长久以来 我们一直以大小 The greatness of human accomplishment
来衡量人类的伟大成就 has always been measured by size.
越大越好 The bigger, the better.
现在不是了 Until now.
纳米科技 Nanotech.
小型轿车 Smart cars.
袖珍是新时代的伟大 Small is the new big.
未来几周内 互利将推出'纽核力' In the coming months, Hooli will deliver Nucleus,
有史以来最尖端的 the most sophisticated compression software platform
软件压缩平台 the world has ever seen.
如果我们能压缩你的音频和视频 Because if we can make your audio and video files smaller,
我们就能让癌症不值一提 we can make cancer smaller.
还有饥饿 And hunger.
以及艾滋 And AIDS.
真是个混蛋 What an asshole.
科技博客视频
离正式发布还早着呢 他怎么现在就宣布了 Why would he announce it so far ahead of the actual rollout?
没人这么做 No one does that.
他就是要故意恶心我们吧 He's got to be doing it just to fuck with us, right?
我觉得我们没事 I actually think we're OK.
我只给了他们老版播放器 The player I gave them was from a retired repository
只能压缩音频 that was audio only.
视频压缩完全是另一模式 Video compression is a completely different paradigm.
他们的产品跟'魔笛手'很像 但远没我们的好 What they have is like Pied Piper, but not as good.
大家会明白的 People will see that.
他们先上市的话我们就没戏了 Not if they get to market before us.
只要能先上市 劣质产品也能赢得市场 Inferior products win out all the time.
比如耶稣就战胜了撒旦 Like Jesus over Satan.
我本来想说Betamax惨败给VHS的 I was going to say VHS over Beta.
[视频录制格式大战]
我这里可有优质产品 OK, well, actually this is a superior product, right here.
做玛格丽特酒的机器吗 Is it a margarita machine?
比那更好 It's better.
作为首席执行官 这是我做的第一笔正式投资 My first official purchase as CEO of Pied Piper.
我们不会就用这个做标志吧 That's not really our logo is it?
看起来就像他在吃鸡鸡 It looks like a guy sucking a dick
还在耳朵后面别了个鸡鸡以备后用 and he's got another dick tucked behind his ear for later.
-就像鸡鸡枪 -不是 这是'魔笛手' -Like a snack dick. It does. -No, it's... it's Pied Pipe...
拿着 穿上 Here, put them on.
吉尔弗约尔 穿上 Gilfoyle, come on.
我不穿 I don't want it.
贾里德 我用信用卡买的T恤 Jared, I bought these T-shirts with my credit card
但我好像快超支了 所以... but I think I'm close to being maxed out, so...
我们可能有点问题 Yeah, um, we may have a little problem there.
彼得·格里高利的支票 怎么了 Peter Gregory's check. So?
支票是付给'魔笛手股份有限公司'的 So, it's made out to "Pied Piper Incorporated,"
我上州政府网站查过了 I checked with the Secretary of State website,
加利福尼亚州已经有一家叫'魔笛手'的公司了 and there's already a "Pied Piper" operating in California.
所以我们得换个名字 So we need to change our name.
-感谢老天 -感谢黑魔王 真是好消息 -Thank God! -Praise the Dark Lord, that's great news.
这不是好消息 我们喜欢'魔笛手'这名字 No, it's not great news. We love the name Pied Piper.
是个经典童话的名字 It's a classic fairy tale.
我去查了下 Well, I looked it up.
讲的是个掠夺成性的魔笛手 It's about a predatory flautist
把全村的孩子都带进山洞里杀了 who murders children in a cave.
故事不错 理查德 但我还是讨厌这个名字 It has all of that going for it, Richard, and I still hate it.
理查德 我们要换名的话 Richard, if we are going to change the name,
必须赶紧换 we need to do it now.
叫出去就没法改了 我的名字贾里德 Names stick. My name's only Jared
是上班第一天盖文随口叫的 because Gavin called me that on my first day.
其实我叫唐纳德 My real name is Donald.
但贾里德 我们都买好T恤了 But, Jared, we already bought the T-shirts.
这些没法退 都是网购的 I can't take these back. It was an online order.
那玩意好恐怖 What is that atrocity?
怎么 难道我们是家爱尔兰色情公司吗 What are we, an Irish pornography company?
[绿色是爱尔兰代表色]
我一直以为我们会改名的 I thought we were gonna replace the name "Pied Piper."
我以为'魔笛手'不过是临时名 I thought it was a place holder.
叫'临时名'都比叫'魔笛手'好 "Placeholder" would honestly be a better name than Pied Piper.
理查德 其实我一直都没好意思 Richard, I've actually been holding off
跟别人说我是'魔笛手'的联合创始人 telling people I'm the co-founder of "Pied Piper"
说实话 Because frankly,
这名字太丢人了 it's a little embarrassing.
我就是提醒你下 OK Well, um, just to remind you,
你不是联合创始人 you are not the co-founder.
所以别这么跟别人说 So please don't tell anyone.
