Come to us.
Join us.
Hear that, Spike? Lady Luck's calling your name.
Big pot here. You in or out?
I'm tapped. I can't cover the bet.
Well make an exception. The pink slip on your Harley.
What do you say, boys? Hmm? All right?
Its okay with me, man.
You in or out?
What do you say?
Im in.
What do you got?
Look. Full boat.
Yeah, thats a battle ship, dude.
Read em and weep, Johnson.
Thats luck, Spike.
Fuck off, Marcus.
Bring the pink slip by my office tomorrow.
Not if I can come up with the cash by tomorrow.
And if by chance you do repent...
and if by chance the Lord hears your words...
then you shall receive the bounty of the Lord...
for he surely works in mysterious ways.
Witness, if you will, the miracle of Christ...
and the loaves of bread and baskets of fish...
in the kingdom of Herod.
Open your Bibles now, brothers and sisters...
to Matthew, chapter 14.
"And at that time, Herod the tetrarch...
heard of the fame ofJesus..."
Not on the couch!
Hoax Arthur Wilmoth, you better not be eating on my sofa, boy!
Im not, Mama.
On down. Down, down.
Mamas gonna put the tray down. Down, down.
Oh, my! You better not be takin to lyin, boy.
Look at that.
Whered you learn that trick from? From your cousin Spike?
- No, maam. - SweetJesus!
Oh, hallelujah, Reverend. Look at the hair on him.
"And she, being before instructed of her mother, said..."
What are you lookin at?
You know, when you get your eyeballs popped back into your head, boy...
then why dont you have some of this nice tea I made for you, okay?
You want me to bring it out? Dont "mm-mm-mm me."
Dont you even think about it.
Thats another rock 'n'roll classic on Garden Citys oldies station.
Hey, I guess you've noticed a little atmospheric disturbance tonight.
Storm clouds are gathering with possible thundershowers tonight and tomorrow.
Now for the latest local football scores.
The Garden City Wildcats...
Out of the darkness and into the light...
comes your horrorscope on this dark and stormy night.
Push "666" for your horrorscope now.
Welcome to the Caverns of the Unknown.
I am the Master of the Dark...
the guide to your destiny on...
November 28, 1988.
Financial debts linger, but not for long.
You have the urge to take risks. Don't be afraid.
Your prize lies only a short distance away.
Claim it.
Oh, fucking cat!
Spike!
What in the name of St. Peter...
do you think that you are doin, boy?
Thou shall not steal!
Its number eight in the Good Book!
Get your butt upstairs, or Im gonna get my strap out, boy.
- Out, out, out! - Dont you think hes too old for that?
How dare you?
How dare you tell me how to raise my baby boy?
Thats where my sister, God rest her soul...
Thats where she made her mistake with you. There was no discipline.
You know that? There wasn't. No discipline.
First there was the motorcycle, then failing in school...
and then staying out all night.
Now its stealin. I catch you stealin.
Listen, Lucy, Im only taking what is rightfully mine.
You have no claim to that money until you are 21 years old, boy.
You know that as well as I do, and until that time...
I will use that money as I see fit.
- Just empty your pockets, boy. - Get your strap out and make me!
How dare you speak to me like that, boy?
How dare you?
Godll get you for this...
you evil, insubordinate little bastard.
- Were not finished yet! - Go to hell!
You can still change, boy. There is still time to repent.
Oh, if only you could see things the way that I do.
Just look up to heaven and ask the Lord to show you the way, boy.
- Thats what you do. - Mama, its raining fish!
Its raining fish from the sky!
Oh, Holy Son of God!
These are Gods fishes!
God is speaking to me...
and he tells me to open my eyes and lead you to redemption!
You hear me, boy?
Theres still time. The glor of the Lord!
Jesus Christ.
When it rains, it pours.
You're not in debt anymore.
Whatever it is that youre selling, young man, Im not interested.
Marty Palmer, Modern Miracle magazine.
Im looking for Lucy Wilmoth.
Well, for heavens sake. And you found her.
Please stop!
How about a drink, Hoax?
