过去点儿 我要跟你坐一块儿 Move over, I wanna slide in close to you
给咱们的新网站拍张照 so I can take the picture for our new website.
你要想泡我的话 直接说就好啦 Look, if you want to get all lesbian with me, just go for it.
不用扯什么网站的理由 You don't have to pretend it's for the website.
本来就是 It is.
再说了 2009年在Katy Perry唱 And for the record, in 2009, when Katy Perry
"我吻了个女孩我喜欢"的时候 我也吻了个女孩但我不喜欢 "Kissed a girl and liked it," I kissed one and didn't.
准备好了 Ready?
一 二 One... two... and...
- 完美 – 这还完美 - Perfect. - Perfect?
这照片可不不像说"让我们来为您的孩子办生日聚会吧" This photo does not say "Let us do your child's birthday party."
而是"我们是AC/DC(摇滚乐队)的致敬乐队" It says "We're an AC/DC tribute band,
你可以用可卡因来付钱" and you can pay us in cocaine."
Oleg Oleg,
能帮我们拍张网站宣传照吗 will you take a picture of us for our website?
你有没有意识到你刚问了一个 You realize you just asked a man
只帮他小弟弟拍照的人吗 who only takes pictures of his penis?
我知道 Yes.
可是人家很会用光 而且聚焦精准 But it's always well-lit, and perfectly in focus.
我不会让你们失望的 You won't be disappointed.
我帮很多网站拍过照片 I take lots of website pictures.
是 但我们可不是只穿胸罩戴羽毛面具的妹子 Yeah, but we're not wearing just bras and chicken masks.
我们有的是时间 We have time.
我们还是再考虑考虑那张"可卡因妓女"的照片吧 Maybe we should rethink the "Coke whore" Picture.
== 破产姐妹 第一季第15集 == 【H-SGDK】字幕组倾情奉献
== 翻译：琪琪 王大可 遥小遥 妖孽小X ==
== 校对：Imogen 统筹：琪琪 尧之雪 后期&压制：7包子 ==
晚安 女士们 Well, good night, ladies.
睡个好觉 别让臭虫咬了 Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.
我还记得纽约也曾经有过 And I remember a time in New York
不用把这话当真的时候(现在很多臭虫) when that was more cute than accurate.
- 晚安Earl - 晚安 - Good night, Earl. - Good night.
Earl 我刚发现 Earl, I have come across
有6块钱对不上帐 a $6 inaccuracy in tonight's total.
你得全部再检查一遍 You must go over all checks again.
Han 我刚要回家 Han, I'm just on my way home.
但这不还没到2点吗 But it is not yet 2:00 A.M.
我也不想这么攻的 I hate to play the heavy,
但你得坐下来再给我查一遍 but you must sit down and go over checks again.
Han 我都75了 Han, I am 75 years old.
我甚至连擦两遍屁股的时间都不够了 I don't even have enough time left to wipe twice.
哎呦 Well, well.
你好啊 Hello there.
您真绅士 Such a gentleman.
你这小子还真是有教养啊 And what a well-behaved boy.
啊你们在这儿 Oh, there are the girls.
你好Sophie Sophie, hello.
你真漂亮 You look pretty.
要不然嘞 Oh, I know.
不好意思 厨房已经下班了 Oh, sorry, the kitchen's closed.
- 什么 – 厨房是下班了 - What? - Kitchen was closed...
但是为了如此美女 But can now be open again
怎么能不再开一次呢 for such a beautiful woman.
你好 我是这儿的主厨 Hello. I am the chef.
又来了 Oh, here we go.
乌克兰这是准备侵略波兰了 Ukraine's going to try to invade Poland.
向D杯进攻啊(原义诺曼底登陆日 借指D罩杯) It's double d-day.
Oleg 这是我们的邻居Sophie Oleg, this is our neighbor, Sophie.
我看菜单的时候 I would like to have a plate with sausage on it
我想先来一盘香肠 while I look over the menu.
给力啊 Yowza.
你就是超级版的"维多利亚的秘密"天使(内衣秀) You are like someone super-sized Victoria's secret angel.
