1 00:00:08,043 --> 00:00:13,501 Subtitles made by Martinibaby (Kitty4@seznam.cz) Edits (and GREAT help:)) by BurntBroccoli. 2 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:15,410 Please, welcome onto the stage The Mighty Boosh! 3 00:01:52,410 --> 00:01:55,080 Haha, she overshot the runway. 4 00:01:58,110 --> 00:02:01,250 Heeey Brixton, you cheeky bitch! 5 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,620 Howyerdoin' in the top shelf? 6 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:16,370 -Top shelf, aaa top shelf. -Eeee top shelf. 7 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,740 Very nicey shelfy. 8 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:22,000 Howyerdoin' in the lower shelf? 9 00:02:31,410 --> 00:02:33,040 What about just you? 10 00:02:35,950 --> 00:02:36,990 What a dick:) 11 00:02:40,330 --> 00:02:43,000 -Everyone in? -Everyone okay? 12 00:02:43,790 --> 00:02:46,410 Yeah? Yeah, you all in? You all settled in? 13 00:02:46,410 --> 00:02:48,790 -Are you all right? -Are you okay, yeah? 14 00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:54,370 Sure? Do you need anything? I mean I could russle you up a quiche or... 15 00:02:55,830 --> 00:03:00,050 -I get on that. -They're good, his quiches are good, he puts LEGO in'em! 16 00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:07,160 Okay everyone's in, let's do it. 17 00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:12,870 Ooh you guys! Where have you been? We've all been waiting for'ya! 18 00:03:16,450 --> 00:03:19,450 -Okay.. -She hid under her fringe, get away from me. 19 00:03:21,450 --> 00:03:23,250 -Are you ready? -Yeah, I´m ready. 20 00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:25,330 -Okay, let's do it. -Check me out. 21 00:03:31,490 --> 00:03:35,330 Howard Moon! Jazz maverick... 22 00:03:38,370 --> 00:03:40,500 ..novelist.. 23 00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:44,870 ..cyclist.. 24 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:52,040 ..rider of the penny-farthing.. 25 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,870 ..stamp collector! 26 00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:04,830 Age: Sixty-one.. 27 00:04:05,790 --> 00:04:07,410 ..fifty..seven?:) 28 00:04:07,790 --> 00:04:15,160 Special features: The tiny eyes of a shrew! Howard Moon! 29 00:04:16,910 --> 00:04:20,250 Yeah, check him out. 30 00:04:30,510 --> 00:04:31,910 What are you doing? 31 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,520 Eating the applause. 32 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:38,250 -Who does that? -Me. Nice'n crunchy. 33 00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:42,700 -Was it? Was it crunchy? -Yeah... Get in the light. 34 00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:51,580 Thanx:) 35 00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:56,830 Vince Noir! 36 00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:04,290 Electro poof! 37 00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:20,120 What are you doing?! Never eat another man's applause. 38 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,450 -Oh..that was very rich. -Yeah. 39 00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:30,200 -Like a fruit cake. I feel all bilious. -Too rich for you. 40 00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:35,450 Look at the Spirit of jazz shuffling through there. 41 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,920 Hey baby, you're goin' to the bathroom yeah? 42 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,750 Look how slow he walks out. 43 00:05:47,820 --> 00:05:49,260 Doesn't give a fuck. 44 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:52,840 I'm outta here - in my own good time. 45 00:05:53,950 --> 00:05:57,080 I ain't movin' fast for no shit. 46 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:02,040 You might be filming a DVD, I'm takin' my time. 47 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:05,730 You're on it now, mate. 48 00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:08,510 No he's not. I'm cutting that bit out. 49 00:06:09,210 --> 00:06:10,620 Slow walking fool. 50 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,580 We've got a crazy show coming up for you tonight! 51 00:06:14,830 --> 00:06:16,290 -We've got stuff for you.. -Craaazy show! 52 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:17,500 -Don't touch me. -What? 53 00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:19,830 -Don't touch me! -He's such a joker! 54 00:06:21,290 --> 00:06:24,750 -Yeah.. I'm not joking. -What? -Never touch me, okay? 55 00:06:24,870 --> 00:06:30,050 Not when we're on stage, not when we're off stage, back stage, not when we're out buying hammocks.. 56 00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:33,490 -Never touch me sir. -We DO do that a lot. 57 00:06:36,950 --> 00:06:38,950 -Never touch me! -Okay. 58 00:06:40,580 --> 00:06:45,500 Hey, look seriously - I'm gonna get the fan mail. We've got a bit of fan mail, we should check it out. 59 00:06:45,590 --> 00:06:48,140 -So you'll keep things ticking over here.. -Yeah, you know, I'll work the room. 60 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,300 -Alright yeah, you'll work it up. -Yeeah. 61 00:06:52,630 --> 00:06:56,700 Barratt's gonna work the room, I'm gonna go off like this. 62 00:07:12,510 --> 00:07:14,960 Heey where are you from? 63 00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:20,000 So.. yeah. Alright! Coming at you like a beam, like a ray, like a laser, 64 00:07:20,010 --> 00:07:23,860 like a beam of light in the night, I'm like lightning. Coming at you like a kestrel, ow! 65 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,700 Howyerdoin' everyone? Hello there small child... Hello. 66 00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:36,580 You might wanna cover his ears for some of the show..? 67 00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:39,370 Not doing anything rude, it's just his ears are a bit weird... 68 00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:45,030 If you could just cover them, putting them off slightly. 69 00:07:45,510 --> 00:07:49,580 -Heey where are you from? -Just round there, between those two bits of fabric. 70 00:07:51,090 --> 00:07:54,420 Are you insulting the nippers again? 71 00:07:55,410 --> 00:08:02,530 Hey look at this, look! Fan mail! Check this out. This one's for me and er, this one's for you. 72 00:08:03,410 --> 00:08:07,660 Aaaa I'm jokin'. This one's for me as well. 73 00:08:12,730 --> 00:08:15,290 Let's have a little look, see what the fans are saying. 74 00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:25,250 Dear Vince, I think you are soo amazing and brilliant! And your hair is so big and tall and nice and I really like you! 75 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:31,550 The only thing is, is why do you have to have your dad in the show? 76 00:08:41,650 --> 00:08:45,750 There's another one here. Let's have a look at this one. 77 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:07,500 It's just screaming, that one. Quite abstract... 78 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:16,250 Yeah, well you know.. I get fan mail, alright? Yeah! It's not the quantity of the fan mail, it's the quality of the fan! 79 00:09:17,370 --> 00:09:19,750 -That's what I say. -It is what he says. It is! 80 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:25,790 This came to me - this piece of fan mail - came to me this, only this very morn' and ... 81 00:09:26,860 --> 00:09:29,540 I'm bringing morn' back as a figure of speech. 82 00:09:29,790 --> 00:09:32,620 -This came to me this fair morn'. -Oooh this fair morn'. 83 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:35,750 -This fair morn' has arrived. -Good luck with that. 84 00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:38,330 Check it out. 85 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:43,410 Dear Howard, if you ever come to me again, I will call the police... 86 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:48,200 Haha, that's the wrong one - I've got the wrong.. I've got them mixed-up... 87 00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:53,910 I got it in wrong pockets... ...I mixed it up. 88 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:59,700 This is the one I meant to read out. This is from none other than Tom Paulin. 89 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,450 -Ladys and gentlemen. -Who? -Tom Paulin. 90 00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:05,350 -Yes, she knows. -There he is. 91 00:10:06,330 --> 00:10:09,700 This is, you know, he's intellectual - man of letters all around... 