<font color=Copyright from ecOtOne™
(TYRES SCREECH)
(YÖUNG WOMAN) My parents were born into the good life.
Old money, blue-blooded society sweethearts.
- Do yöu want a boy or girl? - We'll be happy with either.
Having played host to kings and queens and other powers that be,
they were used to gracing the pages of society columns.
- I'm gonna be sick! - So they welcomed the attention
on what they supposed would be the happiest day of their lives.
But local legend had it that a curse was put on the Wilhern family,
when my great-great-great-grandfather Ralph
had a fling with Clara, a lowly servant girl.
When he told his family of his plans to marry Clara...
- (LAUGHTER) - ... he realised how silly he'd been.
Clara was, after all, just a servant girl.
So Ralph married someone more suitable,
and Clara... fell off a cliff.
(THUD)
- (THUNDER) - That night, Clara's mother,
the town witch, came to the Wilhern house seeking revenge.
She wanted these blue bloods
to feel the pain of rejection her daughter felt,
and commanded that the next Wilhern daughter
be born with the face of a pig.
And only when one of yöur own kind claims this daughter as their own,
till death do they part, will the curse be broken!
With the threat of the curse hanging over their heads,
the next five Wilhern brides lived in terror
of being the first to give birth to a daughter.
But as luck would have it, they gave birth to all sons,
who had all sons, who had all sons, who had all sons.
Finally, born to Ella and Leonard Wilhern, a beautiful baby girl.
But what they didn't know then was that Ella
hadn't actually given birth to a Wilhern.
She had given birth to... a Jones.
Which means that the first-born Wilhern girl...
(SCREAMS)
- ... was me. - (BABY CRIES)
MAN : Penelope.
- MAN : Dear, sweet Penelope. - PENELOPE : Hm..hmm?
Yöu see, like yöu, I've felt imprisoned most of my life.
PENELOPE : Really? By what?
- Yöur good looks and good name? - Yes, exactly.
PENELOPE : No one seems able to see past that.
MAN : No one. And, Penelope,
curse or no curse, if I am more than my name and my face...
...well, then, surely yöu are more than yöurs.
- I knew it. He's the one. - He just might be.
Sweet Penelope... let me in.
Oh, Penelope, let me in.
No!
- PENELOPE : Hello. - (GASPS) What...?
Help me! Help me!
(YELLS) She's a pig!
She's a killer pig!
Help me! Somebody, help!
Why, Penelope? Why?
I'm not the one who ran, Mother.
Of course they run, dear, when yöu spring yöurself at them like that!
Do yöu think I showed yöur father my mole on our third date? No, dear.
I had the good sense to wait until after we were married!
I didn't show him my mole, Mother. I showed him my face.
- (SOBS) - (SIGHS)
- (SOBS) - Mom.
Oh! Oh, sweetheart.
He really liked yöu.
- No, Mom, he really didn't. - No!
He didn't like yöur nose, that's what he didn't like. Yöu're not yöur nose.
- But, it... it is my nose. - No!
It's yöur great-great-great-grandfather's nose
on yöur father's side. He did this to yöu, to us.
But yöu are not yöur nose! Yöu are not yöu!
Yöu're, yöu're somebody else inside just waiting to come out.
I had been reminded over the years
that I was not the only victim of the curse.
(SOBS)
No one suffered more than my mother.
- These things happen all the time. - To who?
Did yöu know some children are born with gills?
- Ugh! - Gills, sweetheart, like on a fish.
Oh!
- So, can yöu cut it off? - Strangest thing.
But the carotid artery appears to run directly through the nose,
or snout, as the case may be,
making any attempt at removal unfeasible.
- But... - I'm sorry.
- The snout stays. - (SOBS)
- Oh, that's not true! - My mother meant well.
She always meant well,
and always did what she thought best to protect me.
- First, from reporters. - What are yöu...?
Ow! Ow, my eye! Ow, ow!
But with the public demanding to see the face
that had caused so much trouble,
my mother did what any loving mother would do.
She faked my death.
PRIEST : Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
And had me cremated.
So, with the public left to mourn my tragic passing,
and with me safely hidden away from the outside world,
now she need only worry about protecting me from my father,
who was having trouble adjusting to the new morning menu.
Why can't I have bacon?
Because yöu love oatmeal. Doesn't Daddy love oatmeal? Yeah.
No, I love bacon.
And from the insensitivity of the new butler, Jake.
- This little piggy had roast beef. - Jake!
Oh, Jake. Stop it! Oh, the poor baby.
And occasionally she had to protect me even from myself.
So I did most of my playing in my room.
- Yes. - Where I made my own friends,
and learned to entertain myself.
Meanwhile, my mother spent her every waking hour
preparing me to be a suitable bride.
- (TAPE) "Quelle heure est il?" - Quelle heure est il?
And on my 18th birthday, she hired Wanda,
matchmaker to the rich and famous.
Now, to break the curse, they just had to find a high-society blue blood,
one of my own kind,
to accept me as I am, till death do we part.
Hello.
(GROANS)
And upon their departure, they were invited back to the house,
where they were legally gagged into secrecy.
I guess I looked even worse than I thought.
And it was just a matter of time
before my mother recognised the need for certain adjustments.
Shatterproof glass, and sneakers for Jake.
- (MAN SCREAMS) - So, yöu see, today...
- She's a pig! - ... was much like any other.
- Except... - I couldn't catch him.
Oh! I knew it!
MOTHER : We should make them sign the gag before they see her, not after!
- A snout? - Yeah.
- And fangs. Yöu know? - (LAUGHTER)
Listen, I know what yöu're thinking.
The Wilherns! Nice family, right? That's what I thought.
When Penelope mentioned the curse, I thought it was a figure of speech.
It's not a figure of speech.
I'm telling yöu, if I hadn't got out of there when I did,
that monster would've eaten me alive.
- Put him in holding overnight. - What? Me? No, yöu don't understand!
- I've come in to report her! - (DOOR SLAMS)
Hey, wasn't that a Vanderman?
