>> IT'S THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
TONIGHT'S THERESA MAY AND NATO PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES DWAYNE
JOHNSON AND MUSICAL GUEST ALESSIA CARA FEATURING JON
BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU.
THANK YOU.
(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: HOW'S IT GOING.
WE'VE GOT A BIG SHOW.
WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE LATE SHOW, I'M YOUR HOST
STEPHEN COLBERT.
WELL, IT IS THE FIRST FULL DAY, FIRST FULL DAY OF DONALD TRUMP'S
TRIP TO EUROPE.
HE'S IN BRUSSELS FOR THE NATO SUMMIT AND THEN IT ON TO ENGLAND
AND THEN HE'S GOING TO STRAIGHT TO HELL-- I'LL SORRY, HELSINKI
TO MEET WITH VLADIMIR PUTIN.
AND SO FAR THE TRIP IS GOING-- (LAUGHTER)
AND IT'S NOT THAT BAD, IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS TURNED NATO UPSIDE
DOWN, RIGHT, JIMMY?
OH MY GOD!
(LAUGHTER) AS "THE NEW YORK TIMES" PUT IT,
MR. TRUMP KICKED OFF HIS MEETINGS ON A CONTENTIOUS NOTE.
CONTENTIOUS IS HIS ONLY NOTE!
(LAUGHTER) HE'S AN AIR HORN.
THE BUMPY RIDE STARTED AT A BREAKFAST WITH NATO SECRETARY
GENERAL.
NOT HOW TRUMP IS THE ONLY ONE WHO ALREADY CHUCKED HIS JUICE.
I'M MAKING SURE WHEN I MEET PUTIN I HAVE A FULL BLADDER.
(LAUGHTER) LOOK, THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
SENSE.
THAT MAKES NO SENSE.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
NOT EVEN AS A JOKE DOES THAT MAKE SENSE.
RIGHT OFF THE BAT TRUMP DIRECTED HIS ONE NOTE AT ONE PARTICULAR
COUNTRY.
>> IT'S VERY SAD WHEN GERMANY MAKES A MASSIVE OIL AND GAS DEAL
WITH RUSSIA WHERE WE'RE SPOAT SUPPOSED TO BE GUNNING AGAINST
RUSSIA AND GERMANY GOES OUT AND PAYS BILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF
DOLLARS A YEAR TO RUSSIA.
GERMANY IS TOTALLY CONTROLLED BY RUSSIA.
GERMANY IS TOOLTLY CONTROLLED WITH RUSSIA AND I WILL TILL
WHAT, HAD SEX WITH A PORN STAR, ANGELA MERKEL, SHE DID ANGELA OF
LOS TO GET SPANKERRED WITH A ROLLED UP DER SPIEGEL.
SHE IS-- THAT IS ONE SICK FRAULEIN.
TRUMP CLAIMS GERMANY IS CONTROLLED BY RUSSIA BECAUSE 35%
OF THEIR NATURAL GAS COMES FROM RUSSIA.
IT'S TRUE, WE'RE ALL CONTROLLED BY THE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVE US
OUR GAS WHICH IS WHY I'M FOREVER BEHOLDEN TO THE CHEVRON ON ROUTE
3.
WHEN THEY INVADED THE PIZZA HUT NEXT DOOR I SAID NOTHING.
WHAT COULD I DO.
(LAUGHTER) WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN ALL OF THIS
COMING.
BECAUSE RIGHT BEFORE HE LEFT ON THE TRIP TRUMP TALKED ABOUT HIS
THREE STOPS, GUESS WHICH ONE HE WAS MOST EXCITED ABOUT.
>> SO I HAVE NATO, I HAVE THE U.K. WHICH IS BEEN SOME WHAT
TURMOIL AND HAVE I PUTIN.
FRANKLY, PUTEN MAY BE THE EASIEST OF THEM ALL WHO WOULD I
THIS, WHO I WOULD THINK?
>> Stephen: I WOULD THINK.
EVERY ONE WOULD THINK IT.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT READY TO SAY OUR PRESIDENT IS A RUSSIAN
AGENCY BUT I HAVE AN AGENT AND HE DOESN'T DO AS MUCH FOR ME AS
TRUMP DOES FOR RUSSIA.
(LAUGHTER) I LOVE YOU, BABY DOLL, I LOVE
YOU BABY DOLL.
(APPLAUSE) I LOVE YOU BABY DOLL, BUT YOU
NEVER SWUNG AN ELECTION FOR ME, OKAY.
I LOST TO JOHN OLIVER.
>> Jon: COME ON, BABY DOLL.
>> Stephen: ANDS' -- IT'S NOT JUST JOURNALIST WHO NOTICED, SO
HAS FOX NEWS.
LISTEN TO THIS MESSAGE TO REPUBLICANS FROM THE FOX NEWS
POLITICAL EDITOR.
>> YOU WILL NOT STOP DORN ALD TRUMP FROM UNDERMINING NATO.
WILL YOU NOT STOP HIM FROM REALAINING U.S. FOREIGN POLICY
TO BE MORE FAVORABLE TOWARDS RUSSIA.
HE IS ABOUTING TO DO IT IS HE GOING TO FLY INTO BRUSSELS LIKE
A SIEGEL.
IS HE GOING TO DEFECATE ALL OVER EVERYTHING, SCWAWK AND FLY AWAY.
>> Stephen: WOW.
WOW.
THAT, THAT RIGHT THERE-- (APPLAUSE)
YEAH, I AGREE.
I JUST WANT TO TAKE A LITTLE TIME HERE TO GET REAL FOR A
SECOND.
OKAY, JIM, LET'S GO TO REAL TOWN.
LOOK.
IF YOU LIKE THE PRESIDENT, YOU DON'T LIKE THE PRESIDENT, IT
DOESN'T MATTER.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
TRUMP IS TRYING TO WEAKEN THE EU AND WEAKEN FATO AND BREAK UP THE
EUROPEAN ALLIANCE WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT RUSSIA WANTS.
