- 上集回顾 "好莱坞太后规矩"...
- 你一直都对我像个婊子. 我知道, 因为你关心我.
- Kisten，你是个令人恶心的婊子.
- 我尽量不给你添麻烦
因为我知道这段时间对你很难. - 嘿!
- 你正在目睹一段友情的结束.
- 我想向你道歉.我相信你说的是真的.
那...你还喜欢我嘛?
- [ 叹气 ] 我需要一些时间来好好想清楚.
- 我和Raquel聊过，她从来没有完全和他谈过
她的想法，她终于坦诚布公的和他聊了
他答应回去酗酒互助会.
- Raquel几乎是给我下最后通牒了.
我还没有时间去酗酒协会,
老实说，我不想去.
- Hi. - You okay? You good?
- 有点紧张 - 最重要的是
你要娶你梦中的女人了，对嘛?
- 是的.
- 我现在宣布你们正式结为夫妻.
你可以亲吻新娘了. [ 欢呼\^o^/ ]
- mmm.
♪♪♪
♪ you know that it's our time ♪
♪ these are the best days of our lives ♪
♪ just raise your glasses high ♪
♪ this one's for you tonight ♪
♪ I'm ready to go ♪
♪ just take it down to the floor ♪
♪ if you got more, let it show ♪
♪ 'cause you know we've got control ♪
- 宝贝，我们正式作为合法夫妻回家了
- 我要你抱我.
♪♪♪
- 好的.
- 老公和老婆. Whoo!
么么! - 么么!
♪ sit back, don't look where you've come ♪
♪ I-I-I-I know that you know ♪
♪ we're, we're, we're, we're ready to go ♪
- 跟你同步一下，我明天要多准备些酒杯来.
我们酒杯已经不够了.
- 怎么样?我听说星期六很火爆
Yes?
- Hey, man. - Maximilian.
- 你还没死
- 差点就死了. - 你怎么样?
你身上酒味很浓. - 不会吧.
- Do you wanna start a tab or...
- 我感觉今天生意会很稳定
我感觉... - 是的.
- ...客流量刚刚好，不会忙死人.
你好. - 你好!
Um, 快爆料.怎么样?
- 棒极了. - Kentucky太热了.
- 你能把那个kir royale拿来吗?
确保里面有树莓
放颗树莓进去.
- 我想死你们了.
- 我也是. - 我想TomTom.
我在为我的蜥蜴哀悼.
我也许会为他办一个追悼泳池趴体...
- 你认真的嘛? - ...明天在mondrian.
- 哈? 蜥蜴的追悼泳池趴?
- 我的蜥蜴叫Daug,
我们仅仅相处了3周的短暂时光，但是我们很开心
我能感受到他的情绪，我很爱他.
他是我们家庭中的一员。
- 我告诉过你，我会纹一个"安息吧daug"的纹身
- [ 笑 ] 不会吧. - 我是认真的.
- 我劝你放弃. 最近有什么麻烦吗?
有什么问题吗? - 额...Dayna和我...
- 你们怎么了? - 我们--额--我们闹翻了.
我觉得她好像，有点，你懂的，很沮丧
我也很内疚. - Yeah.
- 但是我也不想骗她
抱歉，但是我不知道该怎么反应
- 你和Max聊过了嘛还是怎样？...
- 我去TomTom 和他聊过而且和他道歉了.
I think that's kinda dnr, that whole situation.
随便啦
Max 没有接受我的道歉，他不想和我在一起了
我们在冷战中.
好棒棒哦.
- 你们又不是在一起几年了
你懂我的意思吗?
To where you would, like-- - 完全明白
- 其实你们都没有在一起超过一年,
你很难知道对方老不老实
毕竟你们在一起时间不长.
- Yeah. Um, 我要去给那桌送玛格丽特了.
我好开心你们回来了.
- 好的，晚点聊.
-我本来想和你聊的--
我准备把Danica从这拉黑了.
- 以后她都不准来了嘛? - 是的，Danica不能来了.
- 哇. 她越界了吗?
- 是的, 她不尊重我，而且话超多.
而且, 她对Richardson也不礼貌.
- 我听说她在前台也很不礼貌.
- 我听到有人说我对Richardson不礼貌,
但是后来就不了了之了,
然后也没人提过
我没怎么放在心上.
- Yeah. - Max 就觉得,
"我可以拉黑Danica." - 从TomTom拉黑?
- 是的. - [ 笑 ] 我的天.
神经病把.
- Yeah. - 他说, "你在我背后
说我的坏话." 拜托, 我也是经理好吗.
Like, come on. - Yeah.
- 直接说你有啥问题，我们解决不就完了
- Yeah.
- 她当着我的面对我超好的?
- Yeah. - 但是她一背着我
就跑去sur说我坏话.
Danica 阴了我几次了.
说我自称是TomTom的老板--
简直荒谬
- Max是我这辈子见过的
最饥渴的人 - 谢谢.
- 我带了2位姐妹.
我告诉她们，他有一点TomTom的管理权.
- 还有"我对不起Adriana"的事
- 她30岁生日的时候，
她还和她朋友睡到一起了
- 但是他还和dayna造我的谣
这是压倒我的最后一根稻草.
- 他就像所有的危险信号集合,
所有的妹子都应该见到他就跑,
like, picking them out of the ----ing bouquet.
[ laughter ]
- 她在挑拨离间.
