Subtitles by explosiveskull
We have to keep on going.
- They're coming. - Wait, this isn't right.
- Yes. We have to go north. - This isn't right.
Yes, it is. We have to go this way.
Yeah, come on!
Wait, that isn't north!
Come back, wait.
I'm telling you, the highway's over there.
- No, it's not, it's this way. - No, you're wrong.
- Come with me, come on. - Don't touch me, Lloyd.
If you don't come with me, you're dead. We both are.
You know it. They're going to kill us. Sacrifice us.
No, they're not. Not us.
What did you do?
Do you think you tricked me? You're one of them.
I was just trying to save us.
- Liar! - Darby...
the heat, the desert, it's making you...
Crazy? I'll show you crazy.
Big mistake, bitch.
Come here, rip her tits off.
- I'm not that type of girl. - What, do you have a penis?
What are you looking at?
Whoo-hoo, party town, here I come.
- Hey, why aren't you set? - Where's the fun in that?
Whoo!
Hey. On or off, what's it going to be, I ain't got all day, sweetie.
- Where you headed? - Black Rock City.
Where the only limits are your imagination.
How much?
Money's not accepted at Burning Man.
Only gifts.
Does that include free rides?
It does today.
Cool beans, thanks.
♪ We're on a party bus ♪
♪ A party bus to hell ♪
♪ We're on a party bus ♪
♪ Party bus to hell ♪
♪ All aboard the party bus ♪
♪ The fun has started ♪
♪ There ain't no going back once this thing has departed ♪
♪ Nothing better than this it's the trip of a lifetime ♪
♪ You know we're going to party till the end of the line ♪
♪ We're on a party bus ♪
♪ Party bus to hell ♪
Whoo! This bus rocks!
♪ Party bus to hell ♪
Bus pop? Melts in your mouth.
Or any other place.
Oh, hell yeah.
♪ On a party bus ♪
♪ Party bus to hell ♪
Hey, where's my shirt?
- Where did you last see it? - On my chest?
But then I got high.
You sure did. Oh!
♪ To hell ♪
♪ We're on a party bus ♪
♪ Party bus to... ♪
Take it off, take if off!
Take it off!
Honey, honey, honey, Burning Man is not a PG-13 event.
There's going to be drugs, nudity,
and sex and art and nudity and music and graphic nudity.
- Guys and girls... - Wee!
I know what I'm getting myself into.
And what you're not.
...restrictions, limits, rules.
Not in the sex dome, I hear, 5,000 sex enthusiasts ready to orgy.
Yeah!
Why do you have so many clothes on?
Mm.
Whoa!
- Sorry. - I'm not.
Where are we?
On a party bus,
heading to the Burning Man festival in Black Rock City, Nevada.
It's a place to be yourself and become something better.
That sounds fun, I want to go to there.
Well, you're in luck, this is my third burn.
I go mostly for the art exhibits.
Mostly.
Oh, you got something there.
What is it? A smudge?
No, just the nipple.
A beautiful, perfect nipple.
Didn't anyone hear me banging?
I've been trapped in there over an hour.
- With my shirt. - Huh?
But you gifted it to me.
Unlikely story, pre-vert.
Hmm, that's better.
♪ She said it feels so wrong ♪
♪ But it's gotta be right ♪
Nice, hold that. Hold it to your right.
♪ It feels so wrong, but it's gotta be right ♪
That's great, Kim, perfect. You're beautiful.
Now just lose the top.
Do you think that'd be a little gratuitous, Jay?
There's no such thing as gratuitous female nudity.
It's all in your mind.
Pretty sure it'd be all my body.
Would it help if I was topless too?
Help!
He's trying to kill me.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Help me! They're trying to kill me.
Help!
Help! Please.
Help me. They're trying to kill me.
It's them. The desert. They're alive.
They can hear someone else. Everything they say.
They're out there, they're listening.
They're gonna get us right now.
I swear to Mike...
Darling, there's nobody here but us.
No, no. No, no.
That's what they want you to think.
They're here.
Everything that you say,
they turn around and they'll use it against you.
They hear everything you're saying.
Your deepest, darkest fears.
They'll pick up a reality.
They're here. We're surrounded.
- Deepest, darkest fears? - Deepest, darkest fears.
You mean, like... like mummies?