92 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,590 -Man made of letters? -Yeah, this is from him. 93 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,680 -Really? That Irish guy on the late? -Yeah check it out. 94 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:22,880 Dear Howard Moon, I just wanted to drop you a line, since I thought your 95 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:28,680 performance in The Mighty Boosh was mesmerizing. Mere sincerely Tom Paulin. 96 00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:29,920 Tom Paulin! 97 00:10:33,970 --> 00:10:37,740 -Yeah, that came to me. To ME! -Yeah, that's good. What's this little bit here he's put? 98 00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:39,970 -Don't read that bit! -What is it? -Don't read it! 99 00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:44,870 Yes and could I possibly have a signed photograph of your cock and balls? 100 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,800 Ooh Tom's a bit weird, isn't he? 101 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,690 Creepy Tom... 102 00:10:57,810 --> 00:11:00,580 -Creepy Tom. -Creepy creepy Tom Tom. 103 00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:04,370 Anyway how have you been since the telly show? You've been alright? 104 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:06,380 -I've been real good sir, real good. -Yeah? 105 00:11:06,460 --> 00:11:09,710 -Telly show? Are you ten? -Mentally, yeah. 106 00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:16,680 I've been good yeah, very busy - working on my theatre skills - training myself up for the, you know, this run. 107 00:11:17,030 --> 00:11:22,940 Working on the ancient art of mime. You know, so... check me out. 108 00:11:24,630 --> 00:11:30,940 Ow! Comin'at'ya'... yeah? I'm in a chimney. 109 00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:39,070 See that? What about this? Look! I'm next to a log... Chaffinch. 110 00:11:41,830 --> 00:11:45,700 -Do chaffinch again! -I only do that once. 111 00:11:46,610 --> 00:11:50,980 Yeah, I've been busy - you know - working myself up on the theatre department, you know what I mean? 112 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:54,630 -Building up my theatre muscles... -So you've been busy? That's what you're sayin'? 113 00:11:54,710 --> 00:11:59,030 Weird that you should say that, 'cos I was walking through Camden the other day and 114 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,380 I saw you in a skip, weeping... 115 00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:13,380 -That was an art piece, that I was... -Was it? - Yeah... 116 00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:18,900 Yeah but you had like a shirt and tie on, but no pants or trousers on. 117 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,040 Yeah? Too much for you, was it? 118 00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:25,520 -That's what I do, you know, I'm a maverick. -It was too much. 119 00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:29,760 It was quite early in the morning. I was trying to eat a baguette. 120 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,610 -That's what I do. -It was a shock. 121 00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:39,440 I take my work into the streets, you know? I don't just do stuff in theatres, this is like oldschool for me, you know? 122 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:44,130 I'll go into the streets in my world - you can't put me in a box. If you put me in a box I'll break out of the box, you know? 123 00:12:44,210 --> 00:12:49,960 If you put a boundary around me, I'll eat the boundary and wash it down with a cup of hot steaming rules. 124 00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:53,120 Ow! comin'at'ya' like a beam, like a ray, like a buzzard! 125 00:12:54,570 --> 00:12:59,130 Swooping about, know what I mean? Peckin' at the boundaries. That's the way I work! 126 00:12:59,192 --> 00:13:01,408 That sounds electric. 127 00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:05,330 -Yeah? What have you been up to then? -Well, pretty much, right after the telly show 128 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,490 I've invented this game - Brixton check this out, alright? 129 00:13:08,650 --> 00:13:12,020 I've invented a game called: Pelt The Rabbit In His Big White Face! 130 00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:18,050 Genius! I know, the title alone is pretty cool, but wait - til you hear what happens - you're in here, right, 131 00:13:18,110 --> 00:13:25,500 or wherever, by the windmill doesn't matter and this massive rabbit comes in, he's got really massive face, he's a freak, 132 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:29,340 he's like that - and he's quite tall he's like six foot - and he comes running towards you 133 00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:31,850 and you've gotta like leg it and get away from him or like pelt him with coins 134 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:36,170 or sunflower seeds or take your Chelsey boot off and just take him out. 135 00:13:36,340 --> 00:13:42,530 Cos if he catches you he just throws you on the floor and rapes you. 136 00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:52,670 That's not a game, is it? Really that... 137 00:13:54,090 --> 00:14:00,220 That's just a sequence of events. A sequence of horrific events. 138 00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:03,280 Culminating in a rape. 139 00:14:04,620 --> 00:14:08,150 -Where's the game elements? -Yeah, but it's not an ordinary rape! It's a rabbit rape! 140 00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:11,300 It's a terrific bunny-bumming! 141 00:14:13,290 --> 00:14:18,210 -From MB Games? What? There's no strategy! -Of course there's a strategy! 142 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,620 Why? What is it? 143 00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:25,140 Well, you know, the thing with it is you never know when he's gonna come, do you? When he's gonna arrive, easy! 144 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:29,280 He might come in an hour, he might come in two hours, he might come in month, he might come in a year, 145 00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:33,830 he might come in fourteen minutes! What if he's ill? He's got a brother looks exactly like him! 146 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:40,360 He's the worse of the two if anything - he's more powerful and vigorous. 147 00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:44,900 You'll never get away from him. If it's his brother, you might as well just sit down.. 148 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,280 ..put up the white flag. 149 00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:55,170 This isn't the show by the way:) This is just, you know little bit of idle banter up top. 150 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,610 -The show's all back here, waiting to come out. -Oh yeah I can feel it.. 151 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:04,650 There's a tiny bit of the show. I can feel it! Look at the show - it's lively tonight! 152 00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:09,490 Let's have a little glimpse of the show! 153 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:21,380 -Did I dream that? -Let's see if it was real. 154 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:33,550 -Yeah, we've got some stuff lined up for you. -It's different every night that bit. 155 00:15:33,610 --> 00:15:38,860 Yes I thought what we should do really before unleashing that is warm up a little bit. 156 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,550 So you know, get ourselves into the theatre mode. 157 00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:45,160 -I've written a small piece of theatre.. -Yeah? 158 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,780 -..which we could do right here, right now so.. -A small piece? 159 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:49,100 -A pouch. -A pouch. 160 00:15:49,780 --> 00:15:51,940 -A pouch of theatre? -Yeah, powerful pouch. 161 00:15:52,310 --> 00:15:56,400 -And they do call you the theater wallaby? -Yes, they do. 162 00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,830 That's how I type. 163 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,050 This is something I've created and I'd like to do it now - we're all gonna get warmed up 164 00:16:04,110 --> 00:16:05,830 -..you know if we didn't warm up.. -No way! 165 00:16:05,990 --> 00:16:09,120 You know, you could strain a theatre muscle or something so.. you know... 166 00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:13,210 You might fracture your eyes, sir. We don't want that. 167 00:16:13,610 --> 00:16:15,310 -So.. -What shall I do then? -Well you can be in it. 168 00:16:15,510 --> 00:16:17,810 -No way! -Yeah! -Really? 