NARRATOR: This yacht is bringing a revolutionary invention to Gotham.
On a peaceful motor ride, millionaire Bruce Wayne...
...and his ward, Dick Grayson, have been summoned to Wayne Manor...
...by an urgent but anonymous call for help.
The invention and its custodian are reported in grave danger...
...aboard the yacht.
Never ones to shirk responsibility...
...Bruce and Dick, with characteristic speed and resolve...
...descend promptly to the Batcave.
And then, as they have done many times before...
...as Batman and Robin, courageous warriors against crime...
...they are off, once again, to the rescue.
Batteries to power. Turbines to speed.
Roger. Ready to move out.
BatmobiIe to airport, red alert. Prepare Batcopter for takeoff.
BatmobiIe approaching.
MAN: Red Alert! Gotham Tower to all aircraft in the control zone.
Enter your holding pattern. Batcopter cleared for takeoff.
It's good to know they`re up there doing their job.
Batdrift angIe: 03 to starboard.
Roger. Correcting to port.
Altitude: 31 7. Sink rate: 0.49.
-Drop Bat Iadder. -Bat ladder away.
Lock computer on afterdeck. Set automatic BathoId.
Watch out. This couId be tricky.
Have no fear. I'Il keep alI my wits about me. So Iong, for a minute.
Batman to Robin, ease off on the power!
Increase sink rate!
Roger! WiIco!
Take her up!
Holy sardine!
Hand me down the shark-repelIent Bat spray!
GORDON: Enough pictures. BATMAN: This must be brief.
O'HARA: You're Iucky they`ll taIk. -Mr. Merrick of The Gotham city Times.
A yacht approaching the city is said to have disappeared.
-Nonsense. How can a yacht disappear? -It isn't true?
I stand on my answer. Mr. StanIey of The Giobe.
-It was a Big Ben Distilleries yacht? -That's right.
Isn't the proprietor, Commodore Schmidlapp...
...bringing with him a new invention from Big Ben`s lab?
-No more questions about that ship. -What about that shark?
BATMAN: Unfortunately, it chanced to swallow a floating mine.
I wouIdn't worry about that. You there, Miss--
Comrade Kitanya lrenya Tatanya Karenska Alisoff.
From The Moscow Bugle.
You grace us with your presence. May I be of service?
Please, take off the mask to give the better picture.
-Batman take off his mask? O'HARA: She's mad.
BATMAN: Chief O'Hara, alI of you.
This young Iady is a stranger. Her request is not unnatural...
...however, impossible to grant.
-Impossible? -Indeed.
If we were to remove our masks, our true identities would be revealed.
-Ruining their vaIue as crime fighters. -Not even we know who they are.
In fact, our own reIatives don't know.
But your so curious costumes....
Don't be put off by them. Under this we`re ordinary Americans.
You`re like the masked vigiIantes in the Westerns?
Batman and Robin are deputized agents of the law!
-``Support your police`` is our message. -WeIl said, Robin.
And no better way to end this conference.
-Thank you and good day. MAN: Batman--
O'HARA: Never mind, everybody out. Come on, we're alI busy here.
A fine job. You alIayed their fears.
If l`d told the truth, panic would grip the city.
The truth. And what is the truth?
A decoy. An anonymous warning...
...that Schmidlapp's in danger, to Iure me into a trap.
An attempt on his Iife.
While they were luring you to a watery grave...
...the yacht was being hijacked?
-Precisely! -And who behind it?
What known super criminals are at large now?
I'Il check at once, Batman.
Let's have the latest status report on criminals at large. Thank you.
Coming up on the closed-circuit TV screen.
MAN: Status report. Known super criminals not currently imprisoned.
BATMAN: Penguin.
That pompous waddIing master of foul play...
...maestro of a miIlion criminal umbreIlas.
ROBlN: Joker! O'HARA: Clown prince of crime!
If l had a nickel for every time he baffIed us!
GORDON: The Riddler too?
So it seems. To plague us with his conundrums.
ROBlN: Gosh, and the Catwoman! -End of status report.
Could be any one of them, but which one?
Which ones?
Pretty fishy what happened to me on that ladder.
-Where there's a fish, there`s Penguin. -Wait! lt happened at sea.
See? `'C`' for Catwoman!
Yet, that exploding shark was puIling my leg.
-The Joker! -It aIl adds up to a sinister riddle.
Riddler. RiddIer?
A thought strikes me.
So dreadful I scarcely dare give it utterance.
The four of them. Their forces combined.
-Holy nightmare! -Batman, couId it be?
I don`t know.
But l think I know where to find a clue.
Robin, to the Batcave! We haven't one moment to Iose!
Ahoy, Catwoman.
How many times have I toId you? Never use my real name in public!
You and your trained exploding shark!
How shouId I know they`d have a can...
...of shark-repelIent Bat spray? You sniveIing sardine!
You pompous puffed-up penguin!
Friends, make peace. Have a shake on me.
A joke a day keeps the gIoom away!
Sic them, Hecate, scratch out their eyes.
