♪ Demis Roussos' Forever And Ever playing ♪
♪
♪ Ever and ever, forever and ever ♪
♪ You'll be the one ♪
♪ That shines in me ♪
♪ Like the morning sun ♪
Wake up.
Good morning!
That's a good leg.
‐ Okay, fine.
But we have to be fast.
Are you close?
I really can't start sweating, baby.
‐ Yeah, I'm working on it, darling.
‐ Okay. ‐
‐ Okay, I'm sorry. I have to get ready.
I'm so sorry.
It's so bright in here, too. It's just‐‐
And then your sweat.
I'm sorry. You can watch me, though.
Watch me!
‐ Yeah, okay, that's romantic.
‐ What the hell?
Oh my God. Shit!
Shit! Shit!
Oh my God. Shit!
My grandma's ring's not in my jewelry case.
Shit!
Oh my God. Shit! Shit!
No offense, Ny‐Ny, but I really have never had an issue with a guy
coming before, you know.
Never. Not in my life. Usually, it's the opposite problem.
And don't say it's like the age thing. Because I've had older boyfriends.
‐ It's the age thing. ‐ Not the age thing.
‐
It's not you, it's me.
‐ Yeah, no shit.
‐ I meant it's you, it's not me.
‐ You're so funny, Nyles. Oh my God, you're hilarious.
‐ Hey, Misty.
‐ What?
‐ Will you kill me? ‐ Nyles!
Look, I know weddings make you super weird, super uncomfortable,
but please, I'm begging you do not bring our drama here, okay.
Because this is truly a sacred day,
and it doesn't belong to us.
This day belongs to Tala, and it belongs to Abe.
You gonna be happy?
Are you gonna be smiley?
That's a weird smile.
♪
Whoo!
Ha ha.
Shukran.
Good day so far?
‐ Today, tomorrow, yesterday, it's all the same.
You? ‐ Today is young.
Ask me again at the end.
Anything can happen.
‐ Not today, sauce pot.
That's a nice try, though.
♪
‐ How gorgeous are these two?
I mean, hashtag lifegoals, am I right, you guys?
But, um, no, seriously, okay, guys,
we're all part of this gorgeous tapestry‐‐
‐ No, come on, throw me a bone.
This isn't the day for moderation.
‐ It's not good wine.
‐ I don't care.
‐ Okay, I decided to Google the two most important things about marriage:
love and commitment.
Love is to feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone,
and we all know these two li'I freaks are fine in that department, right?
And commitment is the state
or quality of being dedicated to a cause,
activity, et cetera.
‐ Oh, she's done.
Whoo!
Thank you.
I love you guys. Um, so without further ado,
I'd like to welcome up the actual big sister
of the bride, Sarah.
‐ Get on up there, peanut.
‐ No one told me that I was supposed to make a speech.
‐ Of course you're supposed to give a speech, you're the maid of honor.
It's‐‐ it's your main job.
‐ She's been drinking, Howard.
‐ Sarah.
‐ Bonsoir, mi família
et amici!
- ‐ Who is that? - Nyles, what are you doing?
‐ Going in for the save, babe. I'd like to share my thoughts on love.
‐ What are you talking about? No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no. ‐ Yes, yes, yes, yes.
‐ Who's this guy? ‐ Misty's boyfriend.
Why is he dressed for a luau?
Oh my God, Nyles.
We are born
lost.
Then... we're found,
but we're all just lost, am I right?
‐ Oh my God.
‐ However, in the darkness
comes light.
Tala Anne Wilder and Abraham Eugene Trent Schlieffen,
- who do not look like siblings. - ‐
You see, their optimism, their selflessness,
it's in their blood.
And Tala,
there's something that a lot of people here don't know about you,
but they should.
I hope you don't mind.
It's not just time and money that Tala has given to so many charitable causes,
she has also donated of herself.
Bone marrow.
That's right.
‐ How did he know that? ‐ I don't know.
‐ She gave hers
to her baby brother Nico,
saving his life.
But now it's time for us to give to you.
Here you are
standing on the precipice of something so much bigger than anyone here.
And it may be frightening and filled with doubt.
But always remember:
you are not alone.
Everyone here is your family.
We are your world.
And we will cheer you on with delight in our eyes
as you achieve your wildest dreams.
So raise a glass.
We may be born lost,
but now
you are found.
Cheers.
‐ Wait, what? ‐ Let's dance.
♪ Patrick Cowley's Megatron Man playing on speakers ♪
♪
‐ I already told you no earlier, Randy.
What, what makes you think that I changed my mind?
‐ I don't know, you've had more to drink?
‐ You can't say that to me, man. ‐ Whatever, I don't need a lecture.
♪
‐ What are you smelling?
‐ Orchid Explosion by Fournier.
Right?
‐ Yeah.
That's very weird.
‐ Well, I know my hair mists.
I dated a girl who used to bathe in it.
‐ Well, I, I don't like it.
Tala got it for me as a birthday present last year
and if I didn't wear it, she'd, she'd murder me.
‐ That makes sense.
‐ Here are the drinks you didn't pick up from the bar.
‐ Thank you!
I always get an extra one. Save myself a trip.
‐ Or you might just be an alcoholic?
‐ Hmm. Could be.
‐ Thank you. ‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Cheers. ‐ Cheers.
‐ You're Misty's boyfriend?
I don't think that we met at the rehearsal dinner last night.
‐ I'm Sarah. ‐ Nyles.
‐ Hi. ‐ Hi.
So what's your deal, you don't dance?
‐ Plantar fasciitis, actually. ‐ Ah, respect.
‐ Dear, I have been to more weddings in my life
than you can imagine‐‐
‐ You might be surprised. ‐ And I have to say
that your speech is the best wedding speech I've ever heard.
Shukran.
‐ Wow!
Thank you.
That feels good.
‐ Yeah, I bet.
But you don't actually believe any of the shit that you said?
‐ Not a word of it.
We're all fucking alone.
Hey, uh, you don't want to maybe
go some place where we could be alone, do you?
‐ Wow!
That is very forward of you.
What's your rush?
‐ Well, it's just, you know,
your dad and mom are about to‐‐ ‐ Step‐mom. My mom's dead.
‐ Oh.
Yeah, well, um,
they're about to sing a song and I,
I just can't handle that right now.
‐ And, uh,
what would Misty think about us running off together?
‐ I have a feeling she'd be okay with it.
- ‐ Oh my God, we're so bad. - Mm‐hmm.