Yes, yes, like mummies.
Like fucking mummies.
They're up here, they're on us now.
Mummies? Really, Kim?
- Nobody's afraid of mummies. - Like mummies.
I am.
Topless.
Me, too.
Come, motherfucker.
Stop.
I hate fucking mummies.
I said I hate fucking mummies.
So, how much longer?
A few hours.
Yeah, we had a bit of a late start.
I'm not pointing any fingers.
I just wanted to know if there's anything
we could do to make up some time.
Yeah, there is, we're already doing it.
- We left the highway? - Yeah.
About five minutes ago.
This ride may get a bit bumpy,
but the route should shave
about five hours off.
Easy.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey!
Oh, shit.
Warned you. The ride may get a bit bumpy.
You're so fucked.
See, I told you.
What the hell is the driver on? Acid?
A shortcut. Relax, Alan, we're making good time.
We better be. This ride ain't cheap, you know.
I gave up a hunting trip in Africa for this.
Well, there's better music and plenty of eye candy of the female variety.
It's pretty amazing.
It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor,
just as long as you bring enough condoms and toilet paper.
And I did not forget the Viagra either.
- Ooh, Viagra's a good gift. - Not a gift. It's for me.
My gift is my dick.
Are we there?
Come on. Aw.
Hey. Everybody out.
We're just making a quick pit stop.
Gonna check the wheel tire pressure.
So, sit tight.
We'll be back on the road before you know it.
No problem, as long as we get there tonight.
Don't worry, sweetie, it's going to be the night
of your life.
Hey, who's up for 100 bottles of beer on the wall?
- I am. - Me! I'll have a beer.
Me, too.
Oh, no, the song, not real beers, you know.
♪ 100 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
♪ 100 bottles of beer ♪
♪ Take one down, pass it around ♪
♪ 99 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
♪ 99 bottles of beer ♪
♪ Take one down, pass it around ♪
♪ 99 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
Hey, Lara, will you...
will you help me in the bathroom with something?
- With what? - You'll see.
Great, and I have to pee.
There's a whole desert out there.
Just think of it as one giant sandbox.
Thanks, I'll hold it.
- Mmm. - Oh.
Oh, oh.
Oh, my God.
You've got a strong bladder there, honey.
That's what I'm talking about.
Young love, it's a beautiful thing!
- Yeah. - Rock that pussy!
Where are you going?
Stretch my legs.
She told us not to leave the bus.
Drivers do not tell the paying customer what to do.
Other way around, buddy. Learn it, live it, love it.
♪ Keep the groove so we can dance ♪
Krystal, if you're giving dance seminars at Burning Man, sign me up.
- What are you offering? - Free massages.
And for you as well. Come on, let's party.
Oh, I love communing with nature.
Looks like it's going to be a nice night.
- Once we ever get there. - Well, you know what they say.
It's not about the destination but enjoying the journey that matters.
And who are "they," exactly?
Oh, they? They are those who know and say things of wisdom.
Well, I don't know them, and I don't know you, either.
Oh, sorry, Stuart Parker, veterinarian. Pleasure to meet you.
Oh, Alan Armstrong, rich-as-fuck entrepreneur
and wild game hunter on the side, but,
I'll happily kill any type of animal.
I'm not picky.
I see.
- That wasn't very nice. - I didn't come here to be nice.
I came here to fuck, do drugs,
get fucked up, and then fuck some more.
In that order. You?
I don't know, maybe meet a girl?
Settle down, have some kids.
I'm kidding. Everything you said times two.
That's my boy. Make an asshole out of you yet.
Does anyone else get any cell phone service out here?
No, we must be in a dead zone. Get used to it.
Hey, yo, man. Anybody seen our bus driver?
She's not back here or anywhere.
Typical. We should have taken my dad's chopper.
Have to skydive in. People have.
Peter, you did not tell me that was an option.
Yo, don't MOOP.
- Excuse me? - MOOP. Mess Out of Place.
At Burning Man we leave nothing behind, it's a rule.
Rules are made to be broken.
Oh, my God!
What the hell are you yelling about now?
- Peter. Peter? - Yeah?
Look over there.
It looks like we hit something.
No, we didn't. We weren't driving.
What are you doing?
Warren, I really have to pee.
Ugh, you don't need my help, okay, so just pick a spot and squat.