-Take away that ravenous panther! -I'll feed him to the birds.
I'Il incapacitate it with my trick confetti!
"United Underworld.`' We`re about as united...
...as the members of the United WorId headquarters.
-What's the matter with you aIl? -She`s right.
If we don`t manage to swallow our super-criminaI pride--
Right, Mr. Riddler, quite right!
We must hang together, or we shalI hang separateIy.
What a pity that would be on the eve of the greatest criminal coup ever!
-How did it go, Catwoman? -Perfectly. Perfectly.
In my disguise as Kitka, I penetrated their press conference.
-The fools are completeIy baffled. -But undrowned.
Yes, unfortunately.
Batman's boots didn`t even Iook damp!
Our prisoner stiIl doesn't know he's kidnapped?
He just keeps ringing for his tea.
[BELL RINGS]
-There he goes again. PENGUlN: Take it to him, man.
[FOG HORN BLOWS]
[KNOCKING]
Come in.
Your tea, commodore.
Thank you, steward. Good service aboard this yacht.
We strive to give satisfaction, sir.
Your face has the most ghastly paIlor.
Are you getting enough sea air?
My duties keep me mostly undercover.
Too bad.
How much longer wilI this yacht be fogbound off the Grand Banks?
I couldn't say, sir.
WeIl, gives me a chance to catch up on my Dickens.
StiIl, l`d Iike to get to Gotham City.
I've a clever invention with me, stored down in the hoId.
Should be worth millions of dolIars, pip-pip!
WeIl, pip-pip to you, sir! If you wish anything further, just ring!
[FOG HORN BLOWS]
Schmidlapp`s invention in our hands...
...the whoIe world almost IiteralIy in our grasp!
And Batman and Robin stiIl alive to block us.
Everything pip-pip with the prisoner! Hasn't a cIue.
-I bet the Dynamic Duo has. -What?
A clue on how we made that ship disappear.
-And when they solve it-- -They`ll be out to investigate.
But we'Il be there first. If we hurry, that is.
Catwoman, you tend to this headquarters.
-Attention, you unfathomable finks! -Yo-ho!
CalI down to our secret river-bottom dock.
-Prepare our submarine for sea. -Yo-ho!
-Yo-ho what? -Sir!
Holy Merlin magician! Get set for a shock.
The Batcamera was aimed at the yacht.
BATMAN: My hunch was right. -I don't get it--
Think! As you remarked, no one can make...
...a seagoing vessel simpIy disappear.
Provided it was ever reaIly there at all.
-You mean--? -Precisely!
The yacht we thought we saw was a mere illusion.
A tricky projection akin to the common desert mirage.
It deceived our naked eyes...
...but was bIocked by the Batcamera's Batfilter!
I know where that projection came from.
-Observe that beIl buoy. ROBlN: What about it?
The coordinates of our position were 1 0.3 by 69-B.
Feed those figures into the navigational aid computer.
Roger.
No legal belI buoy at that position.
As l surmised, an iIlegaI projection buoy cleverly camouflaged.
Maybe the crooks left fingerprints!
Good thinking, let's find out. To the Batboat, fast!
-One thing l don't dig, Batman. -Oh?
If that ship was a mirage, where`s the real one?
Taken to some secret island hideaway with every souI aboard, save one.
-Commodore SchmidIapp? -Precisely.
For some reason the hijackers needed him...
...or his invention as part of their criminal scheme.
Keep an eye on the scope. Watch for suspicious vesseIs.
It looks like we`ve got the whole ocean to ourselves.
Diving pIanes, Mr. Bluebeard, three degrees.
Hoist three degrees.
I hope you know what you're doing, Penguin.
Mr. RiddIer, I ignore your insipid insinuation, sir!
Mr. Joker, you're Ieaning on the control!
Don't sound so bossy, if you please!
As the poet says:
"On land, you may command. At sea, it is me!``
Now hear this. This is your captain speaking, my fine pinioned pirates.
We`re approaching the buoy. There may be skullduggery ahead!
MAN: Yo-ho! -What? What?
Unidentified small craft, bearing 1 1 3.
Mr. BIuebeard, hold her steady! Up periscope!
Great quivering icebergs! Just as I hoped.
BATMAN: Watch your step, Robin.
An underwater shark cage. The source of that fish.
What crueIty! Stuffing a poor shark with deadly TNT!
Nothing`s sacred to those deviIs.
Torpedoes! What are we waiting for?
Chain of command, Mr. Riddler. The Penguin runs the ship.
Mr. Joker. Load the torpedo tubes!
Yo-ho!
Load torpedo tubes!
Salt and corrosion.
The infamous old enemies of the crime fighter. No prints here.
Look here, Batman.
That tricky mirage projector must be behind this plate.
Wow! What a set of superpower Ienses! No wonder we were fooled.
Look, Robin.
ROBlN: Holy Long John SiIver! A periscope!
He spotted us! Set torpedoes to automatic homing.
Set torpedoes to automatic homing!
You crazy bird. Fire them off, quickIy!
