SHOOT THE PIANO PLAYER
I don't know how to thank you.
I ran into this streetlight like an idiot.
I've gotta run. She still waits up for me. Come on.
- How long you been married? - Eleven years.
I wish I were married too.
- You say that like you mean it. - I do.
It has its good points.
We almost didn't make it at first.
I'd watch her over breakfast, wondering how to get rid of her.
But then I thought, "Where do you get these ideas?" and I found no answer.
- A question of freedom, maybe? - Yeah.
I met her at a dance.
Had a helluva time getting to know her.
She hadn't been around much. And you know Paris.
I'll bet there are more virgins here than in any other city.
Proportionally, at least.
But listen - that's not why I married her.
Why, then?
I got used to her. We had good times.
I don't know you, and we may never meet again,
so all the more reason to be frank.
Sometimes it helps to spill your guts to a stranger.
There's some truth in that.
I ended up having feelings for her. First time that ever happened.
We went together for a year.
One fine day, I went out and bought the wedding ring.
It always happens like that.
Not always.
I think I really fell in love with her two years later.
She was in the hospital having our first kid.
I remember standing next to her bed,
just looking down at her and the baby.
I think that's the moment it really started.
How many kids you got now?
Three.
A perfect number.
Yeah, they're great kids.
I turn here, so I'll say good-bye.
Take care, now. - I sure will.
Thanks. And good luck!
CHARLIE KOLLER DANCING NIGHTLY
- Hi, Edouard. - Call me Charlie. And wait there.
You're a strange bird.
Four years since we last saw each other,
and you'd think I'd just gone around the block.
See this? It's so dark out, I ran into a pole.
Someone after you?
Not the cops, or I wouldn't get you involved.
So you came to get me involved? Forget it.
Fido must have grown.
Things okay money-wise?
I'm getting by. Just don't count on me for anything.
I don't want to get involved, you hear?
How's the family?
- Everyone's fine: Mom, Dad - - Richard?
Oh, you know, always up to something.
But we miss you and Fido,
so I started thinking...
When they started chasing you.
Charlie, you gotta help. I'm in a real fix.
So you come to me! Who's after you?
Two guys.
We pulled a job, these two guys and Richard and me.
They tried to play rough and gyp us out of our share.
So Richard and I kept the loot and ditched them instead.
Great.
What do they look like?
One wears a hat, the other a cap.
They're not brothers but they look alike,
and they both smoke pipes.
Evening, Charlie. How are things?
What the hell are you doing here? You're throwing your life away!
- All right, all right. - No, it's not all right!
You look great behind that piece of junk.
You deserve a concert grand in a packed hall
before a cheering crowd, so what gives?
- I can't be in two places at once. - What a laugh!
The world-famous artist can't even afford a jalopy.
Something's screwy there. - Okay, okay.
Just shut up.
Look at him, the concert pianist pounding out honky-tonk!
For chrissake, get this guy a grand piano
with some candlesticks!
Where are those candlesticks?
Listen, pal, pipe down!
I want everyone to hear.
They're too busy dancing.
That's the trouble with the world. Nobody can be bothered.
Drop it, Plyne. He's sick.
Who is he, pal?
I thought I made it clear: Don't get chummy with me.
Call me mister.
Okay, mister, who is he?
Maybe my dear little brother is ashamed of me.
He's an artist, my friend. And his name's not Charlie.
It's Edouard. - Shut up!
He never mentioned a brother.
Yep, four kids in the family, all boys.
What do you pay Charlie for?
To play piano, of course.
So he's paid to play, not spill his guts.
You want a guy to talk, it'll cost you.
Like digging a well - the deeper you go, the more it costs.
Sometimes it costs so much,
you just give up.
You're very alluring...
and I'm lured.
What luck! I just now decided to get married.
You're the first one I'm asking.
Who says I'm single?
It can't be! The Abominable Snowman there is your guy?
Was my guy, though we haven't officially broken up.
Besides, I don't even know you.
- Charlie's big brother. - No kidding.
I just love Charlie.
And how about me?
It's too soon to tell.
You'll have to excuse me. I've got customers.
Is my chest that exciting?
- You bet. I'm a doctor. - Sure you are.
Not the best crowd tonight.
The other night was first-class quality.
Look at that!
Interesting.
Or just bizarre.
See you later, Charlie.