THIS IS NOT A THEORY.
THIS IS HAPPENING IN PUBLIC.
WHAT WE DON'T KNOW IS WHY.
MAYBE HE IS SUCKING UP TO PUTIN TO FINALLY BUILD THAT TRUMP
TOWER IN MOSCOW.
MAYBE HE WANTS TO REALIGN THE GLOBAL POWER STRUCTURE, USE
RUSSIA AS AN ALLY AGAINST AN EMERGING CHINA OR MAYBE PUTIN
HAS A TAPE OF HIM IN A HOTEL WITH TWO HOOKERS GOING OH, DADDY
LAKES, I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ALL OF THAT IS OPEN TO DEBATE
BUT IT'S THE LAST ONE.
BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY FOR THE RECORD AND PLEASE DON'T CARVE
THIS ON MY TEUMENTSTONE,-- TOMBSTONE, I
AGREE WITH THE FOX NEWS GUY, AND THAT WAS REALTOWN.
AND THAT WAS NOT TRUMP'S ONLY BLUNDER.
DURING THE NATO WELCOMING CEREMONY, WHILE EVERYONE ELSE
WAS LOOKING AT A MILITARY FLY OVER HERE IS TRUMP LOOKING IN
THE WRONG DIRECTION.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
MY CONDOLENCES TO THE PRESIDENT FOR HIS CRUSHING DEFEAT IN THE
FIRST ROUND OF INTERNATIONAL SIMON SAYS.
(LAUGHTER) WITH EVERYTHING GOING SO BADLY
IN EUROPE, I'M SURE TRUMP LONGS FOR THE DAYS OF HIS SUMMIT WITH
NORTH KOREAN DICTATOR KIM JUNG-UN, REMEMBER?
NO MORE NUKES.
YOU CAN SLEEP SAFE, ALAN ALDA YOU CAN COME HOME, YOUR WORK IS
DONE.
>> WELL, LAST WEEK NORTH KOREA FROM SECRETARY OF STATE AND
YOUNGER KEVIN JAMESES MIKE POMPEO.
AND NOW WE'RE GETTING REPORTS THAT POMPEO IS NORTH KOREA
MEETING WENT AS BAD LEIGH AS IT COULD HAVE GONE.
I'M NOT SURPRISED, SOMETIMES THE SECOND DAY IS ROUGH.
YOU GO BACK TO HIS PLACE, YOU FIND OUT IF EXECUTED RELATIVES
OR WORSE, LIMP BIZKIT CD'S.
IT DIDN'T SEEM LIKE NORTH KOREA WAS TAKING A SUMMIT THAT
SERIOUSLY FROM THE VERY START.
POMPEO THOUGHT HE WOULD BE PUT UP IN A NICE HOTEL BUT INSTEAD
THE NORTH KOREANS PUT HIM UP IN A GATED GUEST HOUSE JUST BEHIND
THE MAWS LEE UP WHERE THE BODIES OF KIM ILL SUNG AND HIS SON KIM
JUNG ILL LIE EM BALMED OR AS AIRBNB DESCRIBED IT, KZEE
BUNGALOW, GREAT VIEW OF DICTATOR CORPORATESES.
-- CORPSES, SURE, SURE.
(APPLAUSE) ANOTHER REASON POMPEO DIDN'T VAY
GOOD MEETING WITH KIM JUNG-UN, HE DIDN'T MEET WITH KIM JUNG-UN.
BUT KIM HAD A VERY GOOD EXCUSE.
TURNS OUT HE WAS TOO BUSY VISITING A POTATOE FARM TO MEET
WITH U.S. SECRETARY OF STATE.
BUT TO BE FAIR A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE TELLING THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MIKE POMPEO AND A POTATOE.
YOU SAY POTATOE I SAY POMPEO.
POTATOE POMPEO, LET'S CALL THE NUKE DEAL OFF.
AND THE SADDEST PART OF ALL OF THIS IS THAT DONALD TRUMP IS
PRESIDENT.
BUT ALSO SAD-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHTER) BUT ALSO SAD, MIKE POMPEO HAD A
GIFT FOR KIM THAT HE NEVER GOT TO DELIVER.
REMEMBER WHEN DONALD TRUMP WAS THREATENING TO BLOWP THE WORLD
AND CALLING KIM JUNG-UN LITTLE ROCK ET MAN?
WELL, HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO SEND POMPEO WITH AN ELTON
JOHN CD WITH THE SONG ROCKET MAN AND THE CD IS SIGNED, NOT SIGNED
BY ELTON JOHN, IT'S SIGNED BY PRESIDENT TRUMP.
DEAR KIM, I DIDN'T WRITE THIS, BUT I DID LISTEN TO IT, PUT IT
ON TO REMEMBER THAT TIME I INSULTED YOUR PENIS.
STAY SWEET, HAVE A GREAT SUMMER, DON.
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
DWAYNE JOHNSON SHEER.
WHEN WE RETURN, STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY.
JON, GAD TO SEE YOU.
YOU KNOW WHO WE HAVE ON TONIGHT, JON?
>> Jon: DO YOU SMELL.
>> Stephen: I DO, I CAN SMELL, WHAT DWAYNE JOHNSON IS COOKING
FOR US.
>> Jon: OH YEAH.
THAT WILL BE SLICK I LOVE DWAYNE JOHNSON.
>> Stephen: I WANTED TO TALK TO HIM, ONE OF THE TRUE
INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTARS, DWAYNE JOHNSON.
>> Jon: HUGE, HUGE STAR.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO CALL HIM THE ROCK BUT IT IS TWAIN JOCK
SON, I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S ROCK ANY MORE.
>> Jon: YOU SHOULD ASK HIM THAT, SEE WHAT HE SAYS, THAT
WOULD BE A FOOD QUESTION.
>> Stephen: MAYBE I WILL.
