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I have some very interesting pets on
sale here for yacht owners I would
suggest an albatross they are intensely
loyal and will follow you anywhere
circling for hours over the spot where
your ship sinks for those of you with
swimming pools if your friends and
neighbors are taking advantage of your
generosity may I suggest one of two pets
the ever-popular hammerhead shark or the
Siamese crocodile both are quiet but
efficient they can clear a pool as fast
as a TV commercial can empty a room
which brings us to this next item a pet
peeve
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he comes home and he knows you ain't
gotta see
this
[Music]
at the time mister
[Music]
over there
thank you
what happened a couple of bovine chicks
mugged them it's gonna get you something
he must live around here
I've seen him in here a couple of times
too fun sorry you've got quite a lot I
got out I was paying you my fare that's
up dizzy
how's that again well I I told you I was
feeling kind of funny you trying to say
that you was in my cab holy men Paul
look Mike if you're trying to cook up
some kind of an insurance deal
forget it you're one of my passenger I
had a bundle a package with my army
uniform inside two Punk's slugged you
out there you saw it whitter winded you
were taking me to City Hall I was gonna
meet my girl we're gonna be married at
one o'clock in the morning
you're not the same driver you could
make book on it
you musta had some bachelor party I
better call a doctor no no I'm all right
now I think we ought to call the police
no no no they couldn't have gotten away
with anything reported in the morning no
it's your skull I keep telling everybody
this is no neighborhood for walking at
night I gotta get to my girl's place
she'll be worried what's your name
Phil Townsend where does your girl let
Riverdale it's quite away from here will
you take me there look Mac that's what I
get paid for you said your name was Phil
Townsend yes
I was just discharged from the service
this morning went to buy some clothes
can we go please remember I picked them
up right here
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[Applause]
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that's funny I I thought there was a
vacant lot over there
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thanks a lot forget it I'm sorry about
what happened what I thought you were
some kind of another song I don't bloody
for that ha ha nice
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Virginia Virginia it's me Phil what's
going on out there
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Virginia Virginia what do you want
there your friend to be quiet mr. Greene
we got other tenants I don't even know
the guy mr. Fisher who is it wouldn't
you want it's me
mr. Townsend who Virginia's fiancee
there is no Viet geniu here virginia
morrison she introduced us last weekend
we we were supposed to be married today
you are drunk
go away no I'm not hey take off buddy
before I call the cops
he ain't drunk he got a clap in her head
he's looking for his girl Virginia
Morrison I guess I must have forgotten
which apart Morrison
she's not here anymore look I I know she
must be mad at me but if if you could
just tell me where she went
can't help the guy out I look if she
left an address
she must think I stood her up she
probably gone to some friends or
something I'm sure what was he in a
fight I was mugged ain't you afraid he
getting cold or something I never catch
nothing other guys that get pneumonia
this is the address she left it ain't
far come on
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all right Frank coming
[Music]
[Applause]
tell me huh get up get out of here Jimmy
something happened to me out I don't
care just get out of here what are you
doing here whose place is this
what do you want from me now what do you
mean no that's my baby
stop her feeding my husband may be
coming home any minute now you have to
leave your husband what husband we were
supposed to be married today what are
you talking about Phil I haven't even
seen you for three years
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[Applause]
three years I took a taxi to meet you at
City Hall that's all I remember
bill you can't stay here you don't know
what my husband is like I'm looking for
three years of my life well you won't
find them here must have lost my memory
didn't even try to find me oh yes I went
to the police do you have any idea what
that was like the whispers to each other
the funny smiles it happens all the time
miss no hospital reports nothing in the
morgue some people just get nervous and
they disappear on their wedding day you
believe I'd leave you like that no so I
went to a private detective
I borrowed everything I could to pay him
my furniture my car my salary but who is
he I've gotta see him talk to him no you
can't do that why not
because he can't help you he never found
out anything he never found a trace of
you what would be the harm he's my
husband I was lonely and he was very
kind to me until after I married him
and then it started he was just like the
police that same smile the sly little
questions about how things have been
between you and me after that it was any
man I ever talked to I can't leave this
house because he might telephone and
come home and I won't be here you've had
a light for three years spell go back to
it go back to where
[Music]
anything come to you hmm
initials again DWM a key to a place I
don't remember eighty seven dollars and
change it's a nice watch
[Applause]
to David with love root sir ring a bell
well at least we know what the D stands
for you better take me to the police
station maybe Ruth
whoever she is is looking for me a
little harder than Virginia did ain't
you got any relatives no you brings
drugs that's where I drove you from you
didn't get these tonight could I live