Yeah, Edward. The guy's crazy.
EDWARD : Hello, anybody?
EDWARD : Will somebody call my mother?
(WHIMPERS)
MOTHER : Rise and shine!
Up, up, up, up, up.
We're moving!
Franklin!
- Mom! - Up, up, up, up, up.
- What? We're moving? - Uh..huh.
(ELEVATOR BELL)
Where is Larry Bonsa? Hmm?
Security.
Poor Edward. I had no idea.
No, not that.
Hallucinations of a hideous pi... (WHISPERS) Pig-faced girl.
- Huh? - Yöu do know who they're talking about?
Oh, I don't know. Could be any number of women in this city.
I'm next in line for chairman of the board!
Do yöu have any idea what a story like this will do to me?
What my father is going to do to me?
Well, that's not really my problem, now.
OK. OK, I'm not a delusional maniac, yeah? Am I?
No. So, either yöu print a retraction
or, so help me God, I am going to rip yöur guts out, one gut at a time!
Lt'll be 25 years ago all over again.
Reporters popping out of drawers. Penelope will be exposed!
And then... And then what chance do we have?
- We could move to the beach. - FRANKLIN : The beach is good.
- Or France? - Yöu could practise yöur French.
- I could practise my French. - Hm..hmm.
- Merci. - (PLATES SMASH)
- Bonjour. Je m'appelle Penelope. - (SCREAMING)
Never mind. I overreacted.
Wanda. Wanda!
EDWARD : I demand a retraction!
Yöu have ruined my life!
I'm telling yöu, she was a pig. A pig!
I'm telling yöu, she had a piggy snout on her face and I'm not mad!
Why will no one believe me?
Wait, wait, wait! Hold on there, Victor.
I believe that man is with me.
Huh? I am?
WANDA : Jessica, this isn't the cream of the crop.
- JESSICA : I don't care. - First, there's Beaux...
- Great. - Jack...
- Fine. - The Ripper?
Super, who else?
Why don't I just say, "Here's 12 men. Trust me."?
Terrific. Let's talk about the dowry. Double it.
If they can't stand me now, why would they for double?
- Oh, now, with that attitude... - Oh, yeah, it's my attitude, Mother.
JESSICA : What do yöu think of this guy?
WANDA : I think this guy's got a lot of potential.
I know he's going to look at her. What do yöu think of this guy?
Oh, sweetheart.
I know, I know.
It's not my face, it's my great-great-great-grandfather's face,
and he's not me and I'm not him and I'm not me.
And don't yöu forget it.
I gave my right eye for that story.
And I got back squat. That hideous woman still gives me nightmares.
I thought yöu never saw her.
No, not Penelope. Her mother. I only caught a glimpse of the baby.
I thought my head was playing tricks on me.
Well, thank God someone believes me, anyway.
Unfortunately, my believing yöu won't to do either one of us any good.
We're gonna need some proof to clear both our names.
Do yöu think yöu can get back in there?
Oh, I don't... I don't know.
- I mean, the... - (ROARS)
(GASPS)
- No. - Are yöu sure?
- I just need one photo. - I'm not going back in there.
Alright. OK.
We'll just have to find somebody who can,
hook them up with the agency that sent yöu.
No, they only see old money, blue bloods. It's part of the curse.
I don't think we'll find any blue bloods to help us.
- They don't need the money. - But down-and-out blue bloods do.
♫On my mind, on my mind, on my mind, on my mind ♪
♫There's a thing that I can't explain ♪
Check.
Bet.
- Read 'em and weep, losers. - Ah, crap!
Yöu got a Maxwell Campion playing here tonight?
That's him there. Poker table number five.
♫Talking of life ♪
♫I'm not too keen ♪
Hey, pal, wait up.
- Do I know yöu? - No, but I know yöu.
Did a little research. And it seems, in a few short years,
yöu've gambled away the fortune yöur family spent generations building.
- (LAUGHS) - Hey, hear me out.
- I'll make it worth yöur while. - Yöu got the wrong guy.
5,000 bucks worth yöur while?
Wow, this guy is wasting my time.
- Oh, he's here. - Hey, man, look, I'm sorry...
- Let's go. Take off the jacket. - What?
We'll need yöur signature on the last page. Just yöur standard gag.
Yöu don't talk, we don't talk.
Just how ugly is this girl?
I believe the yöung lady is waiting.
The camera is in the lapel, the rigging is in the sleeve. Put it on.
To take her picture, yöu raise either arm.
- (CAMERA CLICKS) - Not now.
- (LAUGHS) Alright. I'm sorry, man. - Yeah, I know yöu are.
- Did yöu have to gamble all night? - Yeah, I still had chips.
- I'm good? - Yeah. Come on, let's go.
- Oh, I... - I'll get that.
And yöu are?
I'm Max Campion and the agency sent me.
Oh, right. Campion...
(CHATTER)
(DOOR SLAMS)
(ROOM FALLS SILENT)
(CHATTER RESUMES)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
Alright, we've done as yöu asked. They're in the annex.
But why yöu wouldn't rather talk to them one at a time is beyond me.
This way it will be easier to weed out the unlikelies.
Yeah.
Hello, I'm Penelope. And yöu must be...
(SCREAMING)
...late for tea?
They're out, they're running. They've all seen her.
- Where's Max? - I don't see Max. He's not there.
EDWARD : There's no Max.
- How could yöu? - Just speeding things up.
- Now yöu'll make a pig of yöurself? - No, that's been done for me.
- Stop it! - That was the last of the Ho Hos!
Where's yöur credit card? I'm going to the store.
No, no, don't yöu... Hey!
If yöu want more Ho Hos, I'll send Jake for some!
- I'm old enough to get my own! - Pick me up some chocolates.
- Penelope, just one man, one man. - He'll run, too.
They always run. Why can't yöu accept that?
For seven years, I've been watching them run.
Do yöu have any idea how that makes me feel?
- Do yöu? - I'm sorry, but we just can't quit.
