你今天要做什麼？拿破崙 What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?
做我想做的事，天啊 Whatever I feel like I want to do. Gosh!
你的時事報告，拿破崙 Your current event, Napoleon.
上星期日本科學家《爆放》… Last week, Japanese scientists "explaced"...
在尼斯湖底放了炸彈引爆器 placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness...
想把尼西炸出水面 to blow Nessie out of the water.
尼西同盟的寇特葛菲瑞爵士 Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance...
召來蘇格蘭當地魔法師幫忙 summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards...
針對湖跟當地居民 to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents...
以及尋找水怪的人施放保護咒語 and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
來吧 Yes. Yes.
拿破崙，你整個暑假在做什麼？ Hey, Napoleon, what'd you do all last summer again?
我說過我跟我叔叔在阿拉斯加獵狼獾 I told you. I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines.
- 你有獵到狼獾嗎？ - 我獵到五十隻 - Did you shoot any? - Yes, like 50 of'em.
牠們一直攻擊我的堂兄弟 They kept tryin'to attack my cousins.
在那種情況下你會做什麼？ What the heck would you do in a situation like that?
你拿的是什麼槍？ What kind of gun did you use?
點12的槍，你覺得呢？ A frickin' 12-gauge. What do you think?
你覺得你很幽默嗎？ 走路小心一點 You think you're funny? Just watch your step.
- 但我沒有… - 我只要你的零錢，拿破崙 But I didn't...
加強你們的…
我可以借用一下電話嗎？ Hey, could I use your guys's phone for a sec?
發生了什麼事？ Is there anything wrong?
我覺得不太舒服 I don't feel very good.
喂 Hi.
- 奶奶在嗎？ - 不，她去弄頭髮了 - Is Grandma there? - No, she's getting her hair done.
- 你有什麼事嗎？ - 你能幫我聯絡她嗎？ - What do you need? - Can you just go get her for me?
- 我現在真的很忙 - 請她來接我 - I'm really busy right now. - Well, just tell her to come get me.
- 為什麼？ - 因為我覺得不太舒服 - Why? - 'Cause I don't feel good.
你去找過校護了嗎？ Well, have you talked to the school nurse?
不，她什麼都不懂 No, she doesn't know anything.
- 你能來接我嗎？ - 不 - Will you just come get me? - No.
- 那麼你能幫我一個忙嗎？ - 什麼？ - Well, will you do me a favor then? - What?
- 你能幫我拿護脣膏來嗎？ - 不，拿破崙 - Can you bring me my ChapStick? - No, Napoleon.
但我的嘴唇真的好痛 But my lips hurt real bad.
跟校護借護脣膏 Just borrow some from the school nurse.
我知道她的抽屜裡有五根護脣膏 I know she has, like, five sticks in her drawer.
我不要用她的護脣膏，變態 I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko.
再見 See ya.
笨蛋 Idiot!
大衛戴普克請到辦公室 David Dempke, please come to the offiice.
你懂英文嗎？這一點都不複雜 You do understand English? This isn't that complex.
聽著，餐廳在走廊底，右轉下樓 Look, the cafeteria's down the hall to the right and downstairs.
他是新來的嗎？ Hey, is that a new kid or something?
拿破崙，他是培多羅 Napoleon, this is Pedro.
你能帶他到他的置物櫃去嗎？ Would you mind showing him where his locker is?
沒問題 Sure.
來吧 Come on.
學校裡有很多幫派 You know, there's, like, a buttload of gangs at this school.
有個幫派要我加入 This one gang kept wanting me to join...
因為我是很棒的弓箭手 'cause I'm pretty good with a bow staff.
- 你搭公車上學嗎？ - 不，我騎腳踏車 - Do you ride the bus to school? - No. I ride my bike.
- 你騎什麼樣的腳踏車？ - 鐵鎚牌的 - What kind of bike do you have? - It's a Sledgehammer.
天啊 Dang!
你有避震器跟掛勾 You got shocks, pegs.
真幸運 Lucky!
你曾經騎著它飛過半空中嗎？ You ever take it off any sweet jumps?
剛剛你大概飛了三呎高 You got, like, three feet of air that time.
我可以試一下嗎？ Can I try it really quick?
我喜歡 I love the way...
妳的沙金色頭髮 your sandy hair...
飛舞的樣子 floats in the air.
對我來說那像是催眠曲 To me it's like a lullaby.
我只是想飛得高高的 I'm just flying by, oh, so high...
就像綁在棍子上的風箏 like a kite tied to a stake.
學校情況如何？ How was school?
這是我一生中最糟糕的一天。妳覺得呢？ The worst day of my life. What do you think?
我要你去看看蒂娜要不要吃這個 Well, I want you to go see if Tina wants some of this.
奇普今天什麼都沒做 Kip hasn't done flipping anything today.
聽著，今晚我跟你們的… 奇普，認真聽 Look, tonight me and your... Kip, listen!
什麼？ What?
今晚我跟你們的阿姨要去拜訪一些朋友 Tonight me and your aunt are gonna go visit some friends...
我們明天才會回來 and we're not gonna be back till tomorrow.
我們的牛排快吃完了 We're gettin' low on steak...
我會請凱利明天過來處理一下 so I got Lyle comin' over tomorrow to take care of it.
- 有什麼吃的？ - 別鬧了，拿破崙 - Well, what's there to eat? - Knock it off, Napoleon.
幫自己做墨西哥牛肉餅 Make yourself a dang quesadilla!
好吧 Fine!
我明天就會回來 I'll be back tomorrow.
你把薯條都吃完了，奇普 Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip!
拿破崙，別嫉妒 Napoleon, don't be jealous...
我整天上網跟辣妹聊天 that I've been chatting online with babes all day.
而且我們都知道 我在接受籠子鬥士的訓練 Besides, we both know I'm training to become a cage fighter.
從什麼時候開始，奇普？你的反應糟到不行 Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
- 來打我吧，拿破崙 - 什麼？ - Try and hit me, Napoleon. - What?
我說過來這裡看看 你真的打我有什麼下場 I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.
真是個笨蛋 Such an idiot.
讓我看看你的厲害 Let me see what your best move is.
我去開門 I'll go get it.
天啊 Geez!
你好，你想變成這樣嗎？ Um, hello. Would you like to look like this?
她是女生 This is a girl.
因為這是有時效性的 Because for a limited time only...
黛比寫真現在打二五折 glamour shots by Deb are 75% off.
我已經在《切割珊瑚》髮廊剪過頭髮 I already get my hair cut at the Cuttin' Corral.
或許你會喜歡手工藝品 Well, maybe you'd be interested in some home-woven handicrafts.
我是雷斯 雷斯拳道自衛系統的創辦人 I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwon Do Self-Defense System.
在我的道館跟我練上一星期，你將可以自衛 After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself...
有灰熊般的力量 with the strength of a grizzly...
美洲獅的反射力 The reflexes of a puma...
跟人類的智慧 and the wisdom of a man.
今天來體驗免費課程 Come down today for your free trial lesson!
這裡有皮繩鑰匙圈 In here we have some boondoggle key chains.