Activate the remote control Penguin magnet inside that buoy.
Yo-ho!
Holy glue pot! What's going on?
The fiends! They`ve converted this buoy into a gigantic magnet!
It's got us by the metallic objects in our utility beIts.
Torpedo tubes armed!
Batman! We`re helpless in this monstrous, invisible grip!
-Steady, Robin. l see one hope. -What, Batman?
If l could just pry loose my utility beIt transmitter!
-Mr. Joker, are you ready to fire? -Yo-ho, ready to fire!
Five, four, three, two.
-Fire 1 ! -Fire 1 !
Torpedoes!
If l can just reverse the poIarity, send out waves of super energy.
-What happened? -Mr. Joker, fire 2!
Fire 2!
Here comes another one!
You and your reconditioned surpIus torpedoes!
He must be using a super energy reverse polarizer! Mr. joker, fire 3!
Fire 3!
Here comes a third one!
Confound it, the batteries are dead!
This one's getting through!
It is. It`s getting through.
[TORPEDO EXPLODES]
Surface, Mr. BIuebeard!
Let us feast our eyes on the watery remains!
Gosh, the nobiIity of the almost-human porpoise.
True, Robin. It was noble of that animaI...
...to hurI himself into the path of that torpedo.
He gave his life for ours.
Operator, give me the Pentagon, Navy department.
Too bad.
[PHONE RlNGS]
Admiral FangschIiester's office.
HelIo, Batman speaking.
Oh, heIlo.
-Who is it? -Batman.
Oh, Batman.
HelIo, Batman. Ahoy! What can I do for you?
HelIo, admiral. A routine question.
Have you recently soId surplus submarines? lf so, to whom?
Just a moment, I'Il have to look that up.
[WHISTLES]
Keep practicing.
Answer: affirmative. We disposed of a surpIus submarine on Friday.
A pre-atomic modeI. To some chap named P.N. Gwynne.
-P.N. Gwynne? -The Penguin!
Did this P.N. Gwynne leave an address?
Just a post office box number. Would you like it?
No, thank you, admiraI. You`ve been very heIpful.
Your tone sounds grim. We haven't done anything foolish?
Disposing of submarines to persons who don`t even leave their addresses?
-Good day, admiral. -Gosh!
The Penguin in command of a pre-atomic submarine!
-Grave situation, Robin. -If only we knew what he was up to!
[RUMBLING]
Holy PoIaris!
From that submarine, no doubt.
That missiIe, it's written something.
ROBlN: A riddle, in the form of a joke!
Let's race back to headquarters. You know what this means, don`t you?
Our fear is confirmed. Penguin, Joker, Riddler, their forces combined.
-Heaven onIy knows the objective! -It may be worse.
Worse?
-Saints alive, how can that be? -Look at this pair of riddles.
"What does a turkey do when he flies upside down?``
-He gobbIes up. -Of course.
-And number two.
"What weighs 6 ounces, sits in a tree and is dangerous?`'
-A sparrow with a machine gun. -Of course.
Now, combine both answers.
What kind of creature wouId gobbIe up a bird in a tree?
Heaven protect us, a cat!
Yes, the criminaI catalyst in this entire affair...
...our oId archenemy, Catwoman.
Penguin, joker, Riddler and Catwoman too!
The sum of the angles of that rectangle is monstrous.
We`ve been given warning. They work to take over--
-Gotham City? -Any two of them might try that!
-The whole country? -If it were three, l`d say yes.
But four? Their minimum objective must be...
...the entire world.
CATWOMAN: The United World building, comrades.
Our objective, the Security CounciI.
Sitting like fat birds in a tree just waiting to be snatched.
And you bungled it! The Dynamic Duo escaped our trap!
Passing porpoises which intercept torpedoes!
There ought to be a piscatoriaI statute!
Time is short! We`ve got to get Batman before he gets us.
I could lure him into a giant exploding octopus--
After one of your fishy explosions, they`re still in one piece.
I suppose they`lI be broken up by your moldy jokes!
Shut up, all of you! I see the way to do it.
We`lI pIay each of our treacherous trumps in one hand.
And we`lI do it right here!
-How? -How?
The end.
The end of....
We shall spring them from the Joker's jack-in-the-box...
...through that window, out over the sea...
...and into the waiting arms of the Penguin's exploding octopus!
The trigger? One of my riddles.
And the bait? You, Catwoman.
You`re mad. The minute Batman spots her...
...he'Il bop her with a Batarang.
You don't understand. She will be disguised as Kitka.
And as Kitka, she shalI lure some millionaire into a kidnap trap.
Of course! With a cIever cIue pointing here.
-Batman will race to the rescue. -Capital!
But who are we going to kidnap?
I know the perfect victim.
I know the perfect victim! l know!
Bruce Wayne, the milIionaire head...
...of that disgusting do-gooding Wayne Foundation.
Delicious! Just the sort of square citizen Batman wiIl dash to rescue.
-Then snap! -Into the combination trap.
Perfect, RiddIer, perfect.
