伊恩 Ian!
是你在楼下干蠢事吗 Is that you, playing silly buggers downstairs?
两周亡命记
第一季 第二集
伊恩 Ian!
你好 吉米 Hello, Jimmy.
还记得我吗 Remember me?
你杀了我父亲 You killed my dad.
好吧 我杀的人太多 你得把范围再缩小点 Yeah, you might need to narrow it down a bit.
行 那这样呢 Okay. How's this?
他的名字 His name
叫比尔·诺克斯 was Bill Nokes.
他是不是个子不高 Was he like, this little fellow?
老天 Oh, for God sake.
别吼我 我在努力想呢 我上年纪了 Don't shout at me. I'm trying to remember. I'm getting old.
你有没有他的照片之类的 Do you have like picture of him or something?
没带在身上 Well, not on me, no.
我本来没想在今晚干这事 I wasn't exactly planning on doing this tonight.
我的车里有一张 I've got one in the car.
你想不想去拿 Do you want to go and get it?
不想 你再想想 No. C'mon think.
比尔·诺克斯 Bill Noakes.
问题是 The thing is
你来报杀父之仇 it might be easier for you to exact your revenge
最好别站在陷阱门上 if you weren't standing on a trap door.
白痴 Idiot!
谁会在家里装陷阱啊 你这个傻逼 Who's got a trap door in their house? Anyway, you're a plank.
我就会 I do.
她去哪了 Where the fuck is she at?
真他妈难以置信 Fucking unbelievable.
对付她这种小屁孩还不容易 She's only little.
上当了吧 Gottcha!
如果我是你 Now, if I was you
我就会留心脚下 宝贝 I would you mind my step, treacle.
谢谢你 小甜心 你怎么不留心自己脚下呢 Thanks, honey. Why don't you mind yours?
我虽然上了年纪 I may sound as old as I am
但我在朝前走 你却在倒着走 I'm the one walking forwards and you're the one walking backwards.
我为什么要留心脚下 Why would I need to mind my step?
难道没人在朝前走的时候摔过跤吗 So, no one ever fallen walking forward then, have they?
在这种情况下是不太可能的 Kinda unlikely in this kinda situation.
好吧 的确不太可能 OK yes, it's highly unlikely
但要我说 世上的怪事多得很 but I'm saying stranger things have happened.
你留心脚下 You watch your step.
你才要留心脚下 老天 你真够烦人的 You watch your step. God! You are annoying.
你给我继续往后退 Now, you are going to back off.
听着 我不想弄得到处都是血 Look, I don't want blood everywhere.
我才费了好大劲装修完 I've just done shit loads of decorating.
品味不错 It's nice.
谢谢你 Thank you.
我们空手玩玩 怎么样 What do you say that you and I have ourselves a little tumble.
我不喜欢动刀子 I can't stand knives.
不死不休 To the death though?
对吧 Right?
没错 不死不休 Yes! To the fucking death.
老天 Jesus!
我就是觉得可能有点残暴 Thought it might get a bit grim, that's all.
毕竟是近身格斗 You now, hand-to-hand.
大概正因此人们才称我为 Maybe that's why they call me
残暴收割者 The Grim Reaper.
那你可真是种恶因 收恶果啊 Maybe you're about to reap what you sow.
这个说法好 我喜欢 That's a very nice exchange. I like that.
是啊 有种自然有机的感觉 Yeah, it felt organic.
的确如此 对吧 It did, didn't it?
那我们继续 We'll go on then.
你把枪放下 Put your gun down.
你把枪放下 You, put your gun down.
不 你把枪放下 No, you put your gun down.
不如我们一起...慢慢把枪放下 How about we put them down together, nice... nice and slow?
贝丝抬起头看着我 So Beth looks up.
凝视着我 然后说 Fixes me square in the eye and says,
杰 你的蛋蛋真是世界第一美 Jay, you have got the most gorgeous balls.
滚蛋吧你 Oh fuck off.
她真这么说了 我发誓 She did, bro. I swear.
蛋蛋就没有好看的 好吗 No such thing as gorgeous balls, OK?
我的蛋蛋可恶心了 Mine are disgusting.
我就直说了 I'm just going to put that out there.
我的蛋蛋令人作呕 I have repulsive balls.
当然了 Of course you do.
世上没有好看的蛋蛋 All balls are disgusting.
只有妈妈们才会觉得 They are the kind of balls
儿子们的蛋蛋美极了 that only your mother could find gorgeous.
我同意 我的蛋蛋简直不忍直视 I agree with you. Mine are horrible.
