1
00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:10,619
It's my stuff, okay?
2
00:00:10,653 --> 00:00:13,388
Just keep your hands off
my stuff! Phil: Hey!
3
00:00:13,423 --> 00:00:14,823
I didn't put my hands on your stuff!
4
00:00:14,858 --> 00:00:16,825
Hey! Just a second, derek.
5
00:00:16,860 --> 00:00:18,293
What is the problem?
6
00:00:18,328 --> 00:00:20,529
Alex read my journal. I did not!
7
00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:22,998
Why would I even want to read
your stupid journal?
8
00:00:23,032 --> 00:00:25,167
Because it contains the details of a life,
9
00:00:25,201 --> 00:00:26,501
And yo don't have one!
10
00:00:26,536 --> 00:00:27,703
Ohh!
11
00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:29,071
Alex, don't read haley's journal. Uhh!
12
00:00:29,105 --> 00:00:31,540
Sorry. My daughters.
13
00:00:31,574 --> 00:00:33,542
You got kids?
14
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:34,977
Oh. What grade are you in?
15
00:00:35,011 --> 00:00:36,845
Phil! Oh, that's my wife, claire.
16
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:38,780
Luke was using my computer.
17
00:00:38,815 --> 00:00:40,215
For this.
18
00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:43,685
I'm gonna have to, uh, call you back.
19
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,754
He told me he needed it to do homework,
20
00:00:45,822 --> 00:00:46,955
And then I find this --
21
00:00:46,990 --> 00:00:48,590
A-a picture of a topless woman,
22
00:00:48,625 --> 00:00:50,592
With the biggest boobs I
have ever seen,
23
00:00:50,627 --> 00:00:51,894
Driving a tractor.
24
00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:56,064
Okay, um, uh, first of all,
25
00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,267
That's a combine, not a tractor. Phil!
26
00:00:58,301 --> 00:01:00,836
Phil, it is smut, and our 1
0-year-old is looking at smut!
27
00:01:00,870 --> 00:01:01,937
It's disgusting!
28
00:01:01,971 --> 00:01:04,106
Completely unacceptable.
29
00:01:04,140 --> 00:01:05,874
Here's the thing -- that was my picture.
30
00:01:05,909 --> 00:01:07,109
Well, not really mine.
31
00:01:07,143 --> 00:01:09,011
There's this guy at work
who sends out these links.
32
00:01:09,045 --> 00:01:11,146
Does-- doesn't matter who. Gil thorpe.
33
00:01:11,180 --> 00:01:12,381
He sent out another one
34
00:01:12,415 --> 00:01:14,583
Of the same woman dressed as a battleship.
35
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,652
You know, the -- you get -- yeah.
36
00:01:16,686 --> 00:01:18,487
And then one of the transformers.
37
00:01:18,521 --> 00:01:19,788
And then it -- it...
38
00:01:19,822 --> 00:01:23,392
Anyway, I had every
intention of telling claire.
39
00:01:23,426 --> 00:01:26,261
I just wanted her to calm down first.
40
00:01:26,296 --> 00:01:27,429
Where are you going?
41
00:01:27,463 --> 00:01:28,997
I'm going to pick up
luke from his sleepover.
42
00:01:29,032 --> 00:01:31,266
We need to talk to him about this now.
43
00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:33,335
Claire, this isa very delicate .
44
00:01:33,369 --> 00:01:34,836
If we don't handle it right,
45
00:01:34,871 --> 00:01:37,539
Luke might end up having an
unhealthy attitude about sex.
46
00:01:37,573 --> 00:01:39,274
Or agribusiness.
47
00:01:39,309 --> 00:01:42,177
We'll talk about it when he gets home.
48
00:01:42,211 --> 00:01:44,112
Okay. Fine.
49
00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:46,448
But I am telling him that
every time he looks at porn,
50
00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:48,617
God kills a puppy.
51
00:01:48,651 --> 00:01:50,485
Maybe I should be the one to talk to him.
52
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,821
I am a very lucky woman.
53
00:01:52,855 --> 00:01:56,325
I have a wonderful family, a beautiful home.
54
00:01:56,359 --> 00:01:58,794
There's nothing that I would change.
55
00:02:02,532 --> 00:02:04,700
I hate the dog butler.
56
00:02:06,569 --> 00:02:07,936
I keep forgetting it's there,
57
00:02:07,971 --> 00:02:10,539
And every time it happens,
it scares me all over again.
58
00:02:10,573 --> 00:02:14,810
Sometimes, at night, I think ithe devil.
59
00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:17,079
El diablo.
60
00:02:17,113 --> 00:02:19,381
Barkley? He's hilarious.
61
00:02:19,415 --> 00:02:21,583
I was in vegas last month,
and I was winning...
62
00:02:22,719 --> 00:02:24,720
...And I thought, I could do the usual --
63
00:02:24,754 --> 00:02:27,022
Be a chump, give the money
back to the casino --
64
00:02:27,056 --> 00:02:29,891
Or I could do something smart
and buy something for myself
65
00:02:29,926 --> 00:02:31,827
At the casino store.
66
00:02:31,894 --> 00:02:33,362
He's already a family favorite.
67
00:02:33,396 --> 00:02:35,430
Rub his chin a little under there.
He likes that.
68
00:02:35,465 --> 00:02:36,898
There you go. Beautiful.
69
00:02:36,933 --> 00:02:38,834
There you go.
70
00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:41,336
He's a dog and a butler.
71
00:02:41,371 --> 00:02:43,071
I mean, who couldn't love him?
