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Just because he brought John Woo to Hollywood
doesn't mean he can rub my dick with sandpaper.
He still thinks we're making Citizen Kane?
Not using a gun symbolizes the whole purity of the character.
The purity...
See the Arab in the film?
See that beard? Ever seen one like that on a plane or a bus?
You think I look like him?
The movie's from 1986...
Haven't you ever had an idea just to realize you've seen it before?
Chuck Norris giving Ben Laden the idea of 9/11, that's bull!
But Chuck Norris works for the CIA.
Yesterday it was Schwarzy...
Seen how the Arabs in "True Lies" get all excited like hyenas?
Action films need bad guys.
Exactly! In the 70's, it was the Viets, now the Arabs.
Stallone in "Rambo III", Hauer in "Wanted: Dead or Alive",
Bruce Willis in "The Siege",
Steven Seagal in "Executive Decision"?
And what's his name, Mark Wahlberg who fights in Iraq?
- Jean-Claude Van Damme! - He never hit Arabs!
Dummy, Van Damme's outside!
Hey, Mr. Van Damme! Wait! I'm a great fan of yours!
- How are you? - Fine and you?
- What's this? Lost in Schaerbeek? - Going to the post office.
A quick snap for the store?
- Thanks, sir! - Look, it's Van Damme!
Hello!
Don't hello him. Just take the picture.
Your turn, now. Jean-Claude Van Damme!
Wait, my grandma adores you too...
In five minutes!
Thanks, sir. Wow! It was Jean-Claude Van Damme!
He's cool! I pictured him taller, but he's short.
He's cool! Classy and all!
He's all tanned.
He'll be right back.
- He cured cancer or what? - Why? Did you?
- No, but nobody kisses my ass. - He's a star!
He left this shithole, for Hollywood. He fought to be where he is now.
You've never left town!
Whether you're a star or a dog, I don't care!
Then why are you waiting for him? You can't park here!
He's just a regular guy. Back off, watch my car!
Calm down, ma'am!
Move back! I don't wanna see you around here.
- Help me, sir. - You can't park here.
- Only 10 minutes! - She's waiting for her idol.
- Who's the idol? - Jean-Claude Van Damme.
- Who? - Jean-Claude Van Damme!
Get outta here!
"Aware!"
Look, we have pictures.
- How is he? - He's nice.
He's just a regular guy, sir.
I don't think so. The guy's a star.
He left this shithole for Hollywood...
He fought to get where he is now.
You've never even left town!
So what? Bunch of ass-kissers...
What'd you say?
I was talking to them. Help me!
I was talking to them, I swear!
You have a flat here. Registration!
- Oh, come on! - Registration!
- Don't ruin my day, please! - Registration!
- I always get the crap, thanks! - Anytime!
You owe me big time!
Shut up!
For once, it's not my fault!
Please, ma'am. Shut up!
Stop now.
Don't stay here!
Get lost!
You heard me!
Shit...
Open! What's going on in there?
What's going on!
On the ground!
Central to Unit 27.
Jean-Claude Van Damme's robbing a post office.
I need back-up.
Possible hostage situation.
I repeat, possible hostage situation.
1. The Answer before the Question.
He's in court for his daughter's custody and he can't approach his ex-wife...
He picked up!
Please, move, convince... Perfect.
Mr. Van Damme?
Mr. Van Damme, this is Commissioner Bruges.
How are things inside?
It could be better.
OK, let me ask you first,
is anyone injured?
Hello? Jean-Claude?
No, no.
A man's unconscious and bleeding.
Jean-Claude, may I call you Jean-Claude?
I'm Commissioner Christian Bruges. Call me Christian.
You have to release the wounded man.
It's not in your interest, nor mine, to have blood on our hands.
Will you release him?
No, no one leaves. It's impossible.
What if I came with a doctor? Hello?
Jean-Claude?
What if I came with a doctor?
Fine, but unarmed.
I give you my word.
Commissioner Bruges?
Call me a doc please!
- Lieutenant Perthier, SWAT team. - I just spoke with Van Damme.
So, I'm going inside and then, we'll debrief, if necessary.
