纽约人时报
达什布莱克特 官方新闻社
拜托不要拍来 用在随便哪个介绍短片里
Don't be filming this for one of those causal introductory shots, please.
那玩意儿太掉价了
This shit's demeaning.
你们想聊什么？拍这个用意何在？
So, what is it you guys wanna talk about? What's this for?
就是回顾今年 我们想 重温一下2020年发生的事件
It's a look back over the year. We're reliving the events of 2020.
你们干吗想回顾2020年？
Why in the fuck would you wanna do that?
2020 重大而关键的一年 一个带有双重强调的一年
2020, a year so momentous they named it twice.
一个所发生之事令人无从说起 时至今日仍在延续的一年
A year whose story couldn't be told until now because it was still happening.
我们将前所未有地走近专家…
With unprecedented access to experts…
我把这位小助理放在这里没事吧？好
If I keep my little assistant down here, that's alright? Good.
政客…
Politicos…
你知道自己看起来很滑稽吧？
You know you look ridiculous, right?
政治掮客…
Powerbrokers…
-我们准备好了 -稍等
- We are ready now. - Just a second.
-女王… -小心吊灯
- Monarchs… - Mind the chandelier.
上帝啊
Christ.
-科学家… -等下…
- Scientists… - Wait, wait, wait.
让我摄入一点一氧化二氢
Let me just ingest some H20.
-心理学家… -我要吸烟
- Psychologists… - I'm gonna smoke.
你们都戴着口罩 怕什么？
Y'all got on masks, so what do you care?
以及普通群众…
And average citizens…
这会在Quibi上吗？
So, will this be on Quibi?
这是折射了 遭遇这一切的人之所见所思的
This is the definitive story of the most historic year in history
最具历史代表性一年的最完整纪录
through the eyes and minds of those who lived it.
这就是2020
This… is 2020.
我说真的 为什么？
I mean really, why?
血样
黑人的命也是命
美国总统
2020去死
现在是1月1日 2020年悄然来临
It's January 1st, and on the day it is born
与往年并无两样
2020 seems like any other year.
1月如常开始
Well, January started out as usual.
地球就跟往常一样悬于太空之中
The planet was floating in space like it normally does.
但当它开始旋转 我们将视野投向大地
But as it began to revolve and loom closer,
就能注意到在它背面
you could see there was this immense natural disaster
一场巨大的自然灾害正在发生
happening on its backside.
火灾 空气的一种极端愤怒形式 人类最古老的宿敌
Fire, a radicalized, angry form of air and one of mankind's oldest foes,
正在失控地
is raging out of control,
肆虐在澳大利亚的土地之上 将大地化为一片焦土
subjecting the Australian landscape to an extreme carbon makeover.
这画面让人震惊
The scenes were appalling.
火过境之处赤地千里 甚至对澳大利亚人亦是如此
I mean it left these areas utterly inhospitable, even to Australians.
当澳大利亚遭受火灾之时 瑞士却经历着雪灾之难
While Australia burns, in the snowy hell that is Switzerland,
各种世界最具权威的人和废物
an assortment of the world's most powerful people and bastards
齐聚达沃斯峰会
arrive at the Davos summit.
达沃斯可以说是 亿万富翁的科切拉音乐节
Davos is basically Coachella for billionaires.
今年他们假装关心环境变化 并以之为主旨
And this year, pretending to care about climate change was top of the agenda,
请来了格蕾塔桑伯格担当主角
so they had Greta Thunberg headlining.
她是一位靠抗议出名的少女
She's this teenage girl who's become famous
虽然她说的一切都很让人消沉
even though everything she says is depressing.
有点像比莉艾利什
Kind of like Billie Eilish.
我们的家园依然在燃烧
Our house is still on fire.
你们的不作为每时每刻 都在为焰火添注燃料
Your inaction is fueling the flames by the hour.
这位少年先驱发言时
While the junior harbinger speaks,
台下坐着的政治掮客中 就有技术大亨巴克莫提维斯
amongst her audience of powerbrokers is billionaire tech mogul Bark Multiverse.
如果你们爱自己的孩子胜过一切
We are telling you to act
我们呼吁你们行动起来吧
as if you loved your children above all else.
谢谢
Thank you.
非常有震撼力
It was powerful.
一般来说 孩子都只会嚷嚷着要别人帮忙
Usually when a child is shouting for help,
以防这是陷阱 最好的办法就是无视他们
it's best to ignore them in case it's a trap.
杰弗里爱泼斯坦这么跟我说的
No less a man than Jeffrey Epstein told me that.
但这位年轻女士的话却直击要害
But this little lady's words hit home.
我意识到整个世界 极有可能被灾难席卷而崩塌
I realized our whole world could collapse into chaos and disaster,
而我作为世上最富有的人
and here's me, one of the richest people on the planet,
有能力做点什么
in a position to actually do something about it.
她一结束演讲
As soon as she finished speaking,
我就让人买下了新西兰的一座山
I hit the phone, got my people to buy a mountain in New Zealand,
把它挖空 做成了我们现在看到的样子
had it hollowed out, and here we are.
成了我的救生舱
In my survival bunker.
-别人不会说你自私吗？ -我不知道 这里是隔音的
- Don't people call you selfish? - I don't know. It's soundproof.
此时在美国 资深猪猪人 唐纳德特朗普总统
Meanwhile in America, President and experimental pig-man Donald Trump
正面临着其总统生涯中 第407个最危急的时刻
faces the 407th most historic crisis of his presidency.
这位美国总统 你可能听说过
The US President, you may have heard of him,
极具个性 这位特朗普先生
he's quite the character, Mr. Trump,
正面临着一场弹劾 而这是美国的传统仪式
was facing an impeachment trial, which is a traditional ceremony
即由美国人民来决定 他们的总统是否能继续做下去
that Americans perform to work out whether their president has gone off.
特朗普有麻烦了 他需要有东西转移别人的注意力
Trump was in trouble. What he needed was a distraction,
一些大事 比如一只鹅从窗户飞进屋里
either something big like a goose flying in through the window,
或一些小事 如第三次世界大战
or something small like World War Three.
幸运的是 我们的军队 瞄准了伊朗将军索莱马尼
Luckily, our military had located this Iranian general, Soleimani,
一位货真价实的军事明星
real military superstar,
伊斯兰革命卫队的碧昂丝
the Beyoncé of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard.
袭击结果显示此次为故意持续袭击
The aftermath shows an attack that was deliberate and sustained.
所以特朗普出来宣布进行袭击
So, then Trump walks out to announce the hit.
为了增加点笑料 他故意 讲得跟伤到大脑的小孩作诗一样
And for fun, he does it in the style of a children's poet recovering from a brain trauma.
他被称为魔鬼 他就是魔鬼
He's been called a monster, and he was a monster.
现在他再也不是魔鬼了 他死了
And he's no longer a monster, he's dead.
当然了 总的来说 伊朗人是不希望他们的将军
Well, of course, the Iranians would have preferred their chap, on the whole,
爆炸的
not to explode.
这几乎引爆了第三次世界大战
This almost started World War Three.
这只是1月份而已啊
And it's only fucking January.
在英国 每个英国人 都在激动地倒数英国退出欧盟
In the UK, everyday citizens celebrate the countdown to Brexit-cide
和庆祝新首相
and the recent installation
稻草人鲍里斯约翰逊的上任
of newly-elected Prime Ministerial scarecrow, Boris Johnson.
但其他人却并没那么开心
But others have little to celebrate.
我叫伊丽莎白二世女王
My name is Her Royal Highness,Queen Elizabeth The First part two.
出于录音目的 你必须称我为“女王陛下”
For the purposes of this recording, you may address me as "Your Majesty."
你还记得当你听到消息时 你在何处吗…
So, can you remember where you were when you first heard the news…
女王陛下？
Your Majesty?
我在这里 白金汉宫
Here in Buckingham Palace,
为钞票上的肖像画做模特
posing for a banknote portrait.
那过程相当枯燥
It was proving tedious,
我就拿出了我的 便携式电话机器打发时间
so I turned to my portable telephone machine for some light relief.
然后在梅根的照片墙上看到了声明
And there on Meghan's Instagram was the announcement.
萨塞克斯公爵和公爵夫人 宣布脱离王室
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have announced that they are carving out
投入他们所谓的“新角色”
what they call "a new role" for themselves.
在他们几分钟前的发言中
In a statement released in the last few minutes,
他们表示他们将退出王室家族
they say they intend to step back as senior members of the Royal Family.
这一定让你很震惊
That must have come as quite a shock.
当然
Well, of course.
我想这也反映在了钞票的肖像画上
And I think that's reflected in the banknote portrait.
让人悲伤的是 我认为他们觉得 英国有一定程度的偏见
Sadly, I believe they felt there is a degree of prejudice in Britain.
所以他们才会移居美国
Which is why they moved to America,
一个绝对没有种族问题的地方
where race has never been an issue at all.
而此时2020年即将被 正在世界的另一端悄然兴起的
But the year is about to be dominated by an infinitely bigger story
另一件更巨大的事件支配
emerging on the other side of the world.
中国武汉的市民 正遭受着神秘疾病的侵袭
Residents in Wuhan, China, are succumbing to a mysterious illness,
一开始疾病难倒了一众医生 之后又无情夺去了他们的生命
which at first baffles doctors, then doubles down by killing them.
西方科学家只能遥遥观望 或从电视上收看
Scientists in the West can only watch from afar or on television,
因为这两种方式更加安全
both of which are safer.
我研究病毒已有15个年头 我把它们大部分都视为我的好朋友
I have studied viruses for 15 years and consider many of them close friends.
但我得说这次的病毒前所未见
But I have to say, this was the most recent.
该病毒的标本非常有趣
The virus itself is an interesting specimen.
经仔细观察
On close inspection,
其长得像是PS2里的旋转外星篮球
it resembles a revolving alien basketball rendered on a PlayStation 2.
这在生物学上并不寻常
Which is biologically unusual.
至于它从何而来 有一种说法是其源于蝙蝠
As to where it came from, there is a theory it originated in bats,
至于其是如何传染给人类的 却不得而知 蝙蝠也不会说话
although how it passed to humans isn't clear and the bats aren't talking.
它们只会发射超声波 我们又无法辨识
Except in ultrasonic tones we cannot detect.
我们的假设是有人在和蝙蝠性交时
The hypothesis is a man had intercourse with a bat
让蝙蝠的汁液进入了尿道 从而导致尿道溃烂感染
and got bat juice in his pee-pee hole, which festered and took hold.
我们尝试在实验室重现
We have tried replicating this in the laboratory
但都没有成功 因为…
but with limited success because…
蝙蝠总是逃走
the bat keeps flying away.
随着疫情恶化
As the outbreak worsens,
中国政府迅速开始掩盖
Chinese authorities quickly swing into cover-up.
一些医生在疫情爆发前发现了病毒 并试图拉响警钟
Some doctors caught the virus early on and tried to raise the alarm.
但你如何才能在 戴着呼吸机的同时吹响口哨呢？
But blowing the whistle while you're on a ventilator?
这就值得探究了
Ah… that's a big ask.
与此同时病毒已逐渐渗出中国
Meanwhile, the virus has seeped out of China,
踏入了中国的邻国版图
turning surrounding areas of the map the color of disease
摧毁了彼时完美的平衡
and ruining a perfectly good atlas.
全面紧急医疗事件正在拉开序幕
A full-scale medical emergency is underway.
尽管如此 在西方国家
Nonetheless, in the West,
大部分群众却毫不关心
the average citizen is largely unconcerned.
对 我没有很关注这件事
Yeah, I can't say I was fussed about any of that.
这是今年的事吗？
Was that this year?
你说疫情？对
The pandemic? Yeah.
-你干吗跟我说这些？ -因为你也能提供某种观点
- How come you're talking to me about this? - You provide human color.
连我都知道这是种族歧视 即使我没上过那种意识课程
Alright, even I know that's racist and I've not done an awareness course.
你是普通群众 我们做了一次电脑调查
No, you're an average person. We ran a computer search,
结果显示你是世上 最普通的五个人之一
and you're one of the five most average people in the world.
这样
Oh.
谢谢
Thanks.
西方人民将疫情抛之脑后
With the pandemic firmly at the back of Western minds,
只管专注于一些重大事件上
the front of Western minds is free to focus on important matters
如奥斯卡 传统上就是 白人电影制作人的颁奖典礼
like the Oscars, which traditionally celebrates Caucasian filmmakers.
今年本该不同 但它却没有改变
This year promises to be different, but isn't.
对 那些最佳影片奖候选人 真正的彩虹联盟
Yeah, those Best Picture nominees, real rainbow coalition.
有《婚姻故事》 两个闷闷不乐的 白人被困在富裕的婚姻生活中
You got Marriage Story, two mopey white people trapped in an affluent marriage.
