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无耻家庭 第二季第二集
翻译：J小糯 落 Greentie 阿好 时间轴：靶子 迟迟
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翻译：猫仔 宝妈妈 豆丁 山炮 特效：Ethan-泽生
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校对：大卫熊 Ethan-泽生 后期：鱼骨头 孤帆 总监：大卫熊
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202 203 202, 203.
你好 曼尼 Hi, Manny!
你好 特瑞莎 Hi, Therese.
弗兰克 Frank!
快醒醒 Wake up!
弗兰克 过来 Frank, come on,
我有一个好消息要告诉你 I have something wonderful to tell you.
快过来 我得到神启了 Hurry, I've had an epiphany!
知道这是什么吗 Do you know what this is?
茄子? Eggplant?
解放 Liberation.
不行 想都别想 No, no, no.
重生 Rebirth.
就算把全国的凡士林给我涂上也不行 Not with all the King's Vaseline.
自由 Freedom!
插不进去 That won't fit.
-弗兰克 -操你妈 加拉格 - Frank... - Fuck you, Gallagher.
我今天走到了曼尼的蔬菜车 I made it all the way to Manny's produce truck today--
一共214步 214 steps.
我当时只想多走上10步 I went to just do my extra ten steps,
结果我看到茄子 一排排的甜菜 and then I saw the eggplant and the rows of beets
和有机南瓜 and the organic squash,
然后我就奔它们过去了 and I just kept going.
曼尼开始搞"有机"了吗 Manny's pushing organic now?
这仅仅是一个开始 This is just the start.
妈逼 装什么中产阶级 The scourge of gentrification.
过不了几天他准得吆喝起猫屎培育的咖啡 Next he'll be hawking that coffee grown in cat shit.
弗兰克 Frank,
我能购物了 I am shopping,
我为国家经济做了贡献 I am part of the economy,
我找回了我自己 I am myself again.
你看我 Here we go.
今天 走到蔬菜车 Today, a grocery truck;
明天 走遍全世界 tomorrow, the world.
完蛋了 凯文 It's over. Kevin.
我还以为恐旷症是终生不愈的呢 I always thought agoraphobia was permanent,
就跟孤独症和艾滋病一样 like autism or aids.
她将重新融入社会 开始工作 She'll be out in the world, she'll go back to work,
她会知晓所有真相 she'll learn the truth.
知道你是个二逼酒鬼 That you're a raging alcoholic?
知道你欠所有人的钱 Who owes money to everyone?
还上了她女儿 Who's had sex with her daughter?
都他妈记不住 算你妈性交啊 It's not sex if you can't remember it.
擦 这么说你还是处男呢 弗兰克 Well, then you're a virgin, Frank.
几个礼拜后她就会把我一脚踢出去 Gonna be out on my butt in weeks.
你为什么不跟自己的孩子住在自己的家里 Why don't you just live at your real home with your real family?
我不喜欢他们 他们也不喜欢我 I don't like them and they don't like me.
弗兰克还在我家蹭过半年床呢 Frank squatted at my place for six months.
最后我没辙了 用催泪瓦斯把他熏出去了 Finally bought tear gas, smoked him out.
我谎称自己染了阴虱 才把他哄走 I gave myself crabs to get him out of my place.
他离开不是因为阴虱 It wasn't the crabs,
而是你的空空如也的冰箱 it was your empty fridge.
笑吧 笑吧 Laugh, laugh.
如果嘲笑我能让你们实现自我价值 If laughing at me is good for your self-worth,
尽情笑吧 算是我送的礼物 laugh on. My gift.
-凯文 -来啦 安东 - Kevin. - Yo, Antoine.
给我来杯朗姆酒 Hurt me with some rum.
又想酒后驾车送货是吧 Delivering meals on drunk wheels again?
就剩一单未送了 Only one delivery left.
送完再来喝吧 Go do it and come back.
最后一单是多蒂·柯洛尼斯的 My last delivery is to Dottie Coronis.
我可以走着送过去 I can walk there from here.
-丑逼女怎么了 -别那么叫她 - What's wrong with Butterface? - Don't call her that.
我有一阵子没见着她了 I haven't seen her in a while.
她为啥一直装病啊 W-why's she pretending to be sick?
她躲起来好在万圣节出来吓孩子 She's hiding her face from children till Halloween.
上帝倒是给了她傲人的奶子和迷人的双腿 God gave her one hell of a rack and legs to die for, though.
除了那张丑逼的脸 But her face!
你们都会下地狱的 You're all going to hell.
丑逼女到底怎么了 What's wrong with butterface?
她得了慢性消化不良症 She had chronic indigestion.
因为她每天都喝波旁酒啃大鸡巴 From her steady diet of bourbon and dick.
她去做检查了 She got it checked,
结果发现自己得了一系列心脏病 discovered she had a bunch of heart attacks.
她的心肌完蛋了 Her heart muscle is toast.
如果不换新的就只有几个月可活 Months to live unless she gets a new one.
我靠 Shit.
交了那么多年养老金 All those years of paying into a city pension
却没人认领 and no one left to collect.
弗兰克 Frank!
利亚姆 想吃冰棒的话 Liam, if you want a Popsicle,
就给我看看你的手 show me your hands.
利亚姆 把手拿出来 不然没"冰爽"哦 Liam, hands off your package or no treat.
摸鸡鸡他已经很爽了 Touching it is his treat.
我要自己住 I need my own room
利亚姆得搬出去 without Liam.
我上班要迟到了 I'm late for work.
-卡尔 别玩了 -我无法和一个 - Carl, quit it. - I can't share a room
全天候勃起的人在一起 with someone in a constant state of arousal.
我马上就要成为一个女人了 I'm going to be a woman soon.
别玩了 Hey, enough.
弗兰克已经出去住好几个月了 Frank's been gone for months.
你搬进弗兰克的房间住 利普住你的 You move into Frank's room, lip takes yours,
伊恩 卡尔 利亚姆住在一起就行了 Ian and Carl share with Liam.
弗兰克会回来的 Frank will be back.
12点之前痛快上床 没有例外 In bed by midnight-- No exceptions.
他来了 你不必非得跟我一起来 Here he comes. You know, you didn't have to come with me.
-这一带不安全 -我们住的那片儿就不安全 - Bad neighborhood. - We live in a bad neighborhood.
是啊 可是我们跟 Yeah, but we're related
我们那片儿的坏蛋都是亲戚 to the bad people in our bad neighborhood.
他来这里干什么 The hell's he doing here?
-出来啦 米奇 -他觉得我需要保护 - Hey, Mick. - He thought I needed protection.
是么 你以为你很了解我老妹吗 Oh, yeah? Trust me, you may think you know my sister,
不跟她打上一架你绝对无法了解她 but you don't know my sister until you've fought my sister.
她保护你还差不多 She's protecting your ass.
你身上怎么一股烤肉酱的味道 You smell like barbecue sauce.
一股什么味儿 Smell like what?
-老爸跟你说什么来着 -大干条子一通 - What did dad tell you? - Ow! Fuck the police?
