1982年夏天
库柏 店开了 Cooper, it's open.
开了 It's open?
快点 Come on!
一定超屌 It's supposed to be awesome.
柠檬水
谢罗 Thank you.
嘿! 还我钱! 大烂人! Hey, give me back my quarters, you hoser!
妈妈! Mom!
电玩梦工厂 盛大开幕
像素大战
吃豆人
可恶 Damn.
什么 What?
游戏结束
我真逊 I suck.
多一次 高分
哇 山姆 Wow, Sam.
你怎么这么厉害 你又没打过 How are you so good at this? You've never even played it before.
我也不知道 I don't know.
它们有一个移动模式 注意看 There's a pattern to how they're moving. Watch.
我看不出来 但你看出来了 I don't see it, but you sure as hell do.
第9关 第4回
保卫者
运用原力 运用原力 Use the Force. Use the Force.
星际大战
楚巴卡 Hey, Chewie.
你简直是超级巨星 You're a superstar, dude.
该让大家见识你的厉害了 And it's time to show the world.
1982年世界电玩锦标赛
各位选手请注意 Attention, all contestants.
比赛将在15分钟后开始 The competition will start in 15 minutes.
你也是 太好笑了 You too? That's so funny.
真的吗 Really?
我觉得你也超性感 I think you're pretty darn foxy yourself.
丽莎女神
丽莎女神 我会永远爱你 Lady Lisa, I'll love you till the end of time.
-你在跟谁讲话 -没有 -Who are you talking to? -Nobody!
等一下再聊 We'll talk later.
你是神奇小子拉德洛 对吧 You're Ludlow Lamonsoff, the Wonder Kid, right?
谁告诉你的 政府吗 Who told you that? The government?
我差一点就要解开 百慕达三角洲之谜了 'Cause I'm this close to figuring out the secret of the Bermuda Triangle.
你一定没朋友吧 Wow, you don't have any friends, do you?
只有我阿嬷 Just my grandma.
神奇小子 你可以跟我们混 Well, Wonder Kid, you can hang out with us.
真的吗 Really?
宅男和鲁蛇 你们好 What's up, geeks and goobers?
人家都叫我旋风之火 They call me the Fire Blaster!
因为我的手快如旋风 'Cause my hands are blazing fast,
能够打趴所有逊咖对手 and also I will blast and burn all my competitors' weak-ass moves.
你们一定是本地的"惊英" You must be the local talent.
若要比谁长得抱歉 我就输定了 If this was a fugly contest, I'd be in trouble.
至少我们没乱取绰号 旋风之火 At least we didn't make up our own nicknames, Fire Blaster.
管他是谁想出来的 Who cares who came up with it?
这称号帅呆了 It's totally tubular.
欢迎各位选手光临第一届 Welcome, gamers, to the first annual
1982年世界电玩锦标赛
世界电玩锦标赛 Worldwide Video Arcade Championships!
今晚我们有来自金氏世界纪录 Tonight, we have representatives here from the Guinness Book of World Records,
以及NASA国家太空总署的代表 as well as NASA, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration,
他们将录下今晚的比赛 who will be videotaping tonight's competition
收录到1982年 新闻与流行文化选集中 to be included in a compilation of 1982's news events and popular culture.
这支录影带将放在太空探测器中 That videotape will be placed in a space probe
由太空总署送上太阳系 which will be launched by NASA into our solar system
希望与可能存在的外星生命联系 with the hope of connecting to, and perhaps providing a message for
甚至提供讯息给他们 extraterrestrial life, should it exist.
他们存在的 It exists.
各位先生女士 Ladies and gentlemen,
比赛开始 start your gaming!
青蛙过街
各位 今晚实在太精彩了 All right, ladies and gentlemen, what an evening we have had here.
总共创下六项新的全美纪录 Six new US records set.
三项新的世界纪录 Three new world records set.
战绩出炉了 有两人战成平手 And, as the smoke clears, right now we have a tie.
新任吃豆人世界冠军得到259分 Two hundred and fifty-nine points for your new Pac-Man world champion.
旋风之火 埃迪 The Fire Blaster, Eddie Plant!
帅啊 旋风之火 Go, Fire Blaster!
新出炉的小蜜蜂大蜈蚣世界冠军 也得到259分 And 259 points for your new Galaga Centipede world champion,
超级新人王 rookie sensation,
山姆布伦纳 Sam Brenner!
赞啦 山姆 Yeah, Sam!
各位 我们来一决高下 Well, gentlemen, how 'bout we break this tie.
决胜项目是... Let's play
大金刚 Donkey Kong!
祝你好运 -Good luck, man. -Thanks.
谢了 你很了这些电玩的模式 You have the patterns down pretty good with these games.
要打败你不简单 You're gonna be tough to beat.
第1关 第2关
第4关 第5关
第11关
第9关
第16关 第19关
大金刚的特色是关卡越高 You see, the thing about Donkey Kong is,
障碍就越难掌握 非常混乱 at the higher levels the barrels become more random, possessed almost.
已经没有模式可遵循 And playing by the patterns doesn't do the trick anymore.
对吧 布伦纳 Does it, Brenner?
第20关
第21关
第22关
第21关
第22关
游戏结束
恭喜你 Congratulations.
得到第二名 On coming in second!
旋风之火勇夺世界冠军 Fire Blaster is the world champ!
本地的土包子想赢却赢不了 The local yokel looked destiny in the eye and blinked.
他一日鲁蛇 终生鲁蛇 He's a loser, and he will always be a loser.
山姆 Sam!
山姆 等一下 Sam, Sam, wait.
山姆 听我说 Sam, listen.
你还是会上麻省理工学院 You're still gonna go to MIT
发明新科技变成富豪 and invent something that makes you a millionaire.
说不定还能娶林慧萍 And maybe even marry Olivia Newton-John.
我比较想娶金瑞瑶 I was actually thinking Samantha Fox.
不错 但她又不是杨林 Nice, but she's no Sheena Easton.
喔 Well,
反正还有麦当娜 there's always Madonna.
史嘉蕾乔韩森怎么样 How about Scarlett Johansson?
超辣 So hot.
比不上荷莉贝瑞 可是超辣 Not Halle Berry hot, but so, so hot.
别忘了凯蒂佩芮 And don't forget Katy Perry.
这是干嘛 我们太老了 有够恶 What are we doin' right now? We're too old. It's just gross already.
而且你娶了一个恨你的女人 Plus, you're married to a woman who hates you.
她不恨我 只是不了解状况 She doesn't hate me. She just doesn't get it, you know.
我们不像十年前有时间相处 We don't have the free time to do stuff together like we did 10 years ago.
这份工作快害死我了 This job is killing me, man.
如果我是你 If I were you,
就一天找半小时关掉手机 maybe a half hour a day, turn off the cell phone,
不看电邮 别吃零食 专心陪老婆 shut down the emails, put away the Reggie bars and focus on your wife.
总统今天继续当众出糗 The President's gaffe-filled summer continued today...
等等 我得看一下 Hold on a second. I gotta see this.
在约尼小学 ...at Joseph Knibb Elementary School
推广青少年阅读活动 to promote his new youth reading initiative.
请看下面的报导 Here's what happened.
小米跳上桌 打翻一整碗汤 "Mittens jumped up onto the table and knocked over the whole bowl of soup.
皮太太倒抽...一口气 "Mrs. Pickles gassed... Gasped."
她倒抽一口气 She gasped.
整个房间陷入一片安静 "And the whole room fell silent.
真是惨不... "This was casta...
真是惨不... "This is cast...
惨不忍嘟 "Catatastrophic."
惨不忍睹 Catastrophic.
我知道啦 小朋友 I got it, sweetheart, okay?
你干嘛这么凶 Why'd you yell at me?
你好坏 You're mean.
不要凶她 Leave her alone.
总统不识字 The President can't read.
你得好好认字 没别的办法 You gotta learn how to read, buddy. It's as simple as that.
我才睡三个小时 I was on three hours' sleep, all right?
-你的经济方案伤害了穷人 -大家好 -Your economics are hurting poor people! -Nice to see ya!
你双手沾满了无辜小孩的鲜血 You've got the blood of innocent children on your hands.
感谢大家支持 Thank you for your support.
-你害我没钱上大学 -好漂亮的衣服 -I can't afford to go to college because of you! -That's a lovely dress.
-你毁了这个国家 -我们一起努力 -You're ruining the country! -Yeah, we're all in this together, now.
你日子真不好过 兄弟 You got a rough life, bud.
-先生 -谢谢 -Sir? -Thank you.
但至少你还有人生 But at least you have a life.
布伦纳 你不该只有这样 Look, Brenner, you're meant for something more than this.
你需要把才华发挥在有用的地方 You just need to channel your genius into something productive.
以前你是电玩高手 I mean, you were incredible at video games back in the day,
但现在那已经没三小路用 but that's a useless skill now.
就像很会挖茅坑而已 It's like being a great blacksmith.
好伤人喔 真是惨不忍嘟 That hurt, man. That's catatastrophic that you said that.
我会让你后悔说出这句话 I'm gonna get you back for that.
总统先生 要是关闭所有图书馆 Mr. President, if you take away all the libraries, sir,
孩子要怎么学习阅读 how will the children ever learn to read?
挖茅坑工人闪人了 Blacksmith, over and out.
关岛 伊戈村
上午6点22分
安德森空军基地
关岛1号公路
你好 我是拳国电子服务员 Hello. I am a nerd from the Nerd Brigade.
给您揪感心的总统级服务 Here to nerd out on all your audio and visual needs.
你们每次来都要讲这句吗 Do you have to say that every time you show up at a house?
想领薪水就得讲 If I wanna get paid, yes.
这样不是很假掰吗 Isn't that kind of demeaning?
有人提出来才会 Only if someone brings it up.
-好 那我不提了 -谢谢 -Okay, I won't bring it up, then. -Thanks.
请进 Come on in.
需要安装什么 So, what am I installing?
85寸4K的3D电视 A new 85-inch, 4K, 3D TV,
PS4游戏机 7.1环绕喇叭 PlayStation 4, 7.1 surround-sound speakers.
你们卖的我们大概都买了 Really, if you guys sell it, we've probably bought it.
今天你生日吗 Is it your birthday?
不是 我爸妈要离婚了 No, my parents are getting a divorce.
那就像一天过十次生日 So it's like 10 birthdays.
我爸劈腿19岁的皮拉提斯老师 Yeah, my dad cheated on my mom with his 19-year-old Pilates instructor.
她叫肉贵 昂贵的贵 Her name's Sinnamon, with an "S"
人如其名 which really tells you all you need to know about her.
我想多知道一点 有她照片吗 No, I could hear a little more. You got any pictures?
开玩笑啦 我很遗憾 I'm kiddin'. I'm sorry to hear that.
我妈现在超恨我爸 My mom kind of hates him right now.
她说要发明一种贱人飞弹炸死肉贵 And she says she's gonna invent a slut-seeking missile to take out Sinnamon.
马帝 不必跟安装员讲我们的故事 Okay, Matty, you don't need to tell the nice installer man our whole life.
哇靠 Whoa.
抱歉 哇靠 I'm sorry, "Whoa"?
-怎样 -因为你 哇靠 -What? -No, just you. Whoa.
我 哇靠 完全不懂 Me? Whoa? I don't even know what that means.
因为你儿子告诉我 I mean, it's just, when your son told me
你老公为了19岁女生离开你 that your husband left you for a 19-year-old,
我以为你会像... I guess I thought you were gonna be, like
中学时代当校花 one of those "hot when we first met in high school,
成年之后变笑话那种人 "but then let herself go and got a potbelly and turkey neck
下巴还长毛 "with a hairy chin."
但显然你不是那样 But clearly that's not the case.
所以哇靠 So more like, "Whoa,
早上出门前我该刷牙 I should have brushed my teeth before I left the house this morning."
老实说 我住的是雅房 Or studio apartment, if we're getting real here.