他奶奶的 Fucking Hell!
我敢说 大卫·贝克汉姆的蛋蛋也不好看 I bet even David Beckham hasn't got gorgeous balls
虽然他被称为"金球先生" and his balls are golden.
是啊 贝克汉姆的蛋蛋肯定是金灿灿的 Oh, yeah. No one is doubting the golden hue of a Beckham Bollocks,
但金色让蛋蛋失去了应有的魅力 but that's where the aesthetic beauty of them come to a swift end.
你懂我意思吧 You know what I mean?
可她这么说了 She said it though man.
她那是在哄你呢 No, she's lying.
不会的 贝丝从不说谎 Ah no, Beth never lies.
她就像牧师一样正直圣洁 She's like a priest, a holy table.
-她的屁股跟夏奇拉的一样丰满 -没错 - She has Shakira's hips. - Exactly.
正因此我才觉得 But that's how I knew we were going to
我们会白头偕老 spend the rest of our lives together.
什么 What?
我要向她求婚 I'm going to ask her to marry me.
你觉得这是个馊主意 是不是 You think it's a bad idea, don't you?
我觉得唯一的问题是 你们在一起才六个月 I guess the only thing is, it's been six months.
是没错 但正如爸爸过去常说的那样 Yeah, but it's like Dad used to say
心里有数 就确定无疑 when you know, you know.
是 但你以为自己心里有数 其实你没有数 Yeah, but you think you know things but you don't know.
你一贯这样 It's kind of like your thing.
是 但我说的不是我觉得我有数 Yeah, but I'm not saying I think I know.
我说的是我知道我有数 I'm saying I know I know.
心里有数 就是确定... And when you know, you know certain, you ...
就是认准了 不是吗 you just know it, ain't it?
不对 因为你心里有没有数取决于 No, because the second piece of knowledge relies on
你是不是真的清楚情况 the first one being factually accurate,
要我说 你可能并不清楚 which I'm saying might not be.
老兄 我知道你被甩了 Mate, just because you've been dumped,
但这并不意味着大家都得过得悲惨 不是吗 it doesn't mean the rest of us have to be fucking miserable, does it?
她进去好久了 Kid has been a long time.
的确 Yeah.
我也不想这么说 但是 I hate to break it to you, kid, but
她以为世界末日降临了 she thinks it's the end of the world
却还在深更半夜跑进了某个富翁家 and she's run off to some rich geezers house in the middle of the night.
你觉得她要干什么 What do you think's happening?
她大概在里面 She's blatantly in there right now
毫不羞耻地把男人扔上床 just throwing some guy around the bed
仿佛这是他在世的最后一晚 like his last night alive.
你杀了我父亲 You killed my dad.
种恶因得恶果[铺床] You've made your bed.
现在你就死在这张床上吧 Now you're going to die in it.
拜托 别跟我说你费劲把我拖上楼 Please, do not tell me you dragged me all the way up
-就为了说这句台词 -没错 - the stairs just to say that. - Yes.
这台词也太烂了吧 It's fucking terrible.
闭嘴 Shut up.
很抱歉我... I am sorry about
杀了菲尔 killing Phil.
是比尔 Bill.
该死 抱歉 对不起 Shit! Fuck! Sorry. I'm sorry.
我甚至都觉得你是故意这样的 I mean, it feels like you're doing this on purpose now.
我对天发誓 我不是 我没有 I swear to God. I'm not. I'm not.
我看见他倒在地上流血至死 I watched him bleed to death on the floor.
你的错误就是那天晚上留了我一命 Your mistake was leaving me alive that night.
你不该这么做的 You shouldn't have done that.
我想起你来了 Oh, I remember you.
你是那个企鹅小姐 对吧 You are little Miss Penguin, ain't yah?
我一直很好奇后来你怎么样了 I always wondered what happened to you.
好吧 Yes, well
你现在知道了 now you know.
你杀了屋外那个怪家伙有点狠毒吧 It was a bit mean of you to kill that geezer outside,
就是伊恩 you know, Ian.
他做错什么了 What did he do?
那还有待商榷 不是吗 It's moot point though, isn't it?
反正我们都要死了 We're all dead anyway.
把电视打开看新闻 Put the news on.
你自己看吧 See for yourself.
另一则新闻 世界吃饼干锦标赛 In other news the world biscuit eating championships
今天顺利开局 got off to a fantastic start today.
我不明白 I don't understand.
就是在规定时间内 I think you'll find it's the highest amount of biscuits
看谁吃的饼干最多的一个比赛 consumed within an allocated time frame.