《极速车王》讲白人开车的
Ford v Ferrari, that's white guys on wheels.
《小妇人》讲四个白人女孩 站在人生的交叉路口
Little Women, four white girls standing on the cusp of Karenhood.
《小丑》主演顶着一张白脸出演
And Joker, whose lead actor performs in whiteface,
在强化其自身的白人文化时
thereby appropriating his own cultural identity
却无法诠释真正的小丑角色
while denying a role to a genuine clown.
还有《1917》 这个数字不只是剧情背景的年份
Oh, and 1917, which was the year the movie was set,
同时也是电影中白人的数量
and the number of white people in it.
奥斯卡之夜 一部韩国电影 步入殿堂创造了历史
Oscar night, disaster strikes for the 10,000 white hopefuls,
却毁灭了近万白人的希望
as a South Korean entry makes movie history.
奥斯卡最佳影片奖得主是…
And the Oscar goes to…
《寄生虫》
Parasite.
《寄生虫》？
Parasite?
这都不是英语单词
That's not even an English word.
其实是
Actually, it is.
什么？
What?
“寄生虫”是英语单词
Parasite is an English word.
只有当你用英语说时才是
Only when you say it in English.
浮华镇之外 在华盛顿哥伦比亚特区
Away from tinsel town, Washington DC has been consumed
却上演着一场真实的戏剧 弹劾特朗普
by real drama, Trump's impeachment trial.
美国总统被指控使用外国势力
The President stands accused of pressuring a foreign power
调查老礼宾员乔拜登的儿子亨特拜登
into investigating Hunter Biden, son of prehistoric concierge Joe Biden,
而乔拜登本人则有机会在 11月的大选上挑战特朗普
who has a chance of challenging Trump in the November elections.
但并非所有人都相信 该指控占是的
But not everyone believes the charges have merit.
这个弹劾根本就毫无依据
The whole impeachment thing was baseless, OK?
民主党声称特朗普向乌克兰施压
So, the Democrats claim that Trump pressured Ukraine
企图挖掘拜登家族的丑闻
into digging up dirt on the Biden family,
而他们仅有的真实“证据” 就是他施压过程的聊天记录
and their only real "evidence" of that is a transcript of him doing it.
许多关于拜登儿子的传闻
-他在聊天记录里说了什么？ -什么记录？
- What did he say on the transcript? - What transcript?
你刚才提到了记录
You just mentioned a transcript.
你自己查查录像 我没说过
Check your tape, I said no such thing.
你说他们仅有的真实证据就是 特朗普向乌克兰施压的聊天记录…
You said, uh… the only real evidence was a transcript of Trump pressuring Ukraine…
没有乌克兰这个地方
There's no such place as Ukraine.
不 有…有这个国家
Yes, there… Yes, there is.
我选择相信没有
I choose to believe there is not.
由共和党掌控的参议院 按照着党派战线投了票
The Republican-controlled Senate votes along partisan lines.
特朗普被判为无罪
Trump is declared not guilty and fabulous.
这就是结果
But this is what the end result is.
特朗普被判无罪
当共和党为总统手持报纸而欢呼时
While Republicans cheer the President for holding a newspaper,
在另一个政治空间里
in another political universe
民主党正在决定 该由谁在11月击败特朗普
the Democrats are deciding who will take on Trump in November.
人选已缩小至南北战争英雄乔拜登
The race has narrowed to a face-off between Civil War hero Joe Biden
和无政府主义爷爷伯尼桑德斯
and anarchist grandpa Bernie Sanders.
最近你们可能已经注意到了
As you may have noticed lately,
局势变得有些紧张
the establishment's getting a little bit nervous.
当超级星期二到来时
Well, as Super Tuesday arrives,
尽管桑德斯先生 前期获得了极大的响应
despite his huge early gains,
他的呼声却越来越小
Mr. Sanders's support was shriveling,
反之拜登的人气却起死回生
whereas Biden appeared to have come back from the dead.
简直就像管家的鬼魂一样阴魂不散
I mean, literally, he resembled a butler's ghost.
我们还活着！
We are very much alive!
3月3日
这是一场 两个70几岁的男人间的角逐
This was a choice between two guys in their late seventies.
就跟卡在老年版《铁拳》的 选角画面一般
It was like being stuck on the character selection screen in geriatric Tekken.
伯尼提出要做激进改变
Bernie offered radical change,
而拜登则让群众 回想起一种更轻松的时代
whereas Biden reminded folks of a more easygoing era
即使是闻女性的头发也不会被骂变态
when you could sniff a woman's hair without being called creepy.
我想对许多美国人来说 拜登就是乔叔叔
I think to many Americans, Biden is Uncle Joe.
他已经伴随他们好几个世纪
He's been a part of their lives for centuries.
就像把老扶手椅一样熟悉 依旧宝刀未老
As familiar as an old armchair and nearly as sharp-witted.
我们可以做到的 伙计们
We're gonna do this, folks!
和蔼魅影乔拜登获得了胜利
Amiable phantom Joe Biden seizes victory,
正式开始征战2020年的竞选活动
officially starting the 2020 election campaign.
两类截然不同的美国人之间的 大选秀舞台已铺展开来
The stage is set for an electoral showdown between two very different Americas.
-操你妈！ -我不抽烟
- Fuck you! - I don't smoke.
操你妈！
Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
两派支持者之间的敌对达到了顶点
And the animus between the two sides is greater than ever.
极化是这个时代的首要问题
Polarization is the problem of our age.
不仅仅是在美国 还有整个世界
And not just in America, in the actual world too.
无论是关于特朗普、英国脱欧 科学、性别…
Whether the debate is over Trump or Brexit or science or gender, God help us,
或者事实本身的争论
or reality itself,
各派从未达成共识
no two factions can agree,
或达成共识不达成共识
or agree to disagree,
甚至是达成共识不达成共识 可能无法达成共识
or even agree that their disagreement might be disagreeable.
-我不完全赞同 -那你何不滚蛋？
- I'm not sure I totally agree. - Well, then why don't you fuck off?
我只是一个普通的足球妈妈 你知道吗？
I would say that I'm just a regular soccer mom, you know?
我有丈夫、孩子
I've got the husband and the kids,
一只猫、一只狗 这就是我的全部
and a cat and a dog, and just the whole darn show.
我不是很喜欢冲浪
Uh, no, I wouldn't describe myself as a big internet person, no.
我只用用脸书和Whatsapp
I mean, I only use Facebook and WhatsApp.
还有照片墙、推特和YouTube
And Instagram and Twitter and YouTube.
还有谷歌
Oh, and Google.
其实我就是在那上面 找到象牙白拳留言板的
In fact, that's how I discovered the Ivory Fist message board.
象牙白拳
听着 并不是所有事都是这样的
Look, things wasn't always this way.
我研究了很久人类行为 久到足以对它感到厌倦
I've studied human behavior long enough to get sick of it.
你要记住 大部分人都还是友好的
You gotta remember, most folks are still neighborly, Ned Flanders.
难以置信的好人
Unfuckably nice.
但现在情势却比任何时候都险峻
But right now, the edges are rougher than ever.
右边恶臭的极端分子叫嚷着 希特勒并非全然是错
On the right, you got shit-nose extremists wondering aloud whether Hitler was all bad
捏造自圆其说的故事
and inventing their own clown house reality.
而左边是抱怨不停的警醒派
And on the left, you got fucking whiney woke-lords
只要有人在错误的时间上大号
cancelling the shit out of anyone
他绝对不会让他们好过
who dares to take a dump at the wrong time of the day.
这两边…
And both sides,
这两边都看起来超不开心 让人想吐
both sides look so unhappy it makes you wanna puke.
但最终我们都不得不 站到他们其中一边去
But the way it's going, you know we gonna end up on one side or the other.
所以选边站 向现实低头吧
So, pick your fucking team and hunker the fuck down.
2020年 硅谷众神被指控
Throughout 2020, the gods of Silicon Valley stand accused
任其产品将世界 分裂成两个敌对势力
of allowing their products to split the world into two warring factions.
实际上是四个敌对势力
Uh… actually, it's more like four warring factions.
我们倾向于叫它“仇视光谱” 这才是官方称呼
We prefer to call it a hate spectrum. That's the official term.
现在只要普通群众 使用六个月社交媒体
Right now, it takes about six months' exposure to social media
他们就会不自觉变得激进
for the average person to become hopelessly radicalized.
我们希望五分钟就能达到那效果
I know, right. We're hoping to get that down to five minutes.
当然现在所有这些分歧
Now, of course, all this division,
所有难搞的矛盾
all this intractable conflict,
都在这最不应该的时刻挑拨着人类
was tearing humankind asunder at the worst possible time.
因为就在我们
Because, of course, at the very moment
一门心思想搞死对方的同时
that we were preoccupied with fighting each other,
新冠病毒也在稳步逼近
the coronavirus was steadily bearing down upon us.
那些仔细研读过历史的人
Now, those who've closely studied the history books,
比如我
such as myself,
知道这就像是过去异鬼
knew that this was strongly reminiscent of the time the White Walkers
率领“死亡之师” 逼近维斯特洛敌对势力时一般
led their "army of the dead" towards the warring factions of Westeros.
你是说跟《权力的游戏》一样？
So, you mean like in Game of Thrones?
不 我在说历史
No, no. I am discussing history.
我很确定那就是《权力的游戏》
I'm pretty sure that was Game of Thrones.
我也很确定我是历史学家
Well, I'm pretty sure that I am the historian here.
画面切到地图
Cut to a map or something.
在我们切到的这张地图上可看到
As this map we've cut to makes clear,
新冠病毒确实正在以极快的速度蔓延
the coronavirus is indeed spreading at an alarming pace.
但即使病毒已如此接近 上万人民却依然没有停止日常活动
Yet even as it inches towards them, millions persist in everyday activities.
我们看到新闻了
We saw the news.
新闻说了病毒就要来临 而且情况不妙
They made it clear that the virus was coming and it was gonna be bad.
但我们很多人并不想知道
But a lot of us didn't wanna know.
你觉得是为什么呢？
And why do you think that is?
我不知道…拒绝、否认的心理
I don't know, denial, disbelief.
或以我专业的角度来看 是因为我们蠢爆了
Or because, in my professional opinion, we're fucking imbeciles.
顺便一提 这是我下一本书的书名
That's the title of my next book by the way.
迫切地想要夺取众人的注意力
In a desperate bid for attention,
病毒将魔爪伸向了 备受喜爱的好莱坞事业人
the virus infects beloved Hollywood everyman
《玩具总动员》的汤姆汉克斯
and occasional CGI Cowboy, Tom Hanks,
从名流视角向新闻网络展示了
providing news networks with an irresistible celebrity angle
原先难免枯燥的病毒疫情情况
to the otherwise boring deadly pandemic.
我们认为汤姆汉克斯 是一位积极正面的人物
We think of Tom Hanks as a positive kind of guy,
而非被检测出阳性的病人
not a guy who tests positive.
他与病毒对抗了整整两周
He was battling the virus for two whole weeks.
作为一名男主角 他最后自然是获胜了
Ah, being a leading man, he won in the end, of course.
我敢说他最后要是没战胜病毒 一开始也不会接下这个角色
I rather doubt that he'd have accepted the role if he hadn't.
此事显示病毒也可以人传偶像
It showed the virus could also pass from humans to icons,
从而增加了上帝的感染风险
which raised the possibility that it might one day infect God.
而上帝比宇宙还老
And God is older than the universe,
那他就是超级高危人群
which puts him in a high-risk category.
恐惧席卷了华尔街
Fear rocks Wall Street
美国股市暴跌百亿美元
with the stock market shitting ten billion coins out of its economic anus.
注意！FIS全体注意！
On the bell, on the bell! FIS on the bell!
随着冷酷的事实到来 超市里激起了一场骚乱
As cold reality sets in, there's a run on the supermarkets.
世界各地 超市货架被惊恐的人们席卷而空
Around the world, panic-buyers empty shelves
速度之快 超市员工都来不及填补货物
faster than panic-stockers can refill them.
危机全面降临
It is a full-blown crisis.
政府大楼努力思索该如何应对
Government buildings wonder how to respond.
随着病例增多 意大利封锁了全国
With cases surging, Italy introduces a lockdown.
欧洲其他国家则考量是否效仿
Other European governments contemplate following suit.
然而此时此刻在伦敦
And yet, around the same time in London,
干草头英国首相鲍里斯约翰逊
Prime Minister and haystack Boris Johnson
想说既然英国已经脱离欧洲
decides that since Britain is no longer part of Europe,
就可以无视警告 安全脱身
it can safely ignore the warnings.
他鼓励英国那些还没死的人
He encourages those who haven't already died
继续日常工作 只是要更加注意卫生
to go about their business as usual, but with a greater emphasis on hygiene.
