到了
不会吧
你好吗？
你祝我生日快乐？谢谢
妈妈应该是忘了，很扯对不对？
- 谁要吃早餐？ - 我要
来
看我们能够惹什么麻烦
莎乐美，要不要吃饼干？
- 真的？ - 对，因为有特别场合
有什么特别？
今晚你要才艺表演，准备风靡全场了没？
- 应该吧 - 什么叫应该吧？
- 要说，那是当然的 - 那是当然的
- 这就对了，会不会紧张？ - 不会
会紧张也没关系
我不紧张，可以再来一块吗？
- 当然可以 - 好棒
帮我个忙，午餐时回家一趟
- 她怎么在吃饼干？ - 因为有特别场合
有什么特别？
- 是我的… - 什么都别说
- 你猜猜看 - 好，我想想
因为…你要才艺表演？
对，才艺表演
为人生里程碑庆祝是我们家的传统
- 莎乐美，要不要吃松饼？ - 不用，爸会弄肚烂给我吃
- 她刚才说“肚烂”？ - 应该是在学校学的
我父母今天要来
我要你午餐时回来帮他们开门
恶魔二人组要来？
对，我跟你说过了，他们中午过来
可以帮我拿莎乐美的新吉他吗？
那是才艺表演要用的，还有…
- 好，我会去做 - 别弄丢了
- 我不会 - 很好，我要走了，快迟到了
我爱你…
- 记得帮我爸妈开门 - 我会的
- 你没有换尿布吗？ - 我想我忘了
不知道为什么，他闻起来像厕所
爸
我们要迟到了
爸，快点
- 喜不喜欢你的游乐屋？ - 游乐屋？有点无聊
真可惜，应该要很好玩才对
- 是有一点好玩 - 才怪，我的木工很烂
我不知道今晚要唱什么
- 我还没想到 - 你还没决定？
- 对 - 你想唱什么？
我想唱死亡甘迺迪的歌
死亡甘迺迪？那会很爆笑，但是不太好
现场有那么多爸妈跟小孩
- 对 - 但是你想唱什么都好
我们乐队都是最后一刻才决定
爸，你的职业是什么？
- 我的职业？干嘛问这个？ - 今天是职业日
我们要谈父母的职业
就说我是玩乐队什么的
但你没有参加乐队
当然有，我们只是暂时休团
暂时休团是什么意思？
就是休息，只是这样讲比较炫
谈你妈的职业好了
她是公设辩护人，工作很重要
好
不用提到我，去上学
去上学，玩得开心点
狄恩，逮捕他，带他去审问
我在劝他加入老爸俱乐部，可是没用
- 他又在耍娘炮？ - 有一点
- 别耍娘炮了 - 好
开玩笑的，我们没这个意思
对，怎么会讲到这个
是我的错，我只是想搞笑，对不起
你们是一群怪人
老爸俱乐部需要你这种酷角色
如果你们会觉得我很酷 老爸俱乐部就太逊了
- 跟你开玩笑的 - 他要走了
（超音速吉他）
贝利
这是你要的
莎乐美的第一把吉他，这是我老婆挑的？
对，你觉得呢？
- 怎么上面有恐龙？ - 不知道
那是贴纸，八成会剥落
听起来还不错
有件事我非说不可，可以跟你说吗？
什么事？
我在跟法国女人约会，她叫英格莉
25岁，超火辣
她找我去巴黎参加晚宴
我想我喜欢晚宴
所以就去了，你坐过头等舱吗？
没有
座位跟我的车一样大，所以两个人…
所以你想说你们在飞机上亲热？
不是，我们的确有做，但这不是重点
我到了巴黎，坐上餐桌
- 我、英格莉、她爸妈，还有保罗麦卡尼 - 真的假的
我也吓一跳，她爸好像是外交大使
少来了
总之晚宴以后，她爸妈上楼去 她醉倒在沙发上
只剩下我跟保罗在闲聊五四三
然后他拿出吉他，我们就开始弹
- 什么？ - 我唱了“让它去”和“昨日”
- 还唱了“玻璃洋葱” - 听你在鬼扯
- 你在骗人 - 我没有
给你看，保罗把他的号码给我了
麦卡尼
这就是跟着感觉走的好处 而且是坐头等舱走
超爽的
- 你昨晚过得怎样？ - 我？过得超赞的
我看了“猎访名宅”，然后就睡觉
- 你看了“猎访名宅”？ - 算了，别提了
你要这把吉他吗？要不要包起来？
好，那把要多少钱？
别闹了，那是限量版，我不太想卖
不如这样，我用它跟你换L6
- 开什么玩笑 - 只是想想而已
那把吉他跟了我一辈子，就像我老婆孩子一样
给我恐龙吉他就好
- 我帮你加条带子 - 这把也好
（哈利油漆五金行）
- 抱歉 - 总算来了
各位观众，贝利米勒到了，谢谢大驾光临