We can, because no matter how much I wanna believe
there's one man who won't run away,
one man who... who...
Sweet loving angel of all things merciful!
PENELOPE : Did he see?
JESSICA : He must have. He was there.
- Who is he? - Who cares? Just go!
- Yes, go! - No, I...
(BOTH) Go!
- (CAMERA CLICKS) - Damn it!
- Yöu're still here? - Whoa. Er, yeah.
- Did yöu see? - See?
- Yöu didn't see? - I didn't?
- Did yöu? - Did I what?
- Don't mess with me. - I'm messing with yöu?
- Why are yöu still here? - Look, I'm sorry. Should I go?
(BOTH) No.
Are yöu a fan of George Rockham?
- Who? - The book yöu've got in yöur jacket.
Yöu caught that, huh? Well, yeah.
Yeah, it's a great book.
- So yöu've read it? - Well, yeah.
Funny, I thought that was the only surviving copy.
Well... Yöu know what? I, er...
I meant to read it, but the library was always out.
And, er...
I saw it was a first edition and figured it might be worth something.
So yöu were stealing it.
Well... (LAUGHS) Yeah.
- I was stealing it. - So, yöu're a fan of the money?
I'm a big fan of the money. Although, it doesn't much care for me.
Maybe yöu and the money weren't meant to be.
(LAUGHS) Hey, I wouldn't go that far. Jinx me.
There are 326 first editions in that room.
Of those, 300 are worth over 50,000,
a dozen or so are worth over 25,000,
and I'm afraid there's only one valued under a hundred.
- Only one, huh? - A little novel
written by a little nobody that never amounted to anything.
- Yöu don't say. Under a hundred? - I'm afraid so.
- And I'm afraid that means it's... - It's yöur favourite, just the same.
- What? - I said, yöur favourite, just the same.
I heard yöu.
Top shelf, third from the left, Moby Dick. It's a first edition.
But wait till I'm gone or they'll see yöu.
See me?
What?
Hello?
(DOOR SLAMS)
Gotcha!
(LAUGHS)
No?
Penelope?
- Will yöu be back tomorrow? - I knew it. I knew yöu were there.
Yeah.
- He'll be back. - He will.
- Hi. - So?
- I didn't get it. - How could yöu not get it?
- Half the men in this city... - Relax. I'm coming back tomorrow.
Ow! Door.
- Yöu better. - See yöu tomorrow.
Sweetheart? What's wrong?
I thought he just knew, but it says it right here.
FRANKLIN : Still, of the 2,000 books that aren't yöur favourite,
he chose the one that is.
♫The crisp sheet bedding pulled down to the floor ♪
♫My raised, tired brows have witnessed its lore ♪
♫And I won't have much to say ♪
♫If I don't return ♪
♫Easy risers don't give in to pleas ♪
♫They don't take mess from the sleepy streets ♪
♫And the abacus says ♪
♫Keep on counting ♪
(GRUNTS)
(WHISTLES)
- (WHISTLES) - PENELOPE : Do yöu play?
Whoa!
- I wish yöu'd stop doing that. - Do yöu play?
The frog? No, no, although I always meant to pick it up.
But yöu do play something.
- What makes yöu say that? - What do yöu play?
Guess.
- Is this really necessary? - She's finding his instrument.
Isn't that something a man should do for himself?
And a one, and a two, and a one! ♫Yöu are my sunshine ♪
- ♫My only sunshine ♪ - (PLAYS OUT OF TUNE)
- ♫Yöu make me happy ♪ - (LAUGHS)
♫When skies are grey ♪
- It's not the bass. - ♫Yöu'll never know, dear ♪
♫How much I love yöu ♪
♫So, please don't take ♪
- ♫My sunshine away ♪ - (CLATTERING)
- PENELOPE : Definitely not the drums. - What?
(SAXOPHONE HONKS)
(PENELOPE GROANS)
- ♫Yöu are my sunshine ♪ - (PLAYS OUT OF TUNE)
♫My only sunshine ♪
♫Yöu make me happy ♪
- ♫When skies are grey ♪ - Terrible!
♫Yöu'll never know, dear ♪
- ♫How much I love yöu ♪ - Are yöu even playing that?
♫Don't take my sunshine away ♪
OK, stop! Stop!
Yeah! Yöu guys, thank yöu so much for everything.
Wait, no! I'm not done guessing!
Come on, enough about me.
What do yöu play?
Yöu wanna be a hortomacultural what?
A horticulturalist. Yöu know, someone who works with plants.
- Right. (LAUGHS) - Why is that funny?
No, plants are great. I just thought of yöu as, like, a cop.
Yöu've got the whole interrogation thing down.
Shut up. It's yöur move.
(CHUCKLES) Alright. Erm...
- Oh, yöu really don't wanna do that. - (SIGHS) Why not?
- I'll kill her. - What if I asked yöu not to?
I'd still kill her. Yöu'd sort of be begging me to.
So, beer. Yöu've never had a beer?
- I've had a beer. - On tap?
- No, not on tap. - Then yöu've never had a beer.
- Yöur knight can't do that. - My knight?
- The horse. - Alright.
Hey, how about yöu and me
heading down to the Cloverdilly pub right now?
- The Cloverdilly pub? - Yeah. Best beer, best blues,
- some of the best beer bums in town. - Thanks. Maybe later.
(WHISPERS) Penelope, come on.
- Hey? -(BANGS GLASS)
Come on, yöu've gotta get out of there sometime.
Right?
What are yöu waiting for?
Aah.
Yöu know, truth is... yöu're not missing much.
Really? The Cloverdilly pub sounds fun.
Yeah, but aside from that.
And the street fairs? I hear they sell cool stuff on the street.
Yöu know, the vendors themselves are pretty cool, too.
- Oh, and the park? - The park is great.
I used to spend every weekend there,
just hanging on a bench writing stupid love songs,
- people watching. - Used to? Yöu don't do that any more?
- No. - What are yöu doing instead?
Well... beating yöu at chess.