IT MIGHT BE A GOOD FIRST QUESTION.
>> Jon: YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW IF HE ARE IN A J, J.LO, EVERYBODY I
DON'T WANT TO BE J.LO ANY MORE, EVERYBODY GOES OKAY, SO PEOPLE
DON'T-- SAY HER NAME AT ALL.
>> RIGHT BE THEN SHE GOES OKAY, J.LO IS GOD.
DWAYNE JOHNSON IS A POWERFUL NAME ITSELF.
DWAYNE THE JOHN TON-- JOHNSON.
>> OH.
>> Stephen: IT'S THE "THE."
>> Jon: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT ONE.
>> Stephen: MAYBE NOT, OKAY.
(LAUGHTER) LARGE MAN, VERY FRIENDLY.
YOU AND ME, DWAYNE, YOU AND ME BUDDY, LIKE THIS.
YOU KNOW FOLKS, WHEN IT COMES TO THE COMINGS AND GOINGS AT THE
TRUMP WHITE HOUSE THERE ARE SO MANY GOINGS THAT TIMES WE FORGET
TO LOOK AT THE COMES.
LIKE THE RECENT HIRE OF WHITE HOUSE DEPUTY CHIEF OF STAFF OF
COMMUNICATIONS AND SANTD CLAUSE AFTER HE WAS ON QUEER EYE, BILL
SHINE.
NOW BEFORE WORKING AT THE WHITE HOUSE BILL SHINE WAS PRESIDENT
OF FOX NEWS WHERE HE RESIGNED AMID THE ROGER AILES HARASSMENT
SCANDAL AFTER HE WAS NAMED IN LAWSUITS FOR NOT TAKING ACTION
AND TRYING TO COVER UP ALLEGATIONS OF SEXUAL
HARASSMENT.
I'M SURE THAT WAS A QUICK INTERVIEW AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
IT SAYS HERE ON YOUR RESUME THAT YOU KNOW MICROSOFT E SELL AND
YOU ENABLED THE SEXUAL DEEF YANSES OF A DEF YANSES OF A
DIRTY OLD PEAT BAG, OKAY, WELCOME Ard BO.
WHEN ONE FEMALE FOX CONTRIBUTOR TRIED TO TALK TO SHINE ABOUT THE
SEXUAL ABUSE AT FOX NEWS HE SEEMED MORE INTERESTED IN
TALKING ABOUT THE EAGLES, TELLING HER SHE SHOULD WATCH A
SHOW TIME DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE ROCK BAND BECAUSE THEIR STORY
WAS VERY SIMILAR TO THE STORY OF FOX NEWS.
HMMMM.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHY THEY ARE SO INFLUENTIAL AND ONLY OLD WHITE
PEOPLE LISTEN, YEAH, CHECKS OUT.
IN FACT, SHINE WAS SO TOXIC AFTER LEAVING FOX NEWS THAT HE
WAS CONSIDERED UNTOUCHABLE BY MANY OTHER PERSPECTIVE
EMPLOYERS.
YOU'RE NOT REALLY QUIZNOS MATERIAL, YOU HAVE TRIED THE
WHITE HOUSE?
(LAUGHTER) AND INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE
SHINE'S HIRING HAS BEEN SEEN AS A WAY TO PUSH OUT CHIEF OF STAFF
JOHN KELLY, ONE OFFICIAL SAID THEY BASICALLY STOPPED TELLING
KELLY WHEN MEETINGS ARE.
PEOPLE LEAVE HIM OFF THE CALENDER.
WHEN HE FINDS OUT, HE STORMS INTO THE ROOM AND IS LIKE WHAT'S
GOING ON.
TO BE FAIR, WHAT'S GOING ON, IS WHAT PEOPLE SAY IN EVERY MEETING
WITH DONALD TRUMP.
(LAUGHTER) ONE REPUBLICAN CLOSE TO THE
WHITE HOUSE SAID THAT TRUMP IS HOPING KELLY-- AND TRUMP IS TOO
CHICK TONE FIRE KELLY HIMSELF AND THAT THIS PLAN IS
REMINISCENT IS OF WHEN HE HIRED ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI TO DRIVE OUT
THEN CHIEF OF STAFF REINCE PRIEBUS SAYING THIS IS A MORE
SUBTLE VERSION OF SCARAMUCCI.
I'M GOING TO SAY THAT-- (LAUGHTER)
I'M GOING TO GO OUT ON A LIMB HERE, I'M GOING TO GO OUT ON A
LIME HERE AND SAY THAT EVERYTHING IS A MORE SUBTLE
VERSION OF SCARAMUCCI INCLUDING THE CAST OF JERSEY SHORE JOE
PESCI AND GOODFELLAS AND THE PHRASE A, NOT FOR NOTHING, CAN I
GET SOME GOBBAGOOL, WRAP SOME MOZZERELLE OVER HERE.
AND TRUMP COULDN'T BE HAPPIER WITH SHINE, ESPECIALLY THE WAY
HE HANDLED MONDAY NIGHT'S ROLL OUT OF THE SUPREME COURT PICK.
ONE SOURCE TOLD "VANITY FAIR" THAT SHINE BROUGHT IN ALL NEW
LIGHTS.
HE GAVE TRUMP WHAT IS CALLED DOWN LIGHTS.
TRUMP IS A LITTLE FAT SO THAT MADE HIM LOOK YOUNGER.
ALTHOUGH IF HE REALLY WANTS A COMMUNICATIONS DIRECT TORE MAKE
HIM LOOK YOUNGER HE SHOULD CHOOSE WHOEVER DESIGNED THIS
BALLOON.
(LAUGHTER) YEAH.
THAT GUY'S SKIN IS HOT, HE LOOKS GOOD.
HANDS ARE A LITTLE BIG.
OF COURSE AS AN EXPERT IN COMMUNICATION, BILL SHINE MADE
SURE THERE WAS NOTHING IN HIS OR HIS FAMILY'S PAST THAT WOULD
CAUSE ANY NEGATIVE PR.
IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID BEFORE TRUMP BECAME PRESIDENT.
BECAUSE IT QUICKLY CAME OUT THAT BILL SHINE'S WIFE DARLA USED HER
TWITTER ACCOUNT TO COMPLAIN THAT SHE KONLT USE THE "N" WORD.
AND TO SPREAD CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUT QUOTE BLACKS.
I AM SHOCKED THOSE KIND OF TWEETS CAME FROM THE WIFE OF THE
PRESIDENT'S COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR AND NOT FROM THE
PRESIDENT HIMSELF.
FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN TRUMP GOT IN TROUBLE FOR CALLING AFRICA A
COLLECTION OF [BLEEP] COUNTRIES, REMEMBER THAT?
>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WERE WE EVER SO YOUNG.
DARLA SHINE TWEETED THIS RACIST MEME, ROME 2,000 YEARS AGO,
AFRICA NOW.
WOW.
RACIST 200 YEAR, RACIST NOW.
DARLA SEEMED OBSESSED WITH ONE TOPIC IN PARTICULAR TWEETING
TAKE THE "N" WORD OUT OF THE MUSIC.
DON'T WANT TO FEEL GUILTY FOR SINGING SONGS WITH THE "N" WORD
IN IT AND DON'T USE THE "N" WORD IF YOUR SONG-- IF YOU DON'T BANT
YOUR TEENAGE LISTENERS TO REPEAT IT OUTLOUD.
AND FUNNY HOW CRITICS CALLING TO BAN THE JEFFERSON MEMORIAL BUT
NO TALK OF BANNING RAP SONGS WITH N WORD IN IT AND HAVE I
NEVER SAID THE "N" WORD OUT LOUD AND MY WHITE CHILDREN NEVER HAVE
EITHER.
BLACKS, STOP USING THE "N" WORD.
WOW.
THAT LADY REALLY WANTS TO USE THE "N" WORD.
>> Jon: OH YEAH.
>> Stephen: NOW,-- ONE ASSUMES.
NOW DARLA HAS DELETED HER TWITTER ACCOUNT SINCE HER
HUSBAND WAS HIRED AT THE WHITE HOUSE BUT IT WASN'T JUST ON
TWITTER.
ON HER FACEBOOK PAGE DARLA WROTE, IT SEEMS TO BE MORE IN
STYLE TO BE TRANSGENDER THAN NOT.
MANMADE VA GINA IS STILL NOT AS GOOD AS THE REAL THING.
>> Jon: HMMMM, HMMMM.
>> Stephen: I-- I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THIS BUT I
LONG TO GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT THE "N" WORD.
SO IN CONCLUSION, DONALD TRUMP JUST HIRED A MAN WHO HAD TO
RESIGN IN SHAME FROM HIS LAST JOB FOR AIDING A SEXUAL ABUSER,
AND WAS MARRIED TO A BIGOT WHO IS WEIRDLY OBSESSED WITH RACIAL
SLURS AND FAUX-GINAS.
THEY WILL FIT RIGHT IN.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DWAYNE JOHNSON.
(APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: HIGH HEY, EVERYBODY.
(APPLAUSE) WELCOME BACK. TO THE LATE SHOW.
FOLKS, MY FIRST GUESTS AROUND I HAVE NEVER BEEN SEEN IN THE SAME
PLACE AT THE SAME TIME.
HERE TO END THE SPECULATION THAT WE ARE INDEED THE SAME PERSON,
PLEASE WELCOME DWAYNE JOHNSON.
(APPLAUSE) >> THANK YOU.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU GUYS.
>> Stephen: I HAVE WANTED TO TALK TO YOU FOR A LONG TIME.
>> YES, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME IN THE MAKING, YOU AND I IN THE
SAME ROOM.
WE'RE MAKING HISTORY.
>> Stephen: RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> THIS IS IT, THIS IT.
>> Stephen: IT'S EERIE.
>> IT IS.
>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE STAIRING IN A MIRROR.
>> IT'S JUST LIKE TWINSIES, STARRING IN THE MIRROR.
>> Stephen: OKAY SO I WAS TALKING WITH JOHN EARLIER,
OBVIOUSLY PEOPLE IMMEDIATELY GO OH, IT'S THE ROCK, OKAY, BUT
IT'S DWAYNE JOHNSON, AS AN ACTOR T IS DWAYNE JOHNSON, NOT THE
ROCK.
>> IT IS REALLY WHATEVER COMES OUT, YES.
IT'S ALL THE SAME.
>> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD.
YOU HAVE HAD A LOT OF NAMES, THE ROCK, DWAYNE.
DJ.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHO IS ROCKY MIVIA.
>> ST THE FIRST NAME I HAD WHEN I FIRST STARTED WRESTLING FOR
THE W-WE.
I HAD MY VERY FIRST MATCH IN MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.
>> Stephen: YOUR FIRST MATCH WAS IN MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.
>> BROTHER, MY VERY FIRST MATCH EVER IN THE COMPANY WAS MADISON
SQUARE GARDEN AND IT WAS-- I WAS SCARED [BLEEP], BECAUSE ST
INCOMER AND IF YOU MAKE IT HERE, COULD YOU MAKE IT ANYWHERE OR IT
COULD TERLY SIDEWAYS.
>> Stephen: THEY EXPECT A GOOD SHOW.
>> THEY EXPECT A GOOD SHOW.
AND FORTUNATELY BY THE END OF THE MATCH THE WHOLE CROWNED WAS
CHANTING ROCKY, ROCKY, IT WAS SO COOL.
EMBRACE IMMEDIATE LIKE A SON AND THAT STARTED MY CAREER.
>> Stephen: AND WHO IS DEWY.
>> THANK YOU.
(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: YOUR CAREER, THIS REAPPLAUDING YOUR WHOLE CAREER.