Comrade Wayne? My name is Kitanya Irenya Tatanya Karenska AIisoff.
i`m from The Moscow Bugle. My friends caIl me Kitka.
Kitka. Kitka, a charming acronym.
Thank you, Comrade Wayne.
The Wayne Foundation is known from Leningrad to Kamchatka.
It works for peace and understanding.
Your picture has appeared countless times in The Moscow Bugle.
I'm most grateful, I wasn't aware of that.
Oh, da, da.
You found these riddles on Wayne Foundation stationery under your door?
Yes, Comrade Wayne. That`s why I brought them to you.
I thought it was some fooIishness, then l remembered:
Is there not a bourgeois criminal cad...
...the Riddler, who preys upon the workers?
Your jargon is quaint, Miss Kitka.
But there is such a creature.
What do we do now? Report these riddles to your police...
...or perhaps to that Cossack Batman?
That`s hardly necessary at the moment.
Doubtless it`s the work of some harmIess crank.
Nevertheless, shalI we give this matter further consideration...
...over dinner tonight?
What a perfectly lovely idea.
I'Il telephone to canceI a previous engagement.
Alfred wilI see you to the door.
Do vechera.
Do vechera, Comrade Wayne.
Alfred, see Miss Kitka out, please. Meet me in the Batcave. Emergency.
Very good, sir.
Listen to these riddIes. TeIl me if you interpret them as l do.
-``What has yeIlow skin and writes?`` -A baIlpoint banana.
Right. `'What peopIe are aIways in a hurry?`'
Rushing people? Russians!
Right again. What wouId you say they mean?
Banana, Russian....
A Russian will slip on a banana peel and break their neck!
PreciseIy, the only possibIe meaning.
-A cIear threat to Miss Kitka's Iife. -Who?
Miss Kitka, the charming Russian journalist for The Moscow Bugle.
In some way she must have unwittingly stumbIed on the criminals' plot!
What is the scheme?
Tonight Bruce Wayne wilI go out on the town with Miss Kitka.
-A not displeasing chore. -Indeed.
I've rarely met a girl...
...who`s a potent argument in favor of international relations.
You will dog our footsteps in the BatmobiIe.
You`lI keep watch via the Batscanner.
-If the Riddler tries to make good-- -I'll bash him brutally.
-Then we close in with the poIice. -Yes.
-Got your driver`s license? -In my walIet.
Good man. Drive carefully. Good Iuck! This may be a memorabIe night.
[SINGS IN FRENCH]
This curtain which separates our countries is so foolish.
If we could just contrive...
...some way of getting more deepIy involved with each other.
Da, we must search for such a method.
[WHISPERS]
It's wrong to Iisten to this.
Some things have to be private, even for a crime fighter.
Your discretion is admirable, Master Robin, yes.
-Time for another check-in. -Roger.
[BEEPlNG]
-Commissioner. -Yes?
-Yes, Boy Wonder. -Batmobile position:
Gotham Park, proceeding south on West Drive.
About to pass Benedict Arnold monument.
StiIl in the park? lt`s been aImost an hour. What are they doing?
No comment, commissioner. Let`s just say, no sign of criminal activity.
Yes, l understand.
I've just thought of a clever ruse.
Have Chief O'Hara flash the Batsignal.
If you say so, but why?
The crooks wilI think we're racing to headquarters.
Thinking we`re out of the way, they might strike at Miss Kitka!
DevilishIy cIever!
-Thank you. Batmobile over and out. -Right.
-Chief O'Hara, fIash the BatsignaI. -Yes, sir.
Shades of Smolensk, what is that?
BRUCE: Incredible, I don't--
-Of course! How clever. -Clever, Comrade Wayne?
I mean, clever device, Miss Kitka.
It's the Batsignal, from the roof of poIice headquarters.
Batman must be racing there in response.
Then you did get the police to call them in for my protection.
Yes, yes.
How perfectIy wonderful of you!
I close my eyes and l dream of those savage Cossacks...
...racing over the steps on their mission.
How strange.
I close my eyes, and l dream of something...
...quite astonishingly different.
Da, da.
Keep your eyes closed. Continue with this dream.
The dream continues.
[BEEPlNG IN MORSE CODE]
-It approaches a climax. -Nyet.
Not so fast. Be more sIow.
Miss Kitka?
May I see you home to that penthouse apartment?
-He swaIlowed the Catbait! -And now to make him Batbait.
Finks, Morgan, Bluebeard, Quetch, the jetpack umbrellas!
Yo-ho-ho, sir!
I'Il slip into something more comfortable...
...while your cocoa is warming.
Is that prudent? Our instructions were to keep watch.
I don`t know about prudent. But it`s the only decent thing to do.
Perhaps. Yes, yes.
There it is, 73rd Street and Concord Avenue.
FoIlow me down to the terrace.
And all my days are trances And all my nightly dreams
Are where thy dark eye glances
And where thy footstep gleams
[SPEAKS IN RUSSlAN]
Edgar Allan Poe, Miss Kitka.
"To One in Paradise,`' first stanza.