72
00:02:56,519 --> 00:02:58,153
stupid dog.
73
00:03:09,966 --> 00:03:12,834
-- Captions by vitac --
74
00:03:13,603 --> 00:03:14,870
Okay, ready to go.
75
00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:16,004
Oh, make sure you pee first.
76
00:03:16,039 --> 00:03:17,172
What am I, 7 years old?
77
00:03:17,206 --> 00:03:18,740
No, you do not want to go during the show.
78
00:03:18,775 --> 00:03:20,275
The marionettes stop what they're doing,
79
00:03:20,309 --> 00:03:22,144
March to the edge of the stage,
and point at you.
80
00:03:22,178 --> 00:03:23,979
Okay, that sounds terrifying.
81
00:03:24,013 --> 00:03:25,080
It's really funny.
82
00:03:25,114 --> 00:03:27,849
Oh, one of my favorite childhood memories
83
00:03:27,884 --> 00:03:30,786
Was attending the moscow marionette theater.
84
00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:33,588
I grew up one mile away from
missouri's largest water slide,
85
00:03:33,623 --> 00:03:35,257
And third-largest in the country.
86
00:03:35,291 --> 00:03:37,526
Oh, really? Cam,
you never mentioned that before.
87
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:38,560
You feel --
88
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,328
Feel like a torpedo.
89
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:45,000
Hey, cam, does the gardener
usually work on saturdays?
90
00:03:45,034 --> 00:03:46,435
I don't know. He comes when we need him.
91
00:03:46,469 --> 00:03:47,869
He's like batman, but straight.
92
00:03:47,904 --> 00:03:50,338
Is he crying?
93
00:03:50,373 --> 00:03:51,773
Oh, yeah.
94
00:03:51,808 --> 00:03:53,442
We should probably...
95
00:03:53,509 --> 00:03:54,976
Probably go out the back, huh?
96
00:03:55,011 --> 00:03:56,344
He's clearly in pain.
97
00:03:56,379 --> 00:03:59,247
How can you just turn your
back on a friend like that?
98
00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:01,450
A friend? Really? Yeah. W-what's his name?
99
00:04:01,484 --> 00:04:04,086
Cesar sal...Azar.
100
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,253
You made that up.
101
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:07,556
You were gonna say "caesar salad."
102
00:04:07,590 --> 00:04:08,690
Was not.
103
00:04:08,724 --> 00:04:10,926
Cam. Come on. Really?
104
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,928
ugh.
105
00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,463
All right, don't worry, lily.
106
00:04:14,497 --> 00:04:15,797
I'm sure we'll get to the show on time.
107
00:04:15,832 --> 00:04:17,365
I'm sure dad is just gonna go out
108
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,267
And give an encouraging
word to the gardener,
109
00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:22,104
Hopefully mention the snail problem,
110
00:04:22,138 --> 00:04:24,039
And then we are gonna be --
111
00:04:24,073 --> 00:04:25,073
No.
112
00:04:25,108 --> 00:04:26,842
No, no. Cam, no.
113
00:04:29,445 --> 00:04:30,812
Hello.
114
00:04:30,847 --> 00:04:32,080
I don't think he speaks english.
115
00:04:32,115 --> 00:04:33,849
Okay, this might be a good
time to mention to you
116
00:04:33,883 --> 00:04:35,817
That the marionettes are
not kind to latecomers.
117
00:04:35,852 --> 00:04:37,752
They bend over and show their bloomers.
118
00:04:37,787 --> 00:04:39,354
Okay, I speak a little spanish.
119
00:04:39,388 --> 00:04:43,325
¿señor, te gustaría hacer el agua
120
00:04:43,359 --> 00:04:47,162
Y tenemos nuestra cama?
121
00:04:47,196 --> 00:04:50,332
Gracias.
122
00:04:50,366 --> 00:04:51,700
What was that?
123
00:04:51,734 --> 00:04:53,802
I just asked him if he wanted
to have a glass of water
124
00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:55,303
And sit down for a minute,
125
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,672
Like any kind person would.
126
00:05:15,151 --> 00:05:16,418
I didn't find any more porn.
127
00:05:16,453 --> 00:05:17,720
That was hardly porn.
128
00:05:17,754 --> 00:05:19,121
It was a topless woman on a tractor.
129
00:05:19,155 --> 00:05:21,090
You know what they call that in europe?
130
00:05:21,124 --> 00:05:22,658
A cereal commercial.
131
00:05:22,692 --> 00:05:23,859
I should go talk to him.
132
00:05:23,893 --> 00:05:25,327
Honey, honey, honey, I got this!
133
00:05:25,362 --> 00:05:26,395
I got this!
134
00:05:26,429 --> 00:05:27,930
No, no, no, no, no. I-I got this.
135
00:05:27,964 --> 00:05:29,231
I got this. I was his age once.
136
00:05:29,265 --> 00:05:33,235
Breasts are like these scary,
mystical things
137
00:05:33,269 --> 00:05:37,172
That he's drawn to, like frodo to mordor.
138
00:05:37,207 --> 00:05:38,841
Okay, I'm definitely going to
talk to him. No, no, no, no!
139
00:05:38,875 --> 00:05:41,110
Boys don't want their moms
talking to them about sex
140
00:05:41,144 --> 00:05:43,512
Any more than girls want
their dads talking to them
141
00:05:43,546 --> 00:05:47,182
About periods, bras,
and girdles and all that stuff.
142
00:05:47,217 --> 00:05:49,685
You do know that women stopped wearing
girdles like 30 years ago, right?
