153
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,939
Well, it's 7:15 here, you subtract an hour.

154
00:06:26,039 --> 00:06:27,115
(audience laughing)
Forget it!

155
00:06:27,215 --> 00:06:28,481
Forget it.

156
00:06:28,581 --> 00:06:31,272
Now, look, all this nonsense has to stop, Rose.

157
00:06:31,372 --> 00:06:34,323
What we saw was not a UFO.

158
00:06:34,423 --> 00:06:36,423
Well, it wasn't a plane!

159
00:06:36,523 --> 00:06:39,334
Planes aren't that thin, or that bright.

160
00:06:39,434 --> 00:06:40,575
Neither is Oprah Winfrey,

161
00:06:40,675 --> 00:06:42,198
but that doesn't make her a flying saucer.

162
00:06:42,298 --> 00:06:47,067
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)

163
00:06:47,167 --> 00:06:50,758
The point is, nobody knows what we saw.

164
00:06:50,858 --> 00:06:54,529
You don't, I don't, not even Major Barker does.

165
00:06:54,629 --> 00:06:55,790
Major Barker?

166
00:06:55,890 --> 00:06:58,561
That's the man I spoke to today down at the military base.

167
00:06:58,661 --> 00:07:02,132
I told him what we saw, and he said they'd check into it.

168
00:07:02,232 --> 00:07:04,122
Rose, how could you do that?

169
00:07:04,222 --> 00:07:05,593
Don't you know what's going to happen?

170
00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:08,034
This is gonna end up in all the tabloids.

171
00:07:08,134 --> 00:07:09,631
I can see it now, right next to

172
00:07:09,731 --> 00:07:12,492
"Woman Gives Birth to Doc Severinsen Look-alike"

173
00:07:12,592 --> 00:07:14,933
(audience laughing)

174
00:07:15,033 --> 00:07:17,664
"Dorothy Zbornak Meets Spacemen."

175
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,450
Why do you get all the credit?

176
00:07:20,550 --> 00:07:21,383
(audience laughing)
Girls!

177
00:07:22,538 --> 00:07:23,528
Girls, look.

178
00:07:23,628 --> 00:07:24,361
(audience oohing)

179
00:07:24,461 --> 00:07:25,840
How do I look?

180
00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:26,990
Great, Blanche.

181
00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:28,981
Great, or gorgeous?

182
00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:30,081
Gorgeous!

183
00:07:30,181 --> 00:07:31,531
Well, what about sexy?

184
00:07:31,631 --> 00:07:32,642
Yes.

185
00:07:32,742 --> 00:07:33,475
Enticing?

186
00:07:33,575 --> 00:07:34,662
I'll handle this.

187
00:07:34,762 --> 00:07:37,413
Blanche, no woman ever looked better

188
00:07:37,513 --> 00:07:41,096
than you look right now, and no one ever will.

189
00:07:41,196 --> 00:07:46,197
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)

190
00:07:46,356 --> 00:07:47,897
Thank you, Dorothy.

191
00:07:47,997 --> 00:07:50,167
Honestly, Rose, sometimes it's like pulling teeth

192
00:07:50,267 --> 00:07:51,852
to get a little compliment out of you.

193
00:07:51,952 --> 00:07:53,675
(audience laughing)

194
00:07:53,775 --> 00:07:54,949
(doorbell ringing)

195
00:07:55,049 --> 00:07:56,009
There's the bell.

196
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,898
That must be Ham at the door.

197
00:07:57,998 --> 00:07:59,415
Come on, come on!

198
00:08:01,858 --> 00:08:03,542
(doorbell ringing)

199
00:08:03,642 --> 00:08:05,412
Sophia, wait, wait, wait a minute!

200
00:08:05,512 --> 00:08:06,993
Blanche, will you calm down?

201
00:08:07,093 --> 00:08:09,934
I have never seen you so worked up over one date.

202
00:08:10,034 --> 00:08:11,624
Dorothy, I let this gorgeous man

203
00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:13,115
slip through my fingers once before,

204
00:08:13,215 --> 00:08:15,149
I don't intend to let it happen again.