- I'd like to deploy my men. - No, it's too soon.
Could I borrow a vest? I'll give it back.
Jackie.
A doctor, please.
I asked for a doc!
Get me a doc!
Eric went to med school.
- OK, let's go. - Boss!
Hello? Jean-Claude?
No!
You have my word that...
Jean-Claude, we're here to find...
What?
We see the chief of police exiting the video store, crisis unit HQ,
and going towards the post office in his boxer shorts.
Is Van Damme trying to mock the police?
In any case, it seems to be working as the public
is rooting for him in spite of today's events.
The shorts! The shorts!
Don't shoot, I'm a hostage!
Drop the kit.
Slide it over.
Check the kit.
Go to the back room.
Hurry! He's bleeding!
No tricks, Jean-Claude.
Van Damme's fame has driven them here.
They're clearly fans, here to support him,
and the slightest move gets the crowd on fire, yelling out his name.
We've heard a few snide remarks, like the one about the Commissioner
who went out in his shorts. But the situation is dramatic.
Sir, don't move.
What am I doing here? What's going on?
Calm down, sir.
- Don't move. - It hurts.
What the fuck...
No, Jean-Claude!
Don't move! Get outta here!
Calm down, Jean-Claude!
Get outta here!
The curtain! Help them!
Right on!
Gimme five! Awesome! How did you do that?
- Seriously! What a pro! - What's this?
- See what he did? - This isn't a movie! What do I care?
Take him with the others! Fast!
Listen, smart-ass, you better think of something or I'll shoot...
How do you do it Jean-Claude?
You got him in the balls with your foot and your hand!
You're too fast for me, I swear.
Sit down, you deserve it.
Hey!
Can't you see he saved his life!
He saved all of us!
Jean-Claude! He's still out cold.
What a fag.
Find a way to get us outta here
or I'll shoot one per hour, starting with our hero.
They're clueless.
We can ask anything...
like a ransom with him as hostage.
Let's ask for a million!
A million? Where did you see a million?
Have you even seen a million?
Where are you? In a post office!
He's a star! I mean, it's Van Damme!
They expect more than a mill.
We leave with him and the cash.
So the hostages can go to the cops once we're out!
Talkin' about a brain...
You almost got me killed!
- You realize? - Listen...
I'd be dead!
You're not the FBI!
- I'm still the boss. - Go to Hollywood for drama!
I work, here!
Fuck your action men in black! They're no better than us.
Let's just shoot him.
That's not our job! We're here to save lives!
- So maybe that's what it takes. - This isn't a war!
You're telling me how to do my job?
Can't you just shut up?
The gendarmes are gonna show up. Get lost!
Yeah, get outta here.
What are you laughing at?
And the kid?
The kid...
we take him with us.
Know anyone that would want to have a dead kid on their conscience?
Yes.
Boss!
- The blood... - Yes, Jean-Claude?
It's because of your crap.
No, I have nothing to do with this. The SWAT team decided alone...
I swear, I wouldn't have...
- I have a list of demands. - Yes.
You have to do something about the kid first.
The kid, you have to release him.
You have enough hostages, Jean-Claude!
Cut the crap! You want the list or not?
Yes, I'm listening.
You have enough hostages, Jean-Claude!
I want a million euros in small bills.
Unmarked, with different serial numbers.
I want a bus for the airport, a jet with a full tank.
Destination to be confirmed once I'm on board.
Then, I'll release the hostages.
You're asking a lot, Jean-Claude.
Honestly, you realize that...
- It won't work. - What?
I'm Jean-Claude Van Damme. It makes no sense, it's all bullshit.
It should be less realistic.
Like what?
Wait, I have an idea.
I'll also need 465,000 dollars...
Yeah.
...to be delivered by noon.
To the firm Bernstein, Katz and Phillis...
He hung up.
What's that? A code?
No, it makes more sense.
Who are those guys?
- My attorneys in LA. - Don't mess with me.
Dumbass. He's in court for the custody...
Shut up! You leave them all alone!
- Change the tone. - Shut up.
- Watch it, OK? - Go back!