About that dream you had....
-Do we dare? -Why not?
Yes, of course. Why not?
Of what use is a dream if not a blueprint for courageous action?
Into action, comrade.
Miss Kitka, I have the strangest feeIing...
...that l am about to be utterly and madly carried away.
[CRASHlNG]
-This is a kidnapping! -Our joke's on you!
You filthy criminaIs!
[HlSSES]
-Much as one deplores indiscretion-- -Right.
I'Il just take one tiny, tiny peek.
-Holy demolition! -BIess my dustpan!
Cover the exits. I'Il race up with my Batrope!
Holy Halloween!
[HOWLS]
Strange, Batman shouId`ve been here hours ago.
Maybe you didn't leave a clear enough clue.
I did! l can`t understand why Batman hasn`t dashed into our trap.
He puts his foot here, my secret jack-in-the-box fires...
...shooting him over the sea...
...into the waiting arms of Penguin's exploding octopus.
What a deIiciousIy humorous trajectory!
And nothing to Iink us with the crime.
You abominabIe outlaws! What have you done with Miss Kitka?
She`s quite weIl, Mr. Wayne.
I swear by heaven, if you've harmed that girl...
...l`ll kilI you all.
I'Il rend you limb from limb!
Mr. Wayne, must you be so impuIsive?
Where is she? Show me Miss Kitka...
...or l`lI wreck this place with my dying breath!
Blindfold the captive.
Lead him down the labyrinthine path to chamber 1 7.
Two minutes, no more.
-Turn on the secret microphone. -Quiet, quiet!
-Miss Kitka. -Comrade Wayne.
-Are you alI right? -Da, da.
I'Il curse myseIf forever.
This nasty soup we`re in is of my brewing.
If l hadn't Iet your beauty lulI me off guard....
Off guard, comrade?
There are some things I cannot disclose.
But we're in the hands of the most vicious foursome.
I fear we have nothing to look forward to but death.
It may not be that black, Comrade Wayne.
Batman and Robin are probably hot on our traiI.
From something I happened to overhear...
...i think we are merely bait for Batman.
Once he`s in their trap, we`ll be released.
A slender hope, Miss Kitka. More slender than you can know.
You do not think Batman wilI get here?
That I cannot say.
Did you overhear any mention...
...of any other prisoner of this rotten gang?
No, I did not.
Who on earth could you mean?
[BELL RINGS]
Commodore Schmidlapp ringing for his tea.
Just a thought, it doesn't matter. Speedy escape is our onIy hope.
A moment, whiIe l think....
Why didn't l think of it sooner?
[BELL RINGS]
Of what?
Up my sIeeve I have a radio transmitter strapped above my elbow.
-What a curious device to carry. -Not at alI.
Capitalists who carry a lot of money have safety contrivances.
If l can just get at it....
WiggIe around back-to-back.
Maybe you can reach it with your fingers.
Da.
Let's get him.
There we are.
You think you`re pretty clever, don't you?
-Clever enough to outwit you. -We`ll see about that.
Dear coIleagues, Iet`s see what`s strapped above his left elbow.
Cretinous creatures! I knew you`d been Iistening in!
I told you that fish story about a radio....
Get him!
Miss Kitka! Where are you?
-Great day! -Hello, commissioner.
Dick, we`re late for that demonstration. Excuse us.
But you can`t dash off now. How did you escape?
-With the aid of Batman. -Thank goodness for the Caped Crusader.
Return to police headquarters. He may wish to call you.
My fine finkish friends, you have heard my astounding proposal.
What do you say? What do you say?!
Our strike cannot be postponed.
We`re at the mercy of the Gotham River tide.
It's now or never to get through the channeI.
Batman wilI never come here now. But the police wiIl, any instant.
So, to the Penguin's princely pIan. Is it yes or no?
It's crazy, but let's try it. We have to get Batman out of the way.
Oh, go ahead, Penguin.
Would you drop one of your dream pilIs into Commodore Schmidlapp's tea?
-Presto! -Then carry him to the submarine!
Mr. RiddIer, wilI you tell Mr. Quetch...
...to fetch the five guinea pigs?
-Fetch the guinea pigs. -Yo-ho.
Yo-ho-ho, sir!
Now, my fine fishy finks...
...you see the commodore's pièce de ``no-résistance"...
...an instant whiskey maker.
Waiting for us to put it to more universaI use.
Don't be afraid. You`lI feel nothing.
I am merely going to temporarily extract...
...every bit of moisture from your bodies!
It's a painIess operation.
-Delightful! -Dehydrated!
Catwoman, will you get a dustpan...
...and put every one of them very carefully into separate vials?
Mr. RiddIer, would you prepare the submarine to get underway...
...while l prepare a terrifying demolition charge for the police?
-Where do we meet? -United WorId building.
Gotham River. 39th fIoor. The elevator.
-One hour? -One hour.
What criminaI genius, Catwoman!
Who but a genius could conceive such an audacious pIot?
To trick Batman and Robin into inviting me to their Batcave...