别再拧我的乳头了 我已经是C罩杯了 No titty twisters now that I'm a C cup.
C罩杯 贱人 想得美 C cup? Bitch, you wish.
操你 再操你 最后特别操你 Fuck you, fuck you, and especially fuck you.
得了 老天 趁他们把你抓回去之前 All right, Jesus, let's get out of here
离开这儿吧 before they throw you back in.
他妈的谁在敲门 Who the hell is it?
是我 弗兰克·加拉格 多蒂 It's Frank Gallagher, Dottie.
滚出我的地盘 Get off my property.
我给你带了蔬菜意大利面 I brought your pasta primavera.
吃屎去吧 弗兰克 Eat shit, Frank.
未尝不可 不过我最近改吃素了 Well, I-I would, but I recently went vegan.
老实说吧 安东把你的事告诉我们了 Honestly, Dottie, Antoine told us your news.
我自己也有点健康问题 I've had some health setbacks myself.
就想告诉你 酒吧里大家都挺惦记你的 Wanted to tell you the crew at the bar's thinking of you.
给你送来晚饭 亲自跟你说一声 Thought I'd bring your dinner over and tell you in person.
没有千层面了吗 No lasagna left?
我把他最后一盘都抢来了 I grabbed the last one he had.
今晚过得如何 Enjoying your night?
在看一个 I'm watching one of those
"胖子恨自己胖"的节目 fat-people-hate-themselves-for-being-fat shows.
看了就自觉健康了 Makes me feel healthy.
我喜欢那节目 I love that show.
我讨厌胖子 I hate fat people.
你有没有听到哔哔声 Did you hear a beep?
是有人在锁车 Oh, guy locking his car.
听着 你都耽误我看节目了 Look, I'm missing my show.
我跟你一起看行不 Mind if I join you?
我很久没洗澡了 也不准备洗 I haven't showered and I'm not gonna.
彼此彼此 Makes two of us.
这可不是邀请你留下 And it's not an invitation to stay.
去沙发那儿 看胖子秀 然后滚 Couch, fat people show, leave.
我这他妈可不是免费快捷旅店 I'm not a bed and breakfast.
明白 Roger that.
借过 Excuse me!
我喜欢刚刚那首歌 I love that last song.
好吧 他要不就是没鸡巴 Okay, either he doesn't have a dick
要不就是鸡巴功能障碍 or the dick he does have does not function.
又或者一晚上 Or maybe the five girls a night
5个给了他电话号码的妞儿都上了他 who give him their number give him more than their number,
他现在射得虚脱了 and the man is just tired.
绝望的娼妇带着钱罐老头儿来了 Desperate whore-wife is back with sugar grampy.
你要不要配合甩头 打响指 Can you say that again with some head bobbing
再说一遍 and that finger snapping thing?
她是个已婚母亲 She's a married mother
不知廉耻地带着她睡过的糟老头抛头露面 publicly flaunting the geriatric she's sleeping with.
-他50岁而已 -看着像老头 - He's 50. - He looks it.
他很有钱 And he's rich,
所以秀出乳沟 微笑 so work that cleavage and smile.
你好 维罗妮卡 Hey, Veronica!
-你好 宝贝 -你好 大卫 - Hey, baby. - Hi, David.
你好 大卫 今天真帅 Hello, David. Looking sharp.
小茉说我今天必须点克里斯托香槟 Jazz says I'm springing for Cristal,
不然我就得独自回家了 or I'm going home alone.
我们可不想让你今晚很孤独 是吧 小维 Oh, we don't want you to be lonely tonight, do we, V?
让这么帅的男人孤独 当然不行 女士 Handsome man like this, no, ma'am.
正点 Nice.
今晚热死人了 Hot as balls tonight.
我上几何 代数 三角学 化学 So, I'm taking geometry, algebra two, trigonometry, chemistry.
暑假学吗 During the summer?
我想进西点军校 Well, I'm trying to get into West Point.
你要是想参军 If you want the army to give you a fucking gun,
去服兵役就行 all you got to do is enlist.
新兵招募站 过两条街就是 Recruiting station's, like, two blocks that way.
但我想当军官 But I want to be an officer.
想当军官吗 Want to be an officer, huh?
军官不是最先吃枪子儿吗 Don't officers get shot first?
来 我先喝 Here. Shotgun.
你在里边交了不少朋友吧 So you make a lot of friends on the inside?
你是想接着闲扯 还是直接上我 You want to chitchat more, or you want to get on me?
等离子的吗 Plasma?
液晶的 Led.
画面不错 Nice picture.
很明亮 Vibrant.
能让我安静欣赏节目吗 Can I watch my program, please?
坐到椅子上 And sit in the chair.
[美国作家华盛顿·欧文作品中人物名 在山中一觉睡了20年]
我不想要你占着我的沙发 I don't want you stretching out on the couch
跟里普·万·温克尔一样 睡死个五年不动弹 and Rip Van Winkling it for the next five years.
你有没有听到哔哔声 Did you hear a beep?
火灾报警器电池没电了 Smoke alarm battery is dying.
如果他们找到心脏 If they find a heart,
就会用传呼机通知我的 they're supposed to beep me on this thing.
我就得马上赶去医院 It means I go straight to the hospital.
他们应该给不同的设备弄不同的声音 They got to find different sounds for different things.
什么东西都哔哔 Everything beeps.
火警 助听器 微波炉 电话 Smoke alarms, hearing aids, microwaves, cell phones.
等心脏移植就能让我心脏病发作 I'm gonna have a heart attack waiting for my heart transplant.
你有9伏电池吗 我帮你换 You got a nine-volt battery? I can change that for you.
在微波炉下面的废品抽屉里 In the junk drawer under the microwave.
弗兰克 Frank?
安东 Antoine.
我借了你的钥匙来帮忙 I borrowed your keys so I could help.
我去怀特堡给她带了这个 I went to White Castle and bought her this.
我以为她现在会很饿了 I thought she'd be starving by now.
不饿 谢了 She's not. Thank you.
弗兰克 Frank...
抱歉 "泥流""猛击"下肚 我就爱袭胸 Sorry, two mudslides and a line of blow, I get grabby.
大卫在洗手间嗨 你要不要来点 David's doing a rail in the men's room. You want some?
-不行 -行 - Can't. - Can.
别总是工作 You got to slow down on the work
享受夏天嘛 and enjoy the summer!
等到了冬天的时候 我就得喂家里人狗粮了 I'll keep that in mind when I'm feeding my family dog food in January.
大卫的朋友理查德明天过来 David's friend Richard's coming to town tomorrow.
见见他吧 让他们带我们出城 Meet him! We'll make them take us out on the town.
别再担心赚钱的事儿了 Instead of worrying about making money,
-我们花他们的 -不喜欢已婚的 - we'll be spending theirs. - Not into married guys.
我没说过他已婚 见见他吧 I never said he was married. Meet him!
不知不觉间 你的咪咪会下垂 Before you know it, your shit will start sagging,
静脉会显露 你想跟人搞 leg veins will pop up, and you won't be able to screw
都得靠润滑剂 without handfuls of Astroglide.