- Christ, they're here! - It's your problem.
- I'm done for! - The back door! Go!
The dame was named Frances
We all called her
The Raspberry
The sergeant was to blame
He was lame
In the brain
She served beer in a bar
Not far from the Loire
A tart, she was not
Beer was all we got
You'd have to have cheek
To pinch her cheek
She was right from Antibes
What a blight!
A blight on the Berry
That's fate, tit for tat
She was native Antibean
Closer than Carribean
Closer than Caracas
Or the Congo?
I don't know
The barrier of language
My ardors assuaged
The wench, she knew French
Her eyes, they sizzled
My passion, it fizzled
I'm anti-Antibean
Despite myself
What a blight!
A blight on the Berry
That's fate, tit for tat
Her measurements were meager
No wonder she was eager
To be adding extra padding
At the Beauty Institute
Ah! Ah! Ah!
By the Loire are beauticians
Who can add to your bosom
No surgical dangers
In Angers
For old gents and pretty maids
Attributes are custom-made
But for those who can't rejuvenate
What a blight!
A blight on the Berry
That's fate, tit for tat
Seeing her new measurements
Added to my torments
Ogling her plunging neckline
I gave her the old line
"Permit me to keep abreast
Of what's on your chest"
She ran away like a stranger
So I quit
I'm not fit for a dog
In a manger
The moral
A blight on tit for tat
And dame's fate is the berries!
They must have gone out the alley.
They didn't look like killers. Just wanted to talk business.
You can guess what kind.
When your brothers get mixed up in something, big dumb Chico takes the fall.
Come on, wish him good luck while there's still time.
Good luck.
Good night.
She's really got her eye on you.
Who does?
Léna. Thought you'd like to know.
Thanks anyway.
Too bad you're not interested.
I wish she looked at me like that.
If I'm in the way, I can leave.
Don't worry. I'm not her type.
In fact,
I'm nobody's type.
See you tomorrow.
Come now.
I'm just a big lug,
and too dumb to make women forget it.
Could it be glands?
No, it's not my glands. Just my ugly mug.
Don't be afraid of women. They're not poisonous.
You don't really believe that.
I can see you've been through the wringer too, my boy.
So what?
I bet I even know what's eating you.
You're shy and scared.
Scared?
That's right.
Scared.
I'm scared.
Shit, I'm scared!
You okay, pal?
I'm scared.
Who were those two guys?
No idea.
I'm going to bed. Life goes on, after all.
Hey, Mr. Charlie.
I didn't want anyone else to hear.
Can you lend me some dough until tomorrow?
Sure.
Here.
Walk with me a ways.
I don't like walking home alone at night, Mr. Charlie.
Just call me Charlie.
Okay. Then you call me Léna.
Why Léna?
From Hélène to Héléna to just Léna.
It'll look odd if you don't talk.
Say something, anything, or she'll think you're scared.
She's no fool. She knows silence and romance go hand-in-hand.
She's the quiet type. Not stuck-up -just serious.
No cheap jokes for her.
It'd take something really funny to make her laugh.
What's so funny?
That face!
Listen.
You know those guys after your brother? - No, why?
I think they're following us.
Look here.
Where'd they go?
They must have taken off that way.
Lousy luck!
So long. I'm going home.
Come on.
She felt you against her, but she didn't move away.
So she's willing - but to do what?
Who knows?
Suggest getting a drink to buy some time.
Don't mess this up. Take it easy.
"We can't just say good-bye. Let's have a drink."
No, more subtle.
"I bet you're thirsty. Me too."
Want to get a drink...
Probably just as well.
Think of something else. Is Art Tatum talented?
Or Errol Garner? Yes, Garner's got talent.
Or Juno Manse? You can't say. You don't even know him.
It's me - Clarisse.
Evening, Charlie.
You still sleep in the raw?
It's better for you.
Reminds me of my skeleton number at the carnival.
My first gig after running away from home.
I lay inside a coffin, practically naked,
and with a flick of the mirrors, you could see my skeleton.
Even doctors fell for it.
Then I sprained an ankle.
It's tough being an artist.
- Want me to stay? - I don't know.
- I'll put it on your tab. - No, thanks.
Okay, I won't insist.
I'm going.
Don't be sore.
Take off that pretty dress.
Close Fido's door.