- I'm not your baby brother! - Go!
Look, Carradine, I'll go when I'm ready.
Go back, your idol's coming. Ass-kisser, get lost!
I'm staying.
Now, I'm going.
OK, then go!
He's right. A movie star asking for a million...
it's ridiculous.
But a star asking for money to pay for his law fees...
sounds desperate.
Not bad, not bad at all.
Go back with the others.
I said, beat it!
Look at those idiots!
So: 1+1 = 1. It's still you.
- It's love. - 2 in 1.
But for us: 1+1 = 2 and 2+2 = 4.
Then we're 'selfish', we take money without sharing it.
But if 1+1 = 1... Or maybe 1+1 = 11.
That's beautiful!
I just got back from Belgium today, I was at my mother's and...
What was the name he said, in English?
- Bernstein. - What?
Leon Bernstein.
We don't think horizontal, we think vertical. We stand straight in life.
We don't think in hours and in seconds, it's 'neutral'.
The snake, Adam and Eve, I don't buy it anymore.
A snake is nice. An apple's good, it contains pectin.
It's good for cholesterol.
Can an apple hurt a woman?
Some people failed, because they're not 'aware'.
They don't acknowledge that they exist.
Poor things, they don't know. So, I'm 'aware', I'm awake.
What's "aware"?
You wake up wondering what you're doing...
No, it's fine.
Dolphins use wave-lengths too, they're smart in the sea.
We live in the earth.
They communicate, since they don't blah-blah-blah...
Hey, Mr. Van Damme! Wait! I'm a great fan of yours!
- How are you? - Fine and you?
- What's this? Lost in Schaerbeek? - Going to the post office.
A quick snap for the store?
Thanks, sir! Look, it's Van Damme!
Don't hello him. Take the picture first.
Thanks guys.
Wait, my grandma adores you too!
I'll be back in five minutes!
Name's Van Damme. How's it going?
Hello. Can I come in? I have a...
No, no, you can't, we're closed.
- Closed? - Yes.
But it's not six yet?
Please, it's very important. I'm expecting a transfer.
Yes, but we can't...
No, seriously!
A computer problem.
Seriously? This can't be. No, it's important, I have to...
Tomorrow, we'll let you in.
No, I need to go in today. Listen, it's very important.
I need this money for my family here, you understand?
Let me speak to the boss.
- Quickly, then. - It'll take a sec. Thanks.
Hello, ma'am, how are you?
I'm here for a transfer.
The name's Jean-Claude Van Varenberg. Not my stage name Van Damme.
I'm sorry, but we're out of cash today.
I told you, Mr. Van Damme!
No, you told me it was a computer problem.
Is it a cash or a computer problem? You pick...
Listen, please give me my money.
I have no money, my credit cards don't work. Nothing works.
We're out of cash.
It's impossible.
This is a bank! It's only 11, noon?
I'm broke, I have no money and my cards don't work!
C'mon, sir.
Wait, what's your name?
- Arthur. - Listen, I haven't slept in two days,
jet lag, the Los Angeles court,
the planes, a toy store, my Mom on the phone, the cab,
the tip... Wait, I have an idea.
I have a solution.
Then, collect some money.
I'm a good client here. I'm pretty loaded.
Why don't you ask people here for $700 or even $650?
And tomorrow take it out of my bank account.
But, I can't!
- You don't give a shit, uh? - No, I just can't!
I want my fucking money!
I'm sick of this, I want my money!
It's like this since yesterday.
I have no cash on me. Van Damme without cash! Gimme a loan.
Hey, I haven't slept, I got on a plane...
I just got back from a 'child custody' thing.
Look, I'm exhausted, guys. Help me out here.
First the cab, then the toys... Please, help me!
OK, c'mon now.
What?
Camera?
Is this candid camera?
Sorry, guys, sorry!
Listen, I've had a bad day, I haven't slept in two days.
Cut this one, it's a 'bad take'.
Put him with the others!
Are you nuts? It's Jean-Claude Van Damme!
C'mon! Get up now!
I said, get up! Faster!
Faster! Move faster!
Come and sit over here.