Oh, Hoax, whats the matter?
Come here. Hey, shut up, all right? Im talkin.
Hey, were just havin some fun, man.
Ease up! All right, give me a dollar.
Okay, dont forget, ever Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
You can eat lunch the other two days, okay?
Dont pout. Im doin you a favor. A real big favor, huh?
Hit it.
Hey, Chubs.
Cute kid, huh?
Spike, your cousin tells me youre gonna be eatin seafood for a few months.
Why dont you come by and pick some up?
I hear its real brain food.
Let's get to the business at hand. You see this cash?
Gonna buy me a motorcycle jacket just like the one youre wearing.
Youll look pretty stupid wearing it at a bus stop.
Say what?
I said youll look real stupid wearing it at a bus stop.
What do you mean?
Well, well.
What happened? You rob a liquor store?
- Whats up, homeboy? - Let him go.
Since when did you start sticking up for Hoax?
Shut up and back off, Skinhead.
The names Airhead.
Spike, why dont you cool down, man! A toilet shampoo never hurt anybody!
Motherfucker!
I think he broke my nose.
You okay?
I knew youd show up, Spike.
Let's kick these assholes into tomorrow.
Why dont you do that? I gotta go to biology.
Hey, why did you leave?
We couldve taken those guys.
Were a team, Spike.
I thought I told you not to tell anybody about last night.
Oh, I only told Marcus so that hed leave me alone.
What are you talking about?
Well, Mama said we were blessed by the Lord last night.
Thought it was only fair to warn them.
Well, look, unless the Lord is gonna go to the head with you...
you better stay out of there till you can handle yourself.
The skies began to rumble.
Then the will of God showered down upon us...
raining his fish.
His fish.
Ill pick you up over at the gym at 7:00 tonight.
We got a date.
Spike, hear my muffer?
It sounds just like yours now.
I punched it out in metal shop today, you know?
Look, Im busy, Hoax. Ill talk to you later.
- Who is that guy? - I was thinking we might race home.
Spike and me are gonna take a trip across countr on bikes this summer...
if my mama let's me.
His mama? Sorr, sorr.
You know, if you had a friend...
we certainly would be more comfortable...
with a couple of babes riding on the back.
Babes. Get him a babe. Ill see you at 7:00.
Ill be there.
Hey, Spike, wait up!
See ya later, doll.
Damn it!
I thought we had a deal.
I told you no!
A deal is a deal.
Leave me alone, please! Please!
Please pay for your calls now.
What time do they roll the sidewalks up around here?
You ready to order?
Could you give me a few more minutes and get me a cup of coffee?
Such a wide selection.
- Hey, Virg? - Yo.
You get that part?
My kids bringing it in 15 minutes, Spike.
You know its a bitch getting an original mirror for a 48 Harley?
Its worth it for your dads old bike, though.
- How much are these? - Those?
Twenty bucks.
Theyre real leather.
- Ill be outside. - Okay.
Push "666" for your horrorscope now.
Welcome to the Caverns of the Unknown.
I am the Master of the Dark, the guide to your destiny on...
November 29, 1988.
A real man has the nerves to take what he deserves.
What is this bullshit?
A real man has the nerves...
Fuck you!
Your horrorscope on November 29, 1988.
Look both ways before crossing the street.
Fuck you!
Thanks. I owe you one.
I guess this is for you. Maybe somebody left it by mistake.
Whatll you have?
Ill have a western omelette, please.
The usual for me.
One western and a deviled egg sand.
I talked to your aunt today.
Fish dont fall from the sky ever night, though.
Youre not gonna make this easy for me, are you?
- I didnt think you were gonna show up. - Get on.
- Feel safe? - Yes, I feel safe.
- Hang on. - Go!
- You need a helmet? - No, I dont need a helmet.
Oh, my God! Slow down!
I hear something. What is that?
What is that?
Who is this?
Its all right. Its just my cousin.
Oh, my God.
What a creep, man! What kind ofsicko is he?
You should meet his mother.
- You got a light? - Its in my jacket pocket.