我完全支持你.
♪♪♪
- 真是有意思.
- 话说,Lala主动找我了,
她想见我，和我聊聊.
- 哈, 真的吗？ - Yeah.
- 你懂的, 我们有些事情要聊聊.
- Yeah. - 我就想借此机会
告诉她，她去年对待我的
态度是很不OK的
我给你看她发给我的短信,
但是基本上...
- "scheana跟我说了一点
"你和 james的事.
"我觉得我可以作为过来人
"和你聊聊
"因为我也有酗酒问题
"我可以和你聊聊怎么影响我的人际关系,
特别是我最爱的人."
我觉得你要坚定立场,
直接告诉她, "你跟我说的那些话都不ok."
- 我老爸走之前，我一直都觉得你就是个傻逼
我靠，你不会真的这么蠢吧？
- Lala，我不蠢.
不过，当然，我们不可能,
就这样成为朋友，甚至闺蜜. - Yeah.
- 但是这件事至少可以翻篇了.
♪♪♪
- oh!
- Whoa,好多包裹啊.
- 都是我们婚礼网站上选的.
我们先来开一些吧. - All right.
以我在Kentucky的婚礼烧钱的程度来看,
最好有些厉害的结婚礼物.
- 除了天气很热以外,
我觉得那天挺完美的.
- 如果我来选结婚礼物的话
我希望是汽车零件，Kings的季票
甚至是喷气式划艇之类的，一些我用的上的东西.
- 洗碗巾!
- 我好想要哦
[ yawns ]洗碗巾，呵呵.
- 大家都给我发短信说他们多开心,
那个周末多完美,
你的婚礼致辞多感人.
- 我的胃都打结了，真的.
'因为我想保证我说的话都是对的
我甚至还做了PPT.
你做PPT演讲的时候,
你就要--讲你的演讲主题--
jax 和 brittany的婚礼, 还有一些其他的事情
例如泳池趴体，这个，那个
这就是PPT的论点，对吗? 差不多了
- 我不敢相信真的结束了.
我们离开城堡的时候
我总觉得我随时会哭出来.
- Oh. [ yawns ] 我的钱包至少很开心这些结束了.
- 我有点困了. - 好的，我也是
- 你想搞定这些吗?--
- 要不留到明天早上?
- 好啊. - 好耶.我+1.
- Hey. 老公和老婆. - 老公和老婆.
我们同一阵线了. - 思想上也同一阵线了.
你抱我上楼梯好不好?
- 真的吗?不要把.
我能扛着你上去吗?
- 不要[ 笑 ]
- oh, 我的老腰.
- [ giggles ] 好浪漫哦. 但是你在喘气.
[ laughter ]
- coming up...
- 你完全可以直接来找我聊,
但是你非要在我背后说坏话.
- 因为我在等你跟我聊,
然后你就直接跟我说我不能进来了.
- 你的目的达到了?恭喜哦
你的计划不会成功的.
♪- 我都不知道是该哭还是该笑.
- 额，哭一下? - 收到...
- 他已经很难过， 你至少也做下样子.
-我不知道怎么... - Aw.
- 节哀吧.
- 最近怎么样? - 你怎么样?
- Aw. [ 笑 ] 2019... - 是啊
- [ snorts laugh ] - 我懂.
- 我不该这样说，但是“生于2019，卒于2019”
- 在蜥蜴里面他大概已经有15~20岁了好吗?
我感觉，仿佛,
要开展新生活了.
至少接下来几周都会忙着新生活, 你懂吗?
我从小养过各种宠物,
各种蝾螈, 青蛙，乌龟.
我天生就热爱爬行类和两栖动物.
他是我们家的一员.
他姓Schwartz,你知道吗?
他还得过抑郁症，真的.
我不是在开玩笑.
我还以为他只是在适应环境.
他表现的很沮丧，--
而且永远都在睡觉.他一直都很慵懒.
但是我带他出去玩的时候,他很开心
他在外面的时候简直是变了条蜥蜴一样.
Oh, sh--, 酒来了.
- 所以我们还说在庆祝--
- hey, 大家好啊? - Hi.
- Hi, guys. - Hey. Hey.
- Hey, 额, Daug，我只是想说
我想你，我爱你
- Yeah. 我也爱你, daug. - 我爱你, daug.
- 我也, daug.
- 我看着Schwartz带着Daug回家的,
那条蜥蜴很酷,就跟Schwartz一样.
- 我试过所有的办法来救他--
热水，冷水，能试过的都试了.
太难接受了. - 祸不单行.
-我都找不到铲子来埋它,
s我最后只找到一个锤头.
- 我真的很伤心，他-- 他走了.
♪♪♪
- ahh. - 这酒是暖的.
拜托，岂止是暖，烫死了.
你猜谁喜欢这么烫? - 谁? Daug.
- 他的窝就是43~48摄氏度.
-这种事难免的
- 我懂. - 又不是你的错, 别这样...
- 我只是很惋惜他还没有享受过蜥生.
- 它肯定享受过. - 真的，我试过--
我带它出去玩过-- 可不是吗?
我让他在后院到处跑
Oh, 我又难过了. - 老铁，来抱抱.
- 我没事，我没事. - 我希望你能
想想以后的事.
- 我让他在后院乱跑.
他每次都会爬到椅子上晒太阳
- 我知道你尽力了，老铁.你是个很棒的蜥爸爸.