Shit, what did he do to you! Breathe. Breathe, Jean-Claude.
Wow! How do you develop your triceps?
I can't...
Watch out!
Get up! Get up!
The curtain!
- What? - The curtain!
Don't move! Shut up! Lower your arms!
You too, shut up! Lower your arms!
Gimme a hand, here.
Gimme a hand! Come!
What's going on?
Don't stay here! Get lost!
Open up!
What's going on?
Open up!
Look down.
You too, look down.
What are you looking at?
Look over there!
Open up!
What are you doing?
- Are you crazy? - He was coming in.
How are we gonna get out now? He's gonna call back-up!
Maybe, but I'm not turning myself in!
I'm not in Belgium to be jailbait! Watch it!
Don't do that again!
I just wanted to see how he was doing.
- Shit, I almost shot him! - OK, sit down!
Robbing a bank in Belgium can't be that hard!
Shit! What are we gonna do now?
Leave now, while you still can.
- He's right! - Shut up!
Turn yourselves in.
In any case, we all saw the gunshot was an accident.
If I want some stretching tips, I'll call you.
Well done!
You can insult me all you want or even hit a hostage,
but I'm not turning myself in!
We gotta block the exits.
You keep an eye on them and cut the crap!
You're saying that a man broke in...
and then you say he got in with a key!
We gotta be clear on this one,
otherwise, it'll be a false statement.
If you say he was drunk,
I won't know for sure until the alcohol test has been done.
It's as simple as that.
Boss, guess who's robbing the post office!
Who?
I liked how you pressured the hostages earlier.
It wasn't for them.
You heard Karate Kid. If we cooperate...
Listen up, brainiac.
Who said it was a perfect plan,
that post offices are like the Red Cross,
and that we'd catch the 12:43 train?
- But, the moron... - The moron's your pal, not mine.
So, if you wanna be the boss...
If you wanna be the boss and keep giving orders,
you'd better start growin' some balls otherwise, I'm taking over.
And I don't mind getting my hands dirty, ok?
Commissioner! Please!
Hey, it's Commissioner Bruges!
Is Van Damme the perp?
Wait. No declaration yet.
Has anyone been shot?
How many hostages are held inside?
- Enough. - What's your plan?
No, please! Get him outta here!
Be careful with the seats.
Careful! You know how much I can sell it for on eBay?
No, nothing's moving.
Can he turn that off?
- The whining thing? - The nerves.
- Is that him? - Yes.
Did he dye his hair?
He's in shock.
- What? - He's still in shock.
Once in the film "Hard Target",
I took a shot from a blank.
It took salts to reanimate me.
"Hard Target"! John Woo!
- What an ass! - Don't say that!
C'mon, Jean-Claude, wait a sec!
He's the one who brought him to the US.
Without him, he'd still be filming pigeons in Hong Kong!
And then what? He drops you!
At least, he did "Face/Off".
- So what? He could have picked you! - Yeah...yeah.
On the other hand, when you see "Windtalkers", there's a justice...
Got any new projects?
Not for now.
I saw a thing on the web, what's it called?
What about it?
- Steven Seagal got the part. - What?
Steven Seagal got the part.
- Steven Seagal? - You're ten times better!
Well, he cut off his couette.
His what?
His couette.
His ponytail!
For the first time!
Oh, I see... That's a tough one...
Hey you! What's that? What are you doing?
- Me? - Yeah, you!
- Hey! - He coughed.
- No. You're disturbing us! - I think he just coughed.
- He coughed! - Think I'm funny?
- No. - You think I'm funny!
No.
- Oh, is he funny? - No.
So, I see. It's the 'aware' thing, is that it?
- Who are you? - Drop it.
No, wait! Who do you think you are?
You're 40 and still wearing sweatshirts?
- Yeah. - Who do you think you are?
No, no, no! Shut up, OK?
He's tired, you know. Drop it.
- Tired? - Yeah.
I'm not tired, are you? No, you're not.
So, shut up!
Get up. Yeah get up, now!
- Got a smoke? - I don't smoke.
Does anyone have a smoke?
- So? - It's ringing, but no answer.