只有迟到30分钟 你需要什么？咖啡？
还是甜甜圈？或者我帮你买奶油贝果
我得去拿莎乐美的吉他
- 是吗？ - 对
没关系
总是有理由，这样的生活真好 可以上工了吗？
- 可以了，谢谢你这么早到 - 好极了
- 干嘛？ - 你真是好兄弟
- 你在这里 - 怎么了？
- 我们得谈谈 - 什么事？
有个客户进来说
你推荐他用氨水清洁大理石流理台
你为什么要这样？
也许是因为我没有大理石家具？
我们是做生意的，要精通每样产品
- 这是必要的 - 精通产品？
- 对 - 少来了
- 我是认真的 - 最好是
说真的，我们的问题很大，得好好谈谈
- 你打算怎么处理？ - 一定要现在谈？
对，现在就谈，请你别推我
我在跟你说话，别走开
- 你知道今天是我生日吗？ - 少来，真的？
- 生日是给小孩子过的 - 我知道，可是…算了
- 你几岁了？ - 40岁
好，生日快乐，恭喜
你有什么打算？晚上一起开个派对？
嘉伦忘记了
- 她忘了？太惨了 - 你也忘了
我没有，我以为是明天
- 要不要我打给她？ - 不要
她已经够忙了，什么都别说
- 好 - 别再提了
- 答应我，你什么都不会说 - 好
如果你训话训完了，我要去干活
我有个主意，你今天应该请假
去轻松一下，找朋友开派对
- 我不想 - 我本来要把钱放到保险箱
我要你收下这笔钱，一，二…
你在干嘛？
- 这里有五百元 - 我不能拿
当然可以，我给你一千
拜托，贝利，去发泄一下
- 我不要 - 收下
我受够你在这里闲晃了
你总是迟到，头发一团乱
看起来像个小妖怪
你完全不熟悉我们的五金产品
- 胡说，我很熟悉 - 第十区卖什么？
- 第十区？ - 对
清洁剂
- 清洁剂？ - 对，洗碗精之类的
- 错 - 等等，是水管
- 是铲子 - 错
我知道答案，等等，是水槽用品
根本就没有第十区
- 我们是照字母分区的，你一直在状况外 - 我知道
- 我以为你是指别的 - 玩得开心点
好好过生日，发泄一下 然后就要收心，懂吗？
生日快乐
还有这是五金行，没有卖洗碗精
- 我是嘉里，你知道怎么做 - 嘉里，你好吗？我是贝利
最近怎样？今天是我生日
我想在白天开个狂欢派对
如果你有听到留言…这样吧
我找到地方再打给你
这一定会很酷，再见
（百老汇站）
（纽约德莱克饭店）
- 你好 - 请稍等
好
要不要小黄瓜水？
好，谢谢
很解渴吧？
- 我的天 - 你迟疑了一下子
- 克莉丝蒂，怎么样？ - 你好
- 你好吗？ - 我很好
你气色不错
这我可不敢说
你好吗？你真漂亮
- 谢谢 - 真想不到
- 你在忙什么？ - 没什么，都是在工作
你在替饭店工作？
不，我只是这里的房客，我刚好进城
- 你呢？ - 我？
- 对，你住哪里？ - 还住在纽约
- 正在… - 你不是要投宿？
我是要投宿，不过说来话长
欢迎光临德莱克饭店
- 抱歉让你久等 - 等我一下好吗？
- 请便 - 好
- 我不打扰你了 - 不会
看到你感觉真赞
你还是会说赞
对，我的确会这样
- 也许我们晚点见？ - 好
- 请问有什么需要？ - 对
- 拉伯特 - 是鲁伯特
鲁伯特
- 我想要一间房 - 好
- 我查查还有哪些房间 - 我真不敢相信
什么？
我跟那个女的15年没见了
- 那个女的？是老相好？ - 差不多
真有你的，目前有几种房间
你应该是要单人房？
我不确定，这是特别场合
你们有套房吗？
- 套房？ - 对
我们是有总统套房，可是…
- 可是什么？ - 总统套房很贵
- 酷，我能看看吗？ - 非常非常贵
我想看
这是卡莱尔套房，已经有人住了
到了
这就是总统套房
我的天，好惊人
有十位总统住过这间套房
2010年重新装潢过，改回最早的设计
- 你有摸过埃及棉吗？ - 这是特大双人床？
餐桌的材质是巴西进口的红木
- 我的天，这里有厨房？ - 是的
- 这是什么？威士忌？ - 这不是普通的威士忌
是41年的玛卡能精选威士忌
应该是史上最佳的苏格兰威士忌
好喝吗？
不只是好喝
是完美无缺
入口时味道甘醇