你早上真的没刷牙吗 Did you really not brush your teeth this morning?
不 我有 No, I did.
我该开始安装了 I guess I should just start settin' this stuff up right now.
你忙吧 Go get 'em.
狄佛瑞上校 Colonel Devereux.
你应该看看这个 You need to see this, sir.
我们遭受攻击了 We're under attack.
那些是什么鬼东西 What the hell are those things?
你是电动玩家 So are you a gamer?
对 Yeah.
我在你这年纪常打 I played when I was your age.
你厉害吗 Were you any good?
有些经典游戏相当拿手 I was pretty good at some of the classic games.
经典 你是说最后一战和决胜时刻 Classics. You mean like Halo and Call of Duty.
不 真正的经典 No! The real classics.
保卫者 吃豆人 爆破彗星 Defender, Pac-Man, Asteroids.
在电动游乐场玩的游戏 Games you played in an arcade
要出门去的一种地方 which was a building outside of your house.
你会跟朋友去 听音乐 You would go there with your friends, listen to music,
到处都有漂亮女生 cute girls everywhere.
古时候那叫社交 In ancient times, they called it "socializing."
你们在聊什么 What are you guys talking about?
-电玩游戏 -电玩游戏 -Video games. -Video games.
我马上回来 I'll be right back.
范太太 Mrs. Van Patten.
楼下都装好了 All finished up down there.
麻烦签一下作业单 I need you to sign the work order.
好 Okay.
范太太 你在更衣室里吗 Mrs. Van Patten, are you in the closet?
对 Yes.
我没别的意思 你在里面干嘛 Not judging, but what are you doin' in the closet?
主要是在哭 I'm mostly crying.
顺便喝点酒 A little drinking.
应该是边哭边喝酒 Probably equally crying and drinking.
我也常干这种事 Something I do often, also.
但为什么要在更衣室里 But why in the closet?
因为我不要让马帝看到 Because I don't want Matty to see me.
我要进更衣室罗 范太太 I'm comin' in the closet, Mrs. Van Patten.
我要开门了 I'm opening the door.
你还好吗 Are you all right?
我在更衣室地上啜泣 拿鸭嘴杯喝白酒 I'm sobbing on the floor of my closet drinking Chardonnay out of a sippy cup.
所以应该不太好 So I guess not.
抱歉 我收回这问题 Sorry. I withdraw the question.
天啊 God.
-想聊聊吗 -不想 -Wanna talk about it? -No.
想 Yes!
想 Yes.
天啊 God.
长官 我们正遭到不明武力空袭 Sir, we are in the midst of an aerial attack by an unidentified force!
派出快速反应部队 Activate the QRF.
啊娘喂 不 Mama! No!
我们是高中情侣 人人称羡 We were high-school sweethearts. The perfect couple.
你知道他在瀑布下求婚吗 Do you know that he proposed in a waterfall?
-真的瀑布耶 -不赖 -I mean, a freaking waterfall. -Smooth.
现在 根据我20分钟前 收到的简讯 But now, according to a text I got 20 minutes ago,
他要娶一个 用香料当名字的19岁女人 he's marrying a 19-year-old named after a spice.
而且还用错别字 It's not even spelled correctly.
没想过我会沦落至此 It's just not where I thought I'd be at this point in my life.
天啊 我了 God. I hear that.
我想跟我前妻生小孩 I was supposed to have a baby with my ex-wife.
帮我们的医生果然帮我们如愿 And the doctor who was helping us make the baby did help us make the baby.
他成了孩子的爸 But, unfortunately, I wasn't in the room.
或许这样才是最好的 Maybe this really is all for the best.
什么意思 How do you mean?
你嫁错老公 最糟的部分结束了 You already married the wrong guy. You got the worst part over with.
真的 你也娶错老婆 True, and you married the wrong girl.
也许那表示我们会遇见对的人 Maybe it just means we're gonna meet the right person now.
是啊 Yeah.
嗯 Yeah.
你想吻我吗 Are you trying to kiss me?
绝对没有 Absolutely not.
天啊 God.
抱歉 我以为我们刚刚来电了 Sorry, I thought we were having a moment.
对 幸好没被烧焦 We were. A moment.
你看来是好人 但我刚认识你 Look, you seem like a very nice guy, but I just met you, okay?
希望你别介意 And, no offense,
我没想过自己的新欢体重95公斤 I don't think my rebound guy is a 210-pound person
靠安装电视赚钱 that installs flat screens for a living.
第一 我才94公斤 First of all, 208.
我也没想到你这么势利 And, wow, I didn't peg you as the snobby type.
势利 我 Snob? Me?
听好 Okay.
我才不是势利鬼 I am not a snob.
假设我是亿万富豪 Okay, well, let's just say I was a billionaire,
我们搭我的豪华游艇 and we were out on my giant yacht
遨游地中海 啜饮香槟 in the middle of the Mediterranean, sipping champagne,
然后我想吻你 and I went in to kiss you.
你会回吻我吗 Would you have kissed me back, then?
等一下 势利鬼 Hold that thought, snobby.
大人物 Big Man!
你能立刻赶来白宫吗 Can you get to the White House right now?
15分钟后到 I'll be there in 15.
虽然我很想留下来听你撒谎 While I'd love to stick around and listen to you lie
说你不想跟游艇富豪亲热 about not wanting to make out with the yacht guy,
但我得走了 I have to go.
听清楚 我吻功一流 For the record, I'm an amazing kisser.
我们宅男都是 All us nerds are.
因为我们比较懂得接吻的美 'Cause we appreciate it more.
你早上连牙都没刷 You didn't even brush your teeth this morning.
我吃了一颗薄荷喉糖 I ate a Tic Tac.
来不及了 亲爱的 你自己错失一次机会 Too late, sweetheart. You had your shot and ya blew it.
我没有跟踪你 I'm not following you.
随便你 跟屁虫 没搞头 认了吧 Yeah, whatever you say, stalky. It's over. Deal with it.
她3.4秒变肖婆 新世界纪录 Whoa, she went from zero to psycho in 3.4 seconds, a new world record.
史蒂夫 Hey, Steve-O.
有个疯婆子跟踪我 There's a crazy woman following me.
我敢说她是来枪杀总统的 I guarantee she's here to shoot the President.
劝你拿根棍子痛扁她一顿 And if I were you, I'd break out the billy club and go full throttle on her,
真的 seriously.
请直接通过 中校 Go right on through, Lieutenant Colonel.
-你干嘛跟着我 -天啊 -Why are you following me? -God.
他们竟然让你进来 God. I can't believe they even let you in here.
对啊 Right.
范中校 你可以直接进入战情室 Colonel Van Patten, you can go right into the Situation Room.
战情室需要我 See, they need me in the Situation Room,
祝你玩得开心 so have fun doing whatever you're doing.
布伦纳先生 总统在办公室等您 Mr. Brenner, the President is waiting for you in the Oval Office.
有人比你更重要呢 Somebody's more important.
佛莱迪 别让小咖进来撒野 Freddy, can you keep the riffraff outta here?
怎样 Yo, wassup?
拜托 至少换件衣服吧 Come on, you couldn't have at least changed?
你叫我赶过来的 You told me to rush right over.
怎么回事 外面怎么乱成那样 What's going on, man? Why's it so crazy out there?
关岛的空军基地遭到攻击 Our Air Force base in Guam was attacked.
被谁 By who?
不确定 所以我想问你 I'm not sure. That's what I wanted to ask you.
过来看一下 Come here. Check this out.
我 Me?
对 过来 Yes, you. Come here.
仔细听 Listen to this.
听起来耳熟吗 Does that sound familiar to you?
对 我在哪听过 Yeah. Where do I know that from?
-能暂停吗 -好 等等 -Can you freeze it? -Yeah, hold on.
放大 Go in tighter.
-不会吧 -所以你想的跟我一样 -That can't be real. -So you're seeing the same thing I'm seeing.
我们吃的汉堡里加了什么料 What kind of mushrooms did that guy put on our burgers?
-他们准备好了 总统先生 -很好 -They're ready for you, Mr. President. -Great.
我得去向国安会解释 Now I gotta explain this to the National Security Council.
帮个忙 山姆 Listen, do me a favor, Sam.
再看一次 Watch that again, okay?
找找有帮助的线索 And just see if there's anything you can find to help us out.
好 我能坐你的龙椅吗 Yeah. Can I sit in your chair?
不行 这里有监视录影 No, you can't, and everything's recorded.
好 我不坐... Okay, I won't. I won't. I won't.
我偏要坐 不坐是白痴 I'm sittin' in the chair. Gimme a break.
总统先生 我们告诉媒体 Mr. President, we told the press
那是先进武器测试失灵 that it was an advanced weapons test that misfired.
-所以尚未引起恐慌 -很好 -So there's no mass panic yet. -Well, good.
那就尽快解决这件事 Then let's solve this thing before there is.
总统先生 无人机科技有重大突破 Mr. President, someone's made a major breakthrough in drone technology
但不是我们 and it wasn't us.
这一看就是莫斯科的伎俩 This has got Moscow's fingerprints all over it.
胡扯 这是伊朗的机密行动 Nonsense! It's an Iranian black-ops sideshow.
我打包票 I guarantee it.
我有个想法 I have a theory.
根据影片分析 I think, based on analysis of the footage,
初步结果显示我们正遭受... that preliminary indications are that we were attacked by
小蜜蜂攻击 Galaga.
谁 总统 By who, sir?
小蜜蜂 Galaga.
王八蛋 Sons of bitches.
把小蜜蜂轰到地狱去 Then let's blow Galaga to hell.
小蜜蜂是谁 Who's Galaga?
80年代的老式电玩 我爸玩的那种 It's an old-timey video game, '80s kind of folks like my dad used to play.
总统先生 地球上 没有一个国家的军事科技 Mr. President, there is no nation on Earth that has the military technology
能把整栋大楼变成小方块 to simply pixelate entire buildings.
除了伊朗 Except Iran.
不可能是伊朗 Forget Iran!
我想是某先进跨国组织干的 I'm thinking this is a cutting-edge multinational enterprise.
非政府组织 智库 甚至一家公司 An NGO, a think tank, maybe even a corporation.
怀疑伊朗 不如怀疑Google We're thinkin' Iran when we should be thinking Google.
那就轰炸Google So let's blow up Google.
谁能拿走这位阿公的钥匙 以免他载我们去跳海 Can somebody take Grandpa's keys away before he drives us into a ditch?
-这家伙是谁 -三明治小弟 -Who is this person? -The sandwich guy?
这位是我以前的电动玩具... This here is my old arcade game technical
技术顾问 advisor person-guy.
山姆布伦纳 在科技业工作 Sam Brenner. He works in the tech sector.
加州理工学院还是MIT毕业 So Caltech, MIT?
MIT 对 MIT. Yes.
不过是麻绳理工学院 Mississippi Institute of Technology, though.
不是你们想的那间 Not the one you were thinking of.
针对目前的问题 Anyway, more to the current point,
布伦纳先生是世界小蜜蜂冠军 Mr. Brenner here was the World Galaga Champion.
他对这种游戏了若指掌 He knows everything there is to know about this game.
你穿着橘子装来有话要说吗 So, what is it you and your orange shorts barged in here to say?
攻击我们的小蜜蜂 Just the Galaga that attacked us,
已经绝版了 that doesn't exist anymore.
拜托 手机下载只要1.99元 Hello. You can download Galaga on your phone for $1.99.
这版本没办法 小白脸 Yeah, not this version though, Blue Lagoon.
现在的小蜜蜂发行于1986年 The Galaga that exists now came out in 1986.
但这是1982年的游乐场版本 But this is the 1982 arcade version.
他们把那些机器全部回收 And all those machines, they recalled them, they reprogrammed them,
改写程式 因为原始码有问题 because there were glitches in the original code.
从超大太空昆虫的 进攻方式就能看出来 You can see from the giant space bugs, the way they come swoopin' in.