理查德 用'亚威亚托'吧 Richard, take Aviato.
这名字可不是我想出来的 That's not a name I found,
是奇幻寻名之旅时 it's a name that found me
老天赏我的 on a vision quest.
这种事你值得一试 Something that you should do.
不 我才不会磕一堆药 No, no. I'm not gonna eat a bunch of drugs
坐在沙漠里头 and sit out in the desert,
等着某个名字随机冒出脑海 and hope some name randomly pops in my head.
那我就要质疑你的领导力了 Well, then I question your leadership.
理查德 名字定义公司 Richard, a name defines a company.
这必须是一种原生态的 It has to be something primal,
一个你做爱时可以喊出口的词 something that you can scream out during intercourse.
比如'亚威亚托' Like Aviato.
'Uuuuber' Uuuuber!
[Uber 美国著名打车软件]
'谷歌' Gooooogle!
'Huuuuuulu' Huuuuuulu!
[Hulu 美国一家视频网站]
完全没错 '魔笛手' Exactly, right. Pied Piper!
真不好意思 你的声音完全听不出 I'm so sorry. Your voice doesn't really reach
要射时的那种快感 that register when you ejaculate, does it?
不是 我看你们都在嚎所以我也插个嘴 No, it's just, everyone was doing it, I was just chiming in.
第
一
季
第
三
集
硅
谷
-公司章程-
各位 我们不能改名字 You guys, we can't change our name.
我不能带着新名字去见彼得·格里高利 I can't go into Peter Gregory's office with a new name,
让他再写一张支票给我 and ask him to cut me a new check.
他曾因为更小的事撤回过投资 I mean, he's pulled funding from companies for a lot less.
'魔笛手'这个名字和商标 Uh, the Pied Piper name and trademark
被吉尔罗伊一家灌溉公司注册了 are registered to a sprinkler company in Gilroy.
我觉得你可以过去跟他们谈一下 I guess you could head out there and talk to them.
-不过 -好 -But... -OK.
他们可能会拒绝 They may refuse...
不 不 我去跟他们谈判 No, no, no. I'll negotiate with them.
无意冒犯 理查德 可你不擅长谈判 No offense, Richard, but you're not a strong negotiator.
我可是谈判专家 迪尼希 I'm a great negotiator, Dinesh.
你谈判真不怎么在行 You're a terrible negotiator.
谈判上我绝对是个中翘楚 I'm a decent negotiator.
就是 Just, so...
彼得 你回来了 Oh, Peter, you're here.
我们原定于四十分钟前 We were supposed to meet 40 minutes ago
跟'星辰'公司的人见面 with the guys from Astraphile
探讨有关紧急注资的事 about the emergency capital injection.
正如之前我们说过的 As we discussed,
我们在北卡罗莱纳州的工厂出了问题 our North Carolina plant went sideways.
我们要是现在拿不到一千五百万美元 So we need 15 million now
就只能关门大吉了 or we'll have to shut down.
你们中有人吃过'汉堡王'吗 Have any of you ever eaten at "Burger King"?
吃过 Yes...
怎么了 Why?
我刚刚坐车经过了一间 Well, I was just driven past one.
尽管我知道他们市值有七十多亿美元 And while I know their market cap is seven billion dollars-plus,
我意识到我并不熟悉他们的产品 I realize I am unfamiliar with their offerings.
好吧 OK, fine.
可是那个跟这个有什么关系 But what does that have to do...
你们喜欢吃这个吗 Is it popular among your peers?
你们觉得好吃吗 Is it enjoyed?
-大家应该挺喜欢的 -还不错 -People seem to like it. -Yeah, it's OK.
他们只卖汉堡 And their selection consists solely of these burgers,
并且还是个中王者吗 of which they are presumably king?
他们还卖别的 鸡肉 鱼 They have other things. Chicken, fish.
不好意思 现在到底什么情况 I'm sorry. What are we doing here?
我们现在要做的是 Here is what we will do.
莫妮卡 找个助理 Monica, have one of the assistants
去最近的'汉堡王' go to the nearest Burger King location
把所有东西各买一份回来 and purchase one of everything.
迪尼希 迪尼希 Hey, Dinesh. Dinesh.
我正在跟银行通话 I'm on the phone with the bank
他们说因为你的签证 and they say they need an extra form for your payroll,
给你发工资还需要多填一张表 because of your VISA?
签证 什么签证 VISA? What VISA?
我他妈可是美国公民 I'm a fucking US citizen.
迪尼希·丘格塔伊就在我旁边 他很愤怒 I have Dinesh Chugtai here, and he's pretty irate because...
这样啊 Oh, I see.
伯特伦·吉尔弗约尔才是外国籍的 Bertram Gilfoyle is the foreign national.
是加拿大公民 Citizen of Canada.
谢谢 OK, thank you.
你是加拿大人 You're Canadian?
所谓"国境"只是一种概念 Your "borders" are merely a construct.
我更倾向于认为自己是世界公民 I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world.
你能把表发给他们 Do you mind just sending them the form
证明你是合法居留的吗 so they know you're here legally?