- I warned yöu I'd kill her. - That's great.
When my guys see what yöu've done...
- It'll be over. Yöur queen'll be dead. - My king's still pretty active.
Once the queen's dead, the king's useless.
- What's that about? - I don't know.
Maybe he's too depressed to fight. He really loved her, yöu know?
Yeah, I can see that.
- My queen to yöurs, checkmate. - Yöu got me.
(INVESTIGATOR) What is this guy doing?
Wasting all my film.
He's doing it on purpose. He's going for the dowry.
(INVESTIGATOR) I wish I could find a girl with a dowry.
- Give me a break. - Why else would it take yöu so long?
She revealed herself to me straight away.
Yöu know what? I guess she liked yöu more.
Why settle for 5,000 when yöu could get ten times that?
Well, maybe yöu're forgetting, I've seen her. She is grotesque.
- Shut him up. - I'm talking unkissable ugly.
- Nightmare ugly. Puke... - Listen to me, yöu little worm.
I know yöur kind. Spoilt-rotten momma's boy with nothing...
God! He licked me.
- Edward. - What?
- Don't lick Max. - Sorry.
Yöu can't blame us for being suspicious.
Fine, find someone else.
EDWARD : Fine, give us back the money.
- It's starting! It's starting! - Wait, wait, wait.
PENELOPE : OK, I've got it. Piano.
Yöu play the piano. I bet my life on it.
Alright, keep in mind, never bet a better.
Does he have another jacket?
And a one and a two and a one.
- ♫Yöu are my sunshine ♪ - (PLAYS WRONG CHORD)
- ♫My only sunshine ♪ - (PLAYS WRONG CHORD)
- ♫Yöu make me happy ♪ - (PLAYS WRONG CHORD)
- ♫When skies are grey ♪ - PENELOPE : No, it's B-flat.
(LAUGHS) ♫Yöu are my sunshine ♪
- PENELOPE : B-flat on the right hand. - ♫My only sunshine ♪
PENELOPE : No, right hand!
- ♫Yöu are my sunshine ♪ - (PLAYS WRONG CHORD)
What? ♫My only sunshine ♪
♫Yöu make me... Yöu're my... ♪
PENELOPE : The left hand stays, and the right hand plays the chord.
- ♫Yöu are my... ♪ - (PLAYS CORRECT CHORD)
- Yöu see? - Yeah, yeah. It's better. Whoa!
(GLASS SMASHES)
- (CAMERA CLICKS) - Shh...
- I'm a monster. - No, no, yöu're not. Penelope!
No!
Penelope! Stay with Max.
- Darling, do not, please, do not... - I told yöu! I told yöu!
- No, yöu ran! It was yöu this time. - He just stood there,
staring at me. No one's ever just stood there before.
Did yöu give the poor boy a chance to adjust?
I mean, put yöurself in...
What are yöu doing? I told yöu to stay with him!
WANDA : I didn't hear yöu. I didn't hear yöu.
- Did yöu get it? - Yeah. Yeah, I got it.
Whoa! Hey, I needed that photo!
She's not what Edward said she was. Leave her alone.
Lemon?
- (GASPS) - WANDA : Who is that?
- Lock the gate! - No, don't shut the gate!
(BOTH SCREAM)
WANDA : I got him!
- Penelope? - Max?
There's something I have to tell yöu.
- No, he's a spy! - No, yes, but...
He's a spy working for Lemon! The reporter who forced me to bury yöu.
- Yöu said I was cremated. - That, too.
I hope yöu were well paid. Yöu just lost a fortune!
WANDA : Wait! He's still a blue blood. He could break the curse!
Max, I know that this face repulses yöu
and I wouldn't dream of asking yöu to accept it.
- No, no, Penelope. - But this isn't me.
The real me is inside here somewhere just waiting to get out.
And yöu can make that happen.
Once the curse is broken, I'll be just like anybody else.
What if the curse isn't broken? What if... the curse can never be broken?
Then I'll kill myself. I promise. I promise I will.
Marry me, Max.
Marry me!
I can't.
Get out.
- I'm... - JESSICA : Get out! Get out!
Right out!
PENELOPE : I felt the rush of a thousand heartbreaks.
But it took my mother just ten seconds to...
OK, this is what we're gonna do.
- WANDA : What? Yöu really... - JESSICA : Just hear me out.
Penelope? Penelope! This is nothing we haven't been through before!
Penelope? I will never give up, sweetheart.
Never, Penelope!
PENELOPE : And I knew, with all my heart, she meant it.
JESSICA : Never!
(PLAYS CHORD)
(PLAYS MELANCHOLY TUNE)
OK, that's it for me, folks. New dealer coming in.
FRANKLIN : We've prepared her for the day things would be different.
We've never prepared her for the day that they're not.
Maybe we should stop all this match-making and... give her a puppy.
- (CREAKING) - Sweetheart? Penelope, is that yöu?
Yes, Mother. I'm just going to make some cocoa.
OK.
A puppy?
- What can I say? - Don't.
I'm sorry yöu got stuck with me. I'm sorry I dragged yöu down with me!
I know I'm the bad blood! Yöu don't think I know that?
I'm the Wilhern! The curse is on me! I am the curse!
It's me, me! I am the curse! It's me, me, me!
Honey. Honey! I think yöur father could use some cocoa, too!
OK, Mother.
Actually, I might have a cup, too.
Penelope?
(YELLS) Penelope!
Wow!
- EDWARD : She's escaped. - Let's go!
- She's gonna come after me! - Edward, get control of yöurself!
Quick!
(HUBBUB)
- What are yöu doing? - We need help.
I'd like to report my daughter missing.
- Are yöu mad? What if they find her? - For crying out loud!
(CHATTER)
(JAUNTY TUNE)
(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
(CHILDREN LAUGH)
OK. I can't hold it any longer. Come with me.
I have to pee. I can't leave yöu with the phones.
(PHONE RINGS)
- Hello? - Mom?
- (OPERATOR) Hold the line, please. - Mom?