I think you need a key to get in there.
If we had a gun, we could shoot it out.
Yeah, only problem is my gun is inside my luggage,
which is inside this compartment!
Whoa, a gun?
You brought a gun to Burning Man?
I don't think they allow guns at the festival.
Well, better safe than stupid.
Ugh, I'm so darn pissed. Ugh, if Warren pisses me off one more time.
Ugh, God.
Hey, guys, this one's unlocked.
It's stuck.
Oh, what the fuck?
Yo, that is not our bus driver.
Actually, I think it is.
Then who the hell's been driving us this whole time?
- Good fucking question. - Ugh.
Sure, just pee whenever you want.
Oh, God, I don't want to be here.
Sure, this is so embarrassing.
Okay, I can do this.
Everyone!
Back to the bus, now!
Go!
Oh, hell nah. You don't know who you fu...
Run little piggies. Run!
Help me!
Do you know how to drive this thing?
- Not without the keys. - She must have
taken them with her.
- I wanna go home! - Get us out of here!
Know how to hot-wire a bus, doll?
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Chill out, man, we're out.
Yeah, bathroom's all yours, quit rocking the boat.
This is a bus, and we're not doing it.
This can't be happening. I didn't even want to come on this trip.
It was a pinky dare by my friends.
They said I wasn't outgoing enough.
"Oh, Stuart, you need to live life.
You need to get out more, be more social." Bullshit!
State-of-the-art transport, motherfuckers!
Bulletproof glass, reinforced steel frame,
we're practically in a fucking tank.
- Who are they? - I don't know.
Desert dwelling nomads. They came out of nowhere.
It's like they were waiting for us.
Best guess, they were.
Seriously? You didn't hear anything that was going on outside?
We were... preoccupied.
- My phone isn't working. - Nobody's is.
Okay, bad news.
Our driver took off with the keys, so we're stuck here.
Good news, I don't think they can get in.
I researched this company before I booked this trip.
This is a very sturdy bus, the windows are shatterproof, steel frame.
This vehicle was meant to withstand
the worst impact scenarios.
Does that include desert dweller rejects
who've watched the Mad Max series one too many times?
- Yeah, who the hell are they? - They?
Well, they are the ones who are out there and trying to kill us.
Well, where is the bus driver?
I mean, if she's out there dead somewhere,
maybe she still has the keys on her?
And one of us could go...
Oh, the bus driver is out there all right.
But I don't think she's dead.
That's a good thing, no?
No.
Because I don't think she's on our side, either.
We found the real bus driver
in the luggage compartment in the back.
- She's dead. - Dead?
Yeah, it's a side effect of being murdered.
That's... that's just great. Just fan-fucking-tastic.
What are we going to do now?
Say "game over" and I will fucking hit you.
- This entire trip was a setup. - But why? For what reason?
Just to get us out here in the middle of nowhere and kill us all?
Behold, the god of destruction and praise his glory.
Praise his glory!
Behold, my lord and savior!
If this is Burning Man, it has changed drastically.
That's not an effigy of a man.
I call upon the high priestess of the night to commence.
- What the fuck? - What the fuck is right.
Get off me! What are you doing? No!
Help me!
What are you, fucking crazy?
No, ahh!
That's what's her name, Ginger something.
Get it off me!
What are they doing to her?
Nothing good.
Help me! What are you doing? No!
Help!
The blood really brings out her nipples.
No.
No!
Help me!
Oh, great one,
give us the pleasure of your presence.
As we call upon you tonight.
Look!
We've got to do something!
With no weapons and no idea how many of them are out there,
our rescue options are extremely limited.
Accept our blood snake.
Purified and then holy bows of the sinners.
It is glorious.
And it's also fucking hot.
This is some fucked-up shit.
They're gonna kill us all.
No, they're not. We just have to think of a plan.
- That's a good idea. - No, that's a statement.
What we need is a good idea.
Looks like she's ready to pop.
I think she needs a C-section.
Do the honors, my dear.
They're on the bus!
Thank you, Ms. Obvious.
They're gonna get in!
No, they're not. Not without a blowtorch.
Well, maybe they have a blowtorch, smart guy.
- Can you hear me now? - We need to get to my luggage.
- Help me find the panel. - What are you doing?
