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Ow! Zack,
Cody, no basketball in the lobby!
What makes you think we're playing basketb--
Oh.
Yo, toss the rock.
Oh! You gentlemen must be the rockland rollers, huh?
Oh, wonderful.
Welcome to the tipton.
Now, over here, boys.
Heads up!
Oh! [ding]
Yes?
False alarm, esteban. Oh!
Yes!
Now, chill!
What are you boys thinking tearing up this man's hotel?
Y'all trying to make the coach look bad?
All: Sorry, coach.
Children who listen to adults?
How refreshing.
And you letting them tear it up.
Ok.
Yeah, how come they can play basketball in the lobby
And we can't?
You know, it's just that, uh...
You know, I didn't want to-- I mean, they're--
In wheelchairs?
Are they? I hadn't noticed.
Shall I check you in?
Sure. Ok.
Thanks, man.
Hey, listen, for future reference,
Just because a person is in a wheelchair
Doesn't mean you have to give them special treatment.
Oh, of course.
Now, why don't you just sign here for the rooms?
Whoa! Partner, man, this is steep!
Man, I can't believe you won't give a brother in a wheelchair a break.
Uh, but--
Perhaps a special adjustment can be made.
What did I just tell you
About giving people in wheelchairs special treatment?
Ok, I'm so sorry! How can I make it up to you?
How about a discount?
You just said-- we had the whole conversation about--
You know what? Pay whatever you like!
Ok! It's free!
Who threw that?
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?here I am, a new life ?
?here you are in mine ?
?guess we have the suite life ?
?most of the time ?
?you and me got the world to see ?
?so come on down ?
?just me and you know what to do ?
?so come on down ?
?it's you and me, and me and you ?
?we got the whole place to ourselves ?
?you and me, we got it all for free ?
?so come on down ?
?this is the suite life ?
?we've got a suite life ?
Maddie, that make up you're wearing
Makes you look all sad.
I am sad.
Oh, no.
Now you're probably gonna tell me why,
And I'm gonna have to pretend to care.
London, you're the last person
I would ever go to for sympathy.
Ok.
I can't find a leading lady for my movie.
Here's me pretending to care.
What movie, maddie?
My student film.
What's it about?
Well, it's about society's indifference
Towards the impoverished
And the triumph of the spirit
Over oppressive soci-economic circumstance.
What's it about?
It's about a girl and a boy.
Oh! Sounds good. Can I be the girl?
Well, can you act?
I just pretended
To listen to everything you said.
You did, didn't you?
Hmm.
Ok, all right, you're in!
So, who am I kissing?
Sorry I'm late.
Some kid threw up in the hot tub.
It's really hard to pick up the chunks
When they're swirling around like that.
You'll be kissing him.
Ok, I'll kiss him, but I won't shake his hand.
Uh, maddie? Yeah?
On page two of your script, it says I enter walking.
I was thinking instead, maybe I should enter swimming.
Your scene is outside.
We'd have to dig up the street and put in a swimming pool.
I think it might be worth it.
Dude, you got to get over here right now.
Jessica simpson is in the hotel.
Jessica simpson is here?
Oh, maybe I can get her to perform for a pta fundraiser.
I don't think the bake sale is going to go very well.
Don't be silly. Jessica simpson isn't here.
Oh, I just saw her walk by.
Hi, jessica!
Hey, y'all!
Want to come hang out with me by the pool?
I need someone to help rub in my suntan lotion.
Jamie's on his way.
I miss jamie.
Yeah, me, too.
We used to get in so much...
Good clean fun together.
Jamie hasn't been the same since his accident.
Yeah. All he ever does is go straight to school
And then go straight home.
Like cody.
Excuse me.
You're forgetting about stamp club?
I came up with our motto:
You can't lick us.
Well, here's my motto: My brother's a geek.
Anyway...
Remember those kids playing basketball in the lobby?
Mm-hmm.
Well, I was hoping if jamie meets them,
He might be interested in basketball again.
He was the best player on our team.
Ahem.
He was the best player on our team.
And now he won't even pick up a ball.
I think it's great that you guys want to help your friend,
But what happens when jamie gets here
And there's no jessica simpson?
Oh, no. I am not putting on a bikini.
Esteban, thanks again for being my cameraman.
I prefer cinemaphotographer.
Ok, how do you work this thing?
You push the little red button.
Oh. Start, ah. Stop.
Start. Stop.
Stop! Ok!
Not until I say "action. "
Ok, london, your character is selling her wares.
What wares?
Those wares.
Where? There!
Your wares are there!
Pears.
The pears are my wares?
Ok, lance, remember, you're rich.
Rich who?
No. I mean you have money.
So I'm rich... And my name is rich?
Cool.
No, no. Your name isn't rich.
What's my name, then?
It doesn't matter.
Then why can't it be rich?
Ok, it's rich!
Look, I am trying to win a film festival here, people!
Ok, lance,
You're about to enter the hotel
When you see this poor girl in tattered clothing.
Oh, thanks for lending me your clothes, maddie.
Right.
Let's try this, people.
And...Action!