本季的流行必備品 A must-have for this season's fashion.
我已經在童軍營做過那些了 I already made, like, infinity of those at Scout camp.
這裡還有別人嗎？ Well, is anyone else here?
我想賺大學學費 I'm trying to earn money for college.
妳媽媽要唸大學 Your mom goes to college.
下一段是… Let's bring in that...
蒂娜，妳這個大胖子，快來吃晚餐 Tina, you fat lard. Come get some dinner.
蒂娜，快吃東西 Tina, eat. Eat the food.
吃東西 Eat the food!
請你送我進城去 It'd be nice if you could pull me into town.
我是雷斯。如果你們參加八週課程 My name is Rex, and if you study with my eight-week program...
你們將能學會自衛方法 you will learn a system of self-defense...
我在八卦陣裡打了兩季，才研發出它來 that I developed over two seasons of fighting in the Octagon.
它叫做雷斯拳道 It's called Rex Kwon Do!
我需要自願者 I need a volunteer.
好吧，就是你，快過來 Okay, you'll do. Come up here.
跟師父敬禮 Bow to your sensei. Bow to your sensei!
好吧 Okay.
我要給你一個機會 Now, I'm gonna give you one chance.
大夥們，一個機會，使出你的全力來吧 One chance, people. Give me your best shot.
好吧，那真的很棒。好吧，大家仔細看著 All right. That was pretty good. Okay. Now, watch this, everybody.
抓住我的手，另一隻手 Grab my arm. The other arm.
我的另一隻手 My other arm.
好吧，看著，我要甩開他的手並且逃開 Now watch this. I'm just gonna break the wrist and walk away.
甩開他的手，逃開 Break the wrist, walk away.
- 天啊 - 就那麼簡單 - Geez! - Okay. It's just that simple.
我要你踢我，快踢我 Now, I want you to kick me. Come on. Kick me.
好吧，再來一次 Okay, do it again.
再來一次 Do it again.
好吧，你每次都能打退敵人 - Ouch. - Okay. You'll block it every time.
請坐 Have a seat.
除了剛剛你們看到的 Now, in addition to what you just saw...
如果你們參加八週課程 if you study with my eight-week program...
你們可以學會這些事 you're gonna learn these things.
首先… First off...
雷斯拳道，我們用的是搭檔系統 Rex Kwon Do, we use the buddy system.
不再一個人面對困境 No more flyin'solo.
你隨時都需要有人保護你 You need somebody watching your back at all times!
第二，你們將能學會建立形象 Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image.
你們覺得我今天能有這樣的成就，因為我打扮得跟彼得潘一樣嗎？ Do you think I got where I am today because I dress like Peter Pan here?
看看我穿的衣服 Take a look at what I'm wearing, people.
你們覺得當我穿得跟壞人一樣… Do you think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face...
會有人敢動我的寒毛嗎？想都不要想 while I'm wearin' these bad boys? Forget about it.
最後，我的學生將學會自重 Last off, my students will learn about self-respect.
你覺得有人會認為我是廢物 Do you think anybody thinks I'm a failure...
因為我每晚都回到史塔拉的懷抱中？ because I go home to Starla at night?
算了吧 Forget about it.!
只要三百塊，現在就能報名… Now, for only $300, you can sign up right now...
參加我的八週課程 for my eight-week program.
那個地方根本就是騙人的 Well, that place was a rip-off.
嗨，萊爾 Hey, Lyle.
沒有一樣東西能用 Nothin' on here works smooth.
有人說愛像大河
能淹沒柔軟的蘆葦
有人說愛像利刃
能讓你的靈魂流血
有人說愛是一種饑渴
無止境的痛苦需求
我說愛像花朵
而你…
我覺得最棒的健身方法是水中韻律操
妳可以練上半身
我跟你現在是朋友了吧？ So me and you are pretty much friends by now, right?
是的 Yes.
- 你會保護我嗎？ - 什麼？ - So, you got my back and everything? - What?
沒關係 Never mind.
- 你知道舞會的事嗎？ - 知道 - Have you heard about the dance? - Yes.
- 你有女伴了嗎？ - 還沒有 - Have you met anyone to ask yet? - No.
但或許放學後我會採取行動 But I probably will after school.
你要約誰？ Who you gonna ask?
那邊那個女孩 That girl over there.
- 她有一次幫我綁頭髮 - 桑瑪威特利？ - She braided my hair one time... - Summer Wheatly?
你打算怎麼做？ How the heck are you gonna do that?
幫她烤蛋糕 Build her a cake or something.
對，我在俄克拉荷馬州的女朋友 Yeah, my old girlfriend from Oklahoma...
本來要飛到這裡參加舞會 was gonna fly out here for the dance...
但她辦不到，因為她要去走秀 but she couldn't 'cause she's doing some modeling right now.
她很性感嗎？ Is she hot?
你自己看看吧 See for yourself.
有一年她過生日 Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamour shots...
我帶她去購物中心拍寫真 for her birthday one year.
- 我喜歡她的瀏海 - 我也是 - I like her bangs. - Me too.
你留多久才留出鬍子來？ How long did it take you to grow that mustache?
幾天吧 A couple of days.
真希望我也有鬍子 I wish I could grow one.
你要吃點心嗎？ Are you gonna eat your Tots?
- 不 - 能給我吃嗎？ - No. - Can I have 'em?
你看到那個女孩了嗎？ You see that girl over there?
有一天她到我家來 She came over to my house the other day.
- 為什麼？ - 我不知道 - Why? - I don't know...
但她把東西掉在我家走廊上 but she left all this crap on my porch.
她滿漂亮的 She's pretty good-looking.
你要跟我賭我敢不敢跟她說話嗎？ Do you dare me to go talk to her?
好吧 Sure.
我看到妳在喝脫脂牛奶，那是因為妳覺得妳很胖嗎？ I see you're drinking one-percent. Is that 'cause you think you're fat?
因為妳不胖，妳大可以喝全脂牛奶 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.
我把妳的東西放在置物櫃裡 Well, I have all your equipment in my locker.
或許妳該把它拿回去 You should probably come get it...
因為我沒辦法把雙節棍放進去 'cause I can't fit my nunchakus in there anymore.
你的置物櫃在哪裡？ Where's your locker?
我能要一個鑰匙圈嗎？ Hey, can I have one of your key chains?
嘿 Hello?
拿破崙，給我一些點心 Napoleon, give me some of your Tots.
- 不，要吃自己去拿 - 快給我點心 - No, go find your own. - Come on. Give me some of your Tots.
不，我餓壞了，今天我什麼都沒吃 No. I'm freakin' starved. I didn't get to eat anything today.
真噁心 Gross.
大笨蛋 Freakin' idiot!
（拿破崙，別忘了餵蒂娜 愛你的奶奶）
蒂娜，快來吃火腿 Tina, come get some ham.
你在這裡做什麼？瑞可叔叔 What are you doing here, Uncle Rico?
奶奶今天在沙丘摔了一跤 Your grandma took a little spill at the sand dunes today,
她的尾椎骨骨折 broke her coccyx.
什麼？她什麼時候開始會去沙丘？ What? Since when does she go to the dunes?
