(15年前)
嗯…我的射箭術挺不錯的 So... l'm pretty good at archery.
假如你有時光機 That'll be useful if you ever have a time machine
讓你回到中古時期 這對你會很有用 and your time machine breaks, and you're stuck in the Medieval Ages.
你很搞笑，好怪哦 You're funny. lt's weird.
是啊，我很怪 Yeah. l'm weird.
我也是 Me too.
才怪大家都喜歡你 你爸又超有名 Yeah, right. Everyone loves you and your dad's like famous, or something.
我爸媽要離婚 所以我才會參加夏令營 My parents are getting a divorce, that's why l had to go to camp, so...
你在哭嗎？ 沒有 - Are you crying? - No.
天啊 Jesus.
聽好…我不是感情豐富的女生 Look... l'm not really an affectionate person.
情侶註定不會永遠在一起 People aren't meant to be together forever.
你真的這麼想？ You think so?
真的 Yeah.
我能摸你那裡嗎？ Can l finger you?
不行 No.
好吧 OK.
(5年前)
- Come on, baby, l got ya! - Don't drop me!
Hey! Hey!
派翠絲！ Patrice!
歐麥尬！我說這是睡衣派對 Oh, my God! l told you that this was a pajama party.
但是你穿的是什麼？ What are you wearing? What is this?
你真的穿了連身睡衣？ 搞什麼？ You're wearing actual long johns? What?!
這是兄弟會派對 This is a frat party.
你要喝醉才會性感火辣 You just have to be drunk and look hot.
學著點兒吧 Watch and learn.
(婊子)
Hey. Hey!
我醉到超high的！ l'm so drunk!
Drink! Drink! Drink...!
你認識那個女生嗎？ Hey, do you know that girl?
那個性感拓荒者？ The sexy pioneer?
我想我認識她 l think l know her.
我會和拓荒者上床，肯定會 l'd have sex with a pioneer. For sure.
尤其是迷路的拓荒者 A hungry pioneer lost on the trail.
我認識你嗎？ 嗨，夏令營的亞當法蘭克林 - Do l know you? - Hi, Adam Franklin of Camp Weehawken.
我是艾瑪柯茲曼 你那時候想摸我那裡 l'm Emma Kurtzman. You tried to finger me?
對哦，哇塞！ Yeah. Wow! Do you go here? Why...?
你也念這間大學嗎？ 不，我念麻省理工學院 - What are you doing at a party of frat? - No. l go to MlT,
但家裡有事，我在這裡長大 but l have this family thing, and l grew up in Ann Arbor.
麻省理工學院？ 你長大後比我聰明好多 MlT? Wow. So you grew up to be a lot smarter than me.
有時候我的頸肩很酸 Yeah, sometimes my neck gets sore.
為什麼？ 我的腦容量太大了 - Why? - 'Cause my brain's so big.
我同意，沒有用，算了 l agree, it didn't work. Drop it.
我喜歡你 l like you.
為什麼？你根本就不瞭解我 What? Why? You don't even know me.
我就是喜歡你 l like you.
我明天得參加一場很蠢的場合 想跟我一起去嗎？ l have to go to this stupid thing tomorrow. You wanna come with me?
好啊，我跟你一起去 Yeah, sure. l'll come with you.
什麼場合？ 很蠢的場合 - What is it? - Some stupid thing.
我最後想和大家分享 l wanted to leave you with something David said to me
大衛幾乎每天都跟我說的話 almost every day at the lab.
他引用愛因斯坦 lt's Einstein.
人有兩種過生活的方式 ''There are only two ways to live your life.
一種是假設沒有奇跡 One, as if nothing is a miracle.
另一種是一切都是奇跡 The other, as if everything is a miracle.''
對大衛來說 最大的奇跡就是他的家人 For David, there was no bigger miracle than his family.
他的女兒艾瑪和凱蒂 還有他的太太珊卓 His daughters, Emma and Katie, and his wife, Sandra.
Mom?
媽…這是亞當 l want you to meet Adam.
很遺憾 l'm so sorry.
我老妹凱蒂和她情人凱文 And this is my sister, Katie, and her lover, Kevin.
是男友，也是我的知己 Boyfriend. And my best friend.
謝謝你 我不知道你交了男友 Oh, well... thank you. l didn't know you were dating someone, Emma.
並沒有 Oh, l'm not.
我只是14歲跟他發生過一夜情 l just had a one-night stand with him when l was 14.
很感人的葬禮 lt was a really nice funeral.
很遺憾 l'm sorry.
很高興你留下來 l'm glad you stayed.
我也是 Me too.
我再打給你 So, l'll call you, or something...
亞當，你人很好 Adam, you're wonderful.
幸運的話，你再也不會見到我 lf you're lucky, you're never gonna see me again.
(1年前)
Yes.
Hey.
我們是不是…？我們是大學同學 Did we...? Yes, we did. We went to college together.
你有一對同志爸爸 You have two gay dads.
我是有一對同志爸爸的傢伙 Yeah, l'm the man with the two gay dads.
我大二那年他們幫我搬家 They helped me move my boxes sophomore year.
他們超贊，我愛他們 但我是超級異性戀 They're the best. l love them. l'm super straight, though.
好吧 - So, yeah. - OK.
派翠絲，對吧？ - You're Patrice, right? - Yes.
我是伊萊，我和…亞當！ Yeah, Eli. l'm with... Adam!
我馬上回來 l'll be right back.
買一些德式爆米花 Pick up some of that kettle corn.
是派翠絲耶 - lt's Patrice. - Hey!
- Patrice! Hey! - How are you?
- Weird. - Wow.
我好久沒見到你… l haven't seen you in... wow.
你好嗎？ 很好 - How are you? - Good.
亞當 Adam.
艾瑪 Emma.
這是大團圓嗎？ What is this, the Peach Pit?
我說的是《飛越比佛利》 對，你也是超級異性戀 - And, yeah, that was a 90210 reference. - Yeah, you're super straight.
你怎麼會在這裡？ 我剛搬來 - What are you doing here? - l just moved here a week ago.
我在西木教學醫院當住院醫師 l'm doing my residency at the Westwood Teaching Hospital.
凡娜莎，這是艾瑪 - Hi. - Vanessa, this is Emma.
艾瑪，凡娜莎 嗨，你好嗎？ - Emma, Vanessa. - Hi. How do you do?
這是我們的朋友派翠絲 This is our friend, Patrice.
你好嗎？ 讓我想想看 - Hi. How do you do? - How do l what?
- Hi. - Hi.
你看起來好漂亮 Hi, you look nice.
很高興認識你 lt's nice to meet you.
你記得我老妹凱蒂吧 她才剛畢業 You remember my sister, Katie. She's just finishing school here.
好久不見， 自從… Yeah. l haven't seen you guys since...
爸爸的葬禮 - Yeah, Dad's funeral. - Dad's funeral.
喔，真可憐 Sad.
好了，我們該走了 OK. Well, we should head out, so...
我們也該走了 Yeah, we should, too. You know...
我們應該聚聚，把號碼給我 But we should hang out. Let me just... l'll get your number.
把手機給我，我直接輸入 Yeah, just give me your phone. l'll put it in there.
好，這樣更簡單 Yeah, that's probably easier.
我們真的得走了，所以… We really have to be somewhere now, so...
我們該… Yeah. We should...
沒問題，沒問題 Totally. Totally.
很高興能碰面和見到你們 All right, well, good to hang out. - Good seeing you guys. Have fun. - Yeah.
保重 保重了，各位 - Take care. - Take care, ladies.
我是女五，我有你的鑰匙
你說我是你的最愛
她愛我
(現在)
她把愛心刻在樹上
女生當家 我們應該積極爭取我們想要的
不只這麼多
男生走吧，不必看這場秀
我們早就看過
不只這麼多
對你不好的男孩要他幹嘛？
害你等整晚的男孩要他幹嘛？
明明開開心心，幹嘛垂頭喪氣
卡！ And cut!
棒呆了 - Great. - That's good.
- OK! Yeah! - Great. Great.
大夥兒，再來一次 休息5分鐘 OK, guys, we're gonna do this again. All right? Five minutes.
- All right, let's... - Good job.
幹得好，幹得好 - Great job. Great job... - Wait. What are, people...?
班基，演得好 酷，謝了 - Hey, Benji! Good scene. - Cool. Thanks.
你超帥的！ You looked great!
莎莉，我教你要欲擒故縱 Sari. l told you to play hard to get.
可是我超好把的耶！ l'm incredibly easy to get!
亞當 Adam.
你剛才要問我什麼？ You were gonna ask me something before the break.
什麼事？ - What was it? - Yeah, l...
靠，到底是什麼事？ Wait, wait, wait. Fuck, fuckety-fuck. What was it? Stop.
你要提早收工去見你爸 You wanted to know if you could get off early to see your dad,
沒問題，OK的 - which is, yeah, totally fine. - Thank you.
跟你爸說我超愛他的影集 By the way, tell your dad, it's like my favorite show ever.
我有過DVD，弄丟了又買過 棒呆了 Love it, own it, lost it, bought it again. lt's so great.
“我的老天爺！” ''Great Scott!''
你一定成天聽到這句話 其實並沒有 - You probably hear that all the time. - Not that much.
Yeah.
查克！ Chuck!
再拍自己的雞雞我就沒收手機 Chuck! lf l catch you taking pictures of your dick one more time, l'm gonna take that thing away.
您好，我能效勞嗎？ He//o. How can / he/p you?
菲力浦，我是亞當 嗨，請進 - Hey, Philippe, it's Adam. - Hi. Come in.
嗨，爸 - Hey, Dad. - Hey.
你看看 Check it out.
活力瑜珈和蛙人操 Vinyasa yoga and the Army Ranger workout.
我合在一起做 哇，猴塞雷 - l combined them! - Wow. That's very impressive.
我可能會拍DVD，活力蛙人操 l'm gonna do a video, l think. Vinyasa Power.
看得出你的肌肉都練到哪裡 l can almost see where your muscles go.
很好笑，揍我 Very funny. Hit me.
不，我不想讓你受傷 No, l'm not gonna hit you. l don't want to hurt you.
不會啦 用力揍我一拳 You're not gonna hurt me. Come on, hit me. Give me your best shot.
快點，免得我得疝氣 Come on, quick, before l get a hernia!
不要 No.
你說的對，那就哈草吧 You're right. Let's smoke some weed.
(我的老天爺！)
這是上等貨 經紀人替我弄了張醫療大麻卡 This is really good stuff. My agent got me one of those medical marijuana cards.
很高興他們這麼盡職 lt's nice to see they're supporting your career.
那部影集錄得怎樣？ Yeah. So, how's the show going?
很棒，關於一群高中生 又唱又跳又玩部落格 l mean, great. l mean, it's about high-schoolers who sing and dance and blog.
至少你在編劇，這很重要 At least you're writing, that's what's important.
不，我只是助理製作人 No. l'm an assistant.
至少他們看過你的劇本 Well, but... at least they've seen your writing.
還沒有 Not yet.
其實… Actually...
我寫了一集，想請你給點意見 l wanted to get your opinion on this episode that l wrote.
這只是初稿 Kind of a sample.
做的好！兒子 That's my boy.
我會先看然後打些電話 l'll take a look at it, sure. And then l'll call somebody.
不，不要打電話 看完了告訴我你覺得怎樣 No. Do not call anyone. Just read it and tell me what you think.
好吧 OK.
所以… So...
你有沒有在炒飯？ Are you having sex?
有，我有在炒飯 Yes. l'm having sex.
你有任何疑問 'Cause if you want any pointers, you know...
我很樂意教你 離過兩次婚的好處是學會口交 ...l can help you out. lf there's one thing you learn after two failed marriages, it's how to eat kitty.
