(Window creaks)
(Hums tune)
(Whistles "Wind in the Willows" theme)
? Dumdedumdeede
Oh, no.
? Deededeedee?
Now,then.
Oh.
Bother.
Oh!
Oh,dear.
(Hums)
That's better.
Oh, bother and blow.
Somuch to do.
(Clock cuckoos)
Oh, hang spring cleaning.
Oh, my, oh, my.
(Cricket chirps)
(Sniffs)
Haha!
Hello.
- Rat? - Hello, Mole.
Didn't think you chaps evercame out in the sunlight.
-Why don't you come over? -Oh, it's allvery well to talk.
Ah,yes.
-Aboat? -That's right.
Han gon to that.
Thank you.
Come on.Step lively.
Oh.Ooh. I'ven never bee nina...boat.
Never been in a...
Well, I... What have you been doing all your life?
Is...Is it so nice?
Nice? Ohho.It's the only thing.
Believe me,there is nothing, absolutely nothing.
half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.
Messing about in boats. Simply messing.
-Lookout, Rat! -Oh!
Ooh!
Argh...
Are you all right?
(Both laugh)
Yes, messing about in boats.
Or with boats. In or out of them,it doesn't matter.
Ah... Look here,if you;ve nothing else on hand this afternoon,
would you care to go for arow do wn the river?
-Care to? -We mighthave apicnic.
Ah...Shove that down there.
Ah...
Your house?
-That'sright. -Oh,my...
So this is ariver.
The river.
And your eally live by the river?
By it an dwit hit,on it and in it.
It's brother and sister tome, and aunts and company,
and food and drink, and,naturally,washing.
It's my world. I don't want anyother.
What it hasn't gotisn't worth having
and what it doesn't know isn't worth knowing.
Lord,the times we've had together.
Whether in winter or summer, spring or autumn,
it's always got it sfun and it sexc ite ments.
What do you say we moorhere and have our picnic?
Oh,yes.
Now,what have wehere?
There's cold chicken,cold tongue, cold ham,cold beef,
gherkin salad, French rolls, mustard and cress,
-potted me at,ginger beer, lemonade... -Stop! This is toomuch!
Too much? Oh,do your eally think so?
It's only what lusually take on the see xcur sions,
and Toad always tells me thatl'm ame an be astandcut things veryfine.
Now,pit chin,old fellow.
Oh,my.
My,oh,my.
Mmm...
(Hiccups)Heehee!
Beautiful!
(Ducks quack)
I say,there's old Badger.
Badger!
Badger,old chap,come and join us.
(Groans)Company...
Yes,that's just the sort offellow heis.
Simplyhatessociety. He'llbeoffhomenow.
Wheredoeshelive?
IntheWildWood.
Wedon'tgothereverymuch, weriverpeople.
Istheresomethingwrongwithit?
Er...Well,notwrong,exactly.
Thesquirrelsareallright andhedgehogsandsomerabbits,
andofcoursenooneinterfereswith Badger.Well,they'dbetternot.
Why,whoshouldinterferewithhim?
Well,thereareothers. Stoatsandweasels.
Hello,there, MrRat.
Havingapicnicwithyourfriend? Ooh,verynice
-Leavethatalone. -Verynice.
Hehhehheh...
YououghttovisitusWildWooders oneday,sir.
Youdon'twanttobelieve every thing people say aboutus.
(We asels chuckle)
Afternoon,gentlemen.
They don't see mtoo bad.
Oh,they reall right in away, but...
Well, I never go to the WildWood and you won't either.
if you vegot any sense.
Hello,whereisthepottedmeat?
(Bothchuckle)
Icouldn'teatanotherbite.
Well, lsuppose I reallyoughttopackthebasket.
Oh,doletme.
Mydearfellow, pleasedo, ifyou'dreallyliketo.
Oh,bother.
Don'tworryaboutthat,oldchap.
Oh,whatasplendidtimewe'rehaving.
Lookhere,whydon'tyoucome andstaywithmeforafewdays?
Iliveinaveryplainandsimpleway.
-MyhomeisnothinglikeToadHall. -ToadHall?
Oh,ofcourse, youhaven'tmetToadyet,haveyou?
Whydon'twedropdowntheriver andcallonhim?
Isuppose...Icouldn'trow,couldl?
Bother!
Bothoarstogether,oldchap, ifyoucanmanageit.
Oh,yes, Rat.