-我才21 -21岁不代表你应该在一棵树上吊死 - I'm 21. - It doesn't make you a kept woman.
只能代表你是个聪明女人 It makes you a smart one.
谁想去我家 Who wants to move this party
继续第二趴 back to my pied-a-terre?
我 你 菲奥娜你去吗 Me! You! Fiona?
改天吧 Uh, another time.
你告诉她理查德的事了吗 You asked about Richard?
她还在考虑 She's thinking about it.
来吧 我需要个伴 Come on, I need an accomplice.
而且那样的话 我告诉霍尔是和闺蜜出去玩 Plus, when I tell Hal we're going out for a girl's night,
就不算是撒谎了 I won't be lying.
拜 Bye.
利亚姆 Liam!
早就想在这儿做了 Always wanted to do that here!
终于报复了那个棒球协会专员了 Get back at that little league commissioner
就因为我在一垒区小便 他竟把我踢出棒球队 who kicked me off my baseball team for pissing on first base.
我记得 I remember.
你听说过吗 You heard about that?
我当时是二垒 I was playing second.
挺壮的嘛 Fucking tough guy, huh?
在里面除了锻炼也没别的可做了 Not much to do in the joint but work out.
可以看书啊 You could read.
滚吧 反正这辈子就这样了 Fuck off. Fucked for life anyway, man.
明天想溜进去看红袜队的比赛吗 Want to sneak into the Sox game tomorrow?
不了 我得找份工作 Nah, man. I got to get me a job.
如果两个礼拜之内找不到的话 If I don't get one in two weeks,
我那个烦人的假释官就会帮我找一个 my probation skank's gonna do it for me,
搞不好要会被送去肉类加工场 被机器夹断胳膊 and I'm gonna end up losing a fucking limb at the meat packing plant.
没准她能帮你找到更好的 Maybe she'll find you something better.
她个狗日的才找不到呢 She ain't gonna find fuck all.
我老爸威胁一个他在高中认识的人 My dad even had to threaten this mook he knows from high school
也只能给我搞到一份修屋顶的工作 to get me a job tarring roofs.
你可以去马尔科姆X啊 Maybe you could head down to Malcolm X.
参加个职业培训 You know, take some vocational training.
你妈 我们为啥扯上社区大学了 Why the fuck are we talking about community college right now?
老天 你接下来是打算铺块毯子 Jesus Christ, you want us to spread a blanket out
躺在上面看流星吗 and look for shooting stars next?
我可以和琳达说说 I could talk to Linda.
搞毛 你想让我去我中枪的地方工作 I'm sorry. You want me to work at the place I got shot?
就当是赎罪吧 Redemption tale.
-我去那能干嘛 -帮忙 - What would I be doing? - Helping.
我才不跟着人屁股后面收拾 I ain't cleaning up after people.
那里很干净 米奇 It's a pretty clean store, Mickey.
当保安怎么样 What about security?
可以吓吓和我一样 You know, scaring people like me
想进来偷东西的人 who come into the store trying to steal shit?
自从你中枪之后就没人敢来偷了 Stealing's been down since your shooting.
随便你吧 Hey, do whatever you want, man.
反正是你的主意 You brought it up.
好吧 All right.
准备好再来一次了吗 You ready to go again, or you, uh,
还是需要休息一下 擎天柱 need some time, fire crotch?
乔迪怎么样 How's Jody?
很棒 He's good.
和我一样棒吗 As good as me?
我们还没上过床 We're still not having sex.
谁让他叫乔迪呢[女子名] Right, 'cause his name's Jody.
那是他本名 还是绰号 Is that a, uh, real name or a nickname?
你不觉得很奇怪吗 You know, isn't it kind of creepy
一个比你大这么多的男人 that a guy who's twice your age
老和你混在一起 keeps hanging around you,
却不想和你上床 but hasn't tried to get in your pants yet?
你俩是要来真感情吗 You two getting serious?
干我就是了 别老提他 Stop talking about my boyfriend and fuck me.
烟雾报警器好了 电扇也修好了 Smoke alarm working, fan back up to speed.
还有什么 What now?
给你根绳子吊死 I could give you some rope to hang yourself from it,
不然就滚吧 or you could just leave.
-你女儿还好吗 -老样子 - How's your daughter? -Same.
植皮之后有过并发症吗 Any complications from that skin graft?
她搬去瑞典之后就再没联系过了 Haven't talked since she moved to Sweden.
她跑去瑞典干嘛 What the hell's she doing in Sweden?
躲我吧 Avoiding me.
我去睡了 I'm off to bed.
睡 刚11点 Bed?! It's 11:00!
以前在酒吧 你都是最后一个走 You used to close the Alibi every night.
以前干的事多了 Used to do lots of things.
还有什么我能帮你的吗 Anything else I can do for you?
你想怎样 弗兰克 What's the deal, Frank?
希拉·杰克逊终于把你赶出来了吗 What, did Sheila Jackson finally throw you out?
只是想帮忙罢了 Just offering my services.
想积点德了吗 Stocking up on your corporal works of mercy?
朋友间互相帮助 One friend helping out another.
楼上浴室厕所堵得很厉害 The upstairs bathroom's clogged pretty bad.
我可以骗你说是管子生锈了 I could lie and say it was roots growing in the pipes,
但其实都是因为我 和半打成人纸尿布 but it's all me, and a half dozen of those adult wipes.
我从来没用过那玩意 I never used those wipes myself.
认为它们是奢侈品 Thought they were an extravagance.
我也不知道把下面磨光擦"净"是多么舒服 Little did I know how nice it feels to polish things up down there.
弄完后就走吧 Let yourself out.
我家没什么你拿得动又值钱的东西 There's nothing worth stealing you can carry.
我靠 Mother...
天啊 Jesus.
操 Shit!
我操 Oh, shit!
周末想去林湖城参加晚会吗 Want to go to a rave up in lake forest this weekend?
我有病啊 If I hated myself.
乔迪认识个叫亨利·伍德豪斯的人 Jody knows a guy, Henry Woodhouse,
只要他发条微薄就能 who can send out a tweet and get over a thousand people
在两小时内找来几千个人 to show anywhere in less than two hours.
跟快闪似的 不过好玩多了 It's like a flash mob, but more fun.
那也是在林湖城 Excepting the fact that it's in lake forest
那地方都是些富家公子哥 and lake forest kids are there.
明天晚上有安排吗 You want to do something tomorrow night?
和乔迪一起看《勇敢向前冲》 Probably watching Wipeout with Jody.
他很喜欢那节目 He loves that show.
人们跑来跑去 被撞翻 People running around, wiping out.
"大球" 很搞笑 "Big Balls!" It's hilarious.
我们每次都吃着爆米花傻笑 We make popcorn and laugh.
听起来是个有趣的晚上 Yeah, it sounds like a crazy summer night.
我们只是互相陪伴 We're keeping each other company
避免走和以前一样的路 trying to avoid familiar patterns.
是吗 Mm-hmm. And, um...
那我们这算什么 How do you characterize this?