看起來你不是很瞭解她 Looks like there's a lot you don't know about her.
- 奶奶什麼時候回來？ - 我不知道，不確定 - So, when's Grandma coming back? - I don't know. Not sure.
你不必留下來陪我們，我們不是小寶寶 You don't have to stay here with us. We're not babies.
去跟卡若琳阿姨說吧 Talk to your Auntie Caroline.
奇普已經32歲了 Well, Kip is, like, 32 years old.
我不介意你留下來 I don't mind if you stay.
謝謝你，奇普 Oh. Thanks, Kip.
奶奶去沙丘做什麼？ What the flip was Grandma doin'at the sand dunes?
她跟男朋友約會 She was on a date... with her boyfriend.
男朋友？ Boyfriend?
你們要看我的錄影帶嗎？ Hey, you guys want to see my video?
- 你們覺得如何？ - 我想它很酷 - So, what do you think? - It's pretty cool, I guess.
天啊，真希望我能回到過去 Oh. Man, I wish I could go back in time.
我可以參加州比賽 I'd take state.
那是我看過最糟糕的錄影帶 This is pretty much the worst video ever made.
拿破崙，沒有人知道它的存在 Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.
你知道嗎？拿破崙，你可以走了 You know what, Napoleon? You can leave.
你們很白癡耶 You guys are retarded.
你看看 Hey, check that out.
你跟譚咪還在一起嗎？ So, you and Tammy still together?
我們分手了 No. Not really.
- 為什麼？ - 嗯… - Why is that? - Well...
她很善妒 she's jealous.
她說我還活在1982年 Says I'm livin' too much in '82.
我甩了她 Well, I dumped her.
你的女朋友呢？ What about your girlfriend?
我們現在很認真 Well, things are gettin' pretty serious right now.
我是說我們每天會上網聊兩小時 I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day...
我想我們可以說是很認真 so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.
我現在只想賺錢 I'm just really tryin'to raise a few bucks right now...
帶她出來玩幾天 so I can bring her around for a few days.
是啊，她長什麼樣子 Yep. Well, what's she look like?
她有沙金色的頭髮 She's, uh... She's got sandy blonde hair.
她長得很漂亮 She's, uh, pretty-look... pretty good-looking face, but...
但我真的想更進一步 I'm just gettin' really... just kinda T.O.'d...
因為她還沒寄全身照給我 because, I mean, she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet.
你知道的… Hey, you know...
我有個小計劃 I got a little project...
或許我們能賺點錢 that we might be able to make a little moola with.
真的嗎？ Really?
那真的是太棒了 That sounds pretty good.
你有聽說過尼龍聚合物嗎？ Have you ever heard of nylon polymer?
去吧 Go for it.
（培多羅愛桑瑪）
82年時我可以把豬皮丟到四分之一哩遠處 Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile.
- 你是認真的嗎？ - 我非常認真 - Are you serious? - I'm dead serious.
看著吧 Watch this.
- 你在做什麼？ - 我真的好偉大喔 - What the heck are you doing? - That's what I'm talkin' about.
我得走了 I better go.
你要下多少錢的注？ How much you want to make a bet...
賭我可以把足球丟到山的另一邊？ I can throw a football over them mountains?
對，要是教練第四節派我上場 Yeah. If coach would've put me in fourth quarter...
毫無疑問我們可以拿到州冠軍 we'd have been state champions, no doubt.
我十分堅信 No doubt in my mind.
你最好相信事情會變得不一樣 You better believe things would have been different.
我可以成為職業球員，賺好幾百萬的薪水 I'd have gone pro... in a heartbeat. I'd be makin' millions of dollars and...
住在某個古老的豪宅裡 livin' in a... big ol' mansion somewhere.
跟我的靈魂伴侶泡熱水澡 You know, soakin' it up in a hot tub with my soul mate.
奇普 Kip...
我知道你非常瞭解電腦 I reckon you know a lot about cyberspace.
你知道時光旅行嗎？ Y- You ever come across anything like time travel?
別激動 Easy.
我已經幫自己查過了 I've already looked into it for myself.
沒錯 Right on.
- 今天培多羅來了嗎？ - 他沒來，怎麼了？ - Is Pedro here today? - I don't think so. Why?
我只是很好奇 Just wondering.
你能幫我把這個交給他嗎？ Can you, uh, give this to him for me?
好吧 Okay.
桑瑪 Hey, Summer...
妳要跟我玩嗎？ You want to play me?
（培多羅）
（不）
天啊 Ow. God.
你在畫什麼？ What are you drawing?
獅虎 A liger.
什麼是獅虎？ What's a liger?
牠是我最喜歡的動物。牠是獅子跟老虎的綜合體 It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed.
因為牠的魔法能力，人們將牠配種飼養 Bred for its skills in magic.
- 你的朋友在哪裡？ - 我不知道 - Where's your friend? - I don't know.
今天妳看到他了嗎？ Did you see him today?
不 No.
我也沒看到他 Neither did I.
- 你要搭便車嗎？ - 不 - Do you need a ride? - No.
今天我沒搭上公車，但我叔叔會來接我 I missed the bus today, but my uncle's coming to get me.
再見 See ya.
對，我想墓園東邊 Right. I... I think... just a little bit east of the cemetery...
是個不錯的地點，我們應該挑那邊 is a good little area right here. We should do it there.
但別到這裡，因為他們沒有錢 Don't go down here, 'cause they don't have any money.
工作時間是多長？ So, how long are we talkin'about workin'?
你在說…你已經失去鬥志了嗎？ What are you... You're already losing your steam?
不，我只是…我約好四點要上聊天室聊天 No. I just... I have a chat room meeting at 4:00.
我一定得趕回來 I gotta be back here by then.
好吧，你可以早一點開始 - All right, you just start a little earlier. That's all. - All right.
或是之後再工作，你要聊多久？ Or else work afterwards. How long's the chat room?
天啊，或許三、四個小時吧 Geez, sometimes up to three, four hours maybe.
或許不會，我不知道 Maybe not. I don't know.
你會自己付錢嗎？ You... You pay the bills for that?
你每次上網都得花錢嗎？ Does that cost money every time you're on...
- 譬如每分鐘都要付錢？ - 對，奶奶會付電話費 - like for minutes on the phone? - Yeah. Grandma's still payin' per minute.
有時候她很氣我 She gets kind of pissed at me sometimes...
- 因為我聊太久了 - 我相信她會的 - 'cause I'm on there so long. - I'll bet she does.
我得告訴你一件事，我會把你丟出窗外 I'd be throwin' you out the window.
- 布魯諾家 - 妳好 - Bueno. - Hello?
- 你是誰？ - 拿破崙炸藥 - Who's this? - Napoleon Dynamite.
誰？ Who?
拿破崙炸藥，我是培多羅的好朋友 - Napoleon Dynamite. I'm one of Pedro's best friends.
- 你叫拿破崙？ - 對，培多羅在嗎？ - Your name is Napoleon? - Yes. Is Pedro there?
不，他不在家 No, he's not here right now.
好吧，再見 Okay, bye.
水晶街，交給你了 See, Crystal Street. That's for you.