Isn't all of me pretty?
It's a good working dress.
I don't have to bow and scrape for customers.
"How much?"
"Three thousand. Take it or leave it."
I don't push the goods on anyone. It's a free country.
I'll go behind here. - Right. I might get ideas.
I prefer pretty clothes to the sexy ones some girls wear.
Aren't my clothes always pretty?
Very.
No, really. Very pretty.
The girls always ask where I buy them.
Pretty, aren't they? 400 francs - a bargain.
What do I know about your panties?
Are you nuts?
No, just a prude.
A prude?
More like a prune!
Good one, huh?
Is pussycat hurt? Is my pussycat mad?
Pussycat's not mad, just tired.
I even saw it on TV: Pussycats are tired these days.
I'm sleepy, and I prefer old-fashioned undies.
TVis like a movie theater
You can go to right at home
Move over.
This is how it's done in the movies.
I saw Torpedoes in Alaska at the movies this afternoon.
Any good?
John Wayne showing how the USA only wants peace.
Well, well. The Yanks are just like me.
You making fun of me?
I'd never do that, baby.
Give me a drag.
Hey, I thought you were the shy type!
You never heard? Shy people can be bold too.
Clarisse, back to your room. Fido's gonna wake up. Quick!
Sure, I'm only fit to cook him dinner every night.
Don't start that. Pass me my trousers.
- What are you looking at? - Nothing.
Zip me up, will you?
Go on home. See you tonight.
Fido.
Time to get up.
Hurry up. You'll be late.
Bye, Charlie. See you tonight.
- Hello, Charlie. - Have I had the pleasure?
I'm Ernest. He's Momo.
We'll give you a lift. - I'll walk.
No need for that.
- Just to show him. - He already knows.
- Maybe he's not sure. - All right.
Coming with us now? - Yeah, now I am.
- What do you think of our pal, Momo? - He looks tough. You?
Me too. We think you're tough.
Is 50,000 enough? Give us a figure.
I don't need much money.
- Maybe he thinks we don't have it. - Right. Show him the package.
Not very smart carrying that much around.
Enough talk. Where were we?
He refused the money. Let's try something else.
Look, we only want to talk to him. We won't hurt him.
Who?
I thought we agreed to be up front! You know we mean your brother!
Put us in touch with him. Take us to the farm.
- He could be away. - I doubt it.
Momo, get in back. Here's our mutual friend.
The waitress. "Mrs. Charlie," you might say.
No need for introductions, eh?
- Where are we going? - Ask your boyfriend.
- He's not my boyfriend. - We're paying his brother Chico a visit.
That man with the black eye?
They've done their homework. First they find out he's my brother.
Then they get our addresses.
- How? - I think I know how.
We'll tell you.
We had a drink with your boss this morning.
The ugly ape made us pay through the nose.
Fifty smackers.
Twenty-five for Charlie's address, 25 for hers.
He's a greedy, suspicious slob.
What a mug - and how he stroked that wad!
Plyne, the fat pig!
- Ernest, watch the road! - Who's driving here?
You are! But be careful!
True. We must keep our charming hostages safe.
You had time to pass that car!
He's waiting for you to pass. - Do you mind?
- If I had the wheel! - Around your neck?
- Don't get excited. - I'm not.
If there's one thing I can do,
it's drive a car.
I can make a car do anything I want.
- Except pass. - You want me to blow my top?
No, just keep your eyes on the road and stop ogling the chicks.
You'll kill someone one of these days.
Fitting vengeance for my father.
He got run over crossing the street.
He was watching the women, not the cars.
Got his eye on a short skirt, and down he goes.
- The old guy was a dirty old man! - I must take after him.
I've got an eye for the moment
the wind's gonna lift a skirt, or some nice legs gonna board a bus.
Do I shock you? - Not at all.
I've met bastards before. I'm learning something.
I tell you:
No matter what women say, they all want it.
Want what?
It's just like he says: They all want it.
And I say let 'em have it!
- But I've got nothing against women. - I can see that.
I love 'em all, precisely for what they are.
But they insist on talking before and especially after,
just when a man wants out of there, alone.
If I may, on the subject of women, my father used to say,
"If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all."
When I first lay eyes on a woman, it's like a thunderbolt.
I'm in love. I want marriage, babies.
But once they start gabbing, I just want to lay 'em
and leave 'em.