Lets get out of here.
Wait.
Here.
And what are these for?
I dont know. I guess Im giving you reason to come back.
You dont need a reason to come back.
What are you gonna wear?
These.
- Are you ready for this? - Uh-huh.
How does it look?
Thank you, maam.
Oh, Spike!
Why dont you go in and find us some seats?
Ill be right back.
Five minutes. I promise.
All right, hang tight, guys.
Little dabll do ya.
Watch it, man.
Well, look who it is! Glad you could join us, Leonard.
Hey, dude, you bring your pink slip, homeboy?
- Whats this for? - Dont eat it, schmuck.
Out of the darkness and into the light...
comes your horrorscope on this dark and stormy night.
Oh, brother!
Push "666" for your horrorscope now.
Welcome to the Caverns of the Unknown.
I am the Master of the Dark...
the guide to your destiny on...
November 29, 1988.
Your problems not nearly as bad as it seems.
Just take in a late show and meet the girl of your dreams.
Seven stud. Five-dollar ante. Put it in the pot.
Spike, this is it.
Get your hand... Im going home.
Well, heres 20 bucks. I want you to take a cab.
Thanks. This is a night Ill never forget.
- Someones gotta ante. - Five-dollar ante.
- Hang on a second. - Pay up.
Where are you going? Ante up!
- At least put your ante in. - Shut up. Ill be back.
At least put your ante in. Make sure youre comin back.
Hey, wait up.
Suzie, whats the matter?
You just... You got me figured all wrong, Spike.
Im not gonna sit downstairs all night while you play with the boys.
You gotta understand. Im winning.
Im taking back ever penny I ever lost to those guys.
Im sorr. Some date this turned out to be.
Who said anything about a date?
I did.
You think youre so cute.
Oh, my God, man! You scared me!
- I scared you? - Why are you sneaking around?
I dont know. Sorr.
Youre Spikes cousin, right?
Yeah, thats me. Im Spikes cousin.
Do you have a name?
Oh, yeah.
Hoax. Hoax Wilmoth.
Spikes cousin.
I dont want anything more to do with SpikeJohnson.
- Hey, where are you going? - Im mad!
And when Im mad... I eat.
Well, thank you.
Pick up!
Hey, want me to put a quarter in the jukebox?
Do you need a quarter?
Oh, hey, yeah. Ill pay you back when I see you at school tomorrow.
- Heres two. - Oh, wow!
Take a bite.
This was taken right before I got kicked out of Catholic school.
- Oh, neat. - I was pretty wild back then.
You were? Oh, wow.
So anyay, next morning she goes out to the barn...
starts milkin the cow.
Then the darn thing turns around and says...
"Hey, Id know those fingers anyhere."
Well, gentlemen, you know Id love to stay and chat...
but you know poker etiquette.
How come you dont smoke?
My mama wouldnt approve.
- Oh, my God! Theres a spider! - What is it?
Get it away!
Oh, gross!
Suzie, its only a daddy longlegs.
You know, they dont even consider it a spider...
even though its in the arachnid family.
Hey, you know, you should see the one I have at home.
A gray hermit. Now, theres a poisonous spider for you.
- Ew, its so gross! - Hey, you wanna hold him?
No, I dont want to hold it! Please, Hoax, kill it.
Come on, boy. Let's go outside.
Im gonna let you go outside so you can play with your little friends.
See you later, little guy.
Whats up, Chuck?
Yo, girl, whats up?
Listen, you... you barracudas.
- Hey, guys, leave him alone. - Why dont you just leave us alone?
Gee, Hoax, Im sorr.
Let him go!
Its okay, Suzie.
Let's just pay the bill and get out of here.
Give us a kiss.
Hey, whats in your pocket, homeboy?
Oh, look what we have here.
Whose are these, huh?
Theyre mine! Give em here. Give em here!
Oh, shit!
- Get away! - You fucking bitch!
I thought you were different.
Oh, he is. No question.
Howd you get her underear? Huh? You little fucking perert.
Hey, Suzie!
Take care of him.
Don't worry about others who damage your pride.
