Valhalla.
Avalon.
Shangri-La.
Nirvana.
Paradise.
The golden place goes by many names,-
- but the way there is quite dangerous.
But the journey is just as important as the goal for the warrior.
This is your destiny.
This is what you live for.
And if you make it all the way, you're guaranteed a place in history.
You'll become a god.
But if you don't make it...
then you're screwed.
Because even if there's only one way to paradise...
there are tons of ways to die.
And none of them are pleasant.
Imagine the worst kind of torture possible
and then multiply that by ten.
You could also be buried alive.
Or you could be locked up in some -
- sort of plastic cup.
And you always have the option of being eaten to death.
And that's just the icing on the placenta cake.
We've even heard that they get pure entertainment out of-
- our pain and our deaths.
And if one of you manage to make it to the egg cell, -
- that doesn't mean you're victorious. No, no, no, far from it!
The hardest challenge yet is next. Then you've got the wall of the egg cell itself.
You can't just go crashing through it.
You'll only get through it if you are worthy.
If it's written in the nuts of destiny that you're the one getting inside -
- the one to become one with the light...
And that's exactly why you're destined to fail, -
- young Simen Squirt!
You are the most incompetent sperm cell-
- I've ever had at the University of Fucking!
Instead of listening to my lecture on ejaculating and how amazing vaginas are -
- you're sitting there reading about... what? The body?!
What kind of filth are you reading during my lecture!?
There are only two parts of the body that matter: the sack and the vagina.
Why even care about the rest? This is where life lives. Where life begins. The rest is just dead meat.
But, professor, with all due respect,-
- but the rest of the body is attached to the vagina and the scrotum.
The intestines, blood vessels, the heart and the brain.
Perhaps especially the brain. I'm just trying to-
- see the big picture here. Oh, come on! The heart? Intestines?
Do you think they matter at all for reproduction?
How would you go about fertilizing a liver? Or an intestine? Huh?
You are sperm, Simen. You have limitless potential.
So be the best sperm you can be.
Ok. Where was I?
Good luck, brain fucker!
Did you see the drawing, huh?
I don't see the point, Cumilla. I'm just one of thousands of millions of sperm cells.
Why should I believe that I have even the slightest chance?
Good job in the lecture today, little cum puppy.
Didn't do a whole lot, but...
I was being ironic. It was terrible!
You're bringing down our average, you stain-on-the-sheets!
Hey!
If you touch Simen again I'll pull your tail off
- and ram it so far up your ass that you'll die -
- from cumming in your own asshole!
Calm down, I was just kidding!
Jizzus! Maybe a little bit too much?
- Then believe in yourself a little. - There's a difference between confidence and megalomania.
You're talking about it like you have a choice.
We can't go out of course. We have to stay here in the sack.
- Stay here in the sack? - Yeah!
Stay here in the sack.
Here in the sack, we're doing just fine
Here in the sack, we smile and are happy
There aren't any condoms here No diaphragms either
Here, you can't get licked up by a girl or a guy
With their tongue!
Here in the sack!
- But Simen, don't you want to try and be something? - But why? Everything is great where we are.
Here in the sack of a guy named Jens
A young guy with zero cuntelligence.
He never goes downtown Never takes drugs at parties
Nope, he sits in his room gaming and eating junk food
He's the king
of the sack
- But Simen, don't you get it? - Get what?
It's gone on way too long here in the sack
Down here in the sack it's gotten way too tight
Everything's clumping together and it smells like old krill
No, I don't want to stay here No matter how much you do
If I were forced to stay...
...here in the sack.
Push up and forward now.
Come on!
But think of all the dangers that are lying there in wait
That's why you gotta join me like a loyal cumrade.
But imagine if someone swallows us like we were a thirst quencher
That's just something you can count on
When you live under
A cock!
Impressive choreography.
If they stick to singing and dancing, we've got nothing to worry about.
If they decide to captain the whole ship, then we're in trouble.
Steer the ship? Them? That's not gonna happen.
The ballsack can't think long term or critically. They just mess around.
We'll see. We're past the puberty point.
Been that way for awhile now.
Huh, and you're telling me now? We're past it? Have we gone past the point...
- I want to live here in the sack forever - It's getting way too tight in the sack
- All my friends are here in the sack - When is anything interesting gonna happen?
- Out there, there's no song and dance - But one of these days you gotta take a chance
So believe in yourself and go and find your swagger
Here
in
The Sack!
- This should be fun, huh Jens? - Nice to get away from the old fossils.
- Fossils, come on. - There's nothing that beats it.
Am I right, Jens?
Yep, dad. It'll be great.
What are you all gonna do in the cabin? Go hiking?
- Maybe. - Go fishing? Play Monopoly?
- Paint? - Play hide and seek?
- Pin the tail on the donkey? - Play pitching pennies?
- Shoot empty bottles? - Fix a fence?
- Summon evil spirits with a Ouija board? - Flip through old magazines?
- Pretend like one of you is multi-handicapped? - Yeah, that's always a blast!
Nope. Just like last year. Watch some movies. Play some games.