有助入眠 Helps me sleep.
他走了就给我发短信 Text me when he leaves, all right?
现在你也在这过夜了吗 You sleeping here now?
不 我正准备走 Uh, no, just leaving, actually.
很高兴见到你 儿子 Good to see you, son.
去你妈的 老爹 GFY, dad.
弗兰克家
糟了 Shit.
你他妈的是什么人 Who the hell are you?!
我租了这间房 I rent room.
弗兰克给了我钥匙 Frank give me key.
怀着孩子呢 Have baby.
有时间给我刮个腿吗 Got time for my legs?
我得载那些老骨头在城里转悠一整天 I got to drive old people around the city all day.
毛腿会被热死的 Too hot out for stubbly legs.
老人远足日吗 棒呀 Old people excursion day? Yay!
我老了要是神志不清 好心帮个忙 杀了我 Do me a favor and kill me if I start losing my mind when I'm old.
没问题 Will do.
在我生活的地方 In my community,
如果一个上了年纪的人觉得 if one of the elders felt that they were
活着已成为沉重的负担 他们就会 too much of a burden, they would wander out
走入风雪中 化作尘土 into the snow and give themselves to the elements.
你们那地方真变态 You come from twisted stock.
好了 泡沫都涂好了 All righty, I'm all lathered.
下手吧 Have at it.
那个叫乔迪的混蛋 You know, this Jody douche
头发比菲奥娜还长 has hair that's longer than Fiona's.
摩托车边上还挂了个行李箱 And he has a motorcycle with a luggage compartment.
知道了 快提问数学定理 Yeah. Test me on the theorems.
如果A等于B 然后B等于A... If A equals B, then b equals A...
对称 Symmetric.
他不如再装个挡风玻璃 都能当轿车了 He might as well get a windshield and call it a car.
A等于A A equals A.
自反关系 Reflexive.
也许只是一个阶段而已 Maybe it's just a phase.
到现在她都还没跟他睡过 You know, she hasn't even slept with him yet.
然后呢 What's next?
也许他是个阉人 Maybe he's a eunuch.
也许她就是喜欢他吧 Maybe she just likes him.
-利普 你为什么睡在我床上 -问她 - Lip, why are you sleeping in my bed? - Ask her.
我转移了利亚姆 我没办法待在 I moved Liam. I can't be in the same room
他全天候手淫的房间里 where Liam is constantly masturbating.
如果没东西射出来 那就不算是手淫 It's not masturbating if nothing comes out.
谁说的 According to whom?
我的朋友杰克·奥唐纳 My friend Jack O'Donnell.
胡扯 Not true.
其实是有点道理的 It's kind of true.
法律上讲不是 Not legally true.
利亚姆会不会因为手淫被逮捕 Liam can be arrested for masturbating?
不会 听着 No. Listen up.
在公共场合"自我娱乐" What is the demarcation age
是在几岁的时候 where it's officially inappropriate
开始会被视为行为不当呢 to arouse yourself in front of others,
就算没东西射出来 even if nothing comes out?
两岁 Two years old.
加拉格们 Hey, Gallaghers!
我需要专注与合作 I need focus and cooperation.
很不幸 弗兰克把他的房间 Okay, unfortunately Frank has rented out his room
租给了一个孕妇 to a pregnant woman.
我跟他们说过了 I already told them.
昨晚是你放她进来的吗 You let her in last night?
她自己进来的 She let herself in.
她有钥匙 She has a key.
再说 她从天朝来的 Besides, she's from China.
在天朝超生的孩子会被杀死 They kill extra babies there.
利亚姆得回去跟你住 Liam needs to go back in with you.
-没门 -黛比 - No! - Debbie.
就这么定了 What's done is done!
好吧 Okay.
暂时 利亚姆就跟着男孩子们住了 For now, Liam's in the boys' room with the boys.
-什么 -4个男孩一间屋 - What? - Four guys in one room?
这违反卫生条例了吧 Isn't that a health code violation?
我会去找弗兰克把事情弄清楚 I'll find Frank and figure this out,
在那之前 你们4个一间屋 but until then, four in the room.
五百步 Five hundred.
五百... Five hun...
弗兰克 Frank...
我又走了五百步 It's 500 more steps.
五百步呢 500 more steps,
甜心 sweetie!
我走到了轻轨那儿 And I get to the "L."
宝贝儿 Honey.
说不定我能把工作找回来 And I can maybe get my job back
在圣斯蒂芬餐厅 at St. Stephen's Cafeteria,
亲爱的 不需要靠残障救济金了 sweetie, and go off disability.
弗兰克 Frank!
这难道不振奋人心吗 Isn't that exciting?
今天你要不要跟我一起走 Do you want to walk with me today?
我有活儿要干 Got to work.
那些是埃迪的工具 Those are Eddie's tools.
是的 Yes, they are.
您好 Hello?
菲奥娜 他在这儿呢 Oh. Oh, hi, Fiona. He's right here.
是菲奥娜 It's Fiona.
又怎么了 What now?
有人刚刚付给你两百美元 Somebody just dropped off $200 for you.
-说是他欠你的 多谢你了 -是谁 - Said he owed you, and thanks. - Who?
满脸胡渣 穿法兰绒衬衫 Unshaven, flannel shirt.
发生什么事了吗 What happened?
-耳朵被打开花了 -汤米·阿马达 - Cauliflower ear. - Tommy Armada?
我在壁炉架给你留了五十块 I'm leaving $50 for you on the mantel,
其他的我拿去买日常用品了 but I'm buying groceries with the rest.
那是我的钱 菲奥娜 That is my money, Fiona!
-干得好 -整死他 姐 - Bravo. - Give 'em hell, sis.
我们上班去了 We're off to work.
希拉 我讲电话的时候 Sheila, when I'm talking on the phone,
一次只能跟一个人谈话 I can only talk to one person at a time.
等我回来再说 We've talked about this.
小小声地说也没用 Whispering doesn't help.
孩童总动员开始咯 The rush is starting!
你吃过狗肉吗 Ever eat a dog?
弗兰克在哪 Where's Frank?
巧克力脆皮麻雀呢 Chocolate-covered sparrow?
钱呢 Where's the money?
去问功夫熊猫 Ask Kung Fu Panda.
-你骗我的吗 -你把家里钥匙 - You tricked me? - You gave somebody
给了一个陌生人 a key to our house?
-我们会不会得禽流感 -不会 - Are we gonna get bird flu? - No!
快去看孩子 Go watch the kids, please.
移民局端掉了她的待产窝点 INS raided her maternity hideout.
我当时正在酒吧门口大吐特吐 I was clearing my stomach outside the Alibi.
发现她在垃圾箱旁缩成一团 I found her huddled by the dumpster.
那你就把她扔给我们喽 So you dumped her on us.
在她生下孩子之前 先让她在这儿住段时间 We're giving her a home till the baby is born an American.
她给了你多少钱 How much she paying you?
政策就是这样 只能生一个 Democracy is built, one baby at a time.
我要给移民局打电话 I'm calling the INS right now.