略带果香
但你要等一下，因为味道会变烈
突然间，你会尝到泥煤味
嘴里就像有沙子一样
还有烟燻跟橡木味，无可挑剔
这股味道只会停留一下子，然后慢慢转变
化为一股独特的柠檬尾韵 还有一点蔓越莓味
一瓶1000元
所以我们把它放回去
我帮你找一间有小冰箱的豪华套房
等等，这个房间要多少钱？
- 二 - 二多少？
- 2000 - 一晚要2000？
- 这里不是普通饭店 - 看得出来
不如我帮你找间很棒的套房
- 稍微简单一点的 - 我想到了
反正这里没人，能不能算我便宜点？
我们的房间是不二价
- 有什么好笑的？ - 没什么
所以你要这间房吗？
可以刷卡加付现吗？
- 我是嘉里，你知道怎么做 - 嘉里，我找好了
我在德莱克饭店的总统套房
这里超棒的
我是强尼，请留言
强尼，你好吗？我是贝利 我要办派对
我在德莱克饭店的总统套房
打给我，再见
我是彼特，你是谁？请留言
彼特，你好吗？我是贝利米勒
今天我要办狂欢派对，打给我
我是嘉里，你知道怎么做
嘉里，你好吗？又是我，贝利
你有没有收到我的留言？打给我
我想办一场派对，待会再聊
- 是谁？ - 客房服务
客房服务？
我没有叫客房服务
- 嘉里，你好吗？ - 生日快乐
- 强尼，你好吗？ - 客房服务是我扮的
- 好… - 这位是吉普丝
欢迎来我的派对
- 我们是最早到的？ - 对，彼特呢？
他还在宿醉，没办法过来
- 你的房间有厨房 - 很疯狂吧？
- 不可思议，这是什么？ - 听说是最顶级的威士忌
最顶级的威士忌，要不要干几杯？
- 好 - 吉普丝，要不要喝威士忌？
嘉里，这种酒不能拿来干杯
- 为什么？ - 这就像古董
- 要细细品尝 - 这是古董酒？
- 一瓶一千 - 这么贵
我口渴了，既然你是派对主人…
- 很好笑 - 开玩笑的
- 我们没有要干杯？ - 没有
- 真烂 - 我们没有要干杯
冷静一点
我们开始吧，吉普丝，要不要准备一下？
- 帮他庆生 - 给我两分钟换衣服
- 她是谁？ - 这是生日礼物
她是我朋友，所以免费
- 我要让你… - 免费是什么意思？
就是要你放松的意思
吉普丝，我带他坐哪里？这里好不好？
- 好 - 好，坐下，放轻松
她要跳脱衣舞吗？
不，我想她应该想念圣经给我们听
她当然会，毕竟她是脱衣舞娘
你租了这么大的套房 难不成要用来玩拼字游戏？
来，我知道你不想干威士忌
因为太贵了，那就喝啤酒
- 轻松一下 - 好
我们是你朋友，而且她的配合度很高
要不要她帮你吹？
别这样，她也是人生父母养的
算了，好好享受派对就是了
这都是为了你，你也想疯狂一下吧？
- 对 - 那我们就疯狂一下
吉普丝，你好了没？
如果你不要就让给我，反正不要钱
- 让给我好不好？ - 好
你准备好了吗？
我的天
敢不敢摸？
- 有何不敢？ - 不行
看来是不敢
要不要音乐？有没有音乐？
谢谢
这样可以吗？
你可以用杯垫吗？
真的，可以用杯垫吗？
- 你在开玩笑吗？ - 你也是
- 酒根本还没开 - 把酒瓶拿起来
别管那个，专心看表演
- 快点 - 别弄了，你疯了？
- 你们在整我？ - 别弄了，不重要
我家的桌子都是水渍 因为我孩子不用杯垫
- 你眼前有位美女 - 好
看那边
这都是为了你，要开心
等我一分钟，我马上回来
你是在搞什么？这里有位美女…
对不起
我的天，你是怎么搞的？
你一直说要找朋友乐一下
现在却像个怪胎
- 我的天，搞什么？ - 你究竟发生什么事了？
- 没事，我很好 - 你很好？
- 对 - 用杯垫？跟我妈一样
做人老爸的都会注意这种事
这不是重点 重点是你要庆祝40岁生日
你想想，现在是狂欢庆祝的时刻
光阴一去不回头，所以要及时行乐
你说得对，我的生活好枯燥
我每周会看十次“猎访名宅”
我觉得我就快疯了
那就尽情发疯
我要发疯，你要发疯吗？
- 要 - 那就来疯一下
- 好 - 来吧，这是你应得的
- 对 - 要好好庆祝
- 你说得对 - 好不好？
我好想念乐队
我想重组乐队
我知道，所以我们要尽情享受 就像没有明天