Nah, stop it! Games and movies? Good lord.
What a fucking nerd!
It wasn't like that when we were young and horny, mama!
Do you remember that cabin trip? How completely drunk I got?
- Dunno if we should share that with Jens. - I got so damn wasted.
Petter, we're not telling Jens this.
I threw up over the whole cabin. Puked on everything.
And I shat myself too, remember?
Literally. I shat my pants!
Petter, that's enough.
And then I went to go sit in the car.
That's when we ran over the neighbor's dog, remember?
I didn't see it, cuz I was drunk!
Intestines and everything just spilled out.
That's when the cops showed up.
Yep, that's true.
I actually got two months in jail for that.
But fuck was that not awesome!
But it's like not cool anymore. The youth today are so "woke".
"Not me, I'm politically correct."
Petter!
Watch the road!
Here's your bag with your clothes and sleeping bag.
Oh! And I almost forgot...
Your bag full of teenager snacks: Chocolate candies, cheese doodles, and tons of soda!
Thanks, dad.
Mom!
- Petter? - Yeah, I will, I will.
Well, Jens, by the way...
There's just one more thing.
It's something that I wanted to tell you earlier...
You know how it is with the birds and the bees?
- What? - Flowers need to get pollen-
- from another flower in order to...
- to multiply... - Is that so?
- Cool. - You didn't know that?
Nah, I thought flowers just popped up out of the ground.
That's total bullshit! You didn't believe that?
Well, the boy flowers get help from the bees-
- in order to put the pollen up in... the lady flowers.
And they often do it just for fun. They're not always trying to make a baby flower.
Why are you bringing this up now?
Regardless: the point is that the bees don't always necessarily want the best for the flowers.
So the flower has to dominate the bee. Because the flower is boss.
Hold on, is this a metaphor? If you're talking about sex-
- I've watched hardcore porn on my phone since I was 13.
Anyway, of course you know everything about this stuff.
Rubber, rain coat, wrapper, sausage casing.
Condom.
They say it's like eating candies with the wrapper still on, but you know what?
I think it's better with the wrapper on.
- Ya want some? - No thanks, dad.
Alright, Jens. Have fun and don't do anything I would have done.
Seriously, don't do it.
- Hey guys. - Wazzup?
- Hey, Jens. - Where are the girls?
- They came yesterday. - Well let's get moving then.
Can't let the girls be alone. There's a lot of moose in the area. I think Lisa's got moosephobia.
Simen, can't we get away a little this weekend and practice some swimming?
Could be good to hone our technique.
I've started Jizzmo's exercise program.
I'd love to, but I just got the new Cum of Duty. It's supposed to be fucking awesome!
It's got open vulva zero-fuck exploration mode and cross platform multi-sprayer and free to play butthole-royale mode.
But you can't just play games, Simen.
What about practicing some skills for the real world?
Cumilla? Don't. Worry. About. It.
The odds for one of us to get to the egg first is one in several billions.
And speaking of Jizzmo, we both know who's walking away victorious.
- Why pretend to be something else? - At least Jizzmo has the right attitude.
- He's nice, he's funny... - He is definitely not nice!
Look at them. Little meatheads.
Insects. Creepy crawlies.
Millions of little worms stressing out as if they meant anything in the world.
"You can be anything you want, you just have to believe in yourself."
Yeah, right! What's next?
Maybe we should vote on which sperm's gonna win the race?
With an election?
No. The victory-
- goes to whomever masters the game in all of its dimensions.
Just using your tail's not going to cut it. You have to use your head, too.
- Yeah, your head. - Cumrades!
After Spermageddon, you all will take over this empire.
After I, as your chosen one, have fertilized the egg.
Let me therefore present the innovation that will help me along the way:
Ejaculator 9000!
Ejaculator 9000 has everything you need to win.
Egg cell-detector, double protection shields against spermicide
- diaphragm-penetrating projectiles, chainsaw gloves-
- and last but not least:
- double propellers!
But Mr. Jizzmo?
Not to be a sourjizz, but isn't this... cheating?
It's not cheating if you don't get caught.
Let me demonstrate.
Activate demonstration program.
Demonstration program activated.
Mr. Jizzwell?
Swim towards me. Come on.
- Okay? - Faster, faster.
Activating anti-competition weapons system. 227 10, 9, 8...
Ok, impressive but...
...6, 5...
Aren't you gonna turn that off?
No!
Noooo!
Anyone else have any other ideas-
- on which approach we should run with?
Excellent.
Hey there, Mr. Spunkson. All good?
Everything's great. Nothing suspicious here at all.
Alright. Nice!
Guys, we've all noticed it.
The frequency of the erections and all that damn masturbation.
Our boy Jens is guaranteed, almost 100% surely,-
- to have sex very soon.
Get laid. Roll in the hay. Do the mattress mambo. Copulate. Bump uglies.
Do the deed. Go all the way. Stuff the taco. Go to pound town. Clap some cheeks.
Munch the muffin. Play hide the salami.
F-fucking?
Yes, Spunky. Fucking.
And soon we'll be out of the sack, together as one.
Everything is timed and ready.