These buses have trap doors like in airplanes.
We should be able to get to our bags through the floorboards.
- Aha! - Does it need a key?
Nah, we can jimmy it.
Leave us alone!
Yeah, I'm sure that's gonna work.
Fuck you, Warren.
- I mean, fuck you! - Yeah?
Whoo!
You just wanted to join
the orgy in the sex dome.
- Yeah, what's wrong with that? - Hey.
Will somebody bring me a bottle opener from the minibar?
I'll check the bathroom, if there's something useful in there.
Found it.
This isn't real. I'm just having a bad trip, right?
We all are.
Oh, yeah!
It is an honor. I am on fire!
Burning, burning.
Burn, burn, burn.
All hail the master!
We entered hell.
I got it!
Hold him. Oh, my God.
I don't know how.
What happened? What happened?
- They got Stuart. - He's dead!
Heads up.
Ah.
You like that? I bet you do.
Wonderful.
He's in a better place.
The hills have eyes.
And ears, nose, and throats.
No, no, no.
No time to mourn. Let's get this luggage.
Go through them. See if there's anything useful.
But these aren't our bags.
I don't think their dead owners are going to mind.
Yeah! Whoo!
This is gonna be useful. Anybody need to take a shit?
Hey, that's mine.
It's heavy. What you got in here?
Just Burning Man gifts. Nothing that can help us.
Just leave it.
Hey, I said leave it alone.
I came prepared for a week at the festival, all right?
Not some blood and sex freak horror show.
Do you have any whips and chains in there?
We actually might be able to use those.
Sorry. I'm not into S&M.
See? I'm not the only one.
We're not exactly prepared for war, are we?
Uh... eh.
Hello, my little friend.
Who's shooting?
Hello there, miss bus driver.
We were wondering where you disappeared to.
Al? Alan?
You.
Look who I found lurking about.
I'm ready to get out of here.
- Yeah, abso-fucking-lutely. - It's not gonna happen.
Oh, yes, it is. As soon as you put the key in the ignition.
Bring me the one.
Let us in! Let us in!
You need to go call off your group of cult crazies while you're at it.
Oh, they're not my group.
Bullshit.
Are you trying to tell us you're not one of them?
Well, of course, I'm one of them, but I'm not the leader.
I'm just a servant to the chosen one. We all are.
Let us in. Let us in.
The chosen one? Who?
That bald-headed baboon out there
and his Selma Hayek wannabe sidekick?
Oh, God, I'm sorry, but that was so funny.
Get the unholy sand.
- Why did you bring us out here? - Isn't it obvious?
They needed sacrifices.
You don't know anything about us, sweetie.
And we're not sticking around to find out.
Where are the bus keys?
I don't have them.
I saw you holding them.
Oh, those were the outside luggage compartment keys.
Not the keys to the ignition.
I suppose we should just believe you,
because you've been so honest with us so far.
Yeah.
If you won't give them,
we'll be forced to take them from you.
Be my guest.
Oh, with pleasure.
Oh.
- Strip her. - Now you're talking.
Too bad we don't have a giant snake to shove down your throat.
Wow.
You're just all types of crazy, aren't you, lady?
My desert pets.
My faithful protectors.
You see, we come from a religion,
an ancient religion before time began.
Tonight marks the time of the beginning.
Spread it evenly.
And now is the time.
For the chosen one to spread his darkness across the land.
Blah, blah, blah. Heard it all before.
You sound like a bad, Z-grade movie, so shut up!
God, I'm so fucking wet right now!
We clear a path for the rise of the great one.
To deliver us from all that is and all that will be brought forth.
Alan, I'm not finding the keys on her.
How about in her?
I like the way you think, sister.
Come to us. Our bodies are yours.
For the taking.
What... what are they doing out there?
Drink from me. What's mine is yours.
My body I give freely.
Not exactly homegrown, but whatever.
They're preparing for the rising of the chosen one.
What does that have to do with us?
Because...
it's my favorite part.
One of you is it.
Repeat after me. Release the chosen one.
- Chosen by who? - The master.
- Could you be any vaguer? - Guys?
Guys, I don't like what they're doing out there.
We need to hurry and get this bus moving now.
The keys.
- I can't help you. - Can't or won't?
No comment.
Maybe she dropped them under the luggage.