(Accordionplays)
? Allalongthebackwater Throughtherushestall
? Ducksarea-dabbling Uptailsall
? Duckstails, drakestails Yellowfeeta-quiver
? Yellowbillsalloutofsight Busyintheriver
? Slushygreenundergrowth Wheretheroachswim
? Herewekeepourlarder
? Coolandfullanddim
? Mmm
? Everyoneforwhathelikes Weliketobe
? Headsdown,tailsup Dabblingfree
? Highintheblueabove Swiftswhirlandcall
?We'redowna-dabbling Uptailsall
? Highintheblueabove Swiftswhirlandcall
?We'redowna-dabbling
? Dabdabdabbling
?We'redowna-dabbling
? Uptailsall?
There'sToadHall.
Mygoodness.
You'resureit'sallright tocallonMrToadunannounced?
Oh,certainly.
It'sneverthewrongtimetocallonToad.
(Rat)Yes,dearoldToad.
Healwayshassomenewcraze, youknow,
andlmanagedtogethim interestedinsculling.
He'snotmuchgoodatit, butifitkeepshimoutofmischief.
He'sthebestofanimals,really.
Sogood-naturedandaffectionate.
Perhapshe'snotveryclever, well,wecan'tallbegeniuses,
andhemaybe ratherboastfulandconceited,
buthehassomegreatqualities, hasToady.
AndToadHallisone ofthefinesthousesintheseparts.
Though,ofcourse, weneversaysotoToad.
Aha!
Hello,Toad.ThisisMole.
Oh,hello,Mole!
Haha,hooray!Thisissplendid.
Ratty,you'rejustthechap lwantedtosee.
Havingtroublewithboating?
Oh,pooBoating. I'vegiventhatuplongago.
I'vediscoveredtherealthing,
theonlygenuineoccupation ofalifetime.
Oohhoo!Comeandsee.
Comealong,comealong, comealong.Justoverhere.
Thereyouare.Oohhoo! Theopenroad,thedustyhighway.
Heretodayandupandoff tosomewhereelsetomorrow.Ooh.
Travel,change,excitement.
Oh, no...
Mindyou,thisisthefinestcart everbuiltwithoutanyexception.
Designeditmyself.Allcomplete. Nothingwhateverforgotten.
Andsoyou'llfind,whenweallsetout onourfirstexpeditionthisafternoon.
We?Thisafternoon?
I'mnotgoingandthat'sflat.AndMole willdoasldo,won'tyou, Mole?
Ofcourselwill, Rat.
Allthesame,itsoundsasifitmight havebeen,well,ratherfun,youknow.
(Neighs)
? It'salifeofease Ontheopenroad
? Ramblingwhereyouplease Ontheopenroad
? Heretodayandtheretomorrow
?Wavegoodbyetocareandsorrow
?Youcanbegorstealorborrow
? Ontheopenroad
? Huh Nooneasksmehowlfeel
? Abouttheopenroad
?Youarefreetoroam Ontheopenroad
?Thoughyou'refarfromhome Ontheopenroad
? Nevermindthewindorweather
?Wanderingthelanestogether
?Throughthehillsandtrees Andheather
? Ontheopenroad?
(Owlhoots)
Mmm... Mmmhmmhmm...
Thisisthelife.
Mmm.Ha!
Talkaboutyouroldriver.
Idon'ttalkaboutmyriver.
Ithinkaboutit.
Ithinkaboutitallthetime.
-Ratty. -Mmm?
It'sallmyfault.Let'sgohome.
No.
We'llseeitout.
Thanksallthesame, butwemuststickbyoldToad.
?Sowesingoursong Ontheopenroad
? Aswerollalong Ontheopenroad
?We'veawholewideworldbeforeus
?We'llbefamousasexplorers
?Comeon,Alfred Jointhechorus
?Ontheopenroad
-?Ontheo... -?O...
-?pen -?pen
?Road
?Road?
Isay,youfellows,
thisistheonlywaytotravel.
-(Hornbeeps) -Eh?
Woo...
Whoa!
Steadyon,Alfred. Noharmdone.
-Villains. -Whoa!
-Scoundrels. -Whoa!
-Highwaymen. -Steady.
-Roadhogs! -Steady.
Steady.
Poop, poop.
Toad, oldchap.Areyouallright?
Thepoetryofmotion.
Toad,Alfred'snothurt,
and l'msurewecanget thecaravanmended,and...
Caravan?Pooh!
Nastycommoncanary-colouredcart.
Thatistheonlywaytotravel. Woohoo!
Heretoday, innextweek,tomorrow. Poop, poop.
-Now,Toad... -Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.
(Enginesplutters)
Heyheyhey!
(Toottoot!)
Hahahaha!Whoa!
Heyhey! Pooppoop!
Whoohoo! Heyheyhey!
Hahaha! Heyheyhey!
Pooppoop! Hahahaha!
Hello,youfellows.
Haha,heyhey!Oh!
(Crash!)
Oh,no.