169 00:16:17,990 --> 00:16:19,430 -Can you act? -Can I act? 170 00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:24,470 Not really, no... That was me acting then, aaa. 171 00:16:25,540 --> 00:16:26,640 The Twisterroonie.. 172 00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:28,420 -No, still no! -Come on! 173 00:16:28,510 --> 00:16:33,060 -No, not even through your nice new Kiss jacket. Never touch me. 174 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,780 -What shall I do then? -Get ready I'll introduce it. 175 00:16:36,060 --> 00:16:41,330 Yeah? Alright, cool, I'm going off like this - ooh monkey hands... 176 00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,080 ..and frozen legs. 177 00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:52,290 Monkey hands and frozen legs - the ultimate combination. 178 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:05,700 Okay. Right, well this is little piece now, that I've written myself with a pen. 179 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:13,720 And... it's set in Russia, turn of the century... I know what are you thinking. 180 00:17:14,270 --> 00:17:19,280 Don't think that, because.. this is dark penetrating theatre. 181 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,940 Please enjoy a piece I've written, called simply: ''Pies''. 182 00:17:31,890 --> 00:17:34,200 This is fucking ridiculous! 183 00:17:35,670 --> 00:17:38,310 You're out of your mind! 184 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,380 Would you like a pie? 185 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,990 No... 186 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:16,840 But it is a good pie. 187 00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:26,630 Nevertheless. Last time you gave me pie... 188 00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:31,780 ..I cut into it with my tiny pie cutter... 189 00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:38,490 ..and millions of birds flew out - hitting me in the eyes and the temples! 190 00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:45,020 I was confused - it was a trick pie! 191 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,850 Why you no like my pie? 192 00:19:02,950 --> 00:19:05,240 I just told you. 193 00:19:07,210 --> 00:19:10,860 Eeee you don't like my pie-eee... 194 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,220 Oooh tricky pie... 195 00:19:13,690 --> 00:19:18,400 Aiiiiii bring pie to show you I love you! 196 00:19:19,030 --> 00:19:22,320 Why can't you just tell me you love me? 197 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:28,600 Pastry goods every fucking day with you! 198 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:33,480 -You don't like pie? -Ooohhhhh pie... 199 00:19:33,810 --> 00:19:38,530 - Whyyoudon't liiiike.. -Idon'twantpie.. 200 00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:45,390 Arghghghghghg I don't want pie.. 201 00:19:45,790 --> 00:19:50,040 -Wantpie wantpie.. -Urghghghgh..! 202 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:52,140 Thanks a lot! 203 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:10,300 -Penetrating theatre... Thank you! -I like this hat. It's quite cool. 204 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,190 -It's good. -In the kind of Pete Doherty way. 205 00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:16,520 Ooh I can't find my band! 206 00:20:18,230 --> 00:20:21,060 Mate, your're the frontman - they're behind'ya. 207 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,650 Oh yeah, cheers! 208 00:20:32,110 --> 00:20:34,690 -What's that? -He plays Give us a clue. 209 00:20:36,090 --> 00:20:40,310 -Oh yeah, he's quite good at that isn't he. -He's really good at it, actually. 210 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,690 Yeah, he's a dab hand. 211 00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:47,650 So.. right, well it's time to move on now, to phase two point nine of the evening. 212 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:53,100 Which is my favourite. It's the part where we introduce you to the guests - to people you're gonna be meeting in the show. 213 00:20:53,290 --> 00:20:57,240 -We've got some great people. -Oh who have we got? We've got Daley Thompson. 214 00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:01,970 He's gonna come down, he's gonna saw a calculator in half.. 215 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,730 ..to see where the numbers live! 216 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:16,640 Oh yeah.. And he's gonna shave his moustache off.. ..to reveal a tattoo of a moustache. 217 00:21:17,130 --> 00:21:19,220 -So he's quite.. -Daley. -Daley. 218 00:21:19,460 --> 00:21:24,880 So before that - we didn't wanna peak too soon - we're gonna have a guest now a great guy.. 219 00:21:25,430 --> 00:21:31,010 a man who.. a great friend of mine, a great friend of yours, erm, not a friend of yours.. 220 00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:34,170 ..sadly - he hates you. But.. 221 00:21:34,540 --> 00:21:39,200 Dunno why you chose to sit so close to the front really, cos.. you know what I mean? 222 00:21:39,490 --> 00:21:43,450 It's a bit weird considering everything that has happend between you and the hatred.. 223 00:21:44,510 --> 00:21:45,940 ..that has being brewing. 224 00:21:45,970 --> 00:21:50,270 But that aside, please welcome to the stage - Naboo the enigma! 225 00:22:10,990 --> 00:22:13,520 Look at him, he's like a puma in a turban. 226 00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:17,410 Look at that - what's going on that mind? Nobody knows? 227 00:22:17,950 --> 00:22:21,640 He could be wrestling with the dilemmas of time itself, solving the riddles of the universe.. 228 00:22:22,010 --> 00:22:24,380 Deep stuff. Let's have a listen. 229 00:22:27,190 --> 00:22:31,920 I might have a pot noodle later. Chicken and mushroom. 230 00:22:33,370 --> 00:22:35,020 Naboo the enigma! 231 00:22:36,150 --> 00:22:37,090 Powerful stuff. 232 00:22:47,770 --> 00:22:49,660 What are YOU doing here? 233 00:22:51,830 --> 00:22:56,300 I warned you, gonna have to turn my back on you! 234 00:23:05,570 --> 00:23:08,000 Let that be a lesson to you! 235 00:23:11,650 --> 00:23:13,210 Naboo the enigma! 236 00:23:13,220 --> 00:23:14,890 Are you ready for your next guest? 237 00:23:15,890 --> 00:23:19,570 Go mad, scream, make him feel welcome: Bollo! 238 00:23:25,700 --> 00:23:30,400 Hey Vincey, good to see you. Good to see you! 239 00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:34,050 Heey long time no see! 240 00:23:36,490 --> 00:23:38,120 Hellooo! 241 00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:40,770 Top shelf! 242 00:23:45,180 --> 00:23:48,720 I like the bottom shelf too, don't worry. 243 00:23:52,890 --> 00:23:56,790 Look at your hair, looks wicked! What you got in there? A bit of Rootbooster? 244 00:23:56,820 --> 00:23:58,770 Yeah, I made a bit of an effort tonight, you know? 245 00:23:59,090 --> 00:24:01,320 Bit of gel, bit of mousse, product, huh? 246 00:24:01,650 --> 00:24:02,890 Nice, that's looking good. 247 00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:05,540 Looks lovely, it's quite modish - the way that it's... 248 00:24:12,830 --> 00:24:15,860 Jesus.. So how have you been anyway Bollo? You've been good? 249 00:24:16,060 --> 00:24:19,120 -You've been busy? -Yeah, I've been good, I've been busy since the TV show. 250 00:24:19,510 --> 00:24:23,820 Yeah, very busy - I had audititon for Peter Jackson. 251 00:24:24,070 --> 00:24:26,650 -No way! Peter Jackson? -Yeah! 252 00:24:27,450 --> 00:24:29,490 Yeah? What's he doin' these days? 253 00:24:29,850 --> 00:24:32,260 He's thinking of remaking King Kong. 254 00:24:36,810 --> 00:24:39,740 -He's thinking of remaking it, is he? -Yeah. 255 00:24:40,180 --> 00:24:42,420 Yeah, when did you do the audition? 256 00:24:42,870 --> 00:24:46,360 Well it is quite a while ago, you know, but these things they take time. 257 00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:49,520 Yeah.. You get out of the house much these days Bollo? Or you... 258 00:24:49,770 --> 00:24:54,200 No, not really - I kind of sit at home, learning my lines, waiting for Peter to call me, you know? 259 00:24:55,310 --> 00:24:58,460 -Right, you know that it's already... -Yeah, don't tell him, don't tell him! 260 00:24:58,580 --> 00:25:01,220 -What? Huh? -Heey where are you from? 261 00:25:03,070 --> 00:25:06,010 -I think he liked me. -Yeah. I bet he loved you! 262 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,030 I just think he hasn't make his mind up yet, you know? 263 00:25:08,100 --> 00:25:10,630 -That'd be it, yeah. -That he's taking his time. 264 00:25:10,690 --> 00:25:12,510 -But I think he's keeping an eye on me. -Oh yeah. 265 00:25:12,710 --> 00:25:16,950 And I'm not overly sure, but I think Peter might be in tonight. 266 00:25:17,430 --> 00:25:19,390 -Really? -Sitting up to back, yeah. 267 00:25:20,220 --> 00:25:23,630 I'm pretty sure I saw him in the bar earlier eating a flapjack. 