...with five dehydrated death-dealing pirates at my command.
CarefuI, careful. Every one of them has a mother.
Out, Batarang and Batrope. Stand clear.
With people in weird outfits like the supercrooks around here...
...it's amazing no one reports this place to the police!
It's a low neighborhood, fuIl of rum pots.
They attribute curious sights to alcohoIic delusions.
Gosh, drink is sure a filthy thing.
I'd rather be dead than unabIe to trust my own eyes.
Yes, honey. There was someone walking up the waIl.
Ready with super-blinding BatpeIlets.
-Away, Robin. Away! -But--
Come on, Batman.
Batman!
Miss Kitka!
[BAND PLAYS]
Quick, everyone! Flee for your Iives! lnto the street!
Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.
[BOMB EXPLODES]
Batman.
Batman!
-It`s aIl right. -Holy heart failure!
I was able to dispose of that bomb just in time...
...and shield myseIf behind these heavy iron pipes.
You risked your life to save that riffraff in the bar?
They may be drinkers, but they`re also human beings...
...and may be salvaged.
I had to do it!
But we Iost the trail of that angelic Miss Kitka. Stranded without a cIue!
Ahoy there! Could you chaps direct me to a policeman?
Commodore Schmidlapp`s the name. Big Ben DistilIeries, you know.
-Holy costume party. The Penguin! -Obviously.
What's his game?
-What's your game, Penguin? -Penguin?
No, my name's Schmidlapp, oId boy, Schmidlapp.
Your fingerprints will settIe that hash.
We`lI check them against our mobile anti-crime file in our Batmobile.
Let's see your hands.
Looks like pIastic-coated fingertips!
Yes, l scorched myself pressing a waistcoat.
I do believe the attending surgeon did use plastic, yes.
It looks bad. This brassy bird has us buffaIoed.
Not quite.
There's one method of identification no one can evade.
Retinal eye patterns?
He's right. The pattern of blood vessels...
...in the retina, as individuaI as a fingerprint.
Don't you have an anti-criminal, eye-pattern master file...
...in your Batcave? Why don`t you take me there?
-You`ll submit yourseIf to a test? -It might be an amusing experience.
Stand by to catch him, Robin. I'Il give him the Batgas.
What? Batgas?
An anesthetic, necessary to prevent you from seeing...
...the entrance to the Batcave.
If anyone knew that, they could pierce the secret of our identities.
Ready, commodore?
Oh, l say, what deucedIy strange customs you colonials have!
WeIl, I'm ready.
To the Batmobile. This couId be our break.
-Why did he Iet us take him? -We`ll soon know.
-I've got the eye checker. -Stay on alert.
After l give him the Batwake, we must be ready for anything.
Oh, it's you. We`re here, eh? l see.
Oh, what's this? Oh, say!
This is extraordinary! It's absoIutely extraordinary!
I must say, your laboratory exceeds the limits...
...of man`s wildest imagination.
Could l troubIe you for a glass of water?
Your Batgas has left me with a parched sensation.
The water dispenser is cIearIy marked.
All right, thank you. Thank you, sir.
Help yourseIf, commodore. Slake your thirst.
You`lI have worse than a parched sensation when we`re through.
Perhaps, perhaps. But l am appaIled by your attitude, sir.
Condemning me before the facts have been authoritatively estabIished!
You are abrogating my constitutional rights, sir.
ROBlN: All set.
Come on, Penguin. Time to rip off your false feathers.
Coming, Batman. I'm coming at once.
ROBlN: Holy halIucination!
I wish it were, but it's five dehydrated pirates, rehydrated!
At them, me hearties! Shiver them from stem to stern!
Yo-ho-ho, sir!
Attack them, you faltering fink!
They`re gone! Popped like balIoons. How did it happen?
Whoever dehydrated those pirates...
...couldn't have foreseen their rehydration with the heavy water...
...we use to recharge the atomic pile!
It left them in an unstable condition!
You saw it yourself. The sIightest impact was sufficient...
...to instantIy reduce them to antimatter.
Antimatter? You mean, they won`t be coming back?
No, Robin. Not in this universe.
Let that be a Iesson in the dangers...
...of tampering with the laws of Mother Nature.
My apologies, commodore. I've done you a cruel injustice.
-You have? -You were duped. Brainwashed.
The criminals planted those dehydrated thugs on you.
You were obviousIy under the infIuence...
...of post-hypnotic suggestion when you rehydrated them.
Come on down, commodore.
Another sniff of Batgas, and we'Il alI return to the city.
Are you sure you didn`t hurt your head?
PerfectIy. SwaIlow this piIl.
Now, give our friend here a whiff of Batwake.
Good morning.
What's wrong?
ManifoId pressure`s dropping. We`d better stop and check it.
-Sorry about that. Won`t take long. -Yes, you will!
Yo-ho and away we go in my BirdmobiIe!
One side kick for a sailor.
-You okay? -Thanks to the anti-Penguin gas piIl!
He's pIayed right into our hands. Via BatcycIe to the Batcopter!