快把剩下的钱给我 Give me what's left of the money.
这可是关系到人权问题啊 This is a human rights issue!
芝加哥吗 请帮我转到移民"国化"局 Chicago? Immigration and Nationalization Service, please.
移民归化局 Naturalization.
归化局 Naturalization.
一个礼拜90块 90 bucks a week.
包括床位 三餐 还有茶水 For bed, rice and... tea.
根据以往经验 把你报的数翻倍才是实际数目 You know, historically, if I double your lie i get the truth.
她已经付给你180了吗 So she's already given you $180?
200多一点 A little over $200.
为什么每次在我逼出真相前 你都要磨磨叽叽扯个谎 Why always the deception stutter-step before the truth?
这样可以加深我们父女两人的感情啊 Because it extends our quality father-daughter time.
把剩下的钱给我 Give me what's left.
让移民局来吧 Let Immigration do its job.
你把钱都花了 You spent all of it?
大错 特错 Wrong. Wrong.
就剩17了 17 dollars?
还有点零钱 And change.
出去 Please just go.
你给我滚 哪凉快哪待着去 Just leave and go do whatever it is
只要别在这碍眼就成 that you do that doesn't require you being here.
这里人进人出 跟危地马拉的妓院没两样 People are in and out of here like it's a Guatemalan whorehouse.
我猜你也不会注意到的 I didn't think you'd notice.
我注意到你回来了 I notice that you're here.
你出现的唯一原因就是以为这儿有钱 And the only reason why is that you thought money came in.
你知道这个家没你时是什么样子吗 快乐生活 Do you know what goes on around here when you're not here? Life.
欢 迎
孩子出生前你可以待在这儿 You can stay until the baby's born,
但你得帮忙照看这些孩子 but you're helping with the day care.
去厨房把孩子们的杯子都添满 Get in the kitchen and start filling sippy cups.
听不懂英语 No English.
去给孩子们的杯子倒满苹果汁 Start filling cups with apple juice,
[西贡: 越南胡志明市的旧称]
否则 在你会说"西贡"之前 or I'll have you and your commie fetus
我就把你和你的共产小崽子都踢出门外 deported faster than you can say "Saigon".
好了 小朋友们 我要上楼办公啦 Okay, guys, I'm going upstairs to my office.
现由小黛和艾瑟儿掌管大权 Debs and Ethel are in charge.
珍爱生命 远离水池 Keep away from the pool, or you'll drown.
-希拉家还有空房间吗 -没有 - Any spare rooms at Sheila's? - No.
我们会有个长得像李连杰的弟弟吗 We gonna have a brother that looks like Jet Li?
那女人的肚子不是我搞大的 I didn't knock that woman up.
我只想让她在异国他乡好歹有个避风港 I am giving her sanctuary in a hostile country.
你老姐根本不懂我的意思 Your sister doesn't get that.
而且我讨厌她住着我的房子 还在我面前放肆 And I don't like the way she talks to me in my own home.
你大可一笑了之 You just got to laugh it off.
才8岁的小屁孩少来教训我 I don't need platitudes from an eight-year-old.
-我10岁了 -如果要想活到11岁的话 - I'm ten. - Well, if you want to make it to eleven,
就别我告诉一笑了之 don't tell me what to find funny!
当你每天睁开双眼顺畅呼吸的时候 And every day you wake up breathing,
你都应该给我画张感谢卡 you should be coloring me a thank-you note of gratitude
感谢你身上那一半我的DNA that the half of you that came from me
没有射到你妈脖子上 wasn't spooged on your mother's neck,
鄙人可是射到了她体内 but instead was guided by "Yours truly" to get up inside of her
才有了你 to start the life of you.
所以 跟我说话要抱以感恩的心 So walk and talk with gratitude, son.
开个玩笑啦 I was just kidding.
好笑吧 一笑了之吧 Funny, huh? Laugh it off.
15分钟后出发 乔 15 minutes, Joe.
我们今天出去玩 It's excursion day!
还有15分钟 15 minutes!
我们15分钟后就出发 Van leaves in 15!
出去玩喽 Excursion day!
还有15分钟 15 minutes!
出去玩喽 出去玩 Excursion day! Excursion day!
还有15分... 15 minutes...
矮油 干这事提前打招呼哦 A little heads-up, guys.
15分钟后出发 克莱尔小姐 15 minutes, Miss Clare.
我们要去哪 Where are we going?
开开车 约约会 购购物 Some driving, some appointments, some shopping.
"兴奋哦" Oh, thrill a minute.
我不负责行程安排 克莱尔 I don't make the schedule, Clare,
我只负责开车 I just drive the van.
15分钟 15 minutes.
你敢再傻逼一点吗 You look ridiculous.
我带上工具来帮你收收尾 Thought I'd bring my tools by last-minute tweaks.
收你妹 打扰我睡觉了 You're tweaking my nap time.
两个小时后再来 Come back in two hours.
我正要去商店 你有什么要买的吗 I'm headed to the store. You got a grocery list?
我什么都不缺 I'm all set.
冰淇淋怎么样 零食呢 How about some ice cream? Snacks?
你到底想干嘛 弗兰克 What's the deal, Frank?
我洗心革面了 多蒂 The new me, Dottie.
我要助人排忧解难 Just trying to help out,
改变人生航向 弥补我的过失 change my course, make amends.
你加入戒酒互助协会了 You in AA now?
神啊 没有 Oh, God, no.
但我蛮喜欢那儿的 But I like everything about AA.
除了"禁止喝酒"那部分 Except the "No alcohol" part.
谢谢你为我修好马桶 Thanks for fixing my toilet.
客气啥 不想来瓶汽水吗 Sure, I can't get you some pop?
弗兰克 Frank,
我们聊天这会工夫 我的心肌就在分解 my heart muscles are decomposing as we speak.
[甘油三酯 酒精肝损伤并引起肝硬化的重要因素]
你想让我的甘油三酯升高吗 You want to pump up my triglycerides?
好吧 好吧 All right. All right.
给我买点多力多滋和胃溃疡药 I could use some Cool Ranch Doritos and some Zantac.
就像威士忌和淡饮料 Like whiskey and a chaser, eh?
拿好你的零钱包 Get your change purses out.
第一站 美元树[一元店] First stop: Dollar Tree!
今晚 我会把你们的画带到养老院去 So, I'm bringing your drawings to the old folks tonight.
老人们很喜欢你们上周画的画 They loved your ones from last week.
本周的作业是 除了彩虹画什么都行 But this week's assignment is anything other than rainbows.
他们看彩虹已经看到吐了 They're sick of rainbows.
再吐 就会死掉 And when they get sick, they die.
菲奥娜2006
伊恩 给我拿个乳酪三明治上来 Hey, Ian, bring me up a cheese sandwich.
-切达乳酪 多放芥末 -好的 - Cheddar with a lot of mustard. - Got it.
告诉米奇 一条口香糖不见就要他好死 And tell Mickey if that one pack of gum goes missing, he's gone.