你有女友嗎？ 沒有 - Anyone special? - No.
自從和凡娜莎分手後就沒有 l mean, not since Vanessa.
一年了，你該交新的女友 lt's been a year. lt's time to move on.
才過了8個月 lt's been eight months, Dad.
你到底想跟我談什麼？ What did you want to talk to me about, anyway?
你有養狗嗎？ 斑斑！過來！ - You got a dog? Seriously, that's... - Freckles! Come!
你還沒告訴他？ You didn't tell him yet?
該死！ Damn!
l...
我想告訴你，我正要告訴你 Adam, l wanted to tell you. l was just about to tell you.
多久？ How long?
什麼？ 多久了？ - Well... - How long?
不久，我… Not long. l...
她需要地方住，房東又是大爛人 She needed a place to stay because, you know, her landlord is such a D-bag.
我在耶誕節派對遇到她 Christmas. l ran into her at a party.
我們開始聊天，聊的都是你 We got to talking. About you, mostly.
看起來很軟！ lt looked so soft!
並不軟 lt's not. God!
天啊，好痛哦 Oh, that really hurt. Damn.
你在上我的前女友？ You're fucking my ex-girlfriend?
沒錯，可是… Well, yeah, but...
她超辣的 我知道她有多辣 - She's just so hot. - l know how hot she is.
你們人真好 去你的！ - That's really sweet. Thanks, guys. - Fuck you!
亞當，我不是個好爸爸 Adam. All right, l'm not the perfect dad.
但我也不能向愛情說不呀 But the worst thing you can do in life is to say no to love.
我覺得她真的很愛我 And l think she really loves me.
別這樣，亞當 Don't. Adam.
我的同志爸爸最棒的是什麼？ Hey, you know the best part about my gay dads?
What?
他們絕不會替我前女友口交 They're never gonna eat out my ex-girlfriends.
那倒是 That's true.
我聽說… 你和你爸變成表兄弟了 Hey, l heard. You and your dad are tunnel buddies, huh?
瓦勒斯！ 她為了你爸甩掉你 - Wow, Wallace! - She chose your dad over you, man.
就好像用卡匣代替iPod That's like trading an iPod for a 8 track.
你得報一箭之仇 找他的前女友炒飯 You need to get even. Go have sex with one of his ex-girlfriends.
他在高潮的時候會不會大叫 Hey, you think when he's busting a nut,
“我的老天爺！” 不會嗎？ he's like, ''Great Scott''? No?
能不能聊別的？什麼都行 Wait. Can we talk about something else? Like, literally, anything else?
當然可以 - Yeah. - Of course. Yeah.
我的老天爺 - Great Scott. - OK.
夠了，我豁出去了 豁出去什麼？ - That's it. l'm going for it. - Going for what?
我要打給手機裡的每個女生 l'm gonna call every girl in my phone
直到有一個肯跟我炒飯 until someone agrees to have sex with me.
超屌的，我敬你 這是個自我毀滅的計畫 - That's strong. Toast to that. - Toast. That is a terrible, self-destructive plan,
但我們百分百支持你 and we're behind you a hundred percent.
你也好嗎？ Well, hello to you!
我可以趕去俄亥俄州 Yeah, l can come to Ohio.
俄亥俄州？不行啦 Ohio? No, you can't.
我搭計程車 l'll take a cab.
好，我去找你 No, it's fine. l'll come to you.
哪間醫院？ What hospital?
我現在只需要有人陪 l just really need to be with someone right now.
我在想你能不能讓我上你 Hey, l was wondering... Do you have someplace l could put my boner?
我們可以玩抱抱就行 No, it's just... we could just snuggle or something.
你幾歲啦？ What? Well, how old are you?
- Oh... - OK.
我行！我行！ l got it! l got it.
我行啦 l got it. l got it.
l got it!
你不記得我的名字了，對吧？ You don't remember my name, do you?
沒關係 lt's OK.
我叫希拉 你看起來需要喝咖啡 lt's Shira, and you look like you could use some coffee.
好，咖啡很好 Yes. Coffee's good.
我的… l got...
我的褲子咧？ Where are my pants?
不知道，可能在任何地方，來 l don't know. They could be anywhere. Here's your coffee.
謝謝你 Thank you.
你昨晚開不開心？ Did you have a good time last night?
還好啦，沒什麼特別的 lt was all right. Nothing special.
聽好，我要你知道 Listen, l want you to know that...
我很尊重你 ...l respect you.
謝謝你 Thank you.
通常我都會記得… 跟我那個的人的名字 Normally, l would remember the name of someone that l've...
什麼？我的天 What? Oh, my God.
你以為我們炒過飯 拜託，並沒有，好嗎？ Did you think we had sex? Oh, my God, we did not have sex.
亞當，你把襪子留在我房間 Hey, Adam. You left your socks in my room.
有嗎？ 有 - Did l? - You did.
我有沒有把褲子留在你房間？ Did l, by chance, leave my pants in your room?
沒，我見到你的時候 你就沒穿褲子 No. When we met, you weren't wearing pants.
別再逗他了啦，大夥兒 Stop teasing him, you guys.
派翠絲，我認識你 - Patrice. Hey, l know you. - Hey.
- Yeah. - OK.
昨晚發生什麼事？ What happened last night?
我們有沒有…？ 我們有炒飯，而且我很爽 - Did we do it? - We had sex. Yeah. l really liked it.
我不知道我的身體能承受那種痛 l didn't know that my body could handle that much pain.
可是我喜歡 And that l would like it.
你醒啦！ You're up.
艾瑪 Emma.
你也住在這裡？ 對 - You live here? - Yep.
感覺好一點嗎？ You feeling any better?
我昨晚有沒有在這裡跟誰炒飯？ Did l have sex with anyone in this apartment last night?
並沒有 No, you didn't.
沒有，抱歉 你沒有 - No. Sorry. - You didn't.
謝謝你們哦，很好笑 Thank you. Yeah, that's... that's funny.
讓我們嘲笑宿醉的溜鳥俠 Let's make fun of the hung-over naked guy.
我有你的褲子，想要就跟我來 But l do have your pants, so if you want them, come with me.
好，謝謝你 Yes. Thank you.
別害臊，我們都是醫生 You don't have to feel embarrassed, because we're all doctors,
每個禮拜都得看幾百根陰莖 so we see literally hundreds of penises a week.
我看過幾千根 l see thousands.
我昨天才從寶特瓶拔出一根 l just pulled a penis out of a VitaminWater yesterday.
大家都看習慣了 - So, we are cool with penises here. - OK.
我們是專業醫師 We're professionals.
Well...
幸會了 lt has been a pleasure.
好翹的屁股 Bravo.
超翹的 - Nice. - Bravo, bravo.
沒錯，我絕對是同志 Yep, l'm definitely gay.
我怎麼會跑來這裡？ So, how did l get here?
你傳簡訊給我說是緊急事件 You texted me that it was an emergency,
我把位址傳給你 然後你就跑來 and then l texted you my address, and then you came over.
我猜你以為你回家了 And l think you thought you were at home,
因為你開始脫衣服 because you started taking off all your clothes.
噢，天啊 Oh, God.
你的褲子 謝了 - Here are your pants. - Thank you.
所以… So...
我只是昏睡在沙發上？ - Did l just pass out on your couch? - No.
沒有，你還幹了一件事 有點像是…一種舞 No, then you did this thing. lt was... ...like a dance?
一種舞？ 是啊，像這樣 - Dance? - Yeah, like...
我在你面前搖晃我的老二？ 對 - l shook my dick at you? - Yeah.
靠，真是對不起 Oh, shit. l'm sorry.
其實…還蠻刺激的 No, no, it was... it was exciting.
你一邊搖晃一邊歡呼 lt was like you were cheering while you were doing it.
“喔耶，看看我的老二” You were like, ''Look at my dick!''
你有看嗎？ 當然有 - Did you look at it? - Yeah, l looked.
挺不賴的 你的老二很不錯 lt was nice. You have a really nice penis.
不錯？ 挺自由自在的 - Nice? - lt seems kind of like carefree.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
老天爺 我不知道該從何說起，我爸… Jesus. l don't know where to start. My dad's...
我爸在和我前女友交往 My dad's dating my ex-girlfriend.
你昨晚跟我說了 You told me about it last night.
我是不是很有魅力？ Did l tell you like in a charming way?
我是不是又迷人又搞笑 Was l like charming and funny when l told you?
是，你光著屁股大哭特哭 Yeah. You were... ...naked and crying.
Yeah.
我真是一團糟 l'm a mess.
Hey.
不會有事的 lt's gonna be OK.
謝了 Thanks.
我是說真的 Seriously.
謝謝你 Thank you.
我該準備出門了，我不想遲到 l should probably get ready now. l don't want to be late.
好…你不想遲到 Yeah, it's... You don't want to be late.
對，那樣不好 No, that would be bad.
保險套？ Condom?
我有保險套 - Condom. Get a condom. - l know. Condoms.
- OK. - Condoms.
有了 Got it.
快點 - Got it. - Hurry.
需要幫忙嗎？ You need help?
我能搞定 - l got it. - OK.
好了 Here we go.
你還穿著… Oh, you got your...
讓我來… - Yep. - Let me just...
- Hey. - Yeah.
我們在炒飯耶 我知道 - We're having sex. - l know.
我們10分鐘後要到醫院 Emma, we have to be in the hospital in ten minutes.
好啦！ OK.
你只有45秒的時間達到高潮 You have 45 seconds to pull your shit together, OK?
我一定會比你快 很好 - l'm way ahead of you. - Fine.
很好 Fine.
找到了 太好了 - Found it! - Oh, great.
Thank you.
我們不要告訴任何人 So, we're not gonna tell anyone about this, OK?
這樣比較簡單 - Yeah. Of course. - lt's just easier that way.
當然 很好 - Definitely. - Good.
艾瑪！該走了！ Emma, time to go!
來了！ Coming!
- All right? - ls this...?
這樣看起來像是炒過飯嗎？ - No. - lt looks like something happened.
帳單給我，我買單 l'm gonna get the bill. l'll pay for it.
謝謝你 Thank you.
- Hey. - Hey.
Hi.
我只想在傳簡訊之後打給你 l just wanted to follow up that text with a phone call.
看看你想不想再聚一聚 Wanted to see if you wanted to hang out again.
我餓死了 l'm starving.
怪了，你出現在我在的餐館前面 That's weird. You just pulled up in front of the restaurant that l'm eating at.
Hey.
Hi.
嗨，我是山姆 我們是同事 - Hey. l'm Sam. - We work together at the hospital.
只有15分鐘買午餐 We have like 15 minutes to get food, so...
我有車，她只是利用我 She's just using me for my car.
你是個醫生？ 還不是，希望就快是了 - You're a doctor? - Not yet. Fingers crossed.
棒呆了，好樣的 Awesome. That's awesome for you.
嗨，伊萊 - Hey, Eli. - Hey.
我們很趕，很高興見到你 Well, we're kind of in a rush, so it was good seeing you.
幸會了 - Nice to meet you. - Nice meeting you.
你今天很美 You look beautiful today.
幸會了 Nice meeting you.
你這五八蛋 You piece of shit.
怎麼了？ 什麼怎麼了？我問你 - What? - ''What?'' Let me ask you.
你是不是跟艾瑪上了床？ Did you have sex with Emma?
沒有 No.
你有沒有跟艾瑪炒飯？ Did you have sex with Emma?
有 Yes.
可是我不該告訴任何人 - l'm not supposed to tell anyone. - Yes! Wow!
我打給她，她沒回電 只傳了簡訊 l called her, but she didn't call me back. She sent me a text.