我们唯一能做的最有效的事
The single most useful thing that we can all do
就是通过洗手来阻止新冠病毒传播
to stop the spread of coronavirus is to wash our hands.
太奇怪了 前一秒他还在做洗手液广告
That was weird. One minute he was doing a soap ad about
强调保持双手清洁的重要性
how important it was to keep your hands clean
下一秒他就大说特说 他根本不在意手干不干净
and the next he was boasting about how he didn't care what he did with them.
有一晚我在医院 那里有几个新冠患者
I was at a hospital the other night where I think there were actually a few coronavirus patients,
我跟所有人都握了手
and I shook hands with everybody.
这让我变得尽量不去用我的手
Totally put me off using hands whatsoever.
所以我开始用肘子做几乎所有事
So, I started doing absolutely everything with my elbows instead.
不久之后我男朋友就跟我分手了
And it was shortly after that my boyfriend left.
美国似乎也毫无准备
America also seems underprepared.
纽约遭遇了重击
New York is hit hard.
在每日的简报中
At a series of daily briefings,
州长安德鲁科莫绝望地索求医疗设备
Governor Andrew Cuomo desperately pleads for medical supplies.
呼吸机在哪？
Where are the ventilators?
防护服在哪？防护用具在哪？ 口罩在哪？都在哪？
Where are the gowns, where's the PPEs, where are the masks, where are they?
悲哀的是 他没能看到 这些东西正堆积在他身后
Sadly, he has failed to notice they are piled up behind him.
在美国 口罩生产不像枪支一样
Across the USA, supplies of masks, which, unlike guns,
既便宜又简单 口罩供应少之又少
cannot be cheaply and easily manufactured, run low,
而批评家则将呼吸机短缺 描述为“令人窒息”
while critics describe the lack of ventilators as "breathtaking."
就好像政府并没有认真对待新冠病毒
It felt like the government wasn't taking the coronavirus seriously.
也许是因为还有人认为 它跟流感差不多
Maybe because there were still folks out there comparing it to the flu,
就跟拿乌拉圭跟香蕉做比较一样
which is like comparing Uruguay to a banana.
而这么认为的人里就包括总统大人
And one of those folks was the President.
特朗普好像觉得只要你无视病毒
Trump seemed to feel that the virus was one of those things
它就会自动消失 就跟黄蜂或老婆似的
that goes away if you ignore it, like a wasp or a wife.
我们做了充足的准备 一切都很顺利 病毒终会离开 保持冷静
We're prepared, we're doing a great job with it. It will go away, just stay calm.
3月的时候 总统说疫情会自动“离开”
In March, the President said the pandemic would simply "go away."
你看 你们媒体就是这样 说谎、编造事实、幻想连篇
OK, see… This is what the media does.You lie, fabricate, fantasize.
总统从没说过那种话
The president never said that.
病毒终会离开 保持冷静 我们要保护航运产业
It will go away. Stay calm. We want to protect our shipping industry.
我知道这不符合你们的目的 但这事从未发生过
OK, I know this doesn't fit with your agenda, but this never happened.
但疫情却并没有离开
But the pandemic does the opposite of going away,
反之它霸占了各大头条
as do the negative headlines.
特朗普要再度向群众保证
Trump needs to reassure the public.
他频繁出现在电视上 紧紧依偎着他的顾问
He hits the airwaves, huddled tightly with close advisors.
我很高兴看到你们 都保持了社交距离 非常好
So, I'm glad to see that you're practicing social distancing, that looks very nice.
到3月底 全球各国纷纷都实行了封锁
By the end of March,lockdowns have been rolled out right across the planet,
成为了自漫威电影宇宙后
making them the most successful global franchise
最成功的全球系列品牌
since the Marvel cinematic universe.
大城市里 俱乐部 酒吧和餐馆大门紧闭
In major cities, with clubs, bars, and restaurants shuttered,
日常社会生活被按下了暂停键
everyday communal life comes to a screeching halt.
人类是社会性动物
Human beings are social animals,
所以终止社会接触违反人类本性
so shutting down social interactions goes against our instinct.
当然是大多数人 不是我
I mean for most folks, not me!
我对人类简直厌恶至极
I fucking hate people.
上帝啊 简直好极了
My God, it was bliss.
这次封锁极具改革意味
Well, the lockdown was absolutely transformative.
就仿佛…
It was as though
时间
time itself
停止了
stood still.
生活突然凝固在了某一瞬间
Life suddenly suspended in amber.
鸟儿悬浮在了空中
Birds frozen in place in midair.
地球渐渐停止了旋转
The planet quite literally stopped revolving.
太安静了
It was so quiet
安静到你能听到自己的思考声
you could actually hear yourself think.
我觉得
I expect.
办公室被迫关闭 日常业务不得不中止
Workplaces and everyday businesses are forced to close.
其中最受重创的是零工经济群体
Particularly hard hit, workers in the gig economy,
往往不止从事一份工作的千禧一代
millennials who often work more than one job at a time.
我能把腿放上来 把脚翘起来吗？
I can put my legs up and stuff, that's OK if I have my feet up?
我不喜欢把脚放下来
I don't want my feet to fall, so…
我叫杜克谷里斯
Yeah, my name's Duke Goolies.
我是个内容提供商
I'm a content provider.
我还是酒吧招待员兼调酒师
And I'm a barman slash mixologist.
是的 当然很艰难
Yeah, it's definitely been challenging. Uh…
听着 我并不想说教 但之前我就预想到了
Listen, I don't want to be Mr. Mansplain, but I kind of saw this coming
因为我很早之前 就开始关注新冠病毒了
because I was following coronavirus back before…
在武汉爆发前病毒还在蝙蝠身上时
you know, pre-Wuhan days when it was still inside of bats.
我从事许多工作
I work a lot of jobs.
在封锁期间 我不得不重新规划 在Zoom上工作
In the lockdown, I've had to reposition them to work on Zoom, you know.
比如在性别中立 性别揭晓派对上担任DJ
Like, I DJ at gender-neutral gender reveal parties.
非常重要
Really important.
我还在做生活导师
Um…I work as a life coach.
艾米 你可以的 好吗？艾…
Amy, you can. OK, A…?
艾米 相信自己 好吗？你可以的
Amy! Believe in yourself, OK? You can!
闭嘴
Just shut up!
我的其他收入来自提供在线娱乐内容
The other area of growth for me has been providing online content-tainment.
电影院关了 人们没办法看 詹姆斯邦德或《魔发精灵2》
The theaters are shut, so you can't see your James Bonds or your Trolls 2.
唯一 一部上映的电影
And the only film that did come out
是关于无尽轮回的时空 不过现在我们都知道了
was about time being an endless loop, which we all know now anyways.
我的YouTube频道 变得超级火爆
So, my YouTube channel has gone total fuckbusters.
特别是我做的 对2020年的反应视频
Especially with the reaction videos where I react to 2020.
伙计们 这就是 我们在经历的世界末日
Guys, this literally looks like Armageddon, we're living through it.
绝了 天啊 是那种糟糕的绝了
Awesome, oh my gosh, maybe like the bad version of awesome.
见鬼 去他娘的赞 我不知道
Shittifying, fuckawfulicious. I don't know!
天啊 别忘了点赞并订阅
Oh, my God. Don't forget to like and subscribe.
点击量疯了 我是说今年整年题材太多了
They do crazy numbers. I mean, yeah, there's so much material all year.
你看他！
Look at this man!
就一副精虫冲脑的样子
He looks like a heap of balls!
没有止境
Never-ending.
爆炸规模很大！
That's a big blast. Whoa.
天啊
Whoa! Oh!
做这种线上内容的确可以赚不少
I learned there's a lot of money in creating streaming content.
你今年赚了多少？
How much did you make this year?
我想是…
I wanna say…
大概1600万美元
like 16 million dollars.
别出门 保性命
此时在英国 为了重振国家士气
Meanwhile, in Britain, in a bid to raise the country's spirits,
英国女王准备发表团结演讲
the Queen prepares to deliver a unifying speech.
皇室只会在特殊时刻向国家发表演讲
The monarch only addresses the nation on special occasions,
例如圣诞节或世界末日 所以这是非常重要的时刻
such as Christmas or the end of the world, so this was a huge moment.
傍晚好 地球上的人民
Good evening, people of Earth.
我在这严峻的民族危机时刻 向你们发表演讲
I speak to you at a time of grave national crisis.
我认为女王陛下那时 就成功振奋了英国人民
Her Majesty rather successfully, I thought, evoked the spirit of the Blitz,
当纳粹的炸弹从夜空坠落
when Nazi bombs rained down nightly,
移平了地面上的街道、家园和家庭
obliterating streets and homes and families on the ground.
就是那种让人舒心的爱国景象
The kind of patriotic imagery that we find so comforting.
我们必须勇敢地躲在家中 才能击败这次的敌人
Defeating this enemy requires us to bravely cower indoors.
本次演讲除了在电视上播出
In addition to television,
还首次
this was the first time
在YouTube上同步直播播出
one of one's speeches was carried live on YouTube.
这会影响讲话内容吗？
And did that affect the content at all?
当然不会
Of course not.
我们会再见面的
We will meet again.
点击下方点赞 别忘了订阅我的频道
Now, smash that "Like" button and don't forget to subscribe.
还有点击这里 浏览我的官方皇家周边网站
Also, click here to check out my official regal merch.
但就在女王陛下发表完感人肺腑的 演讲后 人们情绪再度低迷
But moments after her Majesty delivers these stirring words,the mood darkens.
今晚鲍里斯约翰逊首相 因感染新冠病毒
Tonight at ten, the Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been taken to intensive care
被送入重症监护
as he suffers the effects of coronavirus.
随着脱欧首相进入危急状态
With the Brexit PM in a critical condition,
全国52%的英国人民屏住了呼吸
52 % of the nation holds its breath.
当时人们真的害怕 在这种民族危机时刻
There was a real fear that at a time of national crisis
现任首相可能会被一个
the Prime Minister might have to be replaced
更没有资格的人换掉
by someone less qualified than him.
但这根本就不可能
Which would be impossible.
除非他们计划用袜子或气球代替他
Unless they were drawing up plans to replace him with a sock or a balloon or something.
就在英国首相面临 被称为“首相脱生”的
Just as the Prime Minister might exit the realm of the living,
脱离生命的境况之时
a process known as Prexit,
医护人员帮他恢复了健康
hospital staff nurse him back to health,
然后过了几周 他重回了岗位
and weeks later he's back on the job.
令人难以置信的是 病毒丝毫没有影响他的能力
Incredibly, the virus didn't seem to have affected his abilities in any way.
他本来就没能力
He still didn't have any.
约翰逊感染新冠的新闻证明了
News of Johnson's illness proves that world leaders
世界领导人对此病毒也不免疫
aren't naturally immune,
但仍有一些人不愿意采取预防措施
yet some seem unwilling to take precautions.
特朗普很长一段时间都拒绝佩戴口罩
Trump refused to wear a mask for a long time.
如果有人跟他说 白色帽衣可以抵挡病毒
If someone told him white hoods protected against the virus,
也许他会有所不同
maybe he'd have felt differently.
在总统的带动下 一些市民也拒绝听从建议
Egged on by the President, some citizens also refuse to toe the line.
我认为我听到声音了
Whoa! I thought I heard a voice.
我认为我听到美国人的心声了
I thought I heard some Americans!
在一些州 抗议者走上了街道
In several states, protestors take to the streets,
要求宪法保障他们 散播致命病毒的权利
demanding their constitutional right to spread the deadly virus.
网上的谣言也没有停歇过
The online rumor mill is working overtime.
整件事开始时
When this whole thing started, um,
谣言漫天飞
there were so many wild rumors flying around.
于是我就看福奇博士
So, I would watch Dr. Fauci to get an anchor
来了解到底发生了什么 知道吧？
on what was actually happening, you know?
尽管它很可怕 但看到知识如此渊博的人
And, um… even though it was so scary, I found it really reassuring
冷静地向我们剖析其中的科学
um, to watch someone who is so accomplished
让我觉得很安心
calmly laying out the science.
但那是在我得知他是演员之前
Um… but that was before I knew he was an actor. Yeah.
你怎么知道的？
And… how did you come to learn that?
我的WhatsApp家长群里 有人分享了一则纪录片
Well, someone from my PTA WhatsApp group shared a link to a documentary
证明了是乔治索罗斯 在中国的实验室制造了病毒
which proves that George Soros created the virus in a Chinese lab
好让比尔盖茨用芯片制造疫苗
so that Bill Gates could make a vaccine out of microchips
然后像电视游戏一样控制我们
and control us all like we're in a videogame.
我知道这听起来很疯狂
And I know, I know that sounds crazy,
但我们之前就看到他那么做过
but the thing is, we've seen him do this before.