再告诉你逗趣的哥们 Oh, and tell your good humor buddies
我正在监视他们的一举一动 that I'm keeping tabs on how many cases they're moving,
别跟我耍小聪明 so don't get cute.
东西多少我都有数 I know my inventory.
我们拿了六箱啤酒 琳达 All right, we're taking six cases of beer, Linda.
你俩快把东西放回去 You two can put that back,
不然老子让你们满地找牙 or I can crack your skulls on the pavement.
伊恩 还有这位"虐杀小队长" Can you and, uh, "Sergeant Slaughter" over here
能过来搭把手搬几箱啤酒吗 help me out with some cases of pop?
没问题 Yep.
兄弟 想来点给力的吗 Hey, you want me to get you some blow?
兴奋剂 镇定剂 克他命什么的 Uppers? Downers? Special K?
谢了 米奇 Uh, you know, thanks, Mickey,
我们目前还是走保守路线 but, um, we're keeping it pretty old school--
什么啤酒啊 大麻卷 香烟之类的 you know, beer, joints, cigarettes, that kind of thing.
不卖给14岁以下的 No one under 14.
放弃了很大一块市场啊 That's giving up a big market.
没办法 免得遭天谴 Keeps my conscience clean.
伊恩 你能让琳达再多进些火箭汽水吗 Hey, Ian, can you have Linda order some more of those rocket pops?
这玩意卖得很好 They're moving well.
还有 那几条几何定理再琢磨琢磨 And, um, keep it up with those geometry theorems, all right?
-咱明天再讨论 -没问题 - We'll hit 'em tomorrow. - Will do.
几何定理 Geometry theorems?
参军用得上吗 For the army?
射击学 迫击炮 炮弹轨道 Artilleries, mortars, bomb trajectories.
都得用到几何 It's all geometry.
开始看得云里雾里的 不过 I mean, it's confusing at first, but...
花些功夫仔细琢磨下 没什么学不会的 put in enough hours, you study hard, you can learn anything.
骗鬼去吧你 So not true.
付出可不一定有回报 Sometimes effort does not enhance ability.
想读书没人拦着你 Study if you must,
但如果读不出个名堂 还是放弃为妙 but if it don't stick, move on,
找些自己擅长的活计干 focus on something you're good at.
把这些记在多蒂·柯洛尼斯的账上 Put this on Dottie Coronis's account.
我们这儿不赊账 弗兰克 We don't have accounts, Frank.
我就是个跑腿的 私房钱都给菲奥娜了 I'm just the errand boy-- gave my last cash to Fiona.
多蒂快咽气了 你不是知道她住哪儿吗 Dottie's dying-- you know where her house is.
19美元6美分 $19.06.
她快不行了 搞不好都撑不过下礼拜 She's in trouble. She's gonna die next week.
到时候你们再从她的遗产里扣不行吗 When that happens, take it out of her estate.
弗兰克 Hey, Frank.
再好好摸摸口袋怎么样 Why don't you check your pockets again.
说不定你刚才没摸到呢 Maybe you overlooked something.
你在这儿干活 You work here now?
还在试用期 Trial basis.
你猜怎么着 米奇 You know what, Mick?
还真被你... You may... be...
说对了 Look at that.
这些应该够了吧 That should cover it.
出狱这几天你就尽情得瑟吧 Hey, have a great sabbatical from your incarceration.
你是想把这种"领导能力"带到军队去吗 That the kind of leadership you plan on bringing to the army?
昨晚的"饥渴受"好意思说我 Said last night's bottom.
随你 我喜欢做小受又不代表我是婊子 Whatever. Liking what I like don't make me a bitch.
能把空调打开吗 Can you turn on the AC, please?
已经开到最大了呢亲 It's on full-blast, hon.
好冷啊 I'm chilly.
药店到了 我有优惠券哦 谁想要啊 CVS! I've got coupon packets. Who needs one?
克莱尔 Clare?
当纸巾用还差不多 谢了 Oh, chock-full of paper towels, thanks.
既然我们的行程你都不感兴趣 Why'd you even come on this excursion
干嘛还和我们一起出来 if you don't want to do any of the things we're doing?
总比我宅在屋里看《乔迪法官》 Well, beats watching Judge Judy
等着大脑萎缩要强得多 and waiting for my brain to collapse in on itself.
波本威士忌 凯特 Shot of maker's mark, Kate.
你我曾比翼双飞 有这么回事吧 You and I had a good thing once, didn't we?
没有 We did not.
我以前一直挺喜欢你的 I always liked you.
你那时候特逗 You were fun.
后来怎么了 What happened?
我戒酒了 I stopped drinking.
为什么 Why?
因为我总是在你身边醒来 I kept waking up next to you.
再给我来一杯 Better hit me again.
安东跟大家说了你干的好事 Antoine told us what you did.
我不过是给生病的朋友饥中送餐 I brought a hungry, sick friend her dinner.
你无下限的手段 真是让人惊奇 It is amazing how low you're willing to go.
你难道没教训安东 他自己吃饱了 Did you lecture Antoine about getting loaded
而多蒂却在家饿得要死 while Dottie starved herself waiting for him?
你还真去她家了 You actually went over there?
喂饱饿妞 照顾病号 Feed the hungry, tend to the sick.
老子我说到做到 I'm walking the walk.
她没几天活头了 你到底图她什么 She's gonna die soon. Wh-what are you after?
房子 还是养老金 Her home? Her pension?
我可能爱上她了 I may love her.
我也说不清 I don't know.
时间会证明一切 Time will tell.
于是小批萨决定去寻找他的朋友 "And so the pizza decides to go look for his friends."
讲完了 "The end."
谁还想听故事 Who wants a bonus story?
我 Me!
故事叫做 This is called
菲奥娜不能说的秘密 高二 2006 "Fiona's thoughts, sophomore year, 2006."
我今天跟克雷格·海斯纳调情了 Flirted with Craig Heisner today.
他牛仔裤下的小屁屁看起来好销魂 His ass looked great in his jeans.
我打赌 他肯定能抱起我转上几圈 I bet he could really pick me up and throw me around.
我一整天都在幻想着他干得我死去活来 I thought about him doing me the rest of the day.
克雷格·海斯纳 Craig Heisner,
克雷格·海斯纳 Craig Heisner.
我忍不住想 要是我还没失贞该有多好 Part of me wishes I saved my virginity
那样的话克雷格·海斯纳就可以得到我的初 so Craig Heisner could be the one who pop my...
故事到此为止 孩子们 Story time's over, kids.
谁想去外面吹泡泡 Who wants to go outside and blow bubbles?
-我 -我们走 - Me! - Okay!
来 我们走 Come on, everybody. Come on.
你现在还想给克雷格·海斯纳吹萧吗 You still want to blow Craig Heisner?
你从哪儿弄来的 Where'd you get this?
楼梯底下 Under the stairs.
你的床垫为什么在这儿 Why is your mattress down here?
我总得找个地方睡觉吧 Need a place to sleep.
你不是有房间吗 You have a place to sleep.
把它搬回楼上去 Take it back upstairs.
以后凡是捡到别人的东西 And when you find something that isn't yours,
一律保持原样 keep it that way.