>> THANK YOU, GUYS.
>> Stephen: WHO IS DEWY BECAUSE THERE IS ANOTHER ONE
HERE WHAT IS DEWY.
>> OH MY GOD.
MY MOM EMBARRASSED ME ON NATIONAL TV A COUPLE OF DAYS
AGO.
AND SHE REVEALED LIVE, BY THE WAY, SHE REVEALED THAT ONE OF MY
NICKNAMES WHEN I WAS A KID WAS DEWY WHEN I WAS A BABY.
AND HOW THAT HAPPENED WAS, I WAS-- SHE ASKED PIE GODMOTHER S
HIS DIEPER WET, AND SHE WENT OH STRKS A LITTLE DEWY.
(LAUGHTER) THAT WAS IT.
>> Stephen: MOM, MOM.
>> DEWY AND I HEARD WOULD YOU LIKE TO CALL ME "THE JOHNSON."
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: YEAH, SURE, I LIKE THE THE.
I LIKE THE "THE."
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT WHEN YOU SAY THE "THE."
I LIKE THE THE.
(LAUGHTER).
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
>> SO GREAT.
(LAUGHTER).
>> Stephen: IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME AT THE TIME.
OKAY, SO I KNOW, OBVIOUSLY I KNOW YOU AS A WRESTLER.
I WATCH YOU.
YOUR WRESTLING HEYDAY WAS IN THE '90S, AND EARLY 2,000.
>> EARLY 2,000.
>> Stephen: OKAY, SO I KNEW YOU WERE BUT I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
CAME FROM A DINE STEE OFS WE ARE-- WRESTLERS, YOUR FATHER,
YOUR GRANDFATHER.
>> YEAH, MY FATHER AND GRANDFATHER THERE WAS A LINE YAJ
I CAME FROM, MY GRANDS FATHER DIVED FOR VINCE McMAHON, AND
MY DADS WRESTLED FOR VINCE McMAHON AND MY GRANDMOTHER
WOUND UP BEING THE FIRST FEMALE WRESTLE PROG MOATER IN THE
HISTORY OF WRESTLING T WAS VERY COOL.
AND SHE WAS A BAD ASS TOO.
(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: NOW PROMOTERS, PROMOTERS LIKE VINCE McMA HON
WILL GET IN THE RING AND WILL GET THROWN AROUND DID YOUR
GRANDMOTHER EVER ENGAGE?
>> YES.
HERE IS THE CRAZY THING, LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER-- .
>> Stephen: BIG PERSON, SMALL PERSON.
>> SHE WAS ON THE LARGER SIDE, YES, LIKE POLYNESIANS WE RUN
TYPICALLY A LITTLE BIT BIGGER.
THERE IS A JOKE THAT MOST POLYNESIANS ARE 250 POUNDS AND
THE WOMEN ARE EVEN BIGGER.
BUT I'M GOING GET TEXTS AFTER THAT.
SO MY GRANDMOTHER AT A TIME WHEN WRESTLING WASN'T AS GLOBALIZED
AS IT IS TODAY, IN THE '60S AND '70S WHEN MY GRANDFATHER WAS
WRESTLING, THE IDEA THAT WRESTLING WAS A SHOW, WAS ALWAYS
PROTECTED.
SO WHEN MY GRANDFATHER FIRST STARTED LEARNING HOW TO BE A
PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER, HE NEVER TOLD MY GRANDMOTHER, SO HE NEVER
SMARTENED HER UP.
HE HAD HIS FIRST MATCH.
>> Stephen: HE NEVER TOLD HER ABOUT CHOREOGRAPHY OR ANYTHING
LIKE THAT.
>> NOTHING, NO, NOT AT ALL.
SO AS FAR AS SHE KNEW IT WAS REAL AND THERE WAS GOING TO BE A
FIGHT AT THIS LOCAL ARENA IN SAN FRANCISCO WHERE HE FIRST
STARTED.
SO HE BRINGS HER TO THE FIRST MATCH, SHE IS SITTING THERE.
AND HE HAS THE MATCH.
AND THE MATCH STARTS AND HE IS, OF COURSE, STARTS GETTING BEAT
UP AT SOME POINT.
AND SHE FREAKS OUT. SHE JUMPS IN THE RING.
(LAUGHTER) I SWEAR TO GOD.
SHE JUMPS IN THE RING, TAKES HER CLOGS OFF AND STARTS BEATING HIS
ASS IN THE RING.
>> Stephen: THE OPPONENT.
>> THE OPPONENT.
>> Stephen: THE OPPONENT.
>> YES, THE OPPONENT.
AND THEN MY GRANDFATHER HAD TO YELL AT HER IN SAMOAN, NO, IT'S
OKAY, IT'S OKAY, HE IS MY FRIEND.
HE GAB GRABBED HER, TOOK HER OUT AND PUT HER IN THE SEAT.
>> Stephen: I BET THE CROWD LOVED IT THOUGH.
>> THE CROWD WAS LIKE WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT KNOW, WHAT, CAN
YOU JUST GET UP AND GET IN THE RING.
BUT YEAH, THEY HAD A REALLY-- YEAH, THEY HAD A VERY
INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP, VERY LOVING.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER IS
INTERESTED IN STARTING AS A WRESTLER NOW TOO.
>> SHE IS.
>> Stephen: HOW OLD IS SHE?
>> SHE'S 16.
>> Stephen: 16, OKAY.
I UNDERSTAND THERE IS CHOREOGRAPHY, BUT IT CAN BE
DANGEROUS, YOU CAN GET HURT.
>> IT IS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS, I GREW UP IN THE BUSINESS OF
WRESTLING.
I WAS HURT A THE LO.