- 好 - 可以吗？
- 我知道 - 有我陪你，感觉好不好？
算我一份，我感觉超棒的
吉普丝，开始吧，他要看艳舞
你知道吗？我想说几句话
生日致辞，我要坐下来听
我们很久没聚了，所以这次很特别
虽然我的背有伤
每天早上起床都痛得要命
虽然我有老婆跟两个孩子
还有房贷要付，但你知道吗？
今天这台电视很有可能被丢出窗外
这就对了
- 丢出窗外 - 没错
就跟从前一样…
就是这样
- 我不需要杯垫 - 你根本是庞克，你看看
- 这会留下一大圈水渍 - 管它的
- 超大的 - 我的手机在响
那又怎样？
是我老婆
- 别接 - 应该没什么事
亲爱的
你为什么现在不在家？
在家？
我爸妈在屋外等你，他们进不去
你应该在午餐时回去开门的
糟糕
对不起，我马上去，再见
- 我的岳父母进不了门 - 那又怎样？我不在乎
我得让他们进去
白痴，我早叫你别接电话
我知道，我得让他们进去
他们不能直接闯进去吗？
别闹了，怎么可以这样
我人都找来了
你们别客气，自己找乐子
可以看电视，但是别碰小冰箱
我已经吃了十块钱的扭扭糖了
- 你是很糟糕的主人 - 我马上回来
我们才刚到
看来我们得清一清屋顶的排水沟
邮筒也要修一下
为什么车道有一堆垃圾？
伟特，想清就清，别光说不练
那是他吗？
对
你看他的裤子
你们好，对不起我来晚了
- 琼，你好 - 贝利，你好
- 伟特 - 贝利
好，我先让你们进来
- 我帮你拿 - 谢谢
别客气
我只能待一下，就得回去工作
如果你用杯垫，桌子就不会满是水渍
我常跟莎乐美说，但她有时会忘
我一直在想
也许我该弄一下外面的游戏屋
- 什么意思？ - 稍微整理一下
让它像个真正的屋子
算了，我不该说的
- 伟特，你在说什么？ - 没什么
- 算了 - 你答应过我的
琼，你说得对
拜托，口气好一点
我并不是要批评你，但你真的…
没怎么付出过
- 伟特 - 莎乐美很喜欢游戏屋
他只是说你没有很用心
这没什么，不是每个人都能全心投入某件事情
很遗憾我不是专业木工
这样吧，我们可以一起弄
- 要不要帮我？ - 好主意
这个主意很棒，可是我得…
- 所以我们要叫甜点 - 没错…
- 请用杯垫 - 等我一下
- 彼特，还好吧？ - 我需要喝一杯
好，那边有小冰箱
你的眼镜很有型
有事吗？
小姐请进，别客气
我真的得回去工作了
你们听我说
现在不行，我们在忙
- 我想跟贝利谈谈 - 不能等吗？
贝利，给我们看莎乐美的新吉他
你们不是为了才艺表演买了新吉他？
对，我们有买
吉他在哪里？
我去拿了
- 他八成弄丢了 - 我没弄丢
那么吉他在哪里？
我先失陪一下
- 你到底要不要回来？ - 要
- 你有没有看到吉他？ - 吉他？没看到
你确定？上面还有恐龙
不管是吉他或恐龙，我都没看到
我想问你，我们能不能叫客房服务点餐？
- 客房服务？ - 点些简单的食物
像是披萨或培根生菜三明治
- 不行，那里的东西很贵 - 我知道
可是我们很饿
你怎么不吃饱再过来？
因为这是生日派对，派对都会有食物
我们真的不能点餐？
可是我已经点好了
什么？不行，跟他们取消
他们应该不会接受
- 餐点正在送过来 - 嘉里
对不起，我们饿了
可恶，嘉里，什么都别做，我马上回去
- 你找到吉他了没？ - 对，这个…
我知道吉他在哪里
可恶
今天有收垃圾，我忘了拿出来…
待会见
我早就说他弄丢了
丹妮丝，你有看到吉他吗？
- 我放在办公室 - 谢天谢地，我以为我弄丢了
可是杰克在里面开会
- 贝利 - 怎么样？
你在这里干嘛？
我在找莎乐美的吉他，你有看到吗？
在那边
我有打断你们吗？
没有，我们只是在闲聊
- 还记得我们的律师德鲁吧？ - 贝利，你好吗？
你们在聊什么？
- 我们… - 贝利，过来坐
根据令尊的遗嘱 他把这间店留给你们兄弟
不过他对你的股份有一项但书
什么但书？
基本上，如果我觉得你没有尽到本分
我就有权收购你的股份
收购股份？这是什么意思？
这就表示你不能在店里工作
或是分享店里的利润