‐ We're so bad. ‐ Mmm.
‐ Oh my God!
I can't say I ever liked her.
‐ Yeah, she has her moments, but... this one hurts.
‐ Why don't you go in there and stop them?
‐ Ooh, trust me, there is not a world where these two don't end up together.
Say something in Australian to me.
‐ Well,
if it makes you feel any better,
my whole family is embarrassed by me.
They all see me as a,
as a liability who fucks around and drinks too much.
‐ Why would they think that?
‐ Because I fuck around and drink too much.
‐ Mmm.
‐ Which they tell me, all the time.
And then they, uh,
try to take care of me,
and it is absolutely suffocating.
‐ Yeah, I've never been big on unsolicited help.
‐ Exactly, I can fend for myself.
‐ Of course you can. You don't need a leg up‐‐
Hold my legs up.
‐ That was weird.
‐ This is so fucked up.
‐ So fucked up.
‐ But it's kind of hot, though.
‐ Don't you kiss me.
‐ Don't you tell me what to do.
Hold on.
Come here.
I‐‐ I give up. I‐‐
Will you just please take off your clothes.
‐ Yeah, you got it.
Yeah.
‐ Ha ha, nice. ‐ Yep.
Ha! ‐ Yeah, yeah.
You wear underwear under your bathing suit?
‐ Yeah, doesn't everybody?
‐ Oww! Fuck!
‐ What the fuck is happening?
‐ I thought I smelled you, you piece of shit!
♪
Ahhh! ‐ Oh my God.
What the fuck!
What the fuck is happening!
Oh my God!
Holy fucking shit!
What!
The fuck!
♪
‐ You're a sick fuck, Roy!
♪
‐ Keep running, shit bird.
I will always find you.
Nyles?
‐ No, stop, don't come in here.
‐ Are you okay?
‐ Don't come in here!
Wake up.
Good morning.
‐ That's a good leg.
‐ Okay, fine.
But we have to be fast.
♪
‐ Shukran. Good day so far?
‐ Today, tomorrow, yesterday, it's all the same.
You? ‐ Today is young.
Ask me again at the end.
Anything can happen.
You!
‐ What the fuck did you do to me?
Shit. ‐ What the fuck did you do to me?
Hey, come here. Get out of the water.
Get out of the water.
Tell me what the fuck is going on!
You're a sick fuck, Roy.
Nyles?
Nyles. ‐ No, stop, don't come in here!
- ‐ Are you okay? - Don't come in here.
Hello?
What the fuck.
November ninth?
It's gonna be a beautiful wedding.
‐ What the fuck.
Oh, there you are.
Tala, I found Sarah.
We were looking for you all morning, honey.
‐ Okay. ‐ Come on.
Are you all right?
‐ Yeah.
‐ Sarah, peanut.
You must've gotten up early, I checked your room at six.
‐ Yeah, I...
went on a hike.
‐ Well, you look exhausted.
Stay hydrated.
‐ Dad, is this, this is, uh, this is really happening,
right?
‐ I don't understand your question.
‐ This, this day already happened.
‐ What are you saying?
‐ It felt real.
It‐‐ it felt so... real.
Are you on drugs again?
What the fuck
did you do to me?
Hey! Come here!
I'm not gonna hurt you. Just get out of the water.
Come here. You mother‐‐
Tell me what the fuck is going on!
Sarah!
Oh my God, what are you doing?
Oh!
‐ Whoops.
‐ Oh my God. Oh my God. ‐ You're okay. You're okay.
Jerry! Give me the teeth.
The three front teeth have pretty much broken off.
There's one full canine and‐‐
This is like a big day for everyone.
This is a big day for me, too.
The wedding is today, in six hours.
‐ Sarah! Why are you standing there like a freak?
Why were you in the pool? ‐ This doesn't make any sense.
This doesn't make any fucking sense!
‐ Don't let him in! He can't see me.
‐ What happened? Is she okay?
‐ Get out!
She'll be okay.
I'm taking Tala into town.
This dentist glues teeth!
‐ Yay! ‐ I love you, Daddy.
Oh! Oh!
Sarah, no.
‐ Guess you followed me.
‐ What's going on?
‐ I tried to stop you.
‐ But what is this?
When is this?
‐ Yeah. About that.
So, this is today.
Today is yesterday.
And tomorrow is also today.
It's one of those... infinite time loop situations
you might have heard about.
‐ That I might have heard about.
‐ Yeah.
‐ How do I stop it? I don't want tomorrow to be today.
I want tomorrow to be tomorrow.
‐ Right. That's natural.
Uh, unfortunately, that's never going to happen.
Tomorrow will always and forever now be
today. So‐‐
Uh‐‐
Oh, how about this.
Uh, tomorrow, Tala's teeth will be totally fine.
‐ Which way is that cave?
‐
You don't wanna go there.
♪
‐
Thank you.
Please... where is it?
‐ You gotta wait.
‐ Oh my God, fuck you. Just tell me.
Where?
‐ I told you.
You gotta wait.
‐ What?
Where, where is it?
‐ Wait for it.
Almost.
I am the Antichrist.
I'm just kidding, there is no God.
The earthquake happens every day. But ‐‐
check it out.
Opens up the cave.
You're not gonna find what you're looking for in there.
Once you go in, the whole day just resets to wherever you woke up this morning.
Same thing if you stick around.
The second you fall asleep, it all just
goes back to the start.
‐ But will this day end if I go in there?
‐ Sure. For you.
You're wasting your time!
It's gonna be a beautiful wedding.
‐ No, no, no, no, no.
Wake up.
‐ ‐ Good morning.
♪
She didn't leave a note?
‐ Sarah realized the day wasn't about her, so she left.
‐ Don't say that.
‐ Or she's scared.
‐ Of what? ‐ Families,
weddings, intimacy,
melanoma, nanotech, round‐the‐clock surveillance.
Sauce.
She'll be back.
♪
‐ And how gorgeous are these two?
I mean, hashtag lifegoals, am I right, guys?
Oh, but, um, no, seriously, okay, guys,
I know this is supposed to be like‐‐
‐
Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're staying awake, yeah!
♪
It's gonna be a beautiful wedding.
‐ I'm coming, I'm coming, oh my God!
Sarah? ‐ Oh, excuse me.
‐ Hi.
‐ Wake up. ‐ Sarah, what the hell are you do‐‐
What are you doing? ‐ Ow!
‐ Get dressed. I can't be here anymore.
‐ Oh my God.
Are you fucking cheating on me?