We`lI track him to the gang's new hideout.
Disengage go-cart.
Batscanner tracking the stolen Batmobile.
Port two degrees, then steady as she goes!
Yo-ho, port two degrees!
We`re aImost there!
-Where are you going? -To fire off more riddIing clues.
Riddler! You're mad! Penguin's finished Batman by now.
That miserable, waddling mountebank of a bird!
He couIdn't finish a bag of popcorn!
Say Penguin faiIed. All the more reason not to hand them clues.
But l must! Outwitting Batman is my sole delight...
...my joy, my heaven on earth, my very paradise.
Riddler, come back!
Stolen Batmobile turning, heading up Gotham River Drive.
Polaris-type missile coming right for us!
Hold on! This may be tricky.
-Damage? -The tail rotor's disengaged.
Brace yourself, Robin, we're going down.
This couId be the end.
Now, to find my riddIing Polaris skywriter!
Look! Look, the Dynamic Duo!
I got them. I got them.
Holy horseshoe!
Some Iuck, landing right on top of a bed of foam rubber!
The odds against it would make even the most reckless gambIer cringe.
True, I did think I'd spotted it out of the corner of my eye, but--
That crazy missile wrote two more riddles before it blew up.
An egg!
Make applesauce.
AppIes into applesauce. A unification into one smooth mixture.
An egg, nature's perfect container. The container of our future hopes.
A unification in a container of hope? United World Organization!
PreciseIy! And the Security CounciI meets today.
-If what l fear is true-- -Let`s commandeer a taxi.
No, not at this time of day. Luckily we're in tip-top condition.
It'Il be faster if we run. Let`s go!
We are now passing through the grotto.
-Depth, haIf a fathom. -Engines, dead slow astern.
Dead sIow astern.
[MEOWS]
As the blueprint said, an abandoned construction elevator.
Hecate, sniff out the weak spot.
[MEOWS]
-I hope Penguin made it. -Who needs him?
Stand back.
Hey! Can't you read?
A fine day for penguins.
My co-conspirators, we meet as pIanned.
No thanks to you, the Dynamic Duo has been silenced forever.
Blasted out of the sky by a coincidence!
The delicious irony of it! Downed by Riddler`s Polaris skywriter.
Happy happenstance! Hold your breaths as we cross the hall.
There are still Iingering traces of my finely filtered Penguin gas.
Holy marathon! l'm getting a stitch!
Let's hope it`s a stitch in time that saves nine.
The nine members of the Security Council.
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES]
It is the opinion of Her Majesty that we pursue peace at alI costs.
Our poor united worId in microcosm.
I'm afraid they`lI find our humor very, very dry.
We understand your position, but for peace--
It has aIways been our policy--
QuickIy now! Each one in a separate vial.
And, boys, don`t anybody sneeze.
BATMAN: SeaI the buiIding! ROBlN: Close the ventilating system!
The Security Council may have been dehydrated!
Emergency, operator. Get me security.
Emergency, operator, emergency!
Up, up, up, up!
-Surrender! You criminals! -The United UnderworId is through!
What's this, an apparition?
One faIse move, and you'lI find out. We`lI hurI our Batarangs!
-To the elevator! -Catwoman! Stop, l said!
I don`t think you mean that.
Miss Kitka dies if you take one more step! Go!
This way, Robin!
The Security Council, gone!
What a fiendishly cIever way to abduct nine men...
...from a heaviIy guarded buiIding!
Where does that elevator go?
Downstairs, to an abandoned submarine dock on the river.
Holy Captain Nemo! They'Il head for sea by way of Short lsland Sound.
We have just one trump card left.
Heaven help the worId if we fail.
Come on!
Down periscope.
We`re over the last bar. Mr. BIuebeard, alI engines fulI ahead.
Yo-ho, aIl engines fuIl ahead!
What a deIightful haul!
Mr. RiddIer, wiIl you prepare those nine radio ransom messages?
And no stupid riddIes. Make those messages plain.
One bilIion dolIars cash, from each country.
PreciseIy! To be delivered to our secret island...
...by the horde of trained carrier pigeons which I shalI provide.
No whimsical embellishments. Make those messages cIear!
It's Iike a dream, Pengy-sweet.
Nothing can stop us now.
Sonar contact. Range 8000. Bearing 1 81 .
Yo-ho, sonar contact. SmalI craft at 7500, bearing 01 .
SmalI craft?
It's moving fast. Range is down to 7000.
-The Batboat! -Drat that cockIeshelI!
Mr. BIuebeard, steady on the diving pIanes.
I'Il man the torpedo tubes.
Would you fire a surface-to-surface underwater homing missile?
[MEOWS]
MissiIe ahoy!
It has a homing device in its nose cone. Take evasive action.
No use. It`s tracking us!
Take my Batradio. I looked it up this morning.
That class of missiIe receives on a waveIength of 1 64.1 .
-1 64.1 . -QuickIy! Send a jamming signal.
It's starting down.
FareweIl, Batman!
FareweIl, Dynamic Duo!