那我该怎么办？这对我有什么影响？
首先，你会拿到一大笔钱
- 对 - 然后你要另外找工作
要是我觉得你没尽本分呢？
- 我没尽本分？ - 对
哪有这回事，我一直有尽本分
不好意思，遗嘱没有要求杰克这么做
想也知道，爸一向比较喜欢陪你
- 哪有这回事 - 我想…
- 重点是杰克是哥哥 - 他不是哥哥
我是弟弟
抱歉，你看起来年纪比较大
常有人这么说
贝利，你看起来比较小…
不，我是哥哥
他是哥哥，德鲁，让我们兄弟谈一下
- 没问题 - 谢谢
- 很高兴看到你 - 我也是
你先上楼，我很快过去
他是随便说说的
你真的想收购我的股份？
先别发火，我只是想帮你
你当然会以为我在针对你，可是我没有
只不过你会让我想起那种…
出太阳的雨天
你懂我的意思吗？
- 你在说什么？ - 我觉得你很困惑
我没有
我觉得你非常困惑
我没有，我喜欢下雨的晴天，因为它很怪
我说的是出太阳的雨天 不是下雨的晴天
有什么差别？
我是指多半在下雨 偶尔会出太阳的天气
你很困惑，所以周遭的人也很困惑
你到底是开心还是难过？说到底…算了
你要跟普通人一样
就跟大家一样，我觉得…
说实在的，我觉得你在怕
你怕会跟我们一样，活在正常的世界
- 你一直都是这样 - 我要怎么跟嘉伦说？
别担心，我跟她说过了，她很赞成
你跟我老婆说要开除我？
我只有征询她的意见，没说要开除你
我没有要开除你
- 如果你愿意把心思都放在店里… - 不…
- 所以你不愿意？ - 对，我不愿意
把心思都放在店里…
随便你，我是下雨的晴天
- 是出太阳的雨天 - 没错
- 你把我弄糊涂了 - 我要走了
你一下子要，一下子又不要
- 我要走了 - 贝利
- 我也爱你 - 贝利，别这样
你是混帐
贝利…
贝利？
贝利在这里，还好吧？
我得走了
你会推荐铲雪机还是扫雪铲？
- 你觉得呢？ - 我不知道
- 去问我弟 - 你喜欢打扑克吗？我们今晚有牌局
- 我不打扑克 - 你一定要
- 很简单的 - 你一定要
说真的，我们没有共同点
我们的共同点可多了，这样想吧
我们的孩子一起上学、一起玩、一起跳舞
- 一起过夜 - 对，还有庆生会
- 足球练习 - 我每周看到他12次
- 其实我根本不喜欢这个书呆子 - 我也不喜欢他
我的天
我们有共同的连结，就是这样
- 我得走了 - 好
贝利
- 又见到你了 - 你好吗？
- 没事吧？ - 其实很有事
一直跑来跑去的…
- 不会吧 - 什么？
- 我的天，是琼杰特 - 我知道
- 真的是琼杰特 - 所以我才会在这里
我是她的经纪人，她今晚有演唱会
- 什么？ - 没错
- 你怎么不早说？ - 我跟你介绍一个人
这是我的老朋友贝利
- 当然好 - 你好吗？
很高兴认识你…
- 我也是 - 我的岳母也叫琼
我们该走了，车子在外头
- 好 - 祝你今天愉快
- 帮我问候你岳母 - 我会的
我的天，怎么会提到岳母
我在想什么
米勒先生，住得还满意吗？
很满意…
很好，我看到你背着吉他
我只想知会你一声
饭店严禁开派对
- 我没有开派对 - 很好
因为若酒店房间有任何损坏
我们会控告你
好，酷
怎么样？
我的天
你总算回来了
嘉里
这是怎么回事？
- 什么意思？ - 这些人是谁？
- 朋友 - 谁的朋友？
大家的朋友，朋友的朋友，我不知道
- 所以是陌生人 - 至少他们彼此认识
你想开派对，这不就是派对？ 你看谁来了
彼特
我的天
- 是我们的40岁寿星 - 该来的总会来
彼特，你好吗？你不是在宿醉？
没关系，我调了特效药
- 这是威士忌番茄汁 - 听起来很恶心
如果用上等威士忌，效果更好
这瓶威士忌真是不得了
- 你喝过吗？ - 我的天，你喝了这瓶？
我不得不喝，我有宿醉
- 嘉里，我说过什么？ - 我不知道
- 我说别喝那瓶威士忌 - 抱歉
你很抱歉？好极了
- 所有人给我闭嘴 - 别对他们大小声
你会吓到大家的 冷静一下，喝点啤酒
这就对了
好多了，感觉怎么样？
- 我要睡一下 - 你真的变了
- 这话什么意思？ - 你变得很无趣