205
00:08:17,966 --> 00:08:21,050
(audience laughing)

206
00:08:28,610 --> 00:08:31,335
He couldn't slip through your
fingers now if you used a shoehorn.

207
00:08:31,435 --> 00:08:35,110
(audience laughing)

208
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:36,553
Oh, my God!

209
00:08:36,653 --> 00:08:37,473
Blanche?

210
00:08:37,573 --> 00:08:38,686
Ham?

211
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:41,144
Ham Lushbough, just look at you!

212
00:08:41,244 --> 00:08:42,094
What else can we look at?

213
00:08:42,194 --> 00:08:44,220
The man's covering half the pictures on our wall.

214
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,866
(audience laughing)

215
00:08:46,966 --> 00:08:49,327
I don't blame you for looking surprised, Blanche.

216
00:08:49,427 --> 00:08:51,748
There's a little more of me than there used to be.

217
00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:55,382
Well, maybe a little here, a little there.

218
00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:56,669
Ham, I'm Dorothy.

219
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:57,535
How do you do?

220
00:08:57,635 --> 00:08:58,369
How do you do?

221
00:08:58,469 --> 00:08:59,840
This is my mother, Sophia.

222
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:00,850
That's Rose.

223
00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:01,759
Hello.

224
00:09:01,859 --> 00:09:03,241
Ham: How do you do?

225
00:09:03,341 --> 00:09:06,765
So, what exactly is Ham short for, Ham?

226
00:09:08,063 --> 00:09:09,800
My guess would be ham and potatoes.

227
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:12,984
(audience laughing)

228
00:09:13,925 --> 00:09:15,055
Well, we'd better run along.

229
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,436
We don't want to be late.

230
00:09:16,536 --> 00:09:18,756
I'm sure you'll have a wonderful, wonderful evening.

231
00:09:18,856 --> 00:09:20,547
It was very nice meeting all of you.

232
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:21,847
Same here.

233
00:09:21,947 --> 00:09:23,928
I hope we get to see more of you.

234
00:09:24,028 --> 00:09:24,843
Don't even bother.

235
00:09:24,943 --> 00:09:27,222
(audience laughing)

236
00:09:27,322 --> 00:09:28,155
Bye.

237
00:09:30,146 --> 00:09:33,314
(audience applauding)

238
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:40,593
Boy, he sure looks different from his picture.

239
00:09:40,693 --> 00:09:43,404
You know, sometimes people can lose their looks.

240
00:09:43,504 --> 00:09:44,485
Not in Sicily.

241
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:48,046
In Sicily, if you're born beautiful, you stay beautiful.

242
00:09:48,146 --> 00:09:49,886
The whole town sees to it.

243
00:09:49,986 --> 00:09:52,447
They check up on you, they encourage you,

244
00:09:52,547 --> 00:09:54,368
they never let you slip.

245
00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:57,449
That's why we were so happy when Dorothy was born.

246
00:09:57,549 --> 00:09:58,489
Oh, Ma.

247
00:09:58,589 --> 00:10:01,212
Who needed all those people bothering us all the time!

248
00:10:01,312 --> 00:10:04,313
(audience laughing)

249
00:10:05,364 --> 00:10:06,774
I'm going back outside, Dorothy.

250
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,700
Dorothy: Fine, Rose.

251
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:11,718
(doorbell ringing)

252
00:10:15,195 --> 00:10:16,438
Is Rose Nylund in?

253
00:10:16,538 --> 00:10:17,585
Yes, please come in.

254
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:18,419
Please come in.

255
00:10:18,519 --> 00:10:21,497
You must be the man that Rose spoke to, Major Barker?

256
00:10:21,597 --> 00:10:22,330
That's correct.

257
00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:23,547
Please, sit down.

258
00:10:23,647 --> 00:10:27,569
Listen, um, before I get Rose, let me assure you,

259
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:31,900
she is the only one here who thinks she saw a UFO.