Poop...poop.
Areyouallright,MrToad?
Youwantto...watchout.
You'llbehadupfordangerousdriving oneofthesedays.
-Hahaha... -Hehhehheh!
Haha!Ahhaha!Ooh...
Pooppoop.
Haha!Wheyhey!
Oops.Ooh.
Haha!Oops!Heyheyhey!
(Bothchuckle)
Heyhey!Hello!Ooh...
Pooppoop...
Peeppeep...Pooppoop...
Brroom,brroom,poop...
Brrrrrbrrrr...
Poop. Poop.
Poop.
IreallyamworriedaboutToad.
Oh, it'sonlyanotherofhispassions. He'llgrowoutofit.
Pooppoop.
Ihope.
Haha!Comeon!
(Beepbeep!)
Oh,ohdear.Oooh.
Hahaha!
Cor,he'sgoingveryfast.
It'sMrToad.
-MrToad,lookout! -Aaagghh!
He'llkillhimselfoneday.
Heyheyheyhey!
Areyouallright,MrToad?
Hahaha.Pooppoop!
Hahaha!Ooh!
(Clang!)
(Crowscaw)
Wereallymustdosomething aboutToad.
Oh,yes.Um...Whatshallwedo?
Well,there'sonlyonepersonToad wouldtakenoticeofandthat'sBadger.
-Wemustgoandseehim. -Oh,yes.Now?
Mmm?No,no,it's...
(Yawns)lt'stoolatenow. Anditlooksasthoughitmightsnow.
Besides,Badgerlivesinthemiddle oftheWildWood,underground.
Notoursortofplaceatall.
Butl...
itsoundsjustlikemy...sortofplace.
(Panting)
(Whistles)
IsthisthewaytoMrBadger'shouse?
Oh,itis,sir. Itis.
Er...Straighton.Youcan'tmissit.
Thankyou.
Hehhehheh...
(Birdtweets)
(Screams)
Grrrrr...
Oh,no!
Stop!
Ratty...
Mmm...Ah.Ahem...
Moley?
'Ratty, havegonetoseeMrBadger intheWildWood. Moley.'
Oh, mygoodness.
(Whistles)
-Er... -Outofmyway.
Mole!
Moley!
Oh, Moley.
Mole?
Mole, it'sme. It'sold Rat.
(Windhowls)
- Ratty. - Moley.
- lsitreallyyou? -Areyouallright?
Oh, Rat, it'ssofrightening.
It'sallright,oldfellow.
Butyoureallyshouldn'thavecome totheWildWood.
Ididtrytowarnyou. Wemustgethome.
Thetroubleiseverythinglooks sodifferentinthesnow.
Oh, Ratty, l'msosorrybut ldon'tthinklcanwalkanyfurther.
Nowyoumusttry,oldchap.
Thepath'suptheresomewhere. Comeon.
Ow!Owww!
-Whathappened? -lfelloverthatdoorscraper.
Doorscraper?That'sfunny.
Itdidn'tfeelfunny.
Mole, here'sadoormat.
Adoormat?
Help... Helpmeclearthisaway. Thisisourlastchance.
Ratty,you'resoclever.
(Knocking)
Now,theverynexttimethishappens, lshallbeexceedinglyangry.
Whoisitthistime,disturbingpeople onsuchanight?
-Speakup. -Oh,Badger.
It'sme,RatandmyfriendMole. Doletusin,please.
Oh.Why,Ratty,mydearlittleman.
Comealongin,bothofyou,atonce.
Youmustbeperished. Well,lnever,
andintheWildWoodtoo atthistimeofnight.
But,comein,willyou? Comein.
Comealong,Ratty.
There'sagoodfireinthekitchen. I'llgetyoubothanicehotdrink.
Lovelytobeundergroundagain.
Whenyou'reunderground, nothingcangetatyou.
That'sexactlywhatlsay.
LookatRatnow, acoupleoffeetoffloodwater
andhehastomove. OrToadHall.Oh...
It'sverysplendid, ldaresay. Butsortofdraughty.
No,no. Undergroundismyideaofhome.
Nowthen,what'sthenews fromyourpartoftheworld?
How'syoungToad?
Oh,he'sgoingfrombadtoworse. Anothersmashuponlylastweek.
Mmm... Howmanyhashehad?
Smashesorcars? Oh,well,it'sthesamethingwithToad.
-Thisishisseventh,Ratty,isn'tit? -Yes.
Irresponsibleanimal.
He'sahopelesslybaddriver, withnothoughtforlawandorder.
He'llkillsomeone... soonerorlater.
Whenlwashisage,
wedidn'trusharoundthecountryside frighteningpeople.
Wehadbetterthingstodowithourtime.
