Paolo?
Paolo, are you there?
Oh, Paolo, of course I love you.
CONFESSlONS TO MARIKLA
HOW MUCH DOES LOVE INVOLVE YOU?
Dear Marikla,
I'm writing to you because I need your advice.
I'm 24 and I've been married for five years.
I've been told that I'm pretty and I'm fun to be around.
I have a good job and a wonderful husband.
I know I married a bit young, but it's worked out really well.
Lots of passion to start out with,
and lots of understanding to keep it together.
Except that for a while now
I've been feeling upset in a strange kind of way.
l want to live more... it's hard to explain... more fully, more intensely.
But my days are so uneventful, they're almost humdrum.
I tell myself that it must be the season that's giving me these strange cravings.
But in fact they've become even stronger lately.
Especially since that night my sister Nadia took us to a party
in honour of a Venetian poetess.
I'd like to fuck you and not touch you
and, among the uncertain hairs of your arse,
loose tongued, make a song resound.
I'd like to stuff dancing cunts in your mouth.
I'd like to cover you with sticky breasts and perfumed spit.
And down between your balls, suck your cock into my heartache.
I'd like, between lustful anal sex sessions and moans, to lick your knees.
And upwards, from your belly to your heart.
And to find some rest, I'd like not to be able to come any more.
Bravo!
That's made me so excited!
So kinky.
- Very modern. - Bravo!
From Veronica Franco to Patrizia Valduga, a representation of the feminine Eros.
Congratulations. Your book will be a big hit.
I'm Nadia Valentini. I run a body-fitness gym.
Come in and give it a try whenever you like.
Nadia Valentini.
I'd love to be able to write like you.
Believe me, I've never met such a sensual lT expert.
- Shall we dance? - Of course.
Everybody gatecrashes in Rome. Nobody needs an invitation.
I wasn't invited either.
I came with the poetess.
We're next-door neighbours in Venice.
- I'm from Venice too. - Oh, yes?
Do you know what a French poet like me used to call it?
"Venice - sexe femelle d'Europe."
Are you a sailor, with those tattoos?
I travel around, you know.
I collect old things.
Well, why don't you collect those two witches and take them away?
- You like the boy? - Well, he is my husband, after all.
Come on, husbands don't count.
Maybe not for you, but mine counts a lot for me.
I'd like to fuck you
and, among the uncertain hairs of your arse,
loose-tongued,
make a song resound.
I bet you're all wet.
Excuse me. My head is spinning.
Don't bother with museums, you fools. Art is among us, we are art.
Two perfect examples of baroque.
They flatten out as they go down.
Tapered like Borromini's creations.
Then turn them around and you have two arses in pure rococo style.
- But... - Don't be afraid.
I'm not afraid. But I don't know what your name is.
You're right. Alphonse Donatien.
Pirate of love.
I was right. You're all wet.
- You're crazy. What are you doing? - What I promised I'd do.
Diana, are you in there?
Yes, Paolo. Just a minute.
I lost you. Anything wrong?
No, I just needed to pee. Do you want to leave?
Yeah, I'm bored. This party's rubbish.
Whatever you like. Let's go.
But...
You're soaking wet.
And it's not pee. What is it? Are you turned on?
Of course, if you touch me there.
You know how sensitive I am.
Keep doing it.
Are you turned on because of me or that guy?
- What guy? - The one you were dancing with.
Who was he?
A Frenchman who lives in Venice.
He came on to me like a man possessed.
Paolo, you're driving me crazy.
Wasn't he a bit mature for you?
- Well, you can call him mature. - You should have called me.
I didn't say I didn't like him.
- He was in the bathroom with me. - Really?
Didn't you notice? He was right there, behind the door.
You're just joking. It's another one of your silly stories.
- He took all my clothes off. - Stop it.
He wanted to take me from behind. If you hadn't knocked...
You're making it all up. I know it. You are, aren't you?
He liked my arse.
What about this? Did he make you touch it?