- Nice attitude. - Sorry, it's just how I am.
I gotta say, you do everything to get us males excited.
Why the lipstick, the nail polish,
the tight-fitting bras, the short skirts?
Why the high heels? Why wear stockings?
Why not wear socks, like us?
Yeah, a girl looks great in kneesocks.
A real tease!
Once all my underwear was dirty,
so I tried on my sister's silk panties. What a feeling!
No wonder they always want it!
We men wear pants,
but in their dresses, their thighs are always touching.
It must be torture for priests. Right, lovebirds?
Priests wear long drawers, jerk face.
The light's red, damn it!
Now we're done for! We'll do the talking, okay?
Open up!
The door! Help me, damn it!
Anything wrong, Officer?
Turn off the engine and get out.
I can explain.
Your papers.
He's an awful driver, Officer.
He goes crazy in traffic.
Coming, dear? We've had enough.
Let's catch a bus.
- Don't look at me! - So long, Charlie!
See you later.
- Sure, drop by. We'll be waiting. - See you soon!
- "See you soon," they said. - Don't worry about it.
Don't worry. Right.
And I suppose those were cap pistols they had too.
She took your arm just like that.
My God, she's taking you to her place.
This way.
Let me lead the way.
Don't stare at her legs. It isn't proper.
Watch the steps or you'll fall.
Or look at the walls, though they're pretty cruddy.
Now Charlie plays the piano at Plyne's, but there was a time when he didn't.
Isn't that right, Edouard?
There was a time...
Excuse me.
Do you have caramel custard? - No, it's crossed off the menu.
- So I see. - Check, please.
- Too bad. - Excuse me.
- What time are you off? - I'll have a look.
Miss, please!
Coffee, sir?
Here. Take this for your trouble.
It's too beautiful.
But you thought to yourself, "Not for two years of happiness."
We never accept gifts from customers, sir.
- Has that guy been coming long? - The last few days.
I've seen him somewhere before.
You know what I'd like?
Quit your job at the restaurant. - Your piano lessons aren't exactly...
Don't make fun of my piano lessons.
You used to like them. - It's true. Remember?
"Mr. Edouard, perhaps I could learn. I know I'm slow, but -"
"Don't say that, miss. You're not slow at all.
It's just that the piano -"
"I just love my lessons. They take up all my afternoons."
"You really like the piano, miss?" "Oh, yes, Mr. Edouard."
Tell me.
You really want me around all the time?
It's more than that. Much more.
I know, and I feel the same way.
It gets stronger every day.
I recommend the special.
Allow me to introduce myself: Lars Schmeel, impresario.
- Edouard Saroyan. - I remember.
You're a pianist. You came to see me a year ago.
That's right.
I was too busy to give you much time. Forgive me.
- I understand. - Life can be crazy.
May I? - Be my guest.
Would the gentlemen care to order?
I should explain: This is my wife.
Nice to meet you, little lady.
We play this little game of waitress and customer.
A splendid game - you both win!
You're very lucky, my friend.
You're very kind.
Let me redeem myself. Come to my office tomorrow.
With whom did you study?
Old Zeleny.
- What are you sulking about? - I'm not.
Yes, you are. You were in a good mood in the car.
Then you suddenly stopped talking as if I'd said something.
It's nothing you said. I just realized you weren't listening.
You pretend to, but you don't care. "He's talking away, so he's happy."
You're thinking about tablecloths, furniture, dressmakers.
I'm telling you what I liked about the concert,
when I catch your look that says, "Keep talking, buddy!"
I'm not done!
I'm fed up, you hear me? This is no life for an artist.
Maybe I'm not a real artist, but people gotta believe in me
so I can become one. I'm not asking for much, damn it!
Think it doesn't take all the patience I've got to live with you?
And the brilliant conversation you make.
Mention Hemingway and it's "I hear he has all my records."
"So-and-so didn't like my last recital."
"Smith told Jones I was the tops."
"Should I accept this offer, decline that one?"
"What's John Doe think of me?" "Did the concierge see me on TV?"
My God, you repeat everything ten times.
I have to act like I've never heard it before.
You think this is any sort of life?
Isn't it getting to be a bit much?
I'd rather you were more smug,
more sure of your talent.
At least I'd have some peace.
The slightest criticism crushes you.