我要去亞當斯公園，那裡的人有點錢 I'm goin'to Adams Park. They got some money in Adams Park.
怎樣？ What?
我們走吧，奇普，我想我們得找個有隱私的地方 Let's go, Kipper. I think we should take this someplace a little more private.
那是個好點子 That's a good idea.
請對我好一點，請繼續 Please. Please. Be good to me. Please, keep going.
來吧 Dead on. Dead on.
太棒了 Yes!
在我們開始新計劃前，我有一些顧慮 Before we get started on our new project, I have a few concerns.
首先我擔心你的交通狀況 First off, I'm concerned about your transportation situation.
你可以跟別人借車嗎？ I mean, do you... you got a car you can borrow from someone?
那是個大問題 Well, that's the problem right now.
我現在想不出來 At the moment, nothing comes to mind.
你可以暫時借用我的廂型車，我比你還會走路 You can borrow my van for the time being. I... I do better on foot anyway.
我們也得想辦法打扮一下自己，讓大家能相信我們 We also need some way to make us look official, like we got all the answers.
我們何不戴金手鐲？ How about some gold bracelets?
我們需要貼著照片的名牌 We need, like, some name tags with our picture on it...
而且要有護膠包著的 all laminated and whatnot.
- 我們得看起來很稱頭 - 沒錯 - I mean, we gotta look legit, man. - That's true. That's true.
你知道什麼地方可以拍照嗎？譬如說照相館 Say, you know of a... a place we can get our picture taken like a... a photo store?
好吧 Okay.
頭再歪一點 Turn your head on more of a slant.
現在握拳 Now, make a fist...
慢慢地將它放在下巴下面 and slowly ease it up underneath your chin.
- 這看起來真的很棒 - 妳說得對 - This is looking really good. - You can say that again.
好了，別動 Okay, hold still right there.
想像自己毫無重量 Now, just imagine you're weightless.
你在海洋中央被小海馬包圍 You're in the middle of the ocean surrounded by tiny little sea horses.
拍得很不錯，我想照片一定會很好看 That was the one. I think that's gonna come out really nice.
妳辦到了嗎？ Uh, you did it?
我覺得好輕鬆，謝謝妳，黛比 Wow. Wow, that felt really relaxed. Thanks, Deb.
輪到你了，奇普 You're up, Kip.
有適合我穿的背心嗎？ Is there some kind of vest that I can wear?
- 你跑到哪裡去了？ - 我生病了 - Where have you been? - I got sick.
桑瑪跟你聯絡了嗎？ Has Summer said anything to you yet?
還沒有 No, not yet.
- 她拒絕了 - 真的嗎？ - Well, she said no. - She did?
- 另一個女孩呢？ - 什麼另一個女孩？ - Well, what about that other girl? - What other girl?
把東西掉在你家走廊的女孩 The one that left all that crap on your porch.
- 你是說黛比？ - 對，就是她 - You mean Deb? - Yes, her.
- 她怎麼了？ - 我也約了她 - What about her? - Well, I asked her out too.
什麼？ What?
（給培多羅，黛比上）
（好的）
沒有人願意跟我出去 Well, nobody's gonna go out with me.
你有約人了嗎？ Have you asked anybody yet?
還沒有，但誰會答應？我根本沒有專長 No, but who would? I don't even have any good skills.
你是什麼意思？ I don't even have any good skills.
譬如說… You know, like...
玩雙節棍，射弓箭 nunchaku skills, bow hunting skills...
當電腦駭客的技術 computer hacking skills.
女孩子都希望男朋友有專長 Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
你不是很會畫動物跟戰士嗎？ Aren't you pretty good at drawing, like animals and warriors and stuff?
對 Yes.
或許那是我最厲害的地方 Probably the best that I know of.
畫一張你想約的女孩畫像 Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out...
把它送給她當禮物 and give it to her for, like, a gift or something.
那是個好點子 That's a pretty good idea.
如果你們買24件組 Now, if you invest in the 24-piece set...
我會送你們禮物 I'm gonna throw in a little gift.
什麼禮物？ So, what's the gift?
我敢說你們沒有這個 I bet you folks don't have one of these.
我要那個 I want that.
那些絕對不是廢塑料 You see, this ain't your run-of-the-mill "crapper-ware."
這些是紐龐特塑膠碗 These are some serious "NuPont" fiber-woven bowls.
如果我們買24件組，你會送我們迷你帆船？ So, if we purchase the 24-piece set, the mini sailboat is included?
沒錯 That's correct, sir.
蘭斯，你似乎是個強壯的年輕人 Lance, you look like a strong young pup.
你為什麼不試著把它撕開？ Why don't you see if you can give that a nice tear.
別傷到自己了 Don't hurt yourself now.
我辦不到 I can't do it.
不行 Can't.
所以… So, uh...
你們覺得如何？ how does the "dealio" sound to you?
該死 Dang it.
- 崔莎在嗎？ - 抱歉，她不在 - Is Trisha here? - Oh, I'm sorry, she's not.
- 她去朋友家 - 拿破崙 - She's at a friend's house right now. - Well, hey, Napoleon.
拿破崙是我姪子 Napoleon's my nephew.
那真的是太棒了 Oh, that's nice.
妳能幫我把這個交給她嗎？ Could you just give this to her for me?
- 沒問題 - 謝謝 - I certainly could. - Thanks.
再見 Bye-bye.
可憐的孩子，他奶奶住院，我負責照顧他 Poor kid. I've been takin' care of him while his grandma's in the hospital.
他還會尿床 He still wets the bed and everything.
- 你是在開玩笑 - 對 - You're kidding. - Yeah.
他是個好男孩，他還是會挨打 He's a tender little guy. He still gets beat up and whatnot.
總之… Anyway, uh...
妳還想買32件組嗎？ so we still feelin' pretty good about this, uh, 32-piece set here?
瑞可叔叔在我女朋友家做什麼？ - Ow! - What the crap was Uncle Rico doin' at my girlfriend's house?
拿破崙，放開我！我想你弄傷了我的脖子 Napoleon, let go of me! I think you're bruisin' my neck meat!
好吧 Fine.
你們在做什麼？你們想毀了我 What the heck are you guys doin'? Tryin' to ruin my life...
讓我變成一個大笨蛋嗎？ and make me look like a friggin' idiot?
我跟瑞可叔叔在賺錢 I'm out makin' some sweet moola with Uncle Rico.
天啊，我想你把我的痣弄掉了 Geez, I think you ripped my mole off.
- 是嗎？ - 對，在流血嗎？ - I did? - Yeah, is it bleeding?
有一點 A little bit.
奇普 Hey, Kip.
希望你不要那樣看我，拿破崙 I wish you wouldn't look at me like that, Napoleon.
希望你能滾出我的生活，並且閉上你的嘴巴 I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up.
我要告訴你一件事 I'm gonna tell you somethin'.
當你在跟你朋友培多羅烤蛋糕時 While you're playin' patty-cake with your friend Pedro...
瑞可叔叔賺了120塊 your Uncle Rico... is makin' 120 bucks.