卡尔 你去哪儿 Carl. Where are you going?
我买了些水果硬糖 Got some hard candies.
柠檬味的 樱桃味的 Some lemon, and some cherry...
我的袋子都满了 维罗妮卡 My bag is almost full, Veronica.
好样的丹尼丝 你都买什么好东西了 Good, Denise. Did you get some good stuff?
我是说我的尿袋满了 No. My pee bag.
好吧 下站停车时我就给你换 Yeah, okay. I'll change it out at the next stop.
你就不能带我们去看看电影吗 Can't you take us to the movies
或者去打打保龄 混混印第安赌场 or bowling... or an Indian casino?
足疗所 Foot clinic!
有没有需要我扶着进去的 Who needs help walking in?
无需预约
疗
足
我知道你刚才只是想逗个乐子 I know you were just trying to be funny,
但个人隐私很重要 but privacy's important.
你在干什么 What are you doing?
我也需要自己的房间 I need my own room, too.
个人隐私很重要 Privacy's important.
这样吧 Tell you what.
要不把货车清理干净 给你住一两个星期 How about we spruce up the van for you for a week or two?
-像野营那样 -没有帐篷哦 - Like camping? - Without a tent.
超赞 Awesome!
维罗妮卡 Veronica,
拜托 我们不能在公园里转转吗 please, couldn't we walk around the park?
我只收了活跃气氛和准时接送的钱 They only pay me to be upbeat and on time.
现在堵车呢 We're stopped in traffic.
让我们在断气之前再感受一下绿意吧 Let us touch some grass before we drop dead.
可是再不回去就要错过4点的饼干了 But they put out cookies at 4:00 back at the home.
我给你买一箱行不行 丹尼丝 I will buy you a case of cookies, Denise!
我倒成起刺儿的了 So now I'm the jerk.
拜托 就这一次 打破下常规 Oh, just for once let us go off schedule
让我们在值得游玩的地方玩一会 and excursion somewhere worth excursioning to.
今天天气很适合散步嘛 It is a great day for a walk.
-我们可以堆个雪天使 -当然 - We could make snow angels! - Sure!
就10分钟 Ten minutes.
谢谢 Thank you.
上帝爱你 God loves you.
他要是爱我 Yeah, if that were true,
就会把我造成白富美 he'd have made me white and rich.
多力多滋卖光了 They were out of the Cool Ranch.
估计是天热的 I think it's the heat.
人们为了凉爽一下 什么都愿尝试 People will go anywhere for relief, huh?
冰箱通风孔需要除尘 "Refrigerator vents need dusting and vacuuming."
清理排水沟 "Clean gutters."
把车库里的马蜂窝弄走 "Remove hornet's nest in garage."
把窗框刮干净 重漆一遍 "Scrape windows and repaint them."
-撕掉墙纸 -活还真多 - "Remove wallpaper." - Big list.
不干就走人 You can always just leave.
不 我干 No, no.
有活干总是好的 It's always good to have some tasks.
我给你买了瓶泡泡浴液 I brought you some bubble bath.
我知道楼上的浴室已经很久没用了 I know the upstairs bathroom was out of commission for a while,
怡人的泡泡浴可以 舒筋解乏 and a nice bath might be, you know, very relaxing.
弗兰克 Frank.
现在说这个太早了吧 It's a bit early, isn't it?
还没有人在凌晨两点半以前喊我睡觉呢 Nobody ever asks me to go to bed before 2:30 in the morning.
多蒂 Dottie.
我知道大家都管我叫丑逼女 I know everyone calls me Butterface.
我有什么办法 Nothing I can do about it.
只少现在没办法 Not now, anyway.
我去给你放洗澡水 Let me draw you a bath.
别想和我泡鸳鸯浴 You're not getting in with me.
你我二人同在艾莱柏酒吧混这么久 How is it that you and I both spent so much time at the Alibi,
怎么就没勾搭过呢 but we never hooked up?
作为丑逼女 唯一的好处就是 Only good thing about being a female butterface is
夜一深 男人们就会忽略我的脸蛋 I actually get better looking to men as the night goes on.
至于你嘛... Whereas you...
至于我什么 Whereas I what?
慢着 W-wait.
你是说 我是丑逼男吗 Am I the male butterface?
好耶 哈利 好耶 Yay, Harry! Yay!
加油 哈利 加油 Go, Harry, go!
好耶 哈利 Yay, Harry!
哈利的魅力不减当年嘛 That Harry still has it, eh?
我喜欢哈利 Oh, I like Harry.
我也喜欢布鲁斯 I like Bruce, too.
还有托尼 And Tony.
请拿好 谢谢惠顾 There you go. Thank you.
今天赚大发了 We are crushing it.
时髦客 未成年 老不死 这些人的钱最好赚 Nothing pays like hipsters, minors and the elderly.
小维 你带这帮老骨头们每天来这转一圈 V, you got to start bringing those geezers around every day.
他们超爱吃糖 They love their sugar.
操 丹尼丝该注射胰岛素了 Shit. Denise needs her insulin shot.
爱你 Love you.
-拜 利普 -拜拜 - Bye, Lip. - Byebye.
-你那有多少 -50左右吧 - What you got? - About 50.
如果女生对她的男人迟迟没有表示 If a chick, you know, she's taking it slow with a guy,
也不和他上床 这是个什么意思 not sleeping with him, what do you think that means?
意思是你没得操了 Means you're not getting laid.
提米 听着 这已经是第三听了 All right, Timmy, look, this is your third one.
今天不能再买了 知道吗 That's it for today, okay?
别再来了 买大麻另说 Don't come back unless it's to buy pot.
不跟你上床的妞儿你可得小心点 Got to watch out for the chicks that don't sleep with you, man.
你知道这意味着什么吗 You know what it means?
意味着她们喜欢你 Means they like you.
真心喜欢你 Like "like you" like you.
挖心挖肺地喜欢你 Like "love you" like you.
她们之所以忍住 是因为她们动了真情 And they keep, you know, holding back because they're so into you.
但同时 她们也在等待 But they're also waiting for you
你去发现她们的美好 to finally grasp how awesome they are
这样 当你们第一次上过床时 so when you do end up having sex for the first time,
你就会觉得那是做爱 而不是交配 you're, you know, making love or some shit.
分享下我的经验 Oh, and the experience--
其实是因为... It's because, you know,
为了这令人心痒的嘿咻 你已久候多时 you've been waiting so long for a little action,
一旦烈火烧上干柴 that when you do have sex,
你们将体会前所未有的云雨润泽 it's some otherworldly connected thing,
这会让你觉得 which makes you think
你会为这段感情负起责任 that you can be in a long haul kind of commitment.
两根卷烟 一根大麻 谢谢 Two buds and a spliff, please.
-你多大了 -15岁 - How old are you? - 15.
给你20元 不用找了 Here's four fives. Keep the change.
举下胳膊 Raise your arms.
腋下长毛了再来买吧 Come back when you grow some hair in your pits.
我把毛剃了 I shave.