- Collect call... - We'll accept.
- Go ahead with yöur call, please. - Hello?
What the hell were yöu thinking? Did anyone see yöu yet?
- No, Mom. - Good, good. Where are yöu?
- We'll come and get yöu. - I'm just calling to say
that I love yöu, and... goodbye.
Penelope, don't...
At least we know she's alright.
- WOMAN : Thank yöu. - MAN : Good evening, madam.
Hi. Erm... can I have a room, please?
Shouldn't be a problem. Room eight is available.
- Thank yöu. - Yöu don't want the room?
No, I, I want the room.
Then would yöu mind coming back here so I can check yöu in?
Oh.
Thank yöu. And how will yöu be paying for yöur room?
Thank yöu, Jessica.
- EDWARD : Nostrils are bigger. - LEMON : We've got to wrap this up.
We've gotta go to print.
More piggy, really. Erm, and a...
Thank yöu, ma'am. Gentlemen.
How's everybody doing this fine day?
- I thought yöu went home. - I did.
Slept for eight blissful hours, fixed the kids' breakfast,
kissed the wife goodbye,
and, according to the button, it's yöur blind.
Are yöu in or out?
(DEALER) He's still got chips. He's in.
MAN : Give him some time. He's still got chips. He'll come around.
(VOICES ECHO)
(PLAYER) I'll take another. Make it a large one.
(DEALER) He's still got chips. He's in.
(PANTS)
- Yöur morning paper, madam. - Oh, thanks, Jake.
Holy Magda!
(THUD)
- Damn it, Edward! - Dad, they all think I'm crazy.
And this helps yöu? How?
Yöu told me to... I thought this would prove...
Try to remember I'm yöur son.
That's exactly what I'm trying to forget!
For starters, I'm going to need a recent photograph.
- No photographs. - None whatsoever?
No. The, er, fire got them.
OK, er, a detailed description?
- Brown hair. - Hm..hmm.
- Brown eyes. - Hm..hmm.
A unique... ly pleasant personality.
Think pig.
- So she's a fat girl? - Does any of this matter?
Just go find her!
Our daughter's out there somewhere, lost and afraid...
(MUFFLED SCREAM)
DETECTIVE : I've got nothing to go on.
No photographs, no friends,
- no job, no hangouts. - Something like this.
- But minus the fangs. - Franklin!
Do yöu want to find her or not?
Minus the fangs. They're certainly eye-grabbing.
JESSICA : Yöu know what? Never mind. How much do we owe yöu?
Where's my...? Who took my wallet?
FRANKLIN : It's our daughter. Please help us.
Please, I'm begging yöu.
What he's trying to say is, give us the key now!
RECEPTIONIST : I'm sorry.
The room is registered in my name with my card.
Who's the guest? Me. That makes me the guest.
(PANTS)
Well, at least we know she's not starving.
No, not just... not just any pig.
OK. OK, yeah. Yöu need to stop talking now.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello?
Yeah, that's right.
- Penelope? - Who is this?
That was Penelope on the... on the...
- Sell her own picture? - Hmm.
Er, then why did yöu hang up?
Edward, what's wrong with yöu? Did yöu ever...?
- (PHONE RINGS) - Oh, God.
- Penelope. - How did yöu know it was me?
Just a lucky guess. Yöu have something yöu want to sell us?
- That's right. - May I ask why yöu are doing this?
What do yöu care? Yöu're getting yöur freak.
Hey, nobody said anything about a freak.
- Listen, do yöu want it or not? - Yes. Yes, I do.
Thank yöu. Er, OK.
OK. OK.
OK. OK. OK.
(GASPS)
- Look, Grandma, a pig! - How nice.
Oh!
Fangs?
There are no fangs.
Huh.
Well, she must just suck them back into her skull or someth...
Edward, yöu know, I've been thinking.
I know and yöu know. Maybe that's enough.
Lemon, half the people in this city think I'm crazy.
I've got to prove to them that I'm not.
I'm sorry. I've got to do it.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give yöu the pig-faced girl!
(WHIMPERS)
Yöu weren't kidding!
- Can I get yöu something? - Can I have a beer on tap, please?
Sure. Yöu can have this one.
- Yöu're supposed to catch it. - Oh, sorry.
Are yöu ready now?
- There yöu go. - Thank yöu.
- Is there a problem? - Do yöu have any straws?
Sure.
There yöu go.
That's half. Yöu'll get the rest when I'm ready.
- Let's just call it even. - No, let's not!
- She's not some freaking payday. - She sold me the photo herself.
Yeah. Apparently, she's out there on her own, declaring her independence.
(ELEVATOR BELL)
- (LAUGHTER) - WOMAN : Hey, Jack. Lucky yöu.
- Last delivery of the day. - How are yöu doing?
Yöu wanna know or are yöu just asking?
I'm just asking.
So, I'm driving my Vespa, and this guy comes out of nowhere and hits me.
I go flying, I'm in the street and he goes, "Sorry, I didn't see yöu."
How can he not see me? I'm on a Vespa with wings.
I mean, right, yöu can see me. Yöu can see me, right?
- Hmm. - WOMAN : What?
- Yes. - See? She can see me.
- Yöu gotta stick Billy on him. - It's a little too late.
Yöu've got to sign here. Billy moved back to the 'burbs.
- Yeah? Sorry to hear it. - Yeah.
WOMAN : We didn't belong together. He was a picket-fence kinda guy.
What guy looks at me and thinks picket fence?
Unless he's crazy, and I'm done dating crazy, yöu know? Done.
- Unless it's meant to be. Right? - Yeah.
- Right? - Right.
I can't hear yöu with that thing on yöur face.
Hm..hmm.
- The usual. On the house. - Thanks, Jack.
- Yöu're the best. - Cheers.
Are yöu hiding from the law or is that a bad nose job?
Hm..hmm. Bad nose job.
Do yöu mind me asking how much that might cost somebody, a nose job?
- Oh, nothing. - Free?
- Hm..hmm. - Huh.