Oh...
Ah,acricketer,areyou?Good,good.
Now,aboutToad.
What?Ah,yes. Um...Wearehisfriends,Badger.
Wereallyoughttodosomething. He'sgivingusanimalsabadname.
(Snores)
Youareentirelycorrect.
Moreover, hisfather wasafriendofmine.
-MostrespectableToad. -Ah.
Whatdoyouthink weshoulddo, MrBadger?
Ithinkthatyouandl
andourfriendhere,
shouldtakeToadseriouslyinhand.
We'llstandnononsensewhatever.
Wewillbringhimbacktoreason, byforceifnecessary.
Thehourhasstruck.
(Clockschime)
Doyouagree, lad?
Er... Mm?Oh,absolutely.Yes.
I...Iquiteagree,definitely. Noquestion.
Firstthinginthemorning,
wewillpayacallonToad.
Aha! Hello,youfellows.
You'rejustintimetocome forajollyspininmynew...
In...inmynew...
Youwillnotbeneedingthat...machine.
Ishallsenditback.
What?Isay...I...
And,Toad...
Youwillgiveusyoursolemnpromise nevertotouchamotorcaragain.
Shan't!
Inside!Takehimtothelibrary, andlwilltrywhatargumentcando.
-Ow! -lt'sforyourowngood,Toad.
I'msorry,Toad,butreallyitis.
-Mole,docatchholdofthat. -Ooh!
Isay,stopit!Whatisyour...
Isay,youchaps...Oh...
Wewillseewhetheryoucomeoutof thatroomthesameToadyouwentin.
Letgo.Oh...Youcads. Ooh,no.Letgo.Ouch...
Youknewitmustcometothis soonerorlater,Toad.
You'vedisregardedallthewarnings we'vegivenyou.
You'vegoneonsquanderingthemoney yourfatherleftyou,
andyou'regivingusanimalsabadname inthedistrictbyyourfrivolousdriving
andyoursmashes andyourrowswiththepolice.
Independent,allverywell,
butweanimalsneverallowourfriends tomakefoolsofthemselves
beyondacertainlimit, andthatlimityou'vereached.
Now,you'reagoodfellow inmanyrespects.
Idon'twanttobetoohardonyou.
I'llmakeonemoreeffort tobringyoutoreason.
Oh,lamindeedafoolishToad.
No,neveragain.
Never,everagain.
Myfriends,
Iampleasedtoinformyou
thatToadhasseen theerrorofhisways.
Heistrulysorryforwhathehasdone,
andperceivesthefollyofitall.
Thatisgoodnews.
Doyou,Toad?
Doyou,really?
No. Haha. I'mnotsorryatall.
Haha!Anditwasn'tfolly, itwassimplyglorious.
What?Youbackslidinganimal. Didn'tyoutellmeinthere...
Oh,yes,inthere. I'dhavesaidanythinginthere.
You'resoeloquent,dearBadger,
andyouputyourpointsofrightfullywell.
Youcoulddowhatyouliked withmeinthere.
Butl'mnotsorry,really, soit'snogoodsayinglam.
Doyoumeantosayyoudon'tpromise nevertotouchamotorcaragain?
Onthecontrary.
Ifaithfullypromisethatthefirst motorcarlsee... Pooppoop!
Takehimupstairsandlockhim inhisbedroom.
(Toad)Pooppoop.
Itisworsethanlthought.
Weshalljust havetoletitburnitselfout.
Vroom,vroom!
Lookout,Toadiscoming.Vrooom!
Beepbeep. Pooppoop.
Brrmmmmmm. Argghhh!Oh,dear.
Wemustguardhimdayandnight.
Arggh...Hahahaha! Haha! Pooppoop.
Vrooom! Pooppoop...
(Snores)
-Lunch,Toady. -Mmm?Oh.
Nothingforme,dearboy.
What?
Couldyou...Couldyoudome onelastfavourand...fetchalawyer?
-Alawyer? -Yes.Sothatlcanmakemywill.
(Coughs)
Ifearitistoolate...foradoctor.
Badger?Mole?
IthinkToad'sill.
Areyousure,Rat?Youknowwhat afellerToadisforplay-acting.
Yes, lknow. Buthe... He'saskedforalawyer.
Alawyer?
-lthinkhe'sreallyill. -Hedoesn'tlookilltome.
Ahhaha! Nanana!
Quick!Afterhim.
Toad!
Hahahaha!
Woo!Heyheyheyhey!
Toad!
Hahaha!Wahoo!
Oh.Ooop.
Hemusthavegonethisway.
Comeon,Mole.
(Twigsnaps)
Whereareyougoing?
Mole!Comeon.