我不要 Yes, I mind.
而且我可能不合法 And also I may not be.
要不你把给我的支票换成现金吧 To wit, maybe you could make out my checks to cash?
比特币也行 Or bitcoin.
想不到我和非法移民共事 I didn't know I was working with an illegal.
真讽刺啊 The irony.
我们也经营圆形喷灌机 Well, sometimes we do center pivot,
但如你所见 我们的主营业务还是管道喷灌 but mainly we do lineal like you see out there.
你刚说你是做什么的来着 What is it your business does again?
似乎跟代数有关 Something to do with algebra?
其实是算法 Uh... algorithm, actually.
一种压缩算法 It's for compression.
我们最终目标就是... Ultimately what we're trying to do is...
你让我想起我儿子来了 You remind me of my son.
他也得了阿斯伯格综合征 He's got Asperger's too.
[俗称天才病 患者多自闭却有奇才]
啊不 我没有 Oh, no, I don't uh...
大概是吃带残留农药的东西吃坏了 Probably all those pesticides they put on the crops.
不管你做什么生意的 Well, whatever it is your business does,
我看都不会妨碍我 I don't think it's going to interfere
继续做灌溉生意 with my irrigation company here.
再说我本来也打算转行了 I'm thinking about getting in another line of work anyway.
现在成窝的外地人涌进来 All these foreigners coming over here,
强占肥沃的耕地 putting pieces of shit
去盖那边那种破玩意 like that all over the good farmland around here.
把人们闲得整天盯着电话发呆 Also people can sit around, stare at their phones all day.
现在都没人对着杂志撸管了 Nobody jerks off to magazines any more.
其实那是一座服务器农场 Uh, well, actually, that is a server farm.
而我们的业务 压缩算法 What we do, compression,
正好能减少这类农场 would mean fewer of those,
因为我们能大大节省存储空间 because we'd save a lot of memory space.
-是吗 -当然 -Really? -Yeah.
那我举双手赞同 真的 Well, I'm all for that, believe me.
这么着吧 I'll tell you what.
一千美元 我就把名字卖给你 You can have the name for a thousand dollars.
你看如何 How's that sound?
我非常乐意 Uh, that sounds great!
很好 好极了 Yeah, cool.
你也会抽搐吗 Oh, tremors, too, huh?
跟我儿子一样一样的 Just like my boy.
我是埃利希 Go for Erlich.
我是魔笛手的首席执行官理查德·亨德里克斯 This is Richard Hendricks, CEO of Pied Piper.
你没听错 你们还说我不会谈判 That's right. You guys said I was a bad negotiator,
但我搞定了 but I closed it!
名字到手了 诏告天下吧 We got a name. Tell everyone you know.
是吗 好 Oh, all right.
感觉你一点都不激动啊 You don't sound that impressed.
我当然激动 No, no, I am.
我只是 I just...
反正都叫魔笛手了 回聊 Now we're Pied Piper. So, later.
就是这台 Here you go.
你肯定酒量非常大吧 You must drink a lot of margaritas huh?
很快就大了 We will now.
我新创办的公司刚拿到投资 I have a startup that just got funded
这是给我的兄弟们狂欢用的礼物 so this is just kind of a gift for my guys to celebrate.
祝你好运吧 Good luck with that.
你用得着好运 You'll need it too,
-尤其是你被坑得屁滚尿流的时候 -好吧 -when this town kicks you in the balls. -OK.
-我来帮你开门 -多谢 -Let me get the door for you. -Sure.
我自己也开过三家公司 I had three startups, myself,
但我就是没法说服玩风投的那帮白痴 and I couldn't get those Sand Hill Road morons
投资我的公司 to fund any of them.
一帮懦夫 我最后一个创意堪称神来之笔 Cowards. My last company was genius.
你在停车场里迷过路吧 Have you ever been lost in a parking lot before?
我的应用就利用现有的自动车辆定位技术 So what my app would do is using existing AVL technology, right?
所以你只需输入车辆识别号 So you'd type in the VIN number.
而且就算你的车没装自动定位系统 And if you car didn't have AVL capabilities
你也可以输入 you would just type in
你停车的区域 whatever section of the parking lot you were in,
像P3区 地下七层之类的 like P3, or ground seven.
也就是说你这个应用 So you just, you just write down
就是记录你在哪停车的 what section of the parking lot you're in?
这用得着专门的应用吗 Why do you need an app for that?
这样你才记得住你的停车位啊 So you can remember where you parked.
没错 但你为什么不记在纸上呢 Right, uh, but why don't you just write it down on a piece of paper?
可以啊 但这个是放在手机上用的 Well, yeah. But this is for your phone.
好吧 就是像记事本那种应用吗 OK, so it's just sorta like Notepad?
-对啊 瞧 你就懂了 -我懂了 -Exactly! See? You get it. -Yeah. I get it.
为什么那帮搞风投的白痴就是不懂呢 Why can't all those fucking VCs?
一群娘炮 Pussies, man.