- [ chuckles ]
- 你会是个好爸爸的.
♪♪♪
- 嘿，大家--我有几句话要说.
他要说悼词了 这是我的蜥蜴Daug.
你们有些人没见过它.
♪♪♪
我也之和他相处了1个礼拜.
但是他是我们家庭中的一员.
我每天早上，每天下午
都要和他呆在一起.
Oh, 这是王者蜥. - Yeah.
- 这是啥玩意儿? - 我从来没见过.
- 王者蜥. - 我感觉就像个爸爸.
小伙子，接下来的20年我们都不分开.
- [ 笑 ]
- 我知道，你可能会想，不就是蜥蜴嘛,
但是我真的很喜欢它.
你说，有没有给蜥蜴用的百忧解或者是阿普唑仑?
我真的很爱它,真的.
可惜它走的太快，太突然了，我好难受.
我说完了，我爱你们大家.
- 敬Daug. - 敬Daug.
- 好走，Daug. [ laughter ]
- 你们让我感觉好些了.
- 啤酒随便喝. - 真的，谢谢你们.
我爱你老铁. - 谢谢老铁.
- 我们都爱你. - 我也爱你们.
- 我也爱你. - Yeah.
- 谁知道Jax 和Brittany什么时候来?
- 他们今天去Lisa's家
Lisa说有份礼物给他们. - 哇.
- 我跟他们说,"快去拿礼物."
- yeah.
♪♪♪
- mrs. Cauchi. - Hello!
- How are you? - Good. How are you?
- 让我好好看看你，看起来像不像新婚
- 我看起来像吗? - 你看起来很开心.
[ 笑 ] 我的确很开心. - 这是什么?
- 我们特意给你买的.
- 送给你的. - Oh, 快请进.
- 给你放在你家.
- 她家已经有很多兰花了.
- 看出来了.
我永远不嫌花多.永远都不够
- 谢谢. - 不用谢.
- 请坐. - 好的.
来杯玫瑰酒吗? - 求之不得?
- 我不喝.
- 难道你有了? - [ chuckles ]
不是-- - 你确定吗?
- 真的. [ chuckles ]
- 真的有了? - 没有.
- Oh! - 我真的没有怀孕.
[ laughter ]
- 你们最近在备孕吗?
- 适当.
- Jax 和我希望尽快成立一个小家庭.
我们以前希望别怀上,
现在希望尽快怀上.
- 葬礼已经开始了吗?
- 没有. - 还没有吗?
- 没有，推迟了. - 我真的很感激你和Ken
大老远来参加我们的婚礼.
- Yeah. - 我也很高兴我出席了.
我真的很开心，因为我不想错过你们的婚礼.
我模仿下你，你走红毯的时候,
整个人都这样. [ gasps ]
- [ laughing ]
-我真的，从来没见过谁这么高兴.
- つ﹏⊂! - 我也是.
- 整场婚礼中，我最喜欢那个时可
你的婚礼真的很棒.
- 谢谢.
- 你应该为你自己感到自豪
- 谢谢. - 对了，我有礼物给你
Tiffany牌的-- - 哇哦!
- 我的天哪. - 我都已经带到Kentucky
去了，准备在那边给你们. -啊?
- 但是我转念一想,
"不能在那边给你们，你们肯定会打碎的
我还是带回来给你们" - 我的天, Lisa.
- 啊啊，好漂亮 - 真的很美.
- 一套Tiffany牌的茶具.
这套茶具真的超级漂亮
如果有客人来我家品茶,
他们就可以用这套茶具了.
所以...额, 基本上没人会用到.
- 我作为结了这么久的过来人给你的建议就是,
生活总是充满挑战的.
- 一路走来，我们的爱情更加坚固了
这是肯定的.
- Yeah. - 我们各自都有成长,
同时作为一对也一起成长. - 是的.
- Aw. - Aw.
- [ giggles ] - 你看
- Aw. - 这就是我聪明的老婆大人
[ laughter ]
♪♪♪
- 我能和你借一步聊聊吗?
- 好的.
[ indistinct conversations ]
- 你对我是不是有意见?
为什么你一直造谣我?
- 首先，不是我造你谣,
是你造我谣
- 我必须告诉她...
-拜托... - ...你的确有一些问题
- 拜托，现在Dayna是你的好姐妹,
你为你的好姐妹出头吗? - 额, 不是，我不是在为好姐妹出头...
- 哈？ - ...我只是在为
下属出头.
- 她来这里上班的第一周你就
已经一直在针对她 - 所以呢
-她什么都跟我说了.
我知道Danica在Dayna面前说我坏话,
Dayna和我最后分手也是,
因为Danica一直说我坏话
我就不明白了
她为什么一直要搅合我的事
- 所以你就在我背后说我坏话
告诉大家你把我从 86'd我们餐馆拉黑了?
那是我们自己的餐馆
你完全可以当面跟我对峙
但是你偏要背后造谣
- 因为我在等你来TomTom找我对峙
这样我就可以告诉你，你再也不能来TomTom了
- 我靠，你有毒啊.
- Yeah. - 你要等到...
- Yeah, yeah. - ...我亲自去
TomTom跟你对质，然后那个时候跟我走. - Yeah.
- 你想要这样? - Oh, yeah.
- Max宁愿不让我进 TomTom
也不想承担自己的责任
[ clapping ]那你应该一个月前就告诉我.