Heeheehee!
(Hornbeeps)
Aha.
Isay, lwonderifyoucouldhelpme.
Havingaspotofbotherwithmecar.
Oh?Whatsortofbother?
Um...
It'stheer...crankshaft. It'sum...flat.
Really?Aha.
-lshouldbeabletofixthat. -Oooh,shalllcometoo, Reggie?
Ah...Wh-wh-where's yourmachine?
Um...Oh,it'soverthere, ifyou'djusttakealookatit.
Oh,certainly,oldbean. Anythingforafellowmotorist.
-(Toad)Heyhey! -Oh, lsay!
Oh, Reggie.
Hahaha! Pooppoop!
Really?
Flaggedmedown withacockandbullstory
aboutaflatcrankshaft. Well, lalwayshelpafellowmotorist.
Gotout,cadhoppedin,andaway.
Er...Thechap'sadamnedfrog.
-(Toad)Pooppoop! -lsay!
-Fatface! -Really?
-lsay! -Ooh,Reggie!
Moley!
Moley,whereareyougoing?
Moley!
Iamcoldandlamtired andl'mgoinghome.
I'vefinishedwithToad.
Theriverbank'sthisway.Comeon.
Oh.It'llbegoodtobeinthewarm andhaveabitetoeat,hmm?
Yes,l'llbeglad tobehomeagain,won'tyou?
(Sobs)
Mole?
Whatisit,oldfellow?
Whatevercanbethematter?
Iknowit'sashabby,dingylittleplace,
notlikeyourcosyquarters,
orBadger'sorToad'sbeautifulHall,
butitwasmyownlittlehome andlwentawayandforgotallaboutit.
Andthenlsmeltit,
andlwantedit,
butyouwouldn'tstop,Ratty, and...
Oh,dear,oh,dear...
Ihadtoleaveitandlthought myheartwouldbreak.
Oh,dear,oh,dear.
Iseeitallnow.
Whatapigl'vebeen.
Well,comeon,oldfellow.
Whereverareyougoingto,Ratty?
Wearegoingtofindthatoldhome ofyourssoyou'dbettercomealong.
Weshallneedyournose.
(Sniffs)
(Windhowls)
Oh, Ratty,whyeverdidldoit?
Whydidlbringyou tothispoor,coldlittleplace
whenyoumighthavebeen atRiverbankbynow,
toastingyourtoesbeforeablazingfire.
HangRiverbank.
Whatacapitallittlehousethisis.
So...compact.
Well,we'llmake ajollynightofit, Moley.
Now,thefirstthing wewantisagoodfire.
Well,bustleabout,oldchap.
Oh, Rat. Howaboutyoursupper? I'venothingtogiveyou,notacrumb.
(Choirsings)
There'sthecarolsingers. Theycomehereeveryyear.
I... I'venothingtogivethem,either.
Whatafellowyouare forgivingin, Mole.
Idistinctlysawasardinetinopener, sotheremustbesardines,atleast.
There'snobread,nobutter.
Nopatedefoisgras. Nochampagne.
Now,comewithmeandforage.
(Choirsings''CaroloftheFieldMice'')
? Joywashersinthemorning
Oh,look.''l'venothingtoeat''?
Well, lmean,thisisfitforaking.
?Thewindtheyfollow
Isthisthecellar? Whataboutsomemulledwine?
?Yetdrawusin toyourfiretobide
? Andjoyshallbeyoursinthemorning
? Herewestand inthecoldandthesleet
? Blowingfingersandstampingfeet
? Comefromfaraway youtogreet
?Youbythefire andweinthestreet
? Biddingyoujoyinthemorning
?Thentheyheardtheangelstell
?WhowerethefirsttocryNoel
? Animalsallasitbefell
? Inthestable wheretheydiddwell
? Andjoyshallbeyours inthemorning
? Joyshallbeyours
? Inthemorning?
Wellsung,boys.
Nowcomeandhavesomething toeatanddrink.
(Allchatter)
(Cutlerychinks)
Absentfriends, BadgerandToad, whereverhemaybe.
Excuseme, sir, but'aven'tyou'eard?
Heardwhat? Anddon'tdropyourh's.
-AboutMrToad,sir. -Whatabouthim?
Well,sir,he's... he'sgothimselfharrested.
(Glasssmashes)
(Mole)Oh,no! Iknewit.
(Allchatter)
Tomymind,theonlydifficulty inthisveryclearcase
ishowtomakeitsufficientlyhot
fortheincorrigiblerogue andhardenedruffian
whomweseecowering inthedockbeforeus.
Hehasbeenfoundguilty ontheclearestevidence,
-firstofstealingavaluablemotorcar. -Bounder!