终于啊 谢谢 Oh, there we go, thanks.
这是哪款汉堡 This is which one?
汉堡王双层牛排堡 The BK Double Stacker.
太神奇了 Fascinating...
彼得 我知道 Peter, I know that you are
你在忙于...这个 incredibly busy with... this.
但是我向'星辰'公司承诺过 But I made a personal promise to the Astraphile guys
他们的员工不会 that none of their employees would lose their job,
在今晚失业... which will happen at midnight to...
看到这个了吗 Do you see this?
小皇堡吗 The Junior Whopper?
不 我指的不是汉堡 No, not the sandwich.
是这个种子状的东西...面包上的 This seed... atop the breading.
那些是芝麻 Those are sesame seeds.
好多汉堡的面包上都有芝麻 A high number of these breadings have sesame seeds on them.
成千上万个面包 Billions of breadings.
芝麻 Sesame seeds.
他们只生长在特定的微气候中 They only grow in certain microclimates.
彼得 我知道你不希望看到 Peter, I know you don't want to cause
北卡罗来纳州有173人... 173 people in North Carolina...
蝉 Cicadas.
先生们 Gentlemen!
我们的赫布·科恩来了 It's our own personal Herb Cohen!
-谁 -赫布·科恩 -Who? -Herb Cohen.
著名谈判家 写了许多教科书 He's a famous negotiator. Wrote a bunch of textbooks.
-没听说过吗 -什么 -No? -What?
你看博客了吗 Have you seen the blogs?
没有 No.
埃利希的名字上了各大科技网站 Erlich went HAM on all the tech sites.
包括科技博客 Recode和PandoDaily[均为科技新闻网站] He hit TechCrunch, Recode, and PandoDaily.
听听卡拉·斯威舍[科技专栏作家]说的 Listen to what Kara Swisher says:
"就个体而言 埃利希·巴赫曼说 我们已经很强大了' "'Individually', says Erlich Bachman, 'We are formidable.
但如果把我们组合在一起 But when you combine our portfolios,
彼得·格里高利和我将坐拥亿万资产 Peter Gregory and I account for billions of dollars in assets."
'魔笛手'期待与盖文·贝尔森 We at Pied Piper look forward to giving Gavin Belson
和那些'纽核力'的笨蛋们一较高下 and the donkeys at Nucleus a run for their money.'"
真是个混蛋 What a dick.
那个拥有'魔笛手'名字的人打来的 It's the guy with the name.
阿诺德 Hello, Arnold.
少废话 Cut the shit.
我刚去看了Recode网站 I just Recode.Net.
你还看Rocode You read Recode?
我去看是因为我的客户告诉我 I do when my customers tell me
我公司的名字传遍了互联网 the name of my company's all over the internet.
但你大概以为我在这个偏僻的地方 But you'd probably think I'm just out here
拉屎还要上旱厕和用手擦吧 shitting in a hole and wiping with my hand.
不 不 不 我没有这么认为 No, no, no, I don't think you do that.
有人这么认为吗 难道你真的是这样吗 Do people think you do that? Do you do that?
不 不 不 No, no, no!
我不会再被你那套嘴里嘟囔不清 I'm not falling for that phony, mumbley-mouth,
以及瞪大眼睛的把戏所骗了 googly-eyed routine again.
如果你真是拥有高科技的亿万富翁 If you're this tech billionaire,
我凭什么以几乎白送的价格把这个名字卖给你 why did I give you the name Pied Piper for next to nothing?
你耍了我 You played me.
想要这个名字 拿出25万美元来 You want the name, it's going to cost you 250 grand.
我觉得你应该和始作俑者谈谈 OK, I think you just need to talk to the guy who said all that.
他会给你解释清楚的 And he can clear it up for you.
-埃利希呢 -在外面和实习生在一起 -Where's Erlich? -He's outside with the intern.
-什么实习生 -你竟然还有实习生 -What intern? -You got interns?
我们不仅有实习生 还有非法移民 We might as well have interns, we hire illegal aliens.
-什么 -不 这些我们都没有 -What? -No, no. We don't have either of those things.
我告诉你 混蛋 I'll tell you what, asshole,
你再敢用'魔笛手'这个名字 you use the name Pied Piper again,
我就叫我的律师 I'm going to call my lawyer
把你告成穷光蛋 and we're gonna sue the shit out of you.
-去他的亿万富翁 -阿诺德 在吗 -Fucking billionaires. -Arnold? Arnold, hello?
-听起来不妙啊 -之前明明说好了 -That sounded sub-optimal. -Yeah, it was.
贾里德 你知道还有谁也是加拿大人吗 Hey, Jared, you know who else is Canadian?
贾斯汀·比伯 音乐界的希特勒 Justin Bieber, the Hitler of music.
你对于我是加拿大人有意见吗 Do you have a problem with me being Canadian?
没错 我有意见 I do, actually.
你知道我花了多久才成为美国公民的吗 Do you have any idea how long it took me to become a citizen?
你花了很长时间吗 Did it take you a long time?