就让我吉赛尔在你的邦臣上吧(拆分超模名 请猥琐) I'd like to Gisele on your Bundchens.
你要不干人事的话 You're going to act like a dog,
我也就不把你当人看了 I'll treat you like a dog.
好吧 他的摄影生涯完蛋了 Well, there goes his photography career.
你还要香肠吗 Do you still want the sausage?
当然要了 香肠又没犯啥错 Yes, of course. Why should sausage suffer?
你还知道怎么反调戏 You know how to handle yourself.
- 厉害啊 – 是啊 - Impressive. - Mm-hmm.
像"石头变态布" 碰上对手了 That was like a game of "Rock, paper, pervert."
Sophie 感谢你过来 Sophie, thank you for coming in.
我和Max想和你谈谈 Max and I wanted to talk to you about taking you up
你让我们到你保洁公司工作的事 on your offer to work for your cleaning company.
是的 她想干那个挣钱来养活我们的网站 Yeah, she wants to do it for money to pay for our website,
我也想干 and I want to do it
因为我喜欢把陌生人的药柜翻个底朝天 because I like rummaging through strangers' medicine cabinets.
你们以前清洁过房子吗 Have you cleaned houses before?
我有过房子 而且特别的干净 Well, I had a house, and it was very clean.
总归 不管什么活 你都会满意的 But whatever the task, you won't be sorry.
我俩就是完美组合 Max and I are a great team,
当我们下定决心的时候 就一定会成功的 and when we set our mind to something, we accomplish it.
- 如果你考虑给我们 – 等一下 - And if you consider giving us... - Oh, stop.
这又不是牙医学校的面试 This is not a dental school interview.
得了吧 就是洗厕所而已 Come on, this is scrubbing toilets.
干还是不干 In or out?
我们干 坚持到底 We're in. All the way.
以我的经验来看 当某人告诉你 In my experience, when someone has to tell you
他会坚持到底的时候 they're all the way in,
你最好希望他舌头还管用(口那个交) you'd better hope their tongue works.
太黄暴了 So dirty.
我们明天就能开始 We can start tomorrow.
告诉我们去哪儿 我们一定到 Just tell us where to go, and we'll be there.
好的 Oh, okay.
你先出你的门 Well, uh, you walk out your door,
右转 上楼 you take right, you go upstairs,
打开我的门 打扫干净就行了 you open my door, and you clean my apartment.
是面试 Is audition.
我就不能让"名扬四海"里那样 一脱搞定(电影 潜规则桥段) Can't I just take off my shirt like in fame?
打扰一下 Excuse me.
这是您一点不黄暴的开胃菜 Here is your non-sexual appetizer.
咱俩从新开始 You and I will start small.
喜欢吗 You like?
是的 Yes.
好孩子 走吧(不当人看) Good boy. Now go.
被强迫清洁Sophie的公寓 Forced to clean Sophie's apartment?
这就是在冒险 This is getting dicey.
眼一闭一睁 咱俩就给锁箱子里 Next thing you know, we're locked in a crate
卖到远东去了 on our way to the far east.
Max 我们得用这赚钱给网站 Max, we're going to spend this money on our website.
那是我们公司的未来啊 That's the future of our company.
可是那未来太远了 But the future is so far in the future,
我需要这钱整点实在东西 and I need this money now for real stuff,
比如小熊软糖和眼线笔什么的 like gummi bears and eye liner.
你不努力哪来的未来啊 How do you think you get to the future?
Marty McFly和一辆delorean汽车(电影"回到未来") Uh, Marty McFly and a delorean?
还有 我们还不需要网站啊 Besides, we don't need the website yet.
明天那单生日蛋糕的活也不是靠这个接的 We got the birthday cupcake job tomorrow without it.
那你觉得我们是从哪接的活呢 And where do you think we got that job?
鬼晓得 求职小仙女咩 I don't know, the job fairy?
咋地了 经营又不是我负责的 What? I don't pay attention to the business stuff.
我是在那网站设计公司 I got the order at the web design company
偷听到人家儿子过5岁生日才接到这活的 when I overheard someone say it was his son's fifth birthday.