她寫什麼？ “嗨” - All right. Well, what'd she text you? - ''Hi.''
只有“嗨”？沒別的？ - Just ''Hi''? - ''Hi.'' With nothing else? Just ''H-i''?
我該怎麼回應？ l don't know. What do l do with that? l don't know.
情況不妙 That's not good.
你得趕快抽身，結束了 You just gotta walk away, pal. lt's over.
她對你沒興趣 真的嗎？ - She's not into it. - Shit. Seriously?
很高興見到你們 回頭見 - Good seeing you guys. - See you later.
你真以為她是利用他的車？ You really think she's just using him for his car?
才怪，他想在油電車裡上她 No, Adam, l don't. l think he wants to fuck her in his Prius.
因為在油電車裡面做愛超環保的 And the thing about fucking in a Prius is that you don't have to feel guilty afterwards.
因為可以節能減碳 - 'Cause of the carbon footprint. - Yeah.
梅醫師前幾天跟我說話 不是吧，他說什麼？ - Metzner talked to me the other day. - Shut up. What did he say?
“你做錯了”，超棒的 He was like, ''No, you're doing that wrong.'' lt was amazing.
艾瑪 Emma.
你跑來幹嘛？ What are you doing here?
你沒回電，我就自己跑來 Hi. You didn't call me back, so l thought l'd come here.
送你的 lt's for you.
恭喜？恭喜什麼？跟你炒飯？ ''Congrats''? For what? Having sex with you?
對，你幹得很好 我覺得應該送你氣球 Yeah. You did a good job, so... l thought you deserved a balloon.
我在工作耶 好吧 - l'm working. - OK.
你幹嘛不回我電話？ So, what's up with not calling me back?
我不太會這種事 什麼事？聊天？ - l'm not good at this stuff. - At what, talking?
對，聊天，溝通 談戀愛之類的 Yeah, talking. Communicating. Relationship stuff.
是這樣的 lt's just... This is...
要是我們談戀愛 lf we were in a relationship,
我就會變得很古怪很可怕 l'd become a weird, scary version of myself, and...
我的喉嚨會縮緊跳動 My throat starts constricting, the walls start throbbing.
就像花生醬過敏症 感情的花生醬過敏症 lt's like a peanut allergy, like... an emotional peanut allergy.
我也不能跟你交往 你不是我爸的菜 Well, l can't date you, either. 'Cause you're not my dad's type, so...
艾瑪，巡房 嗨，亞當 Emma, rounds. Hey, Adam.
我該走了 - What's up? - Look, l should probably go.
謝謝你，我們只是朋友 Thank you. We'll be friends, right?
對，普通朋友 Yeah, friends.
我們的身高差太多 With the height difference?
他站在我旁邊好像要綁架我 We stand next to each other, it looks like he's kidnapping me.
幹嘛？ 你老是這樣 - What? - You always do this.
故意挑喜歡你的男生的毛病 You always find something wrong with everybody who likes you.
我交往過的男生才真正有毛病 And l date guys who have real problems.
有一個偷走我的信用卡 l date guys who steal my credit card,
然後怪我沒把信用卡收好 and then they tell me it's my fault because l left it out.
你卻找到完美的男生 You find these perfect guys,
然後說:行不通，他太快樂了 and then you're like, ''lt'll never work, he's too happy.''
怎樣，梅醫師？ What's up, Dr. Metzner?
我跟梅大醫師說“怎樣”？ Did l just say ''What's up'' to Stephen Metzner?
真是慘不忍睹 That was really hard to watch.
我知道我應該想要談戀愛 Look, l know l'm supposed to want to be in a relationship.
不過到頭來我只會心碎 留下一堆他的舊T恤 But l'd just end up with a broken heart and a bunch of his old T-shirts.
邏輯上來說… 你在幹嘛？ - Just from a purely logical aspect... - What are you doing?
傳簡訊給他 當然了 - l'm texting him. - Of course you are.
你有女生問題，我很同情你
我有99個問題，不包括女生
你不該送她氣球 You know, you shouldn't have gotten her a balloon actually.
你是“天外奇跡”的老頭嗎？ Who do you think you are, the old guy from Up?
你叫我送她氣球 You told me to get her a balloon.
我沒想到你真的會送，遜斃了 Well, l didn't think you'd actually do it. lt's a terrible idea.
沒人知道這件事，別說出去 不會啦 Listen. Hey, nobody knows about this, - so don't say anything to anyone. OK? - All right, l won't.
艾瑪傳的簡訊 上面寫什麼？ - lt's from Emma. - What's it say?
“你在哪裡？” 你寫什麼？ - ''Where are you?'' - What are you writing?
“嗨，你好”和一個眯眼 ''Hi, how are you doing?'' and then a winky face.
亞當，過了晚上10點了 No, Adam, it's after 10pm.
“你在哪裡？”的意思是: Come on, the ''Where are you?'' text is like saying:
我想炒飯 ''Hey, l want to have sex with you,
但是我得知道你有多醉 but l just need to know how drunk you are.''
Hey.
你上了艾瑪然後送她氣球？ Did you fuck Emma and then bring her a balloon?
什麼？你告訴他？ What? Did you tell him?
沒！有！ No! Yes!
你不能告訴任何人 她傳簡訊給他: “你在哪裡？” - You can't tell anyone. - She just texted him, ''Where are you?''
她想要炒飯 Oh, she wants the dick.
亞當，你得Man一點 一定要有威嚴 Adam, you want to come back strong here. Go from a position of power.
回傳說: “我在哪裡？我在你“那裡”” Something like, ''Where am l? Why don't you check your underpants.''
對，別這樣寫 - Yeah. Don't write that. - Yeah!
我才不會咧 我喜歡嚇人 - l would never write that. - See, l like to be kind of scary.
像是“砰，我的老二來了” Like, ''Boo! Here comes my dick.''
你和女生炒完飯送她氣球？ Did you have sex with some girl and give her a balloon?
你能不能不要告訴每個人呀？ Can we not tell everyone?
我道歉 l apologize.
你回傳什麼？ So, what'd you write back?
“嗨” ''Hi.''
這樣還行 不錯，很好 - Yeah, that could work. - Yeah, it's not bad. ''Hi'' is fine.
(你家半小時後)
你做了很多有趣的動作 There were so many interesting things going on.
翻轉的動作，那算什麼？ - Yeah. - That flippy thing, what was that?
不知道，我突然想到就做了 Sure, l just, l don't know, l had an idea, l just went with it.
那真的很棒 謝謝你 - That was a really good call. - Thank you.
我們最好不要抱抱 We probably shouldn't snuggle.
好，感覺不對勁 Yeah. That just felt wrong.
我該走了 l should head out.
這麼快？ 是啊 - Already? - Yeah.
你想吃松糕嗎？ You want to grab a muffin or something?
不行，我得工作 l can't. l have to go to work.
我不想嚇到你，不過… OK. You know, l don't want to freak you out, but...
改天我想跟你在白天約會 ...l'd love to hang out with you in the daytime sometime.
不可能，我沒時間 lt's not really possible. l have no time.
我每週工作80小時 輪班36小時 l work 80 hours a week, doing 26-hour shifts.
我需要的是半夜兩點跟我上床 What l need is someone who's gonna be in my bed at 2am,
不會說謊 也不必跟他吃早餐的男人 who l don't have to lie to or eat breakfast with.
我超討厭吃早餐，還有說謊 l hate breakfast. And lying.
我也討厭戰爭 l also hate war.
你想這樣嗎？ Do you want to do this?
怎麼樣？ Do what?
利用對方做愛做的事 24小時隨時待命 Use each other for sex, at all hours of the day and night.
其它的什麼都不做 Nothing else.
行，我可以 很好 - Yeah, l could do that. - Good.
這一定會很好玩 lt's gonna be fun.
這一定行不通 為什麼？ - You know this is never gonna work. - Why not?
因為你會愛上我 Because clearly you're gonna fall in love with me.
是嗎？ 那就等到 Oh, really? Well, then we just do this
其中一個動了感情 然後就停下來 until one of us feels something more, and then we stop.
不會是我 也不會是我 - Well, it won't be me. - lt won't be me.
祝你好運 Good luck with that.
- Hey. - Hey.
我們是炮友 We're sex friends.
我們只是飯飯之交 Just friends who have sex.
這是不可能的 That's not possible.
我要發劇本…要花一個小時 l'm going to distribute these for an hour or so.
我們應該保持簡單 Listen, we should keep this simple.
也許應該建立基本規則 l mean, maybe we should establish some ground rules.
基本規則，好主意 Ground rules. Good idea.
可以先從不吵架開始 OK, well, we can start with no fighting.
不說謊 都很好 - No lying. - Those are good ones.
不吃醋，直視對方的眼睛 No jealousy, no staring deeply into each other's eyes.
別把我列為緊急聯絡人 反正我人會到 Don't list me as your emergency contact. l won't come.
這不是違反醫生職業道德嗎？ lsn't that against your Hippocratic oath?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
我不會讓你死 是嗎？ - l'd let you die. - Oh, yeah?
我一小時後回來 l'll be back in like... an hour.
玩得開心 Have fun.
我只是去買優格 l'm just getting some yogurt.
天啊，我敗犬到想罵人 God, l am single as fuck.
天啊，它好像直直往我凸過來 Oh, my God. lt looks like it's coming right at me.
還有，別說我的老二很可愛 Hey, one more thing. Don't call my penis cute.
就算它扮成小熊溫柔地看著你 Even if it's dressed up like a Care Bear, and it's giving you a Care Stare.
別打扮你的老二，千萬不要 Don't dress up your penis. Ever.
你的保險給付侵入性手術嗎？ Does your insurance cover invasive procedures?
這遊戲有點太可怕了 OK. OK, this is getting a little too realistic.
相信我 Trust me.
有人到處在嘿咻 害我不能專心看A片！ l can't focus on my porn with all this real sex going on around me!
Yes, l'm ready.
你在幹嘛？ What are you doing?!
我寄了交友邀請，你會接受嗎？ l just friended you. Do you think you're gonna confirm or ignore?
我一定不會接受 Oh, l'm gonna confirm. For sure.
你這麼漂亮，當然會囉 Yeah, look at you. Of course.
需要幫忙嗎？ Anytime. Need some help?
太好了！太好了！ Oh, beautiful! Beautiful!
(他的手真的很小)
...the tomatoes are Australian.
那算什麼？ 什麼？ - What was that? - What?
你在吃醋嗎？ 那傢伙？拜託 - Are you being jealous? - Of that guy? Come on.
就算我喜歡他，我們也會變 Look, even if l did like him, it doesn't change what we're doing.
喔，所以你不喜歡他囉 亞當，我是你女友 - Ah, so you like him. - Adam, l'm not yours.
當然了，我怎麼會這麼想？ No, of course not. Why would l think that?
哇，油電車耶，水哦 Wow. Prius. Nice.
有點娘，不過很贊 你開什麼車？ - lt's kind of girly, but nice, huh? - What do you drive?
老舊的BMW，5系列，那裡 Just an old BMW. Five series. Right there.
是喔，我不是自己買的 Oh, yeah, sure. l actually paid for mine.
是父母給的 l didn't take it from my parents.
我也不是自己買的 Yeah, l paid for mine, too.
是嗎？ Oh, yeah?
你的塊頭很大，有健身嗎？ You're a big guy. Do you work out?
我劃 Oh. l row.
划船嗎？ Like boats?
我在哈佛大學是划船隊 哈佛大學！ - l rowed crew at Harvard. - Oh, Harvard.
你算是頭兒？是不是這樣叫？ What were you, a cocksman? What do they say?
我是船長 - What do they call it? - Coxswain.