我可以在五秒內賺那麼多錢 I could make that much money in five seconds.
天啊，對，拿破崙。今天我賺了75塊 Geez. Yeah, right, Napoleon. I made, like, 75 bucks today.
拿破崙，看起來你沒有工作 Napoleon, it looks like you don't have a job.
你為什麼不去餵蒂娜？ So why don't you get out there and feed Tina.
你為什麼不去吃大便？ Why don't you go eat a "decroded" piece of crap.
（如果妳願意跟我去參加舞會） There's a lot more where this came from...
（我可以幫妳畫更多畫像） if you go to the dance with me.
（妳誠摯的朋友拿破崙炸藥上） Yours truly, Napoleon Dynamite.
（崔莎）
妳得跟那個男孩去參加舞會 You know you're gonna go to that dance with that boy.
我希望八千隻雞能在中午搬到牠們的新家 By noon I need them 8,000 hens moved into their new cages.
有時候牠們不願意合作 Sometimes they don't want to cooperate.
只要搖搖牠們，牠們會安靜下來 But you give 'em a good shakin', they'll settle down for ya.
- 雞有大爪子嗎？ - 牠們有什麼？ - Do the chickens have large talons? - Do they have what?
大爪子 Large talons.
我聽不懂你在說什麼 I don't understand a word you just said.
中午到這裡來找我 Okay, you meet me back here about noon, and, uh...
我們會幫你們準備好午餐 we'll have a little lunch waitin' for ya.
吃吧 Well, dig in.
在那邊的豬圈 Over there, in that pigpen...
我發現一些休休尼族的箭頭 I found a couple of Shoshoni arrowheads.
我找不到支票簿 Can't find my checkbook.
希望你們不介意我付你們零錢 Hope you don't mind I pay you in change.
六塊錢 Six dollars.
一小時是一塊錢耶 That's, like, a dollar an hour.
- 喂 - 拿破崙在嗎？ - Hello? - Hi. Is Napoleon there?
他在 Yes.
- 我能跟他說話嗎？ - 我就是 - Can I talk to him? - You already are.
拿破崙，我是崔莎 Napoleon, this is Trisha.
我打電話告訴你，我願意跟你參加舞會 I'm just calling to tell you that I can go to the dance with you.
我要謝謝你幫我畫了那麼漂亮的畫 And also I wanted to thank you for the beautiful drawing you did of me.
- 它掛在我的臥室裡 - 真的嗎？ - It's hanging in my bedroom. - Really?
我花了三小時才畫好妳上唇的陰影 Took me, like, three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip.
或許那是我畫過最棒的畫 It's probably the best drawing I've ever done.
它真的很棒 Yeah, it's really... nice.
我六點去接妳參加舞會 Yeah, well, I'll probably pick you up at 6:00 for the dance.
可以嗎？ - Is that okay?
- 沒問題 - 好吧，再見 - That's fine. - Okay, bye.
再見 Okay, bye.
- 是誰打來的？ - 崔莎 - Who was that? - Trisha.
- 她是誰？ - 我要帶去舞會的女伴 - Who's she? - My woman I'm takin' to the dance.
- 你幫她畫了畫像？ - 那當然 - You draw her a picture? - Heck, yes, I did!
你要穿什麼去參加舞會？ Well, what are you going to wear to the dance?
可能是絲襯衫吧 Just, like, a silk shirt or something.
- 你要穿什麼？ - 爸爸幫我準備好了 - What are you gonna wear? - Dad has something for me.
但或許你該去買套西裝 But you should probably get a suit.
培多羅，你覺得那套如何？ Pedro, how do you feel about that one?
- 看起來不錯 - 對，它看起來很酷 - It looks nice. - Yeah. It looks pretty sweet.
看起來棒呆了 It looks awesome.
那套西裝… That suit, it's...
太不可思議了 It's incredible.
我要你在一小時後當我的司機 I need you to give me a ride in an hour.
你要去哪裡？ Where to?
參加舞會 The dance.
- 你要帶我客人的女兒去舞會？ - 對，我們也得去接她 - You takin' my client's daughter? - Yes. We need to pick her up too.
我五分鐘內要出發到波尼塔簽約 Well, Uncle Rico's got a sale to finalize in Bonita in five minutes.
你能不能在簽完約後送我去參加舞會？ Can't you take me and then drop me off when you're done or whatever?
我馬上回來。別跑到裡面打擾我 Well, I'll be back in a minute. Don't disturb me while I'm in there.
快點，我得去接崔莎 Well, hurry up, 'cause I gotta get Trisha.
嗨 Hi.
妳的24件組送來了 I got your 24-piece set right here.
你們是培多羅能袖善舞的表兄弟嗎？ So you guys are, like, Pedro's cousins with all the sweet hookups?
沒錯 Simón.
崔莎在嗎？ Is Trisha here?
在我車道上的人是誰？ Who's that in my driveway?
他們是我的司機 That's my ride.
妳要到我的朋友培多羅邊一起跳一支舞嗎？ Do you wanna go over by my friend Pedro and dance really quick?
拿破崙 Napoleon.
- 你什麼時候來的？ - 幾分鐘前 - When did you get here? - Just a couple minutes ago.
你們看到崔莎了嗎？ Have you guys seen Trisha anywhere?
沒有 No.
或許她去上廁所了 She probably just went to the bathroom.
- 你們玩得開心嗎？ - 是的 - Are you guys having a killer time? - Yes.
你找不到崔莎，我讓你跟黛比跳幾支舞 If you can't find Trisha, I'll let you dance with Deb for a few songs.
我喜歡妳的袖子，它們好大 I like your sleeves. They're real big.
謝謝 Thank you.
那是我自己做的 I made them myself.
妳跟培多羅是認真的嗎？ So you and Pedro are getting really serious now?
不 No.
我們只是朋友 We're just friends.
妳的寫真生意最近做得如何？ How your glamour shots been going lately?
非常好 Pretty good.
我可以幫你拍張照片 I could do a personal portrait sometime...
如果你有空過來 if you wanted to come over.
好吧 Okay.
（想競選班代表的人 請到辦公室報名）
你覺得大家會投票給我嗎？ Do you think people will vote for me?
當然會，我會投你一票 Heck, yes. I'd vote for you.
- 我有什麼專長？ - 你有很棒的腳踏車 - Like, what are my skills? - Well, you have a sweet bike...
你真的很會泡妞 and you're really good at hookin' up with chicks.
還有你是全校唯一留鬍子的人 Plus you're, like, the only guy at school who has a mustache.
沒錯 That's true.
如果你需要用到我的專長，我願意為你效勞 If you need to use any of my skills, I can do whatever you want.
謝謝 Thanks.
如果我贏了，你可以當我的秘書 If I win, you can be my secretary or something.
太棒了，我也能當你的保鏢 Sweet! Plus I could be your bodyguard too.
或是秘勤隊長 Or, like, Secret Service captain or... whatever.
好吧 Okay.
那是你的嗎？ Is that yours?
- 別碰它，那是瑞可叔叔的 - 它是做什麼用的？ - Don't touch it. It's Uncle Rico's. - What's it for?