- 靠，Danica，在向Max示威了.
- 额, 我不喜欢她这样.
- That's bullsh--.
他就是个孩子.
恭喜你哦.你的计划不会成功的
- Coming up...
你读了那些短信吗? 你真的读了吗?
你需要寻求帮助.
♪♪♪
-谢谢. - 不谢.
- 谢谢. - 接着.
- Mondrian有很多我们的故事.
- Cheers, man. - Cheers, dude.
- 你怎么样? - 我不错，我很好.
[ 叹气 ]刚才有点紧张.
Danica的负能量简直爆棚了
我真的好想把她的负能量调低一点. - 的确，她就是这样...
- 深呼吸. - 她看起来很好斗的样子.
-我对这种事情很敏感
'因为他多多少少跟我提过整件事.
- Yeah.
- 跟你说，她在挑破离间.
的确有点. - 嘿.
- 你们怎么样? - 还可以.
哟，你怎么样? 还好吗？
- 老兄, 你们刚刚... - 我没事.
--我只是，快紧张死了...
Danica... - 为...为...为什么
Danica为什么凶你? - 对啊, 她为什么--
- 因为我不让把她从TomTom拉黑了.
- 我感觉Dayna搞得这些事，好心累
她的态度怎么样-- - 对啊, 我不准她来 TomTom
因为她在Dayna面前搞得事 - 额, 不是把...
- 不是. - .. 肯定还有别的原因
不可能就因为这个. - 老实说, 的确有别的原因--
那件事只是压死骆驼的最后一根稻草.
- That better not be the reason. - 我不是针对她.
- That was-- - 不只是针对她
- 这样, 你用百分比来告诉我,
百分之多少是针对她的? - 90%.
- 好吧, Max，你真是...
- 拜托, 大佬 - 你怎么可以这样.
- 我承认了. - 你可以一开始就跟我说清楚
因为我站你这边的,
'我还以为--我以为
你没有牵涉个人感情进来.
- 我--我在 ----
首先，我在这里每天忙的要死又累
我没必要见一些会惹毛我的人.
- 听我说, 我们每个人都有自己的私人生活 ,
同时我们也有工作 ,
你要分清工作和生活.
你不能再这样干了.
- 收到. - 是不是那个...
♪♪♪
- 是的. 谢谢. - 不用谢.
- 很明显Kristen没来.
她叫我和她今晚一起去,
我知道她今天肯定会问我.
以为我整个周末都陪着她,
所以我比较理解她心里怎么想的.
- 我没必要被这样对待,
她们心情一不好就攻击我
我真的好心累
- 我觉得你的朋友没必要这样贬低你.
你们有什么话要我帮你们传达吗?
- 在我看来，其实整件事真的和Carter无关.
她一年前就已经这样了. - 对啊.
- 你的感情问题这么烦人,
这么诡异的关系，我们还不能聊?这难道不烦人吗?
是的. 但是老实说，Kristen,
如果我们都不能坦诚聊天,
我每次和你说话都感觉如履薄冰,
我都不知道怎么拥有一段真挚的友谊
我也不知道-- - 收到.
- 你生活里面一大半的事情都不能聊.
Kristen热爱失败，失败就是她的快乐源泉
她男朋友是渣成屎的渣男
还对她像屎一样.
- 你不是-- - 每天早上
他跟我吵的时候... - 他干嘛了?
- ...他不喜欢早起,
他不想遛狗，然后骂我是婊子，骂我这个，骂我哪个
-Kristen, 你没必要每天被他骂.
我是唯一一个试图帮她
解决问题的人，她还这样对我
-我觉得她有提到你, 她说过,
你自己的生活不幸福
所以你就全部发泄到她身上.
- 只是说她还是说我们?
- 她指的是Katie.
因为你很忙...
-我靠. 我TM-- - 但是Katie没有
她在社媒上表现的很好
还有酒的生意, 但是Katie什么都没有,
而且她还和James撕逼
还有房子装修，各种事.
- 去年, katie, kristen,和我一起创立了
一个酒牌叫witches of weho.
我们3个人都应该承担工作
发帖,宣传之类的,
但是我自己都不相信这段友谊
我干嘛还要宣传?
I can't sell something I don't believe in!
- She's, like, "katie isn't doing anything to help,
"so, like, why am I, like, running this business as well?
Stassi doesn't give a [ bleep ] about it, and katie, like--"
- do what I can. What, 'cause I'm not running a business,
I'm not busy? I'm sorry. I'm-- I'm ----ing living my life.
I'm definitely exploring options,
trying to figure out what I love doing
and what I love spending my time doing.
[ 叹气 ]
I have, like, so much going on.
[ 叹气 ]
can we just get this next part of my day over with
so I can go back to watching tv?
Um...Find new projects all the time.
That honestly pisses me off.
I could go on pinterest and, like,
take my friends' quotes and slap them on a t-shirt
and make some money, too. Like, come on.
It's not-- that's not being busy either.
- Okay.
- So full rein to parlay any of this tonight?
- I give zero ----s. I give zero ----s, scheana.
- Okay.
- And she can put that on her shirts.
♪♪♪
- how's it hangin'?
To the left, to the right. - To the right.
I'm more of a right-hanger. - What happened with danica?
- I mean, I think you know.
Like, she's been the main source of a lot of our problems.