Andsecondlyofdriving tothepublicdanger
andthirdlyofgrossimpertinence totheruralpeace,
namelyaddressingaconstable as''fatface''.
Ahem. Now,then...
(Reggie)Oh, lsay.
MrClerk,whatisthestiffest,
theverystiffestpenaltywecanimpose foreachoftheseoffences
without,ofcourse,givingtheprisoner thebenefitofanydoubt,
becausethereisn'tany.
Well, ma'am,youmightgive er...12monthsforthetheft.
Whichismild.
Ander...threeyearsforfuriousdriving.
Huh!Whichislenient.
And15yearsforthecheek, whichwasprettybadsortofcheek.
-Namelycallinghim''fatface''. -Hahahaha!
Ahem.Now,then.
-Thataddsuptoer... -19years.
19years?
Andanotheryearforbeingvain.
20years.
I'vebeentold
youareacriminal ofdeepestguilt
andmatchlessartfulnessandresource,
whateverthatmeans.
And I intendtowatch andwardyouwithallmyskill.
Soyouwilllanguishfor20years
inthedeepestdungeon, inthebest-guardedjail,
inthelengthandbreadth ofmerryEngland.
(Doorslams)
Oooh.Oooh.
Oh, Badger.
Moley...
Ooh,Ratty...
Ooh,whereareyounow?
That'sagreedthen.
WhileToadisincarcerated,
wemustnot leaveToad Hallunprotected.
Ishalltakechargeofit.
Ioweittohisfather.
(Toad)PoorToad. LonelyToad. Forgotten
Thereyouare,daughter.
(Sobs)
Ooh, now.Cheerup,Toad.
Situpanddryyoureyes andbeasensibleanimal.
Fathersaysyouhaven'thad abitetoeatfordays.
-Here. -No.
Nothing.Takeitaway.
I'vebroughtyousomething l'vemademyself.
It'sbubbleandsqueak.
Bubbleand...squeak?
It'spipinghot.
Mmm...
-That'sbetter. -Mmm...
Idon'tknowwhenl'vehadbetter bubbleand...squeak,evenatToadHall.
ToadHall? Isthatwhereyoulive?
Mmm.Ooh,thefinestgentleman's residenceinEngland.
Ooh,splendidarchitecture, superblyfurnished.
Oh, ho,themostelegantchina,
valuablesilver,tapestries,
worksofart,
stainedglasswindows.
Oh ho! Ifonlyyoucouldseeit.
(Bothwhisper)
Ha...
Argh!
(Toad) I reallydomissToad Hall atthistimeofyear.
Thedaffodils,theprimroses andofcoursetheparties.
Ooh, peoplesoenjoyedmyspeeches.
Oh,andmysong, oh,andmyjokes.
Hahaha!Oh,sowitty. Hahaha!
-Toad -Mmm?
Ihaveanauntwho'sawasherwoman.
Nevermind. Thinknomoreaboutit.
Ihaveseveralaunts whooughttobewasherwomen.
Toad,dobequiet.
MyauntMaud doesallthewashinginthejail.
Peopleareusedtoher cominginandout,
andyou'reverymuchlikeherinbuild.
Iamnot!
Ihaveaveryelegantfigure, forwhatlam.
Sohasmyauntforwhatsheis. Here,tryiton.
Oooh,you'renotsuggesting
thatlshoulddisguisemyself asawasherwoman?
You'reahorrid,proud,ungratefulanimal,
whenl'mtryingtohelpyouescape.
Ithoughtitwasashame youwereshutuphereforsolong.
Youneverhurtanyone ordidanyrealharm.
Haveityourownway. Youcanstayhereforeverforalllcare.
(Sobs)
There,there.
Youareagood,kind,clevergirl.
Andlam,indeed, aproudand...stupidToad.
'Night,Maud.
Goodnight,oldchap.
Er...''Oldchap''?
Maud!
(Warden)Hangabout!
Stophim! Hereheis!Stophim!
Quick! Bringhimback!
Ohoh!
Haha!
Stophim!
Hello,mother.
Oh,sir.
Iamapoor,unhappywasherwoman,
andl'velostallmymoney, andlmustgethometonight.
Oh,dear.Oh,dear.
That'sbad.Gotsomekids waitingforyoutoo,ldaresay.
Eh?Oh,yeah,anyamountofthem.
Allright.It'sagainst companyregulations,butupyoucome.
-He'sgettingaway. -Stophim!
Oh, Reggie!
Isay, Lesley, isn'tthat thefrogwhostolemycar?
?Theworldhasheldgreatheroes
? Ashistorybookshaveshown
? Butneveranamewentdowntofame comparedwiththatofToad
(Magistrate)50yearsnexttime!