我很了，你跟艾瑪上床 No. You know, l get it, right? That you're sleeping with Emma?
什麼？ l what?
你和艾瑪炒飯，我了了 That you and Emma have sex sometimes. l get it.
她累了就打給你 你開車過來炒飯…我猜10分鐘 She's tired, she calls you up, you drive over, and have sex for, l'm guessing, ten minutes.
你覺得會持久嗎？ Think that's gonna last?
我不知道你在說什麼 l don't know what you're talking about.
才怪，現在是沒問題啦 Sure you do. And that's fine, for now.
不過我才會每天陪在她身邊 But you should just know that l'm gonna be there right next to her every day,
當個醫生…救人濟世 using big words... ...saving people's lives.
當她厭倦了你就會奔到 Then, when she's done having her fun with you, she's gonna
我懷裡 因為我是大人，有真正的工作 come running to me, because l'm a grownup, and l have a real job.
我真的能照顧她，了嗎？ l can actually take care of her, you know?
我是她要嫁的男人 l'm the guy she marries, Adam.
你只能跟她在殘障廁所炒飯 You're the guy she fucked a couple of times in the handicapped bathroom.
這是什麼？ 我的腳呀，亞當 - What's this? - These are my feet, Adam.
超難看的 不，這個啦 - They're fantastic. - No, this.
那是你的劇本 That's your script.
你爸要我拿給你 Your dad told me to give it to you.
他看了，寫了些意見 Yeah, he read it, and he gave you notes, and...
我會說艾文跟我嗑了魔菇 l'm not saying Alvin and l did mushrooms together,
但我也不會說有 but l'm not prepared to say that we didn't.
我知道你們父子之間沒問題 l know that you have issues with your dad, and that's cool,
但他真的喜歡你，他也喜歡我 but he really likes you and he definitely likes me,
我們在腦力激蕩，隨便瞎掰 and we were just jamming ideas and goofing around
嗑藥嗑到超high的 and tripping our balls off.
我要你跳得更悍一點 Hey. So... l really feel like it needs to be more ghetto.
就像狂客舞 You know, like, more crunk? Can you work it out? Thanks.
跳得不錯 - Hey. Nice moves. - Hey.
我知道你很努力，但不夠好 l know you were trying really hard out there, but it just didn't work.
你能不能…嗯，我… Hey, would you ever...? l...
我寫了一集的劇本 l wrote an episode.
我念大學的時候會創作 - l used to write in college, so... - OK.
我得阻止你 那是你的工作 l'm gonna have to stop you right there. - Not your job. - Yeah.
我是真的會讀東西的怪胎 Hey. l'm, like, actually one of those freaks who reads things,
你想給我看沒問題 so if you wanted to give it to me, that's cool.
真的嗎？ 真的 - Really? - Yeah.
謝謝你 不客氣 - Thank you. - Sure.
梅根有時候會聽我的 Megan listens to me. Sometimes.
薇多莉亞！ 拜託，我看到你抽煙 Victoria! Seriously? Like, l can see you smoking right there.
給我熄掉！我不會追你 Put it out! l'm not gonna chase you.
我不會…薇多莉亞！ l'm not gonna... l'm not gonna... Victoria! Hey!
艾瑪！ Emma!
沒事吧？我收到你的簡訊 Katie, is everything OK? l got your message.
艾瑪，我有很棒的消息 Emma, l have really good news.
昨天野餐後發生的 OK, it happened yesterday after the picnic,
但是我想當面告訴你 but l wanted to tell you in person.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
我要結婚了！ l'm getting married.
我要結婚了！ l'm getting married!
我要結婚了！耶！ - You're getting married. - l'm getting married!
媽超興奮的 Mom is so excited.
她昨晚又哭又叫 She was like screaming and crying last night.
她要跟骨頭飛來幫我挑婚紗 And she's gonna fly down with Bones and help me shop for the dress.
骨頭？誰是骨頭？ With who? ''Bones''? Who's Bones?
噢，靠 凱蒂，誰是骨頭？ - Oh, crap. - Katie, who's Bones?
他是媽的朋友 He's Mom's friend.
我應該告訴你的，靠 l wasn't supposed to tell you about it. Crap.
她有了男朋友？他叫骨頭？ She has a boyfriend? Named Bones?
他不是遊民嗎？ 是啦！ - What is he, a drifter? - No.
她為什麼不告訴我？ Why didn't she tell me?
艾瑪 Well, Emma...
你習慣一個人，我和媽像你 You're so good at being alone. Mom and l aren't like that.
那是什麼意思？ 是真的 - What's that supposed to mean? - lt just is true.
聽我說，凱蒂 Look, Katie.
你才22歲，你真的要退學… You're 22. Do you really think you're ready to quit school...?
我愛他 l love him.
喝熱茶會減緩經痛 Tea for your 'gina.
我老妹要結婚了 Thanks. My sister's getting married.
我們知道 我們聽說了 - Yes, we know that. - We heard.
閉嘴，艾瑪 Oh, shut up, Emma.
你有吃普拿疼嗎？ Did you take your Pamprin?
不要管我 你才不要管我 - Leave me alone. - You leave me alone.
我最愛我們的月經同時來 l love it when we're all on the same cycle.
這樣就能名正言順吵架 We all get to be passive-aggressive and fight.
你又不是女人 You are not even a woman.
哪是誰？ Who is that?
誰？ Hello?
我是亞當 Hey, it's Adam.
開什麼玩笑？ Are you kidding me?
走開 Go away.
我有杯子蛋糕 l've got cupcakes.
大家好 Hello, everyone.
我叫你不要來，這裡不安全 l told you not to come. lt's not safe in here.
有沒有紅絲絨口味？ Do you think that you have red velvet in there?
也許有 l might.
咱們看看有什麼口味 Let's take a look and see what we have here.
希拉，巧克力蛋糕 快點 Shira, chocolate. Now.
我知道這是怎麼回事 你們的MC同時來 l understand what's going on. You're all on the same cycle.
這超令人興奮的 This is very exciting.
接下來3到5天 你們的子宮內膜會剝落 Your uterine walls will be shedding for the next three to five days.
你是上網查的嗎？ Nice memorization. Did you Google that?
也許是 l may have.
因為你們都是女人 這是很美好的事 Because you're women. And l think that's a beautiful thing.
我的褲檔就像犯罪現場 lt's like a crime scene in my pants.
我也替你… Oh. l also...
燒了這片光碟 ...made you this.
幫助你撫慰子宮 To help soothe your womb.
這是集錦歌 lt's a mix.
《順流》、 《紅紅酒》 ''Even Flow,'' ''Red Red Wine.''
《血腥星期天》？ ''Sunday Bloody Sunday''?
Adam.
你替我錄了月經集錦歌？ Did you make me a period mix?
超浪漫的 That's so romantic.
法蘭克辛納屈 Frank Sinatra.
《我牽住了全世界》 ''l've Got The World On A String.''
經典名曲 lt's a classic.
我一直，一直流愛的血
把那鬼東西拿開 Get that shit away from me.
這是濃湯，對你的子宮很好 Come on, it's soup. lt's good for your uterus.
你不喝我就要一直唱 Just take it, or l'm gonna keep singing.
我一直，一直流愛的血
噢，靠 Oh, shit.
嗯，亞當 Oh, Adam.
亞當！ Adam.
What?
我們睡著了，而且是抱著睡 We fell asleep. We were spooning.
真的嗎？ 真的 - We were? - Yeah.
而且我們穿著衣服 And we were spooning with our clothes on,
這比沒穿更糟糕十倍 which is like ten times worse.
慘了 是啊 - Oh, shit. - Yeah.
穿著衣服抱著睡覺 太糟糕了 - Fully clothed spoon. - This is bad.
我的錯，我不該熬湯給你喝 This is my fault. l should not have made you soup.
我們該怎麼辦？ 什麼怎麼辦？ - What are we gonna do? - About what?
也許我們應該…暫時停下來 Maybe we should... Maybe we should stop for a while.
不，我們不能停下來 No, we're not stopping.
我不曉得耶 Yeah, well, l don't know.
去上別的美眉 Go hook up with someone else.
你是說真的？ 對 - Are you serious? - Yeah, go...
去最近的夜店和陌生人做愛 Go to the nearest bar and have sex with a stranger.
你在開玩笑 並沒有 - You're kidding? - No.
這太扯了啦 你替我錄了月經集錦歌 - This is crazy. - You made me a period mix.
亞當，這是禁忌耶 Adam, this is an emergency.
你要我走？ - So you just want me to go? - Yeah.
隨便跟女人做愛？ 對，快去 - Just have sex with a random woman? - Yeah, go.
一個性感的女人？ Like a sexual woman?
對！ Yes!
我也會去跟別人上床 l'll go have sex with someone, too.
好吧 OK.
這對我們倆都好 是啊，好極了 - No, this is gonna be good for us. - Yeah. lt's great.
太好了，幹得好 Great. Well done. Well played.
掰了！ Bye.
我有兩星期沒跟她見面 l haven't seen her in two weeks, so...
她叫我上別的美眉，怎麼辦？ She said l should hook up with other people. l mean, what am l supposed to do with that?
看著我的臉 我不了啦，只是… - Look at my face. - No, l get it. l just...
我的臉在說什麼？ Look at my face. What does my face say?
你過著每個男人的夢想生活 Yeah, Adam, come on, you're living every man's dreams.
她要你上別的美眉 l mean, she wants you to hook up with other girls.
十年後你只能上你老婆 - Yes. - Look, in ten years from now, you're gonna be having sex with your wife.
永遠是男上女下 And it's gonna be in the missionary position.
而且你們其中一個會睡著 - And one of you is going to be asleep. - Yep.
當你回想到這一刻 And you're gonna think back to this moment,
你會哭著打給我 and you're gonna call me up, crying.
我不會當面笑你 不好意思哦 And l'm gonna laugh in your face, Adam. l'm sorry, but it's what l'm gonna do.
但這是好機會 This is a gift right now.
你甚至不必陪她吃早餐 You don't even have to have breakfast with her.
我不知道，我了啦 l know. l get that. l just...
看著我的臉 Look at my face.
你會帶亞當到耶誕節派對嗎？ You bringing Adam to the Christmas party tonight?
不會，我們的關係太緊繃 我們各自找到別人才會見面 No. Things were getting too intense, so we decided not to see each other until we hook up with other people.
太好了，今晚有搞頭了 OK. Yes. Good. We are getting laid tonight, right?
就像“尋找新方向” 你是主角 This is gonna be like Sideways, except that you're Paul Giamatti,
我是有搞頭的配角 我不能有搞頭？ - and l'm the guy that gets laid. - l can't get laid?
不行，今晚我超火辣的 No. Tonight is about me, Emma. All right? l'm feeling hot.
我的內褲沒洗，只穿丁字褲 l'm feeling good. l am wearing bikini bottoms because my other underwear is dirty.
我們很性感，你覺得呢？ All right, we're hot. You feel hot?
沒人吐在我身上 No one threw up on me today.
我們是花癡，超賤的花癡 We're sluts, Emma! We're dirty, dirty, sluts!
記住，我們是花癡 - OK. - Remember, we're sluts!
您好，先生 Good evening, sir.
不，讓我來，我來開門 No, l got that! l got that, pal. That's gonna be me.
你剛才替我開車門？ 對 - Did you just open the car door for me? - Yes, l did.
沒人替我開過車門，再來一次 No one's ever done that for me before. Do it again.
All right.
怎樣？ 棒呆了 - How's that? - lt's amazing.
我能挽著你的手嗎？ Can l have your arm?