Was it as hard as mine?
You like my arse too, don't you?
How many times do I have to tell you? It's the most...
You need to look at it before you can say that.
- Tell me I've got a beautiful arse. - It's beautiful.
Oh, God!
Come on, let's go home.
No, let's do it here.
Come on.
Tell me you made it all up. Go on, tell me.
Be quiet.
And they call us whores!
Morning!
Come on, wake up, lazybones.
I'll teach you for being so cheeky.
No! You're hurting me.
- Stop it. - What are you doing?
Stop it.
I'm raping you! I'm raping you!
It's eight o'clock. Too late for rape.
Let me go. Let me go.
If my mother could see the mess you make me live in.
Who, the wicked witch?
How dare you? I forbid you to talk about her like that.
All right, Mr Grumpy. All right.
Don't you like the music of the rain?
You're completely amoral.
What about you, you pig?
- I'm right. - No way.
It shouldn't have been a penalty.
- What are you on about? - It was a penalty.
Didn't you see the replay?
What replay? What are you talking about?
Didn't you see it on Sunday?
Of course I saw the replay.
If they hadn't had that penalty...
- It was a penalty. - The referee's a wanker.
- No way. I'm sorry. - Come on.
What the hell are you touching?
We're talking about football and you just touch my balls.
- Please... - Thank you, but I'm getting off next stop.
I'm sorry.
Listen, we need to be clear about things in life.
But you're a bit mixed-up.
You're firm in everything but your vocation.
- Miss... - Be a good boy and go to confession.
Can I call you?
- Do you have my number? - No.
Well, then, you can't.
Bye.
Hi, Lello.
What's wrong? Are you crying?
He's left me. He's gone back to his wife.
She's ill and he feels guilty. He says it's our fault.
- Is that true? - How should I know?
Out of all the guys in the world, why did she choose him?
Lello, tonight you'll find one ten thousand times better.
- You think so? - Guaranteed.
What about your diet, Antonietta?
All the good things are either immoral or fattening.
I've got a wonderful surprise for you.
It gave me a night to remember with Pierre.
- Really? - It's explosive. You'll see.
You're just dying to take it home with you, Lello.
I've already got loads. They're much nicer.
Well, what are you waiting for? Invite me round to see your collection.
Hello, guys. How's it going?
Antonietta, some new items have come in.
Would you mind trying them on, so I can see how they look?
All right, Mr Silvio. With pleasure.
Come along, my dear.
Some girls have all the luck!
Girls, you can take a short break.
Come here. Come here.
Yes.
Show me your tit.
Let me see you.
Spread your thighs.
Bend your leg a little.
Turn around.
Pull your panties up tight between your buttocks.
Just my size!
This morning I woke up with a massive hard-on
and I thought of you right away.
I'm really touched, Mr Silvio.
You're too good to me.
- Good morning. Hello, Diana. - Good morning, Mrs Tommasina.
Are you in mourning?
I am, unfortunately. I lost my little pearl.
I'm sorry. A close relative?
Very close.
We'd been together for 14 years. He was a wonderful dog.
l see.
And how's the Honourable Member?
He's in Strasbourg fighting famine.
Have you got those items ready for me?
Of course.
I can't wait to fill up my chest of drawers.
Let's try these.
They're like the ones you bought last week.
Exactly. They were a big success.
They ended up ripped into shreds.
That engineer has certain penchants.
Engineer? Is he your latest conquest?
One of the most generous. Cartier.
Congratulations.
Oh, well, at least I'm never bored in the afternoon.
I've found a little group of friends.
Algisa introduced me. She's a client of yours.
- Mrs Fitch? - That's right. They call her Mrs Bitch.
Lawyers, doctors, undersecretaries. It's a nice little earner.
If you're interested, I'll tell her.
Look, Mrs Tommasina, I'm not really cut out for...
Being a whore?
This isn't prostitution.
It's just a hobby. A part-time job. So many people do it.
Prostitutes don't come, poor things. But I do, and how!