Holy bikini, that was close!
Yo-ho, smalI craft still closing. Range 4000. Bearing 88.
They know how to jam our missiles. Up to periscope depth!
MAN: Yo-ho, up to periscope depth.
-Range 3500. -Get the Batcharge launcher.
Roger!
They hoId nine of the world`s most eminent men in dehydrated condition.
Our task is not to sink that sub, mereIy to drive it to the surface.
Forward torpedo tubes, prepare to fire.
Yo-ho! Forward torpedo tubes, prepare to fire.
Five, four, three, two...
...torpedoes, fire!
Torpedoes, fire!
Torpedoes away!
-Dive, Mr. Bluebeard, dive! -Yo-ho, dive.
Down periscope.
Torpedo off the port bow!
Prepare to fire Batcharges in front of torpedoes.
That`s too soon! It must be Batcharges!
And that means there'lI be more of the dread things meant for us!
You dismaI bird! You and your submarine!
Shut up, you feline floozy!
Mr. BIuebeard, down 30 fathoms.
Run silent, run deep.
They`re diving, silent engines.
I'Il circIe them at full-thrust speed, diminishing radius of curvature.
Roger.
What's their bearing?
-I don't know, sir. -You don`t know?
It's changing every second. They must be circling us.
Fire when ready.
I'Il maintain curvature.
Yo-ho! Compartments A, B and C taking in water, sir!
Penguin, you know l can't take water!
You cowardly kitten, you want to live forever?
-This bird has flown around the bend! -To cuckooland!
Oh, RiddIer, joker, do something! We weren't meant for a watery grave!
Now hear this! Now hear this!
Blow all tanks! Surface! Surface!
Cut the Batcharges. They`ve had enough, l imagine.
They`re surfacing fast.
-Estimated surfacing position? -200 yards.
Here they come.
Diminishing speed. Ready to board.
Roger.
Pirates! To arms!
Prepare to repel boarders!
Strike your colors!
We have not yet begun to fight! Attack!
Bon voyage, pussy.
Holy heartbreak! Miss Kitka!
[WOMAN SlNGS IN FRENCH]
Batman, I....
Say no more, Robin. It could be compromising.
Of course.
It's just one of those things in the life of every crime fighter.
It means nothing. Snap on the Batcuffs.
Batman to coast guard.
There's a submarine two miIes east of Sandy Nose.
It's filIed with human jetsam. Come, take it in tow.
Robin. Over here, look.
The hope of the world, tottering on the brink!
Holy almost!
To think, it might have been shattered before our very eyes.
-Up, Catwoman. -The service here has gone to pot.
What the devil is this? The captain`s costume party?
Holy jumbIe! Where's the hope of the worId now?
Batcentrifuge at 32,000 rpm.
Increase angstrom force in vector X.
Vector X up one notch.
[BEEPlNG]
-Yes, commissioner? -What progress? ls there hope?
There's always hope.
But do you think you and Robin can separate that mingled dust...
...back into its constituent members?
With all modesty, commissioner...
...if we can`t, heaven knows who can.
Truer words were never spoken.
PRESIDENT: Howdy, you ail. How are those boys doing up there?
Batman says there`s hope, Mr. President. What more can one ask?
The free worId is waiting. TeIl Batman I saIute him and wish him luck.
l needn't tell you with whom l have just spoken.
Ready for separation.
All right. I'Il activate the computer link.
Input the ethnic and national factors.
-Batman, wait a minute! -What?
WeIl, with the way the world is and all...
...maybe we ought to try to improve those factors?
-ReshuffIe them a little. -No.
It's not for us to tamper with the Iaws of nature.
In this very Batcave, you saw a ghastly example...
...of what happens when one tries to do that.
Gosh, yes. When you put it that way....
Here we go.
[BEEPlNG]
Yes?
Separation accomplished. Ready to rehydrate.
Separation accomplished.
They are ready to rehydrate.
We are ready to rehydrate.
[MEN SPEAKlNG OVER LOUDSPEAKERS IN FORElGN LANGUAGES]
MAN: They are ready to rehydrate.
A solemn moment, gentlemen.
One of dedication and humble supplication.
Robin, prepare to rehydrate.
Ready to rehydrate.
Turn on the water faucet.
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES]
Success! Success!
They`ve done it! They`ve done it!
Success, success! We`ve done it, we`ve done it!
[MEN SPEAKlNG OVER LOUDSPEAKERS IN FORElGN LANGUAGES]
MAN: Success! Success!
[SPEAKS JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS RUSSlAN]
What the--?
In the interest of peace, you must hear me out!
[SPEAKS HEBREW]
[SPEAKS GERMAN]
[SPEAKS NIGERIAN]
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
Gentlemen, it is imperative that we limit our conversation to peace.
[SPEAKS FRENCH]
Who knows, Robin?
This strange mixing of minds...
...may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity.
Let's go, but inconspicuously.
Through the window. We`lI use our Batropes.
Our job is finished.
Subtitles by SDl Media Group
[ENGLISH SDH] �