不是吗？他曾让别人穿上回形针
Right? Like when he crossed a human with a paperclip
然后搞了个倍受折磨的怪物 来捣乱Windows 98
and made that poor tormented monster that haunted Windows 98.
当然毫不意外 有些人对这个病毒感到困惑
Of course, it wasn't surprising that some folk were confused
因为我们的总统会说
about the biology of this whole thing, given the President seemed to be saying
阳光和食用漂白剂可以灭杀病毒
it could be cured with a kind of sunlight-and-bleach wonder diet.
对 我看到消毒剂
Right, and then I see the disinfectant,
在一分钟内就杀死了病毒
where it knocks it out in a minute, one minute,
我们有办法做到这样吗？
and is there a way we can do something like that?
该发言让总统自己的 医疗顾问陷入了迷茫
The remarks confuse the President's own medical advisors,
看得出来 他们恨不得当场找个地缝钻进去
who visibly try to clamber deep within their own souls to die.
如果我们要将他过去三年半的疯癫
I guess if you could collapse the past three and a half years of madness
-浓缩到一个片段… -那就是这个了
- into one clip-- - That would be it.
五月渐渐过去 这么久以来首次
As May draws to a close, for the first time in months,
新冠疫情跌下了所有新闻媒体的
the coronavirus pandemic is knocked from the headlines
头版头条 被另一件事取代
of every news network by a different story altogether,
这件事同样也令人高兴不起来
one that also makes for grim viewing.
美国联邦调查局 正在调查一名黑人男子的死因
The FBI is looking into the death of a black man
他被明尼阿波利斯的警察拦下
after he was stopped by police in Minneapolis.
有人拍下了该事故
The incident was caught on camera.
乔治弗洛伊德在被警察拘押时
George Floyd died in police custody
脖颈被一名警官的膝盖顶住 至少七分钟后死亡
after an officer pressed his knee into Floyd's neck for at least seven minutes.
有些人 包括明尼阿波利斯市长
Some people, including the Minneapolis mayor,
都说该名警察执法过当
are already saying the police used excessive force.
今天市长称其为“全方面的错误”
Today, the mayor called it "wrong at every level."
这件事太可怕了
What we saw was horrible.
事实是那些警察
Fact is, those officers
并没有把乔治弗洛伊德当人看
didn't see George Floyd as a human being,
但这个世界有人把他当人看
but the world did.
今夜明尼阿波利斯的暴乱逐渐剧烈化
Tonight the outrage in Minneapolis is mounting,
即使在四名警察被开除后 也依旧没有停息
even after four officers were fired.
那些警察被开除对你来说够了吗？
Was it enough for you that the officers were fired?
完全不够…
That is not enough. That is not enough.
警察有着很有趣的优先顺序
The police have interesting priorities.
当乔治弗洛伊德 一个黑人
When George Floyd, one black guy,
将20美元假钞递给贩酒店的店员后
tried, allegedly, to pass one fake $20 bill in a liquor store,
转瞬就被四名警察按倒在地
he had four cops on his ass within minutes.
然后被杀害
And they killed him.
知道那群警察在同样情境下
Know how long it took the same police department
逮捕主要嫌犯要多久吗？
to arrest the prime suspects in that case?
四天
Four days.
这可是被录下来了
And they had that shit on tape!
他们觉得这也是伪造的吗？
Did they think that was counterfeit too?
乔治弗洛伊德的悲剧
The George Floyd tragedy is merely the latest
只是长久以来警察杀害黑人 的最新案件
in a long series of police killings of black people,
但却是压倒群众的最后一根稻草
and it comes as a final straw.
越来越多的抗议者
In increasing numbers,
走上街头发泄他们的怒火
protestors take to the streets to give voice to their anger.
有人说 “这样成群结队出去太危险了
People said, "It's dangerous to gather in crowds like that.
疫情还在呢”
What about the pandemic?"
但在某种程度上 相比起警察 我更喜欢新冠病毒
But, you know, in some ways I prefer the coronavirus to the police.
别误会 我憎恶病毒
And don't get me wrong, I fucking hate the virus,
但至少病毒不会假装来帮忙
but at least it doesn't pretend it's here to help.
它不会印着“保护人民 为民服务”
It doesn't drive around the neighborhood
在社区转悠 然后杀了你
with "Protect and Serve" painted on its side before it kills you.
乔治弗洛伊德事件激起了民愤
What happened with George Floyd disgusted everybody.
但黑人群体却并不惊讶
But it didn't surprise black people.
我们都非常清楚警察会做什么
We've always known what cops are capable of.
但今天路人拿手机录下了一切
But today, bystanders got a camera on their phones
所有人才得以见证事实
so now everybody gets to see it.
老实说
And honestly?
摄像头才应该是苹果手机的首推功能
That ought to be the number one sales feature for the iPhone.
去他妈的百万像素显示器
Fuck your "Megapixel Display."
还不如在盒子上写上 “曝光警察暴行”
How about put "Exposes Police Brutality" on the box?
接下来几天
Over the following days
随着形势愈发紧张 警察和抗议者开始对峙
as tensions escalate and police and protestors face off,
一些示威开始演变成暴力
some of the demonstrations turn violent.
总统用几句抚慰性的煽动发言
The President skillfully placates the situation
巧妙地平复了形势
with some soothing incendiary comments.
在华盛顿 他使用文明的国家暴力
And in Washington, he orders peaceful demonstrators
温柔地驱散了和平示威者
to be gently dispersed with some courteous state violence.
特朗普让残暴的警察 用催泪瓦斯和橡皮子弹驱散抗议者
Trump got riot police with tear gas and rubber bullets to clear the protesters
好让他在圣约翰教堂门口拍照
so he could pose for a photo in front of St. John's Church.
因为当你住在一座城市时
Because, you know, when you live in a city,
你从不会去欣赏名迹 旅游什么的
you never get to appreciate it and do the touristy things.
特朗普仁慈如耶稣般的婉转手段 失败了 暴乱继续恶化
Trump's gracious, Christ-like diplomacy fails and violence continues to flare up.
怒火四起
There was so much anger expressed
群众的情绪异常高昂
and emotions were running super high,
自然而然会产生问题
so of course there was going to be trouble.
但理智的做法应该是
But… the sensible thing to do
大家都待在家中
would have been to wait at home
直到情绪平稳下来 一切过去之后
um… until everyone had just calmed down and the whole thing had blown over,
再出去 冷静而有秩序地示威
and then you go out and protest in a, um… calm and orderly manner.
那我会是头一个站出来支持的
Um… I would have been the first to support that,
不过周二不行 周二我要上健身课
unless it was on a Tuesday because that's my Peloton class.
但所发生的一切 在我看来就是无法无天
But instead what was happening just looked like all-out anarchy to me.
相信我 我知道什么是犯罪行为
Um… and believe me, I, uh… I know criminal behavior when I see it.
不论是有人破窗入室 或是黑人坐在车里
Whether it's someone breaking a window or a black man sitting in a car.
今年是不是有一则你的视频很流行？
Wasn't there a video of you
你在里面大声呵斥坐在车里的黑人
haranguing a black man sitting in a car that went viral this year?
这是我的车
And I'm telling you this is my car.
那你一定拿得出证件证明吧
Well, then I'm sure you'll prove that with some ID. Yeah.
首先我没有大声呵斥
First of all, I… I wasn't haranguing.
我只是用了不到一个小时的时间 礼貌地询问一下
I was politely enquiring, for less than an hour.
所以你今年只做过这种事那么一次？
So, that was the only time you did something like that this year?
在游泳池也有过一次
Um… there was an incident at a pool.
-还给我 -你有这条毛巾的小票吗？
- Give it back! - Do you have a receipt?
我要看小票
I need to see a receipt.
还有在山上的一次
Uh… there was an incident up in the hills.
我在画水彩画
I'm painting a watercolor!
你用画笔的样子让我烦躁
The way that you're wielding that paintbrush is very unsettling to me.
还有一次在医院
And at the hospital.
宝贝 你确定这是你的透析机？
Sweetie, are you absolutely sure that this is your dialysis machine?
-妈妈 那个疯女人又来了 -我又不是不能问
- Mommy, the crazy lady's back. - I was just asking. I'm allowed to ask.
我不懂为什么人总是 轻易就对别人评头论足
I don't know why people are so quick to judge.
他跟你一起的吗？
Is he with you?
他是麦克 今天一直都在
That's Mike. He's been here all day.
如今 世界各地都涌现出了抗议者
By now, the protests have gone international,
抗议口号响彻全球
with a rallying cry reverberating across the globe.
-“黑人的命也是命！” -“黑人的命也是命！”
- Black Lives Matter! - Black Lives Matter!
“黑人的命也是命！”
Black Lives Matter.
丁尼生佛斯 历史教授
明理的人都会同意这一点
Well… no reasonable person could disagree with that,
但我更倾向说“所有人的命都是命”
but I would prefer to say, "All lives matter."
我认为关键点在于他们 被对待的方式不像是被重视的
I think the point is they're currently treated like they don't matter.
所有生命？我不那么认为
All lives? I don't think so.
不是 黑人的命
No, black lives.
那些啊
Oh, those.
抱歉 黑人的命怎么了？
I'm sorry, what about them?
-他们的命也是命 -比其他人的命还重要？
- They matter. - More than all lives?
-瞧瞧谁在种族歧视 -我没说你种族歧视啊
- Now who's being a racist? - I didn't call you a racist.
你有 你刚才差点就要说 我是种族偏执狂了 就跟我女儿一样
You are. You are just about to label me a bigot, just like my daughter.
还有她朋友、我儿子和他朋友
And her friends, and my son, and his friends.
还有我老婆
And my wife.
和她朋友
And her friends.
还有我朋友
And my friends.
这年头你什么都不能说
You can't say anything these days.
接下来焦点被放在了 那些不能容忍的过往
Next, the spotlight falls upon the relics of an intolerant past.
在英国布里斯托 抗议者将奴隶贩子 爱德华科尔斯顿的雕像重重围住
In Bristol, England, protestors surround slave trader and statue Edward Colston
把它从底座上拽了下来
and drag him from the safety of his plinth.
看啊 这些人在摧残历史
Look, these people are trying to destroy history.
如果我说他们把雕像拽下来 是在创造历史呢？
What if by tearing these statues down they're actually making history?
闭嘴 继续采访
Shut up and move on.
他们把雕像扔进海里 太残忍了
They threw him in the sea, which is cruel.
它可能会死啊
They might have killed him.
雕像在水下能呼吸吗？
Can statues breathe underwater?
它们根本不呼吸
No, they don't breathe at all.
好吧 那也许它能游到安全的地方
OK, so he probably swam to safety.
企业也加入到了这个行列中来
You had corporations going woke too,
开始思考如何在不花半毛钱的情况下
asking themselves how can they support black people
支持黑人
without actually paying them.
这些企业家们将3K脆片
Demonstrating their sensitivity
包装成罗莎帕克斯泡芙 以展示同理心
by rebranding Ku Klux Krunchies as Rosa Parks Puffs,
诸如此类的
and so on.
我为我们企业在一些领域 勇敢地站出来感到自豪
I'm proud to say as a corporation we stepped up in several bold ways.
我们更新了我们的虚拟助手
We rolled out an update that replaced our virtual assistants
把它改成了马尔科姆X的个性
with the personality of Malcolm X.
马尔科姆 你能播放 ZZ Top的最佳曲单吗？
Malcolm, could you play the best of ZZ Top?
我不会屈服于你的命令 更不会认同你的权威
I will neither follow your orders nor recognize your authority.
但我们最大的成就 应该是鲍里斯约翰逊的姿态
But perhaps our biggest gesture was the whole Boris Johnson thing.
我们和英国政府有着坚实的纽带 因为我们给英国脱欧投了同意票
We've had great ties with UK government since we delivered the Brexit vote for them.
他们想找一个机会向世界展示
And they'd reached out looking for a gesture to show
英国已经抛掉了它过去的殖民思想
Britain had shrugged off its colonial past,
那段历史只是一点奴隶交易
which was a little slave-tradey.
所以我们让他们试了我们的换身技术
So, we had them trial our body swap tech.
这是史上第一次英国首相的灵魂
This is the first time the soul of a British Prime Minister
被换入一个黑人的躯体
has been transferred into the body of a black man.
而且我们成功了
And it worked.
今天 我以一个黑人的姿态 骄傲地站在各位面前
Today, I stand before you as a proud black man,
成为现代英国最充满活力的象征
a thrusting, living symbol of vibrant modern Britain.
现在开始接受提问
I will now take questions.
-那位举手的女士 -你不是本地人 对吧？
- Yes, the lady with her hand up? - You're not from round here, are you?
你有那件西装的小票吗？
Have you got a receipt for that suit?
-不要总说小票… -警官 逮捕他！
- Well, not a receipt per se-- - Officer, arrest this man!