around there
the dogger said he's seen you before
look Mac maybe I'm sticking my neck out
you know what I mean I don't think the
police is such a good idea well you know
the money the clothes you're wearing the
watch it don't go with that neighborhood
I don't get you
maybe DW is in some kind of trouble I've
never been in trouble in my life I'm not
talking about you I'm talking about him
what huh Charlie its Katya Hey left your
lights on
I killed him for you Thanks
the first time was maybe two maybe three
weeks ago how often that I came in not
more than half a dozen times I'd say
today we'll get a prescription filled
anything with a name on it all you ever
bought the cigarettes always at night he
came in midnight till 8:00 a.m. that's
my shift now maybe you could talk to the
day man and you ought to see a doctor
Thanks if it helps any it seems to me
you always come from that direction
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but I do knock on doors well what do I
live I'd ask you to spend the night at
my house but but my hell lady she's okay
you understand she gets upset easy
you've done enough huh
when I get in touch with me call a
company as for Mari Mari Epstein let me
know how you make out huh
sure well what day is it
it's Friday Oh sadi already September 24
Virginia and I would have been married
for three years now you never know I
might have been wasting the problem you
got now after a good night's sleep
you'll be a new man
look there's a hotel over there it's
cheap but clean everybody's known as
John Smith okay okay thanks
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
all right I get one two three Dave are
you doing here
Alan followed me again I'll go back to
your room please don't go
he's just a few feet behind me Dave are
you Ruth with you he's a policeman will
you please go I'm good to talk to you
just go um be honest tell me I want to
be sure 4:31
[Music]
I'll get off your back when you start
doing some work around
[Music]
good garment I don't eat here where do
you died like to know with what you
don't work horses work and mother is
what sons like you MIT seems to stick
Bernie come help the jetski get stuck
after you
[Applause]
akise a kind of tricky sometimes yeah
it's a tricky world leave it open a
minute I'm gonna tired yes I want to
show you
[Music]
ain't
therefore I just want to see if it
worked I found it in a parked car here's
something else I found what do you want
nothing unless you want to buy this
picture I took careful you might ruin it
and it might be the only one there is
this guy DW for instance he never had a
picture taken according to the newspaper
clipping in the wallet if you want to
buy this one you just let me know
[Music]
that was the first half of the Alfred
Hitchcock hour now a word from the
provinces and now ladies and gentlemen
we are about to begin the second half or
flip side of the Alfred Hitchcock hour
the first number will be a solo from our
sponsor followed by the second half of
our story the regular bundle of joy
aren't sure we're all gonna be rich
but you really think you're gonna get
any money out of that you leave it to me
no cops
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Hey
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hey that's nice you looking for us baby
here to go to a party - gonna have seven
violins and a dancing band and flowers
and everything
wait a minute
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it's your house yeah volition
I'll let you know oh is it oh honey
well excuse me I don't know how to begin
buddy except for this afternoon I don't
remember ever seeing her before in my
life
my name my real name is Philip Townsend
that mean anything to you I don't know
what you're in with me of why so you
want to walk out go ahead the global you
are I need you I'm trying to open a door
it's been closed for three years you're
the only key I've got help me
[Music]
yes sir
detective private detective have you
ever seen this man
it's an old photo recognize him nope you
barely looked at it
that's all I ever do mister even with a
regular police I have two professions
pharmacist and coward
you don't remember anything at all no
not even me I told you I'm sorry that's
all right I guess I always knew this
would happen
we used to talk about it sometimes when
you you try to remember who you were
before you came to work for my uncle
always afraid that when you did remember
you might be in love with someone else
are you I don't know I was married
no three years too long for the wait she
married somebody else how long have I
known you three years I must have gone
to work for your uncle but if it
happened how did I get there how did I
get another name Colin brought you he
said your name was David Weber I've had
a shot of him who is he he's a private
investigator
my uncle hires him sometimes to get
evidence in his cases private
investigator she hired a private
investigator to find me is Colin married
his wife had a baby a few months ago he
found me he found they don't understand
he didn't tell her Dave little boy all
right now calm down if you get one of
your headaches you don't know what
you're liable to do
do you mean what I'm liable to do you
know how you get I don't know anything
honey honey please I'm sorry
sit down and have a cigarette here
I'm all right now go ahead where do you
want me to start the murder when did it
happen about a month ago newspaper
clipping said that your uncle's place is
in Westchester you live there with him
yes
as I said I was a bodyguard why'd you
uncle need a bodyguard he's a criminal
lawyer he turned down a racketeer and a
tax evasion case and there were some
threats maybe that's how she was killed
the man was convicted he's in jail for
over two years
but then then your uncle didn't need me
anymore why did he keep me on because of
me I guess what was I to you was past
tense I love you