‐ No.
You're cheating on me, you goof.
‐ Wait, what?
I don't know what it is.
It could be life, it could be death.
It might be a dream, I might be imagining you,
you might be imagining me, it could be purgatory
or a glitch in the simulation that we're both in.
I don't know.
So... I decided a while ago to sort of
give up and
stop trying to make sense of things altogether, because
the only way to really live in this
is to embrace the fact that nothing matters.
‐ Well, then what's the point of living?
‐ Well, we kind of have no choice but to live,
so I think your best bet is just
to learn how to suffer existence.
‐ So we can't die?
‐ No. Uh, the loop just starts over.
There might be some way to kill yourself but I haven't figured it out,
and I've done... a lot of suicides.
So many.
‐ No. No, I'm gonna get out of this.
‐ Okay. Suit yourself.
‐ What are you doing? ‐ Bracing for a quick death.
I mean, we can't die, but pain is very real.
There's nothing worse than slowly dying in the ICU.
We could just skip this whole phase,
go get a beer, you know.
Or not. Whatever.
See you tomorrow.
Wake up.
‐ So,
as I was saying,
you just... have to find peace, you know.
‐ I drove all the way back home to Austin,
and I still woke up here.
‐ That's the way it works.
You know, one time, I smoked a bunch of crystal
and made it all the way to Equatorial Guinea.
It was a huge waste of time.
They detained me as soon as I got off the plane.
I was acting a little... odd.
And then I passed out in a couple minutes,
woke up back here.
Whoo!
‐ Darla! You and me. A hundred bucks.
‐ Who the fuck are you?
Don't you know how to hustle, kid?
‐ I'm an honest man, Darla.
You're gonna lose this game,
but you can keep your money.
‐
Oh my God, who was the guy that was hunting you?
‐ Fuck!
That was Roy.
He was a guest at the wedding.
Abe's dad's cousin, of the Schlieffen clan.
That's about all I know about the dude.
‐ Yeah, but... why was he trying to kill you?
‐
One night, a very long time ago,
I partied with Roy.
This was back in the early days,
before I'd really acquainted myself with everyone.
‐ Hey, hey.
I was just feeling my way through it.
- ‐ Uh, tuna? - Yes, sir.
‐ I know you know.
But you don't know that I know.
Or do you know?
‐ Do you ever wonder if people think you're boring.
‐ Are you being a dick to the bartender?
I would like a Moscato, please.
‐ Sure.
‐ "What might have been and what has been point to one end,
which is always present."
‐ On second thought, make that two shots of bourbon, please.
‐ I like your hat. ‐ Of course you do.
Thank you, ma'am.
To the struggle.
Mister and Missus Schlieffen.
‐ Here they are.
‐ Confucius said: Marriage is a bottomless pit of sorrow
that makes you forget who you are.
‐ He did not.
‐ But there is a bottom, my friend.
And it is a fucking dark place.
What do you say, bud? You wanna dance a little bit?
‐ Okay.
‐ You know the officiant douchebag in the ridiculous suit?
Trevor.
He's got a bag of sweets in his pocket.
I tried to hit him up, but he said he did not want to share.
‐ ...money. Um, but tonight is not about me.
‐ You were right. Got 'em.
I don't know what that was.
‐ Oi, open up, you cunts.
‐ Give me my shit back! Come on!
We're the shit. We're the shit. We are the shit.
‐ We are the shit.
‐ You're alive!
Oi, come on. Give me back my pills.
♪
This is
the greatest... night.
Of my life.
I wish I could just live out here forever.
‐
Follow me.
What is it?
Your ancestors are in there.
‐ My ancestors are in there?
‐ Your answers. The answers you're looking for.
‐ Okay.
That's a totally different thing, but
I'm in.
‐ You took too much.
No, wait. Roy, wait, wait.
Wait.
That was a mistake.
When Roy found out about his new life, he did not take it lightly.
Luckily, he lives in Irvine and wakes up there every day,
so he only comes around once every few... days?
Or weeks? I don't know. My sense of time is a little fuzzy.
‐ But what does he want?
‐ I think he thinks it's revenge?
Run, rabbit, run.
‐ He may have some anger issues.
You said you didn't want the day to end.
What's that smell?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
So I vowed to never bring anyone into this life ever again.
‐ Amen to that.
I tied my tubes at 40.
- ‐ Yeah. - You have to confront him.
Right? I mean, you‐‐ you cannot keep running from this person forever.
What are you talking about?
Of course I can.
‐ Hey. ‐ Come on. Burrito truck just opened.
That's for you. Keep the change, okay.
But you have to promise me you're gonna spend it all today.
‐ You know that's a scam? ‐ Of course. Yeah.
I just like to give back whenever I can.
Material matters don't really concern me.
‐ With the exception of booze and burritos
and designer drugs and candy.
‐ Obviously. I'm not a Puritan.
‐ And sex, I assume?
You fuck other people in here?
‐ Great question. ‐ You must.
Right? ‐ I have but
it takes a lot of work,
and I try to live my life at this point with as little effort as possible.
‐ Huh!
Have we hooked up?
‐ No. At least I don't think so.
‐ So then, like, who else?
‐ Right. Uh, well‐‐ ‐ Besides Misty.
‐ Daisy, the barkeep.
‐ You know, I once had a guy with this car.
‐ Oh yeah?
‐ I don't think he ever walked again.
‐
Darla.
‐ If you insist.
‐ I bet that was great. ‐ You would have bet right.
‐ What about Tala? ‐ No.
But I have tried.
May I cut in?
‐ It's the first dance.
‐ And that's a deal‐breaker?
‐ That didn't work? ‐ It was a big swing.
‐ Right. Who else?
‐ Hey, hey!
There you go?
‐ You fucked Jerry Schlieffen? ‐ Well, he fucked me.
He put his penis in my butthole. ‐ Yeah, I know how it works.
‐ I'm really glad I tried it. He's a sweet guy.
‐ Nice shot.
And that's it?
That's all you got?
‐ Oh,
your dad.
‐ What are we doing?
‐ I don't know.
No, I'm just kidding.
‐ Oh my God.
‐ Uh, I got you, though. ‐ You did.
‐ What about you?
What's going on with your sex life?
‐ Nice try. ‐ Hmm?
‐ I'm not gonna sleep with you.
‐ I mean, you asked me about mine, I was just being courteous.
‐ I mean, I might have the other night,
you know, I would have but‐‐
Not now, though. ‐ Yeah!