Spermageddon is gettng close, and we have to be ready by then.
This can be hijacked.
And the more of us there are, the stronger we are.
You're forgetting that there's only enough room in the egg for one us.
Correct, and I have a plan.
Triplets!
Tri... what did you say?
Some reliable sources told me, Rimsmith, that the egg is designed that way.
Spunky? Spunky?
- Yes, Vulva Marie? - I made one of those bukkake sweet cakes!
Anyone want to try? It turned out really good.
Yes, thank you. Just put it outside there.
You say that every time. I've been slaving away in the kitchen, while you all...
Like I said, reliable sources have told me that the egg is, as we know it, designed in such a way-
- that it's open for any number of sperm cells
- the moment one penetrates it.
Nirvana for all!
Triplets, boys!
Triplets!
Climax, Bonerson!
Climax!
Hey, boys!
- You guys are so slow! - Thought you had died on the way up.
Funny. Hey! Nice of you to join us.
So you all can carry some stuff. Equality and such.
Red light! It's blinking! What in the hell's going on?
Just a fuse that went out. Nothing to worry about.
That wasn't just a fuse!
Can't we just go home? We can watch a movie! Play Fortnite!
Calm down. We just have to reboot. We got this. We're the brain.
Remember, the brain is the star.
The brain is the star. The brain is the star!
Hey, Jens.
Hey, Lisa.
- Do you need a hand? - No, I already have two.
Jens! The nerd who only thinks about Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and gaming.
You only think about Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and gaming.
I know.
Lisa?
- I hate nature! - Want some soda, Tor Arne?
- I have enough for everybody. - We need to think about what we're gonna cook.
I was thinking we could have some French fries for lunch, maybe with some ketchup.
- Oh no! - What the fuck did you do with the soda?
- You were responsible for the soda! - What the fuck happened?
- Must have gotten the wrong bag from dad. - No! This is a catastrophe.
Jens, mister scatterbrain, has just sabotaged the entire cabin trip.
- Sabotaged? - What do you mean?
Well, what have you got there?
Ruth Elisabeth.
Okay, Ruth Elisabeth, you've got to-
- cluck like a chicken!
Okay.
Jens!
You have to-
- make out with-
- Lisa!
Make out, make out...
Yeah, I can do that, but it's kinda up to Lisa too...
Whoa! What the hell's going on now?
I don't know. All the blood is disappearing from the brain. Nothing is working.
- Where did all of our blood go? - A brain without blood is braindead.
I'm pressing all the buttons! Do you have any more to give me!?
- The whole system is getting dicked over! - Yep, you said it.
Everything is getting dicked over.
My gum.
Hey, do you fancy going out for a bit?
Get some fresh air?
Fresh air is super nice! That's the good life, Lisa. Wonderful.
It gets you wondering if there's photosynthesis on other planets, or...
Is he retarded? Did we just make out with a retard?
Or was it a joke?
Hard to say. The alcohol has started to leak into some of the instruments.
We'll just have to take a chance.
...prerequisite for all life.
Okay, come on.
- So great to see you again, Jens. - Yeah, you too.
Too bad you're only home during the summer.
Yeah, tell my dad. He's the one that wanted to take that job in Oslo.
Good idea. Do you have his number? I can call him right now and tell him to get his act together.
He can't be driving the family around the country every year like a bunch of circus workers.
Hey, why don't you calm down a bit with that?
Four beers. Four!
- I've never had this much to drink before. - Is that so?
I drink beer all the time. Drank a couple for breakfast, actually.
Lisa, there's something that I really wanted to tell you.
- What is then? - Since last summer,-
- when we were hanging out and having fun-
- and kissing and all that...
I've thought about you a lot.
- Oh? - Quite a bit actually.
- You have? - Yes.
- I have. - Well that's nice.
What about you?
To be totally honest, Jens...
I haven't thought about you, not one damn bit.
Oh ok. I totally understand, Lisa.
- Why would you? - Jens!
I'm screwing with you!
Oh, okay.
Fuck!
You've got a sick sense of humor.
I've thought about you a lot, too.
And there's another thing-
- that I've been thinking about, too.
Oh? What is it?
And it's...
Okay...
It's happening! It's happening now! Cumday is upon us!
This is the moment I've been preparing for my whole life!
Everyone, it's happening now! Cock help us!
Can you just...?
Yeah, of course.
Wait a sec...
Shit! Everything good?
Yeah.
I've always heard love makes you blind.
- Wow. - Do you like them?
I...
Real boobs...
I'm not...
Do you want to touch them?
Initiating Spermageddon. This is not a drill.
All good-swimming sperm cells shall report to the Ejaculation Temple.
This is the coolest thing I've ever experienced!
Penetration initiated.
Simen?! What in the name of Cock are you doing?
Didn't you hear the signal? It's happening! He's fucking! For real!
- Cumilla! - They're fucking now!
Cumilla, please. I'm in the middle of something.
Perfect cumshot. Intercourse cleared.
Cumilla, seriously?
I just fertilized Childless Chantel. She's like infertile!
- Look out! - Oh, I see.