告訴家屬他們摯愛的親人死了 So, when l have to tell someone that someone they loved died,
真的很難，有時候我會笑 it's hard, you know? Sometimes l laugh.
因為有點尷尬 Because it's kind of weird.
Very nice.
想都別想 我不要去跟他講話 - Oh, don't even think about it. - l'm gonna go talk to him.
艾瑪，不 Emma, no.
我要去 l'm gonna do this.
想想你的事業，別去 Emma, think about your career. Do not do this.
梅醫師 - Dr. Metzner. - Yes?
嗨，我是柯艾瑪 Hi. l'm Emma Kurtzman.
我一直呵呵呵，想要… 找機會跟你聊天 l've been ho, ho, hoping that l'd get the chance to talk to you.
誰需要飲料？ 龍舌蘭！ - Does anyone here need a drink? - Patron!
你們好嗎？ How are you guys doing?
裘伊，加入我們！ - Joy, come join us. - Hey, Joy.
我得工作 - What's up? - l have to work.
不，坐下來 - Come on, just sit down for a second. - Sit down.
來，這裡 - OK. - Come on. Here. You take that one.
我們只是在瞎混 - We're just hanging. - Thank you.
去那些客人 Screw the customers.
她超會模仿的 She is so good at impressions.
來一個模仿吧 對，來一個模仿 - Do an impression, then. - Yes, do an impression.
猜這是誰 All right, guess who this is.
爸爸！ Dad!
爸爸！ 超可愛的啦！ - Dad! - Oh, my God, that's so cute.
我不知道 - l don't know. - Come on.
你在哪裡？ 我猜不出來 - Where are you? - l don't know.
你在哪裡，爸爸？ 是尼莫 - Where are you, Dad? - lt's Nemo.
- Yes! - Yeah.
尼莫，我怎麼會猜不到 你怎麼會猜到？ - Nemo. - Amazing. l don't know why l didn't get that. How did you know that?
“海底總動員”我看了一千次 'Cause l've seen it a thousand times. That's how.
茱兒芭莉摩 我不確定我夠不夠醉 - Drew Barrymore. - l don't know if l'm drunk enough.
你模仿不了茱兒芭莉摩 - Come on. - You can't do Drew Barrymore.
她當然可以 Oh, but she can.
佳節愉快 我有演“婚禮歌手”哦 Happy holidays. l was in The Wedding Singer.
我只會這些了 That's it. That's all l have.
你模仿茱兒芭莉摩超不像的 That was kind of an amazing Drew Barrymore.
你連長得都很不像她 You kind of even looked like her when you did it.
裘伊，我超愛你 Oh, my God, Joy. l love you so much.
真的嗎？ You do?
真的 Yeah.
麗莎，我愛你 Lisa... ...l love you.
等等 我是真的很愛你 - Wait. - l'm seriously in love with you.
你怎麼不早點告訴我 Wait. Why didn't you tell me sooner?
我鼓不起勇氣 天啊，這太棒了 - l didn't have the courage. - Oh, my God. This is amazing.
你超美的 你的眼睛好漂亮 - God, you look so beautiful. - And your eyes are so pretty.
- Have you got...? - Let's do this.
瓦勒斯，替我們拍照 Wallace, could you take a picture of this?
用我的手機拍 Yeah, Wallace, l got a camera right here, if you just wanna...
沒問題，再靠近一點 No problem at all. Just get a little closer, ladies.
好了，大家笑一個 All right. Everybody smile.
佳節愉快！ Happy ho-lidays!
Hey, hey!
耶誕節快樂，我替你拿杯酒 Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Can l get you a dri...?
你想離開這裡嗎？ You want to get out of here?
想，好啊 Yes. Yeah.
我去拿我的東西 l'll get my stuff.
聽好，別跟她們上床 Listen, don't fuck one of those girls.
她們很壞，不是好東西 They're not... they're not nice. They're not nice girls.
什麼？艾瑪？是你嗎？ What? Emma? /s that you?
凱蒂！ Katie!
你在幹嘛？你在哪裡？ Yeah, hi. What are you doing? Where are you?
我在為醫生考試K書 l'm just studying for the doctor test.
你明天會來，對吧？ You're coming tomorrow, right?
等一下 Hold on.
嗨，亞當 Hey, Adam.
我乖乖地聽你的命令 / am fo//owing your instructions di/igent/y.
拿開啦！ 你在跟誰講話？ - Put that away! - Who are you talking to?
你在嗎？你不在，對吧？ Are you there? You're not there, are you?
計程車！計程車！ Taxi! Taxi!
帶我到亞當家 Take me to Adam's house.
那在哪裡？ 亞當住的地方 - OK, ma'am, where's that? - Where Adam lives.
快走，開車 - All right... - Just go. Go.
好，我這就走 OK, l'm going.
我替女士們調了雞尾酒 Got a cocktail for the ladies.
我在模仿克裡斯多夫華肯 That's my Christopher Walken.
我把飲料放在這裡 Yeah. l'll just set these over here and...
然後… 我們可以一起玩3P ...then we can all sort of involve ourselves in...
OK, let's...
你們玩得很起勁耶 Well, you guys are doing a really good job.
有需要我在這裡 l'll just be over here if you need me.
亞當！ Adam!
亞當法蘭克林！ Adam Franklin!
亞當！法蘭克林！ Adam! Franklin!
OK.
你們繼續玩吧 Just keep up the good work, ladies.
你在幹…？ 你是不是…？ What are...? What are you...?
Hey.
Are you...?
是，當然是 Yeah. Oh, yeah.
怎麼回事？ What's going on?
這是裘伊 我是裘伊，嗨 - This is Joy. - l'm Joy. Hi.
幹得好 亞當？ - Good for you. - Adam?
這是麗莎 And this is Lisa.
你真是愛現鬼 You are such an overachiever.
謝謝 Thank you.
我們不需要她，叫她走 No, we don't need her. Make her leave.
不，你們走 No. You leave.
你想趕我們走？ Are you trying to get rid of us?
你長得像南瓜，婊子！ You look like a pumpkin, bitch!
太誇張了 - This is amazing. - Oh, you make... Hey!
好吧，我來處理 OK. l got this.
我會搞定，你們冷靜一點 l got this. You just... calm down.
我們根本就不像南瓜 But we don't look anything like pumpkins.
我知道，她大概忘了吃藥 l know. She probably forgot to take her meds.
為了安全起見，你們最好快走 You know, for your own safety, you'd better get your stuff and go.
Thanks.
小心，她可能躲起來 她超快的，就像一頭美洲獅 Watch out, though. She could be anywhere. She's quick. Like a puma.
你很壞耶！ You're so mean!
鈴！鈴！南瓜園打來！ 他們要把南瓜叫回去！ Ring, ring! lt's the pumpkin patch! They want their pumpkins back!
我們不是南瓜！ 我們是女生！ - We're not pumpkins! - We're ladies!
可是你們全身都是橘色！ But you're so orange.
快打給仙度瑞拉！ Hey, someone call Charlie Brown!
找到南瓜馬車了！ We found the Great Pumpkin!
Ow! Don't! Don't!
你瘋了 You're crazy.
我覺得自己好像全民情聖 l felt like Flavor Flav.
我不敢相信你挑了那兩個美眉 你在吃醋嗎？ - l can't believe you chose those girls. - Are you jealous?
別這樣，別突然消失不見 Don't do that. Don't just disappear like that on me.
你叫我不要見你 你該聽我的 - You told me to. - You shouldn't listen to me.
好吧，我聽就是了 Fine, l won't.
你在聞我的頭髮？ 沒有 - Did you smell my hair? - No.
你想跟我談什麼？ - What did you want to talk to me about? - Wait. Just hang out here.
Right here?
Oh, man.
驚喜！ Surprise!
生日快樂！ Happy birthday!
光陰似箭、歲月如梭
只有一件事能讓爹地哭泣
因為我好高興
能當你的爸比
今天讓我告訴你為什麼
這是你的生日
寶貝兒子
這是你的生日
我的小壽星
生日快樂，生日快樂
祝你生日快樂
大家一起唱！ Everybody!
祝你
生日快樂
吹蠟燭呀！ 生日快樂 Blow it out! Blow it out! Oh, Adam, happy birthday.
我們都以你為榮 許個願 - We're so proud of you. - Make a wish.
五分鐘後開拍 Guys, you get a five-minute warning.
他在廁所 - OK? - No, he's ten-one.
我剛傳簡訊給他 l already texted him.
所以…你原諒我了？ 不，我沒原諒你 - So, all is forgiven? - No. Nothing is forgiven.
你以為我不覺得很彆扭嗎？ Adam, don't you think it's been weird for me, too?
知道我兒子和我女友上過床？ Knowing that... my own son had sex with my girlfriend?
但是我克服了，你也該走出來 But l got over it. You should, too.
對不起！請幫我簽名！ Excuse me! Can l have your autograph, please?
我也要 沒問題 - Mine, too, please. - Certainly.
我今天請你吃生日大餐 Listen, let me take you to a nice birthday dinner tonight.
你、我和凡娜莎 我們有事要告訴你 You, me and Vanessa. We have something we want to talk to you about.
有事？ - Something? - Yeah.
什麼事？ 很重要的事 - Like what? - Just something important, OK?
別這樣 八點整，牛排館 - Please don't do this. - 8:20, STK.
你想帶誰來就帶誰來 All right? Be there. Bring anyone you want, all right?
掰了，大夥兒 多謝你肯來 - Bye, everyone. Thank you. - Oh, thank you so much for coming.
真是個榮幸 lt's been an honor.
我的老天爺！ 好耶！ - Great Scott! - Bravo! Bravo!
搞什麼？ What the fuck?
- What happened? - Oh, my.
你沒事吧？怎麼了？ Are you OK? Are you OK? What happened?
給我！ 那是我的手機！ - Give me that! - That's my phone!
去你的，查克！ 你很有才華，但去你的！ Fuck you, Chuck! You're very talented, but fuck you!
快叫醫護人員！ Can we get a medic, please?
儘量少用力 Try to use it as little as possible.
暫時別運動或健身 梅醫師？ - No sports or working out for a while. - Dr. Metzner?
亞當，怎麼了？怎麼回事？ Adam, what's going on? What happened?
他打牆壁扭傷了手腕 He sprained his wrist punching a wall.
你傳簡訊說你快死了 You texted me that you were dying.
我快痛死了 lt really hurt.
我開了氫可酮，很強的止痛藥 l gave him some hydrocodone for the night. lt's a very strong painkiller.
請柯醫師開車送你回家 You might want to have Dr. Kurtzman here drive you home.
這是消炎藥的處方箋 And here is a prescription for an anti-inflammatory.
你不會有事 Don't worry. You're in good hands.
你女友是個很好的醫生 Your girlfriend here is a very talented doctor.
我不是他的女友 No. No, l'm... l'm not his girlfriend.
她不是我的女友 She is not my girlfriend.
抱歉，他把你列為緊急聯絡人 Oh, sorry. l saw that he listed you as an emergency contact.
我的錯，早日康復 My mistake. Feel better.
對了，我很喜歡看你爸的節目 Oh, by the way, l enjoyed your dad's TV show.
我的老天爺！ Great Scott. That's funny stuff.
我會轉告他的 l'll tell him you said that.
我爸請我吃晚飯 My dad invited me to dinner,
他要帶凡娜莎一起去 and he's bringing Vanessa.
你得陪我去 不行 - You have to come. - No, l don't.
我值了14小時的班 我才不去見你父母 l just worked 14 hours. l'm not gonna meet your parents.
拜託，幫幫忙 You know what? Just help me.
好強的止痛藥，我沒有感覺 These are really powerful painkillers. l can't feel anything.
有感覺嗎？ Feel that?
有，有感覺 Yeah. l felt that.