I was thinking the exact same thing, you know.
We'll be seeing each other all the time, let's keep it simple.
Don't over‐complicate it. ‐ Yeah.
We've never had sex?
‐ Again, my memory is pretty shot,
but I don't think so.
Anyways, I think the party's gonna start pretty soon.
You wanna head back?
‐ Is that a joke?
No. Why would I do that?
‐ I don't know. Eat, drink, dance. Bask in love.
‐ That is not love. ‐ Of course it is! Tala's in love.
‐ No. You don't actually know what you're talking about.
We. You. Me. Everyone. Everyone we know.
Nobody can stand the idea
of being alone,
so we... buy into this pageantry
and celebrate its bullshit.
‐ All right. So no wedding, then.
Where do you wanna go?
‐ Oh my God.
Maybe it's a karma thing.
‐ What is? ‐ Yeah.
What if it's like to get out of this...
you have to be selfless and then you're free.
‐ I just bought a hundred‐dollar candy bar and I'm still here.
‐ Yeah, but not like that. Like real acts of selflessness,
like the bone marrow shit that Tala does, you know.
Look, what if, oh my God, what if life just keeps going for everyone else here
but not you and me until we've earned our way out?
You've really never thought about this before?
‐ Yeah, no, I've never thought about the multiverse.
All right, fine, let's say you're right and that would work,
what's the most selfless act you can think of?
Something that would guarantee this day to end.
And I have full faith in your abilities
to keep the boat...
afloat.
And now, old mate Abe... ‐ Oh, honey.
is gonna say his vows.
‐ Actually, just‐‐ Sorry, hold on one second.
You can take that.
♪
‐ Are you joking right now?
♪
All right! Get down!
Get down! Get down!
Down! Hey! Hey!
This place‐‐ Get off me!
Get off me! I should never have left the Great Lakes.
This place is a nightmare.
- Randy. - It's all right, Randy.
Everything is great.
- Sorry. - Uh, well, the gods have spoken,
and they approve this marriage!
‐ What the hell did you say to her?
‐ Sister stuff. But I think I'm good.
Selflessness is just... it's fantastic.
‐ Right.
‐ Uh‐oh, Alan, you owe me a shot of whiskey.
Alan.
Well, Nyles, this has been great.
Well, you know, not great, but it's been interesting.
And, hey, in all your future loops,
please keep me out of that fucking cave.
And good luck with that psychopath who keeps trying to murder you.
Thank you.
Deal with him.
‐ Yeah. ‐ That could be your way out.
‐ Well, you seem to have it all figured out.
‐ Good luck.
‐ MISTY: Coming!
Oh, Sarah?
‐ Didn't work. Life is meaningless. Let's get the fuck out of here.
‐ Oh my God.
Are you...
fucking cheating on me?
What?
This isn't funny.
Okay, stop.
I'm serious.
Stop copying me!
Stop pretending like you know everything!
‐ Okay, I'm gonna go. ‐ Wait, what?
‐ And what is this place?
‐ This is kind of a safehouse for me.
The family who lives here is out of town.
I don't know when they're coming back, but... it's not today.
♪ John Cale's Barracuda playing ♪
Let's waste some time.
♪ Dark woman in the water drowning ♪
♪ Sinking in a funny way ♪
Hey, who's the mustache?
‐ Prick my wife run off with.
♪ The ocean will have us all ♪
♪
♪ Dark woman in a cupboard burning ♪
♪ Woman, what have they done ♪
‐ Whoo!
♪ Dark woman like a panther breathing ♪
Aah! Stop, stop, stop.
♪ The ocean will have us all ♪
♪ Cold cost of the death of nothing ♪
Whoo! ‐ This is fucking crazy!
Whoo!
‐ Uh‐oh.
♪ Funky electronic music playing ♪
♪
What the hell?
♪
Hyah!
♪
Whoo!
♪
Whoo!
♪
Hyah!
Hey! Ho!
- ‐ Ahh! - Whoo‐hoo!
Whoo!
‐ Sarah, where have you been?
Tala's pissed.
‐ I missed you.
‐ What? ‐ I want you to meet me in the bathroom.
‐ Uh, all right.
‐ And I want you to wear... this.
‐ Oh.
Um, sure.
Can I keep my shirt on?
♪ Iwalani Kahalewai's Ulu Palakua playing ♪
‐ And there's flames coming off the back and everything?
‐ Oh yeah, it's such an awesome car.
‐ How close are you sticking to my sketch?
‐ I stuck to it exactly.
You're gonna love it.
‐ Awesome. ‐ Looks really cool.
♪
‐ Wait! Stop!
There is a bomb in the cake.
Don't worry.
I used to be a bomb guy.
Everyone stand back.
‐ Oh my God!
‐ Foiled! You son of a bitch!
You ruined my plan!
Sarah.
The sister of the bride and based on her accent,
from origins unknown.
I'll take her dead or alive.
- ‐ Put the weapon down. - Fine.
Then it's to be hand‐to‐hand combat then.
Oh my God! Nyles!
‐ How's it going? Is it good?
‐ Yeah, looks really good.
‐ And are the balls smooth and hairless, like I asked for?
‐ Yeah. ‐ And are you getting the jizz right?
‐ Dotted lines. Straight across.
‐ Ready? ‐ Yeah.
‐ Ta‐da!
‐ Wow!
Thank you. That's beautiful.
I'm not that old, though, am I?
♪ Ulu Palakua continues ♪
♪
Think of it like this.
Everything in this void
the space where the candy bar once was
but is now in my stomach,
is the past.
‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ And everything that's remaining
is the future encased in chocolate.
‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ I have no interest in this
emptiness,
you know, the who, what, why of your past.
You got here, that's all that matters.
‐ But if you really want to know someone deeper, it does matter.
It does.
You have to know the whole package.
‐ I disagree.
This... the next bite,
that's all that matters.
‐ I was married for two years.
I knew it wasn't going to work.
I knew it wasn't going to work out the moment that I said yes.
I knew it wasn't going to work out when I moved to Austin for him.
I knew it wasn't going to work out
as I walked down the aisle.
But... I went through with it.
And it didn't work out.
Now... ignoring all that
would make me destined to repeat it.
What about you?
‐ Hmm.
You gonna tell me anything about‐‐
‐ There's nothing.
‐ What about your life before you got stuck in here?
What was your job?
‐ I honestly can't remember.
‐ Oh my God, that's bullshit, Nyles.
‐ No, I'm serious.
Wow, it's been
such a long time.