它是時光機器，拿破崙。他上網買的 It's a time machine, Napoleon. He bought it online.
是喔 Yeah, right.
它真的能用，拿破崙。你根本不瞭解 It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.
你們試過了嗎？ Have you guys tried it yet?
不 No.
（時光機器模組）
（預期年代）
（使用前請看使用手冊）
- 你準備好了嗎？ - 好了，等一下 - So, are you ready? - Yeah. Hold on.
我忘了放水晶 I forgot to put in the crystals.
好吧，打開它 Okay, turn it on.
關掉電… Kill... the pow... Kill...
關掉它，奇普 Turn it off! Turn it off!
它是廢物，根本沒用 It's a piece of crap. It doesn't work.
我也知道 Well, I could've told you that.
我要的是12件的，不是24件的 I-I said the 12 pack, not the 24 pack.
你得自己去挑撿 You're just gonna have to mix and match.
閉嘴，全世界的人都會聽見 Shut up. Say it so the whole world can hear.
把它放回去 Well, put it back.
拿破崙，你知道我們買不起零食 Napoleon, you know we can't afford the fun pack.
你以為在這個家後面有搖錢樹嗎？放回去 You think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back.
放回去的時候幫自己跟你哥哥拿些紙尿布 Get some Pampers for you and your brother while you're at it.
天啊，我告訴你，我們用得到這個 We can use a little of this. I can tell you that.
我們用得到那些 We can use those.
（全國酪農業組織）
那個的問題是加了漂白劑 The defect in that one is bleach.
沒錯 That's correct.
好耶 Yes!
這喝起來像是乳牛跌到了洋蔥田 This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch.
- 答對了 - 太棒了 - Correct. - Yes!
它們很好喝，但有個小問題 They're pretty good except for one little problem.
那個小傢伙是五號乳頭 That little guy right there, he has nipple number five.
好乳牛應該有四個乳頭 A good dairy cow should have, like, four.
做得好 Well done.
（桑瑪競選班代表）
- 請投桑瑪一票 - 請投桑瑪一票 - Vote for Summer. - Vote for Summer.
- 對，請投桑瑪一票 - 大家好，請投桑瑪一票 Yeah. Vote for Summer.
請投桑瑪一票 Hi. Vote for Summer.
妳們好，請投桑瑪一票。你們要投票嗎？ Hi, ladies. Vote for Summer. You guys voting?
你覺得這裡有點熱嗎？ Do you think it's kinda warm in here?
不 No.
我想他們應該開了暖氣機 I think it's... They have the heater on or something.
我覺得很舒服 It seems pretty good to me.
你不覺頭很燙嗎？ You don't feel like your head is burning or... or anything?
不 No.
我要回家躺一下 I'm gonna go home and lay down.
好吧，再見 Okay. See ya.
- 請投桑瑪一票 - 對，我不會投票給她 - Vote for Summer. - Yeah, right. I'm not votin' for her.
那麼你要投票給誰？ Then who are you gonna vote for?
我要投票給培多羅山奇士。不然你覺得是誰呢？ I'm votin' for Pedro Sanchez. Who do you think?
唐，你能給我一顆證章嗎？ Hey, Don, can I have one of those buttons?
請投桑瑪一票 Hey. Vote for Summer.
請投桑瑪一票 Hi. Vote for Summer.
佛羅里達那傢伙把錢還給你了嗎？ So, that guy in Florida give you your money back yet?
我寫電子郵件告訴他我會跟當局聯絡 Oh, I wrote him an e-mail, sayin' I'm gonna contact the authorities...
如果他不把錢全還給我 if I don't get a refund in full.
你難道不希望你能夠擁有現在的智慧… Don't you ever wish you could go back...
回到過去嗎？ with all the knowledge you have now? Tsk.
我想是吧 I guess so.
我要告訴你一件事。你會找到你的靈魂伴侶 Well, I'll tell you somethin' right now. You'd find your soul mate.
我已經有靈魂伴侶了 I've already got a soul mate.
- 對，你說她叫什麼名字？ - 拉芳妲 - Oh, yeah. What's her name again? - Lafawnduh.
拉芳妲，她還好吧？ Lafawnduh. Huh. How's she doin'?
我想我需要休息一下 Well, I think I'm gonna need some time off.
她要從底特律飛過來玩幾天 She's flyin' out from Detroit for a few days.
工作的事怎麼辦？ Well, what about work?
你還沒有研究新產品嗎？ Well, haven't... haven't you studied up on the new product?
對 Yes.
你很瞭解它了嗎？ Well, do you know it backwards and front?
基本上是的 Basically.
你為什麼不賣一點給你女朋友？ Why don't you sell some to that girlfriend of yours?
或許你去玩時還是能做點事 You might as well do somethin' while you're doin' nothin'.
因為她不需要那些東西 Because she doesn't need any. That's why.
我幫海報畫了一些圖 Hey. I did some drawings for the flyers.
謝謝 Thanks.
你為什麼要把帽子拉起來？ Why do you got your hood on like that?
我從學校回家後覺得頭很燙 Well, when I came home from school, my head started to get really hot.
我喝了些冰水但沒有用 So I drank some cold water, but it didn't do nothing.
我泡了一下澡 So I laid in the bathtub for a while...
後來我發現是頭髮讓我覺得頭很燙 but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head so hot.
我到廚房把頭髮剃光 So I went into my kitchen, and I shaved it all off.
我不希望被別人看見 I don't want anyone to see.
我瞭解你的意思 I know what you mean.
你有很多選擇 There's just so many options.
那真的很棒，看起來像是中世紀戰士 That one's good. Looks like a medieval warrior.
你說得對 You know, you're right.
那真的很棒 That's a good one.
抱歉 Sorry.
我想這很適合你，培多羅 I think this matches your season, Pedro.
謝謝 Thank you.
（請投培多羅一票）
（培多羅山奇士競選班代表 讓你夢想成真）
- 請投培多羅一票 - 請投培多羅一票 - Vote for Pedro. - Vote for Pedro.
- 請投我一票 - 請投培多羅一票 - Vote for me. - Vote for Pedro.
- 請投培多羅一票 - 請投我一票 - Vote for Pedro. - Vote for me.
請投培多羅一票 Vote for Pedro.
- 請投培多羅一票 - 請投培多羅一票 - Vote for Pedro. - Vote for Pedro.
- 請投培多羅一票 - 請投培多羅一票 - Vote for Pedro. Vote for Pedro. - Vote for... Pedro.
給我五毛錢，我要買汽水 Hey, give me 50 cents so I can buy a pop.
- 我沒有錢，蘭迪 - 快點，我會還你的 - I don't have any, Randy. - Come on. I'll pay you back.
我沒有… I don't have...
住手 Stop.
不要，住手 Don't. Stop. Stop.
- 我會這麼對你 - 不 - I'll do this to you. - Don't. Ow.
好了 Here. Here.
- 你的脖子還好嗎？ - 痛痛的 - How's your neck? - Stings.
那真的太糟糕了 That's too bad.
培多羅能保護你 Pedro offers you his protection.
- 把你的腳踏車借給我 - 不 - Hey, let me borrow your bike. - No.