143
00:05:49,719 --> 00:05:50,819
Honey, I know. I know.
144
00:05:50,854 --> 00:05:52,087
That -- that is --
145
00:05:52,122 --> 00:05:54,757
That is exactly the kind
of sexual revolution
146
00:05:54,791 --> 00:05:56,592
That our son is going through right now,
147
00:05:56,626 --> 00:05:57,826
So...
148
00:05:57,861 --> 00:06:00,329
Just -- let's just -- just trust it.
149
00:06:00,363 --> 00:06:01,997
fix that step.
150
00:06:02,032 --> 00:06:06,035
Just know I will handle this, okay?
151
00:06:11,007 --> 00:06:12,241
Iel diablo!
152
00:06:12,275 --> 00:06:14,209
Hey, gloria, do you have any idea
153
00:06:14,244 --> 00:06:16,211
Why barkley was in the guest room?
154
00:06:16,246 --> 00:06:19,148
I was just doing a little redecorating.
155
00:06:19,182 --> 00:06:21,116
Sometimes it's good to move things around
156
00:06:21,151 --> 00:06:22,484
Just to see how they look.
157
00:06:22,519 --> 00:06:24,386
Yeah, but the guest room -- that's crazy.
158
00:06:24,421 --> 00:06:26,722
He's not a guest. He works for us.
159
00:06:26,756 --> 00:06:28,624
Hey, give me a hand here, will you?
160
00:06:28,658 --> 00:06:30,359
I think his jacket shifted
while I was moving him.
161
00:06:31,628 --> 00:06:33,762
We can't have you untucked,
our little butler.
162
00:06:33,797 --> 00:06:35,564
That doesn't make any sense, does it, boy?
163
00:06:35,598 --> 00:06:36,732
ay!
164
00:06:36,766 --> 00:06:38,200
"ay"? What was that? Is he all right?
165
00:06:38,234 --> 00:06:40,069
Ay, no. My bracelet got
caught a little bit here.
166
00:06:40,103 --> 00:06:42,204
Well, don't panic. I'm not panicking.
167
00:06:42,238 --> 00:06:43,706
All right, try to relax.
168
00:06:43,740 --> 00:06:45,407
We can fix him. Let me take a better look.
169
00:06:45,442 --> 00:06:46,508
Come here, boy.
170
00:06:47,911 --> 00:06:48,911
Luke?
171
00:06:48,945 --> 00:06:50,646
Hey, dad. Hey, buddy.
172
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,348
Um...Look,
173
00:06:53,383 --> 00:06:56,051
You and I need to have a little talk.
174
00:06:56,086 --> 00:06:57,653
About what?
175
00:06:57,687 --> 00:07:00,556
Well, it's about computer stuff.
176
00:07:00,590 --> 00:07:04,326
Um...
177
00:07:06,529 --> 00:07:08,464
How do you make sure
you've deleted something
178
00:07:08,498 --> 00:07:09,665
After you read it?
179
00:07:12,235 --> 00:07:14,136
Sorry, jay. It was an accident.
180
00:07:14,170 --> 00:07:15,537
You know, I'm beginning to think
181
00:07:15,572 --> 00:07:16,972
You don't like barkley that much.
182
00:07:17,006 --> 00:07:18,340
I mean, first you hide
him in the guest room,
183
00:07:18,374 --> 00:07:19,441
And now this.
184
00:07:19,476 --> 00:07:21,643
It's ridiculous! I didn't mean to hurt it!
185
00:07:21,678 --> 00:07:23,479
First of all, let's cut the "its."
186
00:07:23,513 --> 00:07:24,680
He is a he.
187
00:07:24,714 --> 00:07:26,882
And you can pretend to
be innocent all you want,
188
00:07:26,916 --> 00:07:28,617
But action speaks louder than words.
189
00:07:28,651 --> 00:07:31,687
Yeah. They can be very revealing.
190
00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:34,423
What are you trying to say?
191
00:07:34,457 --> 00:07:36,525
Nothing, but you have to admit
192
00:07:36,559 --> 00:07:39,294
That the dog butler is a little ridiculous.
193
00:07:39,329 --> 00:07:40,729
You know what else I think is ridiculous?
194
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,264
That mountain of pillows
you have on our bed.
195
00:07:42,298 --> 00:07:44,066
I feel like I'm working on a loading dock
196
00:07:44,134 --> 00:07:45,601
Just trying to get under the covers.
197
00:07:45,635 --> 00:07:48,470
They're pretty. They're a damn nuisance.
198
00:07:48,505 --> 00:07:51,006
Okay, forgive me for trying
to make our home beautiful.
199
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,775
Well, you know, if I can put up with those,
200
00:07:52,809 --> 00:07:54,276
You can put up with a piece of art.
201
00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:56,211
This is not art.
202
00:07:56,246 --> 00:07:58,814
It's an unholy mix between man and beast.
203
00:07:58,848 --> 00:08:00,249
But fine.
204
00:08:00,283 --> 00:08:02,618
If you love it so much,
put it wherever you want.
205
00:08:02,652 --> 00:08:03,986
Thank you.
206
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:06,221
Where you going, to get some more pillows?
207
00:08:06,256 --> 00:08:07,890
no, don't worry.
208
00:08:07,924 --> 00:08:09,358
It'll be a long time
209
00:08:09,392 --> 00:08:12,394
Before I bother you again with my pillows.
210
00:08:14,864 --> 00:08:17,132
Why is dad in luke's room
with the door closed?
211
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:18,767
They are having a little talk.
212
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,135
Is luke being punished?