Pushing the record button...Now.
Oh, poor sales girl,
Can you tell me where I might find the room
Of princess anastasia?
Uh, line, please?
No.
Fine. Then I'll just go look it up in my script.
No, no, no. Your line is, "no."
What is going on here?
And why are you wearing maddie's clothes?
I'm shooting my student film. Or trying to.
But you can't shoot in front of my hotel.
I can't?
Absolutely not.
It would disrupt my guests.
Wait...
Say that again.
Say what?
What you just said.
I mean, the power of your voice,
It's--it's riveting.
Riveting?
Yeah.
You mean when I said,
Absolutely not!
You'll disrupt my guests!
Oh, wow! I mean...
You would be perfect for the part of--of the hotel manager!
Oh!
I don't suppose you've done any acting before.
Well, actually, in second grade I played a pirate.
My teacher gave me two hooks up! Argh!
Argh!
You're hired!
Oh, great, I'll go get my peg leg!
Ok.
[knock on door]
I'll get it.
There's no one there.
Man: Hello! I'm down here!
Argh...
Hey, daryl. Thanks for coming to meet our friend.
Hey, no problem.
Daryl! Hi, I'm carrie.
I have been wanting to meet you
Since I saw you at my show last night.
Oh, really? Mmm...
[sprays]
Oh, no, I'm not interested in you for that.
I mean, not that I couldn't be.
I mean, you're a very attractive man.
What I'm trying to say--
I dated a guy in a wheelchair once.
Maybe you know him!
Aw... Aw...
Carrie, listen, I was just playing around.
I have a girlfriend.
Oh, is she in a wheelchair, too?
No, she can walk. Maybe you know her?
Ok, ok, what I wanted to ask was,
I know that you're in town for a tournament,
But is there any way you could squeeze in
A charity game of wheelchair basketball with my boys' team?
It'd be a great way to raise money for their school.
To play a team that's able-bodied. You don't expect u
It just wouldn't be fair.
Well, don't worry.
We could spot you a few points.
No. I mean it wouldn't be fair to you.
Sounds like a challenge. We accept.
Who can work'll have a wheelchair. Our team
That is, if we convince jamie to play.
Great! All I have to do is book the gym,
Ets, s
We'll need food.
Oh, you can't go wrong with cookies.
No! No!
I'll buy some.
[pounding on door]
I'll buy somi'll get it.
All right, I'm here to see jessica.
Hey, you must be jamie.
All right, no offense,
But you're not nearly as pretty in person.
Ok, we kinda lied about jessica simpson
So you'd come meet our friend daryl.
Hey, I hear you play hoops.
I did. Not anymore.
Zack: Well, now you can again.
We're setting up a wheelchair game.
Oh, so this was just a way to get me back on the team?
Yeah. It was all my idea.
Yeah? Yeah, well, it's stupid!
You hear that, cody?
Your idea's stupid.
All right, I'm out of here.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Jamie, can't you at least think about it?
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Look, daryl, why aren't you going after him?
'cause my arms are tired.
Hey, look, man, everybody comes to terms with their injury
At their own pace.
You go through depression, anger, denial.
How did you end up in your wheelchair?
I'm in a wheelcha--
Holy cow, why didn't no one tell me?
What are you doing?
Beats me.
You know we got a game coming up?
Relax, trent, it's only an exhibition.
My dad said if you're not giving a maximum effort all the time,
You're a waste of human life.
Well, he must be a lot of fun at parties.
Ha ha!
Daryl: Hey, what's happening?
Figured I'd come give you guys a few pointers.
Hey, where's your coach?
Right here! Woo!
Ah, don't worry. Electric wheelchairs
Are not allowed in the game anyway.
What? They're not allowed here,
They're not allowed in the carpool lane.
Where are they allowed?
Daryl, this is out coach--arwin.
Oh, hey, how you doing, coach?
Daryl.
Cool. Good, good. So, where'd you coach before?
Oh, wow, uh... Nowhere.
So, where'd you play?
Oh, played. Nowhere.
So why'd you get into coaching?
Oh, this snazzy jacket, of course. Ha ha!
Talk about playing with the handicapped.
Good luck.
Hey, let's do some layups.
Great. I'm real excited to be on the court.
Yeah, you should be good at this.
You're used to sitting during our games.
Hey, zack, come on, get the ball, man.
Whoa. In the chair, partner.
Come on, guys, let's focus.
I believe in hard work.
Well, I believe in frequent short naps.
Oh, hey, jamie.
You decide to check out the team?
No. The wheelchair exit's out that door.
Oh, you mean the skateboard ramp?
Hey, why don't you stick around for a while.
I have better things to do than watch you guys make fools of yourselves.
We are not making fools of ourselves.
[arwin screaming]
Incoming!
[crash]
I'm out of here.
Ow! Stop that!
You know, the jamie I knew wasn't a quitter!
If that's what you want to be, then fine.
Just keep on walking!
That was a poor choice of words.
Ok, now, this is the dream sequence
Where the poor beggar girl envisions herself dancing
With the young, handsome tycoon.
Oh, you mean mer-man.