Forgive me. It's just my jealousy talking.
No, everything you say is true.
I think about it too, but what can I do?
I'm not the guy for you. - Don't say that.
It hurts too much.
You lucky stiff! What a triumph! You and your wife must be ecstatic.
But your press conference was a total flop.
Reporters come running to see the rare bird,
but they can't get a word out of you.
Shyness is a disease. It can be cured.
Luckily, I'm doing your work for you. Look here in the gossip pages.
"Lars Schmeel, Saroyan's manager, told us,
'I love beauty in all, regardless of gender."'
HOW TO CONQUER SHYNESS
HOW I GOT OVER MY FEAR
Now, Edouard, you'll never escape from me again,
thanks to this masterpiece that I can contemplate every day.
How's Thérésa? - Tired.
She's always tired. - Too much travel? Life on the road?
- No, it's me. - Do you two argue?
We used to, in the beginning. Now it's much more serious.
You can tell me everything.
- She's through with me. - Come, now.
You don't believe it. I couldn't either at first.
It's like she's struggling with something.
I can tell.
For example, we'll be talking,
when suddenly she turns and walks out of the room.
If I try to stop her, she locks herself in her room and doesn't answer.
That's where things stand. It's over.
- Did she tell you that? - She didn't have to.
I think she began to despise me when I became successful.
I think it's all a misunderstanding.
Bring her to the cocktail reception later and I'll talk to her.
I'll try.
Listen, I've come to take you to the party.
Please leave me alone. Go away.
I've had enough!
Why are you shouting at me? You never used to.
I didn't mean to.
It's all right. After all, you can shout if you like.
I'm making you unhappy, aren't I?
I know it's wrong, but I can't help myself.
Lost in the night, you can't stop the shadows from closing in.
It gets darker and darker.
There's no way out. You don't know what to do.
I think there's only one thing I can do.
Say good-bye and go.
All right, I'll tell you.
You must know.
It's better to tell... to confess.
Confess?
I made a mistake.
I did a terrible thing.
But now you're a famous pianist, and I'm glad.
I gave you your chance.
Lars Schmeel.
It was a few days before you signed the contract.
He came to the restaurant.
Not for coffee.
Not for lunch either.
To make a business proposition.
At first I don't understand.
It's like some kind of riddle.
I ask him what he means.
He looks at me as if to say,
"You don't get it? Think about it. You'll figure it out."
I lay awake all night thinking about it.
He came back the next day.
You know how a spider works?
It was like he'd cut me in two.
As if my heart were one thing and my body another.
It wasn't Thérésa who went with him.
Just her body,
as if I wasn't there.
I was with you.
I was leading you onto the concert stage.
He'd rented a room near the restaurant that afternoon.
Then one evening you tell me the news:
The contract is signed.
Afterward, when he came to the restaurant,
he was a customer like any other...
ordering a meal.
I thought, " That's over and done with. Now you can be Thérésa again."
But it's strange.
What you did yesterday stays with you today.
I look in the mirror.
Do I see Thérésa? Your Thérésa?
There's no Thérésa...
anywhere.
Just a dirty old rag.
That's why I won't let you touch me.
Not this filth!
Go to her, bow your head, get down on your knees.
Quick, before it's too late, think fast!
If you walk out that door, she'll be all alone. Don't do it!
WIFE OF FAMED PIANIST PLUNGES TO HER DEATH
You disappeared and started over.
Edouard Saroyan became Charlie Koller.
You visited your brothers in the snow and asked them to let you have Fido.
One day you ended up at the bar.
They were happy to have you sweep out the old dive.
There was a beat-up wreck of a piano in the corner.
You couldn't stop looking at it, looking away, looking back again.
One day you asked Plyne -
Mind if I play a bit?
- You? - I think I can play it.
All right. But it better be music.
Who is Charlie Koller?
All we know is he's the piano man
who's raising his kid brother and who minds his own business.
Your music brings in the locals every night, and the joint takes off.
Plyne hires more help and musicians.
Victor, on drums, grins all the time for no reason.
His brother, François, is on bass, with his long, hairy hands.
And then there was me,
watching you the whole time, but you never noticed.
On my birthday, when I said, "Everyone gets a big kiss,"
it was so I could kiss you.
I saw you looking at me...
so I looked back.
What were you thinking last night, walking me home?