- Is everything ok? - Yeah, I just have to...
Do you want some?
I've never... Well, like I said...
This is my first time.
Mine too.
Okay, wizard.
Take out your staff and fuck me!
Huh?
Uh, I... Don't people say things like that?
- I've seen it on PornHub. - Yeah, you're right.
Do you want my big cock?
Yeah, like that!
Do you want it to go in your-
- tight little pussy?
Yeah, stick your cock in me!
I've been dreaming about your cock all day!
I'm gonna fuck you!
I'm gonna fuck you hard!
I'm gonna fuck you until you burst!
Shit.
Maybe a bit too much?
Maybe we should just stop talking?
Here, take this.
Shit! Everything ok?
- Fucking typical. - Don't stress out. I'll help you.
- Like so. - And now it's on.
The big release is here! Every sperm for himself!
Ejaculate, whoever can! Holy Jizzus!
Come on, Simen. Don't be so slow!
Geez, we've got Starspunks downtown now. Awesome!
Should we get a protein shake first?
This could be our only opportunity. Carpe penis!
Yeah I see that, but shouldn't we wait until it's not so crowded?
- No! - Okay.
Initiating Spermageddon. This is not a drill. All...
Which way is it?
I don't give a fuck if I end up in a wad of toilet paper. I'm going full speed ahead!
Nothing's working here anymore!
It's too late. We're not the ones making the decisions from now on.
From now on we're slaves to the little brain, AKA the cock.
Everything's dead! We are dead!
Today Today is the day!
The day we've been waiting on forever
The grand day
So huge of a day that all other days become teensy weensy
The day that is so indescribably huge
So indescribable that I'm at a loss for words!
Spermageddon!
The day Jens gets to fuck
Spermageddon!
The day the boy's peepee finds the girl's pee hole
Oh yeah! We're going to spray the uterus full
I promise, spermiously Yup, that's no joke
Spermageddon!
Today Today is the day
The day that's totally unique and special
We're getting sprayed up in the belly
So Jens and Lisa can make more of themselves
Happy screw, holy screw
Now it's time to fuck until his club turns black and blue
Spermageddon!
The day Jens gets to penetrate
Spermageddon!
The day his cheese sausage gets marinated
It's every sperm for himself It's do or die
Cuz when Jens gets his whole wiener in
Spermageddon!
The precum monks!
Just like the prophecies foretold.
Erectus cockus orgasmicus ejactulatus fuckus cuntus...
- What's going on? - They're sacrificing themselves.
Lubing up the pipe and the vagina so we can enter.
- Oh great lube munks. - Come on, you lazy bums!
Time to level the playing field a bit.
Turn around please!
- Cumilla! - What the fuck are you doing?
- Simen, let me go! - Cumilla!
It's way too dangerous! Stay!!
Let me in! Open up!
Spermageddon!
I've cut the competition in half for you all.
Survival in the fitte. (pun on fittest; fitte means cunt)
You can thank me later.
- I'm coming! - What?
- I'm coming! - Wait!
I'm ready! I've trained my whole life for this!
Wait for me!
Yabba-dabba-doo!
Wait!
Spermageddon
Spermageddon!
Mr. Rubber,-
- Say hey to Mr. Chainsaw!
Spermageddon
Spermageddon!
Yay...
Intercourse carried out.
Maybe not exactly what we were expecting, given all the research we've done on the Internet...
Was it as good for you as it was for me?
It was as quick for me as it was for you in any case.
Maybe because I hit my eye.
Everybody knows that swollen tear ducts are directly linked to premature ejaculation.
Hey by the way-
- when you came, did you seriously say "yabba-dabba-doo"?
Uhh, no.
I don't think I said that.
"Extra thick rubber." I think we can rest easy here.
Fucking cheaters!
Well, anyway, I have a secret weapon with me.
Just in case, of course.
Yeah... toothpaste. Yeah, definitely important to take care of your teeth when...
Oh ok, I got it.
Can't go and get pregnant the first time you have sex, you know?
That would really suck.
Was that all of it?
Is this what we've been hyping up since we were just an itch in Jens' balls?
Well lookie here.
Game on!
This is horrible!
Remember guys, this is a marathon, not a sprint!
We'll lay low and when we get the chance, we'll take the egg.
Cum on! Get a move on!
Oh my jizz. I can't believe it.
How could Jizzmo do something like this!?
Not very cumrade-like of him.
Jizzmo?! I can't believe you right now.
It's one thing for you to be deathly afraid of getting ejaculated out.
But when you let that affect all the rest of us who are trying to accomplish something...
Okay. Okay.
Okay, so I'm basically the bad guy here, right?
Did you see what he did? He could have killed both of us.
Jizzmo did whatever he had to do to get to the egg. To reach his goal.
- The same goal everyone here has! - Cumilla...
Who knows when it'll be Spermageddon again?
If it'll ever happen again?
Don't you get it? We could be stuck here. For fucking ever!
Don't say that Cumilla. There'll be new opportunities.
Don't lose all hope. There's light at the end of the urine tunnel. Come on.