She was rude to you from the moment you worked there,
and then out of nowhere, she pulls you aside
and tells you all my sh-- from the past.
"but don't worry. I'm looking out for you, girl."
- in my perspective, I feel like you didn't want
things to progress, and you're happy about how this turned out,
and then-- - it's not true.
- No, I mean, when I said to you, "I'm sorry.
Can we move forward?" and you're like, "no."
- right now we can't, no.
I know for a fact I've done nothing wrong
since the moment you and I locked lips with each other.
- So then why are you so worried
about what other people are saying?
- Max, we could work through this,
but it seems like you care more about blaming danica
and putting everything on her
than just confronting your own feelings
and owning where you're at.
- I just don't wanna be talked about.
Just don't say my ----ing name.
- I mean, that's gonna happen. - But it's like
no one's ever talked about me positively.
- Bullsh--. I did.
I guess that doesn't matter for you.
- Hey, guys, everyone, real quick.
I just wanna formally invite you all to my birthday party.
The theme is...
Your most extra self.
In my daily life, I feel like I'm already pretty extra.
I know this is a weird request, but would you sign my flat iron?
I'm batman-ing.
♪♪♪
I feel like you guys just, like, hate on me all the time.
'cause I'm so pretty. [ laughter ]
so for this party, I need to be extra extra.
Whatever you wanna do, just commit
and be extra as [ bleep ] like me.
♪♪♪
- there we are.
Come on.
♪♪♪
- lala!
How are you? - Hi, lisa.
Don't fall on my mess.
- How are you? - I'm so happy.
- Hi. Well... - Here.
- Catch. - [ 笑 ]
- good work.
I just did some food.
- The wedding was fun. - The wedding was great.
It was exactly what she wanted. - Yeah.
Who would've thought? - Who would've thought?
[ dogs barking ]
- I didn't know they were coming in.
I'm gobsmacked.
- Hey. - Hello.
- Hi.
- I didn't know you were coming in.
- I know. We're just dropping off the little guy real quick.
- He's not a little guy anymore.
- Oh, my god. - Look at him. He's so big.
- He's like a horse. - You're so big, baby!
- He's getting big. - Didn't tell me
you were coming in. - Are you working?
- I've been volunteering my time.
Are you still good for Saturday? - Yeah. Yeah.
- Perfect. We'll just get, like, a little snack or some coffee.
- Sure. Yeah. - Have some girl talk.
- Well, sounds good. Good seeing you.
- Good. I'm excited.
- I can't talk to you now. If you want to talk to me,
come up to the house. - I'd love to, I'd love to.
I'll be there this weekend. - Okay.
There's much to discuss.
I got to the place with james
where there was nothing that I could say
that would make a difference.
Bye, lisa! See you later, everybody.
- Bye!
- So it's the old kind of classic cliché tough love,
but I literally had to cut him out of my life.
I've been so invested in his life,
I've got to a stage now where
I'm feeling stupid 'cause he sent me a text--
one of the first times ever I've not responded.
I had to make him listen by actually
me not saying anything at all.
Oh, my god. That was so awkward.
- Are you gonna talk to him? - Yeah, I'm gonna talk to him,
because he--I don't even know
where to go with it anymore, lala.
I am absolutely sick to death of trying to help somebody
that doesn't wanna help themselves.
Coming up...
- Why do we have to be so extra?
[ cheering ] - put your hands together
for the one and only tom sandoval!
♪♪♪
- hi. - Hi. Welcome to squaresville.
Let me know if you guys need anything.
- Both: Okay, cool.
- Appreciate it.
Can you not say things the same time I say them?
- Yeah, okay, sorry. - Okay.
Do you have a vision? - I have a couple ideas.
- Are we going full tom sandoval
by your standards of throwing a party?
- Uh, well...
To me, "extra" means like your most extroverted self.
You know, like, your personality, your look,
but, like, on steroids.
- I got some acrobats, flare bartenders, a magician.
What else? - That's already a lot, dude.
- Loud, flamboyant. You know... "eppervescent."
♪♪♪
- whoa. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Dude, you need these. - Ass-less chaps.
They got a nice flare to 'em. These are great.
I look like urkel. I don't know where my junk is.
- What's this?
- Dude, this guy's gotta be, like, 9 feet tall.
- I have a...Confession to make. - You do?
- Yeah. Don't tell anybody, but I bought stilts.
- Did you really? - Yeah.
- Are you serious? - I'm dead serious.
- So you were in the market for stilt pants?
- Yes. - What's your budget
for this thing, man?
- I don't know. - [ 笑 ]
- I made my house payment, so we're fine.
- Yeah, exactly. - Gotta bring your chair
when you come over, though. - [ 笑 ]
♪♪♪
- hi. How are you? - Good. How are you?
Can I just do an iced chai latte, please?
- Yeah, of course.
- Hi, lala. - Hi. How are you?
- Good. How are you? - You look so cute.
- 谢谢. You do, too. - I already ordered my drink.
Do you want something? - Okay.
Um, can I get a chai latte? - Yeah, of course.
I'll have that right out for you.
- Thanks.
♪♪♪
- you look really cute and girly.
- 谢谢. - I love it.
- You look like a boss-ass bitch.
- Oh, 谢谢. - Here you are.
- 谢谢 so much. - Of course. Enjoy.
- "anti bitch serum." - I need that one.
This one just says "[ bleep ] mornings."