那我很庆幸我没有为此浪费时间 I'm glad I didn't do it then.
典型的移民懒蛋 Typical lazy immigrant.
他们以为可以直接走进这个国家... These people think they can just walk into this country...
我的确是直接走进来的 I did just walk into this country.
我的车在大使桥上抛锚了 My car broke down on the Ambassador Bridge.
[连接美国和加拿大的大桥]
让我多花了15分钟才跨过边境 It took me an extra 15 minutes to get across the border.
真是麻烦 Major hassle.
希特勒其实会吹低音管 You know, Hitler actually played the bassoon.
严格来说 他确实是音乐界的希特勒 So, technically, Hitler was the Hitler of music.
我不明白 我以为你把名字买到手了 I don't understand. I thought you closed the name.
看来没最终说死 我也不知道 Well, I guess it's still a little ajar, I don't know.
我又不是赫布·科恩 Who am I, Herb Cohen?
-我不知道那是谁 -我也不知道 -I don't know who that is. -Neither do I.
是贾里德说的 That's a... that's a Jared thing.
一定要把前保险杠上面的泥都洗净 Make sure to clean off all the gunk off the front bumper, OK?
我们什么时候有实习生项目了 And since when do we have an intern program?
我们没有 当基思明白这一点时 We don't. And when Keith finds that out,
这对他将会是一堂很有价值的商业课 it's gonna be a valuable business lesson for him.
那是我的'魔笛手'T恤 What? Those are the Pied Piper shirts!
-你是理查德吗 -是的 -Are you Richard? -Yeah. Yes.
是我搞砸了 我们现在该怎么办 OK, look, I fucked up. What do we do now?
"我们"指的是谁 Who's "we"?
今天早晨你还毫不客气地提醒我 This morning you rudely reminded me
我不是公司的创始人之一 that I wasn't a founder of this company
现在你想让我牵着你的手和你共渡难关吗 and now you want me to hold your hand and help you out?
我可没这打算 好姐妹 I don't think so, sister.
这张信用卡不能用 This credit card is no good.
拒绝支付 Declined.
很好 好极了 Great. Great.
那个破鸡尾酒机器把我的卡刷爆了 That stupid margarita machine maxed me out.
现在'魔笛手'的首席执行官连午饭都买不起 So now the CEO of Pied Piper can't even afford to buy lunch.
我觉得我们不能再用那个名字了 Yeah, I don't think we can use that name anymore.
老兄 老兄 我要向你道歉 Dude! Dude, hey. I owe you a big apology, man.
我之前没认出来你 我看到了网上 I had no idea who you were before and I read all this coverage
关于你公司的报道 才反应过来 about your company online, and I was like,
是'魔笛手' "Hey, Pied Piper!
我见过这位仁兄 他来过商店 I met this dude! He came into the store
还告诉我 我的停车应用酷毙了 and told me my parking app was fucking awesome!"
我说过吗 I did?
说过 我妈妈说 "真的吗 Yeah, so my mom was like, "Wow, really?
那你真该继续开发" You should really pursue it!"
我说到 "是啊 我确实应该" And I was like, "Yeah, I should."
你那个停车应用 The parking app?
所以她决定用房子来申请反向抵押贷款 So she decides to get a reverse mortgage on her home
然后给了我一张支票 and write me a check.
我有资金了 So I'm funded!
都是托你的福啊 老兄 Because of you, man.
我都准备放弃了 I was this close to giving up,
是你帮我把梦想又追了回来 老兄 and now you gave me my dream back, man!
-但是 -罗恩 -But... -Oh, hey, Ron!
看见这个人了吗 这个亿万富翁 You see this guy? This billionaire here?
就是因为他我才辞职的 He's the reason why I'm quitting!
杰米 你不必... Jamie, you don't...
你帮了我这么多 Well, you've helped me so much,
我能为你做些什么 what can I do for you?
我得把这台机器退掉 Well, I need to return this machine
因为我破产了 我需要钱买饭 because I'm broke, and I need money for food.
就一个小问题 Just a quick question.
是退还现金呢 Uh, is this gonna be a cash return,
还是把钱打回卡里 or does it credit back to the card?
'微程序' 怎么样 All right, what about Smaller,
拼成"S-M-L-L-R" spelled "S-M-L-L-R"?
因为我们的目标是让程序更简化 You know, because we make things smaller,
是"微缩程序"这个词的缩小版 and this would be like a smaller version of the word "Smaller".
-看起来像"体臭"的缩写 -好吧 -It looks like "Smeller". -OK.
那如果拼成 What if we spell it...
"S-M-L-R"呢 ..."S-M-L-R"?
因为这是"微程序"这个词更缩小的版本 Because that's an even smaller version of the word smaller.
这样看起来像"傻笑" Then it looks like "Smiler".
我们要用'傻笑'来打败'纽核力' We're not gonna kick the shit out of "Nucleus" with "Smiler".
理查德呢 他怎么不在这里想名字 Where's Richard? Why isn't he in here for this?