IT IS A TOUGH BUSINESS BECAUSE THERE ARE NO SEASONS TO IT AND
SO SHE IS VERY INTERESTED IN IT SHE HAS GREAT PASSION ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU ENCOURAGE THIS OR ARE YOU LIKE NO, NO, NO,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
>> I LOVE T I LOVE THE IDEA OF HER DOING IT THAT SAY GREAT
QUESTION, ONLY BECAUSE THE WRESTLING BUSINESS THESE DAYS
ARE A LOT DIFFERENT THAN WHEN I WAS THERE OR WHEN I WAS THERE
ARE ATTITUDE ERA, STEVE VOS AND GUYS LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU TOLD HER WHAT THE OLD DAYS WERE LIKE.
>> YEAH, OH, ABSOLUTELY.
BUT THE WRESTLING BUSINESS IS DIFFERENT THESE DAYS, I FEEL
COMFORTABLE WITH IT THESE DAYS.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU STARTED OUT, WHAT WAS IT?
>> IT WAS HARD-CORE.
WHEN I FIRST STARTED OUT IT WAS-- WE WOULD, YOU KNOW, I
LIVED LIKE LIKE GYPSIES AND I WOULD WRESTLE, I HAD A GUARANTEE
OF $40 PER MATCH EVERY NIGHT.
YEAH, I KNOW.
>> Stephen: THAT'S LONG GREEN.
>> LONG GREEN T WAS REALLY LONG GREEN, I WAS LIVING AT THE
WAFFLE HOUSE, I ATE THERE THREE TIMES A DAY.
AND SO MONDAY NIGHTS WERE THE FLEE MARKET I WOULD WRESTLE
THERE, THE BIG TOP FLEE MARKET, SATURDAY THE STATE FAIR EVERY
SATURDAY AND THROUGHOUT THE WEEK AT USED CAR DEALERSHIPS.
>> Stephen: USED CAR DEALERSHIPS.
>> YEAH, SO CHECK THIS OUT.
WE USED TO SET UP RINGS IN USED CAR DEALERSHIPS, IN THE PARKING
LOT OF USED CAR DEALERSHIPS.
AND PEOPLE WOULD GO IN, BUY USED CARS AND IF YOU WANT YOU COULD
SEE FREE WRESTLING MATCHES.
AND I WOULD BE THERE WITH MY PINEAPPLE HAIRCUT AND I WOULD BE
PUTTING ON MY BOOTS AND WRESTLING DEER NEXT TO AN OFFICE
WHO WAS TRYING TO SELL CARS.
IT WAS THE ODDEST THING BUT AT THAT TIME IT WAS WHAT DID YOU TO
MAKE MONEY.
>> Stephen: I WOULD RECOMMEND THAT TO EVERY YOUNG PERSON
BECAUSE HONEST TO GOD, BECAUSE I THINK THAT MIGHT BE WHY, ONE OF
THE HALLMARKS OF DWAYNE JOHNSON IS THAT THERE IS NEVER ANY POINT
I SEE YOU DO ANYTHING THAT IS NOT 110 PERCENT.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT THE OPTION TO DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING
RIGHT NOW IN ANY MOVIE, ANY PROJECT, ANY TV SHOW IS
WRESTLING IN THE PARKING LOT OF A USED CAR DEALERSHIP.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: LIKE THAT'S THE OPTION.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: 110 PERCENT ALL THE TIME.
>> NO ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
>> Stephen: EARN SHOULD DO THAT, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR
PROFESSION, IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE A DOCTOR YOU SHOULD WRESTLE
AT USED CAR.
>> DEALERSHIP N THE PARKING LOT, YES, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A LITTLE BREAK HERE, WE'LL BE
RIGHT BACK WITH MORE DWAYNE JOHNSON
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: WHEN WE COME BACK, HE AND I WILL SETTLE THE SCORE.
WITHIN HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE HERE WITH DWAYNE JOHNSON.
NOW I KNOW YOU'RE NOT PARTICULARLY A POLITICAL PERSON
BUT PEOPLE HAVE TALKED TO YOU ABOUT WHETHER YOU WOULD RUN FOR
POLITICAL OFFICE YOURSELF, BECAUSE-- PEOPLE LOVE A WINNER,
YOU SEEM LIKE A WINNER.
YOU EXECUTE GREAT CONFIDENCE.
DO YOU ACTUALLY TAKE THAT POBTD SERIOUSLY?
>> I ABSOLUTELY DO, YES, YES, I DO..
>> JUST TO PUT IT IN CONTEXT, SOMETHING HAPPENS IN "THE
WASHINGTON POST," THEY POSTED A STORY, HAD WRITTEN A STORY AND
SAIRKSD THE GUEST OF IT WAS IF I WERE TO RUN I COULD HAVE A
LEGITIMATE THOUGHT AT WINNING.
IT KIND OF PICKED UP STEAM.
AND WHEN IT PICKED UP STEAM, A LOT OF PEOPLE, THE AMERICAN
PUBLIC KIND OF THOUGHT ACTUALLY, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
SO WHEN THAT STARTED PIBBING UP, OF COURSE WHEN I'M ASKED, YES, I
HAVE INCREDIBLE RESPECT FOR OUR AMERICAN PEOPLE AND OUR COUNTRY,
SO I SAID YES, I WOULD CONSIDER IT.
AND OF COURSE I WOULD.
BUT AT THE SAME TIME, STEPHEN, LOOK, I'M NOT DELUSIONAL AT ALL.
LIKE I FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, I NEED THAT THING, OH,
EXPERIENCE, YES.
THAT'S-- (APPLAUSE)
SO IF THAT WERE TO HAPPEN IN A 2024, 2028, I WOULD HAVE TO GO
TO WORK AND GET SOME EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW, AND UNDERSTAND POLICY.
>> Stephen: AND GIVE IT 110 PERCENT.
>> I WOULD GO BACK-- .
>> Stephen: BECAUSE IT IS EITHER PRESIDENT OR USED CARS.
>> THAT'S IT.
I WAS GOING TO SAY.