213
00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:21,570
Is that your favorite thing,
214
00:08:21,604 --> 00:08:23,839
When your brother or
sister gets into trouble?
215
00:08:23,873 --> 00:08:25,774
My favorite is when they're both in
trouble.
216
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:26,842
So, what'd he do?
217
00:08:26,876 --> 00:08:28,610
Did he cheat on a test? He's a cheater.
218
00:08:28,645 --> 00:08:30,345
He did not cheat on a test.
219
00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:31,647
Did he lie? Alex.
220
00:08:31,681 --> 00:08:32,781
He lies all the time.
221
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:34,016
Alex. Sorry.
222
00:08:34,050 --> 00:08:36,618
I'm -- I'm just worried about luke.
223
00:08:36,653 --> 00:08:38,487
A lot of parents are hitting again.
224
00:08:38,521 --> 00:08:39,988
I appreciate your concern,
225
00:08:40,023 --> 00:08:41,857
But your father has it under control.
226
00:08:41,891 --> 00:08:43,992
24.
227
00:08:45,261 --> 00:08:47,296
25.
228
00:08:47,330 --> 00:08:49,298
Flincher!
229
00:08:49,332 --> 00:08:51,533
Free slap. Bring it up.
230
00:08:56,739 --> 00:08:57,906
Ow! 29.
231
00:08:57,941 --> 00:09:00,309
Cai be on the bottom now? Yeah.
232
00:09:04,981 --> 00:09:06,748
Mm. How'd it go?
233
00:09:06,783 --> 00:09:08,483
Well, he was really embarrassed,
234
00:09:08,518 --> 00:09:10,652
But everything's -- everything's fine now.
235
00:09:10,687 --> 00:09:11,753
What'd you say?
236
00:09:11,788 --> 00:09:13,422
Well, you know, I kind of promised him
237
00:09:13,456 --> 00:09:14,890
We'd keep everything between us.
238
00:09:14,924 --> 00:09:16,792
Mm-hmm. Matter of fact,
239
00:09:16,826 --> 00:09:19,261
He'd be mortified if you
brought it up with him...
240
00:09:19,295 --> 00:09:20,495
Ever.
241
00:09:20,530 --> 00:09:22,798
Oh, god. Really? Yeah.
242
00:09:22,832 --> 00:09:25,601
That actually makes me feel kind of bad.
243
00:09:25,635 --> 00:09:27,970
Well...
244
00:09:28,004 --> 00:09:31,440
You're probably just feeling
a little tense from alis.
245
00:09:31,474 --> 00:09:33,208
I know I am.
246
00:09:34,510 --> 00:09:36,879
You know what might help the situation?
247
00:09:38,448 --> 00:09:39,882
Really?
248
00:09:39,916 --> 00:09:41,016
Right now?
249
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:47,022
I meant goint for a few pizzas.
250
00:09:47,056 --> 00:09:50,192
Where's your mind?
251
00:09:50,226 --> 00:09:52,895
I guess I live in a house
full of sex maniacs.
252
00:09:55,231 --> 00:09:57,199
Amigo?
253
00:09:57,233 --> 00:09:59,668
We can't help you if you won't come out.
254
00:09:59,702 --> 00:10:01,737
Gracias por invitarme a su casa.
255
00:10:01,771 --> 00:10:03,338
Me averguenzo de mis lágrimas.
256
00:10:03,373 --> 00:10:05,741
What'd he say? Something...
House... Something.
257
00:10:05,775 --> 00:10:07,242
Oh, come on!
258
00:10:07,277 --> 00:10:08,977
The show starts in a half-hour,
and we still have to pick up manny.
259
00:10:09,012 --> 00:10:10,279
Can -- can we just --
260
00:10:10,313 --> 00:10:11,747
Come on, move this thing along.
261
00:10:11,781 --> 00:10:13,148
Okay, this m is in crisis.
262
00:10:13,182 --> 00:10:14,549
He could have a family-health issue
263
00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:16,318
Or a personal-health issue
or a financial matter.
264
00:10:16,352 --> 00:10:17,586
Okay, wait, stop.
265
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:19,988
You're getting all this from
"something house something"?
266
00:10:20,023 --> 00:10:23,158
Let's just call gloria and
have her deal with it, okay?
267
00:10:23,192 --> 00:10:25,594
"it" is a human being, mitchell!
268
00:10:25,628 --> 00:10:26,795
Named caesar salad.
269
00:10:26,829 --> 00:10:28,830
Okay, what's going on with you?
270
00:10:28,865 --> 00:10:30,799
Cam, you -- mnh! You always do this!
271
00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:33,468
It's like you're incapable
of hearing anyone's sad story
272
00:10:33,503 --> 00:10:35,337
Without making it your job to fix it,
273
00:10:35,371 --> 00:10:38,407
And then my needs -- my needs come second.
274
00:10:38,441 --> 00:10:41,276
Your needs right now are a puppet show.
275
00:10:41,311 --> 00:10:44,112
This man could have lost his
brother in a cable-car accident!
276
00:10:44,147 --> 00:10:46,448
You understood "casa."
277
00:10:46,482 --> 00:10:47,783
Okay, fine.
278
00:10:47,817 --> 00:10:49,751
If it'll prove to you that I'm
not the obsessive help-aholic
279
00:10:49,786 --> 00:10:51,153
That you make me out to be,
280
00:10:51,187 --> 00:10:53,055
Let's go to the puppet show.
281
00:10:53,089 --> 00:10:54,056
Cam...
282
00:10:54,090 --> 00:10:55,958
Let's go.