- 快點，我可以給你玉米片 - 不 - Come on. I'll give you some chips. - No.
（投培多羅一票）
（印達葛巴士）
（拉芳妲）
先洗一下，然後用漂白劑將它吹乾 Like a wash, and then you blow-dry it with bleach.
對，那真的很酷 Yeah. It's so cool.
妳是崔莎嗎？ Hey, you Trisha?
- 對 - 妳記得我嗎？ - Yeah. - You remember me?
我是妳媽的朋友 I'm a friend of your mom's.
我是拿破崙的瑞可叔叔 I'm... I'm Napoleon's uncle. Uncle Rico.
- 對 - 妳能幫我一個忙嗎？ - Oh. Yeah. - Hey, could you do me a favor?
妳能把這些交給妳媽 Could you give your mom a couple of these...
請她把它們拿給她的朋友們嗎？ and tell 'em to hand 'em out to her friends or whoever?
好的 'Kay.
妳們如果需要的話可以打電話給我 You girls give me a call if you feel like you could use some.
祝妳們有愉快的一天 Have a nice day.
（罩杯升級，草藥增大劑）
（數天內讓妳的罩杯自然升級）
為什麼你要朝我的車子丟東西？ Why the heck you throwin' crap at my van, Napoleon?
因為你的關係，學校裡的人都覺得我是笨蛋 Everybody at school thinks I'm a freakin' idiot 'cause of you.
你得馬上把我的車子清乾淨 You're gonna clean my van... right now.
放開我，大變態 Get off of me, you "bodaggit."
不，高一點… Higher. No, no, higher.
- 對 - 對 - Yeah! - Yeah!
對，打吧 Yeah. Hit it.!
該死 Dang.
（唐璜的舞蹈秘訣）
培多羅，我不知道裘瑞茲的人是怎麼做的 Look, Pedro. I don't know how they do things down in Juarez...
但在愛達荷我們很重視自尊 but here in Idaho we have a little something called pride.
你瞭解嗎？ Understand?
打象徵桑瑪威特利的玩偶 Smashing in the face of a piñata that resembles Summer Wheatly...
對你、我跟寶石州是一種羞辱 is a disgrace to you, me and the entire Gem State.
（飛馬座的地盤）
歡迎收看唐璜的舞蹈秘訣 Welcome to D-Qwon's Dance Grooves.
你準備好成為舞王了嗎？ Are you ready to get your groove on?
- 對 - 那麼我們開始吧 - Yes. - All right, then. Let's get started.
你被取消資格了嗎？ Are you disqualified?
不，他們逼我撕下所有海報 當做我打玩偶的處罰 No. They just made me take down the flyers as a penalty for the piñatas.
你還可以競選班代表？ Can you still run for president?
對 Yes.
我不瞭解 I don't understand.
他說你們不能打長得像真人的玩偶 He say... you're not allowed to smash piñatas that look like real people.
但我們在墨西哥常那麼做 But we do it in Mexico all the time.
你的頭髮今天看起來很帥 Your hair looked great today.
謝謝 Thank you.
好吧 All right.
明天見，培多羅 See you tomorrow, Pedro.
- 妳是誰？ - 我是拉芳妲 - Who are you? - I'm Lafawnduh.
妳在這裡做什麼？ What are you doing here?
我在等奇普 I'm waiting for Kip.
奇普？ Kip?
你為什麼全身是汗？ Why are you so sweaty?
我在練習 I been practicing.
- 練習什麼？ - 舞步 - Practicing what? - Some dance moves.
你喜歡跳舞？ You like dancing?
我的事都辦完了 My chores are done.
- 妳準備好了嗎？拉芳妲 - 是的，甜心 - So, you ready, Lafawnduh? - I am, honey.
抱歉，拿破崙。我們來不及吃肋排了 Sorry, Napoleon. We're just runnin' a little bit late for some prime rib.
- 叫瑞可叔叔別等我 - 拿去 - Tell Uncle Rico not to wait up for me. - Here.
你或許像那樣，那是我表哥編的 You might like that. My cousin made it.
我在外面等你，寶貝 I'll be waitin'outside for you, baby.
再見，拿破崙 Bye, Napoleon.
再見 See ya.
拉芳坦是我認識最好的女孩 Lafawnduh is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
我百分之百確定她是我的靈魂伴侶 I'm a hundred percent positive that she's my soul mate.
拿破崙，我相信也有適合你的女孩 Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too.
閃人了 Peace out.
再見 See ya.
這是你要找的東西嗎？ Is this what you were looking for?
不，我要感覺上比較柔和的 Nah, I was thinkin'of somethin' a little more... soft around the edges.
我可以掛漂亮的粉紅色床單 Hmm. Well... I have a nice, soft pink sheet I could hang...
用泡沫或巨浪把你包起來？ and I could wrap you in some foam or... something billowy?
巨浪是個好點子 Yeah, billowy's good.
如果電風扇能轉動那真的是太棒了 It'd be really nice if I could get the fan going.
我可以掛一些金線 I could hang some tinsel from the top.
黛柏拉，妳長得很漂亮 You know, Deborah, you have... striking features.
那麼漂亮的臉蛋應該配上漂亮的身材 Such a soft face should be complimented with a soft body.
瑞可先生 Mr. Rico?
我朋友跟客人都叫我瑞可叔叔 My friends and clients, they call me "Uncle Rico."
你在做什麼？ What are you doing?
別說話 Shh. Don't say another word.
拿破崙說妳會有興趣 Napoleon told me you'd be interested.
拿破崙？ Napoleon?
別想了，準備好就打個電話給我 You stop wishin', and call me when you're ready.
- 喂 - 拿破崙嗎？ - Hello? - Napoleon?
對，哪位？ Yeah. Who's this?
我是黛比，我打電話要告訴你 It's Deb and I'm calling to let you know...
我覺得你是個膚淺的朋友 I think you're a shallow friend.
妳到底在說什麼？ What the heck are you even talkin' about?
別說謊，拿破崙 Don't lie, Napoleon.
瑞可叔叔很清楚地告訴我你對我的感覺 Your Uncle Rico made it very clear how you feel about me.
什麼？ What?
我不需要草藥增大劑才能對自己覺得滿意 I don't need herbal enhancers to feel good about myself.
如果你那麼擔心那一點，為什麼不自己試試看 And if you're so concerned about that, why don't you try eating some yourself?
好吧 Right on.
奶奶打電話叫你回家 Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
她沒有告訴我 She didn't tell me anything.
真可惜，她說她回來時不希望看到你在這裡 Too bad. She says she doesn't want you here when she gets back...
因為你毀了每個人的生活 because you've been ruining everybody's lives...
吃光了我們的牛排 and eatin' all our steak.
- 我哪兒都不去，拿破崙 - 滾出我家 - I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon. - Get off my property!
這是個自由的國家。我想去哪裡都可以 It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
滾出我家，不然我要報警抓你 Get off my property, or I'll call the cops on you.
- 快去吧 - 或許我會的，該死 - Well, then do it. Go on. - Maybe I will. Gosh!
- 喂 - 培多羅嗎？情況如何？ - Hello? - Pedro? How's it goin'?