贝利？
贝利，醒醒
- 怎么回事？ - 嗨
- 你的生日过得怎么样？ - 糟透了
- 现在几点了？ - 大概五点半
派对还没完？
对，外头大概有上百人
- 我的天 - 你睡多久了？
不知道，大概几小时吧
我的天，脖子好痛
什么？
- 我帮你按摩 - 不用了
好赞
我有东西给你，生日快乐
- 是什么？ - 是琼今晚的门票
- 真的假的？ - 真的，还有后台通行证
- 好棒 - 我们可以聚一聚
对…
日子还好吧？过得怎么样？
日子…日子还好
- 是吗？ - 对
那就好
说也奇怪，你租了顶级套房
外头有一堆人在狂欢 你却在这里睡觉
到底是怎么回事？
我不知道，我不晓得自己在干嘛
- 是吗？ - 对
我也说不上来，大概是碰到中年危机
我一直在想着过去的遗憾
像是什么？
都是一些蠢事
像是我们不该签约灌唱片的
我那么用心的做唱片 却被他们当成垃圾
对
的确没错
但我很喜欢那张唱片
真的？
那张唱片做得很棒
谢谢
我常想到你
- 真的？ - 真的
我知道你的生日快到了，我不记得是今天
但我知道只要季节一变 你的生日就会到
我总是会想起来
你会想什么？
可惜我们没有在一起
少来了
- 你是说真的？ - 真的
我们在一起好开心
你总是有办法把场面炒热
每一刻都充满活力
- 我已经不是当年的我了 - 你还是
- 我看得出来 - 我可不敢说
我喜欢你总是先给我听你的歌
我总是比大家先听到你的歌
我的天，真的好久了
你还有在写歌吗？
如果没有很累的话，偶尔会写
你闻起来还是一样
克莉丝蒂，我不能这么做
我不能这么做
不行…
你想不想听新歌？
我有一首新歌
- 真的？ - 真的
- 好 - 等我一下
还有变调夹
好了
我随便写，你就随便听
- 别理它，抱歉 - 你有简讯
我知道，没什么重要的
- 我改天再唱 - 对不起
- 别傻了 - 拜托，继续唱
- 没关系 - 贝利，我真的很喜欢
- 没关系 - 请你唱完
- 不要紧 - 琼会很喜欢的
我很想给她听这首歌
老哥，醒醒
- 我已经醒了 - 好消息，乐队要演奏了
- 真的？ - 对，我们在摆乐器了
太炫了
试音…谢谢各位光临
贝利在那里？快点从卧室出来
你们想不想听音乐？
适当的休息是很重要的
这边有无障碍斜坡
我这位朋友居然有胆子迈入40岁
40个年头
再活也没几年了
我们都爱他，我爱他，他是最棒的
他有了新工作，现在你在做什么？
你在换尿布跟泡牛奶？
我跟你们说，我亲眼看过这家伙有多疯
他狂起来的时候无人能比
他曾经是不折不扣的摇滚咖
现在还是
好极了
- 不过你的气色不错 - 快点开唱吧
- 你看他的皱纹多明显 - 等等，他需要吉他
那是什么？有吉他传过来了
那是我女儿的吉他，小心点
那是什么…
对，今天我们要表演儿歌，还有恐龙
小心点，那是我女儿的吉他
- 摇滚恐龙 - 嘉里，别这样
坐那里，找张椅子给他 我要他看到乐队
我要找纽特先生
纽特，你在哪里？他在那里
快上来
我们开唱吧
闭嘴
怎么回事？他是哪根葱？
这是纽特
他是乐队的人？
对，你别郲在这里
什么时候的事？开什么玩笑？
- 我不是乐队的人？ - 你早就不是了
- 老头，快下台 - 闭嘴，滚出我的房间
混帐，这是我的房间
这是我女儿的吉他
大家都出去
一个一个慢慢来
- 出去 - 你是共产党的，别碰我
派对结束了，大家出去 我说过不准办派对
带他进卧房
带他进卧房，警察要来了
莎乐美，快点，我们要迟到了
- 妈，我在这里 - 好
爸在哪里？
不知道，我一直联络不到他
- 我可以打给他吗？ - 可以，到车上打
爸、妈，快点
你吃错了什么药？
你说你要办派对，等到派对开始了
你又很不爽
谁叫你请一堆陌生人过来
什么？你以为我想在周二帮人办庆生会？
我被你的留言吵醒
你那么兴奋 像是可以烧掉整座城似的
所以我为你放下手边的事
- 说真的，你每次都这样 - 什么叫每次都这样？
你只会做这种事
你在多年前丢下乐队时，我就该觉悟了
- 我没有丢下乐队 - 你心知肚明
我没有丢下乐队，开什么玩笑？