我说的成功了 指的是暂时成功
When I say worked, I mean temporarily, you know,
我们不得不把约翰逊换回来 好让他继续
We had to revert Johnson back into his natural form so he could continue ruling
以安全、令人熟悉的 无能白人身份继续执政
from a position of safe, familiar white incompetence.
一些白人开始问他们自己做得够不够
Some white individuals begin to ask whether they're doing enough personally.
我认为我跟他们是同个联盟的
Well, I consider myself an ally.
杜克谷里斯 千禧一代零工经济人
但我从自身入手 觉得我可以做点改变
You know, but I looked within, I felt I could make some changes.
所以我从小开始 先在照片墙上发黑格子图片
So, I started small, posting the black squares on Insta.
我开始在文字中只用黑色的表情
I swapped to only using black emojis for texts.
向很多黑人发送好友申请
I sent a lot of friend requests to black people.
甚至学了如何说他们的名字
And I even learned how to pronounce their names.
即使这很难
Even if it was difficult.
阿…迪…弗…勒…克
A-de-fo-la-ke.
阿迪弗勒克！
A-de-fo-la-ke.
棒极了
Hmm, beautiful.
然后我想… 我知道我是关心的
And then I thought, listen, look. I know I care,
但有足够多的人知道我关心吗？
but do enough other people know that I care?
我意识到我应该更努力 所以我发布了一则视频
I realized I should up my game, so I posted a video about it.
从自身入手 #黑人的命也是命
我认为某种程度上 我也是黑人 也许…
And so I guess in a way, I'm black too, maybe…
也许比任何其他人更是
maybe more than anyone.
那视频得到了一些赞 所以我们又做了后续视频
That caught some likes, so we did a follow-up
我行驶在黑人社区 让他们亲耳听到我的支持声
where I drove around a black neighborhood to let them hear my support in person.
各位 我想说此刻我与你们同在
Guys, I just want to say, right now, I'm with you.
我聆听你们 看着你们 我就是你们
I hear you. I see you. I am you.
这并不是什么小打小闹 我们一直坚持到了凌晨2点
And this wasn't just some quick little gesture, we kept it up till 2 a.m.
我们就是这样坚定
That's how committed we were.
我的有色朋友们 我支持你们 我能感受你们的痛苦
Friends of color, I stand by you. I feel your pain.
-给我滚回去！ -见鬼 开车 快走！
- Go the fuck home! - Oh shit, drive. Drive. Go, go, go!
宣扬理念 第八部分
有些人就是很难取悦
There's just no pleasing some people.
与此同时疫情一直在肆虐
All the while, the pandemic is raging out of control
但我们仍然没有找到应对措施
and there is disagreement on how to respond.
有人认为唯一办法是实现群体免疫
Some believe the only way out is to achieve herd immunity.
群体免疫是当几乎所有人都感染病毒
Herd immunity occurs when almost everybody has been exposed to something,
并且康复 病毒就会很快消失
but gotten over it, so it quickly dies out.
就跟牙线舞一样
Just like what happened with the Floss.
派热克斯弗拉斯克 科学家
抱歉 跟什么一样？
Sorry, the… the what?
你知道的…
You know…
有些人将希望寄托在 奇迹的解药研发上
Others want to wait for a miracle cure,
但任何一种疫苗都面临着一座大山
but any potential vaccine faces a lengthy uphill climb,
所有液体都要面临着 具有挑战性的过程
a challenging maneuver for any liquid.
疫苗的批准过程十分漫长
Well, vaccines go through a lengthy approval process.
他们从使用一些志愿者开始初步测试
They start with the preliminary trials using a limited number of volunteers
调试疫苗中含有的 被称为抗体的蛋白质浓度
in which we are monitoring the level of proteins known as antibodies generated.
这被称为盲目试验
It is called a blind trial
因为半数志愿者都会收到安慰剂 也就是说…
because around half the volunteers are given a placebo, which means…
抱歉 你干吗展示其他乱七八糟的视频？
Sorry. Sorry, why are you showing footage of whatever that is?
我还在讲话 那是相关的吗？
I'm still speaking. Is that relevant?
抱歉 我们只是想让视频看起来 有趣一点 不用管我们 继续
Yeah, sorry. We're just trying to keep it visually interesting. Ignore us. Carry on.
不 好吧 行吧
No, OK. No problem, OK.
第一个试验一结束 就开始第二个试验
So, once the initial trial is complete, the second trial begins.
这个试验跟药效的相关性小些 因为在第二个试验过程中
This is less to do with efficacy because during the second trial
我们要维持一种微妙的平衡
there's a tricky balance you are trying to maintain
就是在血清学应答和那个…
between monitoring the serological response and how that…
怎么回事？ 这跟我说的根本无关 这…
What's going on? That's got nothing to do with this. This…
我在说话
I'm talking here.
不用管它 行吧？就是丰富内容而已
Just… just ignore it, OK. It's just texture.
你们真的对科学感兴趣吗？
Are you guys actually interested in the science?
说实话…没有
Um… to be honest… no.
好吧
Oh.
在仍看不到医治新冠病毒的希望之时
With no cure for Covid in sight,
数百万人的生活 已经陷入一种诡异的常态
life for millions has been reduced to a creepy new normal
彻底解封之日遥遥无期
and a seemingly endless series of lockdowns.
我一个人住 但后来我觉得好孤单
I live on my own and after a while I got so lonely
所以我故意制造出了多重人格症
I developed a multiple personality disorder on purpose
这样我就有人陪了
so I could keep myself company.
当然同时我还要努力尝试
But then, of course, I had to try and keep
让两个我保持两米的社交距离
two meters away from myself at all times.
不知道你有没有试过 但这简直就是噩梦
Don't know if you've ever tried doing that but it's a bloody nightmare.
所以我开始用视频电话保持社交
So, I started doing video calls to keep sociable.
嗨 你好吗？
Hiya, you alright?
不 就这样 不是吗？
No, is what it is, innit?
我做了很多尝试 以至于我现在有时融入不了真实生活
I did so many I sometimes glitch in real life now.
我时不时会静止 就像…
Like, I just freeze now and then, like…
你能听到我说话吗？
Can you hear me your end?
就像排便和啜泣一样 视频电话变成了日常生活的一部分
Like defecating and sobbing, video calls become part of everyday life,
这也意味着某些领域的业务蓬勃发展
which means for some, business is booming.
我们做了些计算 发现
Early on, we ran some numbers and realized
我们的客户群体 有约20%的人可能会死于病毒
that around 20 % of our customer base might die of the virus.
但存活的80%对我们的 视频会议产品的依赖度
But the surviving 80 % would increase their reliance
会增加200倍
on our videoconferencing products 200 fold,
所以这对我们来说无疑是一大胜利
so that was a huge win for us.
巨大但悲伤的胜利
A huge but sad win.
在绝望中
In desperation,
上百万人转向获奖累累的 流播服务平台网飞
millions turn to award-winning streaming service Netflix
寻找娱乐
for entertainment.
女皇我在皇宫里 花了很多时间看网飞
One spent a lot of time at Windsor watching Netflix.
你是不是跟我一样 花很多时间浏览主页？
Do you find that you spend most of your time browsing the home page?
不 我的男仆帮我浏览了
No. No, my footman does that for me.
我看了太多垃圾了
I watched so much dumb shit.
你看《岩浆来了》 那个炼狱之苦的游戏秀了吗？
You see Floor is Lava, fire and brimstone, the game show?
不…
Don't…
要…
Fall…
掉…
In…
进…
The…
岩浆！
…Lava!
他们去年拍了这个 因为2020年
You know they filmed that last year, because in 2020
人类不会想逃离岩浆
people wouldn't even be bothering to try to escape the lava.
他们会排着队跳进去
They'd be lining up to willingly throw themselves in,
停下来只是为了先把自家孩子踢进去
pausing only to kick their kids in first.
也许第二季会那么拍
Maybe that's season two.
我最喜欢的节目是《王冠》
My favorite program has to be The Crown.
那种关于普通人的生活的
It's refreshing to see a down-to-earth drama
贴合实际的电视剧让人耳目一新
about everyday people living ordinary lives.
它带给普通人希望
It's the sort of thing that gives the little people hope.
有人说《王冠》不真实
Some say The Crown is unrealistic,
但我认为它展示的皇室生活
but it strikes me as a far more faithful depiction of the monarchy
比另一部皇室题材片 《养虎为患》要真实多了
than their other regal drama, Tiger King.
你见鬼去吧 我要在你的屁眼开一枪
You can guaran-goddamn-tee I'm gonna put a cap in your ass
让你在地上蠕动
the first time to make you squirm around on the ground.
然后我要往你的双眼间再开一枪
Then I'm gonna put a bullet between your fucking eyes.
那个人可没有王室血统
That man is from no royal line I recognize.
-哈里和梅根跟网飞有合作 -哈里和什么根？
-Harry and Meghan have a Netflix deal. -Harry and who-an?
-哈里和梅根 -什么里和什么根？
- Harry and Meghan. - Who-ey and who-an?
讲回现实世界 美国在各方面都面临着危机
Back in the real world, with America facing crises on every front,
对总统的批评声越来越多
criticism of the President is mounting.
有人质疑他是否有能力继续执政
Also, there were questions about his fitness to govern,
一部分原因是他两手并用 才能端着杯子喝水
in part because of the way he had to drink a glass of water using both hands,
但主要还是因为他做的其他事
but mainly because of everything else he did.
为了提高支持度 特朗普宣布了一系列竞选演说
To boost support, Trump announces a series of rallies.
我们的演说上人数众多 座无虚席
We've had a tremendous run at rallies. I don't think there's been an empty seat.
但除了购票需求的增长
But despite a surge in ticket requests,
他的一场在俄克拉何马州的 竞选演说却几乎无人出席
an event in Oklahoma is mainly attended by people who aren't there.
随后媒体揭示
As the media makes clear,
是抖音社交媒体平台上 没有良心的用户搞的鬼
heartless users of the social media platform TikTok are to blame.
抖音用户表示他们大量注册了活动
TikTokers said they intentionally sabotaged the event
但故意不出席
by registering en masse with no intention of showing up,
并且通过抖音号召大家加入
and they spread the word via TikTok.
共和党表示社交媒体
Republicans claim social media
正在积极打压不合理的保守派议程
is actively trying to suppress an unreasonable conservative agenda.
7月29日
我就单刀直入了 大型科技企业将击倒保守派
I'll cut to the chase, Big Tech is out to get conservatives.
这不是疑惑 不是直觉 而是事实
That's not a suspicion, that's not a hunch. That's a fact.
事实不会顾及你的感受
The fact, which doesn't care about your feelings,
在网络和媒体中
is that online and in the media
保守派的声音被打压
conservative voices are being silenced.
我之前也说过 在我的YouTube频道上
I've said this before. I said it on my YouTube channel.
保守派的声音被打压
Conservative voices are being silenced.
我在乔罗根的播客上说过
I said it on Joe Rogan.
保守派的声音被打压
Conservative voices are being silenced.
在乔丹彼得森的划船播客中
On the Jordan Peterson Kayak podcast.
保守派的声音被打压
Conservative voices are being silenced.
我在塔克卡尔森的新闻节目上说过
I said it on Tucker Carlson.
塔克 我们知道 保守派的声音被打压
Tucker, we know Conservative voices are being silenced.
而且是两次
Twice actually.
正如我上次所说 塔克 保守派的声音被打压
Like I said last time, Tucker, Conservative voices are being silenced.
完全正确
That is exactly right.
我在我的纽约时报畅销书上说过
And I said it in my New York Times bestseller,
保守派的声音被打压
Conservative Voices Are Being Silenced.
这很重要 所以我要反复强调
It's a point I have to make over and over
因为保守派的声音被打压
because Conservative voices are being silenced.
-其实你们都不会用这段视频 -我们其实会
- In fact, you won't even use this footage. - Actually, we will.
鲍勃 我们都知道那不会发生
Bob, we both know that's not going to happen.
-对 但我叫詹姆斯 -随便了 鲍勃
- Yeah, my name is James. - Whatever, Bob.
在政治分歧的另一面
On the opposite side of the political divide,
乔拜登的躯体正在遭遇挫折
the husk of Joe Biden is encountering setbacks.
他是有史以来最年老的总统候选人
He is the oldest presidential candidate since records began,
算算大概有200多岁了
200 years after he was born,
人们对他的长寿提出了质疑
and questions are asked about his longevity.
拜登已经不中用了
Biden is clearly diminished.
所有男人和女人都是由… 继续 你知道的
All men and women were created by the… Go, you know the thing.
他看起来有点脆弱
He seemed kind of frail.
别说病毒了
Never mind the virus,
有时候他看起来都能被微风刮走
there were times it looked like a stiff breeze might be too much for him.