快点走 Get out of here!
为什么这妞只跟你约会却不跟你上床 Chicks that hang out with you and don't sleep with you,
动脑想一想 爷们 run the other way, dude,
因为她已经收心 打算和你共度余生 'cause she's ready to stop playing and settle down.
好了 各位 派对结束了 All right, everyone, party time is over!
回家吧 Let's go!
走了走了 快点 克莱尔小姐 Let's go, let's go! Come on, Miss Clare!
快走 克莱尔 Come on, Clare.
我来帮你 I got you.
过瘾了吗 Wasn't that fun?
哈利 快跟上啊 Harry, come on!
我跑上了二垒 I knocked in two runs.
你太给力了 托尼 You were sensational, Tony.
我是哈利 Harry.
["Harry--哈里"与"Huryy--快"音似]
我已经很快了 I'm hurrying.
-维罗妮卡 谢谢你 -不用谢 - Veronica, thank you. - You're welcome.
下个礼拜能不能 How about next week, we, uh,
来个"舷端把盏一日游" we go on one of those booze cruise things.
就在夕阳犹照的湖面 Uh, on the lake at sunset.
那可得花钱啊 克莱尔 That costs money, Clare.
这儿的人大部分都没钱 Money most people here don't have.
哈利 Harry?
快打911 Call 911.
弗兰克 Frank.
好啦好啦 Roger that.
维罗妮卡 Veronica?
黛比 Debbie?
我给金吉和哈利带了几幅孩子们画的画 I brought some artwork from the kids for Ginger and Harry.
-她该不会... -我孙子保罗死了 - Did she... - My grandson Paul has died.
哈利死了 小黛 It's, uh, it's Harry, Debs.
维罗妮卡 Veronica.
帮我把这个卖掉吧 Sell this for me.
然后用这钱带我们所有人去印第安赌场 And then I'm taking everyone to the Indian casino.
谢谢你 Ooh, thank you.
你和克雷格·海斯纳是高中同学吗 You went to high school with this Craig Heisner?
他可真帅 你应该跟他打招呼["插"] He's hot. You should poke him.
去他妈的Facebook Fuck Facebook.
如果你想 我可以替你跟他打 I'll poke him for you, if you want.
-你在干嘛 -给他发信息啊 - What are you doing? - Sending him a message.
别 Don't!
发完了 你的号码已经过去了 Did. Sent him your number.
"谢谢"的反义词是什么 What's the opposite of "Thank you"?
这儿呢 Hey, guys!
-我自己可以找到男人的 -他帅不帅 - I can get laid on my own. - He's cute, huh?
理查德 Richard, hi!
-见到你很高兴 -我也是 - Hey. Good to see you. - You, too.
菲奥娜 这位就是理查德 Fiona, this is Richard,
你不是想见见吗 who you wanted to meet.
你好 理查德 Hi, Richard.
你好 Hi.
来点儿苹果马提尼吧 Shall we begin with some appletinis?
我这就去下单 I'll put the order in right now.
想看乐透吗 Want to watch the lotto numbers?
今天你可以回去了 That's enough of a visit for today.
明天再来把剩下的活干完 Finish the list tomorrow.
等等 Wait.
我想要你 I want you.
弗兰克 Frank.
我怎么就没和你干一炮呢 How is it that I never had this?
快停下 Stop.
两个醉鬼一直擦身而过呗 Two drunken ships passing in a harbor swill hole.
我们可以弥补一下错过的曾经 We'll make up for lost time.
弗兰克 我不能做爱 Frank, I can't have sex.
明白不 Okay?
不是我不渴望 I'm not thrilled about it.
我唯一擅长的事却不能做 The one thing I'm good at, I can't do.
我们慢慢来 We'll go slowly.
我无法"慢慢来" Oh, I don't know "slow".
我会教你的 I'll teach you.
弗兰克 Frank!
我之前从没过过禁欲的生活 I haven't exactly lived a life of restraint.
我在等待移植器官 在此期间我不能激动 I can't push it while I'm waiting for my transplant.
如果我的血压超过120/80的话 If my BP goes above 120/80,
我的心脏就会爆炸 my heart explodes.
你明白了吗 Don't you get it?
如果干逼 我就会死 If we fuck, I die.
等等 加里 Hey, Gary.
明天见 谢了 See you tomorrow. Thanks.
我今天来 你一点兴趣都没有 是吧 You had no interest in my showing up tonight, did you?
她都跟你说什么了 What'd she tell you?
她说 你看了我的照片就等不及要见我了 Uh, that you, uh, saw a photo and couldn't wait to meet me.
我可没看见什么照片 I saw no photo.
她也没有我的照片 She has no photo.
那你还来干吗 So, why'd you come?
大卫的公司和我的公司 Well, my company does about
正在谈一单两亿五千万美元的生意 $250 million worth of business with David's company.
他又对茉莉那么着迷 And he's fond of Jasmine.
我可不想伤了二奶的面子 I didn't want to be the one to upset the concubine.
那你觉得我们还要聊上多久 So how much longer do you think we need to keep talking to each other
才会让他们相信我们两个有戏呢 to make it seem like we really gave it a shot?
不知道 再聊个两到三分钟吧 I don't know, two or three more minutes.
撑死了 Tops.
你现在想看看我的照片吗 You want to see a photo of me now?
无所谓 I'm good.
看我多气派 这是小学时的我 Fully decent. It's me in grade school,
那时我刚掉了第一颗牙 after I lost my first tooth.
这种头型又要流行了 That style is coming back.
这头型流行过吗 Did it ever arrive?
易洛魁人留过的 With the Iroquois.
也是朋克摇滚主打款 And, uh, punk rock.
我们之间会如何发展呢 So, how does this arrangement work?
我打扮得楚楚动人 挽上你的手臂 I dress pretty, hang on your arm,
然后一个月做上几次爱 we have sex a couple times a month,
再然后 你给我几张信用卡 then you give me credit cards
好让我买一些喜欢但不需要的废物吗 to buy shit that I like but don't need?
我也不知道 I have no idea.
我来这儿只是因为我被邀请了 I'm just here 'cause I was invited.
对我没兴趣的女人 I don't make it a habit of hanging around women
我也没兴趣泡 that don't have any interest in being with me.
你以为你什么都懂吗 You think you always know?
谁又是百科全书呢 Well, how does anybody know anything?
如果我不笑 对面的女人也不笑 I mean, if I'm not laughing and the woman's not laughing,
这就说明我们之间不来电 that's a good sign that it's not working.
但如果我们相顾微笑呢 But if we're both smiling?
有很多更糟的方式去度过一晚 There are worse ways to spend an evening.
你没结婚吗 You're not married?
为什么那么针对已婚人士 What do you got against married guys?
我不喜欢骗子 I'm not into liars.
他们又没骗你 Well, they're not lying to you.
晚安 理查德 Night, Richard.
你可以试试莫霍克式发型 You should go get that Mohawk.
估计能掀起另一轮风潮 Could restart the trend.
很高兴见到你 菲奥娜 Nice to meet you, Fiona.
操 Fuck!