- No one? - Nope.
Forget it, then.
Go get me a megaphone, like they use in movies.
To shout at the public.
The day had started out fine!
But now, I'm exhausted, I'm fed up. I got scared!
- Sir, let's stop... - Do I know you?
- I'm Commissioner Bruges. - Sir, I'm freaking out!
There's been a hold-up across the street...
But look at my cab!
That's what I'm saying, let's proceed 'step by step'.
- Look at my cab! - A few questions, first.
I picked him up at the airport.
Did he have any luggage, ma'am?
Man, I can't.
Please! Only once!
I don't want to.
Open your mouth.
Be cool, just once!
I'm exhausted.
Do me a favor! I might never see you again.
Show me the move, just once, please! Go ahead!
Please, Jean-Claude!
Let's all applaud!
Nice, Jean-Claude!
Told you he was the best! Where are you going?
Who told you to move? Get back there.
Faster!
Where's my ciggy?
Open your mouth!
Move back a bit.
A bit lower.
- Jean-Claude? - Yeah?
- It's been years... - So, don't do it.
Just once!
He shows up and says "Go!". So off I went with him.
- He said that? - Yes, sir.
I did what he told me to, he's a big star!
- What's this? - I just fell!
And what are you doing? Come here now!
- He needs a doc. - Are you a nurse?
Mr. Van Damme!
This is Commissioner Bruges, pick up the phone so we can talk.
Is this a joke?
No, Jean-Claude.
They saw you with the cabinet.
- Moving a cabinet is robbing a bank? - Shut up!
If you need anything, pick up the phone.
I'm your contact.
Bruges.
Here's our ticket out!
I have enough problems...
I said, shut up!
Go ahead, big shot!
Are we having fun, here?
Can't believe it!
- You read English? - Yes.
If you tell them, you'll have blood on your hands.
- What do I say? - Let them talk.
What's "custody"?
He picked up!
Mr. Van Damme.
This is Commissioner Bruges. How's it going inside?
It could be better.
OK, let me ask you first, is anyone injured?
A man's unconscious and bleeding.
OK, good. May I call you Jean-Claude?
I'm Commissioner Christian Bruges. Call me Christian.
You must release the wounded man.
Neither one of us wants to have blood on our hands.
Of course.
Will you release him?
No, no one leaves. It's impossible.
What if I came with a doctor?
Hey, if there's a murder, it's no longer a robbery.
- And if I come with a doc? - Alright, but unarmed.
I give you my word.
Bruges...
- Whoever walks in is dead. - If a man dies, we're screwed.
Heard me earlier?
Well, they could come naked.
In hostage movies, the bad guys ask the good guys to come in
naked, so they know they're clean.
How about naked?
Fine, tell them.
Where's Petrucciani?
3. Stone falls on Egg,
Egg breaks.
Sorry, man! Didn't recognize you!
Aren't you Van Damme?
You're Jean-Claude Van Damme, my idol!
Listen...
I'm really tired and I...
Don't start acting like a big shot, Mr. Hero of the century!
I can finally talk to you and listen to that tone!
Let me talk to you. You can rest, but let me talk.
Close your eyes, but let me talk to you.
Anyway, when I see you on screen,
well, you're really different!
Really?
I think you look much better on screen.
And you're much nicer too,
I can tell you that...
- No, it's just that... - Even if you're tired.
I like you better on screen.
- You hurt my feelings. - Oh, c'mon...
I always thought you'd be nicer.
Everyone worships you here in Belgium, you're our star!
You represent us in Hollywood.
Get used to having a driver who talks!
OK.
- Please! - Sorry.
Yes, sorry! Yes!
What's that?
You don't need to show off!
- You're doing it on purpose or what? - No, I'm not.
But you're nice.
You too, but even more on screen!
It's hot in here!
- Should I open? - No, I'm tired.
Then sleep, but let me talk.
All cab drivers in Brussels talk!
You better get used to it if you come here often.
No, seriously!
Star, star, star. What are we talking about?
I surely didn't expect this kind of attitude!
Ma'am, I didn't mean to... Sorry.