They'll soon regret it when shes by your side.
I am the truth. The others tell lies.
Call me back later to capture your prize.
Jesus wants you to spread the word. I want...
Small circle of salt and star within.
Adding one insect will punish her sin.
The juice of my weed will implant my seed...
and make you one of my kin.
Were gonna scare the shit outta her.
Some of Mamas devils root.
You like my mamas tea?
Shes all yours, Hoax.
Poison, poison, poison.
Oh, my God! Get em off of me!
Oh, my God.
Stop it! Stop it!
Boy, do you know what time it is?
Why arent you in bed?
Dont you ever knock before entering?
Dont you get testy with me, boy.
You know what this is I got in my hand?
Do you have any idea what this paper with the blue writin is?
It is the telephone bill.
I have been tring to call in a pledge all night...
but it is rather difficult with you monopolizin the phone, boy.
Now tell me, what have you done?
I know what this is. This is Satans work.
I recognize it. It is Satans work...
listening to filthy, sick sex talk at your age!
Now, what do you have to say for yourself?
Mom, it...
- Speak to me, boy. - It was Spike.
Spike called, Mama.
Not me. It was Spike, I swear.
Dont you give that to me, boy. Dont you dare...
give that to me.
He has his own telephone. I know that as well as you do.
But theres no question in my mind that he led you on to this.
That evil, sinning pagan.
Watch me. Im gonna put a stop to it right now. You watch me.
Watch what Im doing. Watch what your mamas doing.
Now, you just get to bed.
Im knockin at your door now.
You shouldnt have done that, Mama.
You shouldnt have done that.
Hello. Im Angella Martinez. You wanted to see me?
Yeah. Marty Palmer, P.I.
- Id like to speak to a student. - Which one?
Leonard Johnson. The kids call him Spike.
Is he in some kind of trouble?
Well, he might be.
All right. You have five minutes.
I see why you come here.
- Im so glad I found you. - Cutting class?
That guy from the magazine is here at school looking for you.
I heard him talking to Miss Martinez a few minutes ago in the office.
- About what? - I dont know.
Want me to take care of him for you, though?
No, Hoax. I can handle my own problems.
Yeah? Like you did with Suzie last night, huh?
All right, your mouths running. Get lost.
You dont think I can do it? You think Im some kind of wimp, dont you?
Ill take care of him like I did with your chick last night.
What are you talking about, Hoax?
It was an accident.
I only meant to scare her, Spike, I swear.
All right, look, asshole.
Start talking! No bullshit!
You start talking, and dont stop until youve told me everthing.
I killed her.
I killed her, Spike.
I used my spider.
What did you do, you stupid kid?
I called this guy on the phone.
He told me what to do.
I did it for you, Spike!
Dont you see?
She was messing up your reputation.
She was out with Marcus that night.
She was a dirtyJezebel whore, and I took care of her for you.
No!
You think youre cool...
because youre bigger, because youre stronger than me.
Come on. Hit me!
Just you wait.
Its gonna be different from now on.
Someday soon, youre gonna be down here, and Im gonna spit on you.
When hell freezes over, asshole.
Shit! Get out of here!
Operator 13. What city?
- Garden City, please. - Is this a business or a residence?
I would like the business address for a 976 number, please.
Sorr, pal. Now, my picks for the third race are...
Deadly Nightshade, Devils Moon and Mothers Curse.
For the fourth race, Merlins Hex...
Dark Omen and Belladonna.
Look, you called me, okay?
Thats right, buddy.
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Hello, little girl, this is Santa. Have you been a good little girl?
What do you want for Christmas?
Im a petite 17-year-old nymphet...
with desires most men cant satisf.
Whos standing in front of me, naked in the confessional?
Father Riley. I didnt know you could do that with an icon.
May I help you?
Yeah. Im looking for Mark Dark.
Follow me.
Sit down.
So, Mr. Palmer...
what is it exactly that I can do for you?
Well, your horrorscope thing.
This is my pet project, my baby.
There it is.
You dont have a real operator?
You see, this was an experiment.