260
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,131
I understand completely, Ms. Zbornak.

261
00:10:34,231 --> 00:10:38,342
By the way, is that Ms. Zbornak or Mrs?

262
00:10:38,442 --> 00:10:39,833
I'm hoping it's Ms.

263
00:10:39,933 --> 00:10:41,836
Well, yes.

264
00:10:41,936 --> 00:10:45,020
(audience laughing)

265
00:10:47,425 --> 00:10:49,716
Yes, as a matter of fact, it is.

266
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:50,986
Good.

267
00:10:51,086 --> 00:10:53,453
I've already got that box checked on this form.

268
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:56,048
(audience laughing)

269
00:10:56,148 --> 00:10:57,709
Now, in this case, we've done most

270
00:10:57,809 --> 00:10:59,109
of the research at the base,

271
00:10:59,209 --> 00:11:02,430
so I just have a couple of routine questions to follow up.

272
00:11:02,530 --> 00:11:03,711
Question number one,

273
00:11:03,811 --> 00:11:06,752
was the object you saw more triangular or cylindrical?

274
00:11:06,852 --> 00:11:08,152
No, triangular.

275
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:09,432
Was it blue in color?

276
00:11:09,532 --> 00:11:10,843
Yes.

277
00:11:10,943 --> 00:11:13,704
Did it leave a faint trail of yellow exhaust?

278
00:11:13,804 --> 00:11:15,364
Yes, it did!

279
00:11:15,464 --> 00:11:16,595
Very good.

280
00:11:16,695 --> 00:11:18,935
Ms. Zbornak, there's a perfectly simple

281
00:11:19,035 --> 00:11:20,556
explanation for what you saw.

282
00:11:20,656 --> 00:11:22,740
Well, I always knew there would be.

283
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,033
What you and Rose Nylund saw was a UFO.

284
00:11:26,133 --> 00:11:27,885
(audience laughing)

285
00:11:27,985 --> 00:11:31,487
(gentle orchestral music)

286
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:35,398
(laughs) Oh, Ham Lushbough,

287
00:11:35,498 --> 00:11:37,321
you always did know how to make me laugh.

288
00:11:37,421 --> 00:11:39,532
It's nice to know I haven't lost it, all of it.

289
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,713
Oh, now, don't you talk like that.

290
00:11:41,813 --> 00:11:43,363
You haven't lost a thing.

291
00:11:43,463 --> 00:11:45,384
Why, the way you can tell a story,

292
00:11:45,484 --> 00:11:47,595
the way you twirled me around that dance floor,

293
00:11:47,695 --> 00:11:50,546
you'd think it was 30 years ago.

294
00:11:50,646 --> 00:11:52,106
Gosh, look at the time, I better go.

295
00:11:52,206 --> 00:11:52,940
Oh, baloney!

296
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,737
It's late now, in 10 minutes it'll still be late.

297
00:11:55,837 --> 00:11:57,998
You just sit yourself down right there.

298
00:11:58,098 --> 00:11:58,931
Go on.

299
00:11:59,863 --> 00:12:04,481
Attaboy. (giggles)

300
00:12:06,404 --> 00:12:07,688
I had a nice time tonight, Blanche.

301
00:12:07,788 --> 00:12:10,112
You know, I did too.

302
00:12:10,212 --> 00:12:12,653
And I wasn't sure I would, if you want the truth.

303
00:12:12,753 --> 00:12:14,294
What?

304
00:12:14,394 --> 00:12:17,815
Well, this may sound funny, but I kept thinking,

305
00:12:17,915 --> 00:12:20,385
here I am, so bald and so heavy.

306
00:12:20,485 --> 00:12:21,766
What if I show up and Blanche looks

307
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,017
just as pretty as she did 30 years ago?

308
00:12:24,117 --> 00:12:24,967
But I don't.

309
00:12:25,067 --> 00:12:26,049
No, you don't.

310
00:12:26,149 --> 00:12:29,860
(audience laughing)

311
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:30,793
What?