Isay,oldbean,where'smycar?
-Ooh, Reggie. -Stophim!
?TheclevermenatOxford knowallthatistobeknown
? Butnoneofthemknowhalfasmuch asintelligentMrToad
(Magistrate)70!
Isay.You,there.Stop!
Now...then!
?Theanimalssatinthearc Theirtearsintorrentsflowed
?Whowasitsaidthere'slandahead encouragingMrToad
? EncouragingMrToad
What'sgoingon?
You'reafunnykindofwasherwoman, andthere'satrainfollowingus.
Atrain?(Woman'svoice)Oh,dear. Kindmisterenginedriver.
I'mnotreallyawasherwoman...
No, no, l'm... I'mapoor,unfortunate Toad,pursuedbythelaw.
Thelaw,eh?Whatdidyoudo?
Ionly...borrowedamotorcar.
Borrowed,eh?
-Still, ldon'tholdwithmotorcars. -Stophim!
Andldon'tholdwithbeing orderedaboutonmeownengine.
-Off -Argh!
Hahaha!Heehee!Wheyhey...
-(Leslie)Stophim. -(Reggie)lsay!
?Thearmyallsaluted astheymarchedalongtheroad
?Whowasit Thekingorkitchener?
(Militarysnaredrum)
? No,itwasMrToad
Ah! Homeatlast. Haha!
Mustspreadthegoodnews.
Whydon'tlgotoRatty'sfirst?
?Thequeenandallherladies theybythewindowsewed
? Shecried Look,who'sthathandsomeman
?Theyanswered... MrToad?
Whoisit, Ratty?
I'venoidea.
Don'tyouknowme, Ratty?
-lt'sme,Toad. -Toad?
(Toad)Ohhohoho, Ratty! Suchtrialsandtribulations.
Sonoblyborn.
Suchastate,suchsubterfuges, allsoclever, hahaha!
-lamasmarttoadandnomistaking... -Toady!
Hello, Mole.Waittillltellyou allaboutmyadventures.
Toad,stopboastingandswaggering andbehaveyourself.
-Youlooklikeawasherwoman. -Mmm?
Ah.Oh,well. I'lltellyouaboutthat.
Butfirst,ifyougiveme alittlelightdinner,
perhapsaglassofclaret,
andthenl'llstrolluptoToadHall andgetachangeofclothes.
Oh,Toady,youhaven'theard.
Mmm?Heard? Heardwhat?
Thefactis,Toad,thatwhileyouwere havingthatlittlebitoftrouble,er...
TheweaselshavetakenToadHall.
TakenToadHall?
Whatweremyfriendsdoing
whilelwaslyinghelpless inmydungeon?
Ithoughtatleastyou andMoleand...andBadger...
Don'ttalkaboutBadger.
You...youdon'tmean...
Theyweretoostrong. EvenforBadger.
Oh, nobleBadger.
Bestoffriends.
Eloquent, kind-hearted, faithful...
Nowthen,Toad.That'senough.
Eh? Badger!
Gladyou'reback.
While Ratand Mole havebeen lookingaftermesokindly,
I'vebeenthinkingaboutToad Hall.
Oh, Badger.
Ishallneversee mydearoldhomeagain.
It'slost. Lostforever...
Lost, nonsense.
I haveaplan.
(Raisedvoicesandsinging)
(Birdtweets)
Ah. Mmm...
Hmm...
They'redoublingupthesentries ontheWestGate.
Andtherearefourextraweasels ontheMainGate.
Hello.They'reputtingguards ontheroof.
Morning,youfellows!
Mmm?Oh, hello,Toad. There'steainthepot.
Bynineo'clock,thebanquet shouldbeinfullswing.
Soweshouldbe inthesecrettunnelby...
Ooh,isthereasecrettunnel?
Yourfather,aworthyanimal, confidedinme,
buthesaidthatonlyinthedirestneed shouldlinformyouofit.
Oh. Haha...Iknow.
It'sthatsqueakyboard inthebutler'spantry.
Notatall.
Don'tinterruptus,Toady, there'sagoodfellow.
Now,aboutweapons. Pistols,ofcourse.
Well, myoldblunderbussisrather heavy, butwemightbegladofit.
Itdependshowmanysentries areondutyoutside.
Howmanycanyousee,Toad?
Er...four.
(Rat)Onlyfour?
Er...Andawasherwoman.
-Hello,Toad. -Why... I...That's...
Isay,youfellows, l'vehadsuchatime.
I...Wherehaveyoubeen,Mole?
Why,toToadHall,ofcourse.
I...Imarchedupthere asboldasbrass.
''Goodmorning,gentlemen,'' saysltothesentries,veryrespectful.