Men have amazing imagination.
I learn something quirky on every date.
Wouldn't you like to learn something new?
My husband's got a lot of imagination.
Mine hasn't. How imaginative can an MEP be?
But it's so romantic to meet someone you don't know in a hotel room.
Your heart beats like crazy. It's an adventure into the unknown.
And then the thrill of being for sale. The transgression, the sin.
I'd give it a whirl, if I were you.
Thanks for your advice, Mrs Tommasina.
I know an American bishop...
- I've never liked priests. - They're the best customers.
- I'll take ten pairs. - That's great.
- Mrs Tommasina's nice. -Very nice. She's a belle de jour.
ln a certain sense so am l, with that pig in there.
My favours in return for a pay rise.
My husband's happy and so am l.
What? He knows?
Are you crazy? No way.
But don't you feel guilty?
It's not as if I'm in love with Mr Silvio.
But you're still cheating on your husband.
Says who? It's not cheating.
- What do you mean? - They're two different things.
With Pierre there's feeling, understanding, love.
With the others it's just a bit of sex.
Goodbye, Diana.
If you change your mind, call me.
Of course, Mrs Tommasina.
How can you do those things with Mr Silvio?
He's as ugly as sin.
Who cares? I've already got my lovely Pierre.
I've got a soft spot for the ugly ones.
They're more generous.
They'll do anything to make us forgive their ugliness.
- I guess. - That's how it is, I'm telling you.
l have great fun with Mr Silvio.
It's like shagging your father. What's the harm in that?
It's all good fun.
- What if you get knocked up? - No danger of that.
There are lots of methods. I use the most natural one.
I take it... here.
Diana! My God! Are you hurt?
No, it's nothing.
Diana? Could you come to the workshop for a minute?
- There's someone here to see you. - Yes, I'm coming. Yes.
- Nadia, what are you doing here? - Put it delicately.
- Aunt Emma's kicked the bucket. - Holy Mary!
Just as well I told her to use a bit of tact.
I can't leave the gym. Can you go to the funeral?
You were always her favourite.
I don't know. How can I...
- My job, Paolo... - It's not a problem, Diana.
Absolutely not.
Go to Venice tomorrow for your aunt's funeral.
And don't worry about Paolo.
I'll take care of him.
I'm sorry, Diana, but I can't come with you.
I've got so much work at the moment.
Don't worry, I'll go on my own.
Will you be faithful to me? You know how sexy funerals are.
- Paolo, that's crazy! - It's an established historical fact.
The atmosphere of a funeral creates an overwhelming desire to fuck.
lt says so in this article on adultery.
Statistics show that over 60% of ltalian wives cheat on their husbands.
- What's this? - Antonietta gave it to me.
What kind of people do you hang out with?
People who aren't ashamed of what they do.
- Let's have a look at it. - lf you insist.
Come in. ls the gentleman with you?
He's my husband.
- Wait here for me. - Of course, darling.
That's so nice.
- Yes. That's it. - Get undressed, please.
Down a bit more. To the right.
And your panties.
What are you doing? You're scratching me.
Sit down here.
Open your legs.
What do you think?
When you go to the gynaecologist, do you...
With him? He's 70.
What if he was young?
Well, it depends. Who knows?
- Doctor, what are you doing? - My job. Let me get on with it.
Would you be very upset?
Of course I would.
Is that all?
I'd be quite excited too.
That sort of thing happens at the shop.
Mr Silvio's always trying it on.
He paws me when he can.
Oh, yeah? Where does he paw you?
All over. My tits, my arse...
He was even doing it when he was offering me his condolences.
Filthy pig! How did you react?
You let him do it, didn't you? Come on, tell me.
Well, yes. l let him drag me into the workshop.
Then what did he do to you? Tell me!
He threw me down on the table.
He opened my legs and touched me right there.
- Here? Like this? - Yes, like that.
Then what?
Then he turned me round and bent me over.
Fuck, Doctor! What a cock!