为什么没人谈论那个 Why is no one speaking about it?
操 Fuck!
你刺伤了我 You stabbed me!
是的 对不起 我本想杀你的 Yeah, I'm sorry. I meant to kill you.
你趁我背朝你时刺伤了我 You stabbed me while my back was turned.
这真是太 That is so...
没礼貌了 Rude!
来吧 Come on, then.
操 Fuck!!!
金 Kim?
金 Kim!
我要再去一下阳台 I'm going out there again.
别再拿刀刺我了 Don't stab me.
也别冲我开枪 Or shoot me.
我是认真的 I'm serious.
我保证 保证不会了 I promise. I promise.
你在哪里 金 Kim, where are you?
在这上面 Up here.
你好 金 Hey, Kim.
你今晚是骗我的吗 Did you lie to me tonight
说世界末日要到了 about the end of the world?
我 我 我觉得这么说... I... I... won.... nah. I mean I wouldn't say...
-可能不太准确 -尼克 - it wasn't exactly. - Nicky!
你骗我了吗 Did you lie to me?
那也太没礼貌了 That is so rude.
我本打算告诉你的 I was about to tell you
但你飞也似地跑出去了 but you just run out of there so quickly.
但这没关系 对吗 But it's okay, right?
反正又没死人 I mean, it's not like anyone died.
金 Kim!
操 Fuck!
金 Kim?
告诉 Tell...
乔 ...Joe.
乔是谁 Who's Joe?
告诉乔 Tell Joe...
告诉他什么 Tell him what?
乔是谁 Who's Joe?
他死了吗 Is he dead?
摸一下他的脉搏 他死了吗 Check his pulse. Is he dead?
他的脑浆都流到桌上了 There's some of his brain on the table.
有多少 Well, how much?
你想让我告诉你他的脑浆有多少在桌上吗 You want me to tell you how much of his brain is on the table?
是的 杰 如果不麻烦的话 Yes, Jay. If it is not too much trouble,
我想请你告诉我他的脑浆有多少流到... I would like you to inform me how much of his brain...
但凡流出脑浆就很严重了 不是吗 I think any amount of brain is too much brain, isn't it?
对不起 我忘了你是位脑外科医生 I'm sorry. I forgot you're a fucking brain surgeon.
这是什么时候的事 When did that happen?
是在你晋升到超市熟食销售柜台之前还是之后 Was it before or after you got promoted to the supermarket deli counter?
有点过分了 兄弟 It's a bit much, mate.
变成私人恩怨 人身攻击了 This is getting personal and shit.
我本来还想请你做我的伴郎呢 I was going to ask you to be my best man as well.
你怎么还在说婚礼的事 Why are you still talking about weddings
这里可是有两个死人啊 when there's two dead people?
再说我去的是鱼类销售柜台 It's the fish counter anyway.
混蛋 Jerk!
金 Kim!
你去哪里了 你还好吗 Where have you been? Are you okay?
出什么事了 What's happening?
他们是谁 为什么要攻击你 Who are they? Why they attacking you?
天啊 你被吓坏了 Oh God, you're in shock.
她被吓坏了 She's in shock.
我们该去找些冻豌豆吗 Should we get some frozen peas?
我们去找些冻豌豆吧 好吧 Let's get some frozen peas. Okay...Ummmm
杰 搜一下急救的复原卧式 Jay. Google the recovery position.
我们得离开了 兄弟 We need to leave bro.
拜托 在哪里 这些就不错 Please please. These are great.
这些会有帮助的 好吧 拿着这个 These will help. Just okay, just hold everything.
好吧 这样吧 我就直接... Okay. I'll tell you what, I just.... just
很好 Okay.
我现在要报警 I'm going to call the police right now.
在我报警前你有什么要告诉我的吗 Is there anything you need to tell me before I do?
有任何想说的吗 Anything at all?
好吧 Okay.
你想要点什么 亲爱的 What can I get you darling?
咖啡 谢谢 Coffee, please?
哪一种 What sort?
你定吧 You pick.
在任何情况下都不要为这些人服务
下面那个姑娘看起来并不危险啊 She doesn't look so dangerous on the end there.
去跟我丈夫说这话吧 Tell that to my husband.
对吧 卡尔 Isn't that right, Carl?
她突然一拳打过来 曼迪 She caught me with a sucker punch, Mandy.
我都说过多少次了 How many times?
如果她再来 If she comes in again,
我会用她那颗小脑袋撞碎窗户 I'll put her smarmy little head through the window.
你说的是哪扇窗户 老兄 And which window would that be, my good man?
