如果我又放鸽子他会觉得有什么不对的【】 If I do it again he's gonna sense that something's up.
还有什么我能为你做的么 Is there anything else I can do for you?
-糟糕的分手么 -不能更坏 - Bad breakup? - The worst.
你猜什么会让我感觉更好过么 Well, you know what helps me?
最好有一天他蜷缩在臭水沟【贫民窟？】里 Knowing that someday when he's lying in a gutter
独自流泪 饿个半死还依然肥胖 crying and alone, starving yet somehow fat,
他就会明白你是他生命中最好的过往 he'll realize you were the best thing that ever happened to him.
你知道么帕特里克 你俩该多交流交流 You know, Patrick, you guys should hang out.
Jen经历过不少惨烈的分手 Jen's been through some terrible breakups.
我记着有个难以置信的帅气的家伙 I remember this one with this incredibly handsome gentleman.
没错帕特里克 查理原来还挺帅的 It's true, Patrick. Charlie used to be handsome.
愤怒管理 第二季第十八集 Anger Management 2x18 - 【Charlie】
嘿 我好像想到了个招 So, hey, I think I've got a way
能骗你后妈接受我回她身边 to trick your stepmother into taking me back.
所以我猜你没像我一样 So I guess you weren't enjoying
享受刚才那种尴尬的沉默 that awkward silence as much as I was.
不不 听我说 我是这么计划的 No, no, listen to me. Here's what I'm thinking, see.
她不和我说话所以要你替我打给她 She won't talk to me so you'll call her
就说你十分担心我 and say how you're really worried about me.
自从读到一些达尔富尔孤儿的 I haven't stopped crying
孤儿的事儿我就开始哭个不停 since I read about some orphanage in Darfur.
总之 你去恳求她 Anyway, you'll plead with her
来这边照顾我 to come out here and take care of me
或者带我去辛辛那提 or take me back to Cincinnati.
等下 别提达尔富尔了 No, wait, forget Darfur
可能她又要对这个发表意见了 because she may have an opinion about that.
就说是非洲的 你怎么看 Just say Africa, okay? What do you say?
额 没门儿 我不会为你欺骗科琳的 Uh-uh. No way. I'm not lying to Corinne for you.
得了吧查理 Oh, come on, Charlie.
你不觉得那段悲剧应该涅槃出某种好结果么 Don't you think some good should come out of that tragedy?
-嘿 -嘿 Lace - Hey. - Hey, Lace.
进来吧 你的手机就在这 Come on in. Got your phone right here.
顺便提一下 一个叫Satan的打给你了大概20次 By the way, somebody named Satan called for you, like, 20 times.
我老妈没了我可不行【相依为命】 My mother is so codependent.
Lacey 有没有过你为了和谁破镜重圆 Lacey, have you ever tricked somebody
而欺骗他过 into getting back together with you before?
一向如此嘛 Have I ever not?
别把她扯进来 老爸 Don't get her involved, Dad.
不 我只是想听听她的意见 No, I just want her opinion.
最简单让某人回到你身边的招数 Easiest way to get somebody to take you back
就是假装怀孕了 is to pretend you're pregnant.
我本可以用这招 I would do that,
只可惜我已经变性了【求文雅】 except I think I've already gone through the change.
你还有别的好招么 You know what else works?
把你和辣妞儿狂欢的照片 Put some pictures of you and a hot woman
贴到Facebook网站上去 having a great time on your Facebook page.
我没有Facebook 也没有大妞 I don't have a Facebook page or a hot woman.
你今天走运了 老炮查理 Well, today is you lucky day, Old Man Charlie.
我准备给你申请个Facebook账号 I'm gonna help you set up a Facebook account
而这仅仅是因为我乐于助人 because I actually like helping people.
不管别人怎么看 中年查理 Because despite what some people think, Middle-aged Charlie,
我是一个完全无私的人 I am totally selfless
同时我会扮演和他摆拍的那个辣妹 and I'm gonna be that hot woman he gets to pose with.
这样来一张 I'm gonna do this.
然后这样再来一张 And this.
你真的觉得这会奏效么 You really think this'll work?
当然 妇孺皆恨我 Oh, yeah. Women hate me.
我想这话你听到会很高兴 I thought you'd like to know
其实我没穿内裤 I'm not wearing any underwear.
我也是 Neither am I.
你懂 男人说这话并不性感 You know, not as sexy coming from a guy.
我可没想变得火辣 我的洗衣机坏了 I wasn't trying to be sexy. My washing machine broke.
大家好 Oh, hey, guys.
-嘿 -我要感谢你 查理 - Hey. - I have to thank you, Charlie.
Jen是最棒的 Jen is the best.
整个下午我们都在她的的车库里对付蚂蚁 We spent all afternoon in her garage killing ants.
这太治愈了 It was so therapeutic.
她教我把每一只蚂蚁都想成前任 She told me to think of every little ant as my ex.
掐住蚂蚁的脖子极其困难 但是他做到了 It's hard to throttle an ant's neck, but he did it.
抱歉亲爱的 我要去一趟洗手间 Excuse me. I'm just gonna skip to the loo, my darling.
Jen 我十分感激你对Patrick所做的事 Jen, I really appreciate what you're doing with Patrick.
现在我们在统一战线了 Just so we're on the same page,
我正尝试在淡化他的复仇心理 I'm trying to downplay his revenge fantasies
因此我想现在最适合的事 so I'm not sure the best thing right now
就是一场微型的杀戮盛宴 is a teeny tiny killing spree.
不用担心 他状态不错 Well, don't worry. He's feeling great.
补一句 其实我也是 And by the way, so am I.
我终于找到了 这就是我本该做的 I finally found it. This is what I was meant to do...
去积极乐观的帮助他人 help people by being positive and optimistic.
谢了 查理 Thanks, Charlie.
你建议她去帮助Patrick么 So you suggested she help Patrick?
不 我只是想让她陪陪他 No, I just thought she should keep him company.
没错 猜猜会发生什么 我将成为一位人生指导师 Yeah, and guess what it lead to. I'm gonna be a life coach.
就好比一种治疗师一样 It's like being a therapist
不同的是他只需要在[]花费六个下午 except it only requires six afternoons at the Y.
Jen 你明白我没想让你去 Jen, you do know that I didn't ask you
教导或者给Patrick任何建议 to coach or give Patrick any advice.
哦 我只是保持积极乐观态度而已 Oh, I'm just being positive and optimistic.
别让你的内裤积压成堆[？] Don't get your panties in a bunch.
无碍[？] No danger of that.
我可不会在光秃秃的床垫上做 查理 I won't do this on a bare mattress, Charlie.
感觉好像在监狱一样 I feel like I'm in prison.
我保证Sears商场的人 I told you the guy from Sears
明天就来修洗衣机 is coming to fix the washing machine tomorrow.
来嘛 会很有趣的 Come on, it'll be fun.
就好像我们在货车车顶一样 Like we're in the back of a van.
你就没有另一套床单么 Don't you have another set of sheets?