呈之字形前进 Kind of ziggy-zaggy.
之字形 这不是势利鬼用的字眼吗 Ziggy-zag? Is that the snobby term?
所以有人根据 So someone designed these space bugs
30年前的绝版电玩 after an old out-of-print version of a video game from 30 years ago
设计了这些太空昆虫 that nobody would know today?
她有资格发言吗 她根本算不上个咖 Does she really get to talk twice? She's not even at the grown-ups table.
不好意思 这是国安会议 I'm sorry. Is this a National Security Council meeting,
还是宿舍嗑药趴 or a dorm-room drug party?
我国已遭受不明军事力量攻击 Our nation has just been attacked by an unknown military force.
媒体要是知道 我们把责任怪到 If this gets out to the press that we're pinning the blame
老式电玩上 on some old computer game,
他们不但会在新闻上嘲笑您 还会把您轰下台 they'll not only mock you in the news, Mr. President, they'd impeach you!
所以我建议橘色短裤哥立刻出去 So I suggest the man in the orange shorts leave the room immediately.
我们这些穿长裤的政府官员 And those of us with long pants and government positions
可以留下来讨论 can discuss our options.
布伦纳 帮个忙 All right, Brenner. Do me a favor.
回避一下 感谢帮忙 Take off, all right? I appreciate the help.
掰 Bye!
抱歉 各位长官 Sorry, everybody.
总统先生 Mr. President.
各位将军与海军上将 Generals and Admirals.
穿西装的男性 Guys in suits.
柴克艾佛隆 Zac Efron.
甘道夫 Gandalf,
和哈利波特共处一室 and Harry Potter in the same room.
想像一下 Imagine that.
老阿公 养老院见 Grandpa, we'll see you around the nursing home.
三明治小弟来了 The sandwich guy is here.
被我耍了 Fooled you.
球飞过游击手到左中外野 一垒安打 Past the shortstop into left center field for a single.
这是国民队连续第二局 一开始就上一垒 That's the second straight inning where Washington has led off with a single.
大家在讨论他直挺挺站在垒包上 They're talking about how he's standing straight up over the plate.
这招对他似乎很有用 That seems to be working out for him,
他能将球打到无人防守地带 'cause he just drove that ball into the gap hard.
第一球略偏 一坏球 First pitch taken outside for a ball, 1-0,
挥棒... and the 1-0 swung...
布伦纳 Brenner!
你有毛病啊 What's your problem, dude?
怎么回事 What's goin' on?
不要...布伦纳 No, Brenner!
布伦纳 不... No, Brenner, no, no, no!
住手 是我...拉德洛 Stop! It's me! It's me! It's Ludlow! It's Ludlow.
-拉德洛 神奇小子 -对 -Ludlow Lamonsoff, the Wonder Kid? -Yeah.
你怎么上我的车 How'd you get into my van?
你进了那女士家后我就在车上 I've been in there ever since you went to that nice lady's house.
对了 她挺正的 She's cute, by the way.
什么 What?
-那是什么 -保湿乳液 -What is that? -This is moisturizer.
让我看那是什么 Show me what that is.
三氯甲烷
Chloroform?
上面是这样写的吗 Is that what that says?
你想下药害我 You were gonna drug me?
-逼不得已才会 -你到底是... -Only as a last resort. -What are you...
-我有事得告诉你 -那怎么不打电话给我 -There was something I had to tell you. -Why didn't you call me, then?
我发现肯尼迪遇刺影片经过剪接 Because the CIA has been tapping my phones
之后中情局就在窃听我电话 ever since I found out the Zapruder film has been edited.
是肯尼迪先开枪的 JFK shot first!
拉德洛 真的是你 Ludlow, it is you!
-兄弟 让我看看你 -真高兴见到你 -Hi, buddy! Let me look at you! -Hey! Good to see you, my boy!
你好吗 天啊 你看你 How are you? My goodness! Look at you!
-就是啊 -还是这么壮 -I know. -Stayin' in shape!
我在吃全蛋白质饮食 不过也吃碳水化合物 I'm on an all protein diet, but I'm also doing carbs.
-很好 -说真的 布伦纳 -Good. -But seriously, Brenner.
我得给你看样东西 There's something I have to show you.
应该说 And let's just say
它会扭转大局 it's a game changer.
肯尼迪被复制了吗 51区的新丑闻
你是我第一个自愿来访的客人 You're the first guest I've had here. Voluntarily.
令人震惊啊 That's a shocker.
追寻道场
如果丽莎女神是真的 If Lady Lisa was real,
她大概已申请17道禁制令给你 she'd have about 17 restraining orders out on you.
我想她如果是真的 Actually, I think if she was real,
情况可能有点不同 things might just play out a little bit differently.
想知道我怎么知道吗 You wanna know how I know that?
"如果她是真的" If She Was Real.
拉德洛着 A book written and illustrated by Ludlow Lamonsoff.
哇靠 Boy.
你应该拿去惊石堂卖 You should sell that at Barnes & Unstable.
-你要一本吗 -不要 -Do you want a copy? -No.
我还有八本 I have eight others.
我来这里干嘛 你干嘛想下药害我 Why am I here right now? Why did you try to roofie me?
对 谢谢你提醒我 跟我来 Right. Thank you for reminding me. Okay. Follow me.
今天稍早 我国的关岛基地 Earlier today, our military base in Guam
被这个人 小蜜蜂攻击 was attacked by this guy, Galaga.
你怎么知道 How would you know that?
我有个关岛笔友 他叫宝宝 I have a pen pal in Guam. His name is Baubau.
宝宝吓坏了 Baubau was terribly frightened,
所以我黑进政府的伺服器 so I hacked into the government's servers
向宝宝保证一切正常 to assure Baubau that everything was okay.
可是你知道吗 一切并不正常 But you know what? Everything was not okay.
拉德洛 出去有帮我买低卡沙士吗 Ludlow! Did you get me some diet root beer while you were out?
你记得我阿嬷 You remember my grandma.
这么多年了 她还是那副德性 She's still a character after all those years.
不 阿嬷 好奇怪 No, no, Grandma! It's funny.
我没机会去 因为... I didn't get a chance to because...
怎么了 噢 我记起来了 What happened? I remember now.
我正想拯救世界免于毁灭 I'm trying to save the world from annihilation!
你疯了吗 Are you nuts?
蠢白人 You cracker!
不要吼我 Don't yell at me!
我知道大家以为我想太多 So look, I know that sometimes people think of me as a bit of a conspiracy nut.
对 Right.
但有时候 布伦纳 But sometimes, Brenner, sometimes
阴谋是真的 the conspiracies are real.
你最近常玩太空侵略者吗 Have you been playing Space Invaders a lot lately?
对 你怎么知道 I have. How did you know that?
因为你侵略我的领域了 后退 'Cause you're invading my space. Back up.
布伦纳 记得小时候 Brenner, do you remember when we were children,
我们参加电玩锦标赛吗 and we played in that video game championship?
当然记得 Of course, buddy.
记得有一卷录影带 Do you remember how there was a tape of the event
录下比赛过程和所有游戏 and all the games that were played
被放进太空舱 然后射进宇宙 that was then put in a capsule and shot out into the universe
寻找外星生命吗 looking for extraterrestrial life?
我有理由相信某种外星生命 发现了那卷影带 I have reason to believe that some alien life force found that tape
将他们所见内容的真实版本 and has sent down real-life versions of what they saw
派来攻击我们 to attack us.
布伦纳 我花一整天在网路上 Brenner, I spent the day on 4chan
搜寻外星人讯息 证明我的理论 searching for messages from the aliens to prove my theory.
-你想知道一件事吗 -告诉我 -And you wanna know something? -Tell me.
我什么都没找到 I came up absolutely empty.
为了喘口气 我站起来 So then, as a distraction, I got up
想看一集昨晚录的 to try to watch an episode of One Tree Hill
"篮球的天空" that I recorded on my VCR last night.
我最近都在追这部影集 I've been binge-watching to catch up.
你没有第四台是因为... And you don't have cable because...
因为政府透过 第四台电视盒监视我们 Because the government spies on us through our cable boxes, Brenner.
这有人证实过了 That's been proven.
你不要他们看到你穿着内裤 And you don't want them to see you dancin' around
跳舞给丽莎女神看了 in your underwear for Lady Lisa. I get it.
不 那卷影带三个月前烧毁了 No, that tape was burned three months ago. Anyway...
在超高频播送过程中 In the middle of the UHF broadcast,
女主角的性感片段受到干扰 something peculiar interrupted Sophia Bush's sexy shenanigans.
不 你这怪咖... No, you're the freak with the fat...
美国总统徽章
地球居民 Inhabitants of Earth,
我们来自浮鲁拉星 we are a race from the planet Volula.
我们以你们熟悉的地球人外型前来 We came to you in these familiar Earth forms
通知你们我们收到你们的太空舱 to tell we received your vessel.
还有里面的不友善威胁 And in it, your hostile challenge.
我们接受你们提议 进行赢家全拿的战役 We accept your offer to compete in winner-take-all battles.
集合你们最英勇的战士 与我们的菁英战士开战吧 Gather your bravest warriors to face our bravest warriors!
赢家能获得输家的星球 The winner takes the loser's planet.
你们已经输掉第一战了 You have already lost the first battle.
我们得到了一项战利品 And for our victory, we have taken a trophy.
妈妈 我没事 I'm okay, Mama.
我爱你 I love you.
那不是真的麦当娜 That's not the real Madonna!
你们有三次机会 You will get three lives.
现在剩下两次 You have two lives left.
打输将导致你们星球完全毁灭 Losing both will lead to the total destruction of your planet.
下次战役在15小时后 The next battle is in 15 hours
座标27°24'79" at coordinates 27°24' 79".
我听一半就搞混了 Okay, I got lost about halfway through.
麦当娜为什么要接管地球 Why does Madonna wanna take over our planet?
这些白痴外星人 以为1982年太空总署送上太空 These moron aliens think that the footage NASA sent up to space
我们打电玩的影片 of us playing video games in 1982
是在宣战 was a declaration of war.
星际战争 总统先生 Intergalactic war, Mr. President.
是不是太夸张 太意外了 Isn't that crazy? Isn't that unpredictable?
小鲁 听好 小时候你帮我偷接第四台 Lud, listen. You helped unscramble my Cinemax when we were kids.
你可以叫我楚巴卡 I think you can call me Chewie.
他们说三次机会是什么意思 What do they mean by three lives? What is that?
我来回答 是这样的 If I may. See, that's just it.
那就像老式电玩 楚巴卡总统 It's like the video games of old, Chewie Mr. President.
投一枚硬币可以死三次 One quarter, three lives.
这绝对不是硬币 值钱多了 我可以留着吗 This is clearly not a quarter. This is far more valuable. May I keep this?
-放回桌上 -没问题 -Put it back on the desk. -Fair enough.
我们输掉第一战 小蜜蜂 We lost the first one, Galaga.
再输两次 Two more losses and...
游戏结束 It's game over.
现在 假设... Now, assuming that...
-你作梦 -没问题 -You know what, that's not happening. -Fair enough.
假设外星麦当娜说的座标 是真实的经纬度 Assuming that Alien Madonna's numbers are actually latitude and longitude,
那我们可认定下次攻击会发生在 then we can safely assume that the next attack should happen somewhere
今晚的北印度 in Northern India tonight.
如果你能请国安局人员确认讯号 If you can get your guys from the NSA to clean up the signal,
我们就能确定攻击地点 then we can pinpoint exactly where the attack is gonna be,
甚至知道他们要用 哪种游戏攻击我们 and maybe even which game they're gonna use to attack us.
我不能下令军方采取行动 I can't authorize a military response
因为那可能是高中生拍的影片 based off a video that looks like it was made by a couple high school kids.
至少警告印度人可能有状况 You gotta at least warn the people of India somethin' could be comin'.
全国上下已经把我当小丑 The whole country thinks I'm a buffoon right now as it is.