268 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,020 He does like flapjacks. 269 00:25:28,020 --> 00:25:32,370 Do you mind if I... do a bit of funny business for Peter? 270 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,320 Funny business? 271 00:25:38,250 --> 00:25:42,530 Well, you know, the audition it was quite serious, I'd like to show Peter Bollo's funny side. 272 00:25:42,650 --> 00:25:44,410 Maybe do a bit of stand-up? 273 00:25:44,420 --> 00:25:45,420 -Yeah. -Okay. -Is that okay? 274 00:25:45,420 --> 00:25:46,620 -Yeah. -I'll get a mic. 275 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:51,530 -Okay I'll go over there, you can introduce me. -Yeah, I'll bring you on, make it all professional, yeah? 276 00:25:52,020 --> 00:25:54,800 Okay, cool. It's quite exciting. 277 00:26:03,050 --> 00:26:06,150 Does Naboo know you are here? 278 00:26:12,740 --> 00:26:14,550 He's been dealt with. 279 00:26:14,630 --> 00:26:18,050 Look at all these seats, he had to sit right there at the front. 280 00:26:18,790 --> 00:26:20,030 What a dick. 281 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,410 Okay.. So, Bollo have you ever done stand-up before? 282 00:26:26,730 --> 00:26:27,770 No. 283 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,390 Are you feeling confident? 284 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:32,720 No. 285 00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:39,860 Okay, ladies and gentlemen you're in for a treat tonight, mate he's got some tight one liners, he's a little bit saucy in places, 286 00:26:39,900 --> 00:26:45,030 don't let that put you off. Here he is - Bollo the stand-up! 287 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:21,690 I was.. I was in the supermarket the other day and I had a shopping trolley... 288 00:27:22,930 --> 00:27:28,210 And I was pushing it along and it had a wonky wheel. 289 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:34,000 And I pushed it along a bit.. and it went a bit to the left.. 290 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:39,740 ..and so I pushed it a bit further and it went a bit further to the left. 291 00:27:40,390 --> 00:27:44,510 And I pushed it a little bit further still and it went even further to the left. 292 00:27:45,590 --> 00:27:49,680 And in the end I kind of ended up back where I was in the first place. 293 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:04,170 Eh.. um... here's another one. 294 00:28:06,610 --> 00:28:12,380 Very funny thing happened to me on the way here tonight. Yes, it did! 295 00:28:12,660 --> 00:28:18,750 There was a man, come up to me and he said: Bollo! He said... 296 00:28:20,340 --> 00:28:22,180 Oh hang on, was it a man? 297 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,770 Sorry I mucked it up. I think it might have been a lady.. 298 00:28:28,430 --> 00:28:32,870 Let me start again - basically just passed and come up to me and they said: Bollo! 299 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:37,680 -What's this? Naboo! Naboolio! -Next time you go to Brixton make sure that... 300 00:28:52,390 --> 00:28:54,060 -Are you okay? -What happend? 301 00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:55,120 -What? -What happend? 302 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,430 Oh it went brilliantly - you did three hours! 303 00:28:58,460 --> 00:29:00,640 They carried you around, you did encores... 304 00:29:00,750 --> 00:29:01,780 -Oh really? -You were amazing! 305 00:29:02,090 --> 00:29:07,030 -Oh good, was Peter laughing? -Oh he spat flapjack all on his legs! 306 00:29:17,740 --> 00:29:21,740 Okay, well there you go that's it - you met Naboo, you met Bollo you met everyone who's gonna be in the show. 307 00:29:21,820 --> 00:29:24,550 It's time to do the show. You met everyone who's gonna be in it so.. 308 00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:33,000 Wait just one minute! What about me!? Bob Fossil! Yes! King of the Zooniverse! 309 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:40,110 My brother! I'm king of the Zooniverse! And now I'm king of Brixton! 310 00:29:41,190 --> 00:29:46,690 I know you! I know you! You sexually confuse me! 311 00:29:47,970 --> 00:29:50,280 I fought with you in 'Nam! 312 00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:52,690 Steppy steppy step step! 313 00:30:02,410 --> 00:30:03,750 Hey! Oh, I don't need this. 314 00:30:05,860 --> 00:30:08,880 Brixton! I own you! 315 00:30:15,780 --> 00:30:17,970 Oh, I just popped a lung. 316 00:30:20,420 --> 00:30:23,100 Just shaking out a piss stain. 317 00:30:23,980 --> 00:30:26,580 Good to have you on board there Bob, I didn't expect to see you but.. 318 00:30:26,710 --> 00:30:28,380 -Great to be here! -Good to see you. 319 00:30:39,210 --> 00:30:41,690 So, you been good? What have you been up to? Fill us in. 320 00:30:41,830 --> 00:30:47,360 Well as you probably read in all the tabloids - I'm eighteen months pregnant. 321 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:51,140 -I've got a bun in the oven. -Nice work. Nice work. Who's the dad? 322 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:56,000 It's Tom over there and your marriage is a sham!! 323 00:31:00,140 --> 00:31:02,080 Anything else you've been up to? 324 00:31:02,150 --> 00:31:06,970 Oh yeah, I started this Underwater Language Academy. 325 00:31:07,050 --> 00:31:11,140 Yeah, check this out! Hi, I'm Bob Fossil, how are you? 326 00:31:11,270 --> 00:31:14,750 What's going on with you? (underwaterish gibberish:) 327 00:31:15,860 --> 00:31:21,210 Thank you, thank you. Please. Wooow! 328 00:31:22,540 --> 00:31:25,790 Anything else you've been doing, that's in the script? 329 00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,630 Oh yeah, oh yeah - that black and white thing I got in the mail. 330 00:31:30,690 --> 00:31:32,670 Yeah. With the words on it. 331 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:40,560 The.. the devil scratchings.. Yeah I was in this detective show in the US, called Big Leg. 332 00:31:41,450 --> 00:31:43,210 -Big Leg? -Yeah. 333 00:31:43,580 --> 00:31:49,790 You know how detectives have disabilities, you know, like Ironside - he sits in a rolly chair. 334 00:31:50,220 --> 00:31:55,450 And that Murder-she-wrote-lady is a nymphomaniac. Where's the murderer? 335 00:31:56,010 --> 00:31:57,580 Let me at 'em! 336 00:31:58,940 --> 00:32:01,060 My finger's on fire! 337 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:06,720 And Colombo likes to shit his raincoat and give it to his wife. 338 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:15,590 Aaa one more question.. ooh here honey. Give that to the dry-cleaner's, I've got a glass eye. 339 00:32:17,910 --> 00:32:21,180 -Is that why he shits himself? -Yeah, he don't know where that shit's goin'. 340 00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:23,180 It's like s sprinkler. 341 00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:31,080 Here honey. 342 00:32:33,430 --> 00:32:34,530 -Right.. -Right? 343 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:36,320 Ooh Brixton! 344 00:32:39,490 --> 00:32:43,220 -So you've played Big Leg, yeah? -Yeah what's his all angle on the detective genre? 345 00:32:43,330 --> 00:32:46,090 -I'm glad you ask. -I bet you are. 346 00:32:48,250 --> 00:32:54,460 Big Leg has a big fucking leg, right? He sits in the cop station, right? 347 00:32:54,790 --> 00:33:00,430 You know, he's like smoking a big cigar, he's dabbling his balls with a moist towelette. 348 00:33:00,930 --> 00:33:09,010 You know, while his leg goes out for miles around, kicking ass and fighting crime! 349 00:33:09,370 --> 00:33:17,670 Here you go burglar. Here you go embezzler! Come on into the station, cuff'em - I hate Whites! 350 00:33:19,780 --> 00:33:21,540 That was my catchphrase. 351 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,340 -Hate you Whites! -We all do. 352 00:33:27,410 --> 00:33:31,350 Okay well that.. that sounds good, we look for to seeing that. 353 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,110 -Yeah. -We're gonna do the show now, so now if you wanna.. 354 00:33:34,270 --> 00:33:41,290 I can't wait, I love to act - check me out. I'm an actor - I know what to say. 355 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,780 Okay well, we'll try to find a place for that sort of stuff... 356 00:33:46,910 --> 00:33:49,220 Okay, are you ready? We're gonna do it, so you're gonna get backstage and we're gonna finish.. 357 00:33:49,220 --> 00:33:54,190 Oh, one more thing, I'd love to just warm up in front of the audience if that's okay? 358 00:33:54,767 --> 00:33:56,899 Is that alright with you lot? 359 00:33:58,620 --> 00:34:04,500 Bob Fossil! Is he a genius or is he.. ..or is he a retard? 360 00:34:06,780 --> 00:34:09,160 Um... I'm a renius. 361 00:34:10,310 --> 00:34:13,560 Are you ready to rock Brixton? 