This can happen to the best of us. Don't let this take your spunk in life away.
I'm sure we can cum to another solution.
Cumilla? Cumilla?
Cumilla!
Well, well.
Thanks for a fucktastic evening.
Oh, yes. Good night!
Dear The Force, thanks for a lovely, lovely fuck.
Let me sleep in peace. In Baby Yoda's name.
What...? What are you doing?
Me? It didn't seem like we were quite done yet.
Oh yeah? Not yet?
Cuz I'm totally exhausted. I got super tired and cranky.
I think it's best if we just get a good night's sleep and...
Whoa, that'll work too.
Consider my consent given!
Initiating Spermageddon. This is not a drill.
Another chance! Not everyone gets one of those.
We're damn lucky.
And this time it's just us, the cream of the crop!
- Here it goes! - Oh my Godnorrhoea. This must be a mistake.
The restitution! Everybody, look!
We have another chance! Damn!
Yes!
Cumilla!
It's about to shoot!
Cumilla, stop!
Shit! Sorry.
Dear God, I totally forgot...
- Sorry. - It's all good.
I'm only tasting my own dick.
It's totally cool.
Sorry, I only took one condom with me. Do you...
Yep yep. Got it.
Okay.
I saw this position on the net.
- It's like super popular. - I've seen it too. It's a classic.
Hey, just make sure you don't bite into the actual condom, Jens.
Does it look like I don't know what I'm doing?
Can you even see with your eyes like that?
I can see well enough.
Is it good... good sex?
Uhh, yeah...
Thrilling.
- Everything good? - Yeah...
Luckily you're not as big.
- Huh? What did you say? - Nothing. Keep going!
I don't want to! We've got to get out of here!
Come on, Simen. This is our chance.
I don't want to!
I'm coming!
Yabba-dabba-doo!
Our guy's working hard today!
Remember the Rules of Semenness.
It's never too late to turn around!
I'm so proud of myself. Imagine if I could see myself now!
What the hell is that?
It looks like someone is seriously cockhungry.
It's a hole chewed out of the condom!
Come on, keep swimming! Let's fucking go!
Everybody, wait a sec!
But the others are going to get there before us!
Something isn't right.
Simen, I've had enough of you sabotaging things.
If you're a little coward bastard, great. But don't drag the rest of us down...
Cumilla! Does this look right to you?
Does this look like what we learned about?
Simen's right. Something isn't adding up here.
It almost smells like... sulfur.
Almost like something's burning/
- Hello, everybody! - Hey, Jizzberg.
Good to see you all here. Now it's just full steam ahead.
Get to the egg and then no holding back.
Keep back! I saw it first, this is my egg!
Jizzberg's own egg. My precious...
Wait! Get the fuck away from...
- That's not the egg! - To Valhalla!
Suck it, losers!
What is that?
Not entirely sure, but if I were to guess:
- Corn. - Huh? Corn?
- Damn that was good. - Yeah, that was awesome.
Dear Lord, it sure was.
You're not as innocent as you look, Jens.
- Such a piggy. - Nah...
What... What do you mean?
- You've watched a lot on PornHub. - Now I really don't understand...
Anal sex, hello! And for your first time too?
Anal sex? Did we just have anal sex?
Yes
I thought you were only into Star Wars, but you're clearly the Lord of the Rings.
Why didn't you say anything?
I thought you knew the difference between the two of them...?
I didn't see anything, so I just shoved it in and...
Maybe we should just wait a little before we do that again.
Yeah, yup, got it.
- It's all good. Thumbs up from me. - Super.
- Good night, Lisa. - Good night, Jens.
And you clearly said yabba-dabba-doo this time.
We are in deep shit. Quite literally.
Not what I was expecting, but still beyond all expectations.
This reminds me of my third orphanage.
Cumilla? Sorry I chickened out earlier.
And sorry we ended up here. That's the last thing I wanted.
Nah, it's all good. Sorry for chewing you out.
You saved all of us.
And we're still in the game.
Like Jizzmo would have said: Where there's a hole, there's hope!
- Look over there! - By the devil! What is that?
That is what is referred to in scientific terms as "poop".
Shit, excrement, manure, dung, caca, crap.
It fills up the entire intestine. Sooner or later, it will loosen and we'll be pushed out.
- And then where do we end up? - In No-Sperm's-Land.
Where neither sperm nor egg can live.
Welp, like my late doctor used to say:
It's never too late to give up!
Can't a poor intestinal bacteria just take a well-deserved nap for once?
What in the...? What kind of weirdo are you?
Me? I'm not a weirdo!
I'm actually quite common.
You'll find thousands just like me
- in every butt in the world.
I am an
E. coli, buddy
Yeah, a proper cheeky guy
And I live in the bum Where I make lots of little farts
But I can also go out for a trip if I want to
And if people don't wash their hands I can kill them, cuz it's fun!
And nope, they don't even have to touch poop directly. I spread out on food, get mixed in with water
And before you can even count to three, I've made their life a living hell
Oh yeah! I've been waiting for a good explosion.
Something's finally happening here!
We need to take cover. We'll die if we stay here.