我猜他在后院 I think he was out back,
后悔当初拒绝了千万巨款 wishing he'd taken the ten million dollars.
没有 我看见他在自己房里 No, I just saw him in his room,
后悔当初拒绝了千万巨款 wishing he had taken the ten million dollars.
"傻笑"这个词 You know "Smiler" is also
也被某些人用来形容女性肛门 something that guys call women's assholes.
理查德 你怎么不去外面想新名字 Richard, why aren't you in there, coming up with new names?
我不想要新名字 我就要'魔笛手' I don't want a new name. I want Pied Piper.
但是很显然 我无法拥有它 But, apparently, I can't have that.
所以现在我必须想出个新名字 So now I have to come up with a new name
然后去找彼得·格里高利要一张新支票 and take that to Peter Gregory and ask for a new check.
然后他会撤资 He's gonna pull our funding,
我们就会被盖文·贝尔森击垮 Gavin Belson's going to crush us,
然后我们就毁了 and we will be ruined
因为我不知道自己到底该干嘛 because I have no idea what I'm doing.
扎克伯格19岁运营脸书的时候也不知道 Neither did Zuckerberg when he was running Facebook at 19.
你觉得他当时有实战商业经验吗 没有 You think he had any real-world business experience? No. None.
但他是个很强悍的谈判家 But he was such a tough negotiator
强悍到他所有的朋友现在都在告他 that now all of his friends are suing him.
那多牛逼啊 还有史蒂夫·乔布斯 How awesome is that? And Steve Jobs?
他嗑了无数吨迷幻剂 He took a shit-ton of hallucinogens.
多巧啊 What a coincidence.
也许你应该试试 Maybe something that you could actually do.
我才不要踏上什么奇幻寻名之旅 I'm not going on some fucking vision quest.
好吧 让我们把话说清楚 OK, let me get this straight,
你宁可什么都不做也不愿做些尝试 you would rather do nothing than something?
因为那个屋子里那帮人 Because all the guys in the other room
尽管想出了一些类似于'小成器'的 coming up with shitty names like,
恶心名字 但他们至少做了些什么 "Smallulator," are at least doing something.
好吧 我自己出马好了 Fine. I'll just do it myself.
我24到72小时之内回来 I'll be back in 24 to 72 hours.
在我回来前给我准备好 Have a cold pitcher of water
一大罐冷水 切点橘子 and some orange slices ready for me.
你知道吗 我这次真的要拼上老命了 You know what, I'm really gonna go for this motherfucker
所以你最好能再准备些西柚 so you better have some grapefruit ready, too.
我一定会带回个名字 I'm gonna come back with a name
惊艳到让彼得·格里高利写十张支票给我们 so amazing that Peter Gregory will write us ten checks.
'小矮子2.0'怎么样 What about, "Dwarfism 2.0"?
'小矮子1.0'在哪 Where's "Dwarfism 1.0"?
就在这世界中 Just in the world.
这是歧视 That's prejudice.
-太伤人了 -对不起 -That's hurtful. -I'm sorry.
微程序 快回来 你在吗 Small, come back now, are you here?
有意思 Interesting.
那可不是樱桃冰淇淋 Hey! That is not Cherry Garcia.
对不起 吉尔弗约尔 公司业务 Sorry, Gilfoyle. Company business.
谁藏匿了毒品 竟然是这位非法移民 And who's hiding drugs? Shocker, it's the illegal immigrant.
'我小化'怎么样 是'我们'让程序'最小化' What about Mine-imize, like "Minimize" but "Mine".
也行 Yeah.
你好 加里斯先生 Hello, Mr. Garris.
我是理查德 属于那个可以合法 Yes, this is Richard from the company
冠名为'魔笛手'的公司 that is rightly called Pied Piper.
没错 That's right.
不不 你听我说 我们握手成交过的 No, no, no. You listen to me. OK. We had a handshake deal.
那对你来说也许不算什么 And that may not mean a lot to you,
但于我而言 那意味重大 but where I'm from, that means a whole lot.
你同意以一千美金的价格把名字卖给我 OK, you agreed to sell me that name for a thousand dollars.
那让我问你个问题 So let me ask you this?
你是个守信的人还是个该死的骗子 Are you an honest man or are you a goddamn liar?
好的 对 同样的地址 OK. Yes, same address?
好的 很好 到时候见 Good, yeah, great. See you then.
伙计 你简直太牛了 他怎么说 Dude, that was fucking badass. What did he say?
他说他会跳上他的卡车 He said he was gonna get in his truck,
开到这来痛扁我一顿 drive down here and beat the living shit out of me.
那你为什么告诉他地址 Why did you say that was your address?
-随便编个地址 -我不知道 -Say any other address. -I don't know.
他的声音很强势 He's got a very powerful voice.
那我们该怎么办 What are we gonna do?
如果你不停地喊自己的名字 If you keep screaming your name,
会强迫对手意识到你是个人 it forces the assailant to acknowledge you as a human.