Slipped them under a bag or something on her way up?
I'll go look.
Yeah, me, too.
Bye.
Looks like some sort of powder.
Flammable? Are they going to light the bus on fire?
That's not a bad idea. Wish I would have thought of it.
I thought you said you're not the one in charge?
- I'm not. - Then who is?
Why, the chosen one, of course.
Only... that person doesn't know it yet.
Shit, we're never going to find it in here.
We will, all right? Just keep looking.
Maybe she slipped it in a bag.
Oh. Looks like somebody
was planning on keeping the party up all night.
Those are mine, put them down.
You try getting drilled for hours on end and see how you like it.
I thought you were only into girls.
And this is one of the reasons why.
Now we're talking.
Oh, fuck, if they get through those panels, we're all dead.
Not without a fight.
Sorry.
- Any luck? - No, it's not down here.
Release the chosen one or perish.
If you release the chosen one, we might let the rest of you live.
What chosen one? Who is the chosen one?
Okay, process of elimination here.
Who's Jewish here? Jewish?
- Jewish? - No.
- Jewish? - Huh?
She said wants the chosen one, not chosen people.
There's a difference?
Release the chosen one or perish.
Look, we're through fucking around with you,
you tattoo lady monster freak!
Shh. They can hear you.
All we want...
is the chosen one.
The virgin.
Virgin?
Do you honestly think
one of us is still a virgin?
Honey, that ship sailed ten years ago.
Twelve for me.
Three here. I was late bloomer.
I fucked my way out of the womb.
Just means none of you are the chosen one!
Then who does that leave?
Release the chosen one or perish!
I can personally attest that she is no virgin.
Pure and innocent, no.
But we go back to the biblical term.
And no matter what you two did in that bathroom back there,
you simply don't have the right equipment for the job.
And no, buzz pop cocktails doesn't exactly qualify.
- Tastes great, though. - Less filling.
How did you know?
How could you have possibly known?
We've been watching you ever since you were born, Lara.
You don't even know who your true parents are.
- You were adopted. - Why...
I bet you think you got on this bus today by happenstance.
I...
I woke up this morning...
and took something, I think, I don't know.
Then this creep gave me a ride
and when I wouldn't put out, he dropped me off at this bus stop.
That creep's name is Gregory.
Release!
Release! Let yourself go.
What?
Time to come out tonight, Lara.
It's all been planned. Tonight's the big night.
You come with me and maybe some of these sheep will survive!
Fuck you, lady.
She's not going anywhere.
Damn straight, bitch.
Hail, hail!
Someone pull out their cell!
Where's the bus driver?
All hail the chosen one!
Release, release, release.
What the fucking hell?
Where did all of her tattoos go?
Release!
Release! Release!
All hail the...
How is this bus running?
I don't know, but let's get the fuck out of here.
Whoa!
Shit.
Jesus.
Was anyone bitten or scratched or stung?
- I guess just me. - Jesus.
She really took a bite out of you.
Chicks know a tasty treat when they see one.
Don't talk. It makes it worse.
Guess we can add cannibalism to their long line of evil.
Whoo-hoo!
Why didn't you drive us out of here?
The bus stalled. Without a key, there's not much I can do.
This is all my fault.
If it wasn't for me, none of you would be in danger.
I should have never gotten on this bus.
And I wouldn't have if...
she didn't say it was free.
Stop that, right now. Okay, you cannot blame yourself for the acts of some...
psychotic cult of sand demon devil worshippers.
Release the chosen one! It is our time.
Release the chosen one!
Release, release!
Release, release, release!
This is a nightmare.
Sounds more like a broken record.
Well, I for one choose not to perish.
- Time to go, Lara. - No one is going anywhere.
If we stay on this bus, they're eventually going
to break in here and kill us all!
I don't want to die.
Yeah, well, that's what
virgin sacrifices tend to do.
I'm sorry. I didn't make the rules here.
So what would happen if our virgin sacrifice...
was no longer a virgin?
I need everyone to release. Now.
Release. Release.
Well, no virgin, no sacrifice.
You mean, if I lose my cherry...
there's no reason for them to kill me?
Exactly.
Well, I'm less opposed to that idea.
And I can help. See, I have all these special toys in my bag.
Ivy, I really don't want to lose my virginity to a dildo.
Well, that counts Warren out.