- 当初是怎么回事？ - 我有孩子了
我已经有小孩了，所以我们得休息
- 只是休团而已 - 只是休团？
- 对 - 少唬我
休团要休多久？一辈子？
还记得那场巡回吗？
我们要跟蜜酱乐队巡回30个城市
那是我们成名的机会，一切都安排好了
你有没有想过我们会有多红？
- 每天都有 - 红到不行
搞不好我们现在就在巡回
我们熬了多少年了？
我把全副心力都放在乐队
而且…
我对你充满期待
我应该无法了解有孩子的生活
你可以走了
嘉里
对不起
没关系，我已经释怀了
- 你要这些票吗？ - 什么票？
琼杰特的演唱会
我去不了，我要参加孩子的才艺表演
好极了，谢谢了
- 别客气 - 改天我们一起玩音乐
- 聚一聚，玩音乐 - 好，我也只想这样
真感人，快走吧
你自由了，米勒先生，你得留下
- 把他铐起来 - 好
- 开什么玩笑？ - 转过去
至少让我拿手机好不好？
- 米勒先生，我警告过你 - 坐下
我得打给我老婆
- 我得打电话 - 你在这里等
我得打给我老婆
我的天，我得打给我老婆
贝利，打给我，你太扯了 我们需要吉他，快过来
吉他在哪里？
请问莎乐美是第几个上台？
- 第七个 - 可以移到最后一个吗？
- 当然可以 - 好极了，谢谢
你最后上台，最后一个也很重要
- 妈，你还好吧？ - 还好，不
我很紧张，但这是因为我以你为荣
不是因为爸不在这里？
不是
别这样，可恶
- 我会惹上麻烦 - 狄恩
我在无线电听到“贝利米勒” 就猜应该是你
是我太蠢，我开的派对失控了
的确很蠢，我去跟他谈谈
等等，能不能帮我拿手机？
- 你们还有十分钟 - 十分钟？
我去车上拿你爸的吉他
以防万一，我马上回来
米勒先生
没事了，贝利
- 狄恩，谢了 - 别谢我
谢谢这位好心人愿意同情你
- 鲁伯特，谢谢 - 米勒先生，生日快乐
才艺表演
谢谢你帮我解危
他们会把整修费帐单寄给你
- 那我就完了 - 没错
贝利…
- 克莉丝蒂 - 怎么回事？你还好吧？
- 贝利 - 没事，他是我朋友
莎乐美，祝你表演成功
- 抱歉，我一直在想那首歌 - 贝利
我很喜欢，我很想让琼听到 你能唱给她听吗？
贝利，表演已经开始了
我得走了，我绝不可错过这次
对不起，我来晚了
你去哪里了？
- 她上台了没？ - 她是下一个
新吉他在哪里？
贝利？
- 她有没有拿我的？ - 我真不敢相信
我叫莎乐美米勒，这首歌是我爸教我的
我想这是关于他的歌
看着我的眼
告诉我，我很满足
你是否觉得满足？
看着我的眼
告诉我，我很满足
你是否觉得满足？
日子慢慢的过去
我想要的一切
告诉我出了什么错
为什么我会…
这么不满足
我很不满足
我们进去吧
走吧
- 开不开心？ - 开心
我真是以你为荣
上台很好玩
- 我喜欢看你表演，我爱你 - 我可以进来吗？
- 是健忘先生 - 对
要是你记不得，你叫贝利米勒
这是你家，这是你女儿的卧房
- 我很过意不去 - 好
对不起
孩子，唱得好
- 还可以 - 胡说什么？
你让我好有面子
抱歉我把吉他弄丢了
爸，你真的很逊
我跟朋友说我会有新吉他
是吗？
可是你要知道，我没有不满足
有时候你的心就是不在，就像今天早上
因为你在弹吉他，所以我迟到了
你常常说我们应该彼此支持
你说得对，是我对不起你
但是我再也不会这样了
看着我，我是说真的 我再也不会这样了
好
对了，职业日好不好玩？
- 我说你是乐队的人 - 真的？
其实我已经不是乐队的人
- 除非你想跟我组乐队 - 真的？
当然是真的
可是我没有吉他
也对，我们会想办法
好，也许我们可以组乐队
酷
- 对了，妈咪有多生气？ - 大概有六、七成
- 这么少？ - 你能来她就很高兴了
我也这么觉得
- 我们没事了吧？ - 没事了
- 确定？ - 确定
好
- 好好睡 - 好
好厉害
比我做的好多了
真的好很多
- 你觉得呢？ - 太酷了
- 爸，干得好 - 看看里面
- 我好喜欢 - 太神奇了
是还不赖，但我还没弄完
抱歉我把吉他弄丢了，我不怪你生气