[ laughter ]
cheers. - Cheers.
- I'm really happy that you were down to come and hang out.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- There's just one thing that I...I wanna mention.
Last summer, you, like, really put down my intelligence,
and it's, like, one thing to question my character,
but it's a completely different story
when you diminish my intelligence
and say that I'm stupid.
If you really do feel that way, then I have no problem
taking my chai to go and, like,
we don't have to have a conversation.
- My time is very precious, and I wouldn't waste it
on someone who I felt was a true idiot.
- That means so much to me, lala.
Like... [ 叹气 ] 谢谢. I really needed that.
It's super hard to stand up to a bully,
especially for someone like me who's not very confrontational.
But now that I've done it, it feels really good.
- I just wanted to see how you're doing.
I've heard, like, a few things about james.
♪♪♪
[ calling ]
♪♪♪
[ swans continue calling ]
- hello?
- Hello. - How are you?
- I'm okay. - Can I give you a hug?
- Sit down. - Good to see you.
♪♪♪
- so...I'm happy I'm here.
'cause I haven't gotten to talk to you much in a minute, so...
- For some reason, I feel I have a modicum of responsibility
for your welfare, and I don't know why
since you're not my child, but I do,
and I saw all these texts to your girlfriend.
"[ bleep ] you. What the [ bleep ]?"
"slut"? "whore"?
- Those are just words that come out of my mouth,
like, when I'm angry. - It doesn't matter.
To use those words to that girl that has stood by your side...
- She still does. - If you love somebody,
don't treat them like that, james.
- Yeah, I know, but I don't treat her like that
when I'm sober.
- Doesn't that tell you everything?
- It does.
- You have to get help.
- I did.
I went to an aa meeting yesterday.
My first meeting of my life, and it was a big deal for me.
- Don't ----ing lie to me. - I promise you, I'm not lying.
- Well, yesterday, I drove him to his first aa meeting.
And I walked him to the door.
He went outside, and I waited outside for him for an hour.
He came out, and he showed me his chip.
- They gave me this, 'cause I had to stand up
and I had to say my name, and I said, "I'm an alcoholic.
- I cannot even explain how... This makes me feel.
The fact that maybe there is hope for him.
- I was listening to some sad stories
about people's lives, and I didn't want--
don't want mine to end up like that.
- Is that what you saw?
And you thought, "well, I could go down that route"?
- Yeah.
- I think it's amazing that you took him.
I think that's so kind.
You know, I know what it's like to go to your first aa meeting.
My first aa meeting, I felt...
Broken, embarrassed, overwhelmed,
but I felt like for the first time
in a very long time, I saw light at the end of a tunnel.
I love this. - Yeah.
- I'm really excited for you guys.
- 谢谢. - And I'm excited
for you and me. - Me, too.
- [ sniffles ] - I want to help you.
James? - I know.
[ crying ]
- it's attainable. You can do it.
I don't mind being there that if ever you feel the need
to slip up or question the path you've decided to take,
you can call me. - 谢谢.
- I'm serious. - And that means the world to me
and I know you're busy. I'll only take a minute,
and you know, that means so much. 谢谢, lisa.
- Coming up...
- Yeah. [ slapping ]
- ow!
- [ 笑 ] - oh, sh--.
♪♪♪
- what's going on?
- Kristen's coming over in a second
so we can go over our outfits for tonight.
What are you gonna wear? Do you know?
- Do I ever know? - Jax.
- It's just not my thing. [ knock on door, dog barks ]
- [ singsongy ] come in!
[ barking continues ]
kiki! - Hi, boo.
Hi! Oh, look, you brought your little bridesmaid bag.
I love it. - I sure did.
Are you wearing a wifey robe? - It says "I do."
I cannot give the wedding up. I'm so sad it's over,
but, look, our marriage license came in today. Official.
- It's signed by the judge. - And lance bass.
- I don't know where you're supposed to sign,
but here's the thing. I don't wanna end up
like schwartz and katie and not be officially married.
- No, it's on the bottom, I know.
- You're married now. - Whoo!
- We should get a copy of that, wear it,
and be like, "what's up, tom and katie"?
- "I'm extra married." - "I'm extra married."
- [ 笑 ] - I'm so extra.
- That was a good one!
- Weren't we just now thinking about this?
- Make a copy of that. - Be extra married.
- I think I'm just gonna be a sports guy.
- Sandoval's probably gonna be wearing, like, briefs
that have, like... - Listen, don't ever--just be--
listen, I don't go off... - ...Briefs that have, like,
glow sticks in the penis. - ...Because of what he wears.
Why do we have to be so extra? - It's fun.
- It's fun when you're 25.
Why do we need to wear guyliner and wigs and flat irons?
Why do we need that?
- We're gonna figure out what you can wear.
- Can I have a drink? Oh, there's vodka in that.
- Tom, 你在这里干什么?
Are you gonna hurt yourself?
♪♪♪
- it's warmer when you're this tall.
They're like feet, you know?
- Uh-huh. - 'cause when you, like...
♪♪♪
whoa!
♪♪♪
I wanna try peeing in the toilet with these on.
- Tom, no. [ 笑 ]
- what?
- So this is what I thought for cute.
Or... - Definitely not this.
- I have--I have a gray skirt, too.
- Yeah, don't do that. - So witches of weho--
what's going on? - Mm-hmm.
- Don't you have another one coming out?