312
00:12:31,809 --> 00:12:33,600
You look prettier.

313
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,868
No, I mean it, I mean it!

314
00:12:35,968 --> 00:12:38,706
The face and the figure and that smile,

315
00:12:38,806 --> 00:12:41,182
oh, it's all gotten better.

316
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,557
Unless it's just my age making me wanna see those things.

317
00:12:43,657 --> 00:12:44,390
No!

318
00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:47,491
(audience laughing)

319
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,395
I'm glad I looked you up, Blanche.

320
00:12:50,495 --> 00:12:52,969
I haven't had this much fun in a long time.

321
00:12:54,927 --> 00:12:56,767
Well, I guess I better be getting back to the hotel.

322
00:12:56,867 --> 00:12:59,188
Oh, honey, are you sure you have to?

323
00:13:00,158 --> 00:13:03,109
Blanche, are you asking me what I think you're asking me?

324
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,214
Think you might like some company tonight?

325
00:13:08,901 --> 00:13:10,420
Maybe some other time, Blanche.

326
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,528
(audience laughing)

327
00:13:12,628 --> 00:13:16,130
(gentle orchestral music)

328
00:13:26,510 --> 00:13:27,969
What are you doing, Dorothy?

329
00:13:28,069 --> 00:13:31,091
Oh, looking at the stars.

330
00:13:32,519 --> 00:13:34,413
Pondering the universe.

331
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,531
I've been doing the same thing,

332
00:13:37,631 --> 00:13:39,271
thinking how wonderful it would be

333
00:13:39,371 --> 00:13:41,295
if there really were aliens.

334
00:13:42,312 --> 00:13:44,263
Maybe it'd be just like Cocoon,

335
00:13:44,363 --> 00:13:48,207
and they'd take us away and we'd never grow old.

336
00:13:49,605 --> 00:13:52,225
See, I don't know, I like my life.

337
00:13:52,325 --> 00:13:54,086
I mean, I'm not president or anything.

338
00:13:54,186 --> 00:13:55,629
I'm just a teacher.

339
00:13:56,587 --> 00:13:58,140
A substitute teacher.

340
00:13:59,458 --> 00:14:02,376
A divorced substitute teacher,
(audience laughing)

341
00:14:02,476 --> 00:14:04,449
who can't even afford her own place to live.

342
00:14:04,549 --> 00:14:05,382
Beam me up!

343
00:14:05,482 --> 00:14:07,760
(audience laughing)

344
00:14:07,860 --> 00:14:10,371
Beam me up, Dorothy, you believe?

345
00:14:10,471 --> 00:14:13,362
Rose, they checked out what we saw,

346
00:14:13,462 --> 00:14:16,286
and it actually was a UFO.

347
00:14:21,626 --> 00:14:23,807
Dorothy, where are you going?
We might miss the aliens.

348
00:14:23,907 --> 00:14:25,479
That would be fine with me.

349
00:14:26,447 --> 00:14:30,098
Dorothy, why are you talking that way?

350
00:14:30,198 --> 00:14:31,808
I think it's wonderful that there

351
00:14:31,908 --> 00:14:35,259
are other beings out there trying to meet us.

352
00:14:35,359 --> 00:14:38,260
They might have solutions to all our problems,

353
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:42,717
cures for our diseases, new storylines for ALF.

354
00:14:42,817 --> 00:14:45,513
(audience laughing)

355
00:14:45,613 --> 00:14:47,854
They might also have tentacles on their legs

356
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:50,897
so that they can suck all the blood out of our heads!

357
00:14:51,845 --> 00:14:53,685
I'm sorry, Rose, I'm sorry.

358
00:14:53,785 --> 00:14:56,516
Part of me is very excited, but part of me is petrified.

359
00:14:56,616 --> 00:14:58,687
I cannot relax with this.

360
00:14:58,787 --> 00:15:00,678
Unfortunately, I'm going to have to because

361
00:15:00,778 --> 00:15:04,669
Major Barker does not want us to say a word

362
00:15:04,769 --> 00:15:09,531
about this to anyone until we hear from him again.