362 00:34:16,750 --> 00:34:19,210 Then hit it! 363 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:35,510 Oh Brixton, give it to me Brixton, give it up, give it up, give it up. 364 00:34:36,060 --> 00:34:37,930 Brixton, give it up Brixton! 365 00:34:39,790 --> 00:34:41,030 Oh yeah! 366 00:34:47,630 --> 00:34:51,610 Check this out! Ooh yeah! 367 00:34:53,060 --> 00:34:55,340 I'm lactating! 368 00:35:02,750 --> 00:35:04,490 Hey look - I'm sewing! 369 00:35:07,660 --> 00:35:11,870 I'm reading a comic. I'm a robot! 370 00:35:15,182 --> 00:35:19,758 Ow! And that's why I don't like cricket! 371 00:35:31,130 --> 00:35:33,050 Bob Fossil - there he is. 372 00:35:33,450 --> 00:35:35,340 The light blue bitch. 373 00:35:36,060 --> 00:35:38,970 Okay, well that's it - you've met everyone who's gonna be in the show. It's time to do the show now. 374 00:35:39,300 --> 00:35:41,210 -And.. yeah? -Yeah, cool, let's go. -Let's do it! 375 00:35:41,590 --> 00:35:46,280 -That's nice, what's that? You changed your little top have you? -Yeah, do you like this? It's nice - simple design, yeah? 376 00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,050 Yeah, exactly! 377 00:35:53,780 --> 00:35:55,770 You know what? Hey hot stuff! 378 00:35:57,370 --> 00:35:59,570 Are you from a fifties cartoon? 379 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,940 Feel that, look. Feel it! Pull it, give it a pull. 380 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,290 -That is a durable fabric. -That springs right back into place. 381 00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:09,660 -It does, doesn't it? I bet that.. -But... 382 00:36:09,740 --> 00:36:10,390 I bet that was expen... 383 00:36:10,390 --> 00:36:12,590 Weirdly enough, lets you breathe! 384 00:36:13,210 --> 00:36:18,000 -I bet that's an expensive item, isn't it? -Not at all. Reasonably priced. 385 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,480 -In the foyer. You're liking that? -Yeah. I've got my own... 386 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:26,820 -It's part of the Vince Noir merchandise range, yeah. -Well I've got a range of merchandise comin' out. 387 00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:32,410 Don't you worry about that - Howard Moon range. I've got a hot range of bassoon cases coming out. 388 00:36:33,370 --> 00:36:37,790 Yeah! For the... for bassoon players in the crowd tonight..? Yeah! 389 00:36:38,210 --> 00:36:39,900 Get fucked! 390 00:36:41,590 --> 00:36:43,830 There'd be two if you're lucky. 391 00:36:44,450 --> 00:36:47,590 Yeah, we had to cancel that order, that wasn't really working out...I spoke to the merchandise people 392 00:36:48,370 --> 00:36:50,190 -What are you talking about? -We had to cancel that. 393 00:36:50,070 --> 00:36:51,870 -That was a sure-fire thing! -What? 394 00:36:51,950 --> 00:36:55,180 What about the.. what about the trumpet sock? 395 00:36:57,670 --> 00:37:01,820 -We didn't even know, what the trumpet sock was. -I told you what the trumpet sock was. 396 00:37:02,330 --> 00:37:08,770 I told you time and time again. You know, a sock - knitted sock - for the trumpet! 397 00:37:09,390 --> 00:37:12,070 You're going out on a picnic, you don't wanna take the full trumpet case, 398 00:37:12,090 --> 00:37:15,360 so you take your little sort of crochet trumpet sock. 399 00:37:15,990 --> 00:37:18,900 What, in case the trumpet's feet get cold? 400 00:37:19,010 --> 00:37:22,220 No no it's just, you know, it's a light-weight sort of trumpet sock, you know? 401 00:37:22,380 --> 00:37:26,100 It comes in a range of colours - you've got brown, you've got your beige, you've got your muffin, you've got your nutmeg. 402 00:37:26,130 --> 00:37:27,800 Do you know what I mean? 403 00:37:28,180 --> 00:37:31,600 -Nutmeg crochet trumpet sock? -That's right! 404 00:37:32,660 --> 00:37:35,140 -We had to cancel that. -Aaa foolish. 405 00:37:35,150 --> 00:37:40,120 But don't worry, we had some ideas, yeah, we came up with some merchandise for you, that you can wear on stage as well, yeah? 406 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:44,300 -Yeah? -Check this out - look at this! Howard Moon... yeah. 407 00:37:45,050 --> 00:37:50,560 See? Look at this? The Howard Moon pink funky pants! How cool are they? 408 00:37:51,210 --> 00:37:55,560 Why don't you wear those? We wanna see Howard in these, don't we? 409 00:38:02,510 --> 00:38:07,440 -Get your northern pins out, come on! -This isn't an issue about my legs, I have got good legs. 410 00:38:07,570 --> 00:38:13,960 But that's not the issue, you know - I'm an a.. I'm an aaa shut it! You tart! 411 00:38:15,270 --> 00:38:18,220 -I'm an artist, you know - I've got poise and dignity. -Yeah? 412 00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:20,410 -I'm not doing that on stage. -Cool, okay. 413 00:38:20,620 --> 00:38:24,130 I understand where you're coming from, I've got poise and dignity too. 414 00:38:24,550 --> 00:38:26,480 -Should we get on with the show? -Let's do it, okay. 415 00:38:26,510 --> 00:38:28,700 Okay, are you ready for the show? 416 00:38:29,510 --> 00:38:32,070 Top shelf are you ready? 417 00:38:34,240 --> 00:38:36,670 Lower shelf? 418 00:38:41,420 --> 00:38:48,010 It's a little piece that we've written for you, I hope you enjoy it. It's simply called: The Ruby of Kukundu. 419 00:39:15,830 --> 00:39:18,000 The Arctic tundra.. 420 00:39:20,250 --> 00:39:23,750 ..using some sheets. 421 00:39:25,170 --> 00:39:29,000 Ten thousand years ago. 422 00:41:13,100 --> 00:41:16,810 Ten thousand years later! 423 00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:33,800 I'll come on again. 424 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:45,220 Yes... 425 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,260 Thanks mum.. 426 00:42:17,380 --> 00:42:19,790 Ow! chica chicaaa! 427 00:42:20,460 --> 00:42:22,710 You know I've got the moves! 428 00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,210 They call me doctor mime! 429 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:39,560 Hello, Naboo's nick-nacks. 430 00:42:40,610 --> 00:42:45,620 Hi, Naboo's not here at the moment, but I am so any queries you have - just fire them straight at me - Howard Moon. 431 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:48,620 Yeah, we don't have any of those, I'm afraid, no... 432 00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:53,430 What we do have though is very interesting and rare jazz LPs which I brought to the store... 433 00:42:54,050 --> 00:42:55,810 Hello..? 434 00:42:56,590 --> 00:42:58,780 Huh, must have gone in a tunnel.. 435 00:43:11,540 --> 00:43:13,560 What the fuck was that? 436 00:43:14,260 --> 00:43:15,960 -Sweep it. -Sweep what? 437 00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:18,780 Sweep up the mime shards. 438 00:43:20,330 --> 00:43:22,040 Where are they? 439 00:43:24,050 --> 00:43:26,870 -All around. -All around? 440 00:43:29,420 --> 00:43:31,290 Watch your eyes. 441 00:43:32,490 --> 00:43:37,130 Or you'll have to go to the mime hospital.. ..see the mime doctor. 442 00:43:37,740 --> 00:43:39,930 -Hey how are you? Are you alright? -Good yeah, I'm really good. 443 00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:44,410 -Yeah? Have you sold anything yet? -Not as yet, but it's early days, early days, early days. 444 00:43:44,470 --> 00:43:45,830 -Yep? -Yep. 445 00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:49,200 -You've been tryin' to flog your moody jazz records? -Yeah. 446 00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:52,610 -As if anyone's buying this record - look how big his face is! 447 00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:56,920 Why should that be a problem? That's Larry 'Big face' Eddison. 448 00:43:57,810 --> 00:43:59,800 One of the biggest faces in bebop. 449 00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:02,480 -One of the biggest faces? -Yeah, I mean, there's... 450 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:08,020 -You mean there's a bigger face? -Yeah, there's Toots Enormous-Face Tellemans. 451 00:44:08,750 --> 00:44:10,590 -He's like a frying pan! -Yeah.. 452 00:44:11,530 --> 00:44:13,780 Rest of the band just hold him up. 453 00:44:14,570 --> 00:44:18,620 Well don't you worry about it, yeah? Cos I've got these things! These are gonna fly off the shelves, yeah? 454 00:44:19,050 --> 00:44:22,070 Naboo is gonna love us! Check these bitches out, yeah? 455 00:44:22,070 --> 00:44:25,300 -What are they? -Wigs of my own hair, how cool are they? 456 00:44:25,610 --> 00:44:32,880 Come on, no - look at them - not only are they stylish, yeah? In that kind of Mick Jagger, Joan Jett, Stig of the dump way, yeah? 457 00:44:34,140 --> 00:44:38,260 But when you put one on - they transform you into a popstar like me! 458 00:44:39,610 --> 00:44:41,960 Yeah, but you're not a popstar, right? You work in a shop with me. 459 00:44:43,290 --> 00:44:46,400 Yeah, but I'm gonna be, check me out! 460 00:44:54,580 --> 00:45:01,840 ~ Driving along on a perspex sea, heart beats fast like a tiny machine ~ 461 00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:08,800 ~ I am electro boy.. ..I am electro girl. ~ 462 00:45:21,590 --> 00:45:23,010 You little tart. 463 00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:29,060 Yeah, well you know I've got dreams too - I'm not goin' to be a shop keeper my entire life, check me out! 464 00:45:31,890 --> 00:45:34,120 Yeah... Believe it! 465 00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:47,420 Shut it and listen. 