But why don't you just leave?
Go? Where can we go?
Duh!
Further up the intestines!
The last time I checked it was blocked off by a huge amount of waste.
You just have to chew your way through that!
Some
Might call be a tad perverse
Because it doesn't get any better than poop for me
Yeah, it tastes so good To me it's just the best
It tastes a thousand times better than cake or baked potatoes
I can't control myself It tastes so nice
I'll eat anything on the menu but would rather skip corn
Because to be honest it tastes like crap
But not like actual crap which tastes great! Nam-nam!
What a cool dude And he can sing too!
If I remember correctly... the intestines go upwards and inwards, right?
And piss is made up there where all the poop is made too.
Piss? What's that?
Piss? Well...
It's a kind of-
- dance music that goes like badabing, badabong.
No. It's a solution of organic and inorganic compounds-
- which is excreted through the kidneys. Also called urine.
Simen! You are such a damn nerd!
We can make our way to the stomach acid, take our way through the stomach-
- get funneled out with the urine and swim with the current out of the urethra.
Then we'll make our way into the vagina and onwards towards the uterus!
This time towards the right hole.
Wait a minute, Mr. E. Coli. Maybe you can help us.
Maybe you can eat your way through that lump blocking the intestines?
That wouldn't be out of character for me, but...
I want a kiss first.
Excellent! One of you kisses this thing on his ass mouth, then we can get going.
I'm not kissing that disgusting piece of shit on his poopy mouth!
I was expecting more of a Nutella taste, but that was a bit more... umami.
My first kiss. Can't complain.
Ok, you got what you wanted. Take us to the stomach acid.
Yeah, relax!
Nothing to stress out about.
Ok, let's get shitfaced!
Well it's always interesting to learn about new cultures, huh?
This was gooood shit!
What in the hell?
Disappear!
Fucking cream! Who the hell do you think you are?
You think you can fuck with me? Think you can stop me?
Like he deserves.
Cheaters.
Which way should we go now, Bonerson?
No idea, Rimsmith.
Like every other guy, I'm no expert when it comes to vagina.
Calm down. I'll take care of this.
Check this out. We can have a little snack
While we sit here and weigh it out. Always better to think on a full stomach.
- That's what Vulva-Marie says anyway. - Is that ham and fresh cock cheese I see?
Food!? You guys are thinking about food right now?!
Do I have to do everything by myself?
Is it too much to ask for you both to contribute too?
Fucking idiots! Amateurs! Meatheads!
No! Dammit!
Since I don't have enough rockets for all of you,-
- we'll just have to be our usual cummy smart selves.
Limp-dicked sausages! Crooked-cock baby sparrows!
Awkward pissypants, the lot of you!
Come on Bonerson, calm down.
Out of the way!
Watch out!
Last one there's a rotten egg!
Oh no! Spunky!
My chest hurts! I think one of them got me, guys.
I feel salty. Am I dying?
I'll be honest with you: You've looked better.
Do you think there's a sperm-heaven, boss?
Do you think I'm going to sperm-heaven now?
Of course, if that's what you find comfort in...
Can you say something to Vulva-Marie for me?
Of course, just tell me what it is.
Spurt it out, anything at all!
Tell.... tell her...
- that she has to stop...
- serving that bukkake cake of hers-
- every fucking time.
No! Don't go.
Rimsmith?
- There's been a change in plans. - Oh yeah?
Twins.
Twins?
Oh fuck!
Everything good, Mr. E. coli?
I think I just ate something weird. That's the worst thing I've ever tasted.
I think it was...
Food.
Food?
- That must mean... - The poop percentage is falling.
- We're getting closer to the stomach. - Imagine that! The books were correct.
The butt is connected to the stomach! We made it!
Hurray!
Okay, dear sperm buds. Farewell!
And who knows? Maybe we'll see each other out there again?
If you're bad at washing your hands or get into rimming!
What's rimming?
Time will tell, Simen! Time will tell!
Thanks for your help, Mr. E. coli!
This place is even bigger-
- than Sack City's biggest themepark, Jizzneyland!
What is this?
This is butt juice that...
- well, boils down into poop.
No, that's stomach acid.
This is where the body digests all the nutrients it takes in.
See that shaft over there? That's where the food comes from.
And up there somewhere is the mouth and the head.
The mouth! Yes, the mouth.
The upper body's answer to the vagina.
If we make it across without being dissolved by stomach acid,
- we can follow the urethra down to the real hole.
Simen, you are absolutely incredible!
So in other words, all we need is a vessel?
Why does the boat smell like tutti frutti?
There it is! The whirlpool!
Hope you all don't get seasick easily.
Turn around! Come on, Simen, swim!
- No no no, we're heading in the right direction. - The famous Vaginagara Falls!
I can't believe we get to see this with out own eyes!
Are we going down there?
You bet your balls we are!
No!
Come on, Cumilla!
We have to use these weird ropes or whatever the fuck they are-
- and sling ourselves over to the vagina!
Put your weight into it! We have to swing ourselves over.
Swing like an old dude's nutsack!
Looks like the French-fry dinner from yesterday has bid adieu.