>> Stephen: THERE IS A LITTLE, WE KNOW THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE
ACCESS TO NATIONAL SECURITY SECRETS.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SHOW THESE PEOPLE.
THIS ONE HOUR BEFORE THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION REVEALED TO THE
WORLD THAT THEY HAD GOTTEN OSAMA BIN LADEN, ONE HOUR BEFORE THE
REST OF US KNEW, BEFORE ANY ANNOUNCEMENT WAS BEING MADE, YOU
TWEETED THIS.
JUST GOT WORD THAT WILL SHOCK THE WORLD. LAND OF THE FREE,
HOME OF THE BRAVE, DAMN PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN.
WHO READ YOU IN.
WHO READ YOU IN?
WERE YOU IN THE SITUATION ROOM, WAS IT OBAMA AND HILLARY AND
EVERYBODY ELSE WATCHING, JUST RIGHT OFF CAMERA, ARE YOU THERE
GOING WHOOO!
IN THAT ROOM?
>> BUDDY, I WAS RIGHT THERE.
I-- .
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, WHERE DID THIS COME FROM.
WHY DID YOU DO THIS?
>> YOU KNOW, I HAVE FRIENDS IN HIGH AND LOW PLACES.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> AND WHEN I HAD RECEIVED THAT, I WAS-- .
>> Stephen: FROM HOME.
>> I CANNOT SAY FROM WHOM IT WAS.
>> Stephen: YOU TWEETED IT.
>> I KNOW BUT WHEN I TWEETED IT, I WAS ALSO TOLD THAT THE
PRESIDENT WAS JUST ABOUT TO WALK ON TO THE PRESS CONFERENCE IN 30
SECONDS.
>> Stephen: BIDEN, RIGHT, BIDEN TOLD YOU.
>> I CAN'T SAY AND THEN I GET A FOLLOWUP TEXT.
>> Stephen: IT WAS BIDEN.
(LAUGHTER) >> I CAN'T SAY.
I CAN CAN'T CONFIRM NOR DENY BUT I GET A FOLLOWUP TEXT SAYING WE
HAD TO PUSH THE PRESS CONFERENCE FOR ANOTHER HOUR.
OH, BUT IT JUST WENT OUT.
>> Stephen: OH, WOW.
>> WOW.
>> Stephen: THAT'S AMAZING.
THAT IS QUITE AMAZING.
QUITE AMAZING.
NOW AS YOU WERE SAYING BEFORE, YOU ARE SAMOAN, YOU ACTUALLY
HAVE A TRADITIONAL TATTOO OVER ONE ARM AND OVER YOUR CHEST
HERE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: DON'T SUPPOSE YOU COULD GIVE US A LITTLE PEEK AT
THAT, COULD YOU?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) YOU DON'T WANT-- .
>> Stephen: THEY DON'T WANT-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> OH MY GOD.
>> Stephen: IR'S WELCOME.
>> THANK YOU FOR THAT.
THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU MADE ME PROMISE TO ASK THAT.
>> I DID.
PLEASE ASK ME TO OPEN MY SHIRT, IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, TELL ME ABOUT LIKE WHAT-- YOUR SAMOAN
HERITAGE INFORMS WHO YOU ARE.
>> WELL, JUST TO BACK UP A LITTLE BIT, I'M HALF BLACK AND
HALF SAMOAN.
AND HALF OF MY FAMILY CAME UP THROUGH THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD
AND FINALLY SETTLED IN CANADA.
AND MY OTHER HALF, WHOOO FOR CANADA.
AND MY OTHER HALF IS, THERE ARE TWO ISLANDS IN THE SOUTH
PACIFIC, ONE IS AMERICAN SAMOA AND THE OTHER IS WESTERN-- THAT
IS MY MOM WHO JUST DID THAT, BY THE WAY.
I RECOGNIZED THAT IN THE OTHER IS WESTERN SAMOAN AN MY FAMILY
IS FROM WESTERN SAMOA.
AND VERY PROUD CULTURE.
AND WE SING AND WE PLAY UK LAY LAY AND WE DANCE.
>> Stephen: YOU DO SING, YOU SANG IN MONA.
>> I DID.
I DID, YES, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: WHAT, HAD YOU SUNG A LOT OR WERE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT
THAT?
HOW DID YOU TRAIN FOR THAT?
>> ABOUT SINGING?
WELL, I WASN'T NERVOUS ABOUT SINGING IN MONA.
WE HAD LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA WHO WROTE THE MUSIC AND SET IT UP
REALLY NICELY, HE IS AMAZING, OF COURSE.
BUT PROBABLY JUST BECAUSE WE WERE SINGING ALL THE TIME, AS A
FAMILY JUST GROWING UP AND ALWAYS SINGING AND SOMETIMES
SINGING SAMOAN SONGS, HAWAIIAN SONGSZ AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO DID A LITTLE SINGING
FOR OUR SHOW.
LIKE IN SAMOAN BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW, LIKE SAMONA SONGS.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
A SAMOAN SONG, LET'S SEE-- .
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU USED TO WARM UP BEFORE YOU SANG
ON THE, IN THE MOVIE, YOU WARMED UP WITH A LITTLE TEQUILA.
WOULD YOU BE-- INTERESTED IN?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I DON'T WANT, DO YOU WANT.
>> I DON'T LIKE TO DRINK ALONE.
>> Stephen: NO, I WILL DRINK WITH YOU.
>> OKAY, GREAT.
>> Stephen: UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
OKAY.
THERE YOU GO.
>> A SIP, ARE WE SIPPING TZ I DON'T THINK SO.
>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WHAT ARE WE DOING.
YOU DIDN'T LOOK ME IN THE EYE.
>> Stephen: OH.
>> VERY IMPORTANT, BROTHER.
>> Stephen: I TELL YOU WHAT, ARE YOU KNOWN FOR YOUR EYEBROW,
I'M KNOWN FOR MY EYEBROW, OKAY.