- Mm-hmm. - How is that going?
- Hopefully we do. - Have you talked to them at all
since the wedding? - Sure haven't.
Scheana came over to my house, and she told me that
she was saying to katie, like, you know,
"kristen has expressed to me she wants more help
"with the wine because she, like, feels like she has a lot
on her plate," and katie's response
was something along the lines of, "well, I can have
"a ----ing t-shirt line if I knocked off sayings
off of pinterest, too."
- she goes, "I can go on pinterest
"and get some sayings from friends
"and throw them on a t-shirt, too,
and say I have a t-shirt line."
rude.
♪♪♪
- I'm sorry, but she's jealous
'cause she doesn't have anything else going on.
- Right. - So she's being a dick.
- I think you're wrapped up in this katie-stassi thing
in your head.
I wouldn't really concentrate on what they think.
Who gives a [ bleep ] what they think?
This is life. People grow apart.
Look at what I'm going through with tom sandoval.
Same thing. I'm--I'm okay with just being okay the way it is.
♪♪♪
- oh, sh--.
- You good? - We're good, we're good.
- All right.
- I'm dressed up as chip hartley,
who is a character that tom has dressed up as in the past
because we all know tom doesn't do costumes.
He creates characters.
- You're not gonna hold the door for your lady?
- Some of tom's costumes are legendary around sur,
so it was my honor to be able to represent him
on his special day as mi-- uh, "misa vanderhump"?
I'm not sure what...
- Well, here we go. [ laughter ]
- oh, I like that. I like the font.
- I feel like I'm going to prom. - You're going to...
- Gay prom. - ...The met--the met gala prom.
- Every day I'm the most extra best version of myself,
so I just came as me-- the best version. [ 笑 ]
[ laughter ]
- marie antoinette was the queen of fashion,
so, like, to me, that's, like, my most extra self.
- Yeah, because my outfit is so out there.
- Yeah, you're very extra today.
- You didn't try at all!
- The theme for my costume is I am extra annoyed
that sandoval is throwing
an "extra"-themed birthday party.
- How heavy is that cake right now?
- It's pretty ----ing heavy. - Your extra harness?
Here. Here, allow-- no, allow me.
- I talk about sex a lot. I figured, why don't I just,
like, extra put it out there? [ slapping ]
I just, like, wanted to be bad-ass.
[ slapping ] - yeah.
[ slapping ]
- ow! - Sexual.
- I'm gonna say hi to kristen. - Have fun.
- Oh.
♪♪♪
- hi.
- Um, love it, love it.
- This is very avant-garde. I don't know what's happening.
♪♪♪
[ horn honking ]
- the tampon can dance, though.
Tampon, tampon, tampon, tampon. - Bleed on me.
Bleed on me, bleed on me, bleed on me, bleed on me.
- Let me get it. - You got it?
♪♪♪
bring it out. Bring it out.
I got it. I'll step to the side.
Step to the side. Step to the side.
Dad, let the door go.
There you go.
Go ahead, dad.
[ all cheering ]
- [ amplified voice ] the one and only tom sandoval!
- Oh, my ----ing god.
[ cheers and applause ] - there he is!
- Tom sandoval! - Oh, sh--!
- 谢谢 all for coming! I love you guys!
- Tom, you're so extra! I love it!
- Whoo!
♪♪♪
- popular card in the--
oh, sh--. Oh, I knew chip was gonna fall!
- Oh, my god. I am fully gonna go home
and masturbate to the image of max falling on his ass
in those skates.
- I need your legs with this. I'm too short. I'm too small.
- No, you--you wearing this so beautifully. I love it.
- Excuse me. Can I just get a water?
Excuse me.
- How's everything going? - Good.
Everything's good. - Okay. That's great.
- Tonight he said he's not drinking,
and he hasn't drank tonight. - Yeah.
- So... - Well, I just wanted to check
because, uh, did james go to his friend's birthday party?
- Uh, yeah, for a second, yeah.
What are you doing tonight?
- I'm gonna go to a friend's party in the hills.
- Okay, you're not drinking. - No drinking.
- Better not be. - I promise you.
- Why? What happened? - Oh, I just heard that
everyone was getting ----ed up.
- Who did you hear that from?
- Logan told me that he, like, got videos of everybody.
- Why is logan, though, checking in on james?
- I don't think he's checking in on james.
I told him that I, like, hung out with you, and I was like...
- Yeah. - Logan was like,
"that's crazy. I thought he was, like, at a party
getting ----ed up."
- all right.
I just don't understand your friendship with logan.
- That's a good friend right there.
He lied for james a couple years ago
about the hooking up stuff.
- What up? - Hey, so not only did you say
that we were ----ing,
but also you said, "welcome to hollywood."
- I mean, I said it, but it's all a lie.
- But... [ 叹气 ]
how can we be friends after this?
- What's it say?
- 'cause you're a piece of ----ing sh--, logan.
[ cellphone beeps ]
- no, he did. He did make that up.
- You still believe that? - You don't believe that?
- I mean, I know that it's not made up.
- I thought lala was gonna be supportive of james.
- I've been there when deals have been, like,
"I get a blow job if I win,
and you have to do this if I win."
- shut the [ bleep ] up.
That is not true.
- Don't ever say, "shut the [ bleep ] up" to me again.
- Listen...
- We don't want it to pop off like that.