- No! - Come on!
- Thank Cock, I think she's done. - What the fuck did she eat?
Made it by a cunt hair, huh?
No!
- Aftersquirt! - Sometimes almost is good enough.
What a pleasure to have met you all,-
- friends!
I love you!
Jens! Hey, wake up.
I slept like a rock.
Nothing makes you sleep better than a good orgasm. Am I right, or am I right?
Oh yeah. Come on, get dressed. The sun's out.
Can't just waste a whole day sleeping.
Uh, yeah I can. I've done it plenty of times before.
What in the genital warts...!?
Has she fucked a smurf or what?
It's spermicide cream.
It's just like the icing on a cake,-
- except it's not on a cake and it kills sperm.
Swim! Swim towards Nirvana.
Come on, let's pull away from the pack!
Loadtastic!
But we stil have to catch up to Jizzmo!
They just won't give up, huh? Unspermally tough!
Well, well.
Guess we have to throw in the cum towel for them, then.
Rimsmith, watch out!
He missed!
So long, suckers!
Next stop: Egg cell station!
They're faster than us!
Professor!
Make me proud, Simen and Cumilla.
Find the light-
- and make me proud!
And know that I died doing what I loved:
Living!
You've gotta take matters into your own hands from now on, Bonerson, my old friend.
Old?
Didn't we only meet last night?
Catch up to Jizzmo and conquer the egg. For both of us. Avenge me.
The plan was for us to become twins together.
That's nothing to strive for. They have to share everything. Clothes. Women. Candy.
You can't leave me now!
Swim away, Bonerson. Show them what you are made of. Climax, Bonerson.
And remember: whoever ejaculates last, ejaculates best!
No!
Simen! Come on!
We can't stop now
Arriving at destination in T minus 0.1 millimeter.
Yes, indeed. Here's the uterus!
Shit, so beautiful! It looks like a really awesome video game.
Feeling sick?
No, I'd just rather be safe than sorry, considering what happened yesterday.
- Always best... - To be completely sure.
- Exactly. - Yeah right?
- You get it. - I'm in total agreement.
Good.
Something's missing here.
Cumputer! Give me the location of the egg cell!
Egg cell located. Egg cell is located out of range.
Reason: regret projectile activated ...
The bitch took a Plan B pill!?
Fuck me in the ass! If there's one thing thing I hate, it's people who regret everything!
Oh, Cumputer! I just want to die!
Suicide sequence initiating in T minus 30.
- 29, 28... - Cancel! Undo! Undo!
Suicide-sequence undone.
Come on We're getting close!
Have we lost them?
No!
What sort of paranoid broad
- uses condoms, spermicide and plan-B pills?
Cumputer. Give me an estimate on how long I can survive in this shit hole.
Without provisions or recharging you'll last for T minus 32 minutes.
And how long until the Plan-B pill wears off?
The medication's half-life is ...43 hours.
43 hours?!
What the hell...
You know why this is happening, huh?
It's your fault!
I had a plan.
I was prepared!
But one of your amateurs-
- must have hit a nerve or something!
Fucked with her hormones. Scared her.
One of you, maybe more.
But if I'm gonna die down here...
at least I'll-
- die alone!
Carrying out destruction of all sperm cells in three...
No!
Stop right there!
Let me go, you overgrown larva!
What do you...
Guten tag, buenos dias, buorre beaivi... (Good morning in German, Spanish, Northern Sami)
See ya in the toilet bowel, you dingleberry!
Unfortunately I don't think I can participate, but you're free to say hey to all my buds.
You still think you can defeat me?
With one tail.
Cumputer. Carry out self destruction.
Self destruction executing in T minus 30 seconds.
30, 29, 28, 27, 26...
Where is the egg?
...8, 7, 6, 5...
Climax, Jizzmo.
...3, 2, 1.
Thanks for today.
Shit, it was so damn nice coming yesterday.
- Yeah. - I came so fucking hard. I just...
- Was it the same for you? - Well, yeah, but uhh...
Because you came...
When you came. Right?
Okay, I didn't come.
- I don't need to come. - Of course you gotta come. Well that means that I didn't...
- Nah, it's not that important for me. - But it's important to me!
I want you to come.
You have to!
Okay?
Well, well...
Hello!
I...
I really, really want to fuck you again.
Fuck you long and hard.
I've fantasized about that cock all night.
Oh, that lovely, big dick of yours!
I'm gonna fuck you so hard that you faint. You're gonna get a double concussion.
And I'm gonna fuck you even harder.
And I'm gonna tear your dick off. Rip it right off and use it like a dildo.
While you just lay there bleeding to death and just watch me as I come!
- Okay? - Yeah.
- Shit. I mean, "bleeding to death"? - Sorry, that was a little...
We just have to practice that a little bit.
Like...
Like Adam and Eve.
Except Adam and Eve-
- didn't do anal on the first night.
That's true.
Or rather, we can't really know for sure.
Bonerson sacrificed himself.
Look!
It's not over! Come on!
Oww!
Shit!
What the fuck?
Come on, Cumilla!