I was gonna lay people off. Save money on benefits and everthing.
I built this myself.
I used to live in Radio Shack when I was in high school.
But it didnt work out.
It was using up more money in electricity...
than I was making in calls, so I shut it off.
Simple economics.
How long ago did you shut it off?
Let's see.
Two, three months, I guess.
I guess nobodys interested in the underorld anymore.
You know, just Ewoks and E. T...
and football and phone sex.
I hate that heavy-breathing crap.
What do you thinks happening in the US today?
I mean, a guy cant make a buck anymore.
That is so gross. I dont believe it.
- Hey, you like frog legs? - Oh, gross me out.
Did you get the answer for number 14?
Mr. Michaels, may I please be excused?
Whats the matter, Mr. Wilmoth? Feeling a little green around the gills?
Just a frog joke.
Yes, you may be excused, but hurr back. Were cutting the gonads next.
Oh, my.
Whats goin on, dude?
- Got some crank? - Yeah.
- Wanna snort it? - Of course.
Oh, look.
Shriveled dick.
- Hey, shriveled dick. - Dont we owe him one?
I dont know.
I always lose track.
Do we owe you one, Hoax?
- Do we, Hoax? - Come on, guys.
- Cut it out. Please? - What are you gonna do?
Call your cousin?
Wheres Spike when you need him?
Im warning you.
- Youre warning me? - Cut it out.
Hey, are you okay?
Oh, shit, man. He fucking cut you.
He cut you so bad, man. Fuck, your face, man!
Get away!
What are you looking at, man?
What are you staring at, man?
Keep the fuck away from me, man!
Come on, man.
Dont, man. Youre crazy.
Youre crazy, man.
Fuckin crazy.
Dont ever touch me again.
Pass it on.
Hello.
What did you think you'd find, Spike?
"Raining fish?"
Some say its a warning from God.
Spikes aunt thinks that he was tring to tell her something.
A warning about what?
I dont understand.
I dont either.
I went to this place today called After Dark Enterprises.
Its out on Webber Road.
And a special prayer today for all the little staring pussies...
all over the world.
Amen.
Look at my little greedy cats eatin up. There you go, little babies.
Mamas gonna eat up too. Come on, sweetheart.
Sit down. Mamall get your dinner out of the oven.
Its Mamas favorite dish... tuna casserole.
Put that phone back, boy!
Hoax Arthur Wilmoth.
I gave you an order, boy. Put that phone back.
If you value your life, I suggest you leave me alone.
- Do you want the power now? - Yes.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
Everyone.
When?
I understand.
Then... take it!
You're too late, Palmer.
Hey, can I call you Marty?
That his masters wife cast her eye uponJoseph.
Yes, she did, brother and sisters. Praise the Lord!
She cast her eyes uponJoseph, and she said, "Lie with me."
- Marty, whats wrong? - Where the hell have you been?
Im sorr. I lost you at that last light.
Let's get outta here.
- What happened in there? - I dont know.
We gotta get to the Wilmoths.
What we doin here?
All right.
I know that much. Okay, we got what here?
We got... You guys are out, right?
- Im out. - Youre out. You out?
Hey, you out? Yo, you out?
Whos there?
Pinch me, Rags.
I must be dreaming. Its too good to be true.
Yeah, dude. Its the slasher himself.
Its a little late to be wearing sunglasses.
Or is there a full moon out?
Take him outside so we can finish the game.
Come on. Hurr up.
We wanna have a little talk with you, Hoax.
You could use a jar of zit cream.
Whoa. Where do you think youre going?
I wanna watch.
She wants to watch?
Stay right here and play out your hand.
Got aces and eights. Dead mans hand.
Pair of jacks.
Beats you. What do you got?
- She... - Nothing.
Then let's see what else you got.
Come on. Come on.
One, two...
You put it in your mouth.
Wait. Whoa.
Ready? No!
Okay. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Come on. Let's sing.
Where was I?
Turkey... I dont know.
It spits when you rub it up and down.
Oh, up and down.
Sorr, the serice was over a couple of hours ago, son.