''Wantanywashingdone?'' Andthesergeantsaidtome,
''Runaway, mygoodwoman, runaway.''
''Runaway?''saysl. ''ltwon'tbemethat'llberunningaway
''ashorttimefromnow.You're goingtobeattacked.''Hahaha!
Youdidn'tsaythat?
Isaidalotmore. ''100bloodthirstybadgers,''lsaid,
''aregoingtoattackToadHall withsixboatloadsofrats
''armedtotheteeth andabigbodyoftoads,
''knownastheDie-hards orDeathorGloryToads
''willstormtheorchard, yellingforvengeance.
''Therewon'tbemuchleftofyou towash,''lsays,
''bythetimethey'vedonewithyou.'' Hahaha!
Oh, Mole,yousillyass!
You'veruinedthesurprise. You'vebeenandspoiledeverything.
But,Toad,surelyBadgertoldyou...
Mole,youhavedonewell. Iamexceedinglypleasedwithyou.
Now,alldependsupontonight.
(Shoutingandchanting)
Theentrytothetunnelisalonghere.
-Oh,thattunnel. I... -Sshh!
Takethat.
Ah...
Aaahh...Aaahh...
Mwah!
?WhentheToadcamehome
?Therewaspanicintheparlour
? Andhowlinginthehall
?Therewascryinginthecowshed andshriekinginthestall
?WhentheToadcamehome
?Therewassmashinginofwindow
? Andcrashinginofdoor
?Therewaschivvyingofweasels thatfaintedonthefloor
?WhentheToadcamehome
(Badger)Toad!Quiet,youass.
-lwasonlyjusttrying... -Ssshh!Quiet,Toad.
? Bang...gothedrums
?Thetrumpetersaretooting
? Andthesoldiersaresaluting
? Andthecannonstheyareshooting andthemotorcarsarehooting
? WhentheToadcamehome
?WhentheToadcamehome
(Shoutingandchanting)
? Shout Shouthooray
? Andleteachoneofthecrowd tryandshoutitveryloud
? Inorderofananimal ofwhomyou'rejustlyproud
?WhentheToadcamehome
?WhentheToadcamehome?
-Toad! -Eh?
Onemoresoundoutofyou andbackyougo!
(Groans)
(Shoutingandchanting)
Isay,theyareenjoyingit.
Quietforthechief. Quietfortheking.
Quiet!
Andnowatoast. Hahaha!
ToourkindhostMrToad.Hahaha!
Howdarethey!
Now,weallknowToad.
SensibleToad.
ModestToad.
-BraveToad. -(Laughter)
Thetoastis...
...downwithToad!
I'llgivehim''DownwithToad!'' Andinmyownbanquetinghall,too.
Aaaghhh!
(Allshout)
Ier...
Ithinkwe'dbetterwaitfortheothers.
Others?
ThehundredBadgersandallthoseRats
andtheDeath-or-GloryToads.
Wecoulddowith afewmoreMolesaswell.
-Wherearetheothers? -Therearenoothers,Toad.
No... No... Noothers?
No,Toad,there'sjustBadger, Rat,meand...andyou,Toad.
ButthankstoouryoungfriendMole,
theythinktherearehundredsofus. Comeon.
Huh?AlwaysaToad...
AToad...
Wheyhey!Whoa...
Chief,it'soldBadger.
Riverbankours! Riverbankours!
Mole! Mole!
Onethumpandonethump andonethump...
(Toad)Ooh! Missedagain!
-Lookout, Mole. -Aaagghh!
AToad.AlwaysaToad!
-Behindyou, Badger. -Thumpandthumpandthump...
-Aha... MrToad! -Argh.
Grrrrr...
(All)Hooray!
Welldone,Toad.
Hohoho,Badger. Ididn'tdoanything.
Youfellowsdiditall. Ijust...Imean...Hooray!
(All)Hooray!
(Cheering)
(Humstune)
DidltellyouToadsaid hemightbedroppinginfortea?
He'squiteareformedcharacter,
morelikehisesteemedfather everyday.
Wemayindeedcongratulateourselves.
Still, itwasratherexciting,wasn'tit? I'malmostsorryit'sallover.
(Enginewhirs)
Haha! Hello,youfellows!
-Youmaniac! -Lockhimup!
Toad,thistimeyou'vegonetoofar!
Hangmotoring.Thisisthelife!
Wahey! Hahaha!
(Enginesplutters)
-Oh,no. -(Groans)
Oh,dear...
(Coughs)
Oh. Er...
(Crash)
(Toad)lsay,youchaps.Ah.You'rejust thechaplwantedtosee, Ratty,
andyoutoo, Mole.Aha!
Hahaha!