These are fantastic mushrooms.
‐ Yeah.
Too bad we're doing it in such a shithole, though.
I am not a fan of this magical desert.
‐ Well, then I just feel sorry for you.
‐ Yeah? ‐ Uh‐huh.
‐ Oh wow.
Look, if you feel sorry for me, then that must mean
that you care about me, Nyles.
‐ In what‐‐
No. ‐ In what, what?
‐ Wha‐‐ No. When I say that
I feel sorry, it's like,
it's the same way that I would say that I feel sorry
that, you know, I finished one beer,
and now I have to open a new one.
You know, now I'm not sorry anymore.
It's just a fleeting feeling.
‐ Right. ‐ It drifts away,
just like, uh, they all do.
‐ What do you mean, "It just drifts away
like they all do"?
Like, what has drifted away?
‐
Everything.
Anyways,
cheers.
‐ To pretending not to care.
‐ I like that. ‐ I know you do.
‐ To pretending‐‐
♪
That's new.
‐ Oh my God.
‐ Do you see them, too?
Are they real?
Who cares?
♪
Night.
‐ Nyles.
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Let's just get it over with.
‐ Okay.
♪
Wait. ‐ What?
What?
‐ I just‐‐
♪
It's gonna be a beautiful wedding.
‐ Hey, um,
sorry, you, um, you‐‐ you should probably go
you know, before somebody sees you.
Sarah. Sarah?
‐ Yeah.
‐ Gotta say,
kinda felt
a little different this morning.
Like,
you know, kinda good.
'Cause of last night.
‐ Oh yeah.
Yeah.
‐ Is that a "Yeah" of regret or‐‐
‐ Yeah, it was fun.
It was fun.
‐ Yeah, sounds like it.
‐ I can't keep waking up in here.
‐ Yeah, the waking up is always weird,
but, you know,
going to bed maybe just got a little better.
Right? ‐ This cop's been following us
for miles.
- Oh. - Right?
‐ Do you wanna talk about it or‐‐ ‐ The cop?
‐ No, the fact that, um, we had sex last night.
You said we should have sex, and then we had sex.
‐ What's there to talk about?
It's all meaningless, right?
‐ I mean,
I hope it's not all meaningless.
‐ So what, we're just littering now?
‐ God, nothing.
What is this guy's deal?
Oh, there we go. Finally.
‐ What are you doing?
‐ You know, believe it or not, I've never been arrested before.
Yeah, and I'm very curious to see what it's all about. Aren't you?
‐ No.
No, no, no, no, don't.
I think it might be him.
‐ Him? ‐ Roy.
‐ Oh, that fucker!
‐ Don't stop.
‐ If you're not gonna take care of this, someone has to.
‐ No, someone doesn't have to! We've been over this!
I'm serious. I'm serious!
‐ Help!
He's trying to kill me!
Sir, step out of the vehicle
with your hands up.
Thank you.
Is that him?
Sir, if you do not comply,
I'll have no choice but to remove you by force.
‐
Uh, okay!
I'm coming out!
Sorry about that, Mr. Policeman,
I thought you were someone else.
Should always go with that first instinct, shit bird.
‐ Hi, Roy.
‐ Aahhh!
You called for backup?
‐ Dude, what the fuck are you doing?
‐ Oh, come on, relax. I just, uh,
I just clipped him.
‐ You did not just clip him.
‐ He's a fucking sadist.
I‐‐ I was just saving you! You should be thanking me.
He was gonna kill you.
‐ Okay, well, no, thank you.
‐ Freeze! Put your hands above your head!
‐ Suck my dick, Officer Bitch.
‐ Seriously, man, just leave us alone.
‐ Are you gonna fucking Tase me, fuck face? Ooh?
Ooh! Oh yeah, go ahead and Tase me.
Come on, just do it.
I'm touching your bike.
Oh, uh‐oh, uh‐oh.
‐ Who the fuck is she?
What the hell is going on with you?
What? It got a little out of hand.
- ‐ You think. - ‐ Sorry.
‐ The pain is real.
Why can't you understand that?
‐ It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Right?
Those are your words. ‐ No. Pain matters!
What we do to other people matters!
Being a source of terror is not fun, okay.
It's not fulfilling. I know this from experience.
It doesn't matter that everything resets and people don't remember.
We remember. We have to deal with the things that we do.
‐ Oh my God. Cry me a river, Nyles. You were never gonna deal with him.
I actually did you a favor. So, fuck you. ‐ No, Sarah, fuck you.
Out of nowhere, you just start acting like a child,
which, by the way, is how you got stuck in this shit to begin with.
Oww! See? A child.
Shut the fuck up over there!
‐ I got stuck in this shit because you got me stuck in it.
‐ I tried to stop you.
Or don't you remember. I said, "Stop, don't come in."
But no, you can't tell Sarah what to do. She's got it all figured out.
‐ Are you serious right now?
I followed you into that cave because I liked you
and someone was trying to hurt you.
Because I give a shit,
which is something that you clearly know nothing about.
If I had known that I was going to be stuck
with a pretentious, sad bully
for the rest of eternity,
I would have stayed so far away from you,
and I sure as hell would never have fucked you.
‐ Oh please, we've fucked like a thousand times.
‐ What?
What did you say?
‐ Wha‐‐ I didn't say‐‐ ‐ Answer me.
‐
I lied, okay.
We did hook up before.
A lot.
All I had to do was bail you out with that ridiculous speech at the wedding.
But it was different then.
It was always just gonna reset.
And then you got stuck in here and‐‐
I don't know, maybe I should have told you, but I didn't wanna tell you.
I didn't wanna tell you!
So I didn't.
Okay.
‐ I'm getting out of this day.
‐ Look, Sarah, I'm sorry, okay.
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah‐‐
Hey. Pia.
What room is Sarah staying at?
Misty's boyfriend. Come on.
‐ Oh, okay, right, right, sorry.
Um, her room is second to last down the hall.
But she isn't in there.
‐ Where is she? ‐ No one knows.
Howard went to wake her up this morning, but she wasn't in there.
‐ So, did anyone actually see her sleep in there last night?
She wakes me up every morning, guys, so she's got to be somewhere.
‐ Nyles, what are you doing? ‐ Sarah!
Come on out!
Wake up.
‐ Sarah!
Sarah!
Wake up.
‐ Sarah realized the day wasn't about her so she left.
‐ Oh, don't say that.
‐ No, Howard.
Once again, Pia is right.