真讨厌 为了自己的利益居然利用小孩 Gross. Using children for your own profit.
干得漂亮 天朝 Way to go, China.
我们来啦 Well, here we are.
一惊一乍的干嘛呀 Why is this big news?
进来吧 Come in.
要是你们今天干得不错 So, if this all works out today,
我这儿就有两份活给你们 I have two possible jobs for you.
刚好在一栋楼里 Both in the same building.
两个 太棒了 Two? That's amazing.
这是让我保证你们不会砸了 This is the only way that I can make sure
公司招牌的唯一办法了 that you don't ruin my company's good name.
我可是辛辛苦苦才创立了Sophie's choice 'Cause I work hard to build "Sophie's choice."
现在 一人搞卫生间 Now, uh, one of you take bathroom
一人搞这儿 and one of you take out here.
怎么分工 Who does which?
卫生间 我去打扫卫生间 Bathroom. I'm going to go with bathroom.
我喜欢挑战 I love a challenge.
要是没完全扫干净的话 就免谈 If not perfect clean, no job.
开始 Begin.
看着点 姑娘们 Watch out, ladies.
我要在卫生间里大干一场了 I'm about to go ham on this b-room.
Ham是啥 What is this "Ham"?
向老妈一样猛干 Hard as a mother.
Max 我就是爱你这么黄暴 Max, I love when you're dirty.
真是棒极了 Oh. Very impressive.
懔Υ笕缗０? you clean like bull.
为了清洁而怒吼啊 Roar of cleaning.
没啥大不了的 No big deal.
我6岁就能抬起沙发 I was lifting up couches when I was six
帮老妈找零钱和她男友的牙 to help my mom look for change and her boyfriend's tooth.
我这儿快打扫完了 I'm almost finished in here!
她就爱乱嚷嚷 This one like to make big announcements
- 但又没啥事儿 是吧 - 是的 - about nothing, yes? - Yes.
嘿 电子烟好用吗 Hey, does that electric cigarette work?
是的 Yes, yeah.
我抽了7年的烟 12岁戒了 I smoked for seven years, and then I quit when I was 12.
我不想在花季还没到来之前 Yeah, I didn't want to die of lung cancer
就得肺癌死掉 before I was teenager.
我能试试吗 Can I get a hit?
当然 来吧 试一试 Oh, yeah, please, try.
我抽屉里还有很多 I have many more in the drawers.
我那年夏天在同志游轮上撬牡蛎的时候(暗示女同的那啥)抽过 I smoked the summer I shucked oysters on a gay cruise.
噢 真嗨啊 Ooh, glamorous.
快搞定了 两分钟预警提示 Almost done. Two-minute warning.
准备好大吃一惊吧 Be prepared to be amazed.
Max 你不该抽烟 你会 Max, you shouldn't smoke. You'll get...
怎么 触电吗 What, electrocuted?
傻死了 This is silly.
如果我这么用力吸 If I'm going to suck on something this hard
还没啥快感出来的话 还不如去约会算了 and get no pleasure out of it, I should just date.
我觉得你会很激动的 I think you're going to be thrilled.
哦 她觉得 Oh, she stinks.
我喷 我喷 她就是一个喷雾器 Spritz, spritz. She is sprayer.
只喷镜子 不管厕所 All mirror, no toilet.
你懂的 她刚接这类工作 Well, you know, she's sort of new to this kind of work.
她是个富二代 She was born rich,
但她爸爸骗走了大家的钱 but her father stole a bunch of money from people,
她被扔了城里的豪宅 and she was thrown out of her townhouse and disgraced.
好吧 她干起活来确实像个富家女 Yes, well, she clean like rich girl.
嘿 大家看看我在干什么呀 "Hey, everybody, look, look what I'm doing.
噢 我喷 我再喷 Oh, spritz, spritz."
瞧瞧 你又没爹拼 See, you not born rich,
但 你干起事来风风火火 and you... you're like "Roar."
- 是吧 - 是啊 - Right? - Well.
打扫她不行 但是她也有长处啦 Cleaning's not her thing, but she has other strengths.
我没看出来 Mm, I don't see them.