Ha-ha, funny honey. Really funny.
I'll do it.
Alan, with the amount of blood you've already lost,
I don't think you're up for doing anything tonight.
That's what the Viagra's for.
No, increased blood flow
anywhere is the last thing you need right now.
Well, then that only leaves...
Remove your robes!
Come on, girl. Let's play.
Meow.
What was your name again?
Peter.
Look, despite popular belief, not all guys can just perform on cue.
Are you kidding me? Look at her.
Meow.
Lara, you're beautiful and everything
and I would love to, I mean, I'd be honored.
What's the matter? Got a little problem downstairs?
I'm just saying, you know.
Here, in front of everyone?
I'm not a porn actor, I'm an investment banker.
I need more fingers.
Okay, if you won't fuck her, I will.
- Oh, the fuck you will. - Isn't that what I just said?
- Give me a break, okay? - Oh, I'll give you a break.
- Peter, please. - I'll break it off.
I really don't want to die a virgin.
I gave you so many orgasms last week.
We can dim the lights.
Or how about...
That could work.
Release, release.
Uh...
hi.
Hi.
There's not a lot of room in here.
Yeah, I'm probably a little tight.
Oh, no, that's not what I... never mind.
Give me the gun, I need to reload.
I can do it.
How old are you?
- Just turned 18. - Eighteen? That's a good age.
Well, to be honest, I turn 18 tomorrow.
You're only a minor?
I don't know, what time is it?
- Five minutes to midnight. - So... I'm almost legal.
I won't tell anyone.
Would you just hurry up and screw already?
Fuck off!
Release!
Release the chosen one!
Release the chosen one.
We're working on it.
Yeah, just not the way you think.
Feel the passion.
Feel the fury!
You guys? I wasn't kidding about the key.
Cavity search?
You really think that crazy bitch swallowed it?
Let's have a look.
Does it hurt?
A little. But it's okay.
I want to live.
Oh, no, I'm gonna be sick.
Oh, come on, Warren. Grow some balls.
Oh God, oh, feels like you're growing bigger.
You're just so tight. So tight.
That's okay.
Deeper. Get in there deeper.
I feel something happening.
Wider, open her wider.
Yes, yes, yes.
More, yes, fuck! Fuck me hard and faster.
She feels tight.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fuck me, fuck me.
I'm coming.
- Lara! - I'm coming.
The chosen one has arrived!
Hail, hail, hail!
Damn. My first time didn't sound like that.
That's for sure. He was done before we even got started.
Oh, I found it! Yes!
Great, let's get the fuck out of here.
All hail the chosen one!
I'll drive.
All hail...
Hail, hail!
Sounds like a Trump rally out there.
Hey, guys, we found the key.
Guys?
Holy fucksticks!
It's the dawn of a new day!
It's a glorious day!
Help me!
- You son of a bitch! - What's going on back there?
Drive, drive, drive!
All hail the chosen one.
- All hail the chosen one. - So long, freaks.
All hail the chosen one. All hail the chosen one.
I think we're safe.
You guys hear me?
Hello back there?
Will someone speak up?
Shit!
We, uh, we got a problem.
What is it?
The whole...
Lara having sex idea was a bad one.
Why, what happened?
I don't know. A really bad form of puberty?
We created a monster.
Literally, she killed Peter and Alan.
What?
- Where's Warren? - The coward locked himself
- in the bathroom. - Typical.
Personally...
...I don't know what you see in that guy.
We started dating in high school.
First love.
It's complicated.
But not as complicated as tonight.
Mm, where is Lara?
I think she's... eating.
The bus is moving.
Well, just have to deal with some serious shit.
Any idea where we're heading?
Not a clue, I just think any place is better than where we were.
Okay.
No matter what happens, just keep driving.
What are you gonna do?
Party's over.
Yo razor face, what you doing?
Lara, are you still in there?
Somewhere?
Okay, okay, first thing I do when I get back,
is I'm going to sue this bus company for every penny that they're worth.
And I demand a $400 refund for my Burning Man tickets.
Dump my...
...ex-girlfriend out of my life.
Call me a dildo.
Fuck her.
Fuck you, Reese!
- Get away from me! - It's me, Ivy, open up.
- Go to hell! - I think we're already there.
Come on, I need your help.