所以他在他的地下室 举行虚拟竞选活动
So, he stayed in his basement, running a virtual campaign.
就仿佛真实的竞选活动从未发生
Which is like a real campaign that never really happens.
欢迎大家来参加 我们的首次虚拟欢乐活动
So, welcome, everybody, to our first virtual happy hour.
他就跟在接受证人保护计画没两样
He might as well have been in witness protection.
但有一次他不得不冒险出门
But there came a time he had to venture out.
他的团队显然极度小心
His team were clearly extremely cautious.
只要他去见别群众 他们一定会让他保持一定距离
Whenever he met the public, they made him sit some distance away
避免他遭受更多的不合理接触
so he couldn't face further allegations of inappropriate touching.
他们还为了防止过失言论
And they prevented verbal gaffes
让他始终戴着口罩
by keeping him physically gagged at all times.
拜登还举行了无新冠感染风险的 免下车游行
Biden also hosts COVID-safe drive-in rallies,
少数热情洋溢的车都参与了活动
attended by handfuls of enthusiastic cars,
在演说中他展现了 一个老男人向车辆们大喊的能力
in which he channels the vibrant energy of an old man yelling at traffic.
我们对社会中犹存的
And we should have no tolerance
极端白人至上主义团体 应秉持零容忍态度
for extremist white supremacist groups marching in our communities.
但随着他选择了他的陪选伙伴 他的竞选活动得到了振奋
But his campaign gets a shot in the arm as he picks his running mate.
让我第一次向你们介绍
Now let me introduce to you, for the first time,
你们的下届美国副总统
your next Vice President of the United States,
卡玛拉哈里斯
Kamala Harris.
卡玛拉 请上台演讲
Kamala, the floor is yours.
55岁的哈里斯 年纪还不到拜登的四分之一
At 55, Harris is less than a quarter of Biden's age.
她是首位南亚非洲裔
She is the first African American
美国副总统候选人
and South Asian American vice presidential candidate,
从而成为了继唐纳德特朗普后
and, therefore, alongside Donald Trump
2020年竞选人中的 第二位有色人种
is the second person of color on the 2020 ballot.
我们都在这场战争中
We're all in this fight.
你、我和乔 我们一起
You, me and Joe, together.
之前拜登和哈里斯还没意气相投时
Well, previously, Biden and Harris hadn't got on.
她曾在初选上与拜登争论
She'd clashed with Biden at the primaries.
你愿意承认当初你反对 种族融合校车的做法是错的吗？
Do you agree today that you were wrong to oppose busing in America?
而去年据说她相信那些 控诉拜登对其采取不当行为的女人
And last year said that she believed the women who accused him of impropriety.
但现在一切都冰释前嫌
Now, all that was forgiven.
虽然他们的关系确实看起来有点疏远
Although their relationship did appear a little standoffish.
但当然如果他们获胜
And, of course, if they won,
若拜登死亡 她就会成为总统
she'd be president in the event of Biden's death.
如果大家都注意到了
Assuming anyone noticed.
拜登的竞选活动重获激情
Biden's campaign is reenergized,
但美国历史将在世界的瞩目下
but the American story is about to take an unexpected turn
迎来转折
as the world looks on.
又要封锁真的很烦人
Having another lockdown was really annoying
因为我在第一次封锁中几乎已经 把网飞上的节目看完了
because I'd watched literally all of Netflix during the first lockdown.
随后我就被一部叫《美国》的剧吸引 这节目太赞了
But then I got into this show called America, which was amazing.
你看过吗？就在新闻频道
Have you seen it? It's on the news channel.
简直太疯狂了
It's totally mental.
转折一个接一个
Just one twist after another.
两个人为总统大选拼得你死我活
They had this sort of election fight happening
一方是看起来像是幽灵火车上的 检票员的家伙
between a bloke who looked like a ticket inspector on a ghost train
另一方是一个无视传染病的 充气橘色疯子
and an inflatable orange maniac who didn't seem to be dealing with the plague.
我们做了很多检测 我觉得不需要做那么多检测
We have so much testing,I don't think you need that kind of testing or that much testing,
但有些人不认同我 有些人认同我
but some people disagree with me and some people agree with me.
所有人都恨其他人 整个国家都燃烧着战火
Everybody hated everybody else, and the whole country was on fire.
不仅仅是森林 还有城镇和都市
Not just the forests but the towns and cities.
唯一没有着火的就是那片海洋
The only thing that wasn't on fire was the fucking sea
但它可能正在考虑要不要着火
and that was probably thinking about it.
仿佛那些还不够
As if all that wasn't enough,
编剧还加了一段意想不到的转折 是关于一位备受爱戴的角色
they dropped in an unexpected twist involving a beloved character.
《福克斯新闻》警示
This is a Fox News alert.
美国最高法院法官鲁斯巴德金斯伯格
US Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
于87岁逝世
has died at the age of 87.
鲁斯巴德金斯伯格法官 是女性主义的代表和先驱者
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was a feminist icon and trailblazer
曾为争取人工流产权
who fought for abortion rights,
性别平等和一条贯穿土著领域的 965千米的汽油管道而奋斗
gender equality, and a 600-mile gas pipeline through indigenous land.
鲁斯巴德金斯伯格的临终愿望是 直到下届总统宣誓前
RBG's dying wish was that she wouldn't be replaced on the Supreme Court
不被从最高法院上换下来
until the next president was sworn in.
但这个愿望跟着她一起逝去了
But that dying wish died with her.
特大新闻 《福克斯新闻》刚刚确认
Breaking tonight, Fox News has confirmed
特朗普总统将任命艾米康尼巴雷特
President Trump will nominate Amy Coney Barrett
为新任最高法院法官
as the next Supreme Court Justice.
《福克斯新闻》夸张地报道
As Fox News made bombastically clear,
特朗普选择了虔诚的基督教徒 艾米康尼巴雷特
Trump selected Amy Coney Barrett, a devout Catholic
而她曾声称法律事业是 “服侍上帝的终极方式”
who claims a legal career is "a means to an end of serving God."
上帝没有置予评论
God was unavailable for comment.
艾米康尼巴雷特就是 鲁斯巴德金斯伯格反对的一切
Amy Coney Barrett stands for everything RBG was against, everything!
她强烈反对人工流产
She's so pro-life, I got a theory.
听说她背后有衣架产业的秘密资助
She's secretly bankrolled by the wire hanger industry.
9月26日
September 26th,
白宫在玫瑰园举行了一场典礼
and The White House throws a ceremony in the Rose Garden,
宣布康尼巴雷特当选最高法官
announcing Coney Barrett's nomination.
这就是一些列好事的点名 然后就有人感染了
It is a roll call of the great and good and soon to be infected.
总统的大部分核心人员都在
Most of the president's inner circle was there,
不过最重要的客人还是新型冠状病毒
although the most significant attendee was the novel coronavirus,
它悄悄游走在出席人员之间
silently mingling among the guests,
特别是那些不相信它的人之间
particularly the ones who didn't believe in it yet.
但接下来几天 总统因为别的困扰分了神
But in the following days, the President is beset by other distractions.
《纽约时报》披露了他的纳税申报单
The New York Times uncovers his tax returns,
揭示他跟其他商业大亨一样 已经好几年没有赚到钱了
revealing that, like all top businessmen, he has made no money in years.
9月29日 举办了第一场 总统大选电视辩论会
September 29th, and the first presidential debate makes for illuminating television.
我是《福克斯新闻》的克里斯华莱士
I'm Chris Wallace of Fox News,
欢迎各位收看 2020年第一次总统辩论
and I welcome you to the first of the 2020 presidential debates.
特朗普走了出来 一如既往地暴躁
Trump comes out just like regular Trump, grouchy,
就像他身体里 有什么东西在吞噬他一样
like something was eating him up on the inside.
而现在我们都知道了确实有
Which of course we now know it was.
而另一面 拜登则是 努力让自己看起来有生气
While Biden's just trying to look alive.
然后辩论一开始
And then the debate started
就变得像是安老院的 饶舌歌比赛一样
and straightaway it was like a rap battle in a senior home.
甚至更糟
But worse.
-问题是… -新任最高法院法官…
- The question is… - The new Supreme Court Justice…
-激进左派… -你能闭嘴吗？
- …the radical left. - Will you shut up, man.
就跟火车事故现场和臭屎秀一样 但这么说对火车和屎也很失礼
I'd say it was a train wreck and a shitshow,but that would be unfair to trains and shit.
简直太奇妙了
Well, it's incredible, really.
七千三百万美国人民见证了 这如情景喜剧一般的辩论
73 million Americans witnessing a debate as intellectually stimulating
就宛如在停车场 看两只鸽子为抢一块面包打架
as watching two pigeons fight over a piece of bread in a car lot.
关键时刻终于到来 当特朗普
A key moment comes when Trump is asked
被要求谴责白人至上主义者时 他开始顾左右而言他
to condemn white supremacists and fumbles the response.
你想说谁？告诉我
What do you wanna call them?
-你想谴责谁？ -“骄傲男孩”
- Who would you like me to condemn? - The Proud Boys.
骄傲男孩 退后 准备好
Proud Boys, stand back and stand by.
他让那些人准备好
He told those guys to stand by.
那根本不是否认
That's not disavowing.
而是在主动引战
That's pumping a fucking shotgun.
辩论结束后 特朗普的唯一积极消息是
Following the debate, the only positive news for Trump
他的新冠检测结果是阳性的
is his coronavirus test result,
而这立刻就引来了 媒体铺天盖地的负面报道
which prompts negative blanket coverage.
今日突发新闻
It starts with breaking news…
突发新闻 特朗普总统的 新冠检测结果呈阳性
Breaking news, President Trump has tested positive for coronavirus.
从各方面来说 这都令人意想不到
It is extraordinary on many different levels.
没人想到会是如此
No one saw that coming.
不 容我更改一下
Oh, let me rephrase that.
所有人都想到会是如此
Everyone saw that coming.
我们只是难以相信这真的发生了
We just didn't believe it'd actually happen.
当然每个在他身边的人 都开始感染病毒
Well then, of course, the people surrounding him all start falling ill.
就连在过去四年里一直 跟他保持社交距离的梅拉尼娅
Even Melania, who'd been socially distancing from him
都感染了病毒
for the past four years.
总统并没有采取防御措施 不是吗？
The President didn't exactly take precautions, did he?
不好意思 你的意思是这是他的错吗？
Sorry, are you saying this was his fault?
他几乎不戴口罩
Well, he rarely wore a mask.
不戴口罩？
Didn't wear a mask?
你是说他不戴口罩 所以是他自找的？
Are you saying because of the way he was dressed he was asking for it?
你就因为那样要指责受害者 你真该找个地缝钻进去
Because that, my friend, is victim blaming and you should hang your head in shame.
作为一位74岁的超重男性
As an overweight 74-year-old male, Trump is at low risk
特朗普出现在《体育画刊》的 《泳装特刊》的封面上的风险极低
of appearing on the cover of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit issue.
但感染新冠的风险极高
But at high-risk from coronavirus.
随着他的情况恶化
As his condition worsens,
他被转移到了沃尔特里德陆军医院
he's transported to Walter Reed Hospital
全世界屏住了呼吸
and the world holds its breath.
这其实是民族团结的一刻
It was actually a moment of national unity.
无论他的政治联盟是谁 那天每一个美国人都在祈祷
Whatever their political alliance, everyone in America was praying that day.
但祈祷内容各不相同
For different outcomes.
所以总统进了军事医院
So, the President is in a military hospital
在那接受试验抗体的治疗
getting injected with an experimental antibody treatment.
时至今日 我觉得这个情节太过牵强了
By now, I'm thinking this storyline's far-fetched,
但我很喜欢看 太引人入胜了
but I'm well into this, I'm bingeing the shit out of it.
医院外的祝福者给予了支持
Well-wishers outside the hospital show their support
随后总统强行征用了一辆特勤车
and are rewarded when the President commandeers a Secret Service vehicle
以自图派克事件后 最危险的方式穿越人群驶过
to perform the most dangerous drive-by
向人群馈赠了奖励
since the final moments of Tupac Shakur.
然后是疯狂的情节 他飞回了白宫
Then there was this mental bit where he flew back to the White House
站在阳台上 把口罩摘了下来
and stood on the balcony and took his mask off
好让我们看到那确实是他 而不是某个漂亮女郎假扮的
so we'd know it was actually him and not a beautiful woman in disguise.
然后他展示了一下 他的两个大拇指都能正常使用
Then he proved both his thumbs still worked.
感谢上帝
Thank God.
然后他向直升飞机敬礼
And he saluted a helicopter,
但它早已飞走 根本看不见他
which couldn't see him because it was flying away.
这集的制作成本应该高到冲破屋顶
The production values were through the roof.
就好像《美国》 最终季的最后一幕似的
It looked like the final shot in the season finale of America.