计时 45分钟
现在是下午5点35分 我已摄入迷幻药 It is now 5:35 PM and I have ingested the psilocybin.
已开启了倒计时 I have started the countdown timer
预计进入无人之境的时间为 and I will be reaching Sonora and Nirvana in approximately...
我操 Oh, fuck.
糟了 Oh, shit.
他来了 就是他 He's here, that's him.
他来了 He came.
-我要报警吗 -不行 那太没种了 -Should I call 911? -No, that's a pussy move.
确实弱爆 Yeah, it's a pussy move.
别出声 Just shush.
安静等他走就好 Just stay here until he goes away, please.
我找'魔笛手' I'm looking for Pied Piper.
你知道在哪吗 You know where it is?
这就是'魔笛手' This is Pied Piper.
不不不 是家公司 No, no, no. It's a company.
应该有栋大办公楼 Like a big, big office.
你知道在哪吗 Do you know where that is?
就在这 '魔笛手' Yeah, this it. Here. Pied Piper.
不 No...
你好啊 阿诺德 Hi, Arnold.
我叫理查德 我叫理查德 我叫理查德 I'm Richard. I'm Richard. I'm Richard.
唐纳德 我叫唐纳德 Donald. I'm Donald.
理查德 理查德 Richard. Richard...
贾里德 我叫贾里德 Jared. I'm Jared.
理查德 理查德 理查德 Richard, Richard, Richard.
-吉尔弗约尔 吉尔弗约尔 -我叫理查德 -Gilfoyle. Gilfoyle. -My name is Richard.
-贾里德 贾里德 -理查德 理查德 -Jared, Jared. -Richard, Richard.
吉尔弗约尔 吉尔弗约尔 Gilfoyle, Gilfoyle.
杨靖 杨靖 杨靖 Jing Yang. Jing Yang. Jing Yang.
系统比特数字解决方案 SysBit Digital Solutions.
集成开放数据空间 Integrating Open Data Spaces.
高科技比特数据解决方案系统 TechBitData Solution Systems.
创造 Creating...
独一无二的跨平台科技 unique cross platform technologies.
科技 科基 基督 Technologies. Technolo-Jesus.
我操 Oh, fuck!
这就是'魔笛手' So this is Pied Piper?
价值十亿的公司吗 This is a billion dollar company?
哪有 差得远呢 Not even close. Not yet.
人倒是不少 You pack a lot of guys in here.
让我想起在车库里创立'魔笛手'的时候 It reminds me when I started Pied Piper in my garage.
[和苹果公司一样]
真怀念那段时光 I kind of miss those days.
是吗 Oh, yeah?
这么着吧 I'll tell you what.
五千块 名字归你 Five thousand bucks and the name is yours.
咱们不是说好一千吗 Well, the thing is we agreed on a thousand.
好吧 四千 Fine, four grand.
当初不是这么说定的 Look, that's not the deal.
-握手成交过的 -两千 不能再低了 -We shook on it. -Two thousand. Final offer.
两千可以 挺合理的 We could do two. That's reasonable.
两千不行 贾里德 哪里合理了 No, we can't do two, Jared. It's not reasonable at all.
咱们当初说好的一千美元 Look, we shook hands on a thousand dollars. That's the deal.
好 那就一千 OK. A grand.
但油钱你要出 But you gotta throw in some gas money.
-我一路开车过来的 -你是来扁我的 -I drove all the way out here. -To come to kick my ass!
不如这么办 OK, you know what?
五百 就给你五百 Five hundred! That's the deal. Five hundred.
-去你妈的 -不不不 -Fuck this. -No, no, no, no.
别这样 We don't have to...
还按之前说好的 一千吧 we can keep it at the original thousand dollars.
那么 So, let's...
-好吧 成交 -好极了 -OK, you got a deal. -All right. Cool.
有名字了 We got a name!
信息轨迹 InfoTrode...
基于云技术的分布式平台 Cloud-based, disruptive platforms.
分布式云 Disrupting the cloud through...
该死 说了两次云 I said cloud twice, shit.
让世界更美好 Making the world a better place
使用跨平台面向商业的云... through cross-platform business facing cloud...
又说 操 又说了次云 There's that... Shit! There's that cloud again!
信息轨迹 信息轨迹 Info-trode, info-trode!?
信息轨迹是他妈什么东西 What the fuck is info-trode?
什么玩意啊 都他妈是些无意义的词 What is that? It's all just fucking meaningless words!
好了 不行 OK. No, no, no...
让世界更美好 让世界更美好 Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place.
再见 Good-bye.
让世界更美好 让世界更美好 Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place.
-让世界更美好 -先生 -Making the world a better place. -Sir?
你没事吧 Are you OK in there?
让世界更美好 Making the world a better place.
他在里面待了一夜了 He's been in there all night.
得叫警长过来 I should call the Sheriff.
让世界更美好 Making the world a better place...
别 我说了他能处理好 No, I... Hey, I told you he's going to handle it!
-格里高利先生 太荒唐了 -先生 -Mr. Gregory, this is ridiculous. -Sir...