283
00:10:55,992 --> 00:10:57,492
Ay, ¿dónde está mi novio?
284
00:10:57,527 --> 00:10:58,760
Su camión está aparcado fuera.
285
00:10:58,795 --> 00:11:01,063
I think this has something
to do with the gardener.
286
00:11:01,097 --> 00:11:03,131
You think?
287
00:11:03,166 --> 00:11:05,400
Um, just down the hall to the right.
288
00:11:05,435 --> 00:11:06,735
Ay, gracias, gracias.
289
00:11:06,769 --> 00:11:08,637
Perdón. Okay.
290
00:11:08,671 --> 00:11:10,739
Okay. Let's go.
291
00:11:10,773 --> 00:11:12,307
Oh, no, please -- I know it's killing you
292
00:11:12,342 --> 00:11:13,942
Not to get back there in the middle of that.
293
00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,877
Oh, no, no, no, no. We are going.
294
00:11:15,912 --> 00:11:18,146
These folks can find their own way out.
295
00:11:18,181 --> 00:11:20,682
And now you'll know that I'm not
a manic mother teresa out there
296
00:11:20,717 --> 00:11:22,017
Collecting lost souls.
297
00:11:22,051 --> 00:11:24,186
Oh, come on!
298
00:11:30,092 --> 00:11:30,992
Is manny ready?
299
00:11:31,026 --> 00:11:32,827
Didn't you get the message? He's not going.
300
00:11:32,862 --> 00:11:34,129
What?
301
00:11:34,163 --> 00:11:36,931
Oh, some mandatory cleanup at school.
302
00:11:36,966 --> 00:11:38,433
What's the real reason?
303
00:11:38,467 --> 00:11:40,268
It's a puppet show, mitch.
304
00:11:40,302 --> 00:11:42,170
Perfect.
305
00:11:42,204 --> 00:11:43,972
All right, it's just you and me, then, lily.
306
00:11:44,006 --> 00:11:45,340
How's the little fortune cookie?
307
00:11:45,374 --> 00:11:47,208
Oh, she's -- she's good. She's good.
308
00:11:47,243 --> 00:11:48,576
Where's cam?
309
00:11:48,611 --> 00:11:50,612
We got into a fight.
310
00:11:50,646 --> 00:11:53,014
Because of him,
I have a house full of latinos.
311
00:11:53,048 --> 00:11:54,449
Welcome to my world.
312
00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:56,885
So, trouble in gay paradise, huh?
313
00:11:56,919 --> 00:11:59,254
Well, he just can't say no
to anybody who needs help,
314
00:11:59,288 --> 00:12:01,756
And why do you have to always add the
word "gay" where it doesn't belong?
315
00:12:01,791 --> 00:12:03,525
Hey, hey -- you're not mad at me.
316
00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:05,260
You're mad at the old balls and chain.
317
00:12:05,294 --> 00:12:06,928
Okay, dad, good talk. See you later.
318
00:12:06,962 --> 00:12:08,396
Oh, come on. I didn't mean it.
319
00:12:08,431 --> 00:12:10,365
Hey, I didn't mean it. I'm a little cranky.
320
00:12:10,399 --> 00:12:12,100
I got into it with gloria a little bit.
321
00:12:12,134 --> 00:12:13,201
Oh, no. What happened?
322
00:12:13,235 --> 00:12:15,570
Ah, she hates barkley.
323
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,839
It's the same stuff I went over
with your mom all the time --
324
00:12:17,873 --> 00:12:20,275
Get rid of the boat,
get rid of the motorcycle.
325
00:12:20,309 --> 00:12:21,976
You know, I liked those things.
326
00:12:22,011 --> 00:12:24,312
Why do you have to get rid of it, then?
327
00:12:25,681 --> 00:12:27,549
You know, actually, I don't.
328
00:12:27,583 --> 00:12:30,151
Anyway, I'm gluing his hand on over here.
329
00:12:30,186 --> 00:12:31,252
His hand came off.
330
00:12:31,287 --> 00:12:32,454
Rough day, dad.
331
00:12:32,488 --> 00:12:34,923
Your hot, young wife doesn't like your doll.
332
00:12:34,957 --> 00:12:37,091
yeah. Unlike your big problem --
333
00:12:37,126 --> 00:12:38,893
"my boyfriend's too nice to people."
334
00:12:38,928 --> 00:12:41,129
No, see -- mm. That's not all it is.
335
00:12:41,130 --> 00:12:42,497
He -- he helps animals.
336
00:12:42,531 --> 00:12:44,699
He's always volunteering for things.
337
00:12:44,733 --> 00:12:47,068
T-trust me, it -
it - it's worse than it sounds.
338
00:12:47,102 --> 00:12:49,671
Who are we kidding?
We both got it pretty good.
339
00:12:49,705 --> 00:12:51,506
Hell, I'm probably fighting with your mom
340
00:12:51,540 --> 00:12:53,608
More than I'm fighting
with gloria on this thing.
341
00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:56,244
A bird fell out of a tree,
and he fed it with an eyedropper.
342
00:12:56,278 --> 00:12:57,545
Just drop it, kid.
343
00:12:57,580 --> 00:12:59,781
We're both with people different from us,
344
00:12:59,815 --> 00:13:02,517
And that's gonna create stuff,
but you want different.
345
00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:04,686
Your mom and I were perfect on paper,
346
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,421
And you know how that ended.
347
00:13:06,455 --> 00:13:10,358
What I got now is a lot better.