生日快樂，亞當 Happy birthday, Adam.
很高興你能一起來 l'm so glad you guys could join us for dinner.
請慢用，我馬上回來點菜 Cheers. l'll come right back to take your order.
你覺得怎樣，兒子？ So, how you doing there, kiddo?
好得很，老爸，多謝關心 Perfect, Dad. Thank you for asking.
你們倆交往了多久？ How long have you two been together?
我們沒有交往 Oh, we're not.
我們是飯飯之交 對，沒錯 - We're sex friends. - Yeah. Yes, we are.
一起炒飯的朋友？ 炮友 Yeah, friends with benefits? Fuck buddies?
我的老天爺！ Great Scott!
我知道你很難受 但我是你的前女友不代表… l know this might be hard, but just because l'm your ex-girlfriend
你不能把我當成…媽媽 doesn't mean that you can't look at me as a kind of... mum?
天啊 尤其是我們在討論 - Oh, boy. - Especially because, well,
想要一起創造新生命 Alvin and l have been talking about creating new life together.
我們去參加燒人節 You see, we were at Burning Man.
我們都精心打扮 我穿了火鳥裝 - And we were dressed up. - Yeah. l was dressed as a fire bird.
你穿什麼？ And what were you dressed as?
什麼都沒穿 我們在沙漠中 l was naked. And we were just out there in the desert,
他用沙子把我赤裸裸地埋起來 and he was burying my bare body in the sand.
對，用我的火鳥啄插她 Yeah. Pecking at it with my... fire beak.
然後我就想 And then l just thought,
要是這些沙子… you know, what if all these grains of sand,
都是真的寶寶呢？ were actually babies?
於是我們… 我們有了很棒的點子 - And so we... - We had this wonderful idea.
我們希望你能祝福我們 And we... well, we'd like your blessing, Adam.
你覺得我們一起生小孩怎樣？ How do you feel about the two of us having a baby together?
Adam.
我沒資格說話 This isn't really my place. l mean, who am l?
我只是有時候和你兒子炒飯 l just have sex with your son sometimes.
對，沒錯 - But... - Yes, she does.
但是… 你們沒資格把小孩帶入這世界 But... there is really no reason for you to bring a child into this world,
因為你們自己就像小孩 since you're acting like children already.
你說話很毒耶 - That was really mean. - Yeah.
我說話是很毒，但你是瘋子 l'm mean. But you're fucking crazy.
如果要我選擇亞當或他爸 'Cause given the choice between Adam and his dad,
要我選擇亞當或任何人 given the choice between Adam and anyone, really,
我一定會選擇亞當 l'd choose Adam, every time.
你要走了嗎？ 好 - Do you want to get out of here? - Yep.
對了 Fuck this.
我和他炒飯最爽 Oh, by the way... ...it's the best sex of my life.
我的老天爺！ Great Scott!
我得說，這是最棒的生日晚餐 l have to say, this is probably the best birthday dinner ever.
我想安排得特別一點 l wanted to make it special.
是嗎？蛋糕咧？ Yeah? Where's the cake?
待會兒，寶貝 That comes later, baby.
- Hey. - What?
謝謝你在餐館替我說話 Thank you for what you did back at the restaurant.
跟我約一次會 Go on a date with me.
你吃了太多藥了 You're heavily sedated.
來嘛，跟我約一次會 Come on, it's... it's one date. Just do it.
為什麼？讓我化濃妝裝淑女？ Why? So l can wear makeup and act perfect all night?
對 Yeah.
我開車接你，我們可以聊 l'll pick you up, and we can talk about our favorite books
我們最愛看的書和電視節目 and our favorite TV shows.
我會買單 你可以隔著 l'll pay for everything, and you can reward me
牛仔褲磨蹭我的老二 with an over-the-jeans cock rub.
就像真的約會 Like a real date.
你真的想要這樣？ 這個星期五 - ls that really what you want? - This Friday.
星期五是情人節！ 不行！ This Friday is Valentine's Day. - Yeah. - No.
不然就家裡蹲會有心形氣球 Go big or go home. There'll be hearts,
也許會有鮮花 and maybe some flowers.
一次約會 One date.
好吧 Fine.
什麼？ 我跟你約一次會 - What? - l'll go on a date with you.
我就知道你是這麼說 但不准送花 - l thought that's what you said. - But no flowers, OK?
你超美的 You look amazing.
謝謝你 Thank you.
你說不準送花 這很可愛 - You said no flowers. - That's pretty cute.
這方面我很在行 Yeah, l'm pretty good at this.
謝謝你 Thank you.
我今天很累，所以… 我只想要… l've had a really tough day, so, l just won't...
我保證會愈來愈贊 l promise. lt's about to get better.
我替你做了情人節卡片 什麼？ - l made you a Valentine's Day card. - What?
太完美了 lt's perfect.
你能念給我聽嗎？ Can you read it for me? ls that weird?
你讓我心室過早收縮 ''You give me premature ventricular contractions.''
那是好事嗎？ 你讓我的心小鹿亂撞 - l'm assuming that's a good thing? - You make my heart skip a beat.
別笑我 - Don't make fun of me. - Wow.
你準備好了嗎？ 好了 - So, you ready for tonight? - Yeah.
我很高興見到你 l'm glad to see you.
你興奮嗎？ 興奮 - Are you excited? - Yeah.
大聲一點！ 興奮！ - Louder! - Yeah!
我超興奮的！ - Yeah! - So excited!
這是行程表 你做了行程表？ - Here's our itinerary. - You made me an itinerary?
很多事要做，要彌補很多時間 Yeah, we got a lot to do. We got to make up for lost time.
穀歌地圖，水哦 Google Maps. Nice.
好吧，我要說實話 OK, full disclosure:
我以前打過 l have played before,
而且打得不錯 and l might be kind of good.
好漂亮哦 是很漂亮 - This is pretty. - lt is pretty.
而且很好玩 - But this... it's just gonna be fun. - OK.
女士優先 Ladies first.
好吧，別期望太高 OK. Don't expect too much.
輕鬆自然 Nice and easy.
好耶，一杆進洞 - Yeah. l stuck it in. - Wow.
這一洞有點難度 Well, this hole's a little bit more complicated.
你得打kiss球，幾何要很好 You're gonna have to bank it off there. lt's all about the geometry.
我是個醫生 l'm a doctor.
又是一杆進洞！ That hole is my bitch!
Yes! Yes!
Yeah!
Thank you.
我沒有自己的奶昔？ l don't get my own milkshake?
一杯奶昔，兩根吸管 這才算約會 No, it's one milkshake, two straws. That's what makes it special.
可是我超餓的耶 But l'm so hungry.
待會再吃飯，你沒看行程表？ We have dinner later. Didn't you read the itinerary?
你的嘴巴比較大耶 You're gonna get more shake, you have a bigger mouth.
你的嘴巴也不小 簡單 You have a pretty big mouth. Oh, easy.
這算作弊 Hey! That's cheating.
抱歉 Sorry.
謝了 Thanks.
我真的很喜歡你 l really like you.
我也真的很喜歡你 l really like you.
我真的覺得… l actually think that...
我愛上了… ...l'm falling...
你不如喝完吧 You can have the rest.
他們要怎麼換燈泡呀？ How do they change these lightbulbs?
一定是場惡夢 Must be a nightmare.
亞當？ 你要穿大衣嗎？ - Adam? - Oh, here. You want your coat?
你冷嗎？ - l can take that. - You cold?
我辦不到，請你載我回醫院 l can't do this. Could you please take me back to work?
不是這樣的 No. No, that's not the deal.
我們說好 我們一邊散步 The deal is that we're gonna walk around,
一邊看燈光 and we're gonna look at the twinkly lights, and then...
你幹嘛要搞砸一切？ Why are you messing everything up?
一般人都這麼做 That's what people do, Emma.
他們互相送花，一起逛美術館 They buy each other flowers, and they go to museums...
你瞭解我 我不信那一套 You know me. This stuff freaks me out.
那全是假的 lt's fake.
我們本來那樣有什麼不對？ 很好呀，我們不必吵架 What's wrong with what we're doing? lt's working. We don't have to fight...
也許我想吵架 我不想 - Maybe l want to fight. - Yeah, well, l don't.
你想怎樣？對誰都沒感覺？ What are you gonna do? You're never gonna feel anything?
你要怎麼做得到？ How you gonna do that?
不知道，我會想辦法 l don't know. l'll figure it out.
你腦袋有問題 是嗎？ - You're so messed up. - Yeah?
我不需要你來照顧我 我會自己照顧自己 l don't need you to take care of me. l take care of myself.
我一向都這樣 That's what l do.
你何不找一個不會傷害你的女生 Why don't you go find some other girl who's not gonna hurt you?
因為我愛你 Because l love you.
太明顯了，我超愛你的 lt's obvious. l completely love you. There.
你是個孬種 Oh, yeah. You're such a wimp.
才不是！ 那就跟我在一起！ - l am not a wimp. - Well, then be with me!
你要跟我打架？ OK, you're gonna fight me. Yeah? ls that what you're gonna...?
你打不過我，你是個侏儒 你就像“魔戒”的咕嚕 You can't fight me, you're miniature. You're like a girl Rick Moranis.
你打起架來像只倉鼠 You fight like a hamster.
Hey. Hey!
對不起！你們不能在這裡打架 Excuse me! Excuse me! You can't do that here.
好吧，對不起 OK. l'm sorry.
夠了，你們出去！ All right, you're out!
我不能這樣繼續下去 l can't keep doing this.
我不會再見你 l'm not gonna see you again.
我知道 l know.
這樣比較好 That makes sense.
再見 Bye.
你還好吧？ 我很好，謝了 - Hey, you OK? - Yeah. l'm fine, thanks.
一起去喝杯咖啡？ 不，謝了 - You wanna go get a coffee? - No, thanks.
你的廚藝真的很好耶 You're a really good cook.
我只是亂煮一通 Oh, this? l just threw it together.
該死 Oh, shit.
嗨，亞當！ Oh, hey, Adam!
亞當！你好！ Adam. Hello!
露西 Lucy.
我們在吃燭光晚餐 Yeah, we were just having a romantic night
你同事就跑來 when your friend stopped by from work.
情人節我通常都在工作 但是這麼過很好玩 Usually l spend Valentine's Day catching up on work and stuff, but this is like, this is really fun.
你過得怎麼樣？ How was your night?
不怎麼樣 Yeah, it wasn't.
你要到我房間嗎？ Do you want to go to my room?
好，要，太好了 Yes, l do. Perfect.
抱歉，兩位，對不起 Sorry, gotta go. So sorry.
我需要餐巾，借我用一下 Oh, you know what? l need a napkin. Can l just borrow this one?
抱歉…謝謝你，你很美 Sorry. Just... quick. Thank you. Beautiful.
我能跟你聊天超興奮的 So, l'm really excited to talk to you.
我從扣繳憑單拿到你的住址 l hope it's OK that l got your address from the W-4.
有夠變態吧？ - ls that weird? OK. - No.
這地方好酷哦 Oh, wow. This is cool. This is a cool space.
謝了 很溫馨 - Thanks. - Cozy.
我不知道… 抱歉 l didn't know that... l'm sorry about everything.
你在道歉？你瘋了嗎？ What? Oh, my God. You're sorry? Are you crazy?
我才該道歉，我不請自來耶 No, l'm sorry. l'm the one who's come to your house uninvited.
超專業的，但我看了劇本 So unprofessional. But l read your script.
我真的很喜歡 真的嗎？ - And l love it. l really do. - Really?
老實說，我知道你會創作 Yeah, and honestly, like, l didn't think that you could write,
你太帥了 mainly 'cause you're just... so beautiful.