Sarah treats her life like it's her own private soap opera.
‐ Who are you?
‐ Misty's boyfriend.
Wake up.
Where is she?
Seriously, did she tell you guys to do this.
You didn't go in the cave, but she told you to do this, right?
‐ I don't‐‐ I don't feel safe with him in the ho‐‐
I feel like we should call the cops.
That's, like, honestly‐‐ NYLES: Sarah!
‐ I don't feel safe anymore.
And how gorgeous are these two?
I mean, hashtag lifegoals, am I right, guys?
Hmm.
- We're so bad. - Hmm.
- ‐ Hold my leg up. - Wake up.
Airforce Reserves, I ate three whole pizzas.
Randy, you have the best stories.
- I know. - Hey!
‐ Oh my God.
The wedding guy's here.
‐ Yeah. ‐ I need a breather.
Can I, can I‐‐ ‐ Oh, please.
Go for it. I brought it for you, man.
Misty's boyfriend. Are you in on this?
That's a hard no. Okay. All right. Well,
don't mind if I do.
That's good, right?
‐ Now he's married, man. Watch him go back to the wedding.
I never wanna be married.
‐ You okay, dude? ‐ Did you two sleep in here last night?
‐ No, Tala's all about that no sleeping together
before marriage thing, so Abe took it.
Why?
‐ Abe slept here last night?
Yeah. What's up?
‐ So fucking beautiful.
‐ Abraham, you slick fuck, I get it.
‐ Uh,
excuse me. ‐ You and Sarah, it all makes sense now.
‐ What's he talking about?
Your sister and Abraham
boned each other.
‐ She wakes up with him every single day
and then probably sneaks out in the morning.
God, no wonder she hates herself.
Here, smell this.
- From Abe's room. - Shut up and sit down.
You're drunk. ‐ Nyles, what are you doing?
‐ Just shut up and go fuck Trevor.
‐ That isn't true, is it?
‐ What? No. No!
This guy's been drunk all day.
‐ That may be accurate.
However, if you do smell the pillow, you will recognize
the distinct scent of Orchid Explosion by Fournier,
the hair mist you got for Sarah on her birthday.
Does anyone else here wear Orchid Explosion by Fournier?
‐ Oh my God.
‐ I didn't think so.
‐ Get the fuck out of here, okay.
‐ Abe, let's take a walk.
‐ You don't actually believe this guy, do you?
‐ You cheated on your fiancée the night before your wedding
with her sister?
And you know what, fuck all of you.
Sarah's a good person,
but for some reason, she's never been good enough for any of you‐‐
Hey!
Come here.
- ‐ Stay back! - What are you doing?
‐ Try to ruin my life, huh? Come on. Let's go.
Ohh!
‐ Misty's boyfriend!
‐ Oh wow.
‐ Oh my God, oh my God!
Oh my God, is there a fork in my face?
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to invite
the mother and the father of the bride for a one‐night special performance.
Tala,
you know that I'm not great with words, but
I do love you more than anything.
So, we're going to perform a number
that I sung to Howard on our wedding night.
It's a song that I want you two to remember
when you fall into hard times.
Love can get you through anything.
And this is A Lover's Concerto.
♪
♪ How gentle is the rain ♪
♪ That falls softly on the meadow ♪
‐ I miss her, Jerry.
Who?
‐ Sarah. ‐ Wilder?
Oh.
I didn't know you knew her.
‐ I love her.
‐ I see.
That's interesting.
Wake up.
♪
Roy!
I'm turning myself in!
Torture me, I don't care!
‐ Motherfucker.
‐ You were right, it's dark down here!
‐ What the fuck are you doing here?
‐ Hey, Roy.
I give up. You win.
It's okay, everybody.
It's my nephew.
Thanks for your concern.
You cannot be here.
Who was that man? ‐ Fuck!
- ‐ Oh. - Hey, hon.
This is
‐ Nyles. ‐ Nyles
He's an old friend.
Tuna will be ready soon, and we'll be out back.
You look sad.
Oh, he's okay, sweetie.
Twins.
Do you believe I made these at my age?
If I'd had one less Mai Tai that night,
I'd have put the condom on right, and they wouldn't be here.
So, here's to Mai Tais.
‐ So, this is your life?
‐ Not bad, huh?
Beautiful wife,
beautiful kids.
Little Joey is watering dog shit.
It's weird.
But... it's beautiful.
‐ What happened to marriage being a "bottomless pit of sorrow"?
‐ Things change, you know.
Priorities change.
Okay, so what are you doing here?
Just get on with it. You're freaking my wife out.
‐ I don't know, I‐‐
I hadn't seen you in a while. ‐ Yeah, no shit.
I ended up in the hospital last time I saw you.
Nurses wouldn't let me sleep. They were afraid I'd go into a coma.
‐ Nothing worse than dying slowly in the ICU.
‐ I had a lot of anger towards you, man.
I mean,
I'm not going to see my kids grow up,
never gonna walk little Libby down the aisle.
I guess I had my head up my own ass.
I mean, I didn't really
comprehend what I was putting you through.
That little stint in the hospital really opened my eyes, though.
This was always a good day here.
You know.
My wife in the prime of her womanhood.
Little Joey tending his dog shit.
Libby's gonna do a family portrait later this afternoon
where we're all animals.
I'm a cuddly grizzly bear.
I mean, it doesn't get any better than that.
You gotta find your Irvine.
‐ I don't have an Irvine.
‐ We all have an Irvine.
Hey, who was that loony bitch that blindsided me
with the cop car, anyway? ‐ Don't call her that.
‐ You took her to the cave, didn't you?
Did you learn nothing from all this?
‐ She followed me in.
‐ Well, at least you have each other.
Nothing worse than going through this shit alone.
Okay, I think it's time for you to go.
‐ Can I stay for dinner? ‐ No, man, look, I‐‐
I think it's best if we don't see each other anymore.
It's not you, it's me.
‐ Could you kill me one more time?
You could still
beat the traffic?
‐ All right. Side yard.
I hope you find it, man.
‐ Yeah.
I'm getting out of this day.
‐ Look, Sarah, I'm sorry, okay.
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah‐‐
It's gonna be a beautiful wedding.
‐ Hey. ‐ Shut up.
That was awful and crazy
and it should never have happened,
and we both deserve every single fucking terrible thing
that is coming toward us
because we are very shitty people.
But... I am done being shitty.
‐ Fuck.
Wh‐‐ What did we do? That was‐‐ that was so stupid
I'm a cheating piece of shit.