Is my ex-girlfriend still alive?
Yes, she is, no thanks to you.
Then get her to help you.
She's busy driving the bus.
Where is that... that thing?
I managed to lock it in the luggage compartment, but...
I have my doubts it's going to stay down there.
So what do you want me to do about it?
- Help me kill it! - Fuck that!
I'm staying right here till we're back in Vegas or at Burning Man.
You're a real fucking pussy, you know that?
And you're a cunt, so we're even!
Warren? Warren, what the fuck is going on?
Warren, get away from the door.
Nobody appreciates the C-word.
What's happening?
- Oh, that's pretty gross. - Talk to me!
Just keep driving!
Jesus.
What the hell just happened?
I've got some good news and some bad news.
Your boyfriend is dead.
And what's the bad news?
Well, then no bad news.
Lara, or the thing that used to be Lara is gone.
Busted out. Flew the coop.
But I managed to shoot it a few times,
so with any luck, it's out there dying somewhere.
Any signs of that cult?
Nope.
Still don't know where we're going.
Well, it'll be light in a few hours, so,
we're bound to wind up somewhere.
Yeah. Somewhere that has a hot bath, I hope.
I'm all for that.
And if they only have one,
we could always share.
Hey, Ivy, I agree that Warren was kind of
an asshole, but, I still kind of favor men.
- No offense. - None taken.
For some women, it's an acquired taste.
But it's okay, no pressure.
- No. - No, I mean it.
- No. No, no, no! - I mean it, I've never forced...
No!
- We're out of gas. - You're kidding.
Yeah, yeah, this is absolutely something I would joke about right now.
- Now what? - I don't know about you, but...
the last thing I want to do is wander around there at night.
Yeah. I'm not big on that choice either.
So, I think we stay here till morning,
and then grab as much food and water that we can carry
and go out there and try to find some help.
Who knows, maybe we can even get a few hours of sleep.
- I am all for sleeping. - Yeah.
- And I do mean sleeping. - Just sleeping.
Right.
Oh, Reese, I thought you weren't into girls.
Oh, my God. Oh, fuck.
Oh, Reese.
Oh, where did you learn to do that?
Oh, fuck. Ow. Nibbling is cool.
Oh, ow! Reese teeth, not so cool.
Oh, fuck. Okay, seriously, the teeth.
Jesus Christ.
Reese?
Oh, good, you're awake.
I sure hope so.
I don't see anything out here.
We are absolutely in the middle of nowhere.
Are there any backup gas cans on board?
Nope. Already looked.
Yep. We are empty.
- So then, we're walking. - Unless you have a better idea.
Do you think they found us?
I got three bullets left.
I got the corkscrew and the scissors.
What if it is help? What do we tell them?
I don't know, but I think trying to explain
the six dead bodies on board is going to be a tough one.
Just follow my lead.
Morning ladies.
- Morning. - Having a little trouble?
That's the understatement of the year.
- Who are you? - Bob McCready.
I'm with Sin City Party Buses. Came to help.
How did you find us?
A LoJack.
Our whole line has them
so we can keep track of where everyone is
if they miss their destination
and/or they don't return radio calls.
Which is when they call out the search party, which is me.
Bob McCready, hi.
So where's, uh, where's Matilda?
- Who? - The bus driver? Matilda Getty?
- Oh, right. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, funny story. - Um...
Well, um, we ran out of gas.
So Matilda just took all the others to the nearest town.
On foot? Because that's 20 miles from here.
Really? Well, she's didn't want to leave the bus unattended.
So Reese and I volunteered to stay behind.
- Just the two of you? - I'm afraid so.
So how the hell did you wind up out here?
I don't know. We weren't driving.
I think she was trying to take a shortcut or something.
That's right.
Never disobey the GPS,
number one rule of the road.
Matilda should have known better. Damn.
This thing looks like it's been through hell and back.
That's the truth.
Bet you two have seen better days.
We'd just really like a ride to the closest town.
Like now, if possible.
Oh, no, no problem, I'll just pull out your luggage.
- Oh, no, no, no! - All righty then.
- Go back to civilization. - Yes.
Come on, I don't bite.
Aren't you going to call this in?
Oh, sure, I just have to get to an area where I get a signal.
Well, isn't your GPS working?
Oh, nothing works out here.