所以 我们是没工作做了吧 Uh, so do we not have the job?
不 我给你这活 No, I give you job,
因为你一人能干俩人的事儿 because one bull equal two girls.
但是你为啥老带着她呢 我不明白 But why you need her, I don't know.
你自己就能挣多得多 You can make much more money on your own.
是的 但是我们是个团队 Yeah, well, we're kind of a team.
听着 Max 我明着跟你讲 Listen, Max. Let me tell you something.
她像块石头绑在气球上一样 绑住了你 She is like rock, tied to you, balloon.
瞧 她把你拖了下来 See, she hold you down.
你把她给撇了 然后 You cut her loose, and...
好了 好了 她没重到拖我下来 Yeah, well, she's not weighing me down.
我也有个像石头一样的情人 I had lover who was rock.
我把他踹了 然后 And I let him go, and...
我搞定了 不得不说 就那个浴室 I'm finished, and I have to say, that bathroom?
闪瞎你 Nailed it.
别得瑟 她看了的 Don't push it. She saw it.
她都没仔细看 我从镜子里看着你们的 She barely looked at it. I saw you in the mirror.
眼睛都没往下看呢 Your eye never even looked down.
是啊 那是因为我眼睛没法往下 Yes, that's because this eye doesn't go down.
看吧 我试了的 See, I'm trying.
小时候受伤过 我这眼睛不大好使 Yeah, I have blind spot from accident as child.
我六岁的时候 When I was six years old,
在华沙的波兰山寨麦当劳里工作 while working in Polish knock-off of McDonalds in warsaw,
我摔到了麦热棍上 I fell on hot McStick.
你怎么会摔到烫杆子上呢 How did you fall on a hot stick?
不是烫杆子 那是一根麦热棍 Not a stick that is hot. A hot McStick.
就是串肉的棍子 可火爆了 It's meat on a stick, and it's very popular.
还是限量的呢 也就一年两次吧 They only have it, like, two times a year.
就跟麦排骨一样 It's like Mcribs.
Sophie 对不起 那太糟了 Sophie, I'm so sorry, that's awful.
是啊 但我打赌麦热棍烤出来的东西老好吃了 Yeah, but I bet that McStick thing is delicious.
那是当然 It is.
那肯定很难过 Well, that must have been hard.
我很钦佩你的勇气 I admire your courage.
你咋了 联合国儿童基金会的辅导员吗 What are you, counsellor from unicef?
你这采访做的太棒了 You are acing this interview.
你知道我们在哪儿吗 Do you know where we are?
整栋楼住的都是模特 This whole building is models.
生活太洗具了 Life is so funny.
当我住在曼哈顿的时候 When I lived in Manhattan,
我常到这儿来参加模特派对 I used to come to model parties here all the time.
而你现在来清理她们的便便 And now you clean up their poop.
你说得对啊 生活贼洗具 You're right. Life is funny.
这是明天楼上的 Here's the apartment upstairs tomorrow.
- 10J 是这儿 - 我看起来怎么样 - 10J. Here it is. - How do I look?
说不定他是Abercrombie圣诞广告里 Maybe he's the Abercrombie model from the Christmas ad
踩白色雪橇的模特 in the white sleigh
八块儿腹肌 衣服还敞着的那个 with the open fleece jacket and the eight-pack.
我想他不是 I don't think it's him.
嗨 我是big bill Hi, I'm big bill.
进来吧 姑娘们 Come on in, girlies.
你说有几块儿腹肌来着 How many packs did you say?
哦 真可爱 噢 Oh, what a lovely... oh!
噢 天啊 Oh, my God.
瞧瞧 Max 他有滑冰选手 Look, Max, he's a figure skater.
这么大信息量 慢慢吸收吧 Go ahead, take it all in.
你咋这么淡定 How could you not?
没什么 我是个模特 我以前常干这个 It's okay, I'm a model. I'm used to it.
嘿 我知道你 你就是那个"超级比尔" Hey, I know you. You're the big bill.
那些搞笑贺卡上的人就是你 You're the guy from the gag greeting cards.
米错 那种卡片我卖了200万张哦 Yep. I sold 2 million of that particular card.