Take off Grandmas underear. Go ahead. Take it off.
Come on.
Come on in.
- You wanna play? - What...
- You got enough money to play? - Wheres Rags?
- Wheres Jeff? - You man enough to play?
Wheres Rags? What, are you deaf, little faggot? Wheres Rags?
Would it be possible to enter the game...
with a pair of hearts?
Jesus Christ!
Shut up!
You fucking killed them?
Let's see if you can fucking kill me, huh?
Gimme your best shot.
Oh, my.
Get off.
God, no. Oh, God, no.
Now thats a dead mans hand.
Oh, please dont.
Please, dont.
Get away!
Where is he?
I dont know.
Who are we waiting for?
Youre a dead motherfucker!
Marcus?
Where have we gone?
Bye-bye.
Oh, God.
Hoax, boy, where have you been?
Boy, I said where have you been? Answer me.
I swear to God, Im gonna go upstairs, Im gonna get my strap.
Dont you turn your head on me!
Im gonna go upstairs and get my strap, and Im gonna give it to you.
Youre never too old to get it!
I told you a hundred times if I told you twenty.
Look at me when Im talkin to you. Get up off that sofa, boy!
Not on the couch.
No, not on the couch.
Thats what the plastics for, asshole.
Marty, this is ridiculous. Hes one of our prize students.
Why dont you stay here while I look around.
Hes only a kid.
Humor me.
Insurance. I could have gone into insurance.
Desk, nice family business.
Hoax? Mrs. Wilmoth?
Mrs. Wilmoth?
Is anybody home?
Miss Martinez!
Miss Martinez. Upstairs.
Mrs. Wil... Are you all right?
Help me. My mamas sick.
Help me.
Mrs. Wilmoth?
Are you all right?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Whats the matter?
Cat got your tongue?
Did you have a nice meeting with my mama?
She makes lovely dinner conversation, doesnt she?
Oh, baby.
My cousin didnt think it would get this far, but it has.
- Wheres Hoax? - Inside. Hes got Angella.
Get away from me!
Angella!
Just in time for my little party.
- Get her out of here! - Come on. Youll be all right.
Welcome to my house, cousin.
Dont you think its time we ended this, Hoax?
Little bit further.
Going so soon? But you just got here!
Now, you, buster...
you just dont end this.
Armageddon, cousin.
Armageddon this, cousin.
Oh, God!
You know...
Mama told us...
never play with guns!
Isnt it ironic, cousin?
You down there...
me up here.
Guess what, cousin.
Hell finally froze over.
Im right behind you.
Hold on.
- Its Hoax. - Hold on!
Hold on.
Dont fall!
Careful! Hold on now. Just hold on!
Hoax, you son of a bitch!
Bye-bye!
Burn, bitch, burn!
Just hold on!
- Its gotta stop, Hoax. - I am growing wear of you, cousin.
Go to hell.
Were both going to hell!
If you kill me, Hoax, were never gonna make that motorcycle trip together.
Once youve been to hell...
everthing else pales in comparison.
And besides, Hoax...
God rest his pathetic little soul, is no longer with us.
Please, listen to me, once!
A motorcycle trip...
trip across countr.
I know you can hear me, Hoax.
Well get a couple of babes, just like you wanted.
Remember our trip?
You got to hear me, Hoax.
You got to.
- Trip? - Yeah.
You wanna ride my bike? You can ride my bike, if you want to.
Youve seen my bike. Itll be great.
On the open road.
Open road.
- Grand Canyon? - Grand Canyon.
- Painted Desert? - Painted Desert.
The Mississippi?
New Orleans.
Please, Spike.
Take me with you.
Hes mine now. Hes not going anyhere.
Look what I went and did to you.
Hi, my names Tommy from Memphis, Tennessee...
and I'd like to hear my horrorscope.
Another myster caller.
- Welcome to the Caverns of the Unknown. - Oh, they love me in Memphis.
I am the Master of the Dark...
- Here it comes, Tommy. - The guide to your destiny.
Im sure we have something special in store for you.