348
00:13:10,392 --> 00:13:11,926
Sure, people look at us sometimes,
349
00:13:11,961 --> 00:13:13,995
And sometimes even I can't
believe we're together.
350
00:13:14,029 --> 00:13:15,063
But we're happy.
351
00:13:15,097 --> 00:13:16,865
At the end of the day,
352
00:13:16,932 --> 00:13:19,968
There's no one I'd rather come home to.
353
00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:27,509
You mean gloria?
354
00:13:27,543 --> 00:13:29,644
Who else?
355
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:32,213
No one.
356
00:13:32,248 --> 00:13:33,715
I'll see you later.
357
00:13:33,749 --> 00:13:36,251
See you, kid.
358
00:13:37,686 --> 00:13:40,221
Did you draw on my poster?
359
00:13:40,256 --> 00:13:41,222
Yeah, I did.
360
00:13:41,257 --> 00:13:42,624
Maybe you'll think about that
361
00:13:42,658 --> 00:13:44,158
The next time you read my journal.
362
00:13:44,193 --> 00:13:45,693
I didn't read your stupid journal,
363
00:13:45,728 --> 00:13:48,897
And I waited in line to
get this signed, haley.
364
00:13:48,931 --> 00:13:50,465
Oh, don't be such a baby.
365
00:13:50,499 --> 00:13:52,333
It's just some dude with weird hair.
366
00:13:53,569 --> 00:13:56,237
That's maya angelou, you idiot.
367
00:13:56,272 --> 00:13:58,673
Ohh, sorry I don't follow the wnba.
368
00:13:58,707 --> 00:13:59,774
You know what?
369
00:13:59,808 --> 00:14:02,377
This is the worst thing you've ever done,
370
00:14:02,411 --> 00:14:04,245
And I'll never forgive you!
371
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,413
You started it!
372
00:14:06,515 --> 00:14:08,683
What are you looking at? Well, I just heard-
373
00:14:10,352 --> 00:14:12,520
I was the one who read haley's diary.
374
00:14:12,555 --> 00:14:15,423
I was playing on her computer,
and it just opened.
375
00:14:17,026 --> 00:14:19,093
Okay, I opened it.
376
00:14:19,128 --> 00:14:21,596
But I didn't mean for anyone to fight.
377
00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:24,198
Oh. Home already.
378
00:14:24,233 --> 00:14:25,867
Mitchell, hi! Hi!
379
00:14:25,901 --> 00:14:27,201
Hi, cam. Hi.
380
00:14:27,236 --> 00:14:28,903
Did you forget the tickets?
381
00:14:28,938 --> 00:14:31,472
No. You know, I was never gonna
enjoy the show without you, so...
382
00:14:31,507 --> 00:14:32,840
Oh, but you were so excited
383
00:14:32,875 --> 00:14:34,876
To take lily to see the russian marionettes.
384
00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:36,544
She's probably a little young anyways.
385
00:14:36,579 --> 00:14:38,980
We can just prop her in front
of the dryer for a half-hour.
386
00:14:39,014 --> 00:14:42,450
Listen, cam, I-I love that
you try and help the world.
387
00:14:42,484 --> 00:14:45,286
And I-I'm very lucky to have you in my life.
388
00:14:45,321 --> 00:14:46,487
Oh, mitchell.
389
00:14:46,522 --> 00:14:48,056
How'd everything work out with the gardener?
390
00:14:48,090 --> 00:14:49,090
Uh, great. Great.
391
00:14:49,124 --> 00:14:50,325
Turned out it was his wedding day,
392
00:14:50,359 --> 00:14:51,759
And he was just a little nervous.
393
00:14:51,794 --> 00:14:53,928
But you know what?
There's no need to apologize to me.
394
00:14:53,929 --> 00:14:55,630
No, I need to. I've been very selfish.
395
00:14:55,664 --> 00:14:57,632
No, no. Sometimes I take things too far.
396
00:14:57,666 --> 00:15:00,168
Okay, well, if that ever happens,
I will let you know.
397
00:15:00,202 --> 00:15:01,803
okay.
398
00:15:05,708 --> 00:15:07,041
Is there a reason I can't go inside?
399
00:15:07,076 --> 00:15:09,243
No. No, no. No.
400
00:15:10,312 --> 00:15:13,414
Y ahora te pronuncio hombre y esposa.
401
00:15:13,449 --> 00:15:14,682
La puedes besar.
402
00:15:22,992 --> 00:15:25,860
Mom, can I talk to you?
403
00:15:25,894 --> 00:15:26,995
Sure, honey. What's going o
404
00:15:27,029 --> 00:15:29,764
I feel bad about something I did.
405
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:31,966
Oh, sweetie.
406
00:15:32,001 --> 00:15:34,636
Is this about the computer? Yeah.
407
00:15:34,670 --> 00:15:36,938
Something you shouldn't
have been looking at? Yeah.
408
00:15:36,972 --> 00:15:39,073
It was just so freaky.
409
00:15:39,108 --> 00:15:40,375
I couldn't stop looking.
410
00:15:40,409 --> 00:15:41,643
I know, sweet pea,
411
00:15:41,677 --> 00:15:43,978
Buthe important thing
is you did stop looking.
412
00:15:44,013 --> 00:15:45,046
Yeah.
413
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,181
After about an hour.
414
00:15:47,216 --> 00:15:48,583
Okay.
415
00:15:48,617 --> 00:15:51,953
Well, it's perfectly normal to
be curious about these things.
416
00:15:51,987 --> 00:15:53,421
Some parts were funny. Mm-hmm.