Well you hurt me anyway, you don't realize, you're my idol!
- I'm sorry. - I saw all your films.
How can you be so rude?
I'm sorry, I'm tired...
- I still want a picture with you! - I promise.
- Promise? - Yes, ma'am.
- And you'll sign it? - Yes, ma'am.
- It's for my son! - Yes, ma'am.
Jean-Claude!
It's been over an hour and a half now since Van Damme
has taken refuge in the Schaerbeek downtown post office.
She looks better on TV.
We can't really say what happened.
After using a gun several times,
an anonymous source says...
So tell the source to stay anonymous!
If anyone blabs, you'll hear from me!
Yes, chief.
Thank you, chief. Call him back.
No, he was here and there were three people there.
OK, the Prefect authorized the transfer. It's an order.
And the ransom?
- That'll have to calm him down. - I've seen worse.
There's no attack. With a kid inside, I'm not budging.
He picked up!
Good news!
- The transfer's authorized. - Did it go through?
It will if you cooperate... Sorry, but it's a 2-way street.
And the money?
Same thing, it'll take a bit longer. You're gonna have to cooperate.
It's...
What do you want?
The kid. Let him go.
I'll call you back.
The crowd's agitated. Something's going on over there.
What's the commotion?
Let's go. Despite all this confusion, a car is trying to get through.
- Who is it? - What?
- Who is it? - The Van Varenbergs.
- Who? - Van Damme's parents.
Why don't you escort them?
Please! Please!
Mrs. Van Damme! Your son...
My son's a good man!
No comment!
What do you think you're doing? Trying to screw me?
- You're nuts or what? - Say you wanna screw me.
- I'm not saying that. - The kid stays.
- They gave in. - Shut up. It's our only vest.
Jean-Claude's right. They gave in.
Hey, who's doing the hold-up?
They gave in to him. No hostage is leaving.
Get back, I told you!
For the second time, don't move!
- Watch your tone. - I do as I please.
- Get on back! - Shut up, you heard me.
- Lower your gun. - Calm down!
You lower yours first.
- Go on back. - Shut up and lower your gun.
- Go on back. - I'm going now.
They'll break negotiations.
And I'll break your neck.
If it's not the kid, let a hostage go.
Just don't shoot, man.
Don't shoot.
Stop it.
He's right.
If we let one go, he's gonna talk.
Not the one I'm thinking of.
Tell them we'll release one.
- Your maniac son hurt someone. - Maniac?
He's Jean-Claude.
He's Camille.
He's Fran�ois.
He's Van Damme or Van Varenberg!
But he's not a maniac!
Get outta here.
He's on the line, boss.
Gotta do something for the kid.
Help me convince your son to let him go.
OK for a hostage, but not the kid.
Someone wants to talk to you.
Honey?
Mom?
What are you doing, son?
Nothing.
Nothing!
Please talk to me, dear.
Nothing, mom.
Mom, give me the... son of a bitch!
Get my lawyer on the phone.
Tell them I'm releasing a hostage. Don't cry, Mom.
Hurry up!
Take them away.
It was my mother.
I don't give a shit about your mother.
Wanna hear about mine?
- Last time I saw her... - What?
...was when I was born.
He tries to screw me, then he makes me cry.
You come with me.
- Why? - 'Cause you're getting out.
So, let's go.
No, he stays here.
C'mon, mister.
Make the transfer and get me his lawyer.
Rule number 1.
It's the maniac that shows good faith.
C'mon.
- Why do I have to go? - Shut up. Come with me.
Why do you want to keep him?
- He stays here. You come with me. - Let him go.
Not without me.
Not without my son!
Wait. The lawyer's on the line.
Stand up, up you go!
Let me go!
You sure are lucky...
- So are you. - with your gun.
You too sure are lucky.
You're really lucky.
Let me go!
Damien, I'll be back. Mommy's coming back!
Move.
Move. Get up.
When I say get up, you get up!
One word and you're dead.
If you open your mouth, you're gonna find your kid in pieces. Understand?
I'll take care of him.
What? You can't even take care of your own kid!
It's all your fault!
They're raising the curtain!