- 你不怪我？ - 对
真是谢谢了
你把吉他弄丢，还有资格怪我？
- 杰克有没有找你谈我的事？ - 这有什么稀奇的
你知不知道他要开除我？他开除我了
他是有提过
我觉得这么做也不错
- 你就不用困在店里 - 所以你们在背后说我？
不…应该算是吧
我们也许有谈到一点点…
你明明就很讨厌那份工作
现在你可以做你喜欢的事
你们居然在背后讲我，真可恶
不是这样的
我们在电话上讲了一会 他说会跟你讨论
我以为他会等到你生日再说
他就是趁我今天生日的时候说的
今天不是你生日
我本来不想告诉你的 但你忘了今天是我生日
我甚至没生气，好吧…
我的确有生气，所以我很过意不去
- 我花了几千元 - 什么？
我以为我碰到中年危机了
通常我不在乎你忘了我的生日
今天不是你生日，今天是16号
- 明天才是你生日 - 什么？才不是
我们不是说过莎乐美的才艺表演
跟我的生日是同一天？我们聊过的
本来是这样，但那天晚上要开家长会
所以才艺表演就提前一晚
今天是16号，明天才是你生日
- 糟了 - 你花了几千元？
- 用在哪里？ - 用来租套房
对不起
算你好运，杰克会给你钱
嘉伦，等一下
你不懂规则就不能玩
- 你不懂规则 - 我懂得很
- 每周都是这样 - 你们好
有人在说话
- 我没听到 - 我在这里
- 你在里面干嘛？ - 我在思考
你想不想打扑克？
今晚不行，家里有事要处理
- 是因为饭店的事？ - 对
- 对了，谢谢你救我出来 - 别客气，小事情
- 不过下周我会去 - 你要来？
如果你们还肯让我加入老爸俱乐部
- 我们愿意接受罪犯 - 我们会为你破例
很高兴有你加入
- 他跟我们是一伙的了 - 对，我们去买甜甜圈
- 我们要买几个？ - 真有趣的小屋
我们组个清唱合唱团好不好？
寿星来了
- 伟特，嘉伦睡了？ - 对
她火冒三丈，看来你要被冷落了
- 对 - 要不要来一杯？
有何不可
我承认，有时我对你有点严格
但我只想让你知道
我很感谢你这么关爱我女儿
谢谢
我知道我这次捅了大篓子
- 你有没有跟她道歉？ - 当然有
我教你一招
你到楼上跟她说你要睡沙发
你先拿枕头，然后说
“亲爱的，对不起，我让你静一静”
“今晚我睡沙发”
- 我不想睡沙发 - 别担心，你不用睡沙发
她会当场原谅你，相信我
我试过上千次了
听我说，我在想…
也许今晚我睡沙发好了
睡沙发？
对，让你静一静，我只是要拿枕头
我去睡沙发
是我爸教你的？
不是
这很像他会说的话
是他教我的
这招对我没用，好好享受你的沙发
好
沙发好不好睡？
很难睡
对不起
你觉得这是我们回顾时可以大笑的事吗？
我得先生气才行
- 你要气多久？ - 很久
所以我有免死金牌对不对？
如果我想发飙，就可以任意发飙
当然可以，不过你要先让我知道
你可不想看到房子被烧掉吧？
你知道我最怕什么？
我们已经当爸妈了
有孩子要顾
我知道，感觉真的很怪
我们要做他们一辈子的爸妈
等到他们上大学，一想到家
就会想到我们
等到他们成家立业
我们就得成为睿智的祖父母
但我们没相应的智慧
我们只是在地铁相识的两个人
我们不是做爸妈的料
你是，你是称职的模范妈妈
- 我只是在唬人而已 - 才不是
我只是做出妈妈的样子，好让他们给我管
真聪明，所以你天生是做母亲的料
幸好是这样
你知道吗，你不用怕
好
你也不用
希望你别想歪了
要不要一边看“猎访名宅”一边亲热？
- 不然我该怎么想？ - 因为今天是你40岁生日
不是因为你爱我？我可是很爱你的
也许我爱你
你非爱不可，因为我们有两个孩子
你有两个孩子，我有三个
你说什么？你是指我是孩子？
爸？
爸…
怎么了，亲爱的？你好吗？
我们走，希望你们都饿了
等等，我马上回来
（儿童吉他班）
是吉他
你们想听谁的歌？披头四？
- 我要听爸的乐队 - 我也要听臭鼬乐队
- 真的？ - 放“恶魔党”给我听
那首歌超赞的
她整天都在听
- 好，那就放臭鼬乐队 - 好棒
生日快乐
翻译︰BTI Studios
Mandarin（Complex）