我不能冒险 布伦纳 不行 Look, I can't risk it, Brenner. I just can't!
我们交往快三年了 So I guess we've been dating for almost three years now.
对 将近三年 Yes, almost three.
这是我人生最快乐的三年 They have been the best years of my life.
我们的感情非常特别 ...and I think we have something very special.
拉吉 这是我想的那样吗 Raj, is this what I think it is?
你愿意嫁给我吗 Will you marry me?
不要担心泰姬玛哈陵 Don't sweat the whole Taj Mahal thing.
世界只剩六大奇景或许比较好 It's probably better that there's only an even six Wonders of the World now.
我懂 我搞砸了 You know what? I get it. I screwed up.
下不为例 闭嘴 It won't happen again. Shut up.
早 总统先生 Good morning, Mr. President.
拳国电子哥在这里干嘛 What's Radio Shack Robbie doing here? And this other
还有这一位 fella.
嗨 拉德洛 Hi. Ludlow Lamonsoff.
其实我们见过 We've actually met before, but you wouldn't remember
我在布伦纳车子后座 because it was in the back of Brenner's van
透过车窗看你 and I was watching you through a window.
你好香 像水晶肥皂 You smell so nice, like the Book of Genesis.
拉德洛与布伦纳同意 Mr. Lamonsoff and Mr. Brenner
将电玩技巧传授给你和团队 have agreed to share their video game expertise with you and your team.
乐意之至 Happy to do it.
恕我直言 总统 With all due respect, sir,
让未经安全调查的平民进来... having civilians with zero security clearance in this facility is...
这些平民比我整个政府 These civilians have better insight into our current crisis
更了解目前的危机 than my entire administration.
我不太想教了 她态度好差 I dunno if I wanna do it now. She's being so mean.
我想闪人了 -I kind of wanna leave. -Okay.
-他走我也走 -别这样 -If he leaves, I leave. We're a team. -Stop it.
会一直都这样子吗 This is how it's gonna be the whole time?
两位 别闹了...你带路 Guys, knock it off. Lead the way.
没问题 总统先生 Of course, Mr. President.
有进展吗 中校 So have we made any progress, Colonel?
大有进展 总统 Enormous progress, sir.
我们发现攻击我方的物体 是由能量构成 We now understand the entities that attacked us were made of energy.
智慧能量 Intelligent energy.
-早 中校 -早 麦可 -Morning, Colonel. -Good morning, Michael.
麦可是机器人 Michael's a robot!
那些外星人可能发现 在太空舱看到的游戏 I think maybe the extraterrestrials took what they saw in the orbiter
运用光能进行重建 and recreated the same things using light energy.
再派这些光体攻击我们 And then sent these light creatures back at us.
所以固体 子弹和飞弹 都伤不了他们 That's why solid matter, bullets and missiles, won't harm them.
有任何东西伤得了他们吗 Can anything harm them?
也许 Maybe.
我们在关岛发现的方块相当活跃 The cubes we recovered in Guam are normally pretty feisty.
你们看 Hey, look at that!
可是他不喜欢 He didn't like it though.
但我们用增压光子射击它们 But they calm down pretty quick
它们很快就会冷静下来 when we hit them with some super-charged light particles.
我还想看贱女追踪飞弹 And the slut-seeking missile, I'd love to see that.
-这里有吗 -你真聪明 -Do you have that around here? -You are so smart.
你这么觉得 Yeah? You think so?
难怪你考上麻绳理工学院 Is that how you got into the Mississippi Institute of Technology?
真希望我没跟你进更衣室 You know, I wish I never went in that closet with you.
我自己边喝边哭很开心 I was very happy drinking and crying by myself.
我好后悔企图吻你 I so regret trying to kiss you.
我宁愿吻那个游艇富豪 也不要吻你 I would kiss the guy in the yacht 100 times before I kissed you.
-继续 -好 -Moving on. -Yeah.
我们已开始指导海豹突击队 We have begun instructing the Navy SEAL task force
使用原型武器 on the use of the prototype weapons.
-我们为何受训 -战争 -What do we train for? -War!
-我们为何而战 -为了胜利 -Why do we fight? -To win!
-我们何时放弃 -绝不放弃 -When do we quit? -Never!
-我们为何受训 -战争 -What do we train for? -War!
-我们为何而战 -为了胜利 -Why do we fight? -To win!
-我们何时放弃 -绝不放弃 -When do we quit? -Never!
新专家顾问或许想对 海豹突击队说几句话 Perhaps our new expert advisors would like to say a few words to the SEALs.
完了 Boy.
各位 你们效忠国家 Men, you have served this nation with distinction,
在世界每个偏远角落的交战地带 in combat zones, in every nook and cranny of this godforsaken world,
击退每个敌人 defeating every enemy they've thrown at you.
你好 Hey, what's up?
布伦纳 Brenner?
我找不到保姆 I couldn't get a babysitter.
总统 找来这两位电玩专家 The President has brought in these two civilian Arcaders
我们奉命必须听他们... who we are required to listen to
发言120秒 for 120 seconds,
现在... starting...
-我不行啦 -你可以 -I can't do this. -You can do this.
开始 ...now!
我不行 我会吐 I can't do this. I'm gonna throw up!
我们懂 他们不懂 装一下就好 We know how to do this. They don't. Just act the part.
大家好 Hey, guys.
你们好吗 谢谢萨德将军的介绍 How are you? Hey, thank you, General Zod, for that beautiful intro.
很高兴见到各位 Hey, fellas. Good to see you.
自我介绍 我叫山姆布伦纳 Let me introduce myself. My name is Sam Brenner.
这是神奇小子 也是大家熟知的... And this is the Wonder Kid, also known as...
暗黑梦魇 Your worst nightmare!
布伦纳 我觉得 Looks to me, Brenner,
有人好像忘了派最强菁英给我们 like someone forgot to send us the best of the best.
来的却是一群尿失禁 And instead, dropped off a bunch of incontinent,
穿包大人纸尿裤 adult diaper-wearing,
多愁善感的娘炮 candy-assed, cries-himself-to-sleep,
没三小路用的妈宝 women-baby-man-people!
在我眼前的这些人是谁 What am I lookin' at right now?
你们是军人吗 还是"魔力麦克"的演员 Are you guys soldiers? Or the cast of Magic Mike?
要打仗还是跳脱衣舞 You gonna fight? Or dance naked?
从现在起 From now on,
你们这些娘炮废柴 you maggots, you little girl maggots...
又娘又废的垃圾 Whatever the hell the female form of maggot is.
娘废 Magina?
你们这些娘废 You magina!
等你们这些娘废剉屎在裤子上 When you magina poop your pants,
就会想起我 you're gonna be thinking of me!
在裤子上 In your pants!
你们懂我意思 You know what I mean.
了吗 Do you feel me?
了吗 水手 Do you feel me, sailor?
你这漂亮的努比亚人 You beautiful Nubian man!
上帝的完美杰作 You gorgeous specimen of what God can make!
听懂吗 Do you feel me?
我想他要开扁了 小鲁 I think you're about to feel him, Lud.
我剉到动弹不得 I can't move.
我帮你 过来 Lemme help you. Hey, come here.
抱歉 别碰他 坐下 Sorry. Don't touch the guy. Just sit down.
-我表现得好吗 -烂透了 -Did I do good? -You did awful.
坐下 Sit down.
不好意思 Sorry about that, everybody.
我知道有点瞎 I know it's weird.
两个逊咖竟然提供意见给军中猛男 Two buffoons like me and this guy giving advice to you badasses.
但其实我们受过训练 But the truth is we've been training.
我们从小就在训练前额叶皮质 Since childhood, we've been training our prefrontal cortex
执行极复杂的动作技能 to perform extremely complex motor feats
一种特殊认知敏锐度的眼手协调 with hand-eye coordination unique to a very specific cognitive acuity.
我在宿舍嗑药趴学到不少术语 I learned a lot of big words at the dorm-room drug parties.
但那对我们的人生毫无意义 All of it's been meaningless in all areas of our life.
但突然间 它成了地球救星 But suddenly, it might be comin' in handy to saving our planet.
希望各位忘掉我们是死老百姓 So we're hopin' you guys can forget about us bein' civilian morons,
让我们在有限时间内 教你们几样东西 and let us teach you a few things in the little time we have.
我们或许能帮你们打胜仗 I think we might help you win this thing.
在爆破彗星中只有一个目标 There is only one objective in Asteroids.
那就是摧毁所有岩石和飞碟 That is to destroy every rock and every saucer.
千万别被这些巨石击中 You don't wanna get hit by any of these boulders.
所以建议大家待在中间 That's why I recommend stayin' in the middle.
看到榔头不见得要去抓 Just 'cause you see a hammer doesn't mean grab it.
手上有榔头很难爬梯子 You're not gonna climb a ladder with a hammer in your hand.
-飞得真漂亮 -孤狼 -Very good. -Good piloting, Maverick!
别光靠雷达 Don't lock into radar.
没关系 小子 没关系 Okay, it's fine, son. It's fine.
你刚刚炸掉了整个地球 You just blew up our entire planet.
千万别让小蓝幽灵追到你 Ain't no way Inky's catching up to you!
专心在太空船上 I want you to focus mostly on the ships.
每得一万分就多一艘三角船 Every 10,000 points, you get another triangle ship.
那样有好处 That's a good thing.
靠 Damn.
他还是宝刀未老 He's still the master.
这就像我们约会时那样 This is just like when we were dating.
心无旁骛 只有我们小俩口 No distractions, just us.
还有蛋糕 And cake.
大人物 别用这么多奶油糖霜 Big Man. Settle down there with that butterscotch frosting.
太多了吗 这样吧 What? Too much? Well, you know what?
看到七彩糖你才会吓到 You're really not gonna like what I do with the rainbow sprinkles.
-来罗 我喜欢 -好恶 -Come on now! No! I love it! -Will! No!
七彩糖怪兽来罗 Here comes the sprinkle monster!
总统先生 Mr. President.
是 珍妮佛 Yes, Jennifer.
我们刚收到"牛肉在哪里"女士的外星讯息 We just received an alien transmission from the "Where's the Beef?" lady.
她说什么 What did she say?
首先 她问牛肉在哪里 First of all, she asked where the beef was.
然后说下次战役在明天日落时 Then she said that the next battle was on at sundown tomorrow.
纬度51°30'29" 经度0°9'42" 5130' 29 " latitude. 09' 42" longitude.
那是哪里 Where is that?
英国 伦敦
海德公园
快... Go! Go! Go! Move! Move! Move!
现场净空 Clear the area!
你们快离开 The lot of ya, come on! Move it!
叫你们快离开 I said, move it!
-怎么回事 -我来处理 你好 -What's all this then, mate? -Hey, I got this. Hi.
我们是美国人 We're Americans.
贵国政府允许我国海豹突袭队 Our Navy SEALs were given permission by your government
为外星人入侵做准备 to prepare for an extraterrestrial invasion,
我们相信60分钟后会发生在这位置 which we believe will occur at these coordinates in approximately 60 minutes.
我们要拍啤酒广告 We're shootin' a beer commercial.
好吧 那祝你们拍摄顺利 Right, then. Break a leg, then, yeah?
那是干嘛 干嘛骗他 What was that, man? Why'd you lie to him?
我不想引起恐慌 美国佬 I'm trying not to cause total panic, Yank.
至于你 And, you...
我不想再听到你说话 懂吗 I don't want to hear another word out of you. All right?
人肉鸡鸡套 You walkin' wiener coat.
什么是鸡鸡套 What's a wiener coat?
首相女士 非常感谢您的合作 Madam Prime Minister, I can't thank you enough for your cooperation on this.
别客气 威尔 But of course, Will.
相信在我们强国的合作下 Well, I trust with the concord of our powers
我们能瓦解这些笨蛋的阴谋 we can duff up the jiggery-pokery of these blighters
把他们送回 and send them scuffering back
他妈的外星世界 to the fractious firmament from whence they came!