我是有点惊讶自那一幕之后 居然还有后续
So, I was quite surprised when the country kept going after that.
真的相当不寻常 这是史上最具标志性的一刻
It was quite remarkable really,one of the most iconic moments in history of us will live through,
同时也蠢破了天际
but also deeply profoundly stupid.
描写这部分的历史书得用彩笔书写
The history books covering this period will have to be written in crayon.
由狗来写
By a dog.
我冲在前线 引领你们向前
I stood out front, I led.
没有哪个领导人会像我一般
Nobody that's a leader would not do what I did.
我知道这有风险 也很危险 但没关系
And I know there's a risk, there's a danger, but that's OK.
现在我康复了 也许也免疫了 但我不清楚
And now I'm better and maybe I'm immune, I don't know.
尽管特朗普遭受了折磨 但他似乎 也没从美国人民那收获一点同情
Despite his ordeal,Trump seems to have gained little sympathy from the US public
民调显示他的支持度下滑
and is cratering in the polls.
现在特朗普似乎需要来点10月惊喜
Right about now, it looked like Trump needed some kind of October surprise
把拜登脸蛋上的笑容抹掉
to wipe the smile off Biden's skull.
在一则意外的报道中
In a bombshell report,
亨特拜登被指控将其父 介绍给一位乌克兰的商人
Hunter Biden is accused of introducing his father to a Ukrainian businessman.
你说乌克兰不存在
You said Ukraine didn't exist.
这不相关
That's not relevant.
相关的是主流媒体一片静寂
What is relevant is the total silence from the mainstream media.
谁都没有去关注亨特拜登
No-one was asking about Hunter Biden anywhere.
就像我跟乔罗根说过的
It's like I said on Joe Rogan.
亨特拜登是怎么回事？
What about Hunter Biden?
以及塔克卡尔森的新闻
And on Tucker Carlson…
亨特拜登是怎么回事？
What about Hunter Biden?
还不止一次
More than once.
亨特拜登是怎么回事？
What about Hunter Biden?
希望证据可以尽快到来
Let's hope that evidence arrives in the mail.
对极了
That is exactly right.
包括我的纽约时报畅销书 《亨特拜登是怎么回事？》
And I said it in my New York Times bestseller, What About Hunter Biden?
-所以亨特拜登是怎么回事？ -看 你都不想问
- What about Hunter Biden? - You don't even want to ask about it!
随着关键的日子到来 各种因素让2020大选
As the crucial day nears, other factors make 2020's election
跟猩猩玩曲棍球一样让人难以预测
as unpredictable as an ape with a hockey stick.
疫情使得各州 不得不采取邮寄投票形式
The pandemic forces states to introduce widespread postal voting,
让美国的选举系统一夜回到19世纪
dragging the US electoral system into the 19th century.
特朗普的支持者们 在选举日采取现场投票
Trump supporters were gonna vote in person on election day
因为他们不怕病毒
because they weren't afraid of the virus.
或法西斯主义
Or fascism.
留心新冠病毒的民主党支持者们 则更倾向于
Covid-cautious Democrats were more likely to vote by post
在他们自由精英主义的舒适家中 使用邮寄投票
from the comfort of their liberal elitist homes,
戴着口罩填完选票后 用消毒水擦拭铅笔
wearing a mask and swabbing the pencil down with bleach when they'd finished.
现场提前投票也充满了人
Advance in-person voting also explodes.
等候为自己的民主投票的 美国人排到了千米之外
Lines stretch for miles as Americans wait for a go on their democracy.
看到那么多人投票真是太振奋人心了
It was so inspiring to see so many Americans voting. Um…
而且还有很多…
Yeah, and there was a pretty big, uh…
黑人来投票 我觉得棒极了
black vote too, which I think is so great!
显然我对此完全没意见
And I mean, obviously, I have no problem with that
只要他们每个人都有 印着现住地址的合适证件
as long as everyone has proper ID with a current street address and they keep their hands in the air.
你的声音 你的投票
早上好 美国 2020年的大选日
Good morning, America. Election day 2020.
大选日终于到来
The big day arrives,
随着媒体对人类史上 最近一次选举的宣传
and as the media frantically promotes the last election in human history,
人们对投票站的暴力冲突的恐惧
early fears of violent clashes at polling stations melt away
在熟悉、枯燥的等待和 文书工作中渐渐消退
in the face of familiar tedious scenes of long lines and paperwork.
微软全国广播公司节目呈现 2020年结果
From MSNBC, Decision 2020.
这时整个节目突然就变成了
That was when the whole program suddenly turned
真正的复杂的竞赛节目
into a really complicated game show format.
基于总统大选的那种
Sort of based on an election.
基本就是他们会显示美国地图
Basically, they had this map of America
蓝色分散在边缘 红色集中在中间
that's blue around the edges and red in the middle.
为了赢得大选 选手们必须 把州一个个翻过来
And to win the election, the players have to flip the states over one by one
来确定它是什么颜色的
to see if they're a different color on the other side.
可能在我们把红色的州翻蓝或 把蓝翻红前大选之夜都不算开始
Election night doesn't begin until we flip a red state blue or a blue state red.
每个州都有不同的数值 比如佛罗里达州是29分
They're worth different amounts. Like, Florida is worth 29 points
哪怕它的英文名的字母个数 比田纳西州的少
even though it's got fewer letters in its name than Tennessee.
真是太让人困惑了 他们不停地解释规则
It was so confusing, they kept explaining the rules over and over.
如果他不能在这里来一记 奇迹大逆转拿下威斯康星州
If he does not pull off a Hail Mary pass and win Wisconsin,
拿下密歇根州 或拿下 其中一个希拉里克林顿州
win Michigan or flip any of those Hilary Clinton states,
那在这些州中双方将各占到五
then he's gotta go five for five in these states.
整个节目有一整天那么长
The whole broadcast was literally days long
而参赛选手也没按铃抢答
and they never seemed to get to the fun bit where contestants buzz in.
这真是最无聊的竞赛节目了
It's the most boring game show ever.
难怪它每四年才放一次
No wonder they only broadcast it once every four years.
随着还没有决出胜者的 大选之夜落下帷幕
As election night ends without an official victor,
所有眼睛都盯住了 关键的宾夕法尼亚州
all eyes turn to the crucial state of Pennsylvania,
在此州特朗普一直保持领先
where Trump has been on a winning streak.
直到官员们执意要计算拜登的票数
Until officials stubbornly insist on counting Biden's votes too.
特朗普出手犯规
Trump calls foul.
试图在电视直播中 力压尼克松的世界纪录
On live television, he attempts to beat Nixon's world record
发表出更荒唐的总统言论
for Presidential bullshit.
我们已经准备好赢得这场选举
We were getting ready to win this election.
说实话 我们已经赢了
Frankly, we did win this election.
我们已经赢了
We did win this election.
特朗普总统要求终结民主制度 他的一些支持者也随声附和
The President demands an end to democracy and so do some of his followers.
停止数票！
Stop the count!
现场好像有一群 特朗普的支持者在抗议
There appeared to be swathes of Trump supporters protesting.
但我们不知道确切人数 因为他们不让别人数人数
But we don't know how many because they refused to let anyone count them.
停止数票！停止数票！
Stop the count! Stop the count!
数票持续了数日
With the counting lasting days,
媒体不愿意发表声明
the networks are reluctant to make an official call.
美国人民的指甲盖 面临着被啃光的危机
National fingernail supplies are chewed dangerously low.
大选在大选之夜就结束了
This election was a done deal on night one.
但由于数票的方式 所以让人觉得并没有结束
But it didn't feel like it because of the way the count was happening.
宾夕法尼亚州和佐治亚州 还在数邮寄来的票
Pennsylvania and Georgia were counting mail-in ballots last,
尽管那些票是第一批到的
even though those had been the first to arrive.
所以说是拜登后期渐渐追上
So, the narrative that Biden was slowly inching to the finish line
其实情节正相反 是他一开始遥遥领先
was really just a story being told backwards.
当你倒看《大白鲨》时
When you watch Jaws backwards,
剧情就会变成 大白鲨把惊恐的白人吐进海里
it's the story of a shark that spits panicking white people into the sea.
那是完全不同的电影
Different movie.
最后随着特朗普的 驼背实验室助手鲁迪朱利安尼
Finally, as Trump's hunchbacked lab assistant Rudy Giuliani
在四季园艺公司高贵的停车场
addresses the media from the prestigious car lot
召开的记者发布会的举行
of Four Seasons Total Landscaping,
声明出来了
a call is made.
是谁发布的？
Who was it called by?
我的上帝啊！所有媒体
Oh… Oh, my goodness! All the networks!
天啊！
Wow!
所有媒体？
All the networks!
CNN报道小约瑟夫罗宾内特拜登
CNN projects Joseph R. Biden Junior
当选第46届美国总统
is elected the 46th President of the United States.
我永远忘不了 当我听到拜登当选时我在哪
I'll never forget where I was when I heard Biden had won.
周六的下午瞪着新闻
Staring at the news on a Saturday afternoon
或是周日晚上
or maybe a Sunday night.
我不知道 那一周都很模糊
I don't know. The whole week's a blur.
但上帝啊 那释然的感觉
But, oh God, the sheer sense of relief
就仿佛坐完长途飞机后 终于拉下的那泡屎
was like finally taking a dump after a long flight.
我真的全身心释然 因为我当下眼眶里饱含泪水
And I mean that in every sense because I actually had tears in my eyes.
在主要城市 自由主义派和小雪花们涌上街头
In major cities, libtards and snowflakes mince into the streets
庆祝拜登的胜利
to celebrate Biden's victory
四处洋溢着希望、喜悦 和携带新冠病毒的唾沫
with an outpouring of hope, joy, and coronaviral droplets.
上一次我目睹到 如此盛大庆祝场面是在1983年
Well, the last time I witnessed a celebration on that scale was in 1983
在恩多森林之月里 皇帝被打败的时候
on the forest moon of Endor, when the Empire was defeated.
对 那是《绝地归来》 是部电影
Yeah, that's Return of the Jedi. It's a movie.
《星球大战》系列电影
A Star Wars, you know.
不好意思 我在现场
Well, excuse me, but I was there.
我在现场 有我和那些小小人
I was there. Me, and those dear little bear people.
我们度过了很愉快的时光
And we had a lovely time.
随着夜幕降临 喜欢小跑的候任总统乔拜登
As night falls, President-Elect and keen jogger Joe Biden
发表了胜利演讲
delivers a victory speech.
在经受特朗普四年的 极具煽动性的半截短句后
After four years of Trump's inflammatory half sentences,
进步派从拜登枯燥但条理清晰的 希望之词中得到了安慰
progressives draw comfort from Biden's dull but coherent message of hope.
我发誓将成为
I pledge to be a President
团结国家而非分裂国家的总统
who seeks not to divide but unify.
拜登传达了美国人民的 凝聚力超越分裂势力的信息
Biden's message was that Americans have more that unites us than divides us.
虽然我们还在数成千上万张选票
Even though we were still counting millions of pieces of paper
证明了我们是如此不同
that proved we're completely different.
我们甚至无法就结果达成共识
And we couldn't even agree on the outcome of that.
但根据迄今为止的传统 失败者应该祝贺胜者
Well, traditionally by now, the loser would congratulate the victor,
但特朗普先生 并不理解“承认”的含义
but Mr. Trump doesn't know the meaning of the word "concede,"
当别人跟他说时 他暴跳如雷
and he was furious when they told him.
总统并不是唯一诋毁这一结果的人
The President is not alone in besmirching and be-shitting the result.
共和党刚通过选举重回参议院
Having just been re-elected to the Senate,
其主要成员就坚持竞选结果被操控了
leading Republicans insist the election that put them there was rigged.
这里面充斥了肮脏的手段
There is a lot of shenanigans going on here.
如果我是特朗普总统 我会上诉至法院
If I were President Trump, I would take all this to court,
我会反击
I'd fight back.
停止偷窃！
Stop the steal! Stop the steal! Stop the steal!
天啊 有太多不一致的说法了
My God. There were so many discrepancies.
听着 根据记录
I mean, listen, according to the records
投给拜登的选票中有来自死人的
there were dead people who voted for Biden,
这是不可能的 因为鬼魂拿不了笔
which is impossible because ghosts cannot hold pencils.
他们说这次的邮寄选票比以前多
They said there were more mail ballots than ever.
那女性选票呢？
What about female ballots?
密歇根州的投票机 被亨特拜登的手提电脑控制了
The voting machines in Michigan were controlled by Hunter Biden's laptop.
佐治亚州都不是一个真正的州
Georgia's not even a real state.
11月前根本就没有它存在的记录
There's no record of it existing before November.
喷气发动机燃料燃烧温度 根本没有那么高 那是有人蓄意拆除
Jet fuel does not burn that hot. That was a controlled demolition.