贴好了 亲爱的 There you go, my darling.
都搞定了 All sorted.
好吧 这简直是完犊子了 兄弟 Okay, this is fucked up, man.
我们必须现在就报警 We need to call the police right now.
还有 兄弟 你看起来真太可笑了 Also, bro. Seriously, you look fucking ridiculous.
我知道 我知道 我只是先得和金谈谈 I know. I know. I just need to speak to Kim first
搞清到底发生了什么事 and find out what's really going on.
事情就是 What's really going on,
我们和某个怪胎一起被困在一幢房子里 is we're trapped in a house with some weirdo,
她显然已经疯了 who's clearly out of her mind.
够了 别急着评判她 All right, easy with the judging.
你听过道德相对主义吗 Ever heard of moral relativism?
显然没有 没听过 Obviously not, no.
她没疯好吗 She is not out of her mind, is she?
她只是搞不清状况 仅此而已 She's just out of her context. That's all.
她也不是怪胎 她需要我们的帮助 She's not a weirdo. She needs our help.
她可能也跟我们一样恐惧 She's probably just as scared as we are.
我觉得她好得很 I think she's perfectly nice.
好了 大约再过一小时就会有人来了 Right. We've only got an hour before we've got company.
布鲁克斯和汤普森 上午11点来家里
我们可不希望他的恶棍手下知道我们来过 We don't want his thugs to know we've been here.
所以我们要带走伊恩的尸体 So we'll take Ian's body with us.
伪装成是他杀死了吉米 然后逃离了 Make it look like he killed Jimmy, and fled the scene.
把他切成碎块更方便运走 He will be easier to move in smaller pieces.
没问题吧 Happy?
-搞什... -问题是... - What the..? - The thing is...
你还有更好的计划吗 You got a better plan?
倒也不能说是更好 Not necessarily.. ..better.
但是 我们刚刚想着 But ummm, we were just thinking,
或许我们应该报警 冷静地把情况解释清楚 ahh maybe call the Police, calmly explain what happened?
不 尼克 情况就是 15年前 No, what happened, Nicky, is 15 years ago
那个人当着我的面杀死了我父亲 that man killed my dad in front of me.
我当时才6岁 I was six years old.
真的很遗憾 I'm so sorry.
他毁了我的人生 He ruined my life.
现在他死了 And now he's dead.
是没错 只是... Yeah, except...
他是自己冲下阳台摔死的 he threw himself off the balcony.
不是你杀死的 金 You didn't do that, Kim.
瞧瞧这家伙 And look at this guy.
天呐 Oh my!
你看到楼上那些枪了吗 Have you seen the guns upstairs?
我们就说是自卫就好了 I mean... we'll say it was self-defense.
的确也是啊 It was really
当然了 Of course
你说得对 you're right.
你应该报警 You should call the police.
把真实情况都告诉他们 Tell them exactly what happened.
我只求你给我一个小时的时间消失 All I ask is that you give me one hour to disappear.
你能帮我这个小忙吗 Can you do that for me?
消失 是说 永远消失吗 Disappear? Like... ..for good?
就跟他们说我把你打晕了 Just tell them I knocked you unconscious.
好吧 真会说啊 Ah okay then. Sure.
-但... -我还在生你的气呢 - But... - I'm still mad at you.
这只是为了划掉我清单上的一项 And this is just for my list
因为我不知道我什么时候才会有别的机会杀死他 because I don't know when I'll get another chance.
祝你生活愉快 Have a nice life.
我操啊 Fuck my life!!!
我去拿冻青豆 I get the frozen peas.
他失了很多血 He's lost a lot of blood,
我们得送他去医院 不然他会死的 we need to get him to the hospital or he's going to die.
金 Kim.
不是在说笑 但... So not being funny, but
只有我一个人这么想吗 am I the only one that's thinking?
就是 You know.
让他自然流血而亡什么的 Let nature take its course and all that.
杰 Jay!
他是个千刀万剐的纳粹黑帮分子 He's a fucking Nazi gangster.
换做是他也会这样对我们 He'll do the same to us.
其实我并不是 I'm not actually.
我是16岁时纹的那个纹身 I got a tattoo when I was 16.
中二的年纪 没安全感 Confused... insecure...
努力想融入一个群体 trying to fit in with the crowd.
那是年轻人的游戏 不是吗 It's a young man's game, isn't it?
成为纳粹吗 Being a Nazi?
是啊 Yeah.
年纪大点就意识到 You get older and you realise
其实每个人都在努力融入群体 that everyone's just trying to muddle along.