就是啊 I know, right?
没错 Bang on!
她说虾毁我听咙没 No idea what she just said.
我好想摸摸看 I just wanna touch it.
小心这些轻航空炮 我们没有多的 Easy with those light cannons, gentlemen. We don't have any backups.
这些雷射枪有用吗 范派登 These ray guns gonna work, Van Patten?
我们没机会进行实测 长官 We had no way to field-test them, sir.
但电脑模型显示很可能有效 But our computer models show a great likelihood of effectiveness.
很可能 你让我的士兵 "Great likelihood"? You're sending my men into battle
带未测试的武器上战场 with untested ordnance?
我只用两天就达成 地球上没人做过的事 I had two days to do things never done before on this planet, sir.
讲话要有分寸 小姐 Just remember who you're talking to, missy.
不需要待在这里的人 跟我到支援区 Anybody who doesn't need to be here, follow me to the support area.
就是你们两个猪头 That means you two nipple-twisters.
快走 Move it!
中校 放心 一定有用 Hey, Colonel. Don't worry. They're gonna work.
美军受攻击 库柏总统如何因应 The US military was attacked and what does President Cooper do?
批评者说 他摆烂 His critics say, "Nothing."
这么说也不对 他做了蛋糕 That's not strictly true. He made a cake.
外星人入侵
不 因为我是七彩糖怪兽 No, because I'm the sprinkle monster!
大厨统帅
你是我的七彩糖怪兽 You are my sprinkle monster!
-暂停一下 尚恩 -谢谢 -Let's put that on pause, Sean. -Thank you.
关掉 Turn it off.
抱歉 威尔 Apologies, Will.
我只想和太太享受两人世界 Just wanted to spend some quality time with the wife.
我了解 I understand.
我先生说我们不像从前那么亲密 My husband actually said that we don't spend time together like we used to,
所以我带他去一家陶艺教室 so I took him to one of those do-it-yourself pottery studios.
他做"世界最性感首相"马克杯给我 And he made me a "World's Sexiest Prime Minister" coffee mug.
或许他看到别人看不见的地方 Well, maybe he sees somethin' that nobody else does, you know.
有动静吗 范中校 Anything, Colonel Van Patten?
出奇安静 总统先生 It's eerily quiet, Mr. President.
要是太空侵略者 In case it's Space Invaders,
我该说件事... I just thought of something I should tell...
请返回支援区 Please return to the support area!
有一种五加一队形 Okay, but there's a 5 plus 1 formation, all right?
如果我们需要你 就会去找你 懂吗 If we need ya, we know where to find ya. All right?
滚蛋 Now, bugger off.
讨厌的臭宅男 Bloody geek.
是大蜈蚣 It's Centipede.
兄弟们 照我们说的攻击 Okay, boys! Do exactly what we talked about!
从头部开始射击蜈蚣 Shoot each centipede from the head down!
别射中间 不然会分成两只 Do not hit him in the middle or he will split into two!
不是说别让它们分成两只吗 No! No! Didn't we just say don't split him in half?
射头 Shoot for the head!
那些蘑菇挡到了 The mushroom things are in the way!
那就射蘑菇 跟打电动一样 You shoot the mushroom things! Like the game!
它们每次碰到蘑菇 就会改变方向 Guys, every time he hits a mushroom, he's gonna change direction!
天啊 拜托找出移动模式 预测它们的动向 My God! Will you please find the pattern and anticipate!
我不知道什么鬼移动模式 I don't know the patterns!
达中士 12点钟方向 Sergeant Duff! 12 o'clock!
这是什么鬼啤酒广告 What the hell kind of beer commercial is this?
我说它是啤酒广告 它就是啤酒广告 If I say it's a beer commercial, it's a bloody beer commercial.
给我滚回来 美国佬 Get your flabby ass back here, Yank!
给它们下马威 水啦 Shock and awe, baby!
我们得高分 外星废物 High score, alien trash!
你们惹错星球了 You messed with the wrong planet!
大英帝国尚盖勇 From Land's End to John o'Groats!
-你在说什么鬼 -我不知道 -What the hell are you saying? -I don't know!
拉德洛 拿个轻航空炮 快过来 需要你帮忙 Hey, Ludlow! Grab a light cannon! Get out here now! I need your help!
我 不 我看起来这么可口 Me? No! Look at me! I look delicious!
他们会把我当太空小笼包吃下去 They'll gobble me up like space dim sum!
到第二关了 It's level two!
只有我们能打到这关 We're the only ones who can do this!
快点 你是神奇小子 Come on! You're the Wonder Kid!
你无权在此使用武器 布伦纳先生 You have no authority to dispense weapons here, Mr. Brenner!
总统先生 Mr. President?
让那两个老宅男主导 Let the nerds take over.
您说什么 总统 What was that, sir?
让那两个老宅男主导 Let the nerds take over!
布伦纳说得对 Brenner's right.
我是神奇小子 I am the Wonder Kid.
这种场面帅呆了 This is the best, huh?
我从来没这么爽过 I've never been happier and more alive!
好 你们不必熊抱了 Okay. You can let go of each other now.
你解决那个 我解决这个 All right, you finish that. I'll finish this.
我30年前痛宰过你 现在让你回味一下 It's been 30 years since I kicked your butt, and it's gonna happen again!
挥动手臂 With the arms!
往前 Let's take it forward.
收回来 Then take it back.
-好好享受 -嘿 -Enjoy it! -Hey!
过来 Come here!
你这个小... You little...
你是谁 先生 Who are you, mister?
小朋友 我只是个爱打电动的鲁蛇 Son, I'm just a loser who's good at old video games.
感谢老天 Well, thank God for that.
今天美国政府请客 Drinks are on the US government!
政府隐瞒了胡佛水坝下 Which is covering up the truth
有古金字塔的秘密 about the ancient pyramid under the Hoover Dam!
你还不赖 布伦纳 You know, you're all right, Brenner.
你也是 势利鬼 You're all right too, snobby.
你要整晚端着 还是要喝掉 You gonna nurse that all night long, or when are you gonna start hittin' it?
如果只是伤到几个外敌 可以喝啤酒庆祝 We ding up a few foreign belligerents, beer is fine.
但我们击退了整批外星人大军 We defeat a full-on alien invasion,
我想喝烈一点的 I'm thinking something a little stronger.
不 你在跟我呛声 跟你拼了 No. You're really challenging me to drink you under the table? You got it.
你不见得拼得过我 I'm not so sure you can, buddy.
我在西点军校是班上的伏特加女王 I was the vodka shot record holder in my class at West Point.
有一次我在速食店喝了15杯奶昔 Well, one time I drank 15 milkshakes at Denny's,
看谁比较猛 so we'll see what happens.
我的电玩高手呢 Where are my gamers at?
小时候你浪费的时间终于得到回报 Looks like all the time you wasted when we were kids is finally payin' off.
-就是啊 -帅啦 -Yeah, baby. -All right, huh?
总统 我为您倒了杯冰啤酒 Sir, may I have the honor of pouring you a frosty?
危机期间不能被人看到总统喝酒 The President can't be seen drinking during times of crisis.
所以谁都不准看 So nobody look!
对 眼光移开 That's it. Look away!
地球居民 Inhabitants of Earth.
恭喜你们打赢这场仗 Congratulations, you have won this battle.
请接受我们奉上一名战士 作为你们的战利品 Please accept one of our warriors as a trophy of your victory.
下一次挑战可没这么容易 The next challenge will not be as easy.
细节随后透过此讯号送出 The details will be sent via this signal shortly
记住 我们还是以二比一领先 Remember, we are still leading two battles to one.
再输一次 你们的世界就将毁灭 One more loss for you will mean the annihilation of your world.
祝你们好运 愿最优星球获胜 Good luck and may the best planet win.
你们听到了 Well, you heard 'em.
大家重返岗位 Let's get back to work.
你们得准备迎接下场战役 We gotta get you guys ready for your next battle.
战役 我们 Battle? Us? Huh?
我们成了固定咖吗 This is like a regular thing now?
记得我说你人生不该只有这样吗 Remember when I told you that you were meant for something more in life?
记得 Yeah.
这是你的大好机会 This could be it, buddy.
没有人比你更厉害 There's nobody better than you.
这个嘛 Well,
不是百战百胜 not at every game.
不 想都别想 No. No! Never gonna happen.
他说得对 布伦纳 You know, he's right, Brenner.
我们又不知道去哪找那个白痴 We don't even know where to find that idiot!
埃迪 四度结婚离婚 Eddie Plant. Married and divorced four times,
1991与2004年宣告破产 declared bankruptcy in 1991 and 2004.
2005年 他因骇入手机公司被捕 In 2005, he was caught hacking cell phone companies
让用户每个月的帐单上 and adding one of those fees you see on your bill every month,
增加一些莫名的费用 but have no idea what it is.
他在遭判刑20年之前 Made about 50 million before he was convicted and sentenced
海削五千万 to 20 years in prison.
警卫 带我出去 Guards, get me outta here.
是那个恶毒的大蜈蚣杀手 It's that mean Centipede killer.
希望他别用雷射枪杀了我 I hope he don't zap me with his space gun.
你好吗 埃迪 How are you, Eddie?
怎样 亚军哥 'Sup, Second Place?
你的小跟班也来了 And your sidekick here,
小胖总统 Presi-donut.
没想到你的支持率这么惨不忍嘟 I didn't know you can have an approval rating so catatastrophic.
-埃迪 我们需要你帮忙 -我知道你们需要什么 -Okay, look, Eddie, here's what we need. -I know what you need.
你们需要旋风之火 You need the Fire Blaster.
谁是旋风之火 Who's the Fire Blaster?
正是在下 那是我的绰号 翘臀妹 Me. That's my nickname, sugar buns.
没错 你自己瞎掰的 Yeah. That's right. The one you made up for yourself.
管他是谁瞎掰的 Who cares who made it up?
这称号帅呆了 It's totally tubular!
对啦 Yeah.
这就是我不能跟布伦纳同队的原因 See, this is why I don't think I can have Brenner on my team.
他算不上电玩高手 He's just not really a gamer.
拿铜板来 自己挑个游戏 我把你打得落花流水 Break out a bag of quarters. Pick a game. I'll destroy you at it.
那我就挑个游戏 I'll pick a game, all right.
-我要闪人了 -不...别这样 -Okay. I'm leaving. -No, no, no. Hey, here, come on.
坐下 Sit down.
为了答谢你帮我们 Okay, in exchange for helping us,
我会亲自找假释委员会 缩短你的刑期 I will personally speak to the parole board about reducing your sentence.
-免谈 -免谈 -Pass. -Pass?
埃迪不接受这条件 That deal don't work for Eddie Plant.
你要旋风之火帮忙 他有些要求 You want the Fire Blaster's help, he has some demands.
要求 Demands?
变成老花眼之火了 The Bifocal Blaster is here, by the way.
我要一座岛 I want an island.
欧买尬 Oh, my God.
全美有18617座 There are 18,617 named islands
已命名的岛屿 that are part of the United States and its territories.
更别说还有无数的无名岛 Not to mention all the countless unnamed ones,
例如即将出现的艾威夷 like the soon-to-be-called Edwahii.
你休想得到一座岛 You're not getting an island.
然后我要完全特赦 永远离开这里 Then I want a full pardon. I wanna get outta here for good.
等我出狱 我一辈子都不要... And after I do, I don't wanna pay no taxes like,
缴税 forever.
也不缴营业税 比方说 我想买口香糖 And no sales tax. If I wanna buy some, for instance, gum,
我要秀一张卡 表示我拯救了世界 I wanna flash me a card that says "I saved the world."
我的口香糖不必缴什么鬼营业税 I don't have to pay no shitballs taxes on the gum.
我要一驾匿踪攻击直升机 就像超级杯上空那种 And I want a stealth-attack helicopter, like they fly over the Super Bowl
随时供我差遣使用 at my disposal, at all times.