卡片封面写着 "如履" On the front it says, "You're on,"
等你打开卡片 when you open it up...
- "薄冰" - 正确 - "Thin ice"! - Right.
我现在得去卧室里倒腾倒腾 Oh, I've got to go in my bedroom and change.
等下就回来 I'll be right back.
哇塞 "超级比尔"耶 Wow, big bill!
错 是"超级拜拜" No, big bye-bye.
我们才不要待在这里 We're not staying here.
光是墙上就这个德行 If that's what's on the wall,
谁知道地上会恶心成什么样 who knows what's on the floor.
搞不好地下还有雷呢 Or trapped underneath it.
这种工作环境太烂了 This is an uncomfortable work environment.
你都已经趴地上掏厕所了 You were going to be on all fours scrubbing a toilet.
这本来就是烂到爆工作环境好吗 It was always going to be an uncomfortable work environment.
非要留下的话 这估计得是三个人的活儿 Okay, if we're staying, that's three times the amount of man.
我们应该拿两倍的工资 We should get double the money.
我现在就给Sophie打电话 I'm calling Sophie right now
跟她说 我们要涨工资 and telling her we should get more.
我不建议你给Sophie打电话倒苦水 Um, I would not suggest you complain to Sophie.
这主意略脑残 It's not a good idea.
为什么 你知道什么我不知道的事情咩 Why? Do you know something I don't?
她觉得你不会打扫 She thinks you don't know how to clean,
因为你老是我喷 我喷喷喷 that you spritz, spritz.
那她觉得你的打扫技术怎样 And what does she say about your cleaning skills?
我就是头咆哮的公牛 I'm a bull and I roar.
我知道她不喜欢我 I knew she didn't like me.
她眼里就只有你 She only has eye for you.
谁管她喜欢谁 今天好好扫就完了 Who cares what she thinks. Just clean better today.
你搞客厅 我搞厕所 You do the living room. I'll do the bathroom.
不要 我搞厕所 我要证明自己 No, I'll do the bathroom, just to prove a point.
我是说 重新证明自己 I mean, reprove it.
感觉就跟当年他们非要我再考一次高考似的 This is just like when they made me take the S.A.T.S again,
就为了别跟亚洲娃待一起(作弊) away from all the asian kids.
啊擦 救命啊 Oh! Oh, my God!
你怕个毛啊 Why are you freaking out?
你不是已经看过他全裸了 You've already seen him naked.
不是他啊 It's not him.
你见过这么大的坐便器嘛 Have you seen the size of this toilet?
大屁股坐便器(请自行猥琐) That is a big-ass toilet.
字面意思哦 Literally.
Max 我搞定了 Max, I'm finished.
地板简直一尘不染(食物掉地上可以捡起来吃) The floor is so clean you could eat off it,
他肯定会捡来吃的 and I'm sure he will.
进来嘛 我要给你看 Come on in, I want you to see it.
不不不不不不要啊啊啊 No, no, no, no, no, no.
快下去下去啊 停停停 没事了 Go down, go down, stop. Never mind!
你不用来看了 没事了 Don't need you to see it. Everything's okay.
这是搞毛啊 How's it going out there?
你是羊水破了 还是在学蓝精灵尿尿啊 Either your water just broke, or you pee like a smurf.
我的鞋 My shoes.
你不会把整卷卫生纸都冲了吧 No, you did not flush a whole roll of paper towels.
我的鞋都这样了你还用这种语气凶我 No, you did not just use that tone with me when my good shoes are wet.
关闸门啊 Shut off the valve.
闸门 The valve?
救命啊 你脑子长哪了啊 Oh, God, what is wrong with you?
你居然连坐便器的闸门在哪里都不知道 How can you not know where a toilet valve is?
我以前是富人 I was rich.
但你必须承认 那个镜子 But you have to admit, the mirror?
闪瞎你 Nailed it.
快醒醒 你个懒猪头 Wake up, you lazy bitch!
- 咋了 - 着火了(解雇) - What? - Fire!
我被炒了 为啥 那厕所嘛 I'm fired? Why, because of the toilet?