残酷的世界才是问题所在 而不是世上的人 The cruel world is the problem, not the people in it.
我这辈子犯过很多错误 I made mistakes in my life.
我对于现在的自己很满意 I'm happy with the person I've become.
我愿意将手放在心上说这句话 I will say that with my hand on my heart.
天呐 他真是个小可人儿 God! He's a sweetheart.
如果我们帮助了这个人 我们都会坐牢 If we help this guy, we're all going to prison for this.
你明白这点吗 You know that, don't you?
如果真到那一步 我会承担罪责 If it comes to it. I take the blame.
我向你们保证这点 I promise you that.
但是救活伊恩才是正确的做法 But saving Ian is the right thing to do.
好了 你联系医院 Okay, you call the hospital
告诉他们我们马上送人过来 and let them know that we're coming.
我迅速冲向车 准备好把伊恩抬上去 I'll dash to the car quickly and get it all set up for Ian.
真令人震惊 Shocking!
车 冲 伊恩[卡戴珊] Kar-dash-Ian
金 车 冲 伊恩[金·卡戴珊] Kim Kar-dash-Ian
好吧 我们现在赶时间 所以别放在心上 Okay, we're in a rush so don't worry
但记得提醒我晚些时候再解释给你听 but remind me remind me to explain that to you later.
因为这大概是我这辈子说过的最妙的谐音梗了 Because that's probably the best thing I've said in like...ever.
不好意思 什么叫晚些时候 Sorry. What do you mean later?
我就是想着 因为那个... Oh, I just thought, because of the whole, you know...
我说了 那个吻只是为了划掉清单上的一项 I told you, that kiss was for my list.
就像其他的一切事一样 Just like everything else was supposed to be.
我当时太激动了 I was so excited.
但你却骗了我 不是吗 And then you lied to me, didn't you?
现在一切都被毁了 Now it's all ruined.
我只是觉得一点道德相对主义... I just think a bit of moral relativism would...
我很高兴能跟你相识一场 I'm glad we met.
真的 I really am.
但是 一旦你骗一个人 But, when you lie to someone
就像挤完了全部的牙膏 没机会了 you squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube.
无法再挤回去了 You can't put it back in again.
等等 小子 Now, hang on son...
等等 Just wait...
在那边的那个房间里 In that room through there
壁炉里藏着50万现金 there's 500 grand in cash hidden in the fireplace.
搞到钱的地方 还能搞到更多钱 It's plenty more where that came from.
就... Just...
求你别杀我 Don't kill me, please.
这只是为了让你更舒服些 伊恩 This was to make you more comfortable, Ian.
我以为你要把我捂死呢 Oh, I thought you were going to smother me to death.
才不是 Noooo.
-谢谢 -不 现在你休想得到了 - Thank you. - No. Not having it now.
你要去哪儿 Where you going?
你以为呢 Where do you think?
我只是在开玩笑... I was only joking about the Mon..
真他妈操了 Shittity shit.
你好 亲爱的 Hello, darling.
我不明白 I don't understand
你为什么要在这个时候刷牙 小子 why you need to brush your teeth now anyway, kid.
我现在可是陷入大麻烦了 I'm kind of in the middle of some serious shit.
什么 不 杰 那是个比喻 What? No Jay. It's a metaphor.
意思是覆水难收 已经做了的事无法悔改 It means you can't undo something once you've done it.
就像 你无法在说了谎之后... Like... you can't tell a lie and then...
喂 你们两个 过来看看这个 Oiii - You two, come and have a look at this.
快点 Quick!
你要干什么 What are you doing?
-快放回去 -滚吧 - Put it back, man? - Fuck off!
我们只需要把伊恩送去医院 We just need to get Ian to the hospital
再跟警察把事情都解释清楚 然后就行了 and our story straight to the police. That is it.
如果到时候在警方面前 金把罪责都推给我们呢 Okay, and what if we go to the police and Kim blames it on us.
-她不会那么做的 -你们快来 - She's not going to do that, is she? - Guys!
你怎么知道 How do you know?
因为她最重视的就是诚实了 Because honesty is like her thing.
老兄 你都不了解她 Bro, you don't even know her.
-我对她的了解足够了 -你们快来 - I know her well enough. all right? - Guys!
什么事 伊恩 Yes Ian?
天呐 Jeeezzz!
他可真喜欢逼逼叨叨的 A little moaner, ain't he?
你有什么事 What do you want, man?
她不是应该送我去医院吗 Is she supposed to take me to the hospital?
金 Kim!