那样我才能到处飞 You know, so I can fly around.
如果世界没灭亡 我不想再塞车 If the world's still here, I don't wanna deal with traffic no more.
最后 And lastly,
我要你在白宫里 I want you to set up a romantic rendezvous
安排我跟球后小威廉斯 和玛莎史都华 between me, Serena Williams and Martha Stewart
来场浪漫约会 in the Lincoln Bedroom.
第一 你不可能得到直升机 Number one. You're not getting a helicopter
或任何交通工具 or any sort of flying or driving vehicle.
第二 联邦政府 Number two. I'm pretty sure the federal government
可以不向你收所得税 could do without your income taxes and be fine.
第三 如果帮我们击败这些东西 And number three. If you help us beat these things,
我可以让你出去 I think we can get you outta here.
跟那两个人玩3P呢 And the Martha-Serena sandwich?
挑一位 我安排你们喝咖啡 Pick one of 'em. We'll set up a coffee.
小威廉斯 就这么办 Serena Williams. And we are closed.
喂 Hello?
我了解 I understand.
时间就在今夜 It's happening tonight.
地点呢 Where?
纽约市 New York City.
好戏上场罗 Fuhgeddaboutit!
你好 大苹果 Hello, Big Apple.
菁英救兵驾到 The cavalry has arrived.
感谢你们前来 Thanks for comin'.
我们看到你们击退大蜈蚣 We saw how you guys took care of the centipedes.
希望你们也能帮助我们 We hope you can do the same for us.
希望如此 现在是什么状况 We hope so also. Well, what are we dealin' with?
这边请 Over here.
菜鸟 告诉他们你看到什么 Rookie, just tell 'em what you saw.
超可怕 It was awful.
好像那种怪物电影 It was like one of those monster movies, you know?
可是这次... But this time
怪物是真的 the monster was real.
这个怪物是谁 And who was this monster?
吃豆人 Pac-Man.
吃豆人 靠 我的最爱 Pac-Man? Boom. That's my jam.
我们用轻航空炮 Let's get us some light cannons and blow this sucker back
把那个缺角披萨轰回老家去 to whatever planet it came from.
不 轻航空炮杀不死吃豆人 No! No, light cannons don't kill Pac-Man.
只有那些幽灵才有办法 Those little ghosts do.
靠 那我们去找幽灵 Boom! Let's get us some little ghosts.
你们要幽灵 You want ghosts?
她有幽灵 She's got ghosts.
我们用方块的能量力场科技 We used the energy force-field technology from the cube
为每辆车研发四台迷你发电机 这些车也可叫 to develop four mini-generators for each of the cars.
幽灵 Ghosts.
我们称之为XM950攻击组件 We're calling them XM950 attack modules.
就叫迷你幽灵 Okay and we're callin' 'em Mini Ghosts
我们记不住你讲的 'cause we'll never remember what you just said.
为什么有四辆 我们只有三个人 第四个是谁 Why are there four of 'em? There's only three of us. Who's our fourth?
容我介绍岩谷彻大师 May I introduce to you Professor Toru Iwatani.
吃豆人的创造者 The creator of Pac-Man.
你会说日语 You speak Japanese?
不会 No.
先生 真荣幸 Sir, what an honor.
谢谢你为我们的生活带来欢乐 Thanks for all the joy you brought to our lives.
幸会 Awesome.
我让你的游戏成了我旗下的婊子 I made your game my bitch.
什么是... What is a
婊子 "bitch"?
别理他 他是罪犯 Don't worry about it. He's a criminal.
-你还好吗 -嗯 -You all right? -Yeah.
假设他们跟大蜈蚣一样 Okay, now, assuming they play by the rules of the game like
照游戏规则来 they did with Centipede,
用能量场打到吃豆人三次 我们就赢了 if you guys hit Pac-Man three times with this energy field, we win.
拉德洛说得对 你闻起来好香 Ludlow's right. You do smell good.
-祝你好运 -好 -Good luck. -Yeah.
各位 我会传吃豆人目前的座标 Gentlemen, I'll be sending Pac-Man's current coordinates
到你们车上的GPS to each of your car's GPSes.
找到他 歼灭他 Let's locate and eliminate.
加油 Come on, guys.
吃豆人是坏蛋 Pac-Man's a bad guy?
吃豆人并不坏 Pac-Man is not bad!
我创造他是为了给世人带来欢乐 I created him to bring joy to all the people of the world.
外星人把他给洗脑了 They have brainwashed him!
在他内心深处 他善良 温柔 Deep down, he's kind, gentle.
能和你分享心事或一起吃汉堡 Someone you can tell your troubles to or grab a hamburger with.
等一下你们就知道了 You'll see.
岩谷大师 回到车上 Professor Iwatani, get back in the car!
岩谷大师 你要干嘛 Professor Iwatani, what are you doin'?
我要跟他说话 他是我儿子 I will talk to him. He's my son!
不 这样不好吧 No, that's a bad idea.
哈罗 Hello,
我的心肝宝贝 my sweet little boy.
你看你长这么大了 Look how big you've grown!
我为你感到骄傲 I'm so proud of you.
真是太温馨了 It's so sweet. He's so sweet.
可是你搞的这些破坏 But all these destructive things you're doing,
是不对的 it's wrong.
我是你父亲 I'm your father.
我知道 I know
你是乖宝宝 you're a good boy.
不 No!
来人把这个蠢婊子给毙了 Somebody kill this stupid bitch!
情同父子照样翻脸 That was some twisted Pinocchio-Geppetto stuff right there.
好 鲁蛇们 All right, losers!
三个打一个 It's three on one.
好戏上场 Let's hit it.
吃豆人比我印象中还快 Pac-Man's faster than I remember.
小红
吃豆人一向跑得比幽灵快 Pac-Man's always been faster than the ghosts.
我们得设法追上他 We're gonna have to outmaneuver his ass.
神奇三小 你和亚军哥分头走 Wonderfro, you and Silver Medal break off.
我来对付缺角披萨 I'll stay with Big Yellow.
埃迪 你动作怎么这么快 Whoa, Eddie, how did you do that so fast?
因为我是冠军 长腿中校 'Cause I'm the champ, Lieutenant Long Legs.
好胆唛造 Nope!
有事吗 What's up?
赞啦 Yeah!
漂亮 埃迪 Good one, Eddie.
解决了一个 One down.
还有两个 Two to go!
刚在四条街外重生的 All right, Pac-Man Number Two
吃豆人二号往北前进 just regenerated four streets away headed northbound.
下个路口往东转 Turn east at the next intersection.
电玩特攻队前来救援
布伦纳 直走 Brenner, go straight.
收到 Got it.
拉德洛 左转 Ludlow, go left.
埃迪 下个路口左转 Eddie, at the next intersection, turn left.
逮到他了 We got him!
他插翅也难飞了 He's got nowhere to go!
天啊 不 Oh, God. No!
怎么了 "Oh, God. No," what?
他吃了大力丸 He ate the power pellet.
吃豆人有十秒钟能吃掉我们 Pac-Man's got 10 seconds where he can eat us.
为什么是我 Why me?
小粉
天啊 别吃我... God. Don't eat me, don't eat me, don't eat me.
拜托...别吃我 Please, please, don't eat me!
大家救命啊 Guys! Help!
我还没破处就要死了 I'm gonna die a virgin!
你为什么要这样对我 Why are you doing this to me?
你被洗脑了 You've been brainwashed!
你是乖宝宝 You're a good boy!
拉德洛 拔腿快跑 Ludlow, run! Pump your legs! Go, baby!
干得好 埃迪 Attaboy, Eddie!
你被旋风之火轰掉了 猪头 You just got fire-blasted, sucka.
搞屁啊 What?
他怎么这么快就冲到那边 How the hell did he get over there so fast?
干得好 冠军 Way to go, champ.
你很高兴让我出狱吧 亚军哥 Aren't you glad you sprung me, Second Place?
对 爽毙了 Yeah, thrilled.
再干掉一个就能庆功了 One more to go and it's happy hour.
所以他们要把我丢在这里 So I guess they're just leaving me here.
该上演帽子戏法了 Now it's time for the hat trick.
哇 Wow!
布伦纳 现在全看你的了 Brenner, it's on you.
那里还有三个大力丸 There are still three other power pellets out there.
提高警觉 So stay alert.
我没问题的 I got this.
如果我失败 If I don't,
世界就完了 the world ends.
只许成功不许失败 Can't let that happen.
加油 布伦纳 Come on, Brenner. Come on.
布伦纳 他要直接把你 带往大力丸的方向 Brenner, he's leading you directly towards one of the power pellets.
赶快离开 Get out of there.
一 One.
他想干嘛 What the hell is he doing?
二 Two.
可恶 布伦纳 我还想看我儿子长大 Damn it, Brenner. I have a son who I'd like to see grow up.
三 你会如愿的 Three. You'll see your boy grow up.
四 Four.
布伦纳 快走 他要吃掉你了 Brenner, get out! He's going to eat you!
五 Five.
六 Six.
七 Seven.
八 Eight.
九 Nine.
十 Ten.
你成功了 布伦纳 太帅了 You did it! Brenner! That's the one, baby!
他在这里 He's over here!
旋风之火 我爱你 Fire Blaster, I love you!
兄弟 Hey, guys!
借过 我也是今晚的英雄 Sorry. Coming through. I'm one of tonight's heroes. Sorry.
嘿 Hey!
嘿 Hey.
你们看 Check it out.
我应该找到下一个战利品了 I think I might have found our next trophy.
Q伯特 It's Q*bert.
对 我知道 Yeah, I know! I know.
我可以杀它吗 Can I kill it?
不行 No!
我们了解他一下 问他问题 Let's get to know him a little bit. Ask him some questions.
然后再杀他 And then we'll kill him.
-开玩笑啦 帮他盖毯子 -掰 -I'm joking. Just put the blanket on him. -Bye.
-总统先生 -总统先生 -Mr. President! -Mr. President!
-是 哈尔 -总统先生 -Yes, Hal. -Mr. President,
这场危机出现后 您的支持率暴增三倍 your approval ratings have tripled since this crisis began.
您是否认为以目前的乐观情势 Do you feel the heretofore sanguine causata
危机将朝圆满落幕的方向发展 are tracking toward an auspicious denouement?
少来了 哈尔 Shut up, Hal.
你讲得文诌诌是想害他出糗 You're just using big words to try to make him look like an idiot.
我们敬爱您 总统先生 感谢您拯救我们 We love you, Mr. President. Thank you for saving us.
拜托 别谢我 Please, don't thank me.
是山姆布伦纳和他的团队 It's Sam Brenner and his team
带领我们迈向胜利 who have brought us here to the brink of victory.
据说您将为他们办一场晚会 And we understand you're holding a soiree in their honor.
另一次攻击可能迫在眉睫 这样妥当吗 Is that a good idea when another attack may be imminent?
不必担心 No need to worry.
他们将在礼服底下穿着制服 They will have their Arcader uniforms on underneath their tuxes,
随时准备出击 ready to go at a moment's notice.
通知你一声 哈尔 And for the record, Hal,
我正好知道那些字眼的意思 I happen to know what several of those big words meant.
我上次去墨西哥喝了圆满调酒 I drank a few cold sanguines on my last trip to Mexico.
回应一下 哈尔 Bite on that, Hal!
就是你... You! You! You! You! You!
电玩特攻队总统简报 华府
我不知道哪个比较糟糕 I don't know what would be worse.
是他们失败 Them failing,
还是他们真的成功 or them actually pulling this off.
你说什么 吉姆 What was that, Jim?
你可以惦惦吗 Can you shut up for five seconds?
我们需要提高发射率 We need to increase the rate of fire.
你在脑中已经计算过了 对吧 Now you already calculated that in your beautiful mind, didn't you?
这游戏毫无逻辑可言 There's no rhyme or reason to this game.