363
00:15:09,631 --> 00:15:11,481
Not a word.

364
00:15:11,581 --> 00:15:12,805
Is that understood?

365
00:15:13,672 --> 00:15:14,505
Yes.

366
00:15:15,587 --> 00:15:16,676
I thought I heard voices in here.

367
00:15:16,776 --> 00:15:18,033
What you girls doing?

368
00:15:18,133 --> 00:15:20,064
Oh, nothing.

369
00:15:20,164 --> 00:15:21,567
We're just sitting talking.

370
00:15:22,785 --> 00:15:24,739
Not talking about anything special.

371
00:15:25,786 --> 00:15:27,783
The subject of aliens never came up.

372
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:30,967
(audience laughing)

373
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:33,768
Well, I can give you something

374
00:15:33,868 --> 00:15:36,349
to talk about, my date tonight,

375
00:15:36,449 --> 00:15:38,960
which turned out to be the most humiliating evening

376
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:41,121
I've ever spent in my entire life.

377
00:15:41,221 --> 00:15:43,762
So, what are we talking about?

378
00:15:43,862 --> 00:15:44,882
Blanche's date.

379
00:15:44,982 --> 00:15:47,483
He turned me down, again!

380
00:15:47,583 --> 00:15:48,980
I'm just devastated.

381
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,234
Oh, come on now, Blanche,

382
00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:51,754
you said yourself you didn't find

383
00:15:51,854 --> 00:15:53,435
him that attractive anymore.

384
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:54,915
That's not the point, Dorothy.

385
00:15:55,015 --> 00:15:56,416
The point is to Blanche Devereaux,

386
00:15:56,516 --> 00:15:59,647
sexuality and attractiveness are two very important things.

387
00:15:59,747 --> 00:16:01,250
They are Blanche Devereaux.

388
00:16:02,367 --> 00:16:05,869
It just tortures me to know that there's one man out there,

389
00:16:05,969 --> 00:16:09,703
one on the face of God's green earth, that I cannot have.

390
00:16:11,321 --> 00:16:12,811
Especially if he's fat and bald!

391
00:16:12,911 --> 00:16:15,362
(audience laughing)

392
00:16:15,462 --> 00:16:16,963
Blanche, forget about it.

393
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,613
I can't forget about it.

394
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:21,944
There's only one thing for me to do.

395
00:16:22,044 --> 00:16:23,625
I'm going to call him up,

396
00:16:23,725 --> 00:16:25,775
and tomorrow night I'm going out with that man again.

397
00:16:25,875 --> 00:16:27,546
I don't care what amount of seducing

398
00:16:27,646 --> 00:16:30,067
it takes, but as God is my witness,

399
00:16:30,167 --> 00:16:33,638
I am not returning to this house until he has begged,

400
00:16:33,738 --> 00:16:37,023
beseeched and pleaded with me to go to bed with him.

401
00:16:37,123 --> 00:16:40,617
(audience laughing)

402
00:16:40,717 --> 00:16:42,171
You know, that was the original

403
00:16:42,271 --> 00:16:43,789
ending to Gone with the Wind.

404
00:16:43,889 --> 00:16:45,508
(audience laughing)

405
00:16:45,608 --> 00:16:49,109
(gentle orchestral music)

406
00:16:58,127 --> 00:16:59,696
Ah, that was a terrific meal, Blanche.

407
00:16:59,796 --> 00:17:00,727
Thanks again.

408
00:17:00,827 --> 00:17:01,567
Well, you're welcome, Ham.

409
00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:03,818
I just figured you deserved it before going back

410
00:17:03,918 --> 00:17:08,529
to that high-tension, dog-eat-dog pressure pit you work in.

411
00:17:08,629 --> 00:17:10,472
Blanche, I run a miniature golf course.

412
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:12,201
(audience laughing)

413
00:17:12,301 --> 00:17:13,421
Your champagne, Ms. Devereaux.