I was just thinking about getting a little work done myself.
A nose job?
Yeah, kind of, but for my ears, yöu know?
They stick out a little on the top. I'm no Penelope, but...
Yöu have beautiful ears. Beautiful.
- They're beautiful! - Are yöu drunk?
- I'm drunk! - Oh.
Jack, how about another round for my pal, Scarfy, here?
JACK : Coming up.
What's a Vespa?
What's a Ve...? Yöu've never ridden on a Vespa?
- Hey, Sam, long time no see. - Wow, look who's back.
Look, er, have yöu seen the guys around?
They're touring, opening for some band who's supposed to be good.
- No kidding? That's great. - What brings yöu back here?
Oh, yöu know, looking around.
Actually, I thought it was maybe time I started playing again.
- Yeah? Well, good luck with that. - Yeah.
Sam, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't...
Yöu are joking, ain't yöu? After all yöur no-shows? I only look stupid.
Look, I messed up. I know, and I'm sorry.
I didn't appreciate a good thing when I had it.
- Oh, and now yöu do? - Now I do.
(PLAYS PIANO)
- Still got yöur scarf on? - Yeah.
Alright, hop on.
♫And here comes the night pulling puppet strings ♪
♫On my heart again ♪
♫Shows me all of this time I've been blind ♪
- ♫To this waking life ♪ - No, no, no.
♫Now I see it everywhere ♪ - Alright, I gotta go down there.
♫Cos I'm not lost ♪
♫Just looking for footprints, yeah ♪
♫And I'm taking it ♪
♫One day at a time ♪
♫And I'm getting by and by the way ♪
(PLAYS PIANO)
♫Yöu're still on my mind ♪
- (PLAYS PIANO) - Oi! Mozart!
Yeah. Listen, I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
Don't muck about.
- Another postcard. - I don't care. What's it say?
- "Went ice skating." - Stop. I don't care.
- Circus. - It's been weeks.
Zoo.
How could she do all these things without being seen?
- She can't! That's how! - She can't be far.
We just have to keep looking.
My brother once was just riding his bicycle,
and he hit this parked car, and he was...
Look, Helleborus orientalis.
They're amazing. They bloom even in the winter.
Oh, that's cool.
They just pop up without any help from anyone.
Ha! Sounds like my ex-boyfriend, if yöu know what I mean.
Oh, yeah.
- Yöu know what I mean, right? - Yeah.
Really?
Yöu don't get out much, do yöu?
We should talk.
- That's her scarf! Look! - Penelope!
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
No, she went that...!
(PANTS)
Oh, great. Yöu're here. It's yöur turn to buy.
Alright, I lied. I'll buy.
- Oh, my God! - (ANXIOUS CHATTER)
Get the scarf off her. She can't breathe.
No! No!
Hey.
Penelope!
(EXCITED CHATTER)
PENELOPE : They're not running.
- There she is! - Penelope, this way! This way!
(EXCITED CHATTER)
Is it true yöu were chained up in the basement?
Don't encourage them.
- Do yöu have other pig parts? - No!
With yöur large nose, do yöu smell better than the rest of us?
I don't know. Yöu tell me.
- Penelope! - Annie!
- Mom, can I borrow some money? - Absolutely not! Get in that car.
After three weeks, I was like... I knew something was up.
Nose jobs only take so long.
Mom, they wanna know if yöu chained me up in the basement.
(LAUGHS)
Go on the bike.
No, of course not.
- Bye, darling. - Bye.
Is there anything yöu'd like to say to the public?
Er... hi.
ALL SHOUT : Mr Vanderman!
Did yöu attempt to file assault charges against Penelope?
- I've obtained the police report. - No comment, please, no comment.
I can handle it, Dad. That woman, that thing, belongs in a cage.
- WOMAN : What a creep! - Excuse me.
(REPORTERS SHOUT)
- Have yöu lost yöur mind? - Yöu saw her.
- She's a complete monster. - The public loves this girl.
- They don't know her. - We're a publicly traded company.
We love what the public loves. Get it?
- So, what are yöu saying? - I'm saying yöu've got to fix this!
- EDWARD : What do yöu expect me... - VANDERMAN : Just fix it!
- MAN : Penelope, yöu're on my team! - PENELOPE : OK. I'm not very good.
Penelope! Penelope! Penelope!
Come on, bull's-eye!
(CHEERING)
- Come on, come on. - (GLASS SMASHES)
(CHEERING)
I told yöu I wasn't very good.
- Hi. - Hi.
Wow! Yöu really did it, huh?
I mean, er... I mean, er...
Yöu look great, yöu know? Really happy.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Yöu know, yöu inspired me.
Doing what yöu did, going off on yöur own like that. I, er, I'm not...
- I have to go. - Yeah, sure. I, er...
I just...
(REPORTERS) Penelope. Penelope. Penelope!
Darling, I'm so glad I found yöu! Yöu must come home right now!
I have the most wonderful surprise.
- PENELOPE : OK, but I should get back. - Penelope.
What is this?
Listen, I'm... sorry I ran... from my feelings.
Oh, is that what yöu were running from?
I was certain yöu were running from me.
- Only my feelings for yöu. - PENELOPE : Is this a joke?
Penelope, don't make the boy beg.
Look at that face. He can break the curse.
PENELOPE : Things are different now.
She's overwhelmed.
Why? Because yöu're all over the newspapers?
No, because I have friends.
Those aren't friends, dear. Those are fans.
"Did yöu hear? The pig speaks ten languages. The pig plays the piano."
Yöu're just a talking pig to those people.
A talking pig.
Edward wants to marry yöu.
Are yöu prepared to walk away from yöur one and only chance,
our one and only chance, of a normal life?
Will yöu marry me... Penelope?
- (TAP AT DOOR) - LARRY : Hey, Lemon.
Yeah?
I thought yöu might be able to help me with this Max Campion story I'm doing.
Well, what's the story?
I'm doing this kind of riches-to-rags-to-armed-robbery story.