- If lala was genuinely concerned,
she wouldn't be trying to stir sh-- up
by bringing up this rumor.
- I know we wanna keep our head in the clouds,
but we gotta bring it down for five minutes.
- You can believe what you wanna believe.
- I wanna live in your headspace.
- Well, you should try it sometime.
♪♪♪
- coming up...
- We always had everyone's opinion
in how something should work with the wine,
which is why I don't like working
with other ----ing people.
That might make me selfish. Fine. Then I'm selfish.
♪♪♪
- I'm gonna have sex tonight in this outfit.
- Yes! Hey!
- Hey!
♪♪♪
- whoa!
- Hey! [ whack ]
bad boy!
[ whack ] bad boy!
- Whoo!
- What would an "extra" costume party be like
without an extra, extra costume?
- ♪ happy birthday, dear tom ♪
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
[ cheers and applause ]
- make a wish! Come on!
- I made my wish! - Yeah!
- 谢谢, guys. - [ cheering ]
♪♪♪
- I just wanna stand like this. I feel like I should be posing
for a portrait. - Listen.
I wanna have a girls' night. - I want a girls' night.
- I haven't had a girls' night since I moved in.
But, like, I wanna have, like, an outside girls' night.
- Okay. - A wine night. A wine night.
- Oh, my god. - I want a night like
brittany, lala, ariana.
No, I mean, it just doesn't make any sense.
- If you're okay getting in, like,
hot-ass water with kristen--
- why is it hot water? Kristen thinks I'm a bitch,
and she thinks I'm a miserable, unhappy person.
- That's true. Yes.
- You know what? Regardless of what happened--
- hi. - Hey.
- Hi. - Hi, stassi antoinette.
- 谢谢. - "s.A.S."
- gold dust woman.
- Everyone else said I was like the most witches of weho,
and I was like, I'll take it.
So that being said, I know that you guys told scheana
you don't wanna, like, be my friend
or you want a break from me, or whatever the [ bleep ] it is,
and I just wanna know if you still give a [ bleep ]
about the business, because we are in it together.
- Yeah, I'm obviously still in it.
- I am still in it as long as
our contracts are still doing it.
- Okay. - But I am ready to get out
when our contract is up.
- Even though things suck right now
between us and kristen,
I'm still hoping maybe we can find a way to be professional.
- But I will 100% do whatever I need to do,
but I am--my heart isn't in it, and it hasn't been.
- But we can't do that without stassi.
- I just feel, like, really disconnected.
- You feel disconnected? No sh--.
I think there is a massive ----ing disconnect.
I feel like it's weird for you to even have to say that.
- It is weird for me to have to say that.
- Our friendship has been weird for a year,
and we always have a difference of opinion
in how something should work with the wine,
which is I don't like working with other ----ing people.
That might make me selfish. Fine, then I'm selfish.
You're right. I am.
- That conversation with raquel...
- What happened? - ...Went left...
- Why? What happened? - ...So ----ing fast.
- What, like... - Lala's like,
"so james is sober, right?" I'm like, yes.
She's like, "but he went to his friend's birthday party
the other day." I'm like, "yeah."
she's like, "yeah, he was there, and people were getting
pretty ----ed up." I'm like... - I wasn't there that night.
- "where did you hear that from?"
and she was like, "logan."
- [ bleep ] logan. I'm done talking about him,
and I'm also not gonna order a drink right now.
Logan is not gonna be the reason to make me drink.
[ bleep ], no. It'd have to be something way worse than that.
Like, I'd have to, like... Like...
Nothing. Nothing could make me drink.
I'm gonna go, like, outside
and smoke a cigarette or something. Wanna come?
- Yeah. - You know what else is weird,
你是不是跟Scheana说你也可以出自己的T恤？.
- 是的, Kristen! - 那你把我送你的T恤
全部还给我！
- 好啊, 乐意至极! - You can tell 'em nordstrom--
it's so hurtful. - 你觉得我对自己的生活不满
所以发泄到你身上?
- Acknowledge it. - I'm not acknowledging sh--!
我每天停你不听的抱怨.
你就是个丧气包.
♪♪♪
- 我2个 "好闺蜜," right? 我的好姐妹们？.
- 不，我们不是你的好姐妹. - 我们不是好姐妹.
- 我们不是你的好闺蜜. - 我们也不是好姐妹.
我们很久前就已经不是姐妹了.
- 你完全变了.
♪♪♪
- next time on...
- My horse has a really small wiener.
- Well, his is massive. I can get it out.
- Lisa! - My horse...
- [ 笑 ]
- today I'm here with scheana.
She's a middle-aged woman who's been around the block.
Are you a [ bleep ] girl? - Don't call me that, brett.
- We found out jax taylor was having a theme birthday.
- I said, "you want a theme for your birthday?"
- I know, I know. - After not wanting to dress up
for anyone else's. - [ cheering ]
- happy birthday!
- Since today is jax's birthday...
- I'm saying... - God, this feels so good, dude.
- I'm speaking. - We're having a conversation.
That means two people can speak. - Then let me finish.
I think you've forgotten your place,
but I'm gonna remind you.
- Katie, shut up. I've never been more turned off in my life.
- Wait, wait, no, shut up! - No, wait, no, shut up!
- That's why I don't have sex with her.
- Tom.
- Come on. Let's go. - I'm not going with you.
- To see more of "vanderpump rules,"
go to bravotv.Cocom.