格里高利先生 请马上给我们个答复 Mr. Gregory, we need an answer and we need it now!
-什么事 -我们现在就需要那笔钱 -Yes? -We need money. Now.
我相信'汉堡王'和芝麻 And I'm sure that Burger King and sesame seeds
还有你嘟囔着的其它东西 and whatever else you've been mumbling about in here
都值得好好思考... all seem lovely to think about...
缅甸和巴西 Myanmar and Brazil.
停 停 我们受够了 No, no! No more of this!
你到底给不给我们钱 Ok, are we getting the money or not?
能否请你直接告诉我们结果 Will you please tell us what the hell is going on?
全世界芝麻供应的三大国中 有两个国家 Amusing coincidence that two of the three countries
蝉的数量都相当庞大 that provide the world's sesame seeds
这个巧合不是挺有趣的吗 have such large cicada population, no?
缅甸的蝉灾每13年出现一次 The cicadas of Myanmar emerge every 13 years,
而巴西的蝉灾每17年出现一次 while the Brazilian cicadas emerge every 17.
明年他们则会同时孵化 Next year they will hatch, simultaneously,
221年一遇 for the first time in 221 years.
这两国的农作物会被大幅度毁坏 Crops from both countries will be decimated.
不像缅甸和巴西 Unlike Myanmar and Brazil,
印尼则没有蝉灾 Indonesia has no cicada population.
我非常惊讶地发现 I was surprised to see
印尼的芝麻期货价格如此之低 Indonesian sesame seed futures priced so low.
我买入了一批期货 I made a purchase.
那么 如果短缺使得全球价格上涨 And now, if the shortage spikes the global price
即使只有10个百分点 我们将获利... even ten percent we'll profit...
-埃文 -6800万美元 -Evan? -Sixty-eight million dollars.
如果你们愿意 我可以从那笔预计收入中 If you wish, I could tap that projected revenue
拨出1500万做你们的过渡贷款 先生们 and make you a bridge loan of 15 million dollars, gentlemen.
还是说你们需要更多钱 Unless you need more?
不用 谢谢 谢谢你 天呐 No, that's... thank you. Thank you, holy shit.
是吗 高兴了吧 Yes? Happy?
你看 我就说他会搞定的 See? I told you he was taking care of it.
那么 有人想吃'汉堡王'吗 And now, would anyone like some BK?
埃文很好心地提出去买早餐 Evan was kind enough to go out and get breakfast.
但这些放在这儿就浪费了 It's just sitting here.
-其实我们 当然愿意 -非常感谢 -Actually, we'd... I'd love some. -Thank you so much.
这烤肉酱里放小茴香了吗 Is there cumin in this barbecue sauce?
-我会去查清楚 -请务必查下 -I will definitely find out. -Please do.
先生们 我们刚从银行回来 Gentlemen, we just got back from the bank.
我们的第一张存款单 Our first deposit slip.
我们公司正式地命名为'魔笛手' We are officially Pied Piper.
我也可以合法居留了 And I am officially legal.
迪尼希不停地唠叨 Dinesh wouldn't shut the hell up,
所以我们最后还是去了签证处 so we finally went to the VISA office.
我花5分钟就搞定了 Took me five minutes.
我用了5年时间 Took me five years.
他们问我基地组织的事 问了有14遍 They asked me about Al-Qaeda, like, 14 times.
我车都还没停好他就拿到身份了 He literally got it while I was still looking for parking.
-喂 -是'魔笛手'吗 -Hello. -Is this Pied Piper?
现在是了 但我们还没打算 It is now, but we're not
在这个时候增加后续投资人 taking an follow-on investors at this point.
投资人 不 Investors? No,
我是108号公路旁阿科加油站的凯尔西 this is Kelsey from the Arco station out on 108.
有人用屎把你的名字和号码 Someone smeared your name and number
写在了我们厕所墙上 in shit on my bathroom wall.
-我想你大概打错电话了... -理奇 -Uh, I think you may have the wrong number... -Richie.
各位 Oh, hey, guys.
他是谁 Who is this?
你们不会相信的 但他就是我 You're not gonna believe this, but this is me.
时间是循环的 Time is a sphere
我在自己还存在的时间段内转世了 and I've been reincarnated during the same time period in which I exist.
好吧 但他是哪来的 Yes, but where he come from?
很明显 从未来而来 From the future, obviously.
同时 也来自索诺拉市一个加油站的停车场 Also, from a parking lot at a gas station in Sonora.
他把那袋黄金胶囊[毒品]全吃了 He ate the whole bag of gold caps.
好极了 Awesome!
埃利希... Erlich...
跟我来吧 Venga conmigo.
我的家就是... Mi casa es...
我的家 mi casa.
我是不是该在别人报警前通知警方 So, should I call the cops now before anyone else does?
我刚收到寻找罗吉里欧·纽年斯的安珀警报 I just got an AMBER Alert for Rogilio Nuñez.
[美加两国在儿童被绑架时的应急系统]
好吧 Yeah, OK.