老是讓我分心 謝謝你…看我的劇本 - Seriously, it's distracting for me. - Thank you. For reading it.
Yeah.
只是青少年在唱歌而已 l mean, it's just teenagers singing about homework.
對，但是我看了以後就想 Yeah, yeah, but no, l read it and l was like,
“我要到他家當面告訴他” ''God, l want to, like, drive over there and tell him in person.''
於是我就來了 So l did. l got in my car, and here l am.
我真的說出來，聽起來是很瘋狂 You know, it's just... l know, it sounds crazy, 'cause now that l'm saying it out loud, it does sound crazy.
並不瘋狂，謝謝你看劇本 lt's not crazy. l mean, thank you for reading it.
我寄給了梅根 No, no, no. l e-mailed it to Megan, and...
真的假的？ 真的 - No shit? - Yeah.
等著看她會怎麼說 - And we'll see what she says. - Wow.
我說她不喜歡就是瘋子 Yeah, l told her she'd be crazy to not like it.
但她本來就是瘋子，誰曉得？ But then again, she is a functioning psychotic, so it's like, who knows?
這一季結束前多出一集 But there is this extra episode right before the break.
他們要另請編劇… And they are gonna hire a freelancer, so...
我太多話了 l feel like l'm talking too much about this, but...
你想不想…？ 什麼？ - Hey, do you wanna...? - What?
你想怎樣？ Yeah, sorry. What were you gonna...?
待久一點 Just to hang out.
太瘋狂了，我在猜你想說什麼 Oh. That's crazy. l was like, ''What's he gonna say?''
結果你這麼說，跟我猜的不一樣 and then you said that. lt's not what l thought you were gonna say.
那裡有張椅子 That is a chair.
靠，好呀 Fuck, yeah.
我是不是太常罵髒話？ Do l curse too much?
靠，不會呀 Fuck, no.
那就好
(6星期後)
Dr. Anseed, three-two-five-one. Dr. Anseed...
- Hey. - ...three-two-five-one.
我能說句話嗎？ Can l say something?
別誤會 And don't take this the wrong way,
因為我永遠是你朋友 because you know l'll be your friend, no matter what.
但是你最近都超沮喪的 lt's just, you've been kind of depressing to be around lately,
我可能會儘量避開你 and l might start avoiding you in the hallway, that's all.
我只想讓你知道 Just thought you should know.
我們會錯過婚宴試菜 So, we won't be there for the rehearsal dinner,
不過禮拜六一定會參加婚禮 but we'll definitely be there for the wedding on Saturday.
你今晚要做什麼？ Well, what are you doing tonight?
亞當寫的那一集今晚要錄影 伊萊想去看 Adam's episode is taping tonight, so Eli wanted to go.
我不必去啦 不，去吧，玩得開心 - l don't have to go. - No. No, go. Have fun, really.
所以…？ Doctors.
So?
沒關係，星期六見 Don't worry about it. l'll see you Saturday.
他是很棒的情人 天啊 - He's an amazing lover. - Oh, boy.
所以… That's...
他的綽號才是骨頭 ...why they call him Bones.
我有時候會擔心你 You know, l worry about you sometimes.
為什麼？因為我沒有男伴？ Why? ls this about me not having a date?
不，我知道你能獨立自主 也知道你不會有事 No, no. l know you can dance alone, and l know that you'll be fine.
你一向都沒事 You're always fine.
所以咧？ 我不知道 - So? - l don't know.
你爸去世以後 我不忍心看你那麼痛苦 When we lost your father, l couldn't stand to see you in pain,
我猜你應該知道 and... l think you knew that.
我想你是為了我學會堅強 And l think that... you got good at being strong for me.
我只想告訴你，儘管傷心吧 But l'm telling you, be hurt.
我承受得了 l can take it.
這世界也承受得了 The world can take it.
好吧 OK.
這裡的風景很美 Very pretty here.
你是我思念
和想在一起的人
每次你離去
我滿腦子都是你
都是你
因為你是我的真愛
都是你
一直都是你
都是你
到夜店來玩，那裡很熱鬧 So come by the bar. Great place.
帶朋友來，我會罩你們 Bring your friends. l will take care of you.
我的名片，我是老闆 Here's my business card. l'm the owner. Me.
一定要來玩，好嗎？ - So make sure you come by. - Yeah.
幹得好 是啊，幹得好 All right? Hey. Great job. - Yeah, great job, man. - Really good, yeah.
你們喜歡？真的？ - You guys liked it? Like really? - Yeah.
瓦勒斯哭了 不行嗎 - But Wallace cried. - So?
讓我想起畢業舞會 lt reminded me of my senior prom.
我的舞伴在舞池替我口交 l got a hand job on the dance floor to ''Who Let The Dogs Out.''
抱歉，有好消息和壞消息 Hey. Sorry. OK, so there's good news, bad news.
壞消息是梅根醉到不行 The bad news is, Megan is remarkably drunk.
她想扯掉她的襯衫 Seriously, she was, like, trying to take her shirt off.
好消息是她想讓你當固定編劇 But the good news is, she wants to put you on staff.
真的嗎？ - Really? - So... Yeah.
棒呆了！ - That's amazing. - Yeah, so she... Yeah.
謝謝你 你是正式的編劇了 - Thank you. - So, you're a paid writer.
Yeah.
天啊，她要站上自助吧台 Oh, my God. She's getting on the buffet table? That makes...
Wow.
你幹嘛不試著跟她炒飯？ Why are you not trying to fuck that girl?
Yeah.
她超辣的，就像火辣的科學家 Yeah, she's crazy hot, Adam. She's like a sexy scientist.
你得Man一點放馬過去 You need to go over there, man up, you need to go for it.
我們就看你的了，Man一點！ We're counting on you here, man. Man up, man!
去吧！Man一點！ Man一點？ - Go for it! Man up! - You keep saying ''Man up.''
你剛才哭了耶 我很感動嘛 - You cried during the show. - l liked the show.
你吃過蛋糕嗎？
吃過，還…還好啦 Yeah. - lt was very good. - lt was OK.
我得…等一下 You know, l have to... One minute.
凱蒂？ Katie?
伴娘有大麻 The bridesmaids had pot.
天啊，我超餓的！ Oh, my God, l'm so hungry.
你還好吧？ Are you OK?
我很好，只是… l'm fine, l just... You know, l just...
天啊，我超愛凱文的 Oh, God, l just love Kevin.
我超愛凱文 l just love Kevin so much, you know?
你一定覺得很傻 不，不會 - l know you think it's stupid. - No. No, l don't.
不會嗎？ 不會 - You don't? - No.
我沒辦法不想他 l can't stop thinking about him.
誰？亞當？ Who? Adam?
我們結束了，我也在找男人 Yeah. l know it's over, and l'm looking.
只是沒有人像他那麼… lt's just no one is as...
那麼高？ 他超高的 - Tall? - He's so tall.
而且他一直都很… - So tall... - And he's so, like...
開心？ 隨時都很開心，超討厭的 - Happy? - Annoyingly happy, all the time.
不過他有一顆… But he has this...
他有一顆最善良的心 He has the best heart.
打給他 什麼？ - Call him. - What? No.
我才不要打給他 l can't just call him.
我太high了，別跟我吵 l'm too stoned. Don't argue with me.
他不要我打給他 He doesn't want me to call him.
我是新娘，你得聽我的話 l'm the bride. You have to do what l say.
我們有幾個月沒說話 - We haven't talked in months. - l'm the bride, it's my day.
今天我最大！ lt's my day!
嗨，亞當！ Hey, Adam!
天啊 Oh, God.
你超贊的，你自己知道嗎？ You're so dope. Did you know that about yourself?
媽媽要坐計程車回家 Mama needs to get a cab home, so...
我的手機在辦公室 - Yeah. - Shoot, l left my phone in my office...
等一下 l got it, l got it. Hang on. Here.
你要打電話？ - Do you want to call and just...? - Yeah.
你在幹嘛？ What are you doing?
查克！查克！給我滾開！ Chuck! Chuck! Will you please fuck off? Please?
我不想走 - l don't want to go. - Yeah, all right.
我不想回家 是誰？ l don't want to go home. - l don't want to go home. - Who is it?
“別打給她”打來了 你要接嗎？ ''Do Not Call Her'' is calling. Do you want to take it?
l want your face.
喂？ He//o?
Hi.
我是艾瑪，夏令營的柯艾瑪 lt's Emma. Kurtzman. From Camp Weehawken.
是，什麼事？ Yes... What is it?
我妹明天要在聖塔芭芭拉結婚 So, my sister is getting married in Santa Barbara tomorrow, and...
聽說你的節目今晚錄影，恭喜了 / don't know. / heard your show is tonight. Congratu/ations.
謝謝你 Thank you.
我知道這很突然，我只是… l know this is random. l just...
我很想你，我超哈你的 l miss you. l miss you so much.
好吧 OK.
我不知道該說什麼 l don't know what to say.
你去參加你妹的婚禮 You're... You're calling me because you're at your sister's wedding,
她很開心 and she looks happy, and...
大家都很開心 只有你不開心 ...everyone is happy, and you're not.
我以為…我不知道在想什麼… l thought... l don't know what l thought. l just...
我猜我只想聽到你的聲音 l... l guess l wanted to hear your voice.
我知道我們分手了 - l mean, l know we broke up, but... - Emma.
我們沒有分手 我們根本沒有交往 We didn't break up. We never started.
我得走了，我在工作 / gotta go. /'m sti// at work, so...
玩得開心點 替我向你妹妹說聲恭喜 Have fun at the wedding, and tell your sister congratulations.
掰了 Bye.
靠 Oh, fuck.
我得… l have to...
去吧 - Go. - Now.
我能不能…？ 當然可以 - Hey. Can l? - Hey. Of course.
一切還好吧？ ls everything OK? Are you...?
還好 Yeah.
很好！ 那就好 - Yeah. Yes. - Yeah. Good.
太不可思議了 - This is amazing. - Yeah.
謝謝你…替我做的一切 Thank you for this. This...
這全是你的功勞 - What? - This was all you.
什麼？沒啦 沒有你我就不會成功 - What? No, l mean... - No, l'm not here without you.
才不是，是你自己很有才華 That's... That's not true. lt's all you. lt's all you. This was all you.
等一下，如果你來不及趕回來 參加婚禮，我會殺了你 Hey, wait! lf you don't make it back for my wedding, l'll kill you.
小心開車 Bye. Drive safe.
No, but that was you, and it felt poignant
that, of course, the song was ''lt Was You.''
- When Benji and Sari did the kiss... - They committed to it.
這首歌能重新混音嗎？ That's what hit. Do you think they could remix the song?
梅根想上我的腿 How drunk was Megan? She tried to hump my leg.
你不知道太多她的事了 You have no idea, the stories that l could tell you.
她真的想跨上我的腿 - No, she really tried to like mount it. - Yeah, l know.
Yeah, l got it.
Ornery thing.
怎樣？找到他嗎？ Hey. How'd it go? Did you find him?
他跟一個女的在一起，他的女友 Yeah. He was with... with a girl. lt was his girlfriend.
我躲在草叢裡 And l was in a bush.
- Oh. - Yeah.
討厭 Crap.
你還在嗎？ 在 - Are you sti// there? - Yeah.
上車，馬上開走 OK, get in your car and drive away.
你身上有多少錢？ And how much money do you have on you?
十塊錢 Like ten bucks.
一盒50粒甜甜圈洞是$5.79 OK. The box of 50 doughnut holes is $5.79.
你會需要兩盒 You're gonna need two boxes.
我失去他了 l lost him.
真是遺憾 - /'m so sorry. - Yeah.