Did you like me right from the start?
Remember that night you told me...
When I took your arm, I was afraid you'd think I was too forward.
I wanted so badly for you to take my hand.
You know, I've got a feeling Plyne is crazy about you.
You're nuts! That's all I need!
It's true. He told me so himself.
After all, he's a man like any other.
I love you because you aren't like the others.
You don't play the ladies' man or the tough guy.
You're shy. You respect woman.
Don't you believe it.
Deep down I'm just like the others.
When I was rich and famous and women recognized me in the street,
I'd stare at them shamelessly, as if wanting to undress them.
Since most of them stared back and seemed to enjoy it,
I got bolder and bolder.
But if it was a decent girl and she looked away,
I felt ashamed.
I'd never let anyone treat my mother or wife or daughter like that.
Where there's a will, there's a way. We'll go quit Plyne's place.
We'll be free and work as a team!
I'm going to wake you up. You'll be Edouard Saroyan again.
What for?
Not what for - who for.
For me and you. For us.
I was an orphan. I'm used to fighting.
You'll work, audition, give concerts.
Charlie's dead! Long live Edouard!
Be an angel and go buy me a pair of stockings.
Then we'll go tell off that swine Plyne.
Get "Scandals" in size two.
Tangerine's my shade.
All I ask of a man is to tell me when it's over.
Not one ever has.
When you don't love me anymore, tell me.
Wait, I'll fix your eggs.
I don't like the white, just the yolk.
There's a customer for you, Miss Clarisse.
Why doesn't he come during working hours?
Tell him to find someone else.
The sidewalk's full of 'em. What nerve!
He insists on you. He made that very clear.
He's clean and well-dressed. A nice-Iooking man.
All right, I'm on my way.
There's sugar, yogurt and fruit. I'll be back in a flash.
This is the gentleman.
I'll be right back, Fido.
Hello, miss. Where do we go?
This way, honey. You look familiar. Haven't you been up before?
No, miss.
- You have money? - A little.
Hey, honey, where are you going?
Damn it! What's going on?
- Ernest! - I'm coming.
Fido, don't go with them!
Damn you!
Filthy creeps!
Kidnappers!
My carriage.
- So we're really quitting? - Don't get cold feet.
Let me handle it. Just watch Plyne.
Here they are.
- Think you're on vacation or what? - I got up late.
And then we took a drive, and then we took a walk.
Together?
Yes, together. You want a diagram?
Why not? I'm curious. He's usually by himself.
Even with someone else around, he's by himself.
We came for our pay. And by the way, we're quitting too.
That's all I need.
Crap from the customers, and now from the help too!
Did you hear that?
Charlie, where you been hiding out?
I looked everywhere for you. Those two guys last night got me worried.
Where could he hide? They had his address, and mine too.
I know nothing about this.
Ask this joker you live with.
You call this living?
- Shut your traps, both of you! - You shut yours!
Those guys came here this morning and shelled out for our addresses.
You sold them?
Meet Plyne, the double-crosser!
It wasn't like that.
Plyne's been a bastard, but she's torturing him.
He sees her every day and wants her, but not a chance.
Even now, she's laying into him, but he can't tear his eyes away.
She's going too far, but what can I tell her?
That's he's not so bad? A poor slob who never got anywhere?
It's all true, but there's no point.
It's none of your business. Nothing is.
Just take your place at the piano.
You can't help Plyne or anybody else.
You're out of it now. For you, nothing matters anymore.
- Take back what you said. - Screw you!
Feel my muscles, Léna. I'm not just anybody.
This is bullshit!
She's right. It's bullshit!
"Screw you," "bullshit" - such filth from such a lovely mouth.
Why don't you keep yours shut, you fat pig!
As sure as you see me here, I'm gonna kill you.
- I don't see you. You're too short. - Your loss, you bitch!
Charlie, you sleep-walking?
Just leave her alone.
Okay, sure. It's you I'm after now anyway.
You bastard, you touched her!
Admit you defiled her. I'll break your neck!
Let's stop this.
You're not angry?
- Let's forget it. - No way.
Someone must win. - Say I chickened out.
No, the ladies saw me run out.
I can't back down now. I've got to show them.
I don't want people believing everything she said.
I don't love Léna anymore. She used words unworthy of her.
If she had a soul, she wouldn't have been so vulgar.