- 很好 - 黛比剛剛打電話給我 - Good. - Deb just called me.
現在她非常恨我 She pretty much hates me by now.
- 為什麼？ - 因為瑞可叔叔是笨蛋 - Why? - 'Cause my Uncle Rico's an idiot!
- 你有東西能送她嗎？ - 不，除非她喜歡魚 - Do you have anything to give to her? - No, not unless she likes fish.
你明天還是要演講嗎？ Are you still gonna give your speech tomorrow?
對 Yes.
你知道你要說什麼嗎？ Do you already know what you're gonna say?
對，但不是全部 Yes... but not all of it.
告訴他們 Just tell 'em that...
如果他們投你一票，他們最狂野的美夢會成真 their wildest dreams will come true if they vote for you.
明天見，培多羅 I'll see you tomorrow, Pedro.
天啊 Dang it!
你以為你在做什麼？ What do you think you're doing?
請注意，這是來自科羅拉多州曼尼圖的莎莉強森 Now, if you look right here, we have Sally Johnson from Manitou, Colorado.
你想念她的證詞嗎？ Would you like to read her testimonial right there?
好的 Sure. Um...
〝用過增大劑後，我的胸部變得好大〞 "After using Bust Must Plus, I have such big bosoms..."
- 我不想念了 - 沒關係 - I don't feel comfortable reading this. - Oh, that's fine. That's fine.
妳跟我在一起覺得自在嗎？ But do you feel comfortable with me?
你可以… You could be...
變得… somewhere around, uh...
這麼大 here.
你給我死過來 Come here, boy!
（桑瑪競選班代表）
我沒想到今天我可以來到這裡 Well, I never thought I would make it here today.
我會是很棒的班代表 I would be a great class president because...
因為我答應在餐廳增加兩台新汽水販賣機 I promise to put two new pop machines in the cafeteria, and...
我會在女生廁所 I'm also gonna get a glitter Bonnebell...
裝上化妝品販賣機 dispenser for all the girls'bathrooms.
我們會有新啦啦隊制服 Oh, we're gonna get new cheerleading uniforms.
總之我覺得我會是很棒的班代表 Anyway, I think I'd be a great class president, so, uh...
明天誰要吃墨西哥菜呢？ who wants to eat "chimini-changas" next year?
我不要，選了我，你們一整年都會如沐春風 Not me. See, with me, it will be summer all year long.
投桑瑪一票 Vote for Summer.
桑瑪要跟快樂手語社團 And now Summer will perform her skit...
做才藝表演 with members of our very own Happy Hands Club.
接下來輪到你演講。你的才藝表演一定要很精采 Your speech is up next. Your skit had better be pretty good.
才藝表演？ A skit?
你得在演講後做才藝表演，培多羅 You perform a skit after your speech, Pedro.
什麼？才藝表演？ What? A flippin' skit?
為什麼沒有人告訴我？ - Why didn't anybody tell us about this?
反正我不想當班代表 I don't want to be president anyway.
培多羅，跟著你的心走 Pedro, just listen to your heart.
我就是那麼做 That's what I do.
我會告訴他們我無話可說 I'll just tell them that I have nothing to say.
大家好 Hello.
我沒什麼要說的，但我想它應該會很棒 I don't have much to say. But I think it would be good...
如果學校能有聖人畫像 to have some holy santos brought to the high school...
來守護走廊，為我們帶來好運 to guard the hallway and to bring us good luck.
艾爾聖托尼歐迪亞托查很不錯 El Santo Niño de Atocha is a good one.
我的康查阿姨看過他 My Aunt Concha has seen him.
我們有很棒的酪農組織行程表 And... we have a great F.F.A. Schedule lined up...
我想多有一些這種行程 And I'd like to see more of that.
如果你們投我一票，你們最狂野的美夢將會成真 If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true.
謝謝 Thank you.
接下來請觀賞培多羅山奇士的才藝表演 Up next, I hope you'll enjoy a skit by Pedro Sanchez.
（培多羅班代表，萬歲）
我幫釣到了好吃的鱸魚 I caught you a delicious bass.
妳要跟我玩嗎？ You wanna play me?
（兩個月後）
我要建議你們 I, uh, would like to give you this advice.
這是多年前某人給我的建議 And a fella give me some years ago.
他說〝如果起了爭執〞 He said, "When an argument arises...
〝如果你到外面散個步〞 "if you go outside and take, uh, a nice walk...
〝你會冷靜下來〞 "you'll calm down...
〝你回來後就不會有爭執了〞 and then you can come back and it won't be an argument.
〝你會發現它有助健康〞 "And you'll find that helps your health.
〝新鮮空氣跟運動對你有很多的好處〞 All that fresh air and exercise will do you a lot of good."
你們還要問什麼嗎？ Is there anything else you'd like to ask about?
培多羅 Pedro.
- 拿破崙在哪裡？ - 我不知道 - Where the heck's Napoleon? - I don't know.
拉芳妲路卡斯，妳願意接受奇普蘭羅納德炸藥 Lafawnduh Lucas, do you take Kipland Ronald Dynamite...
為妳的合法丈夫 to be your lawful wedded husband...
不論健康或生病，至死方休嗎？ to honor in sickness and health till death do you part?
我願意 I do.
奇普蘭羅納德炸藥 Kipland Ronald Dynamite...
你願意接受拉芳妲路卡斯為你的合法妻子 do you take Lafawnduh Lucas to be your lawful wedded wife...
不論健康或生病，至死方休嗎？ in sickness and health till death do you part?
我願意 You know I do.
根據當局賦予我的權力，我宣佈你們結為夫妻 By the authority vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife.
你可以吻新娘了 You may kiss the bride.
妳為什麼愛我？ - Why do you love me -
妳為什麼需要我？ - Why do you need me -
永遠永遠 - Always and forever -
我們在聊天室認識 - We met in a chat room -
現在我們的愛開花結果 - Now our love can fully bloom -
全球網際網路太棒了 - Sure the World Wide Web is great...
但妳讓我流口水 But you, you make me "salvivate" -
對，我愛科技 - Yes, I love technology -
但不如我對妳的愛 - But not as much as you, you see...
但我還是愛科技 - But I still love technology -
永遠永遠 - Always and forever -
我們的愛就像一群鴿子 - Our love is like a flock of doves -
飛到天堂 - Flying up to heaven above -
永遠永遠 - Always and forever...
永遠永遠 - Always and forever -
對，我們的愛真的很棒 - Yes, our love is truly great -
永遠永遠 - Always and forever...
妳為什麼需要我？ - Why do you need me...
妳為什麼愛我？ ... Why do you love me...
抱歉我遲到了 Sorry I'm late.
我幫你們馴服了蜜月用的馬 I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.
黛比，妳能幫我拍張騎馬的照片嗎？ Hey, Deb, can you take a photo of me on the horse real quick?
沒問題 Sure.
謝謝 Thanks.
希望你們有難忘的經驗 I hope your guys's experiences are unforgettable.
注意，這是給你們的幸運物 Lookee, lookee. A little keepsake for you guys.
太幸運了 Lucky.