Stand back.
Please, ma'am. I said stand back.
Over there.
Over there, I said.
OK, so we put it all in boxes. I'm gonna keep a Christmas decoration.
I like this one. It's a little beauty.
This way, we'll remember it's almost Mardi Gras.
Our minds crossed. I took a heart from my tree.
Yeah, and St. Valentine 's Day is coming up. Hurray for love.
Dimitri's so romantic! It's our 1,500th show today!
This movie is for me.
There we are, you and me.
Why did you do that?
Or why did I do that?
You made my dream come true.
I asked you for it.
I promised you something in return and I haven't delivered yet.
You win, I lose.
Unless...
the path you've set for me...
is full of hurdles...
where the answer comes before the question.
Yeah, I do that.
Now I know why.
It's the cure, from what I've seen here.
It all makes sense.
It makes sense to those who understand.
So... America,
poverty,
stealing to eat...
Stalking producers, actors, 'movie stars',
going to clubs hoping to see a star, with my pictures, karate magazines.
It's all I had. I didn't speak English.
But I did 20 years of karate.
'Cause before I wasn't like that.
This... This is me today.
I used to be small and scrawny.
And I took up karate. Hence the Dojo, hence respect,
thou shall believe people who say,
"Oss!"
It's Samurai code.
It's honor, no lies.
So this guy in the US,
it's not the same thing.
No one says "Oss" to you.
Sometimes people in show business say,
I believed in people, in the Dojo.
I was blessed and had a lot of 'wives'.
I always believed in love.
It's hard for a woman with three kids to say,
"Which one do I love more?"
A mother...
If you have 5, 6, 7 or 10 wives in a lifetime,
they've all got something special,
but no one cares about that in the so-called media.
What about drugs?
When you got it all, you travel the world.
When you've been in all the hotels,
you're the prima donna of the penthouse.
And in all hotels the world over, traveling,
you want something more.
And because of a woman...
Well, because of love,
I tried something and I got hooked.
Van Damme, the beast,
the tiger in a cage,
the "Bloodsport" man got hooked.
I was wasted mentally and physically.
To the point that I got out of it.
I got out of it.
But...
It's all there.
It was really tough.
I saw people worse off than me.
I went from poor to rich and thought, why aren't we all like me.
Why all the privileges?
I'm just a regular guy.
It makes me sick to see people...
who don't have what I've got.
Knowing that...
they have qualities, too.
Much more than I do!
It's not my fault if I was cut out to be a star.
I asked for it.
I asked for it, really believed in it.
When you're 13, you believe in your dream.
Well, it came true for me.
But I still ask myself today...
what I've done on this earth.
Nothing!
I've done nothing!
And I might just die in this post office,
hoping to start all over here in Belgium,
in my country, where my roots are.
Start all over with my parents and get my health back,
pick up again. So I really hope...
nobody's gonna pull a trigger in this post office...
It's so stupid to kill people. They're so beautiful!
So, today, I pray to God.
I truly believe...
it's not a movie.
It's real life.
Real life.
I've seen so many things.
I was born in Belgium,
but I'm citizen of the world.
I've travelled a lot.
It's hard for me to judge people...
and it's hard for them...
not to judge me.
Easier to blame me.
Yeah, something like that.
Dimitri's so romantic! It's our 1,500th show today!
And I'm giving out rare items
like the red wig "V�ronique et S�bastien " never wore.
We don't know why!
It's the hat full of ideas for reportages.
Say, Arthur?
- That's your name, right? - Yeah.
We've gotta free the hostages.
I can't do that, Jean-Claude.
Yes, you can. It's easy.
We just go there,
raise the curtain...
and split!
4. Egg falls on Stone,
Egg breaks.
7 hostages left! How are we gonna hold out?
- It's OK. We need time. - Wait for what? What's the plan?
The cops question her, then what?
- They count the dough. - After that...
Hey, what dough?
You're waiting for them to count the million?
You crazy? What's a million? I won't calm down.
How are you gonna get out? She'll blab.
No, we've got the kid.
I tell you, the first one to leave dies.
You can't kill anyone.