466 00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:20,830 Yes indeed. Anyway, enough of this shenanigans. Why are you late for work this morn'? 467 00:46:20,850 --> 00:46:24,150 Was I late for work? This mooorn'? 468 00:46:24,190 --> 00:46:26,640 -This fair morn'. -This fair morn'. 469 00:46:26,850 --> 00:46:31,790 Well I tell you why, basically, what happened, right, I was in bed last night, it was really weird and I was all tucked up in my duvet, 470 00:46:31,850 --> 00:46:37,870 it was really nice, so I was just nodding off, yeah, when this kingfisher came in - he was massive, his body was 471 00:46:37,740 --> 00:46:44,130 about that wide yeah? But he had men's legs, sort of.. he was walking like that. And he had a kingf- and a really long beak and he just 472 00:46:44,180 --> 00:46:53,270 knelt on me, right, and just pecked me like that - really tiny pecks right in bridge of the nose, oh it was.. all night, I couldn't sleep. 473 00:46:59,860 --> 00:47:01,770 Okay, fair enough. 474 00:47:02,210 --> 00:47:06,340 I know why you were late for work this morning, I know why. Cos when I got up you were looking in the mirror, yeah? 475 00:47:06,410 --> 00:47:11,480 And when I left the house you were still looking in the mirror. And you had a mirrorball suit on, yeah? 476 00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:15,500 And you were trapped in your own reflection, you know? You're like a budgie. 477 00:47:17,470 --> 00:47:19,950 I'm not like a budgie! 478 00:47:46,190 --> 00:47:48,890 I mean why can't you just take a leaf out of my wardrobe, huh? 479 00:47:49,490 --> 00:47:52,170 -See what I do, when I get up? -What's going on there? 480 00:47:52,610 --> 00:47:56,660 This is what I do - I get up of a morn', slip into some nice slinky trews, 481 00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:03,220 pop on a nice muted shirt, strap on a couple of radio mics and I'm away. 482 00:48:04,010 --> 00:48:07,600 Why does it take you so long to get ready of a god damn cotton-picking morn'? 483 00:48:07,740 --> 00:48:11,400 Well this morning - the reason it took so long is cos I was waiting for this, 484 00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:14,240 and it came this morning, I've been waiting for it for six weeks, yeah? 485 00:48:14,290 --> 00:48:16,430 -What is it? -Check it out. It's a new hair drier! 486 00:48:16,450 --> 00:48:19,080 It's a new Jean-Claude Jacquettie hair drier. 487 00:48:19,430 --> 00:48:21,880 Do you know Jean-Claude Jacquettie, the French designer? 488 00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:27,250 Yeah, a few people know him, he's genius! Have you seen the advert? It's amazing! 489 00:48:27,290 --> 00:48:28,890 You must have! It goes like this: 490 00:48:28,910 --> 00:48:33,370 ~ Jean-Claude Jacquettie with his jacket on, Jean-Claude Jacquettie with his jacket off. ~ 491 00:48:33,460 --> 00:48:37,760 ~ Jean-Claude Jacquettie puts his jacket on, Jean-Claude Jacquettie takes his jacket off ~ 492 00:48:37,930 --> 00:48:45,150 ~ Jacket on, jacket off, jacket on, jacket off. Ooooh stylish, oooh Wokkaman! ~ 493 00:48:45,240 --> 00:48:51,600 ~ Runnin' round Paris with a tiny haversack, looking to the future with a telescope, ~ 494 00:48:51,630 --> 00:48:55,130 ~ Drawing on the past with an eagle claw, eagle claw - why? ~ 495 00:48:55,170 --> 00:48:57,970 ~ Eagle claw, eagle claw, bo-bo-boingboing ~ 496 00:48:58,010 --> 00:49:01,380 ~ Take the fashion coin, slot it in the pocket of your bum bag, take it to Milan, ~ 497 00:49:01,430 --> 00:49:05,830 ~ take it to Japan, take it to the man with a fashion plan - Jacquettie! ~ 498 00:49:18,790 --> 00:49:20,460 Never heard of him. 499 00:49:21,500 --> 00:49:28,080 Well you will have soon, cos not only does it fold away, but it's the most powerful hair drier in Europe, check it out! 500 00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:38,010 Come on that's worth the ticket price alone! 501 00:49:42,020 --> 00:49:45,290 Oooh... Jacquettie. 502 00:49:45,830 --> 00:49:49,010 That is a powerful hair drier. Watch out! 503 00:49:53,940 --> 00:49:56,370 -Oooh.. -Eeeey.. 504 00:49:57,360 --> 00:50:01,010 That's the third time this week I've nearly killed that innocent girl. 505 00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:04,540 Well, ironically she's the killer. 506 00:50:06,430 --> 00:50:09,530 -What, Bunches? -Yees Bunches McGinty. 507 00:50:10,390 --> 00:50:12,480 -Bunches McGinty? -Reknowned killer. 508 00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:15,810 -How does she kill people? -With the Chuppachup lollies. 509 00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:23,300 -Straight in the eye. -Oooh, really? Oooh... 510 00:50:30,190 --> 00:50:33,760 I thought he was the killer, he had a target on his chest and everything! 511 00:50:34,510 --> 00:50:36,570 He was just a mod. 512 00:50:42,750 --> 00:50:47,310 Ooh, I've killed one of my own, there's no way I can go on.. 513 00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:50,800 Don't do it Vince. Don't blow dry your own brains out. 514 00:50:52,110 --> 00:50:55,260 Gonna have to put a call in to Wella and smooth it over. 515 00:50:56,500 --> 00:50:58,640 Anyway, look, answer me' this question, yeah? 516 00:50:59,390 --> 00:51:02,680 Why do I have to open up shop every day? Why do I have to do that? Why me? 517 00:51:03,350 --> 00:51:06,530 Cos you're the only one who's trained-in mime. 518 00:51:09,030 --> 00:51:11,620 That is true actually. 519 00:51:12,060 --> 00:51:14,440 -Cuppa tea? -Yeah, alright. 520 00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:29,340 -Sugar? -I'll have two. 521 00:51:37,610 --> 00:51:39,270 Nice. 522 00:51:42,050 --> 00:51:43,900 Careful, that's piping hot. 523 00:51:45,720 --> 00:51:48,230 Oooh, sweep up the shards, sweep up the shards. 524 00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:50,600 -Watch your eyes. -Actually forget it. 525 00:51:50,670 --> 00:51:51,750 -What? -There's a customer, there's a cu.. 526 00:51:51,820 --> 00:51:55,080 Assume the position. The other one! 527 00:52:01,260 --> 00:52:07,150 I am doctor Henry Jay Sexually Frustrated Puppet-Fucker. 528 00:52:11,260 --> 00:52:16,480 Yes, that's my name. I believe it's German. 529 00:52:17,370 --> 00:52:25,610 World reknowned archeologist. I love archeology, it makes me feel like a topless puppy. 530 00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:30,950 -Good day, sirs. -Hello. 531 00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,690 I'm looking for Naboo. 532 00:52:33,780 --> 00:52:37,900 -Yeah, can you get out of my light? -Very well sir. 533 00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:39,820 You are the light. 534 00:52:41,130 --> 00:52:46,150 Naboo isn't here at the moment, he's out buying rugs in Quebec.. 535 00:52:46,940 --> 00:52:52,200 But I'm here so I am fully qualified to look at this sort of archeological stuff so I could have a... 536 00:52:52,340 --> 00:52:54,070 -..look at it.. -No no no no! 537 00:52:54,800 --> 00:53:03,950 Do not open the box! Only Naboo shall open the box. No one knows what's inside. 538 00:53:07,930 --> 00:53:14,030 It could be priceless jewels or unimaginable evil. 539 00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:20,450 -Oh look! Wiglets! -Yeah! 540 00:53:20,830 --> 00:53:24,780 How cool are they? They're made from my old hair, do you like those? 541 00:53:24,700 --> 00:53:26,110 They are amazing. 542 00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,790 Do you like those? If you like those, you might be interested in these. 543 00:53:28,990 --> 00:53:33,240 These are some very rare jazz LPs, I picked up on the continent, this one is Freddie Hubbard - 544 00:53:33,270 --> 00:53:38,070 live at the Black hawk now. Freddie was one of the foremost bebop trumpeters of his generation, 545 00:53:38,090 --> 00:53:42,210 in fact it's more postbop really, rather than bebop, but he was incredible, incredible trumpet player. 546 00:53:51,590 --> 00:53:53,990 Um... Take that as a NO. 547 00:53:58,540 --> 00:54:01,690 -Anyway, wiglets! -Yeah, how cool are they, yeah? 548 00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:06,460 Not only do they make you look stylish, but when you put them on they transform you into a popstar! 549 00:54:06,870 --> 00:54:09,740 I've always wanted to be a popstar! 