not that it matters now
sorry it's a big house you had a
separate apartment over the garage and
that that's where her body was found
how could it happen it's like a black
curtain
I lived there somebody died there I
can't even remember the afternoon of the
night had happened Uncle Bob gave you
some errands to do he was in the study
preparing a case waiting for Karlin I
could see that you were getting one of
your migraine headaches the way you'd
get before you pass out didn't actually
pass out what not always physically but
mentally often Oh three four times I'll
told anything else you were
you've smashed up your room what you
wouldn't remember the weekend we went to
San Francisco together no it was just
shortly after Uncle Bob married Janice I
thought you were getting too friendly
with her and I was jealous and weak
world and did I hurt you tell me yes I
ran out in the morning you didn't
remember anything about it
and the night she was killed
I had some things to do in town when I
got back it was dark
your door was locked you didn't answer
so I I went up to the main house
my Uncle Bob and Karlin were in the
study I thought he hadn't seen you so I
hope I walked I walked all around the
grounds trying to find you
gone you were down by the fish pot just
sitting and staring you looked up with
me and you said god help me I just
killed her
[Music]
well who is she she's nothing but he's a
gold mine hey you guys want to make a
buck
no one Eisenhower surprised 20 bucks I
don't know you know I'm Chuck no you
guys live around here
no we're from Palm Beach
hey Bernie 20 bucks blow your nose I got
a chicken to pick and when the cops stop
snooping around we're gonna pick him
clean
[Music]
I'll fix you something to eat I'm not
hungry
didn't anybody try to help me don't you
remember I'm sorry
I begged you to see a psychiatrist but
you refused the doctor asked me to let
him know if you showed any signs of what
destructive tendencies where the words
he used like smashing up the room would
you let him know no I I was afraid of
what they might do to you like sending
me away someplace locking me up yes
someplace where I might have been helped
you didn't want help you really believe
I killed that woman do you you didn't do
it intentionally but I did do it is that
what you mean I bet it goes well home I
want help Ruth you offered to give it to
me help me to understand why a murdered
woman was found in my apartment after I
passed out explained to me why I ran
when there were three other people on
the estate who might have killed her did
you tell me the run Ruth you're dead
didn't you I didn't want the police to
get you maybe this Karlin nobody wants
the police to get me could it be that
the trial might bring out something I'm
getting out of here you can't go out
there Carl I will kill you how do you
know he's there he knows you live in the
neighborhood from this morning
thanks to your expert guidance Phil I'm
only trying to help you are you really
of course I am well I can't go out there
and you bring Karlin here what he's the
answer he'll be looking for you'll find
him let him follow your back here it
shouldn't be too difficult you you said
he's in the neighborhood got a gun
what's the gun at this point do I have
any choice I've got to see him talk to
him try to make some sense out of this I
can't go on hiding from something I
don't even understand please
do you want to help me get cotton
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
sweetie baby love this come into my life
once more I'm in laughing hey baby you
want to reconsider that party now you
know you breaking my heart wandering
around here
what the where she's headed
[Music]
hiya baby I've had a little drink your
knee up
[Music]
listen Townsend my name Dutch you know
what for three years when I didn't why
didn't she tell Virginia I fell in love
oh there you had amnesia you wouldn't
have remembered her anyhow don't you
understand
I understand I understand I've been
living like a wild animal 100 shot at
who killed mrs. Burke you did what why
would I do it she was much younger than
Burke she was chasing after him how do
you know that Burke had me watching oh
you weren't the only one were you one of
the others No who killed her Carlin I
told you she was found in your thought
yeah I know that in my apartment at the
time when I had one of those headaches
you all knew about the perfect Patsy the
guy from Norway with no memory but hold
children look you didn't know what you
were doing temporarily and sat down I'll
be well really for life in a cage like
you've taken from me twice already
Dave I told you not to call me that
Arnold Colin if I lose this life it's
going to be for something I do remember
for you
[Music]
Travon don't kill them
I don't kebab he couldn't have I can
prove it I have the clothes he was
wearing a blood stain good work got the
idea to frame you when you blacked out
get the currents from the garage he
killed him better in your room when you
came to and ran he told me about last me
to help are you trying to kill me to
cover up for Gert if a man named David
Weber could be found face down on the
street my wife would never know that I'd
found you
I wouldn't lose yo life
I I'd better call the police I'll have
to go to the station we'll make a
statement you don't have to come back
when I see you again I'm going into a
Veterans Hospital for a while find out
how things really are with me some of
the things as David Weber did must be at
me I could have killed him
they're really known each other less
than a day I know I hope I see you again
I'm so too
I really do
that is all for tonight I'm afraid I
must abandon the technicians they're
eating me out of house and home
listen to the poor dears and I'm
completely out of food but soft
I see the spunk approach
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[Applause]
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