Then how did you locate us again?
Whoops. You got me.
And now we've got you.
Fuck that!
My one good eye!
- You want me to drive? - If you're up to it.
I'm good.
Help! Hey!
Oh, shit!
Hello!
There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you guys.
I thought you said she was a monster.
She is.
- How many bullets left? - None.
Where are all the others?
Don't you remember?
I remember we were on the bus...
you all said I had to have sex with Peter.
Next thing I know I woke up in the desert naked this morning.
I found these cloths,
put them on.
So come on, let me in.
One moment.
Are you sure she's a monster?
I mean, she doesn't... look at her.
I mean, are you sure?
I'm positive, okay?
She turned into this winged demonic creature.
She tore Peter to pieces, ripped through Alan's heart,
and only left an arm and a leg of your boyfriend behind.
What if she really, like, doesn't remember any of that?
What if she turns back to normal in the daylight?
You mean like a werewolf?
We don't know how this whole chosen one thing works.
Really hot out here, guys, I've been walking for hours!
Please, just open the door.
Lara, how are you feeling?
Hot, tired, thirsty,
confused, a little sore,
massive hangover, scared, worried, stressed out.
Okay, okay, enough. Prove to us you're not a demon.
How do you prove you're not a demon?
She's got a point.
Thanks for letting me ride shotgun.
- No problem. - So, um, you're not feeling
all powerful today?
Not one bit. Oh, look, a wolf dog.
- Where? - Never mind. It's gone.
How about some music?
- That's weird. - I didn't even touch it.
Looks like a storm's coming.
Could be.
Who's still up for Burning Man?
I mean I'm up for it if you guys are.
Well, we've come this far.
Subtitles by explosiveskull
♪ Come on, baby, let's ride together ♪
♪ Drive all night through hell and weather ♪
♪ Take your top down and ride the metal ♪
♪ Breaking the law, we'll raise the devil ♪
♪ Hey, Hot Pants, I got sticky fingers ♪
♪ I got a load and it's ready to expel ♪
♪ I see your tunnel, let's rock this motion ♪
♪ Please, please, baby, ride this party bus to hell ♪
I hate fucking dummies!
No one more time. Mummies.
Here we go.
And action.
- I hate fucking dummies! - Mummies.
You said "dummies" again, sweetie.
Shit.
♪ Girl, another mind Smokey left behind ♪
♪ Down a lonely road and I'll get over in time ♪
♪ I feel like I'm riding on the edge of the night tonight ♪
♪ Hauling ass with a full tank of gas ♪
♪ I'm with desperado in a moment to pass ♪
♪ With a pistol in my pocket ♪
♪ Baby, you reach the test ♪
♪ In a flash of a reason you can see in my eyes ♪
♪ I'm a master of disguise ♪
♪ I turn men on me like a man can lie ♪
♪ I'm your man of steel and I'm hell on wheels ♪
♪ Going more a mess with your head in my lap ♪
♪ Losing my positions because the deck is stacked ♪
♪ But honey lies a number and I know where you've been ♪
♪ Fast and little, next to mobile tryst ♪
♪ Roll in a woman like an angel's kiss ♪
♪ If it don't make it power ♪
♪ Make it ever with this ♪
♪ In a flash of a reason you can see in my eyes ♪
♪ I'm a master of disguise ♪
♪ I can man a machine, I can weaponize ♪
♪ I was built for speed ♪
♪ And I'm hell on wheels ♪
♪ Hell on wheels ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ So long I'm out the door ♪
♪ Don't want you anymore ♪
♪ You're dumb, you're gone to me ♪
♪ So long is my escape ♪
♪ I bet you said I'm back on track ♪
♪ Shut your mouth or I'll attack ♪
♪ Game on, I'm on the stage ♪
♪ To find love, magic to make ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ So long, I'm out the door ♪
♪ Don't want you anymore ♪
♪ You're dumb, you're gone today ♪
♪ So long is my escape ♪
♪ I'm going, I'm out the gate ♪
♪ You're dumb, you're gone to me ♪
♪ I'm gonna get out on my way ♪
♪ So long is my escape ♪
♪ So long ♪
♪ Adios ♪
♪ So long ♪
♪ Au revoir ♪
♪ So long ♪
♪ Later ♪
♪ So long ♪
See ya.