She's a slut!
She's not a girl, she's not a woman.
A woman is pure, delicate, fragile.
Woman is supreme. Woman is magic.
To me, woman has always been supreme.
Charlie boy - sorry for getting familiar...
but Charlie boy, you're about to die!
Go back inside. It was just an accident.
- Someone's there! - Shit, I forgot the light!
Must be the police. I'll go.
Look, his eyes are open.
Move.
Don't push. I've got legs.
Then use them. You're worse than a drunk.
I dropped the knife to show him I wasn't serious.
Then he started choking me.
I found the knife and meant to nick his arm to make him let go.
He moved and caught it in the back.
- Wanna bet? - On what?
- They'll buy it. - No, the police will want proof.
It was me. They won't look any further.
- You can explain. - Sure - by mail.
Go get Fido before the cops get there.
Fido!
- What do you want? - You scared me!
Sorry. I'm looking for Fido Saroyan.
Fido's gone! Those two bastards kidnapped him!
You're drunk!
Damn those dogs!
- Fido sounds like a dog's name. - It means "faithful."
The milk trick was good, but we won the second round.
Here's a tip: Never leave the door open.
My pop used to say, " If someone knocks, assume it's a murderer.
If it's just a robber, you'll be happy."
- How's school? - So-so.
- What's your best subject? - Natural science.
I was no good in any subject. Work gives me a migraine.
I'm making up for all my ancestors who overworked,
all those generations of hard-working men.
Here.
Thanks. I prefer snuff.
You put tobacco up your nose? Disgusting.
It's great, especially in the morning. The first pinch is always the best.
- What's that? - A musical lighter.
- That's great. - Show him your watch.
Look.
And I've got a gadget that rings when the parking meter is up.
Is that it?
A new Snorkel-brand pen from America
with automatic refill and retractable nib.
A fiber belt from Oceania.
A hat for the tropics.
My suit's from London, made of Australian wool.
I have vented shoes of Egyptian leather.
I've got so much stuff
I could puke.
My scarf looks like silk, but it's really metal.
A really flexible metal.
It's Japanese. Feel it.
- It's not metal, it's cloth. - It's Japanese metal!
No, it's not. It's not even Japanese.
- I swear it's the truth. - No reason to lie about it.
If I'm lying, may my mother keel over this instant!
- Okay, I believe you. - You should.
It's me - Léna.
Come along, and don't make noise.
Oh, my head!
Shit!
Wait. I'll have a look.
Damn it! The cops are still here!
- What about Fido? - I'll tell you later.
All clear.
I borrowed a car.
- From whom? - My landlady.
- You must be on good terms. - I know where she leaves the key.
Can you make it? Hold on to me.
It's all true, Officer. Just ask the neighbors.
You know how it goes. One thing leads to another.
The cops?
They really grilled me. They're at the neighbors' now.
You may need this. - I'll call from the road.
- Fido. - I'll explain later.
You got the bottle?
Here.
Have some.
I'm still thirsty.
I was a prize jerk not to see it.
They went from Chico to me to Fido.
The abominable Saroyan brothers are in the soup again.
She's conking out again.
For the third time!
What a crate! We'd do better in a pushcart.
- What's wrong with it? - How should I know?
- We'll have to push. - Come on.
Can you see? - Yeah.
Look where you're heading! Hold it straight.
Come on, push!
Careful. You're veering to the side.
Funny thing, an engine.
- What about that? Or that? - Don't touch.
- Does the radio work? - I don't know. Try it.
Off in the distance far from the violins
Far from the shepherds too
Dressed in knightly garb
Forty of the king's jesters
Painted in brightest hue
And angels
Hovering over us
There on the horizon
When my love turns to hate you'll be sure to know
When my love turns to hate I'll wear a cap as I go
When you stop loving me I'll make it very plain
When you stop loving me my hair will hang free
My love now wears her hair piled high
In every kind of weather
His head is bared for me
Stop.
- We're not there yet. - I said stop!
What are you doing?
We split up here. Take the car back to your landlady.
Look at me.
Parting would be easier if she'd let you drink the whole bottle.
Turn left at the crossroads.
I know the way.
What are you waiting for?
She knows you want her to stay, but it can't be.
Thanks for the ride.
- Hi, Richard. - Well, well.
You here alone? I heard a car.