Is everything good?
Got 'em!
Come on!
One last time!
This is it!
No! Not you!
Once bitten, twice shy!
- No! - Once bitten, twice shy!
I'm cumming! I'm cumming!
Cumilla!
Shit, I'm coming too. I'm coming too!
Just pull out, just remember to pull out!
Yabba-dabba-doo!
Oh fuck!
Help! Help me!
Jens!
Cumilla!
Cumilla, help!
Jens!
Stop! Wait!
Jens!
Stand still!
Wasps are yellow and black. Is that all we've got? Why don't we know more about wasps?
Let's try a flashback.
- The flower is the boss! - The flower is the boss!
Respect the flower!
Come on!
Jens!
Help your idol fulfill his destiny.
Never!
Jizzus Christ!
Come on.
Shit! Are they gone?
Yeah. Is everything ok?
It uh... ... it hurts.
How does it... look?
I mean yeah uh... it looks good.
I'm just gonna see if I can find some...
Just don't look down!
Hey Jens?
I just wanna say-
- thanks for a "fucktastic" weekend.
Thank you too.
Hey, Cumilla?
I'm glad I didn't stay behind in the ballsack.
I'm glad I came along on this journey.
With you.
- I love you, Cumilla. - I love you too, Simen.
You know that when we go in there-
- it's all over
The journey is over.
Yeah.
But what a journey it's been!
- Are you coming? - I'm coming.
Hard.
And all the tests look great.
Just take this and then the process begins.
It's as easy as that.
Well then, how long have you all been together?
Six....weeks.
Six weeks, yeah.
Well it goes without saying that -
- you all aren't ready for this. And that's totally fine.
- Do you have jobs? - No.
- An apartment? - No.
- School? - I graduated high school in spring.
So you have everything ahead of you guys. Maybe together, maybe not.
Who knows?
But just use protection next time, ok?
But I did...
And so did I...
Never mind.
- Is, like, everything good? - Lisa, honey, everything's great.
Yeah it is. Because remember...
If you've gotten yourself some dick
And maybe it didn't last that long
and even if the egg got a little poke
of the man's... caviar
It's still great to say "thanks, but no thanks, not right now"
Cuz if you're not feeling it
then you're not
ready!
Everyone can suck Everyone can fuck
Everyone can suck, lick, stick it in a hole
Everyone can pop out a kid or three
But that doesn't mean it's a good idea
Soon there'll be 10 billion of us on earth
Meatheads living on junkfood and gossip
So let's be honest, folks. Let's say it together:
"Do we really need more of them?"
No! If you're not ready, then you're not ready
Ready to be a mom Ready to be a dad
It's a complex question but there's a simple answer:
If you're not ready, then you're not ready
That's just how it is. Nothing wrong with that. Because you gotta be ready.
Lots of people have been here
laying on my bench
Because you don't always think before fucking
You can be poor
And you can be rich
But if it doesn't feel right
Just sit right here and spread 'em
If you're not ready Then you're not ready
Ready to be a mom Ready to be a dad
It's a complex question but there's a simple answer
- If you're not ready... - Then you're not ready!
I had an abortion once When I was young and pretty
I loved cock so much, but kids not so much.
And I impregnated a flight attendant in 2005
That was another time Then we got down to business!
If you're not ready, Then you're not ready!
Ready to be a mom Ready to be a dad
- Try getting a dog first - Or living together as a couple
But if you're not ready
Nope, if you're not ready
There's so many other things You can waste your life on
Think about how much good stuff is on Netflix right now
And you'll probably get knocked up again soon It's so easy to do
And there's plenty of us down here anyway!
- Here in the sack! - Go on and sing, sperm!
Here in the sack!
- Here it comes! - Here in the sack!
Soon there'll be 10 billion of us on earth
Meatheads living on junkfood and gossip
The question is complex but it's got an easy answer
If you're not ready
Then you're not ready
Ready!
Nope, you're not ready! You're not ready!
Oh baby, you're not ready
And that's great
Yep, that's great
You don't need to be ready!
- Are you ok? - Yeah, I think so.
- Sorry. - For what?
You're the one it's hitting the hardest.
It's you, alone, that has to get through all this, because of what we did.
But you're here with me, aren't you?
The whole way through.
Well then I'm not alone after all.
No. So... What now?
What about a movie, maybe?
Yeah!
Sure. What about Lord of the Rings? Just got a special edition on Blu-ray.
Or Star Wars. The last one just came out in Ultra HD.
Cool. What about all of them?
- Altogether? - Yeah?
If I take this pill, it'll take two days for it to work.
We can just binge through the whole thing.
Has anyone ever told you-
- that you are the most fantastic, coolest, most awesome girl that ever existed?
Yes.
Exactly 2 seconds ago.
I think we should start with Star Wars then. The question is in which order.
Do we watch them in production year order, or do we start with episode 1?
Or we can also watch them in the totally correct timeline order.
Meaning we start with episode 1, 2, 3 and then skip over to Rogue One.
Nah we're forgetting Andor. Andor is really a prequel to Rogue One...
English translation: PiG30N