你看烤箱 我的蛋糕啊 Look at the oven, the cupcakes.
对不起啊 我睡着了 I'm sorry. I fell asleep.
我就躺了五分钟啊 I was just going to lay down for five minutes.
我去买牛奶前就只交代了你一件事 I asked you to do one thing while I went out to get more milk...
把蛋糕从烤箱里拿出来 Take the cupcakes out of the oven.
"宝贝儿们生日快乐哦 这是Max的自制蛋糕哈 "Happy Birthday, kids. From Max's homemade cupcakes.
你们可以去那个超级华丽的网站上 "You can learn more about us and our blackened cupcakes
更进一步了解我们和我们的黑蛋糕哦" on our expensive website."
对不起啊 Max I'm sorry, Max.
打扫了那么久 我真的很想眯一会啊(西语) I just really needed a little siesta after all that cleaning.
凭什么你西班牙语说那么好 打扫就做的那么烂 How are you so good at Spanish and so bad at cleaning?
这是啥味啊 What is that smell?
我都抓了钱包往外跑了(以为着火了) I grabbed my purse and ran.
Caroline把蛋糕烤焦了 Caroline burned cupcakes.
好讨厌啊 Oh, so sad.
看那蛋糕焦的死样 Look at all those burnt cakes.
这是怎么了 What happened here?
一点小意外而已 Just a little mishap.
前面扫厕所扫的太累了 I was so tired from cleaning that bathroom earlier,
然后我就躺了五分钟 that I laid my head down for five minutes
然后不小心就睡着了 and ended up falling asleep.
真丢人啊 Such a shame.
看吧 Max Oh, look Max.
这蛋糕 硬的跟石头似的 These cupcakes, they're hard as rocks.
你要做的啊 All you have to do
就是把这石头扔了 然后 is throw the rock away, and whee!
我觉得Sophie不喜欢我 I don't think Sophie likes me.
你在说什么啊 她爱你爱的不得了呢 What are you talking about? She loves you.
才没有 我没说她有盲点 No. I don't think she has a blind spot.
她只是不正眼看我("金毛"点) I think she has a blonde spot... for me.
啊 我终于找到红牛送死的地方了(指Max) Well, I think we've found the place where red bulls come to die.
天 我怎么就从来没被邀请过去这种派对呢 Man, why do I never get invited to parties like this?
你知道这代表啥不 Look. Do you know what that means?
知道啊 这栋楼里缺衣服啊 Yeah, this building has a real shirt shortage.
我的天 你觉得这有没可能是Abercrombie模特的公寓啊 Oh, my God, do you think this might be the Abercrombie model's apartment?
我严重怀疑这是Abercrombie模特的公寓 I doubt it's the Abercrombie model's apartment.
有张字条诶 Here's a note.
上面写的 "打扫吧 火鸡" It's addressed to "Cleaning dood,"
"伙计"写成了"火鸡" "Dude" Spelled "D-o-o-d."
这绝逼是Abercrombie模特的公寓了 It definitely might be the Abercrombie model's apartment.
"来了把我叫醒" 他要我们叫醒他诶 "Wake me when you get here." He wants us to wake him.
你觉得他裸睡嘛 So, do you think he sleeps in the nude?
当然是"裸碎"啦 Yeah, "Nood", "N-o-o-d."
来来来 我们去看看 Come on, let's go look.
诶诶诶 这是要怎样 Oh, oh, oh, so what, seeing this guy naked
看到这男人全裸就不算"超烂的工作环境"啦 is no longer an "Uncomfortable work environment"?
还是挺烂的 It's still uncomfortable,
但绝对是超刺激的烂啊 but in that exciting uncomfortable way.
我觉得就是他诶 I think it is him.
就是Abercrombie广告秀腹肌的那个 It's the guy who put the "Abs" In Abercrombie.
他还裸着诶 裸的好 And he's naked. The good naked.
我们要不要掀他床单 Should we lift the sheet?
干嘛不掀 我早就脑补掀了一万遍了 Why not? I already lifted it in my mind.
Max 这里我来搞定 Max, I got this.
你去外面打扫打扫 You start cleaning up the mess out there.