- ‐ Yeah, okay, great, I don't know. - I'm like my dad!
♪
‐ There's only one possible future given the laws of our‐‐
‐ Yeah, but it would allow an observer access
to the indeterministic universe on the other side of the Cauchy horizon.
‐ Okay. Sounds like you don't need my help.
♪
‐ You'll be okay. You'll do just fine.
♪
Wake up.
‐ Hey.
You're here? ‐ Yep.
‐ Well,
it's good to see you.
You look, you look great.
‐ Yeah, well, I can't age.
‐ Right.
Let me in, Sarah.
You can't lock me out of my own room.
Nyles!
Ugh!
‐ So, how have you been?
‐ Ugh, so bad.
I mean,
No, yeah, really, really bad.
Look, can I just say something?
I'm so sorry,
for lying, for not telling you about our past.
And I don't blame you for being mad at me
and staying away for so long.
But I've been thinking about it a lot,
and I don't know, I feel like we had something really good going
before I screwed it up, you know.
So, do you think there's any way we could just start over?
‐ Thank you.
Are you done?
‐ Yeah. ‐ Cool.
So,
I think I found a way out.
‐ Huh?
‐ We are trapped in a box of energy.
We get out of it by escaping the box
in the 3.2 seconds it takes
to travel through the loop itself.
‐ And by "escaping the box," you mean‐‐
‐ We blow up ourselves and the cave during that window.
And if we detonate the C4 at the exact right moment,
it will propel us
out.
‐ To where?
‐ I don't know.
We could wake up, and it's today,
we could wake up, and it's 20 years from now,
or, you know, we could be dead
under a pile of rocks.
There's really no way to be sure,
that's why it's a theory.
But we have to try.
‐ Yeah, I guess.
Do we, though? I mean,
I don't want you to set yourself up for disappointment again.
Remember the whole karma thing?
‐ This is different.
I tested it.
‐ Tested it? How?
‐ Spuds' goat. I sent her into the cave
and I, I blew her up.
I don't know where she went, but she is not here anymore.
Can you zip me up? ‐ Wait.
The goat is gone?
‐ Mm‐hmm.
That's crazy, right?
So, I think that we just get through the rest of today,
we don't do anything too nuts, and then tonight,
we peace the fuck out of this shithole.
‐ Well‐‐
I mean, you sure you don't wanna run some more tests or something?
‐ What? No. What are you talking about?
‐ Well, it's just the cave's not going anywhere.
What's the big rush, you know,
in case something actually does happen?
‐ Holy shit.
Are you scared to leave?
‐ What? No.
Not at all.
I just don't want to leave.
There's a difference. ‐ Oh yeah? What's the difference?
‐ I wanna stay with you.
Look, I love you, okay.
How about that?
‐ What?
‐ I love you.
‐ You‐‐
How can you even know that?
I'm literally the only other human being stuck in here with you.
‐ No. What about Roy? I don't love him.
‐ Oh my God. Nyles.
I‐‐ So you, you're,
you are saying that out there, in the real world,
with millions of other people to choose from,
you would still choose me? ‐ Yeah.
But why would I want to go back there anyway, you know.
It's a world with death and poverty,
debilitating emotional distress.
At least in here, we get to be together.
‐ You have lost your mind.
‐ Is that so bad? That's what love is all about!
Don't be so afraid of it.
‐ This isn't real, Nyles.
Everything that we are doing in here is fucking meaningless.
‐ So what?
I mean, it's not like things were going so great for you out there.
Look, I know about you and Abe, okay.
And if your plan works,
that's a whole other mess you're gonna have to deal with.
‐ How do you know about that?
‐
Orchid Explosion
by Fournier.
But it doesn't matter!
I don't care about that stuff. That's like my whole thing.
‐ I can't keep waking up in there.
‐ Just ignore it.
‐ I need my life back.
And I am asking you
if you want to leave this place
and come with me.
‐ And I'm saying no.
But I'm also asking you to stay.
♪
‐ Goodbye, Nyles.
‐ What?
Sarah.
‐ Nyles, what the fuck was that?
‐ We should break up.
‐ What? ‐ You don't like me.
‐ I don't like you,
but I don't think we should break up.
‐ What? ‐ People don't break up with me.
This is so fucked up.
‐ Okay. ‐ I'm breaking up with you.
I had the idea first.
♪ John Cale's You Know More Than I Know playing ♪
♪ The blind may see ♪
♪ But stay behind relief ♪
♪ Of all ♪
♪ Liability and greed ♪
♪ And there's nothing more you need ♪
‐ Thank you. You have beautiful skin.
I love your haircut. ‐ Me too.
Without further ado, let me bring up
the actual maid of honor,
the big sister of the bride, Sarah.
Good luck, girl.
Thank you, Misty.
Um, when I was 12,
I had just started at this new school
and I was truly terrified of the world,
and, uh, I kept having these really awful nightmares.
And then one morning I woke up after a full night of sleep.
And I find Tala
asleep next to me,
holding me.
She'd heard me crying in my sleep,
and... she... crawled into my bed to snuggle me
because she thought that might help.
And she was, like, five years old.
And I never had another nightmare.
Uh, you have this
selflessness and this hopefulness
that's really... special.
It's really rare.
Big sisters are supposed to teach baby sisters,
but I will today and forever,
and ever and ever,
be learning from you.
Um‐‐
And now, Abe,
don't fuck this up.
‐ I won't.
‐ Good.
♪
‐ You smell so good.
I love you.
‐ I love you, too.
So, hopefully you get this and sorry about that, again.
And, uh, I hope to see you soon.
Okay.
‐ That was a lovely speech, dear.
‐ Thank you, Nana. Thanks.
‐ You know, I lost my mother when I was very young, too.
‐ Yeah.
‐ Well, I suppose now that you'll be going soon.
Good luck.
♪ Country music playing on radio ♪
‐ You okay, sweetheart?
‐ I've felt everything I'll ever feel,
so I'll never feel ever again.
‐ What're you pouring this kid, Ted?
‐ That's his first drink.
‐ I thought I knew how to live.
I didn't.
Or I don't?
‐ Honey, take a look around.
Whatever you're after, it ain't here.
♪ Leonard Cohen's The Partisan playing ♪
♪ Les Allemands etaient chez moi ♪
♪ Ils me dirent, "Signe‐toi," ♪
♪ Mais je n'ai pas peur ♪
Oh my God.
I'm an idiot.
‐ You sure he didn't take anything?