550 00:54:12,230 --> 00:54:13,590 Pop one on! 551 00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:29,330 ~ Digging up bones with a plastic spade finding ruins from another age ~ 552 00:54:29,340 --> 00:54:36,600 ~ I'm Archeology boy.. ...I'm Archeology girl. ~ 553 00:54:37,010 --> 00:54:38,610 I'll take three! 554 00:54:44,750 --> 00:54:48,770 -That'd be seven hundred thousand euros, please. -Very well. 555 00:54:49,030 --> 00:54:51,370 Oh, one note, cheeky! 556 00:54:52,870 --> 00:54:55,020 Well, I'm off to be a popstar. 557 00:54:55,500 --> 00:54:58,760 -I thought you were an archeologist. -FUCK ARCHEOLOGY! 558 00:55:00,140 --> 00:55:01,590 -Good day sirs. -Yeah.. 559 00:55:01,700 --> 00:55:05,720 -Mate, you forgot yout box. -I said good day, sirs! 560 00:55:06,170 --> 00:55:10,080 ~ Digging up bones with a plastic spade... ~ 561 00:55:13,550 --> 00:55:16,180 Well, that's some of the strangest acting I've ever seen in my life.. 562 00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:23,960 Well he's left his box though, which is a bit of a turn-up so I suggest I make sure Naboo gets this here box. You can take the day off, 563 00:55:24,030 --> 00:55:29,490 if you fancy, get your hair done or whatever is it you need to get done and I make sure Naboo gets this box. 564 00:55:29,950 --> 00:55:31,900 -Okay, cool, excelent! -How about that? 565 00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:35,470 Um.. You heard what he said though? You're not gonna open it, are you? 566 00:55:35,570 --> 00:55:36,850 Oh, no no I would never do that. 567 00:55:37,060 --> 00:55:46,010 On the contrary! As soon as he is gone I shall open the box and all of it's content shall be mine! 568 00:55:55,090 --> 00:55:57,650 I'll better stay here then.. 569 00:55:59,810 --> 00:56:02,550 No, I'm not gonna open it - I just said I'm not gonna open it, yeah? 570 00:56:03,030 --> 00:56:06,870 -What? You just said you were! -Yeah in my mind, in my head! 571 00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:10,090 In my internal monologue. 572 00:56:10,170 --> 00:56:11,960 -Yeah? -I could hear it though. 573 00:56:12,530 --> 00:56:16,050 -Yeah, it's technique - it's theatrical technique! -A technique? You had a red light on your face! 574 00:56:17,300 --> 00:56:19,930 If anything, it was drawing attention to what you were saying. 575 00:56:20,070 --> 00:56:22,090 -Alright! -It's rubbish! 576 00:56:23,980 --> 00:56:26,100 Oh look, there's a sale on at Topshop! 577 00:56:31,640 --> 00:56:34,070 There isn't a sale on at Topshop at all. 578 00:56:36,430 --> 00:56:38,890 There is a sale on at Topshop, there's a sale on at Topshop! 579 00:57:02,790 --> 00:57:05,360 Oh.. bit of disappointment.. 580 00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:12,040 Heyho.. I'm gonna nip down the basement, do a bit of a stock check.. 581 00:58:23,470 --> 00:58:28,010 ~ Trapped in a box by a cockney nutjob, have a cuppa tea, have a cuppa tea ~ 582 00:58:28,430 --> 00:58:32,840 ~ I'm the hitcher, let me put you in the picture creeping in your room in the dead of night ~ 583 00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:35,560 ~ with me solo polo vision -That's right! ~ 584 00:58:35,590 --> 00:58:40,220 ~ Im a cockney geezer, watch me bleed ya I knew the Ripper when he was just a nipper ~ 585 00:58:40,270 --> 00:58:45,000 ~ I taught him how to slice, I cut him up a treat -Pound your banana -Two pound your pear ~ 586 00:58:45,310 --> 00:58:49,690 ~ -Pound your banana. -Two pound your pear -Pound your banana. -Two pound your pear ~ 587 00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:52,270 ~ -Fourteen shillings for your melons -Oh yeah! ~ 588 00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:56,590 ~ We're the Piper twins, Jim and Jackie Piper We cut through the night like a windscreen ~ 589 00:58:56,600 --> 00:59:00,700 ~ wiping you away like rain drops don't mess with the boys.. ~ 590 00:59:00,830 --> 00:59:02,130 ~ Shut your noise! ~ 591 00:59:02,230 --> 00:59:06,820 ~ Coming in stong like a freak show nightmare dancing skeletons, white, blue and yellow ones ~ 592 00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:08,740 ~ Moving through the shadows with the speed of a cat ~ 593 00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:11,450 ~ -And if you cross us we'll cut ya. -And you ain't gona like that! ~ 594 00:59:11,630 --> 00:59:16,300 ~ I'm bad juju, I use voodoo if I choose to I harness the power of evil to abuse you ~ 595 00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:19,740 ~ With power, a polo, an evil magnet we're sucking up your soul ~ 596 00:59:19,850 --> 00:59:22,970 ~ And you ain't gonna like that! ~ 597 00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:36,520 - Here you are boys, take that, off you go.. -Alright boss. 598 00:59:36,740 --> 00:59:39,280 -..get around Brixton and create havoc. -Alright boss. 599 00:59:39,670 --> 00:59:42,720 I'm a cockney, I'm a cockney, I'm a cockney.. 600 00:59:43,290 --> 00:59:45,270 We all are, you nonce! 601 00:59:46,060 --> 00:59:48,470 Allright Brixton, how are you? 602 00:59:50,670 --> 00:59:52,830 You're alright you slags! 603 00:59:53,460 --> 00:59:58,100 Yeah! Ooh it feels good to be out of the box, oooh it feels good. 604 00:59:58,110 --> 01:00:03,900 Two hundred years I've been trapped inside this here box, two hundred years Brixton! 605 01:00:04,310 --> 01:00:06,740 For crimes against humanity! 606 01:00:07,410 --> 01:00:11,050 That's right - I've raped a dolphin! 607 01:00:13,540 --> 01:00:17,070 Well technically speakin' it was a porpoise. 608 01:00:17,240 --> 01:00:20,370 But one blow-hole's the same as the next to me! 609 01:00:22,700 --> 01:00:28,880 Lot of people are goin': Ooh the whale, ooh save the whale, the marine wildlife, they're all intelligent, 610 01:00:28,890 --> 01:00:32,790 don't hurt them. I'll fucking save them! Bring'em over here! 611 01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:38,090 That whale what they found in the Thames? That was me what took him there in a lorry! 612 01:00:38,140 --> 01:00:41,400 Get in the back we're all going out for a picnic! 613 01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:46,760 He was in there going: „Oh where are we going, the Indian Ocean?“ 614 01:00:47,310 --> 01:00:51,110 Yeah something like that, you heard of Lambeth Bridge, you slag? 615 01:00:51,150 --> 01:00:59,470 Get in there! Get in there with the Zinger burgers! Get in there with the johnnies! I'll reverse drown your arse! 616 01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:06,060 I'm evil Brixton! I'm... I'm a nob! 617 01:01:11,290 --> 01:01:17,000 I spent all last week driving contaminated swans to Fife. 618 01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:26,150 Pullin'em out of back of the van, breakin' their necks, throwing them on the floor, 619 01:01:26,260 --> 01:01:30,830 leaving a sachet of Lemsip and creepin' off into the night. 620 01:01:35,350 --> 01:01:41,010 I'm EVIL! I once kicked a racoon's face right off its body! 621 01:01:42,350 --> 01:01:46,520 What its face was doin' on its body I have no fuckin' idea. 622 01:01:47,010 --> 01:01:52,550 Faces should be covering heads! You're a freak of nature! I told him I was doin' him a favour! 623 01:01:52,620 --> 01:01:59,180 Bang! Kicked it right off! It flew through the air like a pancake and landed on Jesus's face. 624 01:02:00,670 --> 01:02:03,940 I didn't mean it to, but it was a cheeky bonus! 625 01:02:10,180 --> 01:02:12,480 A very cheeky bonus.. 626 01:02:12,460 --> 01:02:17,620 Anyway, you'll have to excuse me, I've been in that box two hundred years, I need a sprinkle. 627 01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:25,090 There's no toilets in there, excuse me ladies and getlemen, while I piss like a powerful mule. 628 01:02:26,410 --> 01:02:31,400 Ooooh! Ooooh yeaaah! 629 01:02:32,070 --> 01:02:35,420 Comin' out of me like a yellow cable! 630 01:02:36,070 --> 01:02:39,160 Oh I have had a Berocca! 631 01:02:42,110 --> 01:02:46,420 Oh yeah, oh oh fuck yeah, oh it's good, oh it feels good, 632 01:02:46,550 --> 01:02:54,330 oh oh fuckin feels good, take that you slag! You're too far away, the venue's too big, I'm comin' in, fuck you! 633 01:02:55,440 --> 01:03:00,450 Let's have a slash orgy come on, drink down my fuckin' cockney urine! 634 01:03:02,100 --> 01:03:07,660 Boosh fans, you BBC3 weirdos! Drink it, drink it then! 635 01:03:08,350 --> 01:03:12,080 You sir, open your mouth! Taste the cockney goodness! 636 01:03:13,650 --> 01:03:16,310 It's got Berocca in it, you'll be alright! 637 01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:25,060 Come on! Fuckin' 'ell, how light it is in 'ere? Are you alright? Little self-conscious, bit of piss make you feel good! 638 01:03:29,810 --> 01:03:36,550 How am I gonna get back on stage? I don't like stairs - you give me a bunk-up, come over here. Come on. 639 01:03:37,890 --> 01:03:42,240 You've had a shocker all night, ain't you pal? You remember bunk-ups, when we were kids, 640 01:03:42,900 --> 01:03:47,120 go on, bend down, nice and low get like that. Yeaaaah! 