417
00:15:53,455 --> 00:15:55,523
And some parts just seemed crazy.
418
00:15:55,557 --> 00:15:57,191
Well, I hope you realize
419
00:15:57,226 --> 00:15:59,594
That some of those parts weren't real.
420
00:15:59,628 --> 00:16:01,796
Obviously.
421
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,598
But they can be totally real, right?
422
00:16:03,632 --> 00:16:05,433
Hmm. Like anne frank's?
423
00:16:05,467 --> 00:16:06,968
What?
424
00:16:07,002 --> 00:16:08,936
All I know is, it really
made me wonder about haley.
425
00:16:10,205 --> 00:16:12,707
That's disturbing, sweetie. Why haley?
426
00:16:12,741 --> 00:16:14,375
It was her journal.
427
00:16:14,410 --> 00:16:16,310
You read my journal?
You little creep!
428
00:16:16,345 --> 00:16:18,379
I'm sorry! I couldn't help it!
429
00:16:18,414 --> 00:16:19,814
Wait, haley's journal, too?
430
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,249
Luke, you are now banned from the computer.
431
00:16:21,283 --> 00:16:22,250
What?
432
00:16:22,284 --> 00:16:23,951
What happened? Who's in trouble?
433
00:16:23,986 --> 00:16:25,319
Luke read my journal!
434
00:16:25,354 --> 00:16:26,688
I told you it wasn't me!
435
00:16:26,722 --> 00:16:27,889
I'm gonna kill you!
436
00:16:27,923 --> 00:16:28,956
Haley, calm down.
437
00:16:28,991 --> 00:16:30,725
What, you're not even gonna yell at him?
438
00:16:30,759 --> 00:16:32,093
That was private! Oh, please.
439
00:16:32,127 --> 00:16:33,761
The most shocking thing in
there was your spelling.
440
00:16:33,796 --> 00:16:35,263
You read it, too?
441
00:16:35,297 --> 00:16:37,165
Am I the only one who hasn't read it?
442
00:16:37,199 --> 00:16:39,033
I was looking through the
computers in the house
443
00:16:39,068 --> 00:16:40,168
For pornography.
444
00:16:40,202 --> 00:16:41,169
sick.
445
00:16:41,203 --> 00:16:42,336
Not for me.
446
00:16:42,371 --> 00:16:43,905
I wanted to see what you
guys are looking at.
447
00:16:43,939 --> 00:16:45,606
So you're violating our privacy.
448
00:16:45,641 --> 00:16:47,308
When I find out that my children
449
00:16:47,342 --> 00:16:49,310
Are looking at a naked picture online,
450
00:16:49,344 --> 00:16:50,845
They don't have any privacy.
451
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,213
Who was looking at naked pictures?
452
00:16:52,247 --> 00:16:53,648
That doesn't matter.
453
00:16:53,682 --> 00:16:54,782
I wasn't.
454
00:16:54,817 --> 00:16:56,417
It wasn't me!
455
00:16:56,452 --> 00:16:57,752
That's gross! I'm 10!
456
00:16:57,786 --> 00:16:58,820
Wait a minute.
457
00:16:58,854 --> 00:17:00,354
What's wrong with you people?
458
00:17:00,389 --> 00:17:02,023
If it wasn't you, who was it?
459
00:17:02,057 --> 00:17:04,692
Mangia!
460
00:17:07,696 --> 00:17:09,063
Rosa, thank you for coming. Gracias.
461
00:17:09,098 --> 00:17:11,065
Carlos, let me know how it
works out with that dentist.
462
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:13,468
Victor, you owe me a dance.
463
00:17:13,502 --> 00:17:15,803
Yes, I'm a caring person,
and without mitchell,
464
00:17:15,838 --> 00:17:18,139
I would just keep giving
and giving and giving.
465
00:17:18,173 --> 00:17:20,575
I'm like a big, runaway charity truck,
466
00:17:20,609 --> 00:17:23,644
And mitchell is my of
f-ramp full of safety gravel.
467
00:17:23,679 --> 00:17:25,246
He knows how to say no.
468
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,615
He always can put himself first.
469
00:17:27,649 --> 00:17:30,518
He certainly can turn his
back on someone's suffering.
470
00:17:30,552 --> 00:17:32,386
Um...
471
00:17:34,423 --> 00:17:37,024
No, really, keep going.
472
00:17:37,059 --> 00:17:38,025
He --
473
00:17:38,060 --> 00:17:40,661
Don't keep going!
474
00:17:40,696 --> 00:17:43,498
Gracias. Goodbye.
475
00:17:43,532 --> 00:17:45,166
that was nice.
476
00:17:47,703 --> 00:17:49,203
Oh, god! Dad.
477
00:17:49,238 --> 00:17:51,072
Looks like I missed the party, huh?
478
00:17:51,106 --> 00:17:52,974
What I-- what is that doing here?
479
00:17:53,008 --> 00:17:55,309
He is a gift for you and cam.
480
00:17:55,344 --> 00:17:57,512
Thank you. He lost his monocle on the drive.
481
00:17:57,546 --> 00:17:59,580
Head was out the window.
482
00:17:59,615 --> 00:18:00,915
Well, they love that.
483
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,650
I'll just put him here for now.
484
00:18:02,684 --> 00:18:03,751
I don't want that.
485
00:18:03,786 --> 00:18:05,620
I think he's cute. Let's give him a chance.
486
00:18:05,654 --> 00:18:07,355
I came as soon as I heard your message.
487
00:18:07,389 --> 00:18:09,423
Did you say that somebody
was getting married?