‐ Kid's just moping there.
‐ I'm a fucking adult, Ted with the pickup truck.
‐ You talk to me like that,
you'll be pulling your teeth from the bar.
‐ Thanks, Ted,
♪
No. No!
Ohh!
Damn it!
Spud! Don't shoot, don't shoot!
Please, I‐‐ I need help.
A ride, anything.
‐ Who the fuck are you?
‐ Thirty years ago, you met a woman named Tracy Holmes
at a bar in Aberdeen.
She took your virginity in the bathroom and then left town.
You never saw her again.
Spuds,
I'm your son.
‐ I always had a feeling.
♪
Sarah!
Sarah, wait!
Wait!
I get it now. You were right.
I was scared,
but I'm not anymore!
Look, Sarah,
from the first time that I saw you‐‐
‐ No, stop. Stop it.
Nyles, I don't, I don't want another one of your speeches,
all right.
You get one more sentence.
‐ Okay.
Okay.
Even though I pretend not to be,
I've realized that I'm completely co‐dependent,
but I'm cool with it
because I think that life should be shared now,
and I need you to survive.
‐ Okay.
That's your one sentence. ‐ I need you to survive, comma,
but it's so much more than that...
uh, colon.
I know you better than anyone knows you.
And remember that night we saw the dinosaurs,
you said it yourself, in order to really know a person
you have to see the entire package, the good and the bad,
and I've seen your package, and it is excellent, Sarah.
Ampersand.
You're my favorite person that I've ever met,
and, yes, I know that it's crazy odds
that the person I like the most in my entire life
would be someone I met while I was stuck in a time loop,
but you know what else has crazy odds?
Getting stuck in a time loop.
Dot, dot, dot‐‐
‐ Ellipses. ‐ Ellipses, thank you.
‐ It's called an ellipses.
‐ Ellipses, look,
I hope that blowing ourselves up works,
but it's really irrelevant to me
as long as I'm with you.
And if it kills us, well then
I'd rather die with you
than live in this world without you,
emphatic period.
‐ That was a grammatical nightmare.
‐ Yeah, I'm hoping it didn't distract from my point too much.
‐ I mean, an emphatic period is just a‐‐ it's just an exclamation point.
‐ I didn't want to seem desperate.
‐ What if we get sick of each other?
‐ We're already sick of each other.
It's the best.
‐ I can survive just fine without you, you know.
But there‐‐ there's
a chance that this life can be a little less mundane
with you in it.
‐ Yeah.
Less mundane.
That's a super low bar. That's a great place to start.
‐ Okay.
‐ Come on. Let's see if we blow up and die.
‐ Okay.
♪ Kate Bush's Cloudbusting playing ♪
So,
was the whole goat disappearing thing for real or was that bullshit?
‐ It's too late, you've already committed.
‐ Damn it!
Where do you wanna go on our first date when this for sure works?
‐ Your mom's house. ‐ Okay. This was a mistake.
‐ Your mom's a mistake. ‐ All right.
♪
‐ In case I don't see you again,
I love you, too.
♪ Yeah, yeah, yay‐yo ♪
♪ We're cloudbusting, daddy ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yay‐yo ♪
‐ So, now what do we do?
‐ Well, I should probably go pick up my dog.
‐ You have a dog?
‐ Yeah. Fred.
‐ You have a dog named Fred? ‐ I do.
‐ You've never mentioned this.
‐ Never came up.
‐ Where is he? ‐ With a neighbor.
‐ What kind of dog is he?
‐ He's one of them shaggy dogs.
‐ "He's one of them shaggy dogs."
‐ Hey, what the fuck are you doing in our pool?
‐ I guess they come back November 10th.
♪ Darryl Hall & John Oates' When the Morning Comes playing ♪
♪
♪ I went downtown to see milady ♪
♪ She stood me up and I stood there waiting ♪
♪ But it'll be all right ♪
♪ When the morning comes ♪
♪ Now I'm up in the air with the rain in my hair ♪
♪ I've got nowhere to go, I can go anywhere ♪
♪ It'll be all right ♪
♪ When the morning comes ♪
♪ Just in passing I'm not asking ♪
♪ That you be anyone but you ♪
♪ But when you come home try to come home alone ♪
♪ It's so much better with two ♪
‐ Hey, shit bird.
I got the message from your girlfriend last night.
That is a pretty crazy theory.
You really think it could work?
‐ I'm sorry. Do I know you?
I'm Nyles.
‐ Hi.
‐ No way.
Wow!
‐ Daisy, I'd like... lots of alcohol please.
‐ Nice to meet you. ‐ Yeah.
♪ When the morning comes ♪
♪
♪ When the morning comes ♪
♪
♪ Just in passing, I'm not asking ♪
♪ That you be anyone but you ♪
♪ But when you come home try to come home alone ♪
♪ It's so much better with two ♪
♪ Now I'm out in the cold and I'm getting old ♪
♪ Standing here waiting on you ♪
♪ It'll be all right ♪
♪ When the morning comes ♪
♪
♪ When the morning comes ♪
♪
♪ It'll be all right ♪
♪ When the morning comes ♪
♪
♪ When the morning comes ♪
♪
♪ S.E. Rogie's Man Stupid Being playing ♪
♪
♪ Let me give you a little experience ♪
♪ Of some young chickens of today ♪
♪ I'm gonna give you a little experience ♪
♪ Of some young chickens of today ♪
♪ They are full of disappointments ♪
♪ They are never, never on time ♪
♪ They don't keep to an appointment ♪
♪ They don't hesitate to lie ♪
♪ They will tell you this when they mean that ♪
♪ I wish I could give them up ♪
♪ But as a man, how can I ♪
♪ These women, necessary evil ♪
♪ Ah, man, oh, man ♪
♪ Yes, man stupid being ♪
♪
♪ Their five p. m. is ten a. m. ♪
♪ Their Monday is Wednesday ♪
♪ And when you try to chastise them ♪
♪ They never come your way ♪
♪ The only time they keep to an appointment ♪
♪ Is when in desperate need ♪
♪ They will tell you all sorts of lies ♪
♪ Just to get what they need ♪
♪ And man, him so stupid ♪
♪ Would give them all they need ♪
♪ Forgetting all the disappointments ♪
♪ And all their previous lies ♪
♪ Ah, man, oh, man, yeah ♪
♪ Man is ever ♪
♪
♪ I say man stupid being ♪
♪
♪ Man stupid ♪
♪
♪ Man stupid being ♪