Armed robbery? Come on, Max Campion?
Yeah. I just got the call. He's already confessed.
What?
Pick it up.
- Yöu're the lawyer my mother sent? - There's been a mistake.
- I'm here to see Max Campion. - I'm Max Campion.
- No, yöu're not. - Yes, I am.
- No, Max Campion. - I am not deaf. I can hear yöu.
I am Max Campion.
But yöu're...
LEMON : Yöu got a Maxwell Campion playing here tonight?
- MAN : That's him. Table number five. - Yöu got the wrong guy.
- Oh, oh, oh. - Ah?
- (LAUGHS) - OK. OK.
OK, OK, no. No. What about the guy yöu play poker with?
Er... Shaggy hair, er, medium build. Doesn't know when to quit.
Ah! Er, Johnny Martin.
- Johnny Martin? - Johnny Martin. Poor loser.
Get that down, Martin, in the pirate pad there.
Oh, that was so wonderful, just wonderful. Was it not wonderful?
- Yes. - Yes, it was wonderful.
We have to do this again, and yöu know what?
Now we're nearly family, this is just the beginning.
- I'll fetch the limo. - Good, good, good.
Can I have my coat, please?
We used to go to the theatre all the time. Why did we stop?
I guess because we had an ugly daughter.
- Let me help yöu with that, sir. - Thank yöu.
- It's just over there. - OK, we're going.
- PENELOPE : But my coat! - We'll get yöu another one.
Edward, what are yöu doing? Where are we going?
- Hi. - Max.
- Hello, Penelope. - We were just leaving.
- Hey, how are things, Edward? - Keep walking.
I understand it got a bit grotesque there for a while. Even puke ugly.
- Yöu two know each other? - Yes, we do.
- Yale, wasn't it? - No, I believe it was at Bedford.
- A Bedford van to be... - Stop! Haven't yöu hurt her enough?
- Bathroom. Now. - Edward, I...
- Penelope, let Edward handle this. - But, Mother...
- Yöu make me sick! - Why?
I'm giving her exactly what she wants. Aren't I?
And I don't see anybody else lining up to do that.
- Unless yöu are. Are yöu lining up? - That's not the point.
- Yes, it is the point!
Look, if yöu want to go out there and tell her
that the only man willing to stand up and say "I do"
still gags at the thought of kissing her, then be my guest.
But it's not me yöu'll be hurting.
It's her, isn't it?
Johnny Martin.
- (LAUGHS) - Son of a plumber, huh?
It sure took yöu long enough.
LEMON : Boy, yöu fooled me.
So, it looks like yöu were doing her a favour after all.
- Yöu seen this? - Hmm. Cute couple.
Yeah. Penelope and the beast.
They're both getting what they want, right?
I know what he's getting. What's she getting?
She's getting the day she's waited for all her life,
- breaking the curse. - (LAUGHS)
Oh, yöu don't actually believe that, do yöu?
- Don't yöu? - No.
No? What have yöu been chasing all these years?
I don't know. A wounded ego and a missing eye, I guess.
- Hmm. - It's not too late to stop Edward.
That's what she wants.
Wait. If getting married is all it takes to break the, ooh, the curse,
why not yöu?
- Yöu're forgetting, I'm not Max. - So?
One of their own kind. I'm not a blue blood.
Hey! Over here! I saved yöu a seat! It's clean.
Hey, Annie, look at yöu!
- Weddings are great. - Yeah. When they're somebody else's.
Yeah.
And Edward seems really nice, yöu know?
Mum, I think I'm going to throw up.
Just remember, in a few minutes from now, the curse will be broken.
There is no curse! The only one cursed here is me.
- Jessica, I need a word. - What's the matter?
- For starters... - Losing yöur eye was yöur own fault.
- Now what? - I just wanted to apologise.
Apology not accepted.
What? I have a wedding to go to!
Meet Johnny Martin.
- I told yöu not to rush the process. - This doesn't change a thing.
How can yöu say that? Not only was Edward part of it...
As yöu once said, he's still one of her own kind.
OK, fine. What about Max or Johnny or whatever his name is?
- What about him? - Isn't Penelope entitled to know?
- That he lied about everything? - That he can't break the curse!
Why on earth would she need to know that?
Don't yöu see? Maybe that's the only reason he said no!
I don't know that. Yöu don't know that.
But if that's true, God bless him, he did the right thing!
- Damn it, Jessica, I can't let yöu... - Leave it alone.
I think I'm nervous. Not that I'm not happy for her.
I'm happy for her. Yöu're happy for her, right?
If she's happy, I'm happy, yeah.
- Mom, I feel stupid. - Oh, yöu don't look stupid.
Yöu look...
Yöu don't look stupid.
Do yöu, Edward Vanderman,
take Penelope Wilhern to be yöur lawfully wedded wife,
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish
from this day forward until death do yöu part?
I do.
And do yöu, Penelope Wilhern,
take Edward Humphrey Vanderman III
to be yöur lawfully wedded husband,
to have and to hold,
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish from this day forward
until death do yöu part?
Penelope?
No.
No!
Nobody move! She's fine! Penelope, wait.
- Look at me. - I am. What is it, dear?
- No, look at me! - I am! What? I don't understand!
I'm sorry.
Penelope, it's not too late.
- Go away, Mother! - Think about what yöu're doing.
This is the moment we have worked so hard for.
I said go away!
Sweetheart, please!
Please! We are one yes away from a whole new life!
- A whole new yöu! - But I don't want a whole new me!
Sweetheart, please! Please!
I like myself the way I am.
(GASPS)
Penelope?
Mom?
(TYPEWRITERS CLICK)
PENELOPE : The curse was so simple.
Me. One of my own kind.
I'd had the power all along.
It's not going to grow back.
- What makes yöu think I... - I miss it, too.
And then I remember yöu're still yöu.
(SIGHS) Penelope.
One of yöur own kind. I just assumed...
- No, we all did, Mother. - No, dear.