What?
See, I was thinking that the tycoon comes from atlantis,
But he's in boston on business,
So he has to hide his gills.
Oh...
You have got to stop drinking the pool water.
Ok, london, I've written all your lines in the props,
So if you forget them, just subtly look down.
Ok.
I'm ready for my close up.
Excellent!
Mmmaa. Mmmaa.
Maddie: London,
Remember, you're pathetic, alone, and no one loves you.
And you're a poor, squatty-legged freak.
I was talking about your character.
Oh. Well, then so was I.
Camera!
Oh!
Pushing the record button now!
And...Action!
I'm sorry, but I run a hotel,
Not a charity.
Now, out on the street with you!
But--but...
Og ot esle erehwon.
Cut!
Pushing the pause button now.
Was she speaking elfish?
'cause if she is, I want to speak dolphin.
Eeeee....
Ah!
Oh, put a fish in it!
Here. Try it this way.
Oh.
Places.
Camera!
And...Action!
Unpushing the pause button now!
I'm sorry, but I run a hotel, not a charity!
Now, out on the street with you!
But I have nowhere else to go.
Yes, you do.
You can come with me.
Oh!
Would you like to dance?
But I don't hear any mucus.
Cut!
Pushing the-- ok, we get it!
Ok.
Any mucus?
That's what it says on the layout.
No, I think it says muckus.
Oh.
It's music!
I don't hear any music!
Layi.
Argh!
Just... Do the lines.
Ok. Ha.
Places, everyone.
Camera!
Ah!
And...Action!
And cut!
Yes, but--
I don't mean to be a backseat director,
But I just feel so trapped behind this desk.
I mean, don't you think I'd move on my line?
Yes. What was I thinking.
By all means, move.
Action.
Ok.
I'm sorry, but I run a hotel, not a charity!
Now, out on the street with you!
Cut! Cut! What?
Your leg!
What about it?
Well, much like your performance,
Den!
Oh! [tap tap]
I thought you were joking about the peg leg.
No, no, no!
I'm known for playing pirates.
My fans demand it.
Hey, if you can be a pirate, I get to be a mer-man!
Oh! Aah!
This is--is-- I can't say what it is!
I'd have to go to confession!
Oh! Just get--
What I can say is, you people all stink!
Yeah. Except for you.
You mer-stink!
Cool.
Ah...
Zack: Cody, I'm open!
Oh!
[whistle blows]
Can't you throw?
Can't you catch?
I'd catch it if you could throw it.
Well, I'd throw it if you could catch it.
Hey!
Do you guys know what I hate more than losing?
What?
You two!
Defense! Defense!
[cheering]
Come on, let's see some "d!"
You're on offense!
Let's see some "o!"
[whistle blows]
Hey, jamie, I didn't expect to see you here.
I happened to be rolling by.
Thought I'd check out the team.
Well, how do I put this to you delicately?
Your team stinks like a gym sock in August.
I'm not on that team.
It wouldn't matter if you were.
You wouldn't stand a chance against my guys anyway.
Don't worry, guys, you'll catch up!
You really think so?
No.
[cheering, whistle blows]
Ok, let's huddle up, guys.
Ok, we need a new strategy, so...
Who has a new strategy?
Well, I got one.
Let's quit.
Gee, who's the quitter now?
Yeah, that would be us.
What are you doing on the court?
Well, I decided I better play.
Not that I want to,
But I can't let you guys
A laughing stock.
Too late.
Oh, it's never too late!
Dude, you're spitting on me.
Welcome back to the team.
But who's jamie going in for?
Well, I'll give you a hint.
His number rhymes with nerdy.
Yay!
[buzzer sounds]
I don't know why everybody's so happy.
We still lost.
Yeah, but only by single digits.
Single digits, baby.
Wow, jamie, you got game.
And as for the rest of you guys,
I hope you're better on your feet.
Actually, we're worse.
So, jamie, I'm starting a team in boston.
Are you interested?
Sure. Well, I mean...
All I want is a car, a house for my parents,
And $50,000.
How about instead
I teach you how to use sympathy to pick up girls?
See that one over there?
Been hitting on me all week.
You're on.
Guys, we raised a ton of money. Great job!
You know, I, uh, did coach a little bit.
Sorry.
Woo!
[crash]
Arwin: Ow!
Moseby: No, no!
I'm known for playing pirates!
My fans demand it.
Lance: Hey, if he gets to be a pirate,
I get to be a mer-man!
Now out on the street with you!
Uh, uh... Og ot esle erehwon.
Maddie: So as you can see,
It's not easy making a student film.
Hello? Hello?
Hey, is this thing on?
Hee hee!
So what do you guys think?
Well, it's not a very good love story.
That's because I edited it into a comedy,
Which wasn't too hard with your performances.
Thanks.
I do have a gift for comedy.
Thanks to you guys, my film won the golden giggle.
You know what? We should do a sequel.
What?
Maybe a mucusal.
Oh, we could shoot in the pool.
I could do a whale song.
Oo-ooh-ooh...
What do you say, maddie?
Maddie?
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