不要 你去外面打扫去 我来搞定这个 No, you start cleaning the mess out there... I got this.
卧室就在厕所旁边啊 The bedroom's attached to the bathroom,
我一直扫厕所的 而且他是我的菜诶 and I always do the bathrooms, and he's my ideal type.
"扫"厕所就是把厕所给淹了 And by "Doing" The bathrooms do you mean flooding them,
"你的菜" 你是说昏迷不醒吗 and by "Ideal type," Do you mean unconscious?
嘘 我们到外面说去 Shh! We can talk about this out here.
你要吵醒他吗 You're going to wake him.
我们本来就要叫他好不 That's what we're supposed to do.
平时的话 你才不会想干这个活呢 But as usual, you don't want to do the job.
你干嘛啊 怎么这么奇怪 What's wrong with you? You're acting weird.
为什么所有的重活都是我干 Well, why should I have to do all the heavy lifting
睡觉打盹免费看男模小鸡鸡的就是你啊 while you just get to nap and see free model penis?
所有的重活 谁告诉你的啊 All the heavy lifting? Where'd you get that from?
没人 No one.
Sophie Sophie.
我就知道她不喜欢我 I knew she didn't like me.
她不是不喜欢你 It's not that she doesn't like you,
她只是觉得你 she just doesn't think you're...
觉得什么 什么都不会做 What? Doing anything?
她觉得我不够努力 She thinks I'm not pulling my weight?
她觉得我无药可救 She thinks I'm dead weight?
不是无药可救 更像是 一块石头 Not dead weight, more like... A rock...
挂在我这气球上 To my balloon.
这是啥 波兰俳句吗 What is that, some kind of Polish haiku?
什么意思 What does that even mean?
她觉得如果我把石头扔了 我就能 She thinks if I cut the rock loose, I'll go... fuuuuu!
等等 你就为了一个刚认识一个礼拜的女人抛弃我 Wait, so you're siding with a woman you met a week ago over me?
我没有抛弃谁 我只是说 I'm not siding with anyone. I'm just saying...
我知道这是怎么回事了 这是"讨伐富家女" I know what this is. This is "Pick on the rich girl."
你们还真是革命来了 It's a poverty smackdown.
我在厕所听见你俩说悄悄话了 I heard you two talking while I was in her bathroom,
我喷我喷 spritz spritzing.
你觉得你干了所有的活 那好 干活去吧 You think you do everything? Fine, do everything.
你能在这儿自由飞翔了 You can "Balloon" All over this place,
因为拖累你的石头滚走了 'cause the "Rock" Is leaving.
谁啊 Who is it?
你是石头 我才是气球 You're the rock! I'm the balloon!
如果不是我带你脱离那些消极思想 Without me lifting you out of your negative rockness,
你根本做不成纸杯蛋糕生意 you wouldn't even have a cupcake business.
是我造就了蛋糕事业的成功 I'm the reason we even have cupcake jobs.
你是造就的吗 Oh, oh, you're the reason?
昨晚当你呼呼大睡的时候 Who stayed up all last night baking 24 more cupcakes
是谁熬通宵做了24个蛋糕 while you were sleeping?
是你 但今天早上你补觉的时候 You did. And who delivered the cupcakes this morning
是谁负责送货的 是我 我才是气球 while you were sleeping? I did. Me. The balloon.
我能飘过去靠自己辛勤工作赚钱 I floated over there and got paid for the job that I got us
是因为我通过网页帮咱俩找到了工作 from the website that I'm trying to pay for.
现在 我准备在这降落了 And now, I'm going to float down this hall
我去叫醒那个性感模特 and wake the hot model up 'cause, contrary to what you
就是不让你丫遂愿 and your poverty gal-pal might think,
姐被雇来就是做这个的 I always do the job I'm hired for.
不行 我要去叫他 Oh, no! I am going to wake him up.
有免费的模特小弟弟看是我应得的报酬 Free model penis is my reward for doing everything
和被你这块石头拖累的福利 and being tied to a rock like you.
看 我走不了就是因为你这块笨石头 Oh, see? I can't get away, because you're the rock
看你比我重多少 and you're heavier than my balloon.