有什么模式吗 他都突然发动攻击 I mean, where are the patterns? He just attacks out of left field.
模式 这是你那么会打 吃豆人和大蜈蚣的原因 Patterns? Is that why you were so good with Pac-Man and Centipede?
熟记模式 You memorized the patterns?
对 那是打赢的唯一方法 Yeah. Only way to beat these things.
计算子弹 计算速度 分析数据 Count the bullets, calculate the speed, crunch the numbers.
那有什么乐趣 Where's the fun in that?
不然你都怎么打 Boy. Why? What do you do?
假装自己是主角 不想死 You gotta pretend you're the guy and you don't wanna die.
听起来很酷 但不见得都管用 Yeah, that sounds cool, but it's not gonna work every time.
所以才有重置键 Well, that's why you have your reset button.
我们小时候没那东西 Yeah, we didn't have those growin' up.
这是我见过最暴力的电玩 Most violent game I've ever seen.
对你来说不健康 I don't think it's healthy for you.
没关系 我应付得来 It's fine. I can handle it.
我不是跟你说话 是跟这位朋友 No, I'm not talkin' to you. I'm talkin' to homeboy.
好多血 So much blood!
是啊 知道怎么改变心情吗 Yeah. Hey. You know what'll cheer you up?
-起司球 -对 -A cheese ball. -Yep.
来 吸一个 Come on, suck one up.
一次吸一把 Take a handful.
漂亮 干净俐落 That was smooth. That was very smooth.
我们该让他运动一下 You know, we should get him some exercise.
把他丢到蹦床上 Maybe throw him on the trampoline for a little bit?
蹦床...蹦床...蹦床... Trampoline! Trampoline! Trampoline!
好 我和他去运动 Okay. How about me and him do that
你去邀我妈参加明晚的舞会 while you go ask my mom to the ball tomorrow night?
可惜我并不喜欢你妈 Unfortunately, I'm not attracted to your mother.
鬼扯 Bullcrap.
没错 我鬼扯 You're right, I am. Okay.
来 吸光光 Here. Finish these.
你会变得胖嘟嘟 You're gettin' chubby.
嗨 Hi.
所以... So...
怎样 So...
抱歉 Sorry!
再来 再来... Again! Again! Again! Again!
我觉得有必要出席明晚的宴会 So I'm feeling obligated to make an appearance at that thing tomorrow night.
我在想 等你到了那里 I was wondering, when you got there,
你想不想跟我一起混 if possibly you'd like to hang out with me while I was there?
-像约会那样吗 -像约会 对 -Like a date? -Like a date, but... Yeah.
这我不晓得 I dunno about that.
我是势利鬼 心理有问题 I'm a snob. I have mental problems, so...
是没错啦 Well, you know, you are and you do,
但我愿意暂时抛开成见 but I'm willin' to overlook that for the evening.
好 Okay.
你愿意 You will?
三 四 Three, four.
-谢谢 -谢谢 -Thank you. Thank you. -Thanks.
难得没人跟我呛声 Nice welcome, for a change, huh?
别跳了 舞棍阿伯 Bring it down, Travolta. Bring it down.
他们喜欢大人物 受人尊敬的感觉不赖吧 They love the Big Man! Good to see the respect, pal.
你看看 小威廉斯 Well, lookie here, Serena.
他们办这宴会 感谢我拯救世界 They threw me a big party to thank me for savin' the world.
而且你整晚都能站在我身边 And you get to stand next to me all night.
-喝香槟吗 先生 -谢谢 -Champagne, sir? -Thanks.
他们说我来就送我一座岛 They promised me an island if I did this.
我好想见山姆的新女友 I'm dying to meet Sam's new ladyfriend.
也不算 我们只是偶尔碰个面 She's nothin'. It's just a little hangin' out thing.
最好是 Yeah, right.
她漂亮吗 威尔 Is she pretty, Will?
怎样算漂亮 你才漂亮 Define pretty. I mean, you're pretty.
-美极了 -谢谢 -Extremely pretty. -Thank you.
从传统角度看 She, I think, in the classical sense of the word,
我觉得她... is certainly... I mean, I feel...
-布伦纳 帮帮我 -你讲得很好 继续 -Brenner, help me out here. -No, you're doing great. Keep going.
就军人来说 她算漂亮 You know, she, for military personnel, certainly. I mean...
你是第一夫人... You're the First Lady,
她是军中志玲 she's a 10.
布伦纳 Hey, Brenner.
失陪一下 Excuse me for a second.
来吧 马帝 来跳舞 Come on, Matty. Let's dance!
你穿礼服很帅 You look nice in a tux.
绿色正式成为我最爱的颜色了 Green's officially my favorite color now.
我有个问题问你 I have a question for you.
总统说我今晚要待命 我只能喝半瓶啤酒 President said I'm on call tonight, so I can only have half a beer.
我知道你喜欢用鸭嘴杯喝酒 I know you like drinkin' out of sippy cups,
想跟我共喝一瓶吗 but wanna split a bottle with me?
怎么了 What happened?
-你刷过牙了 -对啊 -You brushed your teeth. -Yes!
好 请带路 All right. Lead the way.
没问题 You got it.
欢迎来到真实人生
谁也无法回头
即使午夜梦回时
我们都会发现你
装模作样假惺惺
来聊聊肉贵 她长什么样子 So let's hear about Sinnamon. What does she look like?
-天啊 开什么玩笑 -我想知道嘛 -God. Are you kidding? -I wanna know.
她是抢人老公的皮拉提斯老师 当然超辣 She's a husband-stealing Pilates teacher. She's hot!
身体弹性极佳 And limber.
那不重要 That doesn't matter.
其实很重要 Yes! Actually, it does.
但她不完美 对吧 She's not perfect, though, right?
当小三的女生 Girls like that who steal husbands,
一定有什么缺点 they always got one thing wrong with them.
说吧 Come on.
-额头太大 -不是 -Her forehead's too big? -No.
-下巴有贪吃痣 -不是 -Mole on the chin? -No.
-鼻孔像澎恰恰 -不是 -Two different nostrils? -No!
她完美无瑕 She's flawless.
真的 She is.
眼睛 好啦 她两眼有点太开 I mean, her eyes. Okay, her eyes are a little far apart.
有点像比目鱼 Kind of looks like a flounder.
你看吧 很好 There it is! Good.
今晚 你的笨前夫 So tonight, your dopey ex-husband's gonna
会盯着肉贵的眼睛说 be lookin' into those eyes and sayin',
"我眼睛沾到蛤仔肉吗 "What kind of choice did I make?
我以前常盯着我见过最美的眼睛 "I used to stare into the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen,
现在却死盯着麦香鱼" "and now I'm stuck starin' at the Filet o' Fish sandwich."
你是说我眼睛很美吗 Did you just say I have beautiful eyes?
顺便羞辱另一个女人 While insulting the other chick.
你真的超会灌迷汤 That is really, really, really, really good.
谢谢 Thank you.
能分我一点吗 我们不是要一起喝 Can I have some of that? No? I thought we were splitting it.
真高兴我们几乎成功
很遗憾它们终将消逝
人人都有江山梦
他们想统治
他们为何如此恶毒
大家开口闭口都是 You know, everybody's like,
布伦纳这样 布伦纳那样 "Brenner this" and "Brenner that."
别搞错 旋风之火才是队长 But make no mistake, Fire Blaster's the leader of this crew.
旋风之火到底是谁 Who's the Fire Blaster again?
我啊 小威廉斯 好吧 废话不多说 Me, Serena! All right, lemme just cut to the chase here.
旋风之火坐过八年牢 Fire Blaster's been in prison for eight years.
2005年起就没上过女人 He hasn't been with a woman since '05.
你即将体验到... You're in for
今生最爽的高潮 the time of your life.
你敢动我一根汗毛 我就抓你去抡墙 You even think about touching me, I'm gonna smack you through the wall.
那我求之不得 I'd have it no other way.
应该挑玛莎史都华才对 Should've gone with Martha Stewart.
至少有好吃的三明治可以吃 At least then, I'd have a tasty panini cooked for me or some shit.
等这一切结束 你有何打算 So, what are you gonna do after all this?
回拳国电子吗 You gonna go back to the Nerd Brigade?
对... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
应该吧 我是说... Probably. I mean...
不然能做什么 What else would I do?
像你有这些能力 I mean, it just seems like someone with your skills,
应该发明科技 而不是安装科技 you'd be better off inventing technology rather than installing it.
当然 我愿意有不同发展 No, of course. I would love to do somethin' different.
小时候在电动游乐场 You know, I had my shot
我曾经有大好机会 when I was a kid in the arcades.
可是 But
我搞砸了 I blew it.
我总以为当时若赢了 人生会有所不同 Yeah, I always think maybe my life would've been different.
每当情况有起色 Any time I'm getting on a roll,
或我觉得一切顺遂 or I feel like everything's going great,
就会出现阻碍 that giant ape throws another barrel at me.
可是没关系啦 But it's all good.
别担心 Don't worry.
各位先生女士 我很荣幸 Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce a special message
向电玩特攻队介绍纽约市427小学 to the Arcaders from the students of PS 427
所传来的特别讯息 in New York City.
纽约陷入危机 New York was in trouble.
吃豆人引发动乱 Pac-Man caused a ruckus.
但电玩特攻队拯救我们 But the Arcaders saved us.
因为他们英勇无惧... 'Cause they're bad mother...
地球人 People of Earth,
你们已违反交战守则 you have violated the rules of warfare, dudes.
违反守则 Violated the rules?
所以你们失格 地球是我们的 Because of this, you forfeit and your planet is now ours.
各位 12小时后 Dudes, in 12 hours,
我们将全力摧毁地球 we'll commence with the all-out destruction of Earth.
然后 我们会唱这首 关于贵星球的歌 After that, we will sing this about your precious planet.
她走了 She's gone
我最好学会面对... I'd better learn how to face...
他们在说什么东西 What the heck are they talkin' about?
你去哪 旋风之火 Where you goin', Fire Blaster?
小子 Hey, kid.
我跟小威廉斯说出来透透气 I told Serena I needed to get some air, you know?
我才认识她半小时 Only known her half an hour and she's already like,
她就自称旋风之火夫人 "Mrs. Fire Blaster this. Mrs. Fire Blaster that."
你掉进东河那晚 一个警察捞出这付墨镜 A cop fished these out of the East River the night you fell in.
我本来要还你 I was gonna give 'em back to you,
但我看到镜片内写了些有趣的东西 but I saw some interesting things written on the inside of the lenses.
吃豆人的超高速秘笈 The Pac-Man cheat code for super-speed.
-你作弊 -那又怎样 -You're a cheater. -So what?
当时我用秘笈赢得比赛 I used cheat codes back in the day to help me dominate.
现在我又用它来打击外星人 结果成功了 So I figured, why not use it for the big show. And it worked.
你一生都在作弊 You've been a cheater your whole life?
不 No.
十岁以后才开始 Only since I was 10.
我用这招在世界锦标赛击败布伦纳 That's how I beat your boy Brenner at the World Championship. Yeah.
我的丰功伟业都要感谢这付墨镜 I owe everything I have to these bitchin' shades.
你做了什么 What did you do?
没有 我们遵守所有规则 I didn't do anything. I thought we obeyed every rule.
你错了 死老百姓 Ya thought wrong, civilian!
我们把唯一机会浪费在你身上 We squandered our one chance on you!
一个音响修理工 A hi-fi repair man.
我发誓... But I swear...
别说了 你听到霍尔与欧兹的话 你搞砸了 But nothin'! You heard Hall & Oates! You blew it!
我看过你的档案 I've seen your files.
你这辈子一事无成 You've never accomplished a damn thing in your entire life.
布伦纳打赢两战 上将 比你多两战 Brenner won two battles, Admiral. That's two more than you.
注意你的礼节 中校 I wouldn't get smart with me, Colonel.
你太过投入这出浪费时间的闹剧 You were all over this sideshow that did nothing but waste valuable time.