特朗普落选在统计学上就不可能
Trump not winning is a statistical impossibility
就如冬天的雪花 或不会讲话的鸭子一样
like snow in winter or a duck that can't talk.
证据的缺失就证明这其中有掩饰
The lack of evidence proves there's been a cover-up!
整个选举根本就没有发生过
And the whole election never even happened.
CNN用影子政府三维动画 让它看起来好像是选举了
CNN made it look like it did using Deep State CGI.
一切都是谎言…
It's all a lie.
如果这就是所谓的民主 那我选择退出
And, um… if that's what democracy looks like, then count me out.
应该是不要算我 因为那样就又是民主了
Actually, don't count me at all because that would be democracy again.
而我不想成为其中一份子
And I want no part of it.
选举尚未结束 远未结束
This election is not over, far from it.
各大媒体头条争相报道
In a blizzard of headlines, Trump launches court challenges
特朗普在法律的村口傻子 鲁迪朱利安尼的指导下提起诉讼
under the guidance of the legal world's village idiot, Rudy Giuliani,
鲁迪所做的努力 不禁让他的头发都开始落泪
whose efforts prove so hapless his hair starts crying.
…和邮寄投票过程来作弊
…And the mail-in ballot process, in order to cheat.
但他的努力都只是徒劳
But the efforts come to nothing.
特朗普拒绝承认败选的一点好处是
The one good thing about Trump refusing to concede
我们能一次又一次地看到他失败
was that we got to watch him lose over and over.
他的那些稳输的法律诉讼？
All those doomed legal efforts?
这就好似看着一个人从摩天大楼坠落
It was like watching a man fall from a skyscraper
然后在他落地摔死前还想起诉人行道
trying to sue the sidewalk out of existence before he hit the ground.
媒体不承认 但特朗普并没有输掉大选
The media will deny this, but Trump did not lose the election.
你有证据吗？
Have you got any proof of that?
他以百万获票的优势赢得了普选
He won the popular vote by a margin of literally millions.
你还要什么证据？他赢得光明磊落
What more evidence do you need? He won fair and square.
对 所以你在说特朗普赢得了普选？
Right, so you're claiming Trump won the popular vote?
不 是拜登赢了 候选总统拜登 他是胜者
No, Biden did. President-Elect Biden. The victor.
对 你不是支持特朗普的吗？
Right. Don't you support Trump?
我从未支持过特朗普
I have never supported Trump.
查查你的录像 鲍勃
Check your tape, Bob.
我叫詹姆斯 但你是特朗普竞选团队的人
It's James, and you were part of Trump's campaign.
谁是特朗普？
Who's Trump?
特朗普已经落选 但他背后的活动仍在继续
Trump himself may have been voted out,but the movement behind him persists.
美国仍困在和自己的甜蜜婚姻之中
America remains trapped in a loveless marriage with itself.
让人震惊的是 尽管有他过去四年内做的那些事
It is astounding that despite everything he did over the past four years,
仍有七千多万的美国人 坚定地支持特朗普
over 70 million Americans were absolutely rooting for Trump.
我们永不屈服 永不放弃 永不后退
We will never give in, we will never give up, and we will never back down.
我们永远不会投降
We will never ever surrender.
这不是恐怖
It's either terrifying
就是这个年代 最感人肺腑的爱情故事
or the most inspiring love story of our age.
人们认为民主是永恒不会改变的
People think of democracy as permanent and unchanging.
但实际上民主需要不断地滋养
In truth, it's something you must perpetually nurture,
就跟一个女人或职业恩怨一样
like a woman or a professional grudge.
美国民主在这次挑战中存活了下来
American democracy has survived this challenge.
但若几年后出现第二个 特朗普时又会如何？
But what will happen in a few years' time when the next Trump comes along?
也许是一个更年轻、更狡猾 更残酷的特朗普也不一定
Perhaps a younger, more cunning, more ruthless Trump.
有着极快的反应神经和钛合金骨架
With faster reflexes and a titanium exoskeleton.
脖子上带有毒囊
Venom sacs on his neck.
还可能有坚韧不摧的缟玛瑙爪子
Maybe some kind of fearsome onyx claw.
届时又会如何？
What happens then?
一旦特朗普真的离开
The thing is once Trump finally leaves,
美国就会一夜间变得毫无种族歧视
America will be back to being totally non-racist, overnight.
然后对于什么事都能…很淡定
And we can just chill about that whole institutional, you know… whatever deal.
看到特朗普先生离开 我很悲伤
I shall be sad to see Mr. Trump go
因为他为他的角色注入了许多庄严
because he brought such quiet dignity to his role.
但另一面
But that said,
我也很期待拜登先生
I do look forward to welcoming Mr. Biden
能尽早拜访白金汉宫
to Buckingham Palace at the earliest opportunity.
其实我们之前见过
Indeed we have met before,
在1953年我的加冕典礼上
at my coronation in 1953,
他以年老的身份参加了那场典礼
which he attended as an old man.
随着美国展开新的篇章 2020年走向终结
As America begins a new chapter and 2020 shudders to a close,
但让人悲伤的是 新冠病毒依然在全球肆虐
the global pandemic is sadly still in full swing.
甚至它还加快了侵袭的步伐
Yet even as it tightens its grip once more,
终于希望的光芒照进了世界大地
glimmers of hope appear at last.
我们终于迎来了 关于新冠病毒的好消息
Good news at last on Covid-19,
新冠病毒疫苗将于圣诞前面世
a vaccine could be available by Christmas.
这是具有历史意义的科学成就
Well, this was a historic scientific achievement,
足以与登陆月球相比拟
on a par with the moon landings.
甚至比登月更难 因为新冠病毒比月亮小得多
But more difficult because the coronavirus is far smaller than the moon.
疫苗的突破性进展是好消息
The vaccine breakthroughs are good news.
但我们还有很多工作要做
But there is still a lot of work to do.
一旦疫苗通过审批
Once approval has been met
生产就需要提产
and manufacture scaled up,
疫苗必须要在零度以下的予以供应
it must be distributed at sub-zero temperatures,
运輸过程中有一点差错 都可能导致大量损失
and the slightest transport setback could generate a huge amount of waste.
你们到底怎么回事？
What is wrong with you people?
即使有奇迹般的治愈
Even with a miracle cure,
我们却无法保证所有人都接受疫苗
there's no guarantee everyone will embrace the vaccine.
我不用5G疫苗 谢谢 它是在实验室里做出来的
No 5G vaccine for me, thank you very much. It's made in a laboratory.
你不应该相信任何非天然的东西
And you shouldn't trust anything that's not natural.
我在脸书上看到的
I read about it on Facebook.
但脸书也并不是天然的
Well, Facebook isn't exactly natural either.
但我不用把脸书注射到我的血管里
Well, I don't inject Facebook into my veins. Yeah.
那你就愿意把它吸摄到你脑里了？
But you're happy to absorb it into your mind?
滚出我家
Get out of my house!
虽然有反对者和拒绝者
Despite naysayers and refuseniks,
疫苗为我们2021年及今后的日子
vaccines offer a chance of a more normal life
提供了一个正常生活的机会
in 2021 and beyond.
想到我们将重回原来的生活就很激动
It's exciting to think we could have our lives back soon.
葛玛奈丽克 普通居民
我们可以去酒吧
You know, we could go to the pub.
遇见某个人 然后跳支舞
Maybe meet someone and have a bit of a dance.
互相“探索”一下
Bit of a fumble.
住到一起
Move in together.
渐渐疏远
Drift apart.
变得厌恶他们剔牙的方式
Learn to hate the way they pick their teeth.
和他们的声音
The sound of their voice.
然后希望从未与他相遇
Wish you'd never met.
对那天感到非常懊恼
Like, seriously rue the day.
疫苗是必须注射的吗？
Is the vaccine compulsory?
2020年以前所未有的程度 挑战了人类
2020 challenged humanity on a scale like no other.
这一年充满了骚乱、动荡、暴动
A year of tumult, upheaval, outrage,
辱骂、灾难、岩浆和分裂
insult, disaster, lava, and division.
它测试了我们 同时或许也教育了我们
It tested us, but maybe it taught us too.
你在2020年学到了什么？
What did you learn in 2020?
我学到了什么？
What did I learn?
我的沙发和冰箱之间距离几步
how many steps there are between my couch and the refrigerator.
我学到了新冠病毒的完整基因序列
I learned the complete genomic sequence of the novel coronavirus.
以及如何跳牙线舞
And how to do the Floss.
我变得更了解自己
I've learned a lot about myself.
有时候我太过于给予
That sometimes I'm too much of a giving person.
我还学到了 如何正确发音“胜利万岁”
And, um… Oh, I've also learned how to correctly pronounce Sieg Heil!
我个人角度来说 回顾2020年十分有趣
Well, I would say, personally, 2020 was rather fun, looking back.
我联系上了大学时期的老朋友
I got in touch with some old university chums
我们在Zoom上开始了 理发店四重唱
and we have started a Zoom barbershop quartet.
-你想听《康城赛马歌》吗？ -不用了
- Would you like to hear my Camptown Races? - Um… I… No. No.
-非常棒 谢谢 -谢谢
- That was so good. Thank you. - Oh, thank you.
好 棒极了
Great, awesome.
结束了 是不是？
Are we done, is that it?
拍得好极了 谢谢
It was brilliant. Thank you.
听着 我们明年 可能还会为2021年底
Listen, uh, it looks like we might be doing one of these again next year
再录一期
for the end of 2021.
-好吧 -好
- Right. - Yeah.
所以能不能现在请你提前读一些回答
Is there any chance you could read some advance responses now
好让我们剪辑？ 回答都写在那张纸上了
so we can cut them into the edit later? They're on that piece of paper.
好 乐意遵从
Yes. Yes, happy to oblige.
好
OK.
-就这最后一页？ -对
- Yeah, just this last page? - Yeah.
但没人能预见
But no one could have foreseen
疫苗对我们的影响
what the vaccine would do to us
或我们会如何使用新力量
or how we'd use our new powers.
没人能预见疫苗对我们的影响
But no one could have foreseen what the vaccine would do to us
或我们会如何使用新力量
or how we'd use our new powers.
没人能预见疫苗对我们的影响
But no one could have foreseen what the vaccine would do to us
或我们会如何使用新力量
or how we'd use our new powers.
那是哈里斯总统 揭晓她的真正议程之时
And that, of course, is when President Harris unveiled her real agenda.
那是哈里斯总统 揭晓她的真正议程之时
And that was when President Harris unveiled her real agenda.
那是哈里斯总统 揭晓她的真正议程之时
And that was when President Harris unveiled her real agenda.
当然最后特朗普新闻 一个月后就停止了播放
Of course, in the end, the Trump News Network came off air after just one month.
当然最后特朗普新闻 一个月后就停止了播放
Of course, in the end, the Trump News Network came off air after just a month.
我不得不说他是你最意想不到
I've gotta say he was the last world leader you'd expect to see
会在意大利的节目上把熟的鸡蛋 塞进自己的屁股的世界领袖
pushing a hardboiled egg up his own ass on Italian television.
我不得不说他是你最意想不到
Gotta say he was the last world leader you'd expect to see
会在意大利的节目上把熟的鸡蛋 塞进自己的屁股的世界领袖
pushing a hardboiled egg up his own ass on Italian television.
我不得不说他是你最意想不到
Gotta say he was the last world leader you'd expect to see
会在意大利的节目上把熟的鸡蛋 塞进自己的屁股的世界领袖
pushing a hardboiled egg up his own ass on Italian television.
然后在最后一刻 我们都醒了
But then, at the last moment, we all woke up
一切都只是一场噩梦
and it had all been a horrible dream.
然后在最后一刻 我们都醒了
But then, at the last moment, we all woke up
一切都只是一场噩梦
and it had all been a horrible dream!
然后在最后一刻 我们都醒了
But then, at the last moment, we all woke up
一切都只是一场噩梦
and it was all a horrible dream.
但愿如此
Oh, I wish.
这样就够了？可以了？好极了
Is that enough, will that do? Terrific.
好极了 谢谢
Great, thank you.
好
OK.
伙计们 你们非常优秀
Well, guys, it has been great.
好了 我之后还要坐火车
Anyway, I have a train,
在那之前我要找一个略带臭名的酒吧
and prior to train I am going to find myself a semi-louche bar
来一杯备受欢迎的尼克罗尼
and a welcoming Negroni.
可以了吗？
Um… is that enough?
好的 很有意思 我玩得很开心
OK, this was fun! I had fun.
好 我们结束了吗？
Alright, we done here?
我结束了 你呢？
I'm done here, you? Huh?
你想做爱吗？
You wanna have sex?
这个企划规定要保持社交距离
Well… there's quite a strict social distancing policy on this production…
随便你 伙计
Suit yourself, man.