嘿 停下 Hey, stop!
让你们来是做清洁的 This is cleaning job,
不是美女摔跤赛 not gorgeous ladies of wrestling.
幸亏我顺道过来监督工作 Good thing I stopped by to check on you.
- 这是怎么个意思 - 你来解释 - What is all this? - You explain it.
我去叫性感模特起床 I'm going to go wake the hot model up.
他留过字条了 我只是在干活 He left a note. Just doing my job.
一贯如此 As usual.
你觉得我拖Max后腿了 So, you think I'm holding Max back?
这还用问吗 What kind of question is this?
肯定啊 Yes.
你错了 我俩是完美的团队 Well, you're wrong. We're a great team.
不可否认的是 她在有些方面做得很好 And, yes, there are some things she's better at.
但我也有擅长的领域啊 But there are other areas where I excel.
有吗 恕我眼拙 Well, I don't see them.
可能是因为你眼睛受过伤 That's probably because of your eye.
你叫醒他了吗 Did you wake him up?
叫不醒 我觉得他可能挂了 Uh, no. I think he might be dead.
不不不 这么帅可别急着死啊 Oh, no, not the hot one!
他是我的最爱 Aw, he's my favorite.
我大众点评还要靠他赚分呢 This is all I need on yelp.
我们应该报警 We should call 911.
不用 我能搞定 No, I got it.
您这是要干嘛啊 What are you going to do?
我要给他做人工呼吸 I'm going to give him mouth-to-mouth.
我没见过人工呼吸还要伸舌头的 I didn't know there was so much tongue involved.
不管用啊 This is not working.
但是 我觉得他还活着 But, you know what? I know he's still alive,
因为他正准备带"球"射"门" because his manhood is knocking on my lady door.
他肯定是服药过量了 He must have taken too many of those pills on the table.
药 让我来 Pills? I got this.
Max 把双氧水拿来 Max, go get some hydrogen peroxide.
- Sophie 你回避 - 好的 - Sophie, step aside, now. - Oh, all right.
你有把握吗 You sure you know what you're doing?
我朋友Candace上大学时有三次嗑药过量 My friend Candace travelstead od'd like three times
我救活了她两次 in college, and I brought her back twice.
那你大显身手吧 There you go.
把他救活 Bring him up.
Max 你扶住他的后脑勺 把嘴掰开 Max, you hold his head back, open his mouth.
退后 Back up.
我终于见识到你的厉害了 I'm starting to see your worth.
干嘛啊 你看着跟电车痴汉似的 What? You're being subway creepy.
不得不说 当你在对那个半死不活的家伙 I have to say, when you were punching
实施暴力抢救法时 that almost-dead guy in the stomach,
看着老有气球的范儿了 that was a serious balloon move.
事实是 我俩都是气球 The truth is, we're both balloons.
但我这气球比你酷多了 Yeah, but mine is, like, way cooler than yours.
就像那种飞不起来的银色气球 It's like one of those silver ones that never goes out of air.
已经停产了 那玩意儿有毒 They don't make those anymore. They're toxic.
没错 Exactly.
Max 你知道别再让我进厨房 Max, you know you won't let me come into the kitchen
帮你烤蛋糕了 对吗 and help you bake, right?
我也知道如果没了你 And you know that I know that without you,
求职小仙女也不会赏脸了 对吗 the job fairy would never show up, right?
如果你需要我帮你烤蛋糕 我可以的 But if you ever need me to help you bake, I could.
不用了 挺好的 No, it's cool.
咱们各司其职 You do your thing, I'll do mine.
把你手机拿出来 Hey, get your phone.
我们应该拍下这妙手回春取得胜利的一幕 We should capture this near-death victory moment
发到我们的网站上 as our website picture.
对啊 Totally.
数到三 想着"我们又赚了200块" On the count of three, think..."We made $200."
1 2 One... two...
等等 Hold up.
痴汉先生 如果还想双手健全的回家 Sir, if you want to go home with that hand,
立马把手从我屁股上拿开 get it off my ass.
搞定 3 Okay, three.
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