LET'S LOOK EACH OTHER IN THE EYEWITNESSES OKAY AND DO THE
EYEBROW?
>> Stephen: LIKE MEN.
>> CHEERS.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: OKAY, TEACH ME A SAMOAN SONG.
>> LET'S SEE, SAMOAN SONG.
ALL RIGHT.
I HAVEN'T SANG THIS IN A LONG TIME, I MIGHT VIEW IT UP, I WILL
SING THE FIRST VERSE.
♪ THAT'S IT.
COMEERS PLAWS (APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
>> IT MEANS LIKE ANSWER ME OH MY LOVE, JUST WHAT IT IS THAT I AM
GUILTY OF, SOMETHING LIKE THAT, IS WHAT IT MEANS, I WILL SAY I
HAVE NEVER LOOKED A MAN DIRECTLY IN THE EYE WHEN I SANG THAT.
(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: WELL, THE NEW MOVIE, THE NEW MOVIE, SUMMER
BLOCKBUSTER, OKAY, SKY SCAPER.
>> TO HELL WITH THE MOVIE, LET'S DRINK!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) IS.
>> Stephen: ROLL THE CLIP.
>> WHOOO!
>> DWAYNE.
>> A REAL PLEASURE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> SKYSCRAPER IN THEATERS THIS FRIDAY, DWAYNE JOHNSON
EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY ALESSIA CARA.
>> Stephen: MY NEXT GUEST WON HER FIRST GRAMMY FOR BEST NEW
ARTIST EARLIER THIS YEAR.
PERFORMING HER NEW SINGLE, "GROWING PAINS," LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, ALESSIA CARA!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
) >> YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, KID.
>> YOU ARE.
♪ MAKE MY WAY THROUGH THE MOTIONS
♪ I TRY TO IGNORE IT BUT HOME'S LOOKING FARTHER
♪ THE CLOSER I GET DON'T KNOW WHY
♪ I CAN'T SEE THE END IS IT OVER YET?
♪ HMM A SHORT LEASH
♪ AND A SHORT FUSE DON'T MATCH
♪ THEY TELL ME IT AIN'T THAT BAD
♪ NOW DON'T YOU OVERREACT SO I JUST HOLD MY BREATH
♪ DON'T KNOW WHY I CAN'T SEE THE SUN
♪ WHEN YOUNG SHOULD BE FUN FUN
♪ AND I GUESS THE BAD CAN GET BETTER
♪ GOTTA BE WRONG BEFORE IT'S RIGHT
♪ EVERY HAPPY PHRASE ENGRAVED IN MY MIND
♪ AND I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A GO-GETTER
♪ THERE'S TRUTH IN EVERY WORD I WRITE
♪ BUT STILL THE GROWING PAINS
♪ GROWING PAINS THEY'RE KEEPING ME UP AT NIGHT
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, YEAH, HEY, YEAH HEY, HEY, HEY, YEAH, HEY, YEAH
♪ AND I CAN'T HIDE 'CAUSE GROWING PAINS
♪ ARE KEEPING ME UP AT NIGHT
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, YEAH, HEY, YEAH HEY, HEY, HEY, YEAH, HEY, YEAH
♪ AND I CAN'T HIDE 'CAUSE GROWING PAINS
♪ ARE KEEPING ME UP AT NIGHT
♪ TRY TO MEND WHAT'S LEFT OF MY
♪ CONTENTED INCOMPREHENSION AS I TAKE ON THE STRESS
♪ OF THE MESS THAT I'VE MADE
♪ DON'T KNOW IF I EVEN CARE FOR "GROWN"
♪ IF IT'S JUST ALONE YEAH
♪ AND I GUESS THE BAD CAN GET BETTER
♪ GOTTA BE WRONG BEFORE IT'S RIGHT
♪ EVERY HAPPY PHRASE ENGRAVED IN MY MIND
♪ I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A GO-GETTER
♪ THERE'S TRUTH IN EVERY WORD I WRITE
♪ BUT STILL THE GROWING PAINS
♪ GROWING PAINS THEY'RE KEEPING ME UP AT NIGHT
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, YEAH, HEY, YEAH HEY, HEY, HEY, YEAH, HEY, YEAH
♪ AND I CAN'T HIDE 'CAUSE GROWING PAINS
♪ ARE KEEPING ME UP AT NIGHT
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, YEAH, HEY, YEAH HEY, HEY, HEY, YEAH, HEY, YEAH
♪ AND I CAN'T HIDE 'CAUSE GROWING PAINS
♪ ARE KEEPING ME UP AT NIGHT
♪ STARTING TO LOOK LIKE MS. KNOW-IT-ALL
♪ CAN'T TAKE HER OWN ADVICE CAN'T FIND
♪ PIECES OF MY PEACE OF MIND I CRY MORE THAN I WANT TO ADMIT
♪ BUT I CAN'T LIE TO MYSELF, TO ANYONE
♪ 'CAUSE PHONING IT IN ISN'T ANY FUN
♪ CAN'T RUN BACK TO MY YOUTH THE WAY I WANT TO
♪ THE DAYS MY BROTHER WAS QUICKER TO FOOL
♪ A.M. RADIO NOT MUCH TO DO
♪ USED MONSTERS AS AN EXCUSE TO LIE AWAKE
♪ NOW THE MONSTERS ARE THE ONES THAT I HAVE TO FACE
♪ NO BAND-AIDS FOR THE GROWING PAINS
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY YEAH, HEY YEAH HEY, HEY, HEY YEAH, HEY YEAH
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY YEAH, HEY YEAH HEY
♪ NO BAND-AIDS FOR THE GROWING PAINS ♪
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
) >> Stephen: HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
ALESSIA CARA.
TONIGHT, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THE "LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE LAWRENCE O'DONNELL, LIV
TYLER, AND MUSICAL GUEST, YOUNG THE GIANT.
NOW STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN.
GOOD NIGHT!
Captioning funded by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org