488
00:18:09,458 --> 00:18:11,225
Gloria, there you are!
489
00:18:11,260 --> 00:18:12,860
I've got good news!
490
00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:19,567
What's the matter?
491
00:18:21,904 --> 00:18:23,104
Honey?
492
00:18:23,138 --> 00:18:25,373
Hey.
493
00:18:25,407 --> 00:18:27,375
I'm really sorry.
494
00:18:27,409 --> 00:18:29,944
That picture was just something
that someone sent me.
495
00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:31,479
Doesn't matter who.
496
00:18:31,513 --> 00:18:33,481
Gil thorpe.
497
00:18:33,515 --> 00:18:35,416
Anyway...
498
00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:37,351
I don't do that stuff.
499
00:18:37,386 --> 00:18:38,519
You're all the porn I need.
500
00:18:38,554 --> 00:18:39,520
that's --
501
00:18:39,555 --> 00:18:42,824
Honey, it's fine. It's fine.
502
00:18:44,226 --> 00:18:45,593
Aah!
503
00:18:45,627 --> 00:18:46,928
Now it's fine.
504
00:18:48,831 --> 00:18:50,965
I couldn't care less about the picture.
505
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:54,368
I was just upset when I thought it was luke.
506
00:18:54,403 --> 00:18:56,637
Haley, honey, I really wish
you would give me a hand
507
00:18:56,672 --> 00:18:58,105
With all this laundry.
508
00:18:58,140 --> 00:18:59,373
Never, ever...
509
00:18:59,408 --> 00:19:01,776
Haley's off in her own world.
510
00:19:01,810 --> 00:19:05,012
Alex has never really been a kid.
511
00:19:05,047 --> 00:19:06,714
But luke is my baby.
512
00:19:06,748 --> 00:19:08,950
Is it really too much to ask
513
00:19:08,984 --> 00:19:12,220
That he stay a sweet, innocent kid...
514
00:19:12,254 --> 00:19:14,789
Forer?
515
00:19:18,827 --> 00:19:21,028
Hey, buddy.
516
00:19:21,063 --> 00:19:22,797
Um...Here, sorry.
517
00:19:22,831 --> 00:19:24,799
We'll -- we'll dribble later.
518
00:19:24,833 --> 00:19:26,868
Um...I just, uh,
519
00:19:26,902 --> 00:19:28,736
I just want to say I'm sorry.
520
00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:32,173
I never meant to blame you
for that whole picture thing.
521
00:19:32,207 --> 00:19:33,741
Your mom sort of thought it was yours,
522
00:19:33,775 --> 00:19:37,144
And I-I should have stopped it,
but I didn't.
523
00:19:37,179 --> 00:19:39,080
So what was the picture of?
524
00:19:40,315 --> 00:19:43,417
Well, it was a woman on a tractor,
525
00:19:43,452 --> 00:19:45,119
And she had her shirt off.
526
00:19:45,153 --> 00:19:46,754
Was it hot?
527
00:19:48,323 --> 00:19:50,258
Okay, we're being honest here.
528
00:19:50,292 --> 00:19:53,861
Um... This particular woman --
529
00:19:53,896 --> 00:19:56,597
Well, my tastes do run to the curvy,
530
00:19:56,632 --> 00:19:59,200
And the cowboy hat did not hurt one bit.
531
00:19:59,234 --> 00:20:00,701
Couple that with the cut-off jeans --
532
00:20:00,736 --> 00:20:02,637
And you were asking about
the weather, weren't you?
533
00:20:02,671 --> 00:20:03,537
Yeah.
534
00:20:05,908 --> 00:20:09,677
Well, this is good. This is good.
535
00:20:09,711 --> 00:20:12,113
You're gonna be going
through some changes soon,
536
00:20:12,147 --> 00:20:13,948
And I think now you can feel safe
537
00:20:13,982 --> 00:20:15,383
Talking to me about whatever.
538
00:20:26,545 --> 00:20:28,880
sadly, I've been summarily dismissed.
539
00:20:28,914 --> 00:20:32,350
From the employ of masters
cameron and mitchell --
540
00:20:32,384 --> 00:20:34,285
The former being an utter delight,
541
00:20:34,319 --> 00:20:36,420
And the latter being a humorless snoot.
542
00:20:36,455 --> 00:20:38,890
Just -- come on, get him in the car.
The thrift shop's closing.
543
00:20:38,924 --> 00:20:41,659
What is this exciting
thrift shop you speak of?
544
00:20:41,693 --> 00:20:44,095
Many of my relatives were
taken out of their homes
545
00:20:44,129 --> 00:20:46,998
To be released into the green
pastures in their maturity!
546
00:20:47,032 --> 00:20:48,366
Did you just say "maturity"?
547
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,201
Unhand me, you brute!
548
00:20:50,235 --> 00:20:51,802
I regret nothing!
549
00:20:51,837 --> 00:20:53,638
I'll pay you. I'm a comfortable man.
550
00:20:53,672 --> 00:20:56,240
I've been stealing from
your father for days.
551
00:20:56,275 --> 00:20:58,309
Oh, is there any better feeling in the world
552
00:20:58,343 --> 00:21:00,244
Thanaving your ears flap in the wind?
553
00:21:00,279 --> 00:21:01,646
You know what? Get out.
554
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,114
You mean it? Sweet freedom?
555
00:21:03,148 --> 00:21:04,415
No. No, not you, barkley.
556
00:21:04,449 --> 00:21:05,683
Cameron. Out. Oh.
557
00:21:05,684 --> 00:21:10,684
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