- A friend brought me. - I see.
Sorry, but we're all on a short fuse up here.
Some guys are gunning for Chico. He must have told you.
He's here? When did he get here?
This afternoon, half dead from hitching and running.
He's better now, catching a snooze. He ate enough grub for four.
Aren't Mom and Dad here?
- We moved 'em down to the village. - Are you nuts?
You think I enjoyed it? I like them too.
We've got nice old folks. Never a pain in the ass.
But they're not bullet-proof!
No visitors?
So we got here first.
What a knucklehead, that Chico.
Don't stick up for him. He always botches everything.
If jackasses could fly, he'd be squadron commander.
- He was in a jam. - He's always in a jam. You know why?
'Cause he always messes up! - It's not his fault I killed a guy.
- What? - That's right.
Yesterday evening.
We're in a nice fix.
Those two guys have snatched Fido. Meanwhile, the cops are on your tail.
But hey, you know what?
I'm happy to see you again.
- Likewise. - "Me too," as the Brits say.
Is that coffee I smell?
Damn it! "Boiled coffee, spoiled coffee!"
I tell you, a guy goes stir-crazy after a while
when he can't move freely.
You hate waking up in the morning, feeling like a prisoner.
At first Chico and I had some good laughs.
We thought it was funny.
I'll wake Chico up and tell him you're here.
- You're here? - Yeah. How's the shiner?
Okay. Doesn't hurt anymore.
What's that?
The loot. That's what I went to Paris for.
They're new bills, all marked and numbered.
Gotta come up with a good scheme to unload them.
Richard and me, we'd gone straight and got a good, honest job.
At an exchange house.
One day these two guys stick us up.
We laughed
and said we could teach 'em a thing or two about stick-ups.
So they said, "Then how about a four-way split?"
Richard and I looked at each other.
It was too good to pass up, so we took off with the two guys.
We thought we'd lay low up here.
Well, right off, right in the car, they started griping.
"It's too far." "What's with all the snow?"
So we dumped them and kept the bundle for ourselves.
Now they want our hides.
We should have bumped them off first.
Like Charlie here. He killed some guy.
No shit!
It can't be.
I gotta say, I'm glad to hear it.
Now you're just like us.
Remember the slingshots?
What slingshots?
And those characters in the limousine who came for you?
The young prodigy. The 14-year old virtuoso.
To take you to the old man at the music school?
Yeah, Zeleny.
And as we drove through the woods,
you two bombarded the car with rocks.
The guys in the car didn't know who you were.
But the dame with the blue hair and dark glasses asked who you were.
I said, "Who? Those boys?"
She said, " Those aren't boys, they're wild beasts.
And what did you say?
"Those are my brothers, ma'am." She quickly changed the subject.
She talked about the academy and my great teacher and all that jazz.
Rocks kept bouncing off the car the whole time,
as if you and Richard were talking to me,
telling me I was bound to come back someday for good.
Back to the wild beasts.
You had to come back, Charlie, 'cause we're all alike...
you, me, Richard, even Fido.
Listen, let's hit the sack.
Chico, you're on watch.
Go on to bed. I'm not sleepy. I want a smoke.
Then I'll leave this with you.
Man's best friend.
So now you're a killer in a family of thieves. No problem!
Only there is a problem: All this craziness.
Where did you and your brothers get it from?
Not Mom, not Dad. Must have skipped a generation or two.
It can resurface after hundreds of years.
Some Saroyans long ago probably did some crazy things
and then hid out, like us now.
It'd make a good poem. A comic one, of course.
And this useless gun?
"I'll leave this for you. Man's best friend."
He says that to me, who hates guns!
- Where's Fido? - No sign of him.
We had it figured wrong. - We're leaving. I'm taking you back.
- And the cops? - You can stop worrying.
You're cleared. Self-defense. The neighbors backed your story.
You threw the knife down, but Plyne tried to strangle you.
You only meant to jab his arm. It was an accident.
I'd never have thought. Where's the car?
Over there. Come on.
I have to tell them first. Wait for me.
You'll come back? You swear?
You know...
"When my love turns to hate, I'll wear a cap as I go."
Goddamn it!
Hell, it's snowing!
Not like that, honey. You'll break the glasses.
Like this. And set them down gently.
Charlie, meet the new waitress.
Charlie, the piano player.