414
00:17:13,521 --> 00:17:14,851
Oh, thank you, Walter.

415
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,862
You will forgive me if this champagne

416
00:17:16,962 --> 00:17:19,243
has a little effect on me, Ham.

417
00:17:19,343 --> 00:17:20,743
Sometimes just having it setting

418
00:17:20,843 --> 00:17:23,157
on the table sets my heart to racing.

419
00:17:24,054 --> 00:17:25,241
Oh!

420
00:17:25,341 --> 00:17:26,174
Feel.

421
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:29,536
Lower.

422
00:17:29,636 --> 00:17:31,364
(audience laughing)

423
00:17:31,464 --> 00:17:32,747
It's like there's some kind

424
00:17:32,847 --> 00:17:36,702
of wild animal energy in there, just pounding,

425
00:17:39,013 --> 00:17:42,744
pounding and burning, yearning and lusting,

426
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,889
just crying out to be released.

427
00:17:44,989 --> 00:17:45,722
(cork popping)

428
00:17:45,822 --> 00:17:47,482
(audience laughing)

429
00:17:47,582 --> 00:17:49,053
I've never said this to another man, Ham,

430
00:17:49,153 --> 00:17:50,913
but I feel a heat between us,

431
00:17:51,013 --> 00:17:53,664
kind of a flame crackling and hissing.

432
00:17:53,764 --> 00:17:55,895
I want you to put that flame out, Ham.

433
00:17:55,995 --> 00:17:58,056
(audience laughing)

434
00:17:58,156 --> 00:18:00,866
I want you to pluck me like a fruit,

435
00:18:00,966 --> 00:18:03,037
and wash me off in your kisses,

436
00:18:03,137 --> 00:18:06,651
and sink your teeth into my ripe, juicy flesh.

437
00:18:08,168 --> 00:18:09,526
(audience laughing)

438
00:18:09,626 --> 00:18:12,794
(audience applauding)

439
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,152
Let me make you happy, Ham.

440
00:18:18,252 --> 00:18:19,573
All I need to know is that you

441
00:18:19,673 --> 00:18:21,723
want me as much as I want you.

442
00:18:23,484 --> 00:18:25,134
Maybe some other time, Blanche.

443
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,296
That does it!

444
00:18:29,396 --> 00:18:32,367
I will not let you humiliate me any longer.

445
00:18:32,467 --> 00:18:34,417
You may not want me, Ham Lushbough,

446
00:18:34,517 --> 00:18:36,438
but I can promise you somewhere on this planet

447
00:18:36,538 --> 00:18:38,922
I will damn sure find some man who does!

448
00:18:43,779 --> 00:18:45,805
(audience laughing)

449
00:18:45,905 --> 00:18:47,310
(audience applauding)

450
00:18:47,410 --> 00:18:50,911
(gentle orchestral music)

451
00:18:59,836 --> 00:19:00,616
Hi, girls!

452
00:19:00,716 --> 00:19:01,576
How'd it go, Blanche?

453
00:19:01,676 --> 00:19:03,147
Oh, perfectly.

454
00:19:03,247 --> 00:19:04,987
When Blanche Devereaux sets out to seduce

455
00:19:05,087 --> 00:19:07,458
a man she doesn't drag her feet.

456
00:19:07,558 --> 00:19:10,476
(doorbell ringing)

457
00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:13,183
Blanche!

458
00:19:13,283 --> 00:19:16,861
Well, Ham Lushbough, you sex-hungry devil!

459
00:19:16,961 --> 00:19:18,462
(audience laughing)

460
00:19:18,562 --> 00:19:20,172
Now, I told you, no more.

461
00:19:20,272 --> 00:19:21,943
Go home and take a cold shower.

462
00:19:22,043 --> 00:19:24,144
No, Blanche, not until you know the reason why

463
00:19:24,244 --> 00:19:27,014
I keep telling you that I can't sleep with you.