Yes! Stick it in me! All of it!
Rip my arse apart!
Higher up, Paolo, higher up! Go on!
I can't take it any more. It's your fault, you bitch.
Your imagination makes me too excited.
Can I ask you a favour, gentlemen?
- Of course. - What is it?
Let me start by saying that I'm willing to pay a million lire.
To do what?
Lose my virginity.
In my arse.
Money from a woman? Never.
Call me romantic, but a woman's arse... no way.
How dare you? Can't you see I'm in mourning?
"Subject to the environmental clause
"prohibiting the addition of extra storeys to the existing building,
"I bequeath to Marco Valentini,
"son of the late Luigi Valentini and therefore my legitimate nephew,
"ownership of Villa di Mira,
"the land registry particulars of which are listed above."
Big deal. It's an old ruin.
It'll cost a fortune to restore it.
Next item.
"I bequeath to Diana Bruni,
"daughter of the late Giovanna Valentini and therefore my legitimate niece,
"ownership of the top floor of the building at 1725 La Giudecca
"in its present condition
"and with all its contents at the time of my death."
You have all the luck. I had my eye on that apartment.
I wanted a pied-a-terre in Venice.
"Finally, I bequeath my estate in Vittorio Veneto
"and the funds in my account at the Cassa di Risparmio di Venezia
"to the convent of Carmelite nuns in Vittorio Veneto,
"of which I was an ardent benefactor during my lifetime."
Come with me.
What an arse!
You look great.
- Rome suits you. - Thanks.
l want to see my inheritance. Will you come too?
We can't, Marco. The Menegellos are coming to dinner.
Don't worry, Nora. You go back to Padua.
I'll go with Diana and see you at dinner.
Down here.
Father, you sign last.
The last shall be first.
- I'm pleased you've stayed with me. - Strange lady, Aunt Emma.
She liked us a lot.
Of all our relatives I'm the one who spent least time with her.
- But you knew about her? - Sure.
Just the things our family mentioned.
Discreet, organised, intelligent and above all skilful.
Skilful? In what way?
Skilful in bed. Two or three lovers, maybe even four.
The right men, though. Family men, plenty of money and opportunities.
They gave her advice about her investments.
In the end she made good choices.
We saw that today. For herself and her nieces and nephews.
And Uncle Aristide?
A mystery! Did he know or not? Was he happy or was he bitter?
Well, I still think he was never really interested in women.
But one thing's for sure, Aunt Emma was crazy about him.
If he was still alive, we wouldn't have inherited a thing.
Don't worry, nobody's going to take your apartment away from you.
It's yours. You can do what you want with it.
Who knows, I might even come back to Venice.
Of course you will.
- How's it going with you and Nora? - And you and Paolo?
Very well.
- Does he know about us? - What is there to know?
That I had you first, I loved you and we did everything together in bed.
Everything?
I don't think so.
Let's get moving. I feel like going to the Punta della Dogana.
- Do you remember? - How could I forget?
You're just the same, but even more.
- I'd call you Pithecanthropus Erectus. - You'd say "my Pithecanthropus Erectus".
There's still the same smell of piss here.
With all those tourists I bet even the women take a leak.
Open your thighs. What am I supposed to do otherwise?
You're a bit soft.
No, you've forgotten how to do it standing up.
- She shouldn't have got involved. - I agree.
What are you doing? You're not leaving me high and dry, are you?
Let's go to my house. It's much more comfortable.
You mean Aunt Emma's apartment?
Isn't it my house now?
I'm not going back today, Marco. I've changed my mind.
I want to sleep in my house tonight.
I've got to get back to Padua. I told Nora I'd be there for dinner.
I told Paolo I'd be back this evening too.
No, Diana. I can't. I can't.
No problem, we'll do it another time.
l aim to spend a lot of time in my Venice home.
That's the water bus for the station.
You'll catch it if you run.
Do you swear you'll let me see your new house?
I swear.
But you need to run now. Run!
Bye.
No way!