641 01:03:47,820 --> 01:03:49,510 I'm only joking, come on. 642 01:03:51,670 --> 01:03:55,630 Ooh there you go pal, thank you. Thanks a lot, cheers. 643 01:04:03,340 --> 01:04:08,760 Disposable penis - 3.99 Costcutter! 644 01:04:21,340 --> 01:04:23,060 Can I help you? 645 01:04:23,210 --> 01:04:26,740 No thanks, squire I'm just browsing. Who are you? 646 01:04:27,590 --> 01:04:29,640 I'm Naboo, that's who. 647 01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:37,600 Who are you? 648 01:04:39,520 --> 01:04:42,450 They call me the Hitcher! 649 01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:53,330 -Is that your theme tune? -No, it fuckin' ain't. 650 01:05:03,110 --> 01:05:07,260 Oi soundman, what the fuck was that supposed to be? 651 01:05:08,070 --> 01:05:16,460 I asked for track twelve didn't I, „Ominous chords, in brackets, He's pure evil, he kicked a racoon's face off onto Jesus's face“. 652 01:05:16,950 --> 01:05:19,860 What the fuck was that supposed to be, the holiday show? 653 01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:26,060 Don't make me come down there boy and put a dolphin suit on you! 654 01:05:29,560 --> 01:05:31,630 What are you doing in my Nabootique? 655 01:05:34,820 --> 01:05:36,390 In your what, pal? 656 01:05:37,770 --> 01:05:40,120 In my Nabootique. 657 01:05:41,360 --> 01:05:47,040 I'll tell you what I'm doing in your Nabootique! I'm doing this! 658 01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:54,070 Aaah shit! 659 01:05:55,770 --> 01:06:03,380 Yeah, yeaah boo it up! Boo it up you nonces! Boo it up! 660 01:06:03,860 --> 01:06:07,940 Every boo goes to making my erection that little bit stronger! 661 01:06:09,420 --> 01:06:13,850 Don't boo after the concept! Fucking weirdo! 662 01:06:15,730 --> 01:06:20,080 Alright then, let's see what Ali-baba's got back here in the way of money! 663 01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:24,030 Ooh enormous face! 664 01:06:27,600 --> 01:06:36,350 700 000 €! What a result! Hahaha take care Aladdin, I'm off to Hoxton to get some pie and mash. 665 01:06:36,410 --> 01:06:40,980 I'm a cockney, I'm a cockney - oh, I can't get off this way, fuck! 666 01:07:02,990 --> 01:07:12,090 Hello everyone! I'm so happy to be here. I'm the Moon, I'm so happy. 667 01:07:13,620 --> 01:07:20,440 In the sixties, a man come in and he put a flag in my belly. 668 01:07:21,400 --> 01:07:34,660 And he driving around in the buggy.. and did jump around. One small step for mankind and one big step for the Moon. 669 01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:43,070 He not been back since. Should I have made him a cuppa tea? 670 01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:51,940 When did he only come once? Has he seen all he needed to? 671 01:08:31,090 --> 01:08:35,950 I've got a bad feeling about this.. Naboo? 672 01:08:36,190 --> 01:08:41,430 This is it Bollo. I'm close to the end.. ..fading away... 673 01:08:42,620 --> 01:08:49,370 Do not fear my friend. Maybe I will see you. In the next life. 674 01:08:50,390 --> 01:08:53,830 I doubt it. I'm going to heaven. 675 01:08:56,800 --> 01:08:59,180 Do animals not go to heaven? 676 01:08:59,660 --> 01:09:02,870 Well yeah, but you killed that boy. 677 01:09:09,400 --> 01:09:12,550 Oh yeah, I forgot about that. 678 01:09:52,580 --> 01:09:54,610 What are you doing? 679 01:09:55,770 --> 01:09:59,570 -Sorry I thought you were gone. -Just havin' a powernap. 680 01:10:01,930 --> 01:10:04,140 Now! It's comin'.. 681 01:10:04,940 --> 01:10:06,700 No, that's not it.. 682 01:10:06,970 --> 01:10:28,150 Yep. No. Yep. No. Yep. No. Yep. No. Yep. No..... 683 01:10:37,290 --> 01:10:42,320 ~ Naboolio, why did you have to go? ~ 684 01:10:43,630 --> 01:10:49,080 ~ Naboolio, we really loved you so! ~ 685 01:10:49,630 --> 01:10:55,710 ~ I heard you sing, you had a velvet voice. The way you danced, I really had no choice. ~ 686 01:10:55,950 --> 01:11:00,930 ~ Naboolio, why did you leave us so? ~ 687 01:11:02,050 --> 01:11:07,580 ~ Naboolio, why did you have to go? ~ 688 01:11:08,490 --> 01:11:14,400 ~ -Boolio, Boolio, why did you have to go, leave me solo? -Give it up now, for Naboolio. ~ 689 01:11:14,570 --> 01:11:20,730 ~ -Boolio, Boolio, why did you have to go, leave me solo. -Give it up now for Naboolio. ~ 690 01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:26,710 ~ Sucking on my titties, like you loving me, wanting me, squeezing me, baby, come on - you know you want it. ~ 691 01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:32,860 ~ Sucking on my titties, like you loving me, hun. Squeezing me, teasing me. Baby, yeah, baby come on, uh! ~ 692 01:11:33,040 --> 01:11:35,970 ~ Sucking on my titties, like you... ~ 693 01:11:45,190 --> 01:11:47,110 What are you doing?! 694 01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:52,140 Sorry, I got a bit carried away... 695 01:11:54,380 --> 01:11:56,520 Peter? 696 01:11:59,800 --> 01:12:02,110 Naboo is dead! 697 01:12:04,580 --> 01:12:08,230 But there is a way, to bring a shaman back to live. 698 01:12:09,410 --> 01:12:14,850 You must retrieve the sacred Ruby of Kukundu. 699 01:12:15,310 --> 01:12:20,450 It is to be found deep in the Arctic tundra... 700 01:12:20,750 --> 01:12:24,230 -Let's go! -..or Spain. 701 01:12:27,970 --> 01:12:34,110 -Arctic tundra or Spain? -Yeah, I can't remember which one it is, sorry. 702 01:12:35,180 --> 01:12:41,120 Yeah, they're quite far apart Bollo, you know? You could be little bit more specific. 703 01:12:46,110 --> 01:12:48,400 No. 704 01:12:48,650 --> 01:12:54,190 Sucking on my titties, like you loving me, wanting me, squeezing me. Baby, yeah, uh - come on! 705 01:13:02,240 --> 01:13:05,380 Well there you have it - that's the end of the first half, things are hotting up. 706 01:13:05,890 --> 01:13:09,720 -Naboo's dead. -Yep, bit of a shocker. 707 01:13:10,720 --> 01:13:13,570 Bollo's gone insane with greif. 708 01:13:13,650 --> 01:13:18,100 So we're left to retrieve the Ruby of Kukundu. Hm.. the second half. 709 01:13:18,450 --> 01:13:21,810 Will we find it? Won't we? Will we? Won't we? Will we? Won't we? 710 01:13:21,930 --> 01:13:24,270 We will. But uh... 711 01:13:25,180 --> 01:13:27,030 But will we? 712 01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:31,760 We will. Will we find it? We will find it. 713 01:13:32,270 --> 01:13:36,940 So - I suggest I'll go to Spain, you know, you'll go to the Arctic and we'll see how we do, yeah? 714 01:13:37,140 --> 01:13:39,610 Yeah? Maybe I'll go to Spain though eh? 715 01:13:40,370 --> 01:13:46,280 No no I'll go to Spain, because I'm Spanish. So.. you should go to the Arctic and I'll.. 716 01:13:46,790 --> 01:13:49,530 -As if you're Spanish. -..I'll do the Spanish leg. 717 01:13:49,790 --> 01:13:52,230 -Well, I'm a Spaniard - you know, I'm deeply Spanish. -What? 718 01:13:52,300 --> 01:13:53,840 -Oh yeah yeah yeah. -Get lost! 719 01:13:53,920 --> 01:13:57,800 - I'm well Spanish. -Well Spanish? What are you a chav? I'm well Spanish, mate. 720 01:13:58,630 --> 01:14:01,630 Yeah? I'm El Chaviola. 721 01:14:02,920 --> 01:14:04,700 Sun-dried Chaviola. 722 01:14:05,550 --> 01:14:08,660 Come on, but - come on, you're not Spanish! You're clearly.. 723 01:14:08,730 --> 01:14:10,920 -I am! -You're not! You're clearly from Leeds. 724 01:14:12,460 --> 01:14:15,480 Ha ha ha? Nothing. 725 01:14:16,740 --> 01:14:18,920 Great help that.. 726 01:14:19,880 --> 01:14:21,290 -Listen.. -Then leave. 727 01:14:22,370 --> 01:14:24,590 Are you possessed? 728 01:14:26,230 --> 01:14:27,880 By a twat? 729 01:14:33,040 --> 01:14:35,270 -Listen - you're not Spanish. -I am. 730 01:14:35,430 --> 01:14:42,120 You're not Spanish - you're clearly from Leeds. I've seen the way you talk to women. 731 01:14:42,200 --> 01:14:45,490 Huh, you dirty cow, get in my wheelbarrow, cm'on! 732 01:14:47,040 --> 01:14:50,550 -Listen... I was..don't talk about that, alright? -It was brilliant though! 733 01:14:50,560 --> 01:14:54,650 Huh, you cheeky vixens, there's room for all of ya' in Barratt's barrow, cm'on! 734 01:14:55,980 --> 01:14:57,290 I was drunk.. 735 01:14:57,890 --> 01:15:00,440 I know, so was I - I was in the wheelbarrow. 736 01:15:02,140 --> 01:15:07,130 Alright, well we're gonna have decide who goes where, one way or the other, alright? I suggest we toss a coin. 737 01:15:07,180 --> 01:15:10,400 -Have any coins about your person? -I haven't got any pockets. 738 01:15:12,090 --> 01:15:14,010 You leave that to me. 739 01:15:39,570 --> 01:15:42,210 -Okay, heads or tails? -Aaa.. tails! 740 01:15:43,630 --> 01:15:45,810 -Oh, what a cunt! -Yeah! 741 01:15:50,100 --> 01:15:55,440 It was a mime coin, he could have said anything. What a spazz. 742 01:15:56,390 --> 01:16:01,080 That wasn't very PC (Politically Correct), was it? You all laughed, we're in it together. 743 01:16:01,970 --> 01:16:08,960 See you in hell. So basically that is the end of the first half, go and have a drink, have a wee-wee and.. 744 01:16:18,760 --> 01:16:20,380 Aaaa fuck! 745 01:16:25,660 --> 01:16:27,220 Watch out, watch out!