I'll kill whoever I like. No more talking!
The next one out is dead. A hostage, whatever!
Whoever you want, you got it?
We'll obtain more that way and have the upper hand.
What are you doing?
What? You want to hold it for me?
Let's wait for the bus...
What the bus? We're gonna go home by bus?
Why not on the subway!
Hey, it's the second round or what?
I'm pissing.
- Pissing? - Yeah!
You piss silently?
Yeah, don't you?
- You piss white? - Yeah!
You piss invisible! Think I'm an idiot?
Why? Are you sick?
Do you piss yellow? Red? Orange?
At least, there's color.
- You're sick. - So, I'm sick?
- I'm sick? - Yeah.
Wait, I'm going back to my spot...
Where the fuck are they?
Back in the room, faster!
Let her through, she's the mother! It's her son!
Move back.
What do you want? You wanna screw me over again?
I was just trying to help...
Move back!
I said, move back!
- Don't shoot. - Move back, move back.
Don't fucking shoot!
- What are you doing? - You're gonna shoot me?
What I'm doing? What about you?
Whose side are you on?
- Who are you with? - Shut up!
Let him go!
We want information!
I said, get the fuck outta here!
You, motherfucker!
Let go.
Sir!
My son, Jean-Claude...
- What's going on? - Is Jean-Claude dead or...
Answer me, damn it! He's my son!
Make her stop crying!
I said, let go!
What?
Go ahead, shoot!
You too, get lost!
Back to our correspondent in Los Angeles
where it seems Van Damme's attorney has a statement to make.
Go, over there!
Bang!
Like in movies.
What the hell are you doing?
Whose side are you on, you dork? That moron soften you up?
Oh yeah, I'm the dork?
Yeah, a 32-year-old who still watches karate films?
And who gets softened up like a beginner!
- A beginner? - Yeah!
Robbing a post office at my age, that's a youth mistake! But at 52...
Yeah, right! 52 years old!
You owe me some respect. I could be your father!
My father? Because of your age?
No, because I fucked your mother!
Sure!
Are you happy now?
Did you ever go to school?
You'd know that stone falls on egg,
breaks egg
and egg which...
an egg which falls...
Because we can't...
You can't save...
the world.
What?
We said, "Not the mothers!"
I don't wanna die.
It's over, it's over.
Don't worry, Jean-Claude.
Aren't we better off without him?
- He shot him in the head. - Put Jean-Claude on.
Jean-Claude?
I wanted to ask you...
Could you sign me an autograph?
For Arthur.
Promise?
Thanks.
The cops.
- No! - Yes...
Arthur?
Don't shoot!
Police!
Police! Don't move!
I'm a hostage!
I need a doctor, now!
- Drop the gun! - Get lost!
Get out or I'll smoke him!
- Drop the gun! - Let him go.
Get outta here or I'll smoke him!
It's not him!
It's not Jean-Claude!
- Get outta here! - Drop the gun!
I'm gonna smoke him! Get outta here!
I didn't do anything!
What the hell is going on here?
You're a criminal!
Extortion of 465,000 dollars from the Belgian State.
- Extortion? - Extortion!
What extortion? There's no extortion!
You're an asshole.
A few months later
During the trial, Van Damme seemed quite serene
and wishes to remain silent... Here he comes.
Mr. Van Damme, a statement? Do you agree with the court's verdict?
Jean-Claude Van Damme, as mentioned earlier,
will serve 1 year for extortion of funds.
He should serve his sentence in a prison in Brussels' suburbs.
And this ends the thrilling judicial series.
We just heard of the incredible escape...
If the knee is lower than the foot, like this...
You won't have any strength.
Harder!
Van Damme, visit...
Van Damme! Visiting room!
How are you, Mom?
Aren't you cold?
No, no. I just gave the guys a karate lesson...
- You teach karate? - Yeah, keeps me busy.
That's nice.
Your father asked how you were doing and wanted to tell you stuff...
Is he OK?
I'll be right back. I have a surprise.
- Excuse me? - I have a surprise for you.
- I've had plenty of surprises. - Wait a sec.
We don't have much time.
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