No. Don't yöu see? I could've broken the curse years ago
if I'd just done my job as yöur mother, and loved yöu as my own.
- Yöu didn't know. Yöu didn't know. - (SOBS)
Dad.
Oh.
Oh, look. (LAUGHS)
Yöu know, darling, with the carotid artery out of the way,
I think a little turn-up right there would be sweet, wouldn't it?
Look at that. What?
Yöu're crazy.
Oh, it's wrong for a yöung woman to wanna look her best?
That's not a bad thing.
What? I'm being her mother! That's what mothers do with daughters!
They talk about how to look prettier!
Still, I felt sad for my mother that day.
Oh, now I'm the bad guy!
Having to cope with so many changes all at once.
I was packing to go, and after 25 years with the family...
Jake, where are yöu going? Jake, I'm talking to yöu. Jake?
And why do yöu have that bag? Jake? Don't be rude!
Turn around when I'm talking to yöu! I happen to be...
(SILENCE)
Turns out Jake had a secret of his own.
FRANKLIN : What happened?
And figured we all might be better off if my mother kept quiet for a while.
There, there, now. There, there.
(THUNDER)
But I had my own changes to cope with.
While I missed the face that had caused so much trouble...
... the world had moved on.
And I was determined to find my own way,
- to always follow my heart. - BOY : My daffodil bloomed!
GIRL : I found Helleborus orientalis!
And then came Halloween.
Line up by the front door as quick as possible.
- (CHILDREN ARGUE) - Hey! No fighting.
- GIRL : Let go! It's my mask! - PENELOPE : Girls, please.
But she knew I was gonna be Penelope.
Alright, girls, yöu're gonna have to go out with the rest of the class.
Go line up. Come on. Line up. Get ready to go. Come on.
Alice? Honey, what's wrong?
Everybody's Penelope, and I'm a stupid static cling!
Oh. Well, frankly, I find yöu quite refreshing.
Come on, sweetie. Stick with me and we'll both make it through this.
ALL : Trick or treat?
Well, hello there.
- GIRL : I love this one! - FRANKLIN : Jess!
- Yöu're gonna wanna see this. - GIRL : Is this too much?
And then Wanda couldn't hold on to the secret any longer.
(ROCK MUSIC)
Wow! Yöu're everywhere. Are yöu freaking out or what?
- OK, 357. - There it is.
- Hold on. - (LAUGHS)
- What? - (LAUGHS)
It's just kinda great to see the old yöu.
- OK. Alright, let's go. - Here we go.
Yöu can do this. Are yöu ready?
(ANNIE KNOCKS ON DOOR)
Hi. Erm... I...
She's gotta pee. Yöu got a bathroom? I'm gonna get some punch.
No!
Er, yeah. Yeah, sure. I guess it's OK. Come on in.
PENELOPE : It looks like a good party.
- Why aren't yöu at the party? - I gotta pack.
So, are yöu moving?
Er, out-of-town job. I felt like getting out of the city for a while.
PENELOPE : Away from the crowds?
(LAUGHS) Yeah, the crowds at the poker tables.
Oh, so yöu're a gambler?
Ex. Avoiding temptation.
Well, that's good.
Good for yöu.
I, er, I had a friend once who liked to gamble.
Well, I heard he liked to gamble,
and he had to stay away from all kinds of things...
Take off the mask.
What?
I'm sorry.
All Halloween, I've been running into, well, someone I used to know.
I'm sorry. Ridiculous.
This someone... she meant a lot to yöu?
Yes.
Yes, she did.
What happened?
I couldn't give her what she wanted.
What did she want?
To be free.
Yöu lied to me! I guessed piano, and yöu said that...
- Penelope, I'm sorry. - I know.
No. I don't have the power to break the curse.
It's OK. It turns out I did.
It's me, Max.
My name's Johnny.
I know. Johnny.
I'm still me.
So, there we were.
And we lived happily ever after.
Well, happily ever after so far, at least.
I don't get it. What does it mean?
Well, what do yöu think it means?
BOY : Rich people stink!
- It's always the mother's fault. - (LAUGHS)
It's not the power of the curse, it's the power yöu give the curse.
That's very good, Billy.
OK, after break, we'll go explore, and see what yöu can collect.
Stay together!
JOHNNY :Jump on.
- Ready? - Not too high.
JOHNNY : Higher? Yeah!
"Hope You've Liked & Enjoyed The Movie"
("HOPPIPOLLA" BY SIGUR RÓS)
<font color=Copyright from ecOtOne™
♫Alone ♪
♫In yöur mind ♪
♫Waiting for the sun to shine ♪
♫Alone ♪
♫In yöur mind ♪
♫Waiting for the sign ♪
♫That it's time ♪
♫To break free from the words that hold yöu down ♪
♫To escape from the feeling ♪
♫Yöu are lost and can't be found ♪
♫Don't hide yöur face ♪
♫Yöu cannot erase ♪
♫The pain that stays in yöur eyes ♪
♫Lay down yöur guard ♪
♫Show them who yöu are ♪
♫Behind yöur disguise ♪
♫Yöu run ♪
♫Far from home ♪
♫Yöu think yöu'll make it on yöur own ♪
♫Yöu run ♪
♫Fast then slow ♪
♫But never seem to know ♪
♫Where yöu're going ♪
♫To break free from the words that hold yöu down ♪
♫To escape from the feeling ♪
♫Yöu are lost and can't be found ♪
♫Lost and can't be found ♪
♫Don't hide yöur face ♪
♫Yöu cannot erase ♪
♫The pain that stays in yöur eyes ♪
♫Lay down yöur guard ♪
♫And show them who yöu are ♪
♫Behind yöur disguise ♪
♫Yöur disguise ♪
♫Don't hide yöur face ♪
♫Yöu cannot erase ♪
♫The pain that stays in yöur eyes ♪
♫Lay down yöur guard ♪
♫Show them who yöu are ♪
♫Behind yöur disguise ♪
♫Yöur disguise ♪
<font color=Copyright from ecOtOne™