464
00:19:27,114 --> 00:19:30,326
Ma, listen, maybe watching some TV

465
00:19:30,426 --> 00:19:32,776
in another room might be a good idea.

466
00:19:32,876 --> 00:19:34,400
Fine, Dorothy, but keep the volume down.

467
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,584
(audience laughing)

468
00:19:39,101 --> 00:19:40,379
Ma!

469
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:41,419
It's all right, Dorothy,

470
00:19:41,519 --> 00:19:43,270
it's already out in the open anyway.

471
00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:45,390
Come on in and say your piece.

472
00:19:45,490 --> 00:19:47,511
Well, the reason is, we've been getting along

473
00:19:47,611 --> 00:19:49,492
so well as friends lately that

474
00:19:50,512 --> 00:19:51,943
I didn't want us to have another night

475
00:19:52,043 --> 00:19:53,856
like that night we had in college.

476
00:19:54,844 --> 00:19:56,884
In college, what are you talking about?

477
00:19:56,984 --> 00:19:59,305
That night, the spring jamboree,

478
00:19:59,405 --> 00:20:01,031
out at Grady's Motor Lodge?

479
00:20:01,131 --> 00:20:02,036
Grady's Motor Lodge?

480
00:20:02,136 --> 00:20:03,546
I never went to Grady's with you.

481
00:20:03,646 --> 00:20:04,380
Sure you did.

482
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:05,267
I'll never forget it.

483
00:20:05,367 --> 00:20:06,877
I mean you had your hair in braids,

484
00:20:06,977 --> 00:20:08,778
you wore a pink bathrobe.

485
00:20:08,878 --> 00:20:11,499
Pink, with a little lace trim?

486
00:20:11,599 --> 00:20:12,332
Yes.

487
00:20:12,432 --> 00:20:13,490
And matching slippers?

488
00:20:13,590 --> 00:20:14,323
Yes.

489
00:20:14,423 --> 00:20:17,834
Ham, that wasn't me, that was my sister Virginia.

490
00:20:18,891 --> 00:20:20,572
That was Virginia?

491
00:20:20,672 --> 00:20:22,383
How could I forget that?

492
00:20:22,483 --> 00:20:23,813
That was the worst night I've ever

493
00:20:23,913 --> 00:20:26,414
spent in bed with a woman in my life!

494
00:20:26,514 --> 00:20:28,084
(audience laughing)
(audience groaning)

495
00:20:28,184 --> 00:20:29,145
Wait a minute, Ham,

496
00:20:29,245 --> 00:20:32,526
are you saying the only reason you've kept turning

497
00:20:32,626 --> 00:20:35,017
me down is because of the bad time you had that night?

498
00:20:35,117 --> 00:20:35,950
Yes.

499
00:20:37,030 --> 00:20:38,198
Oh!

500
00:20:38,298 --> 00:20:41,920
Oh, well, Blanche, this changes everything.

501
00:20:42,020 --> 00:20:44,821
Does all that stuff you said in the restaurant still go?

502
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:47,285
I don't think so, Ham.

503
00:20:47,385 --> 00:20:50,642
(audience laughing)

504
00:20:50,742 --> 00:20:51,782
The moment has passed.

505
00:20:51,882 --> 00:20:53,446
We could never recapture it.

506
00:20:54,383 --> 00:20:56,163
Blanche, that was just 20 minutes ago.

507
00:20:56,263 --> 00:20:58,124
(audience laughing)

508
00:20:58,224 --> 00:21:00,715
I'm sorry, Ham, but you were just a plaything

509
00:21:00,815 --> 00:21:03,066
in my game of sexual conquest.

510
00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:04,606
I was gonna use you.

511
00:21:04,706 --> 00:21:05,848
Use me, use me.

512
00:21:05,948 --> 00:21:07,737
(audience laughing)

513
00:21:07,837 --> 00:21:08,571
Good-bye, Ham.

514
00:21:08,671 --> 00:21:11,048
If you leave now, we can still have our memories.

515
00:21:12,209 --> 00:21:14,905
I'll trade all my memories for a quickie.