有时我怀疑你替火星人效命 Sometimes I wonder if you're not working for the Martians yourself!
去死吧 上将 Drop dead, Admiral.
你不准再参与这项任务 You're done.
够了 听好 All right. Hey, guys! That's enough. Listen.
我们努力过却没有用 We tried something. It didn't work.
怎么回事 What is that?
马帝 Matty!
没想到他们抓马帝当战利品 真遗憾 I can't believe they took Matty as a trophy. I am so sorry.
我们一定有办法解决 Well, there's gotta be somethin' we can do.
埃迪呢 Where's Eddie?
埃迪 他跑去躲起来 我们再也见不到他了 Eddie. Yeah. He crawled into a hole. We'll never see him again.
楚巴卡不肯接我电话 Chewie won't take my calls.
薇乐丽被开除 我们只能靠自己了 Violet got the boot. We're on our own, guys.
这感觉好像我的星球 This feels like my planet.
没有乐趣 没有欢笑 只有战争 No fun. No laughter. Only war.
等等 Wait.
等一下 Q伯特来自那里 他知道他们所有秘密 Wait a second. Q*bert is from there. He knows all their secrets.
我们曾经是个快乐的星球 We were once a happy planet.
在你们威胁我们之前 Before you threatened us.
但我们没威胁你们 你看过旧游戏的影片 But we didn't threaten you! You saw footage of old games.
他们不知道那是游戏 They do not know they are games.
你何不告诉他们 阻止他们 Well, why don't you tell them that, Q*bert, and stop them?
来不及了 It's too late.
现在母舰在创造数百万电玩战士 And now the mothership is creating millions of video-game warriors
准备摧毁地球 to destroy your planet.
听好 我们只要进入母舰阻止他们 Look, all we have to do is get inside the mothership and try to stop them.
到时候就能救出马帝 We can rescue Matty while we're up there.
你想上去 Up there. You wanna go up there?
这样似乎不太好 他们抢走了我们的轻航空炮 I don't know about that. You know, they took away our light cannons.
这主意不妥 I don't think that's such a good idea.
我们有比轻航空炮更好的武器 We have something better than light cannons.
我们有不屈服的乐观态度 We have a positive can-do attitude.
我开玩笑的 I'm kidding.
我们都会死光光 We are all gonna die.
我只是... I'm just...
拍谢 Sorry.
你们确定要这么做 Are you sure we wanna do this?
或许我们能去另一个星球住 I mean, maybe we could just find another planet to live on.
少啰唆 我们上母舰去 Shut up, dude. We're gettin' on that ship.
唯一办法就是跑到它正下方 And the only way to do that is to get directly under it.
那是唯一进入的方法 That's the only way in.
电玩特攻队来了 别担心 Arcaders are comin'! Don't worry!
快点... Come on! Come on! Come on! Go!
跟着我 Stay with me!
没人比我更会抓娃娃 Nobody's better at the crane game than me.
楚巴卡 Chewie?
你干嘛变装 兄弟 What's with the disguise, buddy?
他们想带我去地下碉堡 我就豁出去了 They tried to take me to some underground bunker, so I went rogue.
水啦 Yeah!
神奇小子 你得留在地面上 这些人需要保护 Wonder Kid, you gotta stay on the ground. These people need protection.
谢天谢地 Thank God.
撑下去 多笑 多爱 Hey, live long, laugh much, love often.
够了 That's it.
不 No.
走开 Back it up.
谢谢你当我朋友 Thanks for bein' my friend.
因为我爱你 'Course, buddy. I love ya.
去英勇杀敌吧 Now go kick some ass.
总统先生 能给我一把轻航空炮吗 Mr. President, may I have a light cannon?
啦...唱首快乐的歌
啦...
别跟人家说我杀了蓝色吃豆人 Don't tell anyone I killed a Smurf.
嘿 Hey!
放过那些孩子 Get away from those kids now!
拜托 Please?
嘿 Hey!
我整个青春期 I spent most of my formative years
一直想让你活起来 trying to figure out a way to bring you to life
就像电视上的科学节目那样 all Weird Science-style.
每次生日许愿时 I used every birthday wish,
每当时钟来到11点11分 every 11:11 on the clock,
这始终是我的愿望 every little chicken wishbone I could find, and ladybug.
我为此祷告 I prayed for this.
但显然你没有同感 But apparently, you don't feel the same.
到母舰底下了 Q伯特 现在呢 Okay. We're under it, Q*bert. Now what?
唉呀呀 Well, well, well.
看看是谁来了 Look who's here.
叛徒Q伯特 Q*bert the traitor
和他的作弊朋友 and his cheating friends.
来恳求第二次机会吗 Come to beg for a second chance?
算你们好运 老大想亲自见你们 You're in luck. The boss wants to meet ya in person.
上来吧 So come on up!
你们若击败他 就能拯救地球 歼灭我们的战士 If you defeat him, you save your planet and destroy our warriors.
要是输了... But if you lose...
我们舰上见 See you on the other side.
你跟我想像的一样厉害 You are so powerful, just as I...
你赢了 我不想再跟你打了好吗 You win! I'm not gonna fight you anymore, okay?
我知道你心中有爱 I know that you have love in your heart,
也知道我能让你开心 但如果你需要杀了我 and I know that I could make you happy, but if you need to kill me,
那就尽管动手吧 then you're just gonna have to go ahead and kill me.
至少我死前知道我找到真爱 At least I can die a happy man knowing that I found true love.
我跟小威廉斯连手都没握到 And I couldn't even get a handshake from Serena Williams.
唉呀呀 Well, well, well.
没想到会再见到你 Didn't think I'd see you again.
我得向自己和世界证明 I had to prove to myself and to the world
我没作弊也办得到 that I could do this without cheating.
等等 你作弊 Wait, you cheated?
下一题 Moving on.
要介绍我给你女友认识吗 You gonna introduce me to your girlfriend?
是未婚妻 Fiancee.
我们在哪 Q伯特 这什么地方 Where are we, Q*bert? What is this place?
不知道 I don't know.
但我好怕 But I'm scared.
太好了 Great.
那什么声音 What is that noise?
那是什么东西 What the hell was that?
大金刚 Donkey Kong.
你最不会打的电玩 The one game you suck at.
对 Yeah.
妈 在这里 Mom, up here!
马帝 Matty!
妈 Mom!
我妈妈呢 Where the hell is my mama?
我们来救你了 亲爱的 We're coming for you, honey!
不 No.
他们数量太多了 There's too many of them!
这边 This way!
只有一个办法能获胜 跳 Only one way to beat this game. Jump!
爬梯子 快 Up the ladder! Fast!
桶子来了 Incoming!
Q伯特 小心 Q*bert! Look out!
Q伯特 Q*bert!
我没办法 没有固定模式可循 I can't do this. There's no pattern.
假装你是主角 你不想死 Pretend you're the guy and you don't wanna die.
我不想死 I don't wanna die!
我连埃迪都赢不了 I couldn't even beat Eddie Plant!
埃迪作弊 所以他在纽约才那么厉害 Eddie Plant's a cheater! That's why he was so good in New York.
他偷看秘笈 He used cheat codes.
小时候他也那样对付你 He did the same thing to you when you were kids.
你知道那代表什么吧 You know what that means, right?
我才是大金刚世界冠军 I'm the Donkey Kong champion of the world.
大金刚世界冠军不需要模式 And the Donkey Kong champion of the world doesn't need patterns.
重置键 Reset button.
不要动 楚巴卡 Freeze, Chewie!
布伦纳 Brenner!
妈 Q伯特没死 Mom, Mom! Q*bert's not dead!
救我... Help me! Help me!
不 我确定他死了 马帝 Nah, I'm pretty sure he's dead, Matty.
妈 Mom!
求求你们 Please.
好吧 Okay, fine.
什么 不 What? No!
不 No!
薇乐丽 快离开 Violet, get outta there!
小心 Look out!
我们被困住了 We're trapped!
布伦纳 Brenner!
抓住我的大榔头 Here, grab onto my mighty hammer.
你就爱藉机说这句话 You loved saying that.
没错 Yes, I did.
布伦纳 不管你在干嘛 拜托快点 Brenner! Whatever you're doing, please hurry up!
我从1982年就想这么做了 I've been waitin' to do this since 1982.
耶 Yeah!
太赞了 Yeah! Yes!
帅呆了 Yeah. Yeah.
马帝 天啊 Matty! God!
-你还好吗 -嗯 -You okay? -Yeah.
你刚刚好棒 You were so awesome down there!
你是我第二喜欢的总统 欧巴马还是我的最爱 You're my second favorite president. You know Obama's still my man, right?
好吧 Okay.
我们赢了 We won!
不必再缴税了 No more taxes!
我们成功了 宝贝 We did it, baby!
我们成功了 We did it.
不 No.
不 No. No!
丽莎女神 Lady Lisa!
不 No!
埃迪 没想到会再见到你 Eddie, never thought I'd see you again.
布伦纳 Brenner,
很抱歉小时候我作弊 I just wanted to say I'm sorry for cheatin' back in the day when we was kids,
最近又作弊 and for cheatin' again more recently.
我不会因此回牢里吧 I'm not goin' back to prison for that, am I?
不 但你得向布伦纳承认 他才是世界第一 No, but you need to admit to Brenner that he's the best in the world.
不可能 No way.
那就坐牢吧 Prison.
布伦纳 Brenner,
你是... you are the best
全世界的... in the world
大金刚冠军 at the Donkey Kong.
没错 我是 That's right. I am.
拉德洛 怎么了 Ludlow. What's the matter, buddy?
我终于得到我想要的东西 I finally had the one thing I wanted
如今却又变回孤单一人 and now I'm back to being all alone.
丽莎女神现身了 Lady Lisa, she made an appearance.
你们去拯救世界时 And while you guys were out, you know,
也摧毁了他的世界 savin' the world, you kind of destroyed his.
太糟糕了 That's horrible.
他怎么能留下 你怎么还在 It's just, how come he gets to stay? Why are you still here?
对不起 I'm sorry.
Q伯特是战利品 Q*bert's a trophy.
所以我们可以留下战利品 And I guess we get to keep the trophies.
对 Yeah.
Q伯特 怎么了 Q*bert, what is it?
没人觉得怪吗 刚刚还是Q伯特 Wait, no one else is weirded out by this? That was just Q*bert.
-总统先生 拜托 -是 瑞妮 -Mr. President! Please! -Yes, Renee.
总统先生 危机解除了吗 Mr. President, are we out of danger?
是 事实上我很高兴宣布 Yes. In fact, I am pleased to announce
我与外星入侵者签订了和平协议 I have brokered a peace treaty with the alien invaders.
这次的和平要完全归功于 This peace is due to, and only due to
英勇的电玩特攻队 the bravery of the Arcaders,
他们排除万难 挺身拯救所有人 who, against all odds, stepped up and saved us all.
埃迪 Eddie Plant,
拉德洛 Ludlow Lamonsoff,
山姆布伦纳 Sam Brenner,
以及薇乐丽范派登中校 and Lieutenant Colonel Violet Van Patten
都是美国英雄 are American heroes.
世界英雄 World heroes.
世界英雄 看来你不再是老宅男了 "World hero"? I guess you're not a nerd anymore.
你可别要我脱离宅男身分 You don't want me to stop being a nerd, ever.
怎么说 Why is that?
就像我说的 宅男是接吻高手 'Cause like I said, nerds are the greatest kissers.
这由我来评断 I'll be the judge of that.
英雄 到林肯卧室见我
像素大战
游戏结束
一年后
孩子 爸爸回来罗 Hey, kids. Daddy's home.
-爸爸 -爸爸 -Daddy! -Daddy! Daddy!
-爸爸 -爸爸 -Dad! Dad! -Daddy! Daddy!
爸爸 Daddy! Daddy!
大烂人
1982年世界电玩锦标赛
税
油
嗨 英雄