我愛你 - / /ove you. - l know.
我知道 我11歲那年去看心理醫生 So, then when l was, like, 1 1 , l was in therapy
因為我不停地咬頭髮 because l was, like, obsessively biting my hair,
3個月後醫生就掛了 and then three months in, my therapist died.
我真的很難過 - l know, so that was kind of a bummer. - Whoa.
所以我討厭搭飛機 But, yeah. That's why l hate planes.
Thanks.
這就是我的故事 乾杯 - So, that's that story. - Cheers.
Thank you.
對不起 - l'm so sorry. - No...
我太笨手笨腳了 - That was such a fail on my part. - lt's OK...
等一下 - Wait, let me... - lt's fine.
我可以做得更好 We can... l can do better than that.
重新再來 歐麥尬 - Can we try again? - Sure. Mulligan.
- Let's... Why don't we...? - OK.
All right.
真的發生了 Oh, my God. This is happening. ls this really happening?
我真的在跟你親嘴耶 Oh, my God. You're touching me. This is so happening.
也許你不必什麼都說出來 Maybe we don't need to talk about everything.
好，很好，酷 Oh. OK, great. OK. Cool.
你確定你真的要這樣？ Wait. Are you sure that you want to do this, though?
我確定 Yes. Yeah.
我們可以先討論 OK, 'cause, like, we can just talk about it, if you want...
不用討論 - Let's not talk about it. - Oh, OK. OK.
我要自己脫，還是你幫我脫？ Wait. Should l take my shirt off, or do you want to... Do you want to take it off yourself?
我幫你脫 我還是自己脫好了 - l'll take it off. - You know what? l'll take it off.
OK.
幸好我穿了性感胸罩 Glad l wore a good bra.
那是你的手機嗎？ ls that your phone? Do you wanna...?
別管它 We'll just ignore it.
你可以去接 You can just get it.
沒關係 No, it's fine.
是不是“別打給她”？ 不是 - ls it ''Do Not Call Her''? - No.
我不知道 l don't know.
等一下，我去… Wait. l'll just...
我把手機關掉 - OK. - l'll just shut it off.
這樣比較簡單 Yeah, just... That'll be easier, switch...
抱歉 - Sorry. - Yeah.
凡娜莎？ Vanessa?
我馬上來 怎麼了？ - l'm coming. - You're what?
我爸出了事，他在醫院 lt's my dad. There's an emergency. He's in the hospital.
天啊，你要我陪你去嗎？ Oh, my God. OK. Do you want me to go with you?
不，我自己去 - No, l'm OK. - OK.
我晚點再打給你？ 好，我叫車…我自己會回家 - Can l call you later? - Yeah. No, l'll get a cab. l'll, like, find my way home. Go. Yeah.
他們並不知道真相
我的心被血管堵塞
我一直關緊著心房
但你把我的心切開
我一直，一直流愛的血
(打給我！)
他在哪裡？怎麼回事？ Hey. Where is he? What happened?
OK.
別抓狂，好嗎？ Don't freak out, OK?
你爸服用咳嗽糖漿過量 Your dad overdosed on cough syrup.
什麼？ 紫藥水 - He what? - The Purple Drank.
紫藥水？ ''The Purple Drank''?
七喜、咳嗽糖漿加糖果 lt's Seven-Up, cough syrup and a Jolly Rancher.
他幹嘛喝這種玩意兒？ Why would he do that, Vanessa?
他超愛饒舌歌手小韋恩！ Because he loves Lil Wayne, OK?
你知道你爸的一切 You don't know everything about your dad.
你幹嘛逼他聽小韋恩？ Why are you making him listen to Lil Wayne?
你應該照顧他 我辦不到 - You should be taking care of him. - l can't do this. l can't do it.
我不知道會這麼… You know, l didn't think that it was gonna be so...
我不想生小孩，我只想玩樂 l don't want to have kids. l... l just... l want to have fun.
他好老哦 對，他會變得更老 - He's so old. - Yeah. He's getting older.
你得面對這事實 And you're gonna have to deal with that.
亞當…老人讓我害怕 Adam... old people scare me.
我們去見他，好嗎？ Let's just go see him, OK?
不，我不行，我得走了 No, no, no. l can't. l can't. Adam, l can't. l've gotta go.
我朋友開轟趴，我遲到了 My friend, she's having a party. l'm already so late.
把斑斑拿去 Will you just take Freckles?
別誤會哦，不過你是個大爛人 Don't take this the wrong way, but you're a terrible person.
把斑斑拿去 Just take Freckles.
嗨，爸 Hey, Dad.
嗨，兒子 Hey, kiddo.
我喝了紫藥水不舒服 我聽說了 - l had a bad trip on The Drank. - Yeah, l heard.
有人問就說這是導盲犬 lf anybody asks, this is a Seeing Eye dog.
她人呢？ 她回家了 - Where's...? - She went home.
才怪 Right.
我不愛聽小韋恩，聽不懂歌詞 l really don't like the Little Wayne. Can't understand what he's saying.
你知道我希望誰在這裡？ You know who l wish was here right now?
你媽 Your mom.
你離開她 Yeah. Well, you left her, so...
為什麼？ Why?
當你結婚後又吸古柯鹼 When you're married and you do blow...
最好離漂亮妹遠一點 ...try to stay away from women who want to fuck you.
就連恐龍妹也一樣 Even ugly women.
吸毒讓人盲目，吸毒讓人盲目 Blow is blind, Adam. Blow is blind.
你是個大混蛋 You're an asshole.
但你不是 But you're not.
你有一顆善良的心 保持它 You got a good heart, Adam. Try to keep it.
艾瑪呢？你們沒在一起嗎？ Where's that girl, Emma? You guys still together?
我們從來沒有在一起過 對哦，只是朋友 - We were never together. - Oh, that's right. Friends...
炮友？我老了，不知道叫什麼 Sex friends... l'm old. l don't know what you call it.
但是你喜歡她 You liked her.
她讓我抓狂 She drives me crazy.
我58歲了，結過3次婚 l'm 58 years old. l've been married three times.
兩次 Twice.
好吧 OK.
我的手機有6張我老二的照片 l've got six pictures of my cock on my phone,
還有兩張別人的老二 and two of someone else's,
而且我現在還是很high and l'm still pretty high on the cough syrup,
你不聽也罷，但是… so you can take this with a grain of salt, but...
我們不能選擇我們愛上的人 ...we don't pick who we fall in love with.
愛情沒有任何規則 And it never happens like it should.
Yes.
我也許得殺死這只狗 我還沒決定怎麼殺 l may have to kill this dog. l just haven't decided how.
睡點覺吧，爸 Get some sleep, Dad.
我一早再打給你 l'll call you in the morning.
他一早不會打給我 He'll call in the morning.
不錯吧？ lsn't that something?
我讓你很無聊？ Am l boring you?
那就好 Oh, good.
亞當！ Adam!
你不能打給我說你很想我 Hey. You can't call me and tell me that you miss me.
我不想在電話上討論 l don't want to have that conversation on the phone.
你不能傳簡訊或電子郵件 So you can't text me and you can't e-mail me,
也不能在我的塗鴉牆留言 and you can't... write on my wall.
如果你真的很想我 就得成熟一點 Like, if you really miss me, you need to grow up
開車來見我 and get in your car and come and see me.
我來了 l'm here.
你怎麼知道… How did... How did you know that...?
希拉傳簡訊告訴我，我就來了 Shira texted me about your dad, so l came here.
You got...
你爸怎樣？ How is your dad?
他沒事 那就好 - He's OK. - Good.
我知道我不能光是打給你 對，沒錯 - l know l can't just call you. - No. You can't.
我知道 我傷了你的心，對不起 l know. l hurt you. l'm sorry.
我浪費太多時間假裝我在乎 l don't know why l wasted so much time pretending l didn't care.
我猜我想像現在這樣 l guess l just didn't want to feel like this.
這麼傷心 lt hurts.
但是我完完全全地愛你 But l love you. l'm totally and completely in love with you,
就算你覺得太遲了我還是要說 and l don't care if you think it's too late, l'm telling you anyway.
你能不說些什麼？ 等一下 - Will you please say something? - Wait.
你要知道 You should know...
如果你再靠近一點 ...if you come any closer,
我就不會放你走 l'm not letting you go.
我愛你 很好 - l love you. - That's good.
想陪我參加很蠢的場合嗎？ You want to go with me to this stupid thing?
你老妹的婚禮？ Your sister's wedding thing?
開車過去要多久？ How long do we have till we have to be there?
兩個小時 A couple hours.
你想做什麼？ 瘋狂的事 - What do you want to do? - Something crazy.
我終於知道你不肯跟我吃早餐 Now l know why you never wanted to have breakfast with me.
What?
你像只恐龍寶寶 連咬都不咬 You eat like a baby dinosaur. You don't even chew.
你能習慣嗎？ Do you think you can get used to it?
應該可以 Yeah, l think so.
很好，我想常常跟你吃早餐 Good. l was hoping we could do this a lot more.
真的嗎？ 我在想哦 Really? You know, l was thinking...
我們得建立新的規則 We're gonna have to come up with some new rules.
我想開始叫你甜心或寶貝 l'd like to start calling you ''honey'' and ''babe.''
叫寶貝不太好 不好？ - l don't know about ''babe.'' - No?
玩抱抱呢？ 可以 - Snuggling? - Oh, yeah.
我會要牽你的手 哇，進展得太快了吧 - l'm gonna hold your hand. - Wow. This is all moving so fast.
我尿尿的時候都關門 Also, l'd like to leave the door open when l pee.
不行 l think no.
我會常常這樣 我們的關係會變得很怪 l think l'm gonna do it all the time. lt's gonna get weird.
謝天謝地我們趕到了 - Thank God we're on time. - Yeah.
現在怎麼樣？ So what happens now?
亞當隨時都會到 太好了，我餓扁了 - Adam should be here any minute. - Good, 'cause l'm starving.
你跟他說過我們的事了吧 So, you've told him about us.
還沒有 - No, not yet. - What?
我想等他來了再說 l thought l'd wait till he got here.
那樣好嗎？ 沒問題 - And that's a good idea? - Yeah, it'll be fine.
敬燒人節 So, to Burning Man?
好不好玩？ 超好玩的 - Was that fun, or what? - So fun.
爸！ Dad!
伊萊！ Eli!
這就是派翠絲！ This is her! This is Patrice!
很高興再見到你們 Hi, it's so nice to see you again.
我們已經很愛你了！ 家人抱抱！ - We love you already! - Come on, family hug!
我覺得我還有未開發的地方 Shira, l feel like there are parts of me that l haven't explored yet.
我想和別人約會 And l'm feeling like l want to see other people.
我以為…這真尷尬 Oh, l thought... This is embarrassing.
我已經有跟別人約過會了 l have been seeing other people, Sam.
真的嗎？ 超多人的 - You have? - Yeah, a lot of other people.
多少人？ How many?
不知道，我一下隻想到兩個人 l don't know, man. l mean, two that l can think of off the top of my head, but...
你記得我去度假嗎？ - You remember when l went to Cabo? - Yeah.
我一路上都是個蕩婦 你在開玩笑吧 - l was a very bad girl on that trip. - You're kidding me?
你做得很好 You're doing great.
繼續用力！ Keep pushing.
噢，天啊 Oh, God.
老婆，我有冰塊 l've got the ice chips, honey. Here you go.
我恨你，大笨蛋，滾出去 Oh, l hate you, you dumb fuck! Get the fuck out...
給我把冰塊吃掉！ 我愛你 - You eat the fucking ice chips! - l love you so much.
來吧，安啦 Come on. lt's OK.
MANDARIN ENGLlSH ESL