516
00:21:15,005 --> 00:21:17,540
(audience laughing)

517
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:18,880
Beat it, tubbo.

518
00:21:18,980 --> 00:21:20,302
(audience laughing)

519
00:21:20,402 --> 00:21:23,570
(audience applauding)

520
00:21:25,228 --> 00:21:26,603
Oh, I wonder what would happen if

521
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:28,734
somebody called up my sister Virginia

522
00:21:28,834 --> 00:21:31,598
and told her this terribly embarrassing story?

523
00:21:32,785 --> 00:21:34,628
I guess there's only one way to find out.

524
00:21:34,728 --> 00:21:37,812
(audience laughing)

525
00:21:39,140 --> 00:21:41,280
Well, I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed.

526
00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:42,118
You coming, Ma?

527
00:21:42,218 --> 00:21:42,969
In a minute.

528
00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:44,749
I gotta finish this article.

529
00:21:44,849 --> 00:21:46,720
I love these military guys.

530
00:21:46,820 --> 00:21:50,471
First they fly this top-secret bomber jet way off course.

531
00:21:50,571 --> 00:21:52,822
Next they start denying it ever happened,

532
00:21:52,922 --> 00:21:56,216
like nobody ever saw it flying over downtown Miami.

533
00:22:01,665 --> 00:22:02,895
Rose.

534
00:22:02,995 --> 00:22:04,076
Hi, Dorothy.

535
00:22:04,176 --> 00:22:07,150
Rose, there's something we have to talk about.

536
00:22:08,347 --> 00:22:10,878
There was an article in today's paper.

537
00:22:10,978 --> 00:22:13,249
The one about the UFO being a secret bomber?

538
00:22:13,349 --> 00:22:14,639
I'm sorry, Rose.

539
00:22:14,739 --> 00:22:16,690
Sorry for what?

540
00:22:16,790 --> 00:22:19,531
Just because that one bomber wasn't a UFO

541
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:22,195
doesn't mean we should stop watching for others.

542
00:22:23,532 --> 00:22:24,601
Does it?

543
00:22:24,701 --> 00:22:27,702
(audience laughing)

544
00:22:28,541 --> 00:22:29,374
Oh.

545
00:22:31,755 --> 00:22:33,665
Well, I guess there isn't much point

546
00:22:33,765 --> 00:22:35,686
in sitting out here anymore, is there?

547
00:22:35,786 --> 00:22:37,286
Oh, I don't know, Rose.

548
00:22:37,386 --> 00:22:38,917
It's such a nice night.

549
00:22:39,017 --> 00:22:40,818
Let's stay awhile.

550
00:22:40,918 --> 00:22:41,841
Okay.

551
00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:48,500
You know something, Dorothy?

552
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:52,581
You don't have to tell me this if you don't want to,

553
00:22:52,681 --> 00:22:56,886
but underneath it all you believe in them, don't you?

554
00:22:57,783 --> 00:22:59,857
You did from the very beginning.

555
00:23:01,402 --> 00:23:02,368
I'm glad.

556
00:23:04,305 --> 00:23:05,656
It's more fun.

557
00:23:05,756 --> 00:23:07,706
It's like with Santa Claus.

558
00:23:07,806 --> 00:23:10,217
The best Christmas we ever had was when

559
00:23:10,317 --> 00:23:12,428
all eight of my brothers and sisters,

560
00:23:12,528 --> 00:23:16,032
from Lily to Michael, all still believed.

561
00:23:17,820 --> 00:23:19,852
That must be 10 years ago now.

562
00:23:19,952 --> 00:23:22,425
(audience laughing)

563
00:23:22,525 --> 00:23:24,859
(whooshing)

564
00:23:25,878 --> 00:23:26,712
Dorothy!

565
00:23:28,578 --> 00:23:29,411
Dorothy?

566
00:23:38,009 --> 00:23:40,992
(gentle orchestral